Actor John Belushi Discovered Alive— Seeking

Vol. 100 No. 16 Tuesday, April 1,1986 'Serving the Springfield College Community' ---- ACTOR JOHN BELUSHI DISCOVERED ALIVE— SEEKING NEW IDENTITY AS PRESIDENT FALCONE Belushi - - - - Dead or Alive? Operation Bluto by Jools Gustafson deep knee bends and then pro not have the cash to train to New SC Correspondent ceeded to trot down the driveway. York, so I called ahead to Co- Editors Note: After receiving five He hung an immediate right at the Editor A-me Kissel who just hap anonymous letters and twenty end of the driveway increasing the pened to be stationed in New York phone calls, the Student Editors “pace” of his jog. I swiftly hopped investigating the “Saturday Night needed to act on the “Belushi- into The Student Volkswagen and Live” scene and communicating Falcone” notion. Spring Break was headed towards Cumberland with Dan Ackroyd, Jane Curtain designated to investigations. Farms. I needed M&M’s anyway, a and Gilda Radner. The spying was Co-Editor-In-Chief Julie Gustaf diabetic coma in the bushes is not a now up to Kissel. I returned to son was designated to stay right on pleasant scene. Exactly 33.5 min campus to search for other clues. the college campus. Her mission utes later, Belushi arrived at the Things discovered on campus: was to follow around President end of Alden Street and turned 1) Extra sets of handcuffs Falcone (a.k.a. John Belushi) for around to head back. I filled up the 2) Spare briefcases the entire spring break. VW with gasoline and took my time 3) Large collection of blues March 14 — The large hedges getting back to the white house albums surrounding the President’s home considering he was running 22 4) Golf putter in office provided a great spy-hide away for minute miles. Upon his return 5) Cases of Jack Daniels in me to lodge in. I set up my Belushi showered and ate break garage binoculars, telescope, canteen, fast. 6) Cartons of cigarettes tuna fish sandwich, and other At 10:30 a.m. Belushi, wearing 7) Grey crew neck sweatshirt necessary equipment in the shrubs sunglasses, loaded his car with two with mustard stains to the north of the white house. suitcases and one briefcase and 8) Blue sweatshirt saying I first spotted John Belushi at peeled out the driveway. I non C-O-L-L-E-G-E The Investigative Staff has 6:15 a.m. wearing dark blue sweat chalantly followed him to the Am- 9) Wayfarer (Risky Business pants, white Nike jogging trak station where he purchased a blues) sunglasses made interesting discoveries. sneakers, and a Pace University one-way ticket to New York City. 10) One white dead horse in the hooded sweatshirt. He did seven Being a poor college student I did garage Operation Bluto On Tuesday, March 9,1982 hundreds of close friends and fans attended what was believed to be actor John Belushi’s funeral on Martha’s By A-Me Kissel QUEST. STOP. STAY CASUAL with his two suitcases and his Vineyard. It was revealed in what is now known as a false autopsy report, Manhattan Correspondent AND KEEP IN CONTACT. “sleather” briefcase and pro that Belushi had died of a drug overdose. It was also reported that Editor’s Note: Co-Editor-In- STOP JOOLS. ceeded to the 42nd street exit. Belushi’s body was excessively abused from smoking three packs of Chief Amy Kissel’s part of the Stu With this telegram clenched in Walking at a rapid “pace” for cigarettes a day, daily habit of snorting cocaine, regular usage of dent’s investigation took place in my hand I hopped onto the Long several blocks, Belushi finally mescaline, traces of 10 to 20 acid trips, and a quaalude habit to boot. As the Big Apple, yes, the location of Island Rail Road bound for the made it to the freshly built Mar Belushi was the portrait of a great American comic talent, the public SNL. Read on . city. I made it to Grand Central riott Hotel in Times Square. He pressured and demanded so much from him that his life became March 14: My investigation Station by 1:30 a.m. Camouflaged signed in as “Dr. Detroit” and unbearable. Belushi needed to escape, and he used drugs as his outlet. began when I received a telegram by a N.Y. Times, I sat on a bench went up to his suite for the re The drug habit only added to his list of problems and complications, and from Co-Groupie Jools Gustafson by track 11 West awaiting the mainder of the day. Probably ex he desired a new escape. Being an actor, Belushi was especially talented which read: Springfield train that Belushi was hausted from the trip and especial in the costumes and cosmetic department. The Student recently AIMLESS.STOP.FALCONE on. ly the “BAR CAR”. discovered that it was not Belushi’s body found dead in a seedy hotel FLED FROM SC.STOP.LEFT The train arrived promptly at March 15; 12:30 p.m.: Saturday bungalow off Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood. Instead it was a Belushi ON 10:30 A.M. TRAIN FROM 2:32 p.m. and from the “Bar Car” in the Apple. Always exciting. look-alike who agreed to overdose in Belushi’s clothes which had per SP R IN G F IE L D TO N Y’S strutted Belushi in his Foster Belushi finally was spotted at sonals in the pockets such as his wallet, pocket watch, and credit cards. GRAND CENTRAL STATION. 1 Grant sunglasses, blue pin striped Sardi’s “doing brunch” with SNL The following is an account of the investigative journalistic records kept STOP. BE THERE BY 2:30 suit, Christian Dior shirt, YSL tie producer Dick Ebersol. I decided by the editors of the Student since first being tipped off on the P.M. SO WE CAN CONTINUE and classic Nike jogging sneakers. to sit in a booth on the other side of whereabouts of John Belushi. THE BELUSHI-FALCONE He stumbled out of the Amtrak car continued on page 2 Page 2, THE STUDENT, Tuesday, April 1,1986 Operation Bluto continued from page 1 Operation Bluto* the restaurant, next to a signed to be huh Gilda?!” “Don’t you By Richard Becker picture of Kermit the Frog, Ronald miss it Gilda?” Radner replied Editor’s Note: Editor Rich Reagan, and Rambo (all on the with calming words, “No John, it Becker’s part of the Student’s in same wall). My concentration on isn’t like the good ol’ days,” and vestigation (in search of the Belushi and Ebersol’s conversa “No John, I mean Frank, I don’t mysterious Belushi death) took tion was broken when Woody Allen miss it at all.” Think about that place ‘down south’ as it’s said to be walked in with Hannah and her Belushi fans. exact—Gainesville, and the sisters. All that was noticeable 1:00 a.m. Show over, Radner University of Florida is where about Belushi was an increasingly spends the night in Belushi’s suite Becker quested for information grubby beard and his left eyebrow after heavy partying. pertaining to this subject. was becoming elevated. March 16: Radner and Belushi March 13 — 1 was fired up with 3:30 p.m. Finally, Belushi and sleep all day. John rolls out of bed going home and also excited about Ebersol leave Sardies. Belushi pro reads the obituary page of the my sister’s wedding the 23rd. With ceeds to the Minskoff Theater on delivered Sunday Times, his name my bags all packed and expecting 45th and Broadway to watch Peter, is not listed so he absorbed a bag of to adjourn to my place of residence Paul and Mary rehearse for their Doritos and a half gallon of orange in New York, I became, well, concert to raise money for the juice and rolled back to bed for 4 curious at the last second as to why homeless. Peter wasn’t too thrilled more hours. the heck my floor had a different at Belushi’s presence because of 8 p.m. Radner “puts herself janitor. He appeared very sus the steady “Excuse Me” com together” and leaves the Marriott. picious and informative too. Call it ments. Paul and Mary didn’t have Belushi showers, does not shave, a journalist’s hunch, but I decided any comment to his unrulyness. and puts on a fresh Blues Brothers to fish for some scoop and bingo, I 6:45 p.m. Belushi was followed to struck it rich. Boy did I strike it Becker and Fougere came up with some astonishing revelations when T-shirt and goes down-town for they matched their accounts with the Book WIRED. a hot dog stand in Rockerfeller another hopping evening at “The rich. Center. He hoovered 6 dogs in Underground,” and stumbled in at Greasy Nick. (He called himself suggested never to go to that sec- walked to the party—the car was tion without proper protection) three minutes flat, sat down next to 4:00 a.m. that; I didn’t believe him, but as a r e n t e d — the rink, and let out his distinctive fisher and sometimes fishee, you what they ate, (whopee!) where sorry) diaphramatic burps for 1V2 hours. March 17: St. Patty’s Day respect the sources pseudonym they bowl, (psyched!) and then, 11:45 p.m. —Listening to Lynard 9:15 p.m. Belushi went back to Parade down 5th Avenue. An ex and concern yourself with the then she said it.

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