FREE VOLUME 28 | ISSUE 19 | MAY 9-15, 2019 | FREE 2019 9-15, | MAY | ISSUE 19 28 VOLUME FEATURE: YOUR GO-TO SOURCE FOR ALL THINGS SUMMER PAGES 20 THRU 29 ASYLUM SEEKERS, RANKED A DREAM MAKING THAT MONOLITH CHOICE VOTING AND MORE OF A TREE ON THE MESA WITH GORDY NEWS: PAGES 6 AND 8 ARTS: PAGE 19 MUSIC: PAGE 43 THE GUIDING LIGHT SINCE 1992 THE GUIDING LIGHT SINCE 1992 [ 2] WEEKLY ALIBI MAY 9-15, 2019 MAY 9-15, 2019 WEEKLY ALIBI [3] alibi VOLUME 28 | ISSUE 19 | MAY 9-15, 2019 EDITORIAL MANAGING EDITOR/ FILM EDITOR: Devin D. 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P.O. Box 81 Albuquerque, NM 87103 BUSINESS HOURS: 10AM–5PM MON–FRI PHONE and FAX: (505) 346-0660 Alibi (ISSN 1088-0496) is published weekly 51 times per year. The content of this issue is Copyright © 2019 by NuCity Publications, Inc., and may not be reprinted in part or in whole without written consent of the publisher. All rights are reserved. One copy of each edition of Alibi is available free to county residents and visitors each week. Anyone caught removing papers in bulk will be prosecuted on theft charges to the fullest extent of the law. Yearly subscription $100, back issues are $3, Best of Burque is $5. Queries and manuscripts should include a self-addressed stamped envelope; Alibi assumes no responsibility for unsolicited material. Association of Alternative Newsmedia [4] WEEKLY ALIBI MAY 9-15, 2019 preserved horse manure harvested from 1997 Kentucky Derby winner Silver Charm. The jars ODDS were created by artist Coleman Larkin, who reportedly collected the samples himself at Old Friends Farm in Georgetown, Ky., where Silver Charm currently lives. To create the unique keepsake, Larkin suspended the samples in a AND ENDS clear epoxy resin inside a 16-ounce Mason jar WEIRD NEWS “with all the care of a Southern mamaw putting up pickled corn for the winter,” according to Dateline: Alaska the seller’s site. “It’s a very long, very ridiculous Transportation Security Administration officers procedure,” says Larkin. “The most difficult step say a man was stopped in Juneau’s airport for is probably the one where I have to ask the type carrying a bag of moose feces. According to the of people that own million-dollar Anchorage Daily News, TSA screening Thoroughbreds if I can please have some horse equipment flagged a “large organic mass” in a turds to put in jars.” The artist says the jars are man’s carry-on last month. Agents are required made to last. “I personally guarantee they’ll last to investigate flags of this sort, because they longer than you do,” he said. “Even if I have to could indicate the presence of explosives. kill you myself.” A limited run of the pieces are However, when agents inspected the man’s bag, being sold on Kentucky for Kentucky. they discovered it was filled with moose feces. TSA Spokesperson Lisa Farbstein said the Dateline: South Dakota passenger told officers “that he collects this and Researchers have finally developed a device likes to present it, ‘For politicians and their that measures cow flatulence. According to bleep policies.’” The officers returned the man’s KOTA TV, a South Dakota agriculture bag of feces and allowed him to board his flight technology manufacturing company has without further incident. Farbstein posted a invented a device that can gather valuable data tweet notifying travelers of the incident and about the level of methane emissions produced explaining the agency’s policy on the matter. by cattle. Cows produce methane as a “TSA has no policy preventing people from byproduct of consuming plants. Methane is a traveling with animal poop, but check with greenhouse gas that is more powerful than your airline on its policies because having to carbon dioxide, and climate experts say it is a leave souvenir poop behind would be crappy.” significant contributor to climate change. Later in the day, a man wearing a costume Patrick Zimmerman, the owner and founder of designed to look like a Coca-Cola bottle was C-Lock Inc, says a single cow belches about a seen protesting Gov. Mike Dunleavy’s proposed liter of the gas every 45 seconds to one minute. budget on the steps of Alaska’s state capitol Zimmerman says the flatulence-detecting building. The protester was reportedly handing device will help scientists measure various out cards that were attached to bagged samples aspects of the animal’s metabolism and monitor of moose dung. It is unclear if the protester was the effects of treatments meant to lower the same man that TSA agents stopped earlier methane emissions. He said that while the cows in the day. will never stop producing the gas completely, the volume can theoretically be lowered. He Dateline: California believes a method must be developed to capture An Instagram model recently had her buttocks the gas and transform it into something less authenticated by a plastic surgeon to battle harmful. accusations that it had been surgically enhanced. According to the Daily Mail, teen Dateline: United Kingdom model Daisy Keech is an influencer on Scientists in England reportedly found cocaine Instagram with over 875,000 followers who is and ketamine in freshwater shrimp while known for posting sexually suggestive photos of testing rivers for chemicals. According to BBC herself—particularly photos that feature her News, researchers at King’s College London and buttocks and legs. Keech has reportedly been the University of Suffolk tested 15 different arguing with critics who have suggested that her locations across Suffolk County to study levels posterior was surgically enhanced with of chemical exposure for wildlife. A number of injections or implants. To silence these critics, banned pesticides and pharmaceuticals were she reportedly asked Beverly Hills plastic discovered in freshwater shrimp samples taken surgeon Ashkan Ghavami to inspect her from the sites. But what the researchers found posterior. Ghavami uploaded a video on most “surprising” was the widespread presence Instagram last week in which he is seen of illicit substances, like cocaine and ketamine, examining the woman’s buttocks. In the video, that were discovered in the samples. Professor Ghavami, an assistant clinical professor at the Nic Bury, from the University of Suffolk, said, University of California Los Angeles, asserts his “Whether the presence of cocaine in aquatic credentials as a “butt expert” and “certifies” her animals is an issue for Suffolk, or more buttocks as “100 percent real.” Keech credits widespread an occurrence in the UK and her certified rear to weight-lifting and regular, abroad, awaits further research.” The study’s targeted exercise. authors wrote that potential effects on wildlife from the drugs were “likely to be low.” a Dateline: Kentucky An artist is selling jars of horse manure for Compiled by Joshua Lee. Email your weird news to $200. Kentucky.com reports that the website [email protected]. Kentucky for Kentucky is selling jars of MAY 9-15, 2019 WEEKLY ALIBI [5] NEWS CITY BY JOSHUA LEE NEWS | COUNCIL WATCH NM Judge Accused of Embezzlement Former Torrance County Sheriff and current Magistrate Judge Heath White has been charged Asylum, Keller, Comcast with embezzlement. According to KOAT, New Mexico State Police began their investigation of White after staff at the Council approves funds, Mayor approves Torrance County Sheriff’s Office discovered that around $150,000 worth of equipment and guns BY CAROLYN CARLSON were missing earlier this year. According to investigators, White purchased items such as night vision goggles, auto parts and a number of guns—all t was a packed room filled with lovers and a of which went missing at the time of his departure few haters that greeted the Albuquerque from the Sheriff’s Office in December. ICity Council at its May 6 regular meeting. A month after the investigation began, White reportedly contacted the Sheriff’s Office and returned some of the missing items.