Notes from the Filed Widowhood and Religious Perception

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Notes From The Filed ∵

Widowhood and Religious Perception

Rasika Pieris Radboud University, The Netherlands [email protected]

Abstract

This article is based on the author’s doctoral thesis, Breaking the Barriers: A Reflec- tion on Suffering in Buddhism and Christianity in the Perspectives of War-widows in Sri Lanka.1 Using theoretical and empirical lines of investigation it attempts to discover the theological possibilities, challenges and relevance of the survival strategies of Bud- dhist and Christian war-widows by critically describing, analysing, interpreting and exploring an inter-relatedness in their situations, and relating these findings to existing systematic theological concepts. Since the research is also empirical, it includes fieldwork done with a selected group of Buddhist and Christian war-widows – Tamil Christian, Sinhala Christian and Sinhala Buddhist – in post-war Sri Lanka. These women are from different social, religious, political, cultural, economic and educational backgrounds in select provinces of Sri Lanka. The theological research is partly based on interviews, dialogues with unheard voices, and a critical analysis of the daily experiences of widows –‘everydayness’,2 which help to reflect both on the notion of suffering in Buddhist and Christian thinking that is different, and on their influence on the perception of widows and their suffering.

1 Cf. Rasika Sharmen Pieris, Breaking the Barriers: A Reflection on Suffering in Buddhism and Christianity in the Perspectives of War-widows in Sri Lanka (Colombo: Nashua Lanka (Pvt) Ltd., 2017). 2 H. Lefebvre, ‘The Everyday and Everdayness,’ Yale French Studies, no. 73 (1987), p.7.

308 Pieris

Keywords war-widows – post-war Sri Lanka – suffering – marginalisation – resistance – culture – religion – kamma – inter-religious dialogue – feminist theology

Introduction

According to the data of the Department of Census and Statistics in Sri Lanka (2009/2010), 1.1 million households are female-headed families and 50% of these women are widows.3 Female-headed households emerged in Sri Lanka due to the deaths of husbands as a significant social phenomenon after two types of war.4 In Sri Lanka, women were widowed firstly due to, the three-de- cade long war between the Sri Lankan State (sls) and the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (ltte) (mainly Sinhalese and Tamils); and secondly, due to the armed struggle conducted by the People’s Liberation Front or jvp (Janatha Vimukthi Peramuna) in 1971 (the struggle began in April 1971 and lasted until June 1971),and again, from 1987 to 1989, with the movement resorting to attacks on civilian and military targets. A large number of Tamil, Sinhala and Muslim women were widowed after the war between the sls and the ltte (1983–2009). The Deputy Minister for Women’s Affairs and Child Development (2010–2013), M.L.A.M. Hizbullah, in 2009 announced “that he had a list of 89,000 war-widows – 49,000 in the East- ern Province and 40,000 in the Northern Province whose husbands had died or had disappeared during the conflict. Among them were 12,000 below the age of forty and 8,000 who had at least three children.”5 These widows do not form a homogenous group. Some of the Tamil widows were active members, combatants of the ltte, workers or helpers of the ltte, and some of them were housewives. Similarly, many Sinhala widows are wives of members of the armed forces. These women were mainly involved in office work and nursing, some of who were victims of the ltte attacks and suicide bombings. The latter caused severe damage in the Southern part of the country.

3 Cf. The Department of Census and Statistics, Sri Lanka (2009/2010). 4 Cf. Nira Wickramasinghe, Sri Lanka in the Modern Age: A History of Contested Identities (Ho- nolulu: University of Hawaii Press, 2006), p.8. 5 M.L.A.M. Hizbullah, Daily Mirror: http://www.dailymirror.lk/6838/890 [accessed 28 Decem- ber 2017]. In terms of statistics, the number of Sinhala war-widows is not available for public access, due to which the number of women being widowed among Sinhalese cannot be stated.

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Even though Muslims were not directly involved in the war, as they live mainly in the Eastern part of the country, they nonetheless became victims of the war between the sls and the ltte. This transformation from being housewives to being female heads of the household meant participating in a dynamic labour market, that saw some en- gaged in jobs such as land-mine clearing, fishing, working in hotels, and road mending and construction. This meant moving away from certain cultural norms and customs for these women, especially Tamils, who found work that was hitherto almost unknown to women.–. Some, even remarried in spite of cultural restrictions. Many widows became the breadwinners of their families and the main decision-makers, which was quite rare in Sri Lankan culture.6 There is no doubt that widowhood is stigmatized in Sri Lankan society. The reality of war-widows in Sri Lanka is associated with generational cultural and religious customs, rituals and perceptions throughout the country regarding widows. When women become widows, they are not only oppressed by men through oppressive rules and customs, but also by other women who attach a stigma to widowhood. Since culture and religion are two inter-connected ele- ments that affect widows in society it is important to study the perception of widows in Sri Lankan cultures and religions. In studying widows in the country, it is important to note that belonging to the same country does not mean that the situation is identical as they belong to different nations and religions and have different social status. Also, belonging to the same community does not mean that the situation is identical due to the sub-cultural system of those communities that have a significant effect on people’s lives. Hence, the situation of widows needs to be viewed and analyzed in its totality if we are to understand it adequately.

The Perception of Widows in Sri Lankan Patriarchal Culture

Culture is a way of life, with shared norms, values and beliefs as its key ele- ments. Culture is also a double-edged sword. On the one hand, culture gives a community its identity, but on the other it is used as a means to justify oppression or suppression of people, especially women. Sri Lanka, like any other Asian country, is rich in its cultural diversity, which makes the culture unique, and this in turn contributes to the country’s identity. Although diversities prevail in Sri Lanka’s multiple cultures, male supremacy is a common feature that runs through them all. Patriarchy has been a part of Sri Lankan culture for

6 Cf. Wickramasinghe, Sri Lanka in the Modern Age, 334–335.

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310 Pieris many centuries, and therefore, male supremacy is prevalent across religious, social, political and economic spheres. Sri Lankan women have always been framed in relation to men: in childhood, to the father; in marriage, to the husband, and in widowhood to the son. “Patriarchy normalizes constructed di- chotomies. It normalizes practices and relationships, so that gender becomes hidden, unessential and irrelevant.”7 The construction of ‘family’ gives power to men – the father being the head and in his absence the eldest son – who ‘control women’ as wife, sister and daughter, thus forming the hierarchy of patriarchy. Although ‘motherhood’ is a sacred concept that is venerated in the cultures, the social structures control women irrespective of their roles. A woman plays her role as a mother in nurturing children, while decision-making lies with men. This was clearly seen in Sri Lanka, especially during the past decades of war: mothers as a ‘recurring motif in national/revolutionary discourse’8 and mothers resisting the prevailing violence in the state. Women as wives and mothers are bound to fulfil many traditional roles such as childbearing, nurturing children, cooking and household work. The tradition of women being dependent on men has led to the control of women in family life, religious life, social life and political life. This subordinat- ed position of women in society was strengthened by the foreign missionaries during their rule, and eventually, during the post-colonial nation-building in Sri Lanka. In Sri Lankan society, many women have accepted their culturally ascribed sex role as natural. For example, “sex-stereotyping of occupations or the acceptance of some occupations as suitable only for the females and others only for males still persists.”9 Also, the roles of wife and husband are clearly defined. Woman as a wife and/or a mother has a subordinate role in family life. Consequently, they tend to justify their oppression and marginalization within family, society and religion, by thinking “this is our culture”. For some, culture is an unalterable factor that overwhelms the lives of people, especially of women. In the midst of oppression women are silent about the suffering they undergo and justify the notion that a culture is unchangeable.

7 Gunhild Hoogensen and Svein Vigeland Rottem, “Gender Identity and the Subject of Secu- rity,” Dialogue 35, no. 2 (Colombo: The Ecumenical Institute for Study and Dialogue, June 2004), p.164. 8 Neloufer de Mel, “Agent or Victim? The Sri Lankan Woman Militant in the Interregnum,” in Wenona Giles, Malathi de Alwis, Edith Klein, and Neluka Silva (with Maja Korač, Djurdja Knežević, Žarana Papić) eds., Feminists under Fire: Exchanges across War Zones, (Toronto: Between the Lines, 2003), p.63. 9 Sri Lanka Ministry of Information and Broadcasting, A Special Publication on the Status of Women for International Women’s Year (Colombo: Ministry of Information and Broadcasting, 1975), p.27.

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Nevertheless, in spite of the experience of the oppression of women in patriarchal society, there has been, as Kumari Jayawardena states, a consciousness regarding women’s issues since the nineteenth century, which directed some women to get together as the women’s movement in the twentieth century.10 The journey of these women’s struggles for their emancipation from subju- gation and violence and for the affirmation of their dignity is to be appreci- ated because it registers that not all women in society are mere victims of the inequitable social structures, but that there are women who are acting to create an alternative society where women could survive in dignity, as their male partners do. The women who were actively involved in war over the past three decades, especially female cadres of the ltte, women in social activist groups who struggled for the rights of women and some widows in Sri Lanka demonstrated that they are not prepared to be victims of oppressive cultural expectations.

Widowhood in Sri Lankan Patriarchal Tamil Culture The Tamil word for widow, vithavai, is considered offensive and evokes an image of inferiority; it contrasts with sumangali, a married woman living with children. The cultural perception of widows in the Tamil community is based on a set of inter-related factors: socio-economic and religious factors – Hindu- ism, the dominant religion of Tamils, and Christianity – regional cultural influ- ences, various ideological perceptions of women, caste and class ideologies. In Tamil culture women are often cast in terms of opposites, for instance, shakthi (strength, power, and vitality arising in women from chastity) and the weaker sex, auspicious (auspicious=bring good luck; inauspicious=presaging ill-fortune) and polluted, godly as a mother and also as an evil force. House warming, coming-of-age celebrations and weddings are some of the auspicious events in Tamil culture. The tali,11 pottu12 (mark on the forehead) and

10 Cf. Kumari Jayawardena, quoted in Wenona Giles, “The Women’s Movement in Sri Lanka: An Interview with Kumari Jayawardena,” in Giles et al., Feminists under Fire, p.63. 11 This is an ornament made out of gold according to appropriate rites. The bridegroom knots the chain round the neck of the bride. This is the culmination of the marriage rites by which the bride and groom are pronounced husband and wife. The tali makes the woman an auspicious person and the wearer of the tali announces to the world that she is married and she is within the boundaries of chastity and subjected to a restrictive behaviour, with restraint and limitations drawn by husband, children and home. Cf. Selvy Thiruchandran, Patriarchal World View of Hinduism in Sri Lanka (Colombo: Women’s Edu- cation and Research Centre, 2012), p.50. 12 This is a religious symbol. For women the red pottu has an additional significance, suggest- ing that she is married. The red powder called kunkumam from which the pottu is made is placed ritually on the forehead of the bride by the bridegroom. Tali and Kunkumam

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312 Pieris flowers are some of the symbols of being auspicious (sumangali). In a special way, the tali and pottu signify active sexuality, fertility and marital auspicious- ness. The ornaments, flowers and colourful sarees give additional beauty to femininity especially in Tamil culture. In contrast, death, sickness, widowhood and barrenness in women are inauspicious, and as a result, the auspicious symbols are taboos for widows. When a woman loses her husband, her life begins to be affected by different kinds of social, cultural and religious customs, rituals and taboos. The absence or death of the man leaves the woman to face two main painful situations. First, a woman becomes vulnerable and, second, she often becomes subject to gossip, ridicule or suspicion: “[H]er singleness is easily interpreted as being available.”13 Remarriage is generally not an option for widows; they are subjected to an oppressive socialisation where sexual relationships or entering into a new partnership becomes a taboo or is otherwise socially undesirable. Under the constant, vigilant eye of the public the women are expected to abide by cultural rituals and customs, to control their sexuality and to conform to the patriarchal ideology. Women are expected to remain modest and loyal and to maintain their ‘identity’ as widows. Thiruchandran speaks of four kinds of experiences that widows have to undergo, namely, physical seclusion, verbal abuse, a strict code of dress and behaviour, and the mechanism of social control exercised through gossip.14 Wid- ows have to renounce sex and other pleasures, dress and speech because there is a triple code (behaviour, dress and speech) of ethics, which governs them. The other aspects of the above mentioned practices such as the dress code (giving up ornaments, jewelry, decorations), giving up rich food and avoiding auspicious ceremonies, is that it marks the woman as a widow even as these deprivations diminish her sexual attractiveness. The absence of a husband is not only a personal loss but it also exposes women to public inspection. Verbal abuse is another painful experience widows have to face. Sometimes villagers refer to widows as vithavai (widow) or arutali (one whose tali is broken) or purusani tintane (you who have eaten your husband). Since these widows are religiously and socially excluded from auspicious moments, the women whose husbands are alive sometimes treat these widows unfairly.

are the symbols of married life. Cf. Thiruchandran, Patriarchal World View of Hinduism in Sri Lanka, p.49. 13 Selvy Thiruchandran, The Other Victims of War: Emergence of Female Headed Households in Eastern Sri Lanka, vol. ii (New Delhi: Vikas Publishing House Pvt. Ltd., 1999), p.55. 14 Cf. Thiruchandran, The Other Victims of War, p.76.

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Among the Tamils in Sri Lanka the remarriage of widows is neither socially nor legally prohibited. Furthermore, the Tesawalamai, the customary laws of the Tamils in Jaffna permit the remarriage of widows. Many women who grew up as Tamils, have internalized different kinds of cultural values, ideas and views about a chaste or virtuous wife through the socialisation process and through education. Two main ideologies that women have internalized are ‘one man in our life’ and the motherhood ideology.15 These ideologies are historically constructed by chaste epic women like Sita and Kannaki who re- mained faithful to their husbands amidst all the afflictions in their lives.16

Widowhood in Patriarchal Sinhala Culture The Sinhala term for widow, vandabuwa, is heavily stigmatized within the Sin- hala community: “[T]his stigma is directly concerned with the woman’s ‘aban- doned sexuality’, unprotected now because of the absence of her husband, which in turn has become a concern within that particular cultural context.”17 The death of a husband, especially at a young age, is considered as a woman’s bad luck within the Sinhala community, particularly among the Buddhists, due to which women are blamed for the death of their husbands. It is a Sinhala community’s belief that a married woman is a fortunate woman, but a woman after the death of her husband is a woman of misfortune. A widow is perceived as unfortunate and inauspicious, irrespective of her religion, class and other social status.18 If a woman for whatever reason remains single, without a man, her life is regarded as incomplete. Even though there are no derogatory rules or regulations that affect the dignity of widows, many practices and rituals are precisely derogatory to the respectability of widows in a Sinhala culture. Since widows are considered inauspicious, society does not expect them to partake in the rituals of auspicious

15 Cf. N. Jayapalan, Women Studies (New Delhi: Atlantic Publishers and Distributors, 2000), pp.13–20. 16 In the epic Ramayanaya, Ravana abducted Rama’s wife Sita. In the end, however, after kill- ing Ravana, Rama returned with Sita. Then Rama faced the problem whether or not Sita had sexual contact with Ravana. Since Rama had to test whether his wife Sita was pure or impure, she was asked to walk through fire. She did and came out unscathed. This proved that even though she was away from her husband for a long time she was able to keep her purity and to be faithful to her own husband. Cf. Akhileshwar Jha, Sexual Designs in Indian Culture (New Delhi: Vikas Publishing House Pvt. Ltd., 1979), p.24. 17 Indika Bulankulame, Frozen Tears: Political Violence, Women, Children and Problems of Trauma in Southern Sri Lanka, (Colombo: Institute for the Advanced Study of Society and Culture, 2005), p.49. 18 Cf. Bulankulame, Frozen Tears, p.49.

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314 Pieris events such as ceremonies around puberty, house warmings and weddings. Sometimes, people do not even meet them when they are about to leave for an auspicious or a special event. A woman at the death of her husband is expected immediately to shun herself of all ornaments and for a period of three months it is customarily expected of a woman to dress in white. During that period, it is not acceptable for a widow to participate in public ceremonies or in festival events such as weddings, puberty rituals, New Year celebrations or any kind of entertainment. The Buddhist widow is prohibited from visiting shrines of Gods as she would pollute them. This period of mourning is seen as a period of grieving and recovery, a time that enables a woman to adjust to a different life style as a widow. One of the songs sung by Pradeepa Dharmadasa, a Sinhala artist, brings the reality of women in society into the public domain. She portrays the reality of a widow as follows:

Vine Katina un tarahak nokiyama Kane kohomba mirikanawa hamadama Gune rakaninnalu mala himigema Wane natiwa un duka danne kohoma. Game gataw karabagena unnata Wise nadda nakin pila uda raata Nela ganimi yai kapruka piduwata Ine reddamai hitiye harahata. Lame kirata moragahana patiyanta Ane kawda inne weelak denta Lipe ginna thunwaruwe awulanta Warew mahatune kunukaya waladanta

The song highlights the plight of a widow. The first stanza describes how the villager-neighbours of the widow are saying unpleasant things to her while asking her to protect the good name of her husband. Yet the widow’s reply is to ask how they could know the pain of her heart as they have not undergone the pain of widowhood. The second stanza says that even though young men are quiet and sober, the elderly come after her. Although by being with them, she can make money, the social norms and cultural restrictions regarding women and widows hinder her from living in dignity. The next stanza tells of her little ones, crying in hunger and no one who is sensitive enough to feed them. Going against cultural norms and restrictions that emphasize the nobility of chastity, she invites the men for pleasure so that she can provide a living for her children.

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Since in many religious and cultural traditions sex is considered sinful, both Tamil and Sinhala widows who think of remarrying are placed within this negative social construction of sinfulness. Unlike the first marriage, the second marriage is considered to be a desire of the flesh. A woman initiating the process of remarriage is certainly taking an obvious risk and inviting discussion of her purity and chastity – it is considered a disgraceful behaviour.19 “Motherhood is seen within certain fixed qualities such as nurturing, sacrifice, kindness, love and tolerance as a package within an emotional and expressive framework. It is also spoken of as comprising supremely virtuous qualities, the violations of which are cast off as unwomanly and unfeminine.”20 Mother- hood, as Selvy Thiruchandran further evinces, is perceived as a “super-imposed role on women by the male power which has divorced itself from the caregiv- ing role towards the children.”21

Religious Justifications of the Suffering of War-widows

Let us look at some of the normative perspectives by which Christianity and Buddhism frame their understandings of suffering. In them we see narratives that control women and here especially war-widows.

From the Perspective of the Official Teachings of Christianity Since suffering caused by unjust social structures is not very much highlighted in the traditional teachings of the church, the church does not see the social sinfulness in the existing system of the country, instead the emphasis is on personal sinfulness. The teachings of the Church led many Christians to accept suffering as something good and meaningful in a Christian life. The official teachings of the Church declared that suffering in this world is temporal, lead- ing to a reward in the next life. Therefore, the official teachings of the Church affirmed that to endure suffering as Jesus did will be rewarded in the next life. The Christian is expected to be like Jesus. This implies that suffering is under- stood in terms of willing obedience, self-sacrifice and surrender of oneself to the will of God, just as Jesus – the ‘Suffering Servant’ – did. The emphasis is on the goal of suffering, that is, the glorification of God through suffering.

19 Cf. Katharina Thurnheer, Life beyond Survival: Social Forms of Coping After the Tsunami in War-affected Eastern Sri Lanka, (Transcript Verlag, 2014), p.158. 20 Thiruchandran, The Other Victims of War, p.84. 21 Thiruchandran, The Other Victims of War, p.84.

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316 Pieris

Such statements as ‘suffering is a part of Christian life’, ‘suffering is redemp- tive’, ‘there is no joy without suffering’, are the recurring themes known to many Christians in Sri Lanka. Suffering is a principal thematic emerging from the fieldwork that I have done with the Christian war-widows and it is no less of an essential thematic from the perspective of Christian theological thought. Understanding any suffering as the will of God is a recurring subject which many Christians articulate as “[I]f God wants me to suffer, I cannot avoid it,” or “this is my cross, the cross I have to bear in my life.” The results of the fieldwork indicate that women see many reasons for the oppression and marginalization of Christian war-widows as being closely connected to Christian religious teachings. Many war-widows in the country have internalized these oppressive teachings and ideas in Christianity as part and parcel of their lives. Due to this internalization these war-widows do not address the real cause of their suffering: structural sinfulness. The analysis of the fieldwork depicts how war-widows were/are encouraged by dominant norms to accept and remain in suffering and to consider suffering as ‘natural’ or/and ‘part of Christian life’ just as Christ suffered. Instead of chal- lenging the oppressive systems in the country that generate suffering within the lives of war-widows, the tendency is to encourage widows to remain in their suffering without questioning. The important theme that has emerged is that of the self-identification of war-widows with the suffering of Jesus and a self-understanding that they participate in his suffering, which is passed on through Christian teachings, practices, prayers and devotions. Though affirming love as a primary answer to the question of the meaning of suffering, as per the official teachings of the Church, Christians who suffer are yet invited to find salvific meaning in their sorrow just as Jesus had taken upon himself the suffering of peoples of all times.22 Self-sacrifice, which was upheld as the ideal, became misguided and abusive as women absorbed the ethic of self-sacrifice and the rightfulness of their suffering, assuming that their right place is on the cross with Jesus, accepting ‘crosses’ with a mental- ity of divine decree. The widows who were daughters, wives, daughters-in-law, mothers and grandmothers were aware that they were being manipulated by those persisting teachings in Christianity that value self-sacrificial love, obedience and silence as virtues to be cultivated in women. The emphasis on personal sinfulness and glorification of suffering does not direct people in the Church to resist the unjust social structures that make

22 Cf. John Paul ii, Salvifici doloris, part iii: The Quest for an answer to the Question of the Meaning of Suffering, no. 31.

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Widowhood And Religious Perception 317 people suffer unjustly. It does not address the liberation from oppressive social structural sinfulness. The most dangerous outcome of the teachings of the traditional patriarchal Church is that, when patriarchal families use patriarchal teachings in Western Christianity as their models for socialization, women who mostly happen to suffer due to their race, class and other social status (especially due to their gender) are forced to accept, unquestioningly, everything that flows from the male dominators as the norm from divine power. However, different Christians have otherwise problematized these teachings, precisely because they have been used to justify, dehumanize and marginalize many people in different societies. Indeed, the development of the understanding of the experience of suffering in Christianity shows how the traditional teachings on suffering have been newly evaluated, challenged and reshaped by different theologians, mainly because of the realities they themselves have experienced in day-to-day life.

From the Perspective of the Official Teachings of Theravada Buddhism The foundation of the basic teachings of the Buddha (the ‘awakened/enlight- ened one’) lies in the human experience of suffering. The Buddha taught through his personal life-experiences that there is suffering in life. He also revealed the way to end suffering in order to achieve true happiness and freedom.23 As suffering is the common reality in life, whether one is male or female, rich or poor, high class or low class, the Buddha affirmed the equal spiritual path for all beings to end their suffering, which was a radical teaching in the Indian context during the time of the Buddha. Nevertheless, this egalitarian theory has always been contradictory to practice, because women are suffering due to marginalization, dehumanization and oppression in Buddhist societies both in their lay and monastic lives due to misogynist systems. Traditional Buddhism relies heavily on its monastic institutions that are characterized by male dominance, male monopoly, and a misogynistic view of women.24 The traditional teachings of the Theravada Buddhism that continue to exist in Sri Lanka also do not sufficiently address the changes and challenges in contemporary society. These teachings do not apply in new ways to the complexities of contemporary society.

23 Dīgha Nikāya [dn: Collection of Long Discourses of the Buddha]; ii: 16, 2.2. 24 Cf. Karma Lekshe Tsomo, “Mahāprajāpathī’s Legacy: The Buddhist Women’s Movement: An Introduction,” in Karma Lekshe Tsomo, ed., Buddhist Women Across Cultures: Realiza- tions, (SUNY: State University of New York Press, 1999), pp.1–34.

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318 Pieris

As in Christianity, the androcentric models of humanity that put men at the centre of attention or favoured men over women as their engagement could be found in Buddhism. In this model, men were considered as normative humans while women, on the periphery, were treated as ‘objects’ by males. Such a model, perpetuated through the centuries in Buddhism and imbibed by Buddhist society, made women remain in their suffering in silence. Such a model does not identify the hidden causes of suffering, which women in Buddhist societies experience, namely, suffering that results from patriarchal oppression. Even though suffering is not an isolated fact – as it is inter-connected with the social, economic, political and religious spheres – the traditional understanding of the causes of suffering, which are hatred and ignorance, has not perceived suffering in a broader perspective. The traditional teachings of Bud- dhism emphasize the existing suffering of the world to be the result of the previous lives of individuals, and they connect suffering with the Buddhist doctrine of kamma (the doctrine of cause and effect; because of this, that aris- es). This one way of looking at the fatalistic aspect of kamma is a hermeneutics of blame, an interpretation whereby the victim shoulders the blame; it implies passivity; and it results in a view in which the overcoming of that suffering, which is created by the world’s oppressive, unjust structural systems is not named let alone underlined. In other words, all kinds of suffering of people are connected only with the fatalistic aspect of kamma. Hence, ‘we are born women due to our bad kamma’, ‘since we are women, we have to suffer in this life’, ‘women deserve suffering’, ‘women suffer due to their bad kamma’, and ‘suffering is a part of women’s lives’, are some of the phrases that often echo among the Buddhist women in Sri Lanka. The findings of the fieldwork suggest that a considerable number of Buddhist war-widows are confused about the teachings and existing ideas regarding the notion that women deserve to suffer due to their ‘inferior’ birth as women. Female rebirth and bad kamma emerged repeatedly in the fieldwork as matters of concern. Is it correct that the suffering of women be considered as the result of some past, unavoidable, bad kamma? The Buddhist war-widows mentioned how they were presented with a com- plicated set of teachings, thoughts and ideas, which were not taught by the Buddha, to prove that women deserve suffering in their family, religion and society. They further mentioned that such traditional applications of teachings had been used against them to accept all kinds of oppression without questioning. One widow said:

After listening to all the suffering that I faced due to my widowhood, one monk said, since I am a woman, I should learn to accept them with

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Widowhood And Religious Perception 319

patience. He said that I had been born a woman as a result of my bad kamma, so that I needed to bear all kinds of suffering. [a Sinhala Buddhist]

The widows shared with the author that the deaths of their husbands were seen as the consequence of the bad kamma of war-widows themselves and, accordingly, the latter were blamed for the death of their husbands by the whole society. The traditional explanation of the difficult positions of women in the present situation – due to the bad kamma of a previous life – affirms that women ‘deserve’ what they get and, due to this, women are told that they reap what they have sown and that there is no basis for complaint. The responses of Buddhist war-widows challenged the sexist misunderstanding of the nature of female rebirth. The war-widows experienced that they suffered more than men, yet the theory of rebirth is so entrenched that it discouraged them from changing the social structures that actually oppress them.

The Resistance of War-widows to Their Marginalization

Among the war-widows in Sri Lanka, some are aware that they are suffering mainly due to the unjust social, political, economic and religious structures, yet all of them have no courage to oppose the existing oppressive system. Hence, they still remain in their suffering without any kind of resistance. Nevertheless, in the process of finding new ways to deal with suffering, a few war-widows directly and indirectly challenge the existing teachings, rules, regulations, ideologies and customs of their own religions and other socio-political systems that structurally oppress them. While appreciating what they gain from their own religions, these Christian and Buddhist war-widows are critical of their religion as it hinders them in resisting their suffering. Even though the number of war-widows who resist the prevailing oppressive structures is less than that of those who acquiesce, the most important aspect is their potential to take risks to resist the oppressive structures that so systematically dominate them. Since the historical-cultural and religious traditions, which are intermin- gled in Sri Lanka have negatively defined the identity of body, roles, capacities and dignity of widows and their destinies, my fieldwork found that some war-widows in their ongoing struggle for self-identity and human dignity have made independent choices to be the persons they want to be, to act according to their expectations and to live in accordance with what their conscience dictates. Patricia Hill Collins states that “defining and valuing one’s consciousness of one’s own self-defined standpoint in the face of images that foster a

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320 Pieris self-definition as the objectified ‘other’ is an important way of resisting the dehumanisation essential to a system of domination.”25 The self-awareness of some war-widows in their new situations as heads of families, as breadwinners, decision-makers and active participants in social movements have led them to rethink and evaluate their self-image, their roles and capacities as women, wives, mothers and widows that have been imposed on them by the dominating structures. They have begun to redefine themselves as persons who are gifted with skills and who have the power to make independent choices, to take leadership roles and to work in solidarity with different groups of society rather than being a daughter, wife or mother. The war-widows who resist the dominative structures expressed themselves verbally and non-verbally, individually and collectively, directly and indirectly, and especially expressed their inner feelings through which they revealed their self-definition. For example, some widows expressed their anger at being oppressed by the dominant forces in society:

we are suffering because of the oppression of your government we do not remain in silent forever we need justice why there is discrimination against widows I do not want to fulfil the expectations of others I have to think of myself.

These were no longer simple statements but strong self-definitions, expressive of an anger that fosters actions. Breaking the cultural, religious and political silence, war-widows transformed their anger into their own language as they re- discovered their hidden power to express themselves in their own ‘languages’ since language is a powerful tool in defining one’s own image and the image of one’s surroundings. The war-widows reclaim their ‘silenced’ voices and experiences through which their self-representation had been lacking for centuries.

(a) ‘I am a woman like you’: When I interviewed one of the Buddhist war- widows, asking her as a ‘widow’ how she felt about the loss of her husband, her immediate response was, “please do not use the word ‘widow’. I hate the word. I am also a woman like you” [a Sinhala Buddhist]. The

25 Patricia Hill Collins, “Learning from the Outsider within: The Sociological Significance of Black Feminist Thought,” in Sandra Harding, ed., The Feminist Standpoint Theory Reader: Intellectual and Political Controversies (New York: Routledge, 2004), p.108.

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Widowhood And Religious Perception 321

widows preferred to use the term ‘female head’ – female-headed families, associations – rather than the term ‘widow’, due to the fact that the terms used for ‘widow’ in both Tamil and Sinhala cultures are heavily stigmatized. (b) ‘Get-out from my premise’: Once an army soldier blocked my way so that I could not enter a widow’s house during the fieldwork. The response of the widow to the soldier surprised me. She shouted, “this is my house… This is our land…How long are you going to suppress us…I do not like to see you people…get out from my premise” [a Tamil Christian]. Then she embraced me and cried loudly. There was a silence between us. Her cry and the silence experienced between us were an expression of the aver- sion to the militarised system in the North and the East. (c) ‘Your people should know what happened to us’: Some Tamil widows, knowing that I am a Sinhalese, expressed anger towards the Sinhala- centric government and soldiers. A widow told me, “My daughter was raped while we were in the refugee camp, my two sons were abducted by unknown people because they were in the ltte and I still do not know what happened to them. See, I even do not have a proper place to live. We are suffering because of your people, yet we are not defeated. We still have hope.” [A Tamil Christian war-widow]

Self-definition is essential for survival. It helps not only the war-widows but also other women in their community to reject the internalized psychological oppression, and the myth that cultural, religious and social norms, rules and teachings are irreversible. They demystify the stereotypes by defining themselves. Once they became conscious of themselves, they realised the struggles of the other and this awareness built bridges among members in the community. The journey towards self-definition also has a political significance, as it becomes an act of resistance that has relevance for both individuals and the whole community. The empowerment of the self carries a great potential not only to overcome personal victimhood but also structural oppression. Rejecting ‘virtues’ like those presented as self-sacrificial love and selfless love by the patriarchal system, the widows had begun to appreciate self-love and self-respect as essential virtues and to value the dignity of womanhood. It enhanced their ability to create new relationships with themselves and with the community. This understanding illustrates the transformation of reality through resistance and an alternative to the endurance of passivity: it is a process of de-formation, re-formation and trans-formation of the identity of war-widows.

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322 Pieris

Validating the Power of War-widows as Human Subjects Discussion with some Christian and Buddhist war-widows about their suffering or marginalization presented new insights and challenges to the existing theologies and philosophies in Sri Lanka. Their response was a challenge, a warning and a form of resistance to the existing oppressive and patriarchal systems in Sri Lanka. It is important then to hear the voices of Christian and Buddhist war-widows as a necessary hermeneutic for rethinking the religious notion of suffering.

Rethinking the Notion of Suffering in Religion

The Voices of Christian War-widows Unlike institutional and traditional Christian thought, some war-widows in my research sample consider people’s suffering today to be the result of unjust social structures. They challenge the rather abstract and individualised notion of sin in institutional Christian thinking. Pointing to the social aspect of suffering, these Christian war-widows revealed that their suffering is not an isolated issue as it was inter-related with their ethnicity, religion, gender, class and caste, especially with the stigmatized nature of widowhood in Sri Lankan cultures. Indeed, some widows were aware that they were manipulated by the existing teachings in Christianity that value this self-sacrificial love, obedience and silence as virtues to be cultivated in women. In the midst of suffering, the war-widows challenged the norm and asked why only women have to make sacrifices to prove their true love, but – very often – not men. Sacrifices seemed to always come from mothers, but not from fathers; widows have to sacrifice their happiness after the death of their husbands, but not widowers; a widow has to sacrifice her freedom with regard to the issue of remarriage, yet this does not apply to the remarriage of a widower. The responses of these war-widows reflect a challenge to the Christian traditions that glorify human suffering. They also challenge the view of Christ’s self- giving power, which is considered as the restoration of the self that enables joyful self-giving for others. The assumption of these few Christian war-widows was that to suffer for others in the name of love, which is a religious, cultural and social expectation, is mainly limited to women. The norm has been re- versed by many widows. For them love is not about enduring unjust suffering, it is love with self-respect, dignity and independence that holds meaning. From the perspective of these Christian war-widows, the endurance of unjust suffering did not give them happiness in life, in which the norm was re- versed, thus making suffering neither a Christian nor a humane thing.

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The Voices of Buddhist War-widows A few Buddhist war-widows, with their new ways of understanding suffering, challenged the existing myths in their communities on female birth. Such myths have led to male domination of women by creating suffering in the lives of women. These women did not consider that they were inferior to men as they were aware of the dignity of both women and men. The responses of these war-widows not only challenged the existing teachings and customs of the Buddhist religion and society, but they also challenged everyone, both men and women, who inherited the idea that female rebirth is inferior to male rebirth, including the many women who strive to be reborn as men in the next life. Despite the fact of marginalisation in society, they mentioned that the most important need is to find ways to change the social system. The latter makes widows suffer. This is not assuaged by wishing for rebirth as a man in the next birth. The responses of some Buddhist war-widows designated, first, that whatever the social status they belonged to, people avoided them and they were considered a bad omen due to their widowhood. Second, while breaking that myth, these widows tried to live as normal women without guilty conscienc- es, courageously facing the reactions of people as they moved beyond such harmful myths. The Buddhist widows’ reaction to their religions’ traditional teachings or understandings was resistance that declared that women do not deserve suffering due to their gender. They emphasized the need to recognize the various basic causes that generate suffering among women in society, rather than condemning women as people with bad kamma. Even though Bud- dhist war-widows accepted that they could not avoid the results of their bad kamma, they did not want to accept all kinds of suffering that they underwent/ undergo as the result of their bad kamma. This new way of conceptualising suffering by a small number of Buddhist and Christian widows is a challenge not only to the oppressors who marginalize them but also to the other widows who have internalized suffering as part of a life based on the religious teachings on suffering that has lasted for centuries.

Naming and Dismantling Discrimination against Women

Being in a society, culture, religion and political set-up that is patriarchal, and being tuned to view themselves as dependent, less intelligent, helpmates of men, and sex objects for men’s desire who are valued only through the prism of male culture, some war-widows, in their statements to me, identified ‘male

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324 Pieris domination’ as a major theme to be discussed as negatively affecting their lives. The most oppressive force operating against women is one in which any- one who challenges or breaks any of these moral codes stipulated by the patriarchal system suffers shame. Such shame especially attaches to a woman who breaks cultural expectations, which is thought of as destroying the honour of her family and not just herself. Aruna Gnanadason states it clearly when she says, “the oppression of women is a systematic sin” and can never be holistic.26 The discrimination against women was recognized and named by some war-widows as a major element within Sri Lankan society, which is patriarchal, dominated by a male, hierarchical, Buddhist and Christian religious in- stitution, though many widows consider patriarchy as an accepted norm. The war-widows who recognize the patriarchal structures as a major cause of or as partly responsible for their suffering also reveal how their religion, intermin- gled with their own cultures, marginalize them on the basis of the perceived ‘inferior’ nature of womanhood/widowhood. These war-widows revealed that they were controlled and oppressed due to the fact that women are considered inferior to men in patriarchal structures. The understanding of some war- widows is that they are considered to be inferior to men in the social structure that differentiates between a woman and a man, a mother and a father, and a widow and a widower. Breaking cultural and religious barriers, a few war-widows have begun to question, in the public sphere, and to challenge male domination in society, culture and religion: “it is unchristian for men to control women,” “we are not sexual objects of men,” “men are not aware of their sinfulness of dominating women”. Non-oppressive men are not threatened by women’s call for equality. But many men fail to realise that women’s liberation is a part of the liberation of the whole of humanity. Therefore, the main challenge for these widows is to overcome male domination, while recognising it as a sin, because patriarchy in the Sri Lankan context is not just a matter of male supremacy and male centeredness, but also a socio-political and religio-cultural system of control and domination ensconcing the powerful over the powerless, the elite over the masses, coloniser over colonised, clergy over laity and employer over employee. The situation of women as widows in the post-war context reflects how the system of patriarchy has created a way of normalising the oppression felt by widows in their culture, turning their submission into oppression. The women

26 Cf. Aruna Gnanadason, “Women’s Oppression: A Sinful Situation,” in Virginia Fabella and Mercy Amba Oduyoye, eds., With Passion and Compassion: Third World Women Doing The- ology (Eugene: Wipf and Stock Publishers, 1988), p.71.

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Widowhood And Religious Perception 325 who are oppressed in patriarchal structures are not simply victims, but are agents of transformation in society, who could provide vision and hope through their resistance to unjust social structures and existing norms and traditions that oppress them. The war-widows’ new ways of dealing with oppression within the patriarchal structures indicate that their struggle is not only one of that critiques violence and injustice of the existing structures that dehumanize them, but is also meant to humanise the social structures through transforming silence into action, so that women can live with dignity. As Ivone Gebara says,

People don’t break with tradition, because to do so they’d have to touch upon things like power… And touching this power is dangerous. I have a feeling it’s not going to be the men who touch it, but the women.27

Being Social and Political Agents

In their new roles as heads of families, as bread-winners and decision-makers, as active members in women’s movements and the political sphere, the fieldwork I undertook revealed that some Buddhist and Christian war-widows no longer want to be victims within the oppressive framework(s) defined by oppressive powers. Instead, they struggle to be the persons that they are called to be. Being creative in overcoming their suffering and the suffering of the others, the war-widows have become agents who are making an effort to build a just society. They struggle for a society where they shall live with freedom and dignity, rather than waiting for the religious promise of freedom after death. The fieldwork indicated that, due to ethnic marginalization, the situation of many Tamil war-widows was more oppressive than that of their Sinhalese counterparts. Some Tamil widows, in the midst of unending suffering, name their present suffering as a continuation of genocide. For them, genocide has been taking place since independence via a process of Sinhalisation of the Tamil areas, militarization, land grabbing, state brutality, oppression of Tamils and Buddhistisation. They assert their identity, seek equal rights and justice, and deploy different means of resistance to emphasize that they are citizens willing to fight for freedom and self-determination. The grassroots movements of women’s associations have become a strong forum for women’s independence. Taking a stand against unjust social violence

27 Ivone Gebara, “Ivone Gebara”, in Mev Puleo, ed., The Struggle is One: Voices and Visions of Liberation, (SUNY: State University of New York Press, 1994), p.213.

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326 Pieris in Sri Lankan society as isolated individuals means running a risk. As one Tamil Christian put it,

There are many women in my village whose husbands are missing. So, we used to come together and discuss our experiences. We all went to look for our husbands. We were afraid to go alone to the army or to the deten- tion camps. Wherever we went…we used to go as a group. It’s strength for us.

Exploring the strategies and new methods used by war-widows who have been empowered by one another within women’s associations at grassroots level, it became clear to me that they collectively resist the dominant religious, cultural, economic and political structures of Sri Lankan post-war contemporary contexts. Working together as an inter-religious, inter-ethnic and inter-class body of people has been found to be more powerful than working alone. One of the important aspects of female-headed associations was the opportunity it created for women to come together as inter-religious, inter-ethnic and inter- caste groups. They had been separated before the war and now they were co- operating for the common goal of liberation: their own liberation.

New Dimensions Added to the Feminist Inter-religious Dialogue

The responses of a certain number of war-widows, who worked in the inter- religious and inter-ethnic field, suggested that Buddhism and Christianity in Sri Lanka should enter into a meaningful dialogue without taking sides even as they cross the ethnic barriers that have separated them for centuries. They should do this in order to work for a political solution in which all ethnic communities can live with dignity and freedom. As the responses of some widows indicated, in the process of reconciliation, not only should the inter-religious nature of things be highlighted but the inter-ethnic dimension should also be taken into consideration. Thus, religious and secular groups of people who have different opinions should be included in the dialogue. The fieldwork I have undertaken explores the experiences of oppressed women in an ‘inter-religious’ context rather than an ‘inter-ethnic’ one, while at the same time breaking the boundaries that separate the majority from the minority groups in the country. By doing so, war-widows have become pioneer- ing voices of reconciliation in inter-religious and inter-ethnic spheres at the grassroots level in post-war Sri Lanka. This constitutes a challenge not only to the existing male hierarchical religious, academic and political structures

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Widowhood And Religious Perception 327 of inter-religious dialogue but also to the inter-religious dialogue that takes place academically and politically among some feminists in the country who are part of the elite. The responses of a small number of war-widows in my research sample indicates that there is a need to have dialogue with a broader perspective; one that includes both men and women from all nations, ethnic communities and religions in the country. My research also explores the need for an inclusive approach in which people engage in inter-religious and inter- ethnic dialogue at different levels – academically, politically and at the grassroots level. For true liberation in Sri Lanka, both Buddhism and Christianity need to distance themselves from their prejudices, historical myths, selfish motiva- tions, and one-sided stories about their religion, history and views of women. For this to happen, the responses of many widows, the survivors of war who openly shared their life experiences, have to be taken into consideration as they are the ones who know what really happened to them during the war and what is happening to them ever since the war. Since, in feminist theology, the critical analysis of the experience of women is the most important factor, the experience of the oppressed widows who struggle for liberation is a source of theology in the Sri Lankan context. Their experiences cannot be neglected or silenced such as has happened in history and continues even in the present. The war-widows redirected the power of the dominant forces that controlled them: they began to speak, to take decisions by and for themselves. It is a journey from victimhood to agency and transformation, a journey through which they become conscious of their potential and of the dignity of womanhood as they break the boundaries of the “established identity of womanhood/ widowhood” amid Sri Lanka’s yearnings for justice and peace.

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