Cocaine "Godmother" Griselda Blanco V2
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COLD OPEN: Griselda Blanco. The Godmother. La Madrina. The Black Widow. The Columbian drug lord who came BEFORE the Medellin Cartel. Before Pablo. The woman who helped turn Miami into both the most murderous city in America in the early 80s - with brazen hits, machine gunning down a rival at a mall liquor store in broad daylight, ordering a hit on an entire family, and - one of the drug lords who helped build Miami’s skyline. 80’s drug money built a lot of those beach condos. Built a lot of those downtown skyscrapers. Unlike most Columbian drug lords, Griselda did anything but keep the business away from her family. She forced her family into the business, and it cost most of those around her their lives. And yet she lived to the ripe old age of 69 - ancient by drug lord standards. So let’s get into some cocaine. Let’s get into Columbia, New York, and Miami. Let’s go full Griselda in this coked up, machine gun, gangster edition of Timesuck! PAUSE INTRO MUSIC I. Welcome: Hello Timesuckers! What’s going on Cult of the Curious. I’m Dan Cummins and this is Timesuck. HAIL NIMROD! Thanks to all the St Louis Suckers who came out this past week. I had six shows in St Louis and there were Timesuckers at every one. Thanks for letting me work out some new material to start the show off with you. Quick tour date announcements and then we’re off to visit the Godmother - Griselda Blanco! All other announcements, including news about some new merch hitting the store this week and what this Friday’s bonus episode is going to be about after today’s tale. Details at the end of the episode! This week I will be in APPLETON Wisconsin on Wednesday- one night only, December 13th at the Skyline Comedy Club. Come out and support me please! It’s a small market and if enough people don’t show up I won’t be back for a long time. I’ll also be at Comedy Club on State in Madison, Wisconsin, this weekend, December 14-16. And then I’ll be rounding out the year at Comedy Works in Denver, Colorado, December 28 through New Year’s Eve. And many 2018 tour dates are now posted at www.dancummins.tv and timesuckpodcast.com such as: Indianapolis!! C’mon Indy. Be good to me again. Morty’s Comedy Joint January 5th and 6th. Providence, RI - The Comedy Connection January 19-20th. Chicopee, MA - Cabot Comedy Club Jan 21st Philadelphia! I’ll be at The Punchline January 25-27th. Chicago! January 31st through Feb. 3rd at Zanies in Rosemont. New York City - Gotham Comedy Club, one night only, Feb. 11th. Two live podcasts now on the books for 2018!!! Small Town Murder swap cast in Detroit on Feb. 16th, 2018 at the Magic Bag is happening! Live swap cast podcast tickets are on sale. Two shows now in one night - standup at 7PM, and the swap cast will start at 10PM. Sisyphus Brewing in Minneapolis on March 3rd. Only $10 tickets for a live Timesuck podcast. Those aren’t quite on sale yet but you’ll know soon. I’ll announce first on Instagram. Small room - only 90 seats. And I’ll be doing standup shows there March 2nd and the 3rd as well. Check the tour date section on the website for more info. Ticket links in the episode description. And now… the Godmother! PAUSE INTERLUDE II. Narrative 1. How do you become a drug lord? How do you get into the business? Do you start off in private, Catholic school in the suburbs with a doctor for a dad and a nurturing stay at home mom? Do you move from Homecoming Queen one year to ordering hits on rival dealers the next? Do you study finance and business administration so you can stay on top of the inevitable money laundering that comes with coke cash? Not usually. Usually you start off in the dirt. With nothing to lose and everything to gain. Usually you’re born into a world of drugs where life is fast and cheap. And Griselda is no exception. So let’s take a long, hard look look at the birth, life, and death of Griselda in a Timesuck Timeline. III. Timesuck Timeline 1. Feb. 15th, 1943: Griselda Blanco was born on Feb. 15th, 1943, even though her tombstone says Feb. 14th. There are a lot of discrepancies in the historical accounts of Griselda. Her life is shrouded in mystery. She embellished truths and let wild rumors grow to create more fear in her enemies and rivals and she concealed her identity numerous times to help evade capture. She was born somewhere in Columbia. She herself listed at least three different cities in accounts of her birth. Most likely she was born in Cartagena (“Carta-hey-na”), a coastal city on the Caribbean. An old city founded in 1533. A city where indigenous people had lived, according to archaeological evidence, since at least 4,000 B.C. The Cocanos - the original harvesters and processors of cocaine. The Cocanos chewed on the leaves of the Coca plant. Then, thousands of years ago, they began crushing the leaves into a paste and then drying it for a faster high. Soon after that, the Krackano tribe figured out how to harden the paste, crystalize it, and smoke it in old pottery pipes. And then a third tribe, the Krackano Heados, who couldn’t make it themselves and would buy it from the Cocanos and the Krackano Heados started stealing everyone’s stuff and offering to fellate fellow tribe members for just one more hit of that sweet Krakano rock. Also, around this time, the ancient tribes invented a form of disco, began wearing all white suits, took to wearing sunglasses indoors, and drove nothing but soft top convertibles. All that tribe stuff was bullshit. But the area has been inhabited since around 4,000 B.C. In 1533, it was founded by Pedro de Heredia, a Spanish explorer and quickly became an important shipping center for sending Peruvian silver back to Spain. And, actually, the Spaniards truly did encourage the indigenous people of that time to chew the Coca leaves, because it did get them high, and kept them more obedient and allowed them to work longer hours in those mines. How strange is that? On day you have an entire culture and way of life that has remained virtually unchanged for centuries. And then, the next day, some Spanish assholes on some boats show up and change everything. Suddenly, you’re a part of their culture. And not the good part. Yesterday, you may have been a respected warrior or village elder. Now, you’re some schmuck in a silver mine literally working yourself to death so some King across an Ocean, living in a country you’ll never see or benefit from, can get even richer than he already is and afford to fund more expeditions to find more indigenous people and fuck them over too. God the world REALLY just isn’t fair, is it? It really, really isn’t. Anyway, Cartegna - that’s what I keep trying to talk about. honestly, the more I look into Cartegna, the more I want to go. It’s a gorgeous coastal city of about a million people with beautiful old Catholic churches, colonial architecture, and an average temperature of 82 degrees. Museums, beaches, shopping plazas, nightlife, and currently, not too much crime. It looks amazing! If only Griselda could’ve grown up to own a cool beach restaurant or develop beachfront condos or run a nightclub. Something. She could still be there today, an elderly grandmother. So interesting with all of us how there are all these various paths we can take in our lives. So many points where if we would’ve zigged left instead of zagged right, we’d be an entirely different person now living an entirely different life. Wherever she was born, Grisleda was baptized in Santa Marta, also on Colombia’s Caribbean coast, another bad ass looking place to visit of a little under half a million people. Founded on July 29, 1525, by the Spanish conquistador Rodrigo de Bastidas, it was the first Spanish settlement in Colombia. Another postcard of a city with the stunning mountains of the Sierra Nevada de Santa Marta range, ancient ruins, mangrove forests, hiking trails, beaches, and beautiful Columbian women. And the baptismal center of a woman who would lead a horrifically ugly life. The man Griselda called her father, who might have actually been her stepfather, was a taxi driver named Luis Carlos Blanco. Griselda would later tell friends that she had been raised in poverty, unable to afford so much as shoes; others would say that Luis and Griselda’s mother, Ana, provided Griselda and her three younger siblings with all their basic needs. She’d carry his name her whole life. 2. Early 1940s/1946: And then, at some point very early in Griselda’s childhood, when she was around three years old, the family moved to the Barrio Antioquia (“An-ti-o-qi-ah”), a decidedly not very nice at all neighborhood far from the beach in Medellin. Remember Medellin from the Pablo Escobar suck? The city Pablo was raised in. The city he’d be shot down in. The city he’d come to control for years through ruthless violence and bribes. Home of the Medellin drug cartel at the height of it’s power.