the whole wide world (1980-2013) copyright © 2013 by big poppa e book design by big poppa e www.bigpoppae.com all rights reserved. except as permitted under the u.s. copyright act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of big poppa e or his official representatives. any work contained within this publication may be freely performed in front of live audiences without first obtaining permission from big poppa e. furthermore, video and audio recordings of these works by anyone other than big poppa e can be freely posted and distributed on the world wide web or by any other means as long as no profit is generated. video and audio recordings of big poppa e performing his own works, however, may not be reproduced or distributed without the prior written permission of big poppa e. in plain english, it’s totally okay for you to read anything in this book out loud any time you want without permission, and if you record yourself doing the work, no worries, share it with anyone you like. but you are not allowed to record big poppa e reading his work out loud, and you are not allowed to share or sell videos or mp3s of big poppa e doing his work. it’s not that big poppa e doesn’t… okay, you know what, this is me, big poppa e, and i am talking directly to you. it’s not like i don’t want you to spread the word on what i’m doing with my poetry, dig? it’s just that this is my whole life, see, this is the only way for me to make a living, to pay my bills, to eat. so go ahead and let someone borrow this book, but if they really like it a lot, tell them to buy their own copy so i can keep eating. or, better yet, buy them a copy. that would rock. otherwise, just send them to youtube where they can see me do my stuff for free. i am so glad we talked. i feel much better already. as i type this, i am chilling in front of my imac listening to some vintage frank sinatra. i am sitting at my sister’s dining room table in wichita, kansas, and i’ve got all the ceiling fans circulating the breeze streaming through the open windows. it’s such a beautiful day outside, so bright blue and breezy. i just woke up from a nap on the couch not too long ago, lolling in sunbeams with my kitties aretha and thelonious, and it was just about perfect. when i woke up, i kicked back and looked up through the open curtains on the window, up through the leaves of the trees in the front yard, just chillaxed, smiling and eyeballing the bits of sky peeking through the branches, listening to the wind. the only way it could’ve been better is if you had been there. inspirations this book was made specifically and only for the one, the only, the amazing, the talented, the swanky tommy toliver, he of the bean pie bow tie and tight figure slender as incense smoke. he is no follower of fashion but a leader of all that is lovely and lyrical, sucking down whiskeys and cokes while men in dresses belt diamonds are a girl’s best friend and i will survive with troops of leather twinks vogueing to the beat behind them. smell that smoke? that ain’t paris burning, oh no, that’s anywhere tommy does his thang, whether it be milan, paris, cannes, or amarillo. this is a haiku for you, tommy: when life is a drag, grab your boa, hit the club, and be fabulous! commendations big poppa e is, without hype or exaggeration, one of today’s best creators of underground literature. doug holland, editor a reader’s guide to the underground press exuberantly defiant. the new york times big poppa e steps to the mike … energy is cranked so high … drunk on adrenaline … all bluster and bombast … the audience leaps up, clapping hand, snapping fingers, and stomping feet … call it revenge of the wussy boys. the washington post big poppa e is the leader of the new wussy boy movement ... spreading not just through the esoteric realm of slam poets, but edging across the globe. the los angeles times big poppa e is a guy who has turned one of his artistic personas, wussy boy, into an icon for effeminate males. ms. magazine championed by a hip-hop poet and catching fire across north america, a new male ideal has risen up and is demanding respect: wussy boy. the ottowa citizen (canada) inspiring men from across the country. the sydney morning herald (australia) a spoken word maestro. the san jose mercury news wussy boys [are] a growing breed who never felt a part of the testosterone-fuelled, hard-drinking concept of manhood. big poppa e is their outspoken leader, a poet who has outed himself as a wuss and discovered a nation of men joining his fight for wussy pride. london daily express (uk) big poppa e is pound for pound the funniest poet in slam. austin chronicle (tx) a hell of a performer, running on boundless energy and near-perfect comic timing. oc weekly (orange country, ca) one of the leaders in the hottest thing to hit poetry since beat poet allen ginsberg’s “howl.” the daily oklahoman (okc, ok) big poppa e’s words are so eloquent, so modern, so witty, funny, honest, angry, legitimate, motivating, sensual, wrenching, wise, naive … just so very, very right on. he’s amazing. the colorado springs independent big poppa e is like a tongue-twisting napoleon of open-aired emotion, sexual libido and in-your-face self-consciousness — a suburban Woody Allen hopped up at the mall. the chico news & review (chico, ca) bpe’s writing is over-the-top, taking simple circumstances to an extreme. but for all the humor, an inconsolable sense of longing runs just below the surface of every poem, and it is this melancholic subtext that hits home. great reading for people who think they hate poetry (and for those who already know they like it.) the san francisco bay guardian check out san francisco poetry slam team member big poppa e’s poem “crushworthy.” so f-ing sweet, i cried. the san francisco bay guardian fantastic reading, the kind of stuff that inspires you to do your own personalzine … he transforms his experiences into poetic stories that capture the magic and mystery. factsheet 5 (san francisco) some of the most engrossing personal writing i’ve ever read! absolutely engrossing! amusing yourself to death (santa barbara) a sharp sense of humor and great eye for the details and absurdities of young life today … he’s a natural-born storyteller who takes everyday events and elevates them to near-mythic, side-splitting proportions. next magazine (los angeles) big poppa e has a wonderful, charming writing style. zine world (san francisco) this guy could write a story about absolutely nothing and make it funny. when i grow up, i want to be big poppa e. psycho moto zine (new york city) a seasoned performance poet who regularly fries the minds of audiences with hard-hitting, humorous poems … a caffeine injection of couch psychology, maybe even a beer bong of espresso. chico news & review (chico, ca) full of power and humor … funny, thought-provoking and sharp … chico’s own poetry slam god … he could make an obituary come to life, he’s so powerful. the synthesis (chico, ca) this guy’s got talent … one of my favorite zine writers. happy not stupid (reno, nv) cool, finger-popping, caffeine-sipping, goatee-sporting riffs. the liberty press (wichita, ks) his written work is well done, and his flair for writing makes it very interesting to read. he has a very good capacity of expression that provides the reader and listener with an excellent understanding of his concepts and positions. he may have to watch for attempting to consume too much time in therapy group: he likes being the center of attention, and this may be related to a control issue that he needs to address. big poppa e’s therapist (chico, ca) definitions poem a literary work in which special intensity is given to the expression of feelings and ideas by the use of distinctive style and rhythm. rant a wild, incoherent, emotional articulation. screed a long discourse or harangue, typically one regarded as tedious. diatribe a bitter, sharply abusive denunciation, attack, or criticism. ephemera transitory written or printed matter not intended to be retained or preserved. the word derives from the greek, meaning things lasting no more than a day. a damn what big poppa e doesn't give about definitions. quotations i may be a geek, but i’m a geek with a purpose. jim thirlwell he’s a writer and a ranger and a young boy bearing arms. rush stupidly beautifoolish true, you. frente! i’m empty and aching, and i don’t know why. simon and garfunkel i’d go the whole wide world just to find her. wreckless eric i used to wear my heart on my sleeve, but it made my wrist too bloody. big poppa e dedications my parents richard and sandi and my sister sabrina thanks for your support and love, for taking me in when i had nowhere else to go, for supporting my dreams with gas cards, cell phones, plane tickets, cars, insurance, and all the rest.