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University Concludes Defence Exercises tE DAY, APRIL 20 a TRAVEL P.5 University concludes defence exercises Vancouver (AP ) The week long military exer- mock attack by western Art s vigilant against foreign infil- dom from chaos and dissent , cises, featuring over 5,000 Faculty aggressors on the tration, counterrevolution , the freedom to be strong ." The People's University o f university staff and stu- last day of exercises. and those who would sub- "To our once and eternal British Columbia conclude d dents, focused on training a "They can try to storm thi s vert the Socialist educatio n president," concluded Key- its annual border defenc e new generation in defense of Wall all they want," said stu - of the masses. This succes s stone, "Mr Toope, hold u p and readiness exercises on the Great Patriotic Wal l dent volunteer Justin Ko, "a of this week's exercises this wall!" March 31, announced an offi- against foreign sympathizer s baton to the head stops the m proves again how unassail- cial spokesperson for th e and democratic reformer s every time ." able the People ' s University Agency for Military Security . from the western campus . AMS Vanguard Leade r is when we are united," sai d Student volunteers eagerly Kevin Keystone concluded Keystone . "Here, atop this took to their drills and the event with a speec h wall, we are all comrades . absorbed lessons of strateg y addressed to the central gov - Here, we stand shoulder t o at a phenomenal pace, culmi- ernment . shoulder in our pursuit of o f The benevolent Red Sun will be watching nating in their successful "This iron tower of highe r true freedom : the freedom of over you for the rest of the week. defense of the Wall from a learning must remain ever unity in purpose, the free - Debaucherous behavior cages the beloved mascot of the Sci- ence Undergraduate Society LOCAL P.5 Microwaves just make my blood boil . S"ORTS The ever victorious and mag- nificent Party hockey team proudly displays the flag of the motherland . Please recycle VIVE LA REVOLUTION Proud members of the Red Army participate in wall manoever s COUNTY FAIR -FEATURING- Donated by Your hi nds at THE NEW PORNOGRAPHERS THE WEAK RT iAHS the Arts Undergraduate SecktY and The 43 2 ' CORD LUND kritl THE NORM( ALBEPtTIM Please drink resncnsibly CADENCE WEAPON THE SALTEENS Published in the deep, dark, dungeon that is the IFPO in the SUB of UBC castro WEDNESDAY, APRIL 5, 2006 LOCAL The gulag experience: a perspective By FRANK YANG It was small, but it was cozy an d different tastes in food . However, We regret to report that on hi s for Castro Havan a quiet, and I had the place all to bread and porridge are the core o f return journey, Frank became s o myself for weeks at a time . staple diets everywhere, so instea d overcome with excitement, he acci- For several decades now, certain How are your energy levels thes e of trying to accomodate individua l dentally swallowed his own tongue . outspoken elements within our soci- days? tastes the staff had the foresight t o We mourn the loss our fine comrade , ety have persistently complaine d I've been feeling a little sluggish. serve everyone those and only those and salute him for his dedication t o about the quality of life for thos e It's taking me some time to adjust to foods. And just like that, everyone exposing the true nature of ou r who work and live in the gulag labou r not hauling massive cart loads o f could be equally satisfied . Although, nation's proud gulags . camps graciously provided for the m rocks every day . Of course everyon e eventually the same menu week after by the state . Regardless of the fac t had a lot of energy while working in week does start to feel dull. I swear, that these social agitators actually the camp, especially after the inspi- for a while it felt like those parcels o f stand to gain the most from a seaso n rationally energetic encouragement sausage and biscuits you people sent daily informer or two of re-education throug h from the guards . to me were the only thing keeping m e James Manson, a carpenter fro m labour, we here at The Castro never- Was time management a chal- alive. [laughs] Port Moody, was arrested last week theless see it as our public duty t o lenge at the camp ? Which part of your gulag experi- for allegations of treason agains t ? expose the absurdity of their ground- Forcing myself to get up at 5 a m ence was most rewarding the province. A well-intentione d I have to say the manual labour . less claims once and for all . was tough, I admit . Also, on som e neighbour reported that he saw Mr . Towards that end, we sent staf f days you would be so worn out after All of our efforts went into it . Having Manson smoking marijuana on his writer Frank Yang to experience th e a security enforcement practice ses- every part of yourself being put t o back porch . gulag country life first hand . Frank sion with the guards, you didn't real- use by the powers that be is an inde- What made his crime so egre- himself specifically asked for thi s ly feel like meeting the work quota s scribable feeling . gious was that it was Northern Cal- assignment, wishing to take som afterwards . Still, most of us managed Do you feel like your have gained e ifornia marijuana, as opposed t o time off for reflection and self criti- to push on. All of our daily activitie s much from your time at the gulag ? locally grown BC bud . BC Attorney cism after making some disparaging were pretty much planned out for us, Very much! Yes . Very, very much! I General Wally Opal screamed , y remarks unbecoming of a journalis t so for the most part that was easy . think I've gotten all that I possibl "Manson betrayed his province an d concerning the central government . How were the staff? can out of my stay there . his country. Plus he was a shitt y Having recently finished his time a t The guards were always lively an Describe the one area of your life d carpenter . We've had ex-customer s the camp, we sat down with him t o engaging . They'd always be there t o which you think has improved th e come forward to denounce him discuss his experience . shout an encouragement when you most from this experience . every day." What were your overall goals fo r needed it most . The other staff wer e Oh, just, everything. I feel like a Yesterday, at the BC Suprem e ? . your time at the gulag also professional and very helpful completely different person . All I can Show court, Mr . Manson was foun d Renewing my commitment to the Just last month, I became faint with say is "thank you so much" to the guilty, and relocated with his fami- Party and the revolution . revolutionary fervour and developed Party for giving me this opportunity . ly to Nunavut. What aspect of your stay ther e a significant swelling of pride in m y Do you plan on returning fo r would you say was the most chal- left leg after hearing our work quota s another stay? lenging ? were being raised a third time in a s As much as I'd love to, I think it' s Well, housing was a bit rough a t many days . My overexcitement left time for me to move on . No matter times. The tents were kind of small me in no condition to work, but the how physically and mentally enrich- and, well, there were a lot of us there, infirmary staff pulled off a miracle ing, eight years is still a very lon g with more showing up every day. We and had me back on the work gan g time. also probably didn't pay enough that same afternoon. At one point, We here at The Castro fully sup - attention to keeping the tents set up they even gave me something . A pill, port our staff exploring any stat e right, because the wind blew in quite I think. sponsored venues for persona l a bit and sometimes it got prett y And the food? growth and discovery . We woul d cold. The administrators were quite Again, you have to give credit t o love for you to inform us of your accommodating though . They kne w the staff for being so considerate . development after another two how much I liked my privacy, so the y They knew the camp had people from years. let me stay in "the hole" quite often . all over, many of whom have very Please don't send me back! masochists start from scratc h Itchy and Scratchy to becom e herpes. mascots Murderous characters put antics, but with a twist . Itchy forgets to clean himself after being splat- aside differences in the tered with Scratchy's bodily fluids (a s name of STD education always, mostly sanguine), and th e next day wakes up sore from th e Vancouver (Reuters) exertion. Scratchy's ghost the n returns to taunt Itchy with burnin g Today the Canadian Medical Asso- insults and stinging jibes . Once ciation announced that Itchy & Itchy's outbreak has subsided, th e Scratchy will be spokesmen in a ne w message "to be continued, again an d herpes awareness ad campaign .
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