T I-I E ETRIE WEEKLY "What a waste it is to lose one's mind - or, not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is. " -Dan Quayle Volume XXXID, Number 16 1000 Hilltop Circle, Baltimore, MD 21250 February 2, 1999 New Officers Join the Ranks Grant Allows Hiring of Three New UMBC Police Officers

GABE MARCUS ing, which is a wide departure from Re1riever Weekly Edilorial Slaff the philosophy of policing taught when most of the department's of­ With the assistance of a federal ficers went through training. grant designed to encourage the The new officers were hired last application of community polic­ August and went through training ing, UMBC Campus Police have at the Maryland Police Training for the first time ever hired three Commission. They have an addi­ new officers with close ties to the tional 90 days of field training to university, according to Interim complete at UMBC before they Jay Friess I Retriever Weekly Staff Police Chief John Cook. begin their regular shifts. Close Call: Area firefighters respond to douse flames which consumed a three foot by 10 foot section "Most folks we hire are those In addition to their fresh ideas, of the roof of the campus poli~e station on Tuesday evening. who retire or transfer from other each of the three officers have a police agencies," said Cook. "T special connection to UMBC. ·guess you can say they went from Bruce Perry was a 1997 gradu­ Fire Threatens Police Station the bottom up, which I feel gave ate, majoring in Bio-Psychology. us the quality of police officer "I found out about the job be­ JAY FRIESS 6:15 p.m. Waite drove around to patcher about the fire, Waite said that's much more in touch with the cause I used to work here as a stu­ Re1riever Weekly Slaff Wri1er the front of the burning building he heard Conklin's voice over the needs of the University. " dent marshal," he said. "I came and informed Officer Dennis radio confirming the blaze. Cook noted that the current phi­ back to visit one day and I found A UMBC student saved the cam­ Conklin, who was standing out­ The dispatcher called the area l.osophy of policing - the philoso­ out there was an opening." pus police station and its occupants side, of the danger. fire departments, and trucks and phy used to train the new officers from serious harm when he spot­ "They couldn' t see the flames equipment from four area depart­ - is based on community polic- see POUCE, page 4 ted and quickly reported a fire on from their side of the building," ments - Arbutus, Westview, the roof of the building's construc­ said Waite. "The fire was on the Catonsville and Halethorp - ar­ tion area last Tuesday. back side of the building, so they rived at the scene within minutes. Bradly Waite, a senior majoring couldn't see or smell it." Firemen worked to douse the ftre, in political science, spotted the Conklin instructed Waite to no­ which consumed a three foot by three foot tall flames as he was tify the dispatcher while he went ten foot section of the roof. driving out of parking lot 6, near to see the flames for himself. Min­ Sergeant Earnest Howe, the of­ the Westhill apartments around utes later, as he was telling the dis- ficer in charge, declined to com­ ment to reporters on the scene con­ cerning any details of the fire. "Policy prohibits us from giving out details on emergency situa­ tions," explained Howe. "I can tell you that there was a fire on the roof and that no one was hurt." Batallion Chief Kurak of Balti­ more County Volunteer Fire De­ momentary ~~a;~~~ partment Station 13 was more stop in the forthcoming. Kurak said that, from University viewing the scene and talking to Center the construction workers that had been working at the site earlier, the Amy Banowetz I Retriever Weekly Staff firemen had determined that the Into the Field: New officers (left to right) Bruce Perry, Stacy Tucker and Dan Sexton will contribute additional community policing to the UMBC campus.

Jay Friess thinks the The intrepid Features University should be kava-kava: peering, team reveals the best Men's renamed the People's panning and panting, bargains on required basketball wins thelr10'• Republic of UMBC, the Focus team swaps reading, jofns the chess straight game, Jessica Rothfus and lenses and probes team at the top of t11at basketbalf's Lady Emily Bernstein have some putrid pdols of crazy wheel, challenges Retrievers suffer two very different views on pathogenic pestilence. you to whip up a setbacks and Sports Ed. drug /egctlization, the Translation: Focus on Vafentlne's "Day trtbute Chfls Kerner is angry Commuting Students diseases and other to Ma ryland's favorite about those bfoody NBA Association speaks. and pubi1c honors unl­ slrfkcs-whydoo't they Chris Schob takes the vers ly. and chas ~your JUSt grow up? Yup. Blues away PAGE2 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS February 2, 1999 InD THE SCENES

Student Government to This Week's Mystery Woman: Become Legal Entity GAINESVILLE, Fla. - For the first time in history, Florida's pub­ Rosalie Messick lic un,iversity student governments could be recognized as a legal en­ tity. EMILY BERNSTEIN experiences that im­ If a proposed bill passes through Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff mersed her in the the Legislature, that legal status Spanish language. would make it impossible for uni­ Rosalie Messick, UMBC's Language She has visited versity presidents to abolish them. Teaching Coordinator for Spanish, is one Puerto Rico, Nicara­ The draft bill, introduced last of the busiest women on campus - espe­ gua and much of Eu­ week by Kevin Mayeux, Florida cially on the frrst day of classes. Aside rope, and has lived in Student Association director, pro­ from teaching three courses each semes­ both Spain and posed adding a statement to the ter ranging in level from l 01 to 202, Mexico. In 1996, she Florida statute that each student Messick is responsible for arranging and served as the resident government is organized by and ac­ rearranging classes to make sure there are director of the Mary­ countable to students. enough sections to go around to aU the land in Mexico pro­ "Basically, the bill puts in stat­ Spanish students (like the 90 currently on gram, a much-lauded ute guarantees that are already in the waiting list for Spanish 201). She also student exchange. place at UF," Mayeux explained. acts as a contact for teaching assistants, In her free time, she likes to ex­ "It will apply to all universities in and she is in charge of producing and dis­ ercise-biking, hik­ Florida." tributing teaching materials. ''There is a job description somewhere," ing, walking and camping particu­ Ethnicity Affects Academic she says, "but basically it's 'make it hap­ pen!"' larly. She has a fond­ Performance And that's exactly what she does. Her ness for dancing, too, NEW HAVEN, Conn.-Knowing organi'zational skills are beyond reproach, that an ethnic group excels at math­ Dave Chen I Retriever Weekly Staff though she hasn' t which is necessary given that every five danced much in a ematics may help its members get minutes or so, someone on staff comes to ing- "tore the room down and put it back up while. She also enjoys reading the Wash­ a better grade on their next Group her office, speaking rapidly in Spanish, .again." From this, she developed her abilities ington Post and the Baltimore Sun, as well IV test. needing a particular paper for a class or as a carpenter and an electrician to such an as National Geographic and the Nature According to a Harvard Univer­ having an urgent question about why the extent that after five years of working for Conservancy- not surprising given her sity study published in the January noon 202-level course suddenly had to be someone else, she ventured out to do home love of the outdoors. 1999 issue of Psychological Sci­ changed to a 201-level. improvement on her own. Often, she brings this awareness into the ence, subtle reminders of common Even as she was describing her current After only a year of that, however. she real­ classroom by including lessons on the cultural stereotypes can affect stu­ state as "brain dead," she was whizzing ized that she wanted to get back into her origi­ environment, making students learn words dents' academic performance. The around her office, gathering important nal chosen career. She asked her friend and such as "ambiente" (environment), "arbol" study found that Asian women documents, writing a memo and taking neighbor, Bob Sloane - now the Assistant (tree) and "hachero" (logger). might overperform or phone calls from concerned TAs whom Vice President of Student Academic Affairs "Life is recycling," she states, explain­ underperform on a test depending she says are "a pleasure to work with. in Modern Languages and Linguistics-who ingher "do unto others" mentality. "I treat on the "implicit activation" of dif­ They're such professionals." she should talk to about teaching some classes my resources well so others can make use ferent stereotypes. In spite of the time-consuming nature atUMBC. of them." "The study fits with this new of her job, it is obvious that she loves what "He said, 'Me. When are you starting?'" she "One person does something nice for generation of research [showing she does. recalled, smiling. "He just lit up like a Christ- another person, and that person does that] ... when we are alerted about Her favorite part of it all is the contact mas tree." something nice for someone else. Pass it knowledge about the social groups with people, including students and the After less than a year as a part-time instruc­ on." to which we belong, that might af­ "wonderful, outstanding, incredible crew tor at UMBC, Messick went to live in Spain fect our own performance," of instructors" with whom she works. She to improve her Spanish. There, she worked as Mahzarin Banaji, a Yale psychol­ is not terribly fond, however, of correct­ a coordinator for a grade school level English ogy professor said. ing papers, but "it's my job," she concedes. language teaching program in Madrid. She did Born and raised in Hamilton in North­ this for a year, then returned to UMBC to get Apple: Making a east Baltimore, Messick earned her a full-time position teaching Spanish. Comeback Bachelor's Degree in Spanish at Mount Currently holding the status of Lecturer, SALTLAKECITY, Utah- Apple Saint Agnes College, which has since been Messick has been part of the UMBC faculty sold more than 800,000 of its funky subsumed by Loyola College in Maryland. for 10 years. little iMacs in 1998. That's more "It was 400 Catholic girls; it wasn't des­ One of the highest compliments she ever than any personal computer sold tined to survive through the '70s," Messick received came from a friend of hers here at last year. Judging from the admits of the school's demise. UMBC, TAisabel Moreno-Lopez. One night, company's past, however, nobody · She then went on to receive her Mas­ at a gathering where people were speaking could have predicted such a huge ters in linguistics at the University of Ari­ both English and Spanish, Messick said some­ sales statistic from Apple one year zona. During this time, she found she thing in English. Upon hearing her spe~, ago. adored the Southwest and she made the Moreno-Lopez exclaimed, in Spanish: "My "During iMac's first 139 days, an decision to stay there. After nine years of God, you speak good English!" As a native iMac was sold every 15 seconds of teaching in Arizona, she moved home to English speaker, Messick was flattered that her every minute of every hour of ev­ Maryland to be closer to her family. colleague thought to compliment her English ery day of every week," said Steve After returning to Baltimore, she ability but never thought twice about her ex­ Jobs, Apple's CEO, at the January worked for a business doing home im­ ceptional Spanish ability. Macworld Expo in San Francisco. provement. She hung drywall, put in wir- Much of her expertise comes from her life The iMac was also the best-sell­ ing computer through retail and mail order during the 1998 holiday season, and is the only product to break into the top five best-selling computers for five months straight. (' '"T:) THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS February 2, 1999 PAGE 3

... but

US May Aid Iraqi Dissidents Okay, so obviously I didn 'tmakc my Spit \'las last \\Cck's trkk-;tcr. Ron llnv.c. 35. \\-a~ h1t from behind al­ The Clinton administration says work­ point clear last \\eck. You see this here ter an O'>' cr zealous Christian motorist b('­ ing with Iraqi rc!.istance groups is part of a IS a nc\\ column designeJ t{l amuse and Teacher Suspended for Swearing hc\cd him to be Satan. The numbers long-range strategy for undermining ~onfuse )OU. I figured th.t! if )Oil \\ere John Bonnell ~a> s he is \\ ilhng to fight "666 v.~rc part of Hoy..c·, state-1:.~ued Saddam Hussein, despite criticism from a sman enough to get 1010 this honors um­ for hll> freedom of ~pcech -e'en though It plat~. top general that ~uch a policy could increase \'Cf<.Jty you are also srnan enough to rc­ might cost lum his Job. Bonnell. pro essor ..Tius \\Usn't a vanity plate. and regis­ instability in the region. ah7c that not C\crything you read in the of English at Macomb Community College tered motorist:. have the option of turn­ "We believe that the only way we're go­ prc~s is true. But judging by the numcr- in Detroit wilJ ~ su-.pendcd for three da) s mg. 1n plates with a "tnng of sixes fo r a ing to break Lhrough the cycle ofcrises with . llll\ cntncs l got-< last week (a big. "'hop­ starting Monday fo1 u~ing four-lctler word" tree rcphlcemcnt," Virgu11a State Saddam Hussein is to see a transition to a ping tl'ro), you trtlly do bdong to tht• and other graphic language in his class. Trooper Dan Blackwell ~ai d . new government in Iraq;· said P.J. Crowley, coach potato generation. Pruve me "I think they're in Lhc early ~tages of plan­ ''(sa\\, him. l s:tw the devil himM!lf!'' a spokesman for the White House's Na­ \HOng! ning to tire me," saiJ BonndJ, 59. who has the motorist. lsa MacComb, told loc<~l tional Security Council. llerc'.s m) challenge to )Oll: four of taught English at MCC for .32 )~ars. media. On Thursday. Marine Gen. Anthony the li\c reports bela\~ arc totallv true ·'Jfthey lthc college] drs say the blue words and along\~ ith ()5 kids whQse hinh year al"o "The last thing we need is a disintegrated. )Oil gucsl> <:orrectly. you'll be entered phrases are obscene under the college·s il> '9~. fragmented Iraq ... because the effects on into that v.cek's draY. mg to\\ in' ~rious sexual hara%mcnL policy. Rc\. Jerry Fah\ell said m ~o\ ember the region would be far greater, in my mind. pnz('-.. that he welcome~ the problems .tnd shut­ than a contained Saddam." Zinni told the Io enter, write dO\vn th~: headline of Don't Drink the Water dO\\ th th.1t might be caused b~ <;llll\put­ Senate Armed Services Committee. "Even th~: ~tor) you belrt.·\e to be al~c. )Ot r A 12-~car-old bov wo._, ct off with six ~rs mJs-procCl>.sing the ye-ar 2000 bee,1u~e if we had Saddam gone. b) an) means, we name cla'-l> rank (lf.}ou're a :.tud ... nt, al months· probat10n 111 \\c,t Bloomfield that ·•mav be God', instnu 1ent to shake could we end up \\ ith 15. 20. 90 groups though you arc not rcqu red lo o~.: 1 and a lO\\ n~hlp, !\1ich. la<.t Ot tober after h~ ad tl"m nation" mt) a relig1ou, rcvl\ a! competing for ptu(knt J\le

CHEVY CHASE BANK Banking On Your Terms."

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GOVERNOR'S SUMMER INTERNSHIP PoLICE LoG PROGRAM Parris N. Glendening, State of Maryland

Safety Tip of The Week Street in Baltimore was taken into The Governor's Summer Internship Program was created to introduce college When Parking Your custody after further investigation students to the unique challenges and rewards of working within Maryland State Automobile: revealed his driving privileges were Government. For approximately 10 weeks beginning June 2, 1999, interns will: • Always roll up the windows and suspended and he had a history of - Work on substantive projects, with senior level public administrators and policy lock car doors, even if you're com­ failing to appear in court. Two cita­ makers, in departments or policy areas that closely correspond with each intern's ing right back. Check inside and out tions were issued to Mr. Boyd. field of study or career interests. before getting in. -Develop policy papers that address significant issues facing Maryland today. • Avoid parking in isolated areas. Be Destruction of Property -Attend site visits and seminars designed to introduce interns to the specific ...... u'"' '""'"'" especially alert in lots and under­ January 25, 12:30 a.m. -In Social of public administration. ground parking garages. Sciences, an Abacus Corp. supervi­ -Gain valuable exposure to the tremendous talents and resources of Maryland State sor reported damages to various Government while earning a $2,500 stipend. Driving While Privilege items in the men's restroom located Suspended on the ground level of the Social Qualifications January 20, 5:30 p.m. -An officer Science building. Preliminary inves­ - Interns are selected on the basis of their leadership skills, academic achievement. and stopped a commercial cab at the in­ tigation revealed that someone en­ creativity in their essays. All majors arc encouraged to apply. tered the restroom and did approxi­ tersection of Hilltop Road and Hill­ - Eligible applicants must be undergraduates attending a two- or four-year college or top Circle for operating with blue mately $150 worth of property dam­ university in Maryland, or Maryland residents attending an out-of-state college or tinted fog lights, which are prohib­ age. There are no known witnesses university. ited. The operator, Michael G. Boyd, or suspects for this offense. The in­ -Applicants must be entering their junior or senior year during the Fall 1999 semester, a 33-year-old non-student of Monroe vestigation will continue. with a GPA of 3.00 or higher.

Other information

-Twenty students attending MAryland institutions of higher learning or Maryland state residents attending other institutions will he competitively selected for the·program. - Program runs from June 2, 1999 through August 13, 1999. - Students will be notified in Mid-April of their acceptance into the program. -Placements are made in Annapolis and in the Baltimore area. Interns are responsible for their own transportation. -For applications contact The Shriver Center, Room 109 Chemistry/Physics, X2493.

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THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY & WARNER BROS. PICTURES INVITE You TO DiscoveR MESSA.GE I.N A BOtTLE!

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Opinion Editor and Assistant battle According to Karan Lee, living in 10 it out over drug legalization a censored world is no way to live 13 Commuters find a community; Emily Heun is impressed with the 12 residents find a big, imposing fence OPINION president's environmental plans 14 ~I-I: E Letters to the Editor ETRIEVER Editor: Who is Ray Dubicki to say that the President of the United States, William Jefferson Clinton, is unfit for high publlc office? lt seems to me that Mr. DubiclQ, and others like WE EKLY him, dismiss the president's astronomically high approval ratings because they must be against the president's liberal democratic agenda. Editor-in-Chief Opinion Editor General Manager According to people like them, what the American people want and what they believe Jennifer Siciliano Emily Bernstein Raymond Dubicki is of no consequence. If the American people believe that the president's "crimes" don!t rise to the level of impeachment and don't want him removed from office, there must be something wrong with the polls or something wrong with the American people, because God forbid, according to them, that the president just might be innocent But of couiSe, The Roof, The Roof, The Roof Is On Rre since the president is for all the things which they are against, the president cannot at all be innocent When the roof of the old physical plant caught on fue last week, no one paid I never hea:t:d William Bennett, the self-appointed guardian of American virtues, cry much attention. Probably most surprised of all were the occupants of the building, for removal when b.is president, Ronald Reagan, looked in the American people's eyes which is now home to the campus police. Fortunately, a passing student noticed and lied about his knowledge of the Iran Contra scandal. Where were Mr. Dubicki and the flames and informed the officers inside the building that they were in danger. Mr. Bennett then? That seems a bit backwards. One would hope the UMBC Police, valiant protec­ As far as I'm concerned, politicians should do what the majority wants them to do, and tors of our campus safety, would be a bit more observant than to have to be warned that means acquitting the president of all these outrageous and unbeHevable charges and of a fue right above their heads. In fairness, the officers have said that they couldn' t just for once, put the nation's business fust and work for a better America instead of smell it and we recognize that they also could not see it. Still, something seems engaging in all these ditty tricks that the Republicans have been doing ever since William amiss when the police station is on fue and the only person who notices is a Jeffel'$on Clit)ton took office. They'll never give the president the credit that he so right­ student who just happens to be walking by. fully deserves .(or bringing our natiop back from the brink it was at back during the Bush/ The more serious concern the student body should have about this incident is Reagan regimes. that of our safety amidst all this construction. How could the construction workers on our campus have been so careless? We understand that because the spark of the Christopher Krieg fire took an hour to cause the visible flames it would have been difficult for those [email protected] working to know it was there. Still, are there not precautions that can be taken in cases like this? Have we just been lucky so far? Will all the construction on campus lead to more carelessness and more of these sorts of accidents? The administration has an· obligation to everyone at UMBC to ensure that all construction on campus is done in the safest manner possible, with the utmost attention to precautionary mea­ sures. We're really glad that student was there to see the fire before more serious damage was caused, but what if -he hadn' t been? We need to be as certain as we can be that this sort of accident will never happen again.

Book Buying Altematives

The only thing worse than spending $75 for a single book is finding out that the professor is switching to a newer edition for the next class, making your book just ·STE~·,, D·E'NT about worthless when you want to take it back at the end of the semester. No one can deny that prices in the campus bookstore are ridiculous, but there are ways to fll' No. 4NA•I·-CNoz· get around them. Prior to Internet shopping, hunting down books was a more difficult and time­ consuming chore. But now, with Internet sites like eFollet, varsitybooks.com and Amazon.com, finding new and used textbooks has become simple. varsitybooks.com only offers new books, but they are, for the most part, cheaper than new books sold at our bookstore. Plus, they offer a flat shipping rate of $4.95 Elaine E lgarnil ...... Managing Editor The Retriever Weekly staff editorials re­ for one- to four-day delivery. So, if the campus bookstore only has your text new, Tracy Soltesz ...... News Editor flect the views of the editorial board; signed making the effort to find it elsewhere might be your best ~et. Gabe Marcus ...... Asst. News Editor columns represent the opinions of the indi­ eFollet offers both new and used textbooks, and their site is defmitely worth Jessica Rothfus ...... Asst. Opinion Editor vidual writers and do not necessarily reflect checking out. A fair price for textbooks can be found; it just takes a little more Vergil Bushnell ...... Focus Editor those of The Retriever Weekly or the Uni­ searching. Used bookstores are also a good possibility to examine. Many books Christina Sabato ...... Features Editor versity of Maryland Baltimore County. for literature courses can be found at cheaper prices. Plus, you'll get the satisfac­ John Roemer ...... Asst. Features Editor Letters to the editors are printed verbatim, tion of patronizing a slightly smaller business, rather than the campus bookstore Chris Kerner ...... Sports Editor although the editors reserve the right to edit or mega-stores liKe Barnes & Noble. Andy Smull ian ...... Asst. Sports Editor any letter deemed lengthy, repetitive, libel­ When it comes time to sell those books, always try posting fliers. By selling Amy Banowetz ...... Photography Editor ous or otherwise in need of revision. The edi­ directly to others, you can'U sually make more money than the bookstore is willing Dave Chen ...... Asst. Photo. Editor tors further reserve the right not to print any to shelJ out to you, the misguided consumer, who paid $20 too much for the book Kimberly Brossard ...... Production Manager letter for any reason. Letters to the Editor in the first place. Also, if the bookstore won't take back some of your books, try Jamie Peck ...... Production Assistant must be typed or written legibly and include taking them to used bookstores. Some stores are particular about the kind of books Carl Gehrman ...... Production Assistant the author's name and telephone number. Autumn Patterson ...... Production Assistant they take, but it's worth a shot They won't give you cash in all cases, but you'll Letters must be received by 3 p.m. on Rabiah Mayas ...... Production Assistant Wednesday and may not exceed 400 words. always be able to trade books, which can help you stock up for the next semester. Amber Aurich ...... Copy Editor The Retriever Weekly subscribes to U-Wire Remember, there's more to text shopping than the campus bookstore. The book­ Stephen Letschin ...... Technology Manager and publishes weekly on Tuesdays during store may be more convenient in some ways, but with the click of a mouse, you Rose Tipitino ...... Advertising Manager the regular school year. Editors can be just might be able to save yourself some stress and money. With the semester j ust Mariele Gormley ...... Ad Representative reached at (41 0) 455-1260 during normal starting, that extra money can be put to so many other uses. Deb VanDereedt ...... Business Manager business hours or at University Center 214, John Smith ...... Circulation Manager 1000 Hilltop Circle, UMBC. Baltimore, MD Cameron Slayden ...... Cartoonist 21250. The Retriever Weekly is an equal op­ Christopher Corbett ...... Faculty Adviser portunity employer. THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION February 2, 1999 PAGE9 Clinton Must Resign for the Moral Good of the Country

Chris Schob eroded public image of the Gulf. Yet, how many presidency. times in America's his­ Yet, in an age where the tory has there been pub­ As the US Senate moves toward dismissal threat of AIDS is the single lic scrutiny of the of the charges against President Clinton. I find prevailing message against president"s true intentions myself disappointed. if not aghast. by the casu~ sex. have our expec­ in foreign policy? Only a questions that were never even discussed. tations of the President de­ couple of instances come During this I 3-month debacle, we have heard volved so far that an extra­ to mind. and none re­ ad nauseum about the president's word ma­ marital sexual affair in the sembles the flurry of nipulation. legal hair-splitting. excessive con­ Oval Office is not in itself speculation on ethics gressional partisanship and the "will" of the deemed a high crime? The aroused solely by the ·'American people'' to put this case behind answer, sadly, is unequivo­ president's misconduct them. Although this scandal has consumed cally "yes." Clinton's pros­ and dishonesty. Any man national attention for an entire year. I feel that ecutors and Congressional that recognized how this severed of the most heart-wrenching questions opponents have spent perceived conflict in in­ have been kept circumspect. months to stress that the case terests would erode his As a college student of the late 1990s. I against the president is not authority. if he cared find myself tom between an era where high about sex at all. but rather about those repercussions school and college civics classes highlight a about perjury. From this to his country, would re- historic respect viewpoint, ethical issues ensure job security - or his wrath, perhaps sign. for the institu­ such as the president's a permanent barrier to advancement. Thus, Clinton's core of believability has tion of the "Imagine that Lewinsky was misconduct with a lowly It should not be forgotterl that the most es­ been destroyed. The man previously touted presidency and not simply an awestruck young subordinate in perhaps the tablished man in America had his way with for his compassion and sincerity is now ridi­ the post-Viet­ woman with a crush on the most "public" of all places an impressionable woman half his age who culed as a liar. The same emphatic tone used nam War view are rendered irrelevant was receiving sparse monetary compensation by the president to speak of policy initiatives that presidents president. Suppose she had While Monica for her employment. As a person that believes or goals has been used to persuade the Ameri­ are untrustwor­ connections with a Mid-East Lewinsky has surely en­ in women's rights, I am shocked that national can people that he did not have sexual rela­ thy individuals dured endless humiliation, women's groups have been silent in the de­ tions with "that woman.. , prone to cor­ government or any ofthe many how many people have bate, some even supportive of the President. Clinton's "misleading" of the public com- ruption. Cer­ international organizations paused to consider Further. sup­ tainly, this trend hostile to the United States." Lewinsky's position? As pose this were the is not the college students ourselves, 1950s, an era president's each of us anxious about with economic fault. President Johnson's secret bombings in our future employment prospects, what ropustness much Cambodia. Nixon ·s continuation of that war would any of us say to the most powerful like that of the and the Watergate scandal. Ford's presiden­ man in America if he asked something of us? '90s. Like tial pardon of i'Ji.xon. and the Iran-Contra af­ After all. it is not customary to tell the Presi­ Clinton today, fair have understandably contributed to the dent ··no.'· especially when his favor could then President Eisenhower had few economic worries and was generally es­ Six Ye'ars Aso in teemed as a war hero of impec­ cable leadership. So. suppose the 6Jfte ~triever popular Ike had committed an act of adultery simi­ lar to that of President Clinton. What would the public pels thinking people to wonder whether have thought? What would the Congress have Clinton has any convictions at all, or if his done to him? I believe Eisenhower would only interest is to avoid his own conviction have resigned in advance of certain removal in trial. I shudder to question whether from office by Congress. Now, less than 40 Clinton's denials of Whitewater and other po­ years after that era. neither resignation nor litical cover-ups are honest, and whether the removal wiU occur for Clinton. more serious allegations of Chinese influence Idealism aside, if I am making too much for his 1996 presidential campaign are true. of Clinton's morality, then the Congress and The president has denied all other miscon­ media have made too little about the subjec­ duct, and maybe he is telling the truth. Still, tion of the office of the presidency. Despite a man with any gumption would be ashamed the president's scandal and the subsequent in­ for shattering his own integrity and would ternational circus attention, we are lucky that resign. the president's indiscretions are being played Clinton's oath of office requires him to pro­ out in the safety of a Senate trial. Clinton re­ tect and uphold the office of the presidency. portedly began his affair with Lewinsky ei­ Clinton violated that oath and compromis~ ther the day he met her or soon afterward. the presidency. A sitting president does not Imagine that Lewinsky w~ not simply an have the right to undermine his own institu­ awestruck young woman with a crush on the tion. Clinton has repeatedly apologized for president. Suppose she had connections'"' ith misleading the public and hurting his family. a Mid-East government or any of the many Nonetheless. the lasting and more serious imernational organizations hostile to the US. scars have been innictcd on the foundation Tremendous Terrapin Terrorizes UMBC Clinton exposed not just himself. but more of the American constitutional miracle. Any importantly. national security. to a very relll man that recognttctl hts ll\"n cgregtou" 'io­ In an unsuccessful effort to bring Ul\fBC to its knees, threat of blackmail. latJOn of the puolic trusl- c~nd was Lru \ c­ he rgro\t\ n. ov.erfunded behemoth about 35 mor,eful - would restgn .•md rcstgn imme­ do\ -95 eas d irs n1ut mascot on diatch. nail)'. f the e I h' PAGEIO THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION February 2, 1999 Get Dealers Off Our Streets, Make Drugs A Basic Freedoin Jessica Rothfus stagnation of real v. ages since 1973. cultures and in every era. Perhaps the use of spa\\ ned an epidemic of drive-b) shootings Instead or creating :mcial programs. con­ drugs is a human drive? and other gun-related crimes. Contrary to ducting research and increasing education. The prohibition of drugs can be compared popular belief. most drug-related violence is The War on Drugs is a sham. Much like tough legal actions arc used to solve the drug to the former prohibition of alcohol, \\hich not committed by people who are high. In­ the wolf tn sheep's clothing. it deceives us problem. Drug use is widespread. but thrives resulted in the prolifenttion of gangsters and stead. the violence is based on rivalry and into believing that if,\e ")ust say no:· all will in an inner city environment. Rather than violence. In this time disagreement in busi­ be right with the world. Unfortunately, the working to improve conditions and address period. small bottles ness dealings, cenainly war has raged for almost 20 years, with little the issues of poverty. our government spends of 100 proof liquor aggravated by an ille­ benefit. Since 1981, approximately $ 150 bil­ money on arrests and imprisonments. Non­ were marketed. sim­ "If American health is such gal market. With a mar­ lion tax dollars have been spent trying to pre­ violent drug offenders make up 58 percent ply because they were a high priority, why doesn't ket controlled by pro­ vent cocaine. heroin and marijuana from in­ of the federal prison population, and drug law easier to conceal than ducers, rather than con­ ti ltrating our borders. Of course, most of us enforcement consumes more than half of all kegs of beer. As a re­ the government regulate sumers, the high prices remember the poignant ad campaigns-fried police resources nationwide. Plus, there has sult, the consumption Twinkie consumption?" of drugs also exacer­ eggs, empty swimming pools been an increase of hard liquor went bate criminal activity and beautiful blondes turning in random up. Although alcohol and violence. The le- into toothless hags. But, much searches based on consumption increased after the prohibition galization of drugs would sever the connec­ like other campaigns, these ads suspicion, aimed amendment was repealed, liver cirrhosis de­ tion between drugs and crime. s ell us images and catc hy primarily at creased because people were choosing wine Another common fear of drug legalization, phrases, instead of information. young African­ and beer over hard Liquor. In much the same the idea that it wiU lead to an actual increase Instead of providing us with Americans and way, legalization of drugs by no means will in drug availability, is ridiculous. For the most knowledge, these public service Hispanics. lead to the mass consumption of hard drugs part, drugs are everywhere, dealers are ram­ announcements rely on the very From 1961 to such as cocaine and heroin. pant and finding hard drugs is not that diffi­ same methods they are speak­ 1992, annual drug By legalizing drugs, cult. Legalizing these drugs will only ing against. Rapidity and dark arrests went from the govern­ give the government more power to images characterize these ads. 200,000 to over ment could regulate their use and purity, while These visuals don't sell the truth, fl!ther, they 1.2 million. One third of these were for mari­ deal eliminating the high costs of drug give the American public what it wants-a juana, and most were for mere possession. other so­ law enforcement. quick fix. Just as drug use is often an escape The film "Bulworth" provides an honest and cial and The war against drugs has from reality, these ads bear little resemblance fascinating look at these issues. I think it's health gone on for too long. It's time to reality. pretty damned sad that a Warren Beatty film issues. If to wager battles against the These misguided commercial campaigns is more realistic than our government about drugs are ille­ other problems plaguing our so­ are only the beginning. There's no getting drugs, crime and inner city life. gal, the govern­ ciety, including increasing eco­ around the fact that drugs affect your mind Surveys may show that a majority of ment cannot con­ nomic stratification, the decline trol quality, purity of public schools and violence or potency. As a re­ sult, street drugs are "Beyond the economic issues, the quest to eradicate drug use often contaminated, with these heavy-handed tactics ensures that civillib~rties and causing dis- personal freedoms are violated. Examining human history, ease and POINT one finds drug use in almost aU cultures and in every era." some- times

and body. But so do a lot of other things in Americans are against the legalization of life. Having unprotected sex, overeating, drugs, but the g rouping of a ll drugs together smoking cigarettes and abusing alcohol are only serves to skew the results. Most Ameri­ all harmful to one's physical self. And aU of cans favor the legalization of marijuana for these things arc typically addictive as well. medicinal and recreational purposes. Propos­ So. we see ads on television for weight loss als for legalization of marijuana for medical programs. What are they about? Often these uses have passed in California, Arizona and a scarce com­ ads focus on the supcrticial aspects of weight a fev. other western states. Hallucinogens are modity. Because of this. HTV has spread in its many forms. It"s time loss: "I lost the weight and found the perfect also gaining acceptance from a greater por­ more rapidly. In New York City. more than for America to admit that little black dress." Not even a mention about tion of society. 60 percent of intravenous drug users are HI V .. vilifying drugs has only finding a more healthy heart. Beyond the economic issues, the quest to positive. In contrWill cocaine, heroin, LSD and PCP be made available if people request them? ing the disintegration of family (in all its var­ <>Who will sell drugs? The government? Private companies? ied forms). The media and watchdog groups <>Who is liable for damages caused by drug use and the activities of those taking drugs? don' t give a damn about our health, rather <> Who will collect the revenues generated by the drug sales? they see an opportunity to demonize sub­ <> How will a black market for cheaper drugs be controlled? stances, and they pounce on it. <> Who will bear the costs to society of increased drug use? The public service announcements don't <> How will absenteeism and loss of productivity be addressed by business? tell the real story about drugs. Most often. <> Will the local drug situation in a community dictate which drugs arc sold where? the people portrayed in these clips are white <> How w11l society care for and pay for the social costs of increased drug use. including fami ly disi-n tegration and child neglect? and middle-class. The message becomes <> 'W 111 people sti ll need prescriptions for currently controlled medications. such as antibiotics. if drugs are legali zed? '"let's save our white children." Too often. the <>Will legal drugs require prescriptions'? connection between economics and drug use <>Can anyone, regardless of physical or medical conditions. purchase drugs? is overlooked. However. the boom of hard <>How will we deal v. ith the influx of people to the United Stale). \\ ho will seek legal drugs? drugs. including cocaine, corresponds v. ith 0 C.m we begin a lcgalizAition pilot program in your neighborhood for one year'? social and economtc shifts. most notably a <>Should the distribution outlets be located in the all-cad) merhurdcned inner city? THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION February 2, 1999 PAGE 11 Drug Legalization Makes Sense- Until You Think About It The other possibility is that the govern- ing illegal had in fact kept many people from seen the effects of the legalization. in 1990 ment. in order to drive out the black market, using it. - two years after a University of Alaska Emily Bernstein would have tax money subsidizing the sale This logic can be extended to drug legal­ study showed that Alaskan 12- to 17-year­ of drugs so they could be sold for cheaper. ization. Right now. a significant number of olds were using marijuana at a rate twice that Want a way to reduce crime, improve ad­ First of all, most non-drug-using Americans people do not use drugs simply because they of the rest of the nation, in spite of the fact diction treatment and score some points in would not appreciate their taxes being used are illegal and therefore too bard to come by that the ruling was limited to those 19 and the name of good ol' American personal free­ to subsidize drugs-just as many non-smok­ and not worth the punishment one would over-residents voted to recriminalize mari­ dom? Simple! All we have to do is legalize ers don't appreciate having their taxes used likely face if caught. Were this hindrance re­ juana. drugs. toward tobacco farming subsidies. Also, this moved, far more people would try drugs and Recently. the citizens of a few other states Sure, upon first consideralion, this seems could lead to higher consumption due to the consequently, far more people would become have voted in favor of legislation decrimi­ "well, I'm paying for it anyway" mentality, to solve a lot of problems. Dig beneath the addicted and cause harm to those around nalizing marijuana for medicinal purposes. surface arguments, however, and one and more so because of the low cost and ready them, just as happened in 1933 when Prohi­ The fact is, however. that every American stumbles upon a mass of serious issues that availability. bition was repealed. health association - including the Ameri­ would arise were drugs to be legalized. Con­ Before 1933, those who advocated ending can Medical Association. the American Can­ sidering these very real consequences, the Prohibition sang a tune very similar to that cer Society and the American Glaucoma So­ Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA), and a which we hear today from pro-legalization ciety - has confirmed that it does not ac­ strong 8S percent of the American public have forces, arguing that the move would allevi­ cept marijuana as a form of medicine. These stood flfmly in favor of continuing to keep ate social ills. This is clearly an instance organizations have expressed grave misgiv­ drugs illegal in the United States. where there is a small group of people who ings about the lack of solid research on the have not learned their history and therefore subject, and the certain lack of evidence that The Costs of Increased Drug Use want to doom everyone to repeat it. any benefits that may come from marijuana could outweigh its proven detriments -loss If drugs are legalized, drug use will rise. of memory and motivation. increased appe­ While there are currently more than SO mil­ Examples of Failure tite and heart rate, heightened risk of infer­ lion people addicted to nicotine and over II Compounding the problem if drugs were le­ tility, and in some cases paranoia and hallu- million alcoholics, fewer than two million galized would be the fact that drugs, unlike cinations. cocaine addicts and SOO,OOO heroin addicts alcohol, have no cultural or social value. The exist in the United States. This is a curious Crime Would Not Decrease whole point of using drugs is to become in­ fact, given that cocaine and heroin are far Would this solution get rid of the crime, toxicated. Also note that drugs are far more Sending A Message The harmful effects of drugs are clear. But more addictive substances than alcohol. The though? Absolutely not. Look back to the addictive than alcohol- whereas only 10 if they are legalized, what message are we disparity in number of addicts can only be example set by Prohibition. When the 21 '' percent of drinkers become alcoholics, 75 accounted for by the relative lack of avail­ Amendment repealed Prohibition, did the percent of regular drug users become ad­ sending to our youth? Since there definitely would be an age restriction imposed on drug ability of these hard drugs as compared to gangsters go away? Did the bootleggers re­ dicted. The risk associated with drug usc is use, the forbidden fruit mentality that draws liquor and cigarettes. Understand, then, that alize the error of their ways and go on to pur­ phenomenal. and it's a risk we as a society some kids to drugs would still be present. Un­ as soon as cocaine and heroin are legalized, sue honest, noble professions? For the most can not afford to condone. fortunately. it would act as does the 21-or­ the increased availability will lead to skyrock­ part, no. They instead found other criminal Other societies have tried it, and have cat­ over restriction on alcohol; it simply says that eting addiction, pulti ng the number of addicts activities in which to participate. The crimi­ egorically failed. About 30 years ago, Great these substances are perfectly fine for con­ somewhere between the number of alcohol­ nals won't go away; they'll just change di­ Britain had the brilliant idea to start allow­ sumption, just not for people under a certain ics and the number of smokers, probably rection. ing doctors to prescribe heroin to addicts. By age. Effectively, this condones drug use. around 2S million. Along the same lines, legalized gambling the mid-1980s. it was clear that heroin ad- Our government's duty is to serve and pro­ It is indisputable that there would be a dra­ has not rendered illegal gambling non-exis­ diction in Britain was increasing by 30 per­ tect the people of the United States. This is matic increase in addiction, but with taxes tent. In reality, legalized gambling has cent a year. not the way to do it. placed on the substances, proponents of le­ brought about even more people who are in­ In Switzerland in galization argue, more treatment facilities can disputably addicted to gambling. Meanwhile, 1987, Zurich began to al­ "The risk associated with The War on Drugs has be subsidized. However, the high costs asso­ illegal gambling does not have to pay taxes low drug use and sales in worked to an extent- on the whole, drug use ciated with such facilities, coupled with our to support government programs, making the part of the city soon to be drug use is phenomenal, payoff higher, thus the in­ lovingly referred to as and it's a risk we as a society has dropped dramati­ cally since these con­ centive to participate in it "Needle Park." The num­ can not afford to condone." certed anti-drug cam­ is higher. The same would ber of regular drug users paigns began. In 1979, be true for illegal drug dis- at the park went from a COUNTERPOINT 24 million Americans tributors under a system few hundred when the project began to over where drugs were legal - 20,000 in 1992. Citing the dramatic increase were drug users; in 1994, that number had already over-burdened healthcare system, those without the burden of taxation and regu­ in violence and deaths in the area, the city decreased to 13 million. Cocaine consump­ tion dropped from 5.3 million users in 1985 would render this option virtually impossible. lation would be able to sell their products for moved the addicts a few blocks away to an to 1.4 million in 1994. According to the Moni­ Add to that the costs due to increased inci­ less money, making them more appealing. abandoned rail station. Looking down at the dences of birth defects, domestic violence, More importantly, note that most drug-re­ site from an overpass, citizens could see toring the Future Study, 33.7 percent of the and traffic and industrial accidents, as well lated crime is caused because people are us­ people injecting themselves, covered in blood American high school class of 1980 had used as the liability suits that are bound to be ing drugs, not because of turf wars between and festering sores from their necks to their marijuana at some point in the month before brought against drug manufacturers and the dealers. Drugs, especially uppers such as co­ feet. Not a pretty picture, authorities agreed, they were surveyed; of the 1994 graduates, government should drugs be made legal. The caine, crack, methamphetamines and PCP, as they closed down the site three years later. only 19 percent fell into this category. The War on Drugs-including treatment, expense involved is staggering. have been proven to make users more prone The Netherlands, a country not even twice Even if we could pay for all the necessary to violent behavior. According to a 1993 re­ the size of Maryland, has more than SO enforcement and campaigns - cost about $13 billion in 199S. Drug abuse. on the infrastructure- more treatment centers, ex­ port by the International Association of clinics that distribute tensive needle-exchange programs, all the Chiefs of Police, 3S percent of violent crimes methadone other hand, costs the US government costs surrounding implementing extra taxes, were committed by offenders under the in­ heroin ad- an estimated $ 100 billion annually in creating adequate distribution and having the fluence of drugs or alcohol. The link between lost productivity and government­ FDA regulating and checking the purity, po­ alcohol and violence is also well-docu­ aided treatment programs. Putting tency and quality of the drugs- that kind of mented, so it is a reasonable assumption that forth extra effort to combat drug use surplus could only be obtained through with increased drug use due to wider avail­ is certainly a wiser investment than abominably high taxes on the drugs. Then ability, crime would only increase. legalizing drugs and having to deal take into account the erosion of the tax base Law enforcement costs would have to go with all the costs, monetary and soci­ and the Joss of workforce productivity that up as well to combat the rise in violent crime. etal, that would come with such a defeat­ would occur with more and more people un­ In addition, resources would have to be di­ ist measure. able to work - and more dependent on so­ verted to enforcing the age restrictions that About 3.3 percent of lS- to 19-year-olds in We're .surrounded by tough problems. cial services - due to drug addiction. would certainly be put in place on the con­ Rotterdam are cocaine users. This decidedly We've known about cancer for years; we Moreover. the higher the taxes, the more sumption of drugs. This would include not serious drug problem has brought on unprec­ can't cure it yet, but that doesn't mean we likely it is that a black market for drugs will only going after the minors using drugs, but edented violent crime, causing the Nether­ should give up the fight. No matter how hard spring up. This is where a large part of the also the traffickers seiJing to them. Police lands to be ranked number one of 20 mostly peacemakers work, war still happens, but do problem with legalization comes in. The big­ officers, courts and jails would all become European nations in assaults and threats. we stop trying to make peace? No. The drug gest argument for taking such a drastic mea­ even more encumbered with this extra load. Even here in tbe United States, legaliza­ problem in America is not going to be solved sure is that it will reduce crime. However, if Not surprisingly, this is the same thing that tion has already occurred to some extent. In easily either-giving up is not an option. taxes were as high on the drugs as they would happened after Prohibition. Though arrests 197S, the Alaska Supreme Court ruled that need to be, crime would not go away as smug­ for crimes relating to alcohol trafficking we the state could not interfere with a person's Emily Bernstein is the opinion editor r>.T rite glers and dealers continued their work to no longer made, arrests in alcohol-related possession of less than four ounces of mari­ Retriever Weekly. She can be reached at bring cheaper drugs to the American public. incidents rose, proving that the alcohol be- juana in his home for personal use. Having [email protected]. P·\.CE 12 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION February 2, 1999

Sending out a call to all those involved in campus organizations to speak out about their issues ... S.O.S. (Student Organizations Speak) Commuting Students Association

Lily Alemi CSS to make sure every aspect of the commuter's life is addressed. CSS is a de­ partment that offers educational and com- Do you want to get involved, meet new munity building opportunities for students. people, talk about parking and have your One of CSS's endeavors is the Rideshare opinions matter? If you are a commuter, program, which helps arrange carpools for People's Republic of UMBC Campus Police Station/Old Physical Plant, I the Commuting Students Association is commuters. CSS also offers learning com­ your connection to the UMBC campus. The munities to enhance the commuter's aca­ Jay Friess was standing outside of the building, trying to get the public servants to cough up some Commuting Students Association (CSA) is demic life. CSS has recently added an op­ information for the paper. I took some ver­ a student-run organization dedicated to lion for commuters to hear campus wide It used to be slightly exciting, almost an bal abuse from an officer who was entirely addressing the needs of commuting stu- voice mails by calling the x31 00 informa­ adventure. Now it is just a pain. Every too happy about standing in the doorway with dents. Whether you drive, take a shuttle, tion hotline. For more information about morning for the past several days, I have a gun. walk to campus or even (hopefully) the CSS office, contact Ramona Arthur at been forced to find creative routes from I cursed myself for not stealing a Baltimore carpool. CSA is here for you. x2007 or stop by UC 217. my apartment on the northern side of cam­ Sun press card when I had the chance and As a commuting student, you might The Commuting Students Association pus though the construction-tom landscape persisted in asking him who was in charge of think that it's difficult to get involved on also has information about different com­ of UMBC to get to my job at the Univer­ the scene. I received a very off-topic re­ campus, but it really isn't. The first step to mittees that are looking for students to voice sity Center on the southern side. sponse: "Just go stand over there, sir. You're getting involved in campus life is to join the commuter's opinion. This is a great way My daily routine of jumping orange getting in the way." the Commuting Students Association. Not to really make a difference at UMBC. Wood plastic fences, braving knee-deep mud pits, Instead of arguing that the fJiemen were only will you get to meet a lot of great Food Services, the new University Center sliding through narrow openings in barbed using ladders and not the doorway, I let the people but you will also be involved in planning committee, Campus Police, jarhead feel important many different activities. UMBC's Parking Committee and the and took up a post out­ In the past, CSA has organized Com- Weekend Activities Team are all looking "Instead of bowing to the bureaucracy, side, waiting for a muter Breakfasts, a Karaoke Party, Pizza for commuter students to help them en­ more amiable - or with the Police, massage and relaxation hance life at UMBC. students should be calling for the heads gullible - officer to seminars, a dunking booth at Quadmania You could be the one who improves the containing the less-than-brilliant minds at walk out. I began to and much more. This semester, some of parking situation at UMBC. or the one who the Physical Plant and Capital Projects that feel the grip of totali­ CSA's events include a Game Room Party . brings back the reuben sandwich. Don't for­ tarian bureaucracy in February, a trip to the Inner Harbor in get that this is your campus and you should are responsible for the fencing scheme." tightening around me, March and a hike at Patapsco State Park in have a say in what goes on here. Joining like it does when 1 April. CSA tries to provide a variety of ac- CSA is the first step to making all this hap­ wire tipped chain link fences and dodging scale construction fences. tivities at times that are accessible to com- pen. After all, CSA is "By the Commuters, irate construction workers to avoid walk­ The bureaucracy completed its grip when muters. We at CSA are always open to sug- For the Commuters." ing a quarter-mile out of my gestions from our members on what events The executive body of CSA is composed way is starting to get on my they are interested in having. of six very dedicated people: Ryan Udan nerves. By joining CSA, you can easily find out and I serve as the Co-Presidents, Janet Kim I am sure the commuters about events happening on campus, and and Nathan Tabernero are the Co-Vice who are reading this article you can voice your concerns about park- Presidents, Daynna San Agustin is the See­ are grinning and thinking, ing, security, campus life and anything else retary, and Yvonne Njage is the Treasurer. "Poor baby. Try finding a at UMBC. CSA can serve as a network for We are here to help you get involved ·and parking space." you. At each of our bimonthly meetings, have fun at UMBC. Anyway, after walkjng we announce our upcoming activities, the To join CSA, stop by our office on the into work one morning with activities of other organizations and ser- third floor of the 'UC, room 317 and fill out my boots covered in mud and my coat tom Sergeant Howe, the officer in charge, showed vices available for commuters. a member information sheet, then subscribe by a fence that resisted scaling, I exclaimed up to answer my questions. Only, he did not For example, did you know that if you to our mailing list loudly to my co-workers that getting to answer any of them. "Our policy prohibits do not want to walk to your car alone, you ([email protected]). Feel free to work in the morning was like trying to es­ us from giving out details on emergency situ­ can call x3 133, ask for an escort, and a stu- check out our web page found at http:// cape from East Berlin. All that was miss­ ations." Then he mentioned something about dent marshal will come to walk you to your www.gl.umbc.edu/-vsreerl/csa. Our mail­ ing were the snipers. Since then, I have waiting for John Fritz to show up. Since when car? If you want information about the box is located on the 2nc1 floor of the UC in jokingly referred to the campus as the do the Baltimore County Police take orders UMBC shuttle, you can call (410) 455- the Student Leadership Center (Box 20). If People's Republic of UMBC. It turns out from the campus PR squad? Sounds like 2454. If you want to know about meetings you have any questions or concerns, you that the name applies on more than one somebody is in bed with somebody. and events that are being held, you can can call us at (410) 455-2675 or stop by level. With its strict and often ridiculous controls check the weekly schedule board outside our office. The night of the ftre that consumed an on travel and the flow of information, UMBC of Student Activities. These are just a few If you do only one thing this semester, entire lO' by 3' section of the roof of the is developing the symptoms of a petty rogue of the services offered to aJl students at join CSA. Our first meeting of this semes­ state these days. Instead of bowing to the bu­ UMBC that CSA can tell you about. ter will be held Wednesday, February 10 at reaucracy, students should be calling for the To expand the work of CSA, the Com- I p.m. in UC 317. Hope to see you there! heads containing the less-than-brilliant minds muter Student Services (CSS) office has at the Physical Plant and Capital Projects that recently been developed. The officers of Lily Alemi is co-presidellt of the GSA and are responsible for the fencing scheme. No CSA work very closely with the staff of is majoring in interdisciplinary studies. college-educated person in his right mind would have blocked off the paths both in the Submit to S.O.S. front of the library and behind it simulta­ Submissions for S.O.S. should be between 600 and 950 words and should represent the neously. position of the organization as a whole, not just of the person writing. Pieces should Furthermore, we should also call for the focus on a particular issue of interest to the organization and the campus community as heads of the people that force poor Sergeant a whole. Howe to have to deliver such lame excuses Ifyou have any questions about what your organization should write, how to turn in an to the press. How humiliating can it be to be m·ticle, the format or anything else, please call The Retriever Weekly office during nor­ an officer of the law and have to kowtow to a mal bu$ine.'>S hours at (410) 455-1260. Emily Bernstein, the opinion editor. or Jessica second-rate university's administration? Rotlifu.r, the assistant opinion editor, will be able to answer any questions you may Jwve. This ridiculousness has got to stop. I say ·\/so, p\ mse feel free to stop by the office in UC 214 to pick up a copy of the Opinion we call in the UN and let the executions be­ Guiddinrs or to speak to one ofthe editor.

Jay Friess is a junior -:jorin~ ill1 Eirg/Jish. THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION February 2, 1999 PAGE 13 Open Minds Keep Us From Living in A Censored World

Karan Lee My professor is absolutely lovely. I would just be a janitor, as is your fate. like to give him flowers. Bob's Janitorial School is exactly You shake your head and move on. con­ three blocks away from a duty white What the bleep?! vinced that the thought was wrong because sock lying on the noor of your Sorry, can't shut up. I try to do that, and you were automatically divined not to write dingy, one-room apartment. So you thoughts come rushing out like explosive­ anylbing in vain about a man you should love now have three choices: Bleep. and respect. After all. he's your personal ex­ A. To reach for the phone and pert on biochemistry and knows all abom enroll in at Bob's janitorial school. Imagine a world where you couldn · t -com­ compressed gases, right? And his wife died B. To go home to your parents and plete these sentences. fn it. would you be last year in a gas explosion that blew up their cry. surrounded by more love in the spring and split-level home while she was marinating a C. To reach for a bottle of Absolut churches framed by dogwood cherry trees? pot roast. That's justification enough for him and drink all of it. Would there be less senseless violence? notleuing you take yesterday's final because You are a grown man. Take Would you never meet people with tracks on you were ten minutes late. But without it. you charge of yourself and of your life. their arms: would lesbians never kiss; would fail and can't go to medical school. Absolut tastes good at a time like you never sec a porno flick.: would the word You can't say how mad you are in your this - actually, it doesn't matter cliche mean fure\ er originality: how it tastes. JU~t as long wil women e\'er stop baking'? You as you ,.,.ill f~::el numb and knO\\ the ~n~\\Cr: this aftcrall is a "A world where you cannot say nor do what a get good buzz. eventu­ world'' here any sound. nJO\ emelll you want to just because it offends someone all) to throw up all over or action Jeemed offensive to any­ yourself and pass out. You one else b violently and automall else is one that will collapse onto itself, stand up and open the cal :> siknccd heforc it l'an be heard because any idea will be potentially in danger closet v. here the stash of ordnnc So, it you were to prck up of murder, stripped of its purity and its life." akohol is. reuchtng into a pen and \\ nte to your gtrlfricnd the must). sock-odored about hO\\ :rour professor b ,1 god ca\ cru to pull out the bottl-: Yvu anger. rt:pubiwl 01 a1 y thrng else that hap­ o\\ n way' twist th~ cap off. the pJa..,tic seal bn.:aks, and pen:, to be on Ill) mind. then I wtll he dcad \ou oouldn't do it hccause a 56-~car-old Later, )Oll arc '>tiling in your apartmem . ~Oll .... A '"orld "here} ou \.'lmnot -,ay n~lr do\\ hat schooh~.:a~.:hcr from JohnstO\\ n, Pcnn~yl\ania feeling ...otT) for yourself You wanted to be You cnnmlt drink it. You sudden!) don't yuu \\ant to ju~t because it ofll:nds ~om cone doeo,n't hke hlasphcm) and/or ~omcone tn a g) n!X'ologist so much: that'... all you ncr IHI\ c u taste for it an) more. Your mother cbc is one that\\ ill collapse omo itself. be­ Cairo. Egypt -i.e. )OUI' t:x-girllricnd - .,..anted to be in life. And w nh that nm\ far­ wouldn't \\ant you 10. She doesn't lik:<: it cause any idea \\ill bc potentiall} 111 danger UOCsn 't it ke \ (IU. awa) job prospect. :ou'll never he ahlc to v. hen you drink because you ended up in Al­ of murucr. stripped ol it:. purit} and its lire. \nd with all the stn:ng.th in the world. ,:. ou make enough monc) to buy

The Retrierer Weeki\' is always accepting c:;ubmissions for Thousand Word Art. The best entry each week received by Thursday at 5 p.m. will be pub­ lished in the following Tuesday's edition and the winner will be paid five dollars. Bring your photos to UC 214 (be sure to include your name and phone number) or contact Amy Banowetz or Dave Chen at x 1260 for details. PAGE 14 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION February 2, 1999 greenspace ------webs of biodiversity. Not only could this ac­ technology, along with rewards for com­ Emily Heun the land legacy initiative, involves another tion guarantee the lives of thousands of panies that voluntarily take action to re­ $1 billion, and wi II "preserve places of natu­ old-growth stands, but it could also shelter duce their greenhouse gas emissions. ral beauty all across America, from the most the spotted owl inhabiting these ancient As we approach the 21" century, we State of the Union addresses are known remote wilderness to the nearest city park." woodlands, as well as the infinite amount of must take a look around, and evaluate what for their unfulfilled promises. As each new Included in the plans to combat sprawl is a creatures that encompass such a huge expanse we see. Our governments, local, state and year approaches, time and time again the wide variety of environmental proposals. One of land. federal, must realize these proposals are American public awaits this political spec­ notion consists oftax credits of$700 million Clinton is also advocating the preservation reasonable and necessary. If we make our tacle, where the majolity party never ceases over a period of five years, supporting ''Bet­ of national parks, Ci vii War their applause, and the minority can do little ter America Bonds." When implemented, battlefields and other wil­ else but nod. these "could" be used to preserve green space, derness areas. Included is While prime-time television viewers the expansion of the sigh in disgust as their favorite sitcoms Mojave and Joshua Tree are postponed, the commander-in-chief "Man's heart away from nature national parks, further spews forth policies that sound easily protection of the Lewis attainable. "Let us hope the environmen­ becomes hard." -Standing Bear and Clark trail along the tal policies Clinton addressed are Missouri River, and the quickly implemented, for they are sound create urban parks, protect water quality and buying of land in the Florida and worthy of every American citizen's clean up industrial sites. Unfortunately. the Everglades, New England attention. key word js "could." While these four actions Forests, and the Gettysburg Headlining Clinton's environmental are environmental necessities, it may be na­ and Antietam battlefields, agenda is the issue of urban sprawl, pro­ ive to believe that a combined $700 million two local areas of recent posals which I believe to be of utmost im­ over a span of five years could adequately controversy over develop­ portance. Many of our cities are brimming combat these problems. We will have to wait ment. with interconnected conflict. Rampant evi­ and see how the government reacts to Along with Clinton's dence of poverty and pollution due to aban­ Clinton's ideas. seemingly undying devo­ doned industries can be viewed right here Also mentioned were programs meant to tion to national areas is his in Baltimore. Cleaning up our urban areas improve public transit while combating air support for local conserva­ is a task that has long been ignored. Giv­ pollution and congestion. A total of $8.3 bil­ tion efforts. Included in his ing back to the communities that help build lion may be allotted to support state and lo­ address were calls for $588 economic foundations can only be benefi­ cal efforts concerning these matters. million in grants, loans and programs for lo­ environmental concerns priorities, offi­ cial to the local populations, both human Hikers and bikers could be a happier crowd cal communities and private cials will have no choice but to listen and and wildlife alike. in the upcoming year, for a sum of $570 mil­ land-conservation organizations. take heed. Like the great Lakota Standing Clinton presented two initiatives, the fJISt lion was for projects concerning the renova­ Global warming, an issue of top priority, Bear once said, ''If we stray from nature, being a $1 billion livability agenda which tion of historic rail stations and the creation was also included in Clinton's environmen­ if we allow our natural areas to fall in the will allow communities to save their open of bike and pedestrian trails. Clinton is also tal agenda. The president labeled this as "our hands of the industrial giants, to slip away spaces and battle traffic congestion. This calling for five million acres ofback country most fatefu I new challenge." A new clean air unnoticed, in time we will also lose a part may allow citizens truly to live, no longer to be placed under permanent wilderness pro­ fund was suggested to help communities re­ of ourselves." amid the squalor and waste a high-traf­ tection.lt is this action that is quite a tremen­ duce greenhouse gases. Locally based incen­ ficked area brings, but instead connected dous one, for intertwined with this preserva­ tives include tax and investment strategies Emily Heun is a junior majoring in inter­ to their natural areas. The second, labeled tion of back country is the protection of the that could be used to enhance clean energy disciplinary studies. OU OTESftoJN de QUAD What is yotJr goal ·for this sefllester?

photos by Dave G:heTJ

3/ Christa Verleger. 20 4 English 'To get to class on time .. .''

Michael Jotinson, 2 1 Sean C. Manear, 2 J Chemical Engineering English "Creating a chemical that will make stupidity "Spread the enligtltenment of Buddhism hurt." and spread good karma to the campus."

Chris Meawad, 21 Rick Herbert, 28 Computer Science Molecular Bio., Biotech. To single-handedly boost "Develop lab protocol for UMBCs drinking level to molecular probe work." the national average." THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FOCUS February 2, 1999 PAGE 15

Baltimore has an illustrious tradition of poor health. Ever notice the asthma billboards The Usual Suspects springing up in the slums? A recent Washington Post article blamed Baltimore for ·'some of the worst air in the country." Baltimore's ground-level ozone (smog) has been implicated Mugshots & Modus Operandi for aggravating innumerable sufferers of respiratory ailments, such as asthma, emphysema and bronchitis. Smog injures lung tissue. perhaps beyond repair. VERGIL BUSHNELL The Environmental Protection Agency set a 120 ppb (parts per billion) "national health Retrie11er Weekly Editorial Swff standard" for ozone concentrations. Baltimore and the surrounding vicinity, including Allergen- UMBC, "exceeds the federal ozone standard." Baltimore continues to torch its garbage Allergens are otherwise neutral substances, with refuse and medical waste incinerators. Poor public transportation and congested au­ such as pollen or perfume, that cause an im­ tomobile traffic only compound the conundrum. mune response within certain allergy-prone Charm City's health related-problems aren't limited to noxious vapors. Although local individuals. sports teams struggle to stay afloat, Baltimore City beat out every other metropolis in the Allergens do not directly trigger disease. United States to reign supreme in syphilis and gonorrhea rates. However, the presence of allergens may ag­ Focus on Student Health is riddled with the words ·•may" "can" "possible" and "typi­ gravate the body's immune system and lead cally." While ambiguous language and semantic feints are well represented in the defen­ to subsequent infections. Sinus infections are sive repertoire of the university administrator, their use is scorned by the tightly-knit com­ often ushered in by allergy induced mucus munity of focus editors. Making definitive pronouncements about unpredictable symp­ congestion. toms and ongoing studies would be blatantly deceptive. Herbal supplements (the subject of several articles) in particular have not been researched thoroughly enough to warrant solid conclusions. Pollen laden ragweed plant Focus on Student Health was written as a well-meaning, informational service to the Bacteria- UMBC community. After all, the more you understand about diseases, the easier preven­ The evolutionary tenacity of the bacteria tion becomes. The same logic is applicable to afflictions of a social nature. Because phar­ might be due to their simplicity. Bacteria are macology tends to transcend rigid constructions like ethics and law, certain social diseases primitive single-celled creatures. They have (including prostitution and substance abuse) are necessarily referenced. cell walls and are prokaryotic, or lacking dis­ The Retriever Weekly does not wish to practice medicine without a license. If you sus­ tinct membrane-bound nuclei and organelles. pect you have a disease mentioned in this section, go visit a doctor and benefit from expert Bacteria reproduce extremely fast- one bac­ diagnosis. terium can quickly divide into two.

Sinus Infections Bacterium Spirochete- Your invitation to the Fungal Ball The spirochetes are a type of Bacteria char­ acterized by their skinny. spiral shape and bendable cell wall. Spirochetes have unique VERGIL BUSHNELL S. Pneumoniae, H. Influenzae, M . methods of locomotion including swimming, Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff Catarrhalis, and S. Aureus. spinning, and bending, which utilize special­ The sinuses are air-filled cavities located A fungal attack can spawn such mon­ ized filaments and endoflagella. Some patho­ in the skull, clustered near the nose and eyes. strosities as "fungal balls" - masses of genic spirochetes are environmentally depen­ When infected, they become inflamed and densely interwoven hyphae requiring sur­ dent on their hosts. For example, T. pallidum, congested with mucous. Nonually, cilia (tiny gical extraction. the spirochete behind syphilis, will die if ex­ hairs) sweep out up to two quarts of mu­ A combination of antibiotics and decon­ Syphilis spirochetes posed to sunlight or air. cous. Allergies and tobacco smoke hinder gestants is commonly prescribed for bacte­ rial sinus infections. Since antibiotics have this process. During a sinus infection, mu­ Vrrus- cus congeals and stagnate with bacterial a hard time penetrating the sinuses, the du­ Much smaller than bacteria. viruses aren't growth. Hence the viscous yellowish or ration of pill-taking lasts about two weeks. exactly "alive". Nor are they "dead". Vi­ greenish sputum. Severe accumulation of Chronic sinus infections may require a CAT ruses contain genetic code (DNA or RNA), mucus can lead to painful sinus pressure scan and nasal endoscopy for accurate di­ which they splice into the genetic code of host around the teeth and eyes. "Allergic shin­ agnosis (a miniaturized, fiber-optic camera cells. Infected cells churn out more viruses ers", or darkening around the eye sockets travels up the nose... ) coupled with subse­ (instead of the usual wares) then rupture, are a common manifestation of a sinus in­ quent surgery. spilling out the newly created viruses. Burst fection. Infected snot tends to drip down the cells are usually destroyed. Repeat this pro­ throat and causes soreness and bad breath. cess several million times among several Such post-nasal drip can compound the Bacteriophage virus million individuals and you can see why the original infection with bronchitis and vio­ military finds virology so fascinating. lent coughing. The sense of smell may be so occluded by the infection that it is ren­ dered temporarily useless. Sinus infections are extremely prevalent 219199 issue will Focus on Music. -around 30 million Americans per year suf­ fer from them. Many erroneously dismiss Genres, Bands, Clubs, D]s, or formats. sinusitis as merely "a cold," or just being "under the weather." Adopting a stoic atti­ Focus always needs new writers. tude won't make a sinus infection disappear. Fortitude minus proper diagnosis and treat­ Email focus editor Vergil Bushnell at ment can lead to more severe complications which drag on for months, such as chronic vergil@ trw.umbc.edu sinusitis. or Sinus infections can be largely attributed to bacterial and fungal growths. A lineup of Air Space: CAT scan of clear sinuses vbushnl @gl.umbc.edu the usual suspects from the bacteria clan are THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FOCUS February 2, 1999 PAGE 16 Seasonal Affective Disorder - Coping With a Misunderstood Disease

Name Withheld she cannot function normally. In fact, re­ feed my cat when I can't make it to the if you were to tum on all of the overhead cent studies suggest that nearly 25 percent kitchen). The experience is trying for both lights in a normal classroom, then bring in Beep... Beep ... the peaceful stillness of of the population within the United States of us. He will occasionally explode, after a few free standing lamps, it is doubtful that sleep is interrupted by an obnoxious alarm experience the winter doldrums, a sub-clini­ having tried every trick in the book to cheer the amount of lux in the room would even clock. The room is like a cave, dark and cal level of SAD. However, there are about me up. reach 2,500. cluttered with weeks of laundry covering five times as many people who suffer from "Just Get Out of Bed! Smile, damn it!" If used regularly in the morning, begin­ every inch of the floor. I raise my head these doldrums as those who suffer at the he'll scream at me in frustration. ning at the end of August, a SAD sufferer slightly off the flattened pillow, my hair clinical level of SAD severity. Of course, this only makes me more up­ could make it through the entire winter sea­ matted and sticking tightly to my sweaty Sufferers of SAD have a variety of symp­ set, sometimes suicidal. The thing to re­ son within exhibiting any symptoms of the face. Six o'clock ... Why did I set the alarm toms, but luckily, due to the increasing in­ member about SAD patients is that they are illness. for such a god-awful time of day? But then terest in the disease, research has been able very personable, intelligent people who, for This is more difficult than it sounds, how­ half of the year, have exciting and fast paced I remember ... it's evening now, not morn­ to put many these symptoms into a light ever. SAD is thought to be an irregular form ing. I have been in bed since midnight the that is easier to understand. For example, a lives. This desire to be active in the world of bipolar disorder, or manic depression, in does not cease to exist during the winter, it previous day. SAD patient often times has immense which spells of depression and mania come Slowly I sit up, knowing that to move too cravings for carbohydrates and sugars-es­ is only hampered by the body's inability to and go in irregular cycles. Often times, as fu nction at peak energy levels. It isn't that quickly will cause a tO-minute long dizzy peciaiJy in the later hours of the day. A study the patient comes out of an exhilarating they do not want to get out of bed, but that spell that I have no time for. Time ... why done by the Department of Brain and Cog­ summer in which either all mood disabling am I so worried about time? It's only Octo­ nitive Sciences and Clinical Research Cen­ they cannot get out of bed. SAD suffers not symptoms are absent or manic symptoms ber and I've already had to drop my classes ter at the Massachusetts Institute of Tech- only feel disappointed in themselves for not become present, she may believe that she and quit my job so really the only thing to has overcome the illness or she may forget do now is ... get icc cream and cake and ... the importance of using her light box. De­ pressive symptoms can sneak up on the pa­ The Winter Blues tient, and once they become noticeable a That which is described above is not a fic­ patient may have already lost the energy or tional tale. nor an exaggeration. It is the true motivation to use the light. story of what I went through this winter due · Unlike medication. the light box has very to the disabling affects of Seasonal Affec­ few short term side effects, most of which tive Disorder. go away after the first few weeks of use. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) af­ Eye and skin irritation, headaches, insom­ fects people all around the world, but is nia and feelings of mania may occur at a more prevalent in higher latitudes and fe­ very mild level until the user adjusts. The males. It generally manifests itself shortly light does not admit enough UVA or UVB after puberty, but usually continues to rays to create a suntan much less skin can­ plague its victim throughout his or her life cer, and although the light box invention is and may even be passed on hereditarily to still too new for any long-term effects to be the victim's children. studied, doctors do not believe it will cause The causes of SAD are stiiJ a mystery to any negative affects on eyesight scientists, however the underlying biologi­ Light boxes can be ordered within the cal malfunction responsible for the prob­ United States, usually starting at $200, and lem is clearly related to the production of with the increase in research and knowl­ two chemicals within the brain - melato­ Amy BanoweiZ I Retriever Weekly Staff edge surrounding the illness, some insur­ nin and serotonin. Melatonin, a substance Clear Skies: Lux light boxes can be used by SAD sufferers while they perform ance companies are reimbursing patients for produced by the pineal gland only in con­ daily activities such as reading. the expense. ditions of darkness, causes humans to be­ With such attention being given this and come drowsy. As the sun rises in the morn­ nology found that such carbohydrate con­ be able to accomplish everyday tasks, but other mental illnesses, scientific advance­ ing, the incoming light causes the gland to sumption actually increases the amount of they feel guilty for bringing down those ments may one day lead to a cure, but until stop producing melatonin, thus allowing a serotonin released by the body. The ten­ around them who try to help. SAD suffers then patients must continue to rely on their person to slowly awaken. dency for SAD patients to overeat, espe­ may attempt suicide because they see it as own strength of will to carry on. If you or Once awake, an open eye takes in the cially snack foods such as potato chips and a way of lifting the burden from their friends anyone you know may be suffering from a bright light of the sun and the brain begins pastries rich in fat, is the body's way of self­ and famUies. mental disorder such as SAD, don't keep it producing serotonin, a neurotransmitter that medicating. to yourself. We have reached an understand­ is closely linked with feelings of well-be­ Knowing this not only helps a SAD pa­ I See the Light ing that these diseases are not the patient's ing and happiness. tient to feel better about themselves (often Although prescribing Prozac is the fa­ fault nor is it the patient's responsibility to For reasons yet unknown, a person with times they feel it is their own fault that they vored method of combating SAD in fix the problem alone. The only way to SAD cannot properly register the phases of cannot stop eating, leading to low self-es­ America, most doctors around the world overcome SAD is to fight it together. light present within a 24-hour day. This teem), but helps doctors to combat the now believe the best treatment is photo­ causes a SAD patient to produce an excess symptom by prescribing fluoxetine - therapy. Phototherapy involves exposing amount of melatonin and a deficient amount known in America as Prozac - which as­ the patient to bright light for set intervals of serotonin, usuaiJy in the autumn and win­ sists the body in producing serotonin. of time during the day. The bright light ter months as light intensity decreases. In comes from a light box, which consists of 1996, the Department of Psychiatry in Den­ "Just Get Out ofBed!" a fluorescent fixture mounted on a stand mark found that minutes of sunshine, glo­ Two days is a long time to spend in bed, with full spectrum lamps and a diffuser or bal radiation, length of daylight and daily but during the grueling winter months that lens that produces a uniform luminous sur­ temperatures all contributed a SAD is about the average time I spend "resting." face. patient's score on the Beck Depression In­ Most SAD victims experience hypersom­ The patient is instructed to sit close to ventory. This observation became a theory nia when the daylight is lacking, sleeping the light, allowing it to shine on her face, that light intensity determines the onset of up to an extra four hours a day. I am no while she performs other activities such as depressive spells. exception to this rule. An earthquake could reading a book, completing paperwork for The one thing I hear about my condition not wake me between the hours of midnight the office or typing on the computer. The that angers me the most is, "Yeah, I get a and noon, and an additional four to six hours phototherapy session lasts between 30 to little down in the winter, too." SAD has a of my day are usually spent staring at the 60 minutes, depending on the amount of much greater impact on one's life than just ceiling, trying to gather enough energy to lux the light produces. Lux is a term that "winter blues," as many people refer to it. move, or drifting in and out of sleep. refers to the intensity of the light. Light While many people complain about hav­ I consider myself luckier than many SAD boxes produce between 2,500 lux and ing less energy in the winter, putting on suffers because I have an extremely patient 10,000 lux- the larger amount being more some weight and having trouble getting up and helpful boyfriend who does not allow beneficial. in the morning, they don't realize that a me to succumb to this disease. Often times These light boxes produce a light inten­ person with SAD experiences these and he skips class or calls out of work, opting sity close to that which the sun gives off other symptoms to such a degree that he or to keep me company as I cry in bed (and during the summer months. For example, THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FOCUS February 2, 1999 PAGE17 Influenza Representin' Mr. Pinkeye Strikes Back You make think it's funny but it's snot Tales From the Bloodshot Bandit VERGIL BUSHNELL bacterial infection of the conjunctiva tends Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff VERGIL BUSHNELL Retriever Editorial Staff to produce a thick, colored discharge, while viral and allergic infections result in more The flu is a highly contagious disease thinner, transparent secretions. The bacteria I viewed high school as a miserable, four­ spread via droplets hurled by sneezing or that cause chlamydia may cause more seri­ year incarceration. One trick alleviated the coughing victims. The influenza viruses mul­ ous versions of conjunctivitis. drawn-out drudgery. I would rub my eyes tiply by injecting viral RNA into host cells, If you contract conjunctivitis, keep sev­ furiously, coating the corneas with oil and thereby commandeering the celJ's reproduc­ eral things in mind. Wash your hands regu­ grime. A few hours later, I would dangle a tive machinery for the replication of new vi­ larly, and don't wipe your eyes on a commu­ limp hand in front of the teacher, simulta­ ruses. This process destroys the host cells. nal towel. If the infection becomes neously batting my gooey, bloodshot orbs. I Flu symptoms commonly include high fe­ unbrearable, antibiotic eyedrops may be pre­ ver, fatigue, respiratory congestion, muscle would be sent home to my comic books, no HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS: A scribed by physician. aches, sweats and chills. These symptoms questions asked - thanks to the persuasive depiction of the influenza virus. typically last one or two weeks. Influenza power of pinkeye. The student conduct manual had a special clause ensuring the im­ often leads to pneumonia. The combination ease Control categorizes influenza viruses mediate suspension of pinkeye's victims, can prove fatal, especially for the elderly or according to class and the viral proteins he­ mainly due to the infection's fabled rate of individuals with weakened immune systems. magglutinin and neuraminidase. Hence the contagion. Other than having to wipe away The so-called "stomach flu" bears no rela­ Spanish flu is referred to as A(H1N1), and the odd yellow strand, and the euphoria of a tion to influenza. the Hong Kong flu is termed A(H3N2). good hoodwink, 1 didn't feel any different Influenza is the result of a constantly Students may receive a flu-shot to help than usual. changing series of viruses, divided into three safeguard against oncoming infection. A shot The conjunctiva is a clear. protective mem­ alphabetical classes. Types A and B flu cause consists of an injection with dead viruses to brane that supports blood vessels and epidemics, and are more severe than type C. bolster the body's production of preventative sheathes the white of the eye, or sclera. Each year's outbreak is usually the work of a antibodies. The virus used in flu vaccines is Bloodshot: A bacterial inflammation Conjunctivitis refers to any inflammation slightly different virus. The Advanced Com­ predicted to be a year's most likely culprit of the conjunctiva. of the conjunctiva derived from allergens, puting Laboratory (run out of Los Alamos by the Center for Disease Control, incubated · chemical pollution (or swimming pool chlo­ National Laboratory) estimates that the in­ in chicken eggs, then chemically "killed" If you don't talk · rine) bacteria, or viruses. Bacterial and viral fluenza mutates ·'once in every 10,000 viral before packaging. Since infection can come with your kids about sex, infections are particularly contagious. Non­ replications, which can happen in one hour." from various strains or mutations of the flu who will? pathogenic bacteria normally live upon the The Type A Sydney virus was largely respon­ virus, the flu shot may not be 100% effec­ eye. sible for the 1997-98 flu, while the notorious tive. This is also justification for armual shots; Be sure to start an honest, open dialogue The symptoms of pinkeye include blood­ with them at an early age. For a free booklet "Hong Kong flu" ravaged the world in 1968. one year's antibodies may not be proof shot eyeballs and sticky discharge - eyelids that can help you discuss all kinds A particularly fatal epidemic of "Spanish flu" against a successive strain. Although the shot of tough issues, call 1-aoo.child-44. may be "glued shut" upon awakening. Mu­ in 1918 felled about 500,000 worldwide with area may be sore for a bit, inoculation can­ .cous matting, as opposed to encrusted tears, symptoms of purple blisters and lungs suffo­ not result in full-blown flu symptoms. cated with bloody fluid. The Center for Dis- is a hallmark of bacterial conjunctivitis. A Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)

Disease, abscesses, ectopic pregnancy, peri­ have a harder time detecting the disease - it JOHN C. ROEMER vere congenital abnormalities. hepatitis and sterility. is asymptotic in 90% of women. However, Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff Herpes can also be transmitted during close Gonorrhea is treated with antibiotics. It is women can experience a mucus-like dis­ contact, during sports like wrestling. When profoundly important that a person stick to a charge, painful urination, painful intercourse, one athlete has an open sore and another ath­ strict regimen of medication and refrain from bleeding between periods and abdominal Herpes: The Love Bug lete has an abrasion, HSV can be communi­ sexual intercourse while being treated. Hand pain. Herpes is no laughing matter - not only cated. washing is essential; the infection can spread If left untreated, Chlamydia makes its pres­ does it infect people but it stays with them The good news about herpes is that it to the eyes. Gonorrhea also has a history of ence even more known. Men can have long until death. That's not to say that it is debili­ doesn't cause cervical cancer. Despite a popu­ being silent. It may not show up until after term complications like epididymitis (inflam­ tating, people who have the virus can live a lar belief a few years ago, recent evidence long-term consequences occur. mation of testicles that can cause sterility), full life. Couples can even share the disease. indicates that there is no direct correlation. There are several ways to protect oneself prostatitis (infection of the prostate gland), It is highly communicable; children may Prevention of HSV is as simple as wear­ from gonorrhea. As always, wear a condom. Reitier's Syndrome (autoimmune, arthritis­ pass the disease on the playground through ing a condom. Also, stay faithful to your partner, remain like condition) and sterility. Women may ex­ oral or facial contact. The symptoms are cold monogamous. Regular check-ups are useful perience Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (an sores that show up time to time in a person's infection that spreads from the vagina and life. Most individuals never realize that they for keeping an eye on the disease. Most im­ HYou Have Gonorrhea cervix to the uterus and fallopian tubes and have the virus. portantly, kids, don't have sex when you're drunk or using drugs. can lead to sterility), perihepatitis (infection There are two forms of the virus (Herpes and You Know it, Clap around the liver), Reiter's Syndrome and ste- Simplex Type 1 and Herpes Simplex Type 2). Type 1 (HSV-1) is responsible for cold Your Hands sores and fever blisters. The virus is passed Commonly referred to as "the clap," gon­ Chlamydia: Not as from the face to the genitals and 30% of all orrhea runs rampant in the Baltimore area. It To protect oneself, one must follow the new cases of genital herpes are blamed on Classy as it Sounds is caused by bacteria that live in warm, moist rules of protection listed at the end of the HSV-1. It is estimated that Chlamydia is the most areas. It is only spread through sexual con­ gonorrhea segment. Type 2 (HSV-2) is what is generally tact, however pregnant women may spread prevalent STD. Like gonorrhea, it is an in­ thought of as "genital herpes." Though the the disease to their child during childbirth. fection caused by bacteria. Though most viruses are very similar, HSV-2 prefers the It occurs in the reproductive organs, be they prevalent in the West and Midwest, chlamy­ genital area, is more virulent than HSV-1 and the urethra, the rectum or the genital tract in dia is everywhere. It resides in the genital also more recurrent. HSV-1 tends to recur females. Gonorrhea may also be present in regions as well as the throat. about once a year while HSV-2 recurs about the throat. This STD is communicable through sexual 5 times a year. Symptoms include painful urination, contact, as well as from mother to child dur­ HSV can also spread to other areas of the creamy or green, pus-like discharge. Men ing childbirth. It is transferred through geni­ body, including the frngers, eyes. Carriers of experience testicular pain and women expe­ tal-to-genital contact and oral-genital contact. HSV who frequently cut their fingers are rience excessive bleeding during menstrua­ Infection is not always obvious, as symptoms prone to Herpes Whitlow. Any person who tion, bleeding between periods and painful are not always present. It is detected by cot­ has oral cold sores or genital outbreaks should intercourse. Rectal infection symptoms are ton-swabbing the genitals. avoid touching those lesions and wash hands itching, discharge, bleeding, pain and con­ Chlamydia's symptoms in men include immediately if contact is made. An infection stipation. painful urination, mucus-like discharge from in the eyes can lead to severe complications. The effects of long-term infection aren't the penis, testicular pain. and irritation around which include blindness. The transmission of too pleasant either. Men may become sterile the opening of the penis. Symptoms tend to HSV during childbirth tends to result in se- and women can develop Pelvic lnflammatory appear and disappear frequently. Women THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FOCUS February 2, 1999 PAGE 18 Syphilis: A Symphony in Three Acts Glossary

VERGIL BUSHNELL of the original chancre, syphilis produces VERGIL BUSHNELL Retrievn Weekly Editorial Staff a more diffuse skin rash. Often, a rash will Rf.71UEVl:.R WEEKLY EDrTORIAL STAFF erupt on the palms of the hands and the "More insidious than a snake, the Tre­ soles of the feet. Like the chancre, conta­ .eNS- the Central Nervous System in­ ponema pallidum gives no sting of pain, gious bacteria are present in these epider­ cludes the spinal cord and brain. yet it saps the strength of man, leaving mal eruptions. Stage two syphilis is also CrackHo- Prostitutes who will waive crippled bodies and shattered minds." -­ characterized by fevers, glandular swell­ nominal entrance fee for crack cocaine. ad in American Journal of Syphilis, 1943. ing, mangy hair loss and general fatigue. Diuretic- promotes free-11owing urine. This phase, which may span two years, is Many stimulants. including caffeine. Mere miles from our muddy morass lies transitional in the development of the dis­ have diuretic effects. Mobtown, the recent winner of several du­ ease makes you experience bious distinctions. Murder aside, Baltimore Syphilis enters a latency stage (minus the Hallucino~:en- had the highest syphilis and gonorrhea rate tell-tale advertisements like rashes and realities that other people don't. for all national cities in 1998. One possible chancres) befor~ beginning its third phase Patho~:en- some microorganisms cause for this dubious primacy may be the of development. Tertiary stage T pallidum might be viewed as beneficial from a burgeoning drugs-for-sex economy may infect far-flung regions of the body societal perspective. A pathogenic (known as the "CrackHo" phenomena). and cause "gumma lesions" which can microorganism isn't one of them. In a previous century, syphilitic afflic­ erode soft tissue and bone. Bacteria can Pathogens. as opposed ro epiphytes or tion was viewed as an accomplishment. the launch into the brain and monkey-wrench symbiotes, inflict malaise and disease pinnacle of debauchery. Flashing a rotted vital organs. Allowed to flourish, the spi­ upon their host. away nose was quite fashionable among rochete may cause muscular paralysis and Phaeocytosis- one type of human this elite community of libertines. insanity. Additionally, the host may be white blood cell is a macrophage. The corkscrew shaped spirochete Tre­ more vulnerable to potentially fatal oppor­ During infection. a macrophage will ponema pallidum first announces its pres­ tunistic infections. approach a pathogenic organism and ence with a ugly open sore swimming with Syphilis can be detected by blood tests, "eat" it. Phagocytosis refers to this Bad Girls: A World-War II warning, cour­ microorganisms-or chancre. One in three and if caught in time, it can be completely engulfing process. tesy the U.S. Army individuals exposed to the first stage dis­ cured with antibiotics. Penicillin is ideal Soporific- induces sleep. ease will develop this lesion. A chancre, weeks. Some lamentably ignorant souls in­ for eradicating T pallidum. Alternative Stimulant- lights up the CNS and terpret this localized "healing" as incon­ which is deceptively painless, may show antibiotics such as tetracycline and eryth­ makes you want to study. up a few weeks after initial infection, usu­ trovertible proof of recovery. It merely sig­ romycin may substitute in event of a peni­ T-cell- helper, Supressor and KHler T­ ally on the body region exposed to the bac­ nifies the fmale of syphilis, Act One. cillin allergy. Ignorance, not medicine, is cells work in conjunction with macroph­ teria. The chancre fades after a few more Several weeks after the disappearance the root of the disease's continuation. ages to repel pathogenic assaults. Killer T-cells perforate pathogens. Suppressor T-cells regulate antibody production and Holistic Health Through Herbalism reign in the body's toughs when the infection subsides. Helper T-cells are VERGIL BUSHNELL have become interested in the buzz factor of drink additive. Many college students swear "command-and-control" centers for the Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff herbal remedies. Some entries included in ginseng far surpasses traditional stimulants immune system. T-cells are produced in ------this section could be read as "cheap and le- like coffee for extramental and physical en­ part by the lymph nodes, and are AJlegations of lax FDA regulation. revela­ gal ways to get fucked up at Safeway." I urge ergy. referred to as lymphocytes. tions of pharmaceutical corporation-spon­ you to avoid this path. if for no other reason Guarana: Paullinia cupana is a woody .! sored "junk science" and expensive prescrip­ than because the research isn't in on a lot of creeper from the Brazilian Amazon. The vine remedy for nervous headaches, diarrhea, and tion plans have consumers turning to alter­ these substances. bears clumps of small reddish, eye-shaped Post-Menstrual Syndrome. Aphrodisiac native medications. There is little to no regu­ Herbs aren't necessarily healthy just be­ fruits, which are shelled and seeded. Pre­ qualities are also attributed to the plant, latory oversight of herbal supplements. cause they sprang from the bosom of Gaia. Columbian tribes, including the Maues and though these claims seem largely unsubstan­ Many herbal derivatives are touted as Ephedrine, freshly restricted by the DEA, Andira, domesticated and cultivated the tiated. Pepsi -Cola currently distributes magical solutions capable of restoring vigor, comes from the Chinese Ephedra plant. It Guarana plant. Complex mythological tales "Josta," a carbonated soft drink fortified with increasing mental acuity and, inevitably, en­ has been marketed under the trade names explain the importance of Guarana to the Guarana. "Let's just say people are drawn to suring weight-loss. Indeed, the genus of su­ "Max Alert" and "Herbal Ecstasy," and it has Maues. Anthropol9gistAntony Henman pub­ guarana by its powerful image and mystery," per-herb ginseng is Panax, Latin for pana­ been sold as a bronchialdialator for asthmat­ lished an excerpt of one such tale in his J983 stated a Pepsi spokesman as quoted by the cea. Americans have always been suckers for ics and as a weight-loss pill. Fellow central text Guarana, it's cultivation, properties, San Diego Source. quick fixes. The ginseng blended into count­ nervous system (CNS) accelerators, caffeine methods of. Nutmeg: Nutmeg comes from the ground less confections is nothing if not a dose of and Dexedrine, are also packaged as weight­ preparati nut of the Myristicafragrans apple. Manage bottled-in-bond "magic bullet" lore stirred loss aids-ephedrine is a powerful stimulant and use: to choke down a dram of nutmeg and sev­ with a dash of Oriental mysticism and served which delivers on its promises. It has been eral unusual things may happen. You may get up with new-age hucksterism. Slap a ying­ blamed for numerous heart attacks and can a blinding headache and trip for a week, or yang disc and a sketch of Lao Tsu on a green easily be upgraded to crystal methamphet­ you may drop dead. One aficionado posted wrapper and profit is guaranteed. amine. this recollection of a nutmeg-induced tem­ With youth to squander, college students Ginkgo: The stately walks near Dupont poral hallucination on an Internet newsgroup. Circle, D.C. are lined with fan-leafed Ginkgo "I decided to go upstairs and go to sleep trees. Ginkgo biloba is an ancient gymno­ (this was at my friend's, house), but I can't sperm that existed 200 million years ago. remember. I walked up the stairs... suddenly Ancient Chinese healers employed ginkgo­ I was in his room (which is right next to the based teas as a mainstay in their pharmaco­ top of the stairs) and then I was halfway up poeia. Latter-day herbalists claim the fruit, the stairs and then l was in his room again seed kernel, and leaves can assuage a wide -it was like time was being distorted." spectrum of ailments spanning from senility No wonder the dining ball doesn't stock nut­ and brain circulation to kjdney disorders. for this, it is meg. In more responsible doses, nutmeg is Ginkgo had been explored as an altemative necessary for his eyes to be purported to be a remedy for a gamut of di­ anti-oxidant medicine for dementia and planted. I cannot do this ... gestive ills from flatulence to diarrhea. memory loss. To its credit, the plant itself is The earth in which the eyes were planted Kava kava: Kava kava originates from the characterized by a hearty, almost invulner­ was irrigated with the tears of every one and ground roots and rhizomes of the yaquona able constitution. Extract of ginkgo is com­ at that place, the dignitaries of the village bush Piper methysticum, a pepper plant na­ kept watch. After a few days, the guarana monly sold with ginseng as a mental stimu­ tive to Fiji and Polynesia. Indigenous tribes lant. plant sprouted." have traditionally consecrated the root with Ginseng: Panax ginseng is a popular Guarana's active ingredients include divine invokations and imbibed its extract guaranine, hypoxanthine, theophylline, and catch-all ingested for every conceivable for religious ceremonies. Kava was intro­ theobromine. The alkaloid guaranine is com­ malady known to humankind. Additionally, duced to Hawaii by Polynesian canoers. monly known as caffeine. Guarana has re­ it's supposed to heighten libido, prolong lon­ The praises of 'awa, as Kava is known in puted tonic and stimulant effects, which may HEALTHY AND CONVENIENT: The gevity and perform wonders for mental con­ Hawaii, are sung in a traditional chant: be solely attributable to its high caffeine con­ YUM shoppe stocks various herbally centration. Ginseng is bundled into numer­ fortified products ous herbal supplements, and is a popular soft- tent. Nevertheless. 'the herb is marketed 1lS a· · - - · · · · · Sl!e HER:Btit.: HEAJ::fH, 'JR18e 27 February 2,1999 PAGE19

Examine cheeseburger culture 20 and the politics of pastry ~~~~/~~tr1~ec~~~~~t~~~i;~mp/e: 22 Learn the 'Net's darkest laughs Explore your world ... find out what 25 21 and see if Ani is Up ... and away FE~TURES will happen Around Town this week [insert name here] ONLINEorJN LINE? elcome to Week Two of (insert name herej. Just when I thought I'd be giving the polka Judge Your Textbook by Its Price record to our lovely Opinion Editor, I re­ ceived an entry late last night. So, by de­ ADAM CRAIGMILES publishing price." When asked of the leading online companies, fault: Emily, thanks for entering, but you Retriever Weekly Staff Writer about the bookstore's buy-back Varsitybooks.com and eFollett, get the runner-up position. However, ifthe policy, Novae says he was "burned" have recently launched a nation­ winner is unable to carry out the duties of his reign, you win the dam Novae, a third-year and relates an all-too-common story wide advertising campaign to en­ crown. Except that there really are no duties for the winner, and no Ancient Studies major, of not being able to sell a book back tice college students. With ads crown. The runner-up has duties, but none that pertain to the con­ A emerged from the UMBC because of edition changes. sporting promises of20 percent dis­ test. She just bas to get the Opinion section fmisbed by deadline. Campus Bookstore last Thursday Novae's qualms are not in the counts on inventory from 600 uni­ In Week One, you were asked to finish maxims. Having been with a bag of books. He had just least unusual. Many students, pay­ versities nationwide, online book­ given a list of 10 overused adages; you were beseeched to make completed the biannual experience ing up to $400 on textbooks each stores are potentially stiff competi­ them better. One of you did. But first, the runner-up, who has a of buying textbooks. This semester, semester, feel almost as though tion to traditional campus book­ serious issue or two with several ex-boyfriends: Novae shelled out roughly $250 for they've been cheated. Without any stores. However, the online book­ his required reading. form of on-campus competition or stores don't provide such a great 0 Nice guys are always gay. , Echoing the cry of many UMBC a deeper understanding of book deal as they might lead one to be­ 0 Don't count your chickens before you find out if the guy you're students, Novae feels these prices prices, students feel obliged to point lieve. dating is gay. are steep. He even draws a newly a condemning fmger at the book­ When comparing prices from . 0 Curiosity turns all Emily's boyfriends gay. [Ed. Note: Sensing purchased book from beneath his store. UMBC's bookstore to those online, a theme, here, Em ... ] arm and points suspiciously to the With a recent rise in the popular­ the difference isn't too impressive. 0 There are other fish in the sea, but they're gay. bookstore's bar-code sticker. "The ity of online bookstores, students 0 Nice guys always have idle bands. stickers," he says, "cover the real now have other options. 1n fact, two see BOOKS, page 25

All right. Thank you, Emily. And for those who are about to bash Em for anti-gay-isms, please keep in mind that except in the friend­ ship arena, gay men don't do straight women a whole lot of good. For baring her soul and her ex-boyfriend woes, Em receives a taped copy of the polka album, because that's all she really wanted any­ way, and a bag of microwave popcorn to complement it.

And now, the winner of the un-compact disc "Stan Wolowic and the Polka Chips" ...

0 A penny saved is nothing really, and it is still nothing if you put it in a roll with 49 others, but if you put that roll in a sock and hit someone with it, maybe you could get a few bucks and it would all be worth it. (entry submitted by Va(Penascino)

Val also entered a caveat to that aphorism: 0 Don't put all your eggs in a sock and hit someone, 'cause it's just messy.

Thank you, Val. You may pick up your album on Wednesday after I :30 p.m. Week Two is a special contest, a special, special contest. [t may not seem like Valentine's Day is right around the comer, but it is. That thought is revolting to many people (many staff members of Dave Chen I The Retriever Weekly Staff The Retriever Weekly, anyway). Square One: These players ponder the variations left to be played in a game with a history that's I want you to come up with Valentines for UMBC. Isn't that a anything but checkered. great idea? Yes. Yes, it is. C~mjure up a four-line poem (rhyming lines two and four, because all good poems rhyme) to express your deep affection for an aspect of UMBC. It could be the dining hall, UMBC Boasts Highest-Ranked Dr. Hrabowski, the lovely folks at the Financial Aid office, the ra­ bid mutant squirrels, or your own true love, the staff of The Re­ triever Weekly. An example: College Chess Team in History

Retriever each week, JESSICA ROTHFUS consists of teams playing traditional minator" Morrison and alternate Adviser so sage: Retriever WeekZY Editorial Staff chess. However, the tournament Erez Klein, decisively defeated the You're presently lining offers variety with lightning chess competition. The B (rankings un­ My parakeet's cage. With an average rating of 2506 (one minute per side), blitz chess der 2000) and C (rankings under (on a 0-2800 scale)- the highest (five minutes per side), quick chess 1600) teams also succeeded in win­ Come up with love poems, and the winner shall receive an origi­ in Pan-Am history - the UMBC (15 minutes per side) and action ning their rounds. nal handcrafted sculpture by the general manager's roommate, Chess team was favored to win the chess (30 minutes per side). These Rankings such as Grandmaster Craiggers. The runner-up receives the ultra-coveted "Precious Kit­ 1998 Pan-American Intercollegiate more rapid games are generally are determined by the FIDE (Fed­ ties" toy from the "Collect ·Ems" company. Team Championship, and didn't played at night In addition, lesser eration lnternationale des Eches), disappoint. The tournament, held in rounds include high school compe­ the World Chess Federation. Entries must be received by next Friday at I 0 a.m. in ,The Retriever Weekly office, late December in Dallas, consisted tition and open competition. Founded on July 24, 1924 in Paris, UC 214. or by e-mail atjsicill @gl.umbc.edu. You know, I'm a-look in at the polka of approximately 20 college teams UMBC's fLrst (A) team, consist­ the Federation unites national chess album. and boy. do I wish I'd entered. Furthermore, let me explain about this vying for the title. Among the stron­ ing of International Grandmaster federations and directs the chess Precious Kiny phenomenon. These toys came from the High's by my apartment - the only High's still in existence. This Precious Kitty comes with "'I Kitty. I gest teams were Stanford, Harvard, Tal Shaked, International Master world. Members of the UMBC Candy Fish, I Family Album,'' followed by - in letters as big as aU outdoors and University of Texas at Dallas and Elect Eugene Perelshteyn, FIDE chess team have acquired these bold. too-"WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD." So I don't wanna hear that Universidad Catolica de Peru. and National Senior Master Floren titles by playing successfully for the runner-up choked. You've been warned. by God. Oh. by the way: Happy Day. The main part of Pan-Am is the Felecan, Senior Master and FIDE Punxsutawney Phil. Make it good, or you're expendable. No pressure. ~r:tercollegiate tournament, which Master Elect WiUiam 'The Exter- see CHESS, page 26

'• •' I .I : I 1 t ' 1 ', 1.,r 'J' THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURESTHE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FOCUS February 2, 1999 PAGE 20

r------~ ( Travels With An: ... THE SURVIVAL SKILLET Would You Like a BY ADAM CRAIGMILES Smile With That? ollowing last \\Cck':-. them~. Oligarch} Variation: Folio\\ the di­ I dedicate this week's column rections for the dictator loaf. except sparl! to Political Science majors. several nuts to place on top instead of just ANNA KAPLAN a~ teriyaki burgers or corn soup, the sec In a Lime when the United one. R<'tri<'l'<'r W<'<'kil' Staff Writ<'r ond-chcapesL thing on the ml!nu. In Ja­ States political scenl! appear~ Communist Variation: Set out all in­ pan. the last item on the menu is a smile. Fso dim, when the tllle "'politician" is syn gredients in a long line. Take an equal When traveling, even if you arc looking ~ hich costs zero yen. onymous with liar. scandal and ''I'm pinch from each pile and add to a bo\\ I to completely immerse yourself in a cul­ In India. where eating beef is against sorry:· it is a gutsy move to become a one at a time. Rep~,;at until ingredients an: ture. it is quite comforting to see things the Hindu religion bcl.ausc CO\'I>s arc sa political science maJOr. To all of you 111 completely dl!pleted. Save some raisins. that remind you of home, even if the) are cred. there arc separate kitchens lor the our u:viBC communlt~ "ith such banana:-.. and\\ a Inub to ma"h into a larg<: a~ cheesy and conunon as ~lcDonald\. preparation of the \ cgctanan and non­ stamina. courage, and e\Cntu.lll) cor­ clump to plf1cc on top. Stir evenly. Don't Even if you \\otlldn't be caught dead in vcgl.'tarian foods. The t~o kitchens nrc rupted moral<;. cheer:,. place it in an oven. but set ll out in the thb semi-c' il cstabli~hment at home. dh idcd b) a thick wall. and havl! t\\o Here's what ~ou'll need to make Ba- \\ann '>lin und hope for the best. ~1any ~omctiml!s "hen ) ou are tr.tveling on a ::.cparatl! '>CL' of employees "ho arc not nana Bread und ~~ Political Van!llions· people fmd th1s an .1ppcalmg rec1pe: ho\\­ ncgati\C budget and it 1s the onl) menu allo\\ed to interact\\ ith each other There :J I cup gmnulated sugar ever. 11 rare I) tu 1-. out ~orrcctly when at­ ou can decipher. ,m Extm Value Meal din­ are e\ en separate count ·ro; lor \ coetm I /_cup shortening tempted. Most p pi end up thrO\\ mg ncr i:. ralher n1ce ~ot onl) thal. but mn' and cam1' c And -;mce beef 1s "1 2 egg' the "lwlc thm!! • ''a McDonald\, bathroo ls 1nnwn) Europcan agam~l the r ... h •1on 11l th non \C g1e I I ea\ Democratic \nriation: JlJc-; ''ill he the cl ,mc\t .md chcapc-.L bur~ers ,lfC ma I '' 1th ltmb Th~ M I c.:up ::! 11. I J m r 1 n I uhhc h.1throoms) ou \\ 111 hml 'mcc most raj Mac. thou •h. 1s "' dan.1n b. 11' as I the huge rcstaur,mt'i .1rc h\ ays packed. You do n t 'e need to .o <~hro J t i1 - cups I r I p< ~ nuu ~ Hh :.C\ cr,ll lloor,, no one rca II) notices lind McDona d's cultur.l pl n b. J...mo po d r 1f you w,llk 111 JU'>l to u'e the bathroom althou)l. m th ... l1 lkd State . tht.:~ d1l ::1 I te sp< on It ~~ 1 ngrcd1enh "Hhout .1ctuall) buying lhi'> rcc p "1th ricnds to help and to lllllcrem:c~: fir I ol .Ill. the r.llllOUS Pulp order lob~tcr flJIZa 111 ~lallll! ••md CJJlln Normal Bamma Bread: Beattogeth r v nfy jour ts tit he.~l ta~t.ng vana f·rancl! is <..'alkd ":-.kRoy,dc \\ ilh cheese:· the tap. )Olll.lll buy t\kSp1mg bottled bine flour. baling po\\ dl!r and ,,Ill in a tion. and proha 1l) th<.: >st su~:cessful m In Spain. on the

JEt" SICILIA '0 buffet dinners and lots of bo'" ling. and it mans. and even to the Scottish. who fore· start a Groundhog Club Chapter. The page Rt triner \\t•te photos taken \\- ith Phil. and the gates out of its underground hibernation on that II) or life expectancy. ~o \\ ~·· re all to believe 'I oday mark.s the 113'h annual sojourn for to Gobbler's Knob (casa de Phil) open at 2 day. and the Sllll was om, I fieri! would be 'ir that Phil is immmtal and will predict the Punxsutawney Phil. as he emerges from his a.m. with a flourish of music. fit:C\H>rks and more 11·eeks of ll'illln: Thus II'Cl\ hom the tra weather until tunc st.mds stilL Presumably. n1cc, warm. dark, crowd-free hole and into lots of cmcrtalllmcnt. Th1s year's estimated clition of thl! 'two wimers or the ·,·ec one/ when the reigning Phil gocs to the Great the cold. dank February air of Pennsylva­ time of ascension was 7:25a.m. ll'illff!/: 'In 1886. the editor ofthe loc·ctlnc•ll.\· Burrow in thl! Sky, the: Punx'y n.:s1dents lind nia. to he eithc1 a harbinger of good news, If you're one of thl! ones lucky enough to paper named the gmup tire Pmn.wruw11ey another Phil to rt'placc him. just as there were or e\eryone's least-10\cd ,·anguard of six have been born on Feb. 2. hring proof of your Gmundhog Cluh. The Club deemed a ma:-.cot. and like s\\allows to Capislrano. and as their 11\aim clmm to fame. he's got But 'incc lit don't ha\C thi~ 'orl oftr.tdi­ Pwn \11/Clll JU!\ Plul could ac cumu•l\ fore­ hundrudo; ofthnuc;ands o 'pectator' 'i'1t the lolsJ idmg on Ius shoulders-'' hich ground­ tion. 11 seem~ ,, bit silly and untound~·d ••tl £ OM the uearhu:·· tO\\ n each ) 1!.11 top tnic1patc in the fe,tivi hog' dun 't ha' c lo begin \\ith. mo,.,t. Wh) do the) ntuali'>tic,lll) .1sk a ro Th.: Web page. 11 ,,~.groundhoJ:.nrg, is ues and to put their fmth in thl! groundhog. who would no doubt trade h1s celcbnt) for fhe tO\\ n celebrates ever) feh 2 a' dent for ''cather forec.tsting? fhe Ill) lh IS packed \\ 1th' groundhog .1cti' Illes. ground­ I hough it \\ere the la~t. \\ ith brcaklasts and traced to the Romans. and then to the Gcr- hog carols ,md information on how you can an extra 15 mmute' of ,fecp. THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES February 2, 1999 PAGE21 Sweat and Burn WITH MARTIN SHusTER

fLer having a very pain pumped as though someone had inflated ful workout session to­ them like a balloon. Il was tough not to day, 1thought Twould get drop to the floor and start crying for my back to talking about m o h e r training lhis week. I am As I stated earlier, this exercise is a goingA to discuss something commonly test of how much pain you can stand. I refered to by gym junkies as ·'bums," or repeated this procedut:e two more times by others as drop-sets. If you are bored for a total of three drop-sets, or nine to­ with what you are doing, or just enjoy tal sets. Also, keep in mind that the tempo pain, this is Lhe variation for you. of the last two sets is extremely impor­ Basically, it is like doing several sets, tant. The first set will fatigue your fast­ except that you do them at once without twitch muscle fibers. and the last two, if any rest in between. So. for instance, to­ .done properly, will destroy your slow­ day. I was doing barbell bicep curls. For twitch fibers. What does this mean? It my first set, I used a weight I could eas­ means both increased strength and in­ ily handle for 4 reps; it weighed LI5 creased muscle mass. Don't do this very pounds. Immediately after completing often; one can easily overtrain on this this set, I stripped 10 pounds from each method (especially with heavy com­ side. leaving the bar with 95 pounds. I pound movements like bench presses or chen proceeded to do six more reps at an squats), but once in a while, it is a pain­ extremely slow tempo. ful. yet very effective method. Immediately after my muscles failed That's it for this week. Take it easy­ again. I stripped yet another 10 from each pleted about four more reps at an even slower my arms were killing me. I mean, my fore­ or for those of you who dare, learn a les­ side. leaving it with 75 pounds. I com- tempo, for a total of.14 reps. After this set, arms were flaring and my biceps were son in pain!

Music Is Ani on the Up With Up? JEN SICILIANO Retriever Weekly EditOrial Staff

Ani DiFranco seems to be cranking out al­ bums faster than I can like them, lately; not exactly a complaint. It's just that - and I Laughs, With a Twist may be in the minority, here-I really liked her earlier stuff. You know, right after she JAY FRIESS sassinl): Microwave a Furby or kill Bob Retriever Weekly Staff Writer began to polish and right before she waxed Saget with a cruise missile. It can be your completely political, the Not a Pretty Girl mission, if you choose to accept it. Twenty days, and the Not So Soft days. So each sub­ o, it's Saturday night, your date annoying celebrities and other pop culture sequent album has taken longer to adore than dumped you, there is nothing on icons are just waiting to be picked off by the previous one, for me, at least. TV and you are in a bad mood. you. The Shockwave-enhanced missions She seems to have come to grip~ with life, S Chances are you could use some are the best, but they will take a while to or at least that's what the press release im­ cheering up, but not just any goofy humor download on a phone connection, and need plies. "Angry Anymore" (an ''I'm-OK­ will suffice. You need something a bit a lot of horsepower to run effectively. Any­ You're-OK" to/about her parents) and the al­ darker, a bit more sadistic, something to thing below a Pentium 200 need not ap­ bum are less mushy and more real life, if you match your mood. Well, fire up the silicon ply. like that sort of thing. box and whip out your web browser. We 0 The Onion (www.theonion.com): Up Up Up Up Up Up, her new release, have just the thing for you. Fans of Comedy Central's "The Daily comes across as more of a live jam of sorts. 0 rotten dot com (www.rotten.com): Show" will like this one. The Onion takes If you've seen her live-a religious experi­ This is for severe cases only. Lots of "Faces comical news reporting to the next level: ence in itself- you know she likes to jam, of Death" style photos and grim humor Instead of poking fun at the headlines, The and getting carried away is part of that. "An­ here. This is also the home of the infamous Onion writers create their own. The sto­ gel Food" is a sexy come-hither ditty, which (and fake) Princess Diana crash scene ries have one foot in reality and one foot goes on for an eternity with a repetitiveness photo. The site is regularly updated with caught in the blender that is the editors' that is only matched by "The Diner" from news and grisly photos, so it is worth twisted minds. The looniness is updated Living in Clip (think "'til my coffee gets cold" bookmarking if you are going to be feel­ weekly, so be sure to bookmark. for 20 minutes). Additionally, "Know Now ing sadistic for an extende~ period of time. 0 The T. W.I.N.K.I.E.S. Project ( www. File Photo Then" and "Hat Shaped Hat" are just as Not for the faint of heart. twinkiesproject.com): Tests With Inor­ DiFranco, My Dear: Ani's new album is jammy. You really have to be in the mood 0 The Dialectizer ( www. rinkworks.com ganic Noxious Kakes In Extreme Situa­ Up Up Up Up Up Up, but not exactly one for a jam, because when theA.D.D. kicks in, /dialect/): Take your favorite Web page or tions. The name says it all. Two Rice Uni­ Up short of pop. I find that I need something shorter and less any ASCII document and feed it to the versity students, severely Jacking in sleep, redundant. D.ialectizer. This Web-based program will conducted various tests on Hostess Twink­ On previous releases, there were political when I needed to hear SQme lyrics and go, edit your documents into a variety of col­ ies during finals week in 1995. Tests in­ songs, but not to this extent. Politics are fine, · "Yeah! That's what I meant, only that's way loquial styles, including "Redneck," clude the radiation test (microwave), the but the reason I like the older stuff is that the better than what I would've said." I guess I "Jive," "Cockney," "Elmer Fudd," "Swed­ rapid oxidation test (Bic lighter), and the Lyrics were ones that I had thought, but not miss the days of "I just write about what l ish Chef," "Moron" and "Pig Latin." Try maximwn density test (blender). The re­ nearly so eloquently or precisely. I can't re­ should have done; I just sing what I wish I "Moron" on your annoying roommate's sults are posted in a well-organized scien­ late to these lyrics to the extent that I could could say, and hope somewhere some woman te.rm paper. For more fun, try "Redneck" tific report, complete with photo illustra­ relate to 1990's self-titled release, with "Fire hears my music and it helps her through her on Clinton's speeches. "Ah did not haf tions, on the Web for you to supplement Door" and "Talk to Me Now." In that vein, day." sexual relashuns wif thet woomin, Miss your college education. This site is not the most similar Lracks on Up ... are "Everest" The whole album seems more polished, Lewinsky." Dialectization of Web pages updated anymore, but digesting it is more and "Come Away From It." and more studio. It's no longer just a girl and may take a while on phone connections, fun than any Twinkie. Although she's taking on social problems her guitar. Now it's a whole band, and stuff but The Dialectizer will provide many To nominate your favorite Web sites for in "'Tis of Thee" ("my country 'tis of thee you couldn't achieve onstage without heavy wasted hours of twisted fun. dot.com, e-mail their addresses to - to take swings at each other on talk show things you have to plug in. I liked the girl 0 Assassin (www.newgrounds.com/as- csabatl @umbc2.umbc.edu. TV'') and "Trickle Down" (the effects of a and her guitar. sleel plant closing do~;n - ever been to It's r,·,')t a dislike of Up Up Up Up Up Up; .~m'!)).5l!De~10bc focusing more it's just "'distinct preference for older, more new and/or~· notable sites ·~(iitft h.; · ~-R@t w\JIIW.~~ altium ~- 1 cmro\-ered Ani pers0on:.d stuff. . ) I).' J £. · :~ ~ THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES February 2, 1999 PAGE22

Paramount Pictures Movies Gridiron Gods: James Van Der No Reason Seek and Paul Walker play high school football to Try Out stars in the MTV­ produced Varsity Blues. for Varsity the time or the cre­ ativity to resolve JAMIE PECK earlier ones (like a Retriever Weekly Staff Writer forgotten-about ill­ ness for Billy Bob Those film-going blues inspired by the and a black team­ typical January release schedule of studio mate who's trotted holdovers and expected duds sure aren't rem­ out only when a race edied by Varsity Blues (** out of four), a card needs to be messy melee of predictable teen- and sports­ played). As you can movie cliches that never quite scores the probably guess, ev­ touchdowns for which it strains. But making erything boils down it to at least the 50-yard line is another mat­ to a testosterone-fu­ ter entirely, and it can be argued that this eled big game where youth-oriented potboiler gets bits and pieces "Dawson's Creek" hunk dujour James Van pancakes in butter, guzzles maple syrup the stakes are high and the tension is non­ of its ludicrously jam-packed story right. It's Der Beek literally tackle his first big-screen straight from the bottle and can't hold down existent. just that the good parts are hidden under a role. a bigh school football player whose mo­ booze! Mox's sexy biology instructor turns See, we know everything wiiJ turn out all distracting jumble of impossibly good-look­ ment to shine comes when his Texas team's out to be a stripper who bumps and grinds to right, mainly because Varsity Blues amounts ing actors, silly sex-oriented humor and a star quarterback (Pleasantville's Paul Walker) Van Halen 's "Hot for Teacher" at a local strip to little more than a cinematic rendition of booming soundtrack that includes all this suffers an on-field injury. Think of Van Der club! Mox goes to a wild party where a couple the ultimate male fantasy- jocks, chicks, week's hot bands. That MTV had a hand in Beek's dull Jonathan "Mox" Moxon as the does the nasty atop a vibrating washing ma­ Coors and scores of multiple varieties. It's producing Varsity Blues shouldn't surprise anti-Dawson. chine! nicely shot and well-performed by a mostly you. Not exactly hot off the newfound fame, Mox is also lusted after by his ailing fresh-faced cast, but these assets go to waste At least, buried amongst all the raunchy Mox clashes with a coach (Jon Voight) who 'II friend's girlfriend (Ali Larter), but this char­ because the movie's ambitions rarely amount goings-on, there are worthwhile messages do anything to ensure the 23rd consecutive acter seems to exist solely so Varsity Blues to ·anything more than a Porky:S-esque pa­ about self-confidence and about winning not state championship win. That's the main can stage a seduction scene complete with rade of boobs and liquor, liquor and boobs being everything. Such morals, however, will storyline, but Varsity Blues veers off course French kisses and Cool Whip. Sure, pretty (the most challenging shot prominently fea­ likely be lost on the movie's core audience on matters risque and ribald enough to en­ Larter looks beguiling in her strategically­ tures both). Perhaps there'd be nothing wrong of frat boys, users of Noxzema and avid Teen sure it doesn't flop like dissimilar gridiron placed cream bikini, but a romantic tempta­ with this were Varsity Blues' heart in the right Beat readers. That last group will happily flicks Rudy or The Program. Mox 's obese, tion subplot is the last thing this movie needs, place, but it's conflicted between body parts plunk down the admission price to watch good-ol '-boy pal Billy Bob (Ron Lester) dips especially when it apparently doesn't have a foot above and a foot below.

also new] N THEATRES Hilary Tackles True Story At First Sight idiot doctor lets a camera crew shine its lights * * out of four in the face of a man who's never seen be­ Traveling architect Amy (Mira Sorvino) fore?) These ironies in characterization are, meets hunky, sexy-voiced masseur Virgil of course, the intent of screenwriter Steve (Val Kilmer). Said masseur turns out to Levitt, but does he have to force it down our be blind. Amy falls for Virgil, and within throats? what seems like a week of their first meet­ Granted, the film may prove enlightening ing, she suggests he have his blindness for some, if more for the discussions on sense "corrected" with an innovative surgery in and perception it will provoke than for what New York City. Is this love? At First Sight actually transpires on screen. How do blind is just the sort film Hollywood thinks it people manage to live their lives? Should we Sight: MOM I Hilary: October Films can pull off without condescending. What feel sorry for them or not? At First Sight Sight and Sound: Emily Watson takes filmmakers more often than not fail to works best when it addresses ideas of the in­ her cello on a walk in Hilary and Jackie, realize is that it is virtually impossible to finite suddenly becoming finite, of the unde­ while First couple Val Kilmer and Mira succinctly capture the full scope of the life finable being defined. If there is a lesson to Sorvino, right, keep cool. of a blind person. You can have an actor be taken away from it, it is that we shouldn't stand there and flail his arms around, but feel sorry for the blind, because what they and at least one performance that guarantees that doesn't make him blind. lack in sense is made up for by a truly unique serious Oscar consideration. All of the lessons on vision that are es­ experience. And that can be much better than That would be Emily Watson, whose stag­ du Pre sisters were young girls and it ap­ poused in the fum are overshadowed by what we really see. -Victory Marasigan geringly brilliant work as the tragic Jackie is peared Hilary would become the family's syrupy melodrama and non-subtle preach­ pretty much everything Academy voters look claim to fame. But when Jackie reveals her­ ing. Among the more unnerving aspects Hilary and Jackie for in a Best Actress candidate. However, the self to be a cello prodigy, their futures are of the film is the fact that Sorvino's sup­ ***liz Hilary du Pre character, played by Rachel altered forever; the former puts away her posedly protagonistic Amy more often Even before the opening credits roll, Hi­ Griffiths (My Best Friend:S Wedding), doesn't dreams for a fulftlling domesticity while the comes off as disruptive to Virgil's life than lary and Jackie has two strikes against itself: get top title mention for nothing, and it'd be latter spirals into madness brought on by helpful. For most of the movie, she's more First, it's a biography of a musical genius­ a shame if her subtle-but every bit as mov­ her fame and music. This story is told in blind than he is. Even after the tacked-on in this case, celebrated cellist Jacqueline du ing-acting was overshadowed by Watson's halves- first from Hilary's point-of-view happy ending, we feel that Virgil would Pre, the Jackie of the title. Second, the story far showier role. The jury's still out on and then Jackie's - which seems frustrat­ have probably fared better learning on his eventually focuses on her battle with a deadly whether or not that will happen, but already ing initially but pays off in the concluding own rather than escaping with his fawn­ disease - in this case, multiple sclerosis. assured is that these lovely ladies put power hour. There are a few underdeveloped asides ing client. Both topics that would seem to play better and presence into a true-life tale filled with into their relationship, but it's hard to dis­ Besides Amy, many other secondary on the small screen of any given TV-movie­ the kind of emotion and human drama that credit a movie that's so near-perfectly real­ characters act with unbelievable insensi­ of-the-week, true, but pretty much from the requires such ueatrnent to really hit its heart­ ized, right down to a haunting final scene tivity towards Virgil's unique situation, in­ opening scene on·, Hilary and Jackie justi­ breaking story home. that'll hang in your mind for quite a long cluding the doctor (Bruce Davison) who fies its cinematic status with a crisp visual Hilary and Jackie sets up a tale of sibling time. helps restore his sight. (Come on, what style, great-sounding orchestral presentations pseudo-rivalry in 1950s England, when the -Jamie Peck THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES February 2, 1999· PAGE23

Paramount Picture!> Simple Plan An Easy Payoff? Billy Bob Thornton, Bill Paxton and Brent Briscoe concoct an allegedly Simple Plan after discovering Is Anything $4 million buried in the snow. camera seems to care more about the actors on the screen than their visually brilliant sur­ But Simple roundings. Perhaps this is because the direc­ tor realized that the way in whlch the three VICfORY MARASIGAN men's situation spins out of control is thrill­ Retrie1·er l\'al.l.v Staff Writer ing in itself. without fancy cinematography getting in the way. The sheet-white nothing­ A Simple Plan (***112 out of four) is a ness of the snow-covered town adequately taut, gripping thriller-drama about a pipe illustrates the moral void these men must dream which becomes reality ... and then traverse. strips a trio of unsuspecting men of their in­ As another tale of money and murder in nocence. At the film's outset, Hank Mitchell the snow, this film is sure to breed compari­ (Bill Paxton) considers his life acceptable, if sons to the well-crafted murder-and-money not spectacular. He has a loving wife, a baby flick Fargo. But A Simple Plan works on a on the way, and he's respected as a member different level, addressing issues of family of his mid-western community. There may discord and individual self-worth throughout be hints of a strained relationship between gonna know?" Hank, the only one of the trio Thornton's performance as Jacob is prob­ its shocking story. By the time poor Jacob him and his byuk-hyucking older brother with an education and a steady job, tries to ably the best thlng about the film, laying to woefully asks his brother, "Do you ever feel Jacob (BiUy Bob Thornton), but it's nothing fight the notion of keeping the money. After rest any post-Sling Blade doubt that Billy Bob evil?" it's clear this film is no Fargo rip-off. either of the boys feels deserves discussion. some goading from Jacob and Lou, Hank opts is a great actor. Jacob is a simple man, a so­ Only towards the end of A Simple Plan are If asked, Hank probably wouldn't consider to store the cash and see what happens. It isn't cial outcast with with no dreams to pursue. we reminded that we're watching a movie. changing a thing. long after taking the money home that Hank His slow toothy drawl betrays his Jack of The final-act plot twist is all too contrived Hank's content perspective on life is begins to feel his conscience weakening. But book-lamin', but some of the things that and convenient, but, thankfully, it leads to a skewed when, along with Jacob and Jacob's it's already too late --... Murphy's Law has come out of hls mouth indicate a sharp if compelling ending with logical implications. slovenly buddy Lou (Brent Briscoe), he dis­ gone into effect. Before the boys can even underused intelligence. When all is said and done, we are left with covers a crashed puddle- jumper carrying begin to appreciate the life-changing heft of Director Sam Raimi, best known for his the notion that sometimes what's best for us over $4 million. "No one's looking for this their "lucky" discovery, an innocent man is bizarre Evil Dead horror series, is for once is what we already have. cash," rationalize Jacob and Lou. "Who's dead and people are talking. aesthetically subdued in his direction. His FILMSPOTTING NOW IN RERELEASE Saving Private Ryatl CAPSULE REVIEWS OF MOVIES IN CURRENT **** RELEASE BY VICTORY MARASIGAN AND JAMIE PECK Steven Spielberg's World War n epic arguably at­ tained the honor of last year's most-acclaimed film. A Bug's Life tor (Bening) targeted by a clair­ but in fmal box office tallies, it ranked second -be­ **** out of four voyant child murderer (Robert hind Amzageddon. which tinished about SIO million Disney's entry in lhe computer-animated insect Downey Jr.) - establishes in ahead of Ryml's S I 90 million-ish take. Well, starting movie sweepstakes ranks just a smidgen better Dreams 'first half is demolished Friday. you have the opportunity to move it up a well­ than DreamWorb' f~ntastic. artful Ant;:, a proc­ by scenes. revelations and de.;erved notch when it coasts back into theatres on a lamation lhat puts A Bug:, Life on a level of near­ twists that pile up like a car wave of recent acclaim that will hopefully precede perfection. Told with a full color palate, an end­ wreck.-JP num.::rou~ Oscar nominations when the nods arc an­ less enthusiasm and a mind-boggling imagination nounced a week from today. It's already picked up the that always seems to be topping itself, Bug's tale The Prince of Egypt B.::st Picture title from the Los Angeles Film Critics centers on a worker ant .·,ho recruits a group of ***liz Society. the New York Film Critics Circle. the Online circus crine~ to help defend his colony from pesky It is an inspiring. transport­ him Critic,., Society. the Broadcast Film Critics Soci­ grasshoppers. It's from the makers of To\' Ston ing version of the Bibhcal story ety and the Golden Globes. and. yes. on that cmemauc breakthrough's level. of Exodus. DreamWorks· ani­ If you have yet to 'iCC Sa~·ing Private Rwm. DO\\ j.., -JP mators take us from a wondrous most certainly the time. but be v. amed-never hefore cho!".U prologue of Mo:.es' (Val has on-screen carnage and .:ombat been purtrayed so A Civil1lCiion Kilmer) legendary beginnings rcalisucally and brutally; the opening half-hour. as a *** to his miraculous rescue of the hero captain (To~ Hanks) navigates through the chao~ Dr.::m1 Works PiciUrc' As slick. dherting and well perfonned ~it is. Hebrews. The film also ex­ of D-Day. is particular!) shocking in its grim, vivid War Is Hell: Saving Private Ryan's Tom A Civil Action :.adly lack' a chewy emotional cen­ plores his complex relationship presentation of warfare·., casualties. Hanks turn~ in his Sizemore and Jeremy Davies protect a young ter. a shortcoming that renders a great deal of this with his brother Rameses most stirring acting to date. and the film is po\\erful bystander from crossfire. drama strange!) uninvolvmg, but satisfying from (Ralph Fiennes). whose tragic enough to stand alongside Spielberg's Schindler\ UJt a distance. John Travolta turns in another steely fall makes him one of the most with pride. But star-on-the-rise Jeremy Davies ranks among Ryan's finest a.-.!>ets. flawlessly assaying lhe character perfonnance as an ambulance-chasing lawyer who sympathizable "bad guys" ever of a timid translator surrounded by horrors he can't seem to overcome. There you have it: 1998's best perfonnancc takes on a big case based solely on monetary po­ to be depicted in an animated in 1998's best movie. - JP tential, but becomes a changed man after realiz­ movie. ..:._VM ing the loss involved - a loss the audience never really feels. Still, as refreshingly un-Grisham as a Shakespeare in Love when the story takes a turn towards TV-movie­ Curtis and her tugboat crew take on a formless legal thriller can get. -JP **** of-the-week territory in hour two. There are no mass of alien intelligence that regards the human To compare Shakespeare in Love to a summer· s Jerry Springer-esque catfights, probably because race as a threat to its existence. The virus in Virus Elizabeth day still wouldn't do it justice. This exquisite the performers are energetic enough to carry this makes for a compelling adversary, and Curtis al­ ***lh melding of romantic drama, screwball comedy and dramedy. - JP ways plays a game action heroine, but too much Director Shek:har Kapur's dramatically potent historical commentary features a high-minded, lit­ else of this delayed clunker feels lilce the numer­ and visually delightful historical drama charts erate screenplay that speculates what it would have The Thin Red Line ous Alien rip-<>ffs ofyore: People travel down dark Queen Elizabeth l's tumultuous struggle to gain been lilce for the Bard (Joseph Fiennes) to be grap­ **th corridors armed only with flashlights, monsters true power over her kingdom. The inexperienced pling with a mean case of writer's block while Terrence Malick's ambitious film about WWII's attack, cast members get killed off in reverse cred­ ruler ftnds herself under assaul~ both by her own penning some play called Romeo and Juliet (the pivotal Battle of Guadalcanal presents war as a its order, etc. -JP s ubjects and by forces abroad, but she eventually original title: Romeo and Ethyl, the Pirate's 166-minute blank verse poem. Though lhe battle takes England by its reins. Cate Blanchett deserves Daughter). Filled with rapturous moments and scenes are intense and heart pounding. the more You've Got Mail an Oscar nod for portraying the young queen with career performances from an eclectic cast, particu­ prevalent National Geograplric-stylc imagery and *** ju~t the right balance ofgawky self-consciousnes!> larly Gywnelh Paltrow. -JP monotonous round-robin narration have an anes­ Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan go together like a and shrewd charbma, - VM thetizing effect on the proceedings. Few of the scuuy port and a motherboard in this too-cute Step mom characters (played by the likes of Scan Penn. Ben update of The Shop Armmd the Comer. The in fa· In Dreams **lh Chaplin, :-.lick Nolte and Jim Caviezcl) leave a mously charismatic duo plays computer-addicted *liz Susan Sarandon and Julia Roberts class up a la.-.ting impression: we· re left'' ith nothing to pon­ secret soulmates whose respective bookstores arc Notable onl) for Annette Bening's fierce pcr­ few notches what could have been a semi ·stan­ der but the film's pretentiou-; vbual abstractions. at war w1th each other. As a pnmcr on movie chern· fOI·mance and Darius Khondji 's stunning <.:incma­ dard soaper. Sarandon's a middle· aged d1vorcce - VM istry. MCiil is unbeatable. even when the story com· tography.tl1is shockingly poor Neil Jordan thriller whose ex-husband (Ed Harris} takes up \\ ith mits wrongheaded crron;. The humor is good. the pile~ on foolish plot. underdeveloped characters vounger photographer Roberts. much to the cha­ Virus casting i!. great and the ending is happy. But those and nat dialogue. Whatever interest lhc potentially grin of their two painfully precocious kids. The ** who don't like Rvan or corny romance v. ill have intriguing premise - a children's book illustra- actresse_s partake in engagingly hbsy rivalry even In the middle of international "atcrs.Jamie Lee their gag reflexes severe!) tested. __,; _ __. · THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES February 2, 1999 PAGE24

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BL 5 FROM THE PASTOPENS EVERYWHERE ON BRUA E 0 p THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES February 2, 1999 PAGE25 Internet Bookstore Bargain Myth Debunked from BOOKS, page 19 used books. A plice comparison of the same deliver books. A bookstore, on the other hand, of the university, as opposed to the common five textbooks showed all five to be within a has significantly higher overhead costs, such misconception of a monopolistic monster. The text required for beginning-level calcu­ few cents of the campus prices in both the as maintenance, electricity and employees. Any profit the bookstore does acquire is re­ lus courses runs $107 at the campus book­ "new" and the "used" categories. Again, these· But Somers explains that they're doing what turned to the university. "Students pay my store. Varsitybooks.com offers the same book figures are before shipping costs. they can. Although he plans to install more salary," Somers explains. for$ L5.24less. The savings may seem to be The only prices that show significant dif­ cash registers to decrease the long lines dur­ Somers further breaks dow.n book costs: If considerable, but these books are new. The ferences are novels for Literature classes - ing the four weeks a year of "book rush," this a student pays $100 for a book, $75 goes to campus bookstore offers a used version for Faulkner's As I Lay Dying is an impressive is no small feat, as the current register sys­ the publisher, and the remaining $25 goes to $80.25, $11.51 cheaper · than $8.05 cheaper at eFollett. However, used tem of 10 machines cost $100,000. the bookstore. Of the $25, $23 is spent on Varsitybooks.com. bookstores, such as Book Miser in Baltimore, Another direct response to the online com­ overhead. This includes everything from new Varsitybooks.com only offers new books. In can provide a weathered, dog-eared copy of petition is rnore used books. The bookstore's carpeting to postage costs. The remaining two fact, the Varsitybooks.com prices of Norton :S the same book for a mere $1.50. goal, explains Somers, is "used books for dollars are returned to the school by way of Shakespeare Anthology, Biology: The Unity The online bookstore prices may not prove everyone who wants them ... it's impossible, program contributions. The bookstore is in­ and Diversity ofLife, Physical Chemistry and to be a sharp reprieve in book prices, but the but we're still trying." Before the semester vesting that two percent in programs like the Psychology continue this price pattern, with new competition is still a threat to the cam­ is out, in fact, the bookstore will institute a creation of the new commons area, as well the online versions running for six to seven pus bookstore. In an interview last week, Bob year-long buy-back policy, in which books as the new number and barcode system on percent cheaper than the new books in the Somers, the Director of the campus book­ can be sold back to the bookstore at any time. student ID cards. bookstore, but nearly 20 percent more expen­ store, warns, "Sales will go down." In fact, This will encourage students to keep text­ "Half the students don't realize what we sive than the campus' used versions. Bear in he plans to spend the next three months in books circulating within the university rather do," says Gina Thurston, the bookstore's mind that these prices do not include ship­ meetings, planning ways to combat the new than selling the textbooks to private compa­ Textbook Manager. The goings-on in the ping costs. competition. It's not an easy task. nies. The policy should also increase the bookstore are not very well known among The other major contender in the online To set up an online bookstore, one only re­ bookstore's supply of used books, which cur­ the student community. The fact that rumors book business is eFollett, which does offer quires a server and the means to obtain and rently boasts a sizeable percentage of the text­ exist about stickers hiding publishers' prices books for sale (40 percent) compared with is proof of this. The truth is, the campus book­ the national average percentage o~ used books store bas no control over book prices, or even in university bookstores (around 25 percent). which books to order. Also in the works are plans for the campus Professors choose precisely which books bookstore to go online by next fall. However, they want, and the bookstore is in charge of Somers discourages too much computeriza­ ordering them. The bookstore sells the books tion. He feels a bookstore adds "flavor" to a at prices which are computed through a com­ university. Everything from the number of mon national fonnula. To dispel the sticker Town is a calendar pub­ BMA at (410) 396-6314. math books in stock to the way the entrance rumor, Gina explains that some books don't Lished w~kly to notify readers of events is decorated reflects the personality of the have a bar code on them to begin with, in in the Baltimore area. Those wishing to Friday the 5th university. which case one must be added. Some exist­ submit calendar announcements should Have You Ever Seen a Dancer's Feet? Plus, he envisions a "Borders-like atmo­ ing barcodes are incompatible with the do so at least one week prior to the event. F. Scott Black's Towson Dinner Theatre sphere to the new commons," referring to the bookstore's system, and so bar code stickers must be added. ' Please send written submissions (includ­ presents ''Danc~g : The Fabulous Feet lounging cafe setting of Borders Bookstore ing all necessary information!) for of Broadway," through Feb. 28. This for the future construction of the University Buy-back policies work in somewhat the Around Town to The Retriever Weekly, musical comedy is chock-full of the Commons. Somers also adds that the Book­ same ways. The bookstore buys texts back at 1000 Hilltop Circle, UC 214, Baltimore, stuff. Give it a try- it beats TGIF for store can be used as a reference area, in which 50 percent of the original price, a standard, MD 21250. the evening. F. Scott Black's is located a student can browse texts from any area of nationwide rate. However, when publishers at 100 E. Chesapeake Ave. in Towson. study - something which would become or professors change book editions, or when Tuesday the 2nd For more info, call (410) 321-6595. obsolete online. the demand for certain texts drops, the book­ Attention All Air-Guitarists Another benefit unavailable to online buy­ store is forced to lower its buy-back prices or Bohager's is graciously opening its Saturday the 6th ers, Somers mentions, is used book choices. to refuse to accept used books. stage for a free-for-all. There's no cover, We're All Gonna Blow! When the bookstore offers a number of used Whether the bookstore wilJ weather the and there is an open mic. You've been Check out Combustible Edison at texts, a student can decide precisely which storm of online competition or not, only time practicing for this in your underwear for Fletcher's tonight, located at 70 l S. book to purchase, whether it be almost new wilJ tell. However, unless the online competi­ months - it's time to let your talents Bond St. Have a cider for the staff of in condition, or filled with notes. tors come up with better prices, the campus shine. Sign-up begins at 7 p.m. and The Retriever Weekly. Tell 'em we said, If students become tempted to a great ex­ bookstore stands an excellent chance. Its fate music begins at 8 p.m. Bohager's is lo­ "Hi." They probably won't care, but it tent by the online competition, the future of might be even further improved with the edu­ cated at 515 S. Eden St. in Fells Point. sounds like we're a carpet dealer or the bookstore's existence is in jeopardy. · cation of the community, with the dispelling For more information, call (410) 563- something if we say, "Tell 'em TheRe­ ·Somers says, 'The bottom line: It's up to stu­ of certain rumors and misinfonnation. At the 7220. triever Weekly sentcha!" You get noth­ dents ... without student support, we don't moment, the bookstore "gets criticism from ing from the deal, but for a second, we exist." The bookstore's existence relies more everyone ... from professors to students," ac­ Thursday the 4th feel important. For more information, heavily on students than one might think. The. cording to Somers. However, he keeps a posi­ Strap on Those Butt Pads - Bumpy call Fletcher's at (410) 880-8124. bookstore is a self-supporting, non-profit part tive attitude. He believes that "it's imperative Ride Ahead that the bookstore remains local, "focal" part It's the Baltimore on Ice Winterfest: Sunday the 7th of university ... we will survive ... no, thrive." four days of froze noses, snowshoeing, Get Pickled? On a Sunday? cross-country skiing, an ice-carving Head to the Pickled Parrot in Canton contest and who knows what else. The for a Bloody Sunday Brunch, ranging •••••••••••••••••••• frosty fun continues through Feb. 7 at in price from $4.9-5 to $8.95 (including UMBC'S the Inner Harbor Ice Rink (at RASH your ftrSt Bloody Mary or Mimosa - field) and in the Inner Harbor; some unless you're under 21, and then milk PRESIDENT'S stuff may cost money, but that's not what for you, young man/lady). More food COMMISSION the press release said. For more info, call than you can shake a stick at, so if you're FOR the Baltimore Office of Promotion at already tired of dining hall breakfasts, (410) 752-8632. head to 2030 Elliott St. in Canton. For WOMEN is collecting info, call (410) 342-1344. Free Things are Good Things Pimlico Race Course and Head to the Baltimore Museum ofArt Monday the 8th Laurel Park are accepting for Freestyle, an evening of music, Nothing Happens on Mondays applications for part-time and tours, talks, perfonnances and art. This Watch Nick At Nite - with any luck, weekend pari-mutuel tellers. event is free, and the lack of admission the dreaded "Movin' On Up" marathon Gl l fee will free you up to buy a snack or will be over, making way for the usual RECEIPTS No Experience necessary. some java at Gertrude's, the accompa­ line-up of "The Brady Bunch," ''Mary Great part-time position. for a needy area school. nying cafe. Several workshops are hap­ Tyler Moore," etc. Have yourself a TV Flexible schedules. pening, and you may learn something. dinner and enjoy the spirit of the '50s, Five to six hour shifts at This particular Freestyle is on "Hearts when a girl was a girl and a guy was a Drop off or mail receipts to: of Heritage," in honor of Black History guy and the townspeople bathed in the Vicki Griesman, ADMN 2141 $10 - $13 per hour. Month. For info or directions, call the water supply. I Please call (301) 470-5460 or (X3564) I I (410) 578-4479 ••••••••••••••••••••• THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES February 2, 1999 PAGE26 ''Talent, Preparation and Determination'' Propel UMBC's Chess Team to the Top from CHESS, page 19 players an opportunity to work on their speed and timing issues while developing instinc­ recruiting efforts. The school offers major many years, and competing against others tual responses to the board. However, some scholarships to those individuals who rank who are high-ranking and titled. players worry that in playing blitz games, over 2000 and have an SAT score above 1400. Though the team was favored to win, mem­ they Jose their focus on strategy and concen­ Only three other schools offer these types of bers took the tournament very seriously. In tration. chess scholarships. UMBC is like a magnet, addition to weekly meetings, the team meets To prepare, team members played in other pulling in chess players. Shabalov, the num­ for several hours each Saturday to practice tournaments, including the Baltimore Open. ber one Grandmaster in the country, attends and work on strategy. The game of chess is Many also read chess books, play Internet UMBC and contributes to the teaching of a based on tactics, str~tegy, and a psychologi­ chess, and analyze the competition's games non-credit Master preparation chess course. cal component. Tactics are the actual moves, online. The team also benefits from terrific However, man'y of the players are "home­ strategy is the overall plan and the psycho­ coaching. Igor Epshteyn, originally from grown," and spend their college careers im­ logical component is about the types of roles Belarus in the former Soviet Union, and proving their game. or attitudes one assumes during the game. For former coach of the Soviet Olympic Reserve Faculty adviser Alan T. Sherman credits the instance, it's possible to approach the com­ School, approaches players on an individual team's success to its great "talent, prepara­ petition as an attacker or as a defender, or to level, and prepares study materials tailored tion and determination." He also feels that react to the competition with complete indif­ to their own personal needs and agendas. In the team's qualified alternates and the confi­ ference. the coach's mind, improving one's game dence members have in each other have led It's quite common to witness these psycho­ takes precedence over constant wins. to better games and impressive wins. Dave Chen I Reuiever Weekly Staff logical aspects of the games at tournaments. Generally, the team members don't rely on UMBC's administration bas provided con­ Helping Hand: With guidance from Players sometimes stare down their compe­ specific strategies; rather. they prepare them­ siderable support to the chess team. After faculty adviser Dr. Alan T. Sherman, tition, or stare at the board. Players with less selves both physically and mentally for their winning the Pan-Am for the second time in UMBC's athletes of the mind prepared experience or strength sometimes succumb challenges. Many involve themselves in three years, the team has gained even more for victory. to these mindgames. physical fitness programs to aid their endur­ respect and admiration from both the admin­ The traditional six-hour matches at the Pan­ ance. Derrick Longo, team president, com­ istration and a larger portion of the campus County jails, and several team members teach Am tournament require great concentration pares chess strategies to those actions one population. The next potential move is to at clubs in Baltimore City Public Schools. and endurance from the players. Even though would take in everyday life. He feels that in­ make chess a spectator sport on UMBC's By taking part in these activities, the UMBC each player is allotted three hours to com­ dividuals should "walk into every confron­ campus. team just might be ensuring a future batch of plete his moves, timing does become an is­ tation to be held over the chessboard with Audiences have responded well to exhibi­ chess team recruits. while spreading their sue. Players must keep track of their strate­ the determination that you arc going to walk tion games, and the team hopes to find ways love for the game and the benefits of playing gies and ensure that enough time is left to away the victor.'' to make chess understandable even for people chess. These benefits include improved prob­ complete moves. Blitz games often provide Much of the team's success is due to heavy who don't play. Chess for an audience would lem-solving skills, increased concentration involve faster games, such as action chess, and the ability to think logically. and would also make use of large displays, Despite their hectic schedules and the vic­ and commentary from Grandmasters. tory at Pan-Am. the t;MBC chess team shows The team is dedicated not only to the uni­ no signs of winding down. In April. the team versity and the matches. but also to the game will play NYU. amlthcy are also hoping tO of chess itself. At chess meetings. it is clear coordinate with other colleges to plan chess that members take the game seriously, but matches at Grand Central Station. in order to have fun at the same time. Members of the increase the game·s visibility. With a victory team take their respect for the game into the celebration being held on Feb. 5 in the ECS community in several ways. William atrium, the team is al:so increasing its visibil­ Morrison teaches chess in Montgomery ity on campus.

Dave Chen I Retriever Weekly Staff Where They Want to Be: Chess Team members Tal Shaked, Derrick Longo, Oksana Tarassova, William Morrison and Eugene Perelshteyn helped capture top prizes for UMBC at the 1998 Pan-Am Tournament.

EARN MONEY.FOR BOOKS

Heolthy·moles and females ages 18-25 needed for John Hopkins study. Study involves having blood drown and urine collected.

No discomfort or distress. Up to $375 for completion of the study.

For more informatton call 410 502 5433 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FOCUS February 2, 1999 PAGE27 Logo Contest

Design Your the Career original logo Development must and use UMBC Placement colors Center's (Maximum Logo! two-color design) AWARD: $100 GIFT CERTIFICATE TO BARNES & NOBLE BOOKSTORE WE'LL GIVE YOU 10 WEEKS. Contest Open to ALL UMBC Students Ten weeks may not seem like much time to prove you're capable of being a leader. But if you're tough. smart and determined, ten weeks and a lot of Submit a hard copy to MP 204 (preferably hard \Wit could make you an Officer of Marines. And Officer Candidates • School (OCS) is where you'll get the chance to prove you've got what it rakes accompanied by the design on disk) to lead a life full of excitement full of challenge, full of honor. Anyone can say Calr Ext. 2216 for more information they've got what it takes to be a leader, we'll give you ten weeks to prove it. • Marines ""'"'""PtwtL 171tMimw. Deadline: March 1, 1999 M A RINI 0~11( I R For more information call 301-394-0519 or e- mail at osohyatl@aol. com . Hocus Pocus or Healing Herbs From HEALING HERBS, page 18 echinacea is reputed to enhance the immune stitions were appropriated by medieval Chris­ system's ability to ward off potential bacte­ tians, who named the yellow flower after St. "'accessible is the day whereby knowledge rial and viral infections, especially concern­ John the Baptist/ martyr and ascribed it power is gained. ing upper respiratory infections such as the over Satan and his impish henchmen. Knowledge from the source, knowledge common cold and influenza. The Medicinal The Food and Drug Administration has not from hearing, Herbs Online Web site (www.egregore.coml approved St. John·s Wort for medicinal us­ Like the flourishing 'awa plant is the herb) alleges that echinacea promotes well­ age. Nevertheless, it is commonly employed knowledge of the gods, being by "stimulating phagocytosis, T-cell externally to 0 hear me." formation, and by inhibiting the promote the Pacific Islanders now harvest Piper as a hyalurinadase enzyme secreted by bacteria healing of cash crop. Preparations now sold in health to effect the breakdown of cell walls and the wounds, and food stores come in capsule or tea form. The formation of pus." Numerous studies appear taken inter­ known effects of kava include euphoria. re­ to confirm echinacea's anti-inflammatory, nally as an an­ laxation. slight somatic numbing. and pos­ anti-viral/ bacterial, and tissue regeneration tidepressant. sibly mild hallucinations. Kava is a CNS de­ properties. The leaves and roots are pulver- The active an­ pressant. and may be used as a diuretic. so­ ized and tidepressant porific and pain reliever. Although kava's sold in liq­ ingredient in effects have been compared to the relaxation uid, pill. St. John's brought on by alcoholic drinks. no ''hang­ and tea Wort may be closer to venlafaxine rather than over" or re­ form. De­ the serotonin reuptake inhibitors like Prozac. sidual effects spite prof­ Unlike Prozac, St. John's Wort has not been have been re­ i t a b I e linked to sexual dysfunction. ported. Ac­ farming The whole St. John's Wort plant. includ­ cording to the ventures. ing nowcrs. is dried and packaged as pills. Hyperreal demand capsules. drinks and teas. Drug Ar­ f o r Goldenseal: Hydrastis canadensis is a chJves. the ac­ echinacea perennial flowering herb that former!) nour­ tive ingredi­ continues ished in American forests. It~ highly prized ents contained to outstrip its supply. This has lead to '"plant yellow roots have been overharvested. Gold­ in kava are poaching". where nightstalking entrepre­ enseal contains two active ingredients of in­ ''six resinous neur-s scoop up swaths of the purplish tlower terest, the alkaloids hydrastine and berberine. a I p h a with backhoes and bulldozers. ruining once Both confer anti-bacterial. anti-fungal and pyrones: pristine fields. anti-infiammatory benefits. Goldenseal can kawain (C 14HH1403) dihydrokawain, St. John's Wort: Hypericum peiforatum be used as a diuretic. meth)sticin (C ISH 1405). has been aggressively billed as a natural al­ Several goldenseal preparations (adver­ dihydromcthysticin. yangonin (C ISH 1403) ternative to Pro.1ac (fiuoxetine hydrochlo­ tised in High Ttmes) are sold as detoxifying and dyhydroyangonin." ride). The popularity of prescription antide­ agents aimed at the vast ··pamphenalia" mar­ Echinacea: Echinacea purpurea. pressants easily explains the hype surround­ ket. Illegal drug users attest to the herb's pu­ angustifolia. and pal/ida arc praric wildflow­ ing this unassuming, roadside weed. Centu- rifying potential. Some golden~cal di!'ltribu­ ers vernacularly known as conetlowers or rie~ "• lohn 's Wort was known as Fuga ton. v. ill even refund a cu:.tomcr's pure has~: sampsons. Native to lhc United State.;, Dac111 . -or demon bane. Early super- pcndmg proof of a flunkc i uri nal\ ~ i~ test. PAGE28 February 2, 1999 SPORTS Dawgs Continue to Chew Up and Spit Out NEC Competition Fairleigh Dickinson and Quinnipiac are Latest Victims

CHRIS KERNER straight points to increase the short jumpers that, combined Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff Retrievers' lead to 19. That lead with Ward's three pointer, raised quickly disintegrated, however, the UMBC lead back to 13. After building big leads in the as FDU came alive on offense, The Knights did not roll over, ftrst halves of both games last scoring 16 points in five minutes however, as they reeled off an week, the UMBC men's basket­ of play and shrinking the UMBC 11-2 run that pulled them to 56- ball team was able to hold on at advantage to eight, 45-37. 54, at the 4:10 mark. Then the end of each contest to gain Grella connected on two more UMBC's foul shooting became a factor as the Retrievers hit six consecutive free throws in the final three minutes to preserve the 62-58 victory. ''1 thought at the end of the first half some people started to lose focus. Our offensive con­ centration began to drift. Our Dave Chen I Rcuivcr Weekly Staff youngsters just have to under­ Elevate!: Senior Kathy Doyle contributed seven points in Lady stand that they have to maintain Retrievers' loss to Mount Saint Mary's. a high intensity throughout the game," lamented head coach Tom Sullivan after the game. Lady Retrievers Ward led the Retrievers with 17 points while Grella had 14 Bitten Twice at Home points and nine rebounds. As a team, UMBC shot an astound­ Retrievers Fall to 7-6 in NEC ing 89 percent from the foul line. In UMBC's third home game in CHRIS KERNER a three pointer. Junior forward a row, they faced off against the Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff Serena Hampton followed Doyle eighth place Quionipiac Braves. with a turnaround jumper to tie the whom the Retrievers had beaten The UMBC women's basket­ game at 20-20. 82-66 in their ftrst meeting ear- ball team's hold on third place in The game was back and forth for Da"e Chen I Retriever \\~-ckl) Staft the Northeast Conference was the rest of the half with the Retriev­ You Can't Block Me: Isaac Green attempts a baseline jumper see VICTORIES, page 29 short-lived last week. as they ers gaining a two-point advantage, over FDU's Chns Ekwe. struggled against conference­ 27-25. heading into halftime on two more victories at home against a de­ leading Mount Saint Mary's on another basket by Hampton. termined Frurleigh Dickinson squad and Thursday and fellow conference The second half was a different a feisty Quinnipiac group. rookie Quinnipiac on Saturday. story for UMBC as Mount Saint The victories extended the team's Di­ The team's record dropped to 9- Mary's came out on fire and built vision I school record winning streak to 10 overall and 7-6 in the NEC. a 42-34 lead. Gardiner was, once 10 games, and it marked the first lime After being completely domi­ again. the catalyst as she scored that !he men have been ten games over nated by the Mount on Jan. 20. eightofthc team's 17 points in the .500. the Lady Retrievers seemed to be early going. The Retrievers made Against the Kni, hts from FDU. who heading in that same direction one last run to pull to within two are the defending NEC champs. the Re­ again on Thursday as the Moun­ points at 42-40. following fresh­ trievers nearly squandered a 30-8 first taineers jumped out to an early 8- man Sheila Johnson's lay-up with half advantage as poor shooting, and 13 0 lead. Less than two minutes 9:34 remaining. From there, how­ second half turnovers plagued the later, however, the momentum ever, the Mountaineers showed UMBC effort. They were able to hold on shifted in UMBC's favor as the why they lead the conference as because of a superb 23 for 26 shooting Mount's Megan Gardiner, who is they quickly pushed the lead back performance from the foul line. second in the NEC in scoring at to eight and held on from there. The Retrievers opened the game scor­ 19.2 points per game, went down Leading scorers for UMBC ing at will and eventually built a seem­ with an ankle injury. The Retriev­ were Hampton with 13 points and ingly insurmountable 30-8 lead. It was a ers immediately took advantage Kim Brown with 12 points. Out­ combination of strong inside-out play as of the situation, scoring 11 points standing freshman Jami Lange well as tough defense that spawned the • in just four minutes to get to was limited to nine points on 3-11 spurt. Sophomore center Nick Grella and within two at 13-11 with 9:32 re­ shooting. For the Mount, Gardiner sophomore guard Terence Ward com­ maining in the ftrst half. had 19 points and 14 rebounds. bined to score 16 of the team's first 30 Not to be outdone, the Mount One positive that came from the points. went on a small run of their own loss was senior center Monica After building the 22-point advantage, '' to increase the lead to nine, 20- Logan's 23 rebound performance however, UMBC seemed to relax and the ll. Sparking the run for the that put her only eight behind the Knights noticed this and took advantage Mountaineers was Gardiner, who all-time leader in UMBC history, of it by outscoring the Retrievers 13-6 returned from her earlier injury to Tammy McCarthy. Her 23 boards the rest of the half. The score at the break connect on a baseline bucket dur­ also ties a single game record for was 36-21, UMBC. ing the offensive assault. The run the Retrievers. As the second half began, it was Grella Dave Chen I Reuiver Weekly Staff prompted a UMBC timeout, af­ UMBC could not dwell on their again for UMBC as the sophomore from Nothin' But Net: Sophomore Terence Ward drains a ter which senior guard Kathy Carlstadt, New Jersey, scored four three en route to scoring 17 points against FDU. Doyle made a driving lay-up and see BASKETBALL, page 29 THE RETRIVER WEEKLY SPORTS February 2, 1999 PAGE29

Log~n Retrievers Move to 14-0 in Eclipses Conference, 15-5 Overall UMBC from VICTORIES, page 28 lier in the season. Once again, UMBC jumped out Rebound to an early 11-3 lead that was supported by sopho­ more forward Brad Record Martin's three lay-ups and one free throw. The Re­ from BASKETBALL, page 28 trievers continued to roll and built their biggest lead loss for very long as the 4- of the half at 35-20 fol­ 13 Quinnipiac Braves came lowing two free throws by calling on Saturday. The Ward. That advantage did Retrievers jumped out to a not hold up though as, al­ 15-10 lead early in the con­ most exactly as they had test, but Logan picked up her done two nights before, second foul sh01tly thereaf­ UMBC allowed their op­ ter and forced head coach ponent to finish the first Jennifer Bednarek to go to half on a 12-4 run to pull her bench. within 39-32. "It hurt us a lot not to have Quinnipiac pulled to Monica out there in the first within six on their first half. She's an incredible Dave Chen I Retriver Weekly Staff possession of the second Dave Chen I Retriver Weekly Staff player," commented the half, but they did not get Gimme That!: Monica Logan pulls down one of her Sophomore Brad Martin goes off-glass for 2 of his game­ coach. any closer for the remain­ 1 ,048 rebounds in her UMBC career. high 19 points age3inst Quinnipiac. Following Logan's depar­ der of the game as theRe- ture, Quinnipiac raced out on a 19-4 spurt "This wasn't necessarily a game that trievers continued their winning ways. his strong performance with 8:00 left in that lasted 10 minutes and gave the Braves Quinnipiac won because of what they did, Brad Martin put an exclamation mark on the game on a breakaway dunk, raising a commanding 29-19 lead with 2:28 to go but maybe we lost it because we didn't do - ...... ___,...... ,.-....,...... ,=.,.,....,...... ,.,.., his game-high-scoring total to in the half. UMBC clawed its way back to the things we needed to," reflected 19. Rod Harrison chipped in 10 within four on a three pointer by Brown, Bednarek, adding: "This was a very poor points as UMBCrolled, 68-58. two free throws by Lange, and a lay-up by defensive showing for us. Our team just Coach Sullivan commented the rarely-used Sbalisa Johnson. The score hasn't developed that killer instinct yet. We later on his team's ability to at halftime was 30-26. had a chance to put them away and we continue winning, saying: "Be­ In the second half, the Retrievers con­ didn't." cause of our record, everyone tinued to chip away at the lead until they In the game, Logan became UMBC's all­ is convinced that they are the finally retookit on a three by Lange with time rebounding leader as she garnered team that's going to beat us. 7:14 remaining. Quinnipiac then tied the · nine rebounds, one better than she needed We just have to weather the game with a free throw until UMBC got to break the r~cord . She still has seven storm when they come at us. the ball back and Brown hit another shot games remaining to add to her total. The We are learning how to win senior was not these type of games." thinking about the "The fact that we are unde­ record after the feated really hasn't sunk in. We game, however, just take it one game at a time and neither was and we never think that we are her coach. going to lose," added Nick "It's definitely Grella. frustrating to lose, Overall, the Retrievers are but by playing all 15-5 and 14-0 in the NEC with of these fresh­ six games left on the schedule. men, you expect Their next game is on Febru­ it to be an up and ary 4 at Saint Francis (PA), down season. who UMBC demolished 71-43 Sometimes w·e Dave Chen I Retriver Weekly Staff in their first meeting of the sea- will play like we Straight Butter: Tim Hyland poured in seven son. did against points and grabbed six rebounds off the bench in Monmouth and the win over the Knights. the next time out, we might play Dave Chen I Retriver Weekly Staff like we did today. We are still learn­ Here I Come!: Kim Brown came off the bench to score 12 points -l'o Yov LtKE s~oi:rs? and keep UMBC close against the Mountaineers. ing, but you learn more from losing from behind the arc to give the Retrievers than you do from winning," explained 1J.lffJ WUY AttEfJ'TYOtJ ~ET11fJ~ a 48-45 lead. The Braves did not go away, Bednarek. however, as they connected on a three of The Lady Retrievers' next game is Sat­ fA11> TO Wtt1Tf A1\ouT~f~? their own to tie the score. After UMBC urday, Feb. o, at Robert Morris College, took a four-pointlead on consecutive bas­ who currently hold eighth place in the con­ CAL~ ~E ftf11ttf~fft kets by Lange and Sheila Johnson, the visi­ ference. AT tors from Connecticut then finished the game on a 9-0 run to win 57-52. )(11.60 fOft 1Nf0 q PAGE30 THE RETRNER WEEKLY SPORTS February 2, 1999 IT BY CHRIS KERNER Collective Bargaining, Yeah Right!

As far as I'm wncemed the NBA stands agreement actually do? It seems to me that anything, I'm trying to get to my car... What where at least the old guys play their hea1ts for Nuthin' ButAssholes! Who really cares Kobe Bryant. Allen Iverson and Shareef kind of garbage is that? Only after he dis­ out without getting paid (although most that the season is starting on Feb. 5? Who Abdur-Raheem are all a lot dcher with each covered that the incident had been caught of the players are out of shape and they do do these players and owners think they of their contracts exceeding the $70 mil­ on tape did Anderson decide to go on TV miss a lot of shots. but that's not the poinl). are? They think that they can just walk all lion mark. That doesn't sound like cutting and apologize to the kid and invite him to a What really needs to be done about the over the fans for more than five months down on salaries to me. What was that game. Why would situation is for and. all of a sudden. we are just supposed whole lockout for? anyone want to the owners to to forgive them and move on? Hell no! Too The saddest part about all of this is that cheer for a guy like "In my mind, the NBA has lower ticket much damage bas already been done. the fans are suckers. We are going to go to that? And there are reached the point ofno return... prices to less than Since the lockout has ended we have re­ the games again and we will cheer for the so many other pro­ All of this arguing over the $20 for the most vetted back to the same old crap that got same guys who make more money for one fessional basketball expensive seats; the NBA into this whole mess. Take, for game than many of us do in an entire year. players who are the division of billions of dollars give the fans free example, Rod Strickland. This guy turned Somehow, we will forget about all of the same way. has only hardened me to the merchandise as down a three- pain that In my mind, the game." well as many op- year, $30 mil­ "We are going to go to the games they caused N B A has reached portunities to get lion offer from us and how the point of no re- autographs; and, the Wizards. as again and we will cheer for the same unconcerned tum. For me to ever watch the games again most imponantly, the NBA needs to show well as their guys who make more money for one they were there needs to be another Michael Jordan­ the fans some respect. most recent of­ with the type impact player. There are just no re­ Basketball used to be fun. There were fer of five game than many ofus do in an entire fans. Kenny deeming qualities about the league any­ times when you would turn on the TV and years, $50 mil- year." Anderson is more. All of the arguing over the division see Magic versus Bird in the NBA Finals lion. He. along ~------a perfect ex­ of billions of dollars just hardened me to or you would see good ol' Robin Ficker with his agent David Falk, is demanding ample of who these guys really are. the game. screaming at the Bullets' opponents. It a contract of at least five years, worth After one of the numerous lockout meet­ The NBA claims that it recognizes the used to be such an innocent game of pure about $55 million. A few days ago the mgs, Anderson was walking to his car. be­ damage lhat has been done and they are at­ grace and beauty. It has lost so much of Washington Wizards· general manager ing followed by a cameraman. As he was tempting to remedy the situation by giving its luster that even the best polish couldn't Wes Unseld released a statement in which walking, a young boy, who explained that free tickets to exhibition games and other help. In my eyes. the NBA can never re­ he said: "I have a tough time thinking that he was a big fan of Anderson's and that he promotions. Ooh, how exciting! You get to deem itself for what it has put th.e fans offering someone $10 million a year is be­ wished that Kenny would sign an autograph watch spoiled, out of shape professional through. There may be a day when I will ing unfair:· Doesn ·t that statement just fit for him, approached him. Instead of taking athletes run up and down the court, miss­ watch a game or two. but there will never the NBA in its current status perfectly? two seconds out of his time and making that ing shots and not giving 100 percent. I'd be a time that I will forget that it isn't a What did that collective bargaining kid smile, Anderson said. 'Tm not signing rather watch a game of my dad's 50+ league game anymore.

. What products would you like to be sold 1n the UC Gameroom? Hours of Operation --~------Mon-Fri: 9:00am - 11:00pm Do you play video games? Yes/No Sat: 10:00am - ~:OOpm If yes, are you currently happy with the video Sun: 12:00pm - 7:00pm games currently in the UC Gameroom? If no, please explain why. ______

What video games would you be interested ...... :'t·''' . - in seeing in the UC Gameroom? ____ - .

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Would you like to see more tournaments run in the UC Gameroom? Yes/No If yes, what type of tournament would you be interested in playing? ______February 2,1999 PAGE31 CLASSIFIEDS

Classified Advertising I I I I Club Notices Lost&Found Office Hours t : Tt~l EVI:R is a section for UMBC is a free community service Rates per 30 WORDS Monday through Friday R \'<' F E K I. Y student clubs to make offered to UMBC students, $6.00 9:00a.m.-5:00p.m. announcements only. faculty. and staff. (Limit 5 lines) 50¢ EACH BOLDED WORD University Center 214 Student clubs may have Does not include PERSONALS, I 000 Hilltop Circle five lines free. Each additional line costs $ 1.50 LOST & FOUND, Classified Display Baltimore. MD 21250 Personals CLUB NOTlCES, Ads may he placed in may be placed at our offices OR THRIFT SHOP sections. Advertising during regular hours. The cost is person at the above See separate rate schedules Rates Per Column Inch: Thrift Shop $1.00 for a four-line ad; for more information. address. mailed in. or additional lines are 25¢ each. is a Retriever Weekly student Under 10 Column Inches There is a 50¢ charge faxed in. community service which provides $10.30 for personals which are in all Deadline UMBC students 3 free lines (4 10) 455-1260 capitals or include bolded lines. All advertisments under of advertising for any textbook or Each personal must be pre-paid Classified ads are due 5:00 p.m. $30 must be prepaid item FOR SALE under $50. and filled out Fax: (4 10)455-1265 Mailable to S

Drive. Full/Part Time. Will work [email protected], http:// JOB OPPORTUNITIES around school schedule. NS. www. u m be. ed u/chess .. SUMMER OF YOUR LIFE­ References Requested. Call [email protected]. x8499 Camp Wayne, Ne PA. Counse­ 41 0-461-6353. lor Specialists for all Land/Wa­ UMBC Ballroom Dance Club of fers dance classes every ter Sports, Golf, Tennis, Outdoor FOR SALE Adventure; Mtn Biking, Rock­ Wednesday evening at the Re­ etry, A & C, Drama, Radio, $49.00 GETS YOU FREE triever Grill. ?-8:30pm Beg I 8:30- Video. Please call 1-888-549- INTERNET ACCESS WITH E­ 1Opm Beg II Classes start Weds 2963. MAIL., NO MONTHLY PAY­ Feb 10. Questions? send them MENTS 1-800-947-5611 to ballroom @sta.umbc.edu Marine Corps Officer Summer Internships Leadership and $2,444 '87 Nissan Sentra, 126k FOR RENT Management Experience No mi, 5 spd, CD, 4dr, brown w/tan Obligation to Serve Guaranteed leather, Family local car, call Room to Rent 300.00/Mn Aviation Positions No Require­ 301-571-5155, 301-335-0232, lncl Utilities, Kitchen Priv, and ments During School Year email ptzamt1 @umbc .edu 95 Furn. About 6 M. From Cam­ Freshman through Graduates Wrangler 56k miles tool pus. Call 41 0-74 7-1750 after 7 Competitive Salaries Visit our pm or weekend For further de­ tails web site at www.marineofficer.com TRAVEL call301-394-0519 SPRING BREAK '99 Come work for Models: Athletes/body-build­ STS is America's #1 Student ers, 19-32, $30.00 hourly. (Posi­ Tour Operator. Don't book with The Retriever tively no charges- not a school!) anyone else until you talk to us!! I Weekly. Call 410-719-6246 after 12:00 Cancun and Jamaica from $399 noon Panama City and Daytona Beach from $119 Student Travel We are always look­ Fraternities. Sororities & Stu­ Services 1-800-648-4849 dent Groups: Earn $1 000 to $ www.ststravel.com ing for production 2000 with easy 3 hour Fund Raiser event. No sales required. assistants, ad repre­ Fund Raiser days are filling up, CLUB NOTICES sentatives and staff so call today. Contact Chris writers. Coutinho 800-829-4777. Chess Club meets every Friday 4-6 pm in UC 314 for informal, FUN, RELIABLE and RE­ games, instruction, and conver­ For more info SPONSIBLE NANNY for 2 and sation. Everyone is welcome, 5 year old in Ellicott City. Must from beginner to grandmaster. call x126o now~ r------~ ~~E Classified Order Form ETRIEVER Classifieds made easy! Get t he good word out to 10,000 readers! PRINT your RWEEKLY classified ad in the space provided and choose the appropriate category.

0 Help Wanted ($6 per 30 words) 0 Personals ($1 per four-line ad) 0 Club Notices (five lines free for student clubs, $1.50 for each additional line) 0 Lost & Found (free, five line limit) 0 Thrift Shop (free three line ad for stuff under $50) 0 For Sale ($6 per 30 words) 0 Miscellaneous ($6 per 30 words)

Ads may be placed in person, phoned in or faxed in. Visit University Center 214, 1000 Hilltop Circle, Baltimore, Maryland 21250, or phone 410-455-1260 or fax 410-455-1265. Classifieds are due at 5 p.m. on the Friday preceeding the issue. ~------~------~ PAGE32

The Retriever Weekly's -: Second Semester

THE ETRIEVER WEEKLY and