Script-Howlers

BLACK SCREEN.

In white the words appear;

"IF YOU HEAR HIM HOWLIN' 'ROUND YOUR KITCHEN DOOR

YOU BETTER NOT LET HIM IN"

Werewolves of London W. Zevon

This is replaced with;

"THE FOLLOWING EVENTS ARE BASED ON A TRUE STORY..."

CLAWS slash through the screen.

FADE IN:

EXT. COUNTRYSIDE-NIGHT.

The moon is full and hangs like a cold, harsh white-blue rock on the black velvet that is the night sky. There is no cloud cover.

GAZ, over-weight, bearded, in his early 30s. He is wearing a quiver filled with arrows and is carrying a bow. He is a lifelong failing criminal, and part-time poacher, and;

DAZ, skinny, early 30s, has spent his whole life following Gaz to absolutely nowhere. He is the type of person who thinks being on The Jeremy Kyle Show is something to aspire to.

They are stood on the edge of woodland, and about to cross the treeline. They are dressed quite warmly, although both are in trainers and tracksuit bottoms, proving that they don't really know what they're doing.

DAZ Jesus, can we hurry this up? It's freezing.

GAZ I know it's freezing, you girl. But I don't want to cock this up.

DAZ What do you want to cock up?

GAZ I'd say your mam, but there's a queue.

DAZ (quietly) Mam?

GAZ Now have you got the bags?

DAZ No, I just stand like this because it's cold.

GAZ I'm going to bloody swing for you in a minute.

DAZ Yes, I've got them here. Can we call this off?

GAZ What? No. Why would we do that, you dozy sod?

DAZ Gaz mate, it's a full moon.

GAZ And?

DAZ Well you know. Full moon, the woods.

GAZ Oh you soppy tart, don't tell me you believe that nonsense about a bloody werewolf?

DAZ Well you explain how all those people went missing?

GAZ What people? The homeless people, who usually move-on anyway? Or the missing people the local rag reported missing, although no one else had ever heard of them?

DAZ You don't think it's real?

GAZ No I don't think it's real. Papers make it up to have something to print. Also, how the hell can you be a grown man and believe in werewolves?

DAZ Well...I grew up here.

GAZ What about the Mummy? Or vampires? Or the Invisible Man?

DAZ No, I've never seen him.

GAZ Just get on with it.

Gaz and Daz climb over the fence to sneak into the woods.

EXT. WOODS-NIGHT.

Gaz and Daz are skulking about in the dark.

GAZ Ssh.

DAZ What?

GAZ It means shut up.

DAZ I know, but why?

GAZ Because I wanted you to be quiet.

DAZ Oh. Why?

GAZ Because I'd like to not draw attention to us, you numbskull.

DAZ You're the numbskull.

GAZ I'm going to shoot you. You know that, don't you?

SFX: A branch snaps.

DAZ What was that?

GAZ Probably nothing. Come on, keep moving.

SFX: Another branch snaps, much louder and much closer.

DAZ That wasn't nothing.

Something dark, furry and very large rushes past the camera.

GAZ Did you see that?

DAZ No. Did you?

GAZ No. Do you want to go on?

DAZ No. Do you?

GAZ No.

Gaz and Daz turn to go back the way they came, but the dark furry thing rushes past blocking their path.

Daz grabs onto Gaz in fear.

GAZ Would you get off me?

Gaz reaches behind him to pluck an arrow from the quiver, but the more he reaches the further the quiver slips from his grasp.

DAZ What are you doing?

GAZ I'm going to shoot it.

DAZ Oh. Looks like you're having a funny turn.

The dark furry blur rushes past again on a different side.

Gaz loads the arrow and draws it back.

GAZ Careful now. One wrong move and we-

WEREWOLF, at least seven feet tall, hard and sinewy, violently knocks into Gaz, sending him flying back. The arrow flies straight up into the night sky.

DAZ Oh my Christing fuck.

Daz scrambles on the ground to pick up the dropped bow and quiver of arrows. He loads one up, as Gaz gets to his feet several feet away.

GAZ That stung.

DAZ Can we go now, Gaz?

GAZ Yes, mate. Careful with that thing.

DAZ I know what I'm-

The arrow that Gaz fired comes back down and lands in Daz's foot, causing him to fire the arrow, which sticks in Gaz's shoulder.

Gaz calmly, quietly, looks from Daz, to the arrow sticking out of his shoulder, then back to Daz.

GAZ (screaming in agony) What the fuck did you do that for?

DAZ You did it first.

GAZ That's not the-

A dark, furry claw slashes across Gaz's face. Blood splatters across Daz's face.

A single eyeball spins slowly through the still night air.

DAZ Sorry.

Daz runs away, as quickly as he can with an arrow sticking out of his foot.

EXT. WOODS-FIELD-NIGHT.

Daz hobbling out of the treeline, he is now more scared than he has ever been in his life.

SFX: Wolf howls.

Daz limps quicker across the field, and falls over.

EXT. CAR-COUNTRY ROAD-DAY.

The car is a small hatchback. It's front passenger side wheel is the spare. It has a plastic bat hanging from the rear view mirror.

There is a bumper sticker on the back that reads;

"MY OTHER CAR IS A CASKET."

The car passes a road sign that reads;

"BURNDALE 3/4 MILE"

Underneath that, scrawled in black marker, is;

"TURN BACK NOW"

As the car drives past, there is unknown roadkill squished by the sign.

EXT. BURNDALE VILLAGE-DAY.

SERIES OF SHOTS of the quiet countryside village. The place is beautiful and idyllic, nothing bad could ever possibly happen here. People have no need to lock their doors.

The locals are friendly and welcoming, but will always keep a

7. close eye on strangers.

People on pushbikes ride past people putting their signs outside of their small businesses and everyone waves politely and greets one another.

EXT. SLIPETT INN PUB-DAY.

The car pulls into a space outside the inn.

The sign hanging above the door is a weather beaten and faded portrait of a brown cart horse that has a massive penis. We pay no special attention to this.

INT. CAR-DAY.

ALICE COOPER, early 30s, brunette, beautiful, is behind the wheel. She has thick-rimmed glasses, and is a total horror nut. All things horror, slasher, gore she is fully into it. She absolutely loves the paranormal.

JESSE BROOKS, mid 30s, very short hair, is in the passenger seat. He is the author of more than 30 books debunking the paranormal. He is a very intelligent, multi-lingual sceptic.

ALICE Ooh, look. It looks perfect.

JESSE Does it?

ALICE Doesn't it?

JESSE If you think so.

ALICE Don't you think?

JESSE Being with you I've learned not to think.

ALICE Don't be cheeky.

JESSE Yes dear. But yes, you're right. The whole place looks perfect for the tale.

ALICE Please, just for this weekend.

JESSE What?

ALICE Don't. Don't, y'know, be you. The way you usually are.

JESSE How?

ALICE Well, you know, when everyone else is having fun with the ghosts and all that and you start explaining how things really happen.

JESSE It's what I do. It's how I make my living.

ALICE Yes, but this weekend you're on holiday. So knock that shit off.

JESSE Yes, dear.

Jesse kisses Alice's cheek.

ALICE Good. Don't you think it looks scary?

JESSE Yeah, but only in that we don't care for outsiders type of way.

ALICE Like they kill visitors and put them in pies and then send the pies to the market and deny all knowledge of the people ever being here?

JESSE I am so in love with you.

ALICE I know you are. Come on.

Alice and Jesse exit the car.

INT. SLIPETT INN-RECEPTION-DAY.

The place is dark and quiet. You can almost hear the building growing older.

There is a reception counter, that has no decoration, just an old-fashioned bell, and a stone gargoyle.

In one or two of the corners there are noticeable cobwebs, one of which has a small Spiderman action figure in it. We pay no special attention this.

Alice, far too happy to be scared, and Jesse, nonplussed, enter. Jesse is carrying most of the luggage.

ALICE This is amazing. I bet it's haunted.

JESSE Of course it is. By the last guy to carry his girlfriend's bags.

ALICE Shut up, you tart.

JESSE He was killed on this very spot, when a suitcase laden with shoes and hats the woman was never going to wear ripped through him and split him in half.

ALICE You are such a girl.

Alice hits the bell.

A muzak/instrumental version of 'Werewolves of London' by Warren Zevon plays.

Both Alice and Jesse look questioningly at the little bell.

SINDY STYLES, late 20s, pretty, blond, enters from a back room behind reception. She is wearing bright pink and is very bubbly and bouncy and happy. She is the total opposite to everything in a dark, ghoulish, haunted place. She has a high, shrill voice.

She pushes a button on her mobile phone and the MUSIC STOPS.

10.

Alice and Jesse look in unison from the bell to Sindy.

SINDY Hi, you alright?

ALICE And that ruined it.

SINDY How can I help?

ALICE We've booked a room for the weekend.

SINDY I see. And what's the name?

JESSE Whose?

Alice elbows Jesse to shut him up and keep him in line.

SINDY Well, yours.

ALICE It's under the name Jesse Brooks.

SINDY One moment please.

Sindy starts leafing through a large ledger. The pages are all blank.

JESSE Why's it in my name?

ALICE No reason.

JESSE Is it because you don't want people knowing your name?

ALICE I don't have a problem with my name. I like my name.

SINDY Would you like to sign the book?

11.

ALICE What do you need my name for?

ART ARKLE, 50s, over-weight, and the landlord of the inn, enters. He is no fool, and is always on the look-out for a good deal. He will stop to pick up loose money on the ground.

JESSE It's Alice.

SINDY Alice?

ART Who the fuck is Alice?

JESSE She is. How rude.

ART Hello. Here for the weekend?

ALICE Yup. And you?

ART Oh, I'm here for a lot longer than that. Art Arkle, the landlord. You must be..?

JESSE Jesse Brooks. And this is my girlfriend, Alice-

ALICE (interrupting) Alice, that's right. Alice.

ART Well, I'll let you get signed in.

ALICE Oh, Art?

ART Yes, dear?

ALICE Do you know anything about the folktales of the werewolf?

12.

SINDY Werewolf?

ALICE Werewolf.

JESSE There gargoyle. No wolf-

ALICE (interrupting) Shut up.

JESSE These people don't want to be hassled about all that nonsense.

SINDY Well, actually.

ART Far from it. Burndale lives off our werewolf tourism.

JESSE It does?

SINDY It does.

ART Yes. Most of us here in the 'dale have nightmares about it dying.

ALICE I can imagine.

ART Course, we get people, once, twice a year. Show up, try to catch the wolf. We genuinely hope that no one ever does catch it.

JESSE Really? Are you, am I really hearing this?

ALICE Come on, we need to get settled.

13.

SINDY Here's the key.

ALICE Thank you.

ART Once you're in, come and see me, miss. I can tell you a tale or two about the wolf.

ALICE Will do.

Alice and Jesse sign the book, then take their bags and exit to the stair case.

Art nods at Sindy, who rips the page out of the ledger that Alice signed.

Art exits.

SINDY Some bad shit rising.

INT. SLIPETT INN-HALLWAY-DAY.

The hallway has dark, almost Gothic wallpaper, but framed pictures of very bright, colourful portraits that have no business being there.

Alice and Jesse enter, carrying their bags.

JESSE This place is odd. Very odd.

ALICE You promised.

JESSE No I never.

ALICE Well you're promising now.

JESSE Of course I am.

CATHERINE KNOX, mid 30s, dark hair, not one to question anything, and her husband;

14.

NICKY KNOX, mid 30s, not much of a reader or thinker, hates being away from his sofa, exit their room.

CATHERINE Hello. Didn't realise there were other guests staying here.

ALICE We only just checked in.

CATHERINE Which is why you're carrying bags.

JESSE Yes.

CATHERINE See that, Nicky? Her man carries the bags.

NICKY I'm on holiday, I don't carry anything on holiday.

CATHERINE He's on holiday a lot.

JESSE We can see you two are busy, we'll leave you to it.

CATHERINE What room are you in? Maybe we're neighbours.

JESSE Thank you, but we're not in to that.

ALICE Jesse.

NICKY Into what?

JESSE Swingers.

NICKY Who is?

15.

ALICE No one, I assure you.

NICKY No one what?

JESSE Do I take it you don't do a lot of thinking on holiday, either?

NICKY Huh?

ALICE We'll let you get on.

JESSE These bags aren't getting any lighter.

CATHERINE Hope we can catch-up later.

ALICE Okay. Catch-up on what?

CATHERINE Everything. Come along, Nicky.

Catherine and Nicky exit.

ALICE They seemed...nice.

JESSE Notice they didn't introduce themselves?

ALICE What? A sign of ill-breeding? You're such a snob sometimes.

JESSE Ill-breeding, no. In-breeding perhaps.

ALICE Shut up.

INT. BEDROOM 1-DAY.

Alice and Jesse enter, then stop.

16.

ALICE Oh wow.

JESSE What-holy shit.

ALICE It's perfect.

The room is decorated with wolf-centric things. There are wolf heads on the wall, a stuffed wolf by the window. There are framed pictures of werewolves on the walls.

There is a frame that has no picture, just a plain piece of paper on which is printed the legend; "In Mel We Trust." We pay no special attention to this.

JESSE Is this what the inside of your head looks like?

ALICE Don't you like it?

JESSE Your head? Yes, I love your head.

Alice enters the room properly and sits on the bed.

ALICE It's exactly what I wanted it to look like.

JESSE Does that mean it's getting you in the mood?

ALICE Do you ever think of anything else?

Jesse enters, closing the door behind him.

JESSE Around you? No. It's impossible.

ALICE Creep.

JESSE You love it.

17.

Jesse kisses Alice and pushes her flat onto the bed.

ALICE Didn't say I didn't.

JESSE Oh thank God.

ALICE I, no wait, oh sweet Jesus, Jesse.

JESSE What? Oh, no. I've just got your glasses case in my pocket.

ALICE Oh.

JESSE I mean we can still do it.

ALICE I might not want to do it.

JESSE Oh, you want to do it. We all want to do it. Why wouldn't you want to do it?

ALICE (laughing) Because my boyfriend's an idiot.

JESSE You seeing other people?

Alice playfully slaps Jesse's arm, then pulls his head down for a long kiss.

TILT UP to a framed painting above the bed of the Wolf from Little Red Riding Hood dressed up like Grandma. The eyes move from side-to-side.

INT. SLIPPET INN-DINING ROOM-DAY.

The 'dining room' is simply the far end of the main pub room, which itself is not very big. The tables have table-cloths thrown over them, none of the cloths are the right size for the tables.

BENNY MORROW, mid 40s, nervous, jittery, doesn't really ever want to be noticed, and his wife;

18.

MARION MORROW, mid 40s, loud, obnoxious, the sort of woman you hope gets in an accident, are sat at the table.

Sindy enters to wait on them.

SINDY Mr and Mrs Morrow, have you decided yet?

MARION We haven't even seen the menu yet.

BENNY Would it be possible at all to see a menu? If it's not too-

MARION (interrupting) Silence, Benjamin. We will have a menu now.

SINDY I'll go get you them.

MARION No. Silly girl. Listen when I speak. I said we will have a menu. Singular. I shall choose what Benjamin will eat.

SINDY Well if you're sure.

MARION Insolent child. Bring me your supervisor.

SINDY (under breath) What, you going to eat him?

Benny tries to stifle a laugh.

MARION What was that?

SINDY Right away, madam.

Sindy exits.

19.

MARION Are you laughing, Benjamin?

BENNY Wouldn't think of it, Marion.

INT. KITCHEN-DAY.

Art sat, reading the local paper and smoking. He ashes the cigarette nonchalantly into a tea pot.

The paper is called "The Local Newspaper" the main headline reads, 'More Missing in Werewolf Attack.' We pay no special attention to this.

Sindy enters.

ART Alright?

SINDY Grumpy bitch wants a menu. And to see you.

ART Me? What'd I do?

SINDY It's about what I did.

ART Christ honey. What did you do?

SINDY I'm not too sure.

ART You never are. She with her hubby?

SINDY Yes.

ART That'll be it.

Art finishes the cigarette and throws the butt in the sink. He puts the lid on the teapot and picks it up.

SINDY I really don't think I did anything.

20.

ART Don't worry about it. Wish me luck.

INT. SLIPPET INN-DINING ROOM-DAY.

Benny, looking brow-beaten, and Marion, looking as though everyone else on the planet is an imbecile, and everyone should count themselves lucky that she is here to lead them.

MARION And did you see the way she was dressed?

BENNY Yes, dear.

MARION So much skin on display. Dressed like a whore.

BENNY (happy) Yeah.

MARION What?

BENNY Total disgrace.

MARION My eye on you.

BENNY (sarcastically) Oh good.

Art enters, and places a the teapot on the table, and hands Benny the menu.

MARION I'll take that, thank you.

ART Of course. Is everything okay?

BENNY Lovely, thank you-

21.

MARION (interrupting) Actually I must say that I'm less than impressed with your serving wench.

ART Sindy?

MARION I don't need to know her name, she's the help.

ART Naturally.

MARION I trust that she will be suitably disciplined.

Marion doesn't pay attention. She is too busy looking over the menu, and being disgusted by what she is reading.

ART Within the hour, yes. I'm just waiting for my wife to return, and then the help shall be thrashed mercilessly.

MARION Mm-hmm. Good. Nothing here looks good. Is there somewhere else in the village to eat?

ART There is.

MARION Well tell me.

ART I'd rather not.

MARION I beg your pardon.

ART The other eateries-

MARION (interrupting) Eateries. Terrible word.

22.

ART I don't own them. I don't really want you taking your custom elsewhere.

BENNY I'm sure we'll be having our evening meal with you.

ART That's something. I look forward to having your wife for dinner. Enjoy your tea.

Art exits.

Marion clears her throat, clicks her fingers and points at the teapot.

Benny silently pours the tea.

EXT. SLIPPET INN-AFTERNOON.

A purple hearse with black flames painted on drives past slowly.

Alice and Jesse exit, holding hands. They are very much the couple in love.

JESSE So where to first?

ALICE I don't know. I read that pretty much the entire area is caked in history.

JESSE Caked?

ALICE It's grammatically correct.

JESSE It sounds bizarre.

ALICE You sound bizarre.

JESSE You look bizarre.

23.

ALICE You know what we just did in the room?

JESSE Oh yes indeedy.

ALICE You ever want to do it again?

JESSE I'll be good.

ALICE Clever boy. There's supposed to be a haunted rock just on the outskirts.

JESSE A haunted rock?

ALICE The locals call it The Ghost Rock.

JESSE You've brought us to such a hip happening place that they boast a haunted rock? I must really be in love with you.

ALICE Of course you are. After what we just did in the room there's no doubt of that.

JESSE Ghost Rock. Sounds like a novelty Halloween song.

Up ahead, in the middle of the small village square, Daz, his foot bandaged and leaning on one crutch, is holding court to a small smattering of locals.

ALICE Well this is going to be gold.

JESSE Really?

ALICE Bet he's got stories for your book.

Alice leads Jesse over to the small crowd by Daz. They walk

24. past the parked purple hearse.

The driver's door opens, and a woman's leg wearing a boot steps out.

We do not see who the driver is.

DAZ It was huge. Covered head-to-toe in thick fur.

MALE VILLAGER Like Cousin It from The Addams Family?

DAZ No. It had a long, thick snout that looked like dark grey leather-

FEMALE VILLAGER (interrupting) You said it was completely covered in fur.

DAZ It was.

FEMALE VILLAGER Then how did you see what its snout looked like?

DAZ Would you just shut up and let me talk? It's eyes were red as the sun-

MALE VILLAGER (interrupting) That's lyrics to Ballroom Blitz.

FEMALE VILLAGER And the sun's not red, it's yellow if anything.

DAZ Do you want to hear about this or not?

MALE VILLAGER When do you think he'll strike again?

DAZ I don't know. Tonight's a full moon isn't it?

25.

FEMALE VILLAGER What makes you think it's a he?

MALE VILLAGER He said it had grey fur.

FEMALE VILLAGER So?

MALE VILLAGER I don't know, in my mind I just see a boy werewolf with grey fur.

FEMALE VILLAGER And what colour fur should a girl werewolf have, pink?

ALICE I'm loving all this.

JESSE I know you are.

SGT LUGOSI, late 40s, not too bright, enters the small crowd of people.

SGT LUGOSI What are you up to, young Darren?

DAZ I'm telling everyone about my attack.

SGT LUGOSI Christ, have you attacked someone?

DAZ No, I was attacked.

SGT LUGOSI What, again?

JESSE He's my favourite.

ALICE Of course he is.

SGT LUGOSI More of that nonsense. What was it again, a vampire?

26.

DAZ It was the wolf. You know it was. There's been more than enough sightings and attacks for you to take it seriously.

SGT LUGOSI Alright, everybody disperse. You don't have to go here, but you can't stay home.

FEMALE VILLAGER What?

DAZ Why wont you believe me?

SGT LUGOSI Look Daz, everyone knows what really happened to you out there. You were poaching, again, and you both got spooked. Gaz accidentally shot you in the foot there, and knowing you were going to be in trouble for being out there, he ran away and left you. Some friend, if you ask me.

DAZ That's not what happened. I've told you it was the werewolf. The legend is true.

SGT LUGOSI Come along now folks.

The small crowd begin to leave. Daz hobbles away, clearly angry.

DAZ I'll show you, I'll go back and get proof. I'll catch the damned thing myself, if I have to.

Daz shuffles through the small crowd, not watching where he's going, yelling back over his shoulder at Sgt Lugosi, who is stood near Alice and Jesse.

DAZ I'll show you, Sgt Lugosi. I'll show you all, I'll make you all look-

27.

Daz bumps into someone and falls to the ground.

Starting at her boots, TILT UP to reveal NATALIE BRENNER. Mid 30s, brunette, beautiful. She is wearing mostly black but with a purple cloak and hood. She has matching purple eye- shadow and lipstick. She is a total bad ass who has travelled the world hunting werewolves, and the fact that she is a total bad-ass makes her incredibly sexy.

She is stood with her feet shoulder width apart, fists on her hips, her cloak blowing slightly in the breeze so that she looks like a superhero.

SGT LUGOSI Wow.

JESSE This could be fun.

ALICE There's no wind.

DAZ Who are you?

ZOOM IN and PAN UP to Natalie's face.

NATALIE I'm Natalie Brenner; werewolf hunter.

ALICE/JESSE/SGT LUGOSI Jesus.

NATALIE You're the guy who saw the dog the other night?

DAZ Yes.

NATALIE Remember where?

DAZ Yes.

NATALIE You're going to take me there. I need to investigate.

28.

DAZ Okay. Do you mind if I stand up? It's like I'm talking to you from under a cliff.

Daz struggles with his bad foot and his one crutch to stand up properly. Nobody even attempts to help him.

DAZ No-no, don't help me. I can do it

Daz finally stand up.

NATALIE Can we go there now?

DAZ (out of breath) Where?

NATALIE The scene of the attack.

ALICE We want to come, too.

NATALIE Really?

ALICE (sarcastically) No, I'm lying.

Natalie speaks to Daz, Alice speaks to Jesse.

NATALIE/ALICE What a bitch.

JESSE The werewolf stories are kind of why we're here.

NATALIE I know you.

JESSE (to Alice) I swear I've never met her.

NATALIE You're Jesse Brooks.

29.

JESSE I am.

NATALIE I'm familiar with your work.

JESSE That a compliment?

NATALIE I think you're quite smart, but you refuse to see the truth.

JESSE Which is what?

DAZ That which is in accordance with fact or reality.

SGT LUGOSI Shut up, boy.

NATALIE The truth is that lycans are real.

JESSE But, you see, they're not though.

NATALIE/ALICE Yes they are.

DAZ They are real. I saw ours.

ALICE Ours?

SGT LUGOSI Pay no attention. Burndale has been rumoured to have its own lycanthrope for a good long while now. Things some people will do for a little attention.

JESSE I believe him. He used the big long proper word for werewolf so he must know what he's talking about.

30.

DAZ What, you think I shot myself in the foot with an arrow?

SGT LUGOSI Knowing you, yes.

DAZ Well I didn't.

ALICE Is it far?

DAZ To where it happened?

ALICE Yes.

DAZ No. Might take a while to get there though.

SGT LUGOSI Why's that?

Daz lifts his bad foot up.

SGT LUGOSI Still sticking to the story then?

DAZ What story? You've seen the wound. You've seen the hole.

NATALIE I don't mean to interrupt, but really I do. Could we get going? The sooner I stop this beast the better.

JESSE Did she just look at me when she said that?

ALICE/SGT LUGOSI You wish.

31.

NATALIE Seriously people, we're burning daylight here.

SGT LUGOSI You're really going to waste your time trying to stop something that doesn't even really exist?

DAZ It is real. I saw it. It killed Gaz.

NATALIE The moron's right, they are real. Very real. And I've been reading about the one you've got. I know about it, and I'm going to catch it or kill it.

JESSE Of course you are.

SGT LUGOSI Why are the sexy ones always so dumb?

DAZ I'm not that dumb.

ALICE/JESSE/NATALIE Shut up.

SGT LUGOSI Listen lady-

NATALIE (interrupting) Natalie.

SGT LUGOSI Natalie, please. There's nothing out there. Never has been, never will be. It's just silly rumours and little children's horror stories so that they'd be back home and in bed before nightfall. You're chasing ghosts.

DAZ You believe in ghosts?

32.

ALICE I'm pushing him into traffic.

NATALIE Come on, this guy's wasting my time.

Natalie follows Daz, who's limping.

ALICE Well that's our afternoon sorted.

JESSE You don't think those two people are crazy?

SGT LUGOSI Exactly what they are.

ALICE Possibly. Probably. But that's what makes it fun.

Alice follows Natalie and Daz.

JESSE She's going to get me killed.

SGT LUGOSI Yeah.

JESSE What?

SGT LUGOSI Nothing.

Sgt Lugosi looks guilty and hurries away.

Jesse looks about, no-longer overly trusting of the village.

EXT. FIELD-WOODS-AFTERNOON.

Daz, hobbling along, followed closely by Natalie, who is taking everything in and isn't missing a single detail, walk along the fence by the treeline.

Alice and Jesse follow on after them.

NATALIE What time were you out here?

33.

DAZ Um...dark.

NATALIE Dark?

DAZ That's right.

NATALIE Dark.

DAZ Yes.

NATALIE I ask what time and you tell me dark?

DAZ Dark, yes.

NATALIE Dark on the dot? Not quarter-past dark, not half-past dark, just...dark?

DAZ Well it definitely wasn't daytime.

NATALIE Are you an only child, Daz?

DAZ No, why?

NATALIE Just wondering if your parents had any children that lived.

DAZ Hurtful. I see someone's been attending charm school.

ALICE What do you think we'll find?

JESSE Proof we should have stayed at home.

ALICE Behave.

34.

JESSE I don't know. But whatever it is, I bet it can be logically explained.

ALICE You know, I had a feeling you were going to say something like that. Not everything can be explained away.

JESSE Yes. It can. That's the whole point. There's a reason and cause for everything.

ALICE You're so cynical.

JESSE Sceptical.

ALICE What would you consider to be real proof?

JESSE If I had the opportunity to carry out an autopsy on a dead one.

ALICE And failing that?

JESSE Then I'll keep my mouth shut so as not to fall out with my amazing, beautiful, talented, sexy, insane girlfriend.

Alice kisses Jesse on the mouth.

ALICE You were doing so well until the end.

JESSE Just like sex then.

DAZ This is where we went over.

NATALIE You hopped the fence here?

35.

DAZ She's not even listening to me. Yes.

NATALIE Which way did the lycan come from?

DAZ That way. But it didn't just come in a straight line. It ran around us first, distracting us and disorientating us so that when it did attack we were totally clueless. It knew what it was doing.

NATALIE Hmm, I like that doggy's style.

Jesse goes to speak but Alice slaps his stomach to keep him silent.

NATALIE Where did the attack take place?

DAZ Deeper into the woods.

NATALIE Alright then. You know what's next?

Natalie, Alice and Jesse navigate the fence effortlessly to stand on the other side.

DAZ Hang on. There now. With you in a minute.

Daz has nothing but trouble trying to get across the fence, with the bad foot and one crutch. He slips, falls, bounces his head off a fence post and is basically being beaten up by his own incompetence.

This is going on behind Natalie, Alice and Jesse who pay no attention to Daz.

ALICE This is perfect ground for a werewolf.

JESSE What?

36.

ALICE Lots of hiding places. A ready food source.

NATALIE I agree.

JESSE What about the werewolf of north Africa? not exactly the same conditions.

NATALIE So you believe in the werewolves of other continents?

DAZ I'm okay.

JESSE Of course not. It turned out to be lions, whose hunting patterns become disrupted because of the full moon.

NATALIE Just because that one case was disproved doesn't mean that they don't exist.

JESSE No, the fact that there has never been a proven case, ever, and that every suggested case has been logically explained away leads me to believe that none of them exist.

ALICE But nothing exists until the first proven one. So just because we haven't proved it yet doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

JESSE So how? How exactly does the skeletal frame stretch and twist and contort to change someone's entire shape?

BEAT.

ALICE/NATALIE Magic.

37.

JESSE Well that's scientific.

DAZ It's alright, I'm okay.

Daz, cut, scratched, exhausted and muddy, joins them.

DAZ Okay, I'm here. Shall we?

NATALIE Let's go then.

DAZ Actually might need a minute.

NATALIE Fuck's sake.

Natalie looks off into the woods in despair at having been partnered with such an idiot.

Jesse runs his eyes all over Alice. At any moment he might pounce on her.

INT. OFFICE-AFTERNOON.

Art and Sgt Lugosi sat in the office on the 'visitor' side of a large desk.

FRANK BRODY, mid 40s, bald, stocky,is sat with them. He is a butcher by trade and is quick to anger and prone to violent outbursts.

DARREL DEMPLE, early 50s, local businessman and has made a fortune from werewolf tourism is sat behind the desk.

ART Gentlemen, we might have a problem.

FRANK I don't like problems. I find them...problematic.

DARREL I'm sure whatever it is can be used to our advantage. We just have to remain calm and find a way to turn it into an opportunity. Now, what is it?

38.

ART Lugosi?

SGT LUGOSI Arkle.

ART No, you fool. Tell them.

SGT LUGOSI Oh. We've got a visitor or two.

DARREL Good. We're a tourist town.

ART Two of them are staying with me.

DARREL That doesn't really, what?

SGT LUGOSI There's a man staying here, Jesse Brooks. Here with his girlfriend. Anyway, he's a debunker.

FRANK Religious bastards grate my cheese.

ART What?

DARREL No, Frank. It's not a religion. It means that he likes to disprove things.

FRANK Like ghosts and psychics?

ART Like werewolves.

FRANK Oh. Bugger.

ART And the woman?

SGT LUGOSI I did some research-

39.

DARREL (interrupting) Research?

SGT LUGOSI I Googled it.

DARREL Ah.

SGT LUGOSI I...investigated her name. Natalie Brenner.

FRANK What? The Natalie Brenner?

SGT LUGOSI You've heard of her?

FRANK No.

ART Thank you, Frank. Very helpful.

DARREL Who's Natalie Brenner?

SGT LUGOSI She's a monster hunter. She's had, shall we call them adventures, on pretty much every continent.

DARREL Okay. That's good. She'll bring more attention to our humble little village.

ART Not quite. She's here to catch it.

SGT LUGOSI He means the werewolf.

DARREL I'd gathered.

FRANK She wants to catch it? That doesn't sound too good.

40.

DARREL No. I can already feel my wallet wincing.

SGT LUGOSI So what do we do? Make them disappear?

FRANK Wouldn't be the first.

ART I don't know. Might be too early.

DARREL Lugosi, I've got a job for you.

SGT LUGOSI Yes?

DARREL I need some info. Find out how well known the debunker is.

ART Jesse Brooks. He's sold quite a few copies.

FRANK Copies?

DARREL Copies of what?

ART Author. Written nearly thirty books on the paranormal, haunted places, that type of thing. Sold quite well from what I hear.

DARREL Jesus.

FRANK How well?

ART Well enough that Alice, that's the woman he's travelling with, is very much out of his league.

41.

DARREL Really?

SGT LUGOSI Oh yeah, total hottie.

ART She is quite attractive.

SGT LUGOSI Smashing knockers.

DARREL And this Brenner woman?

ART First I'm hearing of her.

DARREL Okay. Lugosi, find out as much as you can about her. If she's got a loyal and large fan club then we're in trouble. If her latest exploits have been a colossal failure then we could have caught a break.

FRANK How so?

DARREL If her career's on the skids, then it's not out of the question that perhaps she topped herself.

FRANK Good, I'll sharpen my blades.

ART I'll not put pies back on the menu just yet.

DARREL Look, I'm not happy with the way we sometimes have to handle things, either. But as long as we're careful, and we don't slip up, we'll be fine.

ART Agreed.

42.

FRANK Okay.

DARREL Good. Back here in two days. We don't jump until we know precisely how much attention our two guests are going to draw.

ART Right. Back here, two days.

DARREL And keep it under your hats. Don't want the entire village knowing about this.

INT. SLIPPET INN-AFTERNOON.

Art escorting Darrel, and Frank out.

Sindy is stood by the reception desk with her boss;

CHINA ARKLE, 50s, broad, no subtlety.Not the type of woman you'd want angry at you.

SINDY Bye. See you. What was all that about?

CHINA They're planning on another murder.

SINDY Oh. Mind if I take my break now?

CHINA No, get yourself off.

SINDY What, in ten minutes?

CHINA What?

SINDY Nothing.

Sindy exits.

China watches Sindy approvingly.

43.

CHINA That ass.

EXT. WOODS-AFTERNOON.

Natlie, Daz, Alice and Jesse stood by the tree where the attack took place.

DAZ I was stood here, Gaz was stood by that tree there.

NATALIE And how did the attack happen? Walk me through it.

DAZ Well we came in from there, and then when we got to here, Gaz started to get jittery and nervous. He wanted to go back, but I said grow a pair and keep going. Then over there, going that way, there was a, like a flash.

NATALIE A flash?

DAZ A furry flash. Or like, a woosh, a streak.

NATALIE A streak.

JESSE So you were flashed by a streaker, while alone in the woods with your guy pal?

DAZ You can make anything sound bad if you say it like that.

NATALIE Then what happened?

Daz moves about as best he can with the bad foot and the crutch, but the terrain makes it even harder for him. He is quickly getting exhausted.

44.

DARREL It sort of moved around us a bit, and then it went quiet, and then it jumped out at us.

NATALIE Jumped out at you?

DAZ Yes.

ALICE On you or at you?

JESSE I made love on my girlfriend, I made love at my girlfriend. Two very different things.

ALICE Neither is overly romantic.

JESSE What?

ALICE Make love on your girlfriend? To, with. Not on.

JESSE Yeah, but definitely not at.

NATALIE People, please. Then what?

DAZ It came through here, and sort of...swiped at Gaz, knocking him over there.

NATALIE Where?

DAZ Over here.

NATALIE Where were you?

DAZ Back over there.

45.

NATALIE Where? Show me.

DAZ I can't. I really can't. I'm so tired.

Daz slumps against a tree.

NATALIE So, the wolf comes to here, slashes out, and sends your friend back against this tree?

DAZ Yes.

NATALIE And the wolf killed him here?

DAZ Yes. I think.

ALICE You ran away? It's okay if you did, anyone would. Face-to-face with a werewolf who was killing someone.

Natalie investigates the area.

DAZ I didn't run away.

JESSE It's okay if you did. Really.

DAZ No, I mean I couldn't. I had an arrow sticking out of my foot.

JESSE Yeah, we're the real heroes.

NATALIE Despite what you might think, something definitely happened here.

ALICE Why's that?

NATALIE Your friend's been keeping an eye.

46.

PULL FOCUS from Natalie, to a branch she's looking at. Hanging from it, like a Christmas tree bauble, is Gaz's eye.

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD-AFTERNOON.

Natalie, Daz, Alice, Jesse and Sgt Lugosi stood.

NATALIE How did you miss it?

SGT LUGOSI What do you mean?

NATALIE When you searched the area after Daz reported the attack. How did you guys miss an eye hanging from a branch like that?

SGT LUGOSI Well it's quite a complicated situation to have to explain due to the mitigation of the litigation of the situation-

JESSE (interrupting) They didn't investigate.

ALICE What?

JESSE That scene. Untouched since the attack.

NATALIE Makes you say that?

JESSE I investigate things. I know when somewhere has been investigated and when it hasn't. Mr Policeman here never come out here. Did you?

SGT LUGOSI Well, no. Not really. Not what you might think of as a proper investigation, no.

47.

NATALIE What did you do?

SGT LUGOSI Not too much.

NATALIE Which means what exactly?

SGT LUGOSI We did nothing.

NATALIE Nothing?

SGT LUGOSI No.

NATALIE Why not?

SGT LUGOSI Why would we do anything? We're the police.

NATALIE I'm in the back-end of beyond here.

SGT LUGOSI Well what did you want us to do?

NATALIE A man is attacked, his friend and probably lover is killed-

DAZ (interrupting) My what now?

NATALIE And you, the public face of law enforcement did nothing? I'd expect you to at least come out and have a look at the area.

SGT LUGOSI Maybe that's how they do things in the big city-

48.

NATALIE (interrupting) Big city? That's how they do things everywhere. Are you telling me that you haven't even checked to see if the body is still out there?

SGT LUGOSI Oh I doubt that.

ALICE Why?

SGT LUGOSI Well the werewolf doesn't really ever leave anything behind.

DAZ My friend.

JESSE I thought you didn't believe in it?

ALICE You might need to work on your empathy.

SGT LUGOSI Well they don't. Everything's usually gone.

ALICE Sorry, can I just check; What do you mean by usually?

SGT LUGOSI How's that now?

ALICE I know there have been a lot of sightings, but how many people have been eaten by the wolf to warrant the use of usually?

Sgt Lugosi looks guilty, as though he's just realised he's admitted something that he shouldn't have.

SGT LUGOSI That's all very classified. I can't say anything about it.

49.

ALICE I think you just have.

NATALIE Other than your friend, has anyone else gone missing?

DAZ Uh...I'd have to think about it.

NATALIE I'm not sure we have that much time.

DAZ There's some people-

SGT LUGOSI (interrupting) Look, if this is a crime scene-

JESSE (interrupting) If?

SGT LUGOSI I'm going to have to ask you all to leave this area now. Please disperse. Leave this place. Leave it now.

Natalie stares at Sgt Lugosi in a way that suggests he's beginning to test her patience.

SGT LUGOSI Please.

JESSE We should be getting back.

ALICE Should we?

JESSE I've got things to be writing up.

SGT LUGOSI You can't write about this.

ALICE Why not?

50.

SGT LUGOSI It's law.

ALICE Which law?

SGT LUGOSI British law.

ALICE How did you get this job? Did you enter a competition? Did you collect tokens from the petrol station, what was it?

SGT LUGOSI I don't know what you mean.

NATALIE I believe you. Come on, lead the way back.

DAZ Yeah, okay.

NATALIE And at some point, I'm going to want to chat with you.

SGT LUGOSI Lucky me.

NATALIE Let's go.

Natalie leads Alice, Jesse, and Daz, looking dejected and in pain, away.

Sgt Lugosi watches them leave closely. He is a man who knows there is clearly a lot of trouble coming.

EXT. SLIPPET INN-NIGHT.

LS of the front of the building.

MAN walks his dog past, the dog stops and urinates on the wall.

INT. SLIPPET INN-DINING ROOM-NIGHT.

Natalie, Daz, Jesse and Alice sat at a table.

51.

CAMERA is kept tight, so that we don't see the rest of the room.

ALICE Maybe we should set a trap?

DAZ (worried) What?

ALICE Lure it out. Tomorrow's a full moon. If it's out there, it'll be tomorrow night.

JESSE Or it could be some loony tune who has a nasty hobby of killing. Rather not taunt it, to be honest.

NATALIE No, I think she's right. We need to lure it out. I can't catch if it if I don't set a trap.

DAZ How you going to do that?

NATALIE It's a dog, basically. It needs a master.

ALICE And you're that master?

NATALIE Don't see why not. No one else has volunteered. I'll need you all as well. If you want it alive.

JESSE Since it's not a werewolf, probably best if we don't kill it.

ALICE We?

DAZ Yeah, what the hell do you mean, we? You, no we. What's all this we?

52.

NATALIE You're the link to the lycan. You have to be there.

DAZ Oh do I?

NATALIE Yes.

DAZ Okay.

ALICE So our trap and ability to catch the dog is based off you being the master and him being the bait?

NATALIE That's right. The trap is only set once the master baits.

Natalie realises what she just said.

JESSE Okay, so how do we catch whomever it is, because I guarantee it is not a werewolf, without killing him? That's a thought.

NATALIE Beginner's luck.

ALICE What?

JESSE What if it's not a him or a her, but a them?

NATALIE Contrary to how a dog would behave, lycans tend to be solitary, not pack animals.

JESSE I'm very happy for you, but you see, it's not a lycan. It's just some loopy- loo who's behaving erratically and hurting people.

53.

ALICE Maybe here might not to be the best place to discuss it?

NATALIE You're right. I feel the walls have ears.

On the next tables either side of them, Marion and Benny, and at the other table Catherine and Nicky, are sat and leaning in to listen to the conversation.

JESSE Maybe we should retire to our rooms?

DAZ I haven't got a room.

NATALIE We'll go to mine.

DAZ Alright.

NATALIE Behave. I have equipment in my room.

Catherine looks shocked.

DAZ I really think anything we find out we should be handing over to the police.

JESSE I disagree. Although I'm not sure how you plan to lure someone, because it is a person. It's not a werewolf, it's just a regular person.

NATALIE This isn't my first rodeo. You think I've never accidentally caught a man when I've been chasing a beast?

Marion looks offended.

DAZ So what are you saying?

NATALIE All back to my room.

54.

BENNY/NICKY Okay.

Marion stares daggers at Benny. Catherine looks questioningly at Nicky.

ALICE I feel grimy.

INT. OFFICE-NIGHT.

Art and China sat at the desk.

CHINA I'm serious, Art. This is bad news. It needs to be nipped in the bud right now.

ART Yeas dear-

CHINA (interrupting) I mean it, have you seen who they are?

ART Who-

CHINA (interrupting) No, of course not. Why would you have? It's only our lives at stake.

ART Well, our freedom maybe. But not our-

CHINA (interrupting) Our lives, our freedom, Arthur. Don't be so silly.

Sindy enters.

CHINA Knock-knock.

SINDY Who's there?

CHINA Why didn't you knock?

55.

SINDY Why didn't you knock who?

ART No, Sindy. No.

SINDY I don't get it. Oh, was it like the interrupting cow joke?

CHINA The interrupting-

SINDY (interrupting) Moo.

CHINA Arthur.

ART What can I help you with, Sindy?

SINDY Just letting you know that everyone's left the dining room. Can I close up now?

CHINA They've left? To where?

SINDY I don't know.

CHINA You didn't follow them?

SINDY No. Should I have?

ART No.

CHINA Yes.

ART No.

56.

CHINA Arthur, really. We need to know what's going on with them. How much they know. If they know enough to get...people in trouble.

SINDY I thought I was in trouble once. But a day or two later I had my period and it was all cool.

ART Sindy, what have we always told you?

SINDY Even if it's stood up you can still get knocked-up and having a bath right after won't help.

CHINA Christ and the pharisees.

SINDY Should I go now?

CHINA Yes. No, wait. I've got an idea.

INT. SLIPPETT INN-NATALIE'S ROOM-NIGHT.

Natalie is holding court. Jesse, Alice, and Daz are sat, listening intently.

NATALIE We set the trap, we need to be there early. We lie in wait until nightfall, then when the dog attacks we snare it.

DAZ When you say attack, what will the wolf be attacking, exactly?

NATALIE Well, you're the one it let get away.

DAZ And?

57.

ALICE You're the one it'll be back for. You're the one it wants.

JESSE They think you're unfinished business.

DAZ I'm not being bait.

ALICE So he's the bait, and us?

NATALIE You'll help me with the snatch.

Daz giggles.

NATALIE Grow up. When the wolf attacks Daz, then we shoot it.

JESSE You want us to shoot at what will obviously be a human?

NATALIE We'll use tranquillisers. No killing.

ALICE So Daz is the bait, we're the trigger people and you're running the operation. But why are they here?

PAN to show on the other side of the room are sat Catherine, Nicky, Marion and Benny.

NICKY We just followed you when you left.

NATALIE Why?

NICKY I don't know.

CATHERINE They followed you, it was getting late.

58.

NICKY We thought we were supposed to go with you.

JESSE Good news, Daz; you're not the only bait.

NATALIE Okay, let's start drilling positions. I have a feeling this isn't going to be so simple for some to grasp.

MARION And just who died and made you boss?

NATALIE They didn't die. They were killed.

MARION Well I never-

NATALIE (interrupting) With that face I'm not surprised. Now since this is my room and my expedition, you can either shut up and listen or you can leave.

Benny looks happy that someone has told Marion off.

MARION Are you going to let her talk to me like that?

BENNY yes.

INT. SLIPPETTINN-HALLWAY-NIGHT.

Sindy walks along the short hallway, clearly she has a mission in mind.

She stops outside Natalie's room and knocks on the door.

SINDY Hello? Miss Brenner?

Natalie opens the door. Behind her in the room are Jesse, Daz, Nicky and Benny.

59.

NATALIE Yes?

SINDY Just wanted to check you had everything. And I see that you do.

NATALIE Sorry?

SINDY Don't be. Live how you want to live girl.

NATALIE I think you've got the wrong idea.

SINDY Just a word of warning, his bends to the left.

JESSE/NICKY/BENNY She means you.

ALICE/MARIAN/CATHERINE I should hope so.

JESSE/NICKY/BENNY/ALICE/MARIAN/CATHERINE Whoa.

SINDY Oh, you've got everyone in there, don't you?

NATALIE It's really not what you think. If you really do think.

SINDY No-no, I understand. Not for me, eight men on a horse.

NATALIE I am not having sex with these men. We're having a planning meeting. It's a private affair.

SINDY I'll bet it is.

60.

NATALIE Jesus, we're not doing that. Whatever that is that you think that it is.

SINDY What? I've got such a headache.

DAZ We're trapping the werewolf.

ALICE Tell the world, why don't you?

SINDY He's already Tweeted it.

ALICE Of course he has.

DAZ What? I'm not usually invited to things.

JESSE And with good reason.

SINDY I can help. I know things.

NATALIE I doubt both statements. Come in.

INT. OFFICE-NIGHT.

Art, reading the paper, and China, sat.

CHINA She's been up there a while, Art.

ART Course she has. You sent the poor girl up to someone's room. They'll all be raw by sun-up.

CHINA What? She's not going to be doing that with them. She's supposed to be getting information, not getting that.

61.

ART Yes they're going to be doing that. That's all she does.

CHINA It is not.

ART It is. Have you not seen the graffiti at the bus stop?

CHINA That's not about Sindy. She's never even seen an aubergine, let alone done...that.

ART When you say that, do you mean that- that, or did it say something specific that she did.

CHINA What do you care?

ART Just being thorough.

CHINA So was she if the graffiti's to be believed. And what are you so happy about?

ART Just happy to be with you, dear?

CHINA Watch your ass.

ART Rather watch yours.

CHINA Make it quick.

ART Always do.

Art drops the paper and goes to mount China.

62.

EXT. COUNTRY LANE-NIGHT.

DRUNKMAN stumbles along. The road is deserted and dark.

DRUNMAN (singing) I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand.

Drunkman stops walking.

DRUNMAN Hello? Someone there? If you are, are you feeling horny? I know how to do stuff, I watch a lot of questionable television. Ah well, your loss.

Drunkman continues to stumble along, heading forward towards the camera. Behind him, in the shadows and out of focus, a Werewolf silently lowers itself onto the road.

Drunkman is totally unaware.

DRUNMAN Time to drain the lizard. Lizard? More like a dinosaur. I'm huge.

Drunkman props himself up against a tree and begins to urinate.

DRUNMAN Oh, cheeky.

SFX: Zip being pulled down, followed by the sound of urination.

DRUNMAN That's better.

Werewolf sneaks up behind Drunkman.

Drunkman in MCU side-on. As he whistles, we can see his breath leaving his mouth on this chilly night.

Drunkman stops breathing, but we still see a stream of breath.

Drunkman stops, zips up, and as he tilts his head down, a great plume of breath comes past the far side of his head, the side not shown on camera. The breath is accompanied by a loud, deep, scary growl.

63.

DRUNMAN A voice like that, you better be a looker.

Drunkman turns around and face-to-snout with the Werewolf. We see this from behind the Werewolf.

DRUNMAN Holy shit.

QUICK CUT to the Werewolf's face before it slashes at camera. We see its face for less than a second before RESUMING a normal shot.

Drunkman is huddled on the ground, with the Werewolf hunched over him tearing him to pieces.

PULL OUT as chunks of meat get thrown high into the air.

EXT. BUTCHER SHOP-MORNING.

Man with his dog walks past. The dog urinates on the wall under the window. There is a faded stain there, implying this is a regular occasion. We pay no special attention to this.

INT. BUTCHER SHOP-DAY.

ALISON FLIP, early 20s, blonde, pretty, is stood behind the counter. She is reading a newspaper, the headline reads; "WEREWOLF ATTACKS AGAIN. LEASH LAWS REVIEWED." We pay no special attention to the paper.

KID ONE and KID TWO, both teens and trying to steal things, are moving around, though being distracted by Alison's good- looks.

Sgt Lugosi enters.

ALISON Hello. Oh, good morning, Sergeant.

Kid One and Kid Two drop the things they're trying to steal and dart out of the shop.

SGT LUGOSI They must be late for something.

ALISON Something like that. You looking for Frank?

64.

SGT LUGOSI Uh, yeah. He around?

ALISON In the back. We had a fresh delivery this morning. Wasn't expecting it though.

SGT LUGOSI I should probably...

ALISON Oh yeah, go on right back.

Alison drops a huge slab of meat on the floor, then bends down to pick it up.

Sgt Lugosi heads towards the rear of the building, and is so distracted by Alison bending over he first walks into the door frame before going through.

Alison lifts the slab of meat and looks at it. It is covered in dust and lint and a plaster and other debris that might have been on the floor.

Alison slaps the meat to clean it off.

ALISON There, good as new.

Alison puts the slab on the counter, and brings a clever down hard and fast into the meat-

CUT TO:

INT. BUTCHER SHOP-BACK ROOM-DAY.

Frank brings a clever down hard and fast into a slab of meat that looks suspiciously like a human leg.

There are dead animals hanging by hooks all around.

Sgt Lugosi enters.

FRANK Nobody knocks anymore. No manners.

SGT LUGOSI We've got a problem.

65.

FRANK No, Sergeant, we had a problem. The problem went away.

SGT LUGOSI It did? What happened to it?

FRANK It went-

Frank slams the clever into the meat again.

FRANK (cont'd) Away.

SGT LUGOSI Where? I need to know for my report.

FRANK Report? You don't make a report, you soft sausage. What the hell would you keep a report of all this for? Oh sweet Jesus, Lugosi, tell me you haven't been writing things down.

SGT LUGOSI No? I'm a police officer, I'm supposed to keep records.

FRANK Christ, man. Destroy them. Now. Make sure nobody sees you, and make sure nobody reads the reports.

SGT LUGOSI Right. Nobody else will read those documents again. I'll get right on it.

Sgt Lugosi exits.

FRANK Wait, what?

INT. SLIPPET INN-DINING ROOM-MORNING.

Alice and Jesse sat at table eating breakfast.

ALICE Are we really doing this?

66.

JESSE I'm doing it purely for scientific reasons. The more people I talk to, the more obvious it will be that no one has actually seen a werewolf.

ALICE You don't know that.

JESSE Yes, I do.

ALICE Don't be a grumpy drawers. I thought scientifically you're supposed to keep an open mind about everything until you can definitely disprove it?

JESSE Did you just call me grumpy drawers?

ALICE I think Daz likes Sindy.

JESSE Why wouldn't he? She's a nice enough girl.

ALICE No, I mean he likes-likes her.

JESSE Oh, no I don't get you.

ALICE Behave yourself. Wonder why I'm with you at times.

JESSE Ah, you mean he wants to-

ALICE (interrupting) Don't be vulgar.

JESSE Put his wee-wee in her woo-woo.

ALICE His wee-wee in her woo-woo? God I'm a lucky girl.

67.

JESSE As long as you remember that.

ALICE You think Sindy's trustworthy?

JESSE Hold the front page; woman distrusts other woman.

ALICE It's not that. Just she works here, she's part of the community. Perhaps shes a double-agent?

JESSE Double-agent? I've never wanted you more.

ALICE Calm y'self. Besides, what would we do about them?

PAN to show sat at the next table are Marion, Benny, Nicky and Catherine.

BENNY Don't mind us.

MARION Benjamin, really.

BENNY (sight line drops to Alice's chest) Just happy to see a young, firm couple.

ALICE/MARION What?

BENNY In love. A young couple in love.

MARION You watch your ass.

BENNY We uh, we're not expected to go on any little trip as well, are we?

68.

ALICE I don't see why not. You've become part of all this now.

MARION Only part?

BENNY Oh, have we?

ALICE I think when the four of you followed us into the bedroom a line was crossed. So many lines.

CATHERINE So, what could we do? We're not really trained too much to do anything.

MARION Do you mind if we could get back to the actual plan? Some of us have more important things to be getting on with.

JESSE She's the bait.

ALICE Shut up.

MARION What was that?

ALICE Just telling my man to be silent.

MARION Oh, Good.

JESSE What did I do?

MARION Not you specifically, it's all of your kind.

JESSE My kind?

69.

BENNY/MARION Men.

ALICE Not sure I'd call him that.

JESSE I am here, you know?

ALICE Hush, dear, grown up's talking.

CATHERINE Do you really think we should be doing this? Maybe we should hand everything over to the police?

ALICE You did meet the local bobby, didn't you?

MARION Absolute buffoon of a man. How he manages to find the door to get out of the house in a morning is beyond me.

Jesse mouths 'Wow' to Benny, who smiles politely and nods.

ALICE The local policeman leaves a lot to be desired.

MARION Don't they all?

NICKY Besides, Natalie seems to know what she's doing.

MARION (to Catherine) That's how it starts.

CATHERINE What? What?

JESSE Based on what Sindy told us last night, Natalie's gone to market.

70.

EXT. STREET MARKET-MORNING.

There is a stretch of street that has been taken over by market stalls. Most of the stalls have hand-written signs in front of them, reading things like, "GENUINE FAKE WATCHES" "GOOCHY BAGS" "MEET PIES AND SOSOJIZZ" "RANDOM SHIT".

We pay no special attention to nay of the signs.

The market is moderately busy, with most of the shoppers surrounding one stall in particular.

Natalie enters the market, looking cool, calm and ready to do business. She walks along, scanning the stalls and the locals. She gets to the very busy stall.

NATALIE I'm looking for an Esmeralda.

MARKET MAN turns to face Natalie.

MARKETMAN You're looking for a woman named Esmeralda?

NATALIE Do you know any men named Esmeralda?

MARKETMAN No. I know a man named Leslie.

MARKET WOMAN joins in.

MARKETWOMAN I know a woman named Jo.

NATALIE Who are you?

MARKETWOMAN I'm Lee.

MARKETMAN I know a man named Val. Mel.

MARKETWOMAN My sister's called Toni.

NATALIE Good, very happy for you.

71.

MARKETMAN There's Jack, Stevie, Geri, Bobbi, Tobi, Sam, Sal.

MARKETWOMAN Nick, Vic, Micki, Frankie, Alex.

MARKETMAN Kim, Jamie, Tommie, Georgie, Ronnie.

NATALIE I think we've gotten a little off point?

MARKETWOMAN What's the point?

NATALIE A question I've been asking myself a lot recently. I'm looking for Esmeralda.

The small gathering of shoppers parts, to allow Natalie a clear path to the stall.

ESMERALDA, a beautiful gypsy woman, wearing big hoop earrings and a red bandanna, is sat at the stall. She speaks with a Transylvanian accent.

ESMERALDA I am Esmeralda. For what do you seek me?

NATALIE I have some questions, about the werewolf.

The small gathering of shoppers gossip.

ESMERALDA It is believed to be bad luck to speak of such things.

NATALIE How has that information been past on if nobody speaks of it?

SHOPPERS Ooh.

72.

ESMERALDA What is it you would like to know?

NATALIE Who it is.

ESMERALDA Who who it is is what?

SHOPPERS Huh?

NATALIE I want to know who the werewolf is, and I've reason to believe that you might know who it is.

ESMERALDA Me? What would you make thinking I know?

NATALIE Where are you supposed to be from, anyway?

Esmeralda looks worried.

ESMERALDA Come. We talking in private.

EXT. MARKET-QUIET AREA-MORNING.

Natalie and Esmeralda stood alone in a quiet, private spot behind a stall. Esmeralda has lost her Transylvanian accent.

ESMERALDA That was great, that's going to do wonders for business. The people here love all that wolf drama.

NATALIE What happened to your accent?

ESMERALDA Oh, that's just something I do for the customers. Makes it seem more erotic.

NATALIE Exotic.

73.

ESMERALDA What?

NATALIE The wolf. Who it is?

ESMERALDA I have no clue. To be honest, there aren't really any credible witnesses. Everyone who claims to see it is a crook. Makes it easier to cover up their own wrong-doing to blame a lycanthrope.

NATALIE I get the feeling that you don't really believe.

ESMERALDA I haven't decided yet. But what I do know is that I'm not the only one who stays in-doors on a full moon.

NATALIE If you had to point someone out-

ESMERALDA (interrupting) I'd use my finger. I can't say who it might be, I'm not even certain there is one anyway. But what I do know is that this tiny little place is kept running because of the werewolf legend. Try to take that away from the place might not work out so well for you.

NATALIE Are you threatening me?

ESMERALDA What? No. Why do you have to be so serious, Jesus? You're out here looking for a werewolf, I'd have expected you to have a sense of humour.

NATALIE Maybe I've seen things that don't make me feel like laughing? So you really don't have any information I can use?

74.

ESMERALDA No.

NATALIE What a bust.

Esmeralda looks at her own chest and smiles proudly.

ESMERALDA Who told you about me, anyway?

NATALIE Thank you for your time, Esmeralda.

Natalie exits.

ESMERALDA That it? Not even going to buy anything? Women are the worst.

EXT. MANSION-AFTERNOON.

LS of the mansion.

INT. MANSION-OFFICE-AFTERNOON.

Art, Frank and Darrel sat in the office.

DARREL Did it work?

ART She went to see her this morning. Lots of people saw.

DARREL Good. So that ditsy blonde finally did something right.

FRANK She needs to be gotten rid of.

DARREL Soon enough. Lugosi actually did what he was told for once as well. Must be something in the water.

ART What did he do?

75.

DARREL Some research. That Natalie Brenner, she's got a bit of a following, but nothing major. Her going missing probably wont bring too much attention.

ART And the other fella?

DARREL Pretty much the same. He's published over thirty books, but none of them have made any impact. There might be a few websites filled with nutjobs who miss the pair of them, but nothing we need to worry about. End of the month they'll have been replaced.

FRANK So when do we do it?

ART Sooner rather than later.

DARREL Tonight. Get them to Ghost Rock and kill them. Leave the bodies there for the wolf to get.

ART Full moon. Tonight or never.

DARREL Never is never an option.

FRANK One question. Who are we killing?

DARREL You don't know what this about?

ART But still want to kill them?

FRANK Yes.

DARREL I'm quite worried.

76.

ART I think we should be.

INT. BEDROOM-EVENING.

Natalie, Alice, Jesse, Marion, Benny, Catherine and Nicky sat around the room.

NATALIE Right. So that's the plan. Any questions?

CATHERINE Do we have to go?

NATALIE No, but in the long run, sorry I missed you name.

CATHERINE Catherine Knox.

JESSE And that's her husband, Nicky Knox.

NATALIE Seriously?

JESSE And she's called Marion Morrow.

NATALIE Nicky Knox and Marion Morrow? I'm surrounded by people named after cartoon lizards.

MARION Very rude.

ALICE When do we head out?

NATALIE An hour from now. Meet me at the end of the road. I've got one more thing to collect first.

ALICE You really think we'll see it tonight?

77.

NATALIE I'm counting on it.

JESSE If we don't see anything, can we put it to bed?

ALICE How do you mean?

JESSE It doesn't exist.

ALICE And what will happen to your brain if we should see it?

JESSE Then not for the first time I will apologise and once again tell you you're right.

ALICE You might just be trainable yet.

Alice gives Jesse a peck on the cheek.

JESSE We've got an hour, you say?

ALICE No. We're not doing that.

JESSE Lesbian.

NATALIE Jesus. We meet in one hour. Now everyone out.

INT. BEDROOM 2-EVENING.

'Bad Moon Rising' by Creedence Clearwater Revival plays.

Catherine and Nicky sat on the bed. Both are playing with their mobile phones and not acknowledging the other.

INT. BEDROOM 3-EVENING.