The Committed Indian
Total Page：16
File Type：pdf, Size：1020Kb
$3 We’re the front-runner for Obama’s Secretary of Bad-Ass Motherfuckers $3 The Committed Indian The REal Fan’s Program secondcityhockey.com December 7th, 2008 [email protected] NO REGRETS, COYOTES Christ, did we just make a Joni forth much of an effort until midway through NHL, but having to do so wondering whether Mitchell reference? Well, there goes our the 2nd. Before the season, the Coyotes were you’ll be calling the same place home the next street-cred. Let’s just pretend that didn’t mentioned in all the same sentences that the year or the one after that makes it doubly happen, yes? Good. Anyway, a word on last Oilers and Hawks were that stated these were tough. night’s game; It’s never easy to swallow a loss young, exciting teams to watch. It hasn’t It’s hard to pinpoint anything that to Scum. Though let’s be honest here, it’s quite worked that way yet. The ‘Yotes are stands out about the ‘Yotes. They’re in the pretty much a tie. Most will point to another right at .500, which in Gary Bettman’s Wacky middle of the pack in almost every category, blown two-goal, 3rd period lead. That’s not Numbers Emporium does not mean you’re av- except for face-offs, which they’re abysmal at. acceptable, but try to remember what the erage. You may say they’re only three points There’s no one in the Top 20 in goals or scor- Hawks came up against last night. Not only behind the Hawks, but they’ve played two ing. Their goalies have been all right, though was it the league’s most talented team, but more games. Two wins and that gap is seven, Bryzgalov has been maddeningly on-and-off. they had to combat goals off a crazy bounce and that’s large in today’s game. He played last night, so we’ll get a look at Mi- that eluded Huet, the only bad line change of However, it’s to be expected that kael Tellqvist tonight. He’s been pretty good, the night, and Hossa getting away with hold- Phoenix will get better as the season goes but got yanked vs. the Leafs on Thursday. ing VerStud in his own zone leading to the along. They were young at the end of last More of that, please. turnover they scored off of. That’s a moun- season, and they’ve only gotten more so this Beep-Beep tain. season. Along with Mueller and Hanzal do- This is the same team the Hawks And for a great majority of the game, ing the NHL spin for the second time, Mikkel raced by for their first win this year, and the the Hawks dealt with it. Dealt with it real well. Boedker and Kyle Turris are on their first full one they beat in a shootout without ever In fact, they kicked Scum’s ass up-and-down go-around. So are Keith Yandle and Viktor getting going. Phoenix plays open and fast, the ice like an NFL lineman does with his Tikhonov. The more these guys grow, the far- which is exactly what the Hawks like. They girlfriend. What’s so infuriating about Scum is ther Phoenix will progress. have a few d-men who lock down their own that they don’t miss on any chance they get. Not making the players’ or Head zone about as well as a crooked prison guard. A soft goal, which the first one was, a bad Coach Wayne Gretzky’s job any easier is that Ed Jovanovski has been a pylon in a wind- bounce, a bad change, and a missed call, and they will have to deal with distractions other storm this year. The ‘Yotes are even worse you’re looking at four goals against. Sucks, young teams won’t. They’ll be hearing stories than the Hawks on the road at 4-8-1. The but sometimes, what can you do? It doesn’t of the franchise’s future at every turn. There’s Hawks should be able to work out the anger take an expert to tell you that if the Hawks put more on that inside, but it’s not a pretty situ- from last night if they so desire. out that kind of effort night after night, the ation. It’s hard enough learning to play in the -Prince playoffs won’t be much of a struggle at all. Also, when you play Anaheim and Scum back- to-back, you’ll take your three of four points and be content. Or at least we’ll try to. If we hadn’t locked ourselves in last night after the game to finish tonight’s issue, we very well may have gone out and practiced our shank- ing skills on the first dickrag from Farmington Hills we could find. Such is how losses to those peckerheads make us feel. Still, the Hawks had glittering per- formances from so many last night. Cap- tain Marvel was, well, just that. Keith was a force. 51 Phantom must’ve had heartburn or something, he was hitting everyone (oh that’s right, Scum’s full of pussies who you can hit without retribution. So are the Hawks, but still...). Ladd, Bolland, and Havlat were ev- erywhere. Even Byfuglien was showing signs of life. These line changes that Coach Q put together before the Anaheim game gives the Hawks more balance, and we hope he sticks with them for a little while longer. Phoenix Rising, All The Way To Southern Ontario So that brings us to tonight, where the Hawks will face a team that also played “As for your punishment, I won’t suspend you, but you’re going to have to last night. The Coyotes lost to St. Louis 4-3 date my sloppy seconds.” in a game where they didn’t appear to put MUSINGS FROM THE EDITOR -If You Want Blood, YOU GOT IT!: First off, an apology to those fans would prefer that he and they don’t like it. I don’t need mass who received a blood-stained copy of our program from me on approval for me to enjoy the sport. In fact, the cult aspect of it is Wednesday night. I opened a paper cut at some point during the one of the things I enjoy most. I don’t have to deal with whatever night, but due to the cold A) I could not feel it and B) my skin had pieces of horse feces on the Worldwide Leader of Sports coming dried out so it wouldn’t close the wound. So, on a up with some catch-phrase to describe a Kane goal. I paper cut scale, the thing gushed like a fucking mis- don’t have to listen to every frat-boy putting down his carriage. But you all have my DNA for any crime 11th Keystone Lite to spout some loud, obnoxious, I might commit (and no, crimes against the English uninformed opinion about hockey, before he goes to language contained within these pages don’t count, date rape his co-worker. I only occasionally have to funny guy). Though it is pretty hockey to bleed on read some blowhard columnist spouting his selfish your program, isn’t it? manifesto about what moves the GM should make even though he hasn’t been in the arena in four years -We Don’t Want You: One of the worst things about (though we all have to put up with Rozner occasional- this whole Sean Avery deal is that it causes people ly, which is time you’ll never get back.) We have the pleasure that whenever we run into another fan, we’re who don’t know anything about hockey to talk about Sam Fels hockey. It’s usually in the most demeaning tone most likely running into another passionate fan. We as well. For some reason, when you announce to have a camaraderie and an understanding only soccer people that you’re a hockey fan, those who aren’t like to tell you fans get. that you shouldn’t be because no one cares about it. Boers and People like Boers and Bernstein need hockey to be popular Bernstein on The Score are two of the most prominent peddlers of to justify talking about it. Or, more accurately, they need it to not this thought. Why would I give a drunken fat fuck what the general be popular to justify not talking about it. I, and my fellow Hawks populace thinks of something I like? In fact, when the masses catch and hockey fans, do not. We’ll continue to follow our team and on to something is when it tends to start to blow. Look at Smashing drink our beer and wear our jerseys whether we’re the only 20k Pumpkins or the Red Hot Chili Peppers. watching the sport or not. And we’ll do just fine without you, Mr What Bernstein and his like don’t realize is that we hockey Bernstein. Thank you very much. NHL STANDINGS Eastern Conference Western Conference ATLANTIC W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY CENTRAL W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY NY Rangers 18 9 2 38 77 73 11-5-1 7-4-1 Scum 18 4 4 40 95 80 8-2-2 10-2-2 Pittsburgh 15 7 4 34 84 71 7-3-2 8-4-2 Nashville 14 10 2 30 74 79 7-3-1 7-7-1 Philadelphia 13 7 6 32 84 78 6-4-3 7-3-3 Chicago 11 6 7 29 83 72 7-1-4 4-5-3 New Jersey 14 8 2 30 70 63 7-4-1 7-4-1 St.