Modern Family Spec.Fdx Script
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MODERN FAMILY "Carnival" Written by Luke Dornbush 4241 Kling St W #22 Burbank, CA 91505 (651) 233-062 1. ACT ONE MITCHELL & CAMERON INTERVIEW CAMERON (singing) Tradition! They’re not even asking permission... (back to normal) I was in my high school’s ninth grade production of “Fiddler on the Roof”. MITCHELL You were in the chorus. CAMERON Um, excuse me? I was the understudy for all of the male roles... (off Mitchell’s look) Well not officially but it never hurts to be prepared. It was all political anyway... (singing) From the Papa-- JAY INTERVIEW JAY You want a tradition? Every year I get together with a bunch of guys from my old unit and we reminisce about the good old days... Well, ya know, the times when we weren’t being shot at. We’ve been doing it every year for thirty years. I’ve never missed one. Some traditions are like that, they never die. EXT. DUNPHY HOUSE - BACK YARD - AFTERNOON Jay drinks a beer while Phil tries to light his new barbecue. JAY You want a hand with that Phil? PHIL No Jay, I got this. JAY You’re sure? 2. PHIL Yes Jay. You go ahead, enjoy this beautiful day. You don’t need to waste your time watching me try to light these stubborn coals. JAY Ok. Jay takes a swig of his beer as he walks away. JAY (CONT’D) It’s a gas grill Phil. MITCHELL & CAMERON INTERVIEW CAMERON (belting) Tradition! JAY & GLORIA INTERVIEW GLORIA In Colombia we have a culture rich with tradition. I love Jay but he has always been resistant to our traditions. JAY Almost all of her traditions growing up involved guns, fireworks, or slaughtering animals. GLORIA Sometimes all three! JAY But with the laws in this country, our options are limited. EXT. DUNPHY HOUSE - BACK YARD - AFTERNOON Phil enters the backyard with take out bags. Claire, Jay, Gloria and the kids all sit around a table. PHIL Food’s here everyone! Phil hands out the food then sits down across from Jay. 3. PHIL (CONT’D) So how have you been Jay? JAY We really gonna do this? PHIL Come on Jay. Open up. JAY You want me to open up? CLAIRE Dad, be nice. He considers a beat. JAY Ok, you want open? Well it’s been a rough couple of days actually. The wife’s been giving me hell. You know how that is. PHIL I most certainly d-- He chokes on the last word as Claire catches his eye. CLAIRE What was that Phil? PHIL Whoa. I was choking for a minute there but I saved it. I’m good everyone. CLAIRE Don’t be so sure. PHIL I’m good. JAY And I got a colonoscopy on Monday so you know what that’s like. PHIL I most certainly do not. Phil is extremely uncomfortable with the subject. JAY Oh jeez Phil. You’re over forty now. (MORE) 4. JAY (CONT'D) You have to get that taken care of. Good prostate health is important for a man your age. Hell, Claire’s grandfather wasn’t much older than you when they found his cancer. Phil is distressed. Jay discreetly winks at the camera and goes back to his food. PHIL INTERVIEW PHIL What Jay said really hit me hard. I’m over forty. Do you know how embarrassing that is for me? INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - EVENING Claire prepares a meal. Phil follows her around the kitchen. CLAIRE You do realize that you turned forty months ago Phil. PHIL So? CLAIRE So you didn’t make a big fuss about it then. PHIL But that’s when I turned the forty where I’m not too old to party and be cool, not the forty where I have to get checked regularly to see if I’m dying yet. CLAIRE (shouts) Kids! Dinner! Haley enters, but doesn’t look up from her phone. PHIL Hey sweet pea! What’s cookin? HALEY So lame. Alex enters. Phil gets flustered. 5. PHIL Hey there... muffin. How’s it baking? ALEX When are you guys going to sign me up for driver’s ed? PHIL You’re not even old enough yet. ALEX I will be soon and the best schools fill up quickly. Or is this going to be another one of those things I have to do for myself? Phil tries to hide how much this bothers him. Luke enters. PHIL Yo, yo. What’s the word... typewriter? LUKE What’s a typewriter? CLAIRE It’s like an old-- Phil reacts to the word “old”. CLAIRE (CONT’D) It’s how they used to type before computers. LUKE Oh. I’ll ask grandpa about it sometime. Phil can’t take it anymore. PHIL Oh, that reminds me. I have to go... get some... things. Phil hustles out. CLAIRE (calls after him) Phil!? Dinner! 6. PHIL (O.S.) I’ll be right back! PHIL INTERVIEW PHIL When the kids were little we used to take them to the carnival all the time. Pretty much every one we found. And they loved it. They couldn’t get enough. EXT. ROAD - EVENING Phil sits at a stoplight in the family minivan. He notices two men putting up a sign for a carnival. PHIL (V.O.) So when I saw that sign, I knew it was a sign. PHIL INTERVIEW PHIL Well, it was a sign but- like it was a sign- It was destiny. EXT. ROAD - CONTINUOUS The light changes and Phil drives off. Once he is gone, the two men finish putting up the last part of the sign. The word “Kiddie”. MANNY INTERVIEW MANNY I’m an old fashioned kind of guy. Tradition is very important to me. Plus my teacher said it was worth ten percent of my grade. INT. JAY AND GLORIA’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON Jay is on the phone. Manny walks up to Jay. JAY (on the phone) Heya Rotso! How’s it goin? (MORE) 7. JAY (CONT'D) Nope, she hasn’t divorced me yet. Hey how’s Sarge doin? I haven’t heard from him in- You’re kidding. How? When? MANNY Jay, my teacher has given us the assignment of starting a new family tradition. JAY Uh, Rotso can I call you back? Yea my kid’s got some school assignment to take care of... Yea. (to Manny) Isn’t it summer? MANNY It’s extra credit. I thought I’d get a head start for the fall. JAY (to Manny) Of course you did. (to phone) It’s extra credit. Yea I know. Look, I gotta take care of this and I’ll call you back. Yep. Bye. Jay hangs up. JAY (CONT’D) Ok, let’s hear what you got. MANNY I’ve compiled a short list of data concerning the importance of family traditions. He pulls out several sheets of paper. JAY Oh boy. MANNY Number one. Studies have shown-- INT. MITCHELL & CAMERON’S DUPLEX - LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON Cameron feeds Lily on the couch. Mitchell enters. CAMERON Welcome home daddy! 8. MITCHELL (flatly) Hey Lily. CAMERON What was that? This is Lily’s favorite time of the day. You can’t muster more energy than that? Lily is focused intently on her food. MITCHELL Hi Lily! She burps. MITCHELL (CONT’D) Lovely. It’s just... It was a rough day at work. It’s been a rough week Cam. CAMERON It’s only Monday. MITCHELL It was a really rough day. CAMERON Uh oh. Well in that case I have some great news for you. MITCHELL Oh yea? CAMERON Lily and I decided that we’re going to the carnival on Friday. Mitchell waits expectantly. MITCHELL Oh, that was it. CAMERON No. Because the good news is that you are taking the day off and coming with us. MITCHELL What could possibly make you think that is good news for me? 9. INTERVIEW CAMERON & MITCHELL CAMERON Lots of people have weak stomachs. Mitchell’s stomach... MITCHELL When Claire and I were kids my mother took us to all kinds of carnivals. She and Claire loved to go on all the craziest rides. And I’d throw up on the Ferris wheel. CAMERON One time he threw up sitting on a bench just watching the Ferris wheel. MITCHELL I told you, that was food poisoning. CAMERON Of course. Cameron discreetly shakes his head “no”. INT. MITCHELL & CAMERON’S DUPLEX - LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON CAMERON It’s just little kids stuff, I’m sure you can handle it. MITCHELL No. No, you know what. I’ve got important meetings on Friday that I can’t get out of. You two will just have to go by yourselves. CAMERON Now that is something that just is not going to happen. MITCHELL Well I can’t miss those meetings Cam. CAMERON Don’t think I’m buying that for a second. You’ll call in sick. People do it all the time. Your secretary will take copious notes, it’ll be like you weren’t even gone. 10. Cameron exits towards the bedroom. MITCHELL But... CAMERON (O.S.) This is happening Mitchell! Mitchell is not convinced. INT. JAY AND GLORIA’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON Jay has grown anxious. MANNY Number forty one-- JAY Stop! Ok, stop. You know what, yes, you’re right. I think that’s a great idea Manny. MANNY Really? JAY If it gets you to stop, sure. What did you have in mind? MANNY Well, Friday is Boyaca Day in Colombia so I was thinking-- JAY That sounds great.