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#EmERGeLeadership You are in session: Hot Topic: Having Essential Conversations

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#EmERGeLeadership Bridgette Scales Senior Director, Global Member Advisory Services Diversity Best Practices #EmERGeLeadership Having Essential Conversations Having Essential Conversations

We all have a responsibility to equip ourselves to have meaningful conversations in search of a more inclusive environment…

(Anatomy of Culture Change, Catalyst 2013)

Source: https://www.catalyst.org/research/anatomy-of-change-how-inclusive-cultures-evolve/ Shifting the Conversation Landscape

SHIFTING FROM Avoiding difficult conversations when possible

TO Essential Conversations are critical opportunities to build partnership, deal proactively with issues, and further inclusion.

UN Human Rights Commission: https://www.standup4humanrights.org/en/fightracism_engage.html “Afraid of reverse prejudice. I cant help what happened “my toddlers repeatedly “just makes me sad that in years ago but Im made to telling me friends wont play this day and age we need to feel like its my fault “ with them because they deal with the horrible issues aren’t white. “ of racism and prejudice”

“fearful of my family’s safety. That its more dangerous “realized how “blind” I have “made me more aware of than I thought it was. When been to what people of color racism and that being silent is the next bad thing going face. . “ is no longer enough. Am I to happen and will it be me” part of the problem?“

“I have Internal conflict. I believe there is racism and I want it to “My emotions have been up end. However, I feel like there is and down each day. Some days also hate toward I cry uncontrollably and then and I want to defend myself. “ the next day I’m fine. . “ Risks, Rewards to Leading Essential Conversations

Rewards of Essential Risks of Inaction/Action Conversations

Make a Clear and Committed Address Risks and Rewards Choice “In light of the risks and “I want us to gain better rewards…” understanding by…”

UN Human Rights Commission: https://www.standup4humanrights.org/en/fightracism_engage.html 5 Steps for Engaging in Essential Conversations

Reinforce the Purpose

Close the Set conversation Agreements PREPARE

Deepen the Open the conversation conversation

Adapted from: http://www.uww.edu/documents/diversity/start%20a%20conversation%20%20student%20orgs.pdf Steps for Engaging in Essential Conversations

1. Reinforce the Purpose of the conversation which should be to explore, to listen and to learn from each other.

§ Create the safe space § Not about solving issues § Listening and Learning § Okay to make mistakes (Pause & Discuss, Oops & Ouch) § Reinforce ”no retribution”

§ Explain your role as a facilitator of the conversation § To keep the dialogue moving forward § To ensure all voices are heard § To steer away from blaming § Share your own perspectives

§ Participants do not need to all agree, or find an antidote to racism.

Content for the development of this Conversation guide was adapted from UWW Student Orgs Conversation Guide Steps for Engaging in Essential Conversations

2. Set Agreements to encourage dialogue, mutual respect, and deep listening to what others share. § Write agreements – ex. “Practice Active Listening,” “Don’t Interrupt,” and “Assume Good Intentions” – in a visible place in your meeting room. § Hold Space - means being all ears, practicing active listening. o When there is a pause, you can stay quiet for a few beats and see if they want to speak some more. Just like the whole conversation, every pause is for them, not a cue for you. § Encourage participants to be relaxed and comfortable with one another. § Recognize that people with good intentions misspeak or make statements that can hurt or offend. § Establish strategies for everyone to participate and be heard. § Announce a strategy for brief “breather breaks” or “hitting the restart button”, if the conversation veers into spaces that are too conflicted or unproductive.

Content for the development of this Conversation guide was adapted from UWW Student Orgs Conversation Guide Steps for Engaging in Essential Conversations

3. Open the Conversation. Begin with a conversation starter to help everyone get to know one another.

§ Possible Conversation Starters: Begin with one or two of the prompts below: o Share a message you received from your family while growing up. How did it shape you growing up? o Describe your family/neighborhood growing up, and its impact in shaping you o Share your biggest role model at work o What was the first time you heard about the concept of race? § As the facilitator, ask for/comment on any themes or trends you heard.

Content for the development of this Conversation guide was adapted from UWW Student Orgs Conversation Guide Steps for Engaging in Essential Conversations

4. Deepen the Conversation. Once you’re all more comfortable, get serious and deepen the conversation using one or more of the following prompts:

§ How often do you think about your racial or ethnic identity? § What aspect of your racial or ethnic identity makes you the proudest? § In what ways does being [insert racial/ethnic identity] impact your personal life? Professional life? § Have you ever experienced a situation where your racial or ethnic identity seemed to contribute to a problem or uncomfortable situation? § Does racial or ethnic identity enter in your process of making important or daily decisions? If so, how? § Have you ever felt “different” in a group setting because of your race/ethnicity? How did this affect you? How often/deeply do you interact with people of a different racial/ethnic identity? What is the nature of these relationships and interactions? § Have you ever witnessed someone being treated unfairly because of their racial/ethnic identity? If so, how did you respond? How did it make you feel? § Have you ever felt stereotyped?

…..After a few people have shared, ask others to reflect on what they’ve heard and share what they related to or what stood out to them without blaming, shaming, or rescuing.

Content for the development of this Conversation guide was adapted from UWW Student Orgs Conversation Guide Steps for Engaging in Essential Conversations

5. Bring the Conversation to a Close. As you reach a point where you feel it is time to close the conversation, consider doing any of the following:

§ Extend gratitude to everyone for their courage and willingness to participate. § As the host, share how this experience impacted you and offer space for others to share how the conversation impacted them. § Encourage guests to share an appreciation for the group process or with someone in the group. § Encourage group members to follow up with someone from the conversation for deeper dialogue to continue learning and personal discovery. § Ask people to share what they learned about themselves or one takeaway. § Inquire if there are any actions people are inspired to take as a result of the conversation. § Schedule another conversation? § What are we going to do to inspire change?

Content for the development of this Conversation guide was adapted from UWW Student Orgs Conversation Guide Pitfalls to avoid

It’s not the role of Black employees to educate you or speak on behalf of the entire Black community. Explore resources to educate yourself on systemic racism. 1. The Spotlight Effect If you don’t know, say you don’t know. Resist the urge to 2. “I got this” provide an answer or solution. Its ok to be vulnerable.

3. “I know how you feel” Don’t say “I know how you feel”, or jump in to turn the conversation around to you, no matter how well- intentioned. The reality is that you can’t know how others 4. One and done are feeling

Know that this conversation is just the start, but you’ve made a positive step forward. If employees don’t want to talk right now, that’s OK. Follow their lead in the conversation and let them know you’re here if they do want to talk.

UN Human Rights Commission: https://www.standup4humanrights.org/en/fightracism_engage.html Words of Wisdom

“Many folks are responding to this moment and that is important. We need to be responding to what's happening currently…it is a lifelong journey. It's not something you get to check off. It's not like you wake up one morning and are like, 'That's it. I've made it. I'm anti-racist.' But it's truly ongoing work that is practice, and you get an opportunity with every choice you make to be anti-racist or not.”-- Anna Hindley, Director of Childhood Education The National Museum of African American History and Culture in Washington, D.C Additional Resources

• Readings: • ”Lets Talk about Race”, The National Museum of African American History and Culture • What Does it Mean To Be White? Developing White Racial Literacy, Robin DiAngelo • White Fragility, Robin DiAngelo • How to be Anti-Racist, Ibram X. Kendi • Me and , Layla Saad • Whistling Vivaldi: And Other Clues to How Stereotypes Affect Us (Issues of Our Time), Claude Steele • Articles: • : Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack by Peggy McIntosh • Considered a classic in Anti-racism work this 1988 outlines white privilege • Remember, No One Is Coming to Save Us by Roxane Gay. • Eventually doctors will develop a coronavirus vaccine, but black people will continue to wait for a cure for racism. • Video: • Trevor Noah on George Floyd, Minneapolis Protests, Ahmaud Arbery & Amy Cooper • He shares his thoughts on the killing of George Floyd, the protests in Minneapolis, the dominos of racial injustice and police brutality, and how the contract between society and black Americans has been broken time and time again A VIRTUAL CONFERENCE

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