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“’s All in My Head.” The Top 300 Comedy Films

of All-Time (in my opinion) my (in

Esma relda Villa Lobos An Introduction Although the following is what I hope to be a comprehensive study guide on, in my opinion, the greatest comedy films of all time, if you happen to disagree with any of my critiques or choices throughout the course of reading this novel, please rest assured that this is by no means the last of these collections that I will assemble throughout my life and career. What started out as a list of ten became a list of twenty, twenty became fifty, fifty became one fifty, two hundred, two fifty and then finally three hundred. The pages are organized in descending order because what is the fun in giving away the best part fresh out the gate? I must admit that my final choices are altogether unsurprising, but frankly there is just no argument when it comes to the best of the best. I am certain your jaw will drop to the ground when you see some of the films that I have omitted (hint: you won’t find “Princess Bride” anywhere on this list) and I am also certain others will have you scratching your head and wondering “what?!” There are plenty of films on here that were bashed by “day-to-day” critics upon the time of their release, but since I am a “bigger picture” type of analyst, I find that these films, over time, show their worth and merit. If at any point in time you find yourself wondering, “how can I watch some of these films?” Well, if they aren’t available on , nine times out of ten you can rent them on for $2.99-$3.99 apiece. I believe in paying for films long after their opening box office weekend and I appreciate the business model of Vudu in such that I am giving money directly to a title instead of regularly paying membership to a platform filled with things I don’t watch. I don’t hate Netflix, but frankly, I want to give my money to without feeling like my dollars are going to a lot of the other drivel that comes out of that juggernaut of a subscription service. Either way, if you find the following controversial… cool. I’ll take controversy over boredom any day of the week. I sincerely hope that you enjoy. Xo, Esmarelda For mom & dad. 300.

300. Josie and the Pussycats (2001) Truthfully speaking, as far as my favorite movies go, this film should be much higher up on the list. The soundtrack is fantastic and stellar performances from Parker Posey and Allan Cumming sets this hokey teenage flick apart from the rest. Add to that the fact that this film gave us the fake boy band “DuJour” (, Seth Green, Donald Faison, and Alex Martin,) it all sets the stage for the perfect film to kickstart this list because personally I can’t resist the opportunity to showcase a fun pop punk fantasy centering around a plot to brainwash consumers through the power of technology. Check it out. Memorable Quote – “I want a Big Mac.” Rating – 3.5/5 Unicorns 299.

299. But I’m a Cheerleader (1999) Long before LGBTQ+ was a category on Netflix, there was Jamie Babbit’s colorful and hilarious tale of a straight cheerleader () who is sent to a rehabilitation camp when her family and all suspect that she is a lesbian due to her admiration of Georgia O’Keefe paintings. To date, this is my favorite on-screen RuPaul role (the second is also somewhere on this list), and the whole film is not only funny but an artistic marvel with undertones of a film. The cotton candy set design and vibrant colors add to an already fun and intriguing story that is supported by a dynamite cast of young and upcoming actors like Michelle Williams, Melanie Lynskey, and Clea DuVall. Cathy Moriarty as the evil camp director is a performance not to be missed. Memorable Quote – “But I’m a Cheerleader!” Rating – 3/5 Unicorns 298.

298. Men in Black (1997) “Men in Black” was the second highest grossing film released in 1997, and although it was considered somewhat of a technical marvel at the time for its creative visual effect's techniques, the real star here is the relationship between and . Fun supporting characters like Tony Shaloub’s “Jeebs” and ’s “Zed” add to the well-constructed and easy to follow plot sprinkled with memorable lines makes this one comedic sci-fi blockbuster that stands the test of time. If all of that weren’t enough, this film can be added to the “ Saves the World” narrative that was perpetuated throughout the late nineties in such a way that makes you think… whatever happened to her? Memorable Quote – “You know what the difference between you and me is? I make this look good.” Rating – 3/5 Unicorns 297.

297. Duplex (2003) Danny DeVito has only ever directed seven feature films, and four of them appear on this list. Just like “Death to Smoochy,” “Duplex” was a film that was universally panned by both critics and audiences upon it’s release. But having said that, I like “Duplex.” To me, it is a funny modern fairy-tale of a recently married couple who are trying to live out their happily-ever-after but are unable to due to the annoying hijinks of their aging upstairs neighbor. is sweet, Ben Stiller is funny, they are a good match together (makes you wonder why nobody ever paired them up again… they have good chemistry) and the movie as a whole is a highly enjoyable way to pass a few hours. Not only that, but if you throw and Maya Rudolph in the mix, there’s really nothing to complain about so I’m not too sure why so many turned their noses up at this one. If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend you give it a watch. Memorable Quote – “Bang. Bang. Bangity Bang. Baaaaaang.” Rating – 3/5 Unicorns 296.

296. The Freshman (1990) I’m going to keep this brief. does a parody of Don Corleone and must figure out how to transport a Komodo dragon. It’s written and directed by Andrew Bergman, who in my opinion is one of the most under-talked about comedic screenwriters of the mid-seventies through late nineties. He doesn’t have a ton of projects under his belt, but the ones that he does have are a total gem. Bruno Kirby is Bruno Kirby and that’s always good enough for me. Check out the big brains on Frank Whaley while you’re at it. Memorable Quote – “I’m gonna puke my guts out.” Rating – 2.5/5 Unicorns 295.

295. Election (1999) ’s Tracey Flick is perhaps one of the most subtle but terrifying femme fatales of the last millennium in this funny and twisted tale of school politics. Also starring Matthew Broderick (now as a teacher instead of a recent college grad), ’s ode to class elections and the bubbling of a mid-life crisis is both intriguing and entertaining with Chris Klein doing what Chris Klein does best – playing a dumb jock. Memorable Quote – “Looks like you could use a cupcake.” Rating – 3.5/5 Unicorns 294.

294. (1997) I have this theory that thinks he is so good at pleasing a woman that he can turn any gay woman straight. This is not only reinforced by things he says in the charming “Chasing Amy” but also reiterated later on in the not-as-bad- as-everyone-says “Gigli” in 2003. So, can someone find one of Ben Affleck’s ex-girlfriends and ask how good he is in the sack, because according to two separate movies he is supposedly dynamite. Bonus note – girls don’t normally do it for me, but most certainly does. Memorable Quote – “You’re dating a guy?!” Rating – 3/5 Unicorns 293.

293. Go (1999) I love a good ensemble cast. I’ll just rattle off a few names: , Taye Diggs, Katie Holmes, Sarah Polley, Scott Wolf, Timothy Olyphant, Breckin Meyer and William Fichtner all make up the elements of a fun story of a drug deal gone bad told from the point of view of three different parties. Oh, and a then-unknown Melissa McCarthy has a small part in it as well. File this one under “turn of the millennium teenage drug tales” that are quirky but fun to digest on a Sunday afternoon around 2pm. Directed by Doug Liman, one of my favorite non-auteur directors, the manic pace and colorful situations our many characters find themselves in will have you watching and wondering “wow… the late nineties were a little messed up.” Memorable Quote – “Are you Monty Hall?” Rating – 2.5/5 Unicorns 292.

292. Made (2001) “Made” is the directorial debut of future “Mandalorian” creator Jon Favreau. Puff Daddy is in it and other than that all you really need to know are the words “Cardiff Giant.” Can somebody please bring me some pizza? Memorable Quote – “Cardiff Giant.” Rating – 3/5 Unicorns 291.

291. Swingers (1995) So, when I first put “Go” at number 293, I had no idea it was directed by Doug Liman, but this is usually how things works so I’m not very surprised that I put it so close to “Swingers.” “Swingers” is also directed by Doug Liman, but I always think that it is directed by Jon Favreau. It’s not directed by Jon Favreau, it’s directed by Doug Liman, but the brain likes to trick you sometimes, so it’s all just to be expected. Best parts of “Swingers” – the New Beverly calendar tacked to Jon Favreau’s fridge, the “Reservoir Dogs” poster hanging in the apartment, Heather Graham’s dance moves, and finally the fact that repeatedly assures Favreau’s character that he is “money,” must be nice to have real friends. Update: as of 2020, Jon Favreau’s films have grossed an accumulated $5.150 billion dollars at the box office and, again, he created “The Mandalorian.” I much prefer watching him cook food – hey maybe he can bring me a pizza, although I kind of want it to be cold. I hear Robert Rodriguez is doing the second season of “The Mandalorian,” so, you know… that’s helpful… I guess. Memorable Quote – “Vegas, baby, Vegas!” Rating – 4/5 Unicorns 290.

290. Brewster’s Millions (1985) “Brewster’s Millions” stars , and is directed by Walter Hill, so I don’t think I need to sell you on it any more than that. But pretty much anytime you put Richard Pryor under pressure with a ticking clock in a movie, it is comedy gold. Watching his anxiety as he desperately attempts to figure out the solutions to his many problems is a delight and this is one of my favorite films to watch him do it in. Fun fact: this film is the sixth version of “Brewster’s Millions.” The original film was released in 1914 and was subsequently remade in 1921, 1935, 1945, and they even did a female reboot in 1926 called “Miss Brewster’s Millions” starring Bebe Daniels a full year before sound was even invented. Memorable Quote – “It’s like that old saying, ‘if bullshit were money, I’d be a millionaire – I’m a millionaire!” Rating – 3.5/5 Unicorns 289.

289. (1989) Some of my favorite years in film history are the years before the turn of a decade. 1989 is a slight exception, but one of the bright lights that year is the fun-filled “Uncle Buck” starring the shining light of all that is comedy John Candy in a original. There has to be a reason this guy’s last name was Candy, because seeing him on-screen is just always so sweet. My favorite thing about Uncle Buck the character is just how cool he is. Nothing really ruffles his feathers, and he is pretty much the epitome of going with the flow. As is to be expected, he bonds more with the younger children (rising stars Macauley Culkin and Gabby Hoffman) but not so much with the teenage girl (Jean Louisa Kelly) because, let’s face it, teenage girls suck. Is “Uncle Buck” the best of all John Hughes movies? No. But does it give you an indication as to how cool of a dude John Hughes was? Definitely. Memorable Quote – “Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face!” Rating – 3.5/5 Unicorns 288.

288. Dazed and Confused (1993) Alright, alright, alright. Let’s cut to the chase - this cast is incredible. That’s really the biggest indication of any good filmmaker - if twenty- seven years after your second film premieres, the majority of the young and unknowns that you hire all become well-recognized, in-demand, continually working and award-winning actors… you probably have an eye for talent and should never be questioned or given notes by any studio ever. You also should never have to trot yourself out for international distributors to look at you disapprovingly, but that’s just my opinion. ’s second outing produced some of today’s hottest stars including Ben Affleck, Matthew McConaughey, Parker Posey, Milla Jovovich and even Renee Zellweger (although admittedly, she’s just an extra). Either way, watching Parker Posey humiliate the freshman girls by smothering them with ketchup always makes me smile. Memorable Quote – “Say, man, you got a joint?” // “No, not on me, man.” // “It’d be a lot cooler if you did.” Rating – 4/5 Unicorns 287.

287. Hocus Pocus (1993) I purposefully avoided putting as few family or children’s films in here as much as possible, but I decided to throw “Hocus Pocus” in because I’ve already included quite a few Matthew Broderick flicks and I didn’t want him to get lonely. In other words, is my favorite part of this film. Memorable Quote – “Oh look. Another glorious morning. Makes me sick!” Rating – 2.5/5 Unicorns 286.

286. The Slums of Beverly Hills (1998) It’s been awhile since I’ve seen this film, but I still have such a fondness for it. I’m pretty sure I can file this under the “caught it on HBO late at night a few years after it came out” file, and since that first viewing, I have always been an admirer of this film. I should watch it again soon because I vaguely remember there being a scene that was very titular and naughty which probably made thirteen year old me keep checking over my shoulder to make sure my parents didn’t figure out that I had cracked the code on the parental controls. But either way, like “Dazed and Confused,” it’s a great cast. This is the second Natasha Lyonne picture on the list, but frankly everyone in this film holds their own weight. is perfect, adds a nice touch, but David Krumholtz singing in his underwear is really all I ever need in life to be happy, so if you get a chance to check this one out, I highly recommend it. Bonus note: it is written and directed by Tamara Jenkins, so if you want to file this under “badass comedies made by a female director,” by all means let’s talk more about that, you know? Memorable Quote – “Are you staring at my breasts?” // “No!” // “Well look at them!” Rating – 4/5 Unicorns 285. – PART ONE

285. Mrs. Doubtfire (1993) Full disclosure – when I first set out to make this list, I was going to stop at about fifty movies, but next thing I know we are at three hundred and wow is this going to be fun. I purposefully tried everything I could to keep “Mrs. Doubtfire” off of the list, but I in good conscience couldn’t leaver her out of the party. There are so many other movies that I love more than this one, and it’s not to say that I don’t like “Mrs. Doubtfire” – I love “Mrs. Doubtfire,” who doesn’t? – but it is to say that so many people love “Mrs. Doubtfire” that now I just find it kind of lame. Same reason why you won’t find “The Princess Bride” on this list, it has all just become too commercialized. I’m going to kind of go on a tangent right now, so bear with me, and I know it is semi-partially my fault as well, but the last few movies of Robin Williams’ career were pretty much all shit and I’m pointing at all of you for letting him down…. (continued on next page) 285. – PART TWO

285. Mrs. Doubtfire (1993) (Cont’d) His last great role was Teddy Roosevelt in “Night at the Museum,” but the first one of that franchise came out in 2006 and for the next eight years before his death he was only handed a bunch of peddling half-written schlock and you all should be ashamed of yourselves. This is a man who on- screen was a literal on Earth and for about the last ten years of his life, was handed nothing but hacky, trendy, over- commercialized or under-promoted continual tales of the modern world meant to do nothing more than perpetuate the savior-laced egos of the average present-day male filmmaker in a foolish attempt to make movie stars out of people who are clearly TV actors. There was nothing imaginative, no character of whimsy, nothing that was either colorful or even challenging for a man of those talents to perform. And while I will accept responsibility for being slow to enter the race, let’s be honest, most of you were too busy checking your follower count and finding hot babes to take to premieres than you were thinking of original creative stories and characters to hand to one of the greatest comedic actors of all-time. (continued on next page) 285. – PART THREE

285. Mrs. Doubtfire (1993) (Cont’d) Because if it takes you nine years between your last thing and your next thing to come up with something new and original, maybe this all just isn’t for you and why don’t you put yourself to better use as a firefighter or a social worker somewhere else, you know? Especially if there aren’t a lot of female filmmakers on your agent’s client roster and maybe we can clear the way to make some love connections, but yeah… gotta look nice at those UCLA alumi dinners, don’t we? Twice he played a priest… twice. Either way, “Mrs. Doubtfire” is a great film and it is only so far down in the top 300 because of how commercialized it has become over the years. Although my favorite part of it (after Robin Williams) would have to be that Harvey Fierstein plays his brother and they reunite yet again in “Death to Smoochy” (I can’t wait to get to that one!) Stay tuned… Memorable Quote – “The fact that Pudgy the Parrot has a cigarette shoved into his mouth is morally irresponsible!” Rating – 5/5 Unicorns 284.

284. 500 Days of Summer (2009) This movie is in here because I like the musical number. Zooey Deschanel’s character is incredibly unlikeable and her popularity for the next about six years that would follow this film always baffles me to this day. I can pretty much use this film as the exact turning point for when movies and romantic comedies especially started to suck in greater volume than they had before. The fact that my ex-boyfriend was a huge fan of this film should be a big indicator that it wasn’t that great because I have quite often found that any grown adult male who still worships at the feet of “Boy Meets World” decidedly has poor taste. I also really like the ending to “500 Days of Summer” and it all just makes me think, “hey remember when Minka Kelly was a thing?” Memorable Quote – “You don’t want to be named anybody’s girlfriend, and now you’re someone’s wife?” Rating – 2/5 Unicorns 283.

283. Son in Law (1993) Right around the time I started doing stand-up comedy, I also began hanging out at The Comedy Store a lot. Sometime circa summer 2015, I was standing near the entrance to the “O” Room when ran up to me, got in my face, told me he missed me, and then asked me where was. I had never met Pauly Shore in my life, but I saw Bobby Lee getting into his Prius over in the parking lot, so I pointed Pauly in the right direction. He hugged me and then ran over to talk to Bobby. I think Pauly Shore is severely underrated and overlooked today because no matter where you are in the room, if Pauly is there, you always notice Pauly. He’s changed not an ounce since his surfer-boy MTV days and I kind of like it that way. I mean, there are actors, there are movie stars, and then there is Pauly Shore. Pauly Shore will never be anything other than Pauly Shore and frankly I am 100% okay with that. Personally, I think somebody should jump on the “much later sequel” band wagon and make a “Son in Law 2” because is still hot, and Pauly Shore is still Pauly Shore. He is the perfect fish out of water, because he really doesn’t belong anywhere except Venice Beach or the Hollywood Hills. He is literally the child of the comedic revolution of the 1970’s, so it only make sense that he be a perpetual walking cartoon character. I can even hear him reading the words “cartoon character” out loud, in a slightly offended tone, and I love it. Anyways, “Son in Law” is great and although there are other Pauly Shore films on this list, I think this one is Pauly at his best. Memorable Quote - “Majored in karate for two semesters.” Rating – 2.5/5 Unicorns 282. – PART ONE

282. House Arrest (1996) “House Arrest” has a score of 10% on , but I have actually always enjoyed this movie. It came out when I was nine years old, and although I don’t remember watching it in theaters, it is definitely one of those flicks that I’ll click on when it pops up on Showtime… usually I’ll utter under my breath something like, “ooh, House Arrest.” Now, it’s not winning any and I am pretty sure it is exactly the kind of movie made for nine-year-old’s, but it always stuck with me. I like the concept, a bunch of kids get together and kidnap their parents, locking them all in a basement to sort out their various marital issues because the kids actually give a damn about them. What’s not to like? and Kevin Pollak are married – cool, Jennifer Tilly plays ’s mom – nothing wrong with that, and Wallace Shawn is in there also because who couldn’t use some Wallace Shawn in their life?

(continued on next page) 282. – PART TWO

282. House Arrest (1996) It’s a well-constructed story; the jokes, gags, and bits are all sensical, and for some reason I always really enjoyed the scene where all of the kids work together to make themselves dinner. It’s almost the kind of story that you can see being ripped from the frontpage headlines, it’s not that entirely far-fetched. But at the end of the day, I think what I like most is just the simple idea of a son and daughter caring so much about keeping their family together that they resort to extreme, drastic measures in order to save their parents’ marriage. It’s just sweet and I see nothing wrong with that. This one gets a juicy red tomato from me and everyone else can just go ahead and ketchup. And as if I needed any further assurance of it’s comedic quality, the film is written by Michael Hitchcock, who in addition to having a memorable turn performing in “Best in Show” (a film that ranks incredibly high on this list,) he also wrote the 2008 TV movie “The Bobby Lee Project”… now playing in a Prius near you. Memorable Quote – “Just hang in there, honey, when we get out of here, I’ll buy you a whole truck load of cigarettes.” Rating – 3/5 Unicorns 281.

281. The Terminal (2004) “The Terminal” was another film that no one liked when it came out but come on, you have and Steven Spielberg… give it another look at least. It does have too long of a running time for a comedy like this, but I don’t really notice it and either way, I am a huge sucker for fake Eastern European accents. Something about talking in a fake Russian or Polish accent just makes you feel more grateful to be alive. Try it. Try talking in a fake Polish accent and see if you don’t automatically feel grateful for everything you have, and that life is totally fine. I will discuss this more when I get to “An American Pickle,” but “The Terminal” is a cute film, based on a true story, and even as I type this, I am starting to crave some Burger King. Come to think of it, no one ever brought me that pizza. Tom Hanks and Catherine Zeta-Jones make a good pair, Zoe Saldana sparkles in a role before she was a huge star, and Kumar Pallana juggles hoops. makes a great bad guy, and no matter how hard I try, I still cannot for the life of me understand the male fascination with jazz. Now I talk with accent to tell you go next word block for read more funny things written by chubby lady who probably should make sleep instead. Memorable Quote – “He chit.” // “Eat shit?” // …”He chit, she catch him so…” // “Oh! He cheats!” Rating – 3.5/5 Unicorns 280.

280. Just Friends (2005) When I was putting this list together my comic-book enthusiast father excitedly yelled out, “hey what about Deadpool?” to which I glared at him and with fire in my eyes said, “NO.” My Ryan Reynolds quota is filled with this entry because if you never got around to catching “Just Friends,” wait until it is close to Christmastime and then give it a watch. Ryan Reynolds is fun, but the person that steals the show is Anna Faris. She’s a Paris Hilton- type turned popstar who has been filling the rooms of prepubescent boys with her overly erotic cheesecake poster and is now on a quest to conquer the music world. She accidentally almost burns down her private jet because she tries microwaving ahi-tuna with aluminum foil still in the container and the rest is just a fun little ride for a totally acceptable comedic run-time. She and Ryan Reynolds are forced to make an emergency landing and wind up in his hometown where no one has seen him since he was an overweight dweeb who was secretly in love with his best friend. Again, the jokes, the gags, the bits, they’re all on-point and as if you needed anymore reason to give it a look, Julie Haggerty plays Reynolds’ mom and there really isn’t much more I need to say other than that. Bonus – Chris Klein plays a sensitive turned dumb jock. Memorable Quote – “Forgiveness… is more than saying sorry.” Rating – 3.5/5 Unicorns 279.

279. Carpool (1996) “Carpool” and “House Arrest” aren’t the same movie, but they are definitely made with the same comedic tone. Both were released in the same year and if you swap Kevin Pollak for David Paymer (easy switch) and Jamie Lee Curtis for Tom Arnold (“True Lies”, anyone?) you’re pretty much dealing with the same kind of hostage- situation-involving-children plot that “House Arrest” has to offer. Frankly, I thoroughly enjoy both films. I love a good, simple plot that has the potential for lots of action and adventure. While under pressure from his boss (Obba Babatunde) and on the morning of a major presentation, David Paymer’s wife falls sick and he must drive the carpool of neighborhood kids to school in her place. Along the way, he stops to pick up donuts when suddenly Tom Arnold, who has just completed a bank robbery, commandeers his vehicle and takes Paymer and all of the kids hostage in his attempt to flee the scene. Okay, now I want donuts. Anyways, along the way they run into several obstacles and hijinks including a great performance by Rhea Perlman as a deranged ticket taker on a police-issued golf cart. At one point they spray paint the mini-van purple and then drive it through a shopping mall, so the fun never stops. “House Arrest” has Jennifer Love Hewitt, “Carpool” has Rachel Leigh Cook – both brunette stars of popular high school films that both came out in the late nineties. Rachel Leigh Cook would also then go on to be the titular lead singer in “Josie and the Pussycats.” But either way, “Carpool” is a funny film that is, I think, Tom Arnold’s second greatest co-starring turn of his career. Memorable Quote – “Hey, girls can be hostages, too. I mean, we’re moving closer toward the twenty-first century and girls can be whatever they want.” Rating – 3/5 Unicorns 278.

278. Undercover Blues (1993) “Undercover Blues” co-stars Tom Arnold and Obba Babatunde as they play background characters to Kathleen Turner and Dennis Quaid’s married spies on maternity leave in who are forced back into the line of duty. Stanley Tucci plays the bad guy – I hear he’s good at that – and to this day my mom can’t help herself but quote his character because he plays a thief named “Muerte,” yet Dennis Quaid continually calls him “Morty.” This is my sixth favorite co-starring turn of Tom Arnold and the second of what is sure to be more appearances of Obba Babatunde on this list. Funnily enough, this classic (which is one of my mom’s favorite comedies of all time), is the only theatrical feature ever written by screenwriter Ian Abrams… interesting. Memorable Quote – “This is Muerte” // “Morty!” // “No! No Morty! MUERTE! DEATH!” // “Yeah right, death…” Rating – 3/5 Unicorns. 277.

277. Big Bully (1996) As we move further along our completely unplanned Tom Arnold suite of comedic films, we have now reached the released-in-the-same-year-as-“Carpool,” third favorite co-starring turn of Tom Arnold – the overlooked middle school comedy, “Big Bully”. This film also stars Rick Moranis, marking his final theatrical performance before he left his comedy career to take care of his children after the unfortunate death of his wife in 1991. I love Rick Moranis – as both a human and a comedian because that is a truly noble thing to do. Rick Moranis appears on this list about as much (and perhaps more) as Steve Martin, , Eddie Murphy, and Bill Murray although we have not seen his actual face on a film screen in over twenty-five years. (He did, delightfully, voice one of the moose characters in the Disney-animated film “Brother Bear” in 2003). But “Big Bully” is another simple-concept aimed at nine-year-old’s film that was just so well- executed in it’s time that it has always resonated with me. It’s a very similar plot to “Just Friends,” Moranis stars as a writer who returns to his old middle-school to become a teacher only to encounter his nemesis and former bully whose life he ultimately destroyed. Hilarity ensues. In all honesty, I think “House Arrest” and “Carpool” are the better films here, but for some reason with “Big Bully,” I can never forget as the obnoxious neighbor nonsensically screaming at Rick Moranis the true meaning behind the phrase “What the hell?” Jeffrey Tambor just being Jeffrey Tambor is good enough for me. As a bonus, plays the school principal so, hey, what more could you want? Memorable Quote – “Who can predict the future?” // “I can.” Rating – 2.5/5 Unicorns 276.

276. Down Periscope (1996) I don’t know what it was about the PG/PG-13 comedies of 1996 that made them all totally sink into my soul, but Kelsey Grammar’s one successful starring theatrical role in “Down Periscope” is another one of those well-made movies that still makes me laugh to this day. Not to be confused with the not-as-good-but-still-nautically- themed Tom Arnold starrer “McHale’s Navy” (1997) or the also-military-themed- but-still-not-as-memorable Steve Martin flick, “Sgt. Bilko” (1998). No, “Down Periscope” is my favorite of the mid/late-nineties militia farce. Like the other films on this list, “Down Periscope” has a great cast and lots of the supporting members have cool nicknames like Harland Williams’ “Sonar”, Toby Buss’ “Nitro”, and Jonathan Penner’s “Spots.” In the mid-2000’s/2010’s, Penner would go on to star on multiple seasons of the CBS reality TV show, “Survivor,” finally answering the lagging question that I’ve had in the back of my mind for the last fourteen years – “where the hell do I know that guy from?” The answer? “Down Periscope.” Bruce Dern plays the bad guy and William H. Macy plays his second in command. Rob Schneider is Kelsey Grammar’s way-too-committed lackey and Harry Dean Stanton is the submarine janitor who is probably older than the ship itself. Lauren Holly is the lone-woman on the boat and Rip Torn is the admiral in charge because why not? It’s a funny movie with all of the jokes, gags, and bits boxes properly checked and although I am quite sure this movie did not go on to win any major awards, if there is some sort of trophy for Best Use of the Song “Louie, Louie” by The Kingsman, “Down Periscope” would get my vote. Memorable Quote – “Approaching the bottom, sir. I can hear a couple of lobsters dukin’ in out.” Rating – 3.5/5 Unicorns