SHREK ADVENTURES PRESENTS: THE BEST BIRTHDAY YET! Written by: Andrew Reid Adapted by: The Adventures Team
MY NAME: ______
MY CHARACTER:______
Off-Book Date:______
Character List
SHREK - Keaton Brennan PIG 1 - Alya Cakcak DONKEY - Noah Campbell PIG 2 - Dalia Bobesh PUSS IN BOOTS - Alexander Carr PIG 3 - Caraline Senra FIONA - Madison Chapman MERLIN - Jordan Shugarman GINGY - Remi Hirsch MAGIC MIRROR - Lia Palmer PINNOCHIO - Anton Slavnov CINDERELLA - Stella Lasmane HUMPTY DUMPTY - Andy Costantino SNOW WHITE - Olivia Chu SLEEPING BEAUTY - Violet Woods BLIND MOUSE 1 - Ciel Lee BLIND MOUSE 2 - Nisa McColgan DRAGON - Gabriella Paik BLIND MOUSE 3 - Carter Lubit FARQUAD - Evan Wawrzaszek LITTLE RED - Adara Markels BIG BAD WOLF - Emma Eagle ROBIN HOOD - Erik Kaiser PRINCE CHARMING - Harrison Salter PETER PAN - Asher Ruiz RUMPELSTILTSKIN - Liam de Hosson TINKER BELL - Margot Jue FAIRY GODMOTHER - Chloe McDonald JACKIE - Joanna Jue EVIL QUEEN - Reagan Tiernan JILL - Cambria Morrison
SCENE 1 - SHREK’S SWAMP SONG: BRIGHT BIG BEAUTIFUL WORLD
There is a commotion in Shrek’s swamp as everyone is coming in and out setting up for a big party.
SHREK: Donkey! Donkey! Where are you?
DONKEY: Shrek! It’s about time you woke up. Please tell me that’s not what you’re wearing.
SHREK: Wearing? This is what I always wear.
FIONA: Why is everyone shouting?
PUSS IN BOOTS: Donkey! Where do you want the chocolate fountain?
DONKEY: Next to the ice statue of me and dragon.
PUSS IN BOOTS: Over here, boys and girls!
PIG 1: Beep, beep, beep! Coming through!
PIG 2: Watch out folks, nothing to see here.
PIGS 3: Just three pigs carrying a giant chocolate fountain.
GINGY: I really take offense to this gingerbread pinata.
BLIND MOUSE 1: As a blind mouse, I find it offensive to even have a pianta!
BLIND MOUSE 2: How do you expect us to play that?
BLIND MOUSE 3: Give me the bat, I’ll try a swing at it!
HUMPTY DUMPTY: Hang it up on the giant party sign.
LITTLE RED: What giant party sign?
MERLIN: Weren’t you supposed to get the giant party sign?
PETER PAN: The giant party sign job was given to Jackie.
JACKIE: But then I told Jill to do it because I was making the potato salad.
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JILL: And then I told Snow White to do it because I had to stuff all the goody bags!
SNOW WHITE: Well I told Sleeping Beauty to get the sign because the dwarves were fighting and almost destroyed the decorations.
SLEEPING BEAUTY: And then well, well, oh crud.Okay, I’m sorry! I forgot!
TINKER BELL: It’s okay! We can just use Shrek’s big “get out of me swamp” sign and turn it into a party sign!
PINNOCHIO: We’re doomed, I tell ya! Doomed! And I mean that, I would never tell a lie.
SHREK: Everyone be quiet! What is going on here?!
FIONA: Donkey, explain yourself.
PUSS IN BOOTS: Allow me. You see, Shrek and Fiona, we are throwing a giant party.
GINGY: Yeah, but Sleeping Beauty forgot to get the sign!
DONKEY: Remember when I was like, hey Shrek! You want to throw a giant party for all our friends?
SHREK: I never said such a thing. I don’t have any friends.
DONKEY: We’re all your friends, Shrek!
FIONA: What Shrek means to say is that he doesn’t remember saying that it was okay to use his swamp for a party.
PUSS IN BOOTS: I was there, I definitely remember this.
Big Bad Wolf, Farquad, Prince Charming, Fairy Godmother, Evil Queen, and Rumpelstiltskin all come barging in.
BIG BAD WOLF: What did I tell ya, a perfect place!
FARQUAD: Yes, yes. I see now what you were saying. I just love how it’s so nature.
EVIL QUEEN: But we’ll have to get rid of that smell.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Heavens yes, that horrid stench.
PRINCE CHARMING: It smells like an ogre who hasn’t bathed in ages.
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RUMPELSTILTSKIN: It’s official then?
PIG 1: Excuse me!
PIG 2: But who are you?
PIG 3: And what do you think you’re doing in our swamp?
SHREK: My swamp!
BLIND MOUSE 1: Who’s there?
BLIND MOUSE 2: They sound mean.
BLIND MOUSE 3: And short. I bet one of them is real short.
LITTLE RED: Wolf! I knew you were up to no good.
HUMPTY DUMPTY: I know it’s confusing because we don’t have a sign, but we’re throwing a party.
BIG BAD WOLF: A party?
HUMPTY DUMPTY: Yes. A party. You know, with the dancing, and the movement, and the -
BIG BAD WOLF: (interrupting) Oh silly creatures, there will be no party.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: (to EVIL QUEEN) Maybe we’ll throw our own party.
EVIL QUEEN: That sounds lovely!
PRINCE CHARMING: (interrupting) And we can have some nice little gingerbread cookies.
GINGY: Over my baked body!
RUMPELSTILTSKIN: May we speak to the owners of this swamp?
Everyone raises their hand. SONG: WHAT’S UP DULOC
SHREK: It’s my swamp!
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FARQUAD: Well, not anymore it isn’t. I, Lord Farquad, hereby decree that this swamp be ours and no longer yours so that we may build our resort for very important people who rule things and are probably evil.
FIONA: You can’t just decree that!
FARQUAD: Ah, ah, ah. But I can because my name is Lord Farquad.
PRINCE CHARMING: And look at this!
RUMPELSTILTSKIN: We even had a sign made!
FAIRY GODMOTHER: So therefore it must be true.
EVIL QUEEN: That’s right, honey.
BIG BAD WOLF: We will now need you all to clear out of here so we may begin construction. That is all!
LITTLE RED: Hey!
Farquad, Prince Charming, Big Bad Wolf, Fairy Godmother and Rumpelstiltskin exit.
SNOW WHITE: They can’t do that!
SLEEPING BEAUTY: Can they?
JACKIE: What are we going to do now?
JILL: Is there anything we can do?
PETER PAN: He said he is a lord!
TINKER BELL: What does that mean exactly?
PINNOCHIO: It means what he says goes and there ain’t nothing we can do about it.
SHREK: If there is anything I hate more than parties, it’s someone telling me that I can’t throw a party. In my own swamp!
DONKEY: Yeah! You tell em, Shrek!
MAGIC MIRROR: Shrek! Fiona! I may have a solution.
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PUSS IN BOOTS: Someone bring the magic mirror closer!
MERLIN: Oh mirror, mirror on the wall -
HUMPTY DUMPTY: He’s not on a wall.
MERLIN: Oh. Well. Magic mirror, can you help us?
MAGIC MIRROR: I believe I can. But in order to do so, you will need to find someone very special.
LITTLE RED: Is it my grandmother in the woods?
PETER PAN: Or maybe a couple of lost boys?
SNOW WHITE: I know where some quarreling dwarves are.
SLEEPING BEAUTY: Or perhaps -
MAGIC MIRROR: And a hush fell over the crowd!
ALL: HUSH (they all sit down and listen to the mirror).
MAGIC MIRROR: Gosh, how do you get anything done around here? You’re going to need to find a special dragon friend.
ALL: Ooooo..
DONKEY: I know where she is!
MAGIC MIRROR: Oh. That was a lot easier than I expected.
PUSS IN BOOTS: Donkey has great connections, his LinkedIn page is off the charts.
FIONA: Let’s split up. Donkey you go and get your dragon friend and meet us at Lord whatever’s castle.
EVERYONE: Annnnnnd break!
SHREK: Whatever.
SCENE 2 - DRAGON’S LAIR
PIG 1: It smells in here!
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PIG 2: Are you sure we’re in the right place?
PIG 3: Boy oh boy, it’s dreadful! Oh wait, sorry that’s just me.
DONKEY: Dragon! Dragon! Where are you?
DRAGON: Who dares enter my lair?
SONG: FOREVER
PINNOCHIO: We totally aren’t here to take any of your treasure.
DRAGON: Don’t lie to me, you overgrown piece of firewood!
PINNOCHIO: BUT I’M A REAL BOY!
PUSS IN BOOTS: We need your help with something.
DRAGON: Me? My help? But I’m a terrifying dragon.
JACKIE: Maybe you can scare them!
JILL: Or roast them like a marshmallow.
MERLIN: Whoa. Jill. Too far. Chill out.
DRAGON: Get to the point.
DONKEY: There are some really mean people who call themselves lords or something, but the magic mirror told us that you could help us save our swamp and still throw our party.
DRAGON: Party? How come I wasn’t invited?
JACKIE: Oh. Well. You see -
PINNOCHIO: Your invitation just got lost in the mail!
JILL: She knows you’re lying!
DRAGON: I never get invited to parties. It’s because people think I’m going to burn the place down.
PIG 1: Well -
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PIG 2: Shush! We don’t think so! You’re totally invited!
PIG 3: Yeah! We’ll do anything to get you to come.
DRAGON: Hm. Fine. But I get to pick the music at the party, I’m an excellent DJ and dancer.
DONKEY: Deal!
SCENE 3 - THE CASTLE
BLIND MOUSE 1: They’re late!
BLIND MOUSE 2: Maybe they got lost.
BLIND MOUSE 3: What if they don’t get here in time?
GINGY: Just relax! It’s going to be fine. We have a plan, right Shrek?
SHREK: I did my part! I got us here.
FIONA: The magic mirror really needs to be more clear with his directions.
FARQUAD: Shrek! What are you and all of your friends doing here?
SHREK: They are not my friends and we need to talk about how you just barged right in and “took” my swamp.
BIG BAD WOLF: There is not much to talk about, Shrek.
PRINCE CHARMING: You see, we needed new land in order to build our resort for people like us.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: We need to constantly stay pampered and relaxed so we may continue to do more evil things.
RUMPELSTILTSKIN: And that swamp is the perfect place for just that!
SNOW WHITE: Yeah, but we were there first!
CINDERELLA: Technically Shrek was there before us all, but we were there before you!
SLEEPING BEAUTY: And your sign wasn’t even pretty!
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TINKER BELL: It didn’t even use any fun colors, it was just like browns and stuff.
RUMPELSTILTSKIN: Yeah. Cause we're the bad guys. We don’t use fun colors.
LITTLE RED: But red is such a fun color!
Everyone comes rushing in.
DONKEY: Lord Farquad! We have a challenge for you!
ROBIN HOOD: Donkey! You made it! And you found Dragon!
DRAGON: And now that I am finally invited to something, you are going to vacate the swamp!
FARQUAD: We shall not! We decreed it!
ROBIN HOOD: Okay. Now that everyone is here, what’s the plan?
PUSS IN BOOTS: I thought you all were thinking of a plan while we found Dragon?
GINGY: We were too busy trying to just find this castle.
ROBIN HOOD: It’s a castle! How hard could it be to find?
CINDERELLA: We’re getting distracted! Farquad! Do you accept our challenge?
BIG BAD WOLF: What’s the challenge?
BLIND MOUSE 1: Uhm. That’s a good question.
BLIND MOUSE 2: A dance off!
BLIND MOUSE 3: And we will judge!
PRINCE CHARMING: Three blind mice judging a dance off?
FIONA: Shrek will judge.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: He will clearly just choose his friends.
FIONA: It is impossible to get Shrek to dance, not even his friends can get him to do it.
RUMPELSTILTSKIN: So whoever can get Shrek in a dancing mood, gets the swamp?
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FARQUAD: Deal!
SHREK: Deal? I hate dancing!
TINKER BELL: Are you sure this is such a good idea?
PETER PAN: Of course, Tink. We trust all the wise reptiles we meet.
DRAGON: It’s okay. I’m an amazing dancer. Let me choose the music, I know what will get Shrek’s feet moving.
EVIL QUEEN: They don’t call me the evil QUEEN for nothing. Back me up.
The dance battle ensues. Eventually Shrek joins in with them.
HUMPTY DUMPTY: Oof. I think I heard something crack.
FARQUAD: I call cheating!
DRAGON: Everyone thinks dragons just like to burn things, but really we burn things cause we’re just setting the dance floor on fire from our dance moves.
CINDERELLA: That was amazing! We can have our party now!
DONKEY: We have to get everything ready quick! Everyone back to the swamp!
SONG: TRAVEL SONG
SCENE 4 - THE SWAMP
PIG 1: Comin through!
PIG 2: Watch out folks!
PIG 3: We’re on a tight schedule!
TINKER BELL: Get rid of that brown sign!
SLEEPING BEAUTY: Look what I had made!
CINDERELLA: Oh wow, it’s beautiful! Look at the colors!
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PETER PAN: Has anyone seen the party favors? Snow?
SNOW WHITE: I gave them to Robin Hood because he said we would give them out.
ROBIN HOOD: Woop. Sorry. I was - uh - saving these for later.
BLIND MOUSE 1: It smells delicious!
BLIND MOUSE 2: Is that chicken pot pie, I smell?
BLIND MOUSE 3: Oh, he’s going to love that!
MERLIN: Magic mirror! Magic mirror! You’re sticking around for the party, right?
MAGIC MIRROR: I’m a mirror and you all left me here, of course I am.
JACKIE: Where are the cookies?
GINGY: Cookies?!
JILL: Chocolate chip, don’t worry!
PINNOCHIO: T-minus five minutes people!
HUMPTY DUMPTY: Come on, come on! Let’s go!
ROBIN HOOD: Should we all hide now? Is he coming?
PUSS IN BOOTS: I hear them! Shush! Shush!
DONKEY: Isn’t it great to be home after a long day?
FIONA: Shrek is just a little grumpy.
SHREK: My feet hurt.
EVERYONE: Surprise! Happy birthday, Shrek!
SHREK: What are you all doing in my swamp?!
DONKEY: Shrek! Remember when I asked you if I could throw a surprise party? We did it!
FIONA: Donkey. It’s not a surprise if you ask him.
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DONKEY: Well. He forgot so it still counts!
SNOW WHITE: Looks like we have some visitors.
EVIL QUEEN: Oh, Snow. Don’t worry, my pet. This is a joyful visit.
FARQUAD: Shrek, we come in peace.
BIG BAD WOLF: We found a different swamp to build our resort in.
CINDERELLA: But what are you doing here?
FAIRY GODMOTHER: When we heard there was a party though, we simply couldn’t refuse.
PRINCE CHARMING: We even brought you a gift.
RUMPELSTILTSKIN: Noise cancelling headphones so we can all have a party and you can just sit there in silence and not be annoyed.
EVIL QUEEN: Truly sorry about all that hubbub from before. I even brought apple pie as a truce. What do you say? Can we join you?
SHREK: This might be the best birthday yet.
SONG: I’M A BELIEVER
End.
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