2005 Editor: Production Team: Carly Sebestyen and Thomas Ellis

In this issue We Have Lift Off Page 2-3: Scores Page 4: A Positional Problem, After Tuesday’s ‘Canberra, we have a problem’ it was full steam ahead You can’t beat a good yesterday as all our systems were restored. Mind you, that avoids squeeze Page 4-5: Europes Finest - mentioning the early morning drama when the printer called to say he Zugzwang! Boy, oh couldn’t open the PDF file! Now you know why you had to wait a while Boye! for yesterday’s edition. Page 5-6: Bridge in the Menagerie Page 6-7: The Editors Curse Its judgement day in the Women’s Teams and Bourke’s total of 127 VP Page 8: Solution to Tim Bourkes Quiz, Model of a Modern gives them a handy lead of 12 VP over Murray-White. Havas are 2 Bridge Competitor. points further back and closely followed by Scudder, Del Piccolo and Tucker. With just 6 VP covering the next eight teams it promises to be an exciting day TIMETABLE in the race for a qualifying spot. Fri 14th - Sun 16th January (excluding walk in pairs) Scott lead the way in the Seniors by 8 VP and then come Noble, Neill, National Womens Teams Fri 14 January Chadwick, Wyer, Sundstrom and Chrapot with just 5 VP separating (Saturday15th and Sunday Finals second from seventh. only) at the National Convention Centre The National Non Life Teams is led by Pettigrew with 117 VP, only 2 Stage One Session Times: ahead of Chiang, with Midgley just one point further behind. 11.30, 3.00, 8.00 National Seniors Teams In the National Novice Teams Cariola’s score of 123 VP gives them a 9 Fri 14 January VP lead over second placed Allen, who are themselves 12 VP clear of (Saturday15th and Sunday Finals only) third placed Whiddon. at Rydges Lakeside Canberra Stage One Session Times: 11.30, 3.00, 8.00

National Non-Life Masters Tim Bourkes Daily Teams & National Novice TIMING IS EVERYTHING West North East South Teams Fri 14 January Dealer South. EW Vul. 2} at the National Convention Centre NORTH Pass 2 { Pass 2] Session times: Fri 11.30, 3.00 [ K 10 9 8 5 Pass 2 [ Pass 2NT ] K 5 Pass 3 ] Pass 4NT Australian Multi Pairs { 10 4 Pass 5 { Pass 6] Sat 15 January } 10 8 4 3 All pass at the National Convention Centre Session times: Sat 11.00, 3.00, 7.30 SOUTH Partner’s “thoughtful” 3] bid [ A has led to a dubious venture. National Swiss Pairs ] A Q 10 9 4 3 How do you plan to keep him Sun 16 January { A Q 8 happy when West leads the ]7? at the National Convention Centre } A Q 2 Session times: Sun 11.00, 2.00, 7.30

NOT NEWS #3 Friday 14th January 2005 Page 1 Standings: After Round 6

National Womens Team 1 BOURKE WOODS LUSK TULLY CORMACK NEUMANN 127 8 MURRAY-WHITE SNASHALL LACHMAN MILL 115 2 HAVAS STERN CLARK FEITELSON FULLER EVANS 113 4 SCUDDER GLANGER MOSES ZINES 110 7 DEL PICCOLO SMITH GREENFELD DRISCOLL BOOTH SHIELS 109 14 TUCKER MILLAR BROAD MARTIN 108 3 BIRD CREET HOFFMAN CHURCH MCKINNON TOBIN 108 5 WATTS FOLKARD HAY LOWRY 106 24 ABBENBROEK MCLENNAN AIKIN MENZIES 105 28 STACEY ANDERSON SCHOUTROP LUCK 104

National Novice Team 73 CARIOLA BARRETT PANG FOX 123 80 ALLEN STEPHENSON GRIBBLE MILLAR 114 77 WHIDDON BAKER SCOTFORD SCOTFORD WHITECOCKBILL 102 79 HIGGINS GREEN YATES SPECHLEY 100 74 JACKSON KERSHAW COLLINS BUNWORTH 99 76 REYNOLDS GREAVES SMITH SIOW 98 78 PARKER DE VILLIERS PORTER PORTER 96 86 BREDEN LOCKE GILDER NILSSON WOOD RENTON 95 81 SCHULTZ ELWIN HOLLANDS BYRNES 88 83 SOH DUNCAN LEE DYNAN 86 National Non-Life Team 102 PETTIGREW STEPHENS MOSCHNER WELLS 117 110 CHIANG Y CHIANG K YOUNG M YOUNG R 115 111 MIDGLEY WEDDELL TUPULE ALDONS 114 121 ERSKINE MARSHALL ZUBER DEEVES 112 101 WOOLLEY C WOOLLEY C PEACH SLACK-SMITH 106 106 AHRENS PELLY GREATOREX LLOYD 105 118 RUSHFORTH SCALES LAVENDER MOSS 104 116 GOOLEY O’SULLIVAN BARKER BARLOW 101 135 PLUSH JOWETT KIDD SMITH T 101 126 WHITE FRENCH VAN DE WETERING G VAN DE WETERING F 100 National Seniors Teams 4 SCOTT SNASHALL LAVINGS KROCHMALIK 129 3 NOBLE BILSKI MALACZYNSKI HUGHS BROWN CHAN 121 1 NEIL KLINGER NAGY MIDDLETON LILLEY SMOLANKO 120 5 CHADWICK BLOOM ZINES MOSS 120 2 WYTER HUGHES WALSH MCDONALD GUMBY CUMINGS V 118 7 SUNDSTROM DOUGLAS PERRY SCHMIDT SMYTH VAUGHAN 116 16 CHRAPOT TENCER M TENCER B 116 15 REINER HITTER GOODYER VARADI 115 13 RIDGWAY ROBBINS HAPPELL ROBINSON 115 12 ONG BOYLSON KISS BARANY 114

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NOT NEWS #3 Friday 14th January 2005 Page 2 The Oz Chronicles ‘As I have already completed it whilst ‘They break 4-4.’ making the tiresome journey from ‘There are now two winners in dummy.’ Do you believe in the law of Scotland Yard perhaps I can be of ‘Yes, Holmes, but the absence of a coincidence? No, neither do I, but some assistance. Which is it?’ diamond in declarer’s hand means they strange things do happen. When I set ‘Five across’, Watson replied. are stranded.’ out on my journey to Perth at the end ‘Staunton’s bad move is met by a ‘I cash the ace of hearts and, assuming of December I had just got off the wooden response. 5,4.’ the queen fails to appear, I concede a underground train at Heathrow. Who ‘A lemon tree, my dear Watson.’ trick to East’s queen. With only should I encounter at the top of the ‘No doubt Holmes, but perhaps you diamonds left in his hand, East will be escalator but David Levy, brilliant pianist would be kind enough to furnish me forced to resurrect dummy and and bridge player, who was on his way with the answer.’ declarer’s losing clubs are discarded on back to his home in Nice. On the flight ‘As usual Watson, you look and listen, the ace of diamonds and the jack of to Singapore I listened to some classic but you see and hear nothing. Howard spades. Plus 1660!’ Sherlock Holmes stories that formed Staunton, the chess correspondent of ‘Brilliant, Holmes!’ part of the radio entertainment that was the Times frequently refers to a bad ‘When you have eliminated the available. Then a few days later I realized move as ‘a lemon’ and what could be improbable, whatever remains, however that one of the magazines I had brought more wooden than a tree?’ unlikely, must be the solution.’ with me contained this story about the ‘Astounding, Holmes. Since you are in Here is the full deal: great detective. I hope you enjoy it. such brilliant form perhaps you would [ A J 6 5 2 A Study in Baker Street care to try your hand at this deal which ] K 6 3 arose in last night’s duplicate at the Much has been written about the world’s { A 8 7 5 4 Bagatelle Club.’ greatest consulting detective and his } — expertise as a bridge player. I was fortunate Dealer East. All Vul [ Q 10 7 4 [ K 9 8 3 enough to find, in the basement of 369 [ A J 6 5 2 ] 7 ] Q 8 Euston Road, an old manuscript, ]K 6 3 { Q J 9 2 { K 10 6 3 undoubtedly written in the hand of his { A 8 7 5 4 } A K J 7 } 10 6 4 biographer, Dr. John Watson. }— [ — ] A J 10 9 5 4 2 It was, as Holmes had often remarked, a [— { — perfect day for the criminal classes. The } Q 9 8 5 3 2 early morning fog hung thick in the air ] A J 10 9 5 4 2 as the hansom cab in which he was {— } Q 9 8 5 3 2 (If you are planning a trip to Surfers, returning from his meeting with watch out for a visitor from England, Inspector Lestrade drew to a halt John Holland, for he was the successful outside Number 221B. West North East South Colonel Sir John Ronald Doctor declarer! Shelock Holmes aficionados Mrs. Hudson was waiting to greet him will know that all the characters at the front door and informed him that Moran Hardy Adair Watson Pass 4] mentioned in this story appeared in The the doctor had already arrived. Upon Adventure in the Empty House.) reaching the top of the stairs, Holmes, Dble 6] Dble All Pass the possessor of the finest brain in Over at the NCC the women are England, immediately realized that the ‘West led the king of clubs and, as you complaining that it is a long walk from door to the study was closed. For once can see Holmes, although declarer has the playing area to the facilities. Reminds Holmes decided on the obvious solution no immediate losers, the double me of Paris, where it can also be difficult and his fingers closed around the handle. in his hand gives rise to communication – as the locals say ‘Tous loos la trec’. As he entered the room, Holmes was and suit establishment problems. I was I hope you enjoyed the story about the at once taken by the fact that Watson able to three of my clubs in dummy DVD of the Istanbul Olympiad. I made no attempt to greet him. Rather, and discard two more on the pair of understand it is likely to be on sale in he remained seated at his desk in the aces, but I had to lose a club and a Australia later this year, but if you are corner where he was clearly involved heart.’ keen to get a copy right away just come in some important undertaking. ‘A gallant attempt, my dear friend, but and see me in the Bulletin Room at ‘Watson!’ exclaimed Holmes, ‘I hope you let me have a try. Having escaped a Rydges. are not working on the story of the lead, I ruff the , cash One benefit of being watched by the Giant Rat of Sumatra. I have frequently the ace of spades and ruff a spade. I Editor (some would say the only one) advised you that it is a story for which play the queen of clubs, forcing West is to get a complimentary copy of Bridge the world is not yet ready.’ to cover, and ruff in dummy. I am hoping Magazine. It celebrates it’s 80th ‘My dear Holmes, nothing could be to an honor in the East hand.’ anniversary in May 2006, and there is a further from the truth! I am merely ‘Nothing useful appears.’ special rate for subscriptions taken out trying to solve a singularly difficult clue ‘So I ruff another spade, ruff a third here in Canberra. Guess who you have in today’s Times crossword.’ club with the king of hearts and ruff to talk to! another spade.’

NOT NEWS #3 Friday 14th January 2005 Page 3 A Positional Problem Europe’s Finest for that? and the ace of clubs won the tricks. How do you go from here? Boye cashed his third club trick and This deal from Tuesday’s warm up pairs If you ever travel to one of the major the king of diamonds before North was presented a bidding problem that events in the United States you will put in with the queen of diamonds to proved to be far too difficult for the find a host of stars from every corner majority of the field: of the world and especially from Eu- leave this position: rope. Not so many of them make the Dealer South. None Vul long journey to Australia, but you [ K 6 should watch out for a couple of Nor- ] 10 6 5 [7 3 wegians, Boye Brogeland & Espen { - ]A 6 3 Erichsen who arrive later this week. } J {K Q J 10 2 Here is a fore taste of what you can [ Q 9 7 [ A 4 }A 10 8 expect: ] Q 4 ] K 9 7 [8 6 [K10952 { 7 { 5 ]K 7 4 ]Q J 8 5 Zugzwang! } - } - {7 6 5 4 3 {9 Tommy Sandsmark [ 10 8 }J 4 2 }9 6 5 ] A J 8 [ A Q J 4 Zugzwang is a chess expression which { - ]10 9 2 means that the opponent has to do } 9 {A 8 what you force him to do or risk losing }K Q 7 3 the game. On this from the North was now suffering from Norwegian Observation Tournaments Zugzwang. He could not touch the Boye Brogeland forced both his spade suit without giving West his 9th Playing five card majors (or just spades) opponents into Zugzwang: trick. All he could do, was to cash the and a weak no trump South has to club trick (Boye threw a diamond from open One Club and North responds Dealer North. All Vul Dummy and a spade from hand), before One Diamond. freeing himself with the ten of hearts, I was asked what South should do [ K 6 3 which ran to West’s queen. Then when East One Spade (it’s the ] 10 6 5 followed the squeeze card, the seven sort of thing players do, although it has { Q 10 6 of diamonds. Both opponents were in little merit in this type of situation). } J 10 5 4 Zugzwang, and had to discard hearts [Q J 9 7 [ A 4 2 The obvious thing is to rebid 1NT, 15- as a spade discard from any one of ]Q 4 ] K 9 7 2 18. Say North enquires with 2} and them would allow the contract to { K 7 3 2 { J 9 8 5 South responds 2NT. If North, with a make. Boye also threw a heart from } A K Q } 7 3 good suit and excellent controls makes dummy: [ 10 8 5 any kind of try, with either 3{ or 4NT, ] A J 8 3 then South, expecting the spade [ K 6 { A 4 to be right, might well jump to 6NT. ] 6 } 9 8 6 2 { - Without the intervention it would be } - much harder to bid the slam [ Q 9 7 [ A 4 West North East South ] 4 ] K Boye Peter Erik Gunnar { - { - Brogeland Marstrander Sælensminde Harr You can’t beat a Pass Pass Pass } - } - 1NT Pass 2} Pass [ 10 8 good Squeeze 2{ Pass 2NT Pass ] A 3NT All Pass { - Researchers at the department The lead was the five of clubs (showing } - of abdominal surgery at 2/4/6 cards). How would you play this Leuwen University in Belgium board double dummy? Boye knew the whole lay-out by now, have discovered one of the Boye played the jack of spades, which and he played the four of hearts. South most common causes of was allowed to keep the trick (if North was end-played, and Zugzwang forced constipation is the inability to covers with the king, there will be nine him to open the spade suit. He did his achieve what therapists call ‘a easy tricks). Then came a small diamond to the jack and ace. South very best and played the eight to give good squeeze’. continued clubs (who can blame him the declarer a choice, but Boye knew

NOT NEWS #3 Friday 14th January 2005 Page 4 that he had to put in the nine, and Boy, oh Boye! spade, and took a successful heart the nineth trick appeared in the spade finesse with the knave. Then came (By Jon Sveindal, Bergen, Norway) suit. the ace and king of hearts, Boye One of the founders of IBPA, the late discarding a club, followed by the Boye’s problem on this hand is that if Eric Jannersten, was an eminent author. two of hearts – Boye letting his he should try to play the spade suit Amongst his many educational bridge penultimate club go. East was on for three tricks, he will set up the books was a beautiful piece of work lead, and since he had nothing but defenders’ fifth trick (one spade, one called “Enda Chansen”? The reader was heart, two diamonds and one club challenged to find and play for the only spades to play, Boye was able to get trick). Therefore his setting up an extra distribution that would see him home. rid of his last club while he ruffed diamond trick and the subsequent The hand below was played in the re- in dummy. A nicely executed com- elimination-squeeze is the cent Vanderbilt quarterfinal by the Nor- bination of elimination and loser- only way in which Boye can win his wegian professional Boye Brogeland, on-loser endplay. contract against an excellent defence. and would have fitted nicely into that collection of exciting deals. As usual Bridge in the menagerie Just to comply with Danny Roth and when playing on the Shugart team, Hilda Lirsch other good hand analysists, I just have Boye partnered the English star Tony DLR: West to add that the contract could have Forrester. VUL: NS RR been defeated. Can you see how? Dealer North/Neither Vul. [ - ] AKQJ1098765432 A heart lead to the lowest cover in [ 4 3 { - South (or the ten of hearts run ] A K J 2 } - around) or a diamond lead to South’s { K 10 8 TT WW ace and switch to the three of hearts } 7 6 5 2 [ KQJ108642 [A would seal declarer’s fate. However, [ Q J 9 2 [ AK108 6 ] - ]- in this case a club was led. ] Q 9 5 ] 10 7 4 3 { AKQJ9 {864 { J 7 { 9 4 } - }AKQJ108642 Still, the contract can go down even } K J 4 3 } Q with a club lead if South leads the [ 5 HH three of hearts when in with the ace ] 8 6 [ 9753 of diamonds. However, a small heart { A Q 6 5 3 2 ] - from A J 8 3 in trick 4 is not what I } A 10 9 8 { 107532 regard as practical bridge, and does } 9753 not at all detract from Boye West North East South Brogeland’s excellent declarer’s play. Forrester Brogeland Timothy the toucan looked at his 1}* 1[ 2{ unique hand, bounced excitedly up and 3[ Pass 4[ 5} down in his chair, then opened 6[. The Dble 5{ All Pass Rabbit munched a biscuit, but still ][}{][}{][}{ found a 7] after recounting (*= may be two cards if 4-4-3-2 distri- his points. Walter the Walrus wanted bution.) to bid 8[, but reluctantly underbid his points with a mere 7[ bid. Lead: [Q Excited by this eventful auction, Greed is an expensive vice. West must Timothy exchanged hands with Walter, have regretted his double of Five Clubs so that each could admire the others when Forrester pulled to Five Dia- cards. At this point the Hog silkily monds and Boye found the way to 11 remarked, “I have not yet bid!.” tricks! Timothy’s bounce deflated as the Hog East overtook the queen of spades summoned the director. Now the Hog bid 7NT, the Toucan was too with the king and returned the club embarrassed to double, but Walter Espen Erichsen & Boye queen. Boye played the ace, and even was not passing the points. Now Brogeland double dummy some imagination is the Hog redoubled. Unfortunately needed to see the winning line. The for the Toucan and the Walrus, the top diamonds brought the good director had no choice but to rule ][}{][}{][}{ news that trumps split 2-2. Then that the defenders had 26 penalty Boye ruffed dummy’s remaining cards.

NOT NEWS #3 Friday 14th January 2005 Page 5 The triple-dummy play by HH went took the ace and had to choose a choice of the eight of hearts seeing as follows: minor to switch to. With no help from South win and switch to a diamond, 1. {9 ]A {8 {10 the bidding she went for the diamond three rounds of the suit producing a 2. }9 {A ]K }8 suit, and declarer won with the king flat board. 3. }7 {K ]Q }6 and ran the nine of spades. East won 4. }5 {Q ]J }4 and had a chance to switch to a club, Board 16 5. }3 {J ]10 }2 but when she played a second Dealer W, Vul EW 6. {7 [K ]9 {6 diamond the hand was over, declarer 7. {5 [Q ]8 {4 winning, cashing the ace of spades and [K9 8. {3 [J ]7 [A simply playing winners to get rid of ]92 9. {2 [10 ]6 }A dummy’s losing clubs. {KQJ6432 10. [9 [8 ]5 }k }J6 11. [7 [6 ]4 }Q West North East South [QT [7653 12. [5 [4 ]3 }J Glanger Tully Scudder Lusk ]K843 ]QT65 13. [3 [2 ]2 }10 Pass 1{ {T8 {A9 Pass 1[ Pass 1NT }A8532 }974 7NTxx vulnerable and making for Pass 4[ All Pass [AJ842 the Hog. The Walrus exclaimed, in ]AJ7 shocked tones, “But declarer had East led the two of clubs and that {75 zero points!” was 10 IMPs for Scudder. }KQT

The Editor’s Curse Board 15 West North East South Dealer S, Vul NS Bourke Zines Woods Moses It is erroneously assumed that being Pass 3{ Pass 3NT watched by the Editor will result in [63 All Pass your leaking points faster than the ]T83 Titanic took on water, but {AQ942 You can defeat 3NT in theory – heart nevertheless it is fair to say that there }K86 to the queen and when East gets in are some players who will happily hand [AQJ84 [KT7 the ten of hearts – but not in practice over money to ensure that he pays a ]J9 ]KQ642 West’s normal club lead giving declarer visit to ‘some other table’. {K85 {T73 a route to eleven tricks, +460. Keeping that in mind, let’s see what }A74 }Q9 Notice the strength of the you make of the events that unfolded [952 – second in hand there is less reason in the Round 4 match between the ]A75 to be wild. Bourke and Scudder teams over at the {J6 NCC yesterday. }JT532 West North East South Board 14 Glanger Tully Scudder Lusk Dealer E, Vul Nil West North East South Pass 3{ All Pass [AJ8543 Bourke Zines Woods Moses ]Q Pass It was not ridiculous to pass with the {J54 1[ Pass 2] Pass South cards, but this time it cost 7 }Q94 3NT All Pass IMPs. [KQ2 [T7 ]JT754 ]A962 North led a diamond and South’s jack Board 17 {T9 {873 forced the king. Declarer had to play Dealer N, Vul Nil }K73 }J852 on hearts, and South won and played [96 back a diamond for a fast one down, [KQT4 ]K83 +50. ]Q65 {AKQ62 {T754 }AT6 West North East South }92 Glanger Tully Scudder Lusk [A98 [J753 West North East South Pass ]A732 ]T984 Bourke Zines Woods Moses 1NT Pass 2}* Pass {Q {K Pass 1NT 2[ Pass 4[ All Pass }AK876 }QJ53 Pass 2]* Pass 2[ [62 Pass 4[ All Pass Four Spades was let through at several ]KJ tables when North led a black suit, but {AJ98632 West led the jack of hearts and East here Teresa Tulley made no mistake, her }T4

NOT NEWS #3 Friday 14th January 2005 Page 6 West North East South This is a very tough test for East/West, curse was lifted they outscored their Bourke Zines Woods Moses which is usually the case when you opponents 56-1 over the remaining Pass Pass 3{ have a good hand facing a strong boards! Dble 4{ Pass Pass balanced one. The key to such Dble Pass 4] All Pass auctions is to determine partner’s So, I now have two potential paying precise strength and distribution, but customers, as team Scudder might Last week I included in a lecture I gave few pairs are equipped with the right cough up for me to watch them, while at the WABC the identical bidding machinery. team Bourke will definitely pay for me sequence, the point being that North to stay away! Before we follow the play, do you think should avoid a jump to Five Diamonds, it at all possible that declarer might which would leave the opponents with Just before we bid farewell to this divine the diamond position? no alternative to taking a penalty. match, take a look at the very first deal: Four Hearts had no chance, and was Well, you can certainly arrive at a three soon two down when led the six of card ending with {KJ7 facing {A98, and Board 1 spades. if you are confident in your card Dealer N, Vul Nil reading abilities you may well be In passing, at one table, after an identical reasonably sure that it is South who [92 auction to the one above, South broke has a doubleton diamond. Notice that ]AT the rules in a big way by bidding Five assuming your next play is going to be {AKJ82 Diamonds. West was happy to double, from the East hand, when you play a }KQ43 but East gave South a reprieve by diamond South should play the ten [AK543 [T retreating to Five Hearts. It’s a funny trying to persuade you they started ]KJ854 ]Q973 old game. with {Q10. { {QT93 Put it like this, you would be pleased }T52 }AJ96 West North East South to make it. [QJ876 Glanger Tully Scudder Lusk ]62 Pass Pass 3{ South led the ten of clubs and when {7654 Dble 5{ Pass Pass North put up the queen declarer won }87 Dble All Pass with the ace and unblocked the hearts, played a spade to the king and cashed West North East South North/South had to take their two more hearts. On the last of these Bourke Zines Woods Moses medicine at this table, and the dose South made the remarkable discard of 1{ Pass 1[ was -300, and another 9 IMPs for the ten of diamonds!! Pass 2} Pass 2{ Scudder. That should have been all the help 2] 2NT 3] All Pass declarer needed, but remember, the Board 18 Editor’s curse was upon her, and she Since my Bols Bridge Tip was entitled Dealer E, Vul NS finished one down, -50. Don’t be afraid to Respond you will [652 understand that I approve of South’s ]T984 West North East South One Spade bid. However, I don’t care {Q54 Glanger Tully Scudder Lusk for North’s 2NT, which East, with both }Q82 2{* Pass minors well under control should [KT [AQJ7 2NT* Pass 3NT Pass certainly have doubled. Since that is ]AK62 ]QJ 4}* Pass 4{* Pass such an obvious choice there is little {KJ73 {A986 4NT* Pass 5}* Pass point in discussing how many hearts }765 }AK3 5NT* Pass 6{* Pass East should bid. [9843 6NT All Pass ]753 West North East South {T2 There was some minor confusion Glanger Tully Scudder Lusk }JT94 about the exact nature of East’s hand, 1{ Pass Pass but when West wisely contented 3}* Pass 3] All Pass West North East South herself with the small slam she had Bourke Zines Woods Moses earned her side another 14 IMPs. East/West were given an easy ride, but 2{* Pass still failed to reach the very decent 2[* Pass 2NT Pass In the space of 5 boards the Scudder game. East knew she was facing at least 3} Pass 3[ Pass team had scored 41 IMPs without 5-5 in the majors, so with four card 4NT* Pass 5}* Pass reply, so you might imagine that they support I think she just had to try for 5NT* Pass 6}* Pass coasted to an easy win. Not at all! the game bonus. 7NT All Pass Once the Editor had gone and the ][}{][}{][}{

NOT NEWS #3 Friday 14th January 2005 Page 7 SOLUTION TO By kind permission of the Doyle Carte Opera Company we proudly present two versions of the classic aria from ’S The Pirates of Penzance QUIZ #2 I am the Very Model of a Modern Bridge Competitor by Richard Hills and Grattan Endicott Assuming the trumps are 3-2, you (In his spare time – when not contributing lines to Gilbert & have ten winners along with some Sullivan parodies – Grattan Endicott is Secretary of the WBF Laws severe problems. You have Committee.) to hope the full deal is similar to: Richard Hills: I know Symmetric Relay, English , and the pox; [ K 10 9 8 5 In my comment’ry on casebooks I’ve a pretty taste for paradox, ] K 5 I quote in elegiacs all of Heliogabalus, { 10 4 When claiming I can state peculiarities parabolous; } 10 8 4 3 I can tell undoubted squeezes from pseudo-squeeze epiphanies, I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes! [ Q 6 [ J 7 4 3 2 Then I can hum a ruling of which I’ve heard the players panic for, ] 8 7 2 ] J 6 And whistle all the airs from that infernal book Kaplanic Law. { J 9 7 { K 6 5 3 2 } K J 9 7 6 } 5 Chorus: And whistle all the airs from that infernal book Kaplanic Law, [ A While waiting for the airs from that infernal book Grattanic Law ] A Q 10 9 4 3 Next year the airs from that infernal book Grattaaaaaaaanic Law. { A Q 8 } A Q 2 Richard Hills: Then I can write on appeal forms in Babylonic cuneiform, And cite the inconsistencies of exegeses scarce uniform: So the first move should be to In short, in casebook comment’ry, and as proof-reading editor, rise with dummy’s king of trumps. I am the very model of a modern bridge competitor. The second is to take the diamond finesse. When that holds you are almost home. Cash the [A and {A Model of a modern bridge competitor then ruff a diamond. After By Hilda Lirsch discarding the }2 on the [K, cross to hand with the }A (you didn’t I am the very model of a modern bridge competitor, take the club finesse did you?) and I write pellucid prose as a club newsletter editor, draw the trumps. All you lose is a club. I cleverly calculate card play mathematical, Sliding through squeezes both simple and quadrilateral,

Now is the time to thank partner As committee president, My rule is an Autocracy, for his “helpful” 3] bid – after all, With many cheerful edicts pinged with my hypocrisy, you would never have driven to a heart slam without it! In short, as any player, president, and editor, I am the very model of a modern bridge competitor.

HOW TO CONTACT THE STAFF OF THE 2005 NOT NEWS Mark Horton (and his Editorial Team, Carly Sebestyen and Tom Ellis): Email: [email protected] Feel free to contact us at any time, or leave your articles or comments in the NOT NEWS boxes at either venue. The NOT News will be posted daily on the Internet at the following address: http://www.abf.com.au/events/not/2005/info/index.htm

NOT NEWS #3 Friday 14th January 2005 Page 8