The Brain Snake Eater
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CINEMA CAN • A D A light of day on the theatrical circuit. The Braill is and she wails "We ha ve to find him' " "Whatdo Motion Pic. Equipment Rentalsl.p. Tom Bremahan, Cyndy Preston, David Gale, George Buza, Christine Kossack, Bret headed directly for the bottom of the bin in the you mean we have to 7", asks the best friend. "I Pearson, Bemice Quiggan , Susannah Hoffman, justine sleaziest section of your local video-cassette don't know ", is her idiotic response . It seems Campbell . Presented by Brightstar Films. outlet reserved especiall y for this sort of sad that the makers of The Bra ill also apparently pre-pubescent schlocklhorror flick. don't know what theyare doing. Ican only hope The Braill, which borrows liberally from David they got paid well fo r their efforts and that the Cronenberg's Videodrollle and Iliva sioll O/Tlle ta lent was ted here will get on with the better Body Silatchers, without a whit of justice done to films they all are capable of making. 5 either of these far superior films, concerns the Paul Townend • George Erschbamer' doings of an evil, alien psychiatrist (Da vid Gale) THE BRAIN exec. p. Don Haig p. Tony Kramreither d. Snake Eater who controls the minds of th ose who wa tch his Edward Hunt se. Barry Pearson ed. David Nicholsond. 0. p. TV show by means of a living brain. The brain, GiUes Corbeil creallire alJd makellp fx. Mark Williams m1l 5. which at first looks like an oversized piece of Paul lazaco . p.lp. mgr. Ken Gord assoc. p. Phillip M. Good K. It plays like thi s. Vietnam vet p. erecllVE! Victor "jake " Dalochp.exec. (SG E!Gary turd wi th a tail, is hooked-up to all sorts of Druckerassl. 10 p. Teresa A. Wain arl d. Byron Patchett "Soldier " is back home after electrodes and TV monitors from which it rela ys slllilis coord. Gary Brown sp. fr Danny White, Craig Williams serving in the crack search-and commands to its master. casl. Lucinda Sill, CDC 151a.d . Robert Petol'icz 2nd a.d. destroy squad the "Snake No t content with merely controlling human Randi Richmond 151. ass/.ed. Robin RusseU 2nd assl. cd. Rae Eaters." Back in civvies there's Crombie, Cyndy Fret sd. ed. Ka rl Konruy loc. mgr. jeremy I minds with hallucinations, the brain un Gauthier, Tony Morrone, Mark Mowadgaffa I.P . Locherer notO much ca ll on the streets of "big cit)' U. S. A. " explainedly develops a carnivorous appetite for besl boy Alan Pill eleclricim,s Yuri Yakubiw, Dean Emerickkcy for ea ting snakes or searching & destroying, so the mad doctor's female assistant. "That's food grip Bill Heintz 2nd grip john Boan-MitcheUbc sl ooy grip our boy lines up undercover work as a narc Richard Emerson grips Bruce Chadllock, Mark Mavrinacsd. for thought! ", exclaims the wide-eyed Tee. jin Hong, Rae Crombie boom Doug Dixon cosl. des. Eva stinging dope dealer. Benefits include a sex\, psychiatrist as the unfortunate assistant Gord ,,.rd. jocelyn Senior ,,.,d. assl. Sara Schilt sci drcsser black pusher with a scar from neck to na vel who disappears inside the squirming lump of turd. Nick White 151. assl . cam . john joffin 2nd as sl. cam. jane likes to play strip poker without the poker. Da\os cam. assls. David Plank, josh Melamed, Ben Sharp, A tribute to corporate raiders? After a satisfying burp the creature develops the Anyway the boy plays by his own ru les and Gisele Turpin, Mark Willis hoy props Danny White props assl. Only the braintrust behind this funniest set of fangs and bulging eyes Craig Williams Dinl. ed. David Nicholson 51'. froas sls. Ray when the junkies come by he na ils their feet to knows for sure imaginable. Greer, Cathy Mullamphy, Gabe FaUus, Rae Crombie, Kevin the floor to make sure they don't split. His Into this ludicrous state of affairs comes our Danzey, Thomas M. Bellisario bmill op. Chris superiors at the P. D. don't like his ap proach and all-American hero (the suburbs of Toronto and Thiesen hausen, Phillip M. Good video COilS . Bruce Parlette turf him from th e force. Edward Hunt's p. coord. Sandi Henri, Sandra Dezie13rd. a.d. CariosCaneca Mississauga are thinly disguised to be a.d.lminccChristine Dore o/fice p.a. Tom Willey conI. Karen Meanwhile, down some desolate backwoods The Brain somewhere in New York, although the art Paterson sci dl~. Roderick Mayne assl. arl d. Michael ba yo u, Soldier's famil y are vacationing on their director forgot or couldn't afford to lose the Bo rth~ock 2nd . a.d. Andrea Stokes arl depl. ImincrTamara houseboa t whe n set upon by a group of snarling, Toronto transit stops and other assorted bits of Boan-MitcheU consl. foreman Andrew Colpitts hd. carpmla he Brain reunites the team of Edward jim Panry carp. Chris Radley Walters, Da\od Hoekstra paililer sadistic hillbillies who've been festering in the Hunt, director, and Barry Pearson, Canadiana), played by Tom Breznahan with a Hanry Patchett p. a. Thomas M. Bellisaro craft Anne Ozarks since Delil'crmlCc. Mom & Dad sink into writer. In 1977 the two produced a perpetual smirk. Of course he is cute and Fotheringham hair/makeupOd elya Iwir/makellp assl. Donna the black cess pool in a burning blaze of glor\' virtually unknown tax-shelter film, contemptuous of authori ty. He resists the Kera vica drivcrcapl. Noella Nesdoly dri,,,s Mark Currie, while lithe, nubile Sis goes off to be a sex slave, psychiatrist's atte mpts at brai nwashing and Andrew Sparkes, Andrew Ward, Andrew Vincent co mpo Plaglle, starring Daniel Pilon, Kate Reid allimalion Lanry Chase slills phOIOSophie Hogan trims casl. locked up in a fetid shack. Soldier finds out that subsequently he is chased all over the lab and Tand Celine Lomez, that was eventually released jW Casting folry arl~1 Reid j. Atherton folry assl. Maureen his folks are dead from a sheriff after he's laid out on the Texas drive-in circuit in 1979. town by the mad doctor's remaining assistant, a Wetteland neg culler Catherine Rankin piliI'D lransfers Alndon a cou ple of particular'" nas t\' bikers at a roadside Hunt had previously wri tten, produced and certain overweight, lunatic-looking Nurse Grp . Prods. re-ree. mix Mike Hoogenboomo>sl. mix Peter pit stop ca lled "The Cage " where he landed after Varna, played unintentionally for laughs by Kellyadrsd. ree. Rae Crombie Inserls crew : p. mgr. Rae directed Starship Ilivasion with Robert Vaughn in Crombie gaffer Phillip M. Good kry gril' Mike Brown grip his chopper went ou t of control after he veered 1976, and Pearson had written the screenplay for George Buza. Every once-in-a-wh ile the rapidly Harold Delisle p. assl. Mike Toke slllnlS Gary Brown, Ed to avoid hi tting a child chasing a ball . The man Peter Pearson's Paperback Hero in 1972. You growing brain will appear out of nowhere to Hellier, Steve Pemie, Cind y Gold hawk equipmenl Cd n has a heart of gold . would have thought that these two gentlemen of menace our hero and wrea k havoc on the good modest but promising ta lent would have learnt a folks of Meadowvale. thing or two abou t filmmaking over the years Our macho high school hero is helped bv his and perhaps gone on to do better things. virginal girlfriend, the pretty but incompetent However, time seems to be working in reverse Cyndy Preston, until she too comes under the with the theatrical release of The Braill. Amore brain's power. Once again he is chased all over inept, ama teurish piece of celluloid excrement the place by Nurse Varna. Again he escapes and cannot not be imagined even in the darkest days sneaks back into the TVstud io, intent on of tax-shelter filmmaking. destroying the brain . By now the organ has The fil m was produced by Tony Kramreither, become the size of a Mack truck, eating the man responsible for such Canadian ev~rybody in its path, including, thank cinematic gems as MOlldo NlIde (1978) , goodness, Nurse Varna. However, our hero, HlInlllllgoll5 (1981) and Thrillkill (1983). wi th his ex-virginal girlfriend at his side, comes However, recently Kramreither has been face-to-face with the IVorst case of bad breath moving away from his more lurid films and this side of King Kong. With an unbelievable getting behind quality projects like Leon Marr's sleight-of-hand, he blows up the saliva-drooling Dallcing III The Dark and the underrated COllcrete monster and happily all the good people of Allgeis. The Brain represents a major step Meadowvale are released from its spell. Canada, backwards to the bad old days. In fact, all oops, I mean America, is once again saved from involved in this laughable piece of junk, alien domina tion. including special effects co-ordinator Mark In the middle of one of the endless boring Williams (The Fly, Alie/ls), should be thoroughly chases, our hero's best friend and girlfriend, embarrassed that this film has actua lly seen the who are looking for him in the TV studio, stop, SEPTIMaE. 1989 CINEMA CANADA PAGE 35 PAT THOMPSON Anyway he smells something fish y (not Afew short filmsand videos in two of the programs, competition in such exotic sports as mouthpul version of the one depicted in the come-on surprising considering all the depraved things Childhood's End : Working on the Family and ling (complicated to describe precisely .