Happy Days a New Musical Book by Music & Lyrics Garry Marshall by Paul Williams

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For more information about licensing or purchasing a play or musical, please visit our websites www.samuelfrench.com www.samuelfrench-london.co.uk Happy Days A New Musical Book by Music & Lyrics Garry Marshall by Paul Williams

Based on the Paramount Pictures Television Series “Happy Days” created by Garry Marshall

Arrangements and Orchestrations by John McDaniel

A Samuel French Acting Edition

CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that HAPPY DAYS - A NEW MUSICAL is subject to a Licensing Fee. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, the British Commonwealth, including Canada, and all other countries of the Copy- right Union. All rights, including professional, amateur, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television and the rights of translation into foreign languages are strictly reserved. In its present form the play is dedicated to the reading public only. The amateur live stage performance rights to HAPPY DAYS, A NEW MUSICAL are controlled exclusively by Samuel French, Inc., and licensing arrangements and performance licenses must be secured well in advance of presentation. PLEASE NOTE that amateur Licensing Fees are set upon application in accordance with your producing circum- stances. When applying for a licensing quotation and a performance license please give us the number of performances intended, dates of production, your seating capacity and admission fee. Licensing Fees are payable one week before the opening performance of the play to Samuel French, Inc., at 45 W. 25th Street, New York, NY 10010. Licensing Fee of the required amount must be paid whether the play is presented for charity or gain and whether or not admission is charged. Stock licensing fees quoted upon application to Samuel French, Inc. For all other rights than those stipulated above, apply to: Interna- tional Creative Management, 825 Eighth Avenue, 26th Floor, New York, NY 10019, Attn: Buddy Thomas. Particular emphasis is laid on the question of amateur or professional readings, permission and terms for which must be secured in writing from Samuel French, Inc. Copying from this book in whole or in part is strictly forbidden by law, and the right of performance is not transferable. Whenever the play is produced the following notice must appear on all programs, printing and advertising for the play: “Produced by special arrangement with Samuel French, Inc.” Due authorship credit must be given on all programs, printing and advertising for the play.

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IMPORTANT BILLING AND CREDIT REQUIREMENTS All Producers of HAPPY DAYS - A NEW MUSICAL, must give credit to the Author and Composer of the Play in all programs distributed in connec- tion with performances of the Play, and in all instances in which the title of the Play appears for the purposes of advertising, publicizing or otherwise exploiting the Play and/or a production. The name of the Author and Composer must appear side by side on a separate line on which no other name appears, immediately following the title and must appear in size of type not less than fi fty percent of the size of the title type. In addition, the following credit “Based on the Paramount Pictures Television Series Created by Garry Marshall” contractually must appear below the author’s credit in size of type no less than fi fty percent of the size of the author’s type. In addition the following credit must be given on all title pages in all programs:

HAPPY DAYS (100%) A NEW MUSICAL Book by Music & Lyrics by Garry Marshall Paul Williams (50%) Based on the Paramount Pictures television series “Happy Days” Created by Garry Marshall *Arrangements and Orchestrations by John McDaniel (25%) Originally produced at the Falcon Theatre, Burbank, CA Produced and Directed by Garry Marshall Ronny Hallin, Producer Kathleen Ward Marshall, Producer Subsequently Produced for the Goodspeed Opera House by Michael P. Price, Executive Producer Subsequently Produced by Paper Mill Playhouse, Millburn, New Jersey Subsequently Produced for the North American National Tour by Bob Boyett, Nice Productions, Inc., McCoy Rigby Entertainment CBS Corporation, Tom Miller and La Mirada Theatre for the Performing Arts.

Happy Days song courtesy of CBS Studios, Inc., Lyrics by Norman Gimbel, Music by Charles Fox.

*Please note this credit must appear in the same size as the production design credits are listed (set, costume, lighting designers, etc.). The premiere of the fi rst National Tour of HAPPY DAYS - A NEW MUSICAL was at the La Mirada Theater for the Performing Arts in La Mirada, California on November 1, 2008. The performance was directed by Gordon Greenberg, with music direction by Bruce Barnes and cho- reography by Michele Lynch, with sets by Walt Spangler, costumes by David C. Woolard, lighting by Jeff Croiter, sound by Julie Ferrin, and hair/wigs/makeup by Judi Lewin. The production stage manager was Lynda A. Lavin. The cast was as follows:

ARTHUR “THE FONZ” FONZARELLI ...... Joey Sorge RICHIE CUNNINGHAM ...... Steven Booth MARION CUNNINGHAM ...... Cynthia Ferrer HOWARD CUNNINGHAM ...... John Massey JOANIE CUNNINGHAM ...... Whitney Bashor WARREN “POTSIE” WEBBER ...... Justin Michael Duval RALPH MALPH ...... James Michael Lambert CHARLES “CHACHI” ARCOLA ...... Chris Fore PINKY TUSCADERO ...... Felicia Finley ARNOLD DELVECCHIO ...... Barry Pearl LORI BETH ALLEN/CALENDAR GIRL ...... Molly Alvarez BULLY/LEOPARD MANNY MOON/ MYRON “COUNT” MALACHI/ELVIS ...... Matt Merchant LEOPARD MAC GATES/JUMPY MALACHI/JAMES DEAN . . . . .Matt Walker PINKETTE LOLA/CAR HOP/ CALENDAR GIRL/ENSEMBLE ...... Leah Sprecher PINKETTE TINA/CAR HOP/ CALENDAR GIRL/ENSEMBLE ...... Gabrielle Reid ENSEMBLE/NERD GIRL ...... Jill Morrison ENSEMBLE ...... Joseph Keane SWING ...... Jaclyn Miller SWING ...... Jeff Summer CHARACTERS

ARTHUR “THE FONZ” FONZARELLI - The king of cool, sexy, funny and loaded with charisma, older than the other kids. In his late teens or early 20’s. He wears jeans, white t-shirt, and black leather jacket and motorcycle boots at all times except when he works in the garage where he wears mechanics coveralls. RICHIE CUNNINGHAM - High school student, Fonzie’s best friend, all American, honest, reliable. PINKY TUSCADERO - Fonzie’s love interest, sexy, confi dent, tough and a body to die for. Motorcycle daredevil. Same age as Fonzie. HOWARD CUNNINGHAM - Richie’s dad, the quintessential mid-western head of household. A man in his 40’s. MARION CUNNINGHAM - Richie’s mom, warm, naïve and wise. In her 40’s. JOANIE CUNNINGHAM - Richie’s younger sister, 15-16 years old, lovable, precocious and has a big crush on Chachi CHARLES “CHACHI” ARCOLA - Fonzie’s cousin who tries to be just like him. Probably 15 or 16. Likes Joanie. RALPH MALPH - High school buddy of Richie’s. He is the class clown. WARREN “POTSIE”WEBBER - High school buddy of Richie’s, not very cool but tries hard to be. He is a bit of a nerd. BULLY/LEOPARD MANNY MOON/MYRON “COUNT” MALACHI/ELVIS - BULLY - big tough guy LEOPARD MANNY MOON - Howard’s Leopard Lodge brother and principal of the High School MYRON “COUNT” MALACHI - ½ of Malachi brothers, Fonzie’s nem- esis, greaser type, overly dramatic, in his 20’s ELVIS - Elvis Presley circa late ‘50’s LEOPARD MAC GATES/JUMPY MALACHI/JAMES DEAN - LEOPARD MAC GATES - Howard’s Leopard Lodge brother JUMPY MALACHI - Other ½ of the Malachi brothers, fi lled with ner- vous energy, greaser type, in his 20’s JAMES DEAN - the 1950’s movie icon ARNOLD DELVECCHIO - A man in his 50’s, owner of Arnold’s malt shop, member of the Leopard Lodge LORI BETH ALLEN/CALENDAR GIRL - Sweet, lovely, “girl next door” type. Richie’s girlfriend, high school student PINKETTE LOLA/ CAR HOP GIRL/CALENDAR GIRL/ENSEMBLE - hot looking dancer/singer PINKETTE TINA/CAR HOP GIRL/CALENDAR GIRL/ENSEMBLE - hot looking dancer/singer ENSEMBLE GIRL/CALENDAR GIRL/NERD GIRL - dancer/singer ENSEMBLE BOY - dancer/singer

Doubled roles can be given to individual actors for larger casts or can be doubled in any way that is convenient to the production. This is the way roles were played on tour. SCENES AND MUSICAL NUMBERS

Milwaukee, Wisconsin-1959 ACT I Scene 1, A Milwaukee Street & Arnold’s “Welcome to Wisconsin” ...... Company “Snap” ...... Fonzie & Car Hops Scene 2, Cunningham Back Yard “The Thing About Girls” ...... Richie, Chachi, Potsie, Ralph “Romeo Midnight” ...... The Dial-Tones “Oooooh Bop” ...... Fonzie & The Dial-Tones Scene 3, The Leopard Lodge “Leopards Are We” ...... Howard & The Leopards “The Plaque” ...... Howard & The Leopards Scene 4, Arnold’s “The Pink’s in Town” ...... Pinky & The Pinkettes “Malachi’s” ...... Jumpy & Count Malachi Scene 5, Bronko’s Garage “Heartbeat” ...... Fonzie & Chachi “The Famous Bronze” ...... Howard Scene 6, The Cunningham’s House “What I Dreamed Last Night” ...... Marion & Joanie Scene 7, Arnold’s “Message in the Music” ...... Pinky & Company “Maybe It’s Time to Move On” . . . Fonzie, The Dial-Tones & Company ACT II Scene 1, Arnold’s & the Road “Run” ...... Richie, Chachi, Potsie, Ralph “Legend in Leather” ...... Pinky “Aaay’mless” ...... Fonzie, Pinky, Car Hops Scene 2, Arnold’s “Malachi’s” (Reprise) ...... Jumpy & Count Malachi Scene 3, The Cunningham’s House “What I Dreamed Last Night” (Reprise) . . . . . Pinky, Marion, & Joanie Scene 4, Cunningham Back yard “Guys Like Us” ...... Fonzie & The Guys Scene 5, Pfi ster Park “Hot Love” ...... The Dial-Tones “Dancing on the Moon” ...... Fonzie & Pinky “Ordinary Hero” ...... Company Scene 6, Jefferson High Prom “Finale” ...... Company

ACT ONE

Scene One

(MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN – 1959) (An illusion of a suburban Milwaukee street-morning. RICHIE CUNNINGHAM enters on a bicycle with a radio in the basket.) (Music slowly starts with the fi rst part of Happy Days.) VOICES. (offstage) SUNDAY, MONDAY, HAPPY DAYS TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY, HAPPY DAYS THURSDAY, FRIDAY, HAPPY DAYS SATURDAY, WHAT A DAY GROOVIN’ ALL WEEK WITH YOU RICHIE. (V.O.) (listening to himself on the radio, announcing his high school baseball game, over above lyrics) It’s a ground ball to short, Malph over to Webber for one…oh, Potsie throws wide to fi rst base, but Chachi comes off the bag to make the tag, double play. Jefferson wins. This is Richie Cunningham with the highlights of this weeks 1959 City Championships of Milwaukee. (RICHIE turns off radio with a smile.) (to audience) Yeah, that was me, Richie Cunningham, working at the local radio station…but now I’ve got bigger fi sh to fry. (Music starts.) I’m graduating high school and I’m blowing this pop stand to go see the world…but at the moment, this is my world. And when I want to know what’s happening around here, I know just where to go. London has the BBC, New York has the Times, and we have Arnold’s.

9 10 HAPPY DAYS, A NEW MUSICAL

(Arnold’s Malt Shop appears as CAST comes out and sings as RICHIE moves his bicycle offstage.) (In Arnold’s there is a jukebox on one side and a large poster size photo of FONZIE on the other side wall. There are only two booths.) “WELCOME TO WISCONSIN” ALL EXCEPT FONZIE. SOCK HOP, SODA POP, MEETING AT THE MALT SHOP… PART OF GROWING UP AROUND HERE WELCOME TO WISCONSIN MAKE YOURSELF TO HOME (ARNOLD comes by wearing his white apron and hat.) RICHIE. Hi, Arnold. Malted with two straws. ARNOLD. You got it, Rich! (RICHIE puts his arm around LORI BETH and then goes to guys.) ENSEMBLE. DUCKTAILS, TUCK AND ROLL, LEARNING HOW TO DO THE STROLL GORGEOUS UNDER ALL THOSE CLOTHES HEAVEN’S IN WISCONSIN MAKE YOURSELF TO HOME POTSIE. Hey, Richie! RALPH. We missed you at rehearsal yesterday. RICHIE. (to audience) These are my friends, Ralph and Potsie. CHACHI. I cut shop class to rehearse. RICHIE. And that’s Chachi. We have a singing group, the “Dial-Tones.” DIAL TONES. OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH, WAH (RICHIE points. JOANIE is twirling a baton. She throws it and misses it.) RICHIE. And this is my perfect mom, perfect dad and not yet perfect sister. (HOWARD, MARION and JOANIE are arguing.) HAPPY DAYS, A NEW MUSICAL 11

JOANIE. But you wouldn’t have to drive me to baton twirling lessons if I had a car. HOWARD. Who can afford it with gas prices skyrocketing? MARION. Oh, honey, I’m sure prices can’t get any higher than twelve cents a gallon. (JOANIE stomps to a corner to sulk.) RICHIE. I RICHIE CUNNINGHAM WILL DOCUMENT THESE DAYS OF HULA HOOPS AND POODLE SKIRTS THE LATEST TV CRAZE I’LL WRITE OF OLD MILWAUKEE AND I’LL ALWAYS WRITE THE TRUTH ABOUT THIS FROZEN CITY WHERE I SHIVERED THROUGH MY YOUTH I’M OFF TO TELL THE WORLD THE STORIES THAT ARE MINE THE LAUGHTER AND THE LEGENDS OF THE CLASS OF ’59 I’LL WRITE OF INSPIRATION POINT AND LOVES THAT NEVER END I’LL WRITE ABOUT OUR HERO AND PROTECTOR MY BEST FRIEND FONZARELLI ALL. ARTHUR FONZARELLI GIRLS. THE DREAMIEST, SCREAMIEST ALL. THE FONZ (Suddenly out of the crowd, FONZIE emerges.) FONZIE. Aaaay! ALL. (They rush towards him and clap happily) Fonzie! FONZIE. Whoa! (There is a general hubbub around FONZIE, after a beat, he snaps his fi ngers and everybody stops. He turns to RICHIE.) 12 HAPPY DAYS, A NEW MUSICAL

FONZIE. (cont.) Anybody in my offi ce, Red? RICHIE. No, Fonz. The men’s room is empty. FONZIE. Good. There’s a chick’s phone number I wrote on the wall that’s in need of a loving call. RICHIE. EVERY STORY’S GOTTA HAVE A HERO NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT TO THE PLOT WELL HE’S GOTTA HAVE COURAGE AND HE’S GOTTA BE STRONG (FONZIE exits offstage towards the bathroom.) GIRLS. THE ONE WORD DESCRIPTION IS HOT, HOT HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT (Suddenly, a tough-looking BULLY type enters, pushing RALPH into the booth knocking over cups.) BULLY. (shouts) Hey! Outta my way dorks and dorkettes. I’m hungry. RICHIE. Lori Beth, he looks familiar. LORI BETH. (to RICHIE, spraying spit on his shirt) It’s that big bad bully, Sam Cicero, from the South side of Syca- more Street. BULLY. (to LORI BETH) Who are you? RICHIE. My girlfriend, Lori Beth. BULLY. (to RICHIE) What are you looking at? RICHIE. Your tattoo! I never saw the word “Mother” spelled with a “U.” (CROWD laughs then BULLY grabs RICHIE’s arm.) BULLY. You making fun of my arm? I’m going to twist yours off. LORI BETH & ALL. (ad lib) Don’t hurt Richie. (As BULLY twists RICHIE’s arm, FONZIE re-enters from bathroom. He snaps and everyone stops!) FONZIE. Am I interrupting something? BULLY. (holding RICHIE’s arm) Oh, hey Fonz, I was just admiring his wrist watch. HAPPY DAYS, A NEW MUSICAL 13

(RICHIE pulls his wrist away from BULLY.) RALPH. (telling truth) No he wasn’t, Fonzie. He was twisting Richie’s arm and he pushed me so hard a straw went up my nose and I spilled my – (FONZIE snaps fi ngers and RALPH stops talking.) FONZIE. Hey Red. You alright? RICHIE. I think so. BULLY. You stoolie! (BULLY goes to grab RALPH but, FONZIE suddenly grabs the BULLY’s throat.) FONZIE. I’m just admiring your Adam’s Apple. And if I ever see you around here again, I’ll peel it, slice it and squeeze it for juice! (FONZIE shows BULLY out and exits with him.) RICHIE. FRIDAY NIGHT AND ALL IS RIGHT FOR TEENS AND DREAMERS LUCKY STARS AND SPUTNIK UP ABOVE FONZ AND ELVIS PUTTING UP WITH FANS AND SCREAMERS FRIDAY NIGHT’S THE NIGHT THEY FALL IN LOVE EVERYONE ELSE. WOOOO AYI YAI YAI YAI WOOOO AYI YAI YAI WAH RICHIE. LOOK AT MY FRIENDS, THEY’RE A NOISY BUNCH BUT, GOOD GUYS, ROCKING DOLLS TYPICAL TEENS FROM HOMETOWN U.S.A… THEY’RE RAISED ON WHITE BREAD AND APPLE PIE THEY’RE NOT ALL CHAMPIONS BUT THEY ALWAYS TRY AND THEY LOOK TO FONZ FOR ANSWERS TO THE PROBLEMS OF THE DAY AND THEY TREAT HIM LIKE A HERO, YES IT’LL ALWAYS BE THAT WAY 14 HAPPY DAYS, A NEW MUSICAL

KIDS. RICHIE. SOCK HOP, SODA POP, MEETING I, RICHIE CUNNINGHAM, AT THE MALT SHOP PART OF GROWING UP AROUND WILL DOCUMENT THESE DAYS HERE WELCOME TO WISCONSIN OF HULA HOOPS AND POODLE SKIRTS MAKE YOURSELF TO HOME THE LATEST TV CRAZE LET’S ALL GO AND KIDS. RICHIE. ARNOLD. DUCKTAILS, TUCK AND I, RICHIE YOU’RE FAMILY AT ROLL, CUNNINGHAM, ARNOLD’S LEARNING HOW TO DO THE STROLL WILL FIGHT THE GORGEOUS UNDER ALL GOOD FIGHT THOSE CLOTHES WELCOME TO WISCONSIN RAISE JOURNALISTIC MAKE YOURSELF TO HOME STANDARDS WELCOME AT TO THEIR HIGHEST ARNOLD’S SOCK HOP, SODA POP, HEIGHTS MEETING AT THE MALT SHOP SUNDAY, MONDAY, AHHH CUNNINGHAMS. LISTEN THAT’S LOVE ON HAPPY DAYS SUNDAY, THE RADIO LIFE AT ITS BEST AHHH MONDAY, A SINGING DESCRIPTION OUR HAPPY DAYS HAPPY DAYS OF THE WORLD WE AHHH LIFE AT ITS BEST KNOW I’LL EMULATE MY OUR HAPPY OUR SONG, YOURS AND HERO DAYS MINE I’LL WRITE OF OLD THURSDAY, JEFFERSON HIGH SCHOOL MILWAUKEE FRIDAY, CLASS OF 1959 ABOUT THE MAGIC HAPPY DAYS CITY THURSDAY, FRIDAY, IN THE HEART BUT WE LOVE A SOCK HOP HAPPY DAYS OF OLD MEETING AT THE MALT AND THE IN THE HEART MILWAUKEE SHOP BRILLIANCE OF OLD DRINKING LOTS OF SODA MILWAUKEE POP OF WE DANCE ALL NIGHT YOU’RE WELCOME ALWAYS UNTIL WE DROP AND HER AT ARNOLD’S YOU’RE FAMILY BE YOUTH AT ARNOLD’S THAT HAPPY DAYS, A NEW MUSICAL 15

KIDS. EVERYONE ELSE. SOCK HOP, SODA POP, MEETING THESE DAYS ARE OURS AT THE MALT SHOP, PART OF GROWIN’ UP AROUND HAPPY AND FREE HERE. OH BABY WELCOME TO WISCONSIN. THESE HAPPY DAYS ARE YOURS AND MINE MAKE YOURSELF TO HOME THESE HAPPY DAYS ARE YOURS AND MINE THESE HAPPY DAYS ARE YOURS AND MINE (FONZIE enters and snaps fi ngers! Everything stops! Girls run to FONZIE. All fi nish song together.) ALL. MY HAPPY DAYS! ARNOLD. Alright…I’m closing up early tonight, kids. CROWD. Awww! ARNOLD. No awwws! Let’s vamoose. RICHIE. That’s O.K. I’m going to study with Lori Beth…at Inspiration Point. FONZIE. (quickly) Way to go Cunningham, but be gone by 6:00. I got a date with a girl from Green Bay who is Vince Lombardi’s niece. (ARNOLD moans.) Why is Arnold is making that weird noise. (ARNOLD moans again.) Maybe he ate his own chili dog. RICHIE. Arnold, what’s wrong? ARNOLD. I’m done. I’m fi nished. RICHIE. What do you mean? ARNOLD. This big construction company, Wells, Winter and Wacker. They bought the land Arnold’s is on. They’re gonna make it into a parking lot and something called a “mall.” RICHIE. That is unthinkable, unforgivable… FONZIE. And unlikely. Arnold’s is a part of our town, like Pfi ster Park, Shotz Brewery, and Cunningham Hard- ware. I met you right there. (point to stage left booth) 16 HAPPY DAYS, A NEW MUSICAL

RICHIE. I remember…I was thirteen and you stole my lunch. FONZIE. Yeah, and you didn’t tell nobody. That’s how I knew you were ok. And Arnold’s has always been here. The city fathers will say ixnay, mayday, no way, José. ARNOLD. Wrong, Fonz. FONZIE. What? I’m never wrroo – The Fonz is never wrroo – ARNOLD. Still can’t say the word “Wrong.” RICHIE. I know, he never could. But is there anything we can do about Wells, Winter and Wacker? ARNOLD. Help me raise money to outbid them. FONZIE. Hey, I’m on it. ARNOLD. I gotta go close up. Tomorrow morning I’m meeting this guy who wants me to go into the restaurant business with him. His name is Denny something. (ARNOLD leaves.) RICHIE. Gosh darn it. There goes any studying tonight. I won’t be able to focus. I’ll be worrying about Arnold’s. Maybe I’ll talk to my dad. FONZIE. No, I’ll handle it. You go do your homework. I’ve got a million ideas. RICHIE. What kind of ideas? FONZIE. (yells) Go! (RICHIE exits.) I got no ideas…but I will. They expect it from the Fonz. (We transition to exterior Arnolds parking lot where lights are overhead.) “SNAP” FONZIE. I WALK BY A MIRROR IT SINGS OUT TO ME SAYS ‘HELLO BOY, YOU’RE GAZING AT PERFECTION’ LOOKING LIKE A HERO EVERY HAIR IN PLACE I’M BUILT FOR SPEED AND PASSIONATE INSPECTION HAPPY DAYS, A NEW MUSICAL 17

I WAS A CHILD OF THE STREETS THE SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS WAS MY ONLY SCHOOL TOUGH SLICE OF LIFE ON MY PLATE BUT, I’M MASTER OF MY FATE I GOT A BLACK BELT IN COOL (Two GIRLS in carhop outfi ts enter and sing with him. Optional- the carhops can be on roller skates.) FONZIE. (cont.) YOU JUST SNAP YOUR FINGERS AND THE SUN BREAKS THROUGH THE GREY CLOUDS SNAP YOUR FINGERS AND THE MUSIC STARTS TO PLAY CROWDS GATHER ALL AROUND ME CENTER STAGE WHERE I BELONG GIRLS. IF LOVE’S A DANCE THEN FONZIE IS OUR SONG GIRLS. FONZIE. SINGING WHEN THERE’S TROUBLE ALL AYI AROUND ME AYI AYI AND THERE’S PROBLEMS TO BE AYI SOLVED AYI AYI AYI AYI WITHOUT ME THE WORLD WOULD AYI WONDER AYI AYI WHICH DIRECTION IT REVOLVED AYI GIRLS. AND HE DOES IT WITH A SNAP (ARNOLD crosses.) ARNOLD. Night, Fonz. Forget about me. It’s not your problem. (Light fl ickers on ARNOLD sign above.) I gotta fi x that light! 18 HAPPY DAYS, A NEW MUSICAL

(He exits. FONZIE snaps and the light comes back on.) FONZIE. NEVER COULD EXPLAIN IT I’VE ALWAYS HAD THIS GIFT BROKEN ENGINES START TO PURR BENEATH MY FINGERS GIRLS. WHEN IT COMES TO PURRING FONZIE HAS THE TOUCH AND HIS KILLER KISSES CAST A SPELL THAT LINGERS FONZIE. I WALK ALONE IT’S BY CHOICE AIN’T NO ‘LONELY’ IN MY VOICE SO DON’T SPRING THAT TENDER TRAP CHRISTMAS ALONE I DO FINE DON’T NEED NO VALENTINE SOLITARY IS A SNAP! GIRLS & FONZIE. AND HE DOES IT WITH A SNAP HE DOES IT WITH AN “AAAY” HE DOES IT WITH A “WHOA” HE DOES IT WITH A SNAP YEAH HE DOES IT WITH A… YEAH HE DOES IT WITH A… YEAH HE DOES IT WITH A… (Lights out on ARNOLD’s sign.) HAPPY DAYS, A NEW MUSICAL 19

Scene Two

(EXTERIOR CUNNINGHAM HOUSE – MORNING) (On the Cunningham back steps, leading up to Fonzie’s apartment above the Cunningham garage. There is a wooden sign pointing up the steps saying “The Fonz.” The Cunninghams’ trash cans are beside the steps. RICHIE is talking to LORI BETH near the steps.) LORI BETH. I just wanted you to know another couple, Trixie Futterman and Skinny Minota, are getting engaged before they go off to college. RICHIE. Don’t you think that’s rushing things, Lori Beth? LORI BETH. Even Ella Figgs has a ring. RICHIE. Ella Figgs? Doesn’t she have a reputation? LORI BETH. What do you mean? She is as pure as snow. RICHIE. I heard she drifted. LORI BETH. (scolding) Richard… RICHIE. I’ll see you at the test. I gotta meet the guys for a quick rehearsal. (He kisses her goodbye. LORI BETH goes off. FONZIE comes down steps. He has a wrench in his hand to work on his motorcycle that is in the driveway.) FONZIE. Hey, Cunningham! You ready for your fi nal exam? RICHIE. I have a bigger problem. Initials L.B. FONZIE. What’s wrong with Lori Beth? RICHIE. She keeps telling me about her naked fi nger. FONZIE. Okay, talk time…ow! (touches his knee) RICHIE. You okay? FONZIE. I could not be better! Cunningham, how many talks have we had about girls right here in front of your garage? RICHIE. I don’t know…212? FONZIE. Then I think you’re ready for the big one – number 213. The “wanna get closer” talk. I remember when my girl, Pinky, once asked me what my intentions were. 20 HAPPY DAYS, A NEW MUSICAL

FONZIE. (cont.) We are no longer a twosome. Moving closer means moving apart. As my Grandma Nussbaum used to say, “If you work in a bakery, stay away from the buns.” (RALPH and POTSIE come in doing Laverne and Shir- ley TV series main title walk.) RALPH & POTSIE. …Three, four, fi ve, six, seven, eight. Schlemeel, schlemazel, hasenfeffer incorporated. POTSIE. We just saw Laverne and Shirley. RALPH. Yeah! We’d love to ask them out, but we’re afraid they’ll beat us up. POTSIE. (dreamy) To be honest, I’m strangely drawn to the “L” on Laverne’s sweater. RALPH. You’re such a Potsie. (CHACHI enters.) CHACHI. Latest news, latest news. FONZIE. Hey Cousin Chachi! CHACHI. Arnold’s is having a dance contest to raise money. FONZIE. (as he works on his motorcycle) Yeah, it was my idea. CHACHI. And guess who’s coming back to be a beautiful judge…? Wah wah wah, Pinky Tuscadero! (FONZIE drops wrench in shock.) FONZIE. (pause, lying) I knew that! (changes subject) I gotta go call a guy who knows a guy who knows a man about the guys bugging Arnold. You guys go rehearse a song or something. (FONZIE exits upstairs, trying to cover his shock. The guys look at each other. Overlapping…) CHACHI. Yikes. What’d I say? POTSIE. He turned white. Is he okay? RALPH. Did I miss something again? What just happened? RICHIE. (interrupting) Come on guys, let’s have a Dial-Tones rehearsal. Hungry for More?

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