Parent and Child Perspectives on the Adoption Expperience: Risk and Protective Factors

Professional Development: Journal: The International Journal of Continuing Social Work Education Parent and Child Perspectives on the Adoption Experience: Risk and Article Title: Protective Factors Author(s): Corinne Warrener and Hillary MMi‐Sung Kim Volume and Issue Number: Vol. 161 No. 1 Manuscript ID: 161034 Page Number: 34 Year: 2013

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Parent and Child Perspectives on the Adoption Experience: Risk and Protective Factors

Corinne Warrener and Hillary Mi-Sung Kim

Every year over 110,000 children are adopted in Literature Review the United States. The U.S. Census Bureau report- ed 1.6 million adopted children in 2004, of which Some studies have shown the developmental 13% were internationally adopted; this comprises and adjustment issues that affect adopted chil- 2.5 % of all children under 18 years old (Child dren, such as trouble with identity development Welfare Information Gateway, 2004). For interna- (Soon & Reid, 2000) or mental development is- tional adoption, there was a three-fold increase in sues (Cohen, Lojkasek, Zadeh, Pugliese, & Kief- annual international adoptions from around 7,000 er, 2008). There may be difficulties regarding in 1990 to more than 22,000 in 2005 (U.S. Depart- being part of an adoptive family in both transra- ment of State, 2006). In tandem, recent years have cial adoption and international adoption. Lan- seen an increasing research focus in the area of guage barriers would be added to that in interna- adoption. Much of the existing literature and cur- tional adoption (Child Welfare Information Gate- rent dialogue about adoption focuses on adoptive way, 2007). Other adjustment problems include child outcomes. The existing literature on interna- bonding, attachment disorders, lying, stealing, tional adoption also primarily focuses on issues defiance of authority, and acts of violence (Smith, concerning the adopted children, with some grow- 2001) as well as suicide, psychiatric illness, and ing literature on exploitation of birth parents. De- social maladjustment (Hjern, Lindblad & Vin- spite continued efforts in understanding the aspects nerljung, 2002). On the contrary, some studies of adoption from the children’s and birth mothers’ evidenced that there were no significant differ- sides, there is a serious lack of information regard- ences in adjustment between adopted and non- ing the adoptive parents, such as pre-adoption fac- adopted children (Sharma, McGue, & Benson, tors for adoptive parents. Hence, the aim of this 1998; Thomson & Plomin, 1988). Conflicting paper is two-fold: (a) to begin gaining an under- findings may be due to a selection bias (regarding standing of the adoptive parents’ perspective, and such confounding factors as ages of adoption (b) to incorporate perspectives from the adoptive placement, types of adoption, parental character- parents and the adoptees. The purpose was to gain istics, and family structures) or various outcomes better insight into the adoptee and parental under- among adopted children. Mohanty and Newhill standing of the process and how this relates the (2006) also pointed out that little research atten- successful adoption for the adoptee as well as the tion has been paid to the factors that lead to posi- adoptive family. The themes that emerged from the tive or negative adoptee outcomes and call for dual perspective of this study contribute to the un- more research in this area. Given the conflicting derstanding of risk and protective factors for suc- findings, the presence of adoption related issues cessful adoption or adoption adjustment. We begin may not mean that adoption inevitably leads to by examining literature on the adjustment of the adjustment problems. Thus, the focus of research adopted children and explore aspects of adoption needs to be shifted towards describing factors that from the adoptive parents’ sides. influence within-group variability in adoption adjustment (Brodzinsky et al., 1998).

Corrinne Warrener, PhD, MSW is an Instructor at Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey School of Social Work..

Hillary Mi-Sung Kim, PhD, MA is an Instructor at Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey School of Social Work.

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Understanding positive and negative outcomes and ethnicity. Parents who have a connection to goes beyond intrapersonal factors of an individu- the child’s birth country and culture were more al, as there are other influences from other sys- likely to socialize the child to the culture tems. Theoretical basis of this study was (Johnston, Swim, Saltsman, Deater-Decker, & Brodzinsky’s (1990) stress and coping model of Petrill, 2007). Additionally, more frequent social- adoptee adjustment. This model holds three core ization is related to fewer externalizing problems assumptions: (a) that adoption is inherently asso- in adopted children, but not connected to internal- ciated with a variety of loss- and stigma- related izing problems (2007). Furthermore, preparing a experiences and hence is potentially stressful for child for potential bias or discrimination slightly children, (b) adjustment to adoption is mediated increased externalizing behavior (2007). It is like- by cognitive-appraisal process and coping efforts, ly that adoptive parents are increasingly aware of and (c) both biological and environmental varia- the importance of exposing the child to his or her bles influence person variables. Thus, adopted birth culture; however, they do not tend to contin- children who focus on their adoptive loss and ue post-adoption support for themselves (Lee et appraise their adoption in a more negative ways al., 2006). are believed to experience heightened stress, de- In the vein of parenting practices, open com- velop fewer successful coping abilities, and expe- munication is a critical aspect of adoptee out- rience more adjustment problems. On the other comes. David Kirk (1964) constructed the con- hand, adopted children who are more positive cept of “adoption open communication.” Open about their adoption and experience support and communication about adoption is characterized assistance within their family and community by the acknowledgement of the inherent differ- encounter less distress and demonstrate height- ences associated with adoptive family life from ened coping abilities. This model was believed to non-adoptive family life, which facilitates better be comprehensive enough to be used for this ex- adjustment in the adopted children than closed ploratory qualitative study in that it examines communication characterized by the denial of both contextual factors (e.g., social support, envi- these differences (as cited in Brodzinsky, 2006). ronmental factors) and intrapersonal factors (e.g., In support of Kirk’s notion, it had been found that subjective perceptions) of adoptee adjustment. In children between the ages of 8 and 13 years who addition, this stress and coping model may be reported more open communication about adop- expanded to explain adoption adjustment of the tion in their families had higher self-esteem and adoptive parents, as it provides a frame to exam- better behavioral adjustment (Brodzinsky, 2006). ine both contextual and intrapersonal factors of The similar findings were also reported in a study adoptive parents. As Brodzinsky’s (1990) stress of adolescents and young adults, in which open and coping model suggested, it is difficult to sep- communication about adoption was associated arate the adoptee’s adjustment from the adoptive with a more positive identity and higher self- parental factors and broader environmental fac- esteem (Levy-Shiff, 2001). However, it had been tors. These factors include parenting practices also suggested that the construct of open commu- such a cultural socialization, community influ- nication should be refined since a number of stud- ence, parenting stress, adoption factors, and ies (e.g., Kaye, 1990; Martin, Kelley, & Towner- adoptee characteristics. Thyrum, 1999) showed that an open style of com- Existing literature provides some insight into munication that emphasized and insisted on dif- cultural socialization, which refers to the ways in ference between adoptive and non-adoptive fami- which parents negotiate the racial, ethnic, and lies was indicative of lower self-esteem, more cultural experiences within the family (Lee, family problems, and distant parent-child rela- Grotevant, & Hellerstedt, 2006; Johnston et al., tionships. 2007). The communication and transmission of Community perspectives are another area of racial, ethnic, and cultural experiences is related influence for adoptee outcomes. One study to the parents’ own attitude and beliefs about race looked at how social construction of the concept

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of adoption affected views of parenting and sug- 2007; Quiroz, 2007) to how the United States legal gests that there should be more research on com- framework contributes to the parents’ and child’s munity perspectives as well (Miall, 1996). This understanding of the sending country, birth par- study examined community perspectives on adop- ents’ rights, or other contributing factors (Quiroz, tion and found that generally people were support- 2007). ive of adoption and viewed parenting choices as Although Brodzinsky’s (1990) model of stress more important than the origins of the child. From and coping was believed to be comprehensive the social constructionist’s theoretical perspective, enough to be used for this exploratory qualitative these views should have an impact on adoptive study in that it examines both contextual factors families, but there is little research to suggest what (e.g., social support, environmental factors) and kind of impact (Miall, 1996). Further studies show intrapersonal factors (e.g., subjective perceptions) that heterogeneity in the wider community has a of adoptee adjustment, this model does not specify positive impact on adoptees, as does having sib- key constructs of each factor. Thus, this study lings of the same race (Yoon, 2004). There needs could contribute to the sophistication of the model. to be better understanding of how community per- In order to gain a more accurate picture of adop- spectives and other contextual factors impact an tion, research must be comprehensive in every adopted child’s outcomes. facet of the child’s system. Research in this area Another area of study in the adoption literature must be continuous as legal and cultural situations is parental stress. A study by Judge (2003) found continue to evolve in all countries (Lee, 2007; U.S. that the adopted child’s behavior was the single Department of State, n.d.). As previous research greatest predicator of parental stress when com- shows, parent-child interaction affects child out- pared to length of time in an institution pre- comes, and therefore pre-adoption factors may adoption, medical problems, and developmental play a crucial role in understanding outcomes. This delays; however, this and other studies fail to elab- study will take a wider look at the systems that orate whether these problems are unique to adopt- influence adoption by exploring the experience of ed families or all families. There needs to be better living as an adoptee, the process of adoption, and understanding of the dynamic between the parents parents’ perceptions and attitudes, while consider- and adopted child from both perspectives. ing the context of wider global issues.

Adoption and Adoptee Factors Research Goal

The impact of the adoption process and pre- The primary goals of this study were to address adoptive factors is not well documented, despite the strengths and difficulties of living as an adopt- acknowledgement of the changing dynamics of ed child and to explore the experience and under- adoption over recent years. Adoption has become standing from the parental perspective. The focus increasingly international in the last forty years of the adoptee side was on the adult adoptee’s ex- with a move toward open adoption (Lee, 2007). perience of their childhood, living as an adopted There is a greater push for protection of the child’s child. The parental side focus was on the experi- well being and birth parents’ right, but little focus ence of the adoption process, their motivations, on how pre-adoption factors such as economic and and perception of their adopted child(ren). political climates might impact the adoption pro- cess and therefore child outcomes (Fieweger, Methodology 1991; Herrmann & Kasper, 1992; Quiroz, 2007), as the focus is primarily on how physical depriva- Parents tion can impact health and development (Narad & Mason, 2004). There needs to be better under- The parental portion of the study consists of standing of pre-adoption factors, from areas such interviews with nine individuals who have been as the parents’ racial or health preference (Lee, through the international adoption process. The

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researcher used a combination of purposeful and Adult Adoptees snowball sampling, starting with people already known to the researcher directly or indirectly. The Eight adults who were adopted as children interviews were all conducted by one of the au- served as the second group of respondents for the thors, a licensed social worker and doctoral stu- study. A combination of a purposeful and snowball dent. The interviews were conducted in the homes sampling was used. Web posting at adoption chat of the participants, over the phone, or in a location sites at http://forums.adoption.com and http:// of the participant’s choosing, such as a coffee www.americanadoptions.com as well as wall ad- shop. This was decided during a preliminary out- vertisements were used. Four participants respond- reach to determine the participant’s willingness to ed to the web posting, three were invited by a re- be involved in the study; the participant chose the ferral of a participant, and one was invited by a location. The interviewer took notes directly on a referral of one of the researcher’s friends. No one computer during the interviews; the respondents responded to the wall advertisement. One of au- were asked about their comfort with this prior to thors conducted semi-structured interviews that the interview and all expressed assurance of their were based on a specific set of open-ended ques- comfort. The interviews were based on a structured tions. The interview was started with questions questionnaire with open-ended questions. The asking their background, but the order of questions questionnaire included statements such as “tell me was varied according to the flow of the interview. about the events that led you to begin considering Six were interviewed in-person, one was inter- adoption.” The respondents were given time to tell viewed by phone because of distance, and the other their story initially, and then more direct and itera- one was interviewed by email because of distance tive questions were used. The interviews took be- and a bad phone connection. The in-person inter- tween 1 and 1 ½ hours to complete. views were predominantly conducted in public Of the respondents, 7 were female and 2 were places such as restaurants over lunch or dinner or a male. Most of the respondents were married, with train station food court over coffee. The duration one currently beginning divorce proceedings and of interviews was varied from 50 minutes to 2 one a single mother who never married. Of the hours and 20 minutes. All interviews were tape respondents, one man and one woman were mar- recorded and then transcribed by the researcher. ried but interviewed separately. For the couple, Once completed, the transcripts were sent to the redundant questions were omitted with the second participants for review, and at that time they were interviewee, such as demographics and certain also given additional questions that were later de- specifics of the adoption history. Some of the par- veloped by the researcher as the researcher tran- ticipants brought baby pictures of the adopted chil- scribing the interviews. Four participants provided dren or other documents to share during the inter- their review or answered to additional questions. view. The participating parents fit the general de- The participants ranged in age from 22 to 65 years; mographics of American intercountry adoptive three were males and five were females. parents (Hellerstedt et al, 2008); they had middle to high incomes and at least college education. All Analysis of the participants live in either New York or New Jersey. Three of the families adopted from China, Case analysis was used initially, and then cross- 4 adopted from Korea, and 1 adopted from Guate- case analysis was conducted to develop themes. mala. Two families have one child, five families Various themes were identified through basic cod- have two children, and one family has three chil- ing, and then axial coding was used to group these dren. The ages of the children at the time of the codes into more cohesive concepts. All of the par- interview ranged from 2 to 28. The parents’ ages ticipants were given pseudonyms to protect their (those interviewed and not) ranged from 32 to 60, confidentiality. with the oldest interviewee aged 57.

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Results other people now. Our experience was good, I wouldn’t say great. Parents Support from family and friends had a mixed The questions asked to participants for this response, but generally was also a positive as- study were mainly about the process and events of pect of the adoption process for these parents. the adoption, with focus on perceptions. The Friends were almost universally supportive. themes that developed from these interviews relate both directly and indirectly to the actual process. My particular friends had all had fertility strug- The main topics to be explored are: Overall Expe- gles and they privately might have had other rience, Parental Concerns, Factors in the Decision feelings about it but to us they were very sup- Making Process, Relating to Traditional Families, portive. and Parent Versus Child Attitudes. For these pur- poses, “traditional” refers to families with biologi- Everybody was very excited for us. One of our cal children. friends decided to go through [our agency] too. Everyone was real happy for us. Overall experience. The parents in this study expressed an overall positive experience. There are The respondents mostly stated positive feed- many facets to this experience, however. With back from their families. In one family there was regards to the agency, all except one expressed a sister in law who was adopted and she was very being very happy with the experience, and that one happy that the family was adopting. The inter- person still expressed satisfaction, just at a lower viewee discussed at length how much it meant to level. One individual who had adopted her children her sister in law that they were doing this, and twenty years ago from Korea had a very positive shared that the sister in law enlarged the first pic- experience with her agency. Recently she was in ture they received of the child (months before the Korea and offered to bring babies back to the U.S. child came home) from a 3x5 to a full page and for the agency1, as all children are escorted to the immediately placed it on her kitchen cabinet so U.S. rather than having the parents travel to the everyone who walked into the house would see it. country. She was excited about doing this and had However, not all the families were so happy, so a wonderful experience while in Korea, meeting families had mixed levels of support for this the director of the agency on that end and viewing group of respondents. the facilities. She also said that it was emotional giving the child to the adoptive parents when she My husband’s parents and my parents never got back because it brought up all the emotions really questioned us. They never said they did- from when she picked up her children. Other par- n’t think it was a good idea. They never really ents’ responses were varied. jumped up and down for joy, but they went along with it. My mother, for sure, just wanted We had a great experience dealing with the us to be happy. agency.2 If it bothered them [that they were a different I have a hard time recommending the agency to race], it was never said.

1For this agency, people adopting from Korea do not travel to the country to pick up the child. The chil- dren are escorted by a chaperone on a plane to the airport where the adoptive parents receive the child. 2All quotations are taken directly from interview transcripts and therefore include some awkward phrases due to the conversational nature of the interviews.

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My father in law never really accepted our kids. With us we had a great experience…Everyone He never made them feel accepted so we just should do it. I think it’s so amazing. There’s not stayed away from him. one negative thing.

Everyone came the day he arrived, cousins and I have a really positive feeling about it because I family, from all over. have a family and two wonderful daughters.

My father would have preferred domestic adop- Parental concerns. One of the questions asked tion. Everything changed when [he] saw the in the interviews was regarding any concerns or kids. fears that the parents had before adopting the child. Some of the respondents answered this by stating Many of the parents also expressed the im- that they didn’t have fears or concerns, although portance of support groups and other adoptive par- some of the concerns came out in different areas of ents. A couple of respondents also noted that they the interview. One area of concern was about wished for more help or better services with re- where the money was going, particularly for the gards to dealing with certain adoption-related is- people who adopted from China. These parents sues. Many noted that they read a lot of books cited concern over having to carry large sums of along the way to help them prepare for the child cash in unmarked bills. and deal with issues after the child had come home. [When I picked up the child] there was literally a guy sitting at a desk in a dark, smoky room with [When offering advice to a potential adoptive piles of cash around him. It looked shady. parent] Look for support groups through the agency and the internet and attend meetings. I wasn’t afraid of having a child or anything like Most importantly talk to other people to get their that. My fears were more while we were in Chi- experiences. na because we traveled to unfamiliar places and often had to carry large sums of cash, six or sev- There should be more support at the beginning en thousand dollars. about what it would be like and where to get help along the way. [There] needs to be more For parent who adopted from Korea, some con- counselors just focused on adoption. cerns were also related to money:

Amazing how supportive other adoptive parents You’re so excited and so happy when they are…these people would send gifts. They under- come, but with [our third child] we started think- stand better. ing about where the money was going. Like they ask you to pay for the chaperone, but we saw the When reflecting on the experience as a whole, last time that not every child had a personal the responses were overwhelmingly positive. chaperone. Somebody’s making money…The Many of the respondents stated before or during adoption agencies make money off of this, and the interviews how excited they were to talk about that’s a sad thing. It makes the kids feel bad be- their experiences because it was “such a big part” cause it’s like there’s a price on them. of their lives or because it is their “favorite topic.” Another parent from Korea gave advice to make There’s a lot of anxiety but it’s the best decision sure “you know where the money is going” if of your life. you’re considering international adoption. On a similar thread, a couple of parents ex- It was the best thing I ever did in my life. pressed concern about the genuineness of the sto- ries about the children’s background. In particular,

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one respondent said that when she adopted her Factors in the Decision Making Process. The girls 20 years ago, they were told that the birth decision to adopt internationally often came from parents were not married, and that the father a combination of factors. All of the respondents could have adopted them but was too poor so the except for the single mother had fertility prob- mother gave them up. When the girls were 18, the lems, and the single mother had endometriosis agency contacted them to say the birth father was and was unsure of her ability to conceive. Not all looking for them, and the true story came out that the mothers went through in vitro, but some stat- the parents were married but did not want any ed that it was a painful and humiliating process. more girls so they gave them up. The mother re- While this aspect was a direct motivator for adop- laying this story believes that the agency tells tion, there was often another component of the everyone variations of the same story, though she parents not feeling strongly about having biologi- thinks they have the children’s best interest at cal children. heart. For some parents there were concerns about We made the decision we wanted to have a parenting. Many of them read books before family so we went through the normal [route adopting and understood the concerns about at- and] tried to have kids on our own and then the tachment and identity issues among adopted chil- fertility process. We had always in our minds dren. had the view if the fertility process didn’t work, we were going to pull the trigger and go the There was a certain degree of she’s 14 months adoption route. old, so she’s not an infant right out of the womb. We were trying to troubleshoot in our I never felt like I had to have my genes repro- minds. duced.

I didn’t really have any fears. But I used to say I felt that if it were meant to be it would hap- to [my husband], “what if she doesn’t like me?” pen, otherwise there were other means to have Up until my son decided to go to Korea, I…did children. have a fleeting thought of what if he goes there and doesn’t want to come back. But he set me It wasn’t that important to [my husband] to straight, I would always be his mother. have his own biological child. He was happy to have a child. Another concern was about people’s reactions, For many the decision to adopt internationally like one mother who had concerns about her Ko- versus domestically had to do with the risk of the rean girls growing up in a very white town, look- child being taken back by the mother, or the con- ing different from her parents. Another talked cern over trying to find the birth parents eventual- about her concern about the effects of comments ly. made by strangers “out of ignorance,” for exam- ple asking the young children if they “are really Our main reason [for adopting internationally] brother and sister.” For other parents, however, was the children were already there; the babies the greatest fear was that they would lose the were waiting. With domestic you make a con- child somehow, whether the mother would take tract and we didn’t like that idea because it the child back or the agency or government would sounded almost like black market. You can put halt the adoption. a lot of money in and not even get the baby.

We didn’t know how long it was going to hap- I really didn’t want to adopt out of the U.S. pen, always concerned that it will be shut down foster system because we had already been on either end during the process. through some heartache with the fertility strug- gle. I didn’t want to have somebody take their

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child back. related the adoption to pregnancy or birth.

The strongest pre-adoption attitude was an af- My labor was driving to the airport.3 finity for certain countries or sympathy for the children’s plight. Some had started considering [When discussing fears] It’s a lot like being adoption years before, or even when they were pregnant. You want the child to be healthy. children themselves. You imagine this beautiful, perfect child, but you wonder. But you don’t know until you see I had always thought about [adopting] from the the baby. time I was little. Before I was 12, I always thought about children who had special needs or [When she told her parents she was adopting] physical handicaps. I thought I could help them. Everyone was so excited about it. It was like I was pregnant. This had nothing to do with it at the time, but I went to nursing school and my baby brother [When she picked up her child] They put him passed away. I left school and picked up a job in my arms and I was hysterical. My husband where lots of the children were oriental and I was so excited and passed him around. It was loved them. kind of like a birth.

The reason we picked China was they had a Another connection to a traditional family was more compelling story, the lost girls of China. the use of the term “normal” and other comments that associated troubles as being typical of any I had, myself, heard the stories of the Chinese family. One mother talked about how her family girls which spoke to me, and thought, “I’m go- is like any other family, but that some people who ing to do that, I’m going to adopt a child.” If I’m have not adopted do not seem to understand that not actually lucky enough to drop one. [My hus- her family, though not typical in the traditional band] and I, while we were dating, he was also sense, is still a family and she loves her kids “like aware of the stories of the Chinese girls. We they were [her] own.” She recognized that adop- were kind of on the same page with that. Even if tion is “not for everyone” and that some people we were able to have a biological child, we would “rather not have a family than have chil- wanted to adopt. dren that aren’t their own.” Other parents brought up the matter of being “typical” as well. Do I have a soft place in my heart for Asians? Yes I do! I knew someone years before and [Talking about health problems of the child] thought I wanted an Asian baby. My son told me She’s normal, everyone has issues. I’m an honorary Asian. They’re great kids, very typical 2 and 5 year Relating to traditional families. Many of the olds, sharing issues. They go through the same parents related their experiences to that of a tradi- baby stages as anyone, other than bonding in tional family by describing certain events in rela- the beginning and the adjustment to a new tion to other families. Several of the respondents place.

3For the individuals in this study who adopted from Korea, the agency they used had the children escorted to the United States by a chaperone from the Korean orphanage. The adoptive parents would pick up the children from the airport.

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We’ve had the same problems that every other what her mother looked like. I told her to look in family does: sibling rivalry, rebellious teenager. the mirror. [My son] never asked any questions. Some people can’t understand that. He turned out to be the one, though he denies it, that has the inquisitiveness [about his back- I know that there’s going to be tough years ground]. ahead…but you know all teenage girls have difficult years! My daughter doesn’t care, doesn’t see herself as anything but Jennifer. She’s American as apple Parent versus child attitudes. One final indig- pie. Whereas my son has gotten more in touch enous concept that emerged from the data was the with being Korean, it doesn’t really affect [her] differences between adoptive parents who had in any way. People ask her where she’s from and older children (ages 20-28). Three of the families she says New Jersey…I don’t think she sees have adult children, and a common thread regard- herself as Asian. ing attitudes towards the birth country and birth family was a greater interest on the part of the The last two quotes were from a mother who parents. All three of these parents described them- went on to explain that although her son had cho- selves as supporting birth country heritage but sen to study for a semester in Korea, he has never reported their children as having little or no inter- outwardly expressed an interest in Korean culture est in the birth country or birth family. One moth- or his heritage. er with twin girls stated that her girls declined to meet their birth father after he attempted to con- Adult Adoptees tact them. She also reported that her daughters never articulated an interest in their heritage. She Five themes emerged from the adult adoptee made up folders with all of their adoption infor- interviews: I am special, Happy stories told, Adop- mation and had put them in their rooms at a young tive parents’ respectful attitudes towards birth par- age, but she is not sure whether her daughters ever ents, Open communication about adoption, and looked at them, and they have never approached Who I look like. her about it. The other parents of the adult chil- dren repeated the idea of a difference in birth I am special. Three female participants men- country interest. The first two quotes are from one tioned that they felt they were special when they mother, and the second two from another mother. were young, when I asked about personal meaning They are separated because they came up at differ- of being adopted. Those feelings of something ent points during the interview. special were salient in these two narratives:

It’s up to them if they want to try and find their OK, I thought it was something neat, you know, parents. There’s a camp for Korean adoptees… the kid, I go, “I’m adopted, I’m adopted…by…. they never wanted to go. [My son] never wanted I’m adopted.” Something special. It was a posi- to be associated with being adopted…I wanted tive thing. It wasn’t something sad or shameful. to keep that up but they weren’t interested. It was very positive. It wasn’t a secret. Every- None of [my children] are attracted to Korean body, everybody knew I was adopted. And, my people. I don’t think any of them will marry a parents, I fit right in with them. I look enough Korean. like them. No one would look at us and wonder. You know, so, but, they were very open with me It’s like they’re in denial. They just don’t want and supportive about that. So, that’s one area to know about that sort of thing. that they did very good job. So, there was a kid we went to school with, he wouldn’t believe that I have more interest in meeting their mothers I was really adopted. He thought I was just say- than they do. …As a child she wanted to know ing it to get attention. [Laugh.]

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I knew I was very special, um, my brothers ‘cause I have two birthdays. I was born in Octo- even used to get jealous, you know, ‘cause I ber, but I wasn’t adopted until December. So, have two birthdays, and... I was a daddy’s girl, my birthday to my parents is really December. you know, you are a girl and you got two boys. That’s my birthday to them. They tell me the And, so, I always got what I wanted. I remem- story, you know about. Picked me up in Tren- ber, […]. There is just different connection. My ton, and you know so. It’s, uh, heard over and mother and father love my brothers, you know, over. but they are. You know, they worked harder to adopt me. […]. What just adoption is really you Adoptive parents’ respectful attitude to- are wanted so much, you know. wards birth parents. This narrative was provided when one respondent reminisced her childhood Happy stories told. Participants who dis- feeling of something special, which may imply cussed feeling special also reported happy stories that her feeling of special was somehow related to told by family members. They provided happy their adoptive parents’ respectful attitude towards stories as a part of the best memory of their child- her birth mother. Another participant also men- hood in addition to the memories that could be tioned the “respect [for] the former situation,” expected from non-adopted persons, such as play- which may implicitly convey to the adopted child ing a lot with their friends, going to vacations, and that adoptive parents are respectful to the birth traveling. parents as well as to the child.

My grandmother told me. It was a very funny So, let’s say, they also were very respectful that conversation with her actually because it was there was a woman out there who went though just talking, and she started talking about how something very hard to give them a baby. They my mother was before she got me. And, she always talked about my birth mother in a posi- kind of forgot I was standing there, and just tive way, and um, encouraged me to look for her started talking, and said, “Thank God. She got when I was ready. There was no like, they were that baby…Thank God. She got that baby. She afraid of what I would find. To me, I was too. was so bitter. She would see people with 5-6 Because you don’t know what you will see, you children, who were mistreating them, and know, a person who looks out person what kind would be like, ah, “Why can’t I get one?” You of person they would be. But, they were always know, very hard. So when my mom got me, very positive and thankful to her. And, I think she was like so over the moon then. When I that helped me a lot, too. If they treat that person grew up, hearing the happy stories. Hearing as like a piece of garbage or something, it makes now, when she got the call, she couldn’t even the kid feel bad. You know. But, it was never work anymore, couldn’t type. She threw her like that. pocketbook in the garbage can by mistakes, instead of her coffee cup. It was so like,her co- The most important thing, I think, is that the worker said, “You’d better call John. She said, parents are aware of and respects the former “John, who?” “John, your husband!” They situation for their new child. picked me up two days later. Got the call, pick me up in a hurry. I always heard those happy When I was young, we were talking about [my stories. birth mother]. My mother, my adoptive mother would just say, “You know, she was young, she I have two [younger] brothers, they were bio- wasn’t married.” Even as a child, you know, like logical to my parents, and I am the only one a, given that answer, the child, you understand, adopted. My mother had a couple miscarriages oh that’s sad. [Lily gets emotional.] before, so they are, she called me her good luck charm. [Laugh]. […] They love tell the story

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Open communication about adoption. All it with my father. But, my mother what I would participants put an emphasis on open and honest say, she didn’t appreciate me asking my ques- communication about adoption in explaining what tions. You know that she was hurt. But, when I made them feel natural about the adoption, in an- started questions at teens, she always would say, swering the question of what they think is the most “You know, someday if you want to find her, important in developing secure adoptive parent- we’ll help you”. But, me, um, but, you know her adopted child relationships, or in providing advice voice. You could tell she didn’t want me to…So to adoptive parents. hard. You know it was just what I heard. Maybe she knew it did mean it, and I feel uncomforta- It’s hard to say why just I and my sister feel so ble. natural about being adopted, and other children don’t. I think that one factor could be that my When I was 5 years old, a friend Brian told me, parents have always been so open about it and “You are adopted.” And I told “Brian said that I always answered our questions if we had any. am adopted” to mom, and she gave a chosen baby story, how I was chosen […]. And, we When defining adoption as having “a layer of never talked about it. […]. It was a taboo to talk just different dynamic” in parent-child relation- about it because it is about infertility. When I ships, Tony provided the following advice to was in high school, my grade went lower. We adoptive parents: went to a psychologist, and it was said that it was related to adoption. But, that’s it. I felt dis- Validate child’s feeling, respectful to the child’s respectfed because they didn’t allow my feelings thought, speak honestly, openly, and provide and thoughts. […]. I felt as if I weren’t im- age-appropriate answers. If not, it cuts credibil- portant, I didn’t count, [which] caused me to ity to their parents after. Keep words going: One feel resentment towards my mother and I can -sided means somebody is devalued, and on the remember being unable to respond to my mother other hand somebody over-dominates. Thought when she told me she loved me. […]. In 1945, is validated though two-way conversation and adoptive mother, she was raised to keep feelings relationships. Adoption is a layer of just differ- inside. ent dynamic. If child is dominated and not re- spected they will not have low self-esteem lead- Who I am like? There were two layers of the ing to a strained relationship that will be under- meaning of who I am like: (a) physical similarities, mined. In hindsight I wish my parents had lis- and (b) psychologically or culturally inherited sim- tened to me even asking questions about how I ilarities. Most participants had questions of physi- felt about things. This shouldn’t be limited to cal similarity first in their early childhood, and adoption issues but life in general. then some of them moved to search for psycholog- ically or culturally inherited similarities and some However, only half of respondents experienced did not. With respect to physical similarity, most open communication about the adoption with their participants reminisced that they had had some adoptive parents. The other half felt that their par- questions regarding who they look like at some ents did not want to talk about it, or their adoptive point of their childhood. Their episodes of ques- parents had a certain parenting style. The follow- tioning about physical differences were reminisced ing provides a window to look at how the children when they answered to the question, “when was felt and reacted to not being respected to their in- the first time conversing about the adoption with quiries: your adoptive parents?”

They followed advice of the times. So, you About 6-7 years old, I asked to mom,” Why know it was never a secret. But, there, my moth- don’t I look like you?” She just told me that she er, um, I don’t know, I never feel like dismissed was not my birth mother and explained what

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Professional Development: The International Journal of Continuing Social Work Education

being adopted means. I don’t remember feeling There was a period I was really confused, and anything special about it. I think I just said “ok uh not comfortable. There was something mom” and I went out to play with my friends. wrong, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. That was maybe with teen years, maybe with As they got older, some participants’ memories 13, none up. That’s one real conflict occurred. of childhood showed that they moved to search for Early one, it was very care-free. And, but, as I another layer of similarities (i.e., psychologically got older, the questions started to build in my or culturally inherited similarities) and some mind. […]. I guess it was just consumed by searched both layers of similarities. One partici- wondering what I was, where I came, why I pant’s childhood memory and her ongoing effort to become available for adoption. […]. Finding overcome one of her adoption issues, searching her my family of origin is not replacement of mom similarities to somebody, were shown by the fol- and dad that raised me, it’s a, a finding out who lowing: I am, what was my heritage. I was raised with a business man, uh, had a household, and it turns When I was a teenager, I wondered [if] anybody out I’m a farmer’s boy. My [birth] mother was looked like me. You grow up and you don’t look raised on the farm. So, and then, not have that like anybody. And, then, I have three children. cultural heritage. They don’t look like me, either. They don’t look like somebody. One looks like my husband. The Discussion other two, you just don’t know. So. It is ok, be- sides medical. The results of this study were organized by the themes that emerged from the two separate sets of And then she answered the following when I interviews. For the purposes of discussion, these asked how she overcame the challenges experi- themes are discussed in terms of risk and protec- enced in her childhood: tive factors for adoptees. Understood from both the adoptee and paren- I don’t know. I’m doing to overcome now as an tal side, open communication appears to be an adult. […]. I’ve been reunited with both of my important factor in the adoptee’s psychological biologicals. I finally see who I look like and find well being. Generally, the relationship between medical history. […]. Three on my mother side, the adoptee and the adoptive parents appears to be and two on my father side. And, uh, my two critical, emphasizing the importance of the par- brothers on my father side are male version of ents’ attitudes toward adoption and the adopted me. Just meet, I’ve never met anybody who is child. Parents need to be open about the adoption like me before. Like, they don’t look like me, and respectful of the child’s developing compre- but, um, you know, we learned we don’t like the hension of what it means to be adopted. A related beach. None of us like the beach. Uh, you know, issue from the parental side is many of the parents just a lot. We have a common sense of humor, in the study saw themselves as very normal and …just connected. not different from traditional families. These fam- ilies did not focus on pathology in any way, and The following excerpt was derived from a par- instead were inclined to attribute problems to ticipant’s reminiscing of his childhood, answering normal development rather than adoption. Gener- to the question about the difficulties in the child- ally the parents seemed to think that all families hood. While the narratives above were rather im- have issues, and the issues in their own adoptive plicit, his narratives explicitly articulated his families were not worse, but just different from search of psychologically or culturally inherited those of traditional families. similarities: Additionally, pre-adoptive factors may also play a role in the adoptee’s success. Parents in this study typically had a desire to adopt prior to

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Adoption

taking action, whether or not they encountered the adult adoptees were both internationally and fertility problems. Many also had concerns for domestically adopted. children who needed homes, and the concern con- tinued through the adoption process through appre- Conclusions hension that children might be exploited through the financial side of adoption. This study contributes to our understanding of The issue of support is also important. Many of risk and protective factors contributing to the the parents reported that support was crucial, iden- adoption adjustment and to the psychological well tifying specific friends and family members who -being of adopted children. While the sample either supported them or did not. A few expressed could be seen as a limitation of the study, the distress over people who were outwardly unsup- sample could very well be providing a much portive of the adoption. Many, when asked for needed subgroup of successful adoption stories. advice for future adoptive parents, answered that From this subgroup, social workers and profes- talking to other adoptive parents and counselors sionals can gain understanding of how to promote was necessary. They also cited specific books as long-term success in adoptions. The salient resources. themes of this study suggest that certain factors The theme regarding ‘Who I look like’ could be will promote positive outcomes in adoption. Open considered a risk factor as it can be a source of communication between parents and the adoptee stress for both the child and parents. However, is critical. This needs to begin at an early age and given the presence of other protective factors, the continue throughout the child’s development. Pre- negative impact of this factor could be reduced. adoptive attitudes are important to consider, be- This theme could be related to the loss of biologi- cause they can provide insight into how the par- cal families, which may lead the adopted children ents might struggle or adjust to adoption. A posi- to experience heightened distress and develop low- tive attitude toward adoption (not seen as a last er coping abilities. On the other hand, if the protec- resort) and toward helping children may be a pro- tive factors function well, the stress of loss would tective factor. Support is another critical area. be reduced and further lead the adopted children to Parental support toward the adoptee is important be able to appreciate the fact that they have two in fostering self esteem in the adoptee. Parents families without being distressed. also need support from other adults to help with this unique transition in their lives. By focusing Limitations on these protective factors, professionals can help promote successful adoption. An important limitation of this study is the sam- More research is needed to explore the results ple. With only eight adult adoptees and nine par- of this study beyond this small sample. The most ents, the themes in this paper are not necessarily important result of this study is that for some, representative of the wider adoptive experiences. adoption is not a negative part of life and can be a In addition, the respondents expressed great eager- quite positive thing for both adoptive parents and ness about participating, indicating that this might children. Future research on adoption should fo- be a sub-sample of people who had a particularly cus on the positive and successful aspects of positive experience. Also the respondents were adoption in order to inform future efforts, rather predominantly female, and future research should than focusing on pathology and problematic be sure to emphasize the father’s voice in addition adoptions, which so often get the attention. Adop- to the mother’s. Finally, the parents and adult tion will continue to be a part of life for the fore- adoptees were not from the same families. Future seeable future, and every effort must be made to research should attempt to triangulate interviews protect the well-being of all parties involved. with parents and adoptees from within the same family unit. Furthermore, the parents in the study all went through international adoption, whereas

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