The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, April 10, 2020 — Page 1

Vol. CCLXIV, No. 15 The New Hampshire Gazette Grab Me! April 10, 2020 The Nation’s Oldest Newspaper™ • Editor: Steven Fowle • Founded 1756 by Daniel Fowle PO Box 756, Portsmouth, NH 03802 • [email protected] • www.nhgazette.com I’m Free!

The Fortnightly Rant The Big X-Ray ast weekend Covid-19 was As the sordid life of Allen Dulles† killing a thousand Americans a demonstrates, the Prime Directive Lday. If the death rate doubles every of the U.S. Government has been six days or so, this weekend we’ll say to defend capitalism against all en- goodbye to 4,000 more. emies, foreign and domestic. This is, of course, quite terrible. After letting the world’s #1 Bol- It certainly seems so right now. All shevik scamper off to overthrow the things being relative, though, and Russian Empire, Allen, the inveter- the laws of mathematics being as ate horndog and unregenerate con- they are [the exponential function spirator, joined his staid and stuffy has a power that Bill Barr can only brother John Foster at Cromwell & envy] a month or two from now we Sullivan, the world’s most powerful may look back and see these as the corporate law firm. Their clients,ipso good old days. facto, were the world’s most powerful Remember the bumper sticker, corporations. “Giant Meteor 2016—Just End It Even after purportedly leaving Already”? The comet never came, corporate law—Allen becoming but we got the next-worst thing: Eisenhower’s CIA Director, John umpteen trillion itsy-bitsy blobs Foster his Secretary of State—they of ribonucleic acid are giving this continued serving the same clients. country its biggest X-Ray ever. This diabolical duo overthrew in- Lo and behold, we’re a total wreck. sufficiently-capitalist governments “How can this be happening?” from Guatemala City to Kinsha- some might ask. So might an En- sa, and from Saigon to, most likely, ment, amounting mostly to state ried out what was perhaps the most they were in a slightly better bar- glish peasant have cried in 1348, as Washington, D.C. militias, kept in shape by using rifle effective job of large-scale war pro- gaining position. Many men with he discarded a chicken bone next The Dulles brothers were unique, butts to beat striking workers into paganda which the world had ever high school educations could work a to his hovel, where it was seized by of course, only in their fraternal submission.‡ witnessed.” Our titans of industry, factory job, buy a house, and support a flea-infested Norway rat. We’ve partnership. The vast majority of President Woodrow Wilson noticing this stunning achievement, a family—largely because they could been walking into this fateful am- American politicians have been barely won re-election in Novem- began investing millions in the pub- join unions. Even some Black men bush for more than a century. enthusiastic capitalists, particularly ber, 1916. The slogan, “He kept us lic relations racket—at the pinnacle got in on the action. Obviously, this

Our non-paper* of March 27th since the rapid proliferation of rail- out of war” may have given him the of which stood Sigmund Freud’s all had to stop. Neoliberal§ policies carried the following item for April roads in the period following the edge. “Yet within a very short pe- nephew, CPI alumnus Edward Ber- made sure it did. 8th: Civil War. It’s difficult to resist so riod after America had joined the nays. With collaboration from feckless “1917—At the U.S. Embassy in remunerative an ideology on a mere belligerents,” said a 1940 report by America’s anti-Communist cru- Third Way Democrats, Republi- Bern, future CIA head Allen Dulles Congressman’s pay. the Council on Foreign Relations sade was briefly suspended as the cans led the way, crushing unions gets a call from I.V. Lenin, begging for Having learned our history from [CFR], “the nation appeared to be Soviet Union lost 13 percent of its and gutting the Government. Ar- an immediate meeting. Dulles, who Hollywood, we tend to see the time enthusiastically and overwhelmingly population fighting Nazis on the thur “The Curve” Laffer ludicrous- has a date with buxom Swedish twins, between the Civil War and World convinced of the justice of the cause Eastern Front. Approximately one ly claimed that lowering tax rates puts him off. Lenin boards a train to War I as one long western movie. In of the Allies, and unanimously de- day after victory in Europe, the would increase tax revenue. It did Petrograd and starts a Revolution.” fact it was fifty years of Congressio- termined to help them win.” U.S.—on its way to losing 0.32 per- not. Grover “Drown The Govern- On April 13th—less than a week nal corruption, urbanization, wide- The CFR report attributed the cent of its population—rounded on ment In The Bathtub” Norquist was later—this happened: spread factory-based wage slavery, change in attitude to “the work of its former ally and resumed hostil- honest about his intentions, at least. “1917—Prescient President W. and Jim Crow laws, all within an the group of zealous amateur pro- ities. Preventing foreign countries Yesterday, Reuters’ Heather Tim- Wilson establishes the Committee on economy wracked by cycles of boom pagandists, organized under Mr. from succeeding under anti-capital- mons tweeted, “Art Laffer is being Public Information, 67 years prior to and bust. In the absence of foreign George Creel in the Committee on ist systems is quite expensive—but floated as head of a new task force to 1984.” adventures, our military establish- Public Information [CPI]. With it’s cheaper than letting Americans ‘reopen’ the U.S. economy.” his associates he planned and car- start getting strange ideas. * For the record, it is our intention to sur- † Talbot, David. The Devil’s Chessboard: Al- Working stiffs who survived the § “Neoliberalism: A political approach that vive this mess and resume our longstanding len Dulles, the CIA, and the Rise of America’s ‡ Beatty, Jack. Age of Betrayal: The Triumph favors free-market capitalism, deregulation, love affair with newsprint just as soon as we Secret Government. New York: HarperCol- of Money in America, 1865–1900. New York: war were like peasants who made it and reduction in government spending….” possibly can. — The Ed. lins, 2015. Knopf, 2007. through the Black Plague: for once – Lexico.com.

The Alleged News® The New, Improved Five O’Clock Follies oted epidemiologist, Viet- If they had continued, those a podium and read in monotone an know, so we’ll be looking into that very The President – “No, I didn’t. I said nam War draft dodger, and hate-fests might eventually have endless list of meaningless statistics carefully. we’re going to look at it. We’re going to NPresident, Donald J. Trump now counterbalanced through attrition which, according to then-current “And we’re going to put a hold on investigate it. We’re going to look at it. conducts televised daily briefings the voter suppression efforts which algorithms, proved conclusively that money spent to the WHO. We’re going But we will look at ending funding.” on the Federal Government’s re- keep Republicans in power. More the light at the end of the tunnel was to put a very powerful hold on it, and [Emphasis (bold) added.– The sponse to the coronavirus pandem- likely, though, they’d have just raised not on the front of an oncoming lo- we’re going to see. It’s a great thing if Ed.] ic—and whatever other random the death toll, right across the board. comotive. it works, but when they call every shot Strictly speaking, this is not thought-substitutes may then be There’s that bipartisanship for which During Tuesday’s episode, the wrong, that’s no good.” news, but, for the record: when the fluttering around, bat-like, in his everyone’s been clamoring. President—who dithered for Three thousand words later, a President speaks, a series of sounds belfry. As the victim of a cruel disabili- months as this pandemic gained journalist asks a question: tumble from his mouth. Trying to We hope that scientists in the fu- ty (a worm hole in that part of his momentum—tried to lay some of Journalist – “Thanks. A quick fol- assign any fixed meaning to them is ture—if there is one, and there are brain which, in normal people, de- the blame off to the World Health low-up on that. So is the time to freeze a chump’s game. If he were where he any—will study this phenomenon tects irony) he holds these events at Organization. The italicized text be- funding to the WHO during a pan- belongs, that is, standing in a public and confirm or deny the following 5:00 o’clock. During the war that he low comes directly from the White demic of this magnitude?” park in Queens, orating at pigeons, theory, which is ours: when he gets skipped out on, that was the time House transcript: The President – “No, maybe not. I with a loved one, if one can imagine in front of the cameras and talks, the when the Pentagon’s Public [Dis] Trump – “But we want to look mean, I’m not saying I’m going to do such a thing, watching to make sure nation’s collective IQ plummets. Information Officers tried in vain into it—World Health Organiza- it, but we’re going to look at it.” he comes to no harm—this would Collective intelligence is not ex- to convince war correspondents tion—because they really are—they Journalist – “You did say that you’re not be a problem. Tragically that is actly a commodity which we have in that everything was going accord- called it wrong. They called it wrong. going to —” not the case. This man is supposedly surplus. He should be grateful to the ing to plan. Their method was way They really—they missed the call. They The President – “We give a tremen- the leader of what used to be called President’s handlers, though, for in- ahead of its time: they employed could have called it months earlier. They dous —” ducing him to accept these briefings drone warfare. Not in the sense we would have known, and they should Journalist – “You said you’d put a The Alleged News® as a substitute for campaign rallies. use it today, though. They stood at have known. And they probably did hold on it.” to page two Page 2 — The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, April 10, 2020

The Alleged News® Representatives that the President is from page one unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office, the Vice Presi- the free world. dent shall immediately assume the WHO funding matters, of course. powers and duties of the office as So does Covid testing. In March, Acting President. As yet they have Trump was promising millions of not done that, though, and it’s hard tests “soon.” They never material- to imagine at this point what it will ized. NPR reported Wednesday that take to convince them. Perhaps “Some local officials are disappoint- they’re waiting for CNN to broad- ed the federal government will end cast footage of his head rotating funding for coronavirus testing sites 360° on-camera, followed by a tor- this Friday. In a few places those sites rent of green vomit. will close as a result. This as criticism Meanwhile, Foreign Policy, a high- continues that not enough testing is ly respected magazine not given to available.” alarmist speculation, published an If you don’t test, of course, if you article yesterday headlined, “The won’t get as many positive results as Normal Economy is Never Coming you would if you did test. That will Back.” Alan Tooze wrote, “America’s create a false impression: the prob- economy is now widely expected to lem will not look so bad, and, by shrink by a quarter. That is as much extension, it will look like the Pres- as during the Great Depression. But ident is doing a better job. Those whereas the contraction after 1929 temporary, illusive benefits, all of stretched over a four-year period, the which accrue to the President, will coronavirus implosion will happen come at a cost, though—i.e., more over the next three months. There people will die. has never been a crash landing like Article 25 of the Constitution, this before. There is something new provides, under Section Four, that under the sun. And it is horrifying.” whenever the Vice President and –=≈=– which no one was immune, and for for that?” to enhance, but to weaken and un- a majority of the Cabinet trans- A Teachable Moment? which we have no vaccine; and, yes, Congress just tossed $2.2 dermine the Postal Service. mit their written declaration to the Let’s look at the bright side: yes, a the effects on our economy have al- T-T-Trillion to Jared Kushner and As Oregon Rep. Pete DeFazio re- President pro tempore of the Sen- highly contagious new disease has ready been such that we’re only just Steven Mnuchin, as far as anyone cently explained, the law “require[d] ate and the Speaker of the House of been unleashed on the world, to beginning to figure out how bad it can tell, to dole out as they see fit. the USPS to prefund 75 years worth might become. But at least people There was to have been an Inspec- of retiree health benefits in the span are paying some attention to a few tor General, but he’s been fired. The of ten years—a cost of approximate- things that have hitherto escaped money could end up anywhere, so ly $110 billion. Although the money their notice. keep your eyes open. is intended to be set aside for future The value of the work performed One place it won’t go is the Post Post Office retirees, the funds are by nurses and grocery store check- Office, speaking of previously -un instead being diverted to help pay out clerks, for example. Exposed all sung heroes. One might think that down the national debt. day long to a dangerous pathogen, since it rates a line of its own in the “No other private enterprise or they’re used to working for relative U.S. Constitution—Article I, Sec- federal agency is required to prefund peanuts. If they’re risking their lives tion 8, Clause 7, empowering Con- retiree health benefits on a compa- to keep us healthy and fed, don’t they gress “To establish Post Offices and rable timetable. The mandate is re- deserve a living wage? Post Roads”—the Postal Service sponsible for all of USPS’s financial The unemployment rate has ab- might get a little respect from self- losses since 2013.” solutely exploded. How many of the styled “Constitutional Conserva- As for accountability, the bill recently unemployed just lost their tives.” One would be wrong, though, passed in the Senate by unanimous health insurance, too? of course. Democrats put money consent, and in the House by a voice Thousands of insurance workers for the Postal Service in the bailout vote—in other words, anonymously. Advancing decrepitude notwithstanding, our Wandering Photographer do nothing but deny health care package. Trump yanked it out. Republicans held the whole dang still shambles around town from time to time, mumbling about exercise; he benefits to sick people. How, exactly, In 2006, Congress passed the Government at the time. DeFazio wants a ready excuse if he’s braced by the quarantine police. Usually cam- are they helping matters? Postal Accountability and En- got a bill through the House which ouflaged by the crowds, he’s not used to such lack of cover. On Saturday af- Medicare for All is the obvious hancement Act. Anyone familiar would end the retirement mandate. ternoon, April 4th, the closest thing to bustle was this cluster of half a dozen answer to these problems. The an- with Congress’ ways will immedi- God only knows how it would get vapers loosely congregated at the corner of Hanover and High streets. swer is always, “How will you pay ately realize its true intent was not past McConnell.

Sometimes Old is Good “Happy The Fechheimer Building, one of the fin- to The arts are vital to our vibrant Seacoast community. est examples of a cast-iron facade in Port- Support Please consider supporting your many local arts and land, Oregon, was built in 1885. Listed in Progressive culture organizations in this time of crisis. the National Register of Historic Places, it was restored in 1981 by Russell Fellows Journalism Gathering together to experience the arts is the heart Properties, the principals of which enjoy a subscription to this newspaper. and and soul of what we do here at The Music Hall. The We are ever grateful for the unwavering support of our community, and look forward to seeing you when our New Hampshire doors reopen. Gazette” – Joe Keefe �/MUSICHALL �@MUSICHALL �/MUSICHALLNH 603.436.2400 • THEMUSICHALL.ORG B2W BOX OFFICE AT THE HISTORIC THEATER • 28 CHESTNUT ST • PORTSMOUTH NH The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, April 10, 2020 — Page 3

A Message from the D.M. of asking for a signature on their mo- Speaking of our good friends at bile device, they’ll ask for the resident’s the U.S. Postal Service, whom we name. The carrier will leave the mail hope to see again sooner rather than or package in a safe place for retrieval. later, here’s a message from the Dis- We are proud of the role all our em- trict Manager, about how to make ployees play in processing, transporting, life a little easier and safer for your and delivering mail and packages for local mail carrier: the American public. The CDC, World During these challenging times, Health Organization, as well as the postal employees are working hard to Surgeon General indicate there is cur- ensure residents stay connected with rently no evidence that COVID-19 is their world through the mail. Whether being spread through the mail. it’s medications, a package, a paycheck, With social distancing, we can keep benefits or pension check, a bill or letter the mail moving while keeping our from a family member, postal workers employees, and the public, safe. understand that every piece of mail is Regina Bugbee, District Manager, important. While service like this is U.S. Postal Service – Northern New nothing new to us, we need our com- England District. munities’ help with social distancing. –=≈=– For everyone’s safety, our employees Fine, Frugal Folks Left Money for Medics are following the social distancing pre- Sam Yarnold was born in New cautions recommended by the Centers Hampshire around 1908. The son of for Disease Control and Prevention poor immigrants, he began working (CDC) and local health officials. We at an early age, mostly in the blue- are asking people to not approach our berry fields and cranberry bogs of carriers to accept delivery. Let the car- New Jersey. His nephew, Stephen H. rier leave the mailbox before collecting Roberts, remembers that Sam and the mail. With schools not in session, his wife Alice (nee Pinkham) were children should also be encouraged to “quiet, sincere, and kept pretty much Alice’s death in 1991; Sam survived never know what you might learn. his native land. My grandmother was not approach a postal vehicle or carrier. to themselves. Sam was very frugal her by three years. For example, we had never heard an Indian of this country; she became If a delivery requires a signature, and would only read a newspaper As a tribute to their doctors, the of Nancy Gardner Prince. Jerri- a captive to the English, or their de- carriers will knock on the door rath- left over from a neighbor.” The Yar- Yarnolds left a legacy of $800,000 Anne’s brief mention made us want scendants. She served as a domestic in er than touching the bell. They will nolds retired to Rollinsford in 1958. to fund scholarships in the range of to know more: “Despite a bleak be- the Parsons family. My father, Thom- maintain a safe distance, and instead Their 52 year marriage ended with $1,000 to $5,000 for New Hamp- ginning selling picked berries to sur- as Gardner, was born in Nantucket; shire residents already in the process vive, this author and traveler would his parents were of African descent. of post-secondary education pursu- go on to serve in the court of Czar He died in Newburyport, when I was ing careers in nursing, medicine, or Alexander I, start a business in St. three months old. My mother was social work. This year’s applications Petersburg, Russia, establish a school thus a second time left a widow, with are due by May 23, 2020; scholar- in Jamaica, and publish her autobi- her two children, and she returned to ships will be awarded this fall. Ap- ography, A Narrative of the Life and Gloucester to her father. My mother plications may be requested from Travels of Mrs. Nancy Prince. The full married her third husband, by whom the Alice M. Yarnold and Samuel text is available online from the New she had six children. My step-father Yarnold Scholarship Trust, 127 Par- York Public Library at http://digilib. was stolen from Africa, and while the rott Ave., Portsmouth, N.H., 03801. nypl.org/dynaweb/digs. vessel was at anchor in one of our East- –=≈=– Who could resist this? ern ports, he succeeded in making his Life and Travels of Mrs. Nancy Prince “I was born in Newburyport, Sep- escape from his captors, by swimming The office of the Black Heritage tember the 15th, 1799. My mother was ashore. I have often heard him tell the Trail of New Hampshire, at 222 born in Gloucester, Massachusetts—the tale. Having some knowledge of the Court St. in Portsmouth, will re- daughter of Tobias Wornton, or Back- English language, he found no trouble main closed for regular business un- us, so called. He was stolen from Africa, to pass. There were two of them, and til Monday, May 4, 2020. The staff, when a lad, and was a slave of Cap- they found, from observation, that they however, are working remotely to tain Winthrop Sargent; but, although were in a free State. I have heard my In agricultural terms, this town has been practicing something dangerously adjust their programs to our new re- a slave, he fought for liberty. He was father describe the beautiful moon-light close to monoculture for decades now: we have more restaurant seating ality. Though visiting is currently out in the Revolutionary army, and at the night when they two launched their than people. Then there are the hotels—how many of those rooms were of the question, you can always sign battle of Bunker Hill. He often used to bodies into the deep, for liberty.…” filled by traveling foodies? Lately, though…. Oh, well. At least we’ll al- up for JerriAnne Boggis’ newsletter tell us, when little children, the evils of OK, then—that’s going on top of ways have the history. And Gilley’s is still open for takeout! at [email protected]. You Slavery, and how he was stolen from the “Read Next” pile.

Murph’s Fortnightly Quote

“Every infectious agent “Dogs ain’t like folks. They got hearts. Folks has only got souls. only goes as the hosts go.” I guess dogs has the best of it, at that.” “Every moment is an organizing opportunity, Dr. Ogbonnaya Omenka, assistant professor/ Albert Payson Terhune (1872-1942), American journalist and author every person a potential activist, public health specialist at Butler University [email protected] every minute a chance to change the world.” North River Woodworks – Dolores Huerta, labor leader and civil rights activist Portsmouth, NH — (603) 682-4443 — Not-So-Random Thoughts from an Oregon Subscriber 51 Penhallow Street, Portsmouth, NH 603 436 6518 Local Craftsmanship Check our website for today’s specials! www.ceresbakery.com Open 7 days!

As soon as it’s safe for them to do so, our volunteer distributors will resume bringing this newspaper to following locations: Concord: The State House Visitor’s Center, Gibson’s Book Store, 45 S. Main St. A Constantly-Changing Selection of Concord COOP Grocery Store, 24 S. Main St. Concord Public Library, 45 Green St. New & Used Books in both Franklin Pierce Law School, 2 White St. Hard Cover & Paperback Hanover: Your Coffee, Ice Cream, Children Give the Gift of History – Come Shop with Us! Hanover Public Library, 13 South St. & Pets Are All Welcome Keene: Store Hours Keene Public Library, 60 Winter St. Mon - Sat: 9 a.m. - 7 p.m. Sun: 10 a.m. - 7 p.m. Lebanon: Lebanon Public Library, 9 E. Park St. Page 4 — The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, April 10, 2020

We Must Remember This… to him than people’s lives—and more To the Editor: important than the obvious and he- If this pandemic has any redeeming roic sacrifices our medical people are value, it’s the reality that the United making as they serve. Thank you to States needs to adopt some major our public servants who are doing changes to become a just, healthy, and their jobs and to our citizenry who are economically fair society for all of our helping as they can. normal now. citizens. Lynn Rudmin Chong In this time of fear, however, the Suddenly, issues such as universal Sanbornton, N.H. solution should come not from fur- healthcare, universal childcare, a $15/ Lynn: ther isolation but a greater degree of vacation/sick leave, etc? Taking such hour minimum wage, paid family Remember when some on the Right care for your fellow American. In our personal risks was not a condition of Obviously, this is not as easy as the and medical leave, and collaboration were dressing up like Minutemen? What homes, we should not shut ourselves employment when the individual was normal retail process, but this situation across borders seem more important ever happened to that anti-royalist sen- out from the world, but reach out to hired. requires unusual and creative ways of and don’t seem so unrealistic or even timent? those who are experiencing this crisis 2. Are workers at high risk of doing business to protect the employ- unobtainable. I hope we remember The Editor as well and turn that understandable Covid-19 complications due to their ees and the public. this when the pandemic finally comes –=≈=– fear to action. Reach out to those who age or underlying health conditions The State has a legal and moral ob- under control. Words of Wisdom are struggling from loneliness, offer given special considerations and pro- ligation to protect its workers and the Judy Ullman To the Editor: whatever aid you can to those who tections? public, as well as the taxpayers who Portsmouth, N.H. I think that if this era could be cannot work or now find themselves 3. What is the liability to the State, will ultimately pay for any legal and Judy: summed up in one word, it would be without a job, hold accountable those the Liquor Commission and the financial liabilities the State incurs as Amen. fear. Right now, that fear has man- in power who would seek to downplay Governor, if, as a result of this policy a a result of this unjustified policy. I im- The Editor ifested in a global pandemic which the effects of this virus and its conse- worker contracts Covid-19 as a result plore the state to do what is morally –=≈=– has shut down basically every facet quent recession—all of these send a of their employment and suffer serious and legally right. King Trump of our daily life, keeping us locked in real message of disapproval of a dys- illness and, or death? Hon. Rich DiPentima, BA, BSN, Dear Editor: our homes while our elected represen- functional status quo. It’s certainly a 4. What is the liability if a worker MPH “The state is me,” famously said tatives in government fail to provide start, at least. contracts Covid-19 at work, and sub- Portsmouth, N.H. France’s King Louis XIV—absolute leadership and resources to a crippled As America begins to experience sequently infects others in their home Rich: monarch during France’s classical age. country. Like many of the readers of physical distancing, it might be worth or community, and, who then develop Hard for the State to get righteous all of His ornate and gold-filigreed style this paper, I find myself lying awake at considering imagining a social solu- serious disease or worse? a sudden when it’s been peddling booze by is also the style of President Trump’s night, anxious about how I’m going to tion. After all, Covid-19 is just one 5. Is the State knowingly and will- the side of the road to to Mass…residents New York City penthouse. Trump is pay for expenses when service jobs are disease, but we have quite a few social ingly allowing unnecessary communi- for decades. attracted to Louis XIV. Now Trump drying up faster than California’s res- ills to deal with. ty transmission of Covid-19? The Editor has criticized the Governors of Wash- ervoirs, or whether my education will Teagan Hudzik 6. Is a 10 percent raise going to pro- –=≈=– ington state (Inslee) and Michigan be irrevocably hindered by the closure Hollis, N.H. tect these workers? Ewing Concerned, Yet Conflicted (Whitmer) for not being “apprecia- of my school. Teagan: 7. How can the State consider open To the Editor: tive enough” of his late-come efforts This fear is nothing new. Millions With young folks like you as involved retail store liquor sales an “essential It’s unacceptable that the U.S. might against the coronavirus. He’s called of Americans have experienced these as you are, perhaps there is hope. business,” when such a business is not have 80,000 to 200,000 CoronaVi- it “unpatriotic” to criticize him. He anxieties for decades. This is not a The Editor life sustaining? Retail grocery store rus-caused-deaths! It’s also unac- confuses himself with our nation that people-friendly society; government –=≈=– workers are getting infected with ceptable to have 20 million infected existed long before him and hopefully policy has privileged and continues to Covid-19 and the State’s Booze Biz Covid-19, however, at least supplying Americans, four million suffering will have a life after him. Trump told privilege the bottom lines of corpora- To the Editor: food is a life sustaining “essential” busi- with serious symptoms, and almost V.P. Pence “not to call” those two Gov- tions at the expense of working people. I have been deeply concerned about ness, and these stores are not operated one million hospitalized. Neverthe- ernors who’ve had too much difficulty There was at one point such a thing as many N.H. policies and actions re- by the state. less, these are Dr. Fauci’s and Dr. Birx’s getting medical supplies, like venti- a middle class; at least, that’s what sto- garding our response to Covid-19, but 8. Why has the State, knowing and projections with the current level of lators, for their state’s coronavirus-ill ries from my grandparents say. Now, the State Liquor Store policy is one of admitting to the associated increased mitigation. people. Now they should expect no I doubt I will ever be a homeowner. the most dangerous, unjustifiable, and risks associated with keeping State Obviously that mitigation level is help from the federal government, I’m not alone. Donald Trump tapped fraught with moral, legal and ethical Liquor Stores open, continued this inadequate! We Must Do Better! a.k.a Trump, as a vengeful punish- into a public who correctly saw the problems. Some thoughts to consider: practice when there is an alternative Americans want to protect our- ment. What kind of icky-gooey rea- current state of things not working for 1. What is the State policy if a way to supply liquor to customers in a selves, our families, co-workers, neigh- soning powers does this President them, giving him control of the White worker refuses to work under the manner that protects the workers and bors, doctors, nurses, other healthcare show? Please, no more of him after House. Of course, his brand of pop- conditions that the State admits that the public? Other businesses have suc- workers, and others. November elections. ulism has only exacerbated America’s a worker, “may bear a heightened risk cessfully transitioned to curb-side pick We need to know how to better And best of luck to the Governors culture of dread, whether by demon- of exposure to and community trans- up service. Liquor can be ordered on protect everyone, and we need fre- of states who stand up for their people izing immigrants, embracing pugilis- mission of Covid-19 to a degree not line or by phone, paid for with a cred- quent reminders to change lifelong against our President’s inanities and tic partisanship, or continuing the very inherent to the performance of other it card, and when arriving at the store habits. self-serving decisions, his sick focus same policies which gave rise to our state services?” Are they fired, placed call in and have the liquor brought to The primary exposure is breathing on “being liked”—more important problems in the first place. This is our on leave without pay, asked to take their car for ID check and delivery. droplets containing the CoronaVirus

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phineas test The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, April 10, 2020 — Page 5

on some element of his Covid-19 re- ble and coming faster and faster—we sponse, and then Dr. Fauci had to need to be prepared next time. come on and essentially say “What the Cynthia Muse President meant to say was….” The Rye, N.H. worrisome thing is that now Dr. Fauci –=≈=– is being shunted aside, and I wonder Naming and Framing tence, but this is creating a bidding if this bridge will be washed away in To the Editor: war and hoarding. This country needs three months. Please consider using and promot- national leadership. Trump should My four recomendations on pro- ing the use of the phrase “physical everyone (i.e., media, stores, and in- appoint competent people, step back, tecting yourself from Covid-19 are: distancing” instead of the somewhat into our lungs. (Droplets are primar- dividuals) does their part, their hard let them do their job, let them do the (1) Wash your hands frequently, (2) misleading “social distancing.” ily created by sneezing, coughing, and work and sacrifice will be rewarded by talking. Avoid crowds, (3) Listen to Dr. Fauci “Social distancing” is one of the speaking.) Droplets can hang in the saving many thousands of lives, per- Walter Hamilton if he is allowed to speak, and (4) Don’t steps everyone has been and is being air for three hours or more. To keep haps including the lives of their own Portsmouth N.H. listen to any Republican politician, es- advised to take to slow the spread of these droplets out of our lungs we loved ones. –=≈=– pecially Trump or Pence. the corona virus. What the experts ac- must wear facemasks! If you don’t have Don Ewing The Karma of Justice Dan Mannschreck, MD tually want us to do is practice “physi- a facemask, make your own, perhaps Meredith, N.H. Dear Editor: Col., U.S. Army (Retired) cal distancing.” As you may know, the make some for others: https://tinyurl. Don: Preventive steps were needed back Barrington, N.H. SARS COV2 virus (technical name com/wjtv98u. Good to see that you seem to actually in January, like ramping up the pro- Col. Dan: for it) is transmitted through physi- Wear a facemask if you’re sick, when care about your fellow Homo sapiens. duction of testing equipment, masks, War stories are a notoriously tricky cal contact and proximity—touching indoors unless at home, and when out- We feel for you, trying to pass along good ventilators, and hospital capacity. genre, ranging from the lugubrious to the the eyes, lips, or nose with something doors unless you maintain the recom- advice while #45 is elbowing Dr. Fauci President I-knew-it-was-a-pandem- sublime. Thank you for sending us a per- contaminated with the virus, like your mended at least 6 feet separation from aside so he can spew nonsense. ic-long-ago did nothing! fect example of the better sort. dirty fingers, or inhaling droplets from others. The use of facemasks must be The Editor Actually, he did something: he min- The Editor a sneeze or the exhalation of someone added to the President’s Guidelines. –=≈=– imized and denied the problem. –=≈=– who has the virus. Every U.S. newspaper should high- [Gasp!] Trump’s Leadership is Wanting? The growing numbers of virus cases Let Us Put Aside Differences After just a few days of self-quaran- light the President’s key guidelines To the Editor: and deaths is alarming, and enraging, To the Editor: tine—staying home and keeping away plus use of a facemask on the first page The U.S. military has a century of considering that much of the dam- It was heartening to read in the from family and friends, many people of every issue until this virus has been experience allocating and distribut- age and death was preventable, if the New York Times that scientists around replaced the face-to-face interactions conquered. The full guidelines should ing scare resources. The GSA (Gov- Corona Criminal had followed the the world are collaborating to combat that matter the most (business or be printed inside. ernment ServicesAadministration) recommendations of our own gov- the coronavirus. They have put aside personal) with social media and oth- Every radio and TV station should has decades as well. The company ernment’s health professionals. With all other work to simultaneously focus er electronic means. Deeper into the repeat the key President’s Guidelines Walmart has experts as well. We are the projection of more than 100,000 on the pandemic and are sharing in- shelter at home directive, those who plus use of a facemask, and identify in a pandemic and medical supplies deaths from the Trump virus, the formation across borders on all forms are lucky enough to have access to the coronavirus.gov for details in their the states need are scarce. The Na- President qualifies as a mass murder- of coronavirus research, including viral Internet have transferred a good part news reports, or more frequently. tional stockpile is severely limited and er. Let’s hope the Karma of Justice is genome sequencing, vaccine testing, of their lives online to cope with the Stores should require their workers needs to be distributed wisely. Who swift and thorough. clinical trials, and medical treatment. isolation and disconnection, and the to wear facemasks, ask customers to did President Trump pick to allocate Bruce Joffe Dr. Francesco Perrone of Italy said, logistics of a challenging situation. wear facemasks, and perhaps provide that stockpile? Jared Kushner, a trust Piedmont, Calif. “I never hear scientists—true scien- Our social lives can carry on, just paper towels for customer in-store use [fund] baby with no medical knowl- –=≈=– tists—speak in terms of nationality.” at a safe distance. I’ve made friends as facemasks. Things can be done to edge, or any expertise in anything. His Lt. Dan Checks In With a War Story Dr. Yazdan Yazdanpanah of France with people in Europe and Australia better protect people during checkout. only qualification is being married to To the Editor: describes the spirit which unites through a common interest in some- (Some stores have begun, thank you!) one of Trump’s daughters. This is no When I was a brand new 2d Lieu- them,”What is important is to come thing unrelated to the pandemic. I’ve Faithful following of the President’s time for cronyism. This is no time for tenant in an engineer unit in Korea, I up with a solution for everyone. The had “water cooler” online meetings Guidelines plus facemask use will save stupidity. This is costing people their once told my platoon how we were go- way to achieve that is to collaborate.” with colleagues to chat about anything lives! Wash your hands frequently, lives. ing to build a bridge. As I was walking In our own country, we are in crisis but work. I have almost daily video avoid touching your face, fully cov- We have a nationwide shortage of away my platoon sergeant said to the mode, struggling together with this chats with my siblings. Whether we er sneezes and coughs to reduce the medical masks, gowns and face shields. troops “What the Lieutenant meant unprecedented challenge, and doing are on our own, with family, friends, spread of droplets, disinfect frequently Most come from China. Instead to say was….” Of course, being a new the best we can to care for everyone. and/or pets, most of us do better with used items and surfaces, keep at least of seeking China’s help in getting Lieutenant, I took umbrage and went Hopefully, when it is over, we will put a certain amount of emotional and a six foot physical distancing, and use these he insults the country by call- back to set the troops straight. We political, economic, religious and racial psychological support. a facemask especially when indoors ing Covid-19 “the China virus.” His built the bridge my way. Three months differences aside to focus on what we Monique Yaptenco except at home. See coronavirus.gov defense was viruses are named after later, the bridge washed out just as Sgt. have in common and collaborate to Boston, Mass. for details. countries. His examples SARS, Ebola Gould had said it would. figure out what national “preexisting Monique: We are Americans. We defeated the and MERS. None are countries. This embarassing but life-altering conditions” can be altered to mitigate Nazis, the USSR, and sent men to the State Governors are trying to com- lesson was brought to mind when I lis- the effects of future pandemics. Histo- Mash Notes, Hate Mail, &c. moon. We can do great mitigation. If pensate for the president’s incompe- tened to our Glorious Leader expound ry and science tell us they are inevita- to page six

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The Northcountry Chronicle America as Alcatraz by William Marvel terrifying. (or ordered) to stay home in part and it yields astoundingly destruc- came up positive. More than half Not so with our latest plague. Fed because there are not enough ven- tive precautions because we have of those still showed no symptoms eningitis broke out at Fort daily doses of worst-case scenarios, tilators available, and “flattening the come to fear death so much more. weeks afterward, while 1.9 percent Polk, Louisiana, in the early we seem so thoroughly convinced curve” may prevent the initial wave Notwithstanding the high death of the symptomatic patients died. Mweeks of 1969, where thousands of that Covid-19 will end life as we of infections from overwhelming rate among Italy’s older and more That’s still a death rate of barely .9 young men undergoing basic and know it that we have decided to the system. We are therefore con- nicotine-addicted population, a lit- percent for all those who contracted advanced infantry training were combat it by—well—ending life as fined to our homes simply because tle searching yields some persuasive the virus, even within a population packed into wooden WWII-era we know it. A friend who moved those ventilators exist, for without arguments that mortality statistics that was almost entirely beyond barracks. I knew only that meningi- to Europe 40 years ago recently them there would be much less “sys- for Covid-19 are grievously exag- middle age. tis could kill, and I felt a little uneasy told me he doubted that Ameri- tem” to overwhelm. Victims of the gerated. John Lee, a British pathol- As vulnerable as I may be per- as we formed ranks to hear the pro- cans would ever accept the specter disease might have almost as much ogist, explained in a March 29 article sonally to this particular pandemic, tocols we must follow. All the win- of martial law and universal house chance of recovery at home as in a how inadequate testing leaves the I have to wonder if turning the en- dows would remain open six inches, arrest currently imposed in France. I hospital, exactly as they did during number of infections vastly under- tire country into a vast prison will top and bottom, and trainees would had to remind him that since 9/11 a the influenza epidemic that was rag- estimated, and how the number of not do more harm than good. How make their bunks with the heads majority of Americans have shown a ing when my mother was conceived, deaths has been heavily overestimat- many cancers will turn irreversibly and feet alternating. In the chow line disturbing, sheep-like willingness to early in 1919. ed by ignoring other underlying ill- lethal because diagnostic procedures and at sick call, we had to stand two tolerate significant levels of coercive Back before American citizens nesses—many of which would have have been postponed? How many paces apart. control and intrusion for the illusion expected eternal life as a basic right, killed the patients even if they had suicides will prolonged isolation in- That was it, I think. In all other as- of safety. endemic diseases and periodic ep- not contracted Covid-19. Applying duce? Are we prepared to respond pects we were thrown together like In New York—a world already idemics gave human existence a more realistic and relevant criteria with the violence necessary to quell rugby players in a scrum. I devel- turned upside-down—the burglar more precious flavor. People of the to the calculations, Lee showed that an uprising of the urban poor, se- oped a hacking, “productive” cough is released from jail while the home- 19th and early 20th centuries clear- the UK’s apparent 6-percent death questered in squalor by millions with diagnosed as bronchitis, but I don’t owner is arrested for going outside. ly feared death less, but they fretted rate (as of March 28) might actually no source of income? Have Ameri- remember worrying much about it. We have become a nation of prison- more over virulent outbreaks of be as low as .13 percent in the overall cans grown so craven that the slight- It didn’t make me a pariah in my ers mainly because of our society’s diphtheria and cholera than about infected population. That’s about the est mortal risk will convince them to platoon, either. We heard rumors of medical achievements, for which the endemic diseases that were more same as the seasonal flu in the U.S. allow open-ended suspension of all deaths here and there, but I figured the ventilators employed to treat likely to kill them. We appear to ac- All 3,711 passengers on the vi- civil liberties? Is this how freedom we were all dead meat anyway, and the worst respiratory cases serve as a cord equally disproportionate fear to rus-ridden Diamond Princess cruise dies? meningitis somehow seemed less convenient metaphor. We are asked the latest mutation of coronavirus, ship were tested, but only 17 percent from page five President Trump suggested that citizens of New York State be quar- Good advice—we hope Don Ewing antined and prevented from travel- and Teagan Hudzik don’t mind our ing to Florida. That caused an uproar changing their terminology. Trump. The following quotations posed to rally around our leader in a in the legal community and ended a We also checked out the YouTube are taken from the Washington Post “‘I think it’s going to work out time of crisis.” bad idea. He proposed that restric- videos from Dr. Duc C. Vuong. He’s (March 20, 2020): fine,’ Trump said on Feb. 19th. ‘I Sir, I think that the American tions on citizens’ behavior, such as excellent! We highly recommend check- “U.S. intelligence agencies were think when we get into April, in the public can walk and chew gum si- personal distancing, be selectively ing them out: not just informative, but issuing ominous, classified warnings warmer weather, that has very neg- multaneously. We can do our part to relaxed in time for Easter. Virtually very entertaining. in January and February about the ative effect on that and that type of prevent the spread of Covid-19, and all the nation’s health experts rose The Editor global danger posed by the corona- virus….’ we can raise our voices to prevent to oppose Trump’s plan, saying it is –=≈=– virus while President Trump and “’The Coronavirus is very much President Trump from making even premature and would only spread Criticism is Patriotic lawmakers played down the threat under control in the U.S.A.,’ Trump more mistakes. the virus further. Their pressure is To the Editor: and failed to take action that might tweeted five days later…. Covid-19 patients are presently causing Trump to reconsider his “These are the times that try men’s have slowed the spread of the patho- “’We have a very small number dying due to a lack of ventilators. It plan. Staying silent in a time of crisis souls.” – Thomas Paine. gen…. of people in the country, right now, took weeks of intense criticism by is not the patriotic thing to do, if you I sense that the American pub- “’Donald Trump may not have with it,’ he said four days later. ‘It’s the nation’s Governors to get Pres- know that what the leader is doing lic has not been so challenged and been expecting this, but a lot of oth- around 12. Many of them are get- ident Trump to use the Defense is wrong. stressed since the days of World War er people in the government were— ting better. Some are fully recovered Production Act to increase the pro- Meanwhile, the truly patriotic II. Covid-19 was an act of nature. It they just couldn’t get him to do already. So, we’re in very good shape.’ duction of ventilators by General thing to do is to curtail the spread has been made worse by the actions anything about it,’ this official said. (Offstage voice). “Hey, Patton, Motors. The Governors’ outcry cor- of the virus by our personal behav- and decisions of President Donald The system was blinking red…. knock it off. I thought we were sup- rected a mistake by Trump. ior, Stay at least six feet away from

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Captain Crozier Deserves a Medal by W.D. Ehrhart lieves that a few years at a military made a mockery of American dip- along, then that we should stop so- things may not bear directly on is- school is pretty much the same thing lomatic integrity, withdrawing from, cial isolating and all go back to work sues of national security (though et me get this straight: Captain as being in the armed forces. He has pulling out of, or outright abrogating to save the economy, meanwhile even these things certainly fall under Brett Crozier, commanding of- expressed the thought that he ought the Intermediate-Range Nuclear offering federal assistance only to the categories of poor judgment and Lficer of the U.S.S. Theodore Roosevelt to award himself a Purple Heart Forces Treaty, the Paris Agreement those states whose governors, in his unprofessional conduct). has been relieved of his command Medal (perhaps for bone spurs mi- on Global Warming, the Transpacif- words, “Treat me well.” At the same And certainly just about every- for “poor judgment,” “unprofes- raculously discovered by podiatrist ic Partnership, and the Iran Nuclear time, he now considers himself a thing else I’ve discussed here very sional conduct,” and damage to his Larry Braunstein, who rented an Arms Pact. What sovereign nation “wartime president,” and insists on much touches on the security of “national security mission” because office in a building owned by the -fa will ever again in our lifetimes trust calling coronavirus “China virus” the United States of America in he wrote a letter asking the U.S. ther of our Commander-in-Chief ). the signatures of U.S. leaders on any (perhaps because it’s less exciting to addition to issues of judgment and Navy for resources to help his crew He ridiculed former prisoner of war diplomatic document or treaty? be at war with a corona—whatever conduct. Yet Captain Brett Crozier of nearly 5,000 sailors deal with a John McCain, saying,“I like people Indeed, our Command- that is—than to be at war with the has been relieved of his command coronavirus outbreak on his ship. who weren’t captured.” er-in-Chief utterly dismisses global Chinese). for acting in the best interests of the Meanwhile, his and our Com- Our Commander-in-Chief has warming as “fake news,” ignoring Our Commander-in-Chief has men and women for whom he is re- mander-in-Chief got elected at alternately threatened and cuddled the overwhelming scientific evi- left dozens of countries without a sponsible. least in part through the help and up to that pudgy pompadoured man dence to the contrary, and even dis- U.S. ambassador, and even embas- Would that our Command- intervention of Russian President in North Korea. He threatened to missing his own military leadership’s sies with ambassadors are frequently er-in-Chief would show such con- Vladimir Putin, a man for whom withhold vital military aid to an ally concerns about the national security badly understaffed. There has been cern for the men and women to our president often expresses affec- at war with Russia unless the presi- implications of global warming. He a massive exodus of career civil ser- whom he is responsible. He could tion and admiration. Our Com- dent of Ukraine took action to en- has placed in charge of the Environ- vants from the State Department start by awarding Capt. Crozier the mander-in-Chief has gone through hance the domestic political career mental Protection Agency a succes- since January 2017. He has public- Navy & Marine Corps Medal, the Secretaries of Defense and National of our Commander-in-Chief. He sion of advocates for the fossil fuel ly and repeatedly undermined and highest decoration available for her- Security Advisors as if they were continues without skipping a beat industries, and repeatedly rescinded questioned the integrity of both the oism not involving armed combat. itinerant peddlers, at least one of his support for the Saudi ruler re- federal restrictions on the exploita- Federal Bureau of Investigation and –=≈=– whom is now a convicted felon. He sponsible for the murder of a U.S. tion of our environment. the Central Intelligence Agency. W. D. Ehrhart holds a doctorate from has handed over one of the most resident whose children are Amer- Our Commander-in-Chief dis- I won’t even go near the Com- the University of Wales at Swansea sensitive areas of diplomacy, the ican citizens. He has alienated pensed with the National Security mander-in-Chief ’s taunting of and an honorable discharge from the Middle East, to a 30-something rel- our NATO allies repeatedly, those Council’s pandemic unit several the physically disabled, his flagrant U.S. Marine Corps. He recently re- ative with absolutely no diplomatic countries that most support and re- years ago, and when the coronavirus disparagement of women, his serial tired from the Haverford School for experience. He has murdered in flect our most admirable American outbreak began, he insisted first that lying, his grotesque boasting about Boys as a Master Teacher of History cold blood the second most power- aspirations of freedom, tolerance, it wasn’t a threat, then that it was no how intelligent he is and how exten- & English, and is the author of Thank ful man in the Iranian government. and democracy. worse than the common flu, then sive his vocabulary is and how suc- You for Your Service: Collected Po- Our Commander-in-Chief be- Our Commander-in-Chief has that he knew it was a pandemic all cessful he is in business since these ems (McFarland, 2019). from page six –=≈=– A Genuine Mash Note Who’s making our medicine? other people. Stay in our homes as To the Editor: much as possible. Wash our hands Thank you for continuing to pub- by Jim Hightower exclusively in China and India,” as us dependent on China. frequently. Clean surfaces with dis- lish during this time made even cra- are the components of dozens of FDA—our supposed watch- infectant. Order take-out from lo- zier by the coronavirus. [Originally published in 2009, this other major drugs. Unbeknownst dog—doesn’t even know where a cal restaurants to keep them afloat Thank you, too, for your generous somehow seems relevant. – The Ed.] to most Americans (and to our doc- drug’s ingredients come from. Why? financially. Donate money to food offer to extend my subscription until –=≈=– tors), China has become the world’s Because drug companies say they banks. Make masks for our first re- you go back to print, but please keep et’s talk pills. To treat every- pre-eminent supplier of medicines. don’t like to reveal their sources—so sponders to protect them against the my renewal date the same (Novem- thing from allergies to heart As one major drug company puts it: they don’t. The Times found that one virus. ber.) Lproblems, half of Americans take a “If tomorrow China stopped sup- federal database lists the existence Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of Yes, I love the feel of freshly print- prescription medicine every day, and plying pharmaceutical ingredients, of about 3,000 foreign drug plants the National Institute of Allergy ed cellulose between my fingers, but nearly all of us reach for the pill bot- the worldwide pharmaceutical in- that ship to the US, while another and Infectious Diseases predicts a if I’ve gotten it, even in digital form, tle on occasion. dustry would collapse.” lists 6,800. No one knows which is second wave of Covid-19 will occur you don’t owe me. Please take the It’s perfectly safe, though, because What’s at work here is mind- correct, if either. next winter, after the present one has small amount that my subscription the Food and Drug Administration less globalization and deregulation. This is ridiculous. For the sake of subsided. That will take place after represents and use it to keep the regulates the ingredients that go into Our politicians threw open the U.S. America’s health, security, and econ- the next General Election in No- commentary rolling. those medicinal compounds, right? market to drug imports, while also omy, let’s regulate all pill makers and vember. We have the opportunity to Stay well, Yes—assuming they’re produced in letting foreign manufacturers go rebuild our own industry. prevent more mistakes by President Nan Graves the U.S.A. uninspected and unregulated. So, “Drug Making’s Move Abroad Trump. We can vote him out of of- Cape Neddick, Maine Uh, aren’t they? companies located in China can cut Stirs Concerns,” The New York fice. Nan: Mostly, no. Take antibiotics. The corners and undercut our own regu- Times, January 20, 2009. Gary Patton Aww…. New York Times reports that ingre- lated pill makers. America’s last pro- Copyright 2017 by Jim Hightower Hampton, N.H. The Editor dients for the majority of these bac- ducer of penicillin’s ingredients, for & Associates. Contact Laura Ehrlich –=≈=– –=≈=– teria fighters are “now made almost example, shut down in 2004, leaving ([email protected]).

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Portsmouth, arguably the first whom you choose to believe. drags about seventeen billion moves from the mouth of the Twice a day, too, the moon lets all Badger’s Island, bobbing around in and bridges work their hardest. town in this country not founded The Piscataqua’s ferocious current gallons of seawater — enough to river, up past New Castle, around that water go. All the seawater that the current. It weighs several tons, Ships coming in laden with coal, by religious extremists, is bounded is caused by the tide, which, in fill 2,125,000 tanker trucks — up the bend by the old Naval Prison, just fought its way upstream goes and it bobs and bounces in the oil, and salt do so at high tide, for on the north and east by the turn, is caused by the moon. The the river and into Great Bay. This under Memorial Bridge, past the back home to the ocean. This is current like a cork. more clearance under their keels. Piscataqua River, the second, third, other player is a vast sunken valley creates a roving hydraulic conflict, tugboats, and on into Great Bay. when the Piscataqua earns its title The river also has its placid mo- They leave empty, riding high in or fourth fastest-flowing navigable — Great Bay — about ten miles as incoming sea and the outgoing This can best be seen when the tide for xth fastest current. Look for the ments, around high and low tides. the water, at low tide, to squeeze river in the country, depending on upriver. Twice a day, the moon river collide. The skirmish line is rising. red buoy, at the upstream end of When the river rests, its tugboats under Memorial Bridge. Sunday, April 12 Monday, April 13 Tuesday, April 14 Wednesday, April 15 Thursday, April 16 Friday, April 17 Saturday, April 18

2007—The George W.[MD] Bush 2002—Venezuela’s poor overrule its 2006—Six retired generals sign an 2019—Notre Dame catches fire. 1992—Afghanistan’s President Na- 2013—A fertilizer plant located next 2002—A U.S. F-16 pilot on “go pills” White House announces that official generals; President Hugo Chavez is Op-Ed calling on Secretary of De- 2015—Ex-postal worker Doug jibullah, a Commie, resigns, making to a middle school in West, Texas, drops a 500-pounder: Four are KIA, messages about the firing of eight U.S. restored to office. fense Donald Rumsfeld to resign. Hughes lands a gyrocopter on the way for a more enlightened government. uninspected since 1985, blows up. eight are WIA in Princess Patricia’s Attorneys were among five million 1981—Rep. Jon Hinson (R-Miss.) 2004—Attorney General John Ash- White House lawn with 535 letters to 1969—Reverend Billy Graham ad- Fifteen are killed, mostly volunteer Canadian Light Infantry regiment. sent via private Republican National resigns three months after being ar- croft blames Bill Clinton for terrorist Congress: overturn Citizens United. vises Nixon to bomb North Vietnam’s firemen, 250 others are injured. 1986—“[W]hen you meet the Presi- Committee servers—and are “lost.” rested for attempting to commit oral attacks that took place seven months 2015—In Zimbabwe, big-game dikes—estimated casualties: 1 million. 2002—G.W.[MD] Bush flip-flops dent,” says Henry Kissinger, “you ask 2001—Vice President Dick “Dick” sodomy in a House restroom. He be- after Clinton left office. hunter and Texan Ian Gibson is 1963—Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., again, vowing to rebuild Afghanistan. yourself, ‘How did it ever occur to Cheney files his 2000 tax return comes an advocate for gay rights. 1999—Dan Quayle throws his pro- crushed to death by an elephant. writes “Letter From Birmingham Jail,” 1986—Peace is declared between the anybody that he should be Governor, which shows that $5.1 million of his 1970—TheApollo 13 moon shot lives peller beanie into the ring. 2013—Two bombs explode near the defending the civil rights movement. Netherlands and the Isles of Scilly, much less President?’” $36 million adjusted gross income up to its numeral. 1994—Over Iraq, U.S. fighter jets finish line of the Boston Marathon. 1954—“There is no reason why ending a bloodless 335-year war. 1985—President Ronald Reagan says came from Halliburton. 1962—Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring shoot down two U.S. helicopters. 2003—George W.[MD] Bush in- French forces should not remain in 1981—The Supreme Court rules a law Waffen SS troops buried at Bitburg 1961—Yuri Gagarin goes for a spin. is published. 1988—An Iranian mine nearly sinks stalls Gen. Jay Garner to administer Indo-China and win,” says Richard banning religious use of peyote is just were “victims, just as surely as the vic- 1937—Sixty thousand U.S. students 1953—The CIA’s MKUltra brain- the missile frigate U.S.S. Roberts. Iraq “until an Iraqi government can be Nixon, three weeks before the Viet fine. What First Amendment? tims in the concentration camps.” demonstrate against war. washing program goes to work. 1975—Idaho’s Bunker Hill Mining formed.” He lasts less than a month. Minh overrun Dien Bien Phu. 1970—Apollo 13 makes it home. 1977—The federal frame-up of Leon- 1933—In Oakland, brothers George 1919—British troops massacre at least Co. says all female workers at its smelter 1994—Dick “Dick” Cheney tells 1953—Ike says militarism hangs hu- 1967—“[T]he defeat of the Commu- ard Peltier succeeds. and William Besler test fly a Travel 379 unarmed Indian men women and must get sterilized to keep their jobs. C-SPAN G.H.[H.]W. Bush didn’t manity “from a cross of iron.” nists forces in South Vietnam is inev- 1974—As Professor Irwin Corey Air biplane powered by a Doble steam children at Amritsar. 1945—A new high-tech head floods topple Saddam because that would 1951—Shigeki Tanaka, Hiroshima itable,” says ex-Veep Richard Nixon. accepts Thomas Pynchon’s National engine; nearly-silent, it works fine. 1917—Prescient President W. Wilson U-1206 on its 1st patrol. Command- have created a “quagmire” in Iraq. survivor, wins the Boston Marathon. “The only question is, how soon?” Book Award for Gravity’s Rainbow, a 1867—William Bullock, inventor of establishes the Committee on Public er K.A. Schlitt scuttles the boat; four 1992—Leona Helmsley takes up res- 1951—Use nuke waste to create an 1966—Timothy Leary is busted for streaker runs across the stage. the web-fed rotary press, dies of com- Information, 67 years prior to 1984. crewmen die, the rest are captured. idence at a federally-owned Crowbar “Atomic Death Belt” across Korea, pot possession by G. Gordon Liddy. 1968—The Army admits nerve gas plications after his leg is crushed in a 1901—French anarchist Clement 1939—John Steinbeck’s Grapes of Hilton in Lexington, Ky. says Rep. Albert Gore [D-Tenn.]. 1965—In New York City, 25,000 from Dugway Proving Grounds web-fed rotary press. Duval, after 14 years on Devil’s Is- Wrath is published. 1987—The Washington Post reveals 1947—Fertilizer-laden SS Grandcamp march against the Vietnam War. killed 6,400 Idaho sheep. 1864—Hundreds of Union soldiers, land, makes his 20th escape attempt. 1935—A windstorm carries away vast that, though Nancy had the sign explodes in Texas City, Texas; 581 die 1961—The CIA escorts 1,511 Cuban 1942—Eighty men in 16 B-25s, led by black and white, are massacred at Fort He gets to New York City, lives to be amounts of Great Plains topsoil. changed to 668, the official number of in the 3-kiloton blast. exiles to the Bay of Pigs for slaughter. Jimmy Doolittle, take off from the U.S.S. Pillow by thousands of Confederates 85, and inspires Papillon. 1865—J.W. Booth shoots A. Lincoln. the Reagans’ Bel Air mansion is 666. 1862—President Lincoln signs an 1959—In Times Square, 22 weirdos Hornet, bomb Tokyo, and ditch their led by Gen. Nathan B. Forrest, future 1873—In Grant Parish, La., the 1861—As cannons salute the lower- 1974—Press baron Wm. R. Hearst’s act emancipating enslaved people in are arrested for declining to partici- planes in China; 90 percent survive. founder of the Ku Klux Klan. White League and the Klan cele- ing flag at Fort Sumter, one explodes. gun-totin’ granddaughter Patty helps the District of Columbia, and paying pate in an air-raid drill. 1930—The BBC newscast reports 1862—Union spies steal The General, brate Easter Sunday by killing 280 Private Daniel Hough becomes the the Symbionese Liberation Army rob reparations—to their ex-oppressors. 1954—Affable old Ike threatens to “there is no news,” then plays music. a Confederate locomotive, in Georgia African-Americans in what becomes first casualty of the Civil War. a San Francisco bank. 1848—In Washington, D.C., 77 nuke Red China. 1906—San Francisco gets shook up. and head north; but conductor Wil- known as the Colfax Massacre. 1860—First Pony Express rider ar- 1970—Rep. Gerald Ford: “Impeach blacks board the Pearl to flee north. 1935—Sun Myung Moon has a rev- 1891—A watch four minutes off kills liam A. Fuller, on foot, on a handcar, 1788—Dr. Hicks, in N.Y.C., impru- rives in San Francisco. Justice William O. Douglas.” Ill winds and a betrayal foil the largest elation: Jesus Christ asks him to com- eight people as the Toledo Express and finally in another locomotive, dently waves a detached human arm 1788—Dr. Hicks’ N.Y.C. hospital is 1961—The CIA bombs and strafes escape attempt in U.S. history. Oppo- plete His mission. meets a mail train in Kipton, Ohio. chases The General down. out the window of his hospital, scaring ransacked by a mob led by the widow- Cuban airfields with falsely-marked nents of abolition celebrate by rioting. 1905—The Supreme Court says New 1844—Believers in William Miller’s 1861—Confederate gunners begin a a child who squeals to papa. er of a snatched and dissected woman. American B-26s. 1788—A medical student impru- York has no right to limit how many Doomsday prediction are disappoint- 34-hour bombardment of Ft. Sumter. 1204—Crusaders take Constantino- 1772—In South Weare, N.H. the 1788—In New York City, 5,000 dently waves a detached human arm hours bakers must work in a week. ed—for the second time. 1782—American militia troops mas- ple for the greater glory of God: mur- County Sheriff tries to collect fines rioters storming a prison to attack out the window of a medical school, 1850—In the U.S. Senate, Henry 1689—A mob of Bostonians over- sacre 100 neutral, Christian Indians of der, rape, looting, and the burning of from sawmill owners for stealing the grave-robbing doctors are fired on by sparking a riot in New York City; at S. Foote (D-Miss.) pulls a pistol on throw Sir Edmund Andros, Governor the Delaware Nation. the Imperial Library ensue. King’s trees. They beat him up. the militia: eight die. least six people end up dead. Thomas Hart Benton (D-Mo.). of the Dominion of New England. 2:57 3:38 3:51 4:37 4:51 5:41 5:57 6:49 7:05 7:54 8:11 8:52 9:10 9:43

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2004—A government spokesman 2017—The remains of South African 1999—To honor those killed at Col- 2004—U.S. Army Spec. and ex-NFL 2017—Proud papa Dennis Dickey, 1980—In Operation Eagle Claw, 2005—Charles Duelfer, the CIA’s reveals that NORAD had run a hunter Scott Van Zyl are recovered umbine the day before, NRA presi- star Pat Tillman is shot by his own side a U.S. Border Patrol agent in Arizo- eight Americans die and five are man in charge of finding WMDs in training exercise based on a hijacked from a crocodile in Zimbabwe. dent Charlton Heston says the gun in Afghanistan; a cover-up ensues. na, reveals the gender of his pending wounded trying to get American hos- Iraq, says there are none. airliner crashing into a building. 2010—Deepwater Horizon explodes lobby will cut short its Denver con- 2002—Dick “Dick” Cheney, fund- progeny by firing a gun at an explosive tages out of Teheran. 2003—Secretary of the Army Thom- 1995—A Right Wing “militiaman” and burns; 11 die and the world’s larg- vention by one day. raising in Florida, says “The Taliban is target surrounded by dry grass. The 1967—“The military situation [in as White gets fired for saying we need murders 168 souls in Oklahoma City. est oil spill ensues. Wrists are slapped. 1992—At about 3:00 a.m., Robert out of business permanently.” resultant fire burns 70 square miles. South Vietnam] is favorable,” says more troops in Iraq. 1993—For the good of the children, 2008—The New York Times reveals Alton Harris is strapped into San 1987—Just because the death pen- 1993—RIP Cesar Chavez. Gen. Wm. C. Westmoreland, but 2002—At his Texas “ranch,” George who end up among the 80 dead, the that many “independent military Quentin’s gas chamber. Twelve min- alty is being applied in a racial biased 1971—National Security Advisor protests at home might lose the war. W.[MD] Bush plays kissy-face with FBI attacks David Koresh’s com- analysts” appearing on TV are really utes later amid legal wrangling, he’s manner, the Supreme Court rules in Henry Kissinger, on the phone with 1967—Cosmonaut Vladimir Koma- Saudi Prince Abdullah. pound at Waco, Texas. Pentagon puppets. taken back out. At 6:00 a.m., he’s put McCleskey vs. Kemp, that’s no reason Allen Ginsberg, agrees to a personal rov dies when Soyuz 1’s crashes, after 1984—Asked if he’s ever been to a 1989—TheU.S.S. Iowa’s Gun Turret 2001—The Peruvian Air Force, with back in and successfully gassed. for states to stop killing black convicts. meeting, but draws the line at doing so its chutes fail. Misfiring retro-rockets communist country, James A. Baker Two explodes, killing 47. After try- some help from CIA “contract work- 1989—Chinese students demonstrate 1983—The first two jolts from Ala- naked on television. incinerate his remains. III replies, “Well, I’ve been to Mas- ing to blame an innocent sailor rather ers,” fires on a plane they think is full in Tiananmen Square. bama’s electric chair set John Louis 1971—In D.C., Vietnam Veterans 1959—Michigan native Capt. John sachusetts.” than ancient powder, malfunctioning of dope. Nope. It’s full of proseletyz- 1980—Newsweek quotes R. Reagan Evans on fire. It takes a third to stop Against the War return their medals S. Lappo, piloting a six-engine RB- 1962—Test-ban negotiations having equipment, or unauthorized experi- ing American Baptists. Two die. inaccurately saying that Vietnam vets his heart from beating, though. to Congress by heaving them over a 47, flies under the Mackinac Bridge at failed, the U.S. says it will resume at- ments, the Navy says it can’t say why. 1979—Canoeing near Plains, Ga., aren’t eligible for the GI Bill because 1971—Capitol police arrest 110 Viet- fence in front of the Capitol, as Op- 425 mph; clearance: 155 feet. mospheric nuke tests. 1971—President Nixon, recipient of Pres. Jimmy Carter fights off a de- their war wasn’t declared. nam veterans for serenading the Su- eration Dewey Canyon III concludes. 1953—A B-29 test flight—F-84s are 1959—A mob, assisted by a deputy a $200K pledge from ITT—which is ranged swamp rabbit. 1975—Nguyen Van Thieu, last presi- preme Court with God Bless America. 1968—Anti-war students, including bolted to each wingtip—goes awry sheriff, drags Mack Charles Parker, being prosecuted for anti-trust viola- 1973—The Supreme Court says N.H. dent of South Vietnam, throws in the 1963—South Vietnam is “steadily ’Nam vets, occupy Columbia. over Long Island Sound. The B-29 accused of raping a white woman, out tions—tells Deputy A.G. Kleindienst residents are free to cover up “Live towel and bugs out of Saigon. moving toward a constitutional sys- 1956—The USSR announces it’s got and one F-84 crash with no survivors. of the Pearl River County Courthouse “The ITT thing—stay the hell out of Free or Die” on their license plates. 1972—In El Paso, Texas, former tem resting upon popular consent,” an H-bomb. 1916—The Military Council of the in Mississippi and lynches him. it. Is that clear? That’s an order.” 1971—Mistaking the National Mall commander of U.S. troops in Vietnam says Secretary of State Dean Rusk. 1952—“Do you know who’s being Irish Republican Brotherhood pro- 1944—RIP George Herriman. 1971—Officials at Arlington -Na for their lawn, Supreme Court Justices General William Westmoreland is 1956—Rebecca West defines journal- discriminated against?” asks Rep. claim the Irish Republic, and the 1915—Australian and New Zealand tional Cemetery turn away Gold Star tell Vietnam Veterans Against the pelted with tomatoes. ism: “An ability to meet the challenge John E. Rankin [D-Miss.]. “The Easter Rising begins. troops under British command attack Mothers and Vietnam veterans. War to get off it. 1971—In Washington, D.C., Viet- of filling the space.” white Christian people of America, 1904—A debate over prohibition be- Turks at Gallipoli. They die in droves. 1951—“Dugout Doug” MacArthur 1971—Maryland building contractor nam Veterans Against the War defy 1952—America’s TV audience gets its the ones who created this nation.” comes a 30-second gunfight in front 1898—The U.S. obliges W.R. Hearst tells Congress, “Old soldiers never Lester Matz pays a $2,500 bribe to the Supreme Court by staying on the first broadcast nuke blast. 1860—Birth of Charles H. Kerr, of the Waller County, Texas court- by declaring war on Spain. die.” Yeah, that’s for young ones. Vice President and freelance media National Mall. Park police decline 1922—Henry Pitcairn lands an Auto- founder of a radical publishing coop- house; four die, including Rep. John 1847—The Donner Party’s leftovers 1939—After some study, Connecti- critic Spiro “Ted” Agnew. to arrest. Tomorrow’s headline: “Vets giro on the White House lawn. erative that’s still in business. M. Pinckney. make it out of the wilderness. cut OKs the Bill of Rights. 1970—General Westmoreland tells Overrule Supreme Court.” 1922—Charles Mingus Jr. is born in 1734—The King’s Surveyor Gener- 1877—Federal troops leave Louisi- 1846—Mexicans attack a U.S. 1775—Minutemen and British sol- the DAR, “Our own revolution has 1930—National Guardsmen with Nogales, Arizona. al visits Exeter, N.H. with a team of ana; Reconstruction’s over—good “scouting party” near the border. As diers battle in Lexington and Con- ended the need for revolution forever.” machine guns and bayonets prevent 1915—The German 4th Army at- men, looking for misappropriated luck, all you black folks. U.S. Grant later writes, “We were sent cord. The first published report comes 1914—Miners striking in Ludlow, escape as the Ohio State Pen burns; tacks French Territorial soldiers with timber. Locals beat them mercilessly. 1778—Ranger, under John Paul Jones, to provoke a fight, but it was essential two days later in the New Hampshire Colo. are machine gunned by Na- 322 inmates die, 230 are hospitalized. chlorine gas as the 2nd Battle of Ypres 1014—The Irish under High King captures Drake—the first U.S. victory that Mexico should commence it.” Gazette. Its probable author is eye- tional Guardsmen employed by John 1910—Train robber Frank Grigware begins; four future Nobel winners Brian Boru defeat the Vikings at over a British ship in British waters. 1523—Henry VIII of England for- witness Isaiah Thomas, a former ap- D. Rockefeller; later their tent camp is busts out of Leavenworth with a pistol supervise the gas release. Despite Clontarf. Boru is slain by Brodir, who 1704—John Campbell begins The bids private ownership of guns by any- prentice of Zachariah Fowle, Daniel burned. At least 19 die, including 11 carved of wood, and makes his get- 117,000 casualties, the month-long in turn is disembowelled by Brian’s Boston News-Letter, first successful one with an income of less than 100 Fowle’s peculiar brother. children burned to death. away on a stolen steam train. battle is inconclusive. brother, Ulf the Quarrelsome. newspaper in North America. pounds a year. 10:01 10:28 10:46 11:07 11:27 11:42 12:04 12:14 12:38 12:45 1:12 1:16 1:46

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