Stepchild Relationship
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© Kamla-Raj 2008 J. Hum. Ecol., 23(2): 91-99 (2008) Stepparents Perception of the Factors Affecting the Quality of the Stepparent– Stepchild Relationship David A. Adeyemo* and Grace Igaba Onongha Department of Guidance and Counselling, Faculty of Education, University of Ibadan, Ibadan, Nigeria *E-mail: [email protected] KEYWORDS Quality of Relationship. Stepparent. Stepchild. Families ABSTRACT The study investigated the contributions of parenting style, communication, relationship with non- residential kin, loyalty conflict and spousal marital relationship to the quality of the stepparent and stepchild relationship. It made use of simple random sampling in selecting 400 stepparents from ten local government areas in Cross River State. The study sample responded to two valid and reliable instruments. The results indicated that the five independent variables, when taken together, were effective in predicting the quality of the stepparent and stepchild relationship. Each of the variables (with the exception of parenting style) contributed significantly to the prediction of the quality of the stepparent and stepchild relationship. On the basis of these findings, it is suggested that intervention programmes centre on relationship enhancement, communication skills and conflict resolution would benefit the stepparent and stepchild relationship. INTRODUCTION to talking about the quality of relationship in Stepparents-Stepchild family. One of these Stepfamilies, the new emerging family struc- factors is parenting style. Parenting style ture, have been classified as a high risk setting describes multidimensional processes involved with more pathological behaviours and higher in raising children who should become useful rates of child sexual abuse than among first members of the society (Akinboye, 2000). Though families (Ihinger – Tallman, 1988). Traditionally, raising children can be one of the most joyful, remarriages and stepfamilies were formed enchanting and rewarding aspects of family life, primarily as a result of the death of a spouse; it has in-built hardships, frustrations and today the formation results primarily from divorce. conflicts. This is why parenting is often described These “remarried”, “reconstituted”, “binuclear”, as a combination of tough times, and tender “blended”, and “stepparent” families constitute moments. Parenting could be more stressful than significant non-traditional marital and family adjusting to marriage itself. arrangements that present unique circumstances Without biological link, it can be extremely and relationships. Stepfamilies may include a difficult to tolerate, let alone like a stepchild who stepfather, mother, and her children; a stepmother, is being particularly troublesome and coping with father and his children; or a mother and father recalcitrant teenagers can be a nightmare (De’Ath, joining two sets of children. 1993). Stepparents may feel that they are out on a Stepfamily researchers agreed that the quality limb at times, excluded from the biological link of the stepparent and stepchild relationship is an that their partners have with the children and important determination of overall stepfamily because of this, unable to play a full parent role. happiness. However, because many stepparent However, a great many stepparents do have warm and stepchild relationships do not have the solid and loving relationship with their stepchildren foundation created by early childhood bonding and a strong commitment to them. experiences, stepparent and stepchild bond may Perhaps, the greatest source of stress in be particularly vulnerable to family stress (Preece, stepparenting results from the fact that the step- 2004). A positive relationship between the step- roles are not clearly defined (Atwood, 1990). The parents and stepchildren can lead to positive roles of the stepparent become the measure of outcomes both for the children and for the family. the stepfamily’s development. The degree to However, the relationship can be influenced by a which all members accept and provide a number of factors that cannot be controlled. meaningful role for him/her determines how well Several factors could be at work when it comes established the family’s roles and rules would be 92 DAVID A. ADEYEMO AND GRACE IGABA ONONGHA by the immediate family members, other relatives to communication. Further, Sequerah (2002) and outsiders. explained that some families were taught to The stepparent is a new comer and many times respect the elders and to follow what they say, an intruder or interloper to an established family right or wrong, without question. Respect is only system (Atwood, 1990; De’Ath, 1993). There is shown to those family members who are older usually an attempt by an existing system to expel than them. This left no room for friendly con- a foreign body. Initially because the stepparent versation between family members. Children were is an intruder, there may be an attempt, either expected to follow their parents’ wishes whether overtly or covertly to expel him or her. This dis- they like it or not. Failure to do so often results in comfort and upheaval may be the result of children the son or daughter being disowned by the family. not knowing what to expect from the stepparent, With this kind of conditions, communication is since the role of the stepparent is ambiguous and out of the question. Discontentment and often ill-defined. frustrations are kept within the heart and often; a A study by Goodman – Lezin (1985) revealed feeling of wanting to do something rebellious that residential stepmothers do better if they grows. adopt a less active disciplinary role than their Along the same but diverse line of thought is husbands, while working toward establishing a the issue of power. Coale (1990) opined that the more positive relationship with their stepchildren. biggest communication difficulties among This is not to suggest that “anything goes” or parents, stepparents and teenagers stem from that total disengagement is the best approach to confusion over who has control over what. When parenting by stepmothers. The fact remains that power issues are confused, communication is when fathers assume more responsibilities in limit- problematic. When power issues are clear, commu- setting behaviours, the stepmother reports more nication generally falls more easily into place. marital satisfaction. Importantly, it is also known Research has been generated around the idea that that when fathers and stepmothers agree about stepparents and stepchildren relationships are childbearing issues and behaviours, stepmothers bound to be full of conflicts because of lack of feel better about their marriages (Skopin, 1989). adequate and effective communication between This good feeling can and often is reflected in a them. More so, those involved had often stressed more positive relationships with stepchildren. on the issue of improved communication Visher and Visher (1979) proposed that, (Manning and Wooten, 1987; Eades, 1996). discipline works only when the person receiving Another variable of concern in this study is the discipline cares about the reactions of and the quality of the relationship with non-residential the relationship with the person melting out the kin. Relationship with others can have a signi- discipline. These remarks touch on the question ficant impact upon the quality of life in a new of who in the stepfamily should administer the stepfamily. However, after problems with finances discipline? Who should be the one to say no? and children, couples in remarriages rank outside Experts in stepfamilies like Taylor and Taylor family (kin) as the third major problem they face (2001), Sposato (2001) and Boomer (2001), highly (Bernard, 1991). One common stress in remarriage recommend the biological-driven parenting as comes from the necessity for frequent contact practical and stepfamily specific. with ex-spouse(s). Most of the problems that arise One other variable that is addressed in this with ex-spouse have to do with children visitation, study is communication. Communication in the custody, and child support (Lasswell and Lassell, family brings decisions on certain issues, such 1991). These keep alive issues that the divorcing as productive and health decisions. This is one couple initially considered to have been settled of the important reasons why communication is in court. It is not at all unusual for divorced crucial in the family, especially between husband parents to go back to court again and again for and wife; parent and child. Communication is the post divorce litigation over such issues. Although key to any parent-child relationship and step- there many, of course, be legitimate cause to file parents are no different in this respect. for change of custody to seek increased or The role tradition plays in determining decreased support payment, or to ask for a ruling effective communication has been documented. on disputed visitation rights and responsibilities. Sequerah (2002) noted that in the eastern region Marital therapist believe that there are usually of the globe, tradition is the main stumbling block underlying dynamics between the divorced STEPPARENTS PERCEPTION OF THE FACTORS AFFECTING THE QUALITY 93 spouses that cause them to keep upsetting each by Gerlach (2002), loyalty conflicts are a special other (Elkins, 1976). kind of value conflict. They usually feel more Atwood (1990) remarked that relationships confusing and stressful than similar conflicts. between former spouses