How to Choose Your People
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How to Choose Your People by Ruth Minshull HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR PEOPLE 2 RUTH MINSHULL THE EMOTIONAL TONE SCALE 4.0 ENTHUSIASM (Cheerfulness) 3.5 INTEREST (Amusement) 3.0 CONSERVATISM (Contentment) 2.5 BOREDOM 2.0 ANTAGONISM (Overt Hostility) 1.8 PAIN 1.5 ANGER 1.2 NO SYMPATHY 1.1 COVERT HOSTILITY 1.0 FEAR 0.9 SYMPATHY 0.8 PROPITIATION (Appeasement) 0.5 GRIEF 0.375 MAKING AMENDS 0.05 APATHY 0.0 DEATH HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR PEOPLE 3 RUTH MINSHULL A BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF EMOTIONAL TONES 4.0 Enthusiasm (Cheerfulness) A lighthearted soul with a free mind. Flexible. A winner. 3.5 Interest (Amusement) Actively interested in subjects related to survival. Doing well. 3.0 Conservatism (Contentment) The conformist. Don’t rock the boat. Resists changes. Not too many problems. 2.5 Boredom The spectator. All the world is a stage, and he’s km audience. Neither contented nor discontented. He endures things. Purposeless. Careless. Not threatening; not helpful. 2.0 Antagonism The debater. Loves to argue. Blunt. Honest. Tactless. A poor sport. 1.8 Pain Touchy. Irritable. Scattered. Striking at source of pain. 1.5 Anger Chronic distemper. Blames. Holds grudges. Threatens. Demands obedience. 1.2 No Sympathy Cold fish. Unfeeling. Suppressing violent anger. Cruel, calm, resourceful, acidly polite. 1.1 Covert Hostility The cheerful hypocrite. Gossip. An actor. Often likes puns and practical jokes. Seeks to introvert others. Nervous laughter or constant smile. 1.0 Fear Coward. Anxious. Suspicious. Worried. Running, defending or caught in indecision. 0.9 Sympathy Obsessive agreement. Afraid of hurting others. Collects the downers. Sometimes wobbles between complacent tenderness and tears. 0.8 Propitiation (Appeasement) Do-gooder. Doing favors to protect himself from bad effects. Intention is to stop. 0.5 Grief The whiner. Collects grievances and old mementos. Dwells in the past. Feels betrayed. Everything painful. 0.375 Making Amends The „yes“ man. Will do anything to get sympathy or help. Blind loyalty. A mop-the-floor-with-me tone. 0.05 Apathy Given up. Turned off. Suicidal. Addict, alcoholic, gambler. Fatalistic. May pretend he’s found „peace.“ HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR PEOPLE 4 RUTH MINSHULL Reproduced for the benefit of the Free Zone by the New Bridge Supply Company HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR PEOPLE 5 RUTH MINSHULL CONTENTS THE EMOTIONAL TONE SCALE ...................................................................................2 A BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF EMOTIONAL TONES .....................................................3 INTRODUCTION OUT IN THE JUNGLE ......................................................................7 Chapter 1 THE COMMON DENOMINATOR ...............................................................9 Chapter 2 THE EMOTIONAL TONE SCALE...............................................................13 Chapter 3 APATHY (0.05)................................................................................................18 Chapter 4 MAKING AMENDS (0.375) ..........................................................................23 Chapter 5 GRIEF (0.5) .......................................................................................................26 Chapter 6 PROPITIATION (0.8)......................................................................................32 Chapter 7 SYMPATHY (0.9) ............................................................................................37 Chapter 8 FEAR (1.0) ........................................................................................................44 Chapter 9 COVERT HOSTILITY (1.1) ............................................................................49 Chapter 10 NO SYMPATHY (1.2)...................................................................................58 Chapter 11 ANGER (1.5) ..................................................................................................63 Chapter 12 PAIN (1.8).......................................................................................................69 Chapter 13 ANTAGONISM (2.0) ....................................................................................71 Chapter 14 BOREDOM (2.5) ............................................................................................74 Chapter 15 CONSERVATISM (3.0).................................................................................78 Chapter 16 INTEREST AND ENTHUSIASM (3.5-4.0).................................................81 Chapter 17 SOME TIPS ON SPOTTING TONES..........................................................87 Chapter 18 CLICHES TO LIVE BY – OR SHOULD WE? ............................................96 Chapter 19 THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES...................................................................100 Chapter 20 MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE OFFICE.................................................107 Chapter 21 GROUPS.......................................................................................................116 Chapter 22 THE TONE SCALE AND THE ARTS......................................................122 Chapter 23 HOW TO HANDLE PEOPLE BY TONE MATCHING.........................130 Chapter 24 RAISING TONE ..........................................................................................138 Chapter 25 YOU AND ME.............................................................................................144 HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR PEOPLE 6 RUTH MINSHULL HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR PEOPLE 7 RUTH MINSHULL INTRODUCTION OUT IN THE JUNGLE I don't know what occupied your mind when you were in the early teens; but I was usually engrossed in trying to top insults with my older brothers. When I bothered to think about it at all, I expected that somewhere in the process of growing up I'd learn how to choose people – how to tell the good guys from the bad ones. In the movies it was easy (those white hats); but I wasn't acquainted with any cowboys. Trustingly, however, I assumed that if the movie people recognized the difference, surely my parents and teachers knew all about people and someday would share the secrets with me. But they didn't. I grew up, more or less, and wandered out into the jungle without knowing the difference between a tiger and teddy bear. Probably, I supposed, there aren't any tigers in real life anyway. I fell in love. Ecstatically. Deliriously. This was more exciting than devouring cotton candy or swinging on top of the Ferris wheel. One week later (through a friend of a friend) I discovered that my handsome coast guardsman had a girl back home in Chicago. They planned to marry as soon as he was out of the service. I wept the tears that only the young know. How could he have been so deceitful? Why should he do this to me? And worst of all was my own betrayal of myself: Why didn't I know he was that kind of person? It was a dangerous jungle – and I wasn't yet prepared for it. I went to college. I learned four or five big words. I learned to give a speech while concealing the jellyfish tremoring inside me. I learned something important (I forget just what it was now) about a thing called "pi." And I learned how to balance a teacup on my knee while mouthing inanities. But even here, among the most well-meaning and erudite, no one could tell me how to choose my people – the people to love, hire, fire, follow, avoid befriend, leave or trust. Out into the sophisticated world – business, social life suburbia – still no answers, only questions all around me: Is this really love? Which club should I join? Do I want to work for this company? Should I support this charity? Is he a true friend? How can I get the customer to buy? Will he betray me? Is this a worthy cause? Should I take this teacher's advice? At the same time, my friends were stumbling along too. Mark meets Kathy. He falls in love. She's cute, smart, sexy. She never wears too much makeup; she's into his kind of music; she likes the same things on her pizza. Everything's going for them. Should he marry her and make little pizzas together? It appeared to me that if any tiny voice inside him posed these questions, no voice replied: How will she withstand future family crises? Will she ooze into a puddle or keep her strength? Will she stage tearful scenes when he must work late? Will she be afraid to move out HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR PEOPLE 8 RUTH MINSHULL of town if he's offered an attractive transfer? Will she become a nagging harridan if he doesn't make enough money? Will she ruin their children? Mark's dad is no help. He's preoccupied with his own troubles at the office: Should he hire this man? He dresses well, he's not a communist, his sideburns are no longer than the company president's and he's the nephew of an old fraternity brother. On paper, he looks good. But how will he perform on the job? Can he work on his own initiative? Is he an idea man or a plodder? Will he inspire people or crush them? Can he follow through? Will he carry out orders correctly or make costly bungles? Will he pull or drag? I wasn't the only one wondering: how do you figure people out? Early in 1951 a close friend save me a book called Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health, by an American writer and philosopher, L. Ron Hubbard (who later founded the international Church of Scientology). This enlightening book exposed the major cause and remedy of man's miseries. In addition, however, Ron Hubbard also reported his first research in an entirely new field of study: the classification and prediction of human behavior. Later in 1951 he published Science of Survival in which he expanded on this new science.