DANNY WALLACE

‘The mission is to send Lady Gaga into early retirement. I call it Project Kamaliya’ Mohammad Zahoor

B L I N G S K I KORSAKOV Meet the Zahoors. Mohammad: super-rich husband and patron. Kamaliya: ’s Lady Gaga-in-the-making. His billions can buy champagne baths and his-and-her jets, but can cold cash really pay for pop superstardom? GQ hangs with the big personalities behind TV’s Meet The Russians for whom patience is not just a virtue, but a necessity STORY BY DANNY WALLACE PHOTOGRAPHS BY BRAN SYMONDSON

Rich pickings: Mohammad Zahoor shares his home with his pop-star wife, Kamaliya, and their twin daughters, a litter of designer dogs and one well-behaved hawk

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“Well,” I say, pointing at a small plate in front of me. “This is nice cheese.” The man I’m with – Mohammad Zahoor – folds his arms and nods. There is a moment of silence. “In fact, it’s all nice cheese, isn’t it?” I say. Pet set (clockwise from top Zahoor doesn’t say anything this time, just left): En route to Odessa – stretches back in his chair and casts a glance to with menagerie – aboard one a grand staircase, in case his wife, the Ukrainian of the couple’s private jets; clear of knives, guns and pop star Kamaliya, is finally ready. grenades, Kamaliya makes I’ve been sitting here in this vast Kiev her entrance at a club in Kiev; Danny Wallace toasts the mansion for nearly three hours and there’s Zahoors under the watchful been no sign of Kamaliya. She’s upstairs getting eye of bodyguard Igor; in the dressed, they tell me. There’s a red-carpet media spotlight outside the club; one of their cats settles event she wants to take me to at eight o’clock. in to the twins’ pram It’s now quarter past nine. Still: paps will be there, so she needs to look her best. It’s been down to me and Zahoor to keep the conversation flowing, and it flowed well at first. We talked about my journey, about how much his wallpaper cost, about the hawk he keeps on a stand in his living room. And then we sat down and Zahoor focused largely on the Russian steel industry: 1972 to the present day, which was a topic on which I had little to contribute. “Does she normally keep you waiting this long?” I asked at one point. “Yes,” he sighed. “Three, four, five hours is perfectly normal...” So now here we are, praising cheese. Just then a dog wearing earrings walks past. “You have a lot of dogs,” I say, and at this, Zahoor’s face brightens. I point at another small dog which sits at my feet. “Who’s this one?” “That one?” he says. “That one is called Cliff.” Zahoor tells the airport we’re ten minutes away. In reality, Kamaliya is still choosing which dress to wear “Cliff?” I say. “Named after...?” “I dunno,” he says, shrugging, then points at “My father was auditor general of ,” old witnessed the black cloud of Chernobyl “And waiting for your wife to get ready?” up with a former Russian special-ops officer. They’ve realised they’re pretty late, and she another one. “That one is Bertie...” he says, jet-black hair masking his 58 years. taking over the sky above her. She’d spend sub- “That’s my new job.” He’s even called Igor. He showed me his gun still has the red carpet to rock, so now we’re He looks at another dog, can’t quite seem to “And I think probably one of the few people sequent months in hospital, fight off lymph- “And it’s also your mission?” I say – because and told me he used to look after Boris Yeltsin. travelling at 80mph, flashing lorries out of place it, moves on. All the while a fat cat with who didn’t take bribes. We were not wealthy, node cancer years later and thought she might Zahoor’s mission is the reason I’m here – and Now he protects the Zahoors from “intrud- our way and darting past vast, grey Soviet- a completely shaved body stares at us. It looks so we studied.” never have children. She worked hard, became he nods and glances up the stairs again. ers and hooligans”, but also takes pictures of era housing, before finally we screech up to like a tiny, furious lion. Zahoor points at a final “Were you a good student?” known for her folk singing, began to rise... Because when Kamaliya shouted she was them in social situations or perhaps carries the club. dog, sitting behind him on a velvet cushion. “I was 29th in Karachi.” Cut to 2008, and Zahoor has his own steel ready, she wasn’t actually quite ready. Kamaliya’s handbag when she needs to meet Kamaliya’s people get her out of the Bentley. “And that one is Gay Ritchie.” “Out of how many?” business, with plants all over the world. He’s Zahoor just shrugs and raises his eyebrows, a dignitary. Because Kiev is Kamaliya’s town. She checks her reflection. “Oh,” I say. “’Gay Ritchie?’” “Today there are 20 million people in Karachi.” an industry leader, but he’s ready to move on. like a hapless husband in a sitcom, then tops She’s a pop star (five albums) and a TV star I look around. “Gay Ritchie,” he says. “Like the film director.” He went to engineering college around the He sells just before the financial crash. up our wine. (Coffee With Kamaliya in Ukraine and the Fox The place is deserted. And then, finally, from the top of the stairs: time Pakistan was building a steel mill with the “I sold everything at its peak,” he says. reality show Meet The Russians in the UK, plus It’s just a car park. “I’m ready!” . Sixty-three thousand Pakistanis “For an undisclosed sum?” One hour later I’m in the back of a white she’s just finished filming a Russian sitcom All the paps have given up and gone. applied for a scholarship to go and work there, “Yes.” Range Rover tailing a blue Bentley through called Fathers & Sons “in which she plays the Zahoor and Kamaliya walk arm-in-arm to the Zahoor Mohammad is a billionaire. he says, and he was one of only 43 who got in. “Of a billion dollars?” the streets of Kiev. lead”, though I doubt it’s a father or son). She’s doors, maintaining a dignified silence until the Not a millionaire. A billionaire. Soon, he was assigned to Ukraine. “Ha,” he says, smiling, but that smile also I have already met their main bodyguard, a a former Miss South Ukraine (2003), and is, of red carpet comes to an end. He doesn’t like to talk about it, but I think His wife, meanwhile, was a military kid, born says yes, it was a billion dollars. “So here I am. former Russian special-ops officer. He’s what course, Mrs World 2008. And I haven’t really Igor walks slowly behind them carrying he quite likes you to know. in a district of eastern Siberia, who at eight years Semi-retired. Doing things here and there.” Pixar would come up with if they had to come been able to speak to her yet. a giant orchid.

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“So tell me about the mission,” I say. who apparently immediately dropped to one an operatic career for which she has neither “Is it the hope,” I ask, “that you could maybe hear it in songs like “Butterflies”, or “Got The Close to midnight, in a quiet restaurant “I call it ‘Project Kamaliya’,” Zahoor answers knee. “I always liked Sarah Brightman, but now the talent nor the ambition. buy part of, say, a Tom Cruise movie?” Groove”, or 2010’s “Don’t Lick Your Car”. downtown, the Zahoors order me chicken proudly. “The mission is to send Lady Gaga into I said to Kamaliya – you are my new icon now. No one here lacks ambition. “Well,” he says, “there have been some “But the producers in the UK, they see her as a Kiev with foie gras and Ukrainian borscht with early retirement.” And I said to her, ‘What the hell are you doing “How much have you invested so far in offers. But Tom Cruise movies are quite expen- dance act. They say, once she has a fanbase, she tongue, while Kamaliya smokes a pocket shisha That’s a bold stage one. You have to wonder here? You should be out there!’” Kamaliya’s career?” I ask twice-married Zahoor, sive, and a lot of marketing is required.” can do what she likes. And the advice worked. that belches out an incredible fog of smoke. It’s what stage two could be. But Kamaliya was nervous. who owns the Post newspaper. “So who’s the perfect film star right now to First came the gay community and then slowly like a tiny dry-ice machine in the world’s small- All heads turned when Kamaliya walked into “In my country,” she says, wide-eyed, like- “About $20m (£12.2m),” he says, nodding. team up with?” the mainstream community came along.” est music video. this club. Photographers got excited and people able, in broken English, “every door open (The Kyiv Post recently named its owner “All the A-class actors whose peak has been “How does that sit with ... the gay She shows me a video on her phone of her whispered and pointed as she walked through for me. And now if I leave this country, I can Ukraine’s No1 richest foreigner, but also passed already.” thing?” I ask, because Russia doesn’t have the twins having a bath. Because two months and a security gate which had a sign on it specifi- lost everything...” said if anyone knew different they should get Kamaliya will next be seen opposite Andy best record on that score. eleven days ago, Kamaliya had the daughters cally banning any and all use of hand grenades “She was scared that she might lose her celeb- in touch.) Garcia and Sharon Stone. “Well, she has been very vocal about giving she was worried she might never have. She during tonight’s performance. rity status in Russia,” says Zahoor. “$20m is quite a lot, isn’t it?” I say. “She has a small but very important role in her voice to the gay community,” says Zahoor. adores them. But I am a little worried as we We are in a booth right in the centre of the But Zahoor saw a prize bigger than fame in “Yes, but maybe 12 went on the movies.” [What About Love]. There has been a lot of “She always participated in gay acts.” approach the 90-second mark when she taps room. Six small children dressed entirely in Ukraine. Zahoor saw the world. Because as well as the music (“Which is praise from Andy Garcia and Sharon Stone.” I don’t think he meant it like that. the screen and I see that this video is more than yellow break into a choreographed dance And so he found her management. Publicity. going very well. , , Spain, Sweden, “And Andy Garcia is...” “Anything with the government, any legisla- 12-and-a-half minutes long. routine involving balloons. He found the best directors he could, the finest ... in she has performed “Yeah,” he says. “But still A list. And this tion, she made it clear that she is against all that (“Having one baby is hard,” she tells me at Champagne arrives. producers, he funded her music videos. 12 times on the television!”), Kamaliya helps give [Kamaliya] a boost in Hollywood and that people are just human beings no matter one point, very seriously. “But having twins is Project Kamaliya is to make 36-year-old “And it is working!” he says. has been making the double-threat move to and all over the world...” what orientation they are. In Russia and Ukraine so hard. My nannies are both like zombies!”) Kamaliya the biggest star in the world, and In its first two months of release at the end of film star. But it’s the UK market they currently covet. there is a lot of anti-gay sentiment still, so they “Is it true that you bathe in champagne,” I Zahoor is taking it very seriously. last year, her video “Love Me Like” had more In Mantera, she plays scientific genius Dr are very angry with her, but she just says, ask her, “or is that just a thing you say?” “When I met Kamaliya,” he says, “I had no than 13 million views on YouTube. Natasya Pushkin who has designed a robot glove In the television series Meet The Russians ‘They’re not my market’ and couldn’t care less.” “Yes, it is true!” she says, delighted. “I were knowledge of the music industry. I only knew The video for “I’m Alive” – in which Kamaliya that can turn a motorbike into body armour. there is a heartbreaking scene in which And that’s pretty admirable. in one spa, and I prepare that time going to Mrs she had a beautiful voice that the world had has a car accident and then meets a magic horse In Officer Down, she plays a Russian stripper Kamaliya hears some of her songs remixed World. And I was so crazy... I was very slim, to hear.” which transports her back to Roman times – (sample dialogue: “It’s too late! I’m deep into for the UK market. She sits in the studio with but I want be perfect. Very little. And also, I’m “Yes,” I say. “Because really, your expertise was released only five months earlier and is the shit now!”) opposite Stephen Dorff from hopeful eyes and real optimism, excited to hear ‘I’m a film producer making body detox, in a freezer. Minus 180- is quite steel-based.” currently on its way to 42 million views. Space Truckers. what they’ve done. But in every version and degree box. Cryo-sauna.” “That’s right,” he says. There are only 46 million people in Ukraine. How is she landing these roles? remix they play her, the producers have taken and financier. And “It’s vice versa of the hot one,” says Zahoor. They met when Kamaliya suddenly stood Something’s going on. “On one film,” says Zahoor, “I am a producer, out the one thing she feels is unique to her. that helps Kamaliya “I a lot exercised. Special diet. Massage. And up and sang a traditional Ukrainian folk song in another a financier. And that helps Kamaliya “Her voice range,” says Zahoor. “She can sing one time I saw on a menu ‘baths of cham- during one of Zahoor’s business meetings. In Orson Welles’ Citizen Kane, a wealthy to get a movie role in them.” all the way from opera to very, very low keys.” to get movie roles’ pagne’. And I ask, is this real? I’m gonna try it!” “And it was so powerful!” he says, this man, newspaper owner forces his second wife into It’s a great tip for aspiring actors. And she does have great range. You can Mohammad Zahoor “Who opens all the bottles?”

Pillars of community: Inside the Zahoors’ opulently appointed mega-mansion, as seen in Fox’s Made In Chelsea-beating reality-TV show Meet The Russians Gown and out: An unusual scene at the Zahoors’, as Kamaliya is fully made-up and ready for her public while Mohammad lounges undressed on his ‘throne’

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“When I made first time in my home, I “She can be in the book of Guinness World “But you must keep on raising things to truly called my bodyguards. ‘Lift up bottle of cham- Records for lateness!” says her make-up artist, be an artist.” pagnes! Forty bottles! In my toilet!’ Then I told, Luba. “And Zahoor can be in this book also “Come on,” I say, because I don’t want the OK, now opening! Every one! Everything! They for waiting!” sleeve notes, I want the songs. look at me like... what are you want doing?! I Luba has done Kamaliya’s make-up for seven She nods: OK then. sure that guys thought about me I’m so crazy!” years. And that’s just today. “First to become a star in Ukraine,” she “Don’t you stink of champagne afterwards? Eventually she appears, camera-ready. says. “Achieved. Then in Russia. That has been People might think you have a problem.” “Kamaliya has now been fully accepted into achieved. Now Europe. This is happening. And “No problem. I have very big round bath. the celebrity circle in the UK,” Zahoor tells then after that – America. After America – the And around 40 bottles of champagne in it. me, proudly. whole world.” But not so expensive champagne. Very simple “Has she?” She looks more serious now than I’ve seen her. champagne. Very bubbles. Very sweat. This “The paparazzi are following her as much There is a moment where we all contem- nice bath!” as any other UK artist. We had dinner at the plate her words. We head back to the house making plans Dorchester and the paparazzi found Kamaliya. “And I would like twin boys,” she adds. for tomorrow. There were so many cameras! Because this is just “We will have breakfast then go to Odessa,” the beginning of her career in the UK.” There are those who may suspect Zahoor says Zahoor, with a glance at Kamaliya. Maybe Maybe he’s right. There’s the TV show. Talk of and Kamaliya may on some level be using if he says it firmly enough it will happen. “There a spin-off. She’s been on This Morning. Profiled each other, of course. Her for the money. is a fish restaurant, it is the talk of the country in magazines. Her songs have been played on Him for the fame. Her for the career. Him for right now. We will leave at two...“ he glances at Capital FM, and Radio 1. And yet... I wonder if the excitement. her again “... so we will be in Odessa by three. it’s all worth it? Is it worth the $20m? On the flight back to Kiev very late that We will go straight to the Potemkin stairs. Then “Recently we have seen money come back night, I saw two things happen. we will see the opera house. Then we will pass in,” Zahoor tells me, looking tired, around 5pm. One – Zahoor kept checking out his wife’s around the city a little. Then we will go to the He’s told the airport we’re ten minutes away. legs. This made her giggle. She slapped his restaurant and have some nice fish and lobster or In reality, we’re about to eat some soup while arm and shifted her dress and he looked like a whatever. Then we will fly home in the jet again.” Kamaliya chooses which dress to wear. “One naughty caught schoolboy. Igor laughed warmly I leave for my room in their pool house. It video might cost you maybe ¤100,000, but you behind them, a quiet fan, pleased to be there. is next to the guard dogs and above a giant Two – as we took off, Kamaliya made the sign mural of a half-naked Kamaliya standing like a of the cross three times across her chest and goddess while Zahoor folds his arms by a yacht. Zahoor had only said a little protective prayer to herself. And He looks like he’s waiting for her. meant to buy one jet, then, noticing Zahoor was just reading a copy of the Post, oblivious, she smiled and quietly made Sometime around 2.15pm the next day, I but at the showroom the sign of the cross again, this time for him. realise we aren’t going to make it to Odessa – he decided Kamaliya I liked them. I have no idea what they’re 300 miles to the south of Kiev – by three. doing. But I liked them. I’ve caught sight of Kamaliya once today. She should have one too I think it’s because they honestly seem to was in a dressing gown, and she waved a hello be in love. They’re a team, trying to buy fame, but then disappeared into a cloud of women can get for one performance maybe ¤15,000 to because that’s what she thinks she wants, and wearing velour tracksuits. ¤20,000. And for an appearance, she can get that’s what he thinks she deserves. They’re I’ve used the last five hours to just sort of maybe ¤5,000 to ¤10,000.” throwing money about and chasing a dream and stand around. I do the maths in my head. bathing in champagne and shaving their cats Zahoor spent the morning in a tank top and “That pays for the jet for an hour.” and giving total world domination one last shot. shorts, doing yoga and watching Sky News, His phone rings again. Will it happen? No, it probably won’t. before sitting on a big chair in his dressing But then, how likely was it that a kid from a gown and making phone calls while small dogs Sometime after 6pm, we leave for lunch. village in Pakistan would make a billion dollars tried to sit on him. Igor carries one of the tiny dogs on to the from steel? Or that a girl who fell sick the night Outside, I notice a nanny pushing a buggy. private jet. of Chernobyl would fight her way to stardom in She has her hood pulled tight over her head. We head straight for the restaurant, which is the former Soviet Union and now be in a posi- Her breath trails behind her as she pushes the so pleased to see Kamaliya they send over free tion to demand it over here? baby around. champagne and what I’m assured is roughly And if anyone’s happy to wait and see, I think, Zahoor’s phone keeps ringing. We should £1,000 of caviar. Zahoor and Kamaliya are as Kamaliya adjusts her make-up, it’s Zahoor. really be at the jet by now. The airport wants opening up their own restaurant in London this “So stage one is Gaga,” I’d said to him, to know when he’s coming. Both planes cost year. They think they’re going to call it Meet the night before, in the club. “What’s stage roughly $7,000 an hour to get out of the The Russians... With Kamaliya. two? Rihanna?” hangar. Zahoor only meant to buy one, but They’ve got a good life. So why want more? He smiled but said nothing. when he got to the showroom he “decided “When will you be happy?” I ask Kamaliya, It’s clearly Rihanna. it made sense for Kamaliya to have her own and she thinks about this, then says some- jet too”. thing in Russian. “How much are the jets?” I ask. “She said she’s sure that nobody in the MORE For these related stories, “The smaller one, we’ll take today? Maybe world is ever going to be satisfied with him or FROM GQ visit GQ.co.uk/magazine seven, eight million dollars?” herself,” says Zahoor. “And the day a person His phone rings again. says, ‘I have achieved everything’ then as an Icon: Noel Gallagher (Danny Wallace, October 2013) “Let me just tell them a lie,” he says. artist he is dead.” Danny Wallace Goes Inside... The Onion It seems Kamaliya is late because she didn’t “Sure,” I say. “But there must be something?” (August 2013) like her eye make-up. It can take around 90 She nods, then tries another tack. Chasing Charlie Sheen minutes per eye. “Of course you have goalposts,” he translates. (Danny Wallace, August 2011) Mohammad’s muse (from top): Kamaliya performs for her husband and GQ’s Danny Wallace; flanked by Kamaliya murals, Wallace plays catch in the pool house

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