MarriageMarriage CeremoniesCeremonies atat UlletUllet RoadRoad ChurchChurch WeddingWedding InformationInformation
Preface This booklet has been compiled to enable you to prepare your wedding at the Ullet Road Unitarian Church. It contains an outline of the legal requirements; a specimen service; suggestions for readings; a brief history of the Ullet Road Church; an introduction to Unitarianism; answers to some frequently asked questions; a checklist of things to do; and some useful phone numbers and email addresses. Should you have any further questions, please contact your Wedding Co-Ordinator who will be always pleased to help.
Rev. Phil Waldron 3rd October 2017
Legal Weddings and Wedding Blessings in Ullet Road Unitarian Church. Contents Marriage in the Unitarian Church 1 Legal Requirements 1
Organising your Wedding 2
Outline of a typical Wedding Service 4
Suggested Readings 9—27 Suggested Hymns—28 Preferred Caterers—29
Checklist 44 Appendix: Useful Contact Numbers and Emails 45
Marriage in Ullet Road Church is pleased to offer itself as a venue for the celebration of both legal wedding ceremonies and wedding blessings. In keeping with our church’s liberal ethos, we place no barrier on the remarriage of divorced people and same sex, holding firmly to the principle that the conscience of the individual takes precedence over ecclesiastical regulations. However, we do expect those who marry in our church to be in sympathy with our principles and to attend some worship services before the wedding takes place. Legal Requirements: It is necessary for both parties to the marriage to meet with their Local Registrar of Civil Marriages. This must be done at least three months before the proposed date of the wedding (although, in certain circumstances, it is possible to obtain a court order to bypass this regulation). You will be expected to make and sign a declaration in the Registrar’s presence that there is no im- pediment to the said marriage. The Registrar concerned may require each party to an intended mar- riage to provide him or her with evidence relating to the party’s forename, surname, address, marital status, age and nationality, as may be specified by the Registrar. At this time the couple should tell the Registrar that they intend their marriage to take place in Ullet Road Unitarian Church, and give the name of the wedding solemniser. The Registrar will give the couple a Certificate of Marriage . This is a very important document and when you are given the certificate it must be handed to the Minister or an Authorised Person of Ullet Road Church. The wedding diary fills up rather quickly, and the summer months are very busy, so it is best to fix your date and time well in advance. Please contact the Wedding Secretary or Minister and he/she will make appointment with you to explain the process in person. You can drop in during a Sunday Ser- vice which starts at 11am and we can chat with you then. You will be required to complete an infor- mation form when you have a set a date with the Wedding Secretary and Minister. About one month before the wedding day, you will be contacted by the Minister and invited to come to the church in order to attend to the church’s own administrative requirements. This will also be an opportunity for you to discuss the format of your wedding. If, by some oversight, you are not contacted, then make contact with the church yourself and arrange a date to meet with the Minister. In the meantime, be thinking about your wedding ceremony. What readings would you like? (see suggestions for readings in this booklet). What kind of music do you want? What about flowers? (Music and flowers are the responsibility of bride and groom, and are not covered by the fee paid to the church.) And remember, your Minster will always be willing to answer any queries you may have. Contact can be made by telephone or email, and he or she will generally be available after Sunday worship. Two days or so before the wedding you will meet with your Minister for a rehearsal in the church. You may want to bring your best man and chief bridesmaid to this, along with any other members of your wedding party who may be participating, but this is by no means necessary and, generally speaking, only bride and groom are required. If you have not already done so, you will be expected to pay the fee six weeks before the wedding.
Outline of a Typical Legal Wedding Service. Entry of Bride (accompanied by music) Welcome by Minister Opening Words of Ceremony Lighting of Candles Prayer First Hymn/Song/Music First Reading Second Reading Declaration of Ability and Intent Third Reading Fourth Reading Second Hymn/Music/Song Blessing Marriage Vows Personal Vows Exchange of Rings Signing of Register (accompanied by music) Third Hymn/Song/Music Unity Candle Unity Blessing Final Blessing Exit (accompanied by music)
Declaration of Ability and Intent During the declaration of ability and intent the couple are asked to repeat the words below, first to the Bridegroom then to the Bride:
First Ability: I do solemnly declare That I know not Of any lawful impediment Why I...... May not be joined in matrimony To......
Secondly Intent ...... (name)...... will you take..... (name).....to be your wife? (Husband) Will you love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, and forsaking all others be faithful to her as long as you both shall live? The bridegroom will answer, ‘I will’.
Suggested Readings....
Loyalty Amongst all the virtues, loyalty is the one I prize highest. Loyalty is the acceptance and enactment of an invisible bond. Loyalty demands loyalty, not in a demanding way, but in the way that the sun demands that the autumn day is warm: it makes it so.
Loyalty is a celebration of something sacred – that beyond the calls of duty or of self-interest, there are sacred gifts – the gifts of friendship and gratitude.
Loyalty is an enactment of thankfulness. Loyalty is a strong rope to hold onto in the darkness. Loyalty is the knowledge that somewhere over the hill there is a safe place, a fire lit and a meal served, though you cannot yet find it.
~
Poetry of Persons by Tessa Ransford
We love each other utterly in sharing what we do not have, we find each other finally in losing what we cannot save.
We keep each other continually
in taking what we dare not hold; we win each other daringly when every treasure has been sold.
We fill each other with good things when we hunger for the least and receive the cup of blessing uninvited to the feast.
We bring each other healing in the strong herbs of silence; we hear each other speaking in the quiet voice of distance
We come to know each other accepting what we do not know; we come to choose each other whom we’d chosen long ago.
We see each other perfectly in the beholding of the night;
we trust each other lastingly in the unfolding of the night
We complete each other constantly but grow to a new whole; we form a part of all that is, and all that forms us is a soul.
I Do Not Love You As If You Were Salt-Rose Or Topaz by Pablo Neruda
I do not love you as if you were salt rose or topaz or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul
I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep
I Love You by Roy Croft
I love you, Not only for what you are, But for what I am When I am with you
I love you, Not only for what You have made of yourself, But for what You are making of me
I love you For the part of me That you bring out; I love you For putting your hand Into my heaped-up heart And passing over All the foolish, weak things That you can’t help Dimly seeing there, And for drawing out
Into the light all the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked quite far enough to find
I love you because you Are helping me to make Of the lumber of my life Not a tavern
But a temple; Out of the works Of my every day Not a reproach But a song
I love you Because you have done More than any creed Could have done to make me good And more than any fate Could have done To make me happy
You have done it without a touch
Without a word,
Without a sign. You have done it By being yourself.
~
1 Corinthians 13:4-13
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[a] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, en-
dures all things. 8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. 13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the great- est of these is love.
“The Eternal Flame Of Hope” By Jason Powell
One candle cannot burn all day One heart, one mind, will not exist forever, But if love is introduced to the pair Then hope will surely not despair.
Death creeps in at every waking moment, Life blinds thee to the point of insanity. But if love is introduced to the pair, Then hope will surely not despair.
If love breeds hope, then hope breeds life And the fetter Which binds one’s soul together Can be broken by the flame of hope Which burns the candles of life and love.
For the two souls of life and death are more often than not In immense distraught But the shackles of despair and pain, Can be broken by the flame of hope.
And if that flame burns throughout, Then love and hope will coexist, no doubt. Because, Death will shatter, And Life will matter.
An excerpt from ‘The Game’ by BJ Falken. The Game is a short story about a boy and a girl who love each other. That is really all you need to know…. "It appeared to outsiders that they were at odds. He would test her pa- tience and try to charm his way out of it. She would try impose her will through loosely crafted arguments based on creative feminine logic. He would put on magnificent displays of rhetoric and manipulation, be- cause he liked it when she caught him trying to get away with some- thing. She liked it too. Over time though, it became obvious that this was not a fight, or a con- test. It was a game. Two sides, back and forth. Advance and defend. A game that was almost as much fun to watch, as it was to play. In this game, however, keeping score was never necessary. It was like children playing tic-tac-toe. The minute one round was over, they'd scrawl out another cross-hatched board, barely paying attention who had been victorious only seconds earlier. Even if they had kept score, it would have still been tied after a hundred years of play. Sometimes he'd win, sometimes she would. And sometimes, when it was needed, they'd remind the spectators that they were actually on the same team all along and would do anything for each other. Before each other, they hadn't discovered anybody who could play the game at their level, nor anybody who wished to. But they found each other… and in each other a worthy adversary, a constant companion, and a best friend. And they played the game for years and years, until one of them died. The person left standing being defeated by the heart's greatest loss… and yet, still victorious because everyday they had spent together, the game brought into their hearts the greatest joy and love. Again, it was a tie."
“A Slippery Weasel” by Ariadne Cass -Maran "Sometime you might ask one another, 'Why do you love me?' You'll take turns listing each other's attributes, but you won't be able to come up with any reasons. Really, it's a 'You're prettier.' 'No, you're prettier,' sort of argument. You might get to the end of this conversation feeling a little bit frustrated, because although you're now full of compliments about how wonderful you are, you won't have actually gotten to the bottom of it. You could try and address the question analytically, and decide that a number of socio-economic factors determined your location in the world and that your proximity to one another and your relative positions within your social circle led to your inevitable coupling. But the coinci- dences leading to your meeting and realising your attraction won't get you to the bottom of the question either. Love is a slippery little weasel, isn't it? It can't be listed, it can't be held, it can't be unpacked. It's often mistaken for that simpering wee ogre, the cupid. Whatever you do, never forget that love can't be boiled down to an orderly quality. You can't break up each other's features into a stack of elements which add up to a reason. You might say 'I love you because you are part of my soul,' but you know fine well that a soul is an analogy, and that although this statement is true it can only slide off the surface of real meaning like water off a weasel's fur. The most honest answer to 'Why do you love me?' is 'I don't know.' Don't worry, and don't wobble; it doesn't mean you're uncertain. On the contrary, you know that you don't know, and this is fantastic bravery of the highest order. Nor does it mean that the question is redundant and that you should stop asking each other. Always ask, 'Why do you love me?' It will remind you that you love each other, and besides, this conversation never loses its exasperating shine. It is what marriage is made of."
Never Leaves The Seat Up
He never leaves the seat up
Or wet towels upon the floor The toothpaste has the lid on And he always shuts the door!
He romances her and dines her Home cooked dinners and the like He even knows her favourite food And spoils her day and night!
She’s thoughtful when he looks at her A smile upon his face Will he look that good in 50 years When his dentures aren’t in place?!
She says she loves his kindness And his patience is a must And of course she thinks he’s handsome Which in her eyes is a plus!
They’re both not wholly perfect But who are we to judge He can be pig headed Where as she won’t even budge!
All that said and done They love the time they spent together And I hope as I’m sure you do That this fine day will last forever.
He’ll be more than just her husband He’ll also be her friend And she’ll be more than just his wife She’s be his soul mate ‘till the end. ~
On your wedding day
Today is a day you will always remember The greatest in anyone's life
You'll start off the day just two people in love And end it as Husband and Wife
It's a brand new beginning the start of a journey With moments to cherish and treasure And although there'll be times when you both disagree These will surely be outweighed by pleasure
You'll have heard many words of advice in the past When the secrets of marriage were spoken But you know that the answers lie hidden inside Where the bond of true love lies unbroken
So live happy forever as lovers and friends It's the dawn of a new life for you As you stand there together with love in your eyes From the moment you whisper 'I do'
And with luck, all your hopes, and your dreams can be real May success find it's way to your hearts Tomorrow can bring you the greatest of joys But today is the day it all starts
Blessing of the Hands by Rev. Daniel L. Harris
These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as you prom- ise to love each other today, tomorrow, and forever. These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as together you build your future. These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch, will comfort you like no other.
These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief fills your mind. These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow, and tears of joy. These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children. These are the hands that will help you to hold your family as one. These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it. And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tender- ness with just a touch.
Still The One. We've been together since way back when, Sometimes I never want to see you again, But I want you to know, After all these years, You're still the one I want whispering in my ear. You're still the one I want to talk to in bed, Still the one that turns my head, You're still the one that makes me laugh, Still the one that's my better half. You're still the one that makes me strong, Still the one I want to take along, You're still the one that I love to touch, Still the one, and I can't get enough. You're still the one who can scratch my itch, Still the one, and I wouldn't switch. You're still the one that makes me shout, Still the one that I dream about. We're still having fun, and you're still the one.
Lovesong . Whenever I'm alone with you, You make me feel like I am home again, Whenever I'm alone with you, You make me feel like I am whole again. Whenever I'm alone with you, You make me feel like I am young again, Whenever I'm alone with you, You make me feel like I am fun again. Whenever I'm alone with you, You make me feel like I am free again, However far away, I will always love you, However long I stay, I will always love you, Whatever words I say, I will always love you.
A Rainy Night in Soho. I've been loving you a long time, Down all the years, down all the days, And I've cried for all your troubles, Smiled at your funny little ways. I took shelter from a shower, And I stepped into your arms, I sang you all my sorrows, You told me all your joys. I'm not singing for the future, I'm not dreaming of the past, I'm not talking of the first time, I never think about the last. Still there's a light I hold before me, You're the measure of my dreams, The measure of my dreams.
Flove
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals, or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness, and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limita- tions of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty every day.
And if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me to know where you live, or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
~
Captain Corelli's Mandolin by Louis de Bernieres
Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your root was so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excite- ment, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.
“I’ll Be There For You” by Louise Cuddon
I’ll be there, my darling, through thick and through thin When your mind’s in a mess and your head’s in a spin When your plane’s been delayed, and you’ve missed the last train When life is just threatening to drive you insane When your thrilling whodunit has lost its last page When somebody tells you, you’re looking your age When your coffee’s too cool, and your wine is too warm When the forecast said, ‘Fine,’ but you’re out in a storm
When your quick break hotel, turns into a slum And your holiday photos show only your thumb When you park for five minutes in a resident’s bay And return to discover you’ve been towed away
When the jeans that you bought in hope or in haste Just stick on your hips and don’t reach round your waist When the food you most like brings you out in red rashes When as soon as you boot up the bloody thing crashes
So my darling, my sweetheart, my dear… When you break a rule, or act the fool.. When you’ve got the flu, or you’re in a stew.. When you’re last in the queue, don’t feel blue.. ’Cause I’m telling you, I’ll be there.
A Good Wedding Cake - Author unknown
4lb of love 1/2lb of sweet temper 1lb of butter of youth 1lb of blindness of faults 1lb of pounded wit 1lb of good humour 2lbs of sweet argument 1 pint of rippling laughter 1 wine glass of common sense A dash of modesty
Put the love, good looks and a sweet temper into a well-furnished house. Beat the butter of youth into a cream and mix well together with the blindness of faults. Stir the pounded wit and good humour into the sweet argument, then add the rippling laughter and common sense. Work the whole together until everything is well mixed and bake gently for ever.
Hymns for Weddings
Amazing Grace As Man And Woman We Were Made . At Cana’s Wedding Long Ago . Be Still For The Presence Of The Lord . Come To A Wedding . For The Beauty Of The Earth . Give Me Joy In My Heart . God In The Planning And Purpose Of Life . Great Is Thy Faithfulness . Jerusalem . Lead us Heavenly Father . Lord And Lover Of Creation . Lord Of All Hopefulness . Lord Of The Dance . Love Divine All Loves Excelling . Make Me A Channel Of Your Peace . Morning Has Broken . One More Step Along The World I Go . O Praise Ye The Lord! . O Worship the King . Praise My Soul The King Of Heaven . Praise to the Lord, The Almighty . Tell out my Soul . That Human Life Might Richer Be . The Grace Of Life Is Theirs . The King Of Love My Shepherd Is . The Lord’s My Shepherd . We Pledge To One Another .
Wedding Vows
Option 1
I, •______, take you ______, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.
I, ______, take you ______, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cher- ish; from this day forward until death do us part.
~ Option 2
I, ______, take you, ______, to be my wife, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my sol- emn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to hon- our and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.
I, ______, take you, ______, to be my husband, my con- stant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day for- ward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honour and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live. Wedding Vows
Option 3
I, ______take you, ______to be my wife, my constant friend and my one true love. In the presence of our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your loving husband, in sick- ness and in health, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to trust and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully, and supporting you in your goals. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward, or as long as we both shall live.
I, ______take you, ______to be my Husband, my constant friend and my one true love. In the presence of our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your loving Wife, in sickness and in health, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to trust and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully, and supporting you in your goals. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward, or as long as we both shall live.
Preferred Caterers
Carol Kelly (Kellys Catering) - 07774 817727- [email protected] (No Website at the moment)
Four Seasons - http://www.fscco.uk/menus/food-stations/ - 0151 230 1600
Relish (On Rose Lane) - http://www.relishliverpool.co.uk/catering-and-events/ - [email protected] - 0151 724 2299
Yacht Club - http://www.yachtclubliverpool.co.uk/ - 0151 707 6888
Delifonseca - http://www.delifonseca.co.uk/ - 0151 255 0808
Eatons - http://www.eatonscateringliverpool.co.uk/ - 0151 428 9666
60 Hope Street - http://www.60hopestreet.com/ - 0151 707 6060
Il Forno - http://ilforno.co.uk/contact-us/ - 0151 668 0007
PAYMENTS
Regarding balance, you can either pay cheque, cash or Bank Below is information regarding final payment. Cheque/Cash or Bank Transfer:
Cheque made payable to: Ullet Road Church
Bank Transfer information:
Account Number: 00060658
Sort Code: 40-52-40
CAF Bank
Make sure you put your name on the transaction so we can refer- ence where the payment came from. Also if you can email me on the day you have made a bank transfer so I can inform our account- ant.
Thanks. Measurements of the Church Hall.
Things to remember....
Bride Maids: Best Man: Giving blessing or giving away of the Bride: Ring Bearer’s: Readers: (Have someone who has a good speaking voice) Readings: Hymns: CD Music: Live Music: Photographer: Videographer: Reception: Candle Ceremony:
In the Flower room we have a lot of items from previous wed- dings, please ask your wedding coordinator for you to have a look, you may find something you would like to use.
Because we are a Grade 1 listed building you can not use, Blu- tack, sellotape, nails etc into the wood or stonework.