$3 We Hit The Bull’s-Eye Every Night $3 The Committed Indian The REal Fan’s Program secondcityhockey.com February 22nd, 2009 [email protected] STICK AROUND THIS TIME? (the Hawks are doing things in strange ways as much punch as an O’Douls and question- this year, as they also don’t have a checking albe effort from night to night. In addition, line, but a second scoring line that just hap- the Wild spend most of the rest of the season pens to contain its best defensive forwards). on the road, where they’re below .500. Unless Walker has been more than solid, and is +7 Backstrom -- or, more likely, Josh Harding in the last seven games. He’s not quick, we after Backstrom gets dealt -- makes a pact know, but he does his job. The biggest feath- with Satan, this team won’t score enough to er in his cap is that while he’s a plus-player in climb up in the standings, especially if they’re Behind The Net, his partner -- the emotional quitting on their coach. breakdown that is 51 Phatom at times -- is a This Time, We Mean It negative. So basically, Walker is doing more The last time Minnehaha came a “Q...drinks...your...milkshake!” work than most realize to keep Soupy’s cock- callin’, the Hawks did two things you can’t let ups from being truly damaging. the Wild do: A) Minnesota scored first and B) At least he did on this past road Wild Wild Life? Hardly was doing the scoring. The Wild trip. That was the most dominant streak of To tonight’s visit of the cure-for- are nearly impossible to come back against games the Hawks have put together since insomnia and hockey equivalent of a naval -- even though the Hawks mauled them for December’s March To The Sea. The final two blockade that is the . Quite the last half of that game. Additionally, if you were against playoff-caliber teams in their frankly, they’re kind of a mess these days keep Koivu off the scoresheet, the Wild won’t own buildings. After they were over, the only -- though they are coming off a very solid score. Try and correct that tonight, boys. word we could come up with to describe it was beating of Scum last night, 5-2. They score The Wild have seen the poles of “pecker-slap”. Neither the Panthers or Stars about as much a World of Warcraft player, Hawks performances this season. In the first ever got close to The Men of Four Feathers, have effort that wavers from hellish to non- and third meeting, the Hawks were either and if it wasn’t for Steven Stamkos channeling existent from period to period, and there are getting adjusted to playing for, y’know, an early 90’s Brett Hull for a night, neither would whispers that they’ve tuned out their coach, actual coach, or were gasping for air and the have the Lightning. Most heartening the past Drill Sergeant Lemaire (shocking, no?). All-Star Break without Duncan Keith. In the two games was the defensive effort. Neither On top of that, there are rumors teams’ second meeting, the Wild caught the Florida or Dallas could generate any sustained circulating that Niklas Backstrom may be Hawks at their demon-seed best, as they were pressure. It looked like us hitting on a woman traded, and no one’s sure if that would be to victim #9 on the nine-game winning streak at a bar, no offensive progress whatsoever. acquire pieces to get into the playoffs, or just -- and it was a true Jasper-inspiring paddling. Any chance against was quickly limited to a fire-sale and giving up on the season. The The Hawks are clearly playing close to, if not one-and-done, and most of them came from Wild have lost three of their last four. They’ve at, their best, and anything resembling what the outside. This is the kind of hockey the slid out of the playoff picture, and it’s hard to we’ve seen the last four will do away with the Hawks will need to execute come April. crawl back into it with an attack that has about Wild. -The Academy So, finally the Hawks return home, and will actually play more than one home game a week this time. In fact, they’ll get quite comfortable here, as 13 of the next 16 are on Madison. With an eight-point cushion on the 5th place team du jour, only a Mets- like collapse will fuck this up. Walker On, With Matt In Your Hearts Sure, it would be easy to use this space to try and describe how good Martin Havlat has been. It would probably take all of this space to even come close, and we have about three new nicknames for him (Marty- Lark come to mind...), but you knew that already. Instead, we’ll take the time to extol the virtues of Matt Walker. Yes, we said it. We know Matt Walker has gotten a rough ride from Hawks fans at times, but we can’t figure out why. It must be because they expect him to be more than he is, seeing as how he’s playing in the second pairing. But he’s simply a #5 or #6 d-man, who just happens to be playing on that pairing “The National Debt Clock? No, that’s Havlat’s Contract Demands Clock.”

FROM THE EDITOR

-The first subject I’m going to have to address, obviously, is The What actually was more bothersome than The Wave was the march- Wave that somehow crawled into the UC last Saturday. Clearly, this ing band that was in the 300 Level on Saturday night. We called for is a crime against humanity. However, this was a perfect cocktail the Drummers back, not the entire accompaniment. I don’t know if for something stupid to happen, wasn’t it (God, I’m covering this they came on their own or were brought in, but it’s hard to imagine as if it were a fucking plane crash. You can see how that you can walk in with drums and horns and have out of whack my priorities are)? A Saturday night security not notice (though with UC security, any- home game, the first in three weeks -- leaving a large thing’s possible. But try and legally sell your own block of time for anyone to plan a group outing of, program outside the UC, and watch the questions oh, I don’t know, drunken-moron college kids, and fly!). Either way, this is something that distracts a game that had turned into a blowout early, leaving from the action on the ice, which should always plenty of space for people to want to draw attention be front and center. The Drummers always played to themselves. during stoppages, and got the energy going for when But I want to clear up one strain of thought play started again. These jerkweeds bellowed dur- that’s gotten tangled up in this. There’s been a lot of ing play, which is unacceptable. This isn’t Cornell. “Thanks, McDonough,” sentiments as a result. But Sam Fels That’s NBA shit, and we won’t stand for it here. All it’s hardly his fault. Any winning team brings out the I ask of whatever happens now at Hawks games -- as bandwagon-jumpers and the scene-invaders (unless McDonough and Blunk will certainly change things you’re the Cubs, which McDonough managed to attract without the more than they already have -- is that nothing takes away from the winning). Look at the other tenants of the UC, the Bulls. Six cham- action on the ice. Maintain that, and I’ll live with the fucking Kiss- pionships and the sweater-crowd never left. You honestly going to Cam and bad, angry, modern rock that I put up with already. say there wasn’t a fair number of that crowd at Comiskey in 2006? Lie to yourself if you want, but not to me. Frankly, this is some- -Listening to has been a great intro into what it will be thing we’re just going to have to deal with, and probably for a long like when my father starts to lose it. How you confuse Byfuglien time. It’s the price of following a winning team. That being said, a and Bolland will be one of life’s great mysteries. wave shouldn’t ever happen. NHL STANDINGS *late game not included

Eastern Conference Western Conference

W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY 1 Boston 40 11 8 88 197 133 19-4-4 21-7-4 1 San Jose 40 8 9 89 199 140 26-2-3 14-6-6 2 Washington 37 17 5 79 196 170 23-5-1 14-12-4 2 Scum 39 13 8 86 228 177 22-4-3 17-9-5 3 New Jersey 38 19 3 79 182 151 19-10-1 19-9-2 3 * 34 18 6 74 184 171 20-7-4 14-11-2 4 Philadelphia 31 17 9 71 189 169 17-8-3 14-9-6 4 HAWKS 34 15 8 76 193 141 15-4-5 19-11-3 5 Montreal 31 22 7 69 184 184 18-6-4 13-16-3 5 30 21 8 68 181 170 14-11-4 16-10-4 6 Florida 30 21 8 68 166 159 17-8-5 13-13-3 6 Columbus 30 24 6 66 165 169 19-10-2 11-14-4 7 Buffalo 31 23 6 68 179 168 17-11-2 14-12-4 7 Dallas 29 22 7 65 174 179 17-8-4 12-14-3 8 NY Rangers 31 23 6 68 149 167 18-9-3 13-14-3 8 Anaheim 29 27 5 63 173 177 15-13-3 14-14-2 9 Carolina 30 25 5 65 157 174 15-13-1 15-12-4 9 Minnesota 29 24 4 62 149 134 18-11-4 11-13-0 10 Pittsburgh 29 25 6 64 183 186 16-12-2 13-13-4 10 Edmonton* 29 25 4 62 163 179 13-11-3 16-14-1 11 Toronto 21 26 12 54 177 217 10-11-8 11-15-4 11 Los Angeles 25 24 9 59 155 170 13-13-8 12-11-1 12 Ottawa 22 27 9 53 144 168 12-10-5 10-17-4 12 Phoenix 27 28 5 59 156 184 17-12-2 10-16-3 13 Tampa Bay 19 28 12 50 148 188 10-12-8 9-16-4 13 Nashville 27 28 4 58 141 168 16-11-2 11-17-2 14 Atlanta 21 33 6 48 176 211 9-17-2 12-16-4 14 St. Louis 25 26 7 57 165 177 15-11-4 10-15-3 15 NY Islanders 18 35 6 42 144 198 12-13-4 6-22-2 15 Colorado 28 30 1 57 163 181 17-14-0 11-16-1

TOP 10 LIST PUCK DROP

Top 10 Bob Probert Accomplishments As A Hawk (In Honor Of Probert Heritage Night) 10. 9. 8. 7. Uhh.... 6. 5. Ummm... 4. 3. That he didn’t drink? 2. No, that’s lame. So was he after he stopped.... (Sing to the tune of Skip To My Lou) 1. Um...we’ll get this, hang on.... In for a week, out for a month/in for a week, out for a month/in for a week, out for a month/ Gaborik is a tampon! Blackhawks 34-15-8

Havlat has 8 points and is +8 in the last four games. This is the most dominant stretch he’s put together as a Hawk.

# Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary (Cap Hit) 88 R Patrick Kane 5'10" 187 20 55 19 33 52 2 36 10 0 3 170 11.2 $3,725,000 24 R The Perfect Beard 6'2" 217 27 57 19 31 50 19 18 5 0 3 167 11.4 $6,000,000 19 C Marvel 6'2" 209 20 57 21 27 48 14 39 6 0 6 139 15.1 $2,800,000 32 L VerStud 5'10" 180 22 54 16 27 43 16 47 4 4 2 89 18 $491,667 51 D 51 Phantom 6'0" 188 29 57 7 32 39 9 16 4 0 1 77 9.1 $7,142,875 10 L The Sharp-Shooter 6'1" 197 27 54 23 15 38 2 39 8 0 4 163 14.1 $3,900,000 36 C Dave Bolland 6'0" 188 22 57 13 22 35 20 32 0 2 4 72 18.1 $845,833 16 L Nails 6'2" 198 23 57 10 24 34 23 20 0 0 1 135 7.4 $1,550,000 2 D Duncan Keith 6'1" 194 25 53 7 25 32 32 36 2 1 1 109 6.4 $1,475,000 25 D 6'3" 213 22 44 4 23 27 -1 47 4 0 1 55 7.3 $2,768,587 33 R 6'3" 247 23 52 9 12 21 0 66 3 0 2 137 6.6 $3,000,000 22 R 6'2" 213 23 48 8 13 21 14 40 3 1 0 92 8.7 $675,000 7 D 6'3" 220 23 57 5 11 16 19 47 2 1 0 92 5.4 $3,500,000 46 C Colin Fraser 6'1" 188 23 57 5 10 15 7 46 0 0 0 44 11.4 $500,000 55 L 6'2" 220 24 53 10 4 14 8 112 0 0 0 56 17.9 $568,000 43 D James Wisniewski 6'0" 207 24 26 2 10 12 7 10 1 0 0 57 3.5 $900,000 8 D Matt Walker 6'3" 214 28 45 1 9 10 15 58 0 0 0 56 1.8 $600,000 37 R Adam Burish 6'1" 189 26 41 5 3 8 7 69 0 0 2 63 7.9 $712,500 23 D Aaron Johnson 6'1" 211 25 28 3 5 8 18 24 0 0 1 20 15 $600,000 28 R Craig Adams 6'0" 197 31 34 2 4 6 -2 22 1 0 0 36 5.6 $600,000 5 D 6'1" 211 32 23 1 1 2 -4 8 0 0 1 15 6.7 $2,333,333 Totals/Averages 6'1" 203.75 24.38 191 341 841 53 9 1859 10.27% $44,119,795 If Bolland has a big last six weeks, and VerStud doesn’t fall totally off, the Hawks wiill boast six 20- *injured scorers. The last time that happened was 1989-90. # Goalie HT WT AGE GPI Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary 39 Nikolai Khabibulin 6'1" 209 36 29 1673 2.37 17 5 5 1 870 66 0.924 0 2 6 $6,750,000 38 Cristobal Huet 6'1" 205 33 31 1769 2.24 17 10 3 3 810 66 0.919 0 0 0 $5,625,000 31 Antii Niemi 6’2” 204 25 29* 1580* 2.59* 13* 12* 2* 2* 722* 65* 0.917* 0 0 0 $488,000 Totals/Averages 6'1" 207 34 3442 2.31 34 15 8 4 1680 132 0.921 0 2 6 $12,375,000 * in Rockford The Hawks have the 2nd best goaltending duo in the league, TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $57,283,000 behind Boston. Huet’s SV% is now 5th in the NHL. Q should give Niemi the start tonight. Though Huet has played very well, he thrives when not overworked. when not overworked. Though Huet has played very well, he thrives tonight. Q should give Niemi the start Wild can’t hurt. the Finn against a punch-and-judy a start for Tuesday, on With another game CAP SPACE: $274,000* Probable Pairings Probable Lines *space also affected by buyouts and injured players Left Wing Center Right Wing 2 Keith 7 Seabrook 22 Brouwer 19 Toews 88 Kane 51 Campbell 8 Walker Injury List Brent Sopel- Out (Talent) 43 Wisniewski 25 Barker 16 Ladd 36 Bolland 24 Havlat Patrick Sharp- Out (Knee) 33 Byfuglien 32 Versteeg 28 Adams Nikolai Khabibulin-Questionable (groin?) 37 Burish 46 Fraser 55 Eager

16 years ago, David Stern sent me to ruin the NHL. I have done every- thing I can think of to drive the core I am so close to completing the task fan away, strip hockey of all that’s Stern charged me with.... great about it, and eliminate any at- tention by the mainstream media... minnesota Fats 29-24-4

Dopey has 14 points in his last 11, so we should be on guard.

# Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary (Cap Hit) 9 C Mikko Koivu 6' 2" 200 25 57 16 38 54 3 48 4 2 2 178 9 $3,250,000 20 R Antti Miettinen 6' 0" 190 28 57 12 26 38 -2 20 2 1 3 130 9.2 $2,333,000 96 C Pierre-Marc Bouchard 5' 10" 173 24 54 14 23 37 -2 18 2 0 1 106 12.3 $4,080,000 15 L 6' 1" 210 35 56 13 19 32 -5 14 6 0 1 74 17.6 $2,333,333 11 R Owen Nolan 6' 1" 214 36 37 17 13 30 1 17 9 0 3 93 16.1 $2,750,000 3 D Marek Zidlicky 5' 11" 190 31 52 9 20 29 -8 52 9 0 3 104 8.7 $3,350,000 25 C Eric Belanger 5' 11" 187 31 54 11 17 28 -7 12 3 0 3 109 10.1 $1,750,000 47 D Marc-Andre Bergeron 5' 9" 198 28 47 7 16 23 -1 26 4 0 2 86 8.1 $1,116,000 8 D Brent Burns 6' 5" 219 23 53 8 15 23 -8 43 4 0 2 137 5.8 $3,550,000 5 D 6' 1" 193 32 56 1 14 15 2 24 0 0 0 66 1.5 $4,850,000 51 C 6' 2" 210 20 57 4 10 14 -17 28 0 0 1 68 5.9 $1,400,000 19 L Stephane Veilleux 6' 0" 190 27 56 7 6 13 -12 23 0 1 1 87 6.9 $863,000 22 R 5' 11" 213 21 53 8 3 11 -1 53 1 0 1 79 10.1 $702,000

This fossil has 5 goals in his last games. 55 D 6' 1" 200 26 57 1 6 7 -2 25 0 0 0 37 2.7 $3,500,000 41 D Martin Skoula 6' 3" 226 29 56 1 6 7 -6 4 0 0 0 30 0 $1,800,000 49 L 6' 1" 204 23 26 2 3 5 -4 2 0 1 0 31 6.5 $348,000 18 L 6' 4" 189 19 32 2 3 5 -1 12 0 0 1 17 11.8 $1,042,000 10 R Marian Gaborik** 6' 1" 199 26 6 3 2 5 0 0 1 0 0 22 13.6 $6,333,333 24 L Derek Boogaard 6' 8" 257 26 44 0 3 3 4 81 0 0 0 11 0 $950,000 12 R Craig Weller 6' 4" 220 27 25 1 1 2 -2 41 1 0 0 20 5 $600,000 28 L Peter Olvecky 6' 2" 185 23 10 0 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 6 0 $222,222 Totals/Averages 6' 2" 206.08 26.44 141 249 -79 612 48 5 1572 8.97% $50,452,000

This is 27th in the league, and the big reason why you probably won’t see the Wild much past April 11th. # Goalie HT WT AGE GPI Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary 32 Niklas Backstrom 6' 1" 189 30 48 2824 2.24 28 17 3 6 1407 105 0.925 0 0 6 $3,100,000 29 Josh Harding 6' 1" 197 24 13 612 2.25 1 7 1 0 315 23 0.927 0 0 2 $728,000 Totals/Averages 6' 1" 193 27 3376 2.245 28 24 4 6 1685 126 0.925 0 0 8 $3,828,000 TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $55,608,000 ** injured CAP SPACE: $2,471,000* Probable Lines Probable Pairings *space also affected by buyouts and injured players Left Wing Center Right Wing 3 Zidlicky 41 Skoula Injury List 15 Brunette 9 Koivu 49 Fritsche 8 Burns 47 Bergeron Marian Gaborik- Out (Hip) Derek Boogard- Questionable (Ill- 96 Bouchard 25 Belanger 11 Nolan 5 Johnsson 55 Schultz ness) 19 Veilleux 51 Sheppard 22 Clutterbuck Andrew Brunnette -Questionable 28 Olvecky 18 Gillies 12 Weller

...IS THIS THE YEAR? What Your Hawks Jersey Says About You...

Could be so many things: We can’t explain it, but it 1) You wanted something probably means you’re a fat timeless. dude from Elmhurst, as Kaner 2) You know a legend-in-the- has joined Chelios and Probert making when you see it in the “Fat Guy Jersey Panthe- 3. You ordered your jersey on”, which is really fucking from the Chinese distributor weird. Either that, or you’re LightInTheBox.com (way to a high school girl. Or you “Buy American”, pinko). wanna be.

Holding on to the past for far too long. So let us help you out: Metallica sold out, Cheers ended, and Alicia Did you get your 30 pieces of Silverstone went from hot silver, too? to MIA. Time to let go, my friend (If it helps, Marissa Tomei is still Smokestack Lighting, and gets naked all the time now!!).

Either you’re one of those an- noying yuppie types who likes You’re feeling quite vindicated to wear throwbacks to main- these days. tain some misplaced street- cred, or you like alcohol and spousal abuse.

We appreciate the attempt to stand out, but we’re worried that you’re likely hanging out You probably drank another at The Empty Bottle and telling human’s blood at the Old Sta- us how awesome this band you dium in 1984. made up is. Either that, or you lost a bet. The Fight Card HAWKS vs. WILD Fight Stats provided by Hockeyfights.com

GAME FIGHT TIME Bloody Black Bruised Just Analysis Nose Eye Ego Dancing 2-8-08 Seabrook v. 2nd. Biscuit lands a few uppercuts early and Schultz 0:21 Schultz just waits for it all to be over. √ √ Brent should do this more often. 1-11-08 Ruutu v. 2nd. Right off a center-ice draw, Ruti pulls Veilleux 19:01 sweater over Veilleux’s head and that’s √ about it. Lands decent when Veil- leux is on ice. 10-04-07 Koci v. 2nd. A Shakespearian fight, full of sound Boogard 3:06 and fury but signifying nothing. Lots √ √ of punches thrown, some land, nothing accomplished.

What To Watch For: Once again, not much. The Hawks have put away their fightin’ words, and the Wild aren’t much of a rambunctious bunch either. Their main pugilists are either hurt (Weller), gone (Reitz), or surprisingly tame (Boogaard). Boogs hasn’t been in a scrap this month, and the Hawks don’t have anyone with a deathwish to take him on, unless Walker is REALLY sewing his wild oats. In fact, Boogs will probably find himself in the pressbox tonight, anyway. Another tame one tonight, wethinks.

Power Play Kill Team Opp PPG PP% Team OPP PPG PP% Team TS PPGA PK% Team TS PPGA PK% DET 261 74 28.4 OTT 243 45 18.5 MIN 196 25 87.2 CBJ 250 46 81.6 SJS 258 63 24.4 CGY 259 47 18.2 NYR 235 30 87.2 CHI 239 45 81.2 WSH 242 57 23.6 MTL 273 49 18 CGY 252 36 85.7 PIT 245 47 80.8 PHI 215 50 23.3 EDM 264 47 17.8 SJS 222 36 83.8 ANA 292 57 80.5 BOS 224 51 22.8 NYI 231 40 17.3 NSH 268 44 83.6 TBL 290 59 79.7 ANA 231 51 22.1 DAL 249 42 16.9 BUF 237 40 83.1 WSH 284 58 79.6 CHI 247 53 21.5 COL 243 41 16.9 BOS 212 36 83 CAR 226 47 79.2 STL 255 54 21.2 TBL 255 42 16.5 PHI 286 49 82.9 DAL 225 47 79.1 BUF 266 56 21 PIT 256 42 16.4 FLA 234 41 82.5 VAN 264 56 78.8 MIN 230 48 20.9 CAR 269 44 16.4 STL 260 46 82.3 PHX 225 49 78.2 ATL 242 49 20.2 FLA 225 35 15.6 OTT 248 44 82.3 COL 223 49 78 LAK 264 53 20.1 PHX 254 36 14.2 MTL 268 48 82.1 DET 246 55 77.6 TOR 236 47 19.9 NYR 248 34 13.7 NJD 234 42 82 EDM 251 57 77.3 NJD 217 43 19.8 NSH 240 32 13.3 NYI 253 46 81.8 ATL 253 64 74.7 VAN 250 48 19.2 CBJ 247 31 12.6 LAK 257 47 81.7 TOR 219 58 73.5 Spotlight

Mikko (Suave)

If it were not for Mikko Koivu, the Wild might very well be worrying more about what number to give next year than whether or not they can scratch into the playoffs. He leads the team in scoring by 16 points, and you won’t find a bigger gap between any team’s leading and second-leading scorer in the league. To boot, he sees plenty of time on the power play and penalty kill. It’s no exaggeration to say that as the Wild’s #9 goes, so do the Wild. In his last three games before last night’s, he’s a -6, and the Wild are 0-2-1. When Koivu does not register a point, the Wild are 5-15-3. When he does, they’re 23-9-1. It’s hard to fathom a team that is more reli- ant on one guy. It has been even moreso since Marian Gaborik hurt his wallet or pulled a muscle opening up a new checking account or whatever his injury is. Gaborik’s injury has robbed Koivu of any quality linemates, or at least any other threat that could distract defen- sive attention from the opponents. Koivu has been skating on a line with Antti Miettinen -- who will set a career high in goals this season, thanks to Mikko -- and Andrew Brunnette, which in French roughly translates to “aged but sort of ok.” Hardly world-beaters. Koivu has also replaced Gaborik as the face of the franchise, seeing as how he gets on the ice more than twice a month. Though Lemaire likes to treat his captaincy like a joint (puff-puff-give, motherfucker!), Koivu has worn it more than anyone else, and will most likely get it on a permanent basis next season. He’s also exhibited actualy leadership, instead of the season-long sulk his brother has been demonstrating in Montreal. Unfortunately, due to thrifty policies and shambolic drafting, Koivu will most likely be carrying the whole team on his back once again next season, as well as wearing the “C”.

The Committed Indian is printed by Royal Omega Graphics- Elk Grove, IL 847-952-8000 [email protected] KNOW THY ENEMY

Once again, Elise from 18,568 Reasons Why (18568reasonswhy.blogspot.com) all year. This could be unlikely, however, after everything that went down when and Deuce from Deuce By Definition (deucebydefinitio.com) tell us everything we they were trying to sign him this summer/before he got hurt. need to know about the Wild, whatever that is. And yes, Deuce is definitely work- ing hard, and worth his name. Pierre-Marc Bouchard has 14 points in his last 11 games at the time of writ- ing. Someone take away his ba-ba or his favorite banky? Q: Things haven’t gotten much better since we last talked, what’s been the Deuce: Doesn’t matter what he’s doing now, he’s greatly underachieved with that biggest problem for the Wild? fatass contract he signed in the offseason. Just when you think he’s gonna go on Elise: Scoring, or lack thereof, has plagued the Wild all season. They didn’t a tear, he’ll disappear for 3 games. Now that damn contract will make it hard to sign Pavol Demitra, they lost Brian Rolston for almost nothing, and Marian move him. Gaborik’s groin broke (again), leaving almost no legitimate scorers on the team. There’s Mikko Koivu, who’s been fantastic, but he’s not a sniper (he’s a Selke Cal Clusterfuck is getting quite the rep around the league. Are you guys candidate…so basically our top scorer is defensive…typical.) The team’s also worried he’ll end up interning for Vogue this summer? been inconsistent with their play, switching from fantastic to crap depending on Deuce: Fuck Don Cherry. He wouldn’t have had a shit-hemorrage like he did the week (or game, or period, or minute.) They also can’t seem to beat their own if Clutterbuck didn’t play three Canadian teams in a row- stick to kissing Doug division, which doesn’t really help to win it. Gilmour and cooing about Kingston, Ontario, Don. I’ve said it before, Cal’s a kid you’d love to have on your team, but hate to play against. On top of that, he’s a We hear more and more rumblings that Niklas Backstrom may be moved mature kid with a good head on his shoulders. Although it would be great if he before the deadline? Is that true? Would that be a white flag? Or does the said he donkey punched Elisha Cuthbert too. Minnehaha brass think Harding can get you to the playoffs too? Elise: Clutterbuck’s been great for the team; after Benoit Pouliot and Krys Kola- Deuce: In my opinion, you have to move him; he has more worth in returns than nos both faded and were sent back to Houston, Clutterbuck has consistently been he does backstopping an inconsistent team who stands little chance in the playoffs a strong player for the Wild and provides endless energy. Sure, other teams may (if they make it). Don’t get me wrong, I love the guy, he loves it here, but he can hate him ( recently tried to decapitate him during a game) but Wild bring quite a bit back to a franchise that has very little as far as youth, prospects, fans love him. He gives the Wild the hits and grind, but gives some points along and picks go. Harding just hasn’t gotten a shot to show what he can do, but when with it. Wild bloggers have even tried to spread a Calder campaign for him (cred he has started, he gets no goal support- he can play, but it’s that Backstrom gets to Ms.Conduct for really beginning the push), the slogan being “You Can’t Spell the work load. Remember, something called Dan Ellis got the Preds into the Calder Without Cal.” Yeah, he’s not going to win the Calder, but it shows our playoffs last year. It all depends on the team in front of Harding. appreciation for him. I just wish we could’ve seen how many hits he could’ve A white flag? possibly. If this team shits the bed the next few games, then the racked up in a full season (he’s currently on pace to break the single season hit guys are just gonna have to accept that its a lost season; just the way the West is record, even though he wasn’t called up until October.) shaking out makes the whole thing tricky. The last thing you want is to have the team react badly to a deal. As bad as it sounds, I’d like to see a firesale. I can So what will be the biggest reason you make the playoffs this year? What deal with mediocrity as long as there is a hope of moving forward in the future. will be the biggest reason you won’t? Elise: The biggest asset the Wild has is it’s defense. The defenseman are (usu- Gaborik may be back next month. Are Wild fans hoping he’ll be the final ally) good and the goaltenders are great. The biggest reason the team won’t is push to get into the postseason? Or do they think he’ll just be packing his inconsistency, both in terms of overall play and scoring. The rest of the Wild’s bags and checking out the listings in LA or Montreal? schedule is tough (including 14 of 17 on the road in March) and if they can’t start Elise: Fans are kind of over Gaborik. Most have realized he’s pretty much gone winning a lot and especially beating their own division, they’re not going to make and are just sick of the drama. So if he comes back and helps us get a playoff it. Wild fans have been patient and loving with this team for years, but they’re spot, great. If he gets traded for someone/something good, awesome. The one starting to question more and if something doesn’t happen soon, the fans’ reac- thing that would really hurt the organization though is letting Gaby go for noth- tions might change. ing. If he walks and the Wild get absolutely nothing in return (even though they would open up a lot of cap space), the fans will not be happy. They’re already Deuce: Sheeeeeeeit...if we make the playoffs? That this team finds a way to win currently upset with the team and that could be the final straw for a lot of fans if on the road. 14 of their next 17 are in someone else’s barn. If we don’t? Nothing that happened. Gaby has an important physical the day before the trade deadline, changes from what is happening now... so that’s big. But there’s also talk of the Wild signing him to a one-year deal since he may not get as much on the open market this summer after being injured

Hawks-WILD: the Last 4

Jan. 19th, 2009: Wild 4, Hawks 1 Dec. 28th, 2008: Hawks 4, Wild 1 (wild Hawks don’t bother to show up for first 30 min., one wild one....) go down 3, then maul the Wild with 30 shots in the An ass-whipping from pillar to post, and one so bad last two periods, but can’t break Backstrom down. that the crowd at Excel Center boo the Wild off the Havlat wins some jamoke $1 million. ice. Buff scores twice in home state.

Oct. 27th, 2008: Hawks 2, Wild 3 Mar. 4th, 2008: Hawks 4, Wild 2 Hawks lose their customary game in St. Paul on Patrick Lalime is the best player on the ice, and J- Vs (they’ve done it three straight seasons). Hawks Willy has a goal and an assist to overcome the Wild. badly outplay Wild, doubling them in shots 36-18, Buff scores, too. If only he played every game like but can’t break Backstrom and Wild’s maximum it was in Minnesota. security prison system. Hockey Sabermetrics CHICAGO Every game, we provide you with the Behind The Net numbers. These are at even strength, 5-on-5. Key: QUALCOMP- A measure of the quality of competition each player faces on the ice. Calculated by averaging +/-/60 for opponents on the ice against player. QUALTEAM- A measure of the quality of teammates each player plays with. Calcu- lated by averaging +/-/60 for teammates on ice with player. TOI/60- Time on ice, per 60 minutes, that player spends on ice at full-strength. GFON/60, GAON/60- Goals for and against team per 60 min. player is on ice +/-ON/60- Team’s Plus/minus, per 60 minutes, while player is on ice. +/-OFF/60- Plus/minus of team while player is off ice, per 60 minutes. RATING- +/-ON/60 subtracted by +/-OFF/60. NAME QUALCOMP QUALTEAM TOI/60 GFON/60 GAON/60 +-ON/60 GFOFF/60 GAOFF/60 +-OFF/60 RATING Aaron Johnson -0.04 -0.08 11.78 4 1.27 2.73 2.17 1.78 0.4 2.33 0.09 0.1 12.72 3.69 1.97 1.72 2.47 1.9 0.57 1.15 Adam Burish -0.07 0.11 7.19 3.21 1.28 1.93 2.78 1.92 0.86 1.07 Duncan Keith 0.08 -0.03 18.45 3.31 1.85 1.47 2.74 2.09 0.65 0.81 Matt Walker -0.04 -0.07 13.68 2.86 1.43 1.43 2.65 1.86 0.78 0.65 Dave Bolland 0.1 0.2 12.43 3.51 2.19 1.32 2.54 1.82 0.73 0.59 Colin Fraser -0.11 0.04 7.77 2.81 1.54 1.26 2.81 2 0.81 0.45 Martin Havlat 0.05 0.11 13.37 3.35 2.2 1.14 2.58 1.8 0.78 0.36 Troy Brouwer 0.01 -0.2 11.39 2.52 1.26 1.26 2.88 1.97 0.91 0.35 Ben Eager -0.12 0.04 8.02 2.64 1.32 1.32 2.92 1.95 0.97 0.35 James Wisniewski -0.01 -0.02 14.68 2.55 1.36 1.19 2.92 1.86 1.05 0.14 Kris Versteeg 0.05 -0.21 12.44 2.78 2.04 0.74 2.87 1.96 0.91 -0.17 0.03 -0.18 13.08 2.92 2.17 0.75 2.76 1.82 0.94 -0.19 Brian Campbell -0.02 -0.07 17.66 2.84 2.16 0.68 2.79 1.77 1.02 -0.34 Brent Seabrook 0.09 0.22 16.69 2.55 1.9 0.65 2.96 1.93 1.02 -0.37 Patrick Kane 0.04 -0.15 13.9 2.61 2.28 0.33 2.71 1.82 0.89 -0.57 Patrick Sharp -0.02 -0.04 13.25 2.52 2.26 0.25 2.9 1.83 1.07 -0.82 Dustin Byfuglien -0.01 0.03 12.1 1.88 1.59 0.3 3.27 2.11 1.16 -0.87 Craig Adams -0.16 0.12 8.12 1.39 1.39 0 3.15 2.02 1.13 -1.13 Cam Barker -0.04 -0.05 13.62 2.31 2.52 -0.21 2.97 1.51 1.46 -1.67 Brent Sopel -0.09 0.06 10.89 2.16 3.11 -0.96 3.22 2.25 0.97 -1.93

Corsi Rating Penalties Drawn Face-offs Shots attempted for a team vs. how many are Player Face-Offs Taken FO% attempted against while a given player is on vs. Taken the ice, per 60 min. Pretty self-explanatory. A measure of penalties Jonathan Toews 879 53.2 drawn vs. taken, per 60 min. NAME CORSI Colin Fraser 579 46.4 NAME PDRAW/60 PTAKE/60 James Wisniewski 23.3 Patrick Sharp 556 46.0 Kris Versteeg 1.7 0.7 Jonathan Toews 14.3 Dave Bolland 795 43.5 Adam Burish 1.5 1.1 Troy Brouwer 12.7 Kris Versteeg 160 43.1 Patrick Kane 1.5 1.1 Martin Havlat 12.5 Total Rank: 28th 46.8 Patrick Sharp 1.4 0.9 Patrick Sharp 11.9 Craig Adams 1.4 0.9 Power Play Ratings Penalty Kill Ratings Brian Campbell 11.6 This is a measure of a team’s This measures how many goals a Dave Bolland 1.3 0.5 Adam Burish 11.1 goals-for per 60 minutes of player team gives up per 60 minutes the Colin Fraser 1.3 0.6 being on the ice on the power play. player is on the ice on the PK. Kris Versteeg 10.9 Troy Brouwer 1.3 0.8 Player GFON/60 Brent Seabrook 10.7 Player GA/60 Ben Eager 1.3 2.3 Andrew Ladd 10.6 Cam Barker 10.9 Andrew Ladd 4.40 Andrew Ladd 1 0.6 Duncan Keith 9.9 Patrick Sharp 8.61 Adam Burish 4.55 Martin Havlat 1 0.6 Patrick Kane 9.9 Dustin Byfuglien 7.85 Brent Seabrook 4.96 Jonathan Toews 1 0.7 Dustin Byfuglien 9.9 Patrick Kane 7.82 Aaron Johnson 5.59 Dustin Byfuglien 0.9 1.5 Cam Barker 9.9 Brian Campbell 7.57 Duncan Keith 5.73 James Wisniewski 0.7 0.5 Aaron Johnson 8.9 Jonathan Toews 7.4 Brent Sopel 6.01 Brian Campbell 0.6 0.3 Dave Bolland 8.3 Troy Brouwer 6.84 Matt Walker 6.43 Brent Sopel 0.5 1 Ben Eager 5.9 Martin Havlat 6.38 Colin Fraser 7.01 Aaron Johnson 0.4 2 Matt Walker 5.2 Brent Seabrook 6.33 Dave Bolland 7.23 Matt Walker 0.4 0.5 Colin Fraser 2.5 Kris Versteeg 6.26 James Wisniewski 7.71 Brent Seabrook 0.3 1 Duncan Keith 6.21 Kris Versteeg 7.72 Hockey Sabermetrics MINNESOTA Every game, we provide you with the Behind The Net numbers. These are at even strength, 5-on-5. Key: QUALCOMP- A measure of the quality of competition each player faces on the ice. Calculated by averaging +/-/60 for opponents on the ice against player. QUALTEAM- A measure of the quality of teammates each player plays with. Calcu- lated by averaging +/-/60 for teammates on ice with player. TOI/60- Time on ice, per 60 minutes, that player spends on ice at full-strength. GFON/60, GAON/60- Goals for and against team per 60 min. player is on ice +/-ON/60- Team’s Plus/minus, per 60 minutes, while player is on ice. +/-OFF/60- Plus/minus of team while player is off ice, per 60 minutes. RATING- +/-ON/60 subtracted by +/-OFF/60. NAME QUALCOMP QUALTEAM TOI/60 GFON/60 GAON/60 +-ON/60 GFOFF/60 GAOFF/60 +-OFF/60 RATING Owen Nolan -0.05 -0.03 13.04 2.68 2.3 0.38 1.71 2.15 -0.44 0.82 Antti Miettinen 0.07 -0.02 13.1 2.16 2 0.17 1.87 2.26 -0.39 0.56 Mikko Koivu 0.08 0.11 14.61 2.46 2.39 0.07 1.71 2.09 -0.38 0.45 Kim Johnsson 0.04 -0.04 18.26 2.07 2.07 0 1.9 2.29 -0.39 0.39 Andrew Brunnette 0.05 0.09 13.29 2.3 2.3 0 1.81 2.14 -0.33 0.33 Nick Schultz 0.06 -0.01 16.81 1.75 1.82 -0.06 2.06 2.39 -0.33 0.27 Cal Clutterbuck 0.03 -0.28 10.93 1.51 1.51 0 2.02 2.25 -0.23 0.23 M.A. Bergeron -0.05 -0.02 13.23 2.22 2.12 0.1 2.1 2.18 -0.08 0.18 Craig Weller -0.08 -0.09 6.37 1.13 1.88 -0.75 1.74 2.61 -0.87 0.12 P.M. Bouchard -0.01 -0.04 13.28 2.52 2.78 -0.26 1.66 1.97 -0.31 0.05 Eric Belanger 0.02 -0.01 12.82 2.07 2.61 -0.54 1.8 2.01 -0.2 -0.34 Brent Burns 0.03 -0.01 16.08 1.94 2.37 -0.43 2 2.08 -0.08 -0.35 Marek Zidlicky -0.03 -0.03 16.12 1.94 2.46 -0.52 1.9 2.05 -0.16 -0.36 Colton Gillies -0.12 -0.03 8.18 1.22 1.47 -0.24 2.21 2.05 0.16 -0.4 Martin Skoula 0 -0.09 15.86 1.96 2.52 -0.56 1.96 1.99 -0.04 -0.52 Stephane Veilleux 0.03 -0.16 13.14 1.1 2.2 -1.1 2.34 2.24 0.1 -1.2 Dan Fritsche -0.02 0.04 9.54 1.14 2.57 -1.43 2.22 2.38 -0.15 -1.28 James Sheppard -0.02 -0.12 12.95 1.26 2.61 -1.35 2.22 2.02 0.2 -1.54

Corsi Rating Penalties Drawn Face-offs This measures how many shots are attempted Player Face-Offs Taken FO% for a team vs. how many are attempted against vs. Taken Dan Fritsche 20 60.0 while a given player is on the ice, per 60 min. Pretty self-explanatory. A measure of penalties drawn vs. taken, per 60 min. Mikko Koivu 1148 53.8 NAME CORSI NAME PDRAW/60 PTAKE/60 Eric Belanger 786 52.7 M.A. Bergeron 7.2 Cal Clutterbuck 2.8 0.9 Owen Nolan 90 44.4 Marek Zidlicky 3.9 Craig Weller 1.9 1.1 James Sheppard 630 40.8 Andrew Brunnette 3.1 James Sheppard 1.3 0.7 Total: Rank: 20th 49.2 P.M. Bouchard 3 Stephane Veilleux 1.2 0.5 Mikko Koivu 0.1 Mikko Koivu 1 0.9 Brent Burns -1.3 Eric Belanger 1 0.2 Eric Belanger -1.4 Power Play Ratings Penalty Kill Ratings Owen Nolan 0.9 0.1 This is a measure of a team’s goals This measures how many goals Antti Miettinen -2.3 Dan Fritsche 0.9 0 for per 60 minutes of player being a team gives up per 60 minutes Kim Johnsson -4.1 on the ice on the power play. the player is on the ice on the Brent Burns 0.8 0.9 Owen Nolan -6 Player GFON/60 Player GAON/60 Andrew Brunnette 0.7 0.6 James Sheppard -7.3 Andrew Brunnette 8.89 Kim Johnsson 3.18 Colton Gillies 0.7 1 Martin Skoula -9.6 Owen Nolan 8.5 S. Veilleux 3.63 P.M. Bouchard 0.6 0.7 Cal Clutterbuck -9.9 Mikko Koivu 7.85 Antti Miettinen 3.67 Kim Johnsson 0.5 0.5 Nick Schultz -11.1 Marek Zidlicky 7.81 Nick Schultz 3.78 M.A. Bergeron 0.5 1.2 Stephane Veilleux -12.2 P.M. Bouchard 7.6 Brent Burns 4.02 Marek Zidlicky 0.4 1.5 Colton Gillies -13 M.A. Bergeron 7.19 Eric Belanger 4.09 Antti Miettinen 0.3 0.6 Dan Fritsche -14.9 Kim Johnsson 7.09 Martin Skoula 4.33 Martin Skoula 0.3 0.1 Craig Weller -16.9 Eric Belanger 6.58 Mikko Koivu 4.53 Nick Schultz 0.2 0.5 Brent Burns 6.08 Marek Zidlicky 4.62 A. Hutchinson 0 0.6 Antti Miettinen 5.66 James Sheppard 4.77 Referee Stats For The Hawks

Referees 1st NHL Hawks Games Hawks PP’s Hawks Pens/Game Hawks PP/Game Hawks PK/ W L OTL Game PK’s Game 2 Fraser, Kerry 1980 3 14 17 10.3 4.7 5.7 3 0 0 3 Leggo, Mike 1997 3 10 15 8.3 3.3 5.0 2 0 1 4 McCauley, Wes 2003 5 11 14 5.0 2.2 2.8 2 2 0 5 Rooney, Chris 2000 1 4 1 5.0 4.0 1.0 1 0 0 6 Marouelli, Dan 1984 3 14 11 8.3 4.7 3.7 1 2 0 7 McCreary, Bill 1984 4 17 15 8.0 4.3 3.8 2 3 0 8 Jackson, Dave 1990 4 16 16 8.0 4.0 4.0 3 1 0 10 Devorski, Paul 1989 2 9 13 11.0 4.5 6.5 1 1 0 11 Sutherland, Kelly 2000 1 5 8 13.0 5.0 8.0 0 1 0 12 Koharski, Don 1981 3 12 16 9.3 4.0 5.3 3 0 0 13 O’Halloran, Dan 1995 4 22 17 9.8 5.5 4.3 2 1 1 14 LaRue, Dennis 1991 5 22 22 8.8 4.4 4.4 3 0 1 15 Auger, Stephane 2000 4 17 13 7.5 4.3 3.3 3 0 1 16 Shick, Rob 1986 1 2 2 4.0 2.0 2.0 0 0 1 18 Kimmerly, Greg 1996 5 26 25 10.2 5.2 5.0 3 2 0 20 Peel, Tim 1999 2 13 13 13.0 6.5 6.5 1 1 0 21 VanMassenhoven, Don 1993 3 10 5 5.0 3.3 1.7 2 0 1 23 Watson, Brad 1996 2 7 4 5.5 3.5 2.0 1 0 1 25 Joannette, Marc 1999 2 13 5 9.0 6.5 2.5 1 0 1 26 Martell, Rob 1996 1 3 1 4.0 3.0 1.0 1 0 0 27 Furlatt, Eric 2001 4 17 14 7.8 4.3 3.5 2 1 1 28 Lee, Chris 2001 1 5 4 9.0 5.0 4.0 1 0 0 29 Walsh, Ian 2000 1 1 3 4.0 1.0 3.0 0 1 0 30 Hasenfratz, Mike 2000 3 22 13 11.7 7.3 4.3 0 1 2 32 Kowal, Tom 2000 4 13 10 5.8 3.3 2.5 4 0 0 33 Pollock, Kevin 2000 3 10 12 7.3 3.3 4.0 1 1 1 34 Meier, Brad 1999 3 12 14 8.7 4.0 4.7 3 0 0 35 Warren, Dean 1999 ------36 Morton, Dean 2000 2 16 10 13.0 8.0 5.0 0 1 1 38 St Laurent, Francois 2006 2 14 15 14.5 7.0 7.5 1 0 1 39 Dwyer, Gord 2003 3 16 15 10.3 5.3 5.0 2 0 1 40 Kozari, Steve 2006 3 18 12 10.0 6.0 4.0 2 1 0 42 O’Rourke, Dan 1999 2 11 13 12.0 5.5 6.5 1 0 1 43 Pochmara, Brian 2006 1 4 7 11.0 4.0 7.0 1 0 0 45 St. Pierre, Justin 2003 6 29 26 9.2 4.8 4.3 3 1 2

NHL LEADERS Goals Points GAA SV%

Player Team G Player Team P Player Team GAA Player Team SV% 1 A. Ovechkin WAS 42 1 Evgeni Malkin PIT 86 1 Tim Thomas CBJ 2.09 1 Tim Thomas BOS .932 2 NJ 35 2 Sidney Crosby PIT 76 2 M. Fernandez BOS 2.15 2 Craig Anderson FLA .929 3 PHI 34 3 A. Ovechkin WAS 75 3 Steve Mason CBJ 2.17 3 T. Vokoun FLA .927 4 P. Marleau SJ 33 4 Pavel Datsyuk DET 74 4 N. Backstrom MIN 2.24 4 M. Fernandez BOS .925 5 M. Hossa DET 33 5 Zach Parise NJ 70 5 Cristobal Huet CHI 2.24 5 N. Backstrom MIN .925 27 Patrick Sharp CHI 23 33 Patrick Kane CHI 52 6 N. Khabibulin CHI .924 The Fifth Feather The Hockey Oscars League, he told us. And, why wouldn’t it be? With Wayne Gretzky’s trade from Once again, we’re delighted to have Bob and John from The Fifth Feather classing Edmonton to Los Angeles in 1988, the league was set to spread its proverbial wings. this joint up a bit (fifthfeather.com) But, moves to Phoenix and Carolina along with expansion to hockey hotbeds Atlanta, Nashville, Sunrise and Tampa Bay haven’t turned out quite as well as expected. As of Welcome one and all to the first ever Fifth Feather Hockey Oscars where press time, seven of the eleven teams with the poorest average attendance called non- we take a look at all that is beautiful and not so beautiful from this year’s NHL cam- traditional, warm weather locals home. Would the NHL dare return to Winnipeg with paign. We hope the paparazzi were kind to you on the red carpet, and if you would its tail between its legs? kindly and quietly take your seats, we will begin this year’s award ceremony. Unfor- tunately, our hosts D.B. Sweeney and Matthew Perry couldn’t make it tonight, so we Best Actress - Sidney Crosby: On most nights, the Next One looks more like one of will be your guides through each category. “Charlie’s Angels,” constantly yapping to the refs about who is treating him unpleas- antly. If the opposition breathes on him a little too closely, he’ll go off like a tripped Best Supporting Actress - Alexander Semin: Following early season anti-Sidney alarm. It’s no coincidence that a recent poll among NHL players conducted by ESPN. Crosby comments, ’ winger Alexander Semin turned in one of com found Crosby to be far and away the biggest complainer, collecting a whopping the Academy’s all-time great performances on January 3, 2009 with Mark Staal of the 52% of the vote. . As members of the Rangers and Capitals gathered in front of the Ranger net following a whistle, players from each team began pairing off. Semin and Best Foreign Film - Alexander Ovechkin: Nothing says, “I love hockey” quite like Staal began wrestling, and Staal promptly and easily removed all of Semin’s upper a big-headed, gap-toothed, grinning Russian who will bowl over anything in his way body wardrobe before the two combatants fell to the ice together. What happened to score a goal. How great is he? His ridiculous goal last week against Montreal – next is Academy history: Semin jumped on top of Staal, startling the Ranger with a when he passed the puck to himself off the boards, made a spin move, beat the Cana- barrage of – what could most kindly be described as – womanly, open-handed strikes, diens’ defenseman around the corner, got dragged down, and then scored from the seat apparently designed to fend off another woman or small child. Perhaps Semin thought of his pants – is being argued by some as not even in the top-five of his greatest goals. the youngest Staal brother in the NHL was a bongo. Staal left the fracas unscathed; What else can you say about a guy leading the league in shots by a margin from here unfortunately, we can’t say the same about to eternity? Though his style of play may not Semin’s reputation. be conducive to a prolonged NHL career, enjoy him while you can, because he is truly a beautiful Best Original Song - “Here Come the Hawks”: hockey mind. Maybe we’re a little biased in this, but nothing revs our engine quite like hearing this catchy Best Director - : So much has little number. Sure it’s hokey and cheesy, but changed in sixteen months since Rocky Wirtz that’s what we love it about it. What all of us can took the reigns of what was formerly an honor- do without is the little karaoke number on the scoreboard that’s played in between pe- able NHL franchise: perhaps coincidentally, the Blackhawks have at least two bona riods. The last thing anyone needs to see is Brent Sopel trying to carry a tune or James fide superstars; home games are now on television – not to mention, routinely sold Wisniewski looking at a sheet of paper like he’s never seen written words before. out; the ‘Hawks are among the top point getters in the Western Conference; Bobby Hull, Stan Mikita and Tony Esposito once again proudly wear the ‘Hawk head; and, Best Animated Feature - : When Brett Hull and the decided with the help of the NHL salary cap, the ‘Hawks are no longer considerably outspent it was a good idea to sign Sean Avery to a three year, $12 million deal, they probably by division and conference rivals. Most importantly, though, the NHL is back in didn’t take into account what kind of effect he would have a low-key veteran locker Chicago. Just two seasons ago, the immortal Jeff Hamilton was third in team scoring room. The result was looking like the guy in “The Rock” after Nick with 39 points on the year. Today, there are nine ‘Hawks with at least 32 points, and Cage just punched a chemical ball in his mouth. Avery and Dallas were just not a the ‘Hawks are on a collision course with home ice advantage in the first round of the good mix. It reached a boiling point when Avery let loose with his now infamous playoffs. ‘Sloppy Seconds’ tirade, which can only mean bad things if you’re trying to win a , but great things if you have a hockey blog. Bravo, Mr. Wirtz. Bravo.

Best Costume Design - Retro-Inspired NHL Third Jerseys: The , Best Picture - The 2009 Winter Classic: It’s been nearly eight weeks since Wrigley , , , , Pittsburgh Field was transformed into an ice rink, but the memories will last forever. Like Penguins, and spared us from more ugly Mickey Rourke’s performance in The Wrestler or the ending of Clint Eastwood’s Gran vertical striping associated with the new Reebok Edge jerseys, and added retro- Torino, the Blackhawks/Red Wings New Year’s Day clash more than filled its goose inspired, traditional third jerseys during 2008, proving once again, there’s just no bump quota. From the National Anthem and fly over to the spectacle of “Vancouver substitute for horizontal striping on hockey sweaters. Listen, we’re not exactly tradi- vs. Nashville” on the historic Wrigley Field scoreboard, the day thrust the young tionalists, but the words “gold armpit piping” and “jersey” should never be spoken in ‘Hawks into the spotlight and made Chicago hockey fans feel involved in the NHL conjunction with the NHL – but perhaps neither should “hockey in Nashville.” again. Honorable Mention: Alexander Ovechkin stole the Breakaway Challenge during All Star Weekend by donning a hat and women’s sunglasses during a shot. We’re not sure Thank you all so very much for coming. (Academy music begins playing in the why this won him the vote, but maybe the ‘Hawks should wear shades come playoff background.) We’d like to thank the Committed Indian for having us and our parents time. for instilling in us strong hockey values. If there’s anyone we forgot to mention, we’re sorry; we’ll get you next year. Worst Film Editing - Comcast Sports Net Chicago: Comcast’s insistence on goal- tender close-ups following a save even when a dust-up ensues nearby is maddening – and, today, award winning.

Best Actor - Gary Bettman: It was manifest destiny for the National Hockey

If you’d like to ruin your organization’s reputation and advertise with us, email us at [email protected] for info. The Making of The

info in part provided by hockeyreference.com YEAR DRAFT TRADE FREE AGENT 2008-2009 Brian Campbell (BUF 6th round 1997 Cristobal Huet (LA 7th round 2001) Matt Walker (STL 3rd round 1998) Aaron Johnson (CLB 3rd round 2001) Antti Niemi (Undrafted FA) 2007-2008 Patrick Kane (1st round) Ben Eager (PHO 1st round 2002) from Brent Sopel (VAN 6th round 1995) PHI for (FA PHI 2000) Craig Adams (HAR 9th round 1996) from CAR for future considerations. Andrew Ladd (CAR 1st round 2004) from CAR for (CHI 1st round 2001) 2006-2007 Jonathan Toews (1st round) Martin Havlat (OTT 1st round 1999) from OTT and (BOS 1st round 1990) for (FA SJ 2003), Josh Hennessy (SJ 2nd round 2003) and Michael Barinka (CHI 2nd round 2003) Kris Versteeg (BOS 5th round 2004) from BOS for Brandon Bochenski (OTT 7th round 2001) 2005-2006 (4th round) Patrick Sharp (PHI 3rd round 2001) Nikolai Khabibulin (WIN 9th round from PHI for Matt Ellison (CHI 4th 1992) round 2002) and CHI 3rd round pick 2006 2004-2005 Cam Barker (1st round) Dave Bolland (2nd round) Troy Brouwer (7th round) 2003-2004 Brent Seabrook (1st round) Colin Fraser (PHI 3rd round 2003), Dustin Byfuglien (8th round) Jim Vandermeer (PHI FA 2000) and 2004 2nd round pick from PHI for Alex Zhamnov and 2004 4th round pick (WIN 4th round 1990) 2002-2003 Duncan Keith (2nd round) James Wisniewski (5th round) Adam Burish (9th round)

GM HISTORY COACHES Dale Tallon (2005-Present) Head Coach-Joel Quenneville Bob Pulford (Too Fucking Long, Too Many Fuck- Assistant Coach-John Torchetti ing Times) Assistant Coach-Mike Haviland Mike Smith (2001-2004) Assistant Coach- Marc Bergevin Bob Murray (1999-2000) Goaltending Coach-Stephane Waite The Making of The Minnesota Wild

YEAR DRAFT TRADE FREE AGENT 2008-2009 Dan Fritsche (CLB 2nd round 2003) Andrew Brunnette (WSH 7th round from NYR for Erik Reitz (MIN 6th 1993) round 2000) Krystofer Kolanos (PHX 1st round Marc-Andre Bergeron (EDM Un- 2000) drafted FA 2001) from ANA for 2008 Antti Miettinen (DAL 7th round 3rd round pick 2000) Marek Zidlicky (NYR 6th round 2001) Owen Nolan (QUE 1st round 1990) from NSH for Ryan Jones and 2009 2nd Craig Weller (STL 5th round 2000) round pick 2007-2008 Colton Gillies (1st round) Eric Belanger (LA 4th round 1996) 2006-2007 James Sheppard (1st round) Kim Johnsson (NYR 11th round Cal Clutterbuck (3rd round) 1994) Niklas Backstrom (Undrafted FA) 2005-2006 Martin Skoula (COL 1st round 1996) Curtis Foster (CAL 2nd round 2000) and Shawn Belle (STL 1st round 2003) from DAL for Willie Mitchell (NJ 8th round 1996) and 2007 2nd round pick 2004-2005 Peter Olvecky (3rd round) 2003-2004 Brent Burns (1st round) 2002-2003 Pierre-Marc Bouchard (1st round) Josh Harding (2nd round) 2001-2002 Mikko Koivu (1st round) Stephane Veilleux (3rd round) Derek Boogard (7th round) 2000-20001 Marian Gaborik (1st round) Nick Schultz (2nd round)

info in part provided by hockeyreference.com COACHES Head Coach-Jacque Lemaire GM HISTORY Assistant Coach- Mike Ramsey 2001-Present: Assistant Coach- Mario Tremblay Assistant Coach- Matt Shaw Goaltending Coach- Bob Mason The Hawks Record When...

Playing at home...... 15-4-5 Allowing a short-handed goal...... 2-2-1 Getting obliterated on face-offs...... 13-9-4 Playing on road...... 19-11-3 Taking 30 or more shots...... 25-10-6 Are even close on face-offs..... 21-6-4 Scoring first...... 23-3-3 Taking less than 30 shots..... 9-5-2 Eddie O tells crew to “stop it right here!”.... 29-14-8 Opponent scores first...... 11-12-5 Allowing 30 shots or more...... 16-6-5 Eddie O tells us D have the forwards and forwards have the D Shoot the puck bimbo scores...... 4-1-1 Allowing 30 shots or less...... 18-9-3 during 4-on-4...... 29-14-8 Shoot the puck bimbo doesn’t score...... 11-2-4 100 Level doesn’t cheer for anthem. 15-3-5 Pat Foley screws up a name...... 32-12-8 Shoot the puck bimbo blows editors of Commited Indian..... 0-0-0 1st of a back-to-back...... 4-4-3 Ice-girls wear skirts...... 6-1-3 ANYONE blows editors of Committed Indian ...... 0-1-0 2nd of a back-to-back..... 7-3-0 Ice-girls wear pants...... 3-1-0 Playing on a Monday...... 2-2-1 Opponent played night before.... 8-2-1 ice-girls wear shorts.... 6-2-2 Playing on a Tuesday...... 5-1-0 Taking more than 5 penalties..... 16-11-3 Leading after 2 periods...... 28-1-3 Playing on a Wednesday...... 7-1-2 Taking 5 or less penalties.... 18-4-5 Losing after 2 periods...... 2-10-2 Playing on a Thursday...... 2-3-0 Seabrook gets a flat-footed penalty.... 8-3-4 Tied after 2 periods...... 4-4-3 Playing on a Friday...... 4-3-2 Burish takes a penalty...... 7-5-2 In overtime...... 3-3 Playing on a Saturday...... 7-4-3 Keith takes a penalty...... 10-3-2 In shootout...... 2-5 Playing on a Sunday...... 7-1-0 Sharp takes a penalty...... 10-2-2 Cam Barker plays...... 27-11-5 Savard changes lines during game... 1-2-1 Toews takes a penalty..... 8-3-2 Cam Barker is in Rockford due to GM incompetence..... 5-2-3 Coach Q keeps lines as they are..... 33-13-7 Havlat takes a penalty.... 5-2-0 Lacking a #2 center...... 34-15-8 Are out-muscled by opponent.... 10-12-4 Sopel takes a penalty...... 3-2-1 In 1-goal games..... 7-5-8 Outshoot opponent...... 23-8-3 Sopel looks 6 steps slow...... 7-5-5 In 2-goal games...... 11-4-0 Are outshot by opponent.... 11-7-5 51 Phantom blows a coverage...... 23-12-7 In 3-goal games...... 7-4-0 Havlat shies from contact...... 16-6-6 Toews is trying too hard...... 3-7-2 In 4+ goal games...... 8-2-0 Patrick Kane scores...... 11-3-2 At least 1 fight in 300 Level... 3-2-3 Scoring 3+ goals..... 32-3-4 Jonathan Toews scores...... 11-0-4 No fights in 300 Level..... 12-2-2 Scoring less than 3 goals...... 2-12-4 Martin Havlat scores...... 12-3-1 Playing Eastern Conference..... 7-2-2 PA plays Ministry...... 0-0-0 Patrick Sharp scores...... 15-3-2 Playing Western Conference..... 27-13-6 PA plays Modern Cock-Rock..... 14-4-5 Dustin Byfuglien scores...... 6-0-1 Playing Central Division...... 4-5-5 PA plays Classic Cock-Rock...... 9-3-5 Dustin Byfuglien turns down a hit...... 27-11-6 Playing Northwest Division.... 12-4-0 PA plays P.J. Harvey...... 0-0-0 Andrew Ladd scores...... 9-0-1 Playing Pacific Division 11-4-1 Fraser fights...... 7-2-1 Dave Bolland scores...... 10-1-1 Playing Atlantic Division 1-1-1 Burish fights...... 5-2-0 Adam Burish scores...... 3-2-0, and totally ruins that joke Playing NASCAR Division 3-1-0 Seabrook fights..... 0-0-0 51 Phantom scores...... 3-2-1 Playing Northeast Division 3-0-1 Barker fights...... 0-0-2 Duncan Keith scores...... 4-3-0 Playing in October.... 4-3-3 Buff fights...... 1-0-2 Brent Seabrook scores...... 4-0-1 Playing in November.... 6-3-3 Sharp fights...... 1-0-0 VerStud scores.... 10-4-1 Playing in December...... 10-1-1 Eager fights...... 9-1-1 Troy Brouwer scores.... 7-0-0 Playing in January..... 7-6-1 On Comcast...... 26-7-5 Scoring a Power Play goal...... 25-5-7 Playing in February..... 7-2-0 On WGN...... 8-5-3 Not scoring a Power Play goal... 9-9-1 Playing in March...... 0-0-0 On Vs...... 0-2-0 Allowing a Power Play goal...... 13-12-8 Playing in April...... 0-0-0 On NBC.... 0-1-0 Not Allowing a Power Play goal...... 21-3-0 UC plays really stupid goal song..... 15-3-5 Judd Sirott hates Adam Creighton 34-15-8 Scoring a short-handed goal...... 6-2-0 Huet’s five-hole open like Lindsay Lohan’s..... 3-7-2 Editor of Committed Indian bleeds on programs...... 1-0-0

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