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Emperor Denies Getting New Clothes: Fashion industry in an uproar The nation’s capital descended into its fourth straight week of protests. The outcry started in the first week of November, when the emperor refuted a claim he had purchased a brand new wardrobe made of the finest Parisian silks. In a follow-up press conference the following morning, his Majesty asserted, “I’m always naked from the socks up. The suit I’m currently wearing is a manufactured illusion by my enemies.” “Why would I need clothes?” he continued. “I mean, look at me, I am naked, I am always naked. Everybody wants to see me naked. It’s a form of national service, really.” A statement from the emperor’s legal counsel indicated they are demanding an inquiry in the entire clothes-making industry to prove they do not actually make clothes. Protestors Protest Emperor’s Lack of New Clothes Claim Pro-emperor protests gathered in large numbers one morning, citing frustration at the quickly escalating the-Emperor-Maybe-Has-Clothes scandal. The groups, who refer to themselves as the Emperor’s Squadron, rode Harley-Davidson motorcycles down the capital’s main streets, hollering at pedestrians and demanding all weavers cease operations until their group can confirm whether the emperor wears clothes. Members of the Emperor’s Squadron are also on record advocating for deporting immigrants back to their countries of origin, and draining a public works project they call “the deep state.” They tote guns and dress up in bright Hawaiian shirts over their squadron-issued Harley-Davidson tees. “It’s plain as day our emperor is always as naked as an infant,” says one squadron member. “The illusion that he is dressed is the lamestream media projecting, in order to shield his glorious figure from underage voters and other patrons of Cracker Barrel.” It’s Black Friday for Bookies Bookies across the Empire are taking bets on what’s coming down first: Emperor Squadron banners or this year’s Christmas decorations. The betting industry is making a comeback, but not all are so happy with the recent social unrest. “We wish they’d go out and get a job,” said Bertie, a seasonal worker from a local strip mall. “But all they do is sit around the place and take advantage of the fruits of our labor. Protesting whether the emperor has clothes or not is a privilege for those who have the luxury to do so.” No one in the squadron could cobble together a statement refuting it before press time, however, Mckenzie has vowed protesters will find something else to get indignant about. “Don’t worry,” he told us over text. “Our members will soon be drafted into the war on Christmas, and we’ll rally against pagan propaganda on take-out cups.” Take a Break: Schools should give contact tracers time to catch up I’m a teacher in Providence, and since the beginning of this pandemic I’ve been asked by the Rhode Island Department of Health to quarantine twice. Once in July, the same day my name was mentioned to a contact tracer, and a second time the first week of school this year, two days after contact. Not bad. I had faith in the contact tracing system, even after being quarantined so early in the school year. We now have had two full months in school. Gone are the days of a quick turnaround by RIDOH. Now, if you’re lucky to even get a call, teachers and students are being told about quarantining a week after contact. Sometimes ten days. Look at that timeline. We went from being told the day of, to 48 hours, to seven to 10 days. Think of what you do in seven days. It’s seven to 10 days of going about your daily business, maybe the grocery store, possibly a restaurant. It’s certainly not isolating from your family in your own home, which is what you’re asked to do while quarantining. It’s sending your child to school or your partner to work, all the while not knowing you could be positive. And if you are, now your family could be spreading it to their schools or workplaces. RIDOH appears to be so backed up now, that I feel guilt if I have to go to Dave’s Market to grab bread. To say that school being in session hasn’t put a burden on RIDOH, many of whom are brand new to the job, would be a logical fallacy. If you’ve ever read something I’ve written before you know I love and mainly talk about two things; live theater and education. I love being a teacher. In fact I often say it’s not a job, it really feels like a calling. I love nothing more than that moment when a student “gets it.” Generally in my classroom that moment is followed by me jumping up and down and using my best Rhode Island accent to exclaim that they are “wicked smaht.” I love the days where we move all the desks, “circle up” and discuss the novel we’re reading, or the collaborative lesson on the power of words where the entire class has to put together something they collectively “destroyed,” all the while I’m counting/singing down to add suspense (and because quite frankly it’s just way more fun that way). Of course with COVID, these things can’t happen. I’ve had to adjust my lessons to be socially distant, and adaptable for online work. And that’s okay because I am up for the challenge, and more importantly, my students are up for the challenge. We do, however, expect the state to hold up their end of the bargain, and that includes contact tracing. And here’s the thing: It’s not the state’s fault that they’re this backed up; between the new contact tracers and the growing numbers, it’s no wonder that they’re backed up. It is that state’s fault if they keep their blinders on. The Department of Health needs a break. They need to breathe. Schools need to switch to distance learning while the contact tracers are trained, and have time to catch up. And it’s not like schools aren’t already doing this. Some private schools have been switching to distance learning when they get one case to give contact tracers time to notify all contacts. (Don’t hold your breath waiting for the governor to call them out on it, especially when she sends tuition to a private school that has temporarily switched to distance learning already this year.) There are charter schools that have made the decision to choose distance learning for their students, and there are some public school communities that have decided from time to time to switch to distance learning while things calm down. These are rational and appropriate decisions to make. It gives custodians the extra time for deep cleans, and it gives RIDOH time to catch up with the ever important contact tracing. Yet when the public schools make these choices, Governor Raimondo bullies them from her press conferences and maligns them in the media. (The fact that she remains quiet when private schools and public charter schools do the same illustrates her disdain of unionized teachers. But the vast inequities in Rhode Island education could fill an entire book.) I am a highly effective teacher, and I love being in the classroom. But because of my job I feel like the only thing I can do without unintentionally harming others is go to work and come straight home. I’m too nervous to see my friends or my family. I’m not taking the governor’s advice and going out to eat in restaurants. I’m not out shopping. For the most part I go to school and go home. But am I harming the people in my own home by not wearing a mask in my house? Without confidence in the contact tracing system, what choice is the governor giving educators, and the additional staff members in schools? I love teaching, I often joke around with the saying #teacherlife when speaking of grading and the silly things that happen throughout a day, but is the state of Rhode Island trying to force teachers into #hermitlife? I’m also speaking as a parent here. If I don’t know for seven to ten days that I’ve been exposed, how do I protect my family? Teachers don’t live in a bubble, but this serious lapse in contact tracing is asking us to. I beg the state of Rhode Island to take a breath, pause and give the contact tracers the time to do their job. We have a statewide calendar, and Thanksgiving week is only two school days. Switch to distance learning through the Thanksgiving break, give the contact tracers that time to catch up and give families what they really want this holiday season: peace of mind. Yes, Rhode Island Had Slavery: It’s time to change the name As the debate about removing “and Providence Plantations” from the official state name rages across Rhode Island, the most common rebuttal to the claim that the phrase evokes the horrors of slavery is “slavery never came to Rhode Island.” Au, contraire: Rhode Island was unquestionably built on the backs of slaves and profits from the slave trade. As someone who navigates these facts regularly as the executive director of the Providence Tour Company, I thought it would be useful to the body politic to re-examine this shadowy portion of Rhode Island history, and answer some common questions I’ve heard around this issue.

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