INSIDE THIS ISSUE • Exclusive! Interview with Guild Librarian Si- gismund Thing ...... 2 • Guild of Thieves ap prentice exam - how to take the test, and how to WIN! ...... 11 • Top Secret Coded "Cheat Sheet" stolen Top Crook Slags from Guild of Thieves - we reveal all ...... 24 ANDMUCH MUCH Rookies Shock! MORE!
Top crook Silas "We just can't get the ceptional material, and fac type of young person es a bright future in the Beaker says the pro we want these days. Guild. fession will face dis Frankly, they seem Beaker said that he was aster if young new more keen on accoun "sick as a macaw" with tancy and merchant young apprentices training comers continue with banking." at the Guild's expense and their boycott. Beaker was speaking on then "going offthe straight Beaker, speaking from his the eve of new, stringent and narrow - becoming Dombrook hideaway, add entry standards to the doctors and shopkeepers ed: "Frankly, the newcom Guild of Thieves. and such." ers are rubbish. Green "These new tests aren't He added: "We have to face horns. Tenderfeet. Wet be easy", he said. "Anyone it. This a divided society. hind the ears. who can pass them is ex- It's us and them."
TIME FOR ACTION BURGLARY by Our Special Correspondent A.Nonymous Commuters on the Dombrook line are facinganother ex SUPPLIES pense today - theprice of a wristwatch. For the best in Modern Burglary For burglars described as equipment, call "audacious and cunning" have noticed the clock had gone, it stolen the Victoria Station clock. was toolate to check what time it Festeron 1183 The famousclock, which has was, because it had gone, if you Jemmies &. Crowbars hung above platform 3,728 at followme. Dark Lanterns - Victoria - the world's largest Sta "We heard it strike eleven, guaranteed light-free tion - went missing last night at which some say means that that New range of striped around midnight. was when it was stolen. Others "We aren't sure of the exact say it was just about to strike clothing time," said spokesman A. twelve. It's a matter of opinion, (Ask for Bruce or Rod) Spokesman, "Because when we like everything eise." The Guild of Thieves: Now The Story Can Be Told EXCLUSIVE! Our Man In Kerovnia Talks To Guild Librarian Sigismund Thing. Reprintedfrom "Burglar' s Gazette"
What is the Guild? whacker home to - as she what the old bastard - sor How did it start? allegedly put it - 'findher ry,the old gentleman- was The Guild of Thieves self. reallylike. (or, to give it its full title, You're trying to say Do any transcripts The Worshipful And Par they got divorced? exist? tially Honourable Guild Of Not as such. As a matter Yes. ProfessionalNocturnal and of fact, Mrs Thrushwhacker Do you have any of SurreptitiousEntry And Re was eventually found by them? moval Operatives Of Ker Milo Piston, a flangeopera ovnia, Get My Drift?) owes tive, under a pizza bush in Yes. its existence to Judge Rhino Dornbrook, a pleasant but Q. Q. Thrushwhacker II, Stop mucking about inconsequential dormitory and show us one, then. appointed Master of the town in the mountainous Bench some two centuries north of Kerovnia. Rhino All right. All you had to ago. Thrushwhacker loudly and do was ask. Hereyou are: Thrushwhacker was strenuously denied all re a Popular Guy sponsibility, although no No he wasn't. Thrush body had ever asked him. In The Kerovnian High Court. (LordJustice whacker was a visionary, Mr PING and, like many visionaries, ThrushwhackerPresiding .) ng had enernies. (Prosecuti ) Enough of Mrs T. But he must have The accused is therefore What was the Judge charged with a heinous of had a great home life, like? fence under Ch.XXX/VfB right? JUDGE R.Q.Q. THRUSH Judge Thrushwhacker's ofQB4.86 in that he did... No. His worst enemy WHACKER attitude to crirninalrehabili was Mrs Thrushwhacker. t tation was novel. Although was foremostamong those Hang on. contemporary articles on Don' give me that drive/. enemies, remaining an im Mr PING Rhino portrayed him as a What didhe do? placable opponent of what man of conscience, upright she perceived as Rhino's and moral, unswerving in We were com heavy drinking, incessant his pursuit of justice and ing to that, my Lord. Un telling of dirty jokes, nose de r Ch.XXX/VfB of learned in the law, there THEJUDGE picking, and leaving his was no evidence of any of QB4.86 ... used handkerchiefsscrewed these characteristics in the Oh,phooey. up under the bed. She re man himself. If you read a (To the Prisoner)to What did mained at odds with her transcript of one of his you do? We obviously husband for several years, "trials", you'd have an idea aren' t going get any finally leaving the Thrush- ThePRISONERsense out of old Ping here. 2 Why
Val.LXVII No CXXN nothing, myLord. don't like your face. Put training or career structure, THE JUDGE yourselfin prison for twelve and certainly nothing resem You sure? bling professional self (Peeringat the Prisoner)Oh years. And, mind you, l'm regulation. This means that yes... you're the chap who only being lenient because I criminals are also pretty in sent me that rather jolly likeyour face. competent. The moreincom ehest ofgold. CONSTABLE Jolly good of petent they are, themore like you, Sir. Y ou're a gent. The PRISONER Mark of ly they areto get caught. And respect, myLord. Quite a guy, eh? The the more they get caught, the THE JUDGE Quite so. crooks must have loved more work it makes for good And you didn't do anyth him. ol' Rhino Q. Q. Thrush ing? Indeed so. Thrushwhack whacker. Which means the less time available for good The PRISONER er's cavalier attitude naturally No. Def led tohis becoming a popular ol' R.Q.Q.T. to spend in im initelynot. figurewith the criminal class proving pursuits like stud THE JUDGE There you es. Unfortunately, the crimi poker, illicit distilling, ama are then. Ping? nal classes were not popular teur necromancy, target prac tice, watching gladiator shows MrPING Yes, my Lord? with Thrushwhacker. This was not because he disap and chuckling up his sleeve THE JUDGE ou' re a proved of crime, but because about what happened to Mrs bloodyfool, Ping. he disapproved of the incom Thrushwhacker (which, of Y course, Rhino knew nothing Mr PING Yes, my Lord. petence of criminals. His rea soning was, of course, entire whatever about). THE JUDGE Ah, so you ly logical. agree, eh? Right. The sen So what can you do tence of this Court is that Logical? How do you about it? you go to prison for ten mean, logical? The answer came to Rhino years. Lookat it this way. There one evening while he was practising the Egyptian Hat Mr PING But that' s not will always be criminals. Dance. fair. Thereforethere willalways be crime. This is a Good Thing Hold on a sec. THE JUDGE All right, because it means that people twentyyears. What's the Egyptian Hat like good ol' Rhino Q. Q. Dance? Mr PING Y ou can' t do Thrushwhacker will be in a The Egyptian Hat Dance that. job. However, criminals are disorganised. There is no was a favourite pursuit of THE JUDGE Yes I can. (To the Clerk of the Court) Can'tl? CLERK No. Honest John PLC THE JUDGE Oh ho. Right. Twenty years for Tlred of dolng a hard nlght's work? you, too. Take them away, constable. Joln our tralnee salesman recrultment plan end look forwardto: CONSTABLE Right you are, Sir. • Free donkey end cart THE JUDGE - • Free Farthlngton·s Real Ale Oh and, • Plenty of opportunityto meet people Constable... ? CONSTABLE Yes, Sir? THRUSHWHACKER
What Burglar? I 3 Thrushwhacker's. lt in stumbled throughout Ker volved going to bed with a Tired of bein� on the ovnia, as they said Even bottle of home-made and a ei�hth rank? song in pitch darkness); and hat, hanging the hat on the a hundred hired leblings in end of the bed, and drink For confidential advice starched shirt-fronts, their ing the home-made untilthe ring: ears ironed and their little hat began to dance. Rhino tails neatly plaited, stood at G Kaspov - Kergos 234 was very good at the Egyp attention with traysof deli tian Hat Dance, but liked to cacies and pitchers of cool, practise a Jot.) The hat, an couple of hangings and a pub foaming Bourbinskerry (a old lobster-stained Borsali lic flaying-alive to whip up patent home-brew of no, had just turned into a (literally) public interest, then Thrushwhacker's, made chorus-line of high-kicking threw openhis colossal man fromfake Bourbon, artifical purple blowfish when Rhi sion fora public meeting. gin, imitation whisky and no had his brainwave. (As a matter of fact, his ersatz sherry which on the one hand was guaranteed to What brainwave? mansion actually threw itself open, following a confusion enliven any social gather lt was Rhino's master in Rhino's rnind, while pre ing l>ut on the other hand stroke. lt earned his place paring the refreshmentsfor his was reputed to etch glass in history. lt made the guests, between two magazine and eat through granite). name of Rhino Q. Q. articles, one in Which Explo Sounds great! Thrushwhacker a name to sive? alldthe other in Popular Where can I get some? be conjured with when stu Alchemy, with spectacular re dents of history gatheredto sults.) You can't. lt's illegal. drink a few beers, smoke a May I continue,please? Or FOR SALE are you going to go on in few cigars, and gaze open Grandmothers mouthed at a fewwaitresses Down-RiverEnterprises terrupting? in short skirts. lt gave pos Eight o'clock that evening Yes. No. In that or terity theexample of a truly der. magnificent... saw Thrushwhacker Towers brilliantly lit up, and Rhino Thank you... At the Oh, for heaven's Thrushwhacker scarcely less frontdoor of Thrushwhack sake... WHAT BRAIN so. A thirty-piece tin band er Towers stood Thrush WAVE? played Calypsos on theterrace whacker himself, with the Rhino decided that he (it had to be tin as steel had quiet confidencethat comes would start a Guild of been declared an invention of with the knowledge that one Thieves and bring discipline the Devil by the Government; is perfectly dressed and to the Profession. which meant that the instru groomed. ments gradually slid out of 1s that it? 1s that tune throughout the evening, In Thrushwhacker's what all this fuss is like an old-fashioned gramo case, the confidence was about? phone winding very slowly misplaced, for he was wearing, from the ground Yes. down); the shrubs and trees were draped in fine spun silk upwards, a Wellington boot Oh. (Rhino had been sneaking and a bedroom slipper, a pair of yellow wading trou Sorry. round town with a pair of sers, a srnall python worn scissors for a week, snipping SundaySatanist That's all right. women's suspenders surrepti as a belt, a What happened next? tiously and stealing their special-offer Cloak of In Rhino spent a week or stockings by stealth); thou visibility with a broken zip two in preparatoryactivities sands of candles flickered in and both arms in one - consisting largely of the gentle breeze (and hun sleeve, a pocket kaleido threats and bribery, with a dreds of clergymen cursed and scope jarnmed in one eye, 4 Vo/.l.XVII No CXXIV and a conjuror's hat, from fully-trained leblings re nicely by kicking a few le which, periodically,a rabbit fused to go near them (the blings in the backside. would extricate itself and trifles, not the guests, that So nobody showed clamber nervously towards is). up for Thrushwhacker's the ground and freedom, party, then? only to be eaten by Rhino's (Actually, the guests as belt, which had settled weil, come to think of it). Quite the reverse. In fact, down to make the best of Nor was Thrushwhacker the scene in his drawing the situation and was in fact put off when eight o'clock room was glittering. To feeling quite pleased with came, went, remembered it Thrushwhacker's astonish the way things had turned had forgotten something, ment, the cream of Kerov out. came back again, forgot nia's underworld was gaily assembled. The roomwas a That's gross. How what it was which it had forgotten and went away veritable tone-poem of could he go out like stripesand eye-masks; sacks that? again, leaving the fieldclear for five past eight, which labelled "SWAG" were piled Strange as Thrush had been hanging around in on every available surface; whacker's costume was to the shadows thinking about chin upon blue-stubbled chin the naked eye, he himself a rather pretty millisecond jutted aggressively at had been trying the Bour whose photograph it had Thrushwhacker, and eye binskerrysince teatime, and upon beady eye regarded him l seen in the current issue of was uttery content. All that Time magazine, and won shiftily. was needed to make things dering when eight o'clock "How did you cheap perfect was forthe Princess was going to get its act to lousy smug conniving creeps of Wales to effectan elegant gether. get in?" he asked his guests, entrance on the arm of Boy with that frank, cheery hos George, but that was im And Thrushwhacker re mained undismayed when pitality which had made possible; Thrushwhacker Thrushwhacker's name had only the day beforesen the clockchimed. Bing dang dink splotch, it said. "Eight known and hated on seven tenced them both to lifeim continents and innumerable prisonment on a charge of thirty-six," Thrushwhacker said to himself. "Nobody islands (not to mention a looking smug. This may large-ish asteroid which had seem harsh, as indeed it here. I suppose I must have sent them all to prison. drifted into orbit one even was. lt rnayalso seem curi ing, heard Thushwhacker ous, since neither of the Serves them right." And he moochedindoors, his twen sentencing a greengrocer to prisoners was to be bornfor death forselling vegetables, another 150 years, and, ty-seven stone of greasy white blubber (covered, like and promptly defied all the even then, nowhere near laws of physics by shooting Kerovnia. all the Thrushwhackers, with matted black hair) offinto deep space again). But Thrushwhacker was wobbling cheerfully. He There was a stunned si a resourcefulman, not to be was, to teil the truth (a con lence from the burly crowd, put off by trifles, not even cept completely foreign to which shifted from foot to the ones prepared for his Thrushwhacker), rather foot and looked sheepish for guests, which were so gar lookingforward to eating all a moment before thinking ish and repulsive in their the food himself, drinking better of it and starting to blobby, flolloppyawfulness all the drink himself, and look gorilla-ish again„ that even the tarneand care- rounding off the evening "Come offit, guv," said a
WhatBurglar? 5 swarthy burglar with a blue-stubbled chin, dressed I'm trying to give you blue-stubbled chin, dressed in a stripedjersey and eye the atmosphere of the occa in a stripedjersey and eye mask: sion. mask. "Nah," said the first bur Don't care. Don't "How do you fink we glar, or maybe the second want the atmosphere. got in?" said another (or third, or fourth), "We Just teil us what hap swarthy burglar with a come in frew the widney, pened. blue-stubbled chin, dressed speakingfer meself." No. in a stripedjersey and eye "Lookinginconspicuous, Are you sulking? mask. right?" said the second bur "You din't fink we wuz glar. Yes. comin' in frew the front, "Right," said the third Why? um, wossname?" said a burglar. "That's why we Fee! like it. Don't want third swarthy burglar with a come in frew the widney. blue-stubbled chin, dressed to talk about it. Don't feel In order to look inspon ... veryweil. Bank of Kerovnia regretfully announces its temporary closure There have been too many 'Bank Jobs' for us to cope with and we now must wait for the Guild to give us sufficient business to continue. W e appologise f or any inconvenience caused at this time of sadness.
in a stripedjersey and eye icnon ... inspicons... " Would you like to mask. lie down for a mo " ... So as not to attractat ment? "Door," said yet another tention," finishedoff yet an swarthy burglar with a other burglar, helpfully. No. I just wish people blue-stubbled chin, dressed would take me seriously. in a stripedjersey and eye Thrushwhacker looked at You don't know what it's mask; "He means, you the first burglar. The sec like. i ond burglar looked at din't finkwe wuz comn' in what frewthe frontdoor." Thrushwhacker. The third What is like? and fourth burglars looked Thrushwhacker was My job. Being librarian at each other. Then the to the Guild. It's no joke, findingit difficultto teil one third burglar looked at ... swarthy burglar with a you know. I'm an artist. blue-stubbled chin, dressed For heaven's sake I'm a jolly sensitive person. in a striped jersey and eye just get on with the And what do I get? Big mask, from another story. What happened beefy burglars in striped swarthy burglar with a next? tee-shirts and rubber-soled shoes, clodhopping about 6 Vol.lXV/l No CXXN the place, shouting and Be like that. When every course or the casino to laughing and slapping each one was füll and happy, come and sentence some other on the back as they Thrushwhacker stood on a miserableflop of a crookto swap stories of their adven chair and held up a hand for prison. tures. They come in here, silence. "lt can't go on. Why, clanking like... "Gentlemen," he roared, only last week I was in a Sorry? I thought you "I have asked you here this very important one-to-one said "clanking". evening because I am trou business situation with my Yes. Clanking. Their bled in my mind. personal assistant, FiFi jemmies and things. Tools. "As many of you know, 'FiFi' LaTouche when I Skeleton keys, bombs, I am the Master of the was called away to deal knives, guns, jam-jars ... Bench. Or is it Master of with some miserable mis creant. Hold on. Jam-jars? KerovnianPawn Brokers. Cash paid same day - no doc "And do you know what Yes. uments needed - Best rates go this foolhad done? He had Why? ing. Worst ones coming soon set out to burgle a perfectly Call in and see us at: ordinary, run-of-the-mill, For the jam. You smear 3, Galley Walk. Kergos semi-detached castle in a the jam on brown paper. the Rolls? I can never re nice, quiet residential neigh Anyway, they come in member. Anyway, I'm bourhood. here, clanking away and... Chief Judge, and anyone "And do you know how Why do you smear who wants to argue will be this so-called 'expert' had the jam on brown pa taken away, shot, garrotted, gone about it? He had sto per? guillotined, hanged, club len a tank, driven it up the bed, gassed and electrocut streetin broad daylight, and Oh dear oh dear. You ed, then sent to prison for smear the jam on the brown started firing offthree-inch life. Is that clear?" paper and then you stickthe cannon-shells at the castle, jammy-sticky brown paper The burglars had heard oblivious to the fact that onto the window. Then all this before, so just lace curtains were twitching you break the window and smiled and nodded. in every battlement in the the bits of glass stick to the "I am appalled," contin street. jammy paper instead of ued Thrushwhacker, "at the "And, having demo making a noise. incompetence of your so lished the entire frontof the Anyway, as I was say called 'profession'. You castle, he proceeded to go ing, they come in here, are a disgrace. Burglary, inside, collect every single clanking away, and... breakingand entering, rob item of value he could find, bery, theft, larceny, felony pile them all in a heap, and Mum: Sorry. and embezzlement are fine go to bed fora nap. love, Elton. by me. You know my "When I had got dress terms. Ten per cent, and no Sorry. Time's up. ed," said Thrushwhacker... questions asked. You've bad your rest. "That is how I like to do Hold on. Why did Back to the story. Thrushwhacker have to business. Very well. Thrush get dressed? I thought whacker got everybody "But your incompetence he was in a business plastered, filled them up is intolerable. Look at you. meeting. with trifle and ... I say, I You keep getting caught. A lot of people asked know a song about trifle. And what happens then? that, on the evening in I'm called away from press question. No thank you. ing business on the golf- You're no fun. Okay. And? WhatBurglar? 7 They were all thrown like. The burglars began to into prison. May I contin As I said, they looked at shout. "Why?" they shout ed, "What for? We didn't ue? each other. "We'll have to do nuffink! You can't pin it have a cornmittee,' said one, Yes. on us! lt wasn't us! We "When I had got dress "If it's to be democratic like you said." wasn't there! We don't ed," said Thrushwhacker, know nuffink about it, "I discovered that the in "Democracy," said whatever it was! What are competent fool was claim Thrushwhacker, "means one you arresting us for?" ing that he was the victirnof man, one vote." police brutality. 'That's "Right," said the bur Thrushwhacker gave a what the policeare for, you glars. fool,' 1 told him, but would peculiarly horridsrnile. he listen? No. Finally 1 "And in this case,'' said Thrushwhacker, ''I'm the "I am arresting you,'' he asked him in what way the said, "For being members one man, and I've got the police had brutalised him. of a knowncrirninal organi one vote." "The miserable wretch sation, to wit, the so-called looked up at me and sni "Call that democracy?" Guild of Thieves." velled. 'They woke me up, said another burglar. "I vote we all resign." There was stunned si Your Holiness', he said. lence. "Pshaw! lt was then that Thrushwhacker glared at the unfortunatethief. "Just my little joke,'' said 1 realised that something Thrushwhacker, wheezing had to be done about pro "Right!" he boomed. with flabbylaughter. fessionalstandards. "We'll vote on it. All those There was still a stunned in favour?" "And so I proposeto es silence. tablish the Kerovnian Guild All the burglars put their of Thieves. You will all hands up. "Laugh, damn you!" immediately volunteer to yelled Thrushwhacker. "All against?" said become members. Y ou will The burglars laughed pay me three hundred fergs Thrushwhacker, putting his own ham-like hand in the obediently. So infectious a head membership fees, was their laughter that some air. "Right. The motion is and we shall draw up a of the less-well-disciplined charter by democratic lost. The Guild of Thieves is officiallyforrned. You are leblings joined in. means. 11 all members. 1 am in charge. That night, Thrush The burglars looked at Y ou will now all please fill whacker had lebling pie for each other. "Three hundred out your membership supper. fergs? But that's a ruddy cards." said one. I think that's a fortune,'' Thrushwhacker then beastly story. "So," said Thrush handed out a card to each of Why? whacker, "go and steal it." the burglars, who obediently The burglars looked at filled it in. lt's horrid. Murder, corruption, bribery, each other ... "Right," said Thrush coercion, conspiracy, whacker, when he had col Again? drunkenness, illegal lected all the money, "Just distilling, explo Yes. They looked at one more thing." each other a Jot. Usually sions... it's horrid. when they met it was dark, The burglars looked up lt's one of our milder and this was one of the few expectantly. stories. 1 could teil you the chances they got to see "You're all under arrest." one about the dreaded Wal- what each other looked 8 Vo/.UV/l No CXXN do MacAaaaargh and the Come on. Don't Of a really good-quality dog's ear-wax if you like. muck me about. Where recruit. Sorneone with irn There was this guard dog are the rest of the agination, flair, fortitude, with an infected... rules? courage and resourceful They've been stolen. ness. Sorneone who No thanks. doesn't rnind taking risks Really - it's quite Who by? and positively enjoys ad good ... I can't tel1 you. Profes venture and the rornanceof No! sional confidence, you un being thrown, alone and derstand. friendless in hostile territo But Waldo MacAaaaargh ry, on bis or her own re was of great irnportance in What you might sources. Sorneonewho re the history of the Guild. think of as "honour alises the rewards of suc Y ou see, this dog - you among thieves?" cess ... and the penalties for have to picture the scene: Oh I say. Oh, very failure. great yellow teeth, slavering good. Very good indeed. Where are such peo jaws, a terrible srnell of Is it original? blood and bot breath - and ple to be found? that was only Waldo Not as such. What Actually, rnost of thern MacAaaaargh ... about more rules? seerns to be in rnerchant I said NO! Hundreds, actually. banking thesedays. We're New recruits have to corn thinking of startinga branch All right. But it was rnit thern all to rnernory. of the Guild there, as a mat Waldo MacAaaaargh who Then we test thern. ter of fact. Except we're re-wrote the Guild's Char worried. ter, Statutes and Rules, and What happens if they rnade it the organisation it is fail the test? What about? today. I've got a copy of They go to prison. Well ... we, as profes the rules foryou: sional thieves, robbers, burglars and crirninals, KEROVNIAN GUILD OF THIEVES have a fairly rigid code of RULESof CONDUCT conduct and ethics. Where as rnerchantbankers, on the 1) Members shall at all times dress incon other band ... spicuously in the Guild Uniform (i.e., I see what you striped tee-shirt, mask and a minimum mean. Sorry to be a three day's growth of stubble [except in bore ... the case of female members, where That's all right. I'rn get two days' growth is permitted]). ting used to it. 2) Members shall not punch other mem bers. ... but could you 3) That includes in the gob. give me a few more ) lt is an offence punishable by death to rules? Just for the 4 readers, you under ls that it? I mean, is And if they pass? stand? that all the rules there Oh - does anyone read are? Well... actually, rnostof therngo to prison anyway. What Burglar? I only ever No. We can't get the quality of see it in the dentist, ha ha ha, 0 gosh sorry but you Where are the rest of recruits we used to... rnind have to laugh, don't you? them, then? you, we live in hope. Um ... Of what? Rules, buster, or I
What Burglar? 9 blow your brains out. lems. Membership is faitly Which was what? steady but we have trouble That's one of them. Getting eaten to death over subscriptions. Number 186, actually. without making a fuss. In a "Nobody to blow anyone The members won't way, that was responsible else's brains out unless they pay? for the fall-off in member feel like it". We try not to Oh dear me, not at all. ship, Also fora lot of very be rigid. But I'll teil you fat rats·, and quite a few too Oh no, nothing like that. what... Oh no no no. If they didn't G�ant Kerovnian Pythons with stifftails and cricks in What's that? pay, they wouldn't get theit membership cards. theit necks. Hee hee hee. What is the problem, So what do you do Put it away at once now? or I then? shall terminate the We have anexamination. interview. They send us the money, we send them theit member Apprentices are given a Just try it, wise guy. ship cards, then they break basic kit of striped clothes Just try it. I'll terminate in and steal their money and stuffand sent offsome you .... back again. Of course, where to carryout a crime. Or a series of crimes. If Right. That's it. there are some who are l'm off. slow payers. they are caught, they fail. They also die. lt concen Don't go. I'm sorry. I What happens to tratesthe mind marvellous don't often get a chance to them? ly. shoot people andit's such a Er... they tend to break nice gun. And if they succeed? in and steal theit member I thought guns were ship cards. Weil ... it's a faitly new illegal in the guild. examination, so we haven't Is there a lot of in actually had any successes Under certain circum terest among the young as yet. But we are quietly stances. in joining the profes confidentthat if we get the What circumstances? sion? better sort of recruit, we can Not as much as we'd see the old Guild takingits Weil... you aren't al rightful place in society lowed to drive, drink, like. We've tried to make the Guild attractive... once more. Personally, I smoke and shoot at the would be delighted. same time. How? So would we all. And if you do ... ? Weil, we've changed a Thank you very much. lot of our traditions. We We blow you away, Was thatall right? man! Har har har! feit that some people thought, for example, that Fine. How do people man the old initiation ceremony age, then? was a bit stuffy... Fancy a beer? They do Farthington's at the Worm I don't know about the What was the old &Giblet. rest of them, but I gave up ceremony? driving. Still need three Wouldn't mind. hands, though. It's a tough You were tied to a Giant Just let me turn off the life, huh? Kerovnian Python and low tape recorder... ered down a shaft into a Tell me about the re mine füll of rabid rats, and I say - do you know the cent history of the you had to stay there with one the three women, the Guild. out screaming until you'd Guiness, the turtle and the We've had some prob- passed the test of courage. Click.
10 Val.LXVII No CXXIV Guild of Thieves Supplement
EXCLUSIVE to What Burglar? readers Special membership offer
Once again your favourite magazine brings you a Guild of Thieves offer just complete the form ( as shown on page 21) and mail it to us. When you are satisfied that it would have reached us (don't ex pect a reply) read the following instructions. Once these have been totally memorised (lt is helpful to ask a friend to test you. [remember ifyou can cheat, cheat.]) lt will be up to you. Don't ex pect any more help fromthis joumal.
MOVEMENT >NORTH N aturally a thief like yourself >N will want to wander around the >GONORTH place to see what valuable ob >QUIETL Y WALK NORTH jects can be stolen. Y ou would normally do this by typing one However,you might be in a bit of the eight points of the com of a hurry and forget in which pass: NORTH,NORTHEAST, direction the vault lies. In that EAST,SOUTHEAST,SOUTH, case,you could type any of SOUTHWEST,WEST and these: NORTHWEST,as well as UP and DOWN. You can abbrevi >GO THROUGH DOOR ate these to N,NE, E, SE, S, >GO IN SW, W,NW, U and D. >ENTERBANKVAULT >GO INTO THE BANK If you knew that through an VAULT open door to the south there was >QUIETL Y W ALK INTO a Bank vault,you could type:
What Burglar? 11 THE BANK V AULT >FIND UMBRELLA lt is, of course, important for a >SEARCHFOR UMBRELLA thief to mak:e a precise map of his territory. There is, however, then the game will findyour um a short cut. If, on a previous vis brella - in time, we hope, to stop it, you had noticed a location you getting drenched. called "The Notorious Bar", and, you had been too busy downing If there is more than one umbrel the local ale to take note of its la - or, indeed, more than one position, you could type:- Notorious Bar - then the game will pick one foryou. >GO TO THE NOTORIOUS BAR Things are getting better. Y ou've found your umbrella and If there are no major obstacles lurched back to the Notorious between your current position Bar. Now what? and the Notorious Bar, the com puter will move you in that di Y ou notice a bar-stool and think rection until you reach it. you might stand a better chance of being served if you sat down. Having drunk quite a bit of You could therefore:- Farthington's, on your way home you dropped a very impor >SIT DOWN tant object (your umbrella), >SIT ON THE STOOL which you want to get back. >SIT ON THETA TTERED Unfortunately you cannot re VELVET BAR STOOL member exactly where you left >GET ON THE STOOL it, and large clouds are forming. >GOSTOOL If you type:
12 Vol.LXVII No CXXN Unfortunately, the local Land ACTIONS lord does not relish people sit ting on his only bar stool. In The game understands many dif fact, to be served you must be ferent verbs - words which you standing up:- use to tel1 the game what you want to do. The simplest form of >GET UP command is a verb (e.g. >STANDUP DRINK) and a noun (e.g. ALE). >GET OFF THETA TTERED So: VELVETBAR STOOL >GO OUT (also leaves the bar) >DRINK ALE
As you so obviously wish to performs the single action. How take your drinking habits else ever if you were in a hurry to get where you could:- drunk and had ordered some ale, some sherry and a bottle of whi >LEAVEBAR sky you could type: >GO THROUGHBAR DOOR >GO NORTH >DRINK ALE, SHERRY AND >N THEBOTTLE OF WHISKY >OUT >EXIT Suppose these were all on a tray >EXITBAR together with a large Cognac be >EXIT NORTH longing to a scar-faced, tattooed gentleman ( whom you called lt could be that there are several 'SIR'). You could type: exits from this bar. By typing OUT or EXIT one will be cho >DRINK ALL ON THETRA Y sen for you. EXCEPT THE LARGE COGNAC
What Burglar? 13 >DRINK ALL THAT IS ON bar. You would probably type : THE TRA Y EXCEPT THE GENTLEMAN'S DRINK >GET GLASS
Most verbs can be used in this As the game cannot disguish way; thus: which glass you mean, it will prompt you by· saying: >GIVE ALL ON THE TRA Y EXCEPT THECOGNAC TO Which one? The beer glass, the THE GENTLEMAN wine glass, the sherryglass or the cognac glass. is obviously a sure offering of friendship. At this point you can type:
Naturallythe meaning of the >WINE word ALL will change depend >WINE GLASS ing on the context. DROP ALL >THE WINE GLASS will referto all that you are car rying. GET ALL will refer to all You can also retype the whole that is in the room. sentence, or even a completely new command. Occasionally there is more than one of the same sort of object in >GET THE WINEGLASS a room, and it becomes neces >GET THE GLASSES EXCEPT sary to differentiate between THE SHERRY GLASS, THE .them. This is normally done by >COGNAC GLASS AND THE using adjectives:- BEER GLASS
Supposing that you wished to lf you refer to a noun with the obtain one of the glasses on the wrong adjective such as:-
14
Vol.LXVII No CXXIV COUNTER >GET THETA TTOOED GLASS lt could mean "put the coin onto the counter", or "put the coin The game will respond with: that is on the counter" (into What tattooed glass? what?). If there was not a coin on the counter, the game would There are times when you can assume that you meant the first not remember exactly which ob option; if there was a coin on ject you require only where it is, the counter, the game would ask you can thereforereference it by you: its location:- lntowhat? >GET THE GLASS TRAT IS ON THE BEER MAT At this point you can finish the sentence, or start a new one. Will hopefully stop you from drinking that nice scar-faced >THE POCKET gentleman's drink. The game will prompt you every If two glasses had been on the step of the way if neccessary:- beer mat, the game would have prompted you further. >PUT Whatdo you want to put? Where there are possible ambig >HAT uities, the game will try to work Wh ich one? the green hat or out the most obvious command. the yellow hat? >THEGREEN ONE . In the case of the sentence: Into what? >THECHEST >PUT THE COIN ON THE Which one? the !arge ehest or
WhatBurglar? 15 the sma/1ehest? areon the barexcept the green > THELARGE CHEST bottle. Fortunately the green The green hat is now in the bottle was yours to start with. /arge ehest. Unfortunately, though, the bottle of beer and the bottle of whisky So far we have only looked at belang to that nice scarfaced individual commands. lt is also man who is now frowning rather possible to string together many nastily. commands into a very powerful sentence. >OPEN THEM.
>GET ALL THE BOTTLES This will open the bottle of whi THAT ARE ON THE BAR EX sky and the bottle of beer. (lt is CEPT THE GREEN ONE, worth noting that 'them', 'it', OPEN THEM AND THROW 'his' and 'her' can be used in THE CONTENTS OF THE this game.) You notice that scar BOTTLE OF WHISKY AT faceis looking distinctly irritat THE SCAR FACED MAN ed, and is absent-mindedly THEN QUICKL Y RUN bunching his huge fist. THROUGH THE DOOR AND HIDE UNDER THE BUSHES. >THROW THE CONTENTS OF THE BOTTLE OF WHI This sentence can be broken SKY AT THE SCAR FACED down into fiveindividual com MAN. mands: A mistake. If the bottle had >GET ALL THE BOTTLES been filled with acid by the das THAT ARE ON THE BAR EX tardly landlord, it might have CEPT THE GREEN ONE. worked. All that has happened, however, is that scarface is now This will get all the bottles that
16 Vol.LXVll No CXXN even more angry at having been is a list of some of them. drenched in the whisky he's paid for. DROP DR GET G >QUICKL Y RUN THROUGH INVENTORY I NORTH N THEDOOR SOUTH s EAST E WEST w The most sensible thing you've NORTHEAST NE NORTHWEST NW done so far. Good thing the SOUTHEAST SE SOUTHWEST sw door was open ... UP u DOWN F OUT 0 >HIDE UNDER THE BUSHES L LOOKPRONOUNS PN WITH WI A perfectly sensible thing to do, FROM F in that scarface can't spot you in In add1t10n to the abbreviat10ns, the thick undergrowth. On the you will soon notice that the other hand, the nest of Kerovni game will not object if you al an vipers do spot you, and Ke low your English to become a rovnian vipers don't beat around little sloppier. For example, the the bush. They just bite people following commands are all ac to death. Including you. Sorry cepted by the program:- about that. >GET THE GLASS AND THE ABB RE VIA TIONS BOTTLE AND THE SHIRT THEN USE THE SHIRT TO After you have played the game TIE THE GLASS AND THE for some time you will findthat BOTTLE TOGETHER. lots of words are used repeated ly. Y ou can use abbreviations >G GLASS,BOTTLE,SHIRT for these common words. Here USE SHIRT TO TIE GLASS
WhatBurglar? 17 TO BOTTLE. >Someone, something (for example, >MAN, BUY A OR BOTTLE OF WHISKY)
>GET EVERYTHING AND SPECIAL COMMANDS THENPUT THEPYJAMAS ON These are mostly one word com mands which can be used at any >G ALL WEAR PYJAMAS time during the game as you see fit. They cannot (apart from IN CONVERSATION VENTORY) be used as part of multiple action commands, as While you're standing in the bar anything followingthem is ig drinking, you may feelthe need nored. to talk to somebody. >INVENTORY This can be done in any of the This gives you a list of the ob following ways:- jects that you are carryingor wearing. >ASK someone ABOUT some- thing >AGAIN >ASK SCAR FACED MAN This repeats the last comand ABOUT WHISKY >EXITS >SA Y TO someone "something" This lists the ways out from your >SA Y TO MAN "HELLO" current location.
>SA Y "something" >SCORE >SAY "LEAVE THE BAR" This displays your current score along with the maximum possi-
18 Vol.LXVIJ No CXXN and mask and had forgottenyour box of Cadbury's Milk Tray. My heart aches. >QUIT Please contact Box 185694 When you feelit is time to go to bed ( or to work), this is how to JIM - Received your letter. You must be end your game. joking. I wouldn't dream of it. A.
>RESTART This lets you replay the game fromthe beginning without hav FINE ANTIQUE CLOCK, station-style, unique. F200 FORo.n.o. ContactSALE Fingers (tel. ing to reset your machine and re Ramsey 229 2929) load the game. JEWELLERY STOLEN? We can proba bly supply EXACT replacements. Y ou Please see your 'machine guide' wouldn't teil the difference. Call Meretsky & Berez (Trade Only). for further commands. STUCK IN THE RAT RACE? Get ahead withour Guide to Form. Win what you Classified adverts need with our infallible method. Rodent for the most competitive Sports Ltd., Dombrook 8827. prices in the business phone BABY ELEPHANT SKIN JACKET, soft, Dornbrook 7777 supple, surplus to ideological require ments. Also for sale: New York apartment, Islington flat, Porsche, Saab, computers, synthesizers etc. Owner retiring to Mada J -- Still love you, miss you, need you. You gascar. Apply D. Adams, Box 57485 have stolen myPERSONAL heart. Meet me under the clock at Victoria. R. PS Please retum my PLATYPUS EGGS - thenew yuppie deli diamond brooch and no questions will be cacy. Impress your friends.F25/dozen asked. from Moriarty & Co. Tel Aku-Aku 8849.
MEMBERS for Kerovnian Guild of Boofles -- tried to meet you under clock at Thieves. ApplyWANTED to S. Thing, B Block, Victoria as requested but could not find Dombrook Nick. clock. What now? Stripey. MEMBERS of Kerovnian Guild of Thieves, dead or alive. Apply Sergeant Duffy, Dombrook Police Station. Cracksman seeks moll fornighttime fun. Must be beautiful, amusing, have 38-26-27 MILKMEN, newspaper boys etc: eam ex figure, aged 20 - 28. Must have own ma tra Fergs forpart-time intelligence work chine gun. Please send photo of machine for thriving removals firm. Apply Scar gun. BOX 192943 face Galley, Behind Tue ThirdTree On TueLeft, Slye Street, Spaulding. GOLD CHAINS, medallions, necklaces YOU visited my boudoir on the night of the wanted forcash. Also ehest wig. M Da 23rd . Y ou were wearing striped tee-shirt vies, W3D (Lubricants) Ltd. Box 26271. WhatBurglar?
19 Mystery Thief Shocks Small-Town Clumsy villains in dual-blag mix-up Housewives. by Vjolet Voss Women's Ed. mean, you'd recognise it A mystery-man is terroris anywhere. " ing women in the sleepy byCor, AJ.Sheeplifter WotJr ASaid Steal! Reginald Throat, Two half-baked villains hamlet of Macbeth. went out "on the pinch" the other victim, "I could Daily lifein Macbeth is nor last week - and turned see it was a drainpipe job mally quiet, with only the odd over each other's instantly, and I thought nuclearmeltdown, outbreak of plague or alien spacecraftto dis "cribs". "Monty", just like that. rupt its tranquillity. The bad-luck baddies "He's cleaned the place But the new mystery thief - thought they were in for an out. Everything has gone. describedas a "mystery man" by ordinary evening's work - You've got to band it to housewifeDoreen Zzzzz - has changed all that but were their facesred Monty, he's a pro, right?" "We live in fear", said Mrs when they got home to find Neither "victim" has Zzzzzz, 43. "Nobodyhas seen that a colleague bad called! been to the police. "No him. Nobody knows what he Said one, drainpipe spe point," says Monty. "Nah," looks like, or when he will strike. We don't even know cialist Monty Quink, "I agrees Reggie, "we'll just what he's after. couldn't believe my eyes. go up each other's places "In fact, we've no traceof Everything was gone. I again tonight and nick him at all. He might not even took one look at it and said everything back again. No exist But he could strikeat any 'That's Reggie's work'. I problem, my son." time. There ought tobea law." DOWDV? [D)[Rfo\[8? PRINTERS: Someone has stolen the photograph of Sizzling Samantha. I have my suspicions but do NOT DUll? print this page until you get the picture.Try not to foul up like last time . .P..l..e.a.a.e.. - Ed. Get with the Crowd at Michael's Boutique!
Latest range of high-fashion bur- glarygear, including: Striped shirts Striped pants 's soaraway Page 20 cutie Striped vests Sizzling Samantha is set for stardom - but Striped shoes she'sWhat notBurglar just a pretty face. Sam, 19, is one Striped socks ofKerovnia's most accomplished con S1rro��� 1A S�©0��1W� artists. But when it comes to looks, she cer 226 Daniel Victor Ave tainly delivers the goods! We'd pick her tel. Ariel 2281 lock any day ofthe week!!?!?!??!
20 Val.LXVII No CXXIV ;------, 1 Pleas o n d lin n n 1 1 e cut ar u d the otted es a d se d to: (completion optional)
c/o Magnetic Scrolls Ltd, 1 Chapel Court, LONDON SEI lHH, UllitedKingdom What Burglar? YES! YES! YES! I have/have not takelladvalltage of your terrific/terrible/ disgraceful/wonderfuloffer of membership to the Guild of Thieves. Please put me Ollyour mailing lisUremove me fromyour mailillg!ist as soon as pos sible and make sure that I hear of all your special offers/lleverhear from you agaill in the future/past. I thinkyou are thebesUgreatesUmost amazing/most brilliant company in theworld and I am simply completing thisform to tel! you so/because I'm bored/toJet you know whellmy house is normally vacant. Were I to have any complaillts aboutyour product I would enclose a sheet of paper listing them but, as I havell't, I didn't. I first heard about your magazine froma frielld/anothermagazine (which was of course not llearlyas good as yours)/picked it up in a house I was searching/okay I stole iUactually I bought it in a computer shop, which I thoughtat thetime was a bit of a shifty place to sei! magazines like this. If I bad to compare your magazine withother similar magazines Ollthe market, out of ten I would rate it -----
1 To take advantage of your 'exclusive' hilltsoffer I bought a computer it was an Atari 1 ST/Apple Macilltosh/Amiga/AppleII GS/IBM PC/Apple II/Commodore 64/128/ 1 Atari 800/130/Spectrum 128/ Amstrad 6128/ Amstrad 8256/other______1 1 Please send me details on the following: Guild of ThievesTee-Shirt/Guild of Thieves 1 Sweat Shirt/ Another issue of thismagazille/ Stripy furrydice and I promise/will 1 think abouUwill not buy any of the above. 1 Name------Address------
(if you do not wish to ruin your magazine by cutting this out send us the details anyway)
L------J WhatBurglar? 21 SUBSCRIBE NOW ANDSAVE NOTHING! W e want your money !
Y es, Kerovnia's most successful burglary mag, serving all branches of the profession, is growing yet again ! Our ABC Circulation Figures are stunning. Our readership is 2,118,679. This means that 73% of the population are reading us regularly. But our SALES are just 186. This means that ALMOST ALL our readers are stealing this magazine. PERHAPS WE'RE JUST TOO SUCCESSFUL! So - subscribe now, or we'll steal your wallet. Can't say fairer, can we?
Vol.LXVI/No CXXIV ARTS & REVIEWS PAGE There's been a revival of live theatrein made no attempt to check foralarm sys Kerovnia lately, writes Theatre Critic Je tems, even the most rudimentaryscan for hosophat Thumb, smugly which is good for infra-red beams. He opened thedoor me. But is it good for you? without oiling the hinges, and, far from Tue answer, I fear, must be "no." Last making a quiet and unobtrusive exit, ran week I attended a performanceof Macbeth screaming around theplace. given by theDombrook Amateur Dramat ics and Jam Club, and frankly I was disap Mind you, bis main mistake was killing pointed. King Duncan. Any professionalwill tell Technically, the performance was weak. you thatviolence is absolutely out. lt only Tuescene where Macbethbreaks into Dun leads to trouble, asMacbeth discovered. I can's bedroom was a disgrace. Macbeth suggest the group sticks to marmalade.
CINEMA: Blues Brothers Oh dear oh dear. (Writes Kathy Pathe) ... BOOKS by A.Page This one was a disappointment and no mis A poor crop this week, largely due to im take. Althoughpeople have said the plot is proved security precautions at Kerovnian good, theacting excellent and thephotog bookshops, making thebusiness of getting raphy perfect, no professionalworth the hold of review copies rathertedious. name should waste time on thistravesty of Still, we have totake what we can get, although a major heist. this week's is a mixed bag. First of all, Noddy As everyone knows, theway to make Goes to the Seaside. One expects the character of Big-Ears to develop, but forall his obvious money fast is to steal it. This"movie" sug criminality, he remainsresolutely "good" - this de gests thatit can be dorrehonestly. I may be spite his amibiguous relationshipwith the epicene stuffy, but frankly I despair when our chil Noddy. Not recommended. dren's minds are poisoned by this filth. The Big Bad Rabbit is more promising, be ginning witha nicely-executedbag- (or actually How will theygrow up? I urge readers to carrot-) snatch; unfortunately the perpis shot by a boycott this seedy disgrace. farmer,so the moral influences are (Cont. p94)
TRAINING FILMS FROM THE GUILD OF THIEVES These high-quality professional educational movies are available on VHS or Betamax formats. Guaranteed boot legged copies delivered under plain wrapper by shifty courier with sunglasses and big fists. Get ahead in your career! Titles include: Million; Gumshoe, The French Connection,Dr The Great Train Rob Big Sleep, The ltalian No, TwelveJust Men bery;How To StealA Job, Rambo, The and many more. WhatBurglar? 23 Top Chummy Nicks Blag Club Snoop Sheet Shock Horror! B y Our Special Correspondent
In a shock sneak move last week, a top burglar removed top secret so-called "cipheric help files" fromthe offices of the Kerovnia Guild of Thieves. • The thief admitted breaking into the Guild offices under cover of darkness. "Yurs!" he told What Burglar yesterday. "I nicked the goods. lt was dark."In a shock sneak move last week, a top burglar removed top secret so-called "cipheric help files" from the offices of the Ker ovnia Guild of Thieves. The thiefsidentity remains unknown. any berk can sail through thewossnames, Police describe him as "blue-chinned, exams, without difficulty. No sweat, my wearing a mask and a striped pullover." son. Follow my drift?" "Thishas enabled us to eliminate at MEANINGLESS least fiveper cent of the population", said Detective Chief-Inspector Gently's friend We understand that the cypheric help Jeremy fromtheir secret love-nest in the filesgive would-be Guild members the an sleepy hamlet of Reeve last night. swers to theexamination tests ... but, thanks to fiendish, greasy-haired boffinsin • Investigations by your soara smoke-filled rooms, the answers are .c2!!l:. way What B urglar reveal that the pJeteJy meanjngJess - until they are so-called "cipheric help files" are typed into a computer! in fact cipheric help files. UP YOURS And they couJd heip traiuee crimjnals crack the tough roemher All the trainee criminal has to do is find shjp exams of the GuiJd, the "question" which refersto his current Guild Librarian Sigismund Thing said problem, type in the word "HINT" when yesterday fromhis dusty, book-strewn of prompted by his computer, and then care ficesin thequiet little village of Joel's fullytype the "letters" and "numbers" to be Bottom: "What?" found between the < and > marks in the cy pheric help files. He then fellasleep. "It's simple", said notorious criminal T. Sources close to theRat & Syphon Anderson, who declined to be named. "If Lounge Bar 'n' Disco told What Burglar: you've got a copy, just look up yours. "These filesare dynamite. All you have to do is type them into your computer and "Otherwise, you know where you can 24 Vol.LXV/l No CXXN findme." • Anderson warned readers: • Your favourite magazine RE "If you type HINT at theprompt, be JECTS OUTRIGHT cheque-book sure to type thecoded message �- journalism of the sort practised by other so-called "newspapers". "And ifyou see a "+" sign at theend of thedecoded message, it means thehint However, we persuaded Anderson continues in thenext piece of code." to provide What Burglar with a copy of the illicit help flies by tbreaten He added: "Don't try thiswhen you've ing - in tbe public interest - to ex bad a few, narmean? Like, after a few pose bim as a man wbo migbt find an Farthingtons, yeah? Otherwiseyou could envelope stuffed with money if be findyourself totally bug ... , um, up shi ..., Iooked in bis left-band coat pocket. er, up a gum tree. Right?" Guild of Thieves Cheat Sheets A WhatBurglar Exclusive!
How Do I Get Out Of The Boat?
<5n c6 ef pq x6 t6 i7 ag ho eo ea pt xj cp ex p5 xv cf em pt xz ce ie am h7 tu iq as hh tl iy an hi t5 en ag 5g >
How Do I Get Into The Castle? dmra���trnu�rn��ure��u�cl���� po xs eh ex pn hn th it au xu cv ee pv xl cg ew av Sv> 25 WhatBurglar? 5d r9 mj 7j yu nv ow gl 5g ng ow 7r yl n8 oj gj 5v rk mv gl 5t nt oj 7f yj rj md gu 5v ra mk 7k yl n6 on gn 5i r5 ms 7i xi> How Do I Bet On The Rat Race? How Do I Placate The Bear? <5m cb ev pu xb tb is av xv ck eu au y9 ni og 7i yt rt ek pw xq ca eh pm hh rh> <5m ex ep px x5 t5 ir akxk ci ee pa ha tb i5 arho tg eg p5 xe te io aa �6����BIDmCT��������q�udii�> How Do I Catch A Fish? <5m ca ia ad h1 tk ek pw xv cd id as hx t7 ih a5 hs es ey pr xb tb i8 aq xq c0 el a1 ht tm ig ao xo cz eh pr hs es e7 p8 xe te im at ha ex eb ab hf tj ip ah hr t9 e9 pr xe tt mt> 26 Vol.LXVll No CXXIV Where Do I Get A Fishing Rod? Why Can't I Open The Safe? How Do I Get Into The Wine Cellar? WhatBurglar? 27 <5m er eh pl xd c7 er p5 xn cg ig ap hj tO id az hl tj i1 p1 xg cf es pd xu cj eo ao hp tj il pl x8 c9 er ar hz t1 ib au hv tj eu px xf cj ef pb hl rl> <5m ex ey p7 xy eh ih aO hb tv ev pf x6 cz e6 p8 x5 th eh pi xw cg ig ap hx to et pj hj to ie ag hz cz eo pk hu ru > What Do I Do In The Toilet? What Do I Do With The Cauldron? <5m cf el pq xx tx it al xl cz iz at hy tp im a8 hq cq ed pl xh th iz ao hr to ig al hg cn on > �m������tk���cl�Mu������� hw ty ey p5 xr c7 e6 pf x8 t8 i6 a7 x7 ci e5 a5 hu tl ij pj 5w rk my g7 5r ni o9 g9 5j rb md ga 5k nu eu > Vol.LXVII No CXXIV What Can I Do With The Billiard Balls? <5m ce ea pv xl c9 er ph hh to iü aq hk ck ei pe xa ta ib ax hf tq il aj hd ts es px xo ci ii a5 hn t6 in ai hj cq oq> How Do I Get lnto The Mill? <5n cv eu pü x6 t6 i7 ay xy cl eu pd hd t1 ir a7 hm tb eb pz xj tj it as h5 c5 et px xy ex io go > How Do I Get The Lute? WhatBurglar? 29 How Do I Stop The Lute From Breaking? <5m cg ee py xh th iv ak hg t9 e9 pi xk cz eg ai Si > How Do I Climb The Slippery Rope? How Do I Get Down The Thin Shaft? How Do I Get Into The Undertaker's Shop? 30 Vol.LXV/l No CXXN <5n c0 eq pm hs tr is ps xt eh ek pz hz t1 el pt x5 cn e8 pk x6 c9 ek ak hi t7 io ag xg c0 ed ps xt tt ij ad h0 tp ep px xo cg in gn > How Do I Get Past The Counter? <5n cu ek pl xw er e9 pl xq c8 e5 a7 hu cu ej p0 xn tn ig a5 hu cu ef p6 h6 t8 ib al hj cj et pm hm tb id a0 hp ti ei pk x8 cq iq a6 hf tq i6 p6 xd ex eb ab hx th ir ab xb c0 ej pg xo tn mn > How Do I Open The Till? Why Do I Keep Getting Buried? Why Does The Mynah Bird Do Nothing But Squawk? WhatBurglar? 31 rt my ge 58 nl el > How Do I Get Rid Of The Snake? <5m eo eg pi xo to ih aa hd cd eb ab h7 te iu aj hl ti ei pt xn cy es px xb cv iw gw > How Do I Get Past The Spider? <5m n5 ia ah hn tx ex pt xa cq e0 a0 hv th eh pl x9cg ea ph xj cp ir pr xk cw e8 pf hf tm io ag xg er es pl hl ty i7 p7 x6 cw el al ht t9iu ab hv t7 er 7r > How Do I Get The Information From The Macaw? 32 Vol.l.:XV!l No CXXIV <5m c5 e8 p7 xu c1 il ar hj cj ef pO hO tn ii aw hr er em ph xa cu eO p9 xj cl ew aw hk tO iq am hf cf em po xg tg ip am h7 t6 in aO xO cy ek pz xj cl ei pp xs ce ea pb hb tz ij p8 y8 > <5m cb ev pu xb tb id az he ce el p6 xl cb ez pü xd c8 e6 pz hz t8 i6 au hv tg ie ay ht tl el p7 xy c9 i9 a1 hd tl ij pj xO cw er pe xv ce iy gy > How Do I Get The Honey? <5m rp mO gq 5a rh ml gj 5o no op 7s yn m ms g5 5b rz mh gs 5d nd os 7t yy ns ms gh 5m nm of 71 yw rw m6 gk 5h rr o7 g7 xb cd eO ph hh to is aq xq ca ep pi hs rs > <5m rh mr gd 5s ns om 77 yr nh ol 7z yp nm ot 7a 5a rh mo 7o y7 ne oo 7h ya nd ol 7j y9 r9 mz gk 5z rh oh 7w y6 nk oj 7d 59 n9 ox 7p yl rj mv gj yj nz of 70 yl rq iq > How Do I Cross The Coloured Squares? WhatBurglar? 33 How Do I Open The Sarcophagus? <5m cd el p6 xf tf ie aa hh tl ib av xv c9 el po xg tg iw a6 hf ts i5 p5 xr c7 i7 a6 hw tl iq as xs ce eo ps xf c6 e7 pu hk rk > <5m cp ih a5 hh eh ex ps x6 cf if aq xq cv ek pu xd td is ao xo ck e6 pb xw tw ih as hd tj ej p5 xg ck ik a6 hv cv en pr x5 c6 i6 ab hl tr ih ph xs cf e0 az hp c5 o5 > How Do I Cross The Hot Coals? How Do I Get The Gern From The Wax? 34 Vol.lXV/l No CXXN How Do I Open The Opaque Case? <5m es eh pk xz cd id as ht ty ey pp xx cf ex pn xm cf if ae ha td im a8 hq tu i5 ar hz tk ek pi xe cg en pe xv tv im ap h7 tp ep pn xu c7 e6 ��ili���cl���tp��M�ili��> <5m eo ep p9 x0 t0 in ai hw cw ef pq x6 cf if aq xq ck ew pp hp tj il az hk tu i5 ah hv eo oo > Why Can't I Get Inside The Bank Of Kerovnia? <5x et ej aj hb ta ea pb xd cq e8 a8 he tr er py xw cy e9 pb xv tv in ar hy tl el p0 x9 et em pd x0 eh ez az h1 th ir pr x9 cv eb ab hw t1 i7 p7 x6 c1 i1 ag h5 th ik az hd t8 ip ps ys > WhatBurglar? 35 What Do I Do In The Bank? <5x ci en py xe te i7 p7 xf ca ee p6 xf tf iq aj h9 c9 el pp xo ca eq aq hi tn iu ae xe c8 e7 pv xw tv mv > <5x rt mr gh Sm rf mz gj Sb r6 m8 ge 5g r5 mi 75 x5 > <5x cf ej pw hw tg i7 am xm c5 en pg xx to mo > How Do I Open The Bank Vault? 36 Vol.l.XVll No CXXN rq m7 go 5g rn mv 7v yw nl ow 7z yh rh mO gq yq nv ob gb 5j rq oq 7u yO nq ox 7n 5n rd ma gh 5u r9 mb gj St ru oz pz> What Is The Chewing Gum For? What Do I Do With The Lute? WhatBurglar? 37 Where Do I Go From The Cubical Room? <5x cb e0 p9 h9 t0 i5 ar h9 ti ei pg x9 c0 i0 av hu tk ia pa xm eh ey ay hl tz it ax hn ts es pb xl c8 eq px xq tq ii an hu cu eb pm xa cu iu av xv cq ew pk xu cz id gd> How Do I Stop The Alarms Going Off? 38 Val.LXVII No CXXN oe 7i yg nl ml g9 5g r9 mu gm 57 ra oa 7m yf rf mq 71 xl > <5x cn eb ps xx cy iy arh7 ta ea ph xl eh ea pb xj et ey ay hi tn i6 ab hv te ee ps xx eo er ph x5 t5 is a9 hl tz ip a7 h1cb ob > I Think I Have All The Treasures, Why Haven't I Won? I Have All The Treasure But Not A Full Score, Why? <5s cv ek p6 x9 er ek ak hw tr ih ph xt ck ew pr xt cy eh ah ho ts iq pq x7 c8 ey p8 xl cw if as ho te ib aj hq tb eb pd xz cw iw az hk to is afhz tp im ah hp c5 o5 > WhatBurglar? 39 Creatlve use of White Space courtesy of Striipey& Striipey WhatBirglat? is a registered tradema111of Hibbard-Bums Press Associates(Kerovnia) © Magnelic Scrolls Ltd 1987