Brothers and Husbands: the Greek Prin Ce Becoming Female in Greek America

BROTHERS AND HUSBANDS: THE GREEK PRIN CE BECOMING FEMALE IN GREEK AMERICA IBy CONSTANCE CALLINICOSI Ecxerpts from her book "American Aphrodite" PART II He must control and be omnipotent, omniscient. Without that control, he does not exist as Patriarch, which is to say he does not exist as Greek Man, acme of whose life is to be referred to by his compatriots as pallikari or leventis, heavily-laden words of praise and glory from boyhood lessons in Greek School, lessons in the history of Greece, in the history of revolution and liberation from the Turks. His maleness is reflected for him in huge, framed photo graphs of bearded, mustachioed heroes clad in the kilts and embroidered vests worn by the military mountaineers, guerrilas of the Revolution of 1821 who struggled and died for the liberation and glory of the motherland. He is a baby when is gifted by his grandfather with one of his most impor tant possessions: the full regalia of Tso lias, soldier of his country (Greece). He is a child when he dons the uniform and stands before his parents, cousins, friends, uncles and aunts, his little boy's voice valiantly attempting a heroic cry for revolution, his spindly legs staunchly rooted to the floor of the stage as he recites faithfully the long Greek epic poem, calling to arms gueril las in the fight against-what? He does not know, really. He knows only that the skirt he wears is a symbol of something important. The oriental slippers he has donned, the white hose Constance Callinicos, a longtime feminist and activist for women's rights, has most recently concentrated her activism and writing on the subject of becoming female among Greeks in America and in the mother country, Greece. She has published articles and lectured widely on a variety of topics germane to this subject (including an exploration ofarranged marriages and the dowery system as it exists in Greek America). "American Aphrodite" is published by Pella Publishing, Tel: (212) 279-9582. GREEK-AMERICAN REVIEW II his mother has so carefully tugged up kicks his feet into the air, swooping Honour, as the core of one's essence around his hips, hose which refuse to down to the floor, a twist here, and representing one's masculine integrity, stay snug, persistently drooping around intricate turn there, all to the cries of his is the prevalent value in the traditional his knees and ankles, all of his pomp audience, "y as ou, levent i," what better culture of Mediterranean countries ... means something very significant. He reward is there for becoming a Man (social acceptance) is not possible in the can comprehend its meaning only in among Men? absence of unspoiled honor. Closely terms of the shine of pride on papa's In the face of stern-faced guerilla connected with honour is the concept of face, the modest radiance reflected in fighters, how could he shame himself by shame: an individual (man) usually feels his mama's eyes, and from the cries of betraying ever the kind, gentle heart od shamed when he is dishonoured in the pallikari, the burst of applause when he his mother which lives in him just as eyes ofhis friends and the (Greek) com has finished his recitation. Shyly at first, strongly as the forbidding physiognomy munity at large. A man's honour finally then with more and more stiff, cocksure of papa and the fierce stares of Byzan and irrevocably ties in the hands of his self-awareness, the little boy bows to his tine saints portrayed in his church's women, since men are considered to be public, Old and New Greeks of Amer icons? Fighters, all of them, masculine and honourable only when ica, becoming increasingly conscious of adventurers-"men." How could he they can control their wives and all his uniqueness, his "specialness." ever reveal, or hope to achieve success female relatives in such a strict manner by revealing, a gentle, un-Patriarchal that women behave appropriately and And when he dances, costumed, the self? For would he not then be the oppo never acquire a dishonourable reputa dance of the Leventi, clasping hands site of pal/ikari or leventi? Would he not tion in the community. A woman with his young men friends, the leader then be referred to by his peers as lowly becomes dishonoured when she behaves of the dance, he leaps higher and higher, "Woman?" like a man, enjoyingfreedom, especially sexual freedom. Penelope will never be guerilla fighter or adventurer. Her place is at home by the fire, weaving, waiting for Odysseus to return. Perpetually servile, ever Mama, she tends her fires, creating the Home World to which Odysseus must Now Available From always return for refreshment and a re Pella PUblishing Company creation of his energies. Home is the place he comes to for quiet, for peace, Tel: (212) 279-9582 for food, for spiritual nourishment, for validation of his role "out there" as Landlord of the World, validation he receives in the reflection of his glory and Becoming Female In Greek America pride from the faces of WifeMama and By Constance Callinicos adoring sons and daughters. Penelope can never be tsolias or pa/li kari. By definition of being "female" in iguratively speaking, Creek-American women have been without Greek cultural terms, if she is or tries to JF a voice since the first Creek immigrants arrived here as wives, sisters, and daughters . making no sound, proclaiming no existence. be non-subservient, non-nurturing, willful, "loose" (the term "loose" defin But because we had no voice, no one cared to acknowledge the ing woman as untied, wandering with phenomenon we represented-Creek-American women, possessed oja particular culture, living a special way oj life, surrounded by a special out leash or benefit of fences, wild, set oj circumstances. Now, in hearing our voices on tapes and in mountain animal which is of course the transcribing them into this book, Constance Callinicos has helped us only thing a woman can be if she is not find our voice-and now it is there jor all to heed. connected to a male, part of his dominat No longer are we mute: no longer anonymous: no longer absent. We ion), she ceases to be Greek. And if she. are here. Attention must be paid to us. is not a Greek Woman, then what is she? This is an important book. Read it. Rpjoicp in o1lr rollpcHvp, powerful If she accepts her culture's definition voices. Thanks to Constance Callinicos, we need no longer be silent. I am of her as a Greek, then she must accept proud that mine is one ojthe voices that will at last be heard-and taken the narrow role offered her in exchange seriously. for her guaranteed identity as Greek: -Aphrodite Clamar. Ph.D .. from the "Foreword" to American Aphrodite woman equals Mother. Mother equals ~ ---------------------- ------ ------ Holy, Sanctified. Holy equals the eter Pella Publishing Company. 337 W. 36th Street. New York. New York 10018 nally open-armed All-Suffering Mother Please send me _ _ copies of American Aphrodite. for which I have enclosed $14.00 each (plus $2.00 for postage and handling). of Mothers, Mary, bearer of the only True Son. Name _____________________________________________________ While her brotheris encouraged from Addresa ____________________________________________________ the time of boyhood to be guerilla, his pride nourished by icons of fierce war City ___________________________ State _ ___ Zip ___________ rior saints and larger-than-life portraits of 1821 revolutionaries, she, the little 12 GREEK-AMERICAN REVIEW girl, spends most of her childhood gazing skyward toward the dome behind the Holy Altar, a place which forbids her entry, contemplating the only female role model she will ever know, the only female mythology that will ever be offered her besides Yaya and Mama. The All-Holy Virgin on whose lap is seated a miniature adult male who could just as well be her brother, or her cousin. But not her. Never her. Be she wife, sister, aunt or cousin, Mama is a bottomless well, a 24-hour service station to which the men in her life return for periodic fill-ups of the rejuvenating cool water of placid, unquestioning admiration and devo tion. She is the mirror he looks into for confirmation of what he is sometimes not sure of: control. In her adoring eyes and from her caresses and little services does he gain the strength to be cocksure. A man of honor among men. The little Greek boy becomes Greek Prince becomes Greek Man through his control of the first woman he knows: mama. He learns of his power from a subservient mother who willingly assumes the role of womanservant, ful filling her part of the contract entered into when she marries. In exchange for subservience to him and to his sons, and, of course, guidance and training of her daughters to do the same some day, she receives from her husband, as she did from her father, the gift of Greek identity, which she only possesses by virtue of her connection to a Greek. To her son, she gives the gift of the experience of control. His schooling in control over his mother and his sisters prepares him for his place in the world of the patriarch, where the definition of "Greek Man" equals anything "not Woman." Not to be Woman means not to do or be anything that Woman does or is: preparer of food, for instance (exception, of course, is granted the pri est who is allowed the departure into female identity, donning robes and pre paring food, because, after all, his func Photographs from the book tion in the preparation offood-Sacred "American Aphrodite".

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