45 Int. Chasen Den - Day

45 INT. CHASEN DEN - DAY

Harold is sitting in a chair. His mother enters and sits down at the desk.

MRS. CHASEN I have here, Harold, the forms sent out by the National Computer Dating Service. It seems to me that as you do not get along with the daughters of my friends this is the best way for you to find a prospective wife.

Harold starts to say something.

MRS. CHASEN (continuing) Please, Harold, we have a lot to do and I have to be at the hairdresser's at three. (she looks over the papers) The Computer Dating Service offers you at least three dates on the initial investment. They screen out the fat and ugly so it is obviously a firm of high standards. I'm sure they can find you at least one girl who is compatible. Now first, here is the personality interview which you are to fill out and return. There are fifty questions with five possible responses to check... "A - Absolutely Yes, B - Yes, C - Not sure, D - No, E - Absolutely No." Are you ready, Harold?

The first question is "Are you uncomfortable meeting new people?" Well, I think that's a "yes." Don't you agree, Harold? Even an "Absolutely yes." We'll put down "A" on that. Now, number two. "Do you believe it is acceptable for women to initiate dates with men?" Well, absolutely. Mark "A" on that. "Three - Should sex education be taught outside the home?" I would say no, wouldn't you, Harold? Give a "D" there.

Mrs. Chasen continues filling out Harold's questionnaire without hardly ever even looking over for his reaction. He sits there, watching.

MRS. CHASEN "Four - Do you often invite friends to your home?" Now, you never do, Harold. Absolutely no. "Five - Do you enjoy participating in clubs and social organizations?" You don't, do you? Absolutely no. "Six - Do you enjoy spending a lot of time by yourself?" Absolutely yes. Mark "A." "Seven - Should women run for President of the United States?" I don't see why not. Absolutely yes. "Eight - Do you have ups and downs without obvious reason?" You do, don't you, Harold? Absolutely yes. "Nine - Do you remember jokes and take pleasure in relating them to others?" You don't, do you, Harold? Absolutely no. "Ten - Do you often get the feeling that perhaps life isn't worth living?" Hmm. What do you think, Harold?

Harold looks blankly back at his mother.

MRS. CHASEN (continuing) "A"? "B"? We'll put down "C" - "Not sure." "Eleven - Is the subject of sex being over-exploited by our mass media?" That would have to be "Yes," wouldn't it? "Twelve - Do you think judges favor some lawyers?" Yes, I suppose they do. "Thirteen - ....

Harold sits passively in his chair. Slowly he draws a revolver from his pocket. As his mother rattles on he very deliberately loads the bullets one by one into the chamber.

MRS. CHASEN ... Is it difficult for you to accept criticism?" Nooo. We'll mark "D." "Fourteen - Do you sometimes have headaches or back aches after a difficult day?" Yes, I do indeed. "Fifteen - Do you go to sleep easily?" I'd say so. "Sixteen - Do you believe in capital punishment for murder?" Oh, yes. "Seventeen - Do you believe churches have a strong influence to upgrade the general morality?" - yes, again. "Eighteen - In your opinion are social affairs usually a waste of time?" Heavens, no! "Nineteen - Can God influence our lives?" Yes. Absolutely yes. "Twenty - Have you ever crossed the street to avoid meeting someone?" Well, I'm sure you have, haven't you, Harold? "Twenty-one - Would you prefer to be with a group of people rather than alone?" That's you, Harold. "Twenty-two - Is it acceptable for a schoolteacher to smoke or drink in public?" Well, with reservation. Mark "B." "Twenty-three..." Having finished loading the gun, Harold cocks it and, looking at his mother, slowly lifts it up.

MRS. CHASEN ... Does your personal religion or philosophy include a life after death?" Oh, yes, indeed. That's "Absolutely." "Twenty-four - Did you enjoy life when you were a child?" Oh, yes. You were a wonderful baby, Harold. "Twenty- five..."

The gun is pointing at his mother. Slowly Harold turns it till it is pointing directly into his face. He pulls the trigger. A burst of blood and a loud EXPLOSION.

He and the chair are blown over backward OUT OF FRAME. SOUNDS of crashing furniture and breaking china. Mrs. Chasen remains impervious to it all.

MRS. CHASEN ... "Do you think the sexual revolution has gone too far?" It certainly seems to have. "Twenty- six...

The last crash - a tottering lamp falls. Mrs. Chasen looks up peeved.

MRS. CHASEN Harold! Please! (beat) "Should evolution be taught in our public schools?!"