Issue 957 - Weekly Thursday February 18th 1999 “Come on! Putting Come on!” Students First National Student Hardship Day This week the Higher year for some courses at National Student Hardship Student Hardship Day on Education Funding certain universities. The Day must ram home the 26 February. I hope all Council for England article refers to a new cus- message that students in those students who voted announced that it is pro- tomer oriented sector, in FE and HE are facing to stay with NUS at viding an extra £20m to which students will be intolerable levels of finan- Birmingham will join me fund the additional costs happy to pay extra for bet- cial hardship and that the and hundreds of thou- incurred by universities in ter !!! government must come up sands of students in send- training students from with extra funds for main- ing a message to the lower socioeconomic These announcements tenance support. David Government that enough groups. The Government highlight the reality of the Blunkett will be reminded is enough. With the also recently announced funding crisis faced by of his ‘student hardship is national union leading that they are establishing students and institutions in a “national disgrace” and a them, together students 13 pilot areas for the pro- the further and higher edu- “badge of shame... quotes, can effect change. Apart posed Education cation sectors. NUS wel- whilst the national survey we achieve nothing.” Maintenance Allowance comes the extra £20m for of student hardship will (EMA) for FE students. widening access and the give union officers clear Andrew Pakes is here in However, also announced pilot schemes for the proof of the reality of Guildford today has been news that. appli- EMA. However, year-on- financial hardship faced (Thursday) as part of the cations for HE have fallen year increases in drop-out by student throughout the Yes for NUS campaign in UniS has been challenged! again, most worryingly by rates to a record level of UK, which they can use our own referendum year. The search has begun for event to help with the selec- over 10% for mature stu- over 1 in 5 students in HE when lobbying MPs in This follows the appear- the teams to compete in the tion process so if you are a dents. The Guardian and higher rates for FE, their constituency surg- ance of Simon Webber, the 1999/2000 series of trivia buff or even if you just Higher Education Section another fall in applications eries. National Secretary of ‘University Challenge’. win £2 on the Pizza Plus also revealed (8 February by mature students to over NUS during Mondays vot- monopoly machine and 1999) that David Blunkett 10% and the very real On the back of a massive ing. Voting concludes Applications are invited quite fancy the idea then is under growing pressure threat of top-up fees being vote of confidence follow- tomorrow and the results from all the UK’s universi- email [email protected]. from universities to dereg- introduced, particularly by ing the Birmingham of the sabbatical elections ties and university colleges ulate tuition fees. Were the elitist ‘Russell’ group University affiliation ref- are due to be announced for teams to take part in the You can either enter a team this to happen, students of universities, shows that erendum Andrew Pakes, around 6pm. toughest quiz programme or volunteer as an individual. would face differential the government is far from NUS National President on television, presented by All expenses are paid for the costs between universities delivering its promise of commented: “We now The post election party the inimitable Jeremy applicants who rank in the and courses, paying in the ‘education, education, look forward to our next and celebrations will go Paxman and produced from top twenty-eight teams in region’ of £ 10,000 per education’. vital goal: National long into the night. Granada Television’s stu- the UK, They will record dios in Manchester. We each episode in Manchester need as broad a team as pos- and five successful appear- sible covering mature stu- ances will guarantee hon- dents, postgrads, engineers, our, glory and academic linguists, musicians etc. kudos. So “Come on! Come There will be a Union quiz on!”

Voting Today Austin Pearce Friday Lecture Theatres

News 1&2 n Union 3 n Features 4 n Music 5/6 n Entertainments Guide 7 . Features 8 n Personals & Crossword 9 n What’s On 10 n Surrey Pride 11/12 STUDENT COUNCIL - Next Thursday - 6pm - LTD 2 News Thursday 18th February 1999 n

Editorial News in Brief by James Buller Psychopaths Imprisoned ith only one day held on Monday nights in been more representative To Protect Public Clinton On Drugs Trip Editor of voting to go, the Grant Mitchell room at and we could have truly Wthe candidates are 6pm. If you want to be part gauged what the student atti- Mentally ill people who pose a Tom Sherwen US President Bill Clinton has been exhausted from campaign- of the decision making tude was.. The next Student threat to others will face permanent visiting Mexico this week. Clinton ([email protected]) ing, the electorate are tired group you are very welcome Council is next week on imprisonment under proposals went to America's southern neigh- of being hassled and the to attend. Thursday 25th February at unveiled by the Government this bour to discuss the environment, sabbaticals are keen to find 6pm in Lecture Theatre D. week. Home Secretary Jack Straw Deputy Editor health and trade. Much of the cross out the identities of their The second controversial announced the plans for protecting border trade between the two coun- Vacant replacements. The cam- topic is the decision of the Finally, some of you may the public on Monday. paign trail, most notably Student Council to allow have noticed a disclaimer in tries however is illicit. Hustings, raised a lot of tobacco sponsorship for the Barefacts: “The views Under current legislation, a person Arts Editor The American drugs market is esti- issues that are both contro- Charter Ball. Following a expressed within the paper can only be sent to a mental institu- mated to be worth $30bn per year. Daniel Jones versial and important. close vote we are now pro- are those of individual tion if a doctor believes their condi- Around 65% of the supplies come Candidates at Hustings ceeding with caution and we authors, and do not neces- tion is curable. Often however this ([email protected]) through Mexico. Clinton must were repeatedly asked about are looking at low profile sarily represent the views of is not believed to be possible. A ascertain if Mexico is doing enough their views on the forthcom- sponsorship deals. The vir- the Editor, the Editorial good example is the case of to combat the problem. If he News Editor ing Miss Great Britain tual 50/50 split in student Board, the University of Michael Stone, who murdered remains unconvinced the US Universe competition. To opinion warranted compro- Surrey Students' Union or Lynne and Megan Russell in Kent James Buller Congress is set to impose sanctions some this sort of “entertain- mise. This Charter Ball will the University of Surrey.” with a hammer. Stone had a severe ([email protected]) on Mexico. Indications are that this ment” is viewed as sexist not have tobacco sponsor- The editorial board will take personality disorder and had actual- will not happen. and discriminatory. To oth- ship and free cigarettes. a decision on any controver- ly requested treatment. There was ers it is harmless fun entered Future events may receive sial article in Barefacts. If nothing that could be done for him Features Editor Mexican President Ernesto Zedillo into by volunteers. Whether backing providing that the the board approve an article however, and although considered Nick Walsh and Clinton also met to discuss bor- you agree with the event or sponsorship deal is of benefit then it goes in. Sometimes dangerous, the authorities had to let der security, and how to control ([email protected]) not is up to you. The fact to all students even if, as is decisions are tough to make him go free. that it is going ahead was up the case with tobacco, they and the editorial vote is pollution and tuberculosis out- to you and you supported only target one sector of the close. However if you do breaks. Music Editor Jack Straw outlined plans to jail psy- the idea. A democratic student body. Should the not agree with some of the chopaths who are considered a dan- Meanwhile the Mexican Secret Andrew Thomas decision was made by the decision have been made in articles published come ger to society. This would affect all Service has apologised for assaults, Ents committee to allow the the first place? If more stu- along to the editorial meet- such patients, whether they had not ([email protected]) it's agents made on news camera event to be held. Ents com- dents attended the Council ing every Monday night at committed any crime or had fin- crews. Security men apparently mittee is an open meeting then the decision would have 7pm in the Barefacts office ished their standard prison sentence punched and kicked newsmen from Sports Editor for a crime. They would be kept CBS and ABC, while Zedillo, behind bars indefinitely. Meanwhile Paul Cliff The Week in Review Clinton and their wives went for a every effort would be made to treat ([email protected]) valentines dinner. by Samad point is should these elec- ly is a day in which women their conditions. The patient's status Masood & tions be based on personal must be totally worshiped would be regularly reviewed by a Commercial Manager qualities or political views? and everyone has to be quasi judicial review board. Laurence Jones Clinton Faces The Music Vacant (Sad section alert) As we extremely nice to them. Going to this weeks hus- write this article people all We’ve been told that on this The Home Secretary admitted that tings was indeed worthy over the country are out with day everyone has bunches the subject was "controversial and A Los Angeles theatre playing host entertainment. Not only did their loved ones celebrating of flowers, either that they complex". Shadow Home Secretary to a musical chronicling Bill we get to see the that curse on single people receive or will give away. Sir Norman Fowler backed the pro- Clinton's recent sex scandal. ,As the Universities top calibre stu- every where, Valentines day. Isn’t this a better solution posal but added that unreformed presidential impeachment trial dents, involved in a heated We have decided not to be all round? Then you would- sex offenders should be given the came to its final act, last week, the battle of wits…we also got happy today (our own single n’t have moaning miserable same treatment. curtain rose on "Starr Struck: A Deadline for Publication fun and games thrown in for independent choice). If you gits like us complaining Musical Investigation" Monday 10am free. Games such as baked think about it, 50% of all about it. bean races, and toilet paper couples must have a bad Ex-general favourite to The show features all the major mummification. The contes- valentines day because it Laurence: So how many lead Nigeria names of the prolonged affair, Monica Lewinsky Linda Tripp, Bare Facts is an editorially independent tants..er..sorry, candidates wasn’t what they were Valentines did you get newspaper, published by the University Paula Jones, Kenneth Starr and of performed as well with their expecting, or football was Samad? Samad: None. What The former military ruler of Nigeria of Surrey Students' Union election speeches as they on. Add to that the large star sign are you Laurence? course Clinton himself. Alan Communications Office. is set to return to power, as a civil- The views expressed within the paper Glueckman who wrote the play's 30 did with the toilet paper. Is amount of single people Laurence: Leo, why? ian president. Olusegun Obasanjo are those of individual authors, and do their a correlation here? (c’mon there must be mil- Samad: Me too and those original songs said "We get below not necessarily represent the views of has won the fight to be nominated the Editor, the Editorial Board, the the surface of what everyone thinks lions of us out there……) Lunar Lisa and Mystic as his party's presidential candidate University of Surrey Students' Union or We thought the speeches and you end up with a very Moonda said we had a 68% about these people, their emotions, the University of Surrey. in the country's new elections. This publication may not be reproduced their motivations. There's a lot of were all very good, it will be unhappy majority. Is that a chance of a valentine. Obasanjo won the votes of nearly in whole or in part, stored in any form, a tough decision on who to cause to celebrate? Bah! Laurence: But if you think very funny material in the piece, copied or distributed, without the express 70% of the members of the Peoples' permission of the publisher. but also moments that will put tears vote for. Maybe this is Humbug! of it comparatively Samad, Democratic Party (PDP). The All submissions must include the author's because their election cam- we’re not doing so bad com- in your eyes," name and Union or Staff Number. ground breaking presidential elec- Submission is no guarantee of paigns are all based on per- In fact, today we learned pared to Taurus at 15%, and tions will take place later in publication. sonal qualities rather than on about the Russian equiva- Cancer at 20%. We don’t Example of the song lyrics include: Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles February. will not be published. how they intend to change lent of Valentines day. This have such a bad deal after Lynda Tripp: "He showed off cojones Bare Facts reserves the right to edit things. Lets face it they’re is called International all. huh? Samad: Umm. to Paula Jone-ess. He passed the submissions. Obasanjo led Nigeria's military hours plucking Gennifer Flowers. He all very nice people, but the Womens day, and apparent- regime for 3 years, until in 1979 he thought he'd get away with it, but voluntarily handed control over to a Printed by now he's gonna pay for it." East End Offset (TU), Union Entry Policy civilian government. However the country slipped back into military Bow, London, E3 3LT Clinton croons to "Sax In The Oval hands and General Sani Abacha Office": "There's only the Oval 1 All members must show their campus card to gain access after 7pm. Members took over as a dictator. General office. I'm the President, see, and I without their card will not be permitted entry. Obasanjo was among 43 Nigerians © USSU Communications can't sneak chicks into the residen- who plotted a coup against Abacha Office 1998 cy 'cuz they keep a list and Hillary 2 Full members may sign in 2 guests. This may be done by: in 1995. All were jailed when they gets pissed," Mon - Thurs 10.30 pm, Fri 7pm , Sat 10 pm, Sun 10 pm were discovered. When Abacha died suddenly, the new leader, Paula Jones sings that "The kind of General Abdulsalami Abubakar Bare Facts Members of the Students Union may NOT be signed in as guests. exposure I was looking for was not released some of the prisoners and Union House the kind I got. The kind of meat I started the process of reform. University Of Surrey 3.NUS card holders may sign themselves in at any time unless specific was greetin' was not the meetin' I Abubakar will himself step down had in mind." Guildford restrictions are in place. a UOS NUS card is not acceptable. when the new president is elected. Surrey Finally independent prosecutor GU2 5XH 4.Guests for FNO must be in possession of a valid guest ticket which may be Nigeria's other main political par- Kenneth Starr proclaims: "It's a purchased up until 7pm. This guest ticket may be exchanged for a guest ticket ties are also putting up candidates fundamentalist fundamental, if you Tel: 01483 259275 for another event if unused. This ticket is not redeemable for cash. for the election. However think sex is fun, you're mental." Fax: 01483 534749 Obasanjo's PDP polled most of the votes in January's state elections. 5 Telephone signing in is NOT permitted except for industrial year students & Glueckman described the play as a Obasanjo also enjoys support from email: life members. classic love triangle evolving along across Nigeria's racial groups and [email protected] Evidence of this status will be required on entry. R.O.A.R. a very Shakespearean style. "It's got he can boast many friends still serv- sex and power, love and betrayal, The management reserve the right of admission without giving a reason. ing in the army. Thursday 18th February 1999 n 3 Union Today the campus, tomorrow the world? Hairtec t the moment would be interesting to hear access to the vast technolog- there’s twelve peo- what Mandelson would ical support and personnel 24 Madrid Road Aple on campus who think of their alternative needed to carry out canvass- must really wish that Peter ways of getting their mes- ing on a mass scale. They Mandelson was their uncle, sages across- huge banners, tend to rely on hand-painted (01483)440414 especially now he’s got so posters, balloons, tee-shirts, posters, enthusiastic friends much time on his hands. badges- anything to break and a modest budget that Shampoo & Blow Dry from £9.00 Love him or hate him, he the ice with the electorate- probably wouldn’t even did wonders promoting the although, except in hustings, cover Mandelson’s pager Cutting incl. Shampoo from £11.00 Labour Party and, with such the Full Monty route to bill. Gents cut incl. shampoo from £8.50 a huge majority, they’ve got exposure has so far been Semi permanent Tint from £22.00 a lot to thank him for. But avoided. Mandelson would The ban on negative cam- Permanent Tint £ from £25.00 our twelve candidates who recognise some things paigning means that there’s are unfortunately though- everyone knows generally goodwill in cam- Highlights/Lowlights from £35.00 Mandelson-less are current- politicians love the sound of pus campaigning. Each can- Permanent Wave from £32.50 ly campaigning for sabbati- their own voices, and hus- didate has to try to be elect- KMS/Fudge Treatment from £3.00 cal positions, running their tings provides our candi- ed on their own merit, rather own campaigns and hoping dates with the perfect oppor- than putting down others or Sets & Blow Drys included in all to emulate his successes…. tunity to prove this with trashing their campaigns. Perming & Colouring Services, but excluding Cutting Campaigning on campus is speeches and question and Ironically, this is what real different to campaigning in answer sessions, while giv- world politics thrives on- the real world, although ing the student audience the attacking the opposition’s Reduced Prices for Students there are some similarities. chance to test their knowl- record is stock in trade for It’s all about exposure. edge, experience and politicians- but we still vote singing voices. for them. Tuesdays - Fridays inclusive In real world politics, the press is the key. Although Why does anyone get It doesn’t matter how cyni- manifestos are produced and involved in campaigning? cal you are, in the real world Lloyds posters are put up on thou- For Mandelson and co. it’s politicians are elected to sands of billboards; TV, easy- it’s a combination of represent your local area Chemist radio and the papers are power lust and a love of the nationally, and your country considered crucial for win- party. internationally, defending Madrid ning. The Sun, for example, your rights. In our union The Astolat is credited with winning the On campus things are a little elections, our sabbaticals Road election for Labour by more difficult, there is no are elected to represent our GPA switching sides during the party system so everyone views to the university, General Election. standing is an independent locally and nationally, Apollo Video Store x Newsagent individual and needs to cre- through NUS, defending our Hairtec For our campus candidates, ate their own dedicated rights. So why not show the however, the press is off campaigning team. Unless campaigners that all their TLA’s From The PGA – (Three Letter Abbreviations!!!!) limits- their manifestos they’re extremely organ- hard work has been worth it appear in Barefacts but, in ised, it is unlikely that the and go out and vote? fter the confusion at the research students but is specifically aimed at Hustings about the (MPhil/PhD). It doesn’t postgrads, whether your order to be scrupulously students will have started NPC, a small TLA matter if you’re a full-time, doing a PGCE to a PhD. It is fair, they can’t be inter- planning before Christmas, Jo Keech A used by a member of the part-time and even collabo- run by Postgrads for viewed or submit articles. It and probably won’t have PGA, it was thought that we rative student, a sandwich Postgrads, the majority of had better educate all you student, an overseas the work being done by full The ZACK GILPIN Show students who aren’t in the exchange student or a dis- time students. It liases with know and give you a chance tance learning student; so many organisations to utilise that large capacity long as you’re registered at involved in postgrad affairs, of space between your ears the uni, you’ve automatical- including the NUS, the UK and fill it with something ly become one of us, a full Council for Graduate slightly more informative member of the PGA. Employment, the research than saw dust. (No, don’t try councils and many more. shoving Bare Facts down The ‘job’ of the PGA is to pro- (And it actually employs a your lugg ‘ole to fill the mote the welfare and advance sabbatical!!) They’re so gap.) the education of its members, to high tech that they’ve even promote better understanding got their own web page: The PGA (Postgraduate between postgraduates, under- http://www.npc.org.uk Association) within the uni- graduates and staff and, more versity and the union is a importantly, to promote social So if there are any of you committee of postgraduates and recreational activities crazy postgrads that want to representing the views and among its members. Or, in get involved, whether you opinion of postgraduates short, to try and voice your want to be a departmental throughout the university. It views to the relevant people on or school rep, if you want isn’t a committee full of the relevant committees (there is any more info, or you just boring old farts, instead it’s a position for a postgrad repre- want a drink, we (other Rythmic Heat Bounty Beat a committee working for the sentative on nearly every uni- crazy postgrads!) can be benefit of all postgraduates versity committee which the found in Wates House prop- At the Harlequin, Redhill on and who also use it as an sabbaticals attend, and also on ping up the bar on Thursday Friday 23rd Feb 1999 excuse to spend every many of the union committees). evenings from about 9-11pm Thursday evening socialis- 8ish...... (check the PGA ing in Wates House. The The PGA is affiliated to the board in the Union for Tickets £15 PGA encompasses approxi- NPC (National Postgraduate details of special evens or All ticket holders are entitled to a free invitation to appear in my next mately 4,000 students (hard- Committee) which meets our web page ly a minority), which once every four months. So thttp://www.ee.surrey.ac.uk/ music video. A 1/500 chance of winning a return ticket to California, includes any of you out not only are you a member Societies/pga/). USA. Harlequin, Redhill BOX OFFICE there registered on a taught of the NUS, but also the tel: 01737 765 547 course (mainly Masters and NPC. Bargain!!! The NPC Jayne Elliott Treasurer, email Zack on [email protected] PGCEA students) and also works a bit like the NUS, Postgraduate Association 4 Features Thursday 18th February 1999

HOSPITALITY CATERING WWW by Pravin Jeyaraj SERVICES REDEVELOPMENT octor X and Joe were also faked. Castleman have written an The other big event of the week Dinteresting treatise entitled was Valentine’s Day, when lovers Friedrich Nietzsche, the C.I.A., all over the world show their and Men on the Moon. In the affection for their partner(s). It opening paragraph, the authors say seems like coincidence, therefore, that their intention “is to inform that the storyline of Sex and The the public that the Man on the City centred around the premise Moon is not a myth; in fact there is that there is an ongoing battle more than one Man: hundreds, between singles and couples. The possibly thousands of persons US show, currently airing on comprise a mysterious lunar soci- Channel Four, follows the lives of ety, one that is far more technolog- sex columnist Carrie (played by ically superior to even the most Sarah Jessica Parker) and friends advanced secret societies on as she discovers that relationships Earth.” They then go on to argue have become the new religion that the members of this society Described as pushing back the bear a strong resemblance to boundaries of sex-talk on screen, philosopher Friedrich Nietzche, it is simply a more sophisticated, who was in fact a renegade, and non-musical version of Ally that the CIA is no more than the McBeal. Earth branch of the society. One HISTORY themed food counters. A sepa- too many X-Files episodes Finally, if you want to know rate vegetarian servery will also methinks! whether you should make a uring early 1997, a spe- be available. The restaurant’s move on your object of desire, cialist catering consul- double height atrium will Aerobics Class However, the Bizarre Website then you want to do a LoveTest. Dtant, appointed by the increase natural light into the award must go to the Alien inva- There are numerous compatibili- University to review the overall area and air conditioning and HIGH IMPACT FROM sion base of operation web ty tests, such as “Is your heart- provision of catering on campus, light, contemporary decor will page. The designers claim to be throb a perfect match?” and “Do recommended that an increase in help create a comfortable and SCANDINAVIA part of a military unit of brain- you know how to flirt?”. The site catering capacity and an modern venue. Patio doors will sucking aliens who are looking does verge on the tacky side with improvement in the quality of the open from the restaurant onto a for their lost comrades. Maybe lyrics and multimedia clips of catering environment was need- newly landscaped terraced area they should take The Weirdness love songs. Still, the overall ed. An option appraisal of poten- for alfresco dining and barbe- Evaluation Survey. It might seem atmosphere is just about right. tial locations for a new develop- cues. like one of those self-discovery Good Luck! ment resulted in the decision to quizzes which are so popular with extend the existing Hall A new Cafe Bar will not only woman’s magazines...and you This week’s websites Restaurant complex. double the size of the existing would not be far wrong. LoveTest Bar area, it will provide a brand http://www.lovetest.com/ A London-based architectural new, bright, modern air-condi- Last Thursday, The Mirror The Weirdness Evaluation practice, RMJM, were appointed tioned venue Innovative menus revealed that some of the guests Surveyhttp://www.zoomnet.net/ to progress the scheme, and will be available at breakfast and on the BBC’s Vanessa show had ~macfaye/Weirdness.html together with the University, lunch, with food served until been faked. A female victim of Friedrich Nietzsche, the C.I.A., developed the design until it 5.00pm. The Cafe Bar will be domestic violence was in fact an and Men on the Moon reflected the University’s aims open until 8.30pm with a wide unmarried struggling actress. http://www.eden.com/~jcastle/n and objectives and came within choice of beers, wines and soft Feuding sisters were exposed as oframes/nietzsch.html budget. drinks available all day. strippergrams who met just Sex and the City Customers will be able to choose before the show. The revelations http://www.hbo.com/city/ The final design was agreed upon to sit in either smoking or non- Join ‘Trine’ on Thursdays 13.05 sent shockwaves throughout Alien invasion base of opera- towards the end of last year, and smoking areas of the Cafe Bar. journalism, with some predicting tion web page with a turf cutting ceremony to 14.00 at the the end of the human interest chat http://www.users.dircon.co.uk/~ mark the start of the construction For special occasions, or when Studio Sports Centre show. And ITV bossess were number-6/ayaa/ phase, the project started on site you need to impress someone, probably laughing!!! Until the Chiune Sugihara: Lifesaving on 30 November 1998. students and staff can book a table Starting next day, when it turned out that Visashttp://members.aol.com/ny some of the guests on Trisha rules9/sugihara.html in the new 40-seat restaurant on Thursday Feb 18th - March 18th PROGRESS the top floor of the building. Free for Campusport Card Holders The construction of the new development is now well under A lift and ramp system will (£3.50 public, £2.50 Staff, £1.50 way, with completion set for enable students and staff with Students) autumn 1999. The work disabilities to reach every area in involves constructing a three the new complex. storey infill which will link the NEW ITV buildings and therefore the cater- MEETING ing venues on either side of the DEMAND DATING PROGRAMME site - the Hall Restaurant on one side and the Vegetarian Whilst the redevelopment of cen- TV is set to launch a brand However we are also looking Restaurant and Hall Bar on the tral catering facilities will obvi- new concept in dating pro- more broadly for persons other. Construction of a brand ously affect a number of catering Igrammes on Friday 30th between the ages of 18 and 35, new top floor meeting and dining venues from April 1999 to the April 1999. The programme of all sexes and sexuality (and suite is also part of the scheme. end of the summer, Hospitality takes a new and unique look at preferably broad-minded). Catering Services are working the 90s phenomenon of dating THE VENUES with the Students’ Union and programmes, utilising the latest Wannabe contestants should Wates House to try to minimise developments in telephone and send a recent photo (which can- video dating. The show is a tele- not be returned), together with From autumn 1999, students and disruption. Please refer to staff will benefit from greatly vision dating agency where contact telephone number and Barefacts and Surrey Matters for viewers can ring in if they are address on the back. They enhanced and modernised cater- regular project updates and a interested in dating any of our should also give a brief descrip- ing services in the new timetable showing venue open- featured contestants. tion of their own personality, Hospitality Catering Services ing times during the construction together with what they are complex. Choice and value for period. A small exhibition of the Unlike other dating pro- looking for in the ideal date, to: money will be key aims underly- new development can be viewed grammes, Dial-A-Date will be ing the improved service, which in the Hall Bar. filmed in towns and cities right Dial-A-Date will be delivered through a new across the UK, reflecting the Hewland International 450-seat restaurant, a 200-seat local character and focussing on PO Box 91 Hospitality Catering Services the people from those areas. LONDON NW5 3WQ cafe/bar and a top floor table apologises for any inconvenience Or they can visit our Web Site d’hote restaurant. and thanks you for your co-oper- Hewland International, the mak- at: ation. Please email Allan ers of the programme, are cur- http://dspace.dial.pipex.com/he A range of light, hot breakfasts Collinson, Director of rently looking for contestants wland.development/ will be served in the main restau- Hospitality Catering Services, at (aged 18 and over) to take part rant until 11.00am, and [email protected], for in this show. We are primarily Email applications are welcome interested in attracting contes- [email protected] lunchtime diners will then be more information on the new able to choose from a wide selec- tants from the student popula- ex.com complex. tion of British Universities. tion of dishes served from four Thursday 18th February 1999 n Live Music 5

Holy Calamity, Scream It's Manatee! WIN SPECIAL 10” Manatee/Dogeared, 6/2/99, The Dublin Castle COPY OF BLUR’S After the underage audience had stormed the pub entrance, NEW SINGLE much to the horror of the landlord, Manatee kicked into their first gig of the year. With Steve Lamacq watching the TENDER pressure was clearly on to perform. After a short improvised number the epic guitar whirlwind of 'Food' arrived. Manatee have a maturity in songwriting clearly above their so called "bratpop" contemporaries, presenting headstrong pop clas- sics ('8 Seconds', 'Duck'...) alongside casual rock ballads ('Yuuki' and one yet to be titled) with all the grace of their private school upbringing. The crowd scream, and dance, and roar for an encore. The satirical pop jangle of 'Indie Boys All Look The Same' is what they get. Considering the current musical climate the question is not if Manatee will be offered a record deal, but when. Oh yeah, Dogeared played too, pleasing the crowd with a rougher version of Gel. Andrew Thomas Photo: Andrew Thomas TERRORVISION - THEY’LL MAKE YOU HAPPY On a rather dull early Terrorvision - Leigh Marklew second left February afternoon, Terrorvision arrive in Just answer this simple question to win Blur’s mighty Guildford for their sold out new single from their forthcoming new album show at the Civic Hall, after a soundcheck and audition- What were Blur called before they were ing girls to sing back up signed? vocals for their current real a)Traverse b)Womenswear c)Seymour hit single, ‘Tequila’, bassist Answers to be e-mailed to [email protected] Leigh Marklew gets the Closing date: 25th February opportunity to talk to BF. He looks relaxed. You must be quite happy CHA CHA COHEN with your renewed success? CHA CHA COHEN - Gaultier top looked better “We just find this funny Union 7/2/99 by than Debbie Harry in her rather than an indication of prime, 100 times sexier than our talent or anything. I just Sometimes us here on the the likes of Louise and think it’s funny, here we are music team, feel sorry for friends for 1 simple reason; back in the charts.” the isolated up bringing she's got a brain and a dirty Why did you chose to other students here at Surrey soul. release ‘Tequila’ as a remix? have had. It seems, any- Coming across like “We’ve had remixes done in Well, if you can spot heavy “When you look at it, the look over the space of our thing, which hasn't been Blondie meets Royal Trux the past, some of which metal in them two records gap wasn’t that much longer four albums, we’ve proba- ruined by a shitty, dumb pop meets Happy Mondays haven’t been very good you’re a better man than me, and I can assure you there bly written at least eighty group, doesn't get any sort meets The Jesus and Mary some of which have been one’s a cartoon punk song, were no breaks taken. It was songs and we could have of attention here at all. Oh, Chain. Wall of sound songs quite successful. We had the other’s a samba drinking spent working on the record done eight albums with well your loss. Cha Cha like 'Cool Slate', with its this one done by these guys song. It’s just that we’re and battling with the busi- those. I’d like to see it return Cohen are the sort of band infectious delta-blues (Mint Royale) after I heard a rock bands, and they’re ness side of it. We had to get to that.” we are in desperate need sleaziness which got every- remix they’d done of a looking for something out of some bits of shit sorted out.” You used several producers here to save us from the one grooving. To the Beck Kenickie song. They are up the ashes of Britpop. Leigh starts to discuss mak- on ‘Shaving Pieces’, was vacuum of style which is meets Beta Band junkie- and coming and did it as a Terrorvision existed before, ing records. this through design or acci- Friday Night Out. For those country-cowgirl-pop of prospective mix. We really during and after that, we’re “I have always been a fan of dent? who missed it, the band are 'Nothing to Do'. One of the liked it, it was by far the best still in the charts and having the situation where a band “The last two albums were as cool-as-f*** concoction best bands ever seen in the remix we’d heard. We fun.” used to bring out an album done with Gil Norton and of the funk of the 'funky Union, and although the decided to put it out as a Do you think that the party every year, or even less than we fancied a change and we f*** all stars', blended with dance floor at times might white label to try and get it vibe at Terrorvision shows a year. When you put on a really struggled to find the 'who-gives-a-f***' atti- have been empty everyone going in the clubs over helps you maintain your fol- vinyl LP it lasted maybe 25 someone to work with who tude of The Velvet who witnessed this momen- Christmas and then use it as lowing? minutes, nine or ten songs, we thought would be right Underground. Topped off tous occasion left with their a b-side in January. That “It gets a bit cliched that and you released two singles for the job. So over the time with a beautiful-as-f*** hearts full and their souls was the plan until the record when people describe it as from it at most, the b-sides of looking for people we singer Jacqui Dulany, who overflowing. was taken by our pluggers to that. It can downsell the were from the album or ended up working with resplendent in her Jean Paul Rodney Gambora Radio 1 and other radio sta- band a bit, that it’s just this instrumental versions. I Edwin Collins and just try- tions, and the rest is histo- big party thing. But, if would rather do that than ing a couple of tracks and ry,” he says with a huge grin you’re going to come to a have to try and milk a load the Utah Saints and trying a spreading across his face. concert you want to have a of singles off it. You do an couple of tracks and it “It’s caught the public imag- good time. You are paying album see if it hits, and if it became the album. It just ination. It’s a happy accident an extra ten pounds to sere doesn’t you’ve got another turned out like that.” really!” the concert, why do that if album in under a year’s What come next for A lot of the media have been you only get the same expe- time. It keeps the touring Terrorvision? using the success of rience as staying at home fresh. Now it’s a big thing.” “We’ll see. A third single Terrorvision, along with The and listening to the CD. I You would prefer here, and while ‘Tequila’ is Offspring, as heralding a thought that the touring we Terrorvision to work like released around the world new rock revival. did at the end of last year that? we’ll start writing the next “Again, I just find it so was a reaffirmation of what “I would love to go back to album.” amusing. I read in The it is all about, it was a real that. Now, there is much With that Leigh takes his Times the other day that buzz to be out there.” more onus put on the release leave. A couple of hours heavy metal is making a You took a long break of a CD, because it is every later Terrorvision show that comeback. They were citing between the last album two years. You release a sin- they are one of the best live the fact that The Offspring ‘Regular Urban Survivors’ gle and have to provide bands in the world these were number 1 and that and the new album ‘Shaving three or four extra songs for days. Terrorvision were number 2. Peaches’. the b-sides and stuff. If you Rob Winder 6 Music Thursday 18th February 1999

A reworking of the instrumental Unreal, where the trip-hop beats SINGLE OF THE WEEK from Unkle provide the backdrop BIS - Action and Drama SINGLES for an inform Ian Brown. Anyone (Wiija) who thinks Ian Brown can’t sing a FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE - on, courtesy of a certain Mr A rallying call from the Denise (EastWest) Norman Cook. Here we see Nick tuneful note, probably wont appre- First single from the second Dresti blend an old “Stetsasonic” ciate this and would prefer the orig- Scottish trio against the cul- Fountains Of Wayne album and it is sample (“This story’s funny/I met inal. 7/10 A.S. ture of faceless DJ acts preva- no disappointment. Another simple this girl and she had money”) with lent in the late ninety’s charts. KIRSTY HAWKSHAW - Sci- catchy pop song with great har- a drum-loop you’ve probably heard Tackling it in their familiar monies. Love it. 9/10 R.W. a million times before. Silly, yet Clone (Coalition) hugely entertaining, this should be Originally written about a cyclone keyboard and drum machine PROPELLERHEADS - massive. 8/10 A.S. that ravaged through Australia, this style this will convert no-one, Extended Play E.P. (Wall Of song has been remade as a kind of but will keep their small show of the vocal abilities of the Sound) TB - 9 PM Till I Come (Data) enduring fanbase happy. The ‘Crash’ must be one of the best 9 PM Till I Come is a ripping track singer, who happens to be really tracks I’ve heard in a long while. released on the newly formed Data good. The B-side track is better ‘Eurodisco’ remixes on cd1 Sounding like a massive mix of label. If you aren’t hearing this on than sci-clone itself. A mix of are well worth a listen. 9/10 70’s cult TV shows themes, or the every European Dance Floor by the relaxed jazzy melody with angelic A.T. sort of thing played in the back- end of the year, I don’t know what lyrics. Whereas the title track is ground of a radio 1 top forty. Joined to call a sure shot anymore. 8/10 more mystical sounding and dubi- by The Jungle Brothers and De La G.N. ous with occasional vocal outbursts did it without resorting to jokes Soul, this E.P. couldn’t be better. of energy, a bit mad. 5/10 M.D.C. about the name either. 2/10 M.A. 9/10 E.C. RAE & CHRISTIAN FEATUR- ING VEBA ‘All I Ask’ (Grand UNDERSTAND/JETPAK – Next Week FUNGUS - Over My Head (CH22 Central) ‘Split’ (Gravitate) This weeks reviews by: Records) The second release from last years Understand are a local group that is up and coming. During the past Andrew Thomas, Kevin An Fungus are a crafty clone of acclaimed album. Often referred to Marston, Mario Dias, Georgina Idlewild, power guitars and frog in the same light as Nu Yorican year they toured with the band A REGURGITATOR-Polyester stomping songs. ‘Over my head’ is Soul, the duo use the soulful vocals and this has influenced their musi- Girl(Coalition) Tarrant, Adam Saxty, Andrew Interview a raucous and powering track of Veba and include a remix by DJ cal style. Understand play with What can I say? Other than no Smith, Emma Clarke, Matthew fuzzed to the top with speed. Better Spinna that adds the very much heavy guitar riffs and surprisingly thanks, there surely isn’t much to Anderson, Daniel Cremin, Ian With than their contemporaries, so 8/10 needed ‘up-beat’ to the original and high quality vocals but lack a say about this daft offering. Raving Purvey, James Hemingway, K.M. has a tendency to smile at you until degree of originality. The song on about “plastic breasts and plastic Gareth Nolan, Daniel Jones, you like it. D.M.C. 7/10 titles are taken from life and have thighs” over some poor imitation- Rodney Gambora, and Rob LOOP DA LOOP - Hazel some relevance to living life. 5/10 Air beat, this lot, claiming to be the BIS Winder (Manifesto) BE THERE - Unkle Featuring G.T. biggest band out of Austrailia real- And so the “Big Beat” flame burns Ian Brown (Mowax) ly aren’t worth the trouble. There, I ALBUMS ALBUM OF THE WEEK

CHA CHA COHEN - Cha Cha ing the #1's they had all those years Yellow Funk’ is more upbeat with a Cohen (Chemikal Underground) ago, with the tuneful 'Maria'. But computerised voice which just Jacqui Dulany is American, beauti- maybe coming back after all this reminds you of the ‘Rock Freak’ ful and charming. She sings songs time isn't such a good idea, it is an single, which is omitted from the with a swagger like she doesn't unwritten rule that all bands that re- album. ‘Pink Ruppe’ is all together care, but actually you suspect she form after acrimonious circum- a more acoustic sounding affair. does. The remainder of the band are stances are doomed. There are no This is followed by ‘Ethnic Suicide from our own Northern shores. songs on here to match their semi- Of The Volga Boatmen’ whilst hav- This may be the geographical mir- nal heyday disco classics of 'Heart ing eery stretched sounds at the ror of Garbage, but it's quit a differ- of Glass' or 'Atomic'. But that is not front with a faster backbeat. After ent cup of tea - more rounders than to say that this is a bad album, it's this it all starts to merge together. baseball. You see, there aren't drum just that it's not as good as say Whilst if you like BSL live its does- loops, though the drumming is Reni 'Parallel Lines'. All the trademark n’t guareentee you’ll like the album hypnotic and the sound hasn't been essential Blondie hallmarks are or vice versa, they are both rather swallowed in a sheen of production there Debbie Harry's seductive lilt, good. 7/10 I.P. yet the sonic adventures are crisp and the (probably one of the best and cansescent. Of course the top- ever) drumming of Jimmy Destri. THE KYND - Shakedown (Go ics of her discourse are not the A veritable smorgasbord of styles Go Girl) essential part of the equation - it's are on show from the boozy bar- So, here we are again....the band- the way she stretches and cuts her room boogie of 'Boom Boom' to the wagon continues to roll. More voice around the lo-fi guitar and 80's heyday Madonna-esque disco angst-driven indie guitar pop from keyboard funk cocophony. To pick of 'Forgive and Forget' via the another UK band hoping to retrace favourites amongst these would be chainsaw skank of 'Screaming the footsteps of its mid-90s prede- unfair, but the country folk of Skin'. Coolio features on the not so cessors. Or so I first thought. 'Nothing To Do' has the brightest of good title track but ignore that and However, on a couple of listens you GAZE - Shake The Pounce (K) set hand in hand. Tracks like ‘The Snake choruses you'll ever hear on a enjoy the wondrous, pounding realise this debut release does try to As with all good lo-fi American indie-pop Song’ combine Lush like harmonies in a Chemikal Undergound record. 8/10 choral group ensemble of the clos- move away from the stereotypical records this sounds like it was recorded in a Pastels style, reminiscent almost of Belle D.J. ing finale 'Dig Up the Conjo'. A fit- image of britpop. No where else dustbin, on a broken 4-track, with a mic and Sebastian. But only with female vocals. ting reminder of the uplift Blondie can this be more true than on the ENEMYMINE - Enemymine (K give. Debbie Harry may not be the opening track, the single, ‘World’s from the Tandy bargain bin. Obviously Probably released six months too early but, Records) pin-up she once was but she can Finest’, with a vocal harking back these are all good things and should be hey, it’s on K and they’re way too cool to Can there be lo-fi heavy metal. still hold her head up high as a to Jam-era Weller, and an anthemic encouraged. Gaze live in a world of long worry about marketing plans and other How about if there was a record member of one of the most impor- horn-drenched chorus which would term relationships between floppy fringed such trivialities enforced by “the man”. that alternated between this and tant bands ever. 8/10 R.G. not have been out of place on one more fragile, sentimental country of those great summery (and sadly boys and girls with bunches. They sit on 8/10 A.T. lo-fi over a seven track ep. Like this BLACK STAR LINER - Bengali missed) Dodgy tunes. The brash hills in middle America and watch the sun one for example. The cover is the Bantam Youth Experience punk of ‘Egotripper’ and ‘She’s black of the night sky and the sound (WEA) Naked’, a definite nod to earlyish now, but The Kynd are trying to onto the scene with this interesting thing for the man, but hey, its his does not belie this in any way. It's This album is very different from Blur, furtherly consolidate the feel- move in the right direction with little diddy, ‘The Last True Family album. The samples on the other cathartic but utterly delightful. It the live experience. Whilst live ing that maybe there is more to this this. To stand out from the zillions Man’. If you are already with your tracks are excellent and humour is won't please the masses but if you BSL are fairly rocking lyrical band than at the initial glance. of Embraces we have in this coun- ear to the ground in the big beat splashed liberally throughout. The like a little variety and invention in affair, the album is decidedly ‘Almost There’, however, is where try though, they are going to have scene you would have seen this guy whole thing is a mix of your music, and you want it languid dubby. The album has a slow start the album really peaks....a sort of to diversify just that little bit more. coming a mile away. This album Propellorheads and Fatboy Slim and then spiky, this newest K offer- with ‘Sita D’, followed by the cold- chugalong Levellers number with 7/10 J.H. has collaborations on it with names which is mind blowing by any ing is the way to go. 7/10 D.J. er ‘Swimmer’ with the chilling Teenage Fanclub harmonies. Why like The Freestylers, Grandmaster account, but for some strange rea- lyric ‘Swimmer, I’d like to drown’. on earth it’s been left at number 10 Freddy Fresh. The Last True Flash and even Fatboy Slim. The son it just doesn’t translate to great- BLONDIE - No Exit (Beyond) ‘Low BMW’ it all wakes up on in the order I do not know. The Family Man (Eye Q) only problem is that the best track ness. 6/10 G.N. Blondie return after a 17-year hia- this vaguely comical track with its UK’s music scene may be getting Freddy Fresh, the Minneapolis B- on the album is the Fatboy Slim tus in a successful fashion continu- insanely bouncy tune. ‘Gurdeep’s staler with every passing year right boy and funk merchant, busts back one. This surely can’t be a good February Win! Thurs 18: Winner, TFL, Spotless @ Camberly Agincourt We have a stack of Go Sat 20: Freekspert, Side Parting @ Aldershot West End Centre FANTASTIC Sun 21: Sunday Night Live @ The Union posters from the Mon 22: Stay @ Home SEXIEST BAND See Tues 23: Mink @ London Kings X Waterats on the planet... Wed 24: 3 Colours Red, Cay @ London Electric Ballroom PLACEBO!!!! Thurs 25: Rae and Christian @ London Kings College To win one just finish the title Fri 26: Inter, Speedurchin, Oizone, Holy Roman Empire @ Aldershot WEC “Every You Every --” Live! Sat 27: Indian Ropeman, Space Raiders @ Reading Alleycat e-mails to [email protected] Saturday Friday Thursday Wednesday Tuesday Monday Sunday Saturday Friday 27th 26th 25th 24th 23rd 22nd 21st 20th 19th Thursday 18thFebruary 1999 Competition POOL 7pm notes. Unlucky Object;Your Doctor’s drunk and peoplewillassumeyou’re instead. Useapintasprop locked up,sotrytoactnormal it....and you’resuretobe time. Talk tosomeoneabout you’ll notbeplayingforsome tough, you’velostyoursso Fancy agameofmarbles?- 21at March-20thApril ARIES with freeprizedrawonit Unlucky Object;Anenvelope money couldbeyours. Kays catalogue-andthe exclusive designercollectionof items exceeding£200fromour draw! 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Perhapsyou this week.Itwillmakethings Uranus isinadifficult position 21st January-19thFebruary AQUARIUS 15.15 16.0016.3017.4518.3018.4520.0021.00 16.15 17.0018.0018.4519.3020.2022.0022.30 fri-sat 10.4511.30 12.0013.1013.4514.3015.35 sun-thurs 11.15 notsun,12.0012.4513.3514.15 Fri Feb12th-Thurs18th1999 sun-thurs16.30 (notsun)18.4521.00 sun-thurs 12.0514.5017.4020.30 sun-thurs 12.2015.0017.4020.20 sun-thurs 12.3015.3017.4020.45 n sun-thurs 14.4520.20(notwed) sun-thurs 12.1017.30(notwed) fri-sat 12.1515.1018.3021.20 fri-sat 13.2016.0018.5021.30 WWW.ODEON.CO.UK fri-sat 14.1516.4519.1522.00 You’ve gotmail- Don’t goBreaking myHeart sun-thurs 16.3018.4521.00 fri-sat 17.3520.0022.20 fri-sat 13.3015.4017.45 mon-thurs 12.1514.25 sun 12.1514.2516.30 0870 50007 fri-thurs 12.0014.15 Shakespeare inLove fri-sat 16.0521.50 fri-sat 19.4522.10 fri-sat 13.3019.00 This Year’s Love Hilary &Jackie sun-thurs 21.00 Lunar LisaandMysticMoonda Hideous Kinky A HolyMan A Bug’s Life fri-sat 21.40 Little Voice Jack Frost Madeline Stepmom Sun 20.45 without hisfalseteeth. 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(you’renotfeeling be upforanightoutin as akitten.You certainlywon’t This weekyou’llfeelastame 21st July-23rdAugust Great VIRGO LIBRA LEO Entertainments Guide7 O FU Hawke, toboot! the equallyphwoarr-ableEthan phwoarr-able GwynethPaltrow, and - it’s great,anditfeaturesthe sound quiteasexcitingitreallyis Hmmm... thatdoesn’t makethisfilm benefactor. was actuallytheconvictthathis unique style. specially-written soundtrackand Richter himself,eachwithitsown ferent directors,includingoneby dream sequencesdevisedbysixdif- dreams; therearethensixcolour man whosetsupinbusinesstosell chrome framingstorycentresona students ofsurrealism.Themono- Money CanBuy, areferencetextfor These arefollowedbyDreamsThat sion ofdepthusingsquareforms. seeks tosubvertthecinematicillu- experimental pieceinwhichRichter been lost);andRhythmus21,an soundtrack andscorehavesince Baden musicfestival(althoughthe originally createdfortheBaden- social, cinematic,andphysical- which seekstodefyallconventions- comedy GhostsBeforeBreakfast, including thedelightfullyabsurd sents twoofhisearlyshortfilms In tonight’s programme,USACpre- first featureintheUSA1941. the Nazistookpower, andmadehis ties. HeleftGermanyin1933when avant-garde filmmakinginthetwen- Hans Richter(1888-1976)pioneered Weds. 24thFeb,8pm,LTG: Hans Richter Caribbean. from somebodyactuallyinthe Unlucky object;Apostcard phere oftheCaribbean. You’re absorbingtheatmos- a littlesandaroundandbingo! yellow tintedsunnies,sprinkle bermuda shorts/bikiniandyour Crank uptherads,putonyour stress, it’s justthe weather. bleak atthemoment-don’t Although yourfuturemayseem 22nd December-20thJanuary ton ofmilk. you foundgrowinginyourcar- Unlucky object;Apinkcheese coming Trivial pursuitgames. ment questionsonanyforth- should optfortheentertain- got goingonthere!Perhapsyou That’s anicepinkaurayou’ve 23rd November-21stDecember bunny costume. Unlucky object;Your kinky that theydon’t recogniseyou! with alittledimlighting-so records. Thensetthescene your parents’BarryWhite week. 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The N.H.S is in a Faffing Mess! REPUTE AND LLOYDS AGONY COLUMN Comment by John Dear EXCLUSIVE: RUPERT “Zorro” speaks to Rupert tried to carve a Z in her nightie ast year the National born in 1948. During it’s first Needless to say, this was total AND LLOYD TALK TO “L. and Lloyd about his obscene with a breadknife she screamed Health Service celebrat- six months, the NHS was so nonsense. These reforms most- ZORRO” freetime fetish. Here are as if I were a psycho. She took ed its fiftieth year. It was successful at looking after the ly resulted in damaging a per- L some extracts: Heidi with her back to such a momentous occasion nation’s health that even the fectly functioning structure. ou may have seen this Dortmund for a few weeks. It that a special fifty pence piece Conservative party said it was man before. He calls R.P.: Mr.Zorro how did a was then that the fox so cun- was minted and tossed into cir- alright for it to exist. The public Another factor in the NHS himself “L. Zorro,” respectable member of society ning and free was released once culation. Health Secretary agreed, and a short film depict- problem is the discovery of Y though his real name you will like you get into this murky again...to flash his blade and Frank, “Duh, my brain hurts” ing a young female patient new diseases and new ways of probably never know. In his business? avail senoritas in distress. Dobson did something new being chatted up by Bevan was treating them. Back in the late early thirties, married with a with his beard. However, watched avidly in Britain’s cin- 1940’s, it was far easier for the daughter of five, he works as My life changed the day R.P. Tell us about the first time despite these three important emas. NHS to turn patients away, as a corporate tax consultant Hildegard and I went to see points, the NHS is still a mal- treatments for disease were with an international accoun- “The Mask of Zorro” with L.Z. It was about six months functioning organ in Britain’s The honeymoon was short. few. In those days, the NHS tancy firm in London, earn- Antonio Banderas and ago, I think. I´d heard that aer- flabby old body. Bevan resigned after it was was really just a big warehouse ing £100k a year and driving Catherine Zeta Jones obics classes took place at the decided that nominal fees were to containing false teeth and to work every Monday to University of Surrey between A comprehensive health ser- be introduced. But this was only cheap spectacles. Nowadays, Friday morning in a sporty L.C. So what happened? five and six every Thursday vice was a dream that was the beginning. The NHS was des- all is different. Many more ill- S-Reg BMW M3 But that evening. The atmosphere was realised by the Labour party’s tined to be permanently short of nesses have been recognised was not the Zorro we bumped L.Z. I realised that I´d been El charged with pulsating sexual most venerated government. funds, criticised by upper class and new medical advances can into last Saturday. Wearing Zorro in my previous life. But tension....(sorry, we had to This government lasted from newspapers and tinkered with by deal with them. Expensive an oversized navy overcoat like Glen Hoddle, I had been leave this bit out, as we got 1945 until 1951 under the bald successive governments. treatments, such as laser and Hi-Tec Trainers, face reincarnated as a boring git for censored last week). Then headed leadership of Clement surgery, are all the rage. This obscured by a tartan scarf, he my sinful extracurricular pur- three glowing senoritas Atlee, who was assisted by One government that did a lot means that the populace was literally caught in the act, suits one hundred and seventy breathtlessy exited the building health minister Aneurin Bevan of mainly unproductive tinker- expects more from the NHS, indecently exposing himself years ago. in search of light refreshments. and the ideas contained within ing was, of course, Margaret and more money must be spent to three attractive young Amusing themselves at the the Beveridge plan. After much Thatcher’s. Firstly, millions of to meet the public’s higher ladies outside their Park L.C. Too much of a ladies man, expense of the male species in hard work and a small amount pounds were spent finding out expectations. Demand for treat- Barn council house. “I huh? coarse East Sussex dialect, lit- of bribery, the NHS was finally how much operations, syringes, ment will never be completely never thought something like tle could they have been aware etc actually cost. Before this, satiated, and there will always this could happen in Park L.Z. (Flashing his coffee of the enormity of what was nobody in the health service be waiting lists so long as there Barn,” said one of the terri- stained teeth like Tony Blair in about to take place. Then I really knew where the money is a NHS. fied victims. Another, clearly a grant-maintained struck! As I flashed my trusty was going. The NHS spending suffering from shock, merely girls´school) Exactamente, blade I felt once again like a its yearly income before it So what do the next fifty years stammered “His sword was amigo! I tried to rejuvenate the man fulfilling his destiny. El knew what it’s patients needed hold for the NHS? If Frank much longer in the film.” passions I´d been used to in my Zorro was back! exacerbated this problem. With Dobson continues to think that former existence, but Hildegard all this to consider, Thatcher’s putting dead bodies into refrig- In an exclusive interview would have none of it. When I L.C. So how did your victims first solution made a great deal erated lorries isn’t a problem, take it, Zorro? of sense. then there isn’t much of a future. His efforts have been disastrous. L.Z. Victims? Victims?! How However, in typical Thatcher Giving five percent of nurses a dare you call those young style, there had to be some twelve- percent pay rise will fail senoritas victims, hombre? lunacy. In 1983 it was decided to make much difference. They have been liberated by that a market system should be the sword of Zorro! imposed upon the NHS. Unfortunately in Britain, we Hospitals were encouraged to would rather have a lousy NHS Well there you have it, folks. specialise, and to “compete” and low taxes and to keep our Zorro´s story tragically illus- with other publicly owned hos- fingers crossed than vote in a trates the moral decay of pitals for patients, rather than government that will push up Britain in the twilight of this co-operating with them. income tax a little to pay for a millennium. The young General practitioners became more effective health service. It ladies of Park Barn Council “fund holders”; the “pur- is my contention that if you Estate were not the first vic- chasers” of health on the want a good public health ser- tims of this pin-striped per- patient’s behalf, not only look- vice, you must be prepared to vert; and we fear they won´t ing for the best treatment but pay for it. be the last. for the best deal price wise. WORD OF To Stretch or not to stretch? That is the Question. THE WEEK his was the topic of a train- Appropriate warming up also Some Guidelines ing day for teachers and appears to reduce the likely Warm Up first Welcome to Word of the Week, a Tcoaches held at hood of sports related injuries. This will increase the blood flow feature devoted to all sorts of quirks Campusport. The session was to the muscles and make the tis- in the English language, and in lead by Greg Parkin-Smith a Stretching is an important, but sues more supple. Try a little British culture. Basically I'm inter- Chiropractic Sports Physician. often neglected, part of the jogging or other CV exercise. ested in words, and strange names The idea of this article is to pass on warm up. Regular stretching Stretch slowly and progressively for things (ie villages, rivers, region- some of the information to the rest will improve and maintain the It doesn’t have to hurt!! If it al dialect, anything). of us. range of motion that is possible hurts you have stretched too around a joint (otherwise far. Let's get the ball rolling then. Warming up before and cooling known as your flexibility!). down after exercise has been Maintaining good flexibility Hold each stretch for 12 to 20 Word of the Week is: POMP shown to be beneficial to sports will aid the prevention of mus- seconds Aim to stretch all the A nice old fashioned word don't you performance. Yet there are cularskeletal injuries and is an major muscle groups think? many people who seem to think effective tool in their rehabilita- Arms and Shoulders Village of the week is: that swiping their card and run- tion. Trunk and Hips MIDDLE WALLOP ning up a flight of stairs is suf- Quadriceps This is to be found in the depths of ficient warm up for a strenuous Increased flexibility allows the Hamstrings Wiltshire. game of squash or lifting heavy muscles to work more effec- Calf muscles Local Lingo of the week is: weights in the gym. tively and allows a larger range MALLYSHAG of motion in a joint meaning Make stretching a major part of This is what the good folk of the Isle Warming up is important as it better sports performance. you exercise routine both for of Wight call a caterpillar! prepares the body for the exer- injury prevention and rehabili- Anyway, I'm sure you all get the cise to come. A good warm up Given this information, Why tation. To stretch properly takes idea. I want to hear from anyone will increase the suppleness of are we still not stretching time, allow extra time so at the who has any strange words / names the muscles and tendons, enough? start of your training session for etc. which the people of this univer- increase the blood flow to the One reason is that most people stretching.Cooling down after sity would muscles, raise body tempera- do not know how to stretch exercise should also include really want to know about to broad- ture, increase oxygen dissocia- properly. stretching. A proper cool down en their understanding of this wacky tion and increase the speed of will help to prevent stiffness the world. nervous impulses. day after your training session. Happy wording! n Thursday 18th February 1999 Personals & Crossword 9

Crossword No 94 Dr Russ Personals

Dear Russ an opinion which they’ve expressed or by asking them to I’ve heard that selection cen- clarify something they’ve said. tres often include discussion You will be given marks for groups as part of the assess- these contributions because ment procedure. I haven’t they are seen as supportive and got a clue what to expect. helpful. Can you help me? Thirdly, if you are chairing the Dear Adam discussion you should aim to: introduce the topic; set down Having watched a number of any guidelines such as encour- discussion groups over the aging only one person to speak years, the main thing I’ve at a time; curtail overbearing ■ Spikey Economist, What the ■ Yung - Your grass was noticed is that they tend to participants whilst involving hell has happened to your dress beautiful! come in all sorts of shapes and those on the fringes of the dis- sense!!!! ■ Zaza, I’m looking forward to sizes. A chairperson might be cussion; and, finally, steer the ■ Girl with long brown hair at par-tay-ing on my 80th!!! appointed or the group left group towards a point where Chancellors for Jazz night - ■ Lisa, James, Tom and Jez, leaderless; a specific topic you can make a short summary you’re mighty fine!!! Thanks for looking after me might be thrown in for discus- of the discussion. Keep your ■ Maria(daddy), We love you - again, Love K. sion or you might be left to eye on the clock because if you from your brats ■ Nice juicy plums in Magaluf develop something yourselves; over-run, you might be ■ HAS THE ELECTION SPE- ■ Congratulations Jo and Joe Across Down sometimes you are given a penalised. The discussion CIAL BEEN SENT TO ANY ■ TBOGN-Says hello to all the 1. To stupefy (6) 1. Spanish wine-shop (6) brief beforehand, other times might even be terminated by MANAGEMENT STU- mad pals she lives with! 4. Mimosa (6) 2. Stale-smelling (5) you’re not. the examiners before you’ve DENTS??? ■ Anja-Look I sent you a per- 9. Hopelessness (7) 3. A shellfish (7) had a chance to draw it all ■ HAVE PLACEMENT STU- sonal! 10. Stage parts (5) 5. Boy’s name (5) Whatever form they take there together and that would be dis- DENTS BEEN SENT FORMS ■ Computers, bah, humbug! 11. A wooded ravine (5) 6. Irish girl (7) are a number of things you can astrous. TO VOTE??? ■ love is all around us, its in 12. Salvoes (7) 7. To aid (6) do to improve your perfor- ■ Twinkle will be seeking our house 13. Division of a railway 8. Evade the truth (11) mance. First of all, it is essen- However, as with every part of revenge. Watch this space!!! ■ its in the house and we don’t carriage (11) 14. Obsolete (7) tial that you say something the selection procedure, don’t ■ Twinkle, twinkle, little star..... like it 18. Gigantic (7) 15. An engine (7) early on. The longer you leave panic if you think you’ve made ■ I love that picture of the ven- ■ the (sat) staff at the restau- 20. Prickly plants (5) 16. Sticks used for sup- it, the harder it is to get going. a mess of it. Candidates are triloquist’s dummy - anyone rant would like to remind you 22. Deluge (5) port (6) Don’t worry about making a seldom rejected on the results got a scanner ?!!! all WE’RE OPEN 10 TILL 2 23. A great achievement (7) 17. Accident (6) fool of yourself at this stage, of just one exercise. What’s ■ REVEREND BROWN - on ■ you must be ginger too!!! 24. Feeble from age (6) 19. Knotty (5) it’s far more important to get more, if you stay calm and can a mission from god! ■ Plots of beardy blokes in Ap 25. Military policeman (3-3) 21. Funny (5) used to the sound of your own bounce back for the next test, ■ we want Reverend Brown on 11-2-99, 3:50pm.Are you voice. You will gain in confi- your positive attitude is certain back! ECCENTRIC? Solution to Crossword No. Down: 1. Potato 3.candor dence the more you speak. to impress the examiners and ■ If you doubt me then you hate ■ Emma T, How do you spell 93 3.football 5.Eton 6.raise will often more than compen- me and thats all I need to know. ceamen? Across: 1. Pacify 4.petrol 7.lights 8.pedestrians Secondly, if you feel shut out of sate for previous disappoint- ■ Rob,hope you had a great ■ Polly the green sheep 9.tango 10.eloping 11.trou- 13.motorist 15.secrete the discussion at any stage - ments. 21st. Love Liz,Vina,Maria Pyjama woman, please let us bled 12.neat 14.relations 16.propel 17.sextet 19.tulip you can come back in fairly ■ Male sexy wilderbeast,3B see them again!!! 18.rite 20.divorcee 22.peli- 21.scar painlessly either by compli- Russ Clark floor 2-Maybe you should draw ■ Graham’s law - R before A can 23.inert 24.lepers Compiled by menting someone on a view or Careers Service your curtains next time-your except after B!!!! 25.street Jeff Blackham window admirers ■ MissyE has a spanner w*** Check before it is too late!! ■ Davids at uni court-we been oiling your basket lately?? luvvvvvvvvvvv your tings!!! ■ MadPheobe has got some NOTICES The Register of Electors is published on 16th February we’re watching you both!! great tried and tested ideas for 1999. If you do not think that you have registered to vote ■ The fox has come out, she is Comic Relief!!! you can check at the Council Offices, (Millmead, blonde (it said so on the box) ■ OI!! Snowy, stop rolling NEW MARKET Guildford), Public Library (North Street, Guildford), with ■ Al - TBOGN says worms around with TinTin, just keep STALLS TICKET FOR SALE Student Union Receptionist, and those that live on need to be played running around!!!! You little 5 Nations Rugby Wales vs. Campus, with the University Post Office to see if your ■ we’re so cool, we’re so cool, tart (or not!) Every Tuesday - Stall selling Ireland, 20 Feb. Wembley £20 name is on the list. we’re so cool (17 people) ■ R.Perugi, THERE CAN cheap good quality cards, gift contact [email protected] ■ Twinkle, twinkle little star, ONLY BE ONE ITALIAN wrap, notelets etc. how I wonder who you are? STALLION AND IT IS I. Stef Borough and Parish Elections will be held on 6th May and Weekly markets are held in the LAPTOP for Sale ■ Anyone seen a bent nosed, ‘not the best looking guy in the Union building on Mon, Tues, European Parliamentary Elections on 10th June 1999. If you left hander? world’?, don’t use my name. Thurs, Fri. Toshiba Sattelite pro 405 cs are not in the area where you wish to vote, then you may ■ It’s snowing. Spiers 1 ‘AVE IT! The ONE and ONLY I.Stallion! CD Rom, modem, Microsoft apply to vote by post or proxy. A standard postal/proxy vote ■ Wind Band President - You ■ Emma T., you are going to The Jiu Jitsu Club Office form, known as RPF9a, is available from Council Office, know that Frank is a tank! vote for R.O.N. aren’t you? He’s £800 o.n.o. Millmead. The closing date for application for postal/proxy Thundercats HO! a good friend of yours I take it! EGM - 21st February after Tel Joel Russel on0171 723 ■ We love ewe and your sheep ■ B.Tutt....THROW MY A 4747 or 0956 333117 is 20th April for Borough and Parish Elections and 25th May the training session. 8pm for European Parliamentary Elections. Alan FRIGGING...BONE!! ■ ■ Ballroom Dancing Maria - Turn the volume BEKCYBOO...GIVE ME A Sports Standing Skills Development down ! Don’t obsess yourself BONE!!!(YOU ARE AS Society AGM March Meeting out over CK! SOUND AS A POUND) ■ Apparently A Dim Jakeway ■ RICKSHAW MAN IS WAIT- 3rd 7.30pm University Hall will be held on Tuesday 23rd UNDERSTANDING SUCCESSFUL can make girls come with his ING FOR YOU J.BEGUM!! February (Week 6) in LTE at ■ Trampoline club BODY LANGUAGE STUDYING knee!! Wow what a guy! To South of the border, 6pm. Attendance from one club ■ Small boy security Chris - Queen of the night, Tulula, AGM - 3rd march member is compulsory. Tuesday 23 February (4pm - Wednesday 24 February are you really the world’s Oscar Five(sunny), APologies to Rob or Alex in 6pm) in the Grant Mitchell (12noon - 2pm) in the Grant 6.45pm Campusport best kisser?? ■ Swoosh, Kenny Ken, the Sports Office Room. Mitchell Room. ■ Ha ha ha Neil was the first Rainman and Rainy...We need person this year not to get into more black Rifle Club EGM GUEST LECTURE This workshop will look at This session is led by mem- the Union on a Friday!! Happy ■ clothing...repeat we need Tuesday 23rd Feb 17.30 Lecturer: Dr. Bijan Kermani cultural issues and barriers as bers of the Student Advice birthday! more black clothing! Grant Mitchell Room - from British Petroleum (BP) well as identifying different Service and will look at the ■ To Zaza, Claire, Yung and ■ Silver Fox - One night and types of body language that areas of note-taking and revi- Students’ Union Title: MATERIALS Ngan - thanks for a memorable she went running. Beware of CHALLENGE FOR people exhibit. This interac- sion. It will give participants a birthday! the old Bill! Extreme Sports AGGRESSIVE OIL & GAS tive session aims to challenge number of practical insights to views and responses to certain assist studying and help with Parachute course for static line PRODUCTION: behaviour. Open to all stu- revision. Again, this session is jump -1st & 3rd of March TECHNOLOGY OVERVIEW dents but may be particularly open to all students but may be £80 Interested please contact DATE: 25/2/1999 interesting to those in student particularly relevant to inter- Tony at php1ae or leave a note TIME: 5.30 -6.30 societies or with an interest in national students or those that in the pigeon hole VENUE: LT J (Lecture psychology/sociology. are finding studying difficult Theatre J) at the moment. Ultimate Frisbee Organiser: Iranian society CampuSport Sundays 12:00 to Language: Persian 14:00 come along and give it a For more details or to sign up for either or both sessions, contact Rodney Bates on ext. 3177 or e-mail ([email protected]) go. Contact cs81bm 10 Films, Reviews & Previews Thursday 18th February 1999 n GCR CHART What’s On in Guildford A Bug’s Life & PLAYLIST (U) Out Now Guildford Civic Hall (01483 444555) - WEEK 5 Disney and Pixar - the creators 1) Blur -Tender ‘The Ultimate’ (23rd Feb / 7.45pm / Tickets £12.50 £16.50) Three legends from the of “Toy Story” - transport you 2) Assorted - Planet Electrica world of traditional jazz perform at the Guildford Civic for one night only – Kenny Ball to a fantastic, never-before- ‘PROTECTION’ - Hurricane & His Jazzmen, Chris Barber with his Jazz & Blues Band and Mr Acker Bilk & The seen world for a computer-ani- Appeal. Paramount Jazz Band. mated adventure filled with 3) Mansun - Six outrageous comedy and heart- 4) Fountains of Wayne - Guildford’s Yvonne Arnaud Theatre (01483 440000) warming fun. Or so they’d Denise have you think.... Anyway, the 5) Offspring - Pretty Fly (for Loot (Tues 23 Feb to Sat 27 Feb / Times vary / £10 to £20.50) Joe Orton’s Loot is one of story first. Join Flik, a brave a white guy) the funniest plays of the ‘60s. Orton’s comic masterpiece is packed with brilliant one-lin- but misguided ant, as he mis- 6) Sleater Kinney - The Hot ers and situations which are hilariously constructed and absurdly resolved. takenly enlists a troupe of Rocks-(ALBUM) -Track 13 unemployed bug performers 7)Stereophonics-Just The New Victoria, Woking (01483 761144) from a second-rate flea circus Looking - Released 22/2/99 to help him save Ant Island on V2 Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (Mon 22 Feb to Sat 6 Mar / Times from a gang of greedy 8) Freddy Fresh - The Last vary / £7.50 to £21) One of the most popular and successful musicals of all time. A joy- grasshoppers. Rivetting, I’m True Family Man -ALBUM ously entertaining show guaranteed to bring a smile to your face and a tear to your eye, sure you’ll agree. 9) Skunk Anansie - Charlie Big Joseph is a sparkling rainbow mix not to be missed. Potato - New Album out soon.... There is no doubt this looks 10) 3 Colours Red - Revolt - Wilde Theatre @ South Hill Park Arts Centre, Bracknell (01344 good. In fact I’d go as far as ALBUM to say it looks splendid. The 11) Placebo - Every You 484123) parallels of bug society to Every Me - on Virgin/Hut human society are quite 12) Ruth - Waiting for this Hushabye Mountain (Wed 24 Feb to Sat 27 Feb / 8.00pm / £8 to £10) by Jonathan charming too - the young ants 13) Moloko - Sing it back Harvey. Hushabye Mountain is about the reality of living with AIDS today. Gutsy, funny doing school plays and so on. 14) Travis - Writing To Reach and often moving, written by one of the country’s most brilliant playwrights, is a bitter- What doesn’t set this apart is You sweet comedy of life and the relationships within it. the story. Boredom is easy to 15) Everlast -What Its Like come by, perhaps because of 16) UNKLE feat. Ian Brown - the sluggish pace (its as if Be There they’ve got the technology for 17) The Divine Comedy - the pretty imagery and by Joe they’re gonna use it whether National Express or not its relevant to the story ) or the formulaic nature of it 18) Supernaturals -Everest all. Its not terrible, its just not great. 6/10 Daniel Jones 19) Mercury Rev - Delta Sun - Out Now on V2 Prize Winners 20) Propellerheads - EP - Film Competition in Christmas issue, 10th December 1998 released 8/2/99 on Wall of Sorry about the delay - prize suppliers have been sluggish. Sound Winners will have been notified by e-mail by now.Next Lucy Andrews 14/2/99 Week: A Night At The Roxbury competition

27th n Thursday 11th February 1999 Surrey Pride 11

Surrey Pride Star Profile SPORTS INTERNATIONAL Campusport News Number 13, Graham Swallow SOCCER : Squash - UniS, Guildford proper against Herts on Weds came through their latest match 17th Feb at Farnham Golf Club. Olympiakos Remains against Chichester 3-2 and are Spectators welcome. Top Of The Greek now almost sure of top spot in Vertex Climbing their group giving them a home League Newsletter coming soon, news, draw in the play offs. The views and developments - avail- Varsity Centre was packed to With one goal in each half, able via the wall. Beginners the rafters to watch an exiting Olympiakos Piraeus beat Climbing Course 3rd March 7- dual between the top two. For Panelefsiniakos 2-0 on Sunday 8pm for four weeks £35. to increase its lead in the Greek information on the playoffs First division soccer league. contact I.Woodley@surrey. Campusport The defending champions 7 Student Helpers Administrator stretched their lead to four Sporting Correspondent Required - is away sunning it on her points as second-placed AEK 25th Anniversary. All George Pavlou -for the Surrey Careers Services Vital Stats; Athens were held to a 1-1 draw enquiries to myself or Jane ant player, has agreed to play Higher Education Convention Age: 22 with rivals Apollon. Macleod on x9298. for $1 million. He will also earn on Friday 23rd April. You will Dept: LIS Olympiakos now have 43 points from 19 games com- $3 million from an endorse- be needed approx 7am-4pm for ‘Beers of the World’ Nicknames: Doctor, the Hound, Swallow, der Hundt ment contract with Converse. pared to the 40 of AEK. general duties in helping the Exhibition - at the Varsity Measurements: 9” (depending on the alcohol content) The 6-foot-8 forward, the exhibitors. Pay is £36 for the Panathinaikos shares second Centre on Friday 19th March [Why have scowls of derisory laughter just broke out from NBA’s top rebounder in each of day. Contact me at the sport place with AEK, but from 18 5.30-11pm. Free entrance and the Women’s Rugby contingent currently visiting the BF the last seven seasons, was lay- centre reception to fill in the games. Olympiakos had little over 40 beers to choose from. ing low before finally agreeing necessary forms for payment. office? - Sports Ed.] difficulty beating I.Woodley@surrey. to meet with Lakers officials Sporting Interests (and why?): Tennis (I can play it!), Rugby Panelefsiniakos. The Piraeus Shop - Our offer of a reduction club was more aggressive last week. Rodman’s signing Latino Evening - at the (for the beer!), Hounding (preserves my sense of smell!). of 15% on ALL footwear has throughout most of the match. would be a boost for the Lakers, Varsity Centre on Friday 12th Marital Status: Freshly divorced! been received very well by visi- In the 29th minute, Grigoris which failed to sign a marquee March featuring a salsa/lamba- tors to the Sport Centre this Georgatos took a corner kick, power forward to help O’Neal da workshop, a mexican meal month. Continuation of this and Giorgos Amanatidis gave shoulder the rebounding bur- and a free tequilla, & disco - Personal Info; could lead to a permanent deci- his team a 1-0 lead. Two min- den. However, the Lakers £7, student/concs £4.75. sion of a mark up of 20% less What is your favourite feature? Irrepressible face furniture! utes into the second half, would find it difficult to control Contact P.Robbins@surrey. than High Street full retail prices. What do you go for in a woman? Ginger, blonde, ginger, Georgatos again provided the Rodman’s temperament and brunette, ginger, strawberry, blonde, ginger...... [Striped?] golden pass to Predrag bizarre behaviour. Three sea- BUSA National sons ago he was suspended by Golf - Indoor teaching/coach- Favourite Drink? The free ones [What a chancer ladies Djordjevic, whose blistering Trampolining and gents....] shot was too strong for goalie the NBA for head-butting a ref- ing facility is on its way to the eree. A season later he was sus- Favourite Food? Anything my Mum cooks Alecos Randos. Sport Centre - to include video Championships pended by the Chicago Bulls analysis equipment. For more - at the Sport Centre on Favourite Music? Anything you dont hear at the FNO TENNIS : Mauresmo for swearing on a live postgame details contact Geoff Wheeler Sunday 14th March - spectators show and by the league for via Campusport. The student welcome. Responds To Hingis’ kicking a photographer in the BUSA team play their 1st round Sporting Info: Homosexuality crotch during a game. What does Surrey Sport give you? Remarks Rodman’s arrival would cap a First Past the Post by Eddie An overdraft, several hangovers, a life, amnesia.... bizarre past two months in which Rodman announced he mixed bag of results last Warwick, Michael Page has What is your; French star Amelie Mauresmo was retiring, then changed his weekend; Island Chief most of the card, and I’m focus- most memorable moment in Surrey Sport? Going to has said that world No. 1 mind and said he wanted to Adid not take on Step on ing on the two mile Bournemouth, playing my home Club Champion and win- Martina Hingis was out of line return to professional basket- Eyre at Haydock, but both won International Kingmaker when she made remarks about ning the overall fixture by one game - for a place in BUSA ball. His career scoring average comfortably as favourites. Novices’ Chase. After unseat- her homosexuality during the nationals. is just 7.5 points, but he is one Earthmover was most disap- ing his rider on his last two out- Australian Open. Speaking of the greatest rebounders in pointing in falling at the third at ings over longer distances, funniest moment you can recall from your days at Surrey? publicly for the first time since Newbury, a performance which Mister Morose must be lacking Cycling back (pissed) from FNO with a mate (Brains). He league history with a 13.2 aver- the tournament, where age. No other player won seven has seen his odds for the Gold confidence, and is probably best crashed into me, then a lampost and knocked himself out. It Mauresmo lost to Hingis in the straight rebounding titles. Cup pushed out to 25’s. The big watched. Flagship Uberalles has was my birthday and I spent the first 4 hours in Casualty. final, the 19-year-old vowed to race of the week, the Tote Gold been looking worthy of a place worst injury? A broken heart (boo hoo, sniff sniff!) ignore the focus on her sexual- ATHLETICS : Trophy, was won by Decoupage in one of the top Cheltenham worst STD? How do you define worst?!? [Yours, Swallow!] ity and seek to win a Grand at 6-1, with the rest of the places novice races all season, and Do you have any sporting superstitions? Slam event this year. Before Gebrselassie Sets being claimed by outsiders. So should win this easily. the final of the showpiece Never play with another man’s balls! New World Record I now have 17 winners from 42 event, Swiss player Hingis, was How does Surrey Sport affect your Social/Private life? - still not too bad! Beleaguered chase handicap- reported to have said “she’s per, Phil Smith, put his recent What Private life! Haile Gebrselassie claimed his here with her girlfriend, she’s 15th world record on Sunday in Some more Mitsubishi races worries behind him as he Is sex better before or after sport? Before, after, during - why half a man,” when asked about the BUPA Open in coming up this Saturday, with released the weights for the say no? [Especially after a two month lean spell, eh, mate?] her opponent. Two weeks later, Birmingham, cutting 1.10 sec- the Japanese car manufacturer Martell Grand National, play- Who is your sporting role model? Fabrizio Ravanelli - he Mauresmo said she is looking onds off the indoor 5,000-meter sponsoring the Ascot Chase ing down the so-called ‘Aintree manages to make loads of money with little talent and lots to learn from her experiences in mark owned by his major rival over nineteen and a half fur- Factor’ in compiling the list. Of Melbourne. Mauresmo, the of effort [like Boyzone!] Daniel Komen. Five seconds longs. The two ante-post the 80-plus entrants, 29 are in first top player since Martina Which sports personality would you most like to meet? behind world record pace with favourites, Teeton Mill and the handicap proper, with a fur- Navratilova to talk publicly 1,000 meters to go and by now Direct Route, remained entered ther 8 disqualified. One needs Anna Kournikova (for some one-on-one coaching, of course!) about being gay, won the at the five day stage, but I’m to return to Rubstic in 1979 for Sum yourself up in 3 words? Pissed up c#*t! [Taking the running without pacemakers, French Open and Wimbledon the Ethiopian Olympic 5,000- steering clear - I suspect the for- a winner from outside of the Golden shower thing a bit far mate!] junior titles in 1996, and is meter gold medalist and out- mer would find it too sharp, handicap. Early odds were shooting up the world rankings, door world record-holder was while the latter may not last. immediately snapped up for Bowen’s nominated question; Allegedly, you’ve been climbing from No. 109 at the in range of Komen’s 12 min- Either way, neither are sure both Double Thriller and likened to a particular breed of canine. Would you care start of last year to her current utes, 51.48 seconds as he hit starters, so try Super Coin. In Eudipe. It should be interest- to elaborate on this and tell us if your facial ornaments position of No. 18. Now, her the final bend with three strag- the Gerrard Group ing to see if any of the early aim is to win a Grand Slam are real or not? Hound - due to an apparent ability and kee- glers in his way. Gebrselassie Reynoldstown Novices’ Chase, entrants are keen on attempting event. ness to ‘hound’ members of the opposite sex [not unlike a lost time as he wriggled Atavistic steps up in class, while a National-Gold Cup double, a Marlborough returns to his pre- feat not achieved since Golden starved rabid dog]. Of course the facial ornaments are real through the trio but charged BASKETBALL : down the final straight to win ferred distance of an extended Miller in 1936. Three weeks [who’d wear fake stoats on his face?] Rodman To Sign in 12:50.38. Five hundred of three miles following a fall last between the chase season’s two week. However, Spendid should flagship races should be With Lakers his countrymen were among Now that you are a Star of the Pride, which question the 7,000 fans in the National be more than good enough to enough to recover. Bathroom would you like added to the profile list for next weeks Indoor Arena cheering him on. take this. Another race for the company, Faucets, has com- Dennis Rodman, known for his Star, the as yet unknown incoming Sports Officer? In other key events, Cuban stayers at Newcastle sees recent pleted the signing of a 6 week, dyed hair and cross-dressing as Will you prefer whips or sticks in your attempts to control world record-holder Javier Singer and Friedlander winner, £50,000 jockey sponsorship well as his ferocious defence Sotomayor high-jumped 7 feet, Him of Praise, try and continue deal. The pact should be the untameable Sports Administrator in the cuboidal arena and rebounding, has decided to his good pre-National form in cleared in order for riders to of death known as the Sports Office? 61/2 inches, and Jamaica’s play for the Los Angeles James Beckford long-jumped the four mile one furlong Tote begin sporting logos at the Cheers, Swallow (he howls at the moon!) and I’ll say no Lakers, the Los Angeles Times 26-113/4 to edge rival Ivan Eider Chase. He must have it Cheltenham Festival in mid- more as the race to answer his question draws to a cli- reported. Rodman, the NBA’s Pedroso by three-quarters of an soft and slow, however, and the March, covering the Aintree max (No, Graham, we’re not talking about you again!). seven-time rebounding champ inch. only other runner I like the look meeting and finishing on and the league’s most flamboy- of is Santa Concerto. At Whitbread Gold Cup day. Surrey Pride S.U.R.F BOYS ARE BACK!! There Can Be Only One! Surrey 1st XV 28 – 12 Old Alleynians XV Paul Cliff, Sports Editor

e set off from Hummers to play front sure was regained by a ow are you? Feeling bly raced to the placed ball and absolutely wankered on Senate as row – FOR THEM!! few from the Skipper energetic? Frisky? Full hoofed it into touch before any Company time (so to speak!) Wusual on a Then disaster, being and anyone else who Hof the joys of Spring? Brazilian had touched the bal- and those of us who refrain Saturday, hungover, late camped on their line they thought they would Filling your keen, pink lungs lon. Sheer comic genius. You from excessive Friday night and full of banter. The suddenly became injured ‘gob-off’. Shortly after with the sharp February air, have to applaud the man’s alcohol consumption play the stories from FNO (and and it went to uncontested their try a bull dozing safe in the knowledge that cheek! ‘How many fellas/birds turn up what followed) occu- scrums, aaarrgghh. solo effort from a close Summer and all it’s pleas- to their Saturday morning pied more time than the range tapped penalty by antries are but a few short Here’s to another successful sports meets wearing Tuxes/ tactics to be followed. The deadlock was final- Bimbo increased our months and several long exams Wednesday of BUSA/ SESSA Ball dresses’. The team being made up ly broken after a series lead once more. The away? Bastards! Being current- knockout sport (toasted with a of a few faces being of commanding mauls centres of Brad and ly riddled with an awful head- mug of Lemsip and a Strepsil Pity the poor fella who’ll be scraped from the bottom by the few forwards Sven continued to make cold and a throat which is dryer Extra) and the hope that we’re bumping into the missus’ par- of the barrel, yours truly who had not decided to surging runs through the than Jack Dee drinking Martini all fit and ready to quaff again ents on the way to the match being a prime candidate, hang off, nicely done midfield, with Owen and ginger, it is safe to say that in time for the Kronenbourg though - I couldn’t wish that on having run no further AJ, Axle Foley, Grubby achieving tackle of the I am not the happiest cub at the and Jack Daniel’s sponsored my worst enemy!!! than One-stop since last and Shane, the power day, by nailing Phil “I camp! Not by a long shot! Saturday Sports Preparation September. and stomach of Ginger got hit by a car” Humby Programme (aka The Charter Vote For Sport; Vote For the Ben Dewen bursting without the ball. Old With election fever also adding Ball) as next years Sabbaticals Surrey Pride The came got underway through and scoring Alleynians scored again to the infectious maelstrom enjoy their first chance to get once the boys had decid- between the uprights. late in the game but it buzzing around my head at the ed who was to be cap- was too little to late as moment 90% of my body’s cur- tain, in the absence of Half time 7-0. Soon Surreys forth try was rent energy expenditure is cur- Dictionary Corner Cheeky, Langley, after the restart Aesop run in after a glorious rently focused on Paracetamol Bugger and the like – found himself in a little display of handling metabolism, so please excuse tonsils n.pl. the small bodies, one on each side, covered Well Done Matt space and, with the from both forwards and my lack of focus. by mucous membrane, embedded in the fauces between Phillips. thought of his sister backs by Bimbo. the palatine arch; composed of about 10 - 18 lymph folli- watching giving his I must admit to being some- cles. The sun was high in the elastic legs enough to Athers played in full what cheered up over the week- sky, the pitch was good evade the tackle, saw French style at full end by Kanu’s antics in tonsillectomy n. surgical removal of the tonsils, also and the supporters were him slice between the back, continually using Saturday’s FA Cup game known as an ‘act of God’, and is rumoured to be part of in full verse, (thanks to defence and raise our his pace to run out of between Arsenal and Sheff Utd the Christening ritual in some future generations of the Lyndsey and Aesops sis- lead. The usual story of defence, a very well (see this weeks Sports Cliff family. ter). Anyway enough set- Surrey, getting in the deserving Man of the International). Kanu’s explana- ting the scene and on to lead and then falling Match. [The style was tion of “an accident” puts me in tonsillitis n. inflammation of the tonsils, also known as the match, we started asleep, Hummers very adopted due to lack of mind of Zambia’s Thomas Nodes of Bastuardos, commonly filled with crushed quite well until big Pete nearly trundled in for ability with the boot, Kissadi, in the 1974 World glass, barbed wire or rose thorns, causing repeated cough- decided he had to go off them but was thankfully apparently]. Well Cup, who, as the referee blew ing and retching and the production of green bouncy as he’d forgotten how to restrained, but soon played to all the boys in the whistle for a Brazilian free aliens which refuse to rinse down the plug hole despite play, and then the high- after they managed to ending the long spell of kick to commence, inexplica- the best efforts of a chisel and blow torch. light, (In AJ’s eyes), score, 14-7. Our compo- defeats. BIMBO