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Supporting Children and Family Survivors of Police Line-of-Duty Deaths Police Survivors: Line-of-Duty Line-of-Duty Deaths: Deaths Three Essential Points About Children who experience the loss of a parent or other family Children and Family Survivors member through a line-of-duty death are likely to face a 1. Most grief experiences are similar. In most ways, children number of unique issues. School professionals working with and family survivors of line-of-duty deaths experience grief students in such circumstances will be able to provide more and coping with loss much as others do. They have similar effective support when they understand the distinct aspects thoughts, feelings, concerns and needs. of this experience. 2. Some grief experiences are distinct in important ways. The materials in this module are designed as a supplement to Survivors of line-of-duty deaths are coping with unique the broader information at the Coalition’s website. They are issues within a unique culture. Most people outside the law not intended to be a stand-alone resource. enforcement world are unfamiliar with these issues. They were developed collaboratively with the national non- 3. School professionals can make a difference. When school profit organization Concerns of Police Survivors (C.O.P.S.). professionals are aware of the distinct issues facing these C.O.P.S. provides support for families who have experienced families, they can plan and provide more effective support. a line-of-duty death. Over 30,000 families are members of the organization. Take Steps to Make a Difference Are Your Students Affected? To understand more about providing support to survivors of a line-of-duty death, read through the materials in this Each year, more than a hundred law enforcement officers module. Each segment includes references to the Coalition to in the U.S. are killed in the line of duty. Their children, Support Grieving Students website. grandchildren, nieces, nephews and younger siblings attend schools all across the country. Each of these deaths touches Together, these materials will prepare school professionals the families of other law enforcement officers. Educators to offer meaningful support to children immediately after a can expect to find children affected by line-of-duty deaths in death as well as over time. schools throughout the nation. Contents of the Module 1. Law Enforcement: A Unique Culture and Mindset 2. Distinct Experiences: In the Immediate Aftermath 3. Public Matters Affect Personal Responses 4. Grief Over Time 5. Getting Support 6. What to Do: Action steps schools and school professionals can take to support children coping with the loss of a loved one through a line-of-duty death. Next: Law Enforcement: A Unique Culture and Mindset 1 Supporting Children and Family Survivors of Police Line-of-Duty Deaths 1. Law Enforcement: A Unique For example: Culture and Mindset • The world becomes more dangerous. Because the possibility of death is a fear the family has been coping - See the module Cultural Sensitivity to understand how a general with all along, the ability to go forward and use healthy sensitivity to the unique backgrounds and needs of each family can denial or make presumptions about a stable world may help school professionals support grieving children from all cultures. be disrupted. Many things about the world that once felt safe and secure are now likely to feel dangerous or - See the module Connecting With Families for suggestions about threatening. how to effectively reach out to grieving families. • Children regret not being “better.” Children may regret Within the law enforcement field, there is a unique not staying more connected with their parent or loved mindset among police officers and their families. There one. They often feel they should have been “a better is no other profession serving quite the same role or kid,” more attentive or more available. They may think, facing the same risks that police personnel face every day. “I should have known this would happen. I should People outside the law enforcement world often have little have spent more time with my dad, and not gotten into understanding of the experiences of officers and their trouble so much.” families. • Families may feel relieved. In addition to shock and This is a resilient culture, with many strengths and grief, some family members may actually feel a sense assets. Law enforcement families typically value loyalty, of relief when the constant worry about their loved one commitment, dedication and principles of service. They ends, just as people sometimes do when someone dies are willing to take on extra responsibilities and risks for after a long illness. This can bring up feelings of guilt the welfare of their neighborhoods and communities. and shame. They believe in the value of police work and the power of law enforcement to make a positive difference in the • Children may feel resentful. Children understand their world. loved one made a commitment to serve and protect the community. They may be resentful that because of that Parents, spouses and children of officers understand their choice, the person is now dead. They may feel guilty family member is at risk for injury or death. Living with about wishing he or she had not chosen to serve. this knowledge on a day-to-day basis requires some effort. Many practice a type of healthy denial that helps them • Questions of honor can be confusing. There are many cope. “Nothing will happen to my mom because we live causes of line-of-duty deaths, including deaths from in a safe place.” “My dad is smarter than the bad guys so I accidents or natural causes that may occur while the know he’ll be okay.” officer is on duty which may not seem as “heroic.” Children may sense they should feel proud of their Like other families, law enforcement families generally loved one under any circumstances, but may hear or feel make assumptions that allow them to feel safe. We conflicting responses to the cause of death. presume that the people we love who are in our lives in the morning will also be there for us in the evening. We The unique culture of law enforcement also plays an assume that our friends and the social groups where we important role in the responses of family members to a find comfort and support today will also offer us comfort line-of-duty death immediately after the fact and over tomorrow. time. Death Challenges These Presumptions When a line-of-duty death occurs, these presumptions can be profoundly challenged. There are a range of responses children and families might have. Next: Distinct Experiences 2 Supporting Children and Family Survivors of Police Line-of-Duty Deaths 2. Distinct Experiences: In the If an off-duty officer witnesses a crime occurring and takes steps to intervene, he or she is automatically Immediate Aftermath on-duty. There have been cases where off-duty - See the module Concepts of Death to learn what children need to officers spending time with their families respond to a understand about death and how to discuss these matters with them. crime and are killed in their family’s view. - See the module Social Media for suggestions about dealing with • Inadvertent or accidental deaths sometimes occur. social media after a death. Coping with an inadvertent line-of-duty death (otherwise known as “friendly fire” or accidental - See the module Death and School Crisis for guidelines about death) is complicated. It raises extremely challenging addressing a death that affects many members of the school questions about loyalty, trust, belonging and community. forgiveness. The distinct features of a line-of-duty death affect both • Information about and reactions to the death are extremely public. how the family learns of the death and how they are able to cope with the news. Families must instantly deal with a range of public reactions and information about the death. of the deceased at the moment children learn of the death. Judgments may be made about the officer’s choices, actions and intentions, and some criticisms may be Nature of the Death quite harsh. While each instance is unique, these are some of the issues • Survivors may be troubled if they perceive a lack of meaning in the family survivors may face: death. • These deaths tend to be sudden. Line-of-duty deaths may not be classically “heroic.” An News of the death is often sudden and shocking. officer might try to stop a suspect and be killed in the There may be little or no time for survivors to process, while the criminal escapes. Someone might prepare themselves emotionally. It may be difficult die in a car crash on the way to the scene of a crime, or impossible for family members to be with children never actually arriving to offer help. Survivors may of the deceased at the moment children learn of the be devastated by the sense of “waste” in such a death, death. a feeling that it has made no measurable positive difference in the world. • The death is often violent and intentional. It may be pre- meditated. Notification One of the most troubling things within human Police departments will withhold public identification of experience is to know that a person you loved and the deceased until families have been reached. counted on was intentionally targeted. Someone made a conscious choice to end the life of a person Traditional news sources, however, may not respect these who was hugely important to you. guidelines. Families sometimes first hear of a loved one’s death in a breaking news broadcast. This choice is sometimes made in a deliberate and pre-meditated way.

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