Suggestions for Coping with Loss of a Co-Worker

Suggestions for Coping with Loss of a Co-worker

 Remember that everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. There is no one ‘right way’ to grieve. Be sensitive to the way in which different people cope with their loss and deal with their grief. Remember, that you and your co-workers are each doing the best you know how to cope with a difficult time in your lives.

 Having said this, there are typical phases that people experience during the grief process. While they are presented here sequentially, it is important to remember that they may not be experienced in a sequential, orderly way. These phases are as follows:  Denial: Involves a feeling of numbness or shock in response to the news of loss. People in this stage may look like they are coping well on the outside because they have not fully accepted the reality of the loss of a loved one. Some people move through this phase quickly. Others may take a long time.  Separation: The reality of the separation you feel from your loved one or colleague begins to sink in. This is an intense period of various emotions such as anger, guilt, sadness, fear, and yearning, which may even conflict with each other at times. This stage is very painful and often very intense.  Depression: The intense pain associated with the separation stage begins to subside, leaving in its place an ongoing ache and a feeling of sadness or emptiness. People may withdraw from others during this time or may experiences periods of anger or irritability.  Acceptance: People entering this phase are gradually coming to an acceptance of their loss, moving forward and letting go, establishing new routines and directions. The mourning process continues, however, as important times such as anniversaries or holidays may invite sad memories or a re-experiencing of the loss.

 Allow yourself to experience this process of grieving. Allow yourself to become aware of your feelings so that you can work through them.

 In working through your thoughts and feelings, it is often helpful to talk to people you trust. Talking to people increases your sense of connection to others, and helps you become aware of how you are feeling, thus facilitating your ability to find meaning, heal, and let go of the hurt. Essentially, talking things out usually helps people feel better.

 You may also find that writing in a journal accomplishes the same goal. There may be times when you do not wish to talk to people. Exploring your feelings on paper provides a more private way of articulating how you feel.

Suggestions for Coping with the Loss of a Co-worker Page 1 Wilson Banwell Human Solutions™ – Calgary Office  When supporting your co-workers or others who are grieving, don’t insist on being a confidante. Be open to listening if others wish to talk to you, and when you listen, REALLY listen without judgment or without trying to ‘fix’ their emotion.

 Mix grief with normality. It is hard to be focused on a loss all of the time and a bit of normal can bring relief and strength.

 Be sure to honor your coworkers’ right to make choices about how they deal with their loss, how involved they want to be in efforts to bring people together, or about whether they attend the funeral or not. Remember, that attending or not attending a funeral is a very personal choice and does not necessarily reflect your relationship with the person who died. Some people cannot attend funerals or simply choose not to go. It is important not to feel guilty if you cannot attend and not to judge someone who does not attend.

 Create meaningful rituals that help you to work through your grief. Examples might include organizing a work gathering for the intent of honoring or celebrating the life of the person who died, or inviting people to contribute to a mosaic of pictures or mementos that remind you of that person, or establishing a charity fund in memory of him or her. Such rituals, including the funeral, allow people to experience a sense of closure and to create meaning around their loss, which facilitates the healing process.

 Continue to talk with each other about your fond memories of the person who died, and their positive qualities, how they made a difference. Find ways to attach meaning to his or her life – meaning that will continue to have an impact on how you live your own life.

Suggestions for Coping with the Loss of a Co-worker Page 2 Wilson Banwell Human Solutions™ – Calgary Office