April1996 Quaker Thought FRIENDS and Life OURNAL Today Maniage: A Divine Covenant The Inward Teacher Among Us Today Q!taker Quiz Among Friends Editor-Manager Vinton Deming Associate Editor Kenneth Sutton One to Remember Assistant Editor Timothy Drake an, this is too much!" the shopkeeper said, attempting to scrape several Art Director Barbara Benton inches of ice and snow off the steps and sidewalk. We commuters nodded Production Assistant M agreement and stamped our feet as we braved the wintery blast and Alia Podolsky continued to wait for the trolley. Development Consultant "You got that right," said another cold commuter. Weighted down by heavy coat Henry Freeman Marketing and Advertising Manager and handbag, she struggled to keep her brightly colored umbrella from blowing Nagendran Gulendran inside-out and the snow from swirling down her neck. "Honey, I'm tired of this Administrative Secretary weather. Never seen such a winter!" Other of us groaned agreement, hopped from Marie McGowan foot to foot to stay warm, and strained to catch sight of an approaching trolley. None Bookkeeper Nancy Siganuk could be seen. Poetry Editor Now, two hours later, as I sit at Friends Center and feel the warmth of a second Judith Brown cup of coffee, I think of Jim Neveil, our friend and colleague at the JoURNAL these Development Data Entry past 16 years. His death on February 10 brought sadness to our office during a cold, Pamela Nelson hard winter. Intern Cat Buckley Jim was a JOURNAL veteran. He joined our staff after taking early retirement from Volunteers the world ofbusiness. As a traditional, old-fashioned bookkeeper, he brought the Jane Burgess, Robert Sutton skills we needed. He managed our money efficiently, gave us good monthly Board of Managers statements, and created annual budgets that made us face the tough financial Irwin Abrams, Jennie Allen, Frank Bjornsgaard, Paul Buckley, Susan Carnahan, Sue Carnell, questions in years when funds were scarce. With Jim overseeing the books, I felt Marguerite Clark, Barbara Coffin, Emily Conlon, secure that finances would be handled well, and they always were. Phoebe Cottingham (Treasurer), On a personal level, we enjoyed his keen sense of humor and his stories at staff Richard Eldridge (Clerk), Deborah Fisch, Marty Grundy, Robert Kunkel, Carol MacCormack, meetings about Philadelphia back in the old days. He was our "resident Mary Mangelsdorf, Jack Mongar, Lee NetT, Presbyterian," too. He appreciated our Quaker ways but held fast to his own Caroline Balderston Parry (Recording Clerk), religious beliefs and church traditions. He loved a good sermon, teaching Bible class, Lisa Lewis Raymer, Margery Rubin (Assistant Clerk), Larry C. Spears, Robert Stauffer, and singing hymns. While copyediting, I learned to check with him whenever Robert Sutton, Carolyn Terrell questions arose about Bible passages, for he knew chapter and verse better than most FRIENDS JOURNAL (ISSN 0016-1322) was established of us. in 1955 as the successor to The Friend (1827-1955) Jim loved the times when our staff and wider family got together for dinner, a and Friends lntelligencer ( 1844-1955). It is associated with the Religious Society of Friends. farewell party for a retiring worker, or a birthday cake at staff meeting. He • FRIENDS JoURNAL is published monthly by Friends appreciated the sense of community and was always generous in offering rides to Publishing Corporation, 1501 Cherry St., those reluctant to travel alone at night. Philadelphia, PA 19102-1497. Telephone (215) 241- 7277. E-mail: [email protected]. Accepted as To many of us, Jim Neveil often seemed like an older brother or father, someone second-class postage at Philadelphia, Pa., and who was willing to give good advice when asked and to give encouragement in hard additional mailing offices. times. • Subscriptions: one year $25, two years $45. Add On that cold morning following his death I shared the sad news with each of my $6 per year for postage to countries outside the U.S., Canada, and Mexico. Individual copies $2.25 each. colleagues. Our intern, Cat Buckley, told me that most of all she would miss her talks • Information on and assistance with advertising is with Jim about Beethoven-their favorite composer. Would it be OK, she asked, if available on request. Appearance of any we played his radio that day, the one that had been silent on his desk for the last advertisement does not imply endorsement by FRIENDS JOURNAL. weeks of his terminal illness? We did play it. The sounds of classical music made us • Postmaster: send address changes to FRIENDS feel Jim's presence and added a bit ofwarmth on that winter day. JouRNAL, 1501 Cherry St., Philadelphia, PA 19102-1497. • Copyright <0 1996 by Friends Publishing Corporation. Reprints of articles available at nominal cost. Permission should be received before reprinting excerpts longer than 200 words. Available on microfilm from University Microfilms International. FRJENDS JOURNAL invites manuscript submissions on the broad topic of "Quakers and PRJNTED ON RECYCLED PAPER writing"for our November issue. We are interested in essays on writing as a craft, on the creative process as part ofthe spiritual life, or on journaling. We will consider short pieces offiction. Manuscripts must reach us by June 30. Moving? Let us update your subscription and address. FRJENDS JOURNAL, 1501 Cherry St., Philadelphia, PA 19102-1497 Next Month in FRIENDs JoURNAL: (215) 241-7277; Fax {215) 568-1377 The First Meeting for Worship in Hawaii E-mail: [email protected] What Scripture Can Mean to Friends Today Cover cartoon Quaker Publishing on the World Wide Web by Signe Wilkinson 2 Apri/1996 FRJENDS JoURNAL April1996 FRIENDS Volume 42, No. 4 JOURNAL Features Departments 8 The Development of Quaker Marriage, 2 Among Friends 1653-1677 4 Forum Bruce Ames Folsom Contemporary Friends still use procedures for marriage 5 Viewpoint developed in the earliest years ofthe Quaker movement. 24 AFSC Notes 10 Marriage: A Divine Covenant Siva Raven 26 Parents' Comer This marriage is a gift given not on individual terms or the terms currently set by enlightened society but on God's terms. 27 Reports 11 Contemplative Practice in a Quaker 29 News of Friends Context 30 Bulletin Board Jim Flory There are ways in which all Friends can benefit by making our 31 Calendar meetings more nurturing for contemplatives. 32 Books 13 The Inward Teacher Among Us Today 35 Film Marcelle Martin God sometimes communicates in ways beyond rational comfort. 36 Milestones 16 Terror in the Heartland: A Friend's 39 Classified Perspective Clarence Cullimore III -42 Meetings The bombing ofthe Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, continues to affoct Friends and their Poetry presence in that city one year later. 20 Benjamin, the Meetinghouse Mouse 19 April (for Mary Seymour) Clifford Pfeil Enoch Dillon Benjamin finds a friend among concerned members. (Part 2 of8) Resurrection 23 Quaker Quiz Carolyn Tait Underwood Esther Greenleaf Miirer Sharpen your wits for an adventure in Quaker esoterica! 22 A Prayer (Luke 18:9-12) Big Bang Monthly meeting was going fine until Dudley's slip into profanity Robert Kunkel with the four-letter "V" word. To Whom It May Concem Ultratranscendentalist Hymn Esther Greenleaf Miirer 3 Forum Beijing anyone? Under a bushel Great -grandfather I am a member, age 20, of Friends Thank you for the articles on evangelical Just 115 years ago, in 1881, my great­ Meeting at Cambridge (Mass.). Since the Friends and on Friends worldwide (FJ Dec. grandfather, William Penn Reynolds, born fall of 1995 I have been studying in China. I 1995). I do wish Mark Cary's article had in 1844 in western Indiana, was "released" will be in Beijing through July 1996 at the made clear that there are many Friends in by the eastern Illinois meeting where he had Capital Normal University. programmed meetings who are not married in 1868 and settled. The minutes I would like to meet other Quakers who evangelicals at all, at least in Quaker terms, state that it was at his request, and no written are in Beijing. My pager number in Beijing but very liberal Christians-just as liberal as records exist to offer explanation. "New is 4614488-192 (ability in spoken Chinese is the liberal Christians in unprogrammed ways" coming into vogue seem likely to necessary to leave a message), or a message meetings. Nevertheless, the idea behind have been a major factor. He went on could be left at CET, Capital Normal such articles as these remains valid: If we farming and building houses, but for the rest University College of Foreign Languages, Friends do not know about and understand of his life he was a Quaker under a new Building #3, Jia 23 Baiduizi, Fuchengmen other Friends in the United States and label-Conservative. His wife, later that Wailu, Haidian district. elsewhere, how can we expect our fellow meeting's clerk, and probably keeping in Peter Radocchia citizens to learn about and understand step with her family and hometown, was of Beijing, China Friends? How can we teach Quakerism a different opinion. She thought the music when we are ignorant of it? and the program offered more for children, Tongue twister My wife, Judy, a kindergarten teacher at and indeed it offered enough that one son a public school in Paterson, N.J., has an and two grandsons and two great-grandsons Jesse Garrison, age ten, of Oxford (Ohio) anecdote in this connection. She has told committed themselves to pastoral and/or Meeting sends in the following tongue many fellow teachers and aides that she is a missions work. twister. Say it five times fast! Quaker. Many hadn't the vaguest idea of Two decades later, these great­ "How much peace could a peace-keeper what a Quaker might be.