Benheck.com Podcast Intro – Episode 8

“Police Files: Mario Squad – Season Finale”

ANNOUNCER Next week, on Police Files Mario Squad…

[sounds of the city, police sirens, radio chatter]

MARIO Whadda we a got?

DISGRUNTLED COP Another PS3 shooting. Looks like they wanted that system pretty bad…

MARIO Murder weapon?

DISGRUNTLED COP From the entry wound I’d say a Wiimote… thrown pretty hard. The strap broke before the guy even knew it.

MARIO I’m a one the case!

[sounds of an office]

POLICE CHEIF Dammit Mario! I’m not giving you 5 grand to go buy a PS3 on eBay!

MARIO But I’ve a got no leads!

POLICE CHEIF Just bid and don’t pay!

WIFE Honey it’s 2 am and you’re still on the computer?

MARIO I’m a gonna find the killer! Even if I have buy every PS3 on eBay! ANNOUNCER And now Mario vows to bring a murderer to justice…

[Phone rings]

MARIO [picks up phone] Hello?

SCOTT Dude, I like, need the cash for my PS3 auction.

MARIO I’ll a be right over!

ANNOUNCER No matter how many people he has to kill along the way.

[doorbell rings] [door opens]

SCOTT Hello dude?

[machine gun rings out] [screams of pain] [body slumps to floor]

MARIO That’s a one down… [gun cocks] four hundred a thousand left to go!

ANNOUNCER The odds are stacked against him…

POLICE CHEIF Dammit Mario, the Mayor’s ridin’ my ass about these suspects. Try to bring one in alive this time!

MARIO I’ll a just shoot their kneecaps!

SECRETARY Mario, the district attorney will see you now.

DA We had the suspect in custody but thanks to your sloppy police work he’s free on bail!

MARIO If I a can’t bring him in by the books…

I’ll a bring him in in a bodybag.

POLICE CHEIF Oh no you don’t Mario. Turn in your gun and shield, yo off the force! Again.

MARIO This a ain’t over!

ANNOUNCER And while his dreams have all dried up…

WIFE How are we gonna pay the mortgage Mario? How we gonna pay for… my baby??!!!!

MARIO You’re a pregnant? [BEAT] Shit!

ANNOUNCER He still thirsts for justice!

MARIO The law a turned its back on me… So I’m a gonna turn my back on the law!

[montage of screaming and gunfire]

ANNOUNCER Will Mario find the killer?

MARIO You’ve a got a Wii but no Wiimote. What a gives?

SUSPECT I… uh… lost it?

MARIO Not good enough!

SUSPECT ARGH!

ANNOUNCER Don’t miss the season finale of… Police Files: Mario Squad!

MARIO Welcome to the Mario Party, bitch!

[explosions and debris]