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I = I o pflss 3 o -I HOl,,PlDS Dtama. By Chtistophet M. Vaftsh. Inspited by the wotks of Sit Atthut Conan Doyle. Cast: 5 to 70m., 4 to 8w Inspired by the works of Sit Atthur Conan Doyle, this theatical "fan t 6cdon" re-examines the Victorian wotld of Holmes and Watson by exploring the added obstacles faced by these two iconic characters if they were women. \W'hen an anonltnous note sends a newlpved wife iooking for help, N[iss Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Dorothy Watson work together to uncover the secrets a{ fla swrounding a corrupt police inspector. But this Holmes and Watson face far greater challenges than bringing the criminal l:l to justice. N{iss Holmes possesses one of the greatest deductive minds of her generation, but she chafes at the restraints imposed upon her by society. Dr. Watson stuggles to make a difference at the only hospital in London that will hire femaie doctors. Urut set. Approimate tulning time: 135 mrnures. Code: lr-1Q5000. t DIISS Covcr l)csign: Cistian l'achccMycroft Holmes/Vagrant ...... Christopher Hainsworth EUDORA FEATHERSTONE : an elderly, grieving mother Gioffrey Lestrade/Orderly # 1 ...... ' Christopher Jones MRS. HUDSON: Sherlock's disapproving landlady Michaei Stamford/Reginald/Ordetly #2.."""'Michael Reyes ELIZABETHGARRETTANDERSON:fi rstwomantoqualify Thomas Chapman/Order$ #3 .. -. -. -..... -... John Henry Roberts as a doctor in England Edwin Greener/Superintendent. "LaQuin Groves PEGGY a maid MARTHA: awasherwoman understudies...... -...... n;;;iM;;;;,tffLff:ll Siobhan Reddy-Best, Timothy Sullivan MYCROFT HOLMES: Sherlock's older brother GEOFFREY LESTRADE: a Scotland Yard detective Crew: THOMAS CHAPMAN: a ScotlandYard detective Director Paul S. Holmquist MICHAEL STAMFORD: a doctor Assistant Director...... "' Emily Wills EDWIN GREENER: an army veteran andpetly criminal Stage Manager...... ,...... -..."""""8ecky Bishop REGINALD: Eudora's nephew Ass-istant Stage Manager...... "'Morgan Gire SUPERINTENDENT Scenic Design...... Ashley Ann Woods ORDERLIES #1-3 Lights ""Jordan Kardasz AVAGRANT Original Music & Sound..... """'Andrew Hansen Costumes...... Rachel M' Sypniewski VARIOUS LONDONERS Properties .Holly McCauleY Dialect Coach...... Elise Kauzlaic London, Fight ChoreograPher.. Greg Poljacik SETTING: circa l88l Dramaturg .Maren Robinson

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,, Miss Holmes

ACT I THE CHAPMANS

(,ights up on the home of TH O MA S and L I Z ZI E C HA P MA N. It is a modest, well-appointed middle class home. LIZZIE reads a letter The contents disturb her.)

THOMAS (offstage). Lizzie! For Mandy (LIZZIE scrambles to hide the letter. Inspector THOMAS enters.)

THOMAS (cont'd). Lizzie? What are you doing? Dedicated to the members of LIZZIE (struggling to seem cheerful). Tomt. You're home early. Community #NotlnOurHouse, A Chicago Theatre THOMAS. I was calling for you. Didn't you hear me? LIZZIE. Sorry', my mind must have been elsewhere. THOMAS. Where? LIZZIE. What? THOMAS. Where? Where did you mind go? LIZZIE.I don't know, Tom. I was just- THOMAS: I was in the next room. You must have heard me. LIZZIE.I was distracted, is all. THOMAS. By what? (Sees the letter.) Is that aletter? LIZZIE.Yes. THOMAS. For you? LIZZIE.YeS.

7 ACT I 9 8 Miss Holmes ACT I Miss Holmes

THOMAS. From whom? LIZZIE. Sorry? THOMAS. Supper, Lizzie. (Pause.) LIZZIE. Oh, right! I'll just have Alice fix something up. THOMAS. No, why don't you do it yourself. THOMAS (cont'd). From whom? LIZZIE. She's our cook. Her feelings will be hurt. LIZZIE.I don't know. THOMAS. I like it better when you do it. THOMAS. Let's have it. LIZZIE. Well, all right then. Just give me a minute. (LIZZIE hands the letter to THOMAS, who reads it') THOMAS. I'll be in the front room then. LIZZIE. Of course, dear. (Indicating the letter.) Shall I get didn't want to upset you' LIZZIE.I know it's rubbish. I rid of that? THOMAS. This came in the Post? THOMAS. No. I'll take care of this. LIZZIE (nods). No return address, though' (THOMAS exits. LIZZIE watches him go, then exits toward THOMAS. It says, "I've tried to warn you before'" This isn't the kitchen.) the first? LIZZ\E.Once before. I burned it. It's just someone jealous of BETHLEM ROYAL HOSPITAL you, trying to cause trouble. I imagine you see this sort of thing all the time at work. (The scene shifts to an insqne asylum. The sounds of the inmates are heard through the walls. A certqin Mr. Holmes THOMAS. That's work. Bringing a man's wife into it "' waits. Well, that's just uncalled for' I hope you weren't too upset [MYCROFTJ by it. The SUPENNTENDENT enters, with ORDERLY #l right an impressive black eye.) LIZZIE. Not too much. You know me' behind him. ORDERLY #1 sports though' Do us a favor' THOMAS (affictionately).Don't I, SUPERINTENDENT. Mr. Holmes? Oh, Mr. Holmes? I am eat' I've only got a short Lizzie, urrd f"t.h something to Superintendent Ellis, sir. I was the one who- off again. while then I'm MYCROFT. Where is she? night? LIZZIE. Another late SUPERINTENDENT. Oh. Yes, of course. THOMAS. Crime never sleePs,love' LIZZIE.I would think you boys at Scotland Yard could set (The SUPERINTENDENT signals to ORDERLY #1, who exits.) the example by keeping regular hours' done' THOMAS. An inspector's work is never SUPERINTENDENT (cont'd). Forgive me, Mr. Holmes. I LIZZIE. No, I suPPose not. certainly would have communicated with you sooner if I THOMAS. Whatever we've got is fine' had any idea of the identity ...

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MYCROFT. You have her PaPerwork? MYCROFT. Indeed. A mere straitjacket is no restraint for her SUPERINTENDENT. Here, sir- whatsoever, and if she remained confined after you placed her in one, then she did so of her own free will, for her own - (The SUPERINTENDENT hands a packet of papers to reasons. MYCROFT.) (Sounds of shouting and struggling comefrom offstage.) SUPERINTENDENT (cont'd). You will see, Mr. Holmes, that per your request her real name does not appear MYCROFT (cont'd). Ah. Here we are. anywhere. She was a Jane Bloggs when she came to us, and (ORDERLY #l returns, struggling with a woman shall remain so for as long as you require it. Um " ' how [SHERLOCKJ whose movement rs hampered by a long will you require it? straitjacket. Her face is badly bruised. She stops fighting (MYCROFT honds the SUPERINTENDENT an envelope when she sees MYCROFT.) stuffed with several bills.) SHERLOCK. Oh. It's you. SUPERINTENDENT (cont'd).I see. That is quite a long MYCROFT (to the SUPERINTENDENT). Explain these time, I assure you. Are you certain, sir, that you wish to take bruises. her into your own custody? I ask because, well, it became SUPERINTENDENT. As I said, sir. It took some effort to- necessary to restrain her- MYCROFT. Remove the restraints. Now. MYCROFT. Restrain her? (The SUPERINTENDENT signals to ORDERLY #1, who SUPERINTENDENT. Forher own safety, sir. If you've seen approaches the woman. As he reaches the restraints, he the police report, you know that she put up quite a struggle for whispers in her ear.) when she was first detained.

MYCROFT. I'm not surPrised. ORDERLY #1. See you soon, sweetheart. SUPERINTENDENT. And since she's been here "' Well, perhaps you are aware that she grows quite agitated if (The woman raises her lcnee straight into ORDERLY #1's someone gets too close to her. We had a minor incident' groin. He doubles overi and she smashes his face with her It took some effort to restrain your ... ah ... Well, the forehead. ORDERLY #1 falls to the ground, hands over straitj acket was intended to prevent any fuither disturbanc es' both his nose and his genitals.) MYCROFT. A straitjacket? And she kept it on? That was MYCROFT. Enough!Are you quite finished? unusually helpful of her. SHERLOCK. Just a moment. SUPERINTENDENT. Helpful, Mr. Holmes? r-

12 Miss Holmes ACT I ACT I Miss Holmes 13

(ITith no dfficulty whatsoeve4 the woman shrugs out MYCROFT. I can't see how else to interpret your behavior. of the straitjacket. She holds it out for the bewildered There must be some reason for these outbursts. SU P E RINTE ND ENT to take.) SHERLOCK.My reasons are my own. MYCROFT. Sherlock, I can't keep doing this. You know my SHERLOCK (cont'd). There we are. Shall we go, Mycroft? position. My work with the government requires- MYCROFT. Come along, Sherlock. SHERLOCK. Don't mince words. Yot are the government. (They exit, leaving the SUPERINTENDENT and iniured MYCROFT. My work with the government requires a degree ORDERLY #l behind them.) of discretion that is difficult to maintain when I have to drop everything to hunt you down, cover your tracks and repair SHERLOCK AND MYCROFT whatever damage you may have caused whenever you go off on one of your tantrums. (The scene shifts to MYCROFT's carriage. MYCROFT SHERLOCK. I am not a child, Mycroft. and SHERLOCK enter MYCROFT offers SHERLOCK his MYCROFT. Alas, no. If you were, explaining your behavior coat, which she reluctantly takes and wraps around herself. would be far easier, and far less expensive to keep quiet. other in awhuard silence as London They sit opposite each SHERLOCK. Is that what I am to you? A business expense? in 1881 passes by outside.) MYCROFT. Surely you weren't expecting sentiment? MYCROFT. Youwere gone nearly a fortnightthis time. That's SHERLOCK. Of course not, Mycroft. Don't be vulgar. a record, I believe. (Waits for SHERLOCK to respond. She MYCROFT. Then let me make one thing quite plain. I will doesnl.) What exactly were you trying to accomplish this not let you undermine my work. If you will not conform to time? (Pause.) Do you even recall where you were when the standards expected ofyou, I am prepared to take drastic the police came? You broke a young man's arm. I assume he measures. tried to touch you. (Pause.) I fail to see how these so-called SHERLOCK. What? Back to the asylum again? "clients" of yours can possibly be worth all this trouble. MYCROFT. I would be well within my rights. When will you learn that escaping from such a (SHERLOCK lool

14 Miss Holmes ACT I ACT I Miss Holmes l5

(They sit in silence. SHERLOCK raises an exploratory (STAMFORD jumps up, startled.) Itand to her bruisedface.) STAMFORD. Oh! Dorothy! I say! MYCROFT (cont'd). Does it hurt? WATSON. You say what? SHERLOCK. Just take me home, Mycroft. Please. STAMFORD. I just ... Well, I ... Sorry. "Dr. Watson." I know MYCROFT. I imagine Mrs. Hudson will have a thing or two how particular you are about that. Bad day, is it? to say about your appearance. WATSON. Why, Dr. Stamford, what on earth would possibly SHERLOCK. I will deal with Mrs. Hudson. give you that idea? MYCROFT. You may want to have someone look at that. Just STAMFORD. Um... in case. WATSON. Yes, Michael, it is bad day. Pray pardon my SHERLOCK. Thank you for your concern, Mycroft. I shall unladylike outburst. Just ... bollocks. speak to Dr. Anderson. STAMFORD. May I ask? MYCROFT. Anderson? One of those women doctors from WATSON. Sepsis. An infection after an abdominal that school? hysterectomy. SHERLOCK. You know perfectly well who she is. STAMFORD. I see. And your patient ... ? MYCROFT. Suit yourself. (Calls forward.) Driver! Change WATSON (shakes her head). Would probably have been fine of plans. We won't be returning my sister to Baker Street if anyone had told her to come in at the first sign of a fever. right away. Take us to the Royal Free Hospital. The London But by the time they finally got her here most of her colon School of Medicine forWomen. and small intestine was necrotic, and her lungs were riddled with infected tissue. (The carriage disappears into the London trffic-) STAMFORD. Why on earth didn't she come in right away? THE ROYAL FREE HOSPITAL WATSON. Oh, she couldn't come right away, see, because her husband would have been "cross" if he'd returned home (The scene shifts to a hallway at the Royal Free Hospital. from work to find her gone from the house. Mrs. Pertwee. MICHAEL SAMFORD sits, reading a paperback novel. That was her name. pleasantly engrossed by it. He seems STAMFORD. Well, that is unfortunate. But I imagine you Dr. DOROTHY WATSON enters, angry. She wears a must see a lot of that sort of thing here. surgical smock covered in blood. She wipes her hands in a WATSON. Yes, Michael, I see quite a lot of that sort of thing here. towel.) bloody STAMFORD. I think perhaps I've come at a bad time. Perhaps I should- WAT S ON (not s e eing S TA MF O RD ). Bloody buggery bollocks ! WATSON (noticing the book). What is that? t6 Miss Holmes ACT I ACT I Miss Holmes t7

STAMFORD. Oh this? Just a book. The Fellow Travellersby WATSON. The money wasn't even for me. I was hoping D.W. Graham. she'd make a donation to the school. - WATSON. You're reading D.W. Graham? You surprise me, STAMFORD. The school? Oh! Yes, well, I can see why you Michael. I would not have taken you for a fan of novels might need . .. (Again offWATSON s look.) Anyway, I have about young women studying medicine. a counteroffer. STAMFORD. Yes, well, you know. Mother read it, said she WATSON. Oh? thought I'd learn something from it. Not sure why. Rather STAMFORD. Yes. I wish to renew my proposal. silly stuff, to be honest. WATSON. What proposal? (Pause.) Michael, you can't mean- STAMFORD.I do. (WATS ON b expres sion droPs.) WATSON. That was eight years ago. WATSON. Oh. Well. I'm afraid I can't talk long. Whatbrings STAMFORD. Nine, almost. you all the way down to the Royal Free Hospital? WATSON. That was before I left for Edinburgh. STAMFORD. Well, I wanted to discuss the letter you sent to STAMFORD. Yes. Mother. WATSON. I thought you were joking. You said you were joking. joking (WATSON halts.) STAMFORD. No;you said I was and I agreedbecause it was less embarrassing that way. But wait. Let me do this STAMFORD (cont'd).If you needed money, I wish you had properly. come to me. (STAMFORD lmeels.) WATSON. If lneeded-? Did you even read the letter? STAMFORD. Read Mother's correspondence? Don't be silly. WATSON. Oh please don't. WATSON. What exactly did she tell you? (STAMFORD takes WATSONb hand.) STAMFORD. Just that you'd written, and something about needing money. Makes sense. That awful boarding house STAMFORD. Dorothy Watson, I asked once before, and now you in. (Seeing WATSON'I expression.) I'm only live I ask again: Will you marry me? saying I understand how hard it can be, for a woman in WATSON. Couldn't we do this in private? your position. With your parents gone, and that unfortunate proper. admit, a hallway business with your brother- STAMFORD. It wouldn't be I'll at a place like the Royal Free is not quite ideal, but it's WATSON. I am not comfortable having this conversation becoming damned difficult to find you anyplace else. with you. WATSON. I don't know what to say. Have you been waiting STAMFORD. She only wants what's best for you, as I do. for an answer for eight years? l8 Miss Holmes ACT I ACT I Miss Holmes 19

just STAMFORD. Almost nine. WATSON. Dr. Anderson! Forgive me. Dr. Stamford was -I WATSON. I ... Michael ... leaving. STAMFORD. Bear in mind the offer has improved a bit in (STAMFORD stands.) that time. I have a proper practice now. Good income. You wouldn't need to work. STAMFORD. Yes. Well. I really should be getting back. But WATSON. And what would I do instead? I do hope we can resume this conversation soon. STAMFORD. Run the house, of course. WATSON. I will think about what you have said. Good day, WATSON. Run the house? Michael, look at me! (She Dr. Stamford. indicates her gore-stained smock.) STAMFORD. Dorothy. Mrs. An-Er, Dr. Anderson. Good STAMFORD. Yes, precisely! I'm offering you a chance to day. (Exits.) you. put all ofthis unpleasantness behind ANDERSON. That was painfully awkward. I'm so glad to WATSON. What about this picture makes you think I would have witnessed it. give it all up and "run your house" instead? WATSON. He's offering to rescue me from this place by women who would STAMFORD. I believe there are many marrying me. jump at the chance. ANDERSON. Better women than you have been enticed by WATSON. Then why don't you ask one of them? just such a proposition. STAMFORD. Dorothy, be realistic. This can't go on forever. WATSON. Would you be? You should hear what people say about this place! ANDERSON. I'm not the one looking for a way out. WATSON. I am quite aware of what is said about this place. WATSON. Oh, no. That's not it at all. It's just ... Mrs. Pertwee STAMFORD. Look, obviously this was the wrong time to died on that table today because she was too afraid of what broach the subject. I just ask that you take a moment to Mr. Pertwee would do if things weren't to his liking when consider it. I don't expect an answer right now. I've waited he got home. And she's hardly the first. eight years- WATSON. Almost nine. ANDERSON. I am aware. something about that? STAMFORD. I suppose I can wait a littie longer. But not WATSON. Shouldn't we be doing forever. We are neither of us growing younger, after all. ANDERSON. What exactly did you have in mind? WATSON. No. No, we are not. WATSON. I wish I knew. This is the London School of Medicine for Women. The only school of its kind in all (Dr ELIZAB ETH GARRETT ANDERSON enters.) England. We should be making a difference. ANDERSON. Aren't we? ANDERSON. Doctor Watson, I wonder if I might- (Sees STAMFORD kneeling.) Oh. Hello. WATSON. I don't know. 20 Miss Holmes ACT I ACT I Miss Holmes 21

(Al{D E RS O N studies WAT S O N.) ANDERSON. Miss Holmes, I want to introduce you to my colleague, Dr. Dorothy Watson. WATSON (cont'd).Is something wrong, doctor? WATSON. How do you do? Miss Holmes, is it? ANDERSON. Hmm. Will you accompany me, Dr. Watson? I SHERLOCK. Bern. have a patient waiting for me, and I would appreciate your I beg your pardon? opinion. WATSON. SHERLOCK. Bern. Switzerland. It's where you studied. Orrather, WATSON. You want m1; opinion? Yes, of course, Dr. Anderson. where you completed your studies, which began in Edinburgh. ANDERSON. Well, let's get you cleaned up, and then follow me. WATSON. Um ... Yes, that's coffect. How did you know- (They exit.) SHERLOCK. And now you find yourself in a spot of trouble. The exact nature of it eludes me for the moment, but keep SHERLOCKAND WATSON talking.

(The scene shifts to an examining roont. SHERLOCK, her WATSON. Wait, did you discuss me before- you face still bruised, sits holding two apparentl,v identical pieces ANDERSON. I assure you I have never mentioned to her of paper She holds them up to the light, scrtrtinizing thent before this moment. I just thought it might be good for the two intent\t. She sets one page aside and examines the other. She of you to meet. Call it a hunch. Miss Holmes, I leave you in goes over the edges qnd then smells it. Something catches her Dr. Watson's capable hands. She's a romantic, this one. I think attention. She smells it again, then sets the page down and you'll get on splendidly. Lovely to see you again. picl

AI{DERSOI{ ond WATSON enter WATSON has removed SHERLOCK. Shall we proceed, then? the bloody surgical srnock. Before either of thenl con speak, WATSON. Very well. That is quite the black eye. May I ask piece paper) SHERLOCK holds up the uneaten of how it happened?

SHERLOCK. Dr. Anderson, taste this and tell me if you detect SHERLOCK. An orderly at Bethlem Royal Hospital shoved face a a hint of eucalyptus. my into wall. ANDERSON. Thank you, Miss Holmes, but I refrain from WATSON (slight pause). I see. Did he have any reason to do that? masticating stationery and I'm sure I could not identifz the SHERLOCK. Technically, such behavior is outside the taste of eucalyptus an).'way. purview of his position. That said, his action is somewhat SHERLOCK. Then I shall require a palale cleanser, lest I understandable, in that it was a response to my striking him contaminate the samples. with a closed fist. 22 Miss Holmes ACT I ACT I Miss Holmes 23

WATSON. Ah. And didyou have any reason to do that? WATSON. Can you look up for me? (SHERLOCK does.) Any SHERLOCK.I did. vision troubles since this happened? SHERLOCK. None. (WATSON waits a moment, until itb clear there is nofurther WATSON. Any pain? explanation.) SHERLOCK. Some. Not as much as the hand. WATSON. May I see your hand? WATSON. Right. Well. The discoloration is consistent with a simple periorbital hematoma. I don't see any injury to the (SHERLOCK holds her hand up. WATSON takes it gently eye itself, and if the pain has begun to subside then I don't and examines it.) believe you've broken anything.

WATSON (cont'd). Does this hurt? SHERLOCK. And your recommendation for treatment? SHERLOCK. Oh yes. WATSON. Cold compresses for two days, then warm compresses after that. Provided you can avoid any more (WATSON loolrs up at SHERLOCK, who betrays no other altercations, you should be back to normal in a week or two. sign of experiencing pain.) SHERLOCK. Thank you, Dr. Watson.

WATSON. Miss Holmes, these bruises are consistent with (SHERLOCK stares hard at WATSON.) those of a trained boxer after a match. anything else, Miss Holmes? SHERLOCK. I'm glad to hear it. I've read so many books on WATSON. Is there the subject, but rarely is one afforded the opportunity of a SHERLOCK. I have not yet determined Dr. Anderson's practical application of technique. reason for introducing us. WATSON. You only hit him once, yes? No broken bones in WATSON. Must she have some ulterior motive? your hand, which means your technique is admirable. But SHERLOCK. You are not the first woman the good doctor these bruises tell me you aimed for the eye, where the bones has brought to my attention, although you are certainly the are particularly hard. May I suggest something softer, like first colleague. the nose or lower jaw? WATSON. Dr. Anderson consults you regarding her patients? SHERLOCK. A blackened eye sends an effective message, SHERLOCK. Not exactly. Some women have trouble don't you think? that cannot be helped by a doctor. Sometimes they find WATSON. A black eye is just a bruise. The number of hands themselves with problems or concerns that cannot be I've seen broken while causing black eyes makes me addressed through customary means. When that happens, wonder who is receiving the message. they come to me. SHERLOCK. Intriguing. WATSON. And who are you, exactly? 24 Miss Holmes ACTI - ACT I Miss Holmes 25 SHERLOCK. I am Sherlock Holmes. SCOTLAND YARD WATSON. Sherlock? That's an unusual name, if you don,t mind my saying. I don't recall if I,ve met any men named (The scene changes to a busy street in London, just otttside Sherlock, but I'm certain I,ve never met any women. the headquarters of the Metropolitan Police Service, SHERLOCK. Indeed you haven,t. more colloquially lcnown as Scotland Yard. VARIOUS LONDONERS make their way back andforth. WATSON. I see. Well, I am sorry I cannot satisfu your curiosity any fuither, but my troubles are of the most Inspector GEOFFREY LESTRADE enters, looking like mundane sort. heb reached the end of yet another bad day at work.) SHERLOCK. I should like to hear more about them, THOMAS (offstage). Inspector Lestrade! nonetheless. Would you do me the courtesy of visiting me at my home? (LESTRADE halts in his traclrs. He turns to see THOMAS WATSON.I... well ... enter,followed by EDWIN GREENER.) SHERLOCK. You are now making an effort to think of a prior engagement or responsibility that prevents you from LE STRADE. Inspector Chapman. visiting me. But let me put it to you this way. Do you respect THOMAS. Calling it a night then, eh Geoffrey? Dr. Anderson? LESTRADE. I am. Good night. WATSON. She was the first woman to receive a medical THOMAS. Come on then. No need to be uncivil. license in all of Great Britain. She is a gifted doctor. Of LESTRADE. Was I? Then I do apologize. course I respect her. THOMAS. No worries. Home to the wife, then? SHERLOCK. Yes. And when I presented myself to her with LESTRADE. Not married, Tom. injuries sustained during a fist fight at an insane asylum, her THOMAS. You should try it. Complete life. first thought was to introduce me to you. Aren,t you at least curious to find out why? LESTRADE. So I hear. Your life must be very complete indeed.

(WATSON blinks.) (THOMAS looks to EDWIN, considering violence for a moment. Instead, he laughs loudly.) WATSON. What's the address? THOMAS. Good one! Look at Lestrade, with the jokes and SHERLOCK. Baker Street. Number 22lB I'm looking forward to it. that. Yes, well, third time's the charm, they say. Oh hey, Lestrade, me and Edwin here are going up round Ginny's (They exit separately.) tonight. You should join us. LESTRADE. I don't think so. 26 Miss Holmes ACTI ACTI Miss Holmes 27

THOMAS. Oh, come on! You keep playing it straight like LESTRADE. Yes, Tom. You're as clean as a whistle. With this, you're gonna start making fellas nervous around here. the court's ruling to prove it. LESTRADE. What "fellas" have a reason to be nervous? Not THOMAS. You know, Geoffrey, maybe you had the right you, Tom Chapman, I'm sure. I'm no internal affairs rat, idea after all. You should just head on home to your "no and you ... Well, who among us at the Yard doesn't have a wife." And while you're sitting there, all alone, in your spot or two on his jacket? cheap rented room in Chelsea, you might just want to ask THOMAS. Careful, Geoffrey. You got one good laugh in; yourself if you're cut out for this line of work. Smart fellow don't start thinking you're a comedian. such as yourself. There's all sorts of things you might do. LESTRADE. Wouldn't dream of it. You and Mr. Greener Sky's the limit. (To EDWIN.) Let's go. have a good night. (THOMAS exits. EDll'IN doesn't move yet, watching (LESTRADE starts to exit.) LESTRADE.)

THOMAS. Oi, Geoffrey. Look. I just want to say, no hard LESTRADE. What do you want? feelings, right? You were just doing your job. I get that. (EDWIN doesn't say anything.) LESTRADE. Now who's telling jokes? THOMAS. I mean it. To be honest, I'm glad it was you. No LESTRADE (cont'd). You'd best run along, Mr. Greener. one could say I rigged the game with Geoffrey Lestrade on Thomas Chapman doesn't take kindly to lackeys who the case. ignore his instructions. LESTRADE. No, they couldn't, could they. (EDWIN loolrs as if he might say something. Instead he THOMAS. You're a credit to the Yard, you are. turns and exits, following THOMAS. LESTRADE exits in LESTRADE. You done, Tom? the opposite direction.) (THOMAS closes on LESTRADE.) BAKER STREET done. about you? Are you done, THOMAS. Yeah, I'm What (The scene shifts to the sitting room at 22lB Baker Street. Inspector Lestrade? SHERLOCK sits, reading another copy of the novel LESTRADE. The case is closed, Tom. Not much I can do STAMFORD was reading. Her black eye has completely about it now. healed. THOMAS. That's right. The doorbell rings. SHERLOCK turns apage and continues mean was though. LESTRADE. Doesn't I wrong, reading. The doorbell rings again.) THOMAS. See, that's where you are mistaken, mate. That's exactly what it means. SHERLOCK. Mrs. Hudson! 28 Miss Holmes ACT I ACT I Miss Holmes 29

(MRS.HUDSON enters and crosses to answer the door She WATSON. Have I done something to upset her? mlttters to herself, annoyed, the whole time.) SHERLOCK. Mrs. Hudson is not quite prepared for an age in which we women-folk indulge our eccentric longing for the MRS. HUDSON. Who on earth is that? Did you invite will-o'-the-wisp pleasures of independence. someone to tea and not tell me? Who put this here? Leaving WATSON. I see. I must say, that black eye has healed nicely. things everywhere, and guests coming unannounced. The compresses worked, then? Honestly. It's no trouble, none at all, but at least you could warn me SHERLOCK. Indeed. Would you believe Mrs. Hudson wanted me to put raw meat on it? (She exits. SHERLOCK puts the book awa1t. WATSON. Well, I am just glad to see you are feeling better. MRS. HUDSON re-enters.) I'm sorry I wasn't able to take you up on your invitation sooner. Between the hospital and the school I've been MRS. HUDSON (cont'd). Miss Sherlock, I do not think this rather occupied of late. is funny. SHERLOCK. That's quite all right. It gave me time to SHERLOCK. Funny, Mrs. Hudson? investigate a hypothesis. Ijust finished reading your novel, MRS. HUDSON. There is a person downstairs who claims to Mr. Graham. be a doctor. (Pause.) SHERLOCK. Yes? MRS. HUDSON. This person claims to be your doctor. WATSON. Mister- SHERLOCK. And? SHERLOCK. Graham. D.W. Graham. That's your pen name. MRS. HUDSON. And? This person is a woman, Miss WATSON. I ... How ... ? Sherlock! SHERLOCK. I generally have chemicals about and SHERLOCK. Yes, surely you're aware that such things exist occasionally do experiments. Would that annoy you? nowadays. WATSON. Why should that annoy me? But how did you MRS. HUDSON. I refuse to believe it. Surely we have not know-? become so uncivilized. SHERLOCK. I sometimes seem sullen and don't open my SHERLOCK. The barbarians are at the gate, Mrs. Hudson. mouth for days on end. Mrs. Hudson thinks I'm sulking, Dr. Watson! Please come in. Thank you, Mrs. Hudson, that but usually I just want to be left alone and soon enough I'll will do. be fine. Now what have you to confess? WATSON. Confess? I- (WATSON enters as MRS. HUDSON exits, muttering.) SHERLOCK. Come come. We ought to know the worst of one another if we're going to be living together. 30 Miss Holmes ACTI ACT I Miss Holmes 3l

WATSON. Living together? Who said anything about living SHERLOCK. Not at all. Thank you, Mrs. Hudson. together? SHERLOCK. I thought it the most logical solution. (MRS. HUDSON mutters disapprovingly as she exits.) to what? WATSON. Solution SHERLOCK (cont'd).Mrs. Chapman, this is Dr. DorothyWatson. SHERLOCK. There's no need to decide right away. Let us LIZZIE. Hello. hear what she has to say, and then discuss it afterward. WATSON. How do you do? WATSON. She? LIZZIE. Well, thank you. (The doorbell rings.) SHERLOCK. I don't believe that to be the case, Mrs. Chapman. I gather your visit has something to do with your husband? SHERLOCK. Ah. Right on time. LIZZTE. Why do you say that? SHERLOCK. The skin on your finger near your wedding ring (MRS. HUDSON enters. She complains as she crosses to is red. You have been worrying at it. answer the door.) LIZZIE.I ... yes. My husband is Thomas Chapman. He is- MRS. HIIDSON. Now who could this possibly be? Really, all SHERLOCK. The Scotland Yarder? these visitors tramping about at all hours. I wish I'd known LIZZIE. Yes. You've heard of him? when I let these rooms I was opening atrain station ... SHERLOCK. His name has appeared in the papers. LTZZIE. Someone has been sending me letters. At first I thought (She exits toward thefront door.) it nothing, but they keep coming. WATSON. May I ask whom we are expecting this afternoon? (LIZZIE hands SHERLOCK the letter. SHERLOCK removes SHERLOCK. A woman, young, rather preffy, who dresses the letterfrom the envelope. She examines the paper, rubbing somewhat better than her accent might lead you to believe. it between herfinger and thumb and then examining her thumb She has a serious matter weighing on her, but puts great effort for residue. She smells the letter then hands it to WATSON.) into affectinganat of nonchalance. Or so I am informed. SHERLOCK (continuing to examine the envelope). The (MRS. HUDSON re-enters,followed by LIZZIE.) provenance of the paper is inconclusive. Common stock, widely used. The letter itself was typewritten using a Sholes MRS. HI-IDSON. Mrs. Elizabeth Chapman for you, Miss and Glidden machine. Again, rather common. But the author Holmes.. was not skilled at its operation. Several common errors in SHERLOCK. Mrs. Chapman, how do you do? spelling, uncorrected, and you can see two instances where LIZZIE.I'm sorr1. to disturb you. I hope I won't take up too the carriage jammed and the author left the space blank rather much of your time. than retype the correct letter. 32 Miss Holmes ACT I ACT I Miss Holmes JJ

WATSO|{. Why on earth would you know that? LIZZIE.I showed him the last one. He said he'd take care SHERLOCK. Dr. Watson, would you be so good as to read of it, but that was two weeks ago. This one just arrived the the letter aloud for me? other day, and I didn't want to trouble him with it. He does such important work at Scotland Yard. (WATSON stares at SHERLOCK.) SHERLOCK. And so instead you brought it to me. Please remember, that I have heard of your husband before. I am a SHERLOCK (cont'd). Well go on. voracious reader ofthe newspaper. WATSON (reading the letter). "Mrs. Chapman. This is my LIZZIE. Then you know what has been said about him. third attempt to warn you. I can only hope my messages have not come too late. I'm certain you know that you SHERLOCK. I know that Thomas Chapman is considered by are not the first to bear that name and title. Before you, many to be the most efficient investigator inthe Metropolitan highest arrest records Katherine Featherstone had the misforlune to be married to Police Force. I know he has one ofthe Yard. he has been investigated more the man you now call husband. Please know that Thomas in Scotland I know than once on suspicions of comrption and brutality, but has Chapman is not the man he claims to be. By now I'm sure never been convicted. And I know that he has been married he has told you what happened to Katherine. Do not believe three times, most recently to one Elizabeth Durham-that him. Katherine Featherstone was not the first to suffer by would be you, Mrs. Chapman-not two months after he his hand. I pray that by my warning she will be the last. was cleared of any wrongdoing in the death of his second Signed, A Friend." wife, Katherine Featherstone, who drowned in a bathing K. Fascinating. SHERLOC pool at Hampstead Heath. He married her two years after LIZZIE. I'd heard you spoken of before, Miss Holmes. I his first wife, Margaret Cleary was killed in a fall from a understood you've been known to help women who find horse. Do I have that right so far? You want me to tell you themselves in difficult spots. that you have nothing to fear. You want me to tell you that SHERLOCK. Mrs. Chapman, who do you suppose wrote this this letter is nothing more than a harmless prank, inspired letter? by petty jealousy. You want me to tell you to go home to LIZZIE.I don't know. That's why I came to you. your husband. SHERLOCK. Have you any reason to believe the contents of LIZZIE. My husband is a good man. this letter to be true? SHERLOCK. Those are lovely shoes, Mrs. Chapman. Very LIZZIE. No, none whatsoever. high quality. Very expensive. You would not expect to see them on the feet of your average policeman's wife. But SHERLOCK. There mustbe something, Mrs. Chapman. This then, your husband is not your average policeman, is he? is the third letter you've received? Why haven't you shown Al1 I want to know is who wrote this letter. Are you this to your husband? LIZZIE. going to help me or aren't you? 34 Miss Holmes ACT I ACTI Miss Holmes 35

SHERLOCK. If you want my advice you should find a WATSON. Why is that significant? relative, someone away from the ciry and pay them a visit. SHERLOCK. Isn't it obvious? LIZZIE.I've made a mistake. I should go. I'm sorry to have WATSON. It is not. intruded. SHERLOCK. He refused to comment! Let me walk you out, at least. WATSON. WATSON. I can think of few phrases that appear more LIZZIE. No. Thank you. I can see myself out. Good day. frequently in the newspaper. SHERLOCK. Be careful, Mrs. Chapman. SHERLOCK. The police had just exonerated one of their own. Under normal circumstances they would trumpet such a (LIZZIE exits.) victory to the world with great fanfare and celebration. But in SHERLOCK (cont'd). Now that was interesting. this case, the investigating officer refused to comment. That means something. And possibly something else. It definitely WATSON. Miss Holmes! What on earth just happened? Why means there are details of the case still hidden from the public did you say such horrible things to that poor woman? eye. And it might also mean that the officer in charge of the SHERLOCK. I told her the truth. What is so horrible about case does not agree with the official conclusion. that? WATSON. There is a third option. He might not care. WATSON. How can you possibly know anything about her SHERLOCK. Oh, not this one. I follow his cases with great husband? interest. Inspector Lestrade is the best ofthe professionals. SHERLOCK. Oh, him. Inspector Chapman is notorious. He WATSON. Well then why don't you refer Mrs. Chapman to received no less than twelve mentions in the Times in just him? the last year. Three times, he was mentioned in connection with high-profile arrests. He was mentioned twice regarding SHERLOCK. I intend to. But Lestrade's abilities in this case his marriage to Mrs. Chapman; four more mentions in are hampered by the protective web Thomas Chapman has an exposd of police comrption, specifically regarding spun around himself. All Mrs. Chapman can do is add to controversial interrogation tactics. And then there was the Lestrade's suspicions. We must provide evidence. death of Katherine Featherstone. There were three articles WATSON. We must provide evidence?!? that focused on this event. The first simply reported the fact SHERLOCK. Who else? that it happened and that an investigation was underway; the WATSON. Someone more qualified? second that a coroner'sjury had been convened. But the third SHERLOCK. There is no such person. Mrs. Hudson! We'll ... oh, the third was my favorite. The third article informed be stepping out now! the public that Thomas Chapman had been cleared of any WATSON. What? You're leaving? wrongdoing. But when the press asked the inspecting officer SHERLOCK. Oh, are you not coming with me? for a statement, he refused to comment. 7 36 Miss Holmes ACT I ACT I Miss Holmes 3t

WATSON. Coming with you? Where? This is all moving and Switzerland. And I could plainly see the chain of your rather quickly. watch, a common brand associated with Antoine Ldchaud of SHERLOCK. This is what I do, doctor. It's not all that Geneva. The medical school located closest to Geneva, and different from your own profession. I observe. I deduce. I which accepts international students, is in Bem. investigate. I diagnose. And I prescribe. WATSON. I see. And the writing? WATSON. And you want me to come with you? SHERLOCK. You have no family to speak of, but managed SHERLOCK. Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. I assure you I am to complete your studies over an extended period of time. just as surprised as you. There are no scholarships available to women, so the funds WATSON. She was quite plain, she doesn't want your help. for your education must have come from somewhere. Then Why would you continue in spite of that? there were the words Dr. Anderson spoke when we first SHERLOCK. Mrs. Chapman lied to us. met. You recall? WATSON. She... What? WATSON. "She's a romantic, this one." But I didn't think SHERLOCK. Didn't you notice? Right from the beginning, that's what she was talking about. when I asked her if she had any idea who wrote the letter, SHERLOCK. It was only a hunch, but a survey of book she insisted she had none. She lied to us then. reviews from the last several years revealed the existence medical students, WATSON. How do youknow? of an author focused on the adventures of andwho wrote underan obvious nom deplume. Writers who SHERLOCK. The same way I knew you studied medicine employ initials rather than complete names are concealing in Bern and paid for your education by scribbling dreadful something. Most of the time, that thing is the fact that the mystery novels under a less-than-subtle pen name. writer is a woman. And honestly, "D.W."? WATSON. Explain yourself, if you please. WATSON. All right then. Answer one question for me. Is SHERLOCK.I saw. I smelled.I deduced. this, what you do ... Is it safe? WATSON. You smelled? SHERLOCK. Dr. Watson, tell me truly, when was the last doctor practicing in SHERLOCK. You are a licensed medical time you felt "safe"? London. Your demeanor and your association with Elizabeth Garrett Anderson tell me you have some skill and some (WATSON lets this sink in.) experience. But England only started issuing licenses to women four years ago. So, while you were able to complete WATSON. Where are we going? the bulk of your studies in Edinburgh, you would have to SHERLOCK. Regarding the authorship of Mrs. Chapman's have traveled abroad to receive your degree. When you first note, I have a hypothesis of my own. I believe the first step entered the examining room, I detected the scent of chlorine. is to pay a call on Mrs. Eudora Featherstone. You had just washed your hands using a technique favored by continental institutions, particularly in Austria, Germany (They exit.) 38 Miss Holmes ACT I ACTI Miss Holmes 39

MRS. EUDORA FEATHERSTONE EUDORA. Thank you, Reginald.

(The scene shifts to the home ofE UD O RA F EATHE RSTO NE. (SHERLOCK and WATSON enter.) EUDORA enters. She is dressed in full black. The death of her daughter has had a profound impact on her psyche, and SHERLOCK. Mrs. Eudora Featherstone, I presume? this is apparent throughout. REGINALD. She is. I am her nephew, Reginald. What sort of "Sherlock Wth EUDORA is her nephew, REGINALD. Hefawns over aname is Holmes"? her in a way that makes others nauseous. SHERLOCK. An unusual one, to be certain. May I introduce my companion, Dr. Dorothy Watson. The maid, PEGGY enters, excited. She is put off when she sees REGINALD.) (REGINALD snorts.)

PEGGY. Forgive me, ma'am. WATSON. How do you do? REGINALD. What is it, Peggy? REGINALD. You said this had something to do with her PEGGY. Miss Sherlock Holmes is here to see you. daughter Katherine? EUDORA. Miss what? SHERLOCK. I did. And may I say, Mrs. Featherstone, we are PEGGY. That is her name, ma'am. both deeply sorry for your loss. REGINALD. Eudora is not receiving visitors right now. EUDORA. I don't believe either of you were acquainted with her. PEGGY. Yes, I understand. But ma'am, I really think you'll want- SHERLOCK (to WATSON).You see? I don't know why you told me to say such a thing. It was entirely pointless. REGIN ALD . Did, you not hear me, Peggy? WATSON. Nevertheless, Mrs. Featherstone, please accept EUDORA. I am quite capable of speaking for myself, Reginald. our condolences. I cannot imagine what a trial this has been REGINALD. What is it, Peggy? Outwith it. for you. PEGGY. She said it was about Miss Katherine, ma'am. EUDORA. No, and I hope for your sake that you never Something about an investigation. can. My daughter was a light in the world, and now all is REGINALD. Well now, this is just in bad taste- shrouded in darkness. EUDORA. Show her in, Peggy. WATSON. Yes, ma'am. EUDORA. To die in such away ... I shudder to think on it. (PEGGY curtsies and exits.) REGINALD. There was some nonsense about an investigation? investigation, REGINALD. Are you sure, auntie? I'd hate for anything to There has already been an pointless as it was. Has that police inspector with the funtry upset you- French name found some reason to reopen the case? 40 Miss Holmes ACT I ACT I Miss Holmes 4l

SHERLOCK. Not exactly. We are acting privately, at the EUDORA. Had Scotland Yard not been protecting one of behest of Mrs. Elizabeth Chapman. their own, the truth might have come out. My Katherine was the sweetest, kindest girl that ever lived. My daughter each othe4 genuinely (EUDORA and REGINALD look at would never have done anything so vulgar as to artend a coffised.) ' public bath. And why would anyone be at such a place at that time of night? Hmm? You tell me that! EUDORA. I don't believe I understand. SHERLOCK. But then why would a jury conclude otherwise? SHERLOCK. You know who Elizabeth Chapman is, yes? EUDORA. Why indeed? Alas, the record of the hearing has EUDORA. I do. been sealed. If not, I believe we might receive a fuller SHERLOCK. She has asked us to look into certain allegations account of whom Thomas Chapman calls his friends. made against her husband, specifically concerning your SHERLOCK. Ah. You think Thomas Chapman somehow daughter Katherine. fixed the outcome of the coroner's jury? EUDORA. She has asked you? EUDORA. Would such a thing surprise you? He has been SHERLOCK. She has. accused of far worse in the newspapers. But of course, EUDORA. And who are you, again? Thomas Chapman is merely the tip of the iceberg. REGINALD. Enough ofthis. Explain yourselves, and be plain. REGINALD. Now you've done it. that is WATSON. Mrs. Featherstone, we understand this SHERLOCK. And what makes you say that, Mrs. Featherstone? unusual. I can assure you that no one wonders what on earth EUDORA. You think my Katherine was the first? we are doing here more than myself. The fact is that Mrs. SHERLO CK. We know that Thomas Chapman had a previous Chapman received an anonyrnous note alleging that her wife- husband poses a threat to her. EUDORA. I am not speaking of her! This goes far beyond EUDORA. I have no doubt he does. That poor girl. her! This goes beyond my daughter, or Thomas Chapman, SHERLOCK. So you harbor such concerns yourself? or Scotland Yard! I tell you, there is something sinister at EUDORA. I am certain that what befell my Katherine was work, and it has been loosed upon England! None of you no accident. are safe! SHERLOCK. Mrs. Featherstone, you are of course aware that the coroner's jury determined there was no foul play. (PEGGY enters, hearing the commotion. EUDORA EUDORA. Nonsense. It determined there was no foul play struggles to control herself. SHERLOCK takes out LIZZIE's committed by Thomas Chapman. A conclusion which I note and offers it to her.) regard as highly suspect in and ofitself. SHERLOCK. Mrs. Featherstone, did you write this note? SHERLOCK.Why isthat? Did you send it to Elizabeth Chapman? 42 Miss Holmes ACT I ACT I Miss Holmes 43

EUDORA. I did not. But I bless whoever did. I only wish PEGGY. You'll have to excuse me, Miss Holmes. I'm to someone had done the same for my Katherine. clean the floor today. Mrs. Featherstone may be unclear WATSON. Thank you for your time, Mrs. Featherstone. We about some things, but when judging the housekeeping she truly are sorry for your loss. is meticulous. EUDORA. You did not know her. No one knows anyone. SHERLOCK. Thank you, Peggy. We will see ourselves out. PEGGY. Bless you, Miss Holmes. I don't know if I understand (EUDORA exits. PEGGY moves tofollow her.) half of what Mrs. Featherstone talks about these days, but if there's anything to be learned about what happened to poor I think you've done enough, Peggy. Show these REGINALD. Katherine, I hope you can bring a little peace to this house. see to Mrs. Featherstone. (Exits.) people the door. I will (Exits.) WATSON. I am sorry we upset her. May I ask if she began S H E RLOCK. Fascinating. using laudanum before or after her daughter's death? WATSON. Fascinating? You think upsetting an elderly, PEGGY. How did you know that? grieving woman is "fascinating"? state is a sign of dysphoria. It's a WATSON. Her emotional SHERLOCK. Didn't you think so? common side effect. WATSON. No, I did not. Mrs. Featherstone is clearly suffering some time' PEGGY. Mrs. Featherstone has not been well for from the long-term effects ofher laudanum dependence. She great But the shock of Katherine's death has made things a probably doesn't remember writing the note in the first place. deal worse. SHERLOCK. She didn't write the note. That woman has SHERLOCK. In what way? never operated a typewriter in her life. PEGGY. All this talk of conspiracies and whatnot. And then she WATSON. And how do you know that? has this fear of water. You know that poor Katherine drowned, SHERLOCK. Didn't you get a look at her hands? But that's to go yes? Since then, Mrs. Featherstone cannot bring herself not important anymore. We were forlunate enough to near a bath. A damp towel is the best she can manage. witness a particularly lucid moment. Didn't you hear it? arrived after Katherine's SHERLOCK. Her nephew shortly WATSON. No, I did not. death, I assume? SHERLOCK. The jury! PEGGY. I'd never heard, of him before the funeral. With WATSON. The .. . The coroner's jury? Katherine gone, though, he stands to inherit a lot of Mrs. SHERLOCK. Thomas Chapman somehow managed to Featherstone's money. manipulate the outcome. SHERLOCK. The money isn't guaranteed,I take it? WATSON. Oh, so you find that credible. Shall we also look petrified she'11change her will. PEGGY. No. He's into this "conspiracy that goes beyond Scotland Yard"? WATSON. Well, doesn't he sound delightful? SHERLOCK. There's no need to be facetious. 44 Miss Holmes ACTI ACTI Miss Holmes 45

WATSON. What makes you believe this, of all the things that (A man enters and wall

(WATSON laughs.) Qfe ushers the women to a secluded corner.)

SHERLOCK. I hoped you might spare a few moments so that SHERLOCK. Who requested the motion? we might discuss one of your cases. LESTRADE. Look, I don't know who you are, and I don't LESTRADE. Eh ... what case? know what you think you're doing, but this is no business SHERLOCK. Thomas ChaPman. for women to go mucking about. If you know what's good for you, you'll forget all about this. While I do thank you (Pause. SHERLOCK waits for a response and is perplexed ladies for your interest in this investigation, I cannot in when she doesn't receive one.) good conscience allow you continue with your little private inquiry. It's too dangerous. SHERLOCK (cont'd). You are familiar with the name. SHERLOCK. I don't see how it canbe any less dangerous for Who are LESTRADE. You? you than it would be for us. My name is Sherlock Holmes. Dr. Watson and SHERLOCK. LESTRADE. Miss Holmes, I am a police officer. This is my I- job. You are ... LESTRADE. No. Who are you? Is this some sort ofjoke? SHERLOCK. We are what,Inspector Lestrade? I never make jokes. We are here on behalf of SHERLOCK. LESTRADE. You, Miss Holmes, are the strangest damned his wife. woman I have ever met. And in my line of work that is (Lool

you? Because you know what kind of man he really is. If observation to deduce that this man had been a criminal only you had the evidence you needed. (Pause.) Please, sentenced to transportation, but had escaped and assumed inspector. How long have you been wanting to tell your a false identity. We were seated for dinner when I made side? Consider it therapeutic. my conclusions known. I recall the hush that settled over the table. My parents were mortified, of course, but one (LESTRADE stares at SHERLOCK and sees something by one the stares shifted from me to the merchant. He rose there that changes him.) from his chair, calm as if he intended to propose a toast. He cleared his throat, brushed an imagined imperfection from can't talk here. LESTRADE. I his jacket, and then sprinted from the room. SHERLOCK. Come to us tomorrow, then.22lB Baker Street. (A hansom cab arrives. LESTRADE re-enters.) (LESTRADE thinks about it.) LESTRADE. Good night, ladies. you two LESTRADE. Just talk, right? I don't want to find out SHERLOCK. Until tomorrow, inspector, have been snooping around crime scenes. SHERLOCK. I am scandalized to even hear you mention (LESTRADE exits. SHERLOCK continues her story as she such an idea. and WATSON climb into the cab.) LESTRADE. Right. It's late. Why don't I find you ladies a SHERLOCK (cont'd). He was caught later that night, to take you home. cab emptying the safe in his offices. The young woman who you, SHERLOCK. That would be splendid. Thank Inspector had escaped a shameful marriage was ever so grateful, and Lestrade. not long after she sent an acquaintance to me with a similar problem. Soon I had developed something of a reputation, (LESTRADE exits. SHERLOCK notices WATSON\ and now when women have certain concerns or difficulties furrowed brow.) that cannot be addressed through customary means, they come to me for assistance. I believe I provide a necessary SHERLOCK (cont'd). You have concerns. service, ifan unconventional one. WATSON. Why did Mrs. Chapman come to see you? No WATSON. And it is in this service that you find yourself clever answers, please. Just explain it to me. brawling with orderlies at Bedlam? SHERLOCK. I ... very well. When I was seventeen, a friend SHERLOCK. Only very occasionally. I was fourteen years my father's had arranged to marry his daughter to a of old, the first time I found myself at such a place. It was at merchant. The daughter was afraid of the merchant wealthy my mother's insistence. She felt my fondness for reading was unable to articulate. Upon meeting for reasons she and studying the physical world had caused undue stress. this merchant for myself it took me about ten minutes' WATSON. Why did she think that? 50 Miss Holmes ACT I ACT I Miss Holmes 51

(SHERLOCK hesitates.) WATSON. You want me to, what, be your caretaker? SHERLOCK. Not exactly. I ... I rather thought it might be SHERLOCK. Perhaps you have heard of the Alsatian Wolf Dog, mutually beneficial for the two of us to ... to be friends. the new German breed? They are said to be the most intelligent dogs ever bred. Some claim they can understand nearly a (WATSON is taken aback.) thousand different words. But there have been problems, issues with temperament as the dogs grow older. They have SHERLOCK (cont'd). And ... and to that end, I thought I been known to lash out and cause injuries. And can you blame might offer you the use of the spare room at Baker Street. the poor beasts? Imagine having a wealth of language, and a I had deduced a degree of dissatisfaction with your current desire to communicate, but lacking the physical capacity to situation. It is forlythree minutes' walk from the Royal simply speak the words you wish to say. Would you not rage Free Hospital. It is already furnished, and there would be and bite? Would you not go mad? One must find some form no need for you to pay rent- of release. When I returned home, my father took one look at WATSON. You do not need to bribe me. me and swore that I should never again be subjected to such SHERLOCK. Forgive me. I have many acquaintances, but I would treatrnent. But within four years both mother and father have never mastered the process of converting acquaintance be gone, and I would become my brother's problem. into friendship. have some WATSON. Your brother? But surely he would WATSON. Should I expect adventures like this to be a regular concern for your safetY, at least? occurrence? "concern" is SHERLOCK. Mycroft is not malicious, but no, SHERLOCK. I certainly hope so. with which he has been burdened. He places not a faculty WATSON. A pair of women running around London, of his work. The threat of institutionalization nothing ahead questioning police inspectors about murders and the like? omnipresent. looms, There would be consequences. For both ofus. That's horrible. WATSON. SHERLOCK. That is precisely why I need you with me. To SHERLOCK. But within his rights. remind me of that very thing. Of course, I understand if WATSON. Can all of this be worth the risk? you'd rather accept the gentleman's proposal. SHERLOCK. Yes. That said, I have from time to time thought WATSON. The gentleman-How on earth-What was it? that a companion might be a useful thing to have. Someone My voice? The way I'm dressed? What? who might remind me now and then when my activities SHERLOCK. Dr. Anderson told me. common sense. skirt the edge of WATSON. Bloody hell. (She laughs.) Yes. His name is WATSON. A companion. Michael. And I am fond of him. His family and mine have SHERLOCK. In fact, I mentioned this idea to Dr. Anderson been friends for a long time. His mother was particularly once. The next time I saw her, she introduced me to you' kindto me during some difficulttimes. He's very successful. 53 52 Miss Holmes ACTI ACTI Miss Holmes

My life would be very safe and securez which is something THOMAS. You know why I'm here? I've always wanted to try. I could be quite content' It would EUDORA. I'm sure I have no idea. also be very ... ordinary. (Pause.) Let me think about it' THOMAS. No? Are you certain? You haven't been writing SHERLOCK. Of course. any letters, have you? EUDORA. I have not, but I thank God that someone is. (The caniage comes to a stoP') THOMAS. Oh, so you know about it then? And where did SHERLOCK (cont'd).I believe this is you' you hear it? you ask your wife? WATSON. So it is. Regarding my current living arrangement' EUDORA. Why don't you deduced correctly. This place is dreadful' (Steps out of THOMAS. My wife. the carriage.) I've an early shift tomorrow' I'11 come by EUDORA. She sent them. She knows now. Lestrade has to Baker Street after, to hear what Inspector THOMAS. Sent who? Knows what, ma'am? it more then. say. We'll discuss EUDORA. Get out of here. Very well. Good night, Watson' SHERLOCK. THOMAS. Did someone come to see you? What did you say safe' (Exits') WATSON. Good night, Sherlock. Get home to them? SHERLOCK. On to Baker Street. EUDORA. Nothing I haven't said before. I am not afraid of you. THOMAS. I don't need you to be afraid of me. I just need (The carriage drives off.) you to believe me when I tell you that if you don't shut THOMAS AND EUDORA your bloody mouth, I will shut it for you. You believe that, don't you? home' EUDORA enters') Qhe scene shifis to EUDORA| EUDORA. You cannot hurt me. THOMAS. Right. You think that after all you've suffered, EUDORA. PeggY? PeggY! you're immune now. But I can tell you-and I have had (THOMAS enters.) some experience with this-you are not. Whatever pain you've endured in the past, there is always room for more. EUDORA (cont'd). Peggy, where have you- (Pause.) But neither of us wants that. So you just keep your mad ideas to yourself, you hear me? Because that's all (Shefreezes when she sees THOMAS') anyone thinks it is. Madness. Hello, ma'am. THOMAS. (THOMAS moves toward EUDORA, and shefiinches back. is my maid? Where is EUDORA. What do you want? Where He smiles, leans in and kisses her cheek.) Reginald? 54 Miss Holmes ACT I ACT I Miss Holmes 55

THOMAS (cont'd).It's good to see you again, Eudora. MYCROFT. You won't find my name on any documents relating to it, if that is what you mean. But yes, I provide to (THOMAS exits. EUDORA holds out a shaking hand the means to allow Sherlock to reside here. -r sobbin g.) steadt' herself, then collapses, WATSON. Well then, to answer your question, I have not yet MYCROFT made up my mind regarding her offer. MYCROFT. I should like you to accept it. (The scene shifts to ottside Baker Sfieet. WATSOI\I enkrs WATSON. You would? On what basis? canying her Gladstorte bag. As afier a shifi at the hospital, MYCROFT. She likes you. she approaches the door; WATSON pauses. She looks behind WATSON. And I am rather fond of her, as well. het tmable to shake thefeeting that she is beingv'atched' MYCROFT. She doesn't like anyone. Slowfi,, WATSON reaches into her bag as she continttes to WATSON.I see. look back in the directionf'om v'hich she came.) MYCROFT. I assure you that you do not. But you will. Now, MYCROFT (entering fi'otn the opposite direction). That Sherlock has offered you the room rent-free. I can agree to won't be necessary. Greetings, Miss Watson. those terms on one condition. WATSON. Who are you? WATSON. Of course. MYCROFT. My name is Mycroft Holmes. Might I have a word? MYCROFT. You will keep Sherlock out of trouble. It sounds simple; it is not. I want you to keep me apprised of what she WATSON. You're Sherlock's brother? does, where she goes, what piques her interest. You will be MYCROFT. I wish to ask a few questions regarding your thorough. You will be discreet. I will expect to hear from connection to mY sister. you on a regular basis. Do you have any questions? WATSON. And you thought it best to do so by surprising me WATSON. Is she to trust me? on a dark street at night? MYCROFT. I should hope so. MYCROFT. I needed to speak with you right away, so I went WATSON. Even as I report on her every move? to the place I knew You would be. MYCROFT. It is not the spying to which she will object. She WATSON. By God, you are Sherlock's brother- will try to talk you into doing things against your better MYCROFT. I understand that last night she offered you her judgment. She never listens to her own common sense, so spare room. I wish to know if you intend to accept her offer' you will have to do it for both of you. WATSON. What business is it of yours, exactly? WATSON. She said essentially the same thing. MYCROFT. I like to know mY tenants. MYCROFT. It will go a long way to improve your situation. WATSON. The flat belongs to then? You, WATSON. And what would you know of my situation? 56 Miss Holmes ACT I ACT I Miss Holmes 57

MYCROFT. I know your father made a living as a tutor of LESTRADE STATES HIS CASE classical literature and died when you were seventeen years old, leaving your family penniless. I know you enrolled at (The scene shifts to the sitting roorn at 22IB Baker Street. the University of Edinburgh against your mother's expressed LESTRADE has ah'eady arrived and is talking with wishes. I know you subsidized your education by publishing SHERLOCK as WATSON enter"s.) a novel under the pen name D.W. Graham, and while sales SHERLOCK. Ah, Watson, you're just in time. Inspector of the book were adequate enough to provide a modest living Lestrade was just about to tell me who filed the motion to during your studies, you have been burdened by the costs suppress the coroner's jury witness list. incurred after the death of your mother while you were still LESTRADE. Chapman made the request himself. in Switzerland. And I know about your brother. SHERLOCK. Can you tell us who was on the witness list? WATSON. Leave my brother out of this. LESTRADE. That would be defying the court, Miss Holmes. MYCROFT. I am attempting to sweeten the offer. as it were. That's how these things work. One of the unpleasant, lingering effects of suicide is that the bereaved are often denied pension benefits. As poor SHERLOCK. Yes, but surely- Henry's last surviving relative, I imagine you would have LESTRADE. Look, it doesn't really matter who was on the some substantial back pay owed to you as well. The army witness list. The coroner's jury could not indict Thomas is notoriously tightfisted when it comes to such things, but Chapman for one simple reason. He did not kill Katherine I could certainly loosen their grip in this case. Featherstone. WATSON. Who areyot? SHERLOCK. You sound very certain of that. MYCROFT. I am Sherlock's brother. That is all with which LESTRADE. He has avery convincing alibi. He was making you need concern yourself. Now what say you to my offer? an arrest on the other end of the city at the time of Katherine's death. Aside from it being registered in the log book, there's WATSON. May I have some time to consider it? the fellow he arrested. As alibis go, it's about as solid as Of course. But, Miss Watson,I do wish to make MYCROFT. they get. But just because he didn't kill Katherine doesn't the terms ofthis alrangement- You would be Sherlock's clear mean Thomas Chapman isn't responsible for her death. companion, but my employee. is that understood? SHERLOCK. You have another suspect. WATSON. It is. LESTRADE. Edwin Greener. MYCROFT. Today is a good day. If you find her behavior SHERLOCK. Edwin Greener? Who is he? peculiar now, wait until a bad one. Good evening to you, LESTRADE. Edwin Greener works for Chapman in an Miss Watson. I expect to hear from you soon. "unofficial" capacity. He was a soldier, invalided home during (MYCROFT exits. WATSON v'atches him go, then the lastAfghan war. His time over there left him a bit ... Well, contirures on to 2218.) you say you're a doctor, maybe you're familiar with it. 58 Miss Holmes ACT I ACT I Miss Holmes 59

WATSON. It's more common than you think. SHERLOCK. But i still have one or two more- LESTRADE. He's had a hard time finding steady work, got WATSON. Good luck, Inspector Lestrade. I believe Miss picked up once or twice for petty theft, assault. Holmes would appreciate being apprised of your progress, SHERLOCK. Why do you think it was this Greener fellow? if there is any. LESTRADE. He was there. He claims he happened to be LESTRADE. Of course, Miss-Dr. Watson. Good evening to walking through Hampstead Heath on his way home from a you, Miss Holmes. street-cleaning job. He heard a shout, came running and found WATSON. Good night, inspector. Katherine face down in the water. Greener says he pulled her out and tried to revive her, with no success, so he ran to flag (LESTRADE exits.) down a policeman. The street-cleaning job checks out, but SHERLOCK. Why did you do that? then, with Thomas Chapman, everything always does. WATSON. Because I wish to discuss your brother. I just met SHERLOCK. Clearly you have reason to doubt Edwin him on the street. Greener's story. SHERLOCK. Oh? Did he recite your entire biography back LESTRADE. I have dozens of reasons. Chapman makes no to you? secret of his hold over Greener. What I don't have is proof, and the coroner's jury was unable to find any. He's too WATSON. Yes. His intimate knowledge of my personal careful. He's got a lot of friends at Scotland Yard, and no history was as encyclopedic as it was unsettling. Who in one on the street who knows anything is stupid enough to the world is this person? talk. One came close, but he disappeared three days before SHERLOCK. He claims to be merely a civil servant, but I he was supposed to testi$. That's how Thomas Chapman assure you that very little occurs on a national scale without deals with obstacles. his knowledge, if not his direct influence. SHERLOCK. Then where do you suggest we begin? WATSON. You understand what he wants from me? He LESTRADE. We? Miss Holmes, I thought I was clear about asked me to spy on you. this. SHERLOCK. Does this mean you're taking the room then? SHERLOCK. Come now. His own wife is suspicious of him- WATSON. That's not the point, Sherlock! Brothers do not Surely- normally bribe people to spy on their sisters for them. WATSON. That's enough, Sherlock. l'm sure lnspector SHERLOCK. No, but when the fate of an empire rests on Lestrade rs very grateful for the opportuni$ to au his one's shoulders, as is often the case for Mycroft, one can thoughts on the case. never be too careful. LESTRADE. Er, yes, quite. WATSON. So you are willing to accept this arrangement? WATSON. But it's time to say good night, don't you think? SHERLOCK. I am. Are you? 60 Miss Holmes ACTI ACT I Miss Holmes 6l

WATSON. Yes. LIZZIE. Mrs. Featherstone ... Mrs. Featherstone is dead! SHERLOCK. It's settled then. The only question now is where (Pause.) to pick up the thread of our investigation, since Inspector disappointingly commonplace in Lestrade turned out to be WATSON. My God. Sherlock- his willingness to accept our assistance. SHERLOCK. Yes, Watson. The game is afoot. WATSON. He'lI come around. Until then, I believe I have an idea. (Blackout.) SHERLOCK. You really wish to participate? END OFACT I. WATSON. No. This entire enterprise seems foolish at best, and dangerous at worst. But on one point I agree with you: If we do not help, who will?

(The doorbell rings. MRS HUDSON enters, muttering')

MRS. HLIDSON. Now who on earth could that be at this time of night? Really, firstpolicemen come calling, now it's who knows what ...

(MRS. HUDSON exits. A moment lateri LIZZIE rushes in, upset. She isfollowedby MRS. HUDSON.)

LIZZIE. Miss Holmes, forgive me. I didn't know where else to turn. SHERLOCK. Mrs. Chapman? Is everything all right? You've changed your shoes. LIZZIE. Oh, it's horrible. Just horrible! SHERLOCK. What? What is so horrible? WATSON. Take a breath, Mrs. Chapman. Now, can you tell us what's troubling You? LIZZIE. The poor old woman! WATSON. What old woman? SHERLOCK. Something has happenedto EudoraFeatherstone' ACTII Miss Holmes 63

ACT II SHERLOCK. What was your idea, Watson? WAISON. My what? THE GAME BEGINS SHERLOCK. Before Mrs. Chapman arrived, you said you had an idea. (Ligh* up on the sitting room at Baker Street, moments later WATSON. I was going to suggest we try to locate this Edwin WATSON, LIZZIE ANd MRS. HUDSON ATC SdNNTOCT, Greener fellow. right where we lefi them.) SHERLOCK. Capital idea. We can do that on the way. SHERLOCK.HowdoyouknowMrs'Featherstoneisdead? WATSON. Where are we going now? LIZZIE. My husband told me. SHERLOCK. The scene of the crime. And how did he know of it? SHERLOCK. (They exit. As they go, THOMAS appears in the street, don't know' People LIZZIE.It's his job to know, isn't it? I watching them.) knew she was his mother-in-law once' I imagine someone thought he'd want to hear about it' THE SCENE OF THE CRIME When did this haPPen? SHERLOCK. (The scene shifis to Mrs. Featherstone's home. We hear the LIZZIE. Late last night, I gathered. sound of someone tamperingwith a lock, which then clicks SHERLOCK. What do You think, Watson? open. A door opens. SHERLOCK and WATSON enter.) WATSON. She was an old woman in poor health' It could be WATSON. Dare I even ask where you learned how to pick a coincidence. locks? Does that seem likely to you? SHERLOCK. SHERLOCK. I wouldn't want to shock your delicate definition is unlikely' WATSON. A coincidence by sensibilities. although I expect the coroner will SHERLOCK. Precisely, WATSON. I am not amused, Sherlock. This is the very thing We must hurry' (Io draw the same conclusion as you' you promised the inspector we would not do. I can only and must run an LIZZIE.) Mrs. Chapman, Dr. Watson I guess at the laws we are breaking right now. you stay here until we return? Mrs' errand. May I suggest SHERLOCK. Burglary trespass, interfering with a crime comfortable' Hudson will make sure you are scene... had quite a shock' Why MRS. HUDSON. Of course. You've WATSON. Thank you. Can we please get on with it, before you a nice cup of tea? don't you come along and I'11 fetch we are arrested for any of those crimes? LIZZIE.Yes, thank yov- (To SHERLOCK') Thank you' Miss Holmes. (fhey begin searching the house.)

you see, (LIZZIE and MRS. HUDSON exit') SHERLOCK. This is the place. What do Watson?

62 ACT 65 64 Miss Holmes II ACTII Miss Holmes wATsoN.Nothingdifferent.Itsmellslikeit'sbeencleaned WATSON. What does that mean? since we were last here. SHERLOCK. This part of the floor was rinsed and then wiped SHERLOCK. Yes, you'll recall the maid said it was her day clean again, after the maid washed it. to ... WATSON. Thomas Chapman? SHERLOCK. It's possible. We know he has a motive, and as (Something about thefloor catches SHERLOCK's attention' a police detective, he would surely have the wherewithal to to get a closer look') She crouches remove the evidence. But the nephew Reginald had just as strong a motive, and he had the means to- WATSON. Did You find something? (REGINALD enters. He is very drunk. There is a brief (SHERLOCK produces a magnifuing glass and scrutinizes pause as everyone assesses the situation.) thefioorwith it.) SHERLOCK (cont' d). Hello. WATSON (cont'd). What is that? REGINALD. What the bloody hell are you doing here? SHERLOCK. It is a magnifying glass' SHERLOCK. Offering our condolences. So sorry for your WATSON. Yes, obviously. Where did you find a- loss, Reginald. (SHERLOCK raises a hand.) REGINALD. Now? At this time of ... what time is it? WATSON. We were just leaving. SHERLOCK. Hush, Watson. SHERLOCK. Can you tell us how your aunt passed? (SHERLOCK| attention goes back andforth between two REGINALD. She fell in her bath. How did you get in here? nearby spots on thefloor She pulls out a cloth and rubs one SHERLOCK. In her bath? Are you sure? she rubs the other spot with it. She smells the cloth' Then REGINALD. Of course I'm sure! It's where I bloody found part of the cloth' She smells ipot, careful to use a dffirent her! again.) the cloth WATSON. That must have been quite a shock. SHERLOC K (cont' d) . Fascinating' REGINALD. Wait. Who letyou in? WAISON. What is? SHERLOCK. Peggy said we could- SHERLOCK. Most of this floor holds a residue of REGINALD. Peggy doesn't work here anymore. Gave her hypochlorite of lime. From this we may deduce that Peggy the sack, first thing. the maid carried out her duties and cleaned the floor as she SHERLOCK. Well, that seems uncalled for. was supposed to. But this area here displays significantly REGINALD. You don't know me. What are you doing in less residue. here? I should send for the police. 66 Miss Holmes ACT II ACTII Miss Holmes 67

WATSON. I assure you there's no need for that. We're going WATSON. So then ... (Realizing) Why would she have now. fallen in her bath? SHERLOCK. Are you sure there was nothing unusual about SHERLOCK. Precisely. Mrs. Featherstone met her end in the finding your aunt in the bath rather than' say, here in the drawing room, and was then moved to the bath to cover the drawing room? crime. The scene itself was then wiped clean to conceal any evidence. and down.) (Pause. REGINALD lool

WATSON. Who was that? SHERLOCK. Yes, and I could be sent to an asylum. SHERLOCK. Hername is Martha. WATSON. This is dangerous, Sherlock! You must understand WATSON. I gathered that. Who is she? that. SHERLOCK. Well. I have this group of ... I call them my SHERLOCK. Of course I do. Knitting Circle. The name is meant to be ironic. WATSON. This is one of those "common sense" moments WATSON. Obviously. both you and your brother asked me to watch out for. SHERLOCK. In the course ofmy work I have won the favor of SHERLOCK. Are you coming with me or aren't you? a number ofwomen in all sorts ofuseful positions in London. WATSON. Of course I'm bloody coming with you! (Pause.) Governesses, maidservants, washerwomen, barmaids. A But first, we're stopping off at Baker Street. useful network for gossip and information. I rely upon them SHERLOCK. What for? to keep me informed. It's how I knew when to expect Mrs. WATSON. I left my bag. Come on. Chapman when she first called upon us. She'd been asking around, and word always gets back to me. (They exit.) WATSON. And you helped her son somehow? PROTECTING LIZZIE SHERLOCK. Got him arrested, yes. (The WATSON. Arrested? scene shifis to 22IB Baker Street where MRS HUDSON comforts a distressed LIZZIE.) SHERLOCK. Best thing for him, I assure you. WATSON. Well? What did she tell you? LIZZIE. Thank you so much, Mrs. Hudson. You've been too SHERLOCK. We have located Edwin Greener. kind to me. WATSON. Should we call for Inspector Lestrade? MRS. HUDSON. Think nothing of it, dear. I may not approve Miss SHERLOCK. This was your idea, Watson. of Holmes'business, or whatever she calls it, but I'm not one to turn away a soul in need. WATSON. I only suggested we locate him. We should tell the LIZZIE. They've been gone so long. Do you have any idea inspector. when they will be returning? SHERLOCK. To what end? He will only try to talk us out MRS. HUDSON. You would think she would tell me of it. something like that, wouldn't you? But you'd be wrong. WATSON. He may have a point. You are proposing we LIZZTE.Oh. confront a known criminal and suspected murderer. MRS. HUDSON. Mrs. Chapman,far be it from me to put my SHERLOCK. And? nose in where it doesn't belong, but I really must say that in WATSON. If Mrs. Featherstone's nephew had summoned the my day, a young lady would not dream of asking questions police, I could lose my medical license. about her husband behind his back. 70 Miss Holmes ACTII ACTII Miss Holmes 1l

LIZZIE. Even if you knew him to be a criminal? LIZZIE. You promise you'll come? MRS. HIIDSON. Especially if I knew him to be a criminal. SHERLOCK. I do. Hurry now. Be brave. And be careful. propriety. You want Young people today have no sense of LIZZIE.I will. Thank you, Miss Holmes. my advice, it is your duty to be of help to your husband, no matter what his profession maY be. (LIZZIE exits.) LIZZIE. Thank you, Mrs. Hudson. You are entirely correct, I'm sure. SHERLOCK. Are you ready, Watson? WATSON. Define, "Ready." opening, by (The sound of the front door followed SHERLOCK. Good enough. Come along. SHERLOCK and WATSON entering-) (They exit.) MRS. HLIDSON. Ah, here theY are. SHERLOCK. Hello, Mrs. Hudson. All's well? WHO WROTE THE LETTER MRS. HUDSON. We were just having a pleasant chat, Mrs. (The scene shifts to a shabby, run-down Again we Chapman and I. fiat. hear the sound ofa lock being picked. The door opens, and (WATSONfinds her bag and checks inside-) SHERLO CK and WATSON enter.)

LIZZIE.Miss Holmes, it was her, wasn't it? Mrs' Featherstone SHERLOCK. It's really rather simple once you comprehend wrote the letter? the mechanics of it. And cheaper locks like this one are so much easier. But what a SHERLOCK. It is our opinion that she did not. I'd really love to attempt is bank vault. LIZZIE. Not her? Not her? But ... who then? WATSON. What are we looking for, Sherlock? SHERLOCK. We are pursuing another line of inquiry. Our first concern now is for your safety. Do you know where SHERLOCK. I've no idea. Try not to disturb anything. your husband is now? (WATSON looks around from where she is standing. LIZZIE. He's on duty tonight. Won't be home until early SHERLOCK moves around the examining things up morning. flat, close.) SHERLOCK. Go home then, and pack up whatever is essential. Dr. Watson and I have one more stop to make, SHERLOCK (cont'd). Watson, how would you describe this and then we will come fetch you. room? LIZZIE. Where will I go? WATSON. Tidy? Organized? Efficient? Not what one would SHERLOCK. You will return here for the time being, until expect, given the neighborhood. we can find some place safer for you. 72 Miss Holmes ACTII ACTII Miss Holmes 73

SHERLOCK. No. This is the room of a man who works very (EDWIN jumpsfrom the shadows and grabs SHERLOCK. hard at maintaining a normal life. See the way the shirts are He has a kntfe. They struggle over it, and he is able to folded, and the shoes arranged. Such care. Military habits, overpower her.) I would assume. EDWIN. Who are you? What do you want with me? WATSON. Sherlock, look at this. (WATSON draws a pistol her doctorb bag and (SHERLOCK comes over to seewhat WATSON hasfound: from fires it in the air. Both EDWIN and SHERLOCKfreeze A typewriter.) in surprise.) WATSON (cont'd). How could he afford a typewriter? WATSON. Let her go! (SHERLOCK produces LIZZIEb letter and compares it to EDWIN. Who sent you? a paper found near the typauriter.) WATSON. Drop the knife, Mr. Greener! EDWIN. Who sent you?!? SHERLOCK. This is it. Edwin Greener wrote the letter' SHERLOCK. Elizabeth Chapman sent us! We know you WATSON. But whY? tried to warn her about her husband. We just want to ask (They hear a noise and look up. EDWIN stands in the you a few questions. doorway, staring at them' They stare back' Afier a moment') EDWIN. I don't know what you're talking about. SHERLOCK. We found your typewriter, Mr. Greener. SHERLOCK. Hello. Edwin Greener,I presume? EDWIN. Did he send you? Are you here to kill me? (EDWIN turns and sPrints out-) SHERLOCK. I assure you we are not here to kill anyone, in spite of my associate's appearance to the contrary. SHERLOCK (cont' d). No, wait! EDWIN. You're not going to kill me? (SHERLOCK and WATSON exit, chasing after him') SHERLOCK. No, Mr. Greener. EDWIN. Why not? EDWIN GREENER SHERLOCK. Watson, put your weapon away. (SHERLOCK and WATSON chase EDWIN through the WATSON. After him. alleys. They fnd themselves at a dead end, and EDWIN is EDWIN. Do it. Please. Do it. nowhere in sight) WATSON. Mr. Greener. If you do not drop your knife, I will fire my weapon agarn. At this range,I have a strong WATSON. Dead end. He must have gone another way' chance of striking your shoulder, ann or upper chest. The SHERLOCK. No, I don't think so. We may want to- t- 74 Miss Holmes ACTII ACTII Miss Holmes 75

bullet will pierce your skin, tear through your soft tissue, EDWIN. Katherine. He had her all wrapped in a sheet. I mean, and most likely impact against bone, breaking it. This I couldn't be sure it was her at first, but he says, "Grab her will inhibit the use of your arm, possibly permanently. feet," and we pick her up and take her out to the wagon. Removing the bullet fragments will be painful-much That's when he tells me where to take her, what to do. more so than actually being shot. You will not enjoy the SHERLOCK. He didn't come with you? treatment required, but unforlunately for you, you medical EDWIN (shaking his head). Needed his alibi. He told me, "I as much as you may wish for it, the one will receive it. And need you now, Edwin. More than I ever have before. You thing it won't do is kill you. take care of this for me, and you'll never want for nothing again." He went off his way, and I went to Hampstead (EDWIN lets this sink in. He shoves SHERLOCK toward Heath. It was full dark, no one around. I ... I took the sheet WATSON, but he does not let go of his k"ife.) offand that's when I saw her. EDWIN. Who are you? WATSON. Did you notice any injuries? SHERLOCK. We are friends of Elizabeth Chapman. She EDWIN. Not injuries, no. But her face was purple. And her wants to know if there is any truth behind the letter you eyes were so red. And they just stared at me. I remember you sent her. thinking, know, maybe it was an accident, right? But I knew it couldn't be. Tom wouldn't have me doing what I EDWIN. It's true. I saw it. was doing for no accident. SHERLOCK. You saw Thomas Chapman kill Katherine? SHERLOCK. What did you do then? EDWIN. I ... no. I didn't see that. But I know she didn't die EDWIN. Put her in the water. Let her just float there for a in no bathing pool at Hampstead Heath. while, then pulled her out again. Then I fetched the cops. SHERLOCK. How do you know that? SHERLOCK. Mr. Greener, you are an accomplice to a put EDWIN. Because she was already dead when I her there. murder, but I believe an unwilling one. If you are willing to SHERLOCK. You put her there? testify against Tom Chapman, I believe the court would be EDWIN. He told me to. I was working for him, small stuff. lenient toward you. Collecting. Sometimes he'd have me rough someone up. EDWIN. Testify? Against Tom? You don't understand. You Help keep people in line. That's all. But then that night he don't cross Tom Chapman. tells me to meet him at his house. He has me fetch a wagon SHERLOCK. A moment ago you were willing to die, but and bring it 'round to the back. I'm not one to question now you're afraid? You were a soldier. orders. I do as he says. I knock on the back door, and Tom EDWIN. Have you seen what he's done to folks before he tells me to come through. And that's when ... kills 'em? You seen what he does to their families? You SHERLOCK. It's all right, Edwin. That's when what? don't get it. If I wasn't a dead man before, I am now. It's just a matter of time. And he'll make sure I die screaming. 76 Miss Holmes ACTII ACTII Miss Holmes 77

WATSON. Mr. Greener, please put down the knife. THE TURN EDWIN. He'll kill Lizzie too, you know. But first he'll kill you. (A l*tock at a doon The scene shifts to the Chapmans'home. (EDWIN puts the htife to his throat.) A packed bag sits open. LIZZIE enters and crosses to the door. She lets SHERLOCK enter.) SHERLOCK. Edwin, don't- LIZZIE. Oh, Miss Holmes! Thank goodness. I've been (LTATSONfires once, shooting EDWIN in the shoulder just jumping at every sound since I got here. as she she would. The impact lcnocks him back. The said SHERLOCK. Completely understandable. Are you ready? loife dropsfrom his hand.) LIZZIE.Almost. I just need one or two more things from my dressing room. EDWIN. You shot me. SHERLOCK. WATSON. You were going to do worse to yourself. We must hurry. Watson is tending to our witness as we speak. EDWIN. I can't believe you really ... oh bloody hell that LIZZIE. Yorn... what? hurts! SHERLOCK. Edwin Greener. Do you know him? He worked (EDWIN grabs his shoulder and sinl

WATSON (cont'd, to EDWIN). Come on,you. (LIZZIE exits. SHERLOCK looks around the room, trying to take in as (WATSON helps the whimpering EDWIN to his feet and much detail as she can. She briefly looks in LIZZIE's bag, leadshim off.) moves past, stops. Something puzzles SHERLOCK. She returns to the bag, reaches in and pulls out a pair of shoes. i 78 Miss Holmes ACT II ACT II Miss Holmes 79

They are identical to the shoes LIZZIE wore when shefirst SHERLOCK. Mycroft- visited Baker Street, but these show signs of water damage- MYCROFT furious).It was bad enough when you set your SHERLOCK comes to a disturbing realization.) sights on common reprobates. All it took was a few pounds slipped into a pocket to keep things manageable. But a SHERLOCK (cont'd). Oh. Oh my. (She listens at the door.) detective of Scotland Yard? Mrs. Chapman? (There is no response) Mrs- Chapman, are SHERLOCK. A comrpt detective. A murderer. you coming? MYCROFT. Be silent, Sherlock. This goes farbeyond anything I can possibly allow. (SHERLOCKopens thedoor, then stumbles back. THOMAS stands in the doorwaY.) (WATSON enters.)

THOMAS. Miss Holmes, is it? WATSON. Sherlock?

(THOMAS advqnces. SHERLOCK bacl

(There is a lcnock at the door.) SHERLOCK. Mycroft, please, you can send me to the country again. THOMAS (cont'd).I believe your coach has arrived. MYCROFT. Because that worked so well last time? No, Sherlock. SHERLOCK. And you think the asylum will hold me better? (THOMAS answers the door. MYCROFT enters.) You know I can walk out of there any time I like. Miss Holmes ACTII ACT II Miss Holmes 81 80 -- MYCROFT. Not this time. SUPERINTENDENT. Right then. Offwe go.

(MYCROFT nods to ORDERLY #2.) (They carry SHERLOCK out. MYCROFT turns his attention to WATSON.) ORDERLY #2. Allright, miss, here we go. MYCROFT. Miss Watson, the terms of our atrangement were (ORDERLY #2 advances on SHERLOCK') clear, were they not? WATSON. They were. SHERLOCK. NO! MYCROFT. I thought it was understood that your main (SHERLOCK lashes out, fighting like a caged animal' purpose was, to the best of your abiliry to curb these ... ORDERLY #2 and the SUPERINTENDENT try to catch adventures. her and she manages to lcnock both to the ground' But WATSON. You instructed me to act as Sherlock's common before she can escape, MYCROFT steps in and grabs her sens9. cuts her off') tight. WATSON steps in, but THOMAS MYCROFT. Yes, those were my words. You will understand, then, why I find you in material breach of our agreement. THOMAS. Careful there, doctor. The invitation for you to take up residence at 22lB Baker (strugglingwith SHERLOCK)-Now, damn it all! MYCROFT Street is rescinded. Is there anything you wish to say? (The SUPERINTENDENT produces a syringe, which he WATSON. Would it make any difference if I did? plunges into SHERLOCK'; arm. After afa,v more seconds MYCROFT. None at all. of struggling, SHERLOCK goes limP- WATSON. Where are they taking Sherlock? WATSON breaks free from THOMAS and goes to MYCROFT. Bethlem Royal Hospital. And I have instructed SHERLOCK.) the hospital to make use of the most modern chemical treatments available. WATSON. Sherlock? Sherlock? WATSON. You'd make her a subject of a laboratory SHERLOCK. The shoes. experiment? That could destroy her. WATSON. What was that? MYCROFT. I have been assured that the treatments are SHERLOCK. Such love\ shoes. perfectly safe. 'WAT SON . Shoes?'Wtrat shoes? WATSON. For her body, perhaps, but not for her mind! S\{ERLOCK.'Watson ... MYCROFT. Isn't that the point? Miss Watson, your responsibilities toward my sister have ended. I'll not pick up (ORDERLY ll2 and the SUPERINTENDENT tolerate any further questioning of my decisions regarding SHERLOCK.) --

I 82 Miss Holmes ACT II ACT II Miss Holmes 83

her care. I suggest you leave this place at once, and forget THOMAS. Were I in your position-that is to say, had I the you evff met Sherlock Holmes. I would hate for you to means, and the wherewithal-I might be tempted to take place your medical license in jeopardy simply because you drastic measures. could not leave well enough alone. MYCROFT. Where you in my position. WATSON. May I ask one question? THOMAS. Because I valued my privacy, as it were. Just MYCROFT. What? something to think about, Mr. Holmes. WATSON. How did you know? MYCROFT. Indeed. (They shake hands.) Good day, Inspector MYCROFT. How did I know what? Chapman. was doing? WATSON. How did you know what Sherlock (MYCROFT exits. THOMAS makes strre he's gone, then How did you find her? tttrns toward the bedr"oom.) MYCROFT. How do you think? Inspector Chapman here found me and told me. THOMAS. Lizzier. WATSON. He found you? How is that possibie? How did he (He exits into the bedroont.) even know what we were doing? MYCROFT. I can only assume that Thomas Chapman is a LESTRADE AND SHERLOCK very skilled detective. Good day, Miss Watson. (The scene shifts to a rootn in the asylum. LESTRADE sits WATSON. Dr. Watson. at a table. (MYCROFT stores ot WATSON, unmoted.) The SUPERINTENDENT enter"s, escorting a dngged SHERLOCK. He sits her down acrossfrom LESTRADE.) WATSON (cont' d). lt's Dr. Watson. LESTRADE. Thank you. Leave us. (WATSON exits.) SUPERINTENDENT. Mr. Holmes left strict instructions to MYCROFT. A very skilled detective indeed. I thank you for keep an eye on her at all times. your discretion in this matter. LESTRADE. Miss Holmes is a witness in a criminal THOMAS. Think nothing of it, Mr. Holmes. You have my investigation. You will allow me to conduct my business or you a judge your actions. sympathies. Poor troubled soul like that, must cause no end will be brought before to explain of frustrations to man like yourself. A man who likes his (After a moment, the SUPERII{TENDENT bacl

85 84 Miss Holmes ACT II ACT II Miss Holmes

LESTRADE. Miss Holmes, can you hear me? (No response') LESTRADE. Uh ... I haven't really thought about it. I'm sorry it took me a few days to get in here' Are they " ' S HERL O C K. This requires further investigation. treating you al1 right? (No response.) Bastards' LESTRADE. I don't like seeing you like this, Miss Holmes. (Aw,h,uardness) And I think the best way to sway your (SHERLOCK gives a weak laugh.) brother from this course is to discredit Inspector Chapman. SHERLOCK. Hello, inspector ... Are you unwell, inspector? SHERLOCK. 'S a good plan. You are displaying some rather strange physiological LESTRADE. But I need your help, Miss Holmes. I'm reactions. Dilated pupils, increased respiration, perspiration afraid a jury won't find Edwin Greener all that reliable. around the brow and neckline. Indeed' you seem a trifle His testimony alone won't be enough. We still can't prove flushed. Watson, what is wrong with him? Chapman was there when Katherine died, and we still don't LESTRADE. Dr. Watson isn't here, Miss Holmes' I'm sorry' know what happened to Eudora Featherstone. He's too smart for me. SHERLOCK. You are not what most consider an "attractive" man, are you? SHERLOCK. Do you remember William Hamilton? LESTRADE. Um, well,I- LESTRADE. Who? SHERLOCK.I'm asking for a friend. SHERLOCK. Fired apistol atthe queen. Got senttoAustralia. LESTRADE. We were both small children when that (SHERLOCK laughs.) happened. What makes you think of it? While he waited for his ffial, a woman wrote LESTRADE. Whathave theY givenYou? SHERLOCK. letters to him. Her name was ... Irish. Something. She fell SHERLOCK. Thoughts are like swimming through in love with him. Hamilton. Wanted to marry him. treacle. LESTRADE. Oh? Did she? LESTRADE. I honest\ don't know if that's good or bad. SHERLOCK. No. Australia. SIlERLOCK.Watson? Where is ... LESTRADE. Right. LESTRADE. She's a\\ dght. She's been overseeing the SHERLOCK. She never met him. she knew of him was care of Edwin Greenet, who is recover\ng from a gunshot All that he was a loved him for it. wound. You wou\dn t happen to know anything about that, criminal. And she would you? LESTRADE. I don't think I understand, Miss Holmes. SHERLOCK. Ciean. SHERLOCK. It is a phenomenon. Someone should write a monograph the LESTRADE. Sorry? on subject. SHERLOCK. Very clean. Clean as a whistle. Are whistles LESTRADE. I don't see how this helps us with Tom Chapman. particularly clean? SHERLOCK. It's not him. Miss Holmes 87 86 Miss Holmes ACT II ACT II

sir. Just doing my job. LESTRADE. What? SUPERINTENDENT. Apologies, We've got special instructions for this one. SHERLOCK. No. Yes. You should tell her' -r LESTRADE. You will treat her with respect, or I will know LESTRADE. Tell her what? why. SHERLOCK. Book. Awtul. SUPERINTENDENT. You want to know why, ask Mr. What book, Miss Holmes? LESTRADE. Holmes! SHERLOCK. D.W. Graham. Dorothy Watson Graham' You must tell her! (LESTRADE starts to break the SUPERINTENDENT's LESTRADE. Tell her what? I'm sorry, Sherlock' I don't fnger.) understand. SHERLOCK. Inspector SHERLOCK. Such an idiot. LESTRADE. Not the worst thing I've been called' (LESTRADE stops.) SHERLOCK. Not You. Me. SHERLOCK (cont'd).It's all right. c S H E RL O C K's (The S U P E RI N T E N D E N T ent ers, anying LESTRADE. Miss Holmes, I- paperwork.) SHERLOCK. It makes sense, you know. A man like that would want things kept clean. (Pause.) I'm ready to go now SUPERINTENDENT. Time's up. She's due for another round of treatment' (After a beat, LESTRADE lets the SUPERINTENDENT up. The SUPERINTENDENT and SHERLOCK exit. Wen STJPERINTENDENT grabs SHERLOCK and yanl

approach. this WATSON. Dr. Anderson. How is our patient? ANDERSON. There's the common sense If Mycroft Holmes is as formidable as you say, it would be ANDERSON. The operation was a success' I believe with prudent to keep your head down for the time being. enough rest and proper exercise, Mr' Greener will regain a cell, being subjected to full use of his arm within six months. WATSON. While Sherlock sits in God knows what sorts of "treatments." WATSON. I cannot thank you enough for letting me bring him that option would appeal to here. I know the risk you're taking, hiding him like this' ANDERSON. No, I didn't think you. Well then, now that you've ruled out doing nothing, (ANDERSOl,lflips past thefrst couple pages of the chart') what are you prepared to do? WATSON. Sherlock said something, as they were taking her What risk? We have no record of a patient ANDERSON. away. Something about ... shoes. by the name of Edwin Greener. Only a Mister "' (Looks ANDERSON. What did she mean bY that? at the chart.) Trevor Norwood. brought to us after an like should know, like the answer is just unforlunate encounter with a meat hook while working in WATSON. I feel I there, out ofreach. I can't do what she does. the stockyards. ANDERSON. Then do what you do. Observe. Diagnose. (ANDERSON retlloves the first pages and hands them to Treat the problem. wATSON.) WATSON. Observe, diagnose, treat the problem.

ANDERSON (cont'd). Keep these safe' (WATSON thinks about this.) WATSON. Of course. When he's able to move, I'll see about getting him out of the city. I doubt Thomas Chapman will ANDERSON. You know, I followed the exploits of you looking forhim. (A beat-)Have you heard anything? Edinburgh ladies with great interest. I remember, it must "rr.t.top papers made a passing ANDERSON. I'm afraid not. The superintendent at Bedlam have been your first year, when the mention of a certain "little row." made it quite clear that no information would be forthcoming' "Little You mean Surgeons Hall. There WATSON. Thanks to MYcroft Holmes' WATSON. row." were three hundred people in the street, just to stop twenty ANDERSON. Actually I hadn't gotten so far as naming the women from sitting for an exam. They waited until we were patient. His response stated that Bethlem Royal Hospital right at the gate and then slammed it in our faces. They would only provide access for "real" doctors' shouted horrible names, pelted us with refuse. Finally one WATSON. Bastards. of the staff got us in through the side gate. We took that thing when I received ANDERSON. I said much the same bloody exam, sitting there covered in filth, the noise of the the message. crowd outside the whole time. The Surgeons Hall Riot, they WATSON. I don't know what to do. called it. I had never been so angry. 91 90 Miss Holmes ACT II ACT II Miss Holmes

ANDERSON. There it is. Most people would have been WATSON. Your mother always was clever. terrified by such an ordeal, but not you. You recall the STAMFORD. Not so clever as to write a novel. Will you surgery you performed the day Miss Holmes came to see write another one? me? The patient You lost? WATSON. Oh ... I don't know. I haven't really thought about WATSON. Mrs. Pertwee? it for a while. ANDERSON. None of us wanted to treat that poor woman' STAMFORD. You should stay at it. with an infection so advanced. She was a lost cause, but WATSON. I might. I had considered writing about my time properly, you were determined to try. When you channel it in Edinburgh. great things. your anger leads you to do STAMFORD. Medical school? the WATSON. But I lost Patient. WATSON. The Surgeons Hall Riot. you will save the next one' And with Miss ANDERSON. But STAMFORD. The Surgeons ... Oh, that little row that was you can save many more than that' Holmes, I believe in the papers? (STAMFORD enters.) WATSON. "Little row." Right. Give me that book.

STAMFORD. Heilo! (WATSON takes the book out of STAMFORD's hands and ANDERSON (to WATSON). Do whatyou do. chucl

(He holds out a copy of WATSON s book.) (LESTRADE rushes in.) (Seeing STAMFORD, Oh. WATSON. Found me out, did You? LESTRADE. Dr. Watson, I- Have I come at a bad time? STAMFORD. I'm ashamed to admit that no, I did not. After I finished it, I returned it to Mother, wondering why she WMSON. I believe you have come at a bad century. Oh, wanted me to read the thing. She told me. She claims she Michael Stamford, this is Inspector Geoffrey Lestrade of knew it was you after the first chapter. Scotland Yard. Inspector, Dr. Michael Stamford. 92 Miss Holmes ACT II ACT II Miss Holmes 93

STAMFORD. Inspector Lestrade, was it? LESTRADE. Sherlock's brotheris seeking a consultation from "psychosurgery." LESTRADE. Ah, I don't mean to be rude, but I really must him. He's developing a procedure called I can't pretend to understand half of what's written in those speak with you alone, Dr. Watson. papers, but from what I can tell it sounds like something to STAMFORD. Oh, well, I- be avoided at all costs. WATSON. Michael, would you mind waiting for me outside? WATSON. Oh God. Sherlock. We have to get her out of there. Just for a moment? LESTRADE. We are neither of us family, but if we could STAMFORD. Are you sure? solve the case, it would prove she was in the right. WATSON. I'll just be a minute- Thank you. WATSON. What case? There is no case without Sherlock. (STAMFORD awkwardtyfishes the bookfrom the trash and There must be some way to see her. then exits.) LESTRADE. I was only able to get a few minutes with her. They are giving her some sort of treatment that makes her WATSON (cont'd). What can I do for you, inspector? practically incoherent. LESTRADE. Dr. Watson, you didn't happen to study in (STAMFORD enters.) Switzerland, did You? WATSON. I did. I had to learn German for it. My final courses STAMFORD. Sorry to intemrpt. I've got a cab waiting. and certification took place in Bern. LESTRADE. While you were there, did you happen to make (WATSON stares at STAMFORD.) the acquaintance of a Dr. Gottlieb Burckhardt? STAMFORD (cont'd). What is it? (A shadowfalls over WATSON.) WATSON. I have an idea. We'll have to hurry. We can discuss it in the cab. WATSON. Why? LESTRADE. I should probably be leaving, then. LESTRADE. You have heard of him? WATSON. Are you not coming with us? WATSON. I attended some of his lectures' His ideas on LESTRADE. Dr. Watson, I am a police officer. The less I mental functional regions of the brain and their roles in know about whatever you are thinking, the better. Besides, diseases are revolutionary. His notions of how to treat them if you are successful, things will start to happen very are ... terrifying. I dread your answer, but why do you ask? quickly. I think the best thing for me to do is find out where Thomas Chapman is right now, and don't let him out of my (LESTRADE hands SHERLOCK's asylum paperwork to sight. How is Edwin Greener? WATSON. As WATSON reads.) WATSON. He'lIkeep his arm. Can you keep him safe? 94 Miss Holmes ACT II ACT II Miss Holmes 9s

LESTRADE. I'm doing all I can. He's our only witness, at SUPERINTENDENT. Already? That's not possible! this point. I'd find more protection for him, but honestly I ORDERLY #3. He says he's here to see Miss Holmes, on don't have that many friends at Scotland Yard' I don't know instructions from her brother. - who I can trust. SUPERINTENDENT. Well, bring him in, damn you! WATSON. And what of Elizabeth Chapman? (ORDERLY goes the STAMFORD and LESTRADE. There's been no sign of her' But her husband #3 to door working very hard to hasn't reported her missing. And it's too soon yet for WATSON enter STAMFORD is appear condes cending.) anyone else to do so. WATSON. BloodY hel1. SUPERINTENDENT (cont'd). Wilkommen, Dr. Brnckhardt! I LESTRADE. We should both hurry. must say, this is quite an honor. I'm sorryr if we seem a little WATSON. Be careful, insPector- disorganized. We weren't expecting you for a few more weeks. LESTRADE. You too, doctor. Good luck' (Exits') WATSON. Er sagt, dass er ganz beehrte wird, Sie nt STAMFORD. Um ... what's haPPening? kennenlernen, aber er hat gedacht, dass Sie spdter WATSON. Michael, dear friend- I must ask you for an ankommen wurden. lHe says it is an honor to meet you, but enormous favor. he thought you were coming later.] STAMFORD. Oh? STAMFORD. Ich wei/3, was er sagte. Ich spreche Englisch, &t weiJ|t.lI know what he said. I speak English, you know.l WATSON. Yes. How is Your German? STAMFORD.MY what? WATSON. Nein, du sprichst es nicht. Erinnerst du dich? Deshalb tibersetze icft. [No, you don't. Remember? That is (They exit.) why I am translating.l STAMFORD. Oh, richtig. Entschnldigung. Um, sag ihm, ich THE GERMAN PLOT mdchte Frciulein Holmes sofort sehen. [Oh right. Sorry. Um, tell him I wish to see Miss Holmes right away.] (The scene shifts to the as1'lum' The SUPERII'{TENDENT enters and is stopped by ORDEMY #3, who is slightlt WATSON (affecting a German accent). Dr. Burckhardt asks panicked.) to see the patient right away, please. SUPERINTENDENT. Oh, yes, of course. (He signals ORDERLY #3. Superintendent? Superintendent! franticall,to OfuDEfuLY #3, who exits.) Um, doctor, if you SUPERINTENDENT. WhAt iS it? don't mind, I've had the privilege of reading translations ORDERLY #3. He's here. of some of your monographs on psychosurgery and I was to, pick your brain, SUPERINTENDENT. Who's here? hoping I might have the opporfunity eh, as it were. ORDERLY #3. The doctor from Bern. Dr' Burckhardt' ACT II ACT Miss Holmes 97 96 Miss Holmes II

WATSON. Er wilt dir Fragen ilber deinen Gedanken von WATSON. Sag es. [Say it.] Gehirnchirurgie stellen. [He wants to ask you questions STAMFORD. Ja. Um, ich mdchte die Patientin privat about your ideas for brain surgery'] untersuchen [Yes. Um, I wish to examine the patient privately.] STAMFORD. Was fi)r Gedanken? Ich wei/3 nichts von WATSON (Gennan accent). The doctor will examine the Gehirnchirurgie! l'Nhal ideas? I don't know anything patient privately. about brain surgery!] (SHERLOCK laughs out loud.) WATSON (German accent). He says he will be happy to your earliest convenience' discuss his ideas with you at SUPERINTENDENT. Oh. I'm sorry, but it is hospital STAMFORD.Ichsagtenichtsdavon![Isaidnosuchthing!] policy that a member of the staff be present for all visiting WATSON (German accent). But he wishes to conduct his consultations. He will be at preliminary interview with the patient first' es jetzt. now.] WATSON. OK. ^Sag [Say it your disposal afterward. STAMFORD (theatrically losing his temper). Stellen Sie meinen dieses STAMFORD. Ich bin mir nicht sicher, dass Methoden in Frage? Wissen Sie nicht mit dem Sie sprechen? not sure this was a Aktionsprogramm so gesund war lI'm Wissen Sie nicht, wer mich hier angentfen hat? Sie wagen good idea.l mir vorzuschreiben, wie ich mit meiner Patientin interagiere? part and WATSON. Spiel mit und alles wird gut' fPlay your Raus sofort! Ich bin noch nie so beleidigt worden! [Are you everything will be fine.l questioning my methods? Don't you know who you are talking to? Do you not know who has called me here? You leading a dazed SHERLOCK' (ORDERLY #3 returns' dare to dictate to me how I will interact with my patient? Get appearance' but stifles her WATSON is shocked b1' her out ofhere at once! I have neverbeen so insulted!] reaction.) SUPERINTENDENT. No, no! I assure you, we meant no we offense! Of course, by all means. Use my office! I will just SUPERINTENDENT. Ah, here we are! As you can see' go and make my rounds, and perhaps we can talk later? have been administering a carefully monitored chemical cosh. Without it, this one has been prone to violent STAMFORD. Raus ! [Get out!] outbursts. She does not react well to physical contact (The SUPERINTENDENT and ORDERLY #3 exit in a huny.) without permission. But the current treatment has kept her acceptablY docile. STAMFORD (cont'd).I say! That was quite good, wasn't it? Sagen, dass du die Patientin allein wATSoN. Sag mi4 ihm zu WATSON. Sherlock? Sherlock, can you hear me? mrichtest. me to tell him you wish to untersuchen lTell SHERLOCK. Ha! I knew it was you all along. examine the Patient alone-] WATSON. Can you stand, Sherlock? We have to hurry! SHERLOCK. Oh hello! Are you speaking German now? 98 Miss Holmes ACT II ACT II Miss Holmes 99

piece paper in one of them. He (STAMFORD Peeks out the door.) xrrprised tofnd afolded of unfolds it and reads.) SHERLOCK. Who is your friend? Lucky his language tutor - was Austrian. You know he's never been to a German- THOMAS (under his breath). No no nonononono speaking country in his life? (He slips the paper back in his pockets and ht'trries off. STAMFORD. How did she know that? hiding place. He considers SHERLOCK. Your accent is much better, Watson' Always LESTRADE steps out of his for a moment the VAGRANT but instead exits after helps to learn a language in-country. following THOMAS.) STAMFORD. The coast is clear. WATSON. Come on, Sherlock. We're leaving' SETTING THE TRAP

(WATSON puts her arm around SHERLOCK and leads her (The scene shifts to a bedroom at the Royal Free Hospital. oM. STAMFORDfollows.) EDWIN, his arun in a sling, sits comfortably. He reads a cop1, of WATSON s book. Something in it amtrses him. SHERLOCK. Auf wieders eh en! ANDERSON rushes in, followed by WATSON and THE VAGRANT STAMFORD, who help SHERLOCK.)

(The scene shifts to the street outside Scotland Yard' ANDERSON. Pardon the intrusion, Mr. Greener. We need to THOMAS enters. As he crosses, LESTRADE appears' make use of your room. following him. EDWIN. Is that Miss Holmes? Is she all right? THOMAS senses something. He halts and huns back' STAMFORD. I don't understand. We broke her out of one LESTRADE ducl

WATSON. Mr. Greener, this is Dr. Stamford. Dr' Stamford, WATSON. That's enough, Edwin. I think Dr. Stamford has Edwin Greener. had enough excitement for one day. Michael ... I can't thank you enough. You really were magnificent today. I EDWIN. How do You do? only hope it doesn't cause any trouble for you. WATSON. I'm sorry to intrude like this, but Sherlock isn't don't see how it could. I really have no idea well, and we need a place for her to rest a bit' I thought STAMFORD. I what is going on. since you were on your feet you wouldn't mind' sorry about that. I hope I'll get a EDWIN. No, of course, Dr. Watson. She'Il be safe here WATSON. I know. And I'm tonight. chance to explain it all soon. STAMFORD. I must say, this certainly paints you in a very WATSON. Thank You. How's the Pain? different light. EDWIN. There's still plenty of it, but they tell me it'll go me how you like, Michael. I am who I am. away soon enough, and I'll be able to use my arrn again, WATSON. Paint this isn't quite what you had in mind when you good as new. Thanks to you and Dr. Anderson' I suppose asked me to marry you. WATSON.I'm glad to hear it' STAMFORD. You have certainly given me a lot to think ANDERSON. I have to get back. Let me know if you need about. anlthing. Otherwise, I have no idea who any of you people You deserve someone who wants the same things are, nor what on earth you are doing in my hospital' Good WATSON. you so do I. night. want. And, frankly, STAMFORD. What do you want, Dorothy? (ANDERSON exits. WATSON tends to SHERLOCK') WATSON. Right now, I want to see this business through to the end. I really can't worrlr about anything past that. STAMFORD. Looks like quite an injury- Mind if I ask what STAMFORD. Is there anything else I can do to help? happened? WATSON. Certainly not. You've risked far more than I EDWIN. Dr. Watson shot me- should ever have asked you as it is. STAMFORD. She... what? STAMFORD (genuinely relieved). Oh thank goodness. I EDWIN. Shot me right here in the shoulder' That was an eye- wish you nothing but the best in this, honestly, but if you've opening experience, I don't mind telling you' a mind to recruit friends for further adventures, I would yes, suppose it would be' STAMFORD. Well, I appreciate it if you'd leave me out of it. place, getting ready to take some EDWIN. I was in a bad WATSON. I understand. drastic steps. Dr. Watson got my head back facing the right STAMFORD. Good night, Dorothy. Good luck. way again. WATSON. Goodnight, Michael. Give my love to yourmother. STAMFORD. BY shooting You?

-- -- ACT II ACT II Miss Holmes 103 102 Miss Holmes SHERLOCK. No,let's not do that' (STAMFORD exits.) WATSON. Sorry? May I remind you that we have both then? Frankly SHERLOCK. So you are taking the spare room' Thomas Chapman and your brother looking for us' me more' WATSON. Sherlock- How do You feel? I don't know which possibility scares buried more terrifying' SHERLOCK. Really, truly terrible' Are my anns SHERLOCK. Oh, Mycroft is infinitely you murdered, but Mycroft can under bags of sand? Thomas Chapman can have wear off never born. WATSON. It's the sedative they gave you' It will fix it so you were after' soon, but you'll feel dreadful for a while wATSoN.Well,neitherofthoseoptionsareparticularly SHERLOCK. Where are we? appealing. wATSoN.TheRoyalFreeHospital'Mr.Greenerhasbeen SHERLOCK.No,butthey'rethebestwecanhopeforunless He's feeling convalescing here under an assumed name' we end this tonight. for a few hours' better now, and was willing to share his room WATSON. And how do you propose we do that? SHERLOCK. Thank you for your hospitaliry Mr' Greener' SHERLOCK. We make it known that Edwin Greener can be you need' EDWIN. Think nothing of it, Miss Holmes' Anything found at the RoYal Free HosPital. Edwin as bait? SHERLOCK. How on earth did we get here? WATSON. Are you suggesting we use out' WATSON. Dr. Stamford and I "' broke you SHERLOCK. Yes. PreciselY. him to risk SHERLOCK. Something about speaking bad German? WATSON. Sherlock, he trusts us' You cannot ask Whatever induced you to take such a risk? his life for us like this. your file' I know WATSON. Inspector Lestrade showed me EDWIN. 'S all right with me. from Dr' Gottlieb what it means to receive a consultation WATSON. Edwin, you don't have to do this' a thing happen to my friend' Burckhardt. I couldn't let such EDWIN. No, I think I do, actually. Got some atoning to do' a moment' she realizes who SHERLOCK- Your friend? (After Might as well start now. I'm so pleased' WATSON means.) Oh' Oh! SHERLOCK. I can assure you both, Mr' Greener will be WATSON. Sherlock, You need to rest' perfectly safe. But first, Watson, I need you to find a Miss recognize you? SHERLOCK. But weren't you afraid they'd Sarah Price. She's a housekeeper in Paddington' there was WATSON. Not really. When they took you away WATSON. Someone from your Knitting Circle? toomuchexcitementforthemtogetagoodlookatme'and SHERLOCK. She will know how to get the word out about pretended I was a nurse' No one when we came to get you I Edwin being here. Tell her it comes from me' Do we know ever notices female nurses' where InsPector Lestrade is? So clever' SHERLOCK. Lovely Watson' WATSON. He's looking for Thomas Chapman' moving' WATSON. We don'thave muchtime' Weneedto keep 104 Miss Holmes ACTII ACT II Miss Holmes 105

SHERLOCK. Try to find him if you can, and bring him here. past me. But I can tone it down. You'll see. Just let me get We'll need him eventuallY. through this Sherlock Holmes business. Once she's back WATSON. What will you do? in hand, we'll be back to business as usual. You've got my SHERLOCK. I will be here, waiting. Don't worry. I've got word. Just tell the Prof- Mr. Greener to protect me. (A figure appears. Perhaps just a shadow. Recognition any condition for a WATSON. Neither of you are in dawns on THOMAS'face.) confrontation. SHERLOCK. The sooner you find Inspector Lestrade, the THOMAS (cont'd). It's you. less we'll have to worry about that. Now hurry! IHOMAS withers under its glare. Thefigure disappears.) (WATSON exits.) THOMAS (cont'd). No wait- THOMAS CHAPMAN'S LAST BOW (Hands shoot out and grab THOMAS, pulling him into the (The scene shifis to a dark alley. THOMAS enters. He lool

THOMAS (cont'd). Look, there's nothing to worry about, (LIZZIE steps into the light. She appears nervous and right? Everything's under control. It's just my wife, she desperate.) gets these ideas ... LIZZIE. What are you doing here? Where is Mr. Greener? (Silence.) SHERLOCK. He's safe. LIZZIE.I thought they'd locked you up. How'd you get out? THOMAS (cont'd). I've done my job. I've kept things quite moving. I cleared the way for you lot. You should be SHERLOCK. Friends, and luck. You seem agitated, thanking me. I mean, so what my name shows up in the Mrs. Chapman. Is there something wrong? papers from time to time? That's on me, right? It never goes LIZZIE.I'm fine. 107 106 Miss Holmes ACTII ACTII Miss Holmes

SHERLOCK. Are you sure? Where is your husband? LIZZIE- They don't know him like I do. We have a special have. I knew it the first LIZZIE.You tell me. I don't know. connection, Tom and me. Always time I read about him. Before we ever met. SHERLOCK. No? SHERLOCK. Fascinating. But aren't you even the least bit LIZZIE.I haven't seen him since this morning' It's not like concerned? him. You tell me where he is. LIZZIE. About what? (SHERLOCK is silent.) SHERLOCK. You know what happened to his first two wives. Didn't you worry he'd do the same to you? LIZZIE (cont'd).You know something. I can tell you do' It LIZZIE. Of course I'm not worried. Tom would never hurt doesn't matter. No one can catch my Tom. me. SHERLOCK. We shall see. Do you want to tell me what SHERLOCK. I'm sure Margaret Cleary and Katherine brings you here tonight? Featherstone thought the same thing. (It's LIZZIE's turn to stay silent.) LIZZIE.I know what Tom needs. I take care of him when no one else can. Even when he can't take care of himself. yourself. I believe I know all SHERLOCK (cont'd). Suit SHERLOCK. And Mrs. Eudora Featherstone? Was that perhaps you can fill in a few details, the relevant facts, but something Tom needed? hmm? LIZZIE.Why should I tell you anything? (LIZZIE does not respond.) SHERLOCK. I thought perhaps we could help each other' SHERLOCK (cont'd). That was something of a mistake. me where Tom is if I answer your stupid LIZZIE.You'11tell She was just a poor, mad, old woman. Everyone knew she (She thinlcs about it.) All right. What do you questions? talked nonsense. Still, it pays to be careful. She didn't talk want to know? jzsl nonsense. She was sharp, that one. And then when that Chapman? SHERLOCK. When did you first meet Thomas letter turned up- It was his LIZZIE.The day I started work as his housekeeper' LIZZIE. You said she didn't write the letter. Margaret, who actually hired me' wife at the time, SHERLOCK. We know that now, don't we? As I said, it was about him before SHERLOCK. And did you know anything a mistake. And I suppose you showed up with the news of you went to work for him? her death to throw us off the scent? That was Tom's idea, LIZZIE. Oh, I'd heard of him, yes. Seen his name in the I imagine. He must have been rather cross with you. The papers. timing would look awfully suspicious. He told you to stick SHERLOCK. They've said some awful things about him in with us and find out who else we'd been talking to. Did the papers. he also tell you to make it look like she fell in her bath?

-* --_l -

4- 108 Miss Holmes ACT II ACT II Miss Holmes 109

Your husband did you a disservice there. Mrs. Featherstone SHERLOCK. And his first wife, Margaret? was afraid of baths. Wouldn't go near them. It was a dead LIZZIE. Oh, Tom did that one all on his own. Saw a chance to giveaway. But rinsing the floor again was a nice touch. Not move up in the world through Katherine, and he went for it. you'd rinsed a floor that had many would have noticed that SHERLOCK. But you knew each other by then. Weren't you just been cleaned hours earlier. jealous? LIZZIE. You're so clever, Miss Holmes. I just wanted who LIZZIE. Of course not. It's all about trust. Tom thinks long- wrote that bloody letter. Why did you have to get so involved? term. It was all part of the plan. SHERLOCK. It was clear you were hiding something from SHERLOCK. I suspected as much. I even told Inspector the moment you entered my sitting room. How could I Lestrade my theory but he didn't believe a woman capable resist? Of course, I never suspected what I'd find. That's an of such things. interesting skill you have. LIZZIE. My husband sees me for what I really am. LIZZIE. What's that? SHERLOCK. And what are you, Mrs. Chapman? SHERLOCK. You're good at being underestimated. his paftner. His equal. Is there any man you can LIZZIE. Aren't we all, Miss Holmes? LIZZIE.I'm say that about, Miss Holmes? SHERLOCK. Perhaps we are. ShallI tell you what gave you SHERLOCK. No. Never. away? It was your shoes. You'll recall I pointed them out when we first met. Then when you came back to tell us Mrs. LIZZIE. Now I think it's time foryou to answer my questions. Featherstone was dead, I observed you had changed them Where is Tom? for another pair. And then, when I saw them in your bag- (SHERLOCK is silent.) LIZZIE. Be quiet. SHERLOCK. Water does terrible things to leather. LIZZIE (cont'd). You want to play fair with me, Miss Holmes. LIZZIE. Be quiet! Tom told me what they were doing to you in Bedlam. Sounds SHERLOCK. I am sorry for you, Mrs. Chapman. Your awful. I understand it takes a while for that stuffto wear off. I husband has led you down a dark path. imagine you must be feeling preffy rough right now. (Reveals for Mr. LIZZIE. Led me? Led me?! I beat that old woman's brains a large s-vringe..)I worried I wouldn't have enough here for you. out with a paperweight! Made an awful mess. She may have Greener, but there's more than enough looked frail but she fought like a banshee. And Katherine? (S H E RLO C K remains silent. I smothered her with her own pillow while she was resting. ) hell too. You should have seen the claw She fought like LIZZIE (cont'd). This will go easier for you if you don't fight. marks she left on me. Tom got Mr. Greener to take care of it. He's a troubled man, you know. It wouldn't have been (SHERLOCK laughs.) long before my husband took care of him, too. 110 Miss Holmes ACTII ACTII Miss Holmes l1t

LIZZIE (cont'd). Something funny? LIZZIE (after a beat).He's lying. You're lying. Isn't he, Miss SHERLOCK. Just recalling how many times I've heard that Holmes? exact sentiment before. "Don't fight." SHERLOCK. I am sorry for your loss, Mrs. Chapman. LESTRADE. Come along, Mrs. Chapman. Good night, Dr. (SHERLOCK rises andfaces offwith LIZZIE.) Watson. Miss Holmes. Mrs. Chapman. SHERLOCK (cont'd). Tell me, Mrs. Chapman, do I seem S HERLO CK. Good night, inspector. Goodbye, a trick. like a woman who has ever heeded such advice? LIZZIE. This is a trick. Miss Holmes, tell him it's Nothing can happen to my Tom. He's fine. It isn't true. It (V\tATSON enters, pistol drawn.) isn't true!

WATSON. Put it down, Mrs. Chapman. (LESTRADE leads LIZZIE out.) SHERLOCK. Watson, I told you to wait for the signal. SHERLOCK. That poor woman. WATSON. Sherlock, she'd already confessed. What else WAISON. Are you all right, Sherlock? were you waiting for? SHERLOCK. I'm almost my old self again. Shall we head SHERLOCK. I was waiting for the propff amount of dramatic-Oh, never mind. You're right. Inspector back to Baker Street? What about your brother? Lestrade? Have you heard enough? WATSON. Are you sure it's safe? SHERLOCK. With you by my side, dear Watson, there is (LESTRADE emergesfrom a hiding place.) nothing I cannot face. Let us go speak to Mycroft together, shall we? LESTRADE. Yes, rather. Elizabeth Chapman, I am placing you under arrest. Qhey exit.)

(LIZZIE lunges at SHERLOCK, but LESTRADE catches, HOME AGAIN disarms and cffi LIZZIE.) (The scene shifts to Baker Street. MRS. HUDSON paces LIZZIE. You sure you want to follow through with this, arxiously. WATSON and SHERLOCK enter.) inspector? My Tom has been just waiting for a reason to Holmes! come after you. MRS. HUDSON. Oh, Miss is LESTRADE. Not this time, I'm afraid. Mrs. Chapman, it (She rushes and grabs SHERLOCK in a tight hug.) my sad duty to inform you that your husband's body was found just after sunset this evening. SHERLOCK. Um, yes, hello, Mrs. Hudson. I'm pleased to see you as well.

- ---:'

4 -.-

112 Miss Holmes ACT II ACT II Miss Holmes 113

MRS. HUDSON. We were so worried about you! SHERLOCK. Someone told Thomas Chapman about Mycroft, and his relation to me. Mycroft pretended to entertain (MYCROFT enters.) Chapman's idea of subjecting me topsychosurgery inthehopes of drawing out information on this mysterious informant. SHERLOCK. Were we? WATSON. You had your own sister committed to Bedlam Ladies. MYCROFT. and subjected to chemical treatments as a ploy? To protect SHERLOCK. Mycroft. your own privacy? MRS. HUDSON. He's been waiting all night, dear. MYCROFT. You will not judge me. MYCROFT. Thank you, Mrs. Hudson. Would you give me a SHERLOCK. Have you found this person then? Chapman's moment alone with my sister and Dr. Watson, please? informant? MRS. HUDSON. Of course. I'11just make everyone a nice MYCROFT. I have not. However, the search of the cup of tea. (Exits.) Chapmans'home revealed a ledger that recorded payments, MYCROFT. That is a woman who understands the restorative both incoming and outgoing. Some of the outgoing power of tea. payments were easy to trace. Payouts, bribes and whatnot. But a significant percentage of Thomas Chapman's rather SHERLOCK. Mycroft. sizeable illicit income was going to a single party. MYCROFT. Sherlock. SHERLOCK. He was paying someone higher up? Who is it? (The siblings lock eyes. They appear to be having some sort MYCROFT. I don't know. of silent battle of wills. It lasts an uncontfortably long time. SHERLOCK. You're telling us that a man with a criminal Eventually, WATSON cannot take any more.) organizarion as sizeable as Thomas Chapman's was actually apart of a larger enterprise run by an individual or WATSON. Oh bloody hell, somebody say something! individuals who apparently know all about you, but about whom you know nothing? This is extraordinary. (The siblings look at WATSOI{, then back at each other.) MYCROFT. Sherlock, in the time I have been in the you SHERLOCK. Dr. Gottlieb Burckhardt? employment of the crown, how often have witnessed me admit I did not know something? MYCROFT. You were never in any real danger. SHERLOCK. This would be the first. SHERLOCK. Are you sure? You weren't at any point tempted MYCROFT. Yes. So I hope you will appreciate the gravify of to kill two birds, as it were? the situation. MYCROFT. Tempted? Yes. But I found Dr. Burckhardt's SHERLOCK. And Thomas Chapman? methods distasteful. MYCROFT. His body was found hanging from Blackfriars WATSON. What are you two talking about? Bridge. 114 Miss Holmes ACT II ACTII Miss Holmes 115

WATSON. He hanged himself? WATSON. What do you mean? MYCROFT. No. It was most certainly not a suicide. Now, if SHERLOCK. You heard my brother. Thomas Chapman was you will excuse me, I must return to work. merely a puppet. There is someone out there pulling the strings. SHERLOCK. One moment, Mycroft. There is still the matter WATSON. I doubt your brother wants us poking around in ofyour apology. something like that. MYCROFT. My apology? SHERLOCK. On the contrary. He would not have mentioned SHERLOCK. You don't know what it was like, Mycroft. It it otherwise. was unjust of you. But I know how you can attempt to make WATSON. What are we supposed to do? it up to me. SHERLOCK. Use our resources, gather information. We MYCROFT. Oh? have advantages his regular agents do not. SHERLOCK. You will resume your affangement with Dr. WATSON. Such as? Watson. She shall remain here at Baker Street as my trusted SHERLOCK. We are underestimated. companion, and your trusted informant. WATSON. What about your clients? So many women out MYCROFT. Trusted? After her little German ruse? there need your help. Indeed, I believe our SHERLOCK. I don't want a war, Mycroft. You owe me this. SHERLOCK. I have not forgoffen them. surest way into this puzzle is by doubling our efforts. We (MYCROFT considers this.) have a good deal ofwork ahead ofus. WATSON. Sherlock. Are you sure you're all right? Some of MYCROFT.Very well. Will I be seeing you on Sunday? the chemicals have lingering aftereffects. SHERLOCK. Of course. I would not miss it. (To WATSON.) We SHERLOCK. I'll be all right. It turns out I share a flat with have dinner together and then play chess every Sunday. a doctor. WATSON. That sounds ... surprisingly normal. WATSON. Yes,I suppose you do. SHERLOCK. I will see you then. Good day, Mycroft. (SHERLOCK takes WATSON s hands.) (MYCROFT exits.) SHERLOCK. There are some things we should discuss, I instance, that pistol you carry. It was your WATSON. What on earth just happened? suppose. For brother's, if I'm not mistaken? SHERLOCK. Oh, just a few more moves in the great game. WATSON. Yes. It was his service revolver. I started carrying WATSON. You're not going to forgive him, are you? Just like that? it with me after some rather unpleasant encounters in SHERLOCK. Just like that? No, I think not. We have rules Edinburgh. An odd choice for a memento, I suppose, but I about sentimentality, Mycroft and I. Besides, it appears we rather like to think it's his way of looking out for me while have a new puzzle to solve. he's gone. Does that make sense? 116 Miss Holmes ACTII NOTES

SHERLOCK. Not at all. But ... I trust you. There is one thing I would like you to know. WATSON. Yes? SHERLOCK. "Sherlock." My father used to call me that when I was very young. It means "bright hair" in Old English. My real name is Wilhelmina. WATSON. That's lovely. SHERLOCK. I'm glad you think so. Please don't ever call me by it. WATSON. Of course.

(The doorbell rings. SHERLOCK and WATSON look to the doo4 then to each other.)

SHERLOCK. It's time to go back to work. Are you ready, Watson? WATSON. I am. SHERLOCK. Then let's begin, shall we? Mrs. Hudson!

(Blackout.)

END OF PLAY