Det. David Williams

Cycle of Violence We always arrived to find Tim and Louise’ living room furniture chaotically arranged on the front “lawn,” a sixteen by twenty foot patch of white gravel bordered by Johnson grass growing as high as my hip. Tim and Louise were invariably bruised, bleeding and drunk. Thing was, it was a planned fight. That was the reason for the furniture being outside. They’d learned years earlier that neighbors called the cops much faster if they were beating each other outside. They would cooperate fully in lifting the couch, two chairs, and television out onto the yard, go back inside, ask each other if they were ready, and then attack. Couldn’t they have used the energy expended to move the furniture and destroying each other to, say, go on a walk in separate directionsor vacuum? “I love you, darlin’,” announced Tim to Louise as his head was guided into the patrol car. “I love you too, baby,” she’d coo back. “I’ll call momma to get your bail going.” And off to the hospital or jail they would go, depending on the severity of the injuries. The saddest and sickest part of this story is that Louise was often brutally damaged in what Tim called their “fair fights.” There was nothing fair about it, and I’ve often wondered how hard Louise’ heart was pounding as she and her husband carried the last bit of furniture onto the lawn, knowing full well her beating was about to commence under the flimsy fabrication that Tim called “working it out in private.” Perhaps she chose this pattern over loneliness or despair in believing she didn’t deserve any better. Maybe this was all she’d ever known, but surely no sane, truly loving person can see this cycle of “honeymoon” romance followed by mounting tension, and culminating in vicious, despicable attack as normal or healthy. Tim and Louise weren’t so unique. Though their willingness to cooperate in staging their fights was definitely weird, their cycle of violence has been something we’ve seen repeated in other couples literally thousands of times over the years. Often a woman is very angry with her abusive partner at the time the police arrive, and officers frequently hear that she wants to “press charges.” However, it is just

1 Det. David Williams as common that officers and prosecutors learn the victim has gone back to the abuser within hours, days or weeks of the violence, and that she is now his greatest supporter. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard, “He promised he’d never do it again…he promised he’d go to counseling…he promised he’d stop drinking.” All the promises are metfor a while. Flowers are sent, apologies are made, and often we discover that the two have “fallen in love” once more. Then a week or a month later, the cycle comes full circle, and she is beaten once more. “I’m leaving him this time…really. I won’t live like this. Press those charges.” The part before tension starts again and before renewed violence is called the Honeymoon phase of the cycle, and it is as remarkably predictable. The circle that began as passionate love, transitioned into a period of tension, and culminated in violence begins anew at the Honeymoon phase, often to be repeated again and again. Intelligent people don’t keep going back into shark-infested waters to be bitten over and over again, but even educated and “street-smart” people will wade in again and again if love, loyalty, fear, fatigue and confusion are all part of the mix. This is one of the reasons prosecuting domestic violence cases is so difficult. In no other crime do we see victims not wanting something done. If you are robbed, you might forgive the mugger but you’ll still want him prosecuted. The same goes for burglaries, rapes, shoplifting, and car thefts. The victims want some justice, and they aren’t likely to back off with, “It’s okay. He promised he’d never break any more car windows.” The parry to this mystifying cycle is education for victims (as well as their friends and families) in combination with available resources such as shelters, legal assistance, therapy, court orders, police protection, and a community resolve that Tim and Louise’s “fair fights” won’t be tolerated here. This formula works, and it is working every day throughout Northwest Arkansas. Spread the word or ask for help.

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