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CHAPTER 13

THE BRIGHT DARKNESS-PERSO AL INSIGHTS INTO THE ENTHEOGENIC USE OF

Julian Vayne

My entheogenic explorations with the substance known as ketamine began when I was four years old. At that age, I suffered from an astigmatism af- fecting my left eye. This led to a planned admission to the hospital and an operation to correct the problem. The used on me was ketamine, a commonly employed for surgery on children and the elderly (Couper et al., 2013). Ketamine is a very safe, reliable medicine (Jansen, 2004, p. 267) and also a medicine that can provoke strange visions, distortions of space and time, and even, 1 later discovered, open the door to peak spiritual (Jansen, 2004<,p. 267). For years after this operation, two things haunted me: The first was a vision, a nightmare. Something that I'd see in dreams when under stress (1 was something of a worrisome child), during fevers, and sometimes in the hypnagogic or hypnopompic states. The vision was of an egg. Not a realistic object but a stylized black-and-white ovoid shape in a 2D space that filled my entire visual field. Bisected at the widest part of the figure, this egg would appear on a background of black and white. As the top of the egg shape was filled with black, so the field behind that part of the shape would switch to white, and vice versa, for the bottom of the egg. Then the picture would shift, the monochromatic shades switching around, faster and faster until the black seemed white and the white dark. Flickering and flashing like lightening in the night, this strobe would continue while somehow (the geometry was and remains impossible for me to describe) fine black and livid white lines would form across (or perhaps behind) the egg shape. 300 Seeking the with Psychoactive Substances

The second, a generally less unpleasant event, was what I came to call 'The Cavern " (naming it this by the time I was in my early teens). This "vas a strange disconnected and yet intensely present state that would come upon me at odd times. Mostly when lying in bed. This spontaneously arising feeling was one of dysmetropsia, appearing in all four of its mani- festations: macropsia, micropsia, pelopsia, and teleopsia. I would somehow feel that the corner of the room was many miles, sometimes even light-years away. Yet, when I held up my hand, it seemed impossibly large, or my arm improbably long and I could touch even the farthest part of the ceiling. Had I grown gigantic or had space collapsed, or both? Both the reoccurring monochrome vision and the Alice in Wonderland-style changes of scale went on for many years. However, it was not until 1996 when I was in the Indian state of Goa that I made sense of these experiences. One evening with some friends, we each insufflated a line ofketamine (which was obtainable from a chemist in one of the larger towns). The bottle of injectable material had been "cooked up" in spoon to remove the water that resulted in a pale gray powder. As soon as the effect of the drug hit me, I realized I knew it. Realized I'd been here before. The monochromatic, linear visions with my eyes shut (like razor sharp etchings on volcanic glass, rather than the Technicolor morph- ing fractals I'd become with from such as LSD and ) had a quality exactly like that of my egg-shaped pulsating nightmare. And with my eyes open, my body seemed to be extending into space, and space itself seemed to have become plastic and distorted in just the same way as it was during The Cavern Experience. Moreover, just like in The Cavern Experience, it was not a significant visual distortion of my body that led me to think this. The changes were felt instead as a visceral, kinaesthetic transformation. While it is true that some psychoactive medicines can pro- voke a sense offamiliarity (DMT sometimes does this, perhaps because of its possible endogenous production in extreme situations such as birth, labor, and critical illness; see Strassman, 2001, p. 55), this experience felt like a clear recognition of this specific chemical. I knew this. feeling. I experienced the woozy disconnection of anesthesia and the paradoxical sense that as the light of dimmed so a bright darkness seemed to rise within me.I felt a sense of giving up and simultaneously a sense of finding myself. It was my connection with a child years ago in a hospital bed coming back to consciousness and the disturbing and yet delicious, even ecstatic, sense of waking up and coming into . The ketamine trip (whether it is undertaken in medical, recreational, or spiritual contexts) is this experience of coming into awareness. At a sufficient dosage, ketamine obliterates consciousness, plunging the user into the mythic "1\: hole" and anesthetized sleep (Jansen, 2004) Awareness is extinguished The Bright Darkness 301 for a while (depending on the method of administration and dosage), but the actual ketamine trip is something that happens as self-awareness comes back into focus. Neurologically, ketamine is an N-methyl-D-aspartate (NMDA) re- ceptor antagonist. It induces a state called anesthesia, marked by catalepsy, amnesia, and analgesia (Pender, 1971). NDMA is closely involved in the formation of memory and one might conceptualize the psychological process of the ketamine trip as being one in which the continuity of con- sciousness (what we on a daily basis report as the feeling of being an 'T' or broadly unitary and persistent self-aware identity) is temporarily obliterated. As the drug is metabolized, so the faculty of memory, and therefore the sense of self returns. This return to awareness includes the returning awareness of the body from an anesthetized state, and importantly, this includes not only the return of sensitivity to the limbs, but also a literal remembering of the psychological schema of the body. Proprioception (the sense of the relative position of neighboring parts of the body and of effort being employed in movement), exterocep- tion (by which one perceives the outside world), and interoception (by which one perceives pain, hunger, and internal sensations), all come back online. While these changes are taking place, there may be visual "psychedelic" ma- terial emerging into the mind's eye, but typically these effects are much less than those experienced with either tryptamines (such as N,N-DMT) or the phenylethylamines (such as and MDMA (Turner, 1994). However, ideational changes during a ketamine experience can be as profound as those associated with classic psychedelics from both tryptamine and phenylethyl- amine . Experiences of being present at the beginning (or end) of the universe can arise. Deep personal introspection can be provoked by ketamine, as well as ecstatic states and existential dread (Turner, 1994). Even so, ket- amine tends to be considered less psychologically challenging than materials such as LSD. Perhaps for this reason, it is more open to becoming a drug of abuse, and in recent years, it has been described as "psychedelic " (Donut, 1997). In common with most drugs, very frequent use can lead to problems. These range from the usual social and psychological difficulties of habitual drug use through to specific dangers to physical health associated with this substance. A recently identified problem for heavy users of ket- amine is a range oflower urinary tract symptoms (Hanna, 2010). Although ketamine is a new material (it was first synthesized by Calvin Stevens in 1962), since its early days, there have been a number of individuals who have explored its enthogenic potential. These people include , John C. Lilly, D. M. Turner, Marcia Moore, and Howard Alltounian. Although these and other writers have described some of their experiments, the texts that I present below are, as far as I'm aware, some of the first to not only describe the subjective experience of ketamine, but to also seek to 302 Seeking the Sacred with Psychoactive Substances deliberately place that experience within a setting designed specifically for that drug. These two accounts are separated by several years and ap- pear in Works: Stories if Occultism in Theory and Practice (Vayne, 2008) and Deep Begins Here ... Tales and Techniques cf Practical Occultism (Vayne, 2013b). As a practicing occultist, I am interested in creating ritual environments that maximize the transforrnative potential of the I'm working with. In a sense, this is a form of autopoietic therapy (Vayne, 2006, and 2013b).The aim of these is both to explore the self and also to recreate it. These ceremonies, rather like the rites of the ancient mystery of Eleusis or Orpheus, are attempts to bring us into a powerful and empowering meeting with a particular "" (in this case, one that manifests physically in the form of a psychoactive molecule). Such ex- periences can be challenging and potentially dangerous; however, the ritual framework seeks both to intensify and support these encounters, creating a safe environment 'where these powerful materials can be engaged with in way that is liberating or illuminating (in a spiritual sense; Vayne, 2006). Naturally, none of these experiments took place in locations or times where the law was broken (Vayne, 2013). Additional notes (as endnotes) have been added to these texts to include academic references and additional explanatory material for those who may be unfamiliar with the vocabulary of contemporary occultism. The second narrative is presented as a fictional account.In part, this is a literary device to point toward the sense of unreality that can attend protracted periods of ketamine exploration, and in another sense, it is designed to hint at the real emergence of an entheogenic ketamine . While these practices do not constitute anything approaching an organized , I am aware of var- ious individuals who are attempting to create suitable ceremonial spaces to engage with the entheogenic properties of this frequently maligned drug (Faber, 2005). Such psychonauts are exploring the entheogenic potential of this material. Transforming it, in their minds at least, from being a "horse tranquilizer" and drug of abuse into a religious . This process is emerging in parallel to contemporary research (Correll & Futter, 2006) into the effect of ketarnine. Investigations that are now moving into full-blown clinical trials suggest that this molecule may have many im- portant medical benefits beyond its anesthetic action (Murrough et al., 2013).

MAGICK WITH AK V"e are inside a tepee, Soror Macha and 1. We've just returned from a con- ference after-party. Already present in our bodies is around 100 milligrams of MDMA each, plus half a 2-CI pill (a new one for both of us). The effects are still present though our drop time was some hours ago. Now we are here, The Bright Darkness 303 snug inside this elegant conical space. "So what do you want to do?" 'Well ... we could do some K." A tiny, beautifully made image of Ganesh sits atop the micro stereo. The music is cued and ready to go. The floor of the tepee is covered in colorful rugs, sheepskins, and blankets; a temporal autonomous comfort zone. A few night-lights stand on the floor (not necessarily the wisest form of illumination given the of our proposed experiment). From one pole of the tepee, a lantern casts a lattice of shadow and shapes of pinkish light around the facets of canvas. Soror Macha prepares the sacrament: white crystals glinting on a mirror and a rolled banknote. It is time to pray. First a Sanskrit to Ganesha, then in English: "Great Fat of beginnings, fill us with your . Open the way for us. Protect our ceremony. Break down all obstacles in our path! GAM." "\Ve take this ketamine,' says Sorer Macha, "with the intention of under- standing more fully the I{ experience. You first." I take the mirror and snort the white powder. Without the local anesthetizing effect of , I can feel a huge wad of material jam up my left nostril. My partner takes her line. Now there is no safe word-what will be will be. The music begins, sound just audible. Outside dawn is breaking, we move onto the bed, fully clothed. "How do you want to sit?" "Yab Yum." \Ve get comfortable and embrace. I feel the human, solid form of my Sister; my hands noticing ribs, expanses of muscles, and the texture of cotton. Our faces come together and we begin to exchange breath-in and out, merging our energies and creating a cycle of prana between our bodies. Our hands move over each other and there is comfort in that embrace. Yet, I begin to sense a hesitation, a sense of awkwardness. I feel less confident, less relaxed, but I know that this is a sign, that deep in my body, systems are beginning to register a change. This provokes a sting of adrenaline, and its characteristic tightening up, before the full force of the K overpowers it. Something is changing, something is on the move, my neurochemistry gears itself up for yet another intervention-it begins. \Ve are moving. Sliding our hands and bodies around, then we begin to sway gently.All hesitation, all unease has evaporated, and we are anemones swaying in the current of a warm ocean. Our bodies echo the neurological undoing that is taking place. The ketamine relaxes us, eyes close. As my shoulder presses against that of Sorer Macha, my mind is intensely drawn into that sensation-pressure, warmth, and texture. I am falling into a black hole, pulled toward the singularity of that sensation, that atom to atom con- tact between my body, and that of my companion.I am acutely conscious of the location of this feeling. This isn't an ail-in-the-brain "neural representa- tion." Instead, the reeling is profoundly embodied and embedded in my body. Yet, my body is simultaneously disappearing, or rather it is becoming harder 304 Seeking the Sacred with Psychoactive Substances to define the limits of it. All is one; one is all in a literal, corporeal sense. Sur- faces of touch give way; our bodies are blended and the physical sensations are both seen and sensed clearly in visual terms. First black-and-white de- signs, then blue enters the imagery, then light of many different colors. Mul- tihued surfaces bend and buckle as they move, cells burst and flood into one another, membranes rupture, and tectonic plates are subducted and plunge downward toward more of the same. Turtle shells composed of morphing, conical Platonic solids-all the way down ... Soror Macha lies backward and I bend forward. My mind briefly attempts to establish my "true" position-am I squashing her? Is there sufficient blood flow to my legs?With eyes open, I can see the room, but unlike the same experience on, say, LSD, the apparent world isn't pregnant with mean- ing or rendered radically alien.I can see the pillows and our bags; yet, they are seen as though through a haze. This haze isn't literal. There is no visual confusion of overlaid grids as might be seen on . All is figura- tive. Objects have no interest for me; they evoke no response. They are only things. 1 close my eyes and am pulled down the K-hole, brightly colored surfaces of meaning roll down like industrial conveyor belts. Down at the bottom of one layer, I am within the deep places of the earth. Rich visions in LED glowing green, shapes like markings on circuit boards, ghostly glowing like the controls of a strange, organic machine. There are presences here too. Consciousness, the background hum of persons unseen, like me--disembodied.Is this the realm of the ancestors, these billion calm ghost voices? For a moment, I am interrupted; here are fuzzy, angular, splintering, crunching shapes. These are forms of residual fear. I pass through them and there is a sense of the divine, much like that I have experienced with .I am aware that my head is resting on Soror Macha's chest, and in my vision, my head is bowed in prayer. I am adoring a blue black . Her body is composed of infinite space and the infinite stars.My own body is now completely and easily jettisoned. Time is ever coming, infinite, and palpably present; all being is eternal doing. And it is okay to die. Now the first stage of the return: We become lucid for a moment and re- arrange our bodies, lying together under the blankets. I am now aware of the earthly nature of this spirit, of verdant fractal ferns. Outside and across the music, of which I am hardly aware, birds sing in real time. As the feeling begins to fade, r become aware of how much the tepee poles perfectly capture the relationship of surfaces in many parts of the vision. One structure divided into many faces, each intersecting, interacting, and The Bright Darkness 305 stretched toward one infinite point, the increasingly blue sky above us. In K, there are lines rather than the circles that dominate the imagery of drugs such as LSD. K is so abstract, so refined that it presents the equivalent of "clean lines, modern living" to the house-party -style of acid. K is also, in this voyage at least, little inclined to produce anything as direct and intelligible as a realistic vision. The figures and events, the dreamlike content that many psychoactives can produce is absent from ketamine. No resplen- dent psychedelic temples, no erotic writhing forms, that mushrooms are apt to create, no multiroomed castles in the , as with . But here there is a sense of purpose in the experience itself, though this sense is not alluded to by archetypal imagery. This is a manifestation of familiar power, regal and strong. l'letamine means something. She doesn't indulge in the fizzy pop of memory, grabbing old content and rearranging it to make her point. Nor does she demonstrate the astonishing breadth and depth of human creativity as ayahuasca is able to do. I{ explains herself through images, but these images are the visual ana- logue of kinaesthetic feeling. She gets to you directly through the body. The armor of habitual posture, both literal and metaphorical, is breached. Knots of tension slide away, and beneath these tics and habits-in each joint, in the junction between each cell-there is the pure process of movement. Some claim that fundamentally our consciousness is predicated on our ability to move, to be active agents in ; movement determines awareness. As we move our bodies, the fact of our locomotion is translated instantly through all cells in the body, if nothing else by changes in gravitational pull, velocity, and so forth. So our sense of movement is a global sense, a full body knowledge that K can get into and release, open, and reconfigure. K is gentle but distant. She doesn't come rushing up like the spirit. Her aloof attitude reminds me somewhat of LSD, though acid is far less a clear personality for me, or perhaps the "Green Goddess" of Salvia divi- norum, another drug noted for its curious effect on body awareness. Though distant, there is still a sense of caring in ketamine, a reserved but definite . She isn't Venus, but more like , The Great Mother of Time, the cosmic or stellar . My eyes open and I watch the day creep brighter into the sky, a few drop- lets of rain are falling through the central hole of the tepee. Like a good friend leaving-she is going, the ketamine experience retreats; so sad to see her go. Aware of the vast volume of snot from my nose, I begin to sense my body but there isn't any rush. I have a sense that I have returned to my body in perfect health, my physical form relaxed and vibrant with life. The birds are singing loudly now, Soror Macha and I talk ourselves into earthly awareness. 306 Seeking the Sacred with Psychoactive Substances

"I cry tears of joy." Our words, descriptions, were weaving together a mem- ory of this time, bringing back these insights and attempting to fix some tiny proportion of them into memory. is here, but the first thing 1 manage to say aloud is simply, "Wow-s-fuck, shitl" 1 am weeping. My nose is streaming. 1 have been reborn.

THE KETACEAN KUNDALINI KULT-THE INITIATORY WORKOF TEMPLEK I've been tracking this group for some time now and finally 1 think I've got enough material to create, ifnot the full story then at least part of it. The "I'\-OS" or "Temple K," as they usually refer to themselves, is a transmission, a current rather than an exclusive group. Its membership seems to include people involved in a number of esoteric orders and different paths, but the ritual style, especially the iconography and process of the initiation rite I'm about to describe, appears to be common to all the "cult" cells. Each group consists of at least three members. The triangle forms one of the key symbols of this group and this image, like most of the technology the group uses, is derived from messages received through the use of their en- theogenic sacrament-ketamine. The three members of each cell, sometimes "node" or "nest," are the doorways through which new initiates pass. I can describe the initiation ritual itself in some detail as I've just passed through that portal and become a member myself The ritual itself is a classic and rebirth, the standard sort of proce- dure that occurs in most religious systems. The practicalities of the ritual are as follows. The setting can be wildly variable but generally a warm comfort- able indoor space is chosen. Blankets, furry cushions, and mattresses are the order of the day. The ritual begins with the sharing of water. The water itself is said to contain water preserved from previous ceremonies. In this way, the group aim to carry something of the power of each ritual through into the next, building higher and higher levels of esoteric power, like a charge being built up in a battery. Water is the sacred relic of the K-OS. Water is placed in a vessel (usually a glass cup) and a prayer is said over it. Although there are no fixed words for the ceremony, this is what happened the night I attended. There were three others present. I'll call them X, Y, and Z. We sat together and Z held his hands toward the water. "This is the water oflife. This is the water oflife. This is the water of life." \f\Te all repeated this statement. Z said, 'All good spirits are here. All helpful forces. All beings are friendly to each other in this space".Softly, X and Y added their statements to this prayer, along the same lines but not exactly the same words. The Bright Darkness S07

"This is the water of life" was again chanted three times. Z said, ':<\11 is good here, all are well and strong." Again X and Y echoed the sentiment that we were all whole and strong. "This is the water oflife" was again chanted three times. This time Z raised his voice. "We are explorers, evolving, mutating and changing."Again X and Y added their words to this prayer. "We are magi- cians, we dare to develop and to grow." We took a sip of the water each, in silence. Then the central act of the ceremony begins. Imagine being cocooned. Wrapped up tightly in grey-black-colored cling film. It begins at the ankles. Legs are bound tightly together. Hands down by the sides, in turn captured and pinned down. The ripping sound of the film as sections are tied round the body, the person doing the mummification oc- casionally twists the roll to create areas of increased tension. The wrapping is like a death shroud. The plastic is tight, though the per- son wrapping you takes care to ensure that you can breathe. The face is ini- tially exposed, the tension of the film is reduced around the neck. Finally, the plastic covers the whole form with the exception of the head. That is when they ask you: "Do you Julian Sebastian Vayne wish to make the journey?" X asks. (This is the last chance.) Yes! X demands, "Do you absolve us of all responsibility for whatever happens to you?" Yes! Then she holds up the mirror. I think: I know this person. I've come to trust her. I've come to trust the two men who are standing behind me, steadying my now wavering body. She holds a banknote, perhaps a dollar bill, up my left nostril. On the mir- ror are several lines of ketamine, three small doses for the other members of this strange gathering and one big one, for me. I determinedly snort half the line. The tube is inserted in my right nostril and I inhale the rest. The curious relationship between this practice and an- cient Egyptian mummification, where the brain of the deceased is removed through the nostrils, pops into my mind. Then the sound starts again. The ripping of cling film as my face is covered. What seems like layer and layer is added until I cannot see. Although I don't hear it, I know (or ) that the hourglass, another central symbol of the cult, has been inverted. The sand pours through, marking time by the creation of a tiny pyramid of sand. I hope this device is running and will be attended to. Since my companions are also taking doses of ketarnine, their doses are about a third of mine, and they need to keep it together while I am in this vulnerable state. Then there is a moment of panic, welling up from deep inside. Oh my god! Perhaps this is it! Perhaps these people are really crazy! Perhaps they mean 308 Seeking the Sacred with Psychoactive Substances to kill me! I realize how completely trapped I am. Utterly helpless. All they have to do is coil some more of the plastic over my face and I won't be able to breath!Won't be able to scream! Z asks me if I'm ok. I say "yes." Then I say, "1 think I'm going to fall over." I can hear the sound of the others sniffing their lines.Then feel the strong arms of the men round me, easing me down. My body is stiff, I am tilted, and realize that I am being laid to rest on the futon. The falling seems to take an age. I feel that I am the djed column of ancient and I am toppling ... The djed is a pillar, a type of the World Tree, representing stability, con- tinuity, and regeneration. The festival of the raising of the djed dates back more than 5,000 years to predynastic times-as does the Egyptian Book of the Dead that identifies the djed as both the backbone of Osiris and the sup- port and backbone of the universe. The djed, however, is more than just an object; it is a mythic complex that existed long before Osiris emerged from the dark realm of the collective unconscious. Historically, the djed was raised at crucial transitional times between cy- cles, evoking light and stability to dispel darkness and disorder. Such periods were the Winter solstices, the failing years of a reigning monarch, or the coronation of a new one.However, according to the texts of the Temple of at Edfu, the djed served its greatest purpose and revealed its greatest mystery at the ending of one world age and the beginning of another. This is such a time!

FROM THE RAISING OF THE DJED BY MOIRA TIMMS I realize that I am outside my body.I can hear the woman outside some- where talking. This is the guided visualization.I am lying on a stone, inside a sarcophagus.I am inside a cube that reminds me of an iron pyrite crystal, greenish gold. The cube itself is inside a pyramid of bluish light.There is a night sky above me. The kind of sky you only get in the desert. There seems to be silence. Out of the darkness peep millions of stars. 1 am under a blanket of stars or perhaps in a tent spangled with fireflies. The fabric of space glitters with all these jewels. I have forgotten that I've taken a drug. Forgotten that I'm taking part in a ritual. Forgotten my body and not even aware that I am wrapped up like a parcel. There is only the darkness and the twinkling lights. There is nothing before this. I have always been here. In the clark, in this space, nothing is before ... Then there is a desire to move. 1 begin to hear speech outside of my world, though with no conception that there is an "outside." Something about mov- ing from earth to water, something about birth. There it is again-that de- sire to move, and yet I do not move. I have no idea that I can move. I have forgotten my body, my limbs, and my form. The Bright Darkness 309

Then I can feel something, it starts at my feet as the words from outside get louder. "Ready to be re-born, to move and come into the light. From out of the earth into the waters of life." There is music now, the rich tones of singing bowls, chanting, and . I feel my own chest resonate. I am intoning the as well, a long, low Ommmmm, ahhhhhh, uhhhhhhh ... There it is at my ankles. Something is happening. A sound like a cutting, a slitting of fabric. It seems so fast. The motion follows up my body.In an instant, it reaches my penis. There is a moment of panic. There is a cold sensation on my skin. Is it water, is it fluid?Am I being born? Do I have a body or am I coming out of my cocoon as nothing more than a flood of liquid? Then I feel my legs. The ripping sensation moves up. I realize that the cold is from the bandage cutting scissors that are being used to open my wrapping. As the volume of the voices grows outside, I feel myself joining in with the AUM mantra that is being sung, and moving.I can feel it now! I know that I have a definite form, a body of flesh and sinew and bone and lymph! I have four limbs and a rib cage! The binding is removed from my head. I have a head! A face, eyes, and I open them and smile. They help me to sit and I look around. I have entered a space with these people where we are each an enlightened being. We have each crossed a spiritual and now we sit together. Hands touching, immersed in rap- ture. Each one of us is a vast titan, like a series of giant statues of the Bud- dha. We sit together and sing the mantras of water. Into the ketamine space, tumble words: "water, flow, keep it safe, keep it sacred, we are the water, share water, grok ... n Ifwe want to change the world in a significant way, if we're serious about creating a better future for us all, then we have to face the fact that the only way it's going to happen is the only way it's ever happened: through the evolution of consciousness itself. Vve have to be the ones to create the future. To accept responsibility for the future means, we know without a doubt that it is on our own shoulders--each and everyone of us-to create that future right now. We literally have to choose to be God-which I define as the creative or evolutionary impulse itself. Billions of years ago, something exploded out of nothing.Who but God could have made such an audacious choice-to create an entire universe. That powerful urge to become is now actually beginning to wake up, through the unique capacity for self-reflective awareness that is our human birthright. Through us, God, or the and intelligence that are driving this whole process, is just beginning to awaken to itself. So becoming God in an evolving universe means we have to be the ones to carry this process forward at the deepest and highest level, to con- sciously evolve in the biggest way possible for our collective and transformation. 310 Seeking the Sacred with Psychoactive Substances

Spiritually, the enormous challenge for each and everyone of us is to look directly into what it actually means to be the one who is going to do this. From the absolute or nondual perspective that emerges in spiritual revela- tion, there is only ONE. There literally is no other; there is only one without a second. To truly understand , we have to grapple with the profound implications of that absolute fact. That one without a second is simultaneously awakening to itself as it develops, as it evolves, and it is that one, as you and I, alone, that can now begin to take responsibility for endeavoring to consciously create its own future. That is enlightenment in an evolutionary context: the profound recognition that God is that singular energy and intelligence that initiated the creative process and is just now awakening to itself as we awaken to it. In that , there literally is no other.

FROM DIVINE INTERVENTION BY ANDREW COHEN Then we take the water and place it between us. The others have taken more ketarnine and we are all at the same level. We place our hands on the glass and can feel it pulsing, moving with energy.Like an board, it begins to rise up; great concentration (and yet a profound relaxation) is nec- essary to ensure that we don't drop this precious fluid. "Keep it safe, keep it sacred." The glass moves around, swinging in our hands around the circle. Our breath follows it as it settles into a circular motion.

"Vve are stirring the cauldron ... Turning the mill ... Water is the milk of . Share water ... (Keep it safe, keep it sacred ... ) That all people might have water ... Clean and fresh . The water of life " All these words, spoken to each person, weaving in and out, create a cycling . Then the water is placed on the ground. One of the men offers me water. "May you never thirst." I drink and the water slips inside me (I have an inside!). I pass the magical fluid to the man next to me. "May you never thirst."

The water passes round the circle. As the last person drinks and replaces the cup on the table, the music stops. Suddenly, Yes! YES! YES! We are all The Bright Darkness 311 shouting. YES! I shout it again and everyone else joins in. Now we are kiss- ing, the long passionate kisses of people who have just escaped death and found riches. People who find themselves possessed of the most delicious physical bodies, bodies that are relaxed, at ease, and impossibly sensual. YES! Vie all cry. Through mimicking death, we have found new life. Yes is the sacred injunction of this path. Saying "yes" to life, to evolution, to discovery, and even to death itself

I wrote the account above soon after my initiation into what I think is one of the most interesting new systems of the early 21 st century. The J{-OS took me ages to track down. Little whispers on the Internet, a few intriguing' hints from Austrian magicians (a nation in which the cult seems particularly active). Very few people I have spoken to have heard of this approach to the sacramental use of ketamine, among the most potent of psychoactive drugs. The transmission itself comes drenched in a rich vocabu- lary of symbolism (though this vocabulary is far from fixed). However, there are some elements of K-OS initiation iconography that neatly summarize much of the current's nature. The triangle, as r have said, is a key symbol in the cult and the gateway to the K-OS initiation process. One of the symbolic tools used in the cult is a pyramid (often of crystal or glass) used to crush the ketamine into a fine powder if it is to be insufflated. On emerging into the ketamine space (after being unwrapped), I was deeply aware of the fact that each member of the group (sitting with legs crossed in a circle) was an illuminated , that is a magician active in the sephira of Binah. Within the mystical system of , the City of the Pyramids is the home to those that have crossed the Great Abyss, having spilled all their blood in the Graal of . They have destroyed their earthly ego-identities, becoming nothing more than piles of dust (i.e., the remaining aspects of their true selves without the self-sense of "1"), and become impreg- nated as a Babe within Babalon. Within, they take on the name or title of or Nerno (Latin for No-Man). In the system of A:.A:., they are called Masters of the Temple. It is a step along the path of spiritual purification, and a resting place for those who have successfully shed their attachments to the mundane world. Of these adepts, it is written in 's The Vision and the 'Voice (Aethyr 14):

These adepts seem like Pyramids-their hoods and robes are like Pyramids.

And the sayeth: Verily is the Pyramid a Temple of Initiation. Verily also is ita tomb. 312 Seeking the Sacred with Psychoactive Substances

And also, from another source,

The City exists under the Night of (or N.O.x.) within the sephira of Binah on the . [The is] ... a mystical state that represents the stage of ego-death in of spiritual attainment. ... Pan is both the giver and the taker of life, and his Night is that time of sym- bolic death where the adept experiences unification with the All through the ecstatic destruction of the ego-self. In a more general sense, it is the state where one transcends all limitations and experiences oneness with the universe.

Ketamine is a drug I'd used before, but one for which there is no tradi- tional use. However, it seemed to sit perfectly here, as an ally in crossing the abyss. The mythology of theK-OS itself teaches that the magickal use of ketamine was initially transmitted to Lilly during his experiments with this substance. As Lilly floated in the isolation tank fluid, Enright injected him with 35 milligrams of ketamine (K). Within a few minutes, Lilly could actually visu- alize the migraine pain moving out of his skull, to a point levitated there in apperceived space, Lilly felt no pain whatsoever for some 20 minutes, until it once again reentered his head.When Lilly began moaning and groaning in his water-filled sanctum of pain, Enright injected him with another 70 milligrams. This time Lilly felt the pain moving farther away, 12 feet this time. Thirty minutes later, the migraine lightning bolt of pain came rushing back, lodging itself once again into Dr. Lilly's head. Enright reloaded his sy- ringe and shot the good doctor up with 150 milligrams.This time when the pain vacated Lilly's head, it kept on going and didn't come back; clear over the horizon, never to be seen again. An hour later, after the K wore off, Lilly climbed out of the tank, a new man. Further solo flights on K, reaffirmed his deeply held conviction that his life was being watched over by higher po\Ners of an extraterrestrial origin.

JOHN LILLY, KETAMINE AND THE ENTITIES FROM ECCO, BY ADAM GORIGHTLY Lilly famously experimented with taking ketamine in various environments and even when diving with dolphins. And it is the dolphins that form one of the most curious elements of the K-OS my- thology. They believe (or at least claim they believe) that their tradition was transmitted through Lilly from the dolphins he interacted with when he was the director of the Communications Research Institute at St. Thomas in the Virgin . Here Lilly spent years exploring the possibilities of interspecies communication. "The dolphins transmitted the system to Lilly," The Bright Darkness 313 one initiate told me. "The dolphins had downloaded their wisdom from the ancient sunken library of the Atlantians. They gave the instructions for ini- tiation to Lilly when he was swimming with them. That's where many of his really came from." (Lilly recounts many of his insights in his metaphysical autobiography The Scientist. As the book's blurb explains, the text concerns "communication with extra-terrestrials and the imperative of dolphin/human dialog.")Naturally, the Atlantean library is imagined as a huge sunken pyramid.

Even the nose is a triangle, a pyramid, and it's from that first breath, through our noses, that we come alive. And this is the central process of the K-OS, dying in order to feel more fully alive, entering the tomb and undoing all our habitual body armour from the most literal physical level in order to achieve transformation.

A BROTHER OFK-OS So what does the dolphin tell us? What is the central message? "It's all about love," another initiate told me. "The leader of the dolphins tells us that they just want to bring us water and tell us to love ourselves and each other. Just get them (humans) to be to each other." Jokingly,I asked if the leader of the dolphins was called Howard (after the talking dolphin in Illuminatus!). "No," I was told, "the transmission tells us that the Atlantian dolphin god is called 'Snorky.'"

NOTES

1. The variant spelling "magick," with a k, was adopted by the British occultist Aleister Crowley (1875-1947) to distinguish occultism from stage magic. Thus, the title of this essay is a play on this spelling and K for ketamine (Crowley, 1999, p 45). 2. It is common practice to refer to colleagues in the Western esoteric tradi- tion as Frater and Soror (Brother and Sister) both to stress the bond of fellowship between practitioners, to preserve anonymity, and to assist in the construction of a self-identity as a magician. A suitable name is often chosen that reflects something of the practitioner's favorite style of esoteric practice/mythology, or spiritual aspi- ration, and so on. As an example,Crowley often styled himself "Frater Perdurabo,' meaning "I will endure to the end" (1983, p. XVII). S. MDMA and 2-CI are both phenylethylamines. Under most conditions, these chemicals may be combined safely with ketamine. In fact, D. M. Turner (1994) suggests that one member of this chemical , 2-CB (4-bromo-2,5-dimethoxy- phenethylarnine), blends particularly well with ketamine and is capable of producing very powerful visions that are more easily recalled than with ketamine alone. 4. Ganesh or Ganesha is the elephant-headed of . His role is traditionally that of "breaker of obstacles" (see Vayne, 2004). 314 Seeking the Sacred with Psychoactive Substances

5. "Temporal autonomous comfort zone' is a whimsical adaptation of the phrase "temporal autonomous zone," a concept developed by anarchist writer Hakim Bey in T.A.z.: The Temporary Autonomous Zone, Ontological Anarchy, Poetic Terrorism (1991). This is a "the socio-political tactic of creating temporary spaces that elude formal structures of control"(Gray, 2001, p. 4<7). 6. Turner, 1994, p. 68. 7. The "safe word" is a term drawn from bondage sex play and generally a verbal cue intended to act as an emergency brake on the "scene" being enacted (Gray, 1995). 8.This means cross-legged with one person's legs wrapped around the body of their partner. This posture is commonly shown as a sexual embrace between de- ities in Buddhist iconography of , Bhutan, Nepal, and Tibet (see for example Keown,200S). 9. Prana is the Sanskrit word for "life force" in , Oriental medicine, and martial arts. It is often considered to be closely linked to the physical breath, though not identical with it (Sivananda, 19S5, p. 1). 10. The visual material in this experience is likely to have been influenced and enhanced by the phenalytamines consumed earlier in the adventure. 11. Visions of computer architectures are common to a significant number of ketamine accounts and sometimes described as "kyberspacc" (see Jansen, 2004, p. 87). 12. The Santo Daime church is a syncretic religion that is a hybrid of Catholic and indigenous Brazilian . Their central ritual is the use of "Dairne,' which is their word for the psychoactive brew better known as ayahuasca (Polari de Alverga, 2010). IS. This creativity is elegantly described by Benny Shanon (200S, p. 361). 14. Ball, 2007, p. 21. 15. The Western or "Tree of Life" is a diagrammatic rep- resentation of the relationship between various metaphysical concepts. The Sphere of Binah, the Hebrew word for "Understanding," is generally considered feminine or "yin" and is often taken as representing the feminine and Saturnine manifestations of the universe.Its symbols include images such as the Great Sea and image of the Black Madonna. See Fortune (1935, p. IS9) for more on the relationship ofketamine to the Sphere of Binah, 16. "Ketaccan" is a play on the 'Nord cetacean and the links between the image of the dolphin, as described in this account, and the immersive ketarnine experience. Kundalini represents the psychosexual and divine energy in the body, typically im- agined as a snake coiled three and a half times around the base of the spine (Siva- nanda, 1999, p. 99). 17.UK-OS" stands for "ketarnine operating system" that is the ritual technology suitable for use with this . 18. Timms, 2012. 19.This vision is remarkably similar to one recounted by the magician Philip Faber in his book Future Ritual (2005). 20. Aum or Om is the mystical mantra derived from the Sanskrit language . . 21. "Grok" is a term that has been adopted by a number of countercultural or underground discourses. The use of this word and many of the other elements used The Bright Darkness 315 in the rubric of this ritual (such as "nest" and the sanctity ascribed to water) are in- spired from the novel Stranger in a Strange Land (1961) by Robert A. Heinlein. In this book, the word means "to fully understand," suggesting a form of that goes beyond intellectual learning and into a fully embodied knowing. 112. Cohen, 2006. 23. The expression "May you never thirst" is taken from Heinlein's novel Stranger in a Strange Land (1961). 24. Crowley, 1999. 25. "Night of Pan," 2013. 26. Gorightly, 1998. 27. Lilly, 1996. 28. King Snorky is the name of the evil dolphin featured in the North American television series The Simpsons (Groening, 2000-2001). The use of the name Snorky by the group points to the self-aware humor that informs a large proportion of West- ern esoteric culture. Humor has several practical uses within esoteric discourses not the least of which is to attempt to offset ego inflation, zeal, and similar behaviors by deliberately poking fun at sacred cows, or in this case, dolphins.

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