PCoT – April Newsletter

Welcome to the April Newsletter. Quite a few pages this month. Alan F has some ‘Call Centre funnies. David’s ‘Quiz Challenge’ has a picture quiz along with a couple of other quizzes to get the brain working. An article ‘Coming Out Of Lockdown’ by John P and the usual Crossword. Enjoy!

BIRTHDAYS THIS MONTH.

Jeffrey Peacock Chris Lawson Garry Hyde Clive Simmonds Roy Harrison Alan Glover

Happy Birthday to you. Hope you are all well.

ALEC GIBSON – John Pepperell Alec’s funeral will take place at St. Andrew's Church, Clifton Campville on Wednesday, 7th April at 11.15 hours and at the Sutton Crematorium 12.15-12.30 hours.

TIRED OF LOCKDOWN? Want to get away from it? - Alan Fraser

This is a perfect opportunity and is free travel. Are you free in 2023? https://dearmoon.earth/ https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-56261574

MEMORIES OF 2020 – Alan Moorby

Still looking for photos for the ‘Memories of 2020’ for the ‘Photos (Themed)’ page on the website. Send in your pictures to include. Anything you remember of 2020. The last picture you took in 2020 perhaps.

BUBBLE2/4 MEETING – Alan Moorby

Our next Bubble2/4 meeting is on Tuesday 20th April at 2:30 and is open to any Probus member. If you would like to join us on Zoom let me know and I will add you to the distribution list when I publish the joining details.

If you have anything you would like to share then please send it to me [email protected] I'm specifically looking for articles for the next Newsletter.

What would you like to see in the Newsletter? Let me know what you think of the Newsletter.

Keep safe. Alan M.

Page 1 COMING OUT OF LOCKDOWN – John Pepperell

In accordance with the Government guidelines re: Covid situation (Step1 Part 2 from 29th March 2021) up to 6 people can meet up in outside areas. This will allow a group of friends to meet up for either a walk or a picnic as long as social distancing is maintained.

As from 12th April 2021, under Step 2 of the Guidelines, hospitality venues can reopen outside. This could open up the opportunity for picnics and light refreshments in areas such as the National Memorial Arboretum, Whitacre Hall, Kingsbury Water Park, Barton-under-Needwood Marina and National Trust areas.

From 17th May 2021 groups of up to 30 can get together in outside venues so why not instead of a Pub Lunch let’s meet for a picnic on Wednesday, 19th May at the Arboretum. With over 600 benches seating would not be a problem. Good company guaranteed with social distancing maintained.

Let’s kick start our recovery by being pro-active and make life “tickety boo”.

Please give me a call, feedback and any other suggestions welcome.

John P. Mobile: 07580 444936 Landline: 01827 706396

CALL CENTRES – Alan Fraser

I was once DP manager for a small Direct Marketing company with PCs and Unix boxes. I recollect an engineer saying one of his 'funnies' was to get a PC floppy disk drive working; remember them? The user had managed to insert about 7 floppies into the drive. When quizzed the user said that the instructions said to 'insert floppy.…' It never said that you have to take them out!

You mentioning Unix above reminds me of the time I was on a Unix training course with my boss, Paul. The instructor asked Paul a question (long forgotten what the question was). Paul answered “its the number you 1st thought of times 67”. The instructor looked at Paul and couldn’t quite make his mind up if he was brilliant or an idiot. All of a sudden the fire alarms went off and we had to evacuate the building. Paul had lent backwards on his chair and knocked the glass out of the fire alarm button. The instructor got his answer. Paul was an idiot. - Alan M.

------

Actual call centre conversations!!!!!

Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'. Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'. Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Center'. Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.

------

Page 2 Samsung Electronics:

Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?' Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'. Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?' Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.

------

RAC Motoring Services:

Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?' Operator: ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'

------

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France):

'If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'

------

Directory Enquiries:

Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'. Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?' Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'.

------

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?' Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland '.

------

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.

------

Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'. Customer: 'OK'.. Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'. Customer: 'No'. Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?' Customer: 'No'. Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'. Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.

Page 3 ------

Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?' Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?

------

Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?'.

------BEST SO FAR!------

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'. Actual dialogue of a former Word Perfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!): Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?' Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with Word Perfect.' Operator: 'What sort of trouble??' Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.' Operator: 'Went away?' Caller: 'They disappeared.' Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?' Caller: 'Nothing.' Operator: 'Nothing??' Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.' Operator: 'Are you still in Word Perfect, or did you get out??' Caller: 'How do I tell?' Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??' Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?' Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?' Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.' Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??' Caller: 'What's a monitor?' Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??' Caller: 'I don't know.' Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??' Caller: 'Yes, I think so.' Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the , and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. Caller: 'Yes, it is.' Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'

Page 4 Caller: 'No.' Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.' Caller: 'Okay, here it is.' Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.' Caller: 'I can't reach.' Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??' Caller: 'No.' Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??' Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.' Operator: 'Dark??' Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.' Caller: 'I can't.' Operator: 'No? Why not??' Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.' Operator: 'A power...... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??' Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.' Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.' Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?' Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.' Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??' Operator: 'Tell them you're too f---ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!'

Page 5 DAVID’S APRIL QUIZ CHALLENGE – David Ansell

Name The Film

Q1 Q2 Q3

Q4 Q5 Q6

Q7 Q8 Q9

Q10

Answers on Page 9.

Page 6 What Comes Next

1. Violet, Indigo, Blue. 2. Harold Wilson, Edward Heath, Harold Wilson, James Callaghan. 3. Michael Wood, Gordano, Sedgemoor, Bridgwater. 4. Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton. 5. George V, Edward VII, George VI. 6. 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 11. 7. Piccolo, Demi, Standard, Magnum. 8. A4, A3, A2, A1, A0. 9. Admiral of the Fleet, Admiral, Vice Admiral, Rear Admiral, Commodore. 10. Inch, foot, yard, chain.

Children’s Literary Heroes

1. The Bash Street Kids featured in which comic? 2. Which Wild West Character, apparently the World’s strongest man can lift a cow with One hand? 3. ‘The 4 Marys’ (1958-2001) were four teenagers living in a girls only boarding school in Elmbury. Which comic were they in? 4. Which from the Topper (1953-1990) wore black and red clothing, tormented her parents and the community, then transferred to in 1993? 5. Which comic featured Dennis the Menace? 6. Boys Hero could be found in which publication? 7. Who was the football hero who featured in from September 1954 to March 1993 but never seemed to get any older? 8. , and Captain Hurricane were characters from which publication 9. What is the name of the Policeman in the Noddy Series 10. The Land of Moebius is kept safe from the evil Dr Robotnik by Tails the fox, Knuckles the Echidna and which other colourful spiky hero

Answers on Page 9.

Page 7 THE APRIL CROSSWORD – Alan Moorby

ACROSS DOWN 6 Impulsive thief (12) 1 Tennis player, ___ Capriati (8) 8 Lengthiest (7) 2 Excessive (5) 9 Japanese city (5) 3 Friendship (5) 10 Fish-landing hook (4) 4 Bodily structure (7) 12 Charm (6) 5 Comedian, ___ Dee (4) 14 Golfer’s aide (5) 6 Metric weight (10) 15 Swimmer ___ Moorhouse (6) 7 Competitor (10) 16 Artillery (4) 11 Pale (3) 19 Holy city of Islam (5) 12 Fuss (3) 21 Windpipe (7) 13 Happy noise! (8) 22 Person cited in a divorce case (2-10) 14 Toffee (7) 17 The 39 ___, Hitchcock film (5) 18 Ice-skater, ___ Torvill (5) 20 Carrion bird (4)

Answers on Page 9.

Page 8 David’s March Quiz Challenge Answers

Name The Film

1. Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid, 2. 1917, 3. A Clockwork Orange, 4. A Hard Day’s Night, 5. Schindler’s List, 6. Django Unchanged, 7. One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, 8. Skyfall, 9. Dr No, 10. Back to The Future. What Comes Next

1. Green, 2, Margaret Thatcher, 3. Taunton Deane, 4. Pierce Brosnan, 5. Elizabeth II, 6. 13, 7. Double Magnum, 8. 2A0, 9. Captain, 10. Furlong.

Children’s Literary Heroes

1. , 2. , 3. , 4. Beryl the Peril, 5. The Beano, The , 7. , 8. Valliant, 9. PC Plod, 10. Sonic the Hedgehog – He is blue.

April Crossword Solution

Across 6. Kleptomaniac, 8. Longest, 9. Tokyo, 10. Gaff, 12. Amulet, 14. Caddy, 15. Adrian, 16. Guns, 19. Mecca, 21. Trachea, 22. Co-respondent. Down 1. Jennifer, 2. Steep, 3. Amity, 4. Anatomy, 5. Jack, 6. Kilogramme, 7. Contestant, 11. Wan, 12. Ado, 13. Laughter, 14. Caramel,17. Steps, 18. Jayne, 20. Crow.

Page 9