Bulk Rate U.S. Postage PAID Permit No.320 Newark, DE. 19711 ON THE Tuition Abolished OUTSIDE Trombone: Students To Get Money's Worth By NORM dePLUME its meeting for lack of time while a entertainment, and it gives that Diver fellow much more stuff to program. The University announced it is motion to reconsider a resolution that Alphabet Goop would have sent an earlier motion to Y'wanna coke? Thirty cents, please." abolishing all tuition charges in favor of A check with Back Zowen found the "more progressive forms of funding," form an ad-hoc committee for further CAISA. IVC, CRAB and AAUP investigation on whether to write a letter English Department Chariman ordering President E.A. Trombone announced at massive quantities of movies and beer. merge ................... 2 a dinner with the residents of Gilbert E. in support, opposition, or neutrality, or any combination, in regard to the "I think we can meet our objective of "We believe, that is, we've checked overspending even our new, expanded this out and have found no evidence to problem, was under question. The group did, however, anonymously vote to budget. Can you hold?" Open Party the contrary, that we are the first Honcho of Housing and Motel Life university in a non-communist country appropriate $1,300 to send several members on a fact-finding tour to look Stuart Sharkmeat said, "I'd be lying 1f I shindig on to ~otally do away with tuition," said we weren't delighted. We figure we Trombone said, opening the umbrella on for other tuition-free universities. rom bone's lawn ......... 8 Student reaction was apathetically can cram thousands to a room. With the his hot dog stand. new Mall on the Mall (see related story "Don't worry," he said with a slight positive. Most, like Warren Peace (AS DC), felt "this should leave me lots more below l the students will never be in their chuckle, "we don't intend to lose a cent. rooms. Listen, you want a good group We have other ways of making up the money for beer. It was hard to drink beer in classes anyway." One student at rate on T -shirts?" difference. Fifty cents, please," he University Hospital main melon C. continued, waving at a customer. "I the UDZZ meeting began screaming, "I want to learn," but he was given a Radium Huggim said, ''The $800 health suggest you talk to the head of our Vice fee should be a great boon to our budget. President for the Encroachment of.. .oh, transfusion of beer-drenched ringing off the Lame Hall blood and was quickly Now we can treat people with Dr. Worthless. He can tell you more temperatures as low as 101 degrees." r ....... ·......... 14 about it. It's a dime more with kraut I'm subdued. Faculty groups also reacted decisively The small minority of Newark life not afraid, my good man." connected with the university was not Asked how the university intended to to the announcement. The AAPU protested the action with a strong letter, surprised. ''I've seen this coming ever offset the $20 million drop in revenues, since the '60's," commented Police Chief Trombone replied, "We'll just raise the and the Faculty Senate is expected to Bored Student vote on it at next year's meeting. But Willies Briarpatch. "Wanna see some prices on a few of our other services. For pictures?" instance, the health fee is now $800 a Provest L. Campbell Soup said, Trustees Appoint 2 "Faculty will adjust to a truly "We'll just raise their electric rates semester; we'll get it back somehow. and go our merry way," added Mayor Thank you, sir." capitalistic system just fine. Even now, Kindergarteners ......... 17 faculty are coming up with great new Reddy Kilowatt. Reaction from student groups was Alderman Blue Funk said, "We'll be swift and decisive. The UDZZ suspended courses, and they'll just charge at the door. We feel it's a dynamite form of (Contmued Ol"t Page 3' Mall .on Mall Fills Campus Void bee~ rese.rved for . normal have can't find the way out. By ILICK PUMPERNICKY u n 1 v e r s 1t y bus 1 n e s s : This way, we come to them, •· Students will no longer class~oom instruction, said the Yap manager, have to truck all the way to acco:dmg .to Dean ?f Student stapling together a pair of Main Street to grab that new Affa1rs Alhsay R. L1es. Hong Kong jeans. tube of toothpaste between Parking accommodations An Additional incentive for classes. on the Mall will be overseen students to attend class is the Newark shops will move to by Security, Major said. $50 g i f t c e r t i f i c a t e • Central Mall locations More than half the students redeemable at any Mall on beginning this summer, said who skip classes do so to the Mall store, to be awarded Dr. Robscott (L'Enfant) shop, according to a survey each week to the student with ajor, associated vice recently conducted by the the best attendance record in president of felicities and Review. classes taught on the Mall " services at a university Spring and winter season said Major. ' Physical Planting meeting changes show the highest rate "Every time the Stockpile night. of skipping to relieve comes out with a new display Central Mall, to be called compulsive spending urges, I lose over half my com. 567, 'The Mall on the Mall", was according to student behavior class,'' said one professor hosen as the most analyst C. Dalvnees. who teaches during prime location for a new "The closer a student is to shopping hours. ~tua•ent - oriented shopping the class he is skipping, the Student reaction was convenience center, in more likely he is to feel guilty apathetically. positive: Most, administration's attempt and attend class the next like Justin Time, BU 80 said keep students off city time." said Dalvnees. ''I think it's great. Now i reets while skipping The move is expected to always have somewhere to •Ul:s:;~:s, said Major. greatly increase class go. When my mind wanders Sharp Lab, Wolfe Hall, attendance in future years, my feet follow.'' ' Lab, and Memorial Dalvnees said. Student groups reacted have been purchased by Merchants see The Mall on swiftly and decisively to the oy Rogers Family the Mall as an excellent announcement. The UDZZ stau.rants, The Yap chance to appeal to untapped tabled a resolution that would D1scomania F'ashions, revenue resources. call for the formation of a and J.C. Penniless "So many students never committee to do a study on MALL ON THE MALL: In a new concept 111 campus plonqmg ent Store. Forty make it to our Christiana the problem, but agreed to students can park and shop between classes ... Or before of building space has Mall location and those who petition for $1300 instead. during. after. through... ReviewphotobyGodLeePowen Page 2 1917 HiFi House can increase your refund by 10%!* ,:-<: - Whatever you use it for, you want to be sure to get 1,. SUPER SOUND SYSTEM No.2! the most for your money. HiFi House can turn your I~. 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