North Pole Exposure – Scene 1 – Kids & Citizens
NORTH POLE EXPOSURE – SCENE 1 – KIDS & CITIZENS
(The citizens of the North Pole freeze in their final positions at the end of the song.)
(A group of young people walk onto the stage. They are wearing winter traveling clothes and carrying suitcases, etc. They are awestruck and excited to be in this magical place.)
KID 1: Wow! I can’t believe we finally made it to the North Pole!
KID 2: I can’t believe it really exists!
(The citizens of the North Pole giggle and try to hold their pose.)
KID 3: What was that?
KID 4: What was what?
(more giggling)
KID 3: That?!
(Kid 5 is over taking a very close look at one of the stationary elves to see if it is real.)
KID 5: Hey, guys! Look at this!
(He touches the elf.)
ELF 1: Boo!
Kid 5 and all others: AHHHHHH!
(All of the citizens of the North Pole start laughing and break their poses. They talk to each other, slap each other on the back and cause a general hubbub. Santa moves over to one side of the stage.)
KID 6: Are they real?
ELF 2: Are WE real? (sarcastically) Well, I don’t know? Are we real? What do you think, everybody? Are we real?
(citizens all laugh again)
MRS. CLAUS: (walking up to the kids to reassure them) Oh, now, be nice, everyone. After all, they are our guests, and it isn’t very often that we have guests way up here in the North Pole!
KID 7: Wow! It’s Mrs. Claus!
ELF 3: Well, she ain’t Martha Stewart!
(All of the citizens think this is very funny and laugh uproariously!)
MRS. CLAUS: (very sweetly) Yes, I am Mrs. Claus, and welcome to the North Pole!
ALL CITIZENS: “Yes welcome!”…”We’re glad you’re here!”
ELF 4: What’d ya bring us?
MRS. CLAUS: Now, don’t be rude, everybody. I’m sure they’ll tell us why they’re here when they feel ready to do so. (Everybody looks at the kids and waits…no one says anything.)
MRS. CLAUS: (repeating herself, emphasizing the words even more.) I’m sure they’ll tell us why they’re here when they feel ready to do so.
(all wait again, no one says anything) ALL CITIZENS: (together) WHY ARE YOU HERE?!
KID 8: Oh, I’m so sorry, but to meet you all has left us speechless!
KID 9: Yes! You see, we came here on kind of a freezing field trip.
KID 10: We want to get a firsthand look at the land where reindeer are supposed to fly…
KID 3: … where elves build toys, and…and…
MRS. CLAUS: Yes? What is it?
KID 3: and…and…
CITIZENS: (together) What is it?
KID 4: (blurting it out) We want to meet the one and only Santa Claus because we don’t believe he could really be as wonderful as everybody says he is!
(All of the citizens gasp in horror. After a momentary pause where the citizens are left speechless, Santa delivers his line from his spot at the side of the stage.)
SANTA: Ho! Ho! Ho! Well I thought you’d never ask!
(Santa walks over to the kids, shakes hands and hugs the speakers.)
SANTA: Welcome, boys and girls to the North Pole! Isn’t it just the best place you’ve ever been?
ALL KIDS: Wow! It’s Santa!
KID 5: It sure does seem magical, Santa! But I have a few questions about how things really work around here?
KID 6: Me too, Santa! I mean, come on, reindeer that fly…and little elves that make toys? You’ve got some real explaining to do if you ask me.
ALL KIDS: (ad libs all at once) “Yeah, what about those elves?” “Who really makes those toys?” “What’s with this Rudolph character?”
SANTA: (looking at his pocket watch) Ho! ho! hold on a minute, kids! I’d be glad to answer all of your questions and show you all around my wonderful home! I think you’ll see that all of what you heard is absolutely true! But, we’ll have to make it pretty quick. I’ve got lots of work to do and it’s almost time for me to leave on my ‘round the world trip!
(Suddenly the kids produce microphones and the scene turns into a mini news conference with all of them shoving their microphones toward Santa.)
KID 1: (like a news reporter) Hold on a minute, Mr. Claus. Let’s start with those famous reindeer.
SANTA: Great! Aren’t they just amazing?
KID 2: Great? Maybe…but who exactly are these guys who only really work one night a year? What do they do the rest of the time?
KID 3: Yeah! What kind of back room deal did they make to get that kind of gig? One night a year! What do they do the rest of the time, Santa?
SANTA: Oh ho ho! Good question! (He considers it as though he wonders himself, then snaps out of it as though he remembers) I mean, good question! I can assure you that there are no back room deals where the reindeer are concerned, no secret alliances, if you get my drift. It’s the real thing. See for yourself. Watch this…
(Santa cranks a siren, rings a bell or blows a whistle and the music starts for the reindeer entrance.)
NORTH POLE EXPOSURE – SCENE 2 – REINDEER SCENE (During the “Reindeer Play-On Music,” the reindeer come from all directions like the Keystone Kops. It’s chaos as they are getting their antlers on, noses in place, maybe even boots and coats like a volunteer fire department. Eventually they fall in line like a military troupe for Rudolph’s inspection. Rudolph is in charge and things are not going well. During the commotion, all of the other citizens exit and the kids move to one side of the stage to watch.)
RUDOLPH: That just isn’t good enough, fellas! We’ve got to do better! Dasher, front and center! (Dasher runs forward. He is still wearing an apron and a hat from his job as a pizza delivery person.)
DASHER: Take your order, sir? I mean sir, yes, sir! We’ve got to do better.
RUDOLPH: Dasher, I know you work the rest of the year as the speediest pizza delivery deer in the North Pole, but your job as a member of Santa’s elite team of reindeer has to take first priority.
DASHER: But sir! I…I…I…
RUDOLPH: (in a warning tone) Dasher?
DASHER: (unhappily as he gets back in line) Yes sir, we’ve got to do better.
RUDOLPH: Prancer! (Prancer does a funny ballet-like dance move to step forward from the line.)
PRANCER: Yes, Mr. Rudolph! I’m ready for my close-up!
RUDOLPH: Prancer! I know that your job as a dance instructor at the Arthur Murray Studios is very important to you, and goodness knows, those snowmen do need some training…but your first duty has to be to Santa and I expect so much more out of you!
PRANCER: (very offended) Well! I never! Please remember, Rudolph, I am classically trained! (He gets back in line.)
RUDOLPH: (rolling his eyes) Whatever! Now listen up, all of you! I know this job is voluntary and it may seem ridiculous to train all year long for only one night a year. But, we must remember the importance of our absolute mission. Training is everything, so that when Santa finally rings that bell, signaling that it’s time for us to go, we never let him down. (all the reindeer agree)
RUDOLPH: Are we in agreement here?
ALL REINDEER: Sir! Yes sir!
RUDOLPH: I can’t heeeear you!
REINDEER: Sir! Yes sir!
SONG #2: The Four-Hooved, Flying, Red-Nosed Reindeer, Volunteer Delivery Corps!
SUNG: …We’re the four-hooved, flying, red-nosed reindeer, volunteer delivery corps.
DANCER: Oh man! You da reindeer!
BLITZEN: No, you da reindeer!
DANCER: No, you da reindeer!
RUDOLPH: (looking at his watch) Twenty eight seconds! That’s just not fast enough! We have to do better! (all looked disappointed) Cupid, quit spending so much time trying to match up Donner and Vixen…and Comet, I’m not even going to deal with you right now! Now, let’s try it again!
SUNG: …We’re the four-hooved, flying, red-nosed reindeer, volunteer delivery corps.
RUDOLPH: (again looking at his watch) Faster! Faster! It’s just not good enough! I know you can do it!!
ELF 5: Hey guys, you forgot the toys! NORTH POLE EXPOSURE – SCENE 3 – INTO I’M TIRED SCENE
(Ideally, this scene would take place in front of the curtain, so the Elf Scene can get set up.)
KID 11: (to Santa) Wow! Well, that was a pretty impressive herd. I can see why you are so proud of them.
SANTA: Well, they’ve got some work to do, but they’re coming along. Speaking of coming along, if you think those reindeer are impressive, wait ‘til you get a load of my team of elves. These folks are the hardest working citizens of the entire North Pole!
KID 12: Come on, Santa! Do you really expect us to believe that a bunch of elves are really responsible for all the toys that show up under the Christmas trees all over the world on December the 25th?
SANTA: You bet they do! These elves are the ones who really make me look good. I mean, talk about hard workers. These guys never slow down! Take a look in their workshop and see for yourself. I’d love to join you and see all the activity, but I have so much packing to do for my trip and only a few hours to go.
KID 13: Can we really watch the elves do their thing? We don’t want to get in the way.
SANTA: Go ahead. You’ve never seen such a bunch of focused and energetic workers in all your life.
SONG #3: I’m Tired
(The scene opens and all the elves are almost asleep, but are continuing to work like a manufacturing plant operation. They are working on toys who are really inanimate performers, wrapping presents, etc.)
LEAD ELF: Okay, everybody! Thirty-second break is up! Let’s get at it!
SMALL ELF: but…but…but…
LEAD ELF: Deadlines, people! Santa is counting on us!
SUNG: SAW, POUND, LIFT, HUH! WRAP, LICK, STAMP, AGAIN!
ELF 6: I’m exhausted from all of this toy making.
ELF 7: Me too! I’m pooped!
ELF 8: I’m too tired to tinsel!
ELF 9: The curl has completely gone out of my toes.
SUNG: …I just can’t take it no more.
ELF 10: Bone! I’ve worked my fingers to the bone!
ELF 11: I can’t take it!
ELF 12: Call 911!
ELF 13: Is he breathing?
SUNG: …I just can’t take it no more.
ELF 14: Four thousand more kaleidoscopes and a deluxe game of Who Wants To Be a Millionaire! No problem, Reege! I mean, Mr. Claus!
NORTH POLE EXPOSURE – SCENE 4 – TOY SCENE
(As the music starts, one of the toy soldiers or ragdolls comes alive and moves like a doll over to the Jack-in-the-Box and begins turning the crank. The Jack-in-the-Box does not come out at the appropriate time. All of the toys come alive.)
JACK: (from inside the box) I’m not coming out! Do you hear me? I’m not coming out! I don’t care if the sleigh is being loaded! I’ll just have to be a reject Jack-in-the-Box!
GIRL RAG DOLL: Relax, Jack! That was just a test run. You’ve still got some time to get it right and I know you will!
JACK: No thanks, Rag Doll! I’m staying right here where it’s safe!
GIRL RAG DOLL: No reason to be so nervous, Jack! I’m sure that Santa will find a perfect home for you.
BOY RAG DOLL: (he’s frightened) What about us, Girl Rag Doll? Do you think the rumors are true that they might split us up and send us to separate homes?
GIRL RAG DOLL: I don’t think so, Boy Rag Doll! No one would be that cruel.
SERGEANT: (talking to the toy soldiers) Okay, men! Time to start packing up! We’re being shipped out at twenty two hundred hours!
YOUNG SOLDIER: I’m scared, Sarge! I’m really scared!
ANOTHER YOUNG SOLDIER: Me too, Sarge! We don’t know if and when any of us will be coming back.
SERGEANT: Courage, men. You’re all well trained professionals and we have a job to do. So, we’ll do it!
TEDDY BEAR: But what about me, sir? I’ve heard there are kids out there that’ll rip your arms off and not give it a second thought!
GIRL FASHION DOLL: (ala Valley Girl) Yeah, like, and I’ve heard they’ll cut your hair off in a fit of fashion and then, like, drop you for the latest fad, leaving you bent at the bottom of, like, a closet!
(All toys ad lib…agreeing and showing their fear.)
SERGEANT: (The sergeant is a cross between a drill sergeant and a revival minister.) Wait a minute, everybody. Get a grip on yourselves! Who are we anyway?
TOYS: (all mumble) Well, we’re toys! Toys…that’s what we are.
SERGEANT: That’s right! We’re toys! Who was it they called on to save the day when the kid bumped his head?
TOYS: (tentatively) Toys!
SERGEANT: When that kid was in the hospital and didn’t think he had a friend in the world, who made him cheer up?
TOYS: Toys!
SERGEANT: Who makes ‘em smile when adults don’t have a clue?
TOYS: (more confidently each time) TOYS!
SERGEANT: Who has their own hit movie and a very successful sequel?
TOYS: (almost cheering) TOYS!
SERGEANT: Who are we?
TOYS: (with great enthusiasm) TOYS!
SERGEANT: Who does your mother want you to be?
TOYS: TOYS!
SERGEANT: Who will we always be?
JACK: (after he jumps out of the box) TOYS!
SERGEANT: Precisely!
SONG #4: We Are the Toys
NORTH POLE EXPOSURE – SCENE 5 – INTO ONE DAY A YEAR SCENE
KID 7: (from the side of the stage, watching Mrs. Claus as she closes the door after Santa) Hey! It looks like Mrs. Claus is just now seeing Santa out the door as he begins his once-a-year journey.
KID 8: Have you ever wondered what Mrs. Claus does on that one day of the year when Santa makes his historic journey around the world?
KID 9: Well, I never really thought about it, but, come to think of it, she does seem to spend every other day of the year assisting Santa in all of his preparations. It would be interesting to know how she spends that one day of the year when Santa is out of town.
KID 10: Let’s watch and see what happens.
(Onstage Mrs. Claus is closing the door as Santa leaves.)
MRS. CLAUS: (to Santa) Okay, dear! You have everything you need, I think. Have a nice trip, dear!
SANTA: (from offstage) On Dasher! On Prancer! On Donner and Blitzen!
MRS. CLAUS: (toward the audience, after a second look to make sure Santa has gone) Yes! Alone at last! Finally, my one day of the year that I can do anything that I want! Finally, twenty four hours that are all mine! Hit it, maestro!
SONG #6: One Day a Year
SUNG: …here is where the fun never ends.
CHARADES PERSON: I got it! I got it! Gone With the Wind!
BINGO PERSON: Under the B! 13!....BINGO
LIMBO PERSON: My body doesn’t move that way!
MRS. CLAUS: Okay, everybody! I have three movies we can watch in a row! Miracle on 34th Street, The Christmas Carol, and… THELMA AND LOUISE!!
SUNG: …fun won’t end at least for a day!
PIZZA ORDERER: Have you got all that?
PIZZA MAN: Let’s see, forty-seven pepperoni, and double the cheese!
PIZZA ORDERER: Perfect!
SNOWMAN 7: Mind if we come in? It’s freezing out here!
ELF 15: No problem! Today there’s room for everybody!
SUNG: …Here’s my big chance to dance! 5, 6, 7, 8!
POLICEMAN: (very official) Okay, everybody! What’s all the racket about? We got a report about…(suddenly very warm and friendly as he recognizes Mrs. Claus)…Oh, it’s Mrs. Claus!
MRS. CLAUS: Oh, so sorry, officer! But Santa is away on his yearly trip, so it’s my “one day a year” to do all the things I never get to do the rest of the time.
POLICEMAN: Why, of course, Mrs. Claus! I should have known!
MRS. CLAUS: Here, officer, have a donut.
MRS. CLAUS: But wait! If you’re here and…(looking at the reindeer) and they’re here…that must mean that…
SANTA: I’m back! NORTH POLE EXPOSURE – SCENE 6 – INTO I BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS SCENE
KID 1: Wow! And we thought all she did was make cookies!
KID 2: This North Pole sure is a crazy place!
KID 3: No kidding! Who would have ever imagined that it would be like this? Tired elves, snowmen who want to go to Hawaii, disorganized reindeer?
(Each of these groups of characters take some offense to these observations.)
MRS. CLAUS: (shyly) Mrs. Claus, a party girl?
KID 4: I don’t know what to believe anymore!
SANTA: (gives a hearty laugh) Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!!
KID 5: I’m not sure I can believe that Santa is the jolly old elf that we’ve always been told.
SANTA: (his laugh changing to real concern) Ho ho ho ho huh?
KID 6: Yeah, he probably just acts like that one day a year too, and the rest of the time, doesn’t even think about the rest of us!
MRS. CLAUS: (very upset with a lot of attitude) Now hold on a minute, sister! (recovering her sweet self) Oh, I mean, now, dear…I’ve known this jolly old soul for a very long time and I can assure you that he really is everything that you ever heard he was. There are no big secrets here. It’s really very simple. Santa Claus is one thing that you can always count on.
SONG #7: I Believe in Santa Claus
MRS. CLAUS (SUNG): He really is the way he seems, the way you see him in your dreams, when you go to sleep on Christmas Eve. He’s always warm. He’s always nice. That Christmas list, he checks it twice. And since you asked, that’s why I believe.
SUNG: …He fills the world with hope and love, and that’s why I believe.
SANTA: Well, boys and girls, the world is so confusing, I can understand why you’d have your doubts about a place as magical as the North Pole. And I can even see why you might not believe in me. But, all I can say is…
SANTA (SUNG): I’ve always tried to do my best, bringing toys and all the rest. As Christmas goes, I try to do my part. You may not get a glimpse of me, but as you smile at a Christmas tree. If you believe, then I’ll be in your heart.
SUNG: …Oh, I believe in Santa Claus.
SANTA: So from all of us around the North Pole to all of you around the world…though we may not be exactly what you always dreamed, we’ll always be here for you, wishing you the merriest Christmas of all! And remember, if you’re ever in the neighborhood…
ALL: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!