B NDINGS Vol. 31, No. 3 A Publication of New Ways Ministry Summer-Fall 2011 Bishops condemn NY marriage law, other Catholics celebrate By Joshua J. McElwee and justice.‖ riage, Family and Youth. Zoe Ryan In a sec- Advocates say the success of the law ond letter on in New York may show that the bishops, Ncronline.org the issue re- and other opponents of gay marriage, July 5, 2011 leased June will be fighting an uphill battle. 25, the New Attey noted that the vote in New For the U.S. bishops‘ conference, York bishops York, whose population of more than 19 it‘s a ―profoundly unjust law.‖ disputed the million is estimated to be 40 percent But Catholic gay and lesbian cou- argument that Catholic, ―shows that in a heavily Catho- ples say New York‘s passage of legisla- gay marriage lic state you can move forward with tion to allow same-sex marriage is recog- is a civil rights LGBT measures.‖ nition that their families are ―just like issue. ―As the song goes, if it can happen other families‖ across the country. ―Today‘s there, it can happen anywhere,‖ DeBer- The legislation, passed by a narrow debate focuses nardo said. 33-29 margin in the State Senate June on a small It would be one thing if the bill had 24, was signed into law that night by group of per- been passed by legislators only from New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo, a sons, whose New York City or only from upstate Catholic. Unless delayed by legal chal- human rights New York, DeBernardo said, but the fact lenges, it will take effect in late July. must always that it was passed by legislators from all New York would then become the be respected A couple joins thousands of marchers and spectators during over the state shows that there is support sixth state to permit same-sex marriage, and defended the 42nd annual Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender among different Americans. following Connecticut, Iowa, Massachu- by us all, but Pride Parade on Fifth Avenue in New York June 26. , 2011. For Casey Lopata, the focus is to setts, New Hampshire and Vermont, in who claim a have church officials understand the addition to the District of Columbia. civil right to redefine marriage for all of against such religious corporation, be- struggles — and successes — of gay Passage of the law sparked immedi- society based on a private and personal nevolent order, a not-for-profit corpora- families. Lopata and his wife, Mary ate disapproval from bishops across the preference,‖ the bishops wrote. tion operated, supervised or controlled Ellen, are cofounders of a Catholic sup- country. Phil Attey, executive director of by a religious corporation.‖ port group for parents of gay and lesbian The New York bishops released a Catholics for Equality, however, said The spokeswoman for the U.S. bish- children called Fortunate Families, which statement June 24 saying they were laws like the one passed in New York ops‘ conference told NCR that opposition offers counseling, retreats and days of ―deeply disappointed and troubled‖ at strengthen all fami- to gay marriage will reflection for parents of LGBT children. remain a ―high prior- approval of a bill that will ―alter radically lies, because deny- They started the group in 2004 after their ity‖ for the bishops. and forever humanity‘s historic under- ing rights to les- son came out as a gay man. standing of marriage.‖ bian, gay, bisexual ―The defense of the ―I think the best thing the bishops Writing on behalf of the U.S. bish- and transgender Special Issue: traditional under- could do, if they‘re willing to do it, is ops‘ conference in a press release June people rips families standing of marriage have listening sessions with parents of 28, Bishop Salvatore Cordileone of Oak- apart. Catholics is key to our under- LGBT daughters and sons, and gay and land, Calif., said the law would create Catholics for standing of a major lesbian people who are parents them- ―an institutional and cultural crisis with Equality identifies unit of society,‖ selves,‖ Lopata said. generational ramifications yet to be itself as a political and Mercy Sr. Mary Ann ―The bishops would see that these seen.‖ group and only Walsh said. ―[The are everyday people just like other ―As demonstrated in other states advocates for same- Marriage New York vote] just Catholics,‖ he said. ―They have to ex- where a marriage redefinition has oc- sex marriage in the makes it more impor- perience that these are true families, and curred, officials [in New York] will be in civil sector. Equality tant.‖ as much family as my wife and I and our a position to retaliate against those who A last-minute Referring to the fact family.‖ continue to uphold … basic truths,‖ amendment to the that New York‘s new The New York bishops noted in wrote Cordileone, who is the head of the New York law ex- law was passed their June 24 statement that they bishops‘ subcommittee for the promotion empts any clergy through the legisla- ―strongly uphold the Catholic church‘s and the defense of marriage. ―This is a members who decline to perform same- ture, and not voted on in a referendum, clear teaching that we always treat our mark of a profoundly unjust law.‖ sex weddings and any employee ―being Walsh also said passage of the law homosexual brothers and sisters with Francis DeBernardo, executive di- managed, directed or supervised by or in ―strengthens the resolve of the bishops‖ respect, dignity and love. rector of New Ways Ministry, a national conjunction with a religious corporation, to oppose gay marriage initiatives else- ―But we just as strongly affirm that gay Catholic organization, disagreed benevolent order or a not-for-profit cor- where. marriage is the joining of one man and with that sentiment. poration.‖ The bishops demonstrated that re- one woman in a lifelong, loving union New York‘s decision will not rede- It also says failure to provide same- solve at their June semiannual meeting in that is open to children, ordered for the fine the ―cornerstones of civilization,‖ sex ceremonies would not ―result in any Washington state, Walsh said, when they good of those children and the spouses DeBernardo said. ―It‘s very much in line state or local government action to penal- promoted Cordileone‘s committee from themselves.‖  with our civilization‘s recognition of ize, withhold benefits, or discriminate ad hoc committee to a subcommittee inside the bishops‘ Office of Laity, Mar- O’Malley, archbishop at odds over same-sex marriage, letters show

By John Wagner low your role as the their religious faith supporters urged O‘Malley to play a Washingtonpost.com leader of our state to with the policy po- more visible role, and those calls grew August 8, 2011 be used in allowing sitions that they louder after Cuomo signed New York‘s the debate surround- advocate. bill. Two days before Maryland Gov. ing the definition of O‘Brien‘s letter At the July 22 news conference at Martin O‘Malley (D) announced plans to marriage to be de- also signals that the which O‘Malley announced his plans to sponsor a same-sex marriage bill, a termined by mere Catholic Church is sponsor a bill, he passed on several op- Catholic archbishop strongly urged that political expedi- gearing up for an- portunities to explain how his personal he reconsider the move, suggesting the ency. The people of other fight on the thinking has evolved on the issue. In- governor was acting out of ―mere politi- Maryland deserve issue in a state stead, he couched his support for same- cal expediency.‖ no less.‖ where the governor sex marriage largely in legal terms, as he Edwin F. O‘Brien, the archbishop of O‘Malley re- Governor Martin O’Malley and and both presiding did in his response to O‘Brien. Baltimore, said in a letter late last month sponded to O‘Brien Archbishop Edwin O’ Brien officers of the legis- ―I have concluded that discriminat- that sponsoring the bill would ―deeply on Thursday, citing a lature are Catholics. ing against individuals based on their conflict‖ with O‘Malley‘s Catholic faith litany of issues on which he shares the O‘Malley, who often attends week- sexual orientation in the context of civil and that he should resist pressure to do church‘s views. But, O‘Malley wrote, day Masses and has sent his four children marital rights is unjust,‖ O‘Malley wrote so after New York‘s recent legalization ―when shortcomings in our laws bring to Catholic schools, until recently advo- to the archbishop. ―I have also concluded of same-sex marriage. about a result that is unjust, I have a pub- cated civil unions as an alternative to that treating the children of families New York Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo, lic obligation to try to change that injus- same-sex marriages. headed by same-sex couples with lesser another Democrat with a rising national tice.‖ During this year‘s legislative ses- protections under the law than the chil- profile, was widely credited with pushing Both letters were released Monday sion, he said he would sign a same-sex dren of families headed by heterosexual a gay-marriage bill through a divided by O‘Malley‘s office in response to me- marriage bill if it reached his desk, but parents, is also unjust.‖ state legislature. dia requests. The exchange lends fresh his advocacy for the measure was largely O‘Brien‘s appeal to O‘Malley was ―Maryland is not New York,‖ insight into the pressures that public offi- limited to private conversations. made in starkly personal terms. O‘Brien wrote. ―We urge you not to al- cials can face as they attempt to reconcile After the legislation narrowly failed, (Continued on page 8) Page 2 BONDINGS Vol. 31, No. 3 Marriage Equality and the Catholic Bishops B NDINGS By Geoffrey R. Stone when anti-Catholics fumed that Catholicism was incom- Huffingtonpost.com patible with democracy. When Al Smith ran unsuccess- Summer-Fall 2011 Vol. 31, No. 3 June 25, 2011 fully for president in 1928 as the first Roman Catholic can- didate, Protestant ministers warned that the nation's auton- New York State has taken an important step forward omy would be threatened if he were to be elected, because Francis DeBernardo, Editor in our nation's never-ending quest to remake ourselves as a he would listen not to the American people, but to the more decent, more inclusive, more just and more moral pope. society. Looking back from the future, our grandchildren Many Americans opposed Smith because they be- Board of Directors will surely see the legal recognition of same-sex marriage lieved the Catholic Church was "unAmerican." In an influ- Mary Byers as an inspiring chapter in America's story, a story in which ential manifesto, the Lutheran Dr. Clarence Reinhold Tap- Frank O‘Donnell, SM we have progressively abolished slavery, ended state- pert warned about "the peculiar relation in which a faithful Matthew Myers sponsored racial segregation, prohibited laws against inter- Catholic stands and the absolute allegiance he owes to a racial marriage, protected equal rights for women, pro- 'foreign sovereign' who 'claims' supremacy in secular af- Board of Advisors moted religious diversity and tolerance and outlawed dis- fairs and who, time and again, has endeavored to put this Cornelius Hubbuch, CFX crimination on the basis of disability. There is no doubt claim into practical operation." Anna Koop, SL that, in the long run, the United States will follow the lead In 1949, Paul Blanshard wrote in his bestselling book, Elizabeth Linehan, RSM of New York State. The challenge, though, is to make the American Freedom and Catholic Power, that the Catholic Patricia McDermott, RSM long run short. Church was widely seen as an "undemocratic system of The most vehement opponent of marriage equality in alien control" in which the lay were chained by the "rule of Staff New York was the Catholic Church. Indeed, in the heat of the clergy." Even today, when things have clearly changed Francis DeBernardo, Executive Director the debate in the state legislature, the New York State for the better, only 45 percent of Americans have a posi- Dwayne Fernandes, Associate Director Catholic Conference issued a ringing proclamation: "The tive view of the Catholic Church (as compared to 53 per- Bishops of New York State oppose in the strongest possi- cent who have a positive view of same-sex marriage).

ble terms any attempt to redefine the sacred institution of In light of that history, one would have hoped that the Co-Founders marriage. Marriage has always been, is now, and always leaders of a religion that has been so vilified and discrimi- Sr. Jeannine Gramick will be the union of one man and one woman. Government nated against would have been able to take a step back and Rev. Robert Nugent does not have the authority to change this most basic of recognize similar bigotry and prejudice when it is directed truths." at others. Instead, the bishops' proclamation does precisely Bondings is a seasonal publication designed That the leaders of the Catholic Church take this posi- what the critics of the Church have long condemned. Ac- to keep our subscribers informed of issues tion is certainly their right, but it is a sorry testament to cording to the proclamation, marriage is a "sacred" institu- that pertain to lesbian and gay people their understanding of their Church's own history in this tion -- that is, an institution set apart for veneration by God and the Catholic Church. nation. If anything, one would expect those leaders to be -- and government therefore "does not have the authority to leaders in the fight against bigotry and intolerance, rather change" it. In other words, in a self-governing society, the Founded in 1977, New Ways Ministry than voices in support of prejudice and discrimination. democratically-elected representatives of the people do is an educational and bridge-building After all, as the historian Arthur Schlesinger, Sr. once ob- "not have the authority" to change the law in a way that ministry of reconciliation between the served, prejudice against Catholics has been one of "the conflicts with the religious beliefs of the bishops. That is Catholic gay and lesbian community deepest bias[es] in the history of the American people." not a winning argument. and the institutional structures Sadly, this was so from the very beginning. In the mid Ironically, it is not a winning argument even with -seventeenth century, both the Colony of Virginia and Catholics, a substantial majority of whom reject the in the Roman Catholic Church. Massachusetts Bay Colony enacted laws prohibiting Church's position and support same-sex marriage. Indeed, Catholic settlers. In the 1830s, prominent Protestant lead- whereas 53 percent of all Americans now support same- New Ways Ministry seeks to eradicate ers attacked the Catholic Church as an enemy of republi- sex marriage, approximately 60 percent of Catholics now prevalent myths and stereotypes can values, and in the 1840s the "nativist" movement was take that position. It is heart-warming and inspiring when about homosexuality and supports civil whipped into a frenzy of anti-Catholicism that led to mob the adherents of a religion -- any religion -- are more de- rights for lesbian and gay persons in society. violence, the burning of Catholic property, and the killing cent, more wise and more moral than the "leaders" of their of Catholics. Anti-Catholicism reached a peak in the mid- religion. It's enough to give one faith in the future.  nineteenth century when Protestant leaders became New Ways Ministry alarmed by the heavy influx of Catholic immigrants. Geoffrey R. Stone is the Edward H. Levi Distinguished 4012 29th Street Rabid anti-Catholicism continued into the 1920s, Service Professor of Law at the University of Chicago Mount Rainier, Maryland 20712 (301) 277-5674 [email protected] www.NewWaysMinistry.org RI Bishop: Civil unions are “mockery" of marriage By Andrew Harmon day statement, TheProvidence Journal reports. ―To do so Advocate.com is a very grave violation of the moral law and, thus, seri- July 1, 2011 ously sinful. A civil union can never be accepted as a le- gitimate alternative to matrimony.‖ TO SUBSCRIBE Roman Catholic bishop Thomas J. Tobin of Rhode On the other side of the debate, gay rights groups have COMPLETE AND RETURN THE FORM Island has called civil unions a "mockery of the institution been deeply dissatisfied with the Rhode Island civil union of marriage‖ and warned that Catholics may not join in bill‘s religious exemptions (the bill passed the state Senate such unions. on Wednesday; Gov. Lincoln Chafee is expected to sign Enclosed is: ―Because civil unions promote an unacceptable life- the legislation). Marriage Equality Rhode Island campaign style, undermine the faith of the Church on holy matri- director Ray Sullivan told the Journal that while his group _____ $25.00 in the US or Canada mony and cause scandal and confusion, Catholics may not supported ―commonsense‖ exemptions, other exemptions participate in civil unions,‖ Bishop Tobin said in a Thurs- are ―a license for any religious institution to operate out- _____ $35.00 outside US or Canada side the boundaries of law.‖ 

_____ I wish to receive Bondings, but cannot donate at this time. Bishop: Shun lawmakers over gay marriage vote

By Elizabeth Tenety cians. Name ______Washingtonpost.com So do Catholic politicians represent their constituents June 27, 2011 or the church? Address ______Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.) personified this debate in New York State‘s Catholic bishops continue to blast 2004 when, during his campaign for president, several City ______the state‘s passage of gay marriage this week, with one bishops said that his pro-choice politics made him ineligi- bishop calling on Catholic schools and other institutions to ble for communion. Kerry said that while he was morally State ______shun lawmakers in protest of the vote. opposed to the procedure he did not feel that it was his role In an op-ed Sunday in the New York Daily News, to impose that belief on his constituents. From a 2004 Telephone ______Nicholas DiMarzio, bishop of Brooklyn, called on mem- Washington Post report: bers of his diocese to ―not to bestow or accept honors, nor ―I oppose abortion, personally. I don‘t like abortion. I Email ______to extend a platform of any kind to any state elected offi- believe life does begin at conception. ... I can‘t take my cial, in all our parishes and churches for the foreseeable Catholic belief, my article of faith, and legislate it on a future,‖ a statement that may signal a new era in church- Protestant or a Jew or an atheist. We have separation of Please make check payable to ―New Ways state relations in the Empire State. church and state in the United States of America.‖ Ministry‖. Outside the US, please use only Catholic bishops have previously fought high-profile This is essentially the same approach articulated by checks drawn on a US bank in US dollars or battles with public officials who endorse policy positions State Sen. Mark Grisanti (R) in a speech on the New York go to www.newwaysministry.org. contrary to official church teaching. The previous battle- Senate floor Friday night. Even though, Grisanti said, his ground was mostly limited to debates over the right to life, Catholic faith taught him that marriage is between a man Mail to: New Ways Ministry which is seen within Catholicism as a primary, inviolable and a woman, he does not represent Catholicism in his 4012 29th Street value. (Catholics, the church teaches, may not vote for pro- politics: ―I‘m not here as a senator who is just Catholic,‖ Mount Rainier, MD 20712 choice politicians except for ‗grave reasons.‘) But it is new Grisanti said. Ultimately, the senator said before casting that church leaders such as DiMarzio would include legis- his vote in favor of the bill, he concluded that gays were lation on gay rights as sufficient cause to ostracize politi- entitled to ―the same rights that I have with my wife.‖  Summer-Fall 2011 BONDINGS Page 3 Cuomo's Catholicism and his work to pass the marriage equality law

By Maureen Dowd governor decides to tie the knot with the He says that at many points ―I did not The New York Times Food Network glamour girl Sandra Lee, think we were going to win,‖ which ex- June 29, 2011 Cuomo says it couldn‘t happen ―because plains why he signed it so quickly on I‘m divorced.‖ Friday just before the clock struck mid- I figured I‘d get straight to it. He shrugged off the shrill complaint night ―with the ink still wet.‖ ―So, Governor,‖ I asked, ―are you of Vatican adviser Edward Peters that At Sunday‘s gay pride parade in afraid you‘re going to hell?‖ he‘s living in ―public concubinage‖ with Manhattan, the guy who was once the Andrew Cuomo, inculcated at Im- his girlfriend in their Westchester home. cold insider blossomed into the cherished maculate Conception grade school, ―He was a blogger, not from my hero. Archbishop Molloy High School and state,‖ Cuomo said of Peters. ―I didn‘t ―I have never been in anything like Fordham University, chuckled. ―There want to give it too much credibility.‖ that in my life, period,‖ he said. ―Not are forms of hell, Maureen,‖ he an- As for whether Lee was hurt by the when I worked with Clinton. Not with swered. ―The question is, which level?‖ crude, archaic term, he conceded, ―It was my father. In my 30 years in government, He‘s his father‘s son, all right. not a pleasant conversation for anyone.‖ I never felt what I felt in that parade. Just ―It‘s troubling for me as a Catholic Back when he was a young strategist the difference we made in people‘s lives, to be at odds with the church,‖ he began, for his dad, Andrew Cuomo attracted how we touched people and made them before dissolving into a wry laugh. adjectives like arrogant, ruthless, intimi- feel good about society. It was really ―Having said that, it seems that my entire dating and manipulative. magic. political life, the tension with the church These days, having risen from the ―A father, maybe 60 years old, came has come up again and again.‖ painful ashes of a failed gubernatorial Governor Andrew Cuomo up to me and said, ‗You know, I have a Just as his father seized a social is- run in 2002 and a marriage to Kerry being on the canvas. gay son, and I never really accepted him sue and established himself in opposition Kennedy that ended in divorce in 2003 ―We love him; that‘s easy. But ad- and I shouldn‘t have needed you to tell to the church with his Notre Dame — a time when those close to him wor- miring him, too, that‘s unusual.‖ me that it was O.K. to accept my own speech on abortion, now the son has ried that he had lost his way — he seems Andrew Cuomo is still a master boy. But I did.‘ ‖ seized a social issue and established him- remarkably Zen. schemer and relentless phoner. ―I don‘t For the moment, and it may only be self in opposition to the church with gay ―That which doesn‘t kill us makes us hang up until you say yes,‖ he says. But a moment given all the thorny issues he marriage. he has also studied his predecessors‘ has coming up, he is in that imaginary Is it genetic, I wonder. flaws and talents and added a healthy place his idol Sir Thomas More invented: ―I have a portrait of Saint Thomas “For a moment dose of Rockefeller wining-and-dining to utopia. More in my office,‖ the governor said, in time, you had his portfolio. He wanted to prove government calling from the statehouse in Albany. It Having debuted with a flawless six could work and the two parties could is a picture Mario Cuomo once kept in people in this state months as a social liberal and a fiscal trust each other, and he has — avoiding his office. He gave it to Andrew as a capital who really conservative (he passed an austere his father‘s mistake of being too high- present when he graduated from Albany budget with a property tax cap and no tax handed with lawmakers. He wanted to Law School, and the younger Cuomo has heard their better increases), Cuomo seems happy. His dad transform a dysfunctional Albany from a kept it with him for 30 years as he moved calls his accomplishment ―unique,‖ say- joke, after the shenanigans of Eliot from job to job and city to city. ―It‘s not angels and ing he has done more faster than anyone Spitzer and David Paterson, to a re- the first time there is a tension between responded.” he‘s watched in Albany, including him- spected place where young people once the teachings of the church and the ad- self, to break down partisan barriers and more aspired to work, and he has. ministration of the law, for my father and move things forward. ―For a moment in time, you had for myself.‖ Dryly, he adds: ―I haven‘t —Gov. Andrew Andrew calls himself ―an aggressive people in this state capital who really lost my head yet.‖ progressive‖ and thinks liberals have to heard their better angels and responded,‖ Far from it. The New York governor Cuomo reorient themselves toward a government he said. ―Government here has a renewed says he still goes to church with his three with goals and effective service, rather bounce in its step.‖ teenage daughters. He received Com- than big government. The governor says he sold the mar- munion at his Inaugural Day Mass, but stronger,‖ the 53-year-old murmurs Those who have followed Cuomo‘s riage-equality bill as a matter of con- mostly abstains. He has managed to stay about the nightmare years. career for decades do not think he took science and didn‘t try to buy off any re- on good terms with New York‘s pugna- Mario Cuomo told me that Andrew on the same-sex marriage issue out of the calcitrant lawmakers with promises cious archbishop, Timothy Dolan, who said to him in that period of despond, ― ‗I goodness of his heart. They think he saw about roads or bridges. waged a relatively muted battle against guess I‘m through with politics. What do how he could get a strategic win with He said Senator Roy McDonald, a gay marriage that Cuomo calls you think, Pop?‘ I told him if you can get little downside. Republican who grew up in public hous- ―reasonable.‖ up off the canvas after two really hard But like Ted Olson when he fought ing and represents a somewhat conserva- When I asked if the archbishop shots, we‘re all with you and now you‘ve Prop. 8 in court in California, Cuomo tive district in the Albany area, told him would preside over the ceremony if the got something else — the experience of seems genuinely moved by the reaction. (Continued on page 6) Relationships and Church: How to create a welcoming Catholicism

By Michael O’Loughlin planned a Mass of welcome, set to coin- sneezing baby panda, this experience Huffingtonpost.com cide with the city's gay pride celebra- goes viral. A parishioner who musters up June 21, 2011 tions. When local right-wing bloggers the courage to walk out of a church found out, they launched a mean-spirited where the archbishop is preaching will A friend once remarked that every campaign to cancel the Mass. The chan- undoubtedly lament to loved ones and view of the church, whether colored with cery then directed the parish to postpone friends. They perhaps begin to question praise, criticism, admiration or disdain, is it. Parishioners, with the encouragement their views about the church. A snide the articulation of a personal relationship of their pastor, held a prayer service on comment or deflated sigh offers clues to with the person or persons who have the sidewalk in front of the church, re- others about their thoughts on the church, come to represent church in an individ- minding participants that all are welcome and the cycle continues. ual's life. He said that during his career in Christ's church. O'Malley, who has What is the antidote to this institu- as a Catholic priest, he spoke with count- tried valiantly though ineffectively to tional downward spiral, where the church less numbers of people who trace back promote respect for gay and lesbian peo- is viewed not as the defender of the weak their love of the church to caring nuns or ple while calling their actions sinful, and vulnerable, but as the enforcer of an priests. Sadly, he also heard from those used his office literally to shut a margin- antiquated morality? The hope lies in the who spend years and lifetimes holding alized group of faithful Catholics out of truth that relationships hold unparalleled on to anger and resentment because of the church and relegate them to the side- power in helping individuals find self- the unkind words or actions of others walk. acceptance through God's radically un- who represent the church to them. Why are the words and actions of conditional love. For every rigid reli- Now consider for a moment the Archbishop Timothy Dolan these two archbishops so troubling? If gious doctrinaire, there are scores of in- words and actions of two of America's my friend is correct that personal rela- dividuals, lay and ordained, and even most notable Catholic figures: New more distressing, the affable archbishop tionships have an abundance of power in some Catholic bishops, who strive daily York's Archbishop Timothy Dolan used used a homily during Mass to further shaping one's views about the church, to protect and care for those who hurt. increasingly incendiary language to fight relegate gay and lesbian Catholics to the then there is trouble ahead for the Catho- Relationships have the power to trans- the legalization of same-sex marriage, margins, when he stated that gay mar- lic church. Americans today have sib- form how people relate to the church. and Boston's Archbishop Sean O'Malley riage would lead society to "peril." lings, parents, friends and co-workers Those who long for an inclusive and directed his officials to postpone a Mass An archbishop's preaching easily who are openly gay and lesbian. Chris- loving church, to witness prophetically celebrating a theme of "All Are Wel- personifies "church" to many people, and tians are increasingly willing to live their with the hopes of a constructing peaceful come" at a parish that is home to many Dolan employed language that left some lives fully and wholly, rather than hide and just world, can realize this goal gay and lesbian Catholics. feeling abandoned, isolated, and hurt. their orientation to fit in at their through the power of their relationships. Dolan wrote on his blog that grant- When asked to comment on parishioners churches. These relationships need not be filled ing marriage rights to same-sex couples who walked out during the service, Do- Rightly or wrongly, Dolan and with heroic acts. Rather, simple, kind constitutes "Orwellian social engineer- lan coolly responded, "We're used to O'Malley, and others in positions of au- words and gestures, especially from a ing" and likened the elected assembly of that. People have been walking away thority in any denomination, most easily friend or pastor, do much to combat the New York to communist regimes in from God's law. They even walked away personify church to the faithful. Their harmful words hurled from the powerful. North Korea and China for debating from Jesus so we're kind of used to that." words and actions can poison one's im-  same-sex marriage. But perhaps even In Boston, St. Cecilia's parish age with the church, and like a video of a Page 4 BONDINGS Vol. 31, No. 3 Gay marriage, bishops, and the crisis of leadership Editorial there are reasons we think the bishops‘ bishops would assert, but more from the mocrats and Republicans. The bishops‘ Ncronline.org hyperbolic reaction to laws such as that experience of gays and lesbians them- lobbying apparatus is a fangless relic. It is July 5, 2011 enacted in New York are not only wrong selves and their parents and siblings, not a formidable opponent to seasoned -headed but counterproductive. extended family and friends who in- political operators and elected officials, The vote approving same-sex mar- First, even if bishops retained the creasingly understand gay, lesbian, bi- and it lacks any real threat of reprisal, the riage in New York is the latest and most stature they once had in the wider cul- sexual and transgendered persons as far currency of politics. glaring confirmation of some gloomy ture, it is evident in polls and politicians‘ more than the sum of their sexual orien- If the bishops actually want laws to news for the Catholic church in the votes that neither most of the Catholic tation while also understanding that reflect Catholic values, they need a new, United States, and it‘s not that gays have world nor the wider culture buys the sexuality is at the core of a person‘s more sophisticated and potent model of achieved the right to marry. church‘s teaching that homosexuals are identity. legislative engagement. Rather, affirmed in the recent vote is disordered and are thus relegated to sex- To parents of a gay child, the idea Second, even if the bishops had a the disturbing reality that the Catholic less lives in order to remain in the Chris- that a group of men can claim to know persuasive case to make and the legisla- hierarchy has lost most of its credibility tian community. the mind of God so perfectly that they tive tools at their disposal, their public with the wider culture on matters of A recent Quinnipiac University poll can proclaim with unyielding certainty conduct in recent years -- wholesale ex- sexuality and personal morality, just as it of registered New York voters found that God deems a significant portion of communications, railing at politicians, has lost its authority within the Catholic that 70 percent of voters say protesta- creation ―disordered‖ is absurd. The denial of honorary degrees and speaking community on the same issues. There tions of the law from religious leaders label is not only demeaning but to con- platforms at Catholic institutions, using are reasons -- and they have little to do made no difference in their decision to temporary Christians has no resonance the Eucharist as a political bludgeon, re- with secularism, relativism or lingering support or reject it. According to Mau- with the heart of the Gospel. fusing to entertain any questions or dis- influences of the wild 1960s -- why peo- rice Carroll, director of the Quinnipiac To be sure, legislative battles are senting opinions, and engaging in open ple are no longer listening to the bish- University Polling Institute, ―On gay messy affairs. In Albany, the state‘s warfare with the community‘s thinkers as ops. marriage, many of the people in the bishops were embarrassingly outmaneu- well as those, especially women, who While we don‘t want to minimize pews split with their bishops.‖ vered by Gov. Andrew Cuomo, a di- have loyally served the church -- has re- the seriousness of the concern of some That attitude does not spring so vorced Catholic and parent; by the pro- sulted in a kind of episcopal caricature, over a societal redefinition of marriage, much from a stance of defiance, as some gay-marriage lobby; and by both De- the common scolds of the religion world, the caustic party of ―no.‖ As if on cue, after the vote Brooklyn Gay-friendly Catholic Bishop Nicholas DiMarzio declared by fiat that his diocese is ―not to bestow or Colleges and Universities accept honors, nor to extend a platform of any kind to any state elected official, in all Below is a list of known gay-friendly Catholic colleges and universities, that is, those Catholic institu- our parishes and churches for the foresee- tions that have some type of gay/lesbian student group, support group, ally group, etc. If you are aware able future.‖ of such a college that is known as welcoming to gay/lesbian people, please let us know. In their reaction to the vote, the Catholic bishops of New York wrote: Alabama Massachusetts Sparkill: St. Thomas Aquinas College ―While our culture seems to have lost a Mobile: Spring Hill College Boston: Emmanuel College, Boston Col- Syracuse: LeMoyne College basic understanding of marriage, we lege Queens: St. John‘s University Catholics must not. We must be models of California Chestnut Hill: Boston College what is good, holy and sacred about au- Belmont: Notre Dame de Namur University Chicopee: Elms College Ohio thentic sacramental marriage.‖ Goleta: St. Mark‘s University Easton: Stonehill College Cincinnati: Xavier University The statement might raise legitimate Los Angeles: Loyola Marymount Univer- North Andover: Merrimack College Cleveland Heights: John Carroll University alarms if, indeed, the state law signaled sity, Mount Saint Mary‘s College Weston: Regis College Dayton: University of Dayton that the Catholic ideals and sacramental Moraga: St. Mary‘s College Worcester: Assumption College, Pepper Pike: Ursuline College life were actually under attack. They Ranchos Palos Verde: Marymount College College of the Holy Cross South Euclid: Notre Dame College aren‘t. Nicholas Cafardi has some excel- San Diego: University of San Diego Sylvania: Lourdes College lent advice for the bishops (see page 6) San Francisco: University of San Fran- Michigan regarding their ongoing battle over same- cisco Detroit: University of Detroit Mercy Oregon sex marriage: ―We need to give it up. This Santa Clara: Santa Clara University Grand Rapids: Aquinas College Marylhurst: Marylhurst University is not defeatism. This is simply following Portland: University of Portland Jesus in the Gospels, who besides telling Colorado Minnesota us not to act on our fears, also told us to Denver: Regis University Collegeville: St. John‘s University Pennsylvania render to Caesar what is Caesar‘s and to Duluth: College of St. Scholastica Cresson: Mount Aloysius College God what is God‘s. Civil marriage is Cae- Connecticut Minneapolis: College of St. Catherine Dallas: Misericordia University sar‘s. If Caesar wants to say that you can Fairfield: Fairfield University, St. Joseph: College of Saint Benedict Erie: Mercyhurst College only get married on Tuesdays, wearing a Sacred Heart University St. Paul: St. Thomas University Greensburg: Seton Hill University blue suit and a red tie, that is Caesar‘s New Haven: Albertus Magnus College Winona: St. Mary‘s University of Minne- Philadelphia: Chestnut Hill College, call. The sacrament of matrimony is West Hartford: Saint Joseph College sota LaSalle University, St. Joseph‘s God‘s. It is valid only when invoked be- University tween a baptized man and a baptized District of Columbia Missouri Pittsburgh: Carlow University, woman, in the presence of two witnesses Georgetown University, Trinity University Kansas City: Avila University, Duquesne University and the spouses‘ proper ordinary or pastor Rockhurst University Radnor: Cabrini College or his delegate. Caesar has no say in this.‖ Florida St. Louis: Fontbonne University, Reading: Alvernia University The larger problem for the hierarchy, Miami Gardens: St. Thomas University St. Louis University Scranton: Marywood University of course, is not persuading the secular Miami Shores: Barry University Villanova: Villanova University culture of its point of view on sacramental Montana marriage, but persuading its own adher- Hawaii Helena: Carroll College Rhode Island ents, and particularly young Catholics Honolulu: Chaminade University Newport: Salve Regina University who now tend to drift off in scores before Nebraska Providence: Providence College adulthood, that staying attached to the Illinois Omaha: Creighton University church is a compelling good, that the Chicago: DePaul University, Texas church is in fact relevant and will draw Loyola University, St. Xavier University New Hampshire Austin: Saint Edward‘s University them closer to Christ and thus the freedom Joliet: University of St. Francis Manchester: St. Anselm College San Antonio: University of the Incarnate and fullness of a life of faith. River Forest: Dominican University in Nashua: Rivier College Word, The bishops have little credibility in Illinois Our Lady of the Lake University the wider culture and diminished authority Romeoville: Lewis University New Jersey within the church because in the case of Caldwell: Caldwell College Vermont sexual violence against young people by Indiana Jersey City: St. Peter‘s College Colchester: Saint Michael‘s College members of their clerical culture, they Notre Dame: Holy Cross College, St. South Orange: Seton Hall responded in ways that any reasonable Mary‘s Washington and healthy segment of society would College, University of Notre Dame New York Lacey: St. Martin‘s College have considered disdainful. Albany: College of Saint Rose Seattle: Seattle University Archbishop Timothy Dolan, he of the Iowa Brooklyn and Patchogue: Spokane: Gonzaga University wide smile, ready handshake and outsized Dubuque: Loras College St. Joseph College laugh, was to be the church‘s antidote to Bronx: Fordham University, West Virginia the cool and distant manner of his prede- Kentucky Manhattan College Wheeling: Wheeling Jesuit University cessor, Cardinal Edward Egan, who was a Louisville: Spalding University, Buffalo: Canisius College public relations nightmare from the start. Bellarmine University Loudonville: Sienna College Wisconsin But a love for beer and a hot dog from the New Rochelle: College of New Rochelle, De Pere: St. Norbert College cart outside the cathedral will only get Louisiana Iona College Madison: Edgewood College you so far. New Orleans: Loyola University Poughkeepsie: Marist College Milwaukee: Alverno College, Dolan‘s rising star presumably carries Riverdale: College of Mount St. Vincent Cardinal Stritch University, with it a stamp of papal favor. The show Maryland Rochester: Nazareth College of Rochester, Marquette University ―60 Minutes,‖ in its own hyperbolic burst, Baltimore: College of Notre Dame of St. John Fisher College dubbed him the ―American pope.‖ And Maryland, Loyola College of Maryland St. Bonaventure: St. Bonaventure Univer- Canada senior NCR correspondent John Allen, sity Toronto: Regis College (Continued on page 8) Summer-Fall 2011 BONDINGS Page 5 Church lost on gay marriage because they’re wrong By Cahir O'Doherty making so many of them? this weekend and they voted accord- in the west village. And as I watched all Irishcentral.com I suspect these ‗natural law‘ quotes ingly. Today it‘s New York; tomorrow it the tears and the laughter I remembered New York are just code words to sugarcoat what will be the nation. my shaky teenage self, moving cau- June 29, 2011 the Archbishop is really up to: creating But like I said, you move very tiously through the late 1980‘s in Ire- two tiers of human being, the natural and quickly from the political to the personal land. At that time it was considered so The problem with gay rights is there the unnatural. That‘s a very dangerous when you talk about marriage, gay or unthinkable to be gay that you could is no way to seek them - and there‘s cer- game to be playing, and I rather wish straight. If gays had full legal equality actually hide in plain sight. People tainly no way to deny them - without he‘d stop. they wouldn‘t have to have this discus- would pretend they were not seeing what getting personal. Because I don‘t know about you but sion. I would like not to have this discus- they were seeing. Unwed mothers, abor- You‘re not talking about abstract I really don‘t appreciate being compared sion. I am about as private a person as tions, abuse, neglect, gay sons and but important things like zoning laws or to a foul regime that has set protestors you could ever meet. I didn‘t ask, nor daughters. It wasn‘t happening. The tort reform, you‘re talking about some- alight in public stadiums, and I have to would I seek, a platform for my private whole of Ireland was a massive confi- thing profound and deeply private – wonder at a man of God who makes this life. No one means for their life to be- dence trick. At that time being gay was you‘re talking about your own heart, comparison so lightly. Doesn‘t the come an illustration, something that you considered so impossible that no one you‘re talking about you. Archbishop know that condemnation can stand on one side or the other of. would even dare accuse you of it. There are forces out there that be- fosters contempt? Who would volunteer for that if the al- Back then it was my unexpected lieve my 14 year relationship with my As more and more people are dis- ternative were a life free from insult and little gay story versus the babies and partner is massively destabilizing to the covering, talking about your gay son or injury? weddings and GAA narrative of my United States, to the point that America daughter, your gay nephew or niece, in Meanwhile the bill for New York tribe. I didn‘t stand a chance. It was not will soon resemble totalitarian states like that kind of overheated language robs was only approved on Friday evening that they were hostile to me exactly; they North Korea. them of their personhood, it reduces and already I‘ve been inundated with just didn‘t have room for me in the story. It was [NY] state‘s top Catholic, them to an unfortunate conundrum, it questions about when my partner and I And the Irish are all about stories. Grow- Archbishop Timothy Dolan, who used argues against their full expression as will get hitched (a photographer friend ing up in Ireland showed me you can that ridiculous analogy last week, be- people, and it seems profoundly anti- has even volunteered to take the photos become trapped in stories, your own or lieve it or not. Thanks to the gays agitat- family to me. on the big day for free as a wedding your nations, Ireland taught me that sto- ing for legal equality America would That‘s why marriage equality gift). ries can be snares. soon become like communist North Ko- passed in Albany this week – because I haven‘t been able to answer their So these days I have a profound rea, Dolan wrote, where ―government there is no legal justification for denying requests because I was completely taken respect for anyone who tries to get a presumes daily to ‗redefine‘ rights, rela- gay couples the rights that heterosexual off guard by the bills sudden success. word in, particularly if powerful forces tionships, values, and natural law.‖ couples take for granted. Personal or Let‘s face it if you‘re born Irish you have prevented from doing so in the Natural law? Where does the religious animosity isn‘t sufficient spend most of your life bracing for im- past. It takes guts of a kind rarely seen to Archbishop think gay people come from grounds. And besides, gay couples are pact; if you‘re born Irish and gay you clear your throat and stand up for your- if not nature? pressing for legal unions, not religious spend your life anticipating impact and self at the best of times, but it‘s doubly Here‘s a question I‘d like the ones, and that is why they have and will the next full on assault. Being gay is not so when almost everyone would prefer Archbishop to answer: why would God ultimately prevail. We‘re not looking for a job for sissies. to shut you up. So, irate commentators, condemn what He has in fact created? If your approval; we‘re looking for our This weekend I saw and felt the do your worst. If you can‘t bear to hear God doesn‘t like gay people forming own rights. euphoria when the bill was passed. I was gay people talk about their ongoing relationships then shouldn‘t He really The assembly members in Albany moved by the celebrations that took plight then either help them win their blame Himself - and heterosexuals - for understood that important distinction place outside the historic Stonewall Inn full equality or get out of their way.  Catholic tolerance and same sex marriage laws

By Anthony Stevens-Arroyo vorce. In reaction, the public often dis- Catholics are allowed a civil divorce, but argued that it was the lesser of evils to washingtonpost.com/blogs torted matrimony as depicted in the not remarriage. Catholicism relies on ―contain‖ sexual evils than to run the June 30, 2011 movie, ―Divorce Italian Style,‖ where personal responsibility rather than on the risk of rape as an outlet to lust or the couples getting married used to pre-sign secular state to maintain the sanctity of spread of sexually transmitted diseases. The vote legalizing same sex mar- a document testifying to coercion. This marriage. Because New York‘s marriage riages in New York state was opposed by was a get-out-of-marriage-free card that Now if the church accepts laws that equality law will strengthen bonds of Archbishop Timothy Dolan, head not only gave grounds for a Catholic annulment. permit divorce even though such legisla- love and loyalty between persons of the of the state‘s largest archdiocese but also This practice, however, put a secret deal tion runs counter to the Catholic theol- same gender it might have positive prag- president of the United States Conference behind so many church weddings it ef- ogy of marriage, why can‘t it do the matic social results. In fact, with the of Catholic Bishops (USCCB). I under- fectively made matrimony a farce. same in the face of a same gender mar- drop-off in marriages throughout society stand the archbishop‘s use of hyperbole in In the United States also, there was riage law? for straight couples, it would seem predicting dire consequences for this a time when civil divorce was cause for Tolerating secular laws that permit worthwhile to encourage stable, long- ―assault‖ on the ―sacred‖ meaning of mat- excommunication. Couples in impossi- what Catholics see as sin does not com- lasting commitments for all sexes. I say, rimony, but in my opinion nothing like ble marriages were permitted to separate, promise the faith. For more than a thou- ―Trust Catholicism to prevail despite this that is going to result. Here is why. but not to legally divorce. After the Sec- sand years, Catholic theology allowed law: we Catholics have thousands of Catholic marriage is a sacrament. ond Vatican Council, it was realized that the secular state to legalize prostitution, years of experience in living the Gospel Such is not the case with Protestants who this was counterproductive. For exam- which is clearly a sin. Augustine [De against all odds.‖  may consider marriage a ―holy state‖ but ple, payment of alimony could not be ordine 2.4] and Aquinas [ST 2-2.10.11 often see it as a social contract, such as enforced without civil divorce. Today, and 62.5.2] (both Doctors the church) now sanctioned for couples of the same gender. Catholic theology, however, keeps the bishops exempt from such con- tract laws. A state-legalized marriage be- tween persons of the same gender can New Ways Ministry’s never be mistaken for the Catholic sacra- Seventh National Symposium ment. New York state can change its re- quirements for issuing a certificate of marriage, but on that account does not diminish the bishops‘ teaching authority in matters of the sacrament of marriage. From Water to Wine: It would be another matter, however, if this law encroached on other aspects of Catholic practice, so it will be interesting Lesbian/Gay Catholics and Relationships to keep track of issues like adoption and Catholic agencies. It is important to re- member that few would call the church March 15-17, 2012 ―corrupt‖ for obeying the law: it is more Renaissance Marriott Inner Harbor Hotel likely the church would be seen as corrupt for not obeying the law, e.g. about turning Baltimore, Maryland in pedophiles. Does marriage for gays and lesbians overturn the standards of public morality? Featured Speakers: Blessed Pope John Paul II committed the church to the evangelization, not only of Patricia Beattie Jung, Luke Timothy Johnson, individuals, but of cultures. He urged us Bishop Geoffrey Robinson, to construct society upon Gospel princi- ples. But I would argue that legalized Richard Rodriguez, Kathleen Kennedy Townsend same-gender marriage poses less risk to public morality than legalized divorce. Note that a generation ago in Catholic More information to follow on website: countries like Italy and Ireland, fierce www.NewWaysMinistry.org battles were waged against allowing di- Page 6 BONDINGS Vol. 31, No. 3 Civil marriage is for Caesar to decide, not the church By Nicholas P. Cafardi alleging that the marital bond is mocracy, that can happen only to the to act on our fears, also told us to render Ncronline.org ―irretrievably broken‖? extent that civil society can perceive or to Caesar what is Caesar‘s and to God July 5, 2011 I recall a late-night comedian saying, interpret that natural law to the limit of what is God‘s. Civil marriage is Cae- ―Let gays get married. Why shouldn‘t its scientifically demonstrable knowl- sar‘s. If Caesar wants to say that you can If you count the sayings of Jesus in they be as miserable as the rest of us?‖ edge. Natural law, despite the church‘s only get married on Tuesdays, wearing a the New Testament, a phrase he uses Easy divorce is more destructive of mar- assertions, is not self-evident. The blue suit and a red tie, that is Caesar‘s with some regularity is ―Be not afraid.‖ riage than anything else. And we have church, in a civil society, is free to say call. The sacrament of matrimony is He says it to the apostles in all four Gos- long since acquiesced in that, even recti- that, in its perception, the natural law God‘s. It is valid only when invoked pels, and he even tells it to Paul twice in fying its results in our annulment courts. requires that marriage can only be be- between a baptized man and a baptized Acts, once in a personal vision, and once Obviously, in the same-sex marriage tween one man and one woman. But it woman, in the presence of two witnesses in the voice of an angel. debate, the church feels a strong need to must also be ready to address the counter and the spouses‘ proper ordinary or pas- Yet, today, his church finds itself have the civil law reflect the church‘s -arguments of our fellow citizens who tor or his delegate. Caesar has no say in afraid: afraid of movements by state leg- teachings. Confronted in the public fo- would say that, in their perception of this. islatures to define civil law marriage in rum with that attitude, many might cry, nature, some folks come out of the fac- The church does have a legitimate such a way as to allow same-sex partners ―Foul!‖ But the church would respond: tory with sexual attraction to members of claim here, namely that we should not be to marry civilly. Why are we afraid? The nature of marriage is not just our their own sex. That is their nature. Did legally required to act contrary to our Civil legislatures cannot define for teaching. It is a matter of the natural law, the divine Creator make a mistake? And beliefs by being forced to recognize civil the church what sacramental marriage is, and civil law should reflect the natural if it is assumed or accepted that this is same-sex marriages in any way: not by what matrimony is. The First Amend- law. That is a very strong argument. Hu- their nature, why should civil society sanctifying them; not by opening our ment protects us from that. No legislature man positive law should reflect the natu- stand in the way of their civil marriage? parish halls to their celebration; not by can tell the church who to marry or who ral law and not go contrary to it. An unfortunate aspect of the opening our adoption agencies to same- not to marry. There are two vulnerabilities with church‘s opposition to same-sex mar- sex partners; not by affording employ- So if the state wants to say that a this argument, however. The first is riage in the civil forum is that it carries ment benefits to same-sex spouses; nor man can civilly marry a man, or that a scriptural. There is a patently clear war- aspects of intolerance. Yes, I realize that by any other accommodation that would woman can civilly marry a woman, why rant for polygamy in the record of the the opposite is true. The church could make us act contrary to our beliefs. should the church care? original covenant. By New Testament say that those pushing same-sex civil Those are our civil rights, which civil The church would respond that, by times, though, that practice was aban- marriage on those of us who, because of society must recognize, much as we rec- taking this action, the state is devaluing doned. But the patriarchs of the Jewish our faith, are unalterably opposed to it ognize civil society‘s right to define civil the natural union of man and woman in scriptures very clearly had multiple are also intolerant of our religious be- marriage as it wills. These rights of the matrimony. But we have long since abdi- wives; so how ―natural‖ is the one man, liefs. But in the scales of intolerance, the church are worth fighting for. But how cated that argument. What arguably one woman definition of marriage? Natu- weight will always go against those who civil society defines civil marriage sim- could devalue the natural union of man ral law, to qualify as natural law, must be would prevent rather than those who ply is not ours to dictate, whether from and woman more than the fact that, in all true in all times and all places. would permit. force or fear.  50 states, through no-fault divorces, any The second flaw is bio-political. In We need to give it up. This is not [Nicholas P. Cafardi is a civil and heterosexual spouse can walk away from an ideal world, human positive law defeatism. This is simply following Jesus canon lawyer, and a professor at Du- the other, basically by filing an affidavit would reflect natural law. But, in a de- in the Gospels, who besides telling us not quesne University School of Law.] Cuomo's Catholicism and his work to pass the marriage equality law (Continued from page 3) Rockefeller party.‖ ―No, there will be other moments,‖ could argue there‘s a 30-year span of the that he wanted to vote for the bill be- If a politician‘s character is defined he said diplomatically. ―The president pressing social, moral and legal issues of cause ―it‘s the right thing. I believe my by what he chooses to put himself on the comes to New York and they ask him the day.‖ God is a God of love and acceptance.‖ line for, then Cuomo has shown charac- that question. That question didn‘t exist I ask him if it bothers him that he When Republican donors were ter. a year ago. There‘s been an amazingly lives with a Food Network star but often brought in to assuage skittish Republican I asked him if President Obama had rapid evolution on this.‖ keeps a 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. schedule at work legislators, Cuomo said, ―It wasn‘t really missed the moment when he stuck to his But, for many gays, Cuomo is now that causes him to miss out on his girl- about the money. It was to say the Re- position at a Democratic fund-raiser for the civil rights leader among elected friend‘s famous ―semi-homemade‖ meals publican Party in this state has always the gay community in Manhattan that officials, a role President Obama should at home. (His mom‘s criticism of her lasa- been a moderate Republican Party, a states should decide the issue. have proudly held. Cuomo, who now gna is another thing you don‘t kid about.) has a huge and excited base of millions ―The first six months were a sprint, of volunteers, activists and donors but I make time for my private life,‖ he Marriage across the country, can press a button says. ―My personal life is all good. The and raise millions. kids are good. Sandy‘s good.‖ And that, of course, has led to talk So how does the workaholic on the EQUALITY of 2016, when he could face his Hudson relax? neighbor Chris Christie, who says he is ―I‘m a Queens boy at the end of the A Positive not a fan of the gay marriage legislation, day,‖ he said. ―I go fishing. I ride my mo- Catholic and even Michele Bachmann, who re- torcycle. I work on my cars. I spend time Approach acted to the joy in New York by saying at home. I try to amuse my daughters, she wants a Constitutional amendment although teenagers do not have all that protecting marriage. much use for a slightly controlling fa- by Francis DeBernardo ―If I‘m breathing in 2016, I‘ll be ther.‖  Executive Director happy,‖ said the man who learned the New Ways Ministry value of humility. He says he does not tease his father Now in its second printing. You can download the book free about the fact that his poll numbers are NY Catholics online or order hard copies. Using statistical data, theological evi- now higher. dence, and historical information, the author describes some ways ―Some things you don‘t kid about and marriage and that‘s one of them,‖ he says. that Catholic attitudes about sexuality have developed into a con- They talk at least once a day, and he sensus where justice requires that same-gender relationships says he values his father‘s advice on any equality should be legalized. issue the ―always rational‖ Mario chooses to weigh in on. By Peyton M. Craighill Written in an easy-to-read question and answer format, the It is a stark contrast to the Bush 43, Washingtonpost.com/blogs book dispels the myth that Catholic lay people follow the bishops’ who was still afraid of his dad‘s shadow June 28, 2011 public opposition to same-gender marriage. The text is comple- as president and avoided talking issues New York‘s recent passage of legisla- mented by testimonials from 24 Catholics including religious and with 41. tion legalizing same-sex marriage is being civic leaders, as well as ordinary people in the pews. By contrast, 56 says of 52: ―I ask him everything. When you work to- met with majority public support, reports a new Quinnipiac poll of registered voters To order FREE copies, contact: gether as intensely as we did, either you‘re very, very close, binary, or it in the state. The poll was in the field from destroys the relationship. He‘s so smart, June 20 to 26, spanning the date of the New Ways Ministry: so informed, such a gift to me. I under- passage of the bill June 24. Some 54 per- 4012 29th Street stand him more and more.‖ He said he cent of voters support the new law and 40 believes that a big part of his job is percent oppose, with no real change in Mount Rainier, Maryland 20712 opinion before or after the law‘s passage. Phone: (301) 277-5674 ―leadership on the social, moral and legal issues of the day‖ because ―that‘s There‘s been vocal opposition to the [email protected] the model of leadership that I was ex- new law from Catholic bishops in the www.NewWaysMinistry.org posed to as a boy. state, but white Catholics in New York do

―My father was against the death not reject it, splitting 48 percent each in Postage and Handling Fees Apply support and opposition. In fact, 70 percent penalty, and that was hard in the Son of Download a pdf version for FREE at Sam summer when fear was driving the of white Catholics say protestations of the www.newwaysministry.org desire for the death penalty. You can see law from religious leaders make no differ- a line of continuity from the death pen- ence in their decision to support or reject alty to choice to marriage equality. You it.  Summer-Fall 2011 BONDINGS Page 7 Gay-friendly Catholic Parishes & Communities Below is a list of known ―gay-friendly‖ Catholic parishes and intentional Eucharistic communities. Thank you for helping us add to this growing list! If you are aware of a parish or community that is known as welcoming to lesbian/gay Catholics, please let us know. Tell us if this welcome is because of a support program, spirituality group, mission statement, participation in gay community events, or involvement with parents. Parishes are listed first and intentional Eucharistic communities follow.

Highlands Ranch: Pax Christi Missouri Pennsylvania Littleton: Light of the World, St Frances Kansas City: Guardian Angels, Huntingdon: Most Holy Trinity Cabrini St. Francis Xavier, St. James Philadelphia: Old St. Joseph, St. Joseph: St. Francis Xavier Old St. Mary, St. John the Connecticut St. Louis: St. Cronan, St. Margaret of Evangelist, St. Vincent DePaul Hartford: St. Patrick-St. Anthony Scotland, St. Pius V PARISHES Rhode Island Alabama Delaware Montana Providence: St. Francis Chapel, Decatur: Annunciation of the Lord North Wilmington: Holy Child Billings: Holy Rosary, St. Pius X St. Mary‘s Montgomery: St. Bede Wilmington: St. Joseph Wickford: St. Bernard Nebraska Arizona District of Columbia Omaha: Holy Family, Sacred Heart Tennessee Chandler: St. Andrew Holy Trinity, St. Aloysius, Memphis: Cathedral of the Glendale: St. Thomas More St. Matthew Cathedral Nevada Immaculate Conception Mesa: St. Bridget Las Vegas: Christ the King, Phoenix: St. Matthew Florida Guardian Angel Cathedral Texas Scottsdale: St. Patrick Cocoa Beach: Our Savior Colleyville: Good Shepherd Tucson: St. Cyril of Alexandria, Daytona Beach: Our Lady of Lourdes New Hampshire Dallas: Holy Trinity SS. Peter and Paul, St. Pius X, Ft. Lauderdale: St. Anthony, Merrimack: St. John Neumann El Paso: All Saints Our Mother of Sorrows, St. Odilia St. Maurice Pelham: St. Patrick Houston: St. Anne Naples: St. John the Evangelist Plano: St. Elizabeth Ann Seton California St. Petersburg: Holy Cross New Jersey Berkeley: Holy Spirit Parish Tampa: Sacred Heart, Christ the King Lawrenceville: St. Ann Virginia Burney: St Francis of Assisi Long Beach Island: St. Francis of Arlington: Our Lady Queen of Peace Carlsbad: St. Patrick Georgia Assisi Richmond: Cathedral of the Sacred Claremont: Our Lady of the Atlanta: Shrine of the Immaculate Maplewood: St. Joseph Heart, Sacred Heart Parish Assumption Conception Tinton Falls: St. Anselm Roanoke: St. Gerard El Cajon: St. Luke Triangle: St. Francis Encino: Our Lady of Grace Illinois New Mexico Virginia Beach: St. Nicholas Escondido: St. Timothy Berwyn: St. Mary of the Celle Albuquerque: Holy Family, Fremont: St. Joseph - Mission San Chicago: Immaculate Conception, Shrine of St. Bernadette Washington Jose St. Clement, St. Gertrude, Espanola: Sacred Heart of Jesus Pullman: Sacred Heart Goleta: St. Mark Univ. Parish St. Gregory, St. Peter, St. Sylvester, Seattle: St. Benedict, Prince of Peace Hawthorne: St. Joseph (Spanish) St. Teresa of Avila, St. Thomas the New York Newman Center Hayward: All Saints Apostle, Our Lady of Mt. Carmel, Albany: St. Vincent DePaul Tacoma: St. Leo LaPuente: St. Martha Old St. Patrick Baldwinsville: St. Augustine Lemon Grove: St. John of the Cross Clarendon Hills: Notre Dame Bellmore: St. Barnabas the Apostle Wisconsin Long Beach: St. Matthew Country Club Hills: St. Emeric Bellport: Mary Immaculate Madison: Our Lady Queen of Peace, Los Angeles: Blessed Sacrament, Evanston: St. Nicholas Binghamton: St. Francis of Assisi Menomonee Falls: Good Shepherd Christ the King, Mother of Good Johnston City: St. Paul Brooklyn: St. Andrew the Apostle, Milwaukee: Good Shepherd, Counsel, St. Camillus Center-LA Morton Grove: St. Martha St. Boniface, St. Athanasius, Prince of Peace, Trinity-Guadalupe USC Medical Center (Spanish), Oak Park: Ascension, St. Catherine of St. Augustine, Immaculate Heart of Canada St. Agatha, St. Paul the Apostle Sienna-St. Lucy Mary Montreal: Holy Cross North Hollywood: St. Jane Frances de Schaumburg: St. Marcelline Deer Park: Ss. Cyril and Methodius Ottawa: St. Joseph Chantal, East Islip: St. Mary Toronto: Our Lady of Lourdes St. Patrick Indiana Elmira: St. Mary Oakland: Our Lady of Lourdes Evansville: St. Mary Fairport: Church of the Assumption England Oceanside: St. Thomas More Indianapolis: St. Thomas Aquinas Henrietta: Good Shepherd London: Our Lady of the Orange: Holy Family Cathedral Manhattan: Holy Name of Jesus, Assumption & St. Gregory

Pasadena: Assumption of the B.V.M. Iowa St. Francis Xavier, St. Paul the INTENTIONAL EUCHARISTIC Ross: St. Anselm Coralville: St. Thomas More Apostle, Church of the Ascension, COMMUNITIES Sacramento: St. Francis of Assisi St. Francis of Assisi Arizona San Carlos: St. Charles Kentucky Pittsford: Church of the Scottsdale: Franciscan Renewal San Diego: Ascension, San Rafael, Louisville: Epiphany, Cathedral of the Transfiguration Center St. Jude Shrine Assumption, St. William Rochester: Blessed Sacrament, San Francisco: Most Holy Redeemer, St. Mary (Downtown), St. Monica California Old St. Mary Cathedral, St. Agnes, Louisiana Syracuse: St. Lucy, All Saints Orange: Koinonia St. Dominic New Orleans: St. Augustine Utica: Our Lady of Mount Carmel, Pleasanton: Catholic Community of San Jose: St. Julie Billiart, Historic Old St. John‘s Pleasanton St. Martin of Tours (Emmaus Maine Wading River: St. John the Baptist Santa Clara: GALA Community) Portland: Sacred Heart-St. Dominic Wantaugh: St. Frances de Chantal San Luis Obispo: Old Mission of Saco: Most Holy Trinity Westbury: St. Brigid District of Columbia San Luis Obispo Communitas San Raphael: Church of San Raphael & Maryland North Carolina Mission San Raphael Arcangel Baltimore: Corpus Christi, Charlotte: St. Peter Florida Santa Barbara: OL of Guadalupe St. Francis of Assisi, Durham: Immaculate Conception Tampa: Franciscan Center Santa Cruz: Holy Cross St. Matthew, St. Vincent dePaul Fayetteville: St. Patrick Santa Monica: St. Monica Columbia: St. John the Evangelist Raleigh: St. Francis of Assisi Maryland Simi Valley: St. Rose of Lima Gaithersburg: St. Rose of Lima Greenbelt: Greenbelt Catholic Commu- Spring Valley: Santa Sophia Hagerstown: St. Ann Ohio nity Stanford: Catholic Community at Stanford Severn: St. Bernadette Akron: St. Bernard University Cincinnati: St. George-St. Monica, Michigan South Pasadena: Holy Familhy Massachusetts St. Robert Bellarmine Grand Rapids: Marywood Valinda: St. Martha Boston: Paulist Center, St. Anthony Cleveland: Ascension of Our Lord, Kalamazoo: Lambda Catholics Vernon: Holy Angels Church of Shrine, St. Cecilia St. Malachi, St. Martha the Deaf East Longmeadow: St. Michael Columbus: St. Thomas More Oregon Walnut Creek: St. John Vianney Newton: St. Ignatius Newman Center Portland: Journey and Koinonia West Hollywood: St. Ambrose, Sharon: Our Lady of Sorrows Fairlawn: St. Hilary Catholic Community St. Victor Springfield: Sacred Heart Mentor: St. John Vianney Whittier: St. Mary of the Assumption University Heights: Church of the Washington Michigan Gesu Olympia: Holy Wisdom Inclusive Catho- Colorado Ann Arbor: St. Mary Student Parish Westlake: St. Ladislas lic Community Arvada: Spirit of Christ Detroit: St. Leo, Christ the King Wooster: St. Mary of the Immaculate Avon: St. Edward St. Ignace: St. Ignatius Loyola Conception Wisconsin Colorado Springs: Our Lady of Westland: Ss. Simon and Jude Madison: Holy Wisdom Monastery Guadalupe, Sacred Heart Oregon Denver: St. Dominic, Christ the King, Minnesota Beaverton: Mission of the Atonement To add your faith community to our Mount Carmel Minneapolis: St. Frances Cabrini, Portland: St. Andrew, St. Francis of list, please contact New Ways Ministry Fort Collins: Blessed John XXIII St. Joan of Arc Assisi, St. Phillip Neri, Downtown at [email protected] or call Genessee: St. Frances Cabrini Shrine Chapel (St. Vincent de Paul) 301-277-5674. Page 8 BONDINGS Vol. 31, No. 3 Catholic hierarchs lose marriage battle to Catholic laity By Jamie L. Manson ―The children of our state deserve civil rights. From health care proxies am blessed not to carry any guilt or shame ncronline.org the best. We put in place public policies and medical benefits to tax laws, same about my sexuality, walking through New June 28, 2011 to ensure that children...are safe from sex couples will now enjoy thousands of York City streets on Pride weekend with harms way....Our children in New York rights previously available only to mar- my partner, I did experience new, unex- It took nearly two days for State deserve the best and unfortunately ried heterosexuals. pected feelings of legitimacy and integ- Archbishop Timothy Dolan to comment there seem to be very few if any ‗Profiles Listening to Dolan at his im- rity. I can finally appreciate how good on the historic passage of legislation al- in Courage.‘‖ promptu press conference after Sunday equality is for the spirit. lowing gays and lesbian to marry in the It‘s no wonder Dolan and D‘Marzio Mass, one wonders if a little bit of their I suspect many members of the gay state of New York. are feeling especially trouble. One look compassion didn‘t rub off on him. and lesbian community will continue to He waited until he had concluded at key players in the road to the same-sex After expressing his disappointment discover this as well. Though all will seek Sunday Mass at St. Patrick‘s on the Feast marriage victory reveals a strikingly with the bill‘s passage, Dolan stated: marriage as their civil right, many will of Corpus Christi. As chance, or the Holy Catholic roster. ―To the gay community, I love you also seek to honor the transcendent, spiri- Spirit, would have it, this was also Gay The bill‘s sponsor, assembly mem- very much. If anything I ever said or did tual bonds that their love also creates. Pride Sunday. ber, Daniel O‘Donnell, was raised Catho- would lead you to believe that I have Though most will not receive this affirma- Dolan met with reporters in a rear lic. He met his partner of 31 years on his anything less than love or respect for tion from religious authorities, the door corner of the cathedral. When asked why first day of college at The Catholic Uni- you, I apologize.‖ toward that recognition has been opened, he didn‘t mention gay marriage in his versity of America. As the archbishop spoke these thanks in no small part to several coura- homily, Dolan said he thought it would Tom Duane, the New York State words, just outside the cathedral doors geous, lay Catholic leaders. be a distraction to the Sabbath day, Senate‘s first openly gay and openly HIV stood more than a dozen peaceful pro- Our elected officials are leading the which is meant for prayer. -positive member, has been gay mar- testors from the New York chapter of state and the nation toward a vision of He added, ―I sorta needed a good riage‘s greatest champion for years. DignityUSA. They have offered this equality for all citizens. In the same way, dose of the Lord‘s grace and mercy be- Though he no longer practices, he was witness every Gay Pride Sunday since married gay and lesbian Catholic couples, cause I‘ve been a little down, as you can raised Catholic. 1987. They stand together for thirty by living out the goodness and holiness of imagine.‖ The first Republican senator to break minutes each year, waiting for a dia- their committed relationships, will lead Continuing in his dejected tone, Do- ranks and agree to vote in favor of the logue that the archbishop chose instead the church toward that future day of jus- lan admitted, ―I can say this now. I‘m not bill was Joseph Alesi, who was raised to have with news cameras. tice and inclusion for all members of the surprised. I had been led to believe from Catholic and graduated from St. John Fifteen blocks south of St. Pat- body of Christ.  the beginning...that this was a tough, Fisher College in Rochester, N.Y. rick‘s, members of the gay and lesbian uphill battle.‖ And, of course, Governor Andrew ministry at the Church of St. Francis [Jamie L. Manson will be a focus Across the East River, Dolan‘s con- Cuomo, whose commitment, political Xavier lined up for the fifteenth con- session leader at New Ways Ministry’s frère, Bishop Nicholas DiMarzio of the influence, and impeccable organizational secutive year to march in the Gay Pride upcoming Seventh National Symposium, Brooklyn diocese, was less resigned. In a skills were the most powerful force be- Parade. Since Dolan came to New York, From Water to Wine: Lesbian/Gay Sunday morning editorial in the Daily hind the bill‘s approval, was raised in a he has attempted to block the parishion- Catholics and Relationships, March 15- News, Brooklyn‘s ―chief shepherd,‖ as Catholic home. A pro-choice, cohabitat- ers from marching in the parade under 17, 2012, Baltimore. See ad, page 5.] he referred to himself, offered these ing divorcee, Cuomo receives commun- their traditional banner, which read, fighting words: ion when he attends Mass and reportedly ―The Church of St. Francis Xavier, A ―As a protest, I have asked my col- takes his Catholicism seriously. Roman Catholic Parish.‖ For decades O’Brien vs. laborators not to bestow or accept hon- One wonders whether Dolan‘s de- Xavier has been recognized city-wide ors, nor to extend a platform of any kind pression and DiMarzio‘s mania was less and nationally for its prophetic outreach O’Malley on to any state elected official, in all our a reaction to New York‘s eroding moral to LGBT Catholics. parishes and churches for the foreseeable fabric than it was a realization of the Fearing that Dolan would impose future.‖ twilight of their once formidable power punishment on the parish, the group marriage The passage of the gay marriage bill, over New York politics. marched with a blank banner last year. DiMarzio says, is ―another nail in the The bishops refuse to see that these This year, after months of agonized con- (Continued from page 1) coffin of marriage.‖ Writing lines that officials were actually honoring the versation and discernment, they opted to ―I am well aware that the recent unintentionally drip with irony, DiMar- Catholic social justice tradition in their purchase a new banner that read ―St. events in New York have intensified zio worries that the new law is detrimen- motivation for passing the marriage bill. Francis Xavier, Come to the Table.‖ In pressure on you to lend your active sup- tal to the welfare of children: They approached the issue as a cause for previous years, under different pastoral port to legislation to redefine marriage,‖ leadership, the group also received a O‘Brien wrote. ―As advocates for the blessing from the church‘s pastor before truths we are compelled to uphold, we heading out to the march. No such speak with equal intensity and urgency Gay marriage, bishops and the blessing was offered this year. in opposition to your promoting a goal In addition to his interactions with that so deeply conflicts with your faith, crisis of leadership members of Dignity and Xavier, those not to mention the best interests of our who watched Dolan interviewed on 60 society.‖ (Continued from page 4) blog he wrote that in China and North Minutes three short months ago still O‘Brien continued: ―It is especially who has conducted a book-length inter- Korea ―government presumes daily to have vivid memories of the hard to fathom your taking such a step, view with Dolan, has written that in other ‗redefine‘ rights, relationships, values Archbishop‘s equating gay marriage given the fact that our requests last year circumstances the archbishop of New and natural law.‖ In those countries, he with incest, as he quipped, ―I love my for you to sponsor legislation to repeal York ―could easily have been a U.S. says, government dictates the size of mom, but I don‘t have a right to marry the death penalty and support students in senator or a corporate CEO.‖ families, who can live and die, and what her.‖ Catholic and other nonpublic schools That may or may not be the case, but defines marriage. ―Please, not here!‖ he While Dolan‘s contrite tone on that went unheeded.‖ as senator or CEO, Dolan would be held begs. The comparison, of course, is ab- Corpus Christi morning no doubt piqued O‘Brien was referring to legislation to standards of accountability that no surd on its face, a kind of hysteria that the interest of some gay and lesbian that would have created a tax credit for bishop will ever face. Politicians, we demands that someone listen when so Catholics throughout the city, Christ‘s businesses that contribute to scholar- know, can be run out of office and busi- few are. body cannot begin to mend until he ships for private school students. O‘Mal- ness leaders are held, however imper- The vote in New York sends a faces this community and offers his lov- ley had supported the bill in the past, but fectly, to standards of performance and strong message to Catholic leadership. ing, apologetic words in the flesh. he did not make it a priority this year, ethics. Some of them land in jail. The danger is not in the vote itself. The I have been struck by the effect that given the fiscal condition of the state. In reaction to the marriage vote, danger they face is far deeper -- a crisis the passage of the marriage bill has had During his first term as governor, Dolan stretched to call up the specter of of leadership and authority for which on my own sense of dignity. Though I O‘Malley sponsored legislation to repeal what remains of the Red menace. On his they have only themselves to blame.  the death penalty. The legislature balked, instead passing a bill in 2009 that raised evidentiary standards in capi- Pope approves gay marriage! (wink, wink) tal cases. By Robert McClory company." gold cuff links, touching off a friendly O‘Malley listed the repeal of the ncronline.org/blogs The pope called them "soulmates," conversation that effectively upended death penalty among the issues on which July 20, 2011 and added that "allowing them to formal- 2,000 years of Roman Catholic teach- he and the Catholic Church agree. Oth- ize their union in the Church is the least ing." ers include: eradicating poverty, respect- "Vatican City – In a stunning and we could do for them," said the article. On parting, both men "hugged Bene- ing the right of workers to organize, unexpected reversal of long-standing The papal decree declares, said the dict," said the story, "an incident the reducing infant mortality and having a doctrine, Pope Benedict XVI proclaimed Onion, that "homosexual relations be- Holy Father described as 'not even weird fair and progressive income tax. the Roman Catholic Church's unequivo- tween two consenting adults is not, and or anything.'" ―I do not presume, nor would I ever cal support of gay marriage Tuesday, just never has been, a sin" If the two were to exchange vows presume as governor, to question or in- hours after meeting Stonington, CT cou- The story claimed the two met dur- publicly, the pope reportedly said, fringe upon your freedom to define, to ple Tony Ruggiero and Craig Hous- ing a routine papal audience and "really "Where's the harm in that? It's not as if preach about and to administer the sac- inger." hit it off" after discovering shared inter- they're offending the sanctity of life like raments of the Roman Catholic Church,‖ So began an article in the July 13 ests in photography, the piano and Span- those wicked birth control users who will O‘Malley wrote. ―But on the public is- issue of the satirical weekly, the Onion. ish cuisine." toil for all eternity in hellfire." sue of granting equal civil marital rights According to the paper, Pope Benedict The Onion's sources reported that The full story is available at: http:// to same-sex couples, you and I disagree. was deeply moved after "sharing an af- Benedict was "initially skeptical" on www.theonion.com/articles/vatican- . . . I look forward to working with you ternoon of engaging conversation and meeting the pair but relaxed after reverses-stance-on-gay-marriage-after- on other issues of mutual agreement. hearty laughter with the gay couple." "Housinger spoke a few humorous lines meet,20912/  And I respect your freedom to disagree Benedict was quoted as finding them to the pope in his native German and with me as a citizen and as a religious "fun, gracious, and simply wonderful Ruggioro effusively complimented his leader without questioning your mo- tives.‖ 