$3 Hey Teacher, We Brought Our Pencil...Give Us Something To Write On, Man $3 The Committed Indian The REal Fan’s Program secondcityhockey.com March 29th, 2009 [email protected] WELCOME BACK INSIDE Did you find your way in off the Objects In Mirror Are Wearing Hid- Also like the Devils, any analysis of ledge? Or are you staying out there just a eous Uniforms the Canucks begins in net. Though he looks little longer, just in case tonight goes balls- Only the Whale should be allowed like a wine-cooler drinking asshat, Roberto up? We woulnd’t blame you if you did, but it to combine blue and green! Anyway, this Luongo is one of the tougher nuts to crack would take a stubborn one indeed to say the evening’s contest is, arguably, the biggest around. Since his return from injury, he’s ship isn’t turning around. game at the UC in years. Judging by the way gone 17-6-4, and is boasting a SV% of about We all had chewed our fingernails off we’ve been shaking since last night, it makes .910 in that time. Just like Friday, the Hawks when this homestand started. The season had a pretty strong case for that title. had better be all up his grill, yo. every chance of turning into a mess only W. Tonight will not decide anything. A On the other end of the ice, there’s Bush could create. But so far, the Hawks have win, and the Hawks will have a four point lead the Sedin twins, who lead the Canucks in come up trumps. They’ve gotten better each with a game in hand, but that’s no sure thing scoring, as always. Yet, they always give you game, with the biggest one looming tonight. -- the Hawks pissed away a much bigger gap the impression that they can be taken out of We asked for eight points in this stretch, and than that already. But it would be a a better a game, if need be. In the first two games the Hawks have seven. Tonight will deter- position to be in than tied (none of this may between the two this year -- both Hawks wins mine if this will be a mildly disappointg-to-ok matter if Calgary continues to back up like -- the Children of The Corn managed only homestand, or lifting-your-glass-at-the-bar- us when we hear the words “commitment” or three points between them (we won’t mention in-a-toast-to-the-Hawks-satisfying of one. “paternity suit”). that overturned clown car of a game in Febru- The Keg Is Tapped The Canucks tale is one similar to ary). There’s also prostitute Mats Sundin and There were a few things that we were the Devils -- though with a lot more Swedes his cane, but if enough people in the crowd delighted to see on Friday night. The leading -- in that they are a very different proposi- sign up to Pokerstars.net on their Iphones facet was the way the Hawks crashed Martin tion away from British Pot-Is-Legal-Here-bia. during the game, he’ll be too distracted. It’s Brodeur’s net as if it had been announced that They’re 2-3-1 in their last six in the white Ryan Kesler and Alex Burrows who make this there was free beer in the crease. Countless uniforms. This is #5 of a six-game roadtrip team tick (more on them inside) and you’ll times the Hawks had multiple players right in for them, and they’ve split the first four. They know them well tonight. Brodeur’s mug. This opens up so many things were abysmal against Phoenix to start the Beep Beep for the Hawks. It gives their d-men space trip, you probably saw the goal they scored Though a win doesn’t end the dis- and opportunity to let loose, and the Hawks on themselves during a delayed penalty. They cussion for home-ice, it makes a pretty good carry more than a couple blue-liners who have were just good enough in a win against Dallas, argument. Four points up with eight to play, scuds from the point. With the defense col- and got completely outworked in losing to the meaning that a .500 finish would require the lapsing, it also gives more space to the Hawks’ Blues (though that seems to be happening to Canucks to go 5-0-2 in their last seven to creative wingers to make something happen. a lot of teams recently). From all accounts, catch the Hawks. So win this tonight, and our Notice Havlat having another mutant perfor- they didn’t bother to show up until the last 30 sphincters can really relax. And really, who mance, and Versteeg as well. Prime example minutes in Colorado, but still came out with a doesn’t want a relaxed sphincter? is how Versteeg was allowed to walk out from 4-1 win. -Happy Birthday, Shankar the corner to open the scoring. Another is just how physical the Hawks were, despite the various drunken frat- douches complaining that the Hawks weren’t hitting enough (luckily, most of the tools were passed out or vomiting by the 10-min- ute mark in the 3rd, leaving the rest of us to enjoy the game). The Devils are not a bunch of daisies who want to discuss Sex And The City. Especially when the game was reduced to one referee, leaving lots of goofiness to go on behind the play. The Hawks did not shrink, and in fact, brought it to the Devils. Most of all, we’ve heard enough complaints that the Hawks struggle with the type of game played in the spring. They have at times, but they’re certainly not incapable of thriving in them, too. Friday night was the perfect example of that. Khabby was only re- quired to make a couple big saves, and finally a Hawks’ goalie made those saves. But for the most part, Mssrs. Parise, Elias, Zajac, and Lan- genbrunner were rendered anonymous, with only a deflected goal to show for their work. FROM THE EDITOR too much. There is no feeling like the day of an important hockey game. There’s a charge in the air, the jitters all day are unbearable. -I have something I’d like to address to the few (they’re there It feels like you’re spending all day waiting for the chance to ask though, believe me) female readers we have. One of the more an- out the hot chick at school. You know it’s going to be a torturous noying sights that cross in front of my eyes is the strange phenom- process getting to the moment, and the moment ena of pink sports gear. You’ll see one or two itself will be an uncomfortable ride (though what pink Hawks jerseys on girls at the UC, but you you’re after is a very comfortable ride). And you can see these at any stadium. Ladies, if you’re know that when it’s over, you’ll either be elated over 12 years old, this is unacceptable. Any guy (so I hear) or devestated. will tell you that there’s nothing as sexy as a Baseball has too many games in its woman in a real Hawks jersey. It’s just a pain- season to have a truly big regular season game. fully alluring look. Most of all, all girls I know, Football having only 16 pretty much means and any girl with a semblance of attitude, hate every game is important, so thus none stick out. pink sportswear. I’m sure the members of the Basketball can have them, but the nature of the fairer sex who read this will agree with me, so sport, in my opinion, means nothing of any con- consider this playing to the crowd. sequence happens before the second half (you Sam Fels -From my post at Gate 3, I had the unfortunate might suggest that a team jumping out a 20-point undertaking of watching Dan Akroyd’s entrance lead in the 1st quarter is of consequence, but ask into the building Friday night. Dan Akroyd? the Lakers how that worked out for them in Game 4 of last year’s Pimping some vodka he’s loosely involved with? This is what Finals). constitutes a celebrity sighting around here? People, he was Louis This is yet another reason why being a hockey fan rules. I Winthorpe 26 years ago! Elwood was 29! What are we hanging hope this contest lives up to its billing. Based on the last two home on to here? The Blues Brothers’ clips on the scoreboard during games, it looks likely. I also have to say that if this is what April timeouts were ridiculous. What about clips from “My Girl?” That hockey is like, I may not make it past Game 3 of the first round. would be more indicative of his career, I think. Maybe I should do yoga, or something. The stress is getting to be NHL STANDINGS *late game not included Eastern Conference Western Conference W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY 1 Boston 47 17 10 104 250 176 25-6-6 22-11-4 1 San Jose 48 15 11 107 240 185 30-3-4 18-12-7 2 Washington 46 23 7 99 245 222 27-9-2 19-14-5 2 Bile 49 17 9 107 276 221 26-6-4 23-11-5 3 New Jersey 47 24 4 98 228 186 26-11-1 21-13-3 3 Calgary 43 26 6 92 241 230 25-9-4 18-17-2 4 Philadelphia 41 23 10 92 239 213 22-11-4 19-12-6 4 HAWKS 40 22 11 91 242 198 21-8-7 19-14-4 5 Carolina 42 28 7 91 220 214 23-13-1 19-15-6 5 Vancouver 40 25 9 89 225 203 22-11-4 18-14-5 6 Pittsburgh 41 27 8 90 239 225 23-13-3 18-14-5 6 Columbus 39 28 8 86 210 206 24-11-2 15-17-6 7 NY Rangers 39 28 9 87 196 208 23-11-4 16-17-5 7 Nashville 37 30 8 82 192 206 23-12-4 14-18-4 8 Montreal 38 27 10 86 226 229 23-8-7 15-19-3 8 Edmonton 36 30 9 81 216 228 16-13-6 20-17-3 9 Florida 37 28 11 85 213 216 19-11-7 18-17-4 9 St.