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4-3-2013 Phoenix, 2013-04-03 Student Life

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Recommended Citation Governors State University Student Life, Phoenix (2013, April 3). http://opus.govst.edu/phoenix/145

This Article is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Newspapers at OPUS Open Portal to University Scholarship. It has been accepted for inclusion in Phoenix by an authorized administrator of OPUS Open Portal to University Scholarship. For more information, please contact [email protected]. Futurist entbraces change in the shift social, and ideological change released in January. He also writes experienced in human history will a blog that can be found at be recreated in the next "1 0 to 100 www.evolutionshift.com. years." Houle expressed that the time "The definitions we use for of women is now and that society economics, our understanding of will see women continue to reach culture, and our concept of gender new heights and that gender will will all be changed onto a new radically be redefined by this courtesy of shiftedtransformation.com level never before witnessed by generation. history," he said. Houle likened the upcoming Ha ha! Special By Andrew Kriz In the Shift Age, people will culture change to an earthquake. Contributing Writer place a higher importance on the "You may think you are built on April Fools environment and undoing the solid ground with what you know, David Houle, one of the mistakes made in the 20th century, but when in every six, 12, or 18 edition! leading futurists of the 21st will understand the concept of months everything you previously century, spoke to attendees in the place as where in cyberspace a believed is shaken up and Insert inside Hall of Honors on March 6 about person is, and will fuse changed, you know you're in the what he feels is the biggest change technology and biology to make Shift Age," he said. of living taking place right now. bionics advances. The first clue humanity has Humanity has left the Information "Even though technologies entered this new time period was Age, he said, and has entered a such as 3D printing, cloud marked by the five year recession tumultuous transitioning period networks, and brainwave as the Information Age's that will bring about the largest computer interface systems are in economic model became outdated. amount of change in human their infancy now, they will be "The Baby Boomers caused history. perfected in the Shift Age," said the recession. It was the older Houle has called this the "Shift Houle, whose latest book Age" where all the technological, "Entering the Shift Age" was Continued on Phoenix pg 5 F wing renovations right on schedule

By Samantha Kaspar will also be added. Learn about Staff Writer Upon completion of phase one, the university will dive right into phase two. These renovations will proper business Governors State University is excited to be include labs and offices for math, computer sciences, ettquette• approaching the completion of the renovations that nursing, and communication disorders, and are have been taking place in the campus's F wing. estimated to be completed in the spring of 2014. Story pg 3 Plans for renovation began in 1995, when GSU Incoming freshmen will also have their labs in the hired an engineering firm to determine how the newly remodeled F wing. A renovated lecture hall, university's science buildings met with Illinois' that will hold about 90 students, will be added. The established codes. After the evaluations, GSU was new lecture hall will be GSU's largest classroom. put on a waiting list to receive funds from the state The hall should be available for classes in the fall of of Illinois for renovations. In 2008, GSU made it to 2013. the top of the list, and the project became a reality. "Everything is really running on schedule", said With a $2.3 million grant from the National D 'Arcy "The construction company has been Science Foundation Academic Research working very seriously to complete the renovations Infrastructure, as well as $22 million funded by the on time". Illinois Capital Development board, the 80,000 As it nears it's completion, the F wing is square foot renovation will modernize GSU's science beginning to look like a university building, with and health science facilities. new flooring, painting, countertops, and plumbing. The Heights Construction Company The grand opening for phase one will take place this broke ground in October 2011, and began the first of coming August. two phases in the renovation process, with phase one Along with the F wing renovations, GSU also has nearing it's June 2013 target date for completion. a short term plan to improve the sound quality and Orbert Davis According to Karen D' Arcy, Professor of audio visuals in the Hall of Governors, as well as a comes to GSU Analytical Chemistry and Principle Investigator for master plan that calls for a new student center closer the NSF-ARI grant, the facilities completed after to the campus's main entrance. Story pg 4 phase one will include 15 small research labs where According to D 'Arcy,\"There are significant plans students and professors will work together. A in place to help us grow and have better facilities for chemical storeroom, shout six chemistry and physics teaching and learning". •------.. labs, and approximately six or seven biology labs \. ======~NOC======

2 413113 · s Hall goes to Washington Court hearings on same-sex to report fairly and unbiasedly. marriage. Although we would In the aftermath of these events, have liked to have stayed and however, I have no qualms ·oined the rally, unfortunately about disclosing my personal we had to start the long drive opnion on the matter. back to Chcago that day. People are entitled to their However, Kay and I still opinions. Free speech is, after wanted to show our support for all, guaranteed by the First marriage equality. The night Amendment. If groups such as before, we stopped at CVS to H.O.M.E. choose to believe that pick up some poster board and homosexuality is wrong, then markers. The following that is their opinion and they morning, as the Supreme Court have every right to express that began hearings on California's belief. Proposition 8, Kay and I drove However, it is wrong of ip! In honor of April Fools down First Street, past the H.O.M.E. (or any group) to the Turnip pays homage to Supreme Court and the U.S. distort statistics, use quotes out news sources such as The Capitol building. With the of context, and present their on, The Heckler, Weekly passenger window rolled down, opinions as facts. Everyone that World News, and many more. I held our sign out of the I have spoken to regarding ·oy! window so all of the people H.O.M.E.'s presence on campus Also, due to lack of interest rallying could see our sign, has indicated to me that this is Phoenix Comic Strip Contest which read "Marriage Equality how H.O.M.E. presented their been cancelled. As Homer for ALL" with the "ALL" being materials. on would say, "D'OH!" done in the colors of the While we are all entitled to Switching gears, I would American flag. free speech, one of the most to share something that I The cheers that we got from basic principles we must abide y had the chance to be a people gave me goose bumps! by as college students is that any part of. Last week, I was Some of the supporters rallying argument needs solid research to Washington, D.C., as the U.S. took pictures. An ABC camera support it. Without it, that preme Court began hearings man filmed us. I yelled into his argument loses it's crediblity. If same-sex marriage. camera, "Marriage equality for any GSU student were to write a I had gone to DC on everyone!" Bystanders cheered. research paper in the manner in · with my girlfriend, It was so gratifying to know which HOME presented it's and her two "kids" (a that we were a part of something information, that student would Schipperke named Bebe historic, albeit only a very small receive a failing grade. her equally hyper sister, a and brief part. We then departed I hope that in the future, our tese named Zoey). We had for a brief stop in Baltimore, school's administrators will ,...... ,~u .. ..,u on going to DC during then home from there. think twice about what types of Spring Break, but due to The topic of homosexuality groups they allow on campus scheduling conflict at my job and gay rights has been a hot and give due consideration to do work full time, along with topic lately. In fact, this very the validity of the message a

...... •. 1>; classes and working issue has hit especially close to group is presenting. Allowing the Phoenix) the only time I the GSU community. Last groups like H.O.M.E. (which get off of work was the month, the Phoenix reported on has been classified as a hate classes started back up. tensions between the H.O.M.E. group according to the Southern We had an amazing time in Group (Heterosexuals Organized Poverty Law Center) on our nation's capital. However, for a Moral Environment) and campus legitimizes the messages most memorable moment of GSU's Gay Straight Alliance. of hate groups and creates an trip happened on the day we I felt that it was very uncomfortable environment on leaving. important for me to keep my campus for all GSU students. It just so happened that the personal views out of the we were leaving town was discussion, as the first Melissa Hall first day of the Supreme responsibility of the Phoenix is Phoenix Editor-in-Chief

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4 13 113 3 ======~OC======News

Attendees look on at the business etiquette luncheon, held on March 26. Photography by Ryan O'Neill. Business etiquette highlighted at luncheon By Ryan O'Neill through nonverbal communication. Contributing Writer Attire rules suggest ladies should wear a navy, black, brown or a gray suit. They should also refrain from wearing fragrances. Men should Whether you are preparing for an important job interview, or are in a match their shoes with their suit. social setting amongst your peers, encompassing business etiquette is an During the lunch portion of the presentation, those in attendance advantage that will help make you stand out. GSU held a business were informed how to properly dine. The American Style of Dining etiquette luncheon on March 26 that informed those in attendance of the includes cutting no more than four pieces of meat in a zigzag pattern many ways to be a professional. with the knife in the right hand and the fork in the left hand. The luncheon consisted of a presentation covering many areas of Kenneth Simpson, a social worker, believes the luncheon will help using proper business etiquette. Tips included replying to voicemails him and others develop professional connections with people. within 24 hours, giving firm but painless handshakes, always signing "The mannerisms, attire and food etiquette was put together with emails with your name, and staying away from politics, religion, diet or great detail. It was a treasure trove of information," said Simpson. family in professional networking. Everyone left the business etiquette luncheon learning that even the Companies look for how potential employees listen, look and move. simplest aspects of proper etiquette are important. Nonverbal communication is important to develop successful personal "I didn't know you had to hold the wine glass by the stem, said and professional relationships. 93 percent of our daily communication is Eileen Baltazar, a Health Administration major. A message from Student Senate on student civility campus to meet goals and objectives, or show tact, because a loss of control will surely requesting assignment and grade criteria from lead to disaster and the tainting of your image. our professors, a level of civility is required in As the end of the semester looms near, order to achieve positive results. How someone group research projects, group presentations, interacts with others not only determines the and study groups are beginning to flourish on outcomes of those interactions, but also gives campus. This will be practice for the real insight on an individual's integrity and world, because many accomplishments cannot character. be fulfilled without a group effort. Student Ordinarily, this column is used to Senators and Student Life would like to remind communicate important events and issues you that the sooner you learn how to deal with happening on our campus. In this issue, stress and work with a variety of people with however, the Student Senate wishes to focus on different backgrounds and personalities, the something that is more important on our easier you will be able to handle future campus - the students. exchanges in your life and your career. Growing up, I remember my mother saying It can be difficult juggling the work and Practice makes perfect, and personally, I've that if you want someone to do something for responsibility that comes with being a college learned that taking my mother's advice couldn't you, it is better to use honey rather than student, but we must remember that we are the hurt either. vinegar. As students of higher education, it is represent ourselves, our families, our important for us to practice civility in our institutions, and even higher education in Kay/a Randolph- interactions. Whether we are working with general. When you come across a situation Illinois Board of Higher Education other students to complete a group project, (or a person) that tests your capacity for GSU Student Representative collaborating with other organizations on patience, remember to remain calm, and to =4======~ND<======4 1 3=1=13= Orbert Davis concert: lllusic frolll DuSable to Oballla slashed. "It is being cut because the cost of the criminal justice system is rising. That means they build more prisons that house more people, most of whom are people who look like me. Part of that is a result of, in my opinion, the conditions in our communities that result in the fratricide- brothers killing brothers over a drug turf. And when you take all of that it's a trip straight to the penitentiary. Education becomes secondary if you have the opportunity to make $100 a day standing on the comer watching for the police than $10 an hour working for McDonalds," said Montgomery. Andrea Zopp, President and CEO of the Chicago Urban League, said of educational resources, "We have too much of a focus on law enforcement as an answer to fixing some of our issues. We currently fund our schools in Illinois based on property taxes, and property taxes fill in the gap that the state doesn't contribute. So every time that the state reduces their [money], it means that you have to fill that gap with By Jonathon Hutchinson property taxes. And that falls of course, very hard and difficultly on Contributing Writer poor communities and communities of color." Melody Spann-Cooper, Chairman of Midway Broadcasting, and . Governors State University had the privilege of presenting trumpet President of WVON Radio said of her interns, "We have so many vtrtuoso Orbert Davis and his outstanding orchestra, The Chicago Jazz interns here in the summer 'cause I don't tell any of them no- they Philharmonic Chamber Ensemble, for a one evening only performance ~anna come and they wanna learn radio. We sat in a meeting one time, on March 10. The Chicago Jazz Philharmonic performed the tt had to be eight young men, and do you know not one of them came up Emmy-winning score from the WTTW documentary, "DuSable to in a household with a father?" Obama: Chicago's Black Metropolis." She also said of black ownership of music, " ... back in the 60s and The concert was brought to the Center for Performing Arts by One 70s, ~hen we heard [Lift Every Voice] not only would we stand up, More Night Productions, which specializes in bringing the best in nothmg stopped. We would never sit down for the National Anthem, but Chicago Theater, music, and dance to Chicago Southland audiences. for that which is ours and we're losing that. And when we lose that, it's This was the final One More Night production for the One More Night the reason why Lil' Wayne can put out a song about Emmet Till getting series for the 2012-13 season, and it was one to remember. killed and it's ok. He does not know the Emmet Till story. He does not The 55-plus piece orchestra was in top form as they began their know what he's doing." performance with the opening theme from DuSable to Obama. The Montgomery said of President Obama, "Why is it that we have not theme was percussive, rhythmic, and Davis' trumpet was very reflective done better since Obama has been President? Hell, if he'd have done as video highlights were projected upon the screen. The second part of anything for black people they'd have tarred him and feathered him, and the theme was like a superhero call to attention as Davis' trumpet maybe assassinated him!" pierced through the auditorium, with two other horns following suite as Orbert Davis said of students, "I put my career on hold to start an if to called to the heavens 10 minutes into the performance. education program that teaches reading and math. So we have two After the performance, a free one hour panel discussion, "What is programs ... we're in eight public schools launching jazz bands and Ne~t for Chicago's Black Metropolis?" began. The panelists, including teaching ... Music is such a powerful force; I mean, I've seen student Chtcago Urban League CEO Andrea Zopp, and Michael Sykes, the after student discovering themselves through the music. And what you pastor of Faith United Protestant Church in Park Forest among others, just saw is the discovery, you know the looking at the film... Music is covered a wide range of expertise in their respective fields such as law, that aspect of connecting to our very souls. I would say that the one theology, and broadcast communications. Craig Gilmore, Director of thing that is so important ... is that we have to learn to tum the TV off. multi-cultural markets for State Farm Insurance fell ill, so Will Davis We have to tum off the images that students see, identify with, and then filled in. The questions asked were chosen in advance, and a few copy." members of the audience asked the panel questions. The discussion was Indeed the concert and the panel discussion was quite an experience. mainly about how to improve failing schools, various aspects of From the lush musical ballad of "Good News for the Brown Bomber" education for the young black urban youth, and incarceration in the ' to the up-tempo melody of "A Rag for Reginald", there's nothing quite black community. like hearing an orchestra in a concert hall. And the insight gained from A spirited dialog was sparked when attorney James Montgomery the panel discussion was a great lesson on how we all can be smarter spoke about what will happen to the young black youth now that when it comes to tackling the challenges of our communities. Chicago Public Schools is closing more schools and funding has been 4 13 113 n ~· s ======nnJCI~~======Spring Breakers: Perception and Reflection of a generation "literally the crappiest movie I've ever seen." As Faith, Selena Gomez is the good, A director of such films that would certainly be religious girl. Harmony's wife, Rachel Korine deemed obscure by the popular culture, Korine is Cotty, the in-between of the bunch. Vanessa decides to take a different approach and brings Hudgens and Ashley Benson round out the light to generational commentary in his latest girls. These two are the masterminds, the true film, Spring Breakers. The story is simple. criminals James Franco, in the film's strongest Stuck in a boring college dorm, four college performance, creates a companion character to girls long to travel to an ideal Spring Break the four girls. He speaks with a Southern drawl, location. Problem: they have no money. making frequent proclamations of "Spring Resolution: they rob a chicken shack. But don't Break forevah." His cornrows, piercings, and worry; they just treat it like a video game. With gold teeth intrigue the girls. His hospitality cash in the pockets and indulgence in their draws them in. There's an undeniable connec­ Adam Ebert hearts, they go hit the road to Florida and the tion between he and the girls. He involves them Contributing Writer debauchery begins. In the sequences that depict in his criminal endeavors. Hudgens and Benson Spring Break, nudity, drugs, and binge drinking become his "soul mates." A fever dream Of the nine films nominated for the Best color a scene of pure joy for teens and ensues. Picture Oscar in 2013, four directly dealt with twenty-somethings alike. Set to dubstep and There's the matter of a sequence revolving political and social issues of the American displayed often in flesh-jiggling slow motion, around a Britney Spears song that is, without a culture and its history. Certainly not a recent Korine portrays the beach parties as a doubt, one of the most unique sequences in trend by any regard, film, and art in general, nightmare of sex and inebriation. What would film history. Needless to say, it's captivating, often turns its lens back on the culture the their mother say? bizarre, and beautiful. Korine's use of imagery artists find themselves in. Art is all It bears mentioning the four main female here and throughout is downright haunting. encompassing and takes many forms. characters never wear much more than bright There's something truly visceral and real about However, much discussion and analysis is neon bikinis. This is an attracting point of the what is presented on screen. welcomed when the focus takes a sociological film. Sex sells. But take this imagery away and Just like the Best Picture nominees of 2012, turn. Korine does not disappoint in creating a Spring Breakers challenges the American youth In Spring Breakers, Harmony Korine's lens satisfying film experience. The sexual imagery into reflecting on what they believe, how they may shift between incredibly sharp and is a veil, lifted upon a message about the act, and what they want in life. Perhaps, this intentionally out-of-focus, but his image is American culture, the mindset of our youth; of generation is shallow, driven towards a always clear. Generation Y. They're a scary bunch. And fever-pitched success truly unearned, but Expectations and then perception shapes violent to boot. gravely desired. Middle schoolers with reality and the marketing and actual product More Bonnie & Clyde or Natural Born iPhones. Drunken twenty-somethings on the behind Spring Breakers could certainly leave Killers than Showgirls, Spring Breakers shore of Ft. Lauderale. Is this film an accurate viewers feeling shorthanded. Advertising teen becomes an enduring piece of generational portrayal of the American youth? Or a haunting idols of the Disney Channel and ABC Family commentary. The girls are at home in the dream of a film? The answer is yes. clans in bright neon bikinis is the main focus of debauchery-filled Spring Break parties, but Upon watching, it can be said that a view­ Spring Breakers marketing campaign. Young ultimately feel awkward and "creeped out" ing experience of Spring Breakers is unlike any and sexy is promised. But, there's so much when their company changes to young other. Korine succeeds in endeavors to reflect more. To be incredibly blunt, one could divide African-American men. The main characters of upon our society and the generation it expectations and reactions into two camps: the film are incredibly shallow and the film concerns. The film currently faces great success those artistically cultured who are familiar with certainly makes a point in displaying this. at the box office. Success here allows Korine a Korine's work and those who seek out films in They're ego-driven beings, often self-motivated wider landscape. Here's to that. which their favorite Disney Channel actresses and narrow-minded in their endeavors. They This is what we talk about when we talk star. One camp got a challenging, ethereal, spew pop songs and draw penises on about film. culturally significant film; the other got notebooks.

Futurist Continued from pg 1 people in charge of banks and "We see that there are seven businesses who refused to change billion people on Earth now and despite the world moving on to nearly six million of them have untapped ventures without them." cellphones. There is no time or Houle said. distance stopping human Instead of business practices communication. There are more focusing on the producer's design people who have phones than and bottom line, the new line of electricity or clean water. You have thinking in the Shift Age has zeroed merchants in Africa who can find the in on the consumer's needs. The best prices in the city now instead of institution fell as the individual's having only one buyer from their choice became the new priority. area setting the prices," Houle said. He said that the previous Houle quoted 20 12 sales figures generation's logic cannot work in a that showed more mobile computing broadband world. People want devices were sold worldwide than massive change and a reshaping of non-mobile devices, which has values such as a greater emphasis on enabled such a mass transition. the environment and the changing of "This is going to be one of the authority to social groups, not greatest times to be alive in all of bureaucratic titles. human history. We are going to see a He attributed that globalism has complete overhaul in all ways of life brought about the most changes so and the quality of life for all people far with cellular phones, widespread will rea~h new heights. Humanity is social media, and the accessibility of entering' a higher level of the internet nearly anywhere on consciousness for the greater good of Earth. all people." said Houle. t- nv-v- 413 113 ======~NOC======

6 EATURES

Steve plugging in his thoughts

By Steve Luzzo thing for someone who can be a little clumsy. I'm not saying I smashed Contributing Writer my head into the table earlier this semester while trying to adjust my sock while sitting in a chair that had wheels on the bottom, but I did. We live in a world filled with technology. Everywhere you look you I haven't really thought the logistics through on having power within are connected. There are cell phone and Wi-Fi signals ripping through the tables because all I can see myself doing is dropping my 40 ounces our bodies no matter where we are. But sometimes things get left out of of Pepsi mixed with root beer on the table and ending up with some silly the technological loop. saying on my tombstone as I am filled with 1.21 jiggowatts of pure One of those things that has been left out of the technological age of unadulterated electric. But it has to have been done; people go to destruction in which we are currently residing happens to be within the Starbucks and plug in. I am actually guessing about that part about cafeteria lobby. Starbucks because I have never been in one, but when I imagine the Now I am sure that at some point you have had yourself a delicious Starbucks "scene" that is kind of how it plays out in my mind. wrap made by the good folks over in the cafeteria and run into this So I believe this article is really mostly about me pleading to school outlandish problem. Wait a second, I didn't tell you what it was yet, did officials in some way to realize that some of your students are clumsy. I? But I would hate to have my laptop, or another person's laptop be There is a giant lack of AC/DC power. I am "thunderstruck" at the damaged in some way, shape or form by clumsy feet. Let's get the plugs lack of plugs that are available. When I have my wrap, I end up closer to the people that will be using them. Reach out to me trudging slowly throughout the lobby making sure I am not kicking out, @ImGonnaGet2It or stepping on anyone's laptop cords. But that isn't always the easiest

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Social media impacts interpersonal communication in many ways

the way we interact with people in the real that moment. world. Since the social media site gives you instant I think that Facebook has made users more access to a user's account, it gives you the socially awkward and shy. freedom of taking a peek into their past, I have a few friends who rely on the site to leaving little to the imagination. have serious conversations with other people All those questions you had about their old and will not do so unless it's through a text or life or what their family was like will be Facebook message. answered through a few minutes of Face book They have become so comfortable with stalking, unless the user is cautious with what By Kelly Lamano typing away their thoughts that they forget he or she posts. Courtesy of U-wire what it's like to have a conversation with The site has affected our interpersonal someone m person. communication. After permanently deleting my Facebook Users are more likely to divulge an intimate However, being disconnected from account this past summer, I have found myself secret with someone in a Facebook chat Facebook for seven months now has taught me sitting around and sulking in my room, not conversation than face to face because it's so that life does go on and I can make as many quite knowing what to do with myself since I convenient and accessible. friends walking down to Tutu's as I did when I am no longer connected with all of my There's a record of the chat in a message added someone on Facebook. "friends" from the social media site. history, but that can easily be forgotten or I was a fairly shy person before attending I'm kidding, of course. deleted whereas a face to face conversation or college, and Facebook made it convenient to But my real friends teased me for months someone's facial expression will stick with that add a classmate for homework questions or to afterward since they were skeptical about how I person forever. simply make a new friend. was going to stay in the loop and know what It's more difficult to confront someone in I limited those that I accepted, but I did was going on if I wasn't connected to the cyber person, but it is better to see someone's become reliant on it for arranging plans and world. reaction and hear his or her words in person to important conversations. Surprisingly, not much has changed. I find settle a dispute than for the issue to linger or be Once I deleted my Facebook, something myself being more productive without the dis­ misunderstood. clicked and I was no longer as shy as I once traction of logging in every couple of hours, or With text messaging and Facebook, was. I also became more direct when I needed minutes, and checking those notifications. language has become incredibly open-ended. to confront someone. While it was convenient for group projects, It gives the recipient the control to interpret I've always been a person that loves to get spamming the news feed with a friend or the message the way he or she wants to, based to know and study people, but I became more making plans, I realize I can do all of that just on the rules of using emoticons, capitalization, social and extended myself more once I deleted the same without the use of Facebook. what words are stressed and so on. my account. Facebook makes its users get comfortable It is easy to misinterpret someone because While I'm not trying to persuade anyone to with screen to screen conversations as opposed he or she read the message wrong since they permanently delete their Facebook, I would to face to face. did not hear it for themselves. encourage people to rely on it less and socialize Sure, there's a video chat feature, but Facebook is also a more permanent way of better without the use of it. Facebook strives to keep you connected by expressing your thoughts. It's easy and convenient to get to know bugging you with a sidebar to wish a friend Someone can read a message over and over someone on a surface level with all of the you knew in middle school "Happy Birthday!" again, dwelling or finding new ways of photos, statuses, quotations and posts. or to write on someone's timeline to reconnect. interpreting the situation whereas if he or she In the end, it's your choice to unfriend or The site has made users dependent on had the conversation face to face, that person make the effort with those friends outside of messages, wall posts and chat, interfering with can only reflect on what was heard or said in the cyber world.

Sudobu solutions from pg 8 ======~OC======

8 HAT'S UP 4 13 113 QSU Happenings Crossword

Just Dance Expo April 1'J. Coinmon Ground noon to 4 p.m. In Gun Debate cafeteria Annex Discussion Apri14. 5 p.m. Engbretson HaU HLC Focused ViSit April15 and 16 Prairie Place GSUHoustng ~ing Criminal Justice & Public APiif5. 3:30 p.m. Administration lntenlsttlp & career Fair Apri.18,

50. Mountain pool 11. Wall climbers 1. What you're paid 51. Livestock 12. 10 cent coins 6. Accomplishes 54. Dour 13. Swelling under the 10. Conceal 56. Employ skin 57. Illogical 21. Muse of love poetry 15. Church alcove 63.Among 25. Not nights 64. Satyr 26. Ascend 17. Entertain 65. Wild Asian dog 27. Sore 18. Close 66. Secure against 28. Equipment 19. Frost leakage 29. As acknowledged PHD: Irreplaceable? 20. Tympani 67. Apiary 34. Devastated 22. Abound 68. Femme fatale 36. Dwarfbuffalo 23. Region 69. Countercurrent 37. Stigma YOUR 24. Black Sea port 70. Sleigh 38. Small slender gull 26. Indian music 71. Volumes 40. Resound IRREPLACEABILITY 30. Altitude (abbrev.) DOWN 42. Swagger How indispensable 31. Apprehend 1. Feeble 45. Etch yoo are 32. Frozen 2. Highest point 48. Horse sounds 33. Fastened 3. Oversupply 51. Pursue 35. It makes dough rise 4. Where the sun rises 52. Intended 39. Soap for hair 5. Grave marker 53. Threesome 41. Gist 6. Bitterwort 55. Center 43. Lofty nest 7. Perform surgery on 58. Agitate 44. Where a bird lives 8. Brother of Jacob 59. Buckeye State 46. Fly high 9. Homily 60. Standard 47. Buff 10. A large African 61. Away from the wind 49. Neither antelope 62. Focusing glass

"PHD" ("Piled Higher & Deeper'), a comic about being a graduate student, is Sudobu by Jorge Cham. Updates occur about twice per week.. To read more comics, head to www. PHDcomics.com 4 6 1 3 2 6 7 5 3 9 1 6 4 6 5 7 2 1 8 4 9 3 '7 8 2 y Paul always looks so sad Story pg 3 raging case of "Bieber Fever" By Melissa Hall baby, oh! ' She even started Self-proclaimed music expert Turnip Editor-in-Chief dancing this awkward sort of jig. Melissa Hall, an interdisciplinary It was tough to watch." studies major, world renowned Governors State University According to Chris Morgan, a makeout artist, and the editor of President Dr. Elaine Maimon is graduate student pursuing his the school's student newspaper taking a leave of absence after MBA, Maimon became hysterical The Phoenix, believes Maimon coming down with a terrible case as GSU Provost Terry Allison and was exposed to "Bieber Fever" of "Bieber Fever." Executive Assistant Penny Perdue unwittingly. At a recent on-campus event at tried to usher her off the stage. "My theory is that she the school's Center for Performing "She was screaming, "Justin, I probably just happened to Arts, the esteemed school love you!" over and over," said overhear a Justin Bieber song, President suddenly burst into song, Morgan. "It was like she had which caused her to become singing the hit Bieber song, become possessed by a 12 year infected with the illness," said "Baby." Attendees at the event old girl, or a demon, or Hall. "No one outside of junior were stunned and surprised by the something." high would willingly listen to Pierre the President's outburst. The condition that has afflicted Justin Bieber's music." "It was the strangest thing," the GSU President is an illness Hall believes that the "Bieber Penguin caught said Diana Long, a social work known as "Bieber Fever." The Fever" phenomenon is merely a student who attended the event. illness is rampant among strain of a much larger illness, the in love triangle! "She was up on stage talking prepubescent and teenage girls. In little-acknowledge syndrome about how GSU is a public square, people over the age of 15, known as "Terrible Musicitis." Story pg 3 and all of sudden she just stopped however, the illness is rare. "Terrible Musicitis is a mid-sentence and started singing Doctors are baffled as to how 'Baby, baby, baby, oh! Baby, baby, Maimon contracted the illness. Continued on pg 4 is a , according to publication known for exaggerating By Adam Ebert the President is a complete and ever known. Moral is considered Contributing Writer total failure, certainly not someone to be at an all-time low by the elected twice by a majority of the people who have been hired to News commentators country. The U.S. Economy is decide upon that kind of thing. worldwide are speculating that the burning to the ground despite "Bottom line: everything is sun has risen today, but tomorrow supporting millions, if not billions awful and none of it is our fault," is certainly not as hopeful. In of lives. said ignorant complainer. "Back in addition, many analysts are saying "Guys, honestly, I'm doing the day, everything used to be that the sun should just get over alright," said the Gross Domestic great, but now it's all in the toilet, GSU to offer itself and retire already. The Product at a recent press dude," proclaimed the man, monotonous career of the sun has conference. known best for unrestrained apocalypse led many to believe in the The National Council for nostalgia and frequenting the comfortable assumption that Irrelevant Proclamations stated Burger King down the street from workshop everything is completely awful. today that reality television is the his house. Take that as you will A nationwide polling of the soul and wit of a generation in (with dire consideration). Story pg 3 only people home to answer the which it is considered to be the ..______phone yesterday concluded that greatest form of media they've Continued on pg 4_ save more l with a college grad rebate*

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Pictured on left: Pierre the Penguin, GSU's beloved mascot, is reportedly involved in an affair with Penny the Penguin of Youngstown State University in Youngstown, OH. Penny's husband, Pete the Penguin (pictured right)is reportedly oblivious to the steamy affair between his wife and Pierre. Pierre the Penguin caught in scandalous love-triangle! By Melissa Hall source. "He was overheard saying that he was attracted to Penny Turnip Editor-in-Chief because of her supple beak, curvy wings, and seductive waddle." Sources say Penny was easily seduced by Pierre's charm and Pierre the Penguin, GSU's beloved mascot, is reportedly embroiled Antarctic good looks. While in Washington, the pair reportedly had a in a salacious love triangle! romantic rendezvous at the Smithsonian National Zoo. Since then, the According to sources close to the smooth lovebird, Pierre has become pair has been rumored to share romantic dates at both The Lincoln Park romantically involved with Penny the Penguin, a mascot at Youngstown Zoo and Brookfield Zoo, as well as the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago. State University in Youngstown, Ohio. The alleged affair has ruftled The two are also rumored to be planning a summer trip to Sea World in feathers on the campus ofYSU. Penny has been married to her husband, Orlando, Florida. Pete the Penguin, for over 25 years. Pete the Penguin is reported to be completely oblivious to his wife's Clara Bell, an education major at YSU, said of the alleged affair, "I dalliance's with Pierre. don't believe it! Penny and Petey have been together forever! If those "Petey has been neglecting Penny's needs for a long time now," said two lovebirds can't make it, there is no hope for any ofus!" the source. "Penny is still a young, vivacious woman who wants to get The romance reportedly began when Pierre met Penny on the GSU out of the water once in a while and see the world. But Petey is content trip to the Presidential Inauguration in January .According to sources, to sit at home and watch TV. Especially during hockey season, all Petey Pierre was frost-bitten hard by the love bug the moment he laid eyes on wants to do is sit around and watch Pittsburgh Penguins games. Penny Penny. has needs, and because of Petey's neglectfulness she's letting Pierre wet "Pierre was immediately taken in by Penny's beauty," said the her beak." Paul Bunyan: I just want to get out of Illinois with the Turnip, Bunyan is finally speaking out politicans. According to Bunyan, "They're all on why he always looks so unhappy. crooks, every last one of them. They keep Bunyan has told the Turnip that the root of raising taxes to line their own pockets. his unhappiness is the fact that he is stuck Nothing ever changes. We're buried in debt living in Illinois. Bunyan cites high taxes, that we'll never be able to get out of. They political corruption, and lousy weather as the keep feeding us (expletive deleted), and they

i!!lllfllr main reasons for his dissatisfaction with the keep getting away with it. It never changes, !!~!!!!( Land of Lincoln. man. Every year there's another crook that gets .._ ... "First of all, I think I suffer from Seasonal caught." By Melissa Affective Disorder," said Bunyan. "The cold, Bunyan said that he won't be happy until Turnip Editor-in-Chief crummy weather we have really gets to me. he is allowed to leave Illinois and head up to And what makes it worse is that I'm stuck out Wisconsin in search of his blue ox, Babe, and The sad face of Paul Bunyan has loomed in it, all the time. It can be cold and snowing, Babe's sweetheart Bessie the Yeller Cow. ominously over the campus of Governors State and I'm just stuck, man. I don't get to go on "I just want to get out of here, man," said University for the past several years. Students "spring break." There's no Cancun for me. Bunyan. "I mean, I'm stuck here, literally. My and visitors alike have marveled at the giant, I'm stuck here all the time. I wouldn't mind it feet are bolted to th~ ground! Birds fly over my wondering why Bunyan always looks §o so much if there were some trees for me to head and poop on my hat, and I can't even forlorn. chop down, but standing out in the cold all day walk over to the pond to wash it off. It's not After years of silence, Bunyan is breaking just gets old." fair, man! It's just not fair!" his silence. In an emotional exclusive interview Bunyan was also highly critical of Illinois' GSU to offer new survival workshop By Ryan O'Neill a machete-carrying Denzel Washington or Bear Grylls to help you Contributing Writer survive is very unlikely. You're more likely to be stuck with outgoing characters like Kanye West or any Paris Hilton in your group. Ten Have you ever wondered how to survive when civilization collapses? minutes with them in your group you'd look up to the sky and pray for Look no further as GSU has created a workshop to instruct students on another meteor with your name on it. how to survive under post-apocalyptic conditions. With recent meteor Aside from the very important survival provisions such as Twinkies, sightings, nuclear threats against the United States, and the influx of iPads and your season one DVD of The Real Housewives of DC, the Harlem Shake videos, the inevitable end of the world is near. main goal of the workshop is to have you prepared for something more As a result, it is most likely the government will collapse or say we devastating than not a single like on one of your Facebook statues, are in a sequester, or in other words, "ain't nobody got time for that." which is the end of civilization. When that meteor has a date with planet Earth we can't call on Bruce If you ever roughed someone up at a shoe sale at TJ Maxx, cut in Willis to save us. It will be up to the citizens to survive on their own. line at Subway, or didn't care that jar of mayonnaise expired six months The workshop will train students to become survivalists and leaders. ago, then this workshop is for you. You are ahead of the curve with no The workshop will consist on how to ration food, build shelter, provide backbone, and do what it takes to survive when you know what hits the first-aid, and how to Instagram Wal-Mart being ransacked. Running into fan. 4 413113 ======"lurnip

Breaking news: Cubs, White Sox to merge By Melissa Hall people, so we can probably stay in touch easily to miss piling all of the kids into my pickup Turnip Editor-in-Chief enough on Facebook or Twitter," said Williams. truck and taking them down to The Cell for The Super Yankees will play at U.S. Elvis night. But it's worth it. Let's see the At a press conference earlier today, the Cellular Field until their brand new, Cubs win a World Series now! Ha ha ha what and Chicago White Sox state-of-the-art stadium in Rosement, Illinois is a bunch ofwussy losers! Neener neener neener, announced they will be merged into one Major ready in 2016. Once the 2016 season comes, the N orthsiders are wieners!" League Baseball franchise, beginning in the U.S. Cellular Field will return to its usual role Cub fan Kevin Clark was despondent over 2014 season. Due to the historic ineptitude of as an abandoned building on Chicago's South the news. "I don't know how I'll ever watch each franchise, the inability of the Cubs to get a Side. another baseball game again" said Clark. "I stadium renovation deal done with the city of As for , which will still be mean, ifthere's no ivy to look at, or rooftop Chicago, and the lack of interest most people owned by Super Yankees co-owner Tom buildings across the street, what's the point of have in the White Sox, MLB has urged the two Ricketts, the beloved yet decrepit ballpark will going to a baseball game? The only reason I teams to combine and become one team. continue on in its role as a museum/outdoor go is to stare at the outfield wall, the archaic "It's time to admit that both franchises are beer garden. scoreboard, and a bunch of buildings outside terrible," said MLB commissioner Bud Selig. "We figure, most people that go to Wrigley the ballpark." "We have decided it is best for the league to are either tourists or drunken frat boys," said Other Cubs fans like Lawrence Wilson were just combine the two teams and see if one Ricketts. "We believe that there is a segment of excited at the news. "Finally, I have a team to competent team can be pieced together." the population who will pay to enjoy the root for that can win every single year!" said The team will play in the American "Wrigley Experience." So why not capitalize Wilson. "I'm excited for our future. Think of League, and adopt the moniker Super Yankees. on that?" all the talent that we'll have because of the Cubs/future Super Yankees President Theo Ricketts plans on charging a cover for merger! We're going to have players like Paul Epstein is excited for the change. At the press people to drink in the bleachers, saying, Rizzo, Darwin Beckham, and Alexei Castro on conference, Epstein said, "The Yankees have "Everyone knows that the bleachers are our team for years to come! The Super won 27 World Championships. We figure as basically one big singles bar for all of the Yankees will be ten times better than the the Super Yankees, we can win on average yuppies, frat kids, and Lincoln Park trixies. regular Yankees! I even heard they might try to about 5 World Championships a year." They won't even notice that the Cubs aren't get Tony Campana back from Arizona. Could White Sox CEO and new Super Yankees there anymore." you imagine what kind of talent they could head usher Kenny Williams said the move is Fans of both the Cubs and White Sox have in center field if they merged Campana's bittersweet for him. expressed mixed reactions to the merger speed with someone who can actually hit the "On the one hand, I will miss all of the announcement. ball and play defense?" great, loyal Sox fans that supported us over the Tim O'Toole, a South Side native and years. On the other hand, that's only like five diehard Sox fan, said of the merger, "I'm going Everyt Continued from pg 1 condition in which the person Metallica and AC/DC stat," said Our focus turns to the sky. However, neither the sky not the affected becomes addicted to Hall. "Once they work the "Bieber While often hazy and obscured sun were available for comment. listening to terrible music," said Fever" out of her system they can due to the constant presence of Word from their publicist is Hall. "Most people become so probably switch her to some overzealous clouds, the surely forthcoming. addicted to terrible music that they Aerosmith or Green Day." atmosphere above us ultimately In closing, the state of don't realize just how sick they Hall warns that Terrible Musicitis looks down upon us. The sky is general awfulness surrounding actually are. "Bieber Fever" is just in any of its forms can strike anyone someone to envy, a being whom the world at hand begs for the one sub-strain of Terrible Musicitis." at any time. To combat the effects o constantly traverses on, eventual arrival of an alien According to Hall, while "Bieber Terrible Musicitis or any of its regardless of who won season species to end all of known Fever" generally only affects young sub-strains, she recommends a daily sevenof American Idol, or what reality for us and our successors. girls, "Terrible Musicitis" can affect dose of good music as a preventative budding young pop star Ann But even in that regard, it will all people of all ages. measure. Coulter has said about the be the sun's fault. In a message to "Terrible Musicitis is not a new "To anyone who wants to avoid current state of international the sun and also in the hope that disease," said Hall. "The truth is that the same fate as our esteemed school duress. we do not end too ambiguously, Terrible Musicitis has existed since President, I would recommend Recent studies at the we end with a quote from the the 1970's, when disco first became listening to some good rock music University of Phoenix's ancient Tibetan Philosophy which popular. Over the years it has existed on a regular basis. I myself listen to psychology department has found states, "don't start none, won't be in different strains, such as Evanescence almost daily to fend off the sky above us is the ultimate none." (The views and opinions Madonnapes, MCHammertosis, Terrible Musicitis," said Hall. antagonist to the well-being of expressed in this quote are those NSync Syndrome, and Rihannatitis." "People need to know how to protect the international community. In of a 1000-year-old philosopher The only way to cure Terrible themselves from terrible music and addition, it was also deduced and ultimately not of this article's Musicitis is to listen to good music. the damaging effects that it can have from research that the sun was a writer.) While R&B, blues, jazz and country on their credibility as intelligent close second in an antagonistic However this is such an can be effective in fighting the people." relationship with the world's opinion: This is the end. Stop. illness, Hall recommends a steady "Bieber Fever" should not be population. The sun, formerly a Print. Stop. Technology. Stop. We diet of rock and roll or heavy metal. confused with "Beaver Fever", bright star in the eyes of the strive for greatness. Stop. "My recommendation would be which is a completely different and world, contemplates its eveptual for the doctor's treating President totally embarrassing condition. explosion and the end of our Maimon to get her listening to some particular section of existence.