Director's Book

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Director’s Book Props and costuming are more important than the set in this show. The protest posters, the flower garlands, and the wild clothes of the sixties fit in well with a psychedelic backdrop (even tie-dyed fabric). Set pieces, with the exception of the schoolhouse pillars, can be painted in bright colors textured with psychedelic designs or tie-dyed patterns. Max King’s office need only be suggested by a desk with phones and a few chairs.

COSTUMES The Flower Power girls and the boys who join in their “protest” movement should wear regular school clothes initially, but as they move into their Cornstalk Festival, they may begin to wear more bizarre outfits. The girls might wear garlands around their necks and the boys tie-dyed shirts. Only the real hippies and the bikers wear the classic garb associated with their character station. The teachers, the law officers, and the bureaucrats should wear their traditional outfits, as Book by Craig Sodaro should Grandpa and Grandma McDonald “down on the farm.” Music and Lyrics by Bill Francoeur Classic “hippie” dress is tie-dyed shirts, beat-up jeans, a vest, lots of love beads, and sandals. Scruffy long hair will help, along with sunglasses and a tambourine. The classic “biker” look is leather © Copyright 2014, Pioneer Drama Service, Inc. pants, a leather vest, tattooed arms, and a bandanna in place of a hat. SHREDDY FREDDY wears beads, long hair, sandals, etc. Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that a royalty must be paid for every performance, whether or not admission is charged. All inquiries regarding rights should BIG MAMA is dressed like a classic biker, but has huge hair, rhinestones be addressed to Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., PO Box 4267, Englewood, CO 80155. and glitter everywhere. All rights to this musical—including but not limited to amateur, professional, radio broadcast, television, motion picture, public reading and translation into foreign languages—are controlled by Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., without whose permission no performance, reading or presentation of any kind in whole or in part may be given.

These rights are fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America and of all countries covered by the Universal Copyright Convention or with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations, including Canada, Mexico, Australia and all nations of the United Kingdom.

ONE SCRIPT PER CAST MEMBER MUST BE PURCHASED FOR PRODUCTION RIGHTS. COPYING OR DISTRIBUTING ALL OR ANY PART OF THIS BOOK IN ANY MANNER IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN BY LAW.

On all programs, printing and advertising, the following information must appear: 1. The full name of the musical 2. The full name of the playwright and composer/arranger 3. The following notice: “Produced by special arrangement with Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., Englewood, Colorado”

HIPPIE FLOWER POWER! Scene Seven: A one act musical comedy celebrating the sixties Cookies (BABS and ROCKI) Makeshift protest sign reading, “Down with Bikers”, flower Book by CRAIG SODARO (STARPETAL) Music and lyrics by BILL FRANCOEUR Makeshift protest sign reading, “Big Mama Stinks” (SUNFLOWER) Money (MAX) CAST OF CHARACTERS # of lines SOUND EFFECTS STARPETAL (also Judy) ...... high school senior; leader of 109 Bell ringing, police siren, phone ringing, siren wails, motorcycles, “Flower Power” singing group motorcycles starting and riding away. MOONBEAM ...... Starpetal’s friend 23 SET DESCRIPTION SUNFLOWER ...... another friend 31 There are four sets used in this musical: ROSEBUD ...... another friend 23 PETE ...... also a senior; leader of “Peter, 62 Valley Dale High Main Entrance: A door flanked by two pillars, steps Paul and Harry” singing group leading up to the door. Trees may be used to balance the scene. PAUL ...... Pete’s friend 24 Max King’s Office: A desk with a large chair behind it, platinum records HARRY...... another friend 29 hanging behind the desk, two phones on desk. MOLLY MCDONALD ...... Pete’s girlfriend 42 City Park: Two or three trees, a park bench, and a garbage can. SHELLY ...... senior; leader of the 29 McDonald’s Farm: Suggestion of a barn, center. Platform that can “Darnettes” singing group serve as a small stage, up left. Bales of hay here and there. Fence NANCY ...... another “Darnette” 9 up right with trees (previously used) filling in background. DARLENE ...... another “Darnette” 11 STAGE SETTINGS RHONDA ...... another “Darnette” 10 Scene One. This is the pillared entranceway to Valley Dale High. Trees DR. CORA CRISP ...... principal of Valley Dale 19 or shrubbery in the background balance the setting. The garbage High School can and park bench are absent in the opening scene and also the MISS DIVINE ...... choir teacher 10 wall flat and desk at Stage Left. TITUS DE LAW ...... local sheriff 16 Scene Two. The only change is the addition of a wall flat, a desk, and a MAX KING ...... famous record promoter 64 chair to represent Max King’s office. This may be removed quickly MISS FITZ ...... Max King’s secretary 19 for scene three. Nothing else needs to be changed. CRUSHER ...... Max King’s nephew; a member 42 Scene Three. Add the park bench and the garbage can. of Big Mama’s Bikers Scene Four. Curtain opens to reveal a farm setting. An old barn front, BRUISER ...... Crusher’s friend 17 perhaps four feet deep, is seen Upstage Center. It has a functional BABS ...... Crusher’s girl 22 double door. Stage Right from the barn is a platform with hay bales ROCKI ...... Bruiser’s girl 14 on it and lying beside it. LESTER (also Sunny) ...... one of the “Kooks,” a popular 29 Scene Five opens with spotlights on Max King’s office situated in the British duo same location as in Scene Two. HESTER (also Clair) ...... Lester’s partner 26 Scene Six returns to the farmyard. Max King’s office has been removed. TRUDI FESSBUMP ...... first city councilwoman of 23 Valley Dale Scene Seven has the identical settings as Scene Three except the LUCY ...... hippie 24 lighting has changed to suggest evening. The platform is now a stage. ii 39 PHOTOCOPYING THIS SCRIPT BREAKS FEDERAL COPYRIGHT LAWS

PRODUCTION NOTES SHREDDY FREDDY...... her boyfriend 10 MAHARISHI ...... mystic seeking nirvana 12 PROPERTIES ON STAGE OLD WOMAN ...... loves birds 5 Scene One: Valley Dale High main entrance set: Functional double OLE MCDONALD ...... Molly’s grandfather 23 doors, two pillars, steps, a plank with the name of the school on GRANDMA MCDONALD ...... Molly’s grandmother 28 it, trees and shrubbery. BIG MAMA ...... head of the biker gang 20 Scene Two: Max King’s office set: A desk, large chair, platinum record PROTESTERS wall hangings, two phones. STUDENTS Scene Three: City Park set: Two or three trees, park bench, garbage can. SETTING Scene Four: McDonald’s farm set: An old barn front with a functional The setting of the play is in and around Valley Dale, a town somewhere double door, hay bales, fence, trees. in the heartland of the country between 1965 and 1969. The scene design should not be realistic but should reflect the color and patterns Scene Five: Max King’s office set. of the era. Scene Six: McDonald’s farm set, a banner reading “Battle of the Bands Here 8:00 p.m., two booths with banners reading “Hug-a- SET DESCRIPTION Tree” and “Cornstalk Festival”, shovel. There are four sets used in this musical: Scene Seven: Same as Scene Six. Valley Dale High Main Entrance: A door flanked by two pillars, steps leading up to the door. Trees may be used to balance the scene. PROPERTIES BROUGHT ON Max King’s Office: A desk with a large chair behind it, platinum records Scene One: hanging behind the desk, two phones on desk. Placards reading ‘’Flower Power” and “We Shall Overcome” (STUDENT PROTESTERS) City Park: Two or three trees, a park bench, and a garbage can. Nightstick (TITUS) McDonald’s Farm: Suggestion of a barn, center. Platform that can Scene Two: serve as a small stage, up left. Bales of hay here and there. Fence Stack of papers (MISS FITZ) up right with trees (previously used) filling in background. Scene Three: SYNOPSIS OF SCENES Sleeping bag (LUCY) Scene One: Valley Dale High main entrance, a fall afternoon. Two potted geraniums (TRUDI FESSBUMP) Stick of incense (SHREDDY FREDDY) Scene Two: Max King’s office, a short time later. Van keys (PETE) Scene Three: City Park, that day after school. Scene Four: Scene Four: McDonald farm, the following afternoon. Pitchfork (OLE) Scene Five: Max King’s office, the next day. Plate of cookies (GRANDMA) Scene Six: McDonald farm, Saturday afternoon. Scene Five: Scene Seven: McDonald farm, that night. Poster with ”City Park” crossed out and replaced with “McDonald’s Farm” (LESTER) Wad of bills (MISS FITZ) Scene Six: Peace necklace (MAHARISHI)

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SEQUENCE OF MUSICAL NUMBERS 1 LESTER: (Sings.) Can you feel it all aroun’, now?! MC 1 Flower Power!–Prologue ...... Starpetal, COMPANY: (Sings.) Flower Power! Moonbeam, HESTER: (Sings.) Come an’ shout it everywhere! Sunflower, Rosebud, COMPANY: (Sings.) Flower Power! Other Protesters, 5 LESTER: (Sings.) Revolution’s in the air, now! Other Students COMPANY: (Sings.) Flower Power! MC 2 Makin’ It Happen...... Starpetal, Pete, HESTER: (Sings.) Gotta keep a-truckin’ on! Shelly COMPANY: (Sings.) Flower Power! MC 3 There’ll Come a Time ...... Starpetal, Moonbeam, LESTER: (Sings.) It’s a brand new dawn! Sunflower, Rosebud, 10 ALL: (Sing.) Flower Power! Flower Power! Flower Power! Lucy, Chorus We’re takin’ a chance, there’s no doubt about it! Doin’ the dance an’ ridin’ it out! MC 4 The Hippie Generation ...... Starpetal, Takin’ a stance, come rise up an’ shout it! (MUSIC BREAKS.) Moonbeam, Rosebud, Sunflower, HESTER: (Speaks, a shout.) What do we want? Pete, Paul, Harry, 15 ALL: (Shout.) Flower Power! Shelly, Nancy, LESTER: When do we want it? Darlene, Rhonda, ALL: Now! (MUSIC IN. Sing.) Flower Power! (MUSIC OUT. CURTAIN Molly, Shreddy, CLOSES.) Extras End of Musical MC 4a Makin’ It Happen–Reprise ...... Starpetal, Moonbeam, Sunflower, Rosebud, Extras Optional MC 5 Oh, My Honey Babe! ...... Lester [Sunny], Hester [Clair] MC 6 We’re the Bad Guys ...... Crusher, Rocki, Bruiser, Babs, Extra Bikers MC 6a The Maharishi–Underscore...... Instrumental MC 6b Tornado Warning!–Underscore ...... Instrumental MC 6c We’re the Bad Guys–Fight Music ...... Instrumental MC 6d The Maharishi–Underscore...... Instrumental MC 6e Flower Power!–Reprise ...... Lester, Hester, Company

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1 CORA: You are all looking at suspension, expulsion, and possible jail HIPPIE FLOWER POWER! time! GRANDMA: Ladies, I don’t know who you are, but you sure do look Scene One like you could do with some sweets to fix those sour faces!(Sticks 1 MUSIC CUE 1: “Flower Power!–Prologue.” 5 a cookie in CORA and DIVINE’S mouths, just as CRUSHER and The CURTAIN is closed. A distant rhythmic drumbeat and a sitar are BRUISER bring on HESTER and LESTER. Everyone cheers.) heard. The FORESTAGE is DIMLY LIT. SPOT UP on a group of STUDENT CRUSHER: And here they are, straight from Piccadilly Circus— PROTESTERS ENTERING LEFT. They are led by STARPETAL, MOONBEAM, BRUISER: The Kooks! (CROWD cheers wildly.) 5 SUNFLOWER and ROSEBUD. (NOTE: They may also ENTER from the back of the auditorium, moving down the aisle to the STAGE.) They are HESTER: We’re so glad to be here! moving in a slow procession carrying placards reading “Flower Power” 10 LESTER: And since we arrived, we made some new friends in the and “We Shall Overcome” and chanting in rhythm to the music. The storm shelter. For our first number, we’re asking them to help us four GIRLS move to CENTER STAGE with other PROTESTERS behind celebrate Flower Power. 10 them. PETE and other STUDENTS, attracted by the commotion, ENTER HESTER: (HESTER brings OLE and the SHERIFF ONSTAGE.) If we all RIGHT. work together, with a little Flower Power we can do almost anything PETE: (Speaks to STARPETAL, the leader.) I don’t dig this. What’s going 15 to make things right! (MUSIC CUE 6e: “Flower Power!–Reprise.” As on, Judy? (The PROTESTERS continue to chant “Flower Power” and music begins, SHERIFF and OLE jump ONSTAGE and help lead the “We Shall Overcome.” PETE shouts over the tumult.) Hey, Judy, are COMPANY. Sings.) 15 you all freakin’ out? What gives? There’s a feelin’ comin’ down like an old north wind, STARPETAL: (Sings in a monotone.) My name’s not Judy. I’m Starpetal Blowin’ ’cross the United States. (Points to her friend.) and this is Moonbeam. (Points to other 20 LESTER: (Sings.) It’s a-spreadin’ good vibes from a-coast to coast. friends.) And she’s Sunflower, and meet Rosebud. Time to open up the floodwater gates. MOONBEAM: (Speaks brightly.) We’ve got Flower Power! HESTER: (Sings.) There’s a feelin’ in the air like a shootin’ star, 20 PETE: (Speaks.) Flower Power? Crossin’ an Aquarian sky. STARPETAL: (Speaks.) Dig it… LESTER: (Sings.) It’s a-cruisin’ right along, been a-travelin’ far (Sings.) There’s a feelin’ comin’ down like a west-bound train, 25 ’Round the planet in the blink of an eye. Rollin’ down a lonely track. LESTER/HESTER: (Sing.) It’s movin’ right along through the midnight rain, And it’s bringin’ a message of love and peace 25 Ain’t stoppin’ and it ain’t turnin’ back. All across the land. MOONBEAM: (Sings.) There’s a feelin’ in the air like a rush of spring, A hip celebration, a sweet release. Brother gonna blow your mind. 30 Brother, Sister, lend a hand! SUNFLOWER: (Sings.) It’s a-movin’ right along, always doin’ its thing. LESTER/HESTER/COMPANY: (Sing.) ’Cause we got the power! ROSEBUD: (Sings.) Now, Sister, leave your troubles behind. This is the hour! We got the power! 30 SOLOISTS: (Sing.) ‘Cause it’s bringin’ a message of love and peace All across the land. COMPANY: (Sings.) Flower Power! It’s a new revelaton, a sweet release. 35 HESTER: (Sings.) Can you feel it in the air?! Brother, Sister lend a hand! COMPANY: (Sings.) Flower Power! ALL PROTESTERS: (Sing.) ’Cause we got the power! LESTER: (Sings.) Can you feel it everywhere, now?! 35 This is the hour! COMPANY: (Sings.) Flower Power! We got the power! Flower Power! (LIGHTS UP FULL as the CURTAIN HESTER: (Sings.) There’s a feelin’ comin’ down! OPENS to reveal Valley Dale High School.) 40 COMPANY: (Sings.) Flower Power!

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1 STARPETAL: (Sings.) 1 PETE: (To STARPETAL.) But you said— There’s a feelin’ comin’ down like an old north wind, STARPETAL: (Weakly.) I always come through in the end? Blowin’ ‘cross the United States. PETE: I guess you do at that! MOONBEAM: (Sings.) It’s a-spreadin’ good vibes from a-coast to coast. STARPETAL: And you’re no slouch yourself. 5 Time to open up the floodwater gates. 5 MOLLY: Hey! Remember, you’re enemies? SUNFLOWER: (Sings.) There’s a feelin’ in the air like a shootin’ star, PETE: We’ll just agree to disagree— Crossin’ an Aquarian sky. STARPETAL: (Hands PETE a flower.) Sometimes. ROSEBUD: (Sings.) It’s a-cruisin’ right along, been a-travelin’ far PAUL: Gosh, Mr. King. We’ve got a great group that you’re gonna hear ‘Round the planet in the blink of an eye. if you stick around. 10 SOLOISTS: (Sing.) And it’s bringin’ a message of love and peace 10 HARRY: Yeah! We’re called Peter, Paul and Harry. All across the land. A hip celebration, a sweet release. Brother, Sister lend a hand! MAX: Peter, Paul and Harry? Lose Harry and get a chick! A chick with a simple name. Jane! Peter, Paul and Jane! PROTESTERS/STUDENTS: (Sing.) ‘Cause we got the power! This is the hour! PETE: Are you sure? 15 We got the power! Flower Power! MAX: I’ve never been wrong yet! SOLOISTS: (Sing.) Can you feel it in the air?! 15 BIG MAMA: So where’s this Battle? PROTESTERS/STUDENTS: (Sing.) Flower Power! CRUSHER: Well, now, Big Mama, the deal was— SOLOISTS: (Sing.) Can you feel it everywhere, now?! BIG MAMA: The deal is, there are a lot of people out there that paid to see a battle and if they don’t see a battle they’ll tear you apart, PROTESTERS/STUDENTS: (Sing.) Flower Power! Crusher. So I think you and Bruiser better give the people what 20 SOLOISTS: (Sing.) There’s a feelin’ coming down! 20 they want! PROTESTERS/STUDENTS: (Sing.) Flower Power! BRUISER: What do they want? SOLOISTS: (Sing.) Can you feel it all aroun’, now?! PAUL: We want the show! PROTESTERS/STUDENTS: (Sing.) Flower Power! HARRY: (Joins him.) We want the show! SOLOISTS: (Sing.) Come an’ shout it everywhere! CROWD: Bring on the show! Bring on the show! (CRUSHER and 25 PROTESTERS/STUDENTS: (Sing.) Flower Power! 25 BRUISER race OFF LEFT.) SOLOISTS: (Sing.) Revolution’s in the air, now! CORA: (ENTERS RIGHT with MISS DIVINE and TRUDI.) Look at this! PROTESTERS/STUDENTS: (Sing.) Flower Power! Sheer madness! SOLOISTS: (Sing.) Gotta keep a-truckin’ on! TRUDI: Thugs! Hooligans! Juvenile delinquents everywhere! PROTESTERS/STUDENTS: (Sing.) Flower Power! MISS DIVINE: I could just cry! 30 SOLOISTS: (Sing.) It’s a brand new dawn! 30 STARPETAL: Dr. Crisp! ALL: (Sing.) Flower Power! Flower Power! Flower Power! PETE: Miss Divine! We’re takin’ a chance, there’s no doubt about it! SUNFLOWER: The show’s about to begin! Doin’ the dance an’ ridin’ it out! CORA: We’re not here for the show. Takin’ a stance, come rise up an’ shout it! (MUSIC BREAKS.) TRUDI: We’re looking for the sheriff! 35 STARPETAL: (Speaks.) What do we want? 35 MISS DIVINE: He’s disappeared! ALL: (Speak.) Flower Power! CORA: You don’t know anything about that, do you? STARPETAL: (Speaks.) When do we want it? STARPETAL: Well— ALL: (Speak.) Now! (MUSIC IN. Sing.) Flower Power! (MUSIC OUT. SOUND PETE: We did see him earlier! EFFECT: BELL RINGS.)

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1 NANCY: Think of Madame Curie! 1 MOONBEAM: Oh, wow, there’s the bell! RHONDA: Think of Marie Antoinette! SUNFLOWER: Starpetal, lunchtime is over. DARLENE: Think of Twiggy! PETE: Yeah, we’d better get to class. ALL: (To DARLENE.) Huh? PAUL: Do we have ta? I gotta test in algebra, and I’m a real dunce. 5 BIG MAMA: The girl’s right! 5 HARRY: ‘Sides, the air out here’s a whole lot better than in there. BABS: (Confused.) She is? STARPETAL: That was heavy, Harry! Real heavy! If we walk back into BIG MAMA: Who do you think you’re talking to, Evelyn? I’m a girl! And Valley Dale High we’ll start breathing prison air again. I’m big! I’m up there with Joan of Arc, with Madame Curie, even MOLLY: Valley Dale High’s not a prison, Judy, Is it? Twiggy! (This last name raises a few eyebrows, but they know better STARPETAL: Isn’t it?! The moment we step through those doors, our 10 than to say anything.) 10 rights are trampled! CRUSHER: (Nervous.) If you say so, Mama. MOONBEAM: Scuttled! BIG MAMA: And now who paid you to make a mess of all this? SUNFLOWER: Annihilated! CRUSHER/BRUISER/BABS/ROCKI: (Point to MAX.) He did! ROSEBUD: Obliterated! MAX: (Nervous, backs to tree stand.) It was just business, Big Mama. STARPETAL: We want freedom! 15 And a mistake at that. You see, I didn’t want— 15 SHELLY: Freedom from algebra tests! BIG MAMA: (Pushes MAX aside, noting the Hug-a-Tree poster.) What’s NANCY: Freedom from homework! this? DARLENE: Freedom from hall monitors! OLD WOMAN: (Pops up.) Care to donate to the Hug-a-Tree Foundation?! RHONDA: Freedom from principals like Crunchy Crisp! (CORA and BIG MAMA: Hug-a-Tree? MISS DIVINE ENTER through doors as SOUND EFFECT: BELL RINGS 20 CRUSHER: Ain’t that the stupidest thing you ever saw, Big Mama? 20 again.) BIG MAMA: When I was a little kid in the worst part of town, there was HARRY: Speak of the… (CORA flashes daggers at HARRY, who catches one place I could go when I wanted to get away from the screamin’ himself.) …devil of a nice day out here, eh, Crispy? I mean, Dr. and yellin’, the fightin’ and punchin’! It was a big tall oak tree with Crisp? branches that scraped the sky! That’s where I’d go. I’d climb up its PETE: Uh oh! 25 trunk and go higher and higher. And then I’d sit up there and watch 25 CORA: Well, Miss Divine, it appears the entire student body is going the clouds float by. And I’d forget the screamin’ and yellin’. That to be tardy for fifth period! tree was my best friend, my only friend. MISS DIVINE: I could just cry, Dr. Crisp! CRUSHER: (In tears.) I didn’t know, Big Mama. PETE: Some of us want to get back to class. BIG MAMA: Nobody knows! But you do now! Give me that money! 30 (Snatches the thousand dollars CRUSHER holds.) MOLLY: But there are a lot of deadbeats blocking the way. CRUSHER: What are you doin’? What about my engine? 30 STARPETAL: Well, if it isn’t the cave-in twins! BIG MAMA: Your engine never did get in gear, Crusher. I don’t think PETE: We’re not caving in! We just want our education! money’s gonna help it! (Hands money to OLD WOMAN.) Here you STARPETAL: This is your education, Pete! We’re exercising our freedom go, Ma’am. Hug those trees! to protest in a democratic society! 35 STARPETAL: Thank you, Big Mama! That was very generous! CORA: If you don’t get into this building right now, I am going to call MAX: Easy to be generous with other people’s money! 35 the police. BIG MAMA: And who are you? MISS DIVINE: Did you hear that? The fuzz! MAX: Max King— STARPETAL: That little threat doesn’t scare us! You can’t throw the entire school into jail for exercising their right to assemble. PETE: The Max King? SUNFLOWER: That’s in the Emancipation Proclamation! 40 SHELLY: The world’s top record promoter?

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1 ROSEBUD: Constitution, Sunflower. Constitution. 1 PETE: There are three thousand people out there! SUNFLOWER: Well, I know it’s there somewhere! OLD WOMAN: And it’s for the birds! CORA: Miss Divine! Call Sheriff Titus DeLaw! He knows just how to MAX: (Takes money from his pocket.) I don’t care who it’s for. Here’s handle hooligans! (He and MISS DIVINE EXIT through the school your money, Crusher… now get the Kooks! 5 doors.) 5 CRUSHER: Ho, ho, ho, Uncle Max. You’re lookin’ soooo desperate. I RHONDA: Gosh, are we in trouble now! think we deserve more. STARPETAL: It’s worth it! You’re standing up for your rights! MAX: What?! A deal’s a deal! You gave your word! MOONBEAM: Just like Thomas Jefferson! CRUSHER: Pay up, Uncle Max, or we’ll keep the Kooks right where SUNFLOWER: Just like Patrick Henry! they are! 10 PETE: Thomas Jefferson and Patrick Henry had a cause! They were 10 CROWD: Bring on the show! Bring on the show! standing up against the tyranny of Britain and wanted to form a BIG MAMA: (ENTERS.) There a problem, Ernest?! new country. What do you want, Judy— I mean Starpetal? BABS: Big Mama! STARPETAL: I want everybody to come to school Saturday night! (A STARPETAL: That’s Big Mama? burst of applause. It then dies quickly as ALL look to one another.) BIG MAMA: That’s my name. Don’t wear it out. 15 SHELLY: Starpetal, are you nuts? 15 BRUISER: We’re just wrappin’ up a job, Big Mama! NANCY: I’d rather go to fifth period now. CRUSHER: Got us a thousand dollars! DARLENE: Yeah! I got a date Saturday. STARPETAL: A thousand dollars to ruin our benefit Battle of the Bands! STARPETAL: Saturday night, right here at Valley Dale High! We’re BIG MAMA: I like battles! hosting a Battle of the Bands! (Cheers.) GRANDMA: Well, we’ve had enough of ’em for one day! 20 PAUL: A Battle of the Bands! 20 BIG MAMA: Who’s the frying pan chickadee? HARRY: Hey, guys! We can fight in that battle! GRANDMA: I own this farm. STARPETAL: It’s open to anybody who wants to get up on stage for a BIG MAMA: Nice place you got here. good cause! GRANDMA: It’d be a whole lot nicer if ‘n you’d take your thugs and get SHELLY: What good cause? off my property. 25 STARPETAL: The Hug-a-Tree Foundation! Do you realize that the 25 BIG MAMA: Thugs? forests in the world are being eaten up faster than any other natural resource?! Do you realize that every piece of paper you GRANDMA: That’s what I said. throw away came from a tree, a living, breathing tree that was cut BIG MAMA: You been actin’ like thugs? Ernest? Donald? down in the prime of life so it could become a paper bag? A paper BRUISER: Mama! You know I’m Bruiser. 30 cup? An absence excuse? Shame on us! We’re murderers! BIG MAMA: You’re gonna be bruised if you don’t answer me! You been PETE: How’s the Hug-a-Tree Foundation going to help? 30 actin’ like thugs? Evelyn? Wanda? STARPETAL: Buy trees! The money we raise at the Battle of the Bands BABS: Just a bit, Big Mama. will buy trees that will be planted where they can grow safely into ROCKI: But Crusher made us! big trees and soon the world will be covered with trees again! BIG MAMA: So you can’t think for yourself? 35 (Cheers.) What do you say? Who’s got a date here Saturday night? (Cheers.) BABS: We’re just girls, Big Mama. PAUL: How about it, Pete? 35 SHELLY: Just girls?! How dare you insult every female on this farm?! We’re just as good as every boy on this farm! We can think for PETE: That’s cool. What does the winning band get? ourselves! We can act for ourselves! We don’t have to do what STARPETAL: (Thinks quickly.) Well, there’s… there’s going to be a some guy tells us just because he tells us to! We can rise up 40 talent scout here! above any problem! Think of Joan of Arc!

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1 LEFT holding a frying pan as a weapon. The students are all sitting, 1 MOONBEAM: There is?! as in the opening. STARPETAL holds up a makeshift protest sign that STARPETAL: Yeah! Yeah, he called me… today. reads “Down with Bikers.” SUNFLOWER holds up one that says “Big SUNFLOWER: Oh, my gosh! Mama Stinks!” ROSEBUD: That’s so groovy! 5 GRANDMA: You girls lay off those cookies! They’re for the crowd. 5 STARPETAL: So, girls, are we in? BABS: We’re the crowd, lady. SUNFLOWER/MOONBEAM/ROSEBUD: Like Flynn! (Cheers.) STARPETAL: You can say that again! SHELLY: How about the Darnettes? ROCKI: Look at all those people! NANCY/DARLENE/RHONDA: Dig it! (Cheers.) PETE: And in fifteen minutes they’re going the want to see the show! PAUL: Are we gonna let the girls do all the singing? 10 MOONBEAM: Have you ever seen what rabid fans can do to you? 10 HARRY: Yeah! The Beach Boys aren’t girls! The Rolling Stones aren’t ROSEBUD: They’re gonna tear you limb from limb and then tear the girls! The Kinks aren’t girls! limbs apart. PETE: All right, you can count Peter, Paul and Harry in! (Cheers as BRUISER: We’re quakin’! CORA and MISS DIVINE ENTER from behind the doors.) CRUSHER: We’re shakin’! CORA: Students! Students! Silence! Silence! (STUDENTS quiet down.) 15 BABS: ’Cause Big Mama’s on her way. 15 Sheriff Titus DeLaw will be here in five minutes! ROCKI: And she’ll take ’em all on! MISS DIVINE: He just had to finish his lunch at Hamburger Heaven. BRUISER: With one hand tied behind her back! CORA: So I suggest you get to class. MAX: (Runs ON LEFT.) Crusher! Crusher! MISS DIVINE: Before he cuffs you all! CRUSHER: Well, if it ain’t Uncle Max! CORA: Oh, and Miss Granger, regarding your request to use the school 20 BRUISER: Hey, we’re doin’ our thing, Maxie. 20 building Saturday night for your Battle of the Bands, it’s denied. BABS: You got the rest of the cash? STARPETAL: What? MAX: Where are the Kooks? MISS DIVINE: All this new so-called music doesn’t fit the demeanor STARPETAL: The Kooks?! of Valley Dale High. MOLLY: (Thrilled.) You mean Hester and Lester! CORA: We can’t have bands blaring away with their raunchy lyrics and 25 pounding drums like some kind of wild party! 25 SUNFLOWER: They’re dreamy! MOONBEAM: They really send me! MISS DIVINE: It would be different if you were having a chamber orchestra playing Vivaldi or Mozart. MAX: And if they find out— they’re gonna send me. STARPETAL: We don’t want Vivaldi! CRUSHER: Don’t worry! We’ve got ’em locked up, just like you wanted. (One by one as they hear this, the STUDENTS begin to stand up.) MOONBEAM: We want Jefferson Airplane! 30 CORA: (Disgusted.) You see what I mean?! 30 DARLENE: The Kooks are here? MAX: Go get them! MISS DIVINE: Society’s ruined! Absolutely ruined! I could just cry! BRUISER: Awwww, c’mon, we’re tired. STARPETAL: You can’t turn us down! PETE: Why are the Kooks here? MOONBEAM: It’s for a good cause! MAX: Look— I didn’t want them here ’cause they were supposed to SUNFLOWER: We’ll follow all the rules! 35 35 be performing at the Flatbush County Fair but a tornado touched ROSEBUD: Starpetal will even clean up afterwards! down at their fairgrounds and obliterated the rodeo arena! So the CORA: The answer is no! No! Absolutely not! fair people have to pay us out of their insurance money leaving the PETE: That’s not fair! Kooks free to do another gig! CORA: Even you, Mr. Dayton?! STARPETAL: How about this gig!

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1 PETE: We have a right to use the school, don’t we? 1 BABS: Beautiful. CORA: You don’t have any rights! ROCKI: Beautiful. NANCY: What about the Declaration of Independence? MAHARISHI: You are at peace. You are getting tired. Very tired. Your DARLENE: What about the Constitution? eyes are closing. You are so sleepy you no longer wish to stand 5 up. You are so tired your legs are collapsing beneath you. (HARRY 5 ROSEBUD: What about the Emancipation Proclamation? falls to floor.) You are entering the first level of transcendentalism. CORA: You’re just teenagers. Those things don’t kick in ’til you And now the second. You are now on the third level. You have graduate from high school, and that prospect is looking slimmer now achieved the top level of mystical thought. Your will is now and slimmer! (SOUND EFFECT: POLICE SIREN.) Especially if you turned totally inward. You know only good. You know only kindness have a police record! (STUDENTS start moving to the door.) That’s 10 and peace. (BABS and ROCKI slowly drop their karate poses and, 10 right! A night in the slammer isn’t a pretty experience. with eyes closed, indicate by gesture that they love the world.) You TITUS: (ENTERS LEFT swinging nightstick.) Well, well, well, what’s the love everyone and everything. The sky. The clouds. The trees and problem here? grass. Most of all, you love these people. You would never harm CORA: Sheriff DeLaw, it’s so good to see you. It appears a few of our these people. They are your puppies and you love them all. (BABS students belong in fifth period. 15 and ROCKI each pet several ONSTAGE.) And now, when your leaders 15 TITUS: All right, kids, do like the nice lady says. (STUDENTS begin return— EXITING into the school through the doors.) CRUSHER: (WNTERS LEFT with BRUISER.) What’s goin’ on? (MUSIC STARPETAL: Pete! Shelly! OUT.) TITUS: Move along! Move along! (Taps HARRY with his nightstick.) BABS: Peace— HARRY: Ahhhhh! Police brutality! You saw it! Police brutality! 20 ROCKI: Contentment— 20 TITUS: Whaaaa? I didn’t do nothin’! MAHARISHI: Happiness! Won’t you join us? HARRY: I hope you got a good lawyer! (He, PAUL and OTHERS EXIT into CRUSHER: Babs! (BABS snaps back to reality.) the school. PETE and SHELLY have met STARPETAL DOWNSTAGE.) BRUISER: Rocki! (ROCKI snaps back to reality.) SHELLY: Too bad about the Battle of the Bands. And too bad about the CRUSHER: Let’s rumble! (Battle continues, BABS and ROCKI back in trees. It would’ve been fun. 25 fight mode.) 25 PETE: Yeah! And I’d have loved the chance to beat the socks off you TITUS: (ENTERS RIGHT, blowing his whistle. OTHERS calm down as he girls. yells.) Hey! Hey! Hey! Ole called and said you were havin’ some SHELLY: You think so? trouble! Now what’s goin’ on?! (CRUSHER and BRUISER grab TITUS PETE: I know so! as ruckus breaks out again, dragging him OFF LEFT.) SHELLY: I guess we’ll just never know, will we? 30 STARPETAL: (To BABS.) Stop it! Please! 30 STARPETAL: Why not? There’s still a way we can have our Battle of the PETE: We’re trying to raise money for a good cause! Bands and save the trees! SUNFLOWER: You’re wrecking everything! PETE: You sure you’re up for it? BABS: Oh, honey, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet! STARPETAL: You know the trouble with you, Pete? You’re all show and ROCKI: Just wait ’til Big Mama gets here! no go. 35 ALL: Big Mama! (ALL scream. BLACKOUT.) 35 PETE: Try me. End of Scene Six STARPETAL: Then meet me at four in City Park. Scene Seven PETE: Right on! (Moves DOWN CENTER while STARPETAL and SHELLY LIGHTS UP: On McDonald’s farm, that night, just a few minutes before move DOWN RIGHT and DOWN LEFT respectively. The song should eight. BRUISER and CRUSHER stand up ONSTAGE mimicking singers. be played as if they’ve all gone their own way to prepare for the BABS and ROCKI lounge about eating cookies. GRANDMA stands at 40 Battle of the Bands. MUSIC CUE 2: “Makin’ It Happen.”)

6 31 PHOTOCOPYING THIS SCRIPT BREAKS FEDERAL COPYRIGHT LAWS

1 PETE: I think the whole thing stinks. 1 STARPETAL/PETE/SHELLY: (Sing.) PAUL: Wouldn’t we have done it anyway? Movin’ and a-groovin’ and a-makin’ it happen. LUCY: You’re helping a good cause! Strummin’ and a-hummin’, I’ll be truckin’ along. HARRY: I could hug a tree right now! Screamin’ and a-shoutin’, all the kids’ll be clappin’ 5 While I’m rockin’ and a-rollin’ and a-singin’ my song! 5 OLD WOMAN: (Appears from behind the booth.) Then c’mon over here and sign a pledge card! STARPETAL: (Sings.) Gettin’ together, doin’ my thing. ROSEBUD: Oh, no! The bird lady! PETE: (Sings.) Gonna be ready when it’s time to sing. NANCY: What are you doing here? SHELLY: (Sings.) I’m gonna zonk ’em, just wait an’ see. OLD WOMAN: The more trees, the more birds, little girl! Hug-a-Tree! STARPETAL/PETE/SHELLY: (Sing.) When the music starts a-crankin’, 10 10 Save a bird! (SOUND EFFECT: MOTORCYCLES.) They’ll be screamin’ for me! Movin’ and a-groovin’ and a-makin’ it happen. GRANDMA: Who are those bikers? Strummin’ and a-hummin’, lookin’ out-a sight. SUNFLOWER: Oh, no! It looks like Big Mama’s Bikers! Pushin’ and a-shovin’, all the kids’ll be clappin’ OLD WOMAN: (Ducks behind booth.) There go the birds! While I’m slippin’ and a-slidin’, baby, through the night! PETE: What do they want here? 15 PETE: (Sings.) Gettin’ together, gonna be bad! 15 STARPETAL: Maybe they bought tickets. (CRUSHER, BRUISER, BABS, SHELLY: (Sings.) The best opportunity I ever had! ROCKI and other BIKERS ENTER.) Excuse me, but we don’t start STARPETAL: (Sings.) Turn up the volume, big an’ bold! the battle until eight. STARPETAL/PETE/SHELLY: (Sing.) CRUSHER: No way, girlie! We start the battle right now! If the music’s too loud, Daddy, you’re too old! (The next two stanzas BRUISER: We’re Big Mama’s Bikers and we’re here to leave our mark. 20 are sung as a duet. They each begin doing vocal warm-ups, complete 20 GRANDMA: Now just a minute, you hooligans, if you think— with throat sprays [fake, of course].) BABS: Shut up, old lady! PETE: (Sings.) La la la. La la la la la. GRANDMA: Shut up, old lady! Now them’s fightin’ words! (MUSIC La la la. La la la! CUE 6c: “We’re the Bad Guys–Fight Music.” During the music, the STARPETAL/SHELLY: (Sing.) La la la la la la la la la la. BIKERS tear down the Hug-a-Tree booth and the cookie booth. Also 25 La la la la la la la la la la. 25 during the song LESTER and HESTER ENTER, take one look around, La la la la la la la la la la! try to EXIT, but are caught by CRUSHER and BRUISER. CRUSHER STARPETAL/PETE/SHELLY: (Sing.) and BRUISER drag them OFF LEFT. Fight dies down with BABS and ROCKI holding the group at bay with karate chop poses. MUSIC Movin’ and a-groovin’ and a-makin’ it happen. OUT.) Strummin’ and a-hummin’ I’m the latest rage. 30 Jumpin’ and a-dancin’, all the kids’ll be clappin’ 30 MAHARISHI: Please! Please! All I ask is… give peace a chance! While I’m struttin’ and a-cuttin’ loose across that stage! (MUSIC CUE 6d: “The Maharishi–Underscore.”) Movin’ and a-groovin’ and a-makin’ it happen. STARPETAL: Give peace a chance! Strummin’ and a-hummin’, I’ll be truckin’ along. HARRY: Any chance I could have a piece of cake, Mrs. McDonald? Screamin’ and a-shoutin’, all the kids’ll be clappin’ PETE: Shut up, Harry! 35 While I’m rockin’ and a-rollin’ an’ a-singin’ my song! (MUSIC OUT.) 35 BABS: Shut up all of you! TITUS: All right, you three, get to class! I got a strawberry shake in ROCKI: Or you’ll end up a victim of Woo Too— the squad car that’s gettin’ warm! Now move it! (PETE, SHELLY and BABS: Ancient art of aggressive offense! STARPETAL move to school doors. PETE and SHELLY ENTER.) MAHARISHI: Ladies! Ladies! (MAHARISHI takes out peace necklace CORA: (Stops STARPETAL.) Well, Miss Granger, how about spending with large pendant. He stands between BABS and ROCKI and gently 40 fifth period in my office? 40 sways the necklace.) Have you ever seen anything so beautiful? STARPETAL: Do I have to?

30 7 PHOTOCOPYING THIS SCRIPT BREAKS FEDERAL COPYRIGHT LAWS

1 CORA: Oh, you’ll enjoy it! You’ll suffer for your cause just like Thomas 1 PAUL: (Moves to the barn.) This handle? Jefferson, Patrick Henry… (STARPETAL EXITS into the school.) Oh, GRANDMA: Turn it good and fast! Miss Divine, what’s happening to kids these days? PAUL: Like this? (MUSIC CUE 6b: “Tornado Warning!–Underscore.” MISS DIVINE: I don’t know, but I could just cry! (CORA and MISS SOUND EFFECT: SIREN.) 5 DIVINE EXIT through school doors. BLACKOUT.) 5 GRANDMA: That’s right, keep turnin’! And Pete, you get me a shovel End of Scene One from the barn! Hurry! Scene Two PETE: Right! (Moves to barn and takes shovel from behind it as OLE races ON LEFT.) LIGHTS UP: On MAX KING’S office, a short time later. MAX sits behind the desk, talking on one of the phones. OLE: Tornado! Tornado! Get to the storm shelter quick! 10 MAX: Janis, honey, you can trust Max King! I deliver! You wanna sing GRANDMA: (Shouts.) Hurry kids! Get to the storm shelter! a song about “Bobby McGraw and I,” but that just doesn’t click. OLE: This way! This way! (Races OFF LEFT.) 10 Make it rhyme. Try “Me and Bobby McGee.” Honey, who cares GRANDMA: Keep crankin’! (Grabs the shovel from PETE.) Hurry up, about grammar! Dig, sweetie? You hang in there. (SOUND EFFECT: kids! Take shelter! Take cover! (MUSIC OUT. GRANDMA races OFF PHONE RINGS. He picks upthe other phone.) Petula! How’s my LEFT.) little Brit angel? You’re heading downtown? Say! That gives me 15 NANCY: What’s your grandma going to do, Molly? an idea… take some notes when you get downtown and we’ll see MOLLY: Lock Grandpa in the storm shelter. 15 about setting them to music! Cheerio! (Hangs up, exhausted.) GRANDMA: (Returns without the shovel. SOUND EFFECT: SIREN MISS FITZ: (ENTERS carrying a stack of papers.) Contracts for you to STOPS.) That’ll keep him out of our hair for a while. sign, Mr. King. (Sets piles on his desk.) Several from Decca, three MOLLY: Thanks, Grandma! from Motown, two from Vanguard… a couple from RCA, and here’s 20 GRANDMA: It’ll probably cost me that new dryer I’ve been wantin’, but a new bottle of nerve pills. that’s the way the cookie crumbles. 20 MAX: I don’t know what I’d do without you, Miss Fitz. STARPETAL: Thanks for your quick thinking, Mrs. McDonald! MISS FITZ: I consider it an honor to work for you, Mr. King. How else GRANDMA: You just gotta be one step ahead of your feller, Starpetal! would I get to talk to Simon and Garfunkel on the phone? PETE: Okay, guys, we gotta practice our number again so that talent MAX: Oh, no! They’re not on the line, are they? 25 scout will find us… irresistible. MISS FITZ: No, why? STARPETAL: Ah, Pete? 25 MAX: They sent me something about a bridge over dirty water or PETE: I know you don’t think we’re irresistible, but— something, and I haven’t had a chance to listen to it yet. So if they call, stall! You hear me? Stall! STARPETAL: Everybody! I’ve got to come clean. SHELLY: What’s up? MISS FITZ: Check! There is a group in the office, though. Your wife gave them the address. 30 STARPETAL: I know I told you there was going to be a big record promoter here tonight... but... there never was a big promoter. 30 MAX: My wife? She wouldn’t know talent if it bit her in the knee! PETE: You lied to us? MISS FITZ: It’s not exactly talent. It’s your nephew. STARPETAL: Well, I didn’t think you’d enter the contest if I didn’t come MAX: Well, if he’s formed a group, it’ll be a step forward. up with something. MISS FITZ: I don’t think that’s exactly— 35 SHELLY: Gosh, girls, we’ll just have to struggle through with an MAX: That kid has been a terror from day one. Do you know he was audience of three thousand! 35 expelled from kindergarten?! He flunked first grade twice. And the NANCY: Three thousand! only way they got him out of high school was to make him part of the faculty and fire him! DARLENE: Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! CRUSHER: (ENTERS LEFT with BRUISER, BABS and ROCKI.) Say, Uncle RHONDA: In a crowd of three thousand, there’s gotta be at least one Maxie! 40 record promoter! 8 29

1 MOONBEAM: But the banner! 1 MAX: Hold my calls, Miss Fitz. ROSEBUD: We’ll tell them it’s supposed to say National Spelling Bee MISS FITZ: Check, chief! but we didn’t spell it right. CRUSHER: (As MISS FITZ passes him.) You are one boss mama! LUCY: Oh, great wise one, you who encompass all wisdom. What MISS FITZ: Flake off! (EXITS LEFT.) 5 should we do? 5 BABS: Put your eyeballs back in their sockets, Crusher, or I’ll squeeze MAHARISHI: Run! (MUSIC OUT.) the juice out of ’em. OLE: (From OFF RIGHT, shouts.) Molly! Molly Mae McDonald! (OLE and CRUSHER: Can I help it if I go ape over a gnarly chick? After all, that’s GRANDMA ENTER RIGHT.) how I found you, Babs! MOLLY: Grandma! Grandpa! I didn’t expect you back so soon. MAX: So, Ernest— 10 OLE: What in tarnation’s goin’ on?! 10 CRUSHER: Crusher! Now that I’m one of Big Mama’s Bikers, my nom MOLLY: Nothin’. How was the weddin’? de plume is Crusher. OLE: There wasn’t any blasted weddin’! MAX: Nom de plume… your pen name? What have you written lately? GRANDMA: Letty and Boom Boom got into such a snit at the rehearsal BRUISER: It’s on the brick wall in the lobby— dinner last night that she called the whole thing off! CRUSHER: Shut up, you ditz! 15 OLE: So we rode all the way to Pickle City and had to come right back 15 MAX: Look, Ernest— I mean, Crusher— I’m working. I know that again to— (Furious.) What in tarnation’s going on here?! concept is very foreign to you, but I am earning money so my family STARPETAL: (Weakly.) The finals of the National Spelling Bee. can eat. OLE: That ain’t what the sign says! Molly, you went ‘n’ pulled the wool CRUSHER: And that money is what I came to talk to you about. over my eyes! MAX: I was afraid of that. 20 MOLLY: But, Grandpa! This is the only place we can have the Battle 20 ROCKI: We had an unexpected expense. of the Bands. BABS: Crusher blew a rod on his bike. OLE: We ain’t fightin’ no war on my lawn! No siree bob! (Moves LEFT.) BRUISER: And we can’t leave town ’til his machine is back to purrin’ GRANDMA: Ole, where are you goin’? like a pussycat. OLE: I’m callin’ Sheriff DeLaw! CRUSHER: Aunt Mary said we could camp out in your backyard ’til my 25 MOLLY: Oh, Grandpa! Please, don’t! 25 bike can boogie again. OLE: I want all these people outta here right now, includin’ that hippie MAX: Camp? Our backyard?! Has she lost her cookies? (SOUND down at the end of the road with the arrow on his head! EFFECT: PHONE RINGS. MAX moves to answer the phone, but MAHARISHI: But he is trying to reach the state of nirvana! CRUSHER picks it up.) OLE: Nirvana?! When did they make that a state?! (EXITS LEFT.) CRUSHER: County morgue! You stab ’em, we slab ’em! 30 MOLLY: Oh, Grandma! What are we going to do? 30 MAX: (Grabs for phone.) Ernest! Crusher! PETE: We’ll have to cancel. CRUSHER: Who’s this? Paul Revere? What kind of fool do you take me STARPETAL: Pete, even if we cancel, we can’t get the word out to for? (Sarcastically.) Oh, Paul Revere and his Raiders. Yeah, right. I three thousand people! dunno what’s in your orange juice, but you better lay off the stuff, buddy. (He hangs up.) PAUL: Yeah, they’ll show up anyway! 35 MAX: That was a client, you numbskull! 35 HARRY: And they might get so mad they’ll riot! BABS: Numbskull?? MOLLY: And then this place would really look like a tornado came through it! ROCKI: Big Mama wouldn’t like that! GRANDMA: That’s it! You’re a genius, honey! (To PAUL.) Son, go on BABS: She’d take you and twist you into a pretzel! over to the barn there and turn that handle! MAX: Get out of here right now! All of you!

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1 CRUSHER: But, Uncle Max, Aunt Mary said to give us a grand or two 1 STARPETAL: (Moves to LUCY and SHREDDY. MUSIC CUE 6a: “The to get the bike fixed. Maharishi–Underscore.”) Excuse me? MAX: Get out or I’ll call the police! MAHARISHI: Shhhh! We are climbing the ladder to our inner peace. CRUSHER: Big Mama ain’t takin’ this lyin’ down! (MAX pushes HARRY: Looks like Shreddy Freddy fell off his! 5 CRUSHER and the OTHERS OFF RIGHT.) Miss Fitz! Miss Fitz! 5 MAHARISHI: The light will find a way. He may meditate like that for MISS FITZ: (ENTERS LEFT.) Yes, Mr. King? hours. MAX: Cancel all my appointments today! Cancel everything! I’m taking STARPETAL: Could you guys just find a way so you’re out of the way? Aunt Mary and we’re heading to Acapulco. MAHARISHI: This is the only way. MISS FITZ: But the Kooks are waiting in the lobby. STARPETAL: But we’ve got a lot of people coming today— 10 MAX: What? I don’t have an appointment to see them. 10 SUNFLOWER: At last count three thousand! MISS FITZ: There seems to be a problem. PETE: Three thousand?! MAX: What now? I’ve made them the top-selling British import in the MAHARISHI: I believe the way has just been moved. (Rises.) country! What more do they want? All right. All right. Send them in. LUCY: Shreddy! Shreddy, boy! (No response from SHREDDY.) And then I’ll go to Acapulco. MAHARISHI: He is in the final stage of transcendentalism. He is in 15 MISS FITZ: Two tickets? 15 another world. MAX: That’s right. LUCY: He’s always in another world. Guys, can you help me move MISS FITZ: You and… Aunt Mary. Shreddy to a safer spot? MAX: Groovy. (Composes himself as MISS FITZ EXITS. A moment later, PAUL: (With HARRY, grabs SHREDDY and uprights him, though he LESTER and HESTER ENTER. They wear red, white and blue outfits remains in a cross-legged position.) Where should we put him? 20 and sport the Union Jack. They speak with British accents.) 20 MOLLY: How about down by the mailbox! LESTER: Cheerio, old bean! HARRY: Yeah! He’ll be good advertising! We’ll put an arrow on his MAX: Lester! Hester! Better known as the Kooks. head pointing this way! (He and PAUL carry SHREDDY, still cross- HESTER: We thought we’d just pop over for a visit. legged OFF RIGHT. MOLLY, horrified, notices something OFF RIGHT.) MAX: And I’ll bet you need a map to your gig at the Flatbush County MAHARISHI: He may meditate like that for hours and hours and hours. 25 Fair Saturday night. They promise an audience of three thousand 25 LUCY: I’ll get his water dish from the van. (EXITS RIGHT as MOLLY runs ready to hear you rock and roll. up to PETE.) LESTER: We wanted to talk to you about the county fair, Max. MOLLY: Oh, gosh, Pete! My grandparents are drivin’ down the road! HESTER: Probably a lovely time and all that. PETE: You said they went to the weddin’! LESTER: But Max, we want to try something new. MOLLY: (Points OFF RIGHT.) They did! But that’s their car! 30 MAX: What do you mean? 30 PETE: Starpetal! Problem! Quick! HESTER: We’re tired of the rock ‘n’ roll scene. STARPETAL: There can’t be any problems! All systems are go! MAX: Rock ‘n’ roll has buttered your bread, you kooks! PETE: Not exactly! HESTER: We’ve got a new sound now. MOLLY: It’s Grandma and Grandpa! LESTER: A new song we call “Oh, My Honey Babe.” LUCY: (Runs ON RIGHT.) Molly! A car’s pulling into your driveway! 35 MAX: (With growing fury.) You’re gonna sing what you always sing! 35 There’s old people in it! “Rockadilly Circus,” “Rockabye Baby,” “Rockin’ Rhythm”! STARPETAL: Oh, no! (PAUL and HARRY race ON RIGHT.) LESTER: No need to get your feathers ruffled. MOLLY: What’ll we do? MAX: Don’t tell me when to get my feathers ruffled! You got a contract! STARPETAL: We’ll just tell them this is the final of the spelling bee. You’re paid a grand for showing up plus fifty percent of the gate. SUNFLOWER: Except this year they have to sing their answers!

10 27 PHOTOCOPYING THIS SCRIPT BREAKS FEDERAL COPYRIGHT LAWS

1 ALL BIKERS: (Sing.) We’re gonna cause a riot tonight! 1 LESTER: You wrote that up, you can change it. Gonna womp ’em, stomp ’em tonight! MAX: When you sign a contract, you honor it! We’re gonna rout an’ romp ’em tonight, HESTER: Blimey! What a rotten system! ’Cause we’re the bad guys, the biker bad guys! (Guitar solo/dance MAX: Listen, you two beefeaters— either you show up at the Flatbush 5 interlude. CRUSHER and ROCKI dance. BRUISER and BABS dance. 5 County Fair or you’ll owe me so much money you won’t have enough MAX and MISS FITZ dance.) to buy a ticket on a seagull to get you back to Jolly Ole England! BRUISER: (Sings.) We’re gonna crash that party. Now what do you think of that?! Gonna leave ’em all kissin’ the dirt! LESTER: Pretty obvious how these Yanks won the revolution! (HESTER BABS: (Sings.) We’re gonna smash that party. and LESTER EXIT LEFT as SOUND EFFECT: PHONE RINGS.) 10 Gonna leave ’em in a world of hurt! 10 MAX: (Takes the call.) Max King here! Simon? Is that you? Why are ALL BIKERS: (Sing.) We’re gonna get our jollies tonight! you crying like that? What do you mean you had another fight with Gonna knock ’em, sock ’em tonight! Garfunkel? (BLACKOUT.) We’re gonna shake ’em, shock ’em tonight, End of Scene Two ’Cause we’re the bad guys, the biker bad guys! 15 We’re gonna kick some bootie tonight! Scene Three Gonna mangle, rangle tonight! LIGHTS UP: On City Park, that same day after school. LUCY lies in a We’re gonna tussle, tangle tonight, sleeping bag. STARPETAL ENTERS RIGHT with SUNFLOWER. ’Cause we’re the bad guys, the biker bad guys! 15 SUNFLOWER: Was it awful? We’re the bad guys, the biker bad guys! (BIKERS quickly run OUT STARPETAL: I had to lick the flaps of five hundred envelopes… one 20 LEFT. We hear them start their motorcycles and ride away as MAX for every alumnus since 1960. laughs heartily. MUSIC OUT. BLACKOUT.) TRUDI: (ENTERS carrying two potted geraniums. She looks around End of Scene Five park. To her horror she spots LUCY.) You! You in the sleeping bag! Scene Six 20 SUNFLOWER: Isn’t that Trudi Fessbump? LIGHTS UP: On McDonald’s farm, Saturday afternoon. There is now a STARPETAL: Our first city councilwoman. banner hung up behind the stage that reads, “Battle of the Bands Here TRUDI: Wake up! This isn’t a motel? 8:00 p.m.,” and two booths are set up. One sports a banner reading LUCY: (Sleepily, rolls over.) Ma! I got ten more minutes to sleep! 25 “Hug-a-Tree” while the other one reads “Cornstock.” The bands are TRUDI: I am not your ma! standing in different areas of the stage, rehearsing. Thus, STARPETAL, 25 LUCY: (Sits up, rubs eyes.) Then who are you? SUNFLOWER, MOONBEAM, ROSEBUD, PETE, PAUL, HARRY, SHELLY, TRUDI: Trudi Fessbump. First female city councilman in Valley Dale NANCY, DARLENE and RHONDA are all ONSTAGE. SHREDDY, LUCY and history, that’s who! MAHARISHI sit CENTER, meditating. SHREDDY falls over while still 30 sitting cross-legged. LUCY: Cool. PETE: (To MOLLY.) Looks like everything’s set! TRUDI: Young lady, do you realize that there is an ordinance against 30 camping out in City Park? MOLLY: And how! LUCY: Who’s camping? PAUL: (To MOLLY.) Your grandparents are history, right? TRUDI: You’re in a sleeping bag. And what’s this? MOLLY: I guess so. Grandma baked a thousand cookies for the stand 35 over there. LUCY: It’s my stuff. HARRY: Great! I’m hungry! TRUDI: The ordinance strictly prohibits storing stuff in a city park. MOLLY: But we aren’t sellin’ ’til seven o’clock. 35 LUCY: I’m not camping! I just fell asleep. HARRY: Hear that, stomach? Only four more hours to wait! STARPETAL: Is it against the law to fall asleep, Councilwoman Fessbump?

26 11 PHOTOCOPYING THIS SCRIPT BREAKS FEDERAL COPYRIGHT LAWS

1 TRUDI: And who are you? 1 CRUSHER: A grand. STARPETAL: Judy… I mean Starpetal, and I go to Valley Dale High. MAX: Miss Fitz, will you go to the safe and get me a grand. This is Sunflower. MISS FITZ: Mr. King, a thousand dollars? SUNFLOWER: Peace! CRUSHER: A thousand dollars! I thought a grand was twenty-five 5 TRUDI: Sleeping in the park is not illegal… per se. 5 bucks! STARPETAL: What do you mean, per se? MAX: Yes, Miss Fitz… get me a thousand dollars. (MISS FITZ EXITS TRUDI: An old man feeding pigeons falls asleep on a bench, well, LEFT.) that’s one thing. But hippies can’t sleep in City Park! BABS: We knew you’d come through, Pop. LUCY: I’m no hippie. MAX: You’ll get the thousand dollars when you’ve earned it. 10 SHREDDY: (ENTERS LEFT carrying a stick of incense.) I’m a hippie. 10 CRUSHER: Earn like a job? Here you go, Lucy Goosey. MAX: Like a job. LUCY: You got something to eat? BABS: Hey! What gives! SHREDDY: Something better. Incense! ROCKI: If Big Mama ever found out we took a job— LUCY: (Delighted.) Incense! MAX: Take it or leave it! 15 SHREDDY: Jasmine. 15 CRUSHER: We’ll take it! LUCY: That’s way cooler than food. MISS FITZ: (ENTERS with a wad of bills.) Here you go, Mr. King. TRUDI: You’re not lighting an incense stick in City Park! MAX: Thanks! A thousand bucks, a thousand beautiful greenbacks. STARPETAL: Why not? Makes you almost drool, doesn’t it? (BRUISER wipes the drool off TRUDI: Fires are against the law! on his sleeve.) All you’ve gotta do is head out to a place called Ole 20 20 STARPETAL: So smoking is against the law in City Park, huh? McDonald’s farm and do what you did before. TRUDI: Well, no, I mean… yes, yes it is! BRUISER: Fight a little? LUCY: Well, looky there! BABS: Steal a little? SHREDDY: Mayor Dilby’s smokin’ a cigar. ROCKI: And make a big mess? STARPETAL: You’d better go tell the police, Miss Fessbump! MAX: Yeah. Just be yourselves. And the thousand dollars is yours. 25 25 TRUDI: (Frustrated.) You think you’re all so clever! We’ll see what CRUSHER: No strings? Sheriff Titus DeLaw finds so clever! (EXITS RIGHT.) MAX: No strings! (MUSIC CUE 6: “We’re the Bad Guys.”) SUNFLOWER: Gosh! Twice in one day, Starpetal! CRUSHER: (Speaks.) Ole McDonald’s farm, here we come! (Sings.) STARPETAL: Adults make me so mad! We’re gonna crash that party. LUCY: Thanks for the help. Gonna stomp it right down to the bricks! 30 We’re gonna smash that party. 30 STARPETAL: She doesn’t have any right to pick who the laws apply to. Every one of ’em is gettin’ their licks! SHREDDY: That is soooo righteous! Hope we can do you a help ALL BIKERS: (Sing.) We’re gonna have a rumble tonight! sometime. (PETE, PAUL, HARRY, MOONBEAM, ROSEBUD, SHELLY, Gonna zap, zoom zow ’em tonight! NANCY, DARLENE, RHONDA, MOLLY and OTHER STUDENTS ENTER RIGHT.) We’re gonna wail and wow ’em tonight, 35 ’Cause we’re the bad guys, the biker bad guys! 35 SUNFLOWER: Someday we’re going to look back on all this and laugh. ROCKI: (Sings.) We’re gonna crash that party. SHREDDY: That’s what you think! I ain’t never leavin’ the ‘60s, man! Gonna crush ’em right down to the bone! (MUSIC CUE 3: “There’ll Come a Time.”) We’re gonna smash that party. STARPETAL: (Speaks.) You know, in a way, Sunflower’s right. A long Gonna make ’em all grimace ‘n’ groan! time from now, people are going to look back on the 1960s and

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1 LESTER: There’ll be some great new bands you might want to listen 1 remember all the good things we did for humanity… and they’re to! (EXITS RIGHT with HESTER.) gonna thank us. (Sings.) MAX: (Dials.) Mr. Aardamark? This is Max King. I’m just checking on There’ll come a time when they will look back the contract for the Kooks for Saturday night? If… just a big, silly On all of the things that we do here today. 5 if… they weren’t able to make it… what does… Now, calm down, 5 There’ll come a time when they will remember. Mr. Aardamark… I didn’t say they wouldn’t… I’m just saying if… MOONBEAM: (Sings.) There’ll come a day when they will recall everything they’re worth? Everything I’m worth? My socks? You And sing all the songs that we sang openly. can’t take my socks! That is absolutely out of the question! (MAX There’ll come a time when we’ll be free. hangs up.) SUNFLOWER: (Sings.) There’ll come a time when they will look back 10 MISS FITZ: (ENTERS LEFT.) Mr. King, I tried to tell them you were out… 10 And see how we struggled for what we believe. but they saw your car and— (CRUSHER, BRUISER, BABS and ROCKI There’ll come a time when they will remember. ENTER LEFT.) ROSEBUD: (Sings.) There’ll come a day when they’ll understand CRUSHER: How goes it, Uncle Max? The reasons we marched and united for peace. MAX: Ernest— There’ll come a time of sweet release. 15 CRUSHER: Crusher! And Uncle Max, we really need the money now. 15 STARPETAL: (Sings.) And they’ll dance as they walk the road together! ROCKI: Big Mama’s wonderin’ what happened to us. MOONBEAM: (Sings.) And they’ll sing of the glory they have found! CRUSHER: We had to tell her the truth. That you got us all tied up and SUNFLOWER: (Sings.) And they’ll pray that the day will last forever. won’t let us go. STARPETAL/MOONBEAM/SUNFLOWER/ROSEBUD: (Sing.) BRUISER: Big Mama doesn’t like it when one of her gang gets too tied Out of the darkness they will climb. 20 up to do gang stuff. 20 There’ll come a time. MISS FITZ: Do you want me to call the police, Mr. King? ROSEBUD: (Sings.) There’ll come a time when people will heal MAX: Good! The police! Get them over here! (MISS FITZ EXITS LEFT.) The hurt and the pain that they’ve caused in the world. CRUSHER: You’re gonna turn your own nephew in? There’ll come a time of true understanding. MAX: Crusher, my entire life is flashing before me. I am on the verge LUCY: (Sings.) There’ll come a day when all of the world 25 of being sued for every cent I’ve got if this stupid Cornstock-thing 25 Will gather together and bask in the sun. comes off— I tell you, my friends, that day has begun. CRUSHER: (Picks up poster.) Battle of the Bands. ALL GIRLS: (Sing.) And they’ll ride! BRUISER: We went to one of them things once. ALL BOYS: (Sing.) And they’ll ride! CRUSHER: We got in so many fights… ALL: (Sing.) On the gentle winds of freedom! 30 BRUISER: Smashed so many windshields… 30 GIRLS: (Sing.) And they’ll run! BABS: Made so much noise… BOYS: (Sing.) And they’ll run! CRUSHER: The cops ran us all in! ALL: (Sing.) Through the fields of love and peace. MAX: (Gets an idea. Enthusiastic.) Miss Fitz! Miss Fitz! GIRLS: (Sing.) And they’ll know! MISS FITZ: (ENTERS.) Yes, Mr. King? BOYS: (Sing.) And they’ll know! 35 MAX: Did you get through to the police? 35 ALL: (Sing.) All the joy there is within them! MISS FITZ: I’m on hold. Chief is finishing his lunch. Out of the darkness they will climb. MAX: Hang up! There’ll come a time. CRUSHER: I knew you couldn’t turn your own flesh and blood in. GIRLS: (Sing.) And they’ll dance! MAX: The only thing you do to my flesh and blood is make it crawl, BOYS: (Sing.) And they’ll dance! 40 Crusher. How much do you need? 40 GIRLS: (Sing.) And they’ll dance! 24 13

1 ALL: (Sing.) As they walk the road together! 1 SHELLY: One suggestion. Change your name. GIRLS: (Sing.) And they’ll sing! LESTER: You don’t like Clair and Sunny? BOYS: (Sing.) And they’ll sing! SHELLY: I think Sunny and Clair is a lot catchier! GIRLS: (Sing.) And they’ll sing! DARLENE: (Runs ON RIGHT with RHONDA.) You won’t believe it! 5 ALL: (Sing.) Of the glory they have found! 5 HARRY: Your dad grounded you for life! GIRLS: (Sing.) And they’ll pray! RHONDA: You won’t believe how tickets are selling! BOYS: (Sing.) And they’ll pray! DARLENE: Every kid in school’s bought one, and people on the street GIRLS: (Sing.) And they’ll pray! are grabbing them up! ALL: (Sing.) That the day will last forever! STARPETAL: Well, we had fifteen sold earlier… 10 There’s no reason. There’s no rhyme. 10 RHONDA: That’s nothin’! We’re up to five hundred forty-three! Oh, how that freedom bell will chime. DARLENE: And counting! Out of the darkness they will climb. MOLLY: (Worried.) Gosh, it’s gonna have to be a mighty big tornado! There’ll come a time. (BLACKOUT.) Out of the darkness they will climb. End of Scene Four 15 There’ll come a time! GIRLS: (Sing.) La da da! Scene Five BOYS: (Sing.) La da da! LIGHTS UP: On Max King’s office, the next day. LESTER and HESTER GIRLS: (Sing.) La da da! 15 stand beside MAX’S desk. MAX sits in his chair. He’s on the phone. BOYS: (Sing.) La da da! MAX: (Into phone.) Look, Grace, I’m not sold on the name. Jefferson Buggy doesn’t do a lot for me. Let’s move a little faster than a 20 ALL: (Sing.) La da da da da da da! Da! buggy. Jefferson Train is better, but they had trains when Lincoln GIRLS: (Sing.) La da da! was president. Jefferson Rocket? Not bad… but a little too fast. BOYS: (Sing.) La da da! 20 How about Jefferson Airplane? Dig it? Dig it! Ciao! (Hangs up.) I’m GIRLS: (Sing.) La da da! glad you two have come to your senses. BOYS: (Sing.) La da da! LESTER: We certainly have! 25 ALL: (Sing.) La da da da da da da! MAX: Neither of us could have afforded that lawsuit. GIRLS: (Sing.) La da da! HESTER: We don’t care about that, Max. BOYS: (Sing.) La da da! 25 MAX: You creative types never do. GIRLS: (Sing.) La da da! LESTER: Look where we’re going to play Saturday night! (Unfolds one BOYS: (Sing.) La da da! of the posters. City Park is crossed out and McDonald’s Farm is written across it.) 30 ALL: (Sing.) La da da da da da da! Da! MAX: (Fury building.) Battle of the Bands… McDonald’s Farm… Hug- GIRLS: (Sing.) La da da! 30 a-Tree…! BOYS: (Sing.) La da da! HESTER: We’re with our fans once more. We’ve already given them a GIRLS: (Sing.) La da da! taste of what we can do, and it’s going to fly, Max! BOYS: (Sing.) La da da! MAX: You’re gonna fly, Hester! You’re gonna fly right over to the county 35 ALL: (Sing.) La da da! (The STUDENTS hug each other. MUSIC OUT.) fair where you belong! PETE: Look, I’ve got to get to work. 35 LESTER: Cancel, Max! Tell ’em we’ve got laryngitis or chickenpox or PAUL: That’s right! You’re a soda jerk! something. HARRY: No. He’s just a jerk! (He and PAUL laugh.) HESTER: And if you’re not doing anything Saturday, you might want to drop by Cornstock. (Places poster on MAX’S desk.) 14 23 PHOTOCOPYING THIS SCRIPT BREAKS FEDERAL COPYRIGHT LAWS

1 LESTER: I say, we heard you had a problem with the park. 1 STARPETAL: All right! Can we possibly act halfway mature? STARPETAL: Who are you? PAUL: (With great formality.) By all means, my dear. HESTER: We’re musicians from Alabama. HARRY: (Formally.) Shall we commence with clearing up our current STARPETAL: Alabama? dilemma? 5 MOLLY: Didn’t catch your names… 5 STARPETAL: Look, we still want to have the Battle of the Bands, right? LESTER: Well, this is Clair… and I’m… PETE: Sure! I’d love the chance to beat your little stems and petals. HESTER: Sunny. SHELLY: No, sir! The Darnettes are going to take the gravy! STARPETAL: Clair and Sunny. STARPETAL: In order for somebody to win, we’ve got to have a place LESTER: We were wondering if we might sing a few bars in your Battle to battle, right? (ALL nod in agreement.) 10 of the Bands? 10 PETE: There’s no place other than school where we can have a Battle HESTER: Just for the experience, you know. of the Bands. STARPETAL: Well, we’ve already got three bands. STARPETAL: How about right here? (TITUS and TRUDI ENTER RIGHT. The KIDS don’t notice them.) LESTER: Like Henry the VIII said about wives, the more the merrier. PETE: In the park? SUNFLOWER: You sure you’re from Alabama? 15 PAUL: Sure! It’s for the Hug-a-Tree Foundation. 15 HESTER: Please, give us a whirl. HARRY: And there’s a tree here for everybody to hug! STARPETAL: All right. Strut your stuff. STARPETAL: You’re getting the idea! LESTER: Right here? Right now? SUNFLOWER: Hey! And City Park is a whole lot bigger so we can sell PETE: Sure. We’re all amateurs. more tickets! STARPETAL: Speak for yourself! 20 SHELLY: And playing outside everybody in Valley Dale will hear our 20 LESTER: Well, here goes. Ready, Clair? music! HESTER: Ready, Sunny. (MUSIC CUE 5: “Oh, My Honey Babe!”.) PAUL: It’ll be like a thunderstorm! LESTER: (Sings.) They say we’re young and so naïve. HARRY: An earthquake! HESTER: (Sings.) They wish we’d find a cave and leave. TRUDI: Just a cotton-picking minute! What do you mean you’re having LESTER: (Sings.) They say we dress like we’re from Mars. 25 an earthquake here?! 25 HESTER: (Sings.) They wish we’d go back to the stars. HARRY: Not really an earthquake. LESTER/HESTER: (Sing.) They say our singing is renown. TITUS: It’ll just sound like an earthquake, right? They’d like to melt our records down. STARPETAL: We’d like to host a Battle of the Bands here Saturday But when I’m bummed and feelin’ blue, night for a very worthy cause. Honey babe, I’ve still got you! 30 TRUDI: What worthy cause? 30 Oh, my honey babe! STARPETAL: Hug-a-Tree Foundation. Oh, my honey babe! TITUS: That sounds pretty subversive. Oh, my honey babe! Oh, my honey babe! (MUSIC OUT.) STARPETAL: If saving and growing trees and preserving our forests is subversive, then it’s right up there with communism! STARPETAL: That was great! 35 TRUDI: (Gasps.) Communism! We can’t have anything like that in 35 MOONBEAM: Yeah! What a sound! Valley Dale! ROSEBUD: You sure remind me of somebody. STARPETAL: Miss Fessbump, we are citizens of this town and thus LESTER: I don’t see how. are entitled to use City Park. HESTER: We’ve never been on Ed Sullivan! TITUS: (Sweetly.) Of course you can! PETE: Welcome to the club. 22 15 PHOTOCOPYING THIS SCRIPT BREAKS FEDERAL COPYRIGHT LAWS

1 TRUDI: Sheriff DeLaw! We do not want any Battle of the Bands held 1 OLE: You forgot the “I.” here in City Park! We have ordinances against noise in Valley Dale! GRANDMA: (ENTERS LEFT carrying a plate of cookies.) Well, now, how Nothing louder than a Frank Sinatra record. ’bout some cookies before you all get started practicin’? TITUS: Don’t you worry your little head, Miss Fessbump. MOLLY: (Covering.) We’ve already started practicing for the spellin’ 5 TRUDI: Sheriff, we cannot have such a spectacle! 5 bee, Grandma. STARPETAL: But the sheriff has already said we can use City Park. GRANDMA: Spellin’ bee? PETE: Yeah! We’re taxpayers. OLE: That’s right. And let me tell you, they gotta spend a lot more time TITUS: As long as you get a permit. practicin’ than eatin’ cookies! MOONBEAM: A permit? GRANDMA: Well, they ain’t gonna learn nothin’ on an empty stomach, 10 Ole. 10 ROSEBUD: That sounds suspicious. SHELLY: Where do you get a permit? OLE: I won me the county fair spellin’ bee. TITUS: City Hall. GRANDMA: And you’re never gonna let me forget it, are you? You just let these young folks be. Go on ’n’ check the north forty. You go PETE: Well, that doesn’t sound so hard. on ’n’ get! I’ll handle this! TRUDI: (With growing hysteria.) Sheriff! If they get a permit, they’ll 15 OLE: (Leaving.) You kids mind yourselves, you hear? No funny business! 15 have one Battle of the Bands, then another and another. Garbage (EXITS RIGHT.) will pile up. Hippies will come in their little love bugs! The smell of incense and noise will drive all the hardworking people who live in PAUL: I think I’d rather face Crusty Crisp! Valley Dale out of town. MOLLY: Oh, go on! Grandpa’s just a big ol’ teddy bear. MOLLY: I knew there was something wrong with this idea. HARRY: Didn’t seem too cuddly to me! 20 STARPETAL: That’s ridiculous! None of that will happen. Let’s go to 20 GRANDMA: You just gotta know how to handle him. He’s all bark and City Hall before it closes and get our permits. I’ve got the posters no bite. all printed up and the press releases— STARPETAL: But what’s going to happen Saturday? We’ve got fifteen TITUS: There’s one little catch. tickets sold already. DARLENE: (Suspicious.) What little catch? SUNFLOWER: He’ll go ape when he sees the bands and everything! 25 TITUS: You’ve got to be twenty-one to get a permit. 25 MOONBEAM: Not to mention the cows giving whipped cream. STARPETAL: What? GRANDMA: Don’t you worry ’bout a thing! TITUS: That’s what the law says. Twenty-one. And be able to prove it. MOLLY: Just so happens that my cousin Letty is gettin’ married in SUNFLOWER: Oh, no! Pickle City, and Grandma and Grandpa will be gone all day. TITUS: You kids have a good day. PAUL: You don’t have to go to the wedding, Molly? 30 GRANDMA: I think Molly’s gonna have a sour stomach that mornin’. 30 TRUDI: (Triumphant.) And don’t forget to do your homework! (TITUS and TRUDI laugh and EXIT LEFT.) MOLLY: So, you see? We don’t have anything to worry about. MOONBEAM: Very funny! STARPETAL: Except the lawn and all the mess. ROSEBUD: Hardeeharhar. GRANDMA: We’ll just tell him a tornado came through while we were PETE: Well, nice try, Starpetal. at the weddin’. Now, you kids eat your cookies and then go ahead 35 and set up whatever you need to set up. Just no signs ’til we pull 35 SHELLY: Yeah— none of us can fake twenty-one. Everybody knows us outta here Saturday morning. in Valley Dale. PETE: Thanks, Mrs. McDonald! STARPETAL: But everybody doesn’t know him! (Points to SHREDDY.) GRANDMA: Why this is the most exciting thing I’ve seen around here SHELLY: But he’s a hippie. since the tractor fell over on Pa. (GRANDMA EXITS LEFT as LESTER MOLLY: Gosh! Is he a real hippie? 40 and HESTER ENTER RIGHT.)

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1 PAUL: And we can seat a lot of people out here on the grass. 1 SHELLY: Guess so. RHONDA: Great! Fifteen people already bought tickets! MOLLY: Never thought we’d see one of ’em in Valley Dale. HARRY: And they even got outhouses. HARRY: They’re everywhere! They’re everywhere! STARPETAL: (Sarcastic.) Might as well be the Paris Opera. STARPETAL: Yeah? So get used to ’em! That’s our future! (MUSIC CUE 5 MOLLY: (Hurt.) Gosh, if you don’t want to use it— 5 4: “The Hippie Generation.”) SUNFLOWER: No! We’ll take it! HARRY: (Speaks.) Like I said, they’re everywhere. The world is changing. MOONBEAM: Yeah! We don’t need a permit. STARPETAL: (Sings.) They’re here, they’re there, hangin’ everywhere. ROSEBUD: There aren’t any neighbors to disturb. The counter-culture children with a spaced-out stare. PETE: Best of all, nobody can throw us off. 10 PETE: (Sings.) Sandal-footed freaks of the Aquarian Age. 10 OLE: ([Pronounced Oh-lee] ENTERS RIGHT with pitchfork. Angry.) Molly? They’re quotin’ Bob Dylan like a wise ol’ sage. Molly, girl, who said you could have a party? SHELLY: (Sings.) MOLLY: (Surprised.) Grandpa! I… I thought you were out at the north They’re wearin’ shoulder length hair, patched up jeans. forty checkin’ fence. RHONDA: (Sings.) A Mexican vest and a tambourine. OLE: Molly, you got some explainin’ to do. 15 HARRY: (Sings.) Rose-colored shades that help t’ keep ’em alert. 15 MOLLY: Well, Grandpa… these are my friends from school. MOONBEAM: (Sings.) Love beads danglin’ from a tie-dyed shirt. PETE: Mr. McDonald. ALL STUDENTS: (Except SHREDDY. Sing.) OLE: Call me Ole. Beautiful people, travelin’ the road, HARRY: Ole McDonald. Spreadin’ the word everywhere. PAUL: Had a farm— (PETE kicks PAUL.) 20 Love is their answer, peace is their way. The Hippie Generation is here to stay! 20 MOLLY: And we’re all here to practice. The Hippie Generation! OLE: Practice what? ROSEBUD: (Sings.) They flock to Haight-Ashbury, the Sunset Strip, MOLLY: Well, now… we’re practicin’ for… for… Greenwich Village, New York, all where the cats are hip. SHELLY: The spelling bee. 25 MOLLY: (Sings.) OLE: Spellin’ bee? They’re on the beaches, the streets, sleepin’ in the park. 25 PETE: That’s right! SHREDDY: (Sings.) We’re hangin’ at the coffee houses after dark. OLE: I used to be in the spellin’ bee. Won the trophy at the county fair! SUNFLOWER: (Sings.) ROSEBUD: Well, maybe you can help us. They’re worshipping the sun, they’re worshipping the moon. MOLLY: Oh, Grandpa’s too busy for that, aren’t you, Grandpa? 30 NANCY: (Sings.) You’ll find ’em all livin’ in a hippie commune. OLE: Well, now, maybe I’m not. But first, we gotta have some rules, PAUL: (Sings.) 30 Molly. I don’t want you young people tramplin’ up my front lawn. They drive a Volkswagen bus decked out in psychedelic paint. See there how fine that grass is? Took me a year and a heck of a DARLENE: (Sings.) lot of manure to get it lookin’ like that. And another thing, I don’t If my daddy found me datin’ one, he’d probably faint! want any loud music or shoutin’. It upsets the cows and they give 35 ALL: (Sing.) Beautiful people, trav’lin’ the road, whipped cream instead of milk. Spreadin’ the word everywhere. 35 MOLLY: Sure, Grandpa. Whatever you say! Love is their answer, peace is their way. NANCY: We’ll practice real hard. The Hippie Generation is here to stay! The Hippie Generation. OLE: I know it. In fact, you can start right now. You, young lady, spell 40 The Hippie Generation. “potential.” The Hippie Generation. (MUSIC OUT.) SHELLY: Ahhhh… P-O-T-E-N-T-A-L.

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1 LUCY: (Walks back and forth searching for something on the ground.) 1 MOLLY: Well, now, if you’re not interested… I know I left ’em here. PETE: I guess Starpetal’s not too interested in working with somebody STARPETAL: What are you looking for? instead of against them. SHREDDY: Lucy lost the keys to the van. PAUL: Maybe we’ll have our own Battle of the Bands… 5 PETE: Here they are. 5 MOLLY: C’mon, guys, I’ll take you there! (EXITS LEFT, followed by PAUL LUCY: Thanks! You’re sweet. and HARRY. PETE hesitates, looks at STARPETAL, then turns and MOLLY: (Jealous.) Pete! EXITS LEFT.) STARPETAL: Shreddy, you said you’d help us if you could? SUNFLOWER: Starpetal, what are we going to do? SHREDDY: Groovy. STARPETAL: There’s only one thing we can do. We have to help them 10 make it happen. We’re not giving up yet. Come on, let’s make it 10 STARPETAL: We want to hold a Battle of the Bands here in City Park happen! Saturday night. MOONBEAM: Far out! LUCY: Far out. ROSEBUD: That’s what we were hoping you’d say! (MUSIC CUE 4a: STARPETAL: But we can’t get a permit because we’re not twenty-one. “Makin’ It Happen–Reprise.”) LUCY: Freddy’s twenty-one. 15 STARPETAL/MOONBEAM/SUNFLOWER/ROSEBUD: (Sing.) 15 SHREDDY: I am? Movin’ and a-groovin’ and a-makin’ it happen. LUCY: Remember, there were twenty-one candles on your birthday Strummin’ and a-hummin’ we’re the latest rage. cake! Jumpin’ and a-dancin’, all the kids’ll be clappin’ SHREDDY: (Thinks back, enthusiastic.) Naw, there was only twenty. And While we’re struttin’ and a-cuttin’ loose across that stage! I set my hair on fire trying to blow ’em out! That was like totally 20 Movin’ and a-groovin’ and a-makin’ it happen. 20 heavy. Strummin’ and a-hummin’ we’ll be truckin’ along. STARPETAL: There’s got to be something we can do! Screamin’ and a-shoutin’, all the kids’ll be clappin’ PETE: What? While we’re rockin’ and a-rollin’ an’ a-singin’ our song! (MUSIC STARPETAL: There’s got to be someplace else. OUT.) PAUL: There’s nowhere but the sewage treatment plant… 25 STARPETAL: Let’s go! (The FOUR GIRLS run OFF LEFT. BLACKOUT.) 25 HARRY: And that’d stink. End of Scene Three STARPETAL: We can’t give up! Scene Four HARRY: Why not? LIGHTS UP: On McDonald’s farm, the following afternoon. STARPETAL, STARPETAL: As Winston Churchill said, “I have nothing to offer but SUNFLOWER, MOONBEAM and ROSEBUD ENTER RIGHT, nervous. blood, toil, tears and sweat!” SHELLY, NANCY, DARLENE and RHONDA follow hesitantly. 30 PAUL: (Sarcastic.) Gosh, that makes me want to jump on the STARPETAL: I don’t like this one bit! bandwagon. 30 SUNFLOWER: Well, it’s not soooo bad. LUCY: Look, maybe we better just bag the whole idea. MOONBEAM: What’s that smell? STARPETAL: Because a bunch of adults say we can’t pull this thing ROSEBUD: Manure! off? MOONBEAM: What’s manure? (ROSEBUD whispers in MOONBEAM’S 35 SUNFLOWER: What do adults know? ear.) Oh, gosh, how grody! ALL: Nothing! 35 RHONDA: Just watch where you step. (MOLLY, PETE, PAUL and HARRY STARPETAL: And what do we know? ENTER LEFT.) MOLLY: I know someplace we might be able to use. MOLLY: Well, what do you think? STARPETAL: Oh, yeah? PETE: (Jumps up on platform.) This will be the stage…

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Props and costuming are more important than the set in this show. The protest posters, the flower garlands, and the wild clothes of the sixties fit in well with a psychedelic backdrop (even tie-dyed fabric). Set pieces, with the exception of the schoolhouse pillars, can be painted in bright colors textured with psychedelic designs or tie-dyed patterns. Max King’s office need only be suggested by a desk with phones and a few chairs.

ONE SCRIPT PER CAST MEMBER MUST BE PURCHASED FOR PRODUCTION RIGHTS. COPYING OR DISTRIBUTING ALL OR ANY PART OF THIS BOOK IN ANY MANNER IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN BY LAW.

FORMS & TOOLS

Character/Scene Breakdown Audition Application Audition Notes Casting Contact Information Rehearsal Schedule Lighting Cues Sound Cues Props List

[Please feel free to reproduce these forms as needed for your production.]

CHARACTER/SCENE BREAKDOWN

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HIPPIE FLOWER POWER AUDITION APPLICATION

Name: Phone:

Male Female Age: Grade:

Parent/Guardian: Phone:

Are you willing to accept any role? Yes No

Which roles are you most interested in? (circle all that apply):

STARPETAL MOONBEAM SUNFLOWER ROSEBUD

PETE PAUL HARRY MOLLY MCDONALD

SHELLY NANCY DARLENE RHONDA

DR. CORA CRISP MISS DIVINE TITUS DE LAW MAX KING

MISS FITZ CRUSHER BRUISER BABS

ROCKI LESTER HESTER TRUDI FESSBUMP

LUCY SHREDDY FREDDY MAHARISHI OLD WOMAN

OLE MCDONALD GRANDMA MCDONALD BIG MAMA PROTESTOR

STUDENT

Casting Agreement:

I agree to play any role assigned to me without complaint. In doing so, I also agree to wear the costumes, wig, or hairstyle of the director’s choosing.

Student Signature: Date:

Attendance Agreement:

By accepting a role, I agree to attend all mandatory rehearsals and performances for Hippie Flower Power as deﬁ ned by the rehearsal schedule. I also agree to abide by all theater rules while at rehearsals and performances.

Student Signature: Date:

Parent Agreement:

I understand the commitments required for my child to participate in Hippie Flower Power, including attendance at all mandatory rehearsals and performances as deﬁ ned by the rehearsal schedule, and agree to support my child’s involvement in this activity by ensuring that they are in attendance when necessary.

Parent Signature: Date:

AUDITION NOTES

Character # of lines

Starpetal 109

Moonbeam 23

Sunfl ower 31

Rosebud 23

Pete 62

Paul 24

Harry 29

Molly McDonald 42

Shelly 29

Nancy 9

Darlene 11

Rhonda 10

Dr. Cora Crisp 19

Miss Divine 10

AUDITION NOTES CONT. Character # of lines

Titus de Law 16

Max King 64

Miss Fitz 19

Crusher 42

Bruiser 17

Babs 22

Rocki 14

Lester 29

Hester 26

Trudi Fessbump 23

Lucy 24

Shreddy Freddy 10

Maharishi 12

Old Woman 5

Ole McDonald 23

Grandma McDonald 28

AUDITION NOTES CONT. Character # of lines

Big Mama 20

Protesters n/a

Students n/a

CASTING

Character Actor

Starpetal

Moonbeam

Rosebud

Sunflower

Pete

Paul

Harry

Molly McDonald

Shelly

Nancy

Darlene

Rhonda

Dr. Cora Crisp

Miss Divine

Titus de Law

Max King

Miss Fitz

Crusher

Bruiser

Babs

CASTING CONT.

Character Actor

Rocki

Lester

Hester

Trudi Fessbump

Lucy

Shreddy Freddy

Maharishi

Old Woman

Ole McDonald

Grandma McDonald

Big Mama

Protesters

Students

CONTACT INFO

Name: Phone: Starpetal Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Moonbeam Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Sunfl ower Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Rosebud Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Pete Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Paul Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Harry Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Molly McDonald Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Shelly Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Nancy Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Darlene Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Rhonda Parent: Phone: Email:

CONTACT INFO. CONT.

Name: Phone: Dr. Cora Crisp Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Miss Divine Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Titus de Law Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Max King Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Miss Fitz Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Crusher Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Bruiser Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Babs Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Rocki Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Lester Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Hester Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Trudi Fessbump Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Lucy Parent: Phone: Email:

CONTACT INFO. CONT.

Name: Phone: Shreddy Freddy Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Maharishi Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Old Woman Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Ole McDonald Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Grandma McDonald Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Big Mama Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Protesters Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Parent: Phone: Email:

CONTACT INFO. CONT.

Name: Phone: Students Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Crew Members Parent: Phone: Email:

Name: Phone: Parent: Phone: Email:

REHEARSAL SCHEDULE

Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Th ursday Friday Saturday Week 1 Week Week 2 Week Week 3 Week Week 4 Week Week 5 Week Week 6 Week Week 7 Week Week 8 Week

LIGHTING CUES

Page Cue Eﬀ ect Required

SOUND CUES

Page Cue Eﬀ ect Required

PROPS LIST

Location Brought on Page Item Stage Stage Onstage Right L e ft by Actor