SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 1 2 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 3 Editor-in-Chief Sam Knowles TOP TEN THINGS WE WISH WE WERE Managing Editor of Features DANCING IN INSTEAD OF FOAM Charles Pletcher 1. Poppies. 6. Christina Paxon’s scarf. Managing Editor of Arts & Culture Clayton Aldern 2. Job offers. 7. F*cking cocaine. Managing Editor of Lifestyle 8. Somebody else’s Jane Brendlinger 3. Beer. underpants. Features Editor Zoë Hoffman 4. Donald Glover. 9. Blue Room artichoke Arts & Culture Editors hummus. Anita Badejo Ben Resnik 5. Our underpants. 10. The moonlight. Lifestyle Editors Jen Harlan Alexa Trearchis LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Pencil Pusher The Spring Weekend guide is my favorite issue. It’s the issue when the word “magazine” following Post- Phil Lai seems least presumptuous—a chance to show what we can do with beautiful, dazzling color and the glossi- est stock in all the land. Chief Layout Editor Clara Beyer We hope you enjoy what follows. You’ll find our signature profiles of the performers, along with some new features—like an hour-by-hour ingestion timeline and a board game sure to get any and all participants Contributing Editors Emeriti completely shitfaced. Kate Doyle Marshall Katheder Spring Weekend is the time of the year when we can truly live up to the Brunonian ideal—a glorious three days when our reputation for effortless cool and beauty doesn’t give way to the decidedly less glamorous Copy Chiefs reality of the SciLi and Gmail and those classes we occasionally grace with our presence. Come April 20, the Kristina Petersen books go under the bed; the neon apparel comes on. There’s no going back. Kathy Nguyen To those lucid enough to read our print, we hope you enjoy our guide to the most epic of all Brown week- Copy Editors ends. To those feeling a little more sloppy and a little less literate, just take a look at the pretty pictures. Lucas Huh Caroline Bologna Over and out, Blake Cecil Chris Anderson Claire Luchette sam

Staff Writers Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday Lily Goodspeed Class Board’s Mr. and SPEC Day Carnival BCA Concert Featur- BCA Concert Featuring FREE BAGELS Ben Wofford Ms. Brown 5PM Main Green ing Childish Gambino, The Glitch Mob, The Walk- 11AM Wayland Arch Ethan Beal-Brown 8PM Sayles Hall Sepalcure, and What men, Cam’ron, Twin Shadow A Perfect Wedding Cheer? Brigade Doors open at 2 PM, Main Greek Council presents Staff Illustrators Dirty Talk: A Sexy 8PM Leeds Theater Doors open at 6 PM, Green Dave Binder Spring Weekend Main Green 1 PM Wriston Quad Madeleine Denman Kickoff Nothing Productive Greek Council’s Fratty in Marissa Ilardi 7PM Barus & Holley Premiere Black Student Union the Ratty A Perfect Wedding Kirby Lowenstein 166 9PM Kassar FOX Spring Weekend Party 9 PM The Ratty 2PM Leeds Theatre Sheila Sitaram 11 PM Andrews Dining Caroline Washburn Capture the Flag Hall Silent Adela Wu 10PM Pembroke Field 11 PM Lincoln Field Kah Yangni 4 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 CONTENTS FEATURES ARTIST PROFILES 6 great expectations Michael Weinstein Phil Lai 20 CHILDISH GAMBINO Clayton Aldern Kah Yangni 8 remember that time? The Editors Kah Yangni 22 THE GLITCH MOB Ben Resnik Marissa Ilardi 12 spring weekend through the ages The Editors 24 cam’ron Marshall Katheder Marissa Ilardi Lucas Huh 26 The Walkmen Raj Sidhu Kirby Lowenstein 14 in defense of the bca Ben Wofford Madeleine 28 Twin Shadow Anita Badejo Carolyn Shasha Denman 30 Sepalcure Jordan Mainzer Phil Lai 16 find your binder Zoë Hoffman Phil Lai 32 What cheer? brigade Zoë Hoffman Phil Lai 34 find your binder Zoë Hoffman Phil Lai

Meet Josh, Erin, Clara, Craig, K.J., Robbie, Lizzie, and Emmett—all learning the hard way the things that can happen when you get stuck in a room with your peers eight crazy people for an hour each week ... and try to accomplish something make it out alive. It’s a little thing known as the “weekly meeting phenomenon.” Watch Nothing Productive, an all-new mockumentary web series, premiering Episodes 1 and 2 this Thursday, 4/19 at 9 pm in Kassar Fox Auditorium. LIFESTYLE 36 Sexicon MM 38 Bad Sex beej 38 Thou Shalt (not)... Anita Badejo 39 Emily Post- Emily Post- 40 Spring Weekend Board Game The Editors Clayton Aldern 42 Spring Weekend Ingestion Timeline Jane Brendlinger and Rémy Robert Jane Brendlinger 43 Classy vs. Trashy Alexa Trearchis and Zoë Hoffman Alexa Trearchis

SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 5 6 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 GREAT EXPECTATIONS losing my spring weekend virginity michael WEINSTEIN contributing writer Every year, thousands of Brown students get our travels. In fact, as Spring Weekend ap- conservative for some; the Main Green on to go to their first Spring Weekend all over proaches, the number of times I am offered any given sunny day already has more shirt- again. I actually haven’t been, because I’m a drugs on any given day increases. The only less guys than a Madonna video. freshman. But anyone who has already at- thing that’s going to be cognitively present tended can probably recount less of their on the Main Green on Saturday afternoon is Myth #4: There’s a Concert (Or Two) weekend than I can—that’s how you know smoke. … What music? they were there. I’m pretty sure I know more But I mean, come on. April 20 doesn’t about what’s going to happen this weekend always fall on Spring Weekend. This is like Myth #5: Death by Santa Beard than any experienced Spring Weekender (and a solar eclipse, but only we get to witness it. I’ve heard a lot about the fateful 2011 Foam everything I know I read about on the “Tradi- That is, if you can even see anything through Party, but a cursory Google search suggests tions at Brown University” Wikipedia page). the miasma-esque haze that will coat the it might not happen this year. As if students So naturally, even some upperclassmen may Main Green as if it were a swamp in Scooby won’t have enough reason to drink, the Foam be curious about what actually happens on Doo. I expect cloud coverage so thick it may Party is something for us to pregame after an that weekend. Here are my expectations for rain. Acid rain. I’ve heard some questionable entire day of drinking. It’s the closest thing we our first Spring Weekend, related to me by things about April 20 at Brown. One junior have to a Battle Royale, so I can only hope we some seriously damaged upperclassmen from insisted that at 4:20 p.m. (maybe a.m., too), all get to experience it together again. Anyway, whatever memory is left after two days (or a the Brown police make a perimeter around it’ll probably be the closest thing to a shower week) of keg stands, gravity bongs and orgies. hundreds of students smoking on the Main some students will get all weekend. That’s These are the myths of Spring Weekend. Green to protect them from the Providence assuming you don’t suffocate while making Police. I’m a little skeptical. I mean, they didn’t Santa beards (or perhaps some full-body Yeti Myth #1: Everything in Excess form a perimeter around me while they were suits) with foam. RIP to all those students You’re drunk while reading this, I’m sure. If I writing me up for smoking on the steps of who drowned in their beards last year. could sum up the legends I have heard about Sayles last week. Well, actually they sort of Of course, I will be sorely disappointed Spring Weekend, it would sound something did, but still. if I don’t witness a flash mob—hopefully not like a-a-a-a-a-alcohol (you know the tune). And because BCA put Glitch Mob on the the literal kind — at some point this weekend. From what I understand, the Ratty breakfast bill, we can’t not roll. For all the adults and CS I’ve also heard something about a Bizarre Ba- special will be “beerios.” I expect morning majors out there, “rolling” is the term used to zaar, a Tricycle race and even an all-you-can- drinking. A lot of it. I expect breakfast drink- indicate the high achieved from Ecstasy or eat ice cream truck. Then again, any event to ing, and then second breakfast drinking, and Molly. Consequently, I can only hope for a lo- take place this weekend is likely to be a hallu- then elevenses drinking, followed by drink- cal performance à la that “hooking up with a cination, so how will we ever figure out which ing luncheon, afternoon tea drinking, dinner tree” girl at Ultra. of these myths are based in reality? drinking, supper drinking, and then of course the actual drinking begins. We like our ale. Myth #3: Clothing Optional As much as Brown students may try to act I’ve even heard that one fraternity constructs Trees won’t be the only thing we’ll try to like Alabama frat bros this weekend, we may a Beer Throne. (Note: I’m still not sure wheth- have sex with on Spring Weekend. I expect not have it in us. In all seriousness, I could be er this is a throne for beer, in order to bow and Sex Power God meets Woodstock. Child- asleep by Saturday afternoon. No matter what grovel to our beer, or a throne made of beer ish Gambino might not be able to hook up expectations I have for this weekend, I can’t cans, which would really just be an excuse to with all of those Asian girls he’s always talking imagine a reality where they all come to frui- drink enough beer to make a throne out of.) I about, but I bet he likes to watch. And if those tion. Either way, this is a weekend of extreme just hope EMS has a morning shift. few hot days before Spring Break were any in- bodily harm and self-disregard. It’s a weekend dication, clothing is to be loosely defined all to check off a bunch of things on your college Myth #2: Trippin’ Ballz weekend. No shirts, no problem. And actu- to-do list. It’s the culmination of a year’s worth Spring Weekend is also notorious for travel- ally, shirts, problem. Shirts may be a discour- of work and a last chance to injure yourself se- ing, though most students take their trips on tesy at Spring Weekend. The only sufficient verely enough to get out of finals. It’s a last at- the Main Green, where the study abroad of- alternative seems to be bro tanks. The num- tempt to kill all of those brain cells you spent fice is actually some guy in a Grateful Dead ber one reason I’m looking forward to Spring every weekday night of the semester trying to hoodie from Zete. I expect the entire spec- Weekend is that those Facebook invites will develop. Because it’s f*cking Spring Weekend. trum of psychedelic substances to facilitate finally stop. However, bro tanks may be too F*ck yeah. SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 7 Remember that time? ... neither do we

the EDITORS

Ahh, Spring Weekend. For seniors, a last- It’s a beautiful spring day at Trinity of the library on a Saturday night. Cod- ditch effort to forget that graduation looms College in Hartford, Connecticut. The umbia’s Butler Library was rated one of and a time to find ecstasy in a PBR or a 100-year-old elm trees stand tall and the nation’s most beautiful (probably in succinctly rolled joint. For freshman, an proud in the center of the main quad, Stupid magazine), and that April night it elusive ideal that combines fraternity tank coined the Long Walk by TrinColl resi- did look pretty damn pretty, glowing and tops with the enigma of Dave Binder. For dents due to the quintessentially colle- stately. I remember looking out at the li- everyone, sort of a mess. In anticipation of a giate cobblestones and Gothic-inspired brary, taking a hit from a stranger’s doo- wonderfully fuzzy weekend, we present you dormitories circling the green. The sun bie, and wondering what all was so great with some favorite Spring Weekend memo- shines on the shoulders and legs of stu- about Homer. “I’d take Hissing Fauna ries of the Post- editorial staff. And in the dents walking across campus; they have over The Iliad any day! AMIRIGHT?” I spirit of complete honesty, we probably don’t donned sunglasses and shorts in joyous exclaimed to a skinny girl next to me, tak- remember them any more than you do. celebration of the warm weather. Eager ing the chance that she was on the same to join the masses of students enjoying page … but she just kept taking swigs of Freshman year: my first and last ex- the day, I step outside into the sunlight something muddy to wash down a tablet. perience with a foam party. I neither had … and into the world of Trinity Col- Oh well. I took another hit and flicked off the appropriate attire (bikini top and lege Spring Weekend. Among the elms the library, wanting like hell to get out of shorts in brisk 40-degree weather), nor gracing the main green, hundreds of New Yuck Shitty. But then I got some per- was I adequately intoxicated (I was very, students are playing beer pong outside, spective: I was just one awkwardly haired very drunk). There I was, waist deep in enjoying smoke circles, and generally girl taking a hit in the world’s most pop- foam, in my soaked jeans and a soiled running around completely wasted. A ulous city, and I was among the bleary- top, trying to stay upright amid the sippy cup full of whiskey in my hand, I eyed college students standing closest to drunken mix of Brown society waffling look around and notice my friends col- Kevin Barnes. –CL around me. Music was playing, so my lecting in a certain corner of the quad. friend and I shifted our hips in a way to Hanging from the third-floor window For my very first article for Post-, I re- suggest dancing. This primal movement of one of the historic dorms is a white counted the sad tale of my freshman-year apparently attracted the attention of a PVC pipe. My roommate’s boyfriend, Spring Weekend, spent in a dark, black very short, strange man-, who ma- in his best fraternity attire, is gripping box theater, cozying up to a fire extin- neuvered towards us. We moved away as the bottom of the pipe with both hands, guisher while the concerts raged on just quickly as one can in a sea of sticky foam. chugging and soaking himself with beer. a few yards away. Needless to say, by the Moments later, disaster struck. “My flip- Everyone laughs and clamors about time sophomore spring rolled around, I flop!” I dreaded the thought of reaching who gets to drink next. I turn around was ready to make up for lost time. Thurs- under the bubbles. I had written off my and smile sweetly as a prospective stu- day afternoon, I buzzed with excitement shoe as lost when our small-statured dent tour group passes through a nearby (and a sugar high from massive amounts friend showed up. Before I knew what arch. –AT of free cotton candy) as I bounced from was what, he’d taken a breath and dived the SPEC carnival to Fiction I, the last under, returning triumphantly with the When I was a student at Codumbia class I would attend before the festivi- missing flip flop. Perhaps the gallant Uniperversity, I tried to avoid mass gath- ties began. The whole class was antsy, knight expected a token for his sacrifice, erings. But Of Montreal was coming for flipping through Kafka half heartedly as a peck on his foam-covered head, but the annual Bacchanal music festival, and sunshine streamed through the J. Walter I could only thank him profusely and so, because it was at no cost to me and Wilson windows. Our TA, a supremely hope that he was satisfied with his ran- because my ex boyfriend LOVED Kevin mellow individual who started off each dom act of kindness. –JB Barnes, we elected to bop around in front class with incense and celebrated the 8 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 end of the semester by bringing us pizza to the Porta-Potty on behalf of one of and beer, kicked back in his chair, took my friends who had fallen victim to a a deep breath, and proceeded to give us generous pour. Luckily she made it out Remember that time? some words of wisdom. Advice to make alive, beating out all those boys in seer- us better writers and, he claimed, bet- sucker who managed to get themselves ter human beings. “Just do everything,” arrested. And me? Well, I had a grand he said. We nodded along—life experi- ol’ time. My lemonade may have been a ence makes for writing material, we’d little too strong, but I ended up safe and heard the spiel before. But this was not sound (and a little burnt) back in my bed your typical lecture: He then proceeded for a good afternoon’s sleep followed by a to tell us that we should be spending couple episodes of SVU. –ZH our time drinking as much as possible, having plentiful and imaginative sex, Music festivals aren’t my natural and doing hallucinogens to “open our habitat. For starters, I’m scared of dirt minds.” He later claimed that the timing and sweat. So as my friends drove off to was serendipitous, that he had no idea Coachella, most of them already high on he was telling us to be heathens on the shrooms, I stayed at Pomona and hit the most debaucherous weekend of the year. stacks. When I first heard about Trea- But regardless, we took his timely advice sure Island, it sounded more up my al- to heart. As the weekend proceeded (in ley. Held off the coast of San Francisco, a very satisfactory fashion—take that, it is far from the sweltering deserts of Spring Weekend 2009!), I bumped into Coachella and closer to the thrift and several of my classmates in various states coffee shops I like most about California. of sobriety. And with knowing smiles, we The proximity to my roommate’s house, congratulated each other: “I see you’re complete with running water, clean lin- doing your homework. S with distinc- ens, and doting grandparents, made it an tion for you.” –JH unbeatable choice—the perfect training- wheeled transition into the dirty wil- Big hats. Lilly dresses. Croakies. And derness of music festivals. But six hours copious amounts of alcohol. Add these into the first day, my relaxed and bliss- together and you get the general idea of ful expectations had given way to the the Foxfield Races in Charlottesville, Vir- sweaty and miserable reality. The line ginia. The day starts early: 6 a.m. alarm, for the shuttle stretched across several 7:30 shots, then the traffic-ridden ride to city blocks, each unshaven, musky con- the racecourse. The horses are present, certgoer blending into the next. By the yet elusive. The main point is to get to time we were past security and in sight the concession stand fast, buy a Jumbo of the stage, I was unbearably nauseous Size Lemonade, and proceed to the clos- and wanted to go home. But then it all est fraternity plot to saturate your sug- changed. In the corner of my eye, I made ary drink with an excessive amount of out a shortish man carrying a ukulele, vodka (or gin or whiskey—pick your walking to the center of the stage. And poison). From there the idea is simple: then he began to play the most sooth- take pictures (usually pointing at horses ing notes I had ever heard, joined by an with feigned surprise), run around look- accordion, a few trumpets, and his own ing for people you vaguely know to give voice, delicate as sand. (The song, I later them overly enthusiastic hugs, and lie learned, was Beirut’s “Elephant Gun.”) on the ground, gazing at the sky as you I began to forget the eight-hour drive, contemplate whether or not you can the long lines, the lingering metallic tint rally after a four-hour nap. Most make of the bootlegged vodka. Now I simply it through, but some let the sun and the swayed, back and forth, unusually grate- booze get the best of them. I personally ful to be outside, next to friends, and lis- had to elbow through a drunken line tening to music. –SK

SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 9 10 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 11 12 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 13 14 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 BLAMING THE VICTIM? in defense of the bca ben WOFFORD staff writer For all of Spring Weekend’s days-long revelry and euphoric insanity, it’s the fairly reliable dozen of EMS calls and the far-more-reliable doz- en of queues of hurling dipsomaniacs (exbibers?) that remind us not all Ivy League students pay the highest level of deference to logic and wisdom around here. But I was still pretty shocked last week when hundreds of Brunos fell victim to the Bishop Law. The Bishop Law, you ask? Don’t Google True, BCA’s secrecy doesn’t make its on an amazing Spring Weekend for 6,000 the phrase—I made it up. But the Bishop job any easier. But unless you’re black- students. It’s the kind of power that’s dif- experiments were very real, still taught in mailing a BCA Chair, it’s essentially im- ficult to abuse—no one plots to join BCA any introductory Psych, Anthro, or PoliS- possible to know what goes on in those just to invite his or her favorite artist, for ci class you’ll find. In 1975, when asked committee meetings. No one—and truly instance. But their mission is nearly im- about a made-up piece of federal legisla- no one—talks specifics to outsiders. Yet possible to execute without near or com- tion, two-thirds of respondents gave a they’re jumping to tell anyone who will plete confidentiality. surefire opinion in support or opposition. listen about their philosophy. After inter- “There are very concrete reasons for Hence, if you will, the Bishop Law: views with the Chairs and staff alike, I’m the levels of secrecy,” Booking Chair Gil- “Strength of conviction correlates in- more convinced than ever not just that our lian Brassil tells me as we sit in the base- versely to one’s knowledge of fact.” Spring Weekend is in good hands, but also ment of Faunce. It’s not just the element Nobody has learned that lesson harder that Brown might (might) have the most of surprise, she stresses. “It affects other than the 13 volunteers who make up the qualified and thoughtful concert chairs artists, who might learn they were sec- Brown Concert Agency, the student orga- of nearly any school—who just happen to ond choice.” She then noted the risk that nization responsible for Spring Weekend’s work on the toughest campus imaginable. if fees were ever made public, artists might musical lineups. Sitting at the intersec- So yes, I think we should all have a bit manipulate that information for price tion of the Bishop Law’s furthermost ex- more respect for the BCA. My reasoning gouging. “Colleges are also routinely over- tremes—the peerless emotionality of stu- is simple. Maybe I’m a dick, but I’d wager quoted,” she added. dent music tastes, bred with a near-total that everything you know about BCA is It’s amazing that this kind of rational ignorance of the logistical BCA, which wrong. fear doesn’t turn obsessive, in light of the conducts almost all its affairs in secret— mind-numbing logistical ballet that never the Concert Agency has to anticipate the * * * really ends, even over the summer. BCA unavoidable collision of a matchstick may be (in)famous for arranging the an- truck and a massive oil tanker, every single The BCA staff is extremely small, and nual musical lineup, but they also coordi- year. BCA just wants to make sure that, in they’re not exactly powerful. They have nate the entirety of Spring Weekend. the end, the explosion looks pretty. one big responsibility each spring: putting That includes the big stuff, like produc- SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 15 tion, sound, talent, food vendors, and tick- indoors, herding students into bleachers, about student desire for R&B?” says Bras- eting agencies. But also “a lot of bureaucrat- Diddy’s late appearance—had nothing to sil. “This year we spent a lot of time talking ic nonsense—just things you would never do with BCA. It didn’t stop students from about electronic, which is huge.” think of,” says Brassil—harrowing triviali- lambasting BCA for things out of their But it’s less nailing a trendy genre or the ties such as wireless function in Meehan, control. Or as one colorful and oddly spe- proportion of music cliques than the con- fire safety meetings, security passes, T- cific BDH editorial claimed in February, sequences of what happens when you get it shirts, and food in dressing rooms. “It’s just arranging “concerts about as fun as hav- wrong. a really huge event that happens to have ing your toenail hair removed by Rosie “With any lineup the BCA can put to- music,” she says. “The music is really just O’Donnell.” gether, some segment of the campus will ten percent of what we do.” Even in a year when BCA has received be unhappy,” wrote Matt Klimmerman— But as long as the music remains the unusual praise for their handling of the the managing editor of BlogDailyHerald, most visible element of BCA’s work, the lineup on a reduced budget, media cover- which often coordinates with BCA in its lineup will remain a ludicrously complex age of lineup rollouts remains as predict- coverage of Spring Weekend. Klimmerman ten percent. able as the debauchery that the Weekend added he knew a student furious at BCA “Names start getting seriously dis- is famous for. “Reactions to BCA Lineup for neglecting to book a heavy metal band. cussed by the end of October, and No- Mixed,” read last month’s Herald headline “With a campus as diverse and opinionated vember is when the push really starts,” that could have been from any year. But it’s as Brown is, you are never going to have a says Brassil. The UCS Poll, ‘larger musical not just criticism that Ramadan and BCA consensus.” trends,’ and the need for a campus-wide deal with. On the whole, student reaction Though the desire for a Least Common balance of genres, prices, and availabil- at best appears evasive, at worst fickle. One Denominator fuels the temptation for a pop ity each mesh into a deliberative melting year, BDH reported students were “upset performer with superstar status, the con- pot. It’s about who they can afford, who’s about Diddy” because of his being a “hired cept is a nonstarter. The budget is limited, available, and most importantly, whatev- name,” the next it’s “the relative obscurity Brassil reminds me—“Even with pooling er it takes to “just make Brown students of the acts” becoming a “common com- it wouldn’t happen,” she adds—but more happy,” a refrain from BCA I heard more plaint among students.” to the point, it’s the eclectic student body times than I can count. For BCA, it would seem there’s solace that wouldn’t allow it. “We have a legacy Thinking about this logistical tightrope in those contradictions—“We try so hard, of a sort of festival mindset,” adds Brooks, departs headache and enters nausea when but we can’t make everyone happy,” con- noting that the goal isn’t a famous name but you factor in the nature of the job. As if a cedes Agency Chair Raillan Brooks—but that “everyone coming this year has a killer major concert weren’t hard enough to pull it can breed a casual “blame BCA” rever- live show.” off, there are still student expectations, sion that leaves the facts wanting. When a Buried in there is a reliable pathology tradition, and a budget—down $30K from fall editorial attacked the BCA for moving for some students’ irrational disdain for 180K last year—to fret over. Never in the students onto the bleachers, it neglected BCA. By no fault of its own, BCA suffers the process can you reassure yourself that it’s to mention that BCA was adhering to the original sin of elitism. If Brown convened a “just” Spring Weekend. That 13 students non-negotiable fire code, a sore spot for 400-person committee, it still wouldn’t ad- pull this off is kind of unthinkable. But for the Chairs that they expressed with signifi- equately capture the variety of music tastes the BCA staff, their unfazed disposition cant grief. It’s worth noting that second- on College Hill. So a self-selecting, bakers- seemed as genuine as impenetrable. semester coverage on the whole has been dozen coterie can easily set imaginations “We used to have to set up the entire more generous to BCA, and numerous ablaze. Who are these assholes who think stage ourselves, as students,” laughs Pub- Chairs stressed they would describe this they can pick music for everyone else? licity Chair Emma Ramadan when I ask year’s coverage of BCA events as fair. “When people don’t know the faces her about the workload. “The upside is that of the people, it seems easier to hate the it’s really incredible to put this together.” * * * monolith of an organization,” wrote Blog- Ramadan’s enthusiasm is especially DailyHerald Editor–in-Chief Jenny Bloom enigmatic, because her job bears the brunt There’s one final element that makes the in an email, addressing my question: Why of BCA’s worst enemies: itself and its per- Concert Agency’s job unthinkably diffi- do people shit on BCA? She added that ception among the student body. cult. The human species has been defen- blame becomes a substitute for “actually As long as there has been a Spring sive about music tastes for the better part knowing the people and understanding the Weekend, there has been a student seg- of civilization, but Brown is one of the few nuances.” ment, vocalized by campus media, to criti- colleges that can give that standard a run Though Klimmerman wrote that he cize it. Anything from the lineup, to the for its money. felt that “this year proves that the BCA setup, to the getup—everything seems fair From the first days of lineup delibera- is intent on listening to student opinion,” game. Last year’s performance was a wind- tion, this diversity is what haunts a Book- he said he still felt that “BCA gets written fall for BCA shit-talk, but suffice it to say ing Chair’s dreams. “Do we want a dance off too often as a secret ... group of ultra- that much of that flak—moving the show act or a throwback rap as a headline? What hipsters who read Pitchfork religiously

16 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 and ignore mere mortals (namely other In that sense, I guess nepotism isn’t the “We’ve gotten a lot of sweet emails, say- students).” right charge; something like institutional ing thank you for all the hard work,” Gillian There’s an irony here that you have to see incest probably strikes a truer note. But is tells me. “We didn’t get any of that last year to believe. Yes, BCA’s application process is that such a bad thing? Yes, it might be ideal or the year before.” ridiculously exclusive, and yes, their turn- to pretend things would be more “fair” if If that can’t convince you, then take it over is high—but what they filter for is the BCA were elected by students and not self- on faith from me. If BCA can have a con- antithesis of musical elitism. Agency staff selecting. But 13 people put in a pressure versation with me about music and I can still have to demonstrate a superlative abil- cooker for four years are going to become understand all of it, then it’s about as likely ity to debate the merits of artists who would friends. The way I see it, there are enough that BCA staff are “masturbatory hipsters” garner wide appeal at Spring Weekend and booby traps in the Spring Weekend setup as my Irish-Catholic recruited-athlete to check their musical allegiances at the as is, and the stakes are already so high— roommate is Little Richard. door. would anyone really prefer 13 people so fu- The most crucial question on the appli- rious at each other that they sabotage their * * * cation? “We ask people to say what genre own lineup process? Or don’t share notes? they do not like and why,” says Brassil. “You Or just hate each other? For those who I’m reminded of a great meme during the have to be really open-minded on BCA.” think elections are too egalitarian to pro- Healthcare Reform Debate from 2010. A “That’s part of what it means to pick duce this result, I suggest they pay attention stern Obama stares a hole into the viewer’s seven bands with a large catchment,” adds to the US Senate. face. “Saving Your Ass, Whether You Like Brooks. When I asked her about the espirit, Ra- It or Not,” reads the text. At the core of every stereotype is admit- madan nailed it. “Yeah, we argue, we fight,” Slightly amended, that could be BCA’s tedly a grain of truth. The most vocal com- she said, conjuring a memory while she motto: “Rocking Spring Weekend, Wheth- plaint of BCA is the so-called nepotism— stared at the ground. “But during Spring er You Accept It or Not.” they choose only their friends, goes the Weekend, we’re backstage and just hug- Under unimaginable pressure and logic, and then they never leave. The real- ging.” Memo to Brunonia: That’s the sign of rarely willing to take the limelight, BCA ity, as usual, is more blurry. Yes, there’s high a group that works hard and cares. Fine by is a student agency that almost never re- turnover; that’s the way BCA is designed. me. sponds directly to criticism but internal- “We will never, ever take a senior,” Who knows how rigorous the BCA ap- izes it. It concocts Spring Weekend; lays says Brassil, her tone anticipating accusa- plication process really is? But in one sense claim to yearlong accolades, then down- tions I’m not making. “Look, institutional that debate is the wrong one, since the plays it; books phenomenal performers— memory is so important in BCA. No one is most rigid meritocracy still pales in com- including Gambino, who sandwiched prepared to deal with a $250K event. You parison to the real factor that keeps BCA Brown between two California shows— get one shot to get it right.” open-minded: its down-to-earth, straight- and can’t brag about it. That’s a profession- Meanwhile, the charge of hiring from forward, and goal-oriented demeanor. No al and social equation that makes us very, within BCA bubble resembles shoot-first- one came to BCA to prove anything, except very lucky. ask-later reasoning. The Agency will take to “make sure Brown students are happy”— “I think that even if they got the per- about three or four freshmen each year— a message Ramadan stressed repeatedly. fect lineup, they wouldn’t get the credit freshmen, as in, no one knows them—and During one of our conversations, she stop- they deserve,” wrote Bloom. “We criticize they do their best to choose on merit. started her way through an emotional re- so many things on campus, think critically “Last year, we had someone apply count of reading snarky Facebook com- about so many ideas, I just don’t see this as who was someone I knew, one of my best ments on the ticket-sales crash (not BCA’s something worth pulling apart.” Bloom’s friends,” says Ramadan, who’s had to deal fault—they’ve been lobbying to dump point seems clear: Analyze, probe, and pil- with the nepotism charge more often than TouchNet for years). Kind of astonished, I lory, but don’t take yourself too seriously, once. “He applied last year for the board, asked her if an anonymous comment can and don’t let it ruin your Weekend. and even though I knew him and pushed actually affect her. “It does hurt my feel- Her advice to Brunonia first-timers: for him, he still didn’t get on. Because the ings,” she admitted, “even though I know it “Just go with it, let your hair loose, throw board didn’t think he was the best.” Rama- shouldn’t.” your head back. And enjoy.” dan added that the year before the Agency BCA’s ability to communicate that mes- She may have borrowed her enthusi- also took on four unknowns; meanwhile, an sage has been steadily improving. This year asm from Brassil, whose eyes lit up as she applicant whose roommate was an Agency the Agency set up a table on the Main Green painted a vision of a Spring Weekend of Chair got a rejection letter. The nepotism to address student questions and concerns. legend. She sounded like a kid dying to charge, Ramadan theorizes, stems from the “It’s the transparency thing,” says Brooks. show off an art project. intense camaraderie in the organization. “It “Tabling helped us hype the lineups. But “Our main goal is to get you through gives the impression we’re all friends, and also, if you have anything to say, come say and make sure that when you’re there somehow that’s why we were chosen,” she it to our faces, because we will take it seri- you’ll have a blast. I’m so fuckin’ excited.” says. ously.” The dividends have been palpable. Me too.

SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 17 FIND YOUR BINDER an interview with the legend

zoë HOFFMAN features editor It starts off slow. Through the mid-afternoon been coming back ever since. He’s still trying to haze of residual hangover and stale PBR, work out how he became such a Brown legend. you lift your hands and chant—or yell, or “Every year I think, ‘Oh, I wonder if they’re go- screech—“aaaaaa Burger King, a Burger ing to do it again.’ Yep, they are.” King/ Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Burger According to Binder, his Spring Weekend King.” Your fearless leader, the one directing concert has stayed much the same through- the crowd of bro tanks and neon shades on out his time at Brown. One difference he has Wriston, reassures you: “Your brains know noticed, however, fits into a larger trend of how to do it. Trust yourself.” You believe increased security crackdowns at college cam- don’t like that it’s just all about drinking.” And him—after all, why shouldn’t you? He’s been puses across the country. Back when he started for the most part, students used to agree. telling generations of Brunonians the same “there was no security on stage, it was much “It’s almost a challenge,” he says. “It’s more thing for 25 years. more loose—open containers were fine. Every- like, ‘Let’s challenge the authority; we’ll figure For the past quarter of a century, Dave body would have a keg or two and have a cup.” out a cool way to do this.’” He recognizes the Binder has been a constant in the ever-chang- The university eventually banned kegs, catch-22 of seemingly all University interac- ing Spring Weekend line-up, strumming his prompting a slew of creative student solutions. tions with alcohol and binge drinking, noting, guitar to a repertoire of lighthearted numbers Binder remembers one fraternity that hol- “If you let them [drink], they probably won’t at the Sunday show. Speaking on the phone, he lowed out the cushions of a couch, buried kegs as much.” is humble despite his iconic status. “It’s not easy in the ground below it, and ran the hose up But even if day drinking has gone from being a legend,” he says jokingly. under the cushions so they could fill beers all casual sipping to an all-out chugging contest, He started playing music when he was day without reprimand from the authorities. the mood of the show has largely stayed the young: picked up the guitar at 7, started writing Another year, he says, “They actually emptied same. Binder couldn’t choose a favorite mem- songs at 10, formed a band at 11. His extend- [a garbage can] out, put a keg in there, threw ory from his 25 years here. Instead, he says, ed family was a performing group in its own garbage on top, and had a hose running out.” “The stuff that’s memorable to me is that you right at various holidays and celebrations. “Ev- Even after attempted University lockdowns, he see all these people that would never hang out erybody could play or sing a song. My says, “People seem to find a way to get around together in any other circumstance. Like you mom’s sister was a dance therapist, so she’d do things.” see the jocks and the geeks, [people from] dif- a dance. Another was a storyteller, another was Before the strict drinking regulations ferent areas of campus—all of them come to- an opera singer. As kids you see all this stuff were put in place, the atmosphere of the Bind- gether and sing and dance and smile and have going on and you think this is pretty normal.” er shows matched the tone of his music—they a really great time.” No one fights at the Bind- These memories helped shape Binder’s identity were fun, relaxing, and viewed as a way to re- er show; the music and the feeling of com- as a performer, and encouraged him to con- charge after a crazy couple of days. “I mean, munity counteract any animosity that might tinue playing music and, eventually, to turn his yeah, people were doing some drinking, but come about at a liquor-fueled rock concert, hobby into a career. it was more about getting together and having for instance. “In the purest sense, that’s what In college, his musical abilities helped fun,” he explains. Things feel different now. college should be about. If you’re going to re- pay the bills. Binder played at bars around Binder has noticed that getting drunk for his member things, you’re going to remember a his original school, Clark University. These shows has become an event in and of itself— community of people at a particular point in smaller shows were a welcome distraction to a quality readily apparent in Spring Weekend your life, and you’ll never have that again.” For his pre-med major, so much so that he de- sayings like “Bender ‘til Binder.” many, Binder’s shows are the most prominent cided to transfer schools in order to pursue a Now, it’s almost a survival of the drunk- memory of their time at Brown, making him career in music. He ended up graduating from est—who can keep their BAC highest a Unicorn Song–singing god of sorts. Lowell University (now UMass Lowell) with a throughout the weekend, through Sunday In spite of his status, one thing has eluded music degree and an enthusiastic fan base. A afternoon? The notion that his show would Binder: a Brown diploma. “How many Brown friend’s agent-brother noticed his popularity be the last chance to get plastered after two students have been influenced and, yet, noth- and asked to book him at other schools as well. full days of heavy drinking was not what ing? Dave wants to know when he’s getting From there, the success kept coming. “I’ll do it Binder hoped for when he started performing his honorary degree.” When I suggested his for a few more years and see what happens,” he at Brown. The original idea was, “Be out, be name should have been tossed around as a recalled thinking. “I’ve just been doing it ever happy, sing along, see your friends, visit peo- replacement for Ruth, he laughed. “Imagine since.” Eventually someone from Brown ap- ple you probably haven’t seen all year because that—president of Brown. That’d be way too proached him about playing a show, and he’s you’ve been too busy, and then crunch time. I political. No thanks.” 18 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 Artist Profiles 2012

SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 19 20 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 CHILDISH GAMBINO clayton ALDERN managing editor Donald Glover is clever. A little over one and downplayed production, Childish drops the shadows of hushed tones and the po- year ago, the screenwriter-turned-stand-up- punchline after punchline, driving the beat litical arena, over-the-top artists like Child- comedian-turned-actor released a devilishly and accentuating his aggression. He asserts ish Gambino will be their ushers. Those crisp rap track called “Freaks and Geeks,” his power by showing that there is a place obsessed with political correctness (here’s and the popular culture sphere imploded. in the game for Comic-Con flow and, more lookin’ at you, us) have something to learn In three-and-a-half minutes, he sold us on relevantly, Comic-Con kids with afros. But from Glover: Sometimes the politically in- his dopeness and convinced us he was in it where the EP that fueled last year’s IAM- correct decision is the best decision to make. to win it (the recently awarded Emmy had DONALD tour was triumphant, his newest We, especially, are eager students for somehow shortchanged him). Over the , Camp, is cocky. Donald Glover is Gambino’s lessons. Look at the man: He has course of the following months, he would clever, but he might actually be too clever for thick glasses and short shorts, a hefty vocab- tweet, leak, and otherwise socially engineer his own good. ulary and a handful of snark. He is prone to his way to the top of the pop culture food If, as Glover contends, the message of Twitter and Tumblr references and probably chain. Friday night, Glover takes the College Camp is one of personal growth and racial looks foxy in a Hipstamatic polaroid. Sound Hill stage under his rap sobriquet, Childish hope, the concept is muddled—and not only like anyone you know? We like Childish be- Gambino, and attendees can expect quite the by the obligatory hyper-masculinity of main- cause he is one of us—and despite the threat performance. stream rap and Gambino’s adherence to this of mouth-f*cking, he is aware of and cares Everything about the man is performa- template. Song by song, the concept album about this relationship. After all, he is sand- tive—he has been crafting the theatrics of his is jarring. This is where Glover’s contradic- wiching a Friday night Brown University career since his days in NYU’s Derrick Com- tory personality gets him in trouble. There show between a Camp Gambino tour stop edy group. Accept him as such. His rap blurs are three voices on Camp, and each delivers in Oakland on Thursday and Coachella on the line between comedy and hip-hop, a fact different content. Growly Gambino is hot, Sunday. that has garnered plenty of criticism from bothered, and all about UCLA girls (or LSU As much as he indicates otherwise on other artists and the popular press. Most girls). There is also a squeaky, childish Child- his I AM JUST A RAPPER and I AM JUST often, the hate is in reference to a question: ish. This is the Gambino that’s most like his A RAPPER 2 mixtapes, Donald Glover is not Which Donald should we take for the real stand-up self, dropping one metaphorical just a rapper. He is not just a comedian, nor Donald? Glover’s persona now seems largely Molotov cocktail after another. Occasionally, just a screenwriter. He is something new: an dominated by Childish Gambino—not Troy though, he takes it down a notch. Soft, emo- amalgam of careers and concepts, the likes from Community, not the stand-up come- tional Donald is vulnerable: “Sometimes I of which do not immediately mix well. But dian, and not the 30 Rock writer. His per- feel like I ain’t supposed to be here / Some- they are not supposed to, and he anticipated sonal blog, iamdonald.com, mostly reflects times I wake up, I don’t want to be here. / this. Glover’s self-awareness is his crown his endeavors as Childish. But iamdonald is My mom loved to text me Psalm verses / She jewel. Camp’s multiple personalities reflect not iamdiddy. don’t look at me like I’m the same person.” his own contradictions, and even when he His comedic past lends itself to hyper- The record is comprised of all three voices, gets whiny, his complaints are not superfi- bolic lyricism; when Gambino gambols on so the disjointed whole is exactly the sum of cial. In “All The Shine,” Glover raps, “I’m a a track, puns are in no short supply. A brief its parts: nothing more, nothing less. role model, I am not these other guys / I rap scan through the Childish Gambino cata- In “Backpackers,” Childish gives us an about my dick and talk about what girls is fly logue highlights his unique brand of punch- encouraging shout-out: “‘I wrote on rape / I know it’s dumb, that’s the fucking reason line rap: “My dick is like an accent mark / culture my junior year at Brown / So I’m al- I’m doing it / So why does everyone have a It’s all about the over-E’s.” “I’m heading west lowed to say what all his raps are about’ / You problem with talking stupid shit?” like I’m f*cking blowing Kanye.” “But these better shut your mouth before I f*ck it.” Ah. His work in popular media bleeds to- girls I’m kissing chase the blues away like Open-mouthèd SW12 fans, beware. When gether, but all of it bleeds Donald Glover. Gargamel.” Yes, that was a Smurfs reference. aggressive Gambino comes out to play, there Even if he is not totally cognizant of the in- Gambino tracks are like rounds of slapjack: is more Odd Future than Talib Kweli pres- fluence he has and the way it manifests it- solid, rhythmic flow punctuated by twitchy ent—although it may be for the better. His self, he is still changing the game. In a 2011 false alarms and the occasional table-bash- over exaggerated style lends itself to cross- interview with MTV, Glover stated that his ing bomb. ing boundaries. Over the course of a few goal was to be a “cultural controller,” and, for “Freaks and Geeks” remains Gambino’s songs, for example, he references 9/11 and more often better than worse, he is well po- magnum opus, but not just because the song hashtags Virginia Tech and Casey Anthony. sitioned to do precisely that. Childish Gam- is great (and it is). Rather, the track epito- Aside from his self-proclaimed role model bino is not just a rapper. He is Donald. He mizes everything Childish Gambino is able status, this is where the rest of his power lies. stays whiskey neat, and nobody is going to to bring to the table. Over a bed of clean If painful phrases are ever to emerge from cancel his clique anytime soon. SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 21 22 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 THE GLITCH MOB ben RESNIK arts and culture editor

You know the Glitch Mob. Even if breakout single: Their claim to fame is music makers: always sampling, always you don’t recognize the name, if you’ve the entire genre. Exactly like its music, sampled, not so often recognized in heard a good electro song or remix in the trio has integrated itself so far into their own right. the past five years, you know the Glitch pop culture that it has merged with the Not that going unrecognized has Mob. But that doesn’t apply to every very concept of pop culture cool. That done them any harm. The Glitch Mob is gushing groupie: The Mob has fans that smoothly powerful beat at the end of less about name recognition and more can’t name a single song. Such is the the Captain America trailer? Glitch about feeling. And it does very, very group’s circumstance—their name and Mob. The background music in the well on that front. The group is the op- their accomplishments were separated NBA 2K12 ad? Glitch Mob. That dan- posite of background music. You know at birth. gerously danceable remix of The White a song by the Glitch Mob when you Which is unjust, as there are many Stripes’ “”? Oh, hel- hear it—it makes you feel powerful in accomplishments to be celebrated. The lo there, Glitch Mob. a way that is unique to them. With its three-piece became an in- But that hasn’t made them some erratic but undeniable tonality and its stitution in the world of electronic mu- distant electronic diva. The group distinctive ability to manipulate your sic in no time flat. Despite only form- makes a point of soliciting fan feed- emotions with electrified sound, the ing in 2006 and not dropping a debut back, and their live performances Glitchy elixir makes your every physi- LP until after dropped are as impressive as their recordings. cal motion seem epic. What’s more, beats during Spring Weekend 2010, Composed of three legendary DJs every song’s title, abstract as it may the Glitch Mob has become one of the (Boreta, Ooah, and—most notably— be, is impressively fitting to that song’s most prominent sounds on the scene. edIT, whose album Certified Air Raid mood. “Fistful of Silence,” for instance, They’re constantly ahead of the curve: Material is a testament to the power of seems like a strange choice for an elec- They helped make weird beats and syn- glitch music), GM knows how to put tro piece. And yet it works—the beat thesizer fuzz cool for a new generation on a show. Their performances incor- holds and drops in such away that the of ravers; they were wubbing while the porate real instruments and heavy tech silent space between notes feels like lit- dubbers were still learning to step. alike, mixing live bass with beats from eral impact. Their pieces are not overly And while they may have revitalized a MacBook. Brunonians should expect bass-and-fuzz-heavy stock for the electro, they certainly aren’t rehashing no less. Whether inside or out, the sample mill; they are musical stories in old material—the Glitch Mob has given Glitch Mob’s Spring Weekend perfor- their own right. much to the subgenre that shares its mance will turn the venue into a swirl- Those stories speak for themselves, name, and to electro as a whole. Glitch ing, jumping, dancing, light-strewn and their authors are wise to let them. music is a strange beast. Born just af- party. The majority of the show’s attendees ter the end of the Cold War, glitch is And for a lot of those partygoers, won’t be able to explain how the Glitch not trance. Spring Weekend enhancers it’s going to be the first time the Glitch Mob’s music is better than most other aside, glitch is a trip in its own right, Mob’s name and music have linked up. . Some will be too out of one that leaves you wondering whether The Mobsters are preceded by their their heads to discern anything but it was good or bad. Glitch pieces are reputation, yet concrete knowledge the basic beat. But that’s not the point. designed to seem on the verge of disin- about them is lacking—quick, name The Glitch Mob isn’t good for being tegrating into formless, beatless noise. their album. Name a song of theirs you famous; it’s famous for being good. If dialup connections could sing, they sat down and listened to before their Whether or not name and accomplish- would sound like glitch. appearance in the lineup. Of course, the ments line up on Saturday, April 21, it The Mob took that writhing, jerky Glitch Mob isn’t “sit down and listen”– won’t matter—they will be pumping mess of sound and made it dance- type music, which accounts for their out the same awe-inspiring sound re- able. It’s how they’ve become the mu- nameless virtuosity. The three-piece gardless, and the audience will be too sical megalith that they are without a belongs to the ethereal ranks of dance busy dancing. SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 23 24 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 CAM’RON marshall KATHEDER editor emeritus

Rapper Cam’ron flickers, a wistful then I don’t know what is. not to call on the cops, did not pursue flame in the darkness of Spring Week- Fortunately, Cam’ron still looks the case. No snitchin’. end’s sort of obscure lineup. to raise his streetwise reputation to Cam’ron’s upbringing is unre- His one well-known track, “Hey a new plateau, and he’s managed to markable, but only for a gangster Ma,” is a song that will no doubt squeeze emceeing at an Ivy League rapper. He grew up in and trigger a frenzy of familiarity, a concert into his packed schedule. attended the competitive Manhat- chorus of pitchy voices hollering, “I He’s been busy. Cam’ron starred in tan School for Science and Math- know this song,” and foggy memo- and produced the next great hope for ematics. While many of its graduates ries of eighth-grade school dances American film, called , have gone on to top schools (includ- and fumbling to navigate others’ which came out (along with his al- ing Brown), Cam’ron’s poor grades mouths with nervous tongues (just bum by the same name) for two days forced him to turn down several at- me?). of “special release” in April 2003. Af- tractive basketball scholarships. Even But who is Cam’ron—aka Killa ter knocking back some Colt 45s and without a diploma, he went to some Cam? Is he just another washed-up absorbing the grainy footage of Killa bumf*ck school in Texas but soon hip-hop performer past his prime? Season, we feel strongly that Cam’ron dropped out and returned to Harlem (The Ghost of Spring Weekend Past hits his stride in a scene in which he to sell drugs. His music career began taps us on the shoulder with his phan- stacks up drug-won dollars at a kitch- to take shape in 1997 when he was tom finger and whispers a chilly re- en table, expressing his hankering for introduced to The Notorious B.I.G., minder in our ear: “Snoop Dogg, Nas, Chinese chicken, and adding, with a whose partner produced Cam’ron’s and P. Diddy.”) Is the BCA betting chuckle, “We gonna need some mo’ first album, . The that the stoned and sloshed masses rubber bands, son.” album went Gold and garnered top will just be grateful to recognize a Outside of documenting his hus- 10 positions on both R&B and pop tune and—if for only a moment—be tlin’ and kerfufflin’, Cam’ron ruffled charts. tethered back to reality? The short a few feathers in 2007 on 60 Minutes. Nearly a decade later in 2006, answer is: YES. He told silver fox Anderson Cooper Cam’ron went on The O’Reilly Factor On the real, Cam’ron would prefer that he would keep his lips buttoned to discuss the impact of his musical this sort of succinctness. The hall- if a neighbor was a known serial kill- genre on youngsters in the inner city, mark of his character, if one exists, is er (but, he added, he would definitely particularly in places like Harlem. efficiency. For one, his stage name is a move). This comment came in re- While it’s worthwhile to hear Bill- syllable-saving contraction of his giv- sponse to an incident outside Wash- O get his mouth around “Cam’ron,” en name, Cameron. His breakout CD ington D.C. two years earlier. After with all the stiffness of his stout self- cuts to the chase, too: it’s titled Come performing a show, Cam’ron stopped importance, one of their exchanges Home With Me. his Lambo at an intersection when a stands out. Cam’ron does not have time to say would-be hijacker pulled up next to “What if an 11-year-old kid imi- “please.” His knack for being a time- him and demanded that he relinquish tates you, Cam’ron? What if he uses saving thug is demonstrated on Come his spankin’-new whip. Cam’ron re- four-letter words? What if he devel- Home With Me. In the lyrics of “Hey fused, and the unknown gunman ops a lifestyle that’s based upon the Ma,” he spits, “So, Ma, what’s up? Let’s responded by shooting him. Known street, he gets tattooed? Do you feel slide. Alright. And we gon’ get it on not to waste time, the rapper swerved badly about that?” tonight.” In other words: Hello, how around and drove his car down the Ever the lover of brevity, Cam’ron are you, let’s leave, we’re going to have wrong side of the road, flashing his replies, “No, I don’t.” sex. brights until a fan drove him to the And as long as you sing “Hey Ma” If that’s not economical clerbin’, nearest hospital. Cam’ron, also known this weekend, neither do we. SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 25 26 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 THE WALKMEN raj If you’ve often caught yourself will tear through your eardrums with SIDHU standing awkwardly at concerts in vocal chords forged of iron and spit the midst of semi-enthusiastic group- and dark beer, with lyrics born of re- ies dancing to semi-enthusiastic mu- sentment. The frenetic cacophony of sic, then you’ve sadly been attending jangly guitars clashes with throbbing,

the wrong shows. And if you thought tribal percussion, all set over the contributing writer that indie rock was all neck scarves acoustic drone of an organ. A wall and instantly forgettable synth hooks, of distortion delivers itself in waves then you’ve been f*cking lied to. of satisfaction but belies the haunt- Don’t let a single person tell you ing, lilting melodies that drift from that The Walkmen play the indie the amplifiers. Everything smells of rock of disappointing concerts and cigarettes and spilled beer, and ev- flowery Target commercials, of hip erything sounds like the loneliness irreverence and sardonic indiffer- of an old cowboy movie or a desolate ence. Because they don’t. And if you Bukowski novel. ever happen to find yourselves be- Think Cormac McCarthy meets a fore them with the notion that this is guitar and writes a book about it. something you’ve seen before—that While Leithauser stalks the stage this is just another band playing just with microphone and guitar in hand another show—then you are not pre- and drummer Matt Barick beats the pared. living hell out of his shakers, band- Prepare for sweating and jump- mates Paul Maroon, Walter Martin, ing and punching and feelings you and Peter Bauer rotate from guitar haven’t felt since high school. Prepare to bass to piano with unflinching for music that is less a pleasant ar- dexterity. Born in D.C. and bred in rangement of notes and more a force , The Walkmen have been of nature, for the coming of spring recording and touring since 2000 and has brought with it the renewed have released four studio to promise of a band that delivers equal date. Their fifth, Heaven, will be hit- measures of seething rage and with- ting shelves come June and follows an ering regret. international tour. The band’s con- Context, even after studying The sistent evolution over the years has Walkmen’s discography, is impos- contributed to a loyal fan base and sible without attending one of their warm critical reception; “The Rat,” a live shows. So think gritted teeth and single off of Bows + Arrows, snagged blurred vision. Think clenching fists the #20 spot on Pitchfork’s Top 500 and trying but failing to forget about Tracks of the 2000s, and Lisbon re- your ex-girlfriend. Think vintage in- ceived a healthy 8.6/10 from the same struments given to teenagers from publication, while You & Me peaked the ‘90s and the children of grunge. at #29 on Billboard’s Top Digital Al- Think primal, masculine aggression bum charts. and angst set to the eerie tones of up- As is always the case with The right , humming organs, and Walkmen, however, seeing is believ- the melodic fury of a singer who is ing. Luckily for you, they’re coming virulent and vitriolic and wants the to Spring Weekend—and it will be world to know it. like no concert you’ve ever experi- Frontman enced before.

SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 27 28 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 TWIN SHADOW

anita BADEJO arts & culture editor

The label “sexy” is slapped on hotel room with little else besides a or be, in love/ I don’t wanna, be, be- most successful musicians today, synthesizer, electric guitar, and drum lieve, in love.” The seeming simplic- given they meet a baseline of physical machine, is one of those rare albums ity of these lyrics doesn’t render them attractiveness and can somewhat ef- that manages to get one hooked on any less poignant. Plus, it means Twin fectively croon about love, heartache, first listen. At barely 40 minutes long, Shadow’s songs are easy to sing along and the like. However, George Lewis it offers a quick-tempo, high-emotion to—even drunkenly. Jr. is not just sexy—he is Sex-y. With a foray into Lewis’s lonely, angst-filled Since releasing Forget less than capital, curly, cursive “S.” childhood. The tracks range in tone two years ago, Lewis has played at The Dominican born, Florida bred and mood, some dreamy, dark, and several major music festivals, includ- indie rocker, who performs under ethereal (“Tyrant Destroyed,” “Tether ing Austin City Limits, Bonnaroo, the pseudonym Twin Shadow, began Beat”), and others infectiously upbeat Coachella, Pitchfork, and Sasquatch. making music at the age of 14, as a and dance-worthy (“I Can’t Wait,” “At In addition, he’s guest-performed on troubled youth trying to cope with My Heels”). The end result is beauti- Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, opened the stifling suburbs of the Sunshine fully balanced: a concept album that on tour for Florence + the Machine, State. Tall, dark, and handsome— tempers the complexity and confu- and conducted a national tour of his with a jet-black mound of pompa- sion of learning from one’s past while own. Not bad for a kid who once told dour hair, Magnum P.I. moustache, simultaneously attempting to let go he grew up in a place and coal-colored eyes—he is every of it. However, based on the haunt- that’s “just swampland covered in bit as elusive as his dim, dusky stage ing effect of songs such as “Yellow mini-malls” and whose only access to name would suggest. And we haven’t Balloon”—“Secret handshake / The music, or most forms of culture, was even gotten to his music. swimming hole / Keep awake / And the local radio. Lewis was a for a tour- we will not grow old”—Lewis may not Currently, Lewis is recording ing dance company and fronted a be forgetting anytime soon. Perhaps Twin Shadow’s second album, which punk band called Mad Man Films it’s best he doesn’t. is to be released “sometime in the ‘J’ in Boston before eventually moving Much of Forget’s success also lies in months,” he told the MP3 blog Ste- to Brooklyn to jump-start his career that Lewis’s talents as a lyricist allow reogum. Otherwise, he professes to in 2006. It was there that he became him to pack a hefty punch into vers- living the same life supposed of many Twin Shadow, revitalizing 1980s New es and choruses that are unfussy and people in our generation. Wave in a way even Morrissey himself down to earth. Over half of “Castles “You’re back at home and think- could be proud of. His debut album, in the Snow,” the album’s lead single, ing, ‘Well what do I do?’ So usu- Forget, was co-produced by Grizzly is comprised of the same five lines: ally you go to a bar and get wasted Bear bass guitarist Chris Taylor and “You’re my favorite daydream / I’m and make terrible mistakes that you released in 2010—quickly garnering your famous nightmare / Everything I shouldn’t make. Or maybe that’s just Twin Shadow “Best New Music” props see looks like gold / Everything I touch me,” he said. from Pitchfork (who later named For- turns cold / Castles in the snow.” Simi- It’s not. An attractive, brooding, get #26 of its Top 50 Albums of 2010) larly, most of “Slow,” another stand- talented twentysomething with a and a spotlight as “Band of the Week” out track, consists of Lewis’s repeated penchant for finding himself in com- from Rolling Stone. chanting of some subtle variation of promising drunken situations? Twin Forget, which was recorded in a the same plea: “I don’t wanna, believe, Shadow: Welcome to Brown.

SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 29 30 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 SEPALCURE jordan MAINZER contributing writer

BCA not only fulfilled our de- of the 30 Best Albums of 2011, while haps questionable, as Stewart is mov- sires to dance with this year’s Spring Pitchfork gave the album its influen- ing to Berlin, a group as resourceful Weekend lineup but also managed to tial stamp of approval with a “Best as Sepalcure will most certainly find cater to different dance music niches. New Music” designation and a spot ways to record. After all, Stewart and They have certainly pleased classic at number 47 on its Top 50 Albums Sharma are used to working over bass music aficionados by booking of 2011. the web. Not only did the two meet Sepalcure, whose brand of electronic The critical consensus surround- on the Internet, but also visual art- music defies the dubstep, or gener- ing Sepalcure’s downtempo yet ist Sougwen Chung, Sharma’s girl- ally dance-heavy, lineup one might danceable music praises the duo’s friend, designed the group’s visuals have expected based on BCA’s pub- ability to incorporate staples of while studying abroad (including lished list of the most common stu- bass music—such as pitched vocal the music video for “Pencil Pimp”). dent suggestions. The Brooklyn duo samples—into contemporary atmo- On April 17, Sepalcure is scheduled doesn’t attempt to capitalize on the spheric textures, ultimately creating to release a new EP, Eternally Yrs, yearly trends within the electronic a brand of dance music that defies consisting of the album cut of the music world that tend to dominate any subgenre. This phenomenon is same name, remixes of two songs off each Spring Weekend. Rather, Sepal- reflected on album highlights such of their self-titled debut, and a new cure attempt to make dance music as “Pencil Pimp,” a sensual and skit- song entitled “Don’t Cry.” While the that is as fun for us to listen to as it tering track that not only pays hom- rapid rate of recording the duo has was for them to make, with bits of age to recent bass music but is also exemplified thus far may slow down their trademark moody atmospher- consistent with the duo’s intricate in the future, Sepalcure definitely ics spliced in. textures. Sepalcure have combined seem to have a bright road ahead of The duo consists of Travis Stew- respect for the past with a pick- them. art, who hails from North Carolina, and-choose attitude toward present Whether they play new material and Praveen Sharma, from Hyde trends, making something unique in or old, Brown will experience first- Park in upstate New York. They met the process. hand Sepalcure’s looped vocals, min- on the Internet—a fitting starting In line with the danceability of Se- imal synths, and sentimental, moody point for today’s rising electronic palcure’s songs, the group has quick- beats. In a November 2011 interview artists. Though Stewart and Sharma ly developed a live reputation for with Pitchfork, Sharma, in response had known each other for about sev- blasting its bass and getting crowds to the writer’s observation that “fun” en years, the two had only released to move. A joonbug.com write-up is often a derogatory term used by music independently before collabo- of the duo’s opening set for SBTRKT dance-music purists to condemn rating in 2010. Sepalcure released earlier this year describes Sepalcure’s certain strains of electronic music, their first two EPs, Love Pressure vibrations as “threatening structur- aptly stated: “When we do a Sepal- and Fleur, before releasing their self- al integrity.” For a Spring Weekend cure live set, it’s a blast. It’s amazing. titled debut album in 2011 to criti- concert—indoors or outdoors—this You have an opportunity to play mu- cal acclaim. Electronic music web- is surely a good thing. sic to these people, and they’re going site XLR8R placed it 10th on its list Although the group’s future is per- to enjoy it.” Let’s hope he’s right.

SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 31 32 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 WHAT CHEER? BRIGADE eric SUN contributing writer Take your high school marching “Best Rambling Pack of Hooligans” force you on your feet and propel you band, then take shrooms, and you’ll from Spin Magazine for their ecstatic, mindlessly into motion—and to lodge get What Cheer? Brigade. With cos- dynamic performances. the catchy rhythms in your head for tumes as brash as their beats (includ- In true street band fashion, WCB hours afterward. ing a gorilla-masked snare drummer), hardly ever seem content confined Beyond their musical prowess, the heavily tattooed, often shirtless, to a stage. They are most comfort- WCB is a group born out of and dedi- aggressively energetic group are what able when they’re on the move and cated to community activism, using you’d imagine your marching band in the middle of big, rowdy crowds. music to construct and enrich public would look and sound like after a bad Whether it’s Mardi Gras or a cramped spaces by uniting people through funk trip or when cast in a Zack Snyder Manhattan club, WCB shine when and dance. The left-leaning group can movie. They’ve taken their energy- surrounded by drunken, dancing often be found supporting causes like packed show around the world (in- revelers, making this Friday an ideal public education or progressive politi- cluding impromptu performances setting for them to strut their stuff. cians with their performances. At its in Times Square and on a Canadian They know how to work a crowd, core, the band embodies a counter- ferry). This Friday, the homegrown infusing their collective enthusiasm cultural sentiment, resisting popular troupe brings their signature brand into fierce drum lines, chaotic danc- conceptions of music and self-expres- of brass up to College Hill for what is ing, and primal screams. Their punk sion. They revel in spontaneity and the guaranteed to be a one-of-a-kind, in- aesthetic and frequently copious body release that their music brings, and credibly animated performance. paint belie an earnest and thoroughly briefly caught the national spotlight What Cheer? Brigade consists of a engaged group of performers intent when a YouTube video of them—in 19-piece brass outfit based right here on making sure everyone is enjoying which one of the band members quits in the 401, and their name originates themselves. his job by having his band mates am- from an old legend concerning Roger WCB’s music also allows them to bush his boss at work with a loud and Williams’s arrival to the Ocean State. channel their abundant energy. Their obnoxious letter of resignation—went (He was supposedly greeted by an songs combine funk, hip hop, and viral. exceptionally friendly and hip group Eastern European influences, creat- Everything about WCB—from their of Narragansett natives with the col- ing insanely catchy tunes. Take “Disco counter-cultural bent, to their impas- loquial salutation, “What cheer?”) Bhangra,” an uptempo, funk-laden sioned style of community activism, to Formed in 2005, the band has grown track off their first record We Blow You their hodgepodge mashup of musical in number and notoriety over the years Suck. It features an off-kilter yet intox- styles ranging from Bollywood to New and has collaborated with indie dar- icating rhythm overlaid by ominous Orleans funk—mirrors Brown’s own lings like Matt & Kim, Okkervil River, trumpet and trombone tones. WCB’s eclectic community. That, along with and Wolf Parade. They’ve also played tracks frequently contrast melancholy their local origins, will make them feel festivals like the Newport Folk Festival tones with upbeat rhythms, adding a right at home when they take over the and . The band has racked depth of tone not often exhibited by stage Friday, offering a chaotic, sweaty, up plenty of critical acclaim, including ragtag street bands. The effect is to and trippy warm-up to the evening.

SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 33 34 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 35 SPIFFY 1. n. a spring-weekend-inspired stiffy. 2. adj. how you’ll look in your beer- MM stained neon tube top. sexpert What do you get when you combine two gan Fox, Javier Bardem, young Diane Lane, They’re the kind of dudes who love it when a fearless rappers, three MIDI-masters, five Ke$ha, and Helen Slater. Since the majority lady quotes their lyrics back to them, so re- indie rockers, one smooth synth-player, two of Brown kids look a lot like Ke$ha to begin member to drop the line, “My heart’s in the bass producers, and nineteen raucous brass with, you might want to distinguish yourself strangest place,” before you tongue-kiss. Sex players? Answer: a wet crotch. The perti- by impersonating Javier Bardem—you know, with Cam’ron would be rad, because you’d get nent question, though, is what to do with by walking up to George Lewis, Jr. and shoot- to hook up with the body of an eighteen-year- your Spring-Weekend-induced panty puddle ing him point-blank with a captive bolt cow- old who has the experience of a thirty-six- (or, in the case, of all you peen-owners, your slaughtering pistol. year-old. What Cheer? would make a great indie-rock-hard schlong). You have exactly If you’re more into rap than dreampop, all orgy, but remember that those dudes are lo- two options: 1) go to the concerts and pray you have to do to impress Childish Gambino cal, so chances are you’ll see them all the next that Cam’ron notices your bioluminescent is perform a brief exegesis on his lyrics. As he time you’re biking through Olneyville. And miniskirt, or 2) give your tickets to your JWU says in “Unregistered Sex Offender,” he’s really fooling around with any of the members of friends and find a laundry room to screw in. into getting his shirts ripped and acquiring Glitch Mob would be like living out the Next- Seriously, nothing says spring like a used con- scars. In “Heartbeat,” he asserts that, “Sixty- Gen version of your third-grade dream of dom in the trashcan. nine is the only dinner for two.” And “Love snagging Lance Bass. Luckily for us, Vice Magazine published a is Crazy” makes it clear that Gambino has a If you choose to forgo the concerts in lieu list of the top five people that Twin Shadow’s “huge” dick, an enticing O-face, and the abil- of private sex, I totally understand. But make George Lewis, Jr. wants to have sex with. So ity to have sex for hours on end. sure you’re within earshot of the show, be- if you like a moustache, like so many Brown The Walkmen will probably want to have cause the rest of us are paying a lot of money students do, and a soundtrack, like rootsy sixties sex with you, so wear your maxi to get these guys to come. (Hah.) I recom- so many Brown students do, you can dress dress and espadrilles (like you weren’t already mend a gender-neutral bathroom, the roof of yourself up like one of Lewis’s preferred hot- going to). Borrow your friend’s record player Wilson, or a couch by the big window in the ties. If he’s as good with his fingers in bed as he so you can spin some crackly vinyl while you Leung Gallery. That way, we can watch you, is on the synth, you’ll end up in a great mood drink Irish coffee and smoke American Spir- too. for Binder. Lewis’s sex list comprises Me- its when you invite them back to your dorm. TOP TEN ITEMS WE WISH CAME IN NEON 1. Significant others. 6. Heteronormativity. 2. The crew team. 7. Small housepets. 3. Beer. 8. Dave Binder. 4. Freckles. 9. Three-piece suits. 5. The stars. 10. Pubic hair.

36 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 READ. WRITE. EDIT.

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SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 37 BAD SEX terrible advice for legitimate questions

BEEJ unqualified Dear Beej, stomach acid. Most likely his roommate and Profoundly Smitten My boyfriend and I are very excited for will take pity on him and shove him into Spring Weekend. We have a lot of mutual bed. The best part about your desertion? Dear WHOOPS, friends and enjoy partying together, so there’s He probably won’t remember it. Make I can’t count on one hand the number no question we’ll have a good time. How- up some story: “I was holding back your of deep, meaningful relationships I’ve had ever, my boyfriend’s rather a heavy drinker, shaggy bangs while you vommed, got you that found their beginnings in drunk sex. and I’m afraid he might overdo it this year a damp towel, and helped you to sleep. I It’s hard not to find a man who takes ad- (last year we spent most of Saturday night sang a song to make you feel better!” He’ll vantage of a woman in a vulnerable state in the dorm bathroom). I love my boyfriend love you all the more, and you’ll have a irresistible, especially if this is someone dearly and want to be there for him, but I’m great Spring Weekend. she already loves and trusts. What a great not looking forward to playing babysitter. Is No guilt, story for the grandkids: “Bubba and I, well, there anyway around this girlfriendly duty? Beej we were really drunk on Spring Weekend, Sincerely, totally f*cked up—and we banged!” The Striving for a Pleasant, Easy Weekend Dear Beej, stuff of Ruby Wedding speeches, the mar- I’m in love with my best friend, and I row of a great Shakespearean romance. Dear SPEW, have a feeling that something’s going to hap- Spring is the season of love, so what Might I repeat to you the wedding pen soon between us. With Spring Weekend better way to celebrate than a sloppy trib- vows? For richer or for poorer, in sickness coming up, I wouldn’t be surprised if some- ute to the birds and the bees? Forget that and in health, ‘til death do us part. Is there thing went down—alcohol and close quar- valuable friendship you might be ruining, an exception for Spring Weekend here? ters seem to spur emotions. Problem is, I’m a trust and understanding you’re bound That being said, here’s the good news: afraid she’ll write off anything that occurs to violate, and go to pleasure town. While you’re not married. You have absolutely no that weekend as a drunken mistake. How you’re at it, throw caution to the wind and legal obligation to this person, who insists can I get her to view me as a viable roman- forgo protection—you’ll get to tell that on ruining your quality party time with tic option in the face of a drunken hookup? story to your grandkids a bit sooner. his incessant vomming. Cut loose, leave Thanks for the help, God bless ya, him to wallow in the filth of Chipotle and Waiting, Hoping, and Otherwise Openly Beej THOU SHALT (NOT)... the ten commandments of spring weekend fashion anita BADEJO arts & culture editor Listen: I love a good excuse to lose my sar- not talk about it), I’ve learned that it’s best four. Or six. Or ten. Beginning to see the torial sanity as much as the next person. we lay down some fashion laws in Bruno- problem? Spring Weekend won’t be as fun Freshman year, back when I was “young” nia—even during the one time we all go if multiple groups of people are blinding and “didn’t know any better,” my favorite bat-shit insane. You may not like them and one another. Plus, hate to break it to you, pair of shoes was a set of glittery, hot pink, you may not agree with them, but believe but you won’t want an extra reason to find Mary Jane–style Converse I bought in the me: you and I will both be better off af- it hard to focus once real life hits again. kids’ section of Target. Also, my most re- ter the next four days are over if we follow 2. Thou shalt wear something, anything, cent clothing purchase may or may not them. Or not. Whatever. under thy dress. have been a zebra print romper with sheer 1. Thou shalt not wear neon at the same Oh yes—it happens. sleeves and a cut-out back I bought “be- time all of thy friends are wearing neon. 3. Thou shalt not wear heels. cause it was on sale.” However, after three You know how it hurts your eyes to stare at You’d think this would be a no-brainer but, and a half years at Brown and two Spring a glow stick for too long? Try blowing it up alas, no. If you want to wear your heels be- Weekends (I was abroad last spring. Let’s 100 times in size. Then multiplying it by cause you like them—don’t. Spring Week- 38 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 Emily Post- etiquette advice for the socially awkward and their victims

Dear Emily, clutch-toting undergraduate English con- (of course, Emily never sings in public), I’m a freshman and looking forward to centrator, I was veritably bombarded by a rush to the nearest novelty store and pur- my first Spring Weekend. I was wondering vast number of intellectually stimulating chase neon accessories (of course, Em- if you had any sort of advice for someone and etiquette-centered inquiries. Yet now, ily does not own neon accessories... with who is not totally familiar with the term as I sit at my writing desk and dip pen to the exception of that one bright Birkin “day drinking.” After a semester and a half ink with immaculately manicured hands, bag. Ahh, the decisions one makes while of college life, I am definitely acquainted I tirelessly endeavor to extend my aid to a young), and bestow upon his or her with drinking when the sun has already young and naïve woman who desperately equally-intoxicated friends many well- set, but I’m feeling intimidated by the idea needs my guidance. meant yet sloppily-executed kisses on the of drinking in the daylight for all the world And now let me give this advice: cheek. to see. Do you have any advice about how please, please, dear freshman, please be I shudder at the image, and yet I feel to have a good time while remaining sun- wary of the practice of ingesting alcohol that I have painted a rather mild picture of light acceptable? during the day. There is something dan- what may happen when you allow your- Thank you! gerous about the combination of spring- self to drink during the daytime. Still, in Spring Weekend Virgin time outfits, blossoming flowers on cam- the spirit of complete fairness, I happen pus trees, warm and sleepy sunshine, and to be drinking during the daytime right Dearest Virgin, alcoholic beverages. The sweet taste of now. Next to my inkwell is a Tiffany high- As I begin writing my response to rum and Coke (although, of course, Em- ball glass filled with 100-year-old Bour- your plea, I am filled with a deep and ily never drinks anything so common as bon, and I fully intend to consume it as impermeable sense of dismay concern- cola) seduces the young student and leads soon as I finish this reply. Suffice to say ing the sharp and obvious decline in the to impaired decision making processes, that you may be partially responsible for quality of questions I have been receiv- often finally resulting in horrific offenses. this. ing as of late. Why, when I first began this The thereby-intoxicated person will then In solidarity, column, a young, Vivienne Westwood begin to sing Bon Jovi songs too loudly Emily

end is as rough on a sole as it is riveting know how annoying it is to have to lug party. for the soul (hardy har har). And if you’re a bag around with you all day. You con- I guarantee you will either lose it or impale wearing heels because you want someone stantly worry about whether you’ve left it someone as you’re forced to grind with to like you—don’t. Trust me, they will somewhere or if something’s been stolen people while being unable to see any of most likely be too out of it to notice. Not from it. You have to make sure a friend their body parts. Stay cautious. Stay safe. to mention, if they know what’s good for watches it for you if you leave your sit- 9. Thou shalt not wear only thy birthday them, they probably already do! ting area. You incur death glares from the suit on the Wriston Slip ‘n’ Slide. 4. Thou shalt wear sunglasses. people you inevitably hit with it because Again, I’m not into the whole policing A) They protect your eyes—hooray for everywhere is crowded. Don’t be that per- thing … but you are not the only one who some semblance of responsibility! B) They son. wants the chance to hurl yourself toward make you look like a BAMF. Which you 7. Thou shalt wear shorts that cover thine Caesar’s statue. What do you call lots o’ are. ass. naked people wriggling on the same, wet 5. Thou shalt not cover thy torso with any- I know your butt is great and I’m gener- plastic tarp? Unhygienic. thing besides a bro tank at Dave Binder. ally not about policing people, but please, 10. Thou shalt do whatever makes thou Freshmen: you will understand. Everyone at least try not to make me have to avoid happy. else: like, duh. playing peek-a-boo with your posterior all Basically, take these rules, read ‘em, chew 6. Thou shalt only bring a bag if it is small weekend. It’s distracting. And that’s what ‘em, digest ‘em—and then do whatever the and can go across thy body. SPG is for. f*ck you want. It’s Spring Weekend, kid- If you’ve been to a music festival, you 8. Thou shalt not wear jewelry to the foam dos. Use the opportunity as you will. SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 39 40 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 41 SPRING WEEKEND INGESTION TIMELINE jane BRENDLINGER and rémy ROBERT

Spring Weekend is like Christmas- hours of April 20, and waiting to veniently located above Spiritus for time for Brown students. It’s the most celebrate until the afternoon is for your other ingestion needs). wonderful time of the year, when that scrooges. Set your alarm (or stay up 1:30 p.m. Swing by Wriston for a go one song from that one headliner all night) to celebrate the first go- on the Slip ‘n’ Slide. Pop open a can pours out of dorm windows inces- round in true holiday spirit. In the of Natty (or several) before you hurl santly ... and people don’t even mind. minutes beforehand, people awk- yourself down a sudsy tarp. The Spring Weekend tank, like the wardly mill about, not really sure why 3:30 p.m. It’s a (hopefully) gorgeous holiday sweater, becomes wholly ap- they’re outside in the middle of the day out, you’re hungry, and you want propriate for a seven-day span, only night and not functioning at a level to eat, fast. Luck is on your side—the to be relegated to a wasteland of high (cough) enough for human in- food truck gods are smiling down ironic garb and pajama layers come teractions. Once the clock strikes on you. Yes, they provide perfectly Monday morning. To top it off, all 4:20, though, shit goes down. A cloud marvelous grab-and-go lunches to be judiciousness is wholeheartedly jetti- of smoke takes flight over the pitch- consumed at any other time of year soned: this is the time to drink all day, black green, transforming it into the when your BAC is a perfect 0.0, but attend a foam party with hundreds of set of a Bob Marley music video. they also provide myriad variations strangers, and experiment with new 5 a.m. Loui’s. This is the first day of on the drunchies theme. Mama Kim’s ways to ingest drugs, all with the cel- the rest of your life. Start it off right is the mother of them all, and bulgogi ebratory YOLO fervor of Buddy the with a well-balanced breakfast: lots sliders make a clever complement to Elf. Roughly speaking, the idea is to of bacon, lots of eggs, lots of pan- day drinking. Rocket has all the clas- wake up, start drinking, and eat the cakes. Side of toast. Side of homefries. sics, done up nicely so you can still kinds of drunchies that make it pos- Grilled muffin for dessert. Oh yeah, feel like a real human. Fancheezical’s sible for you to keep drinking. Rinse, did we mention carbs? Start padding grilled cheeses are as crispy-gooey- repeat. If you find yourself in need of your tummy early, because they will melty-marvelous as their puns are guidance through this debaucherous be clutch later. embarrassing, and Mijos has tacos wonderland, here is a road map to the 6 a.m. PTFO. (need we say more?). Really, who are food and drink stops along the com- 12 p.m. It’s a brand-new day! But IT’S we to be prescriptive? Drunchies are ing weekend. STILL FRIDAY! We hope your nap in the eye of the beholder. Werq it. Disclaimer: Parts of this article was excellent, because it’s the last one 4:20 p.m. You know what to do. contain adult themes. We do not and you’ll be taking all weekend. Wake 5 p.m. Pregame Concert Number One. would never endorse the use of mari- up and smell the coffee at BYOB The goal is to be more drunk than the juana, on this or any other weekend. Chicken Finger Friday. This is Spring person next to you. If you’ve been fol- Think of this simply as an anthropo- Weekend, so go all out to kick off the lowing our advice thus far, you should logical study: a Spring Weekend in bender. Chicken and waffles, Jack and already have a good buzz on. Howev- the life of a typical Spring Weekender. Coke. Alternatively, if you’re more of er, if you’re one of those lame people Hugs not drugs, kids. a marathoner than a sprinter, tow in with responsibilities, like class, work, some beers to wash down the chicken. or watching small children, you might Friday, 4/20 1 p.m. Grab a Meeting Street cookie have some catching up to do. SHOTS 4:15 a.m. Wake and bake. Roll out for the road. Don’t think twice about SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS. If, of bed and roll up a joint. The Main it. When have you ever regretted get- like me, you’re not so hard-core and Green is a magical place for all 24 ting a Meeting Street cookie? (Con- prefer drinking a few beers to down-

42 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 ing Karkov, time is not on your side. gadgets or deception, is by edibles. 11:15 a.m. Hit up Bagel Gourmet for My recommendation for gunning Let’s take a brief pause from this rig- a bagel with your Blue Moon. Hate them down: Find the fun and *snap*, orous schedule and go over the fine to sound like a broken record, but do it’s a game! Make up a drinking game points of baking with cannabis. Mary you see a theme? Drink, carbs, drink, to your favorite TV show, or watch the Jane, take it away. carbs. This weekend is long, and part last hour of Titanic and drink every A good edible comes from a qual- of the fun is staying upright. time they say “Jack” or “Rose.” You’ll ity butter. This is determined both by 2 p.m. Doors open for Concert Num- be drowning faster than the people on quantity and quality of your product, ber Two. You know the drill from the that boat. Too soon? as well as the length of time the but- night before, so you should be a pro. 6 p.m. Concert Number One. As per ter has been cooked. For one recipe Pre-game, sneak in your drank, nosh the aforementioned goal, you may (generally enough to adequately stone an edible in line. Find that joint your need to do some sneaking of sub- 30 people), five to seven ounces of past self rolled for you in your pocket stances past the watchful eyes of the good quality ganja is recommended. (thanks, past self!). And bring some Spring Weekend Guard. Fortunately, Simmer in melted butter or oil (the cash to treat yourself at any num- modern science has come up with a required amount for whatever baked ber of the delicious vendors at the host of devious ways to conceal li- good recipe you’re making), until the concerts. Taste of India, a restaurant quor. Clever options include the Beer weed has turned brown, usually about called Mexico, BuDS (selling hot dogs Bladder (a bag suspended by a belt an hour. Dip your finger in the but- and nachos), Ben and Jerry’s, Domi- around the midsection), cell phone ter and place a drop on the very tip of no’s, and if we’re all lucky, Duck and flasks, and my personal favorite for all your tongue to test—you’ll know it’s Bunny cupcakes. I’m saving my cash you ladies out there, the Wine Rack (a ready if your tongue feels numb and for D and B—I’ve challenged myself snazzy number that not only carries tingly. Strain through a tea strainer to try all cupcake flavors before grad- 750 mL of liquor but also increases and press out all of the oil (so that’s uation, and I will not fail. your bust to a DD!). what those are for!). But a surefire way to guarantee Once you have your butter or oil, Sunday, 4/22 intoxication at an event, without any use your imagination. Anything with 11 a.m. Wake up. Pour yourself a mimo- butter or oil is fair sa (Sunday brunch!). Don bro tank #3, a game, so sky’s the very large and comfy dress, or a Snuggie, limit! I recommend depending on your comfort level. a flourless chocolate 11:30 a.m. Ratty. Goal: consume ev- weed cake—fabu- ery cereal available. lously smooth tex- 12:30 p.m. Did you know that Sigma ture, and an intense grills lobsters on Binder Sunday? Pay chocolate that hides your respects to the brothers of Sigma the taste of weed Chi. completely. A bit 1 p.m. Binder. I will be representing dangerous to have my home state with an ice-cold bottle around, though, since (or six) of Louisiana-brewed Abita you’re bound to get a Strawberry, only the best beer ever bit hungry ... and the greatest thing about spring- After concert: Do you time. Madeira’s has it in limited stock, even know what time and I’ve heard rumors of spottings at it is? Or where you got Spiritus. If you find it, call me. that calzone? Do you 3 p.m. Take the rest of the day to bask care? Dance the night in the remaining hours of Spring away. Avoid illness. Weekend glory. Finish whatever al- cohol you have, take the last few hits Saturday, 4/21 of the weed crumbles lying on your 11 a.m. Wake up. dresser. Work can start tomorrow, Pour yourself a that life-changing diet you’ve intend- screwdriver. Don bro ed to begin can wait a day. Tonight, tank #2. we are young.

SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 43 44 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 45 “what should we put here?” “what about, ‘this space is left in- tentionally blank’” “like in the SATs?” “and then on the opposite page we could just do bubbles.” “then we’d have to make a quiz.” “NO WE WOULDN’T!” “just bubbles?” “JUST bubbles.” “clara wants to like, liveblog our conversation.” “okay, one full page can be ‘READ’ and then the logo, and then ‘POST-’” “clara, we’re like, not doing that.” “just say one page can be the post logo... oh f*ck. did that events thing get done?” “that can be a thing.” “i don’t think what you’re writing can be a thing.” “but we’re al- ways masturbatory.” “so what, do you want to make this a whole page? is that the idea? in really big font? STOP WRITING WHAT I’M SAYING!!!” “sam, i don’t know why you haven’t just stopped talking.” “this is what happens at a quarter to one.” “it’s like the quiet game. the stakes are high.” “somebody’s gonna read this and be like, damn, they really do get high at post- during production night.”* “can we do this for all of our issues from now on? just get a stenographer and talk?” “someone should livetweet post-!” “i do that every time!” “yeah, but you can do better.” “okay, just make it take up the whole page. i don’t care anymore.” “what if we leave the rest blank.” “will you just lay it out and see how much space it takes? no, PAUSE, PAUSE!” “on the opposite side it can just be the post- logo, like, ‘this is what you’re missing!’” “people are like, going to want to join this publication.” “did you guys know that april was grilled cheese month?!” “that needs to be, like, poignant- ly felt by me.” “i didn’t know you had a poignant relationship with grilled cheese.”

46 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 *we don’t. SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 47 48 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012