"I am not the editor of a newspaper, and sh£tll always tr:v to do right and be good, so that God wiU not make me one.''- Mark Twain Volume XXXIII, Number 1 1000 Hilltop Circle, Baltimore, MD 21250 December 1, 1998

The third article in an ongoing series about UMBC problems Social Work Professor Dies Mter Many Years at UMBC

BETH SCHAUB those years, she was a tenured Retriever Weekly Staff Writer associate professor and taught the human behavior courses. Dr. Shirley Vining Brown - "She was a brilliant faculty social worker. advocate of mi­ member in that area," said Gust norities. women and the under­ W. Mitchell. associate dean and privileged. research professor. chair of the Social Work depart­ friend to many and a long time ment. '"[She was] an impressive presence on the UMBC campus person that really knew develop­ -recently passed away after a mental psychology and all as­ brief illness related to lung can­ pects in terms of working with cer. She is survived by her hus­ individuals and their families." band, three children and six "She had many talents.'' con­ grandchildren. Brown had been tinued MitchelL "In her heart a social work professor and re­ she was a researcher, more than searcher on the UMBC campus anything else.'' for much of the past 18 years. Brown came back to UMBC Brown was on faculty at after working as Senior Re­ UMBC from 1980 until 1993. In see BROWN, page 3 Ja1.on Putsche I Retriever Weekly S1aff After organizing the Physics Department's demonstration equipment, Dedre Demaree, 24, found that half of it is broken or missing parts - and much of it is quite old. ' The Most Underfunded Campus in the System'? UMBC Doesn't Get Enough Money, Officials Argue

JAMIE SMITH HOPKINS Wheels, officiaiJy ended in 1996, This academic year UMBC has Retriever Weekly Swfl Writer to the studio art concentration, dis­ been slated to receive $6,7 Jl in continued after last semester. state money per full-time equiva­ For nine of the past I 0 school Among other changes within the lent student, according to system years, full-time, in-state UMBC last two years: fees for printing in data. That's $4,088 less per student Jnson PUische I Retriever Weekly Staff the computer labs and fewer oper­ undergraduates have shouldered the than College Park - even though, Egyptian teachers explain some of the new teaching techniques they most expensive tuition and fees of ating hours there. officials argue, the Baltimore cam­ learned at UMBC during the annual International Scholars Festival. any traditional University System Some students have complained pus' science and technology focus of Maryland college. Next year the bitterly. But administrators say such is more expensive- and $317 less cost to attend this campus will be decisions are forced on them by in­ than the system average. UMBC Hosts Training Program almost $1.000 more than average. adequate public funding to UMBC The campus also falls short of the And yet the university has a - in a state where higher education state funding given to its self-se­ for Egyptian Teachers smaller percentage of full-time in general is thought to be lected "peers" - U.S. schools of underfunded [see related story. page teachers than College Park, fewer similar size and focus. including BRAD BENNETT ing program for some of Egypt's 4). available undergraduate majors Georgia Institute ofTcchnology and Retriever IVeekiy Editorial Staff finest math. science and English ··we need much more money." the University of Virginia. than Towson and - even after the teachers for the eighth consecutive said campus President Freeman The campus received $2,500 less new donn gets built - less campus As part of a comprehensive semester. Hrabowski. "The fact is that people than average per full-time equiva­ housing per student than Frostburg. movement for educational change The program provides the teach­ are stretched to the limit. Our typi­ lent student in the 1994-'95 school Those graduating next semester, initiated nearly J 0 years ago by the ers with new teaching methodolo­ cal staff member is doing what two year, the latest statistics available meanwhile, have seen programs cut Egyptian Ministry of Education, gies and techniques, as well as train- or three people would do at another during their academic career here UMBC is hosting a teacher train- -from the popular Shakespeare on institution." see BIG PICTURE, page 4 see EGYPTIANS. page 6

Ryan Surber wants The Focus Section Men's basketball tine gets old, th e to see gambling in implores yo u t o finishes fourth in Patapsco 'zine gets the Fieldhouse, vote for the Best inaugural Battle of people involved, Tracy Soltesz is Of and Worst Of Baltimore, the Anna gets funny sick of yuletide UMBC (and stuff in women take third looks from the over-zealousness, the real world, too). in the UMBC Invita­ Turk1sh, Thanks­ and Emily Fill out the Ballot tional, and Chris giving gets a Bernstein thinks on page 15 and let Kerner discusses veggie spin and we were safer dur­ us know what you the importance of JTT gets Home For ing the Cold War. think! Christmas. PAGE2 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS December 1, 1998 Campus Politics University Contputing Seeks Student Input

GABEMARCUS morning weekend hours. Also, he noted, stu­ Speaker Derrick Longo, who went on to Retriever Weekly Staff Writer note that expenses to refurbish Hillcrest Former College Master Charged for dent staffing is hard to find at these times. could amount to over a million dollars. "The Child Pornography Seuss hopes to establish a student commit­ Administration is looking at it very much NEW HAVEN, Conn.- Former Saybrook Jack Seuss, director of computing ser­ tee before the spring 1999 semester. as a financial issue right now," he added. Master Antonio Lasaga surrendered himself vices, attended the Student Government As­ at 4 p.m. Thursday to U.S. Marshals in Bridge­ sociation (SGA) meeting on November 23 New Senator Elected port. Conn. after being charged with violation to discuss issues involving University Com­ Raj Stewart, a sophomore majoring in Bi­ SGA Faces Transportation Issues of federal child pornography statutes. the puting Services (UCS). Seuss commented ology, was recently elected to the SGA sen­ In the general discussion period of the Marshal's Office and the U.S. Attorney's Of­ that, unlike other departments such as the ate with a vote of 18-0-1. At the October 26 SGA meeting, many issues relating to trans­ ficesaidHeappearedwithhislawyerandwas library's services, there is currently no stu­ SGA meeting, Senator Stewart narrowly portation were discussed. Among the issues released on $50,000 bail, with the stipulation dent input on UCS issues. missed election. was the possibility of prohibiting resident that he not contact any children while the case The faculty senate on campus currently "Despite the fact 1 wasn't elected, I still freshman from bringing cars on campus, is pending, the Associated Press reported. has a committee that deals with computing want to be involved," Stewart said, address­ except under certain circumstances. The Lasaga.a pofessorofgeology and geophys­ issues, and Seuss would like to set up a stu­ ing the SGA senate before the vote was taken. senate was divided on the issue. ics, has been under investigation by the F.Bl. dent oversight committee to deal with up­ Stewart said he has a strong desire to partici­ Senator Fleischer noted that there are which searched hisSaytxookrooms two weeks coming issues that will be addressed within pate in community service. During an in­ enough parking spaces for the cars on cam­ a,oo. He is being charged with knowingly re­ the next two years. Presently the faculty are house election, senators. not students, vote pus, although they might not all be conve­ ceiving child pornography and knowingly pos­ discussing whether or not to include stu­ for candidates to fill empty positions. nient. sessing material containing three or more im­ dents in the Microsoft site licensing deal To help solve recurrent request by clubs agesofchildpornography,YaleGeoeralCoun­ that was brought up earlier in the semester Senators Oppose Destruction for transportation to and from events, sena­ set Dorothy Robinson said as well as instituting a requirement that all of Hillcrest tors discussed the possibility of purchasing resident students own computers. Several senators expressed disapproval at a 12 passenger van for club use. Graduate Student Strike May Affect In addition, Seuss addressed increasing the possibility of losing Hillcrest, the aging Finals the hours of the computer labs. He proposed building that currently houses the Office of Next Senate Meeting LOS ANGELES, Calif.-Upcoming student­ modifying current hours to provide twenty­ Residential Life (ORL) and the Ratt and faces The next senate meeting will be 7:30p.m. employee strikes throughout the University of four hour access from Sunday night to Fri­ possible destruction to be replaced by new December 7, in Lecture Hall III (on the California (UC) system, including UCLA, may day at midnight, with nonnal weekend op­ parking spaces. ground floor of the Administration build­ affect undergraduate studies, causing discus­ erating hours, citing that many students are "Hillcrest is a part of campus for alumni, ing). Information call x2220 or look up sion sections, grades and finals to be altered or not using the computer labs in the early it's what they grew up with," said Senate umbc.org.sga, the SGA's newsgroup. cancelled due to lack ofteaching assistants and readers. The unions have announced that until the UC recognizes them and is willing to bar­ gain with them, they are prepared to strike. "Weare not trying to strike our undergradu­ ates' education,'' said Connie Razza, an orga­ I~ ~rief nizet" for the Student Association ofGrOOuate Employees/United Auto Workers (SAGFJ World AIDS Day p.m. in the Social Sciences building, UAW), the graduate student union at UCLA. Today there will be quilt panels in ob­ room 101, there will be a forum discuss­ "We are striking only our labor." servation of World AIDS Day from ing the rate of HIV infection in various Sources at various campuses have hinted that 11:30 to 3:30 in the UC Ballroom. Stu­ cultures and why HIV infection is grow­ the strike could begin the week foUowing dents interested in showing support for ing faster in some cultures than others. Thanksgiving. The university has stated that it people affected by AIDS can pick up a For further information call Marie Yeh will do everything within its power to ensure red ribbon from the information desk on at x3751. that undergraduate studies do not suffer. the second floor of the University Cen­ ''Every attempt will be made to preserve the ter. Travel to Italy instructional goals and not to have this impact If you are considering traveling to on undergraduate students," said Jim Thmer, AIDS Candlelight Vigil Italy this summer, stop by Fine Arts assistant vice-chancellor of the graduate divi­ sion. Tonight at 7:30 p.m. there will be a building room 107 to set up an infor­ a paper for a candlelight vigil for students interested mation session, or call x2731 for more Bar Faces Charges in Drinking Death in showing support for everyone who information. man or a woman EAST LANSING, Mich.-An East Lansing bas been affected by the AIDS disease. bar could face penalties in the death of Michi­ The UMBC Camerata will sing. gan State University student Bradley McCue, who died November 5 after drinking 24 shots People with AIDS Panel at the establishment On Wednesday, December 2 from 1 to The investigation into McCue's death is 1:50 p.m. in Lecture Hall 2 there will complete, and no criminal charges are planned be a panel discussion about the lives of But civil charges are possible for Rick'sAmeri­ individuals affected with AIDS. For fur­ can Cafe, where McCue drank to celebrate his ther information, call Marie Yeh at 21st birthday the day ofhis death. At a Thurs­ x3751. day press conference, Ingham County Pros­ ecutor Stuart Dunnings ID said there would be Multicultural Forum on HIVIAIDS no warrants issued in McCue's death, either On Friday, December 4 from 1 to 1:50 for the bar or for the people who were with McCueatthetimeofhisdeath.Dunningssaid the office considered issuing a misdemeanor Keep charge toone oftheotherpeople involved, but NCJC1bl4 wor• decided against it However, a violation report ~ Buy rtOJCU4. on Rick's has been referred to the Michigan Uquor Control Commission. • East Lansing police Capt Louis Muhn said civil charges could be issued against Rick's if Jason Putsche I Retriever Weekly Staff the commission finds the bar was in violation of liquor laws. Pre-Holiday Sleepout Raises Hope While (left to right) Abbey Dagen, Brian Mager, Nick Mason, Jess Ruth -from Uwire.com and Cheryl Esposito experienced the hardships of homelessness, the activity successfully raised awareness and donations, participants said. THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS December 1, 1998 PAGE3

OLICE LoG Safety Tip Of The Week: dents were identified by the reporting officer lot 7B, a student reported someone Don't Make Life Easy For A on the north side of the UMBC warehouses illegally entered his vehicle and re­ Thief- Protect Your Property. in lot 17. They were removing excess con­ moved his cellular phone. The stu- ,... Lock your doors every time you struction materials stored at that location. A . dent requested no further investiga­ leave. judicial referral was made on all three sub­ tion. The case was closed. ,... Make a list of your valuables, keep jects. Soap Opera Circus it in a safe place. [nclude an exact de­ Theft from Veh icle ln Toronto in August, a circus per­ scription, year purchased and serial Assault (Felony) November 14. 4:10a.m.-A student former v:as arrested and charged with numbers. November II, 10:07 p.m. - A UMBC stu­ reported someone illegally entered sexually assaulting his estranged wife. ,... Engrave your valuables - with an dent reported that he was assaulted with a her vehicle and removed property Also charged was a circus dwarf who al­ ID number. Check with the UMBC pepper-based chemical weapon in Jot 7B. A valued at $150. The investigation will legedly helped the man and took pictures Police Department for information female suspect had been engaged in a dis­ continue. of the attack. about ID programs on campus. pute over a parking space with a driver un­ And in Edwardsville, lL, in Septem­ ,... Don't leave your belongings, such known to the student. He attempted to inter­ Act of Intolerance ber. former circus performer. a ·'bearded as books and backpacks alone in librar­ cede to de-escalate the argument and was November 15, 5:43p.m.-A non-stu­ lady", Vivian Wheeler filed a lawsuit ies or classrooms. subjected to verbal abuse by the suspect. As dent reported that unknown persons against a former colleague, a dwarf he walked away, the suspect drove at him at rearranged the letters within a display named Steven Carter, accusing him of Theft from Vehicle a high rate of speed causing him to take eva­ case, located in the Office of Resi­ attacking her after a night of drinking. November 20. 8:55a.m.- In lot 9. a sive action. The female suspect then exited dential Life. to create vulgar and pro­ UMBC student reported the theft of her her vehicle and sprayed the victim with a fane commentary. Talk About Unsanitary student parking hanger from her parked chemical spray weapon. The German television network ARD and unattended vehicle. There was no Theft from Building reported in July that for the last 15 years, evidence of any other damage or prop­ Motor Vehicle Accident November 16,6 p.m. -An employee the KEG waste disposal company has erty stolen. November 12, J I: 15 a.m. - In parking lot 8, reported the theft of audio equipment been turning the remains of incinerated a non-student, driver of vehicle number one, left unattended briefly in her unoc­ miscarried fetuses. along with other hos­ Record of Information backed into vehicle number two, striking the cupied and unlocked office located in pital waste, into granules for use in road November 9. 10:53 p.m.- In the Fine left front fender. owned by another non-stu­ the ECS building. construction. When informed of the prac­ Arts building. a non-student was inves­ dent. tice. the regional health minister said she tigated for auempting to cut a lock off Theft from Vehicle thought that was "morally incorrect.'' a student locker with bolt cutters on Theft from Building November 17. 12:35 a.m.- A UMBC Monday night. He informed officers November 12. II :58 p.m. - A non-student student reported the theft of a cellu­ AliA/one that the locker had been assigned to him reported that between the hours of I I :30 and lar telephone from her unlocked and After a night of drinking, Donald R. but was being used by someone else. 11:50 p.m., someone removed his property, unattended vehicle while parked in Wood ill, 27, fell six floors down an el­ An officer confirmed the locker assign­ having value of $90, that he left unattended lot 9. evator shaft in Seattle and was not dis­ ment with Visual Arts staff on this date on a table in the UC Ballroom. The prelimi­ covered for five days. Fortunately, he and referred the non-student to them to nary investigation revealed that approxi­ Assfst Other Agency survived. resolve the issue. mately 30 individuals were in the area at the November 17. 2: I 0 a.m. - Balli more In Breezewood, Pa., Michael time of the theft. The investigation will con­ County 91 I reported receiving a call Giovanetti went over an embankment in Destruction of Property tinue. from an assault victim. The number a one-car accident and was not able to November 10. 6:04p.m.- In the po­ came back to 1000 Hilltop Circle to crawl out of his mangled car for four lice vehicle parking section in lot 7, an Malicious Destruction an exchange not on file or known to days. He then finally made it up a 75- ofticer inspected his assigned vehicle November 13, 3:53p.m.- An unknown in­ University Police. Attempting to caiJ foot slope where a passing motorist after packing materials at the start of dividual reported to the desk staff at Potomac back the number of origin provided stopped to help him. the shift. A large scratch was observed Hall, that a group of males were striking the a prerecorded message that the num­ And in Tokyo during August. a 23- on the hood of the vehicle. The vehiclt> parking meters with a post. The police were ber was not in service. A UMBC stu­ year-old Chinese stowaway survived a was last inspected at 3 p.m. notified and proceeded to investigate the dent was finally located in the three-hour airline flight by clinging to the matter. The preliminary investigation re­ Magothy apartments. He stated to landing gear in sub-zero temperatures at Theft from Building vealed that property was destroyed or dam­ University Police that he was drink­ an altitude of up to six miles. November 11. 3:58 p.m. - A UMBC aged at several other locations on the prop­ ing alcohol with friends. He reported Upon landing, he was immediately de­ student reported the theft of three Zip erty of UMBC. The group sighted are thought they took his vehicle keys from him ported. disks from a cigar box located inside to be responsible for the damage or destruc­ and drove him to UMBC. He further Fine Arts. The victim subsequently no­ tion of property at the various locations. The claimed to have both hts shoulders A Secret, Double Life tified police that her property had been damage was estimated at approximately dislocated by his friends. He was In May, the president of Create Corp., located at home. $250. The investigation will continue. transported to St. Agnes Hospital by a Japanese ·'alibi" telephone answering AVFD Medic #355.Ajudicial refer­ service. said he had started acquiring as Theft from Vehicle Theft from Vehicle ral will be made by the reporting of­ clients people who were so ashamed of ficer. having been laid off from work that they pay the answering service to create an iJ. lusory job and title for them so that call­ ers will think they are still working. Most Commitment to Program Continues On After Death of the firm ·s previous clients were pros­ titutes who needed to convince their In addition to these two projects of about what she wanted for the program. from BROWN. page I friends and parents that they work for a which Brown was a significant part, she it had progressed enough that it had "de­ tictitious but respectable company. search Scientist with the Educational also worked in the Youth Enrichment Pro­ veloped a mind of its own" and could Testing Service. For the remaining years gram. This project, personally founded continue to grow. Way to Get the Ladies that she was here. Brown was director of by Brown, provides tutoring for under­ Brown·~ presence within the Social In August, the British biotech company Project Talent Flow and Project Gender privileged children in the area of Colum­ Work department is going to be greatly Kiotech began test-marketing a dispos­ Climate. These programs involved the bia. Maryland. missed. a sentiment expressed by her co­ able wipe containing human sexual study of minorities and women in the sci­ "She had a deep commitment to this workers. And it will be missed as much pheromones that would, as a company ences and mathematics. Talent Flow spe­ rprogram] and was working very hard on in all the programs she was involved in executive said, "boost the wearer's cifically focused on African American it." said Mitchell. who then related the at her death. sexual-smell signature.'' and Latino students while Gender Cli­ thoughts of a board member of the Youth Brown's family wished not to comment Xcite! packets are now being sold in mate focused on studying women. Enrichment Program. at this point in time but did request that men's room vending machines in night­ "Her passion, I think. was in this area," According to Mitchell. the member be­ in lieu of flowers. contributions be made clubs in three cities in England. The sub­ explained Mitchell. ·'sh·e was very inter­ lieved that while it would be hard to to the Youth Enrichment Program Inc., e/ stance itself smells awful so the wipes ested in the plight of minorities." imagine not having Brown as a part of o 5448 Newgrange Garth, Columbia, also contain cologne. the program, since she had a clear vision Maryland 2 1045 . .... PAGE4 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS December I, 1998

'The Need for ••• Additional Resources is Real and Urgent' from BIG PICTURE, page 1 said. ''The question iL raises • Salary adjustments for the average full­ is, what is the right measure time faculty member have been outpaced by from Institutional Research. to use? ... Under any given increases in the average cost of goods and Officials involved with the most recent scenario. you can come up services. The teachers· paychecks rose 12.6 Middle States Association of Colleges and with a variety of institutions percent between the 1992-'93 academic year Schools' evaluation of UMBC saw "over­ that come up at the bottom and 1997-'98, compared to a 15.2 percent in­ whelming'' proof that the university was not of the list." crease in the Consumer Price Index. This being supported appropriate!). And no matter what the means that in real income. the average fac­ "The UMBC [funding] disparity is so sig­ comparison used, he added, ulty member actually lost money. nificant that some form of planned redress someone will always come Moreover. the salaries ·'fall below those of of this issue within a reasonable time is out last. peer institutions and are a major source of strongly suggested," the 1996 report stated. faculty concern," according to UMBC's most ·· ... Prospects for significantly increased state 'Impinges on the recent sci f-study report, released in 1996. support appear cloudy at best, but the need Educa6ona/Process' According to the report. salary levels have for such additional resources is real and ur­ Regardless of whether made at difficult to recruit and retain "top­ gent.'' UMBC is the most quality" faculty and have eroded morale. Although state funding has increased more underfunded. however, its • The library's collection.\\ hilc bigger than than $6.3 million since then, campus admin­ students are facing a di­ that of many other system institutions. was istrators believe that the problem still exists. verse and troubling set of deemed "merely adequate'' for those pursu­ ·'It's a continual struggle for UMBC to problems that campus of­ ing a master's degree- and "marginal" for continue to get its share of the limelight, its ficials blame on resource doctorate candidates -by the Middle States share of recognition and its appropriate share shortages: evaluators. of the state budget for higher education." said • Approximately 42 per­ Specifically mentioned were the periodi­ Rick Welch, dean of Arts and Sciences, in an cent of UMBC's instruc­ cals. 1\vo years later. the campus has only interview this semester. tional faculty was part­ eight more subscriptions. Said Mark Behm. vice president for Ad­ Lime last year, according to Meanwhile, the equivalent of 16 full-time ministrative Affairs: "We are, both in abso­ Institutional Research. professional librarians work here. just one lute dollars and in dollars per student, the That's significantly higher more than when the Middle States team vis­ most underfunded campus in the system." than the average for four­ ited and said the number was "significantly Whether this is true is a point of conten­ year institutions, 31 per­ · Jason Putsche I Retriever Weekly Staff under any generally accepted standard." tion. John Lippincott, the University System cent. Both graduate students and independent evaluators Overall, evaluators found the library's re­ of Maryland's associate vice chancellor for Some educators believe say that UMBC doesn't have enough periodicals. sources "stretched to capacity." Library Di­ Advancement, said that none of the 11 de­ the situation hurts educa- rector Larry Wilt now says that where gradu­ gree-granting campuses in the system has tional quality, while students have com­ allow it. ate research is concerned, the situation "is enough money - and each may argue that it plained of problems ranging from inadequate Meanwhile, part-timers are unhappy with about the same." is the most underfunded. teaching ability to inaccessibility outside the amount of their stipends- which are sev­ This means that time and time again, Sean "Towson has indicated that they are the class. Welch has said the campus would like eral thousand less per class than what the low­ lowest-funded institution in the system," he to hire more full-timers but the budget doesn't est-paid full-time teacher makes. see BIG PICJURE, page 5 Does Maryland Spend Enough on Public Higher Education?

JAMIE SMITH HOPKINS schools with similar characteristics. be listening-although they have some doubts Retrie,·er Weekly Staff Writer "Historically, Maryland has not been as about the funding comparisons used by generous to higher education as our neigh­ higher education experts. If money is any indication, public higher bors,'' said UMBC President Freeman Both legislators and Maryland Gov. Parris education is taken more seriously in Alaska, Hrabowski. N. Glendening have made commitments to Iowa, Oklahoma and Kansas than in Mary­ Recently, more state lawmakers seem to higher education within the past year, and land. Each of these states spends more on some believe more steps are needed. their students. "For a state as wealthy as we are. the Last academic year, in fact, Maryland middle of the pack isn't good enough," said ranked 31st for the amount of tax dollars put How the States Stack Up state Sen. Barbara A. Hoffman (D, Balti­ toward educating each full-time equivalent more), chair of the Budget and Taxation Com­ student at public institutions, according to a How much does Maryland spend per mittee, which deals with the higher educa­ study by the Research Associates of Wash­ full-time equivalent student in public tion budget. ington. The state dedicates $4,120 less per higher education? Less than Washing­ A bill sponsored by Hoffman and passed State Sen. Barbara A. Hoffman thinks student than Alaska - and $8,106 Jess than ton, DC -and 29 states. These arc the during the last legislative session makes it "the middle of the pack isn't good enough" for state funding of higher Washington, D.C., which is No. I on the list. rankings for the 1997-'98 academic the General Assembly's intent that the gov­ education. Meanwhile, both higher education experts year: ernor provide at least as much money for and legislators agree that Maryland's private higher education as he had the previous year colleges and universities are unusually well­ #L: DC- $13,098 -or more. "He feels that we're moving in the right supported by the state. which gives the insti­ #2:AK-$9,112 Previously, there were no minimum fund­ direction, but we have a long way to go," said tutions 16 percent of what was spent the year #3: CT- $8.380 ing guidelines for higher education, she said Michelle Bymie. deputy press secretary for before on public higher education, divided #4: MA-$7,235 - making it one of only two large programs the governor."... [Funding] is in better shape by the number of full-time equivalent stu­ #5: NC- $6,851 without that safety net. The other was pris­ than it was before the governor took office. dents. #6: HI - $6,725 ons, a hard area to cut, she said. but he reali7.es we still have a lot more work This year, that Lranslates into more than $33 #7: WY- $6,713 "Higher education was sitting there and to get the higher education system where we million for private institutions, according to #8: GA - $6,622 saying, 'If there's a recession, come and take want it to be." the Maryland Higher Education Commission #9: NV-$6,346 the money from us,.,. said Hoffman. ''There a fraction of what the University System of #10: ME-$6,332 was no protection." Questionable Comparisons? Maryland gets but significant to any of its However. the bill started off with more Nevertheless. legis!u:crs say t.1at some of individual campu~es. LMBC. for instance. #29: II': - $5.034 teeth. absolutely requtring those guidelines. the methods educators are ustng to anal) 1e receives just $17.7 mllhon more than that. #30: "VttA- $5.027 An amendment changed the wording and state fundtng - peer comparisons and These are the things educators point to #31: MD- $4,992 added that such funding is contingent on no \taryland's ranking in terms of state funds when they say that public higher education #32: UT - $4.973 "unforeseen economic conditions" arising. spent per full-time equivalent student - have in the state is underfunded as a whole. An­ #33: NL- $4.962 Glendening. for his part. has pledged to in­ othcrcommon argument: The universities are crease higher education funding by $635 ~ee FUNDS. page 6 underfunded compared to their "peers:· U.S. Source: Rc•carch Associates of Washington million by 2002. THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS December 1, 1998 PAGES Campus Needs $12M, Officials Say from BIG PICTURE. page 4 only so many times you can fix it," she said. his Physics 122 course. " ... lf I had my way, we'd be massively re­ He first asked for a room Davis, a graduate student working on a placing stuff that's just crap." between I and 3 p.m., but master's degree in mechanical engineering, • For a good part of the day. space for every space was booked. has had to go to the University of Maryland, classes and meetings is at a premium - and "I finally said, 'Get me a Baltimore to get the bio-medical journals he the incoming Physics Building will not solve room anytime on Thurs­ needs for his research. the problem, according to Tom Taylor. assis­ day."' he recalled. "I was "I would have liked to see more in our li­ tant provost for Enrollment. told there were no rooms of brary," he said. "We do not have enough classroom space,·· any size available until9:45 Wilt agrees. He wants more staff members. he said. "While there may be times when at night." and he'd like the library to have 6.000 sub­ classrooms [arc] available, they are not times Forget it, Rasera said, scriptions- nearly 50 percent more than what that are popular." and told students to come it has now- plus twice as much money for Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9 a.m. to 3 sec him in his office if they books. p.m. is a particularly bad period. Taylor said. had questions. ··r don't think we're going to get to that And the Physics Building won't "dramati­ "This is definitely some­ point anytime soon. but that's what would cally impacf' the situation because it's mostly thing that impinges on the be an ideal level of funding," he said. made up of teaching labs and offices. he educational process." he • Another problem noted by Middle States added. said. "Short of nights and evaluators is the "general evidence that there Perhaps because of space limitations, some weekends. there aren't any is a heavy and increasing resource shortage. classes end up in what teachers describe as classrooms on campus." e.g., equipment breaking down." distinctly substandard rooms. Phil Landon, Students lind this still applicable now. an associate professor of English, said he Wanted: $12 Million started the semester off in a small room in Officials have suggested Dedra Demaree, 24, a physics major who Gabc Marcus I Retriever Weekly Slaff the Chemistry/Physics Building that was that such problems will only spent the summer organizing the Employees and programs are suffering due to impossible to teach in. get worse if the funding department's demonstration equipment. es­ insufficient resources , according to campus "It's got a fan about six or eight feet in di­ situation does not improve. timates that half of it is broken or otherwise President Freeman Hrabowski. " We need much ameter in the ceiling that roars all the time," "UMBC has achieved its unusable. Much of it, she added, may be as more money," he says. old as the university. which opened in 1966. he said. "I couldn't hear students in the back accomplishments despite And although the labs are stocked with all of the room and they couldn't hear me." being chronically the equipment that's necessary, plenty of Meanwhile, those needing a room for rea­ underfunded," stated the campus' self-study ulty in some of the departments, maybe things are not in the best shape, she said. sons other than class may find themselves out report. "It is unrealistic to expect UMBC to equipment that's older than we'd like it to Some equipment- such as resistance boxes of luck-as Robert Rascra. a physics profes­ continue such a high level of performance be: Those kinds of things are symptoms of - keep breaking. sor, discovered recently when he tried to into the next century if adjustments in its the deficiency." "We fix a lot of things ourselves, but there's schedule a review session before an exam in funding base are not made to ensure greater equity between UMBC and other [system] System Wants More Funding campuses, to achieve a level of funding that For All Campuses recognizes the inherent costliness of Lippincott, the system official, said his col­ UMBC's mission emphasizing science and leagues have not turned a blind eye to engineering." UMBC's situation. According to Behm, the school has a $12 "I don't think that there's any question that million "deficiency" - money needed for the system leadership is eager to see addi­ more faculty, staff, technology, facility im­ tional funding, per student, at UMBC," he provements and library materials. The said. "But we'd also like to see additional amount was calculated after administrators funding for College Park.... There is an in­ did a financial assessment of campus depart­ tent on the part of the system headquarters ments. and the Regents to improve the funding of Currently, needs have to be met creatively, all the institutions." he satd-such as waiting months to fill empty Lippincott said the goal is equitable, not positions, allowing money to build up. And equal, funding. After system administrators even when the school receives increases in are told what the state can likely give them, state funds- as it has every year since 1994- they begin by looking at each institution's '95, according to UMBC data the over­ needs and the available resources, he said. whelming majority goes toward maintaining Once the amounts arc calculated for the cam­ the status quo, he said. puses, officials sec how they did by compar­ "It's a deficiency that we live around," ing each institution to its peers - rather than Behm said. "It's why we have positions that to other system colleges. stay open. We know we can do things better but don't have the money. High part-time fac- see BIG PICTURE. page 7

ABOUT THIS SERIES:

This is the last of three articles this semester in which The Retriever Weekly investigates some of the persistent problems at UMBC and the factors that contribute to them.

PREVIOUSLY: REPRINTS:

October: Part-time teachers made up For reprints of thc~e Big Picture ar­ 42 percelll of UMBC's instructional fac­ ticles. call x 1260 or stop by The Re­ ulty last year- and both students and triever Weeklv office, University Cen­ educators wotTy that this negatively af­ ter 214. fects the higher education experience. But administrators say there tsn 't enough money to change the situation. SOUND OFF: September: Campus housing b in such demand that several hundred stu­ Have thoughts on this artJcle or the is­ dents - includmg some from other sue of state funding'! Send a message to states and countries-haven't been able the paper ·s nc\\ sgroup, umbc. to get rooms. How did it get to this point? org.retriever. PAGE6 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS December 1, 1998 Egyptians Hope to Implement 'Authentic Testing' at Home from EGYPTIANS. page I One of the progran1 's participants, 26-year­ ''[A]t a high school in my country, if you Aal, a middle schoolteacher at the EI Salam old Hossam Hassan, a 1995 graduate of enter in a class you'll find ... SO [students], and Preparatory School in Egypt, said that one ing in the latest teaching software in order to Egypt's Assuit University, said that most of I have been to many schools in tile United of tile most useful concepts she has learned contribute to improving the quality of public the English being taught in public high States and found some, maybe in the class at UMBC was a concept she referred to as and private education in Egypt. Previous par­ schools is based almost entirely on the teach­ tllere were more than 15, [bul] no more than "authentic testing," in which a student is ticipants who have completed the program ing of grammar, instead of providing more this," said Kadis. He. as well as oilier En­ tested in a real world context. such as listen­ attest to its success. one of whom has written intensive communicative courses in literature glish teachers in the program. said that a lack ing comprehension tests and speaking per­ for the internationally renowned multilingual and poetry. of an adequate number of computer labs in formance tests, areas of evaluation that journal English Teaching Forum. "They have a low level of English, at my high schools was also a problem. curently aren't being used in Egypt to assess According to Beverly Bickel, director of experimental language school... by the 6th or During the annual International Scholars students in English classes. the English Language Center, the reform 7th grade we have drama, novel [and] po­ Festival last Friday, participants in the pro­ "I hope that my government will incorpo­ movement is aimed at retraining teachers and etry," said Hassan, adding that some of the gram displayed on posters what they had rate authentic assessment in testing,·· said Aal. raising academic standards throughout the works his students study include learned during individual research projects One panel member, Eman Gaballa, noted Egyptian public school system, despite the Shakespeare's Macbeth and As You Like it. conducted over the past several weeks. Some that even though participants had learned fact that approximately 90 percent of the Another participant, 29-year-old Wadei of the participants also engaged in panel dis­ some useful teaching strategies while at system's graduates already go on to college, Soria!, who has taught English for seven years cussions about what they had learned during UMBC, not all the participants in the pro­ according to the visiting Egyptian teachers. and presently teaches at the Tunis Prepara­ their time at UMBC. During one panel dis­ gram will be able to implement the techniques The most notable difference between the pub­ tory School in Suhag, Egypt, said one of the cussion the teachers discussed how their in their classes because of class size. Gaballa lic educational system and the private edu­ more useful teaching methodologies she has courses in Language Development, Method­ also attested to tile large class sizes of Eygpt, cational system in Egypt is the lack of higher learned from the program is the use of role ology, Testing and Education Technology had noting that it is not unco~on for most pub­ level English courses in its public high playing to motivate students and review vo­ influenced them. lic high schools to have 50-65 students per schools. cabulary. One of the panel's members. Neamma class. There are a total of I 02 Egyptian teachers One of the program's more experienced Ibrahim, said that she thought tile introduc­ While the participants in the program have participating in this semester's program, English teachers, Sheriouda Rashid Kadis, tion of computers and teaching software in been kept busy the past several weeks witll which is sponsored by a partnership between who has taught English for I 5 years at the Egyptian schools would greatly improve lan­ classes and homework assignments. they the Department of Education, the English Abultishit High School in Egypt, said one of guage acquisition. have also had the opportunity to see historic Language Center and the Professional Learn­ the problems in Egyptian high schools is large "By using the software, it will help the stu­ sites in both downtown Baltimore and Wash­ ing Institute. Thirty five of the participants class size, citing the fact tllat it was not un­ dents to improve their language through ington D.C. They are currently planning to teach English, 35 teach science, while there­ common to have SO students, or more, in his learning correct pronunciation," said Ibrahim. visit the Library of Congress on December maining 32teach math. classes. Anotller member of the panel, Uham A. 2, prior to their departure for their homeland on December 11. Senator: 'We're Somewhere in the Middle' from FUNDING, page 4 year. ''We've finally climbed back to that level How Campuses Get State Fu11ds flaws. of funding, and that's witllout any adjust­ "If you compare us to people who we re­ ments for inflation," said John Lippincott, the To get their budgets approved - and semble now, we' rc somewhere in the University System of Maryland's associate receive state funds- UMBC and oilier middle," said state Sen. Robert R. Neall, (R, vice chancellor for Advancement. "It obvi­ University System of Maryland institu­ Anne Arundel County), a member of tile ously doesn't have the same buying power Budget and Taxation Committee and one of today as it did tllen." tions go through a process that starts and the higher education funding bill's co-spon­ Neall said that funding took a while to re­ ends with Gov. Parris N. Glendening. The goYemor first gives system ad­ sors. "If you compare us to what they call cover because the recession hit Maryland ministrators a sense ofho\\ much money our 'aspirational peers,' we're not contribut­ harder than tile nation as a whole and lasted they can expect in the year in question. ing as much." longer. too. The system then tells the campuses how But while all colleges want to improve, he "Higher education took a big cut, but most said, "hitching our funding star to aspirational of that was new money." he added. "We're much they will likely get individually. Campuses work out their ov.n bud­ peers is highly unusual." entirely too fixated on history: why it was, gets. which arc combined into an over­ Hoffman added that Maryland has an "un­ how it was. fl really doesn't make much dif­ all request and reviewed by the system's usually high number of people who go to ference what happened in the past." Board of Regents. The system budget is college," and so comparing states' funding While more money might have helped, he then passed on to the governor. per student is not necessarily the best form believes every institution in the system is Next, the budget goes to the Maryland of evaluation. better tllan it was a decade ago. Maryland docs much better when the per­ 'The last lO years hasn't been the train General Assembly. which can only make centage of state budgets spent on higher edu­ wreck people would have you believe.'' Neall cuts. After the legislators pass the hud­ get. Glendening can sign or veto it cation is analyzed. In the 1994-'95 academic said. year, the most recent data available from the National Conference of State Legislatures, More Taxes? Source: Univ~ity Sy,h:m of ~al") land 14.5 percent of Maryland's tax dollars went But Lucie Lapovsky, vice president for fi­ to higher education- while the U.S. average nance at Goucher College and a former di­ Others are concerned about that trend. was 10.3 percent. In only 15 oilier states did rector of finance and facilities at the Mary­ "We would not want the institutioru; to raise Mad Science of Balti(Tlore higher education get a bigger percentage. land Higher Education Commission, thinks the tuition so high that people would be Educational & Entertaining Yet that also includes funds to private in­ the current funding for higher education is locked out," said Hoffman. "If you don't have Science for Children stitutions. The National Conference of State still not enough-and won't be, until several counterbalancing financial aid increases, then Legislatures has no data on state spending changes occur. you have an access problem." Aspjring Actors/Entertain... for public universities only. "It would require a rctllinking of priorities Ultimately, Lapovsky tllinks that the level J:,rs/ Science Enthusiasts as well as some additional taxing," she said. of state funding has kept Maryland's public Recession Hurt Higher Education "Rather than raise revenue to put more into universities from achieving excellence- not ~ Mad Science Needs You What concerns people in higher education higher education, they've kept taxes lower." to mention national eminence, the goal set For Part Time Jobs ... is tllat funding levels have taken most of the One problem caused by the relatively low for them in the Maryland Charter for Higher to perform at birthday par­ decade to recover from the early '90s reces­ amount of state funding is higher tuition Education. sion. costs, Lapovsky said. "In terms of quality, we have good schools, ties and special events. Cool The last good year for funding before the "It's relatively expensive to go to college but I think we don't have great public insti­ science topics! Need car, recession hit was the 1990-'91 academic in Maryland," she said. tutions," she said. experience with GROUPS of school age children, avai(­ Make your money work. ability WEEKENDS~ some weekdays and evenings Get your club noticed - or that old textbook sold - in The CAlL 41 0-964-8211 Retriever Weekly classifieds. Call x1260 for information. THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS December 1, 1998 PAGE7 UMBC Funding In Better Shape Than at Some Campuses from BIG PICTURE, page 5 fuiJ-time equivalent student rose 34.3 per­ Under the system budget now in the hands cent between the 1987-'88 academic year of Gov. Parris N. Glendening, full-time, in­ Cost Comparisons But under that method, applied by the sys­ and 1997-'98- while Bowie State, Eastern state UMBC undergraduates would pay for tem to eight of its campuses this year, UMBC Shore, Coppin State and the University of 47.5 percent of the costs of their education Of the 10 institutions in the Univer­ was found to be the most underfunded. When Maryland, Baltimore saw their funding go next year. That's a larger portion than any sity System of Maryland that offer full compared to 10 system-picked peers, the down. according to data from the system. other traditional system institution and undergraduate programs, UMBC is the university came out with $1,9421ess per fuiJ­ At Eastern Shore, the campus with the slightly above the maximum recommended most expensive to attend this year for time equivalent student than average in the greatest loss during that period. state fund­ amount of 45 percent. full-time, in-state students. 1995-'96 academic year. ing plummeted 37.6 percent, a decrease of Under an extended tuition plan, students Except for the non-traditional Univer­ System administrators have also studied $3,432 per full-time equivalent student. would pay for approximately 51 percent of sity of Maryland, University College, the institutions' funding levels by using a Moreover, UMBC's gain was the third their education by the 2003-'04 academic which caters to part-time, adult students, now-defunct formula for dividing up state highest in the system- behind only the Uni­ year. UMBC has been the most expensive for allocations: Multiply the cost of each course versity of Baltimore (up 45.3 percent) and But Lippincott said that asking why one the nine of the past 10 school years. at a college by the number of students tak­ College Park (up 56.4 percent). system institution gets more state funding Here's how the universities' tuition ing those courses. Overall. UMBC is fourth out of I I for the per student than another is "probably not the and fees compare this year: The average funding level for the system total amount of state funding received last appropriate question." was approximately 71 percent of what the year. according to system data. Instead. he believes the system is head­ UMBC guidelines called for during the 1993-'94 Campus officials readily admit that their ing toward funding by peer comparison. College Park academic year. according to system data. school is not the only one in need. where the target amount for UMBC would UMBC which received only 65 percent ''To be fair to other campuses. we are all be calculated after officials look at "'hat a Uni1•ersity College of what it should have- was again the most underfunded in comparison with our peers." group of system- and campus-picked peers Towson underfunded. Under the guidelines, it would Hrabowski said. " ... We need to increase the get. have gotten an extra $20.4 million, accord­ pie here. We spend a lot of time in higher Salisbury ing to system data. education fighting over a pie that's too small 'Simply Never Enough Money' System officials arc in the process of dis­ from the beginning.·· But while administrators argue over lo­ University ofBait. tributing "parity funding" to bring its insti­ But Behm, the vice president for Adminis­ gistics. some student leaders believe that no Fro:>tburg tutions to at least the level or 71 percent. trative Affairs, argues that UMBC is in a amount of state funds would ever be enough. said Michael Morgan, UMBC's budget of­ unique situation: Its status as a research uni­ "When it comes down to it, there's sim­ Eastern Shore - ficer. versity, hand-in-hand with its science and ply never enough money to do all the things Bowie But although UMBC got the largest chunk technology mission, drives educational costs you want to do," said Derrick Longo, #tifi of that money, it hasn't improved the cam­ way up. speaker of the Student Government Asso­ Coppi11 - pus' standing at all, he said. Most of the campuses in the system are ciation senate. The university is set to receive $1,932,802 "comprehensive" institutions that offer more When a university gets a greater amount Note: University Colfege charges per credit. The over four years and got approximately 40 majors but have Jess expensive facilities, of fu nds, officials start new projects and figure above i~ based 011 24 credits a year. percent of that last year, according to Mor­ equipment and infrastructure than research raise their expectations, he said. That, in Source: University System of Maryland gan. Yet UMBC's total funding amount schools, he said. turn, takes more money. dropped to 63 percent of the guidelines that "As a result, you would expect that we "It's a cycle that I don't think will ever be Jamie Snuth Hopkins I Retriever Weekly Staff year, he said. would get more state funds per student than broken. because everybody wants to make "Obviously, we've gone further back," he any other campus - even College Park, be­ the university bigger and better than it is," To a certain extent, administrators seem said, blaming increased expenses. cause of our larger distribution [of students] he said. to concede Longo's point. toward science and engineering programs," "I'm sure that if we got the money that "For us, the challenge is we're not sim­ Could be Worse Behm said. "But I'd settle for the same as we needed, we'd put up a political science ply trying to maintain the status quo.. .. By some measures, however, several sys­ College Park." building or we'd be renovating the Fine Arts We're working to be the best, world-class," tem universities aren't faring nearly as well Instead, UMBC gets much less. which Building.... Then we'd want more funding Hrabowski said. "And that goal is expen­ as UMBC. The campus' state support per pushes tuition costs up. he said. to work on the next big project." sive."

Pitchin' In ANew Way As part of the modernization to Get to of the five­ level Biology Class? Buildin g, an E s s e x Construction Dan Burkowski, senior w or ke r psychology major, proceeds on demonstrates his gutting and unicycle skills and his disposal. The preference for originality in trans-campus renovations, mobil ity. The recent expected to be proliferation of bicycles comp l eted on campus has led some next fall, will to seek desperate feature over­ measures in attaining hauls of all uniqueness. maj or sys­ tems- from heating to plumbing. The building Is the oldest on the 32-year-old campus. Jason Putschc I Rctncvcr Weekly Staff u L~LL2Jl- LLJ L=LG- l-L ~l-=l-L =LLL=\1 L=L 1-= \cur dire-ct line- to 777<2 Fieiriever VVeel\.1\··. Jason Putschc I Rctric•er Weekly Staff Fest inquiries cr cctnt1H:?I1ts <...~l.!cl!t U1e pGp0r. PAGES THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS December 1, 1998

Fox SEARCHLIGHT PICTURES Be THE ReTRI EEKL Y INVITE You AND A GuEsT December 1,1998 PAGE9 OPINION ~~E Letters to the Editor

ETRIEVER Editor:

I have heard about people sneaking into the swimming pool after hours and I would WEEKLY just like to speak out against this dangerous activity. Snl!aking into the pool is not only illegal (you could face a criminal record), but it is also potentially life threatening. Editor-in-Chief Opinion Editor General Manager With no lifeguard on duty. if you hurt y~1urself. 1t may be very hard to lind help. The John Mischke Emily Bernstein Raymond Dubicki closest fom1 of help is the police call box on the outside ol the fence. So, just as a remmdcr to all students to stay safe and out of trouhk, stay out of the pool a1tcr h<)UfS.

Be A Friend- Don't Register Early ';UJce) Giblin Junior Amidst the rush of papers, exam preparation and holiday planning, we would like to remind students to remember their registration limes for the Spring semes­ ter. While in the process of trying to wrap up everything for this semester, it's impor­ tant to spend some time thinking about next semester. Though it may not help, be sure to get advised because it's required for registration. Spend some actual time and energy planning a schedule that you can deal with. Regardless of how much you like the sound of a specific class, if it's offered at 8:30a.m. and you're not a morning person, don't take it. It's simple common sense, but most of us have taken a class that hasn't fit well into our schedule, yet we convince ourselves that we' II go. Inevitably, our attendance slacks and grades plum­ met. So, save yourself some long-term hassle and figure out what classes will fit into your schedule well and will fulfill requirements, too. If you've been putting off registration - don'L As it gets farther into the regis­ tration period, classes begin filling fast. Though most professors are cooperative about adding students, occasionally there are factors beyond their control (such as classrooms that are too small). If it's really important for you to get into specific classes. register as soon as you possibly can. Reshuffling classes at the beginning of the semester when there are so many other things to deal with is a pain. Make your life easy and remember to register at your assigned time. Or you can choose to be a selfless wonder, and make everyone else ·s life easier. Hide your assigned registration time. Immerse yourself in all your exams. papers, and holiday shopping. Pretend lil

Finals Are Just Around the Corner

As fmals begin to breathe down our collective neck. the question is raised: Can we pass our exams without having to stay awake for days on end. cramming in all the information we should have absorbed long before now? The answer, colleagues, is "probably not.'' It's still going to reek. But there are some ways to make cramming less hellish and more productive. First of all, choose a study locale that's as concentration-conducive as possible. Jennifer Siciliano ...... Managing Editor Retriever Weekly staff editorials reflect the The AOK Atrium is open all the time, and the library itself has extended hours Tracy Soltesz ...... •...... News Editor views of the editorial board; signed columns during finals. Take advantage of this; as confident as you are that you really can Brad Bennett ...... Asst. News Editor represent the opinions of the individual writ­ study with the T.V., stereo and your roomie's Nintendo going simultaneously, we Jessica Rothfus ...... Asst. Opinion Editor ers and do not necessarily reflect those of all know better. Elaine Elgamil ...... Focus Editor The Retriever Weekly or the University of Second, study with a friend. Snag someone from one of your classes; he or she Vergil Bushnell ...... Asst. Focus Editor Maryland Baltimore County. may know stuff that you missed, and two sets of notes are always better than one. Christina Sabato ...... Features Editor Letters to the editors are printed verbatim, Lastly, don't wait until the very last night to do everything. Even procrastination Chris Kerner ...... Sports Editor although the editors reserve the right to edit bas its limits, so space out your studying. Have several tests on the same day? If Andy Smull ian ...... Asst. Sports Editor any letter deemed lengthy. repetitive. libel­ you study for them all the night before, you have a better chance of failing all of Jason Putsche ...... Photography Editor ous or otherwise in need of revision. The them. Budget your time and make sure to get quality cramming done in the pre­ Amy Banowetz ...... Asst. Photo. Editor editors further reserve the right not to print cious seconds you do have. If the words don't mean anything to you the night Kim Brossard ...... Production Manager any letter for any reason. Letters to the Edi­ before the exam. there's a good chance you're a little late. Jamie Peck ...... Production Assistant tor must be typed or written legibly and in­ Furthermore, although it sounds cheesy, get some sleep and eat something be­ Carl Gehrman ...... Production Assistant clude the author's name and telephone num­ fore the exam. Nothing is worse than not being able to think due to the loud rum­ Autumn Patterson ...... Production Assistant ber. The author's name may be withheld Rabiah Mayas ...... Production Assistant upon request. Letters must be received by bling coming from your stomach. Amber Aurich ...... Copy Editor 12 p.m. on Thursday and may not exceed Finals suck any way you slice them, but they don't have to suck that badly. Just Stephen Letschin ...... Online Editor 400 words. remember that while it is true that employers don't care what your GPA was, you Rose Tipitino ...... Advertising Manager The Retriever Weekly subscribes to the still have to get to that employable point. Don't give up hope. Deb VanDereedt ...... Business Manager College Press Service and publishes weekly RoseTipitino ...... AdvertisingManager on Tuesdays during the regular school year. John Smith ...... Circulation Manager Editors can be reached at 455-1260 during Dave Chen ...... Senior Photographer normal business hours or at University Cen­ Cameron Slayden ...... Cartoonist ter 214, 1000 Hilltop Circle, UMBC, Balti­ Christopher Corbett ...... Faculty Adviser more, MD 21250. The Retriever Weekly is an equal opportunity employer. PAGElO THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION December 1, 1998 A Wish to be Holiday-Free...... -At Least Until After Labor Day

the mall in search of the perfect Halloween had no intention of costume in late October, 1 was surrounded buying clothing for Tracy Soltesz by the unwelcome sights, sounds and smells anyone but them­ of Christmas. selves this early in Autumn- the cool. crisp air: the brightly Every department store was filled with the season, neither I colored reds, yellows and oranges of the chlo­ plastic evergreens sprayed white with fake nor the other cus­ rophyll-deprived trees: sounds of recently snow, "stocking stuffer" tables covered with tomers I overheard fallen leaves crunching beneath my feet as I cheap knickknacks that no one really wants complaining about stroll through a chrysanthemum-filled gar­ anyway, and enough cinnamon and pine the music enjoyed den enjoying all glorious 34 days of this scented potpourri to send me into an asthma the "I'm, I' m gonna wondrous season. attack. jingle, gonnajingle, That's right 34 days. Now, as any halfway There l was, searching for skeletons, ghosts said I'm gonna intelligent person should know, there are four and candy, only to be driven out of the mall jing-jingle all the seasons that divide the usual 365 days of the by the horrid Christmas music pumping way." year-meaning that each season should last through the ceiling speakers. My friend John, Next year, I'd about 81 days. But unfortunately, the dim­ who has had years of experience in retail like to see some wits who run our area retail stores either did sales, has discovered that there are only four nice, hearty-sized not stay in school long enough to learn their hohday soundtracks distributed for stores to pumpkins in Macy's during Oc­ tober. I'd like to see "As those in the store clearly had no intention ofbuying clothing a few mannequins dressed like scare­ for anyone but themselves this early in the season, neither I nor crows instead of the other customers I overheard complaining about the music elves in Lord and Taylor's. I'd like parents passed us, and I sincerely hope you celebrated enjoyed the 'I'm, I'm gonnajingle, gonnajingle, said I'm gonna to buy fewer toys and movies for the enter­ it - if not to send a message to the stores, tainment of their children and instead spend then to enjoy the peace and quite of an au­ jing-jingle aU the way."' some time on hayrides with their kids. tumn day. But even if you let this opportu­ I spent my birthday, October 18th, hiking nity slip away from you, there is still time to seasons or have chosen to show a blatant dis­ play each year. And because the Santa-filled to the top of Paw Paw Tunnel in Western put real thought into your gifts this season. regard for the wonders of fall in favor ofcom­ malls don't wish to offend those shoppers of Maryland to enjoy the beautiful view of the Don't Jet the stores tell you what you want to mercial exploitation. non-Christian faith, all songs on these tapes changing leaves. Not only is this activity bet­ buy and when you want to buy it. Don't let Every year I expect to see the cheery are as unreligiously affiliated as possible. ter exercise for a child than mall-walking, it greed and overly competitive capitalism Christmas decorations in stores shortly be­ ln short, this pathetic attempt to downplay gives him or her an appreciation for the mag­ make you miss out on a single day of fall or fore Thanksgiving - you know, that com­ the true spirit of Christmas and play up the nificence of nature. These are the memories any other season for that matter. Time sneaks mercially overlooked holiday where we cel­ commerciali zation of the holiday forced me that will last your child a lifetime- some­ away from us too fast already. ebrate the unexpectedly large fall harvest to listen to a 20 minute long techno version thing a TickJe-Me-Elmo doll simply will not. originally enjoyed by the Pilgrims. This year of Jingle Bells at the Rave clothing store at By now, the holiday rush to buy, buy, buy Tracy Soltesz is a junior majoring in politi­ however, as I was naively strolling through Marley Station. As those in the store clearly is already underway. Buy Nothing Day has cal science. A Modest Proposal: Make A Run for the Money at UMBC

These machines are at once revolutionizing The key to our success will be powerful Ryan Surber the way people gamble and the way they ex­ advertising like "Don'tjust thin your wallet! ercise. The sheer brilliance of these machines Thin your body too- at UMBC!" or "Run is that in order to gamble, you have to be ex­ for the Money at UMBC." People wi U travel ln the midst of the state-wide debate on ercising, and to exercise you've got to from far away places to take part in the new­ legali7.ing slot machines and casinos in Mary­ gamble. We will remove all of the old exer­ est fitness-gambling craze because "Win or land, the annual World Gaming Congress and cise machines from the Fieldhouse-as they Lose, You'll Feel Good about Yourself." Exposition met in Las Vegas and put on an are now obsolete anyway - and install our Students would naturally reap the benefits elaborate display on of increased com- the myriad different merce on campus. reasons w hy we "In order to gamble, you have to be exercising, and to exercise The bookstore should let the games could lower its begin right here on the you've got to gamble. We will remove all of the old exercise prices on textbooks campus of UMBC. machines from the Fieldhouse - as they are now obsolete due to increased The first thing to sales of water consider is the loca­ anyway - and install our money machines. Want to bottles, sweatbands, tion of our casino. emphasize technology at UMBC? This is the cutting edge." legwarmers and True Some advocates of Grit paraphernalia. bringing large-scale gaming onto our cam­ money machines. Want to emphasize tech­ And the Wood Company could pawn off pus claim that gambling is a science, suggest­ nology at UMBC? This is the cutting edge. those giant stale chocolate-chip cook­ ing we would be able to get funding for a After the money begins to Oow, the ques­ ies on the hungry masses that limp out new building to house a casino. However, a tion becomes on what or on whom should it of the gym after the greatest workout full casino may be a bit too ambitious for the be spent. Oh no, this will not be left to the of their lives. time being so we will probably have to stick administration, but rather we will form a The possibilities for the revenues are to slot machines. Seeing how space is exceed­ monthly lottery. Every student and faculty endless-from multi-level valet parking mgt) tight on campus, we must look to our member will be allowed to purchase a ticket garages to a super-magnet. No wait, weal­ new additions to find the necessary room. on which he or she will print clearly the name ready have one of those. Nevertheless. if we Indeed, we need look no further than our of his or her department and/or major. The build a fitness gambling center, they will Fieldhouse. Novv you might be asking. slot money from the sale of the five dollar lottery come. For fitness gambling is the wave machines in our state-of-the-art fitness cen­ tickets will go directly to funding the liberal of the future, and we must ride on this ter? No, not just regular slot machines at an arts to make up for the years of oppression. wave of opportunity for the good of I fonors University in Maryland. but the two But the winner of the drawing (which will be UMBC- an Honors University in newest gambling fitness machines on display witnessed by an independent accounting firm Maryland. in Las Vegas, the "Pedal N' Play" and the to avoid administrative tampering) will re "Money Mill.'' The "Pedal N' Play'' is the ceive 20 percent of the month's profit from Ryan Surber is a junior world's first stationary bike attached to a slot the machmcs, and his or her department or majoring in machine and the "Money Mill" is the origi­ UMBC program of choice vv1ll receive the American nal treadmill with this same great feature. remainder of the funds. Studies.

W ANT SOMETHING TO DO INSTEAD OF STUDYING? WRITE FOR THE R ETRIEVER W EEKLY. CALL x1260. THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION December 1, 1998 PAGE 11 The Cold War Era: A Far Safer Time Than the Present

Emily Bernstein who knew the rules of the game. One of the ger, its missiles shoot farther and its leaders lization are no longer kept in check. There rules of the game is that Mutually Assured can exert more power- but never actually are serious situations brewing in many re­ Destruction is the ultimate no-no. willing to prove it in any significant way. like gions of the world- between India and Pa­ The year: 1982. The overriding feeling Mutually assured destruction, in case you by blowing up the world. kistan, between Turkey and Greece, in the across Lhe world: Cold War fever. The ques­ didn't know, is that Lhing Lhm would have Today we don't have these kinds of con­ Middle East and so forth- which are far more tion: Were we safe? Unfortunately. the an­ happened if Lhe Soviets, who had the capa­ trols. We don't have Lhe dichotomy we had likely to start World War JJI Lhan anything swer is that we were at far less risk at the bility to blow up the world say. 78 times, had during the Cold War where virtually every that happened over the 50 years previous. time when the world seemed poised for a launched a nuclear strike on Lhe United States. nation in the world was allied with one of The scariest part is that most Americans nuclear holocaust Lhan we are today. The U.S., which could blow up Lhe world say, the two sides. What we do have, however, is don't even notice it. The Cold War- and For the American public, Lhe feeling of fear 79 times. would have seen the missiles com­ a lot of countries which have gained posses­ the Russians in particular-seemed to scare was certainly more prevalent during the Cold ing and launched a counter-attack. Within a sion of nuclear arms by whatever means - our citizens far more than does the fact that War than it is today. In the earlier years of few minutes. everyone would have ended up some were left in many nations fonnerly a India and Pakistan both have nukes and are Lhe stand-off. citizens built bomb shelters and blowing each other to bits and Lhe only people part of the Soviet block, some have bought very, very upset with each other. kids in elemenmry school were taught to duck who would have survivedare the ones who Lhe technology from various sources - and I don't mean we should induce a nation­ beneath their desks. as if that w.ould do any had the foresight to dig a hole in Antarctica are not under the same mcit restrictions. These wide panic, but the recognition has to be there good should a nuke land in Lhe next town. and wait it out. nations don't need to seek approval from the of how potentially threatening Lhese ·seem­ There was certainly an equivalent fear among Sure, there were small-scale engagements United States or Russia to deploy their weap­ ingly small-scale engagements are. These are Lhe people of Lhe Soviet Union, and to a lesser during the Cold War, and some of Lhem even ons. not the little tiffs of Lhe past, where each side degree among the citizens of every other na­ looked like Lhey were going to escalate into I am not suggesting that a return to a Cold knew the other would never really press the tion involved in the conflict, which was nuclear contests. Notice, though, that none War state would be a positive thing. Recog­ bunon. These are fights that have been esca­ nearly all of them. of them did. The powers of the day recog­ nize, though, that the power dynamic is dif­ lating and will continue to escalate, with However, in a world divided in half, how nized the dangers of such a conflict and never ferentnow-eaeh individual nation that used much higher stakes than ever before. real is Lhe Lhreat of nuclear war? Not very. allowed such drastic action. It was essentially not to be a threat is a potential war-starter. Simply put, all Lhe conflicts that arose dur­ half a century of posturing-each side try­ Conflicts Lhat were once kept on a small-scale Emily Bernstein is the opinion editor ofThe ing the Cold War were directed by people ing to convince the other Lhat its guns are big- and never posed any real threat to global civi- Retriever Weekly. QUOTES ('to~n the QUAD photos by Jason Putsche

Drew Thiemann. I 9 INDS 'That my family lives in Canada where they don't celebrate Thanksg:ving."

Rohini Thomas. I 8 English "''m three degrees from Kevin Bacon." Joanna Sm1th, I 9 Undec. Dav1d Bell, Ill, 19 What have you "Rohini. because I'm four Music degrees from Kevrn Bacon." 'That car ad with the k1d playing been thankful for? the Sousaphone - it rocks."

Sarah Kelsey. I 8 Psychology Tm thankful for elks."

Bill Troup, 2 I Biology 'The plethora of proxrmal parking places." PAGE 12 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS December 1, 1998

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ALSO AVAILAIIlE AT: ® Sprint Spectrum"' RadioShack.. NOKIA --!Sprint. CONNECTING P'EOPtE Dec.l, 1998 PAGE13 FEATURES [insert name here] The Decline of Pietasters Ska Once-Rude Boys Become Uppity Beer-and-Girl Band

ell. as is par for the course, nobody entered the JOHN C. ROEMER last contest. That's because you're all slackers. Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff So because you didn't get off of your duffs to enter. there aren't any results from last week ex As the quality of lhe crowd de­ cept the obvious one. To the person who submit­ clines, so does the quality of The ted the contest idea. you still get your dented can of sardines. even Pietasters' performance. They though nobody entered. I'll even give you a rather practical mug. should know better: You can't suck with an oh-so-cute bird of some sort in it. I believe it's of the "Suzy's in your hometown in front of those File Photos Zoo" variety. But it's yours if you want it. that have known you for seven But Are This week's contest will work as follows. You will enter by Friday years. Maybe in other towns it's They Tasty? the 1J 1b at 7 p.m. That's a whole 'nother day to enter. I think it's acceptable to play in front of radio Ska group really sweet that so many of you say, when you find out who I am crowds so unenergetically, but in Pietasters and that I'm the writer of this column of drivel, that you really D.C., it's not. During their set last played the like the contest (although many of you are probably just saying month at the 9:30 Club, a few things that to be nice) but that you just never seem to find the time to 9:30 Club became remarkably clear. enter. That's crap! I know it! Why do I know it? Because I also do recently, and the calendars and I purposely schedule all the good stuff to hap­ Not only has The Pietasters' show showcased pen Thursday night and beyond! So there's no excuse. Oh, fine, gotten old (face it. they do the same some major that's a lie. l have no control over when the good stuff happens. I things every night: Vocalist Steve changes. do, however, happen to know that an extra day is really generous Jackson acts as if he doesn't know of me. what's going on. pulls down midgey wid it" (a term they use for and Skinnerbox. They call the tour This week's contest is a repeat of one of our most popular ones, trumpeter's Toby's pants and makes their plans to rape midgets) and his idea "Cheap Ass Shows For Cheap with a twist. "Adapted" in a most flattering way from The Wash­ the same boring dedications to pros­ titles for the next album. Scheduled Ass Ho's." ington Post Style Invitational, I want limericks from you, but they titutes). but so has their spiel to the for release in May 1999, he urges The show lacked in energy from have to contain local flavor, such as that of Baltimore, Canton, press. ft's more than embarrassing titles such as "Amputated Limbs ln the second the smoke cleared and Charles Village, Arbutus, etc. "But what if I'm not from these to listen to bassist Todd Eckhardt Hot Dog Buns" and "Superfluous the crowd began its roar. The band parts? And what if I don't know them like everybody else does?" go on and on about "getting· Nipple Newsletter." His ideas for just didn't seem into it at all. On You must come from somewhere. Choose your hometown or a cover art? Naked the last night of a two-night stand town close to it. Use that. We'll figure it out. But Baltimore is women with words at the 9:30 Club. The Pietasters left preferable. tattooed across their D.C. hopelessly lost in the comfort Look! Here's my example: bodies. of a Hellcat Records deal. Punk " There once was a \'Oung man from Camon. Even the band icon Tim Armstrong once pro­ Who awakened without his pants on. <;eems to realiLe that claimed in a Rancid song. "Too He'd Roll en quire drunk they are just a bad much attention inevitably destroyed At a shm1 that wa.WI ., punk comic routine us." referring back to Operation And woke up in bed with Hanson. Steve Jackson men­ £vy's demise. The Pietasters seem Now. J didn't say mine was any good. Yours has to be. though. The tioned a plan to go to be following a similar path. winner of this week's contest will receive a charming puzzle with a back to lheir roots Jn the hour before the show. when whole mess of puppies on it- those spotted Dalmatian-types. File in the spring and 1 spoke to various members of \he under: ..lmpossibly cute'" or .. Look! I got you a gijf!'" Have you ever tour with lesser band. it became striking! y clear that noticed that when holida) ume rolls around. people get all panicky. known ska bands like if the) don't have gifts for everyone they've ever met. nobody like The Scofflaws see PIETASTERS, page 17 will speak to them ever again? So they all flock to Gift Stores to purchase ceramic Kitties and Ducktes and those little naked angel­ things on clouds. The need to consume has bled into the need to provide, so instead ''Idiot'' Turns Heads in Patapsco · of baking cookies and doling them out to our acquaintances with love. we rush out to spend our hard-earned cash on crap that the recipient Hall Council's Newsletter Informs, Involves Community won't like anyway: logs of cheese. summer sausages. an) thing with "gift-pak" on the cellophane, glass boxes with hearts and/or roses RYAN SURBER different from the previous one. and tremendous turnout of resident vol­ Retrie1•er Weekly Swff \Vriter etched outhe lids. sweaters with holiday themes. socks with holiday the Hall Council encourages sub­ unteers to paint faces. play games themes. generic one-size-fits-all presents that sit around the house missions from any residents of the and hand out candy to the children. until someone drops in unexpectedly just so you can give it to them Small publications and ''zines" building to add to the already eclec­ Attendance at other events in and say "Look! r got you a gift!''- knowing full well that the recipi­ are all the rage of late, and the tic style of the publication. One Patapsco Hall, such as the Coffee entdidn'tgetyou anything, but now feels compelled to buy you some­ Patapsco Hall Council has jumped mainstay of the publication is the House, has noticeably increased thing equally as impersonal and tacky to keep the cycle of guilt and on to this bandwagon with a news­ weekly feature about the Resident since the newsletter began. "I think consumerism gojng. [Jen! JEN!! ') Oh. sorry. 1 used to work in a "look letter cleverly titled "Hey You of the Week. the people are reading 'Hey You r got you a gift" store, and I'm always a bit traumatized this time of Idiot." This eye-grabbing title was This lucky individual. nominated Idiot' and saying let's go check that year. apparently the second suggestion by his or her peers, is praised in this out," said sophomore Resident As­ The runners-up v. iII receive- HAH! -gifts. r will get the tackiest for the newsletter's name: the tirst spot for the achievements, at­ sistant Kristen Angus. holiday kitsch available at the Good Dollar Store (whose location I proposal- for the title ''Free Sex" tributes. or testaments to human The Hall Council Members ex­ shall never divulge. because then the good crap would be gone all the - did not meet with official ap­ kindness that earned the nomina­ plained that they wanted to give quicker) to make your holiday season aU the more bizarre. proval. tion. One student was awarded this Patapsco residents something dif­ "We lhought this newsletter was honor for quining smoking, while ferent, with news and stories that Entries must be received by Friday at 7 p.m. in The Retriever Weekly office. UC 214. a good way to let people know what another was rewarded for having affected lheir lives and community. or by e-mail atjsici/1 @gf.umbc.erlu. As usual, contest idea.~ arc welcome and will was going on." said Hall Council the best accent. As Shah explained, ''At first we be rewarded accordingly. The usc of the excuse. "But I coufdn~ enter, I was too doped up on tryptophan." will not be accepted, but a small prize will be given to the member Pratik Shah, who contrib­ The ncwsJeuer also makes resi­ didn't think anyone would actually person who can best incorporate the word "'tryptophan" into a limerick. This ept­ utes to the newsletter. "Hey You dents a\.,are of upcoming events. read the letter, but we have been stxle of Small Prim ts shorter than mo~t. because I ranted so much throughout the Idiot" features different writers ev­ "Hey You Idiot" advertised a Hal­ pleasantly surprised by people ask­ contc.:st. that I'm all rantc.:d <>U!. Sorry. I also welcome suggestions and comments ery week to keep the ideas and con­ loween Party which was designed ing when the next issue will be out.'' and love leucr. and hate mail m the same e-mail addres•. but the hate mail will be met\\ 1th reciproc:tl hate mail, and the love letters will be screened through a panel tent fresh. And the articles range entirely by a Patapsco resident for So whether you live in Patapsco of federal agents. Also: there's a Rhinestone Setter here from the year I without a from people airing grievances about the CHOICE tutoring program. a Hall oryou'rejustchillin' at the She home it needs your love! Cuddle; Cootie. please rctric.:ve your prize. And quite the dorm life, to professor reviews, program that brings young. at-risk Plays Bass Cafe. stop at the frankly. to all who enter with fake names. you aHend a school with I 0.000 students. to a slightly orchestrated "Heidi's students to the university to expe­ Patapsco Hall front desk and pick By my estimation. an average of 10 people read this little comer of the paper. Nobody' II know it's you. Usc your real names. Help Hotline." rience lhe benefits of education. up a copy of "Hey You Idiot" for a Each and every issue is entirely The event was a success due to the good laugh or two. PAGE14 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES December 1, 1998

IMAGINE ENTERTAINMENT - - &THE REr: WEEKLY

PSYCHO OPENS NAT-IONWIDE ON DECEMBER 4TH! PRIZES ARE AVAILABLE WHILE SUPPLIES LAST. No PURCHASE NECESSARY. LIMIT ONE PER PERSON. EMPLOYEES OF UNIVERSAL PICTURES, THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY AND UMBC ARE NOT ELIGIBLE. THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FOCUS December 1, 1998 PAGE 15 ~ocus on fllwarls: The Best and Worst of UMBC So it's the end of the semester, the end of 1998 and the end of what has promised to be an oddball year. Why not cast your vote on some of the more memorable things? The Focus on Awards is a tribute to all of the good, the bad and the just plain WRONG! Remember, if you cast your vote, sign your name and enter this lovely contest, you could win dibs on tickets for every upcoming spring movie preview we give out at our Wednesday Funfests. Turn in your completed forms to the Retriever Weekly Office, UC Room 214, or just stop by at this week's Funfest at 1 p.m. in the plaza. Akademikz Best Greasy Spoon Diner: Skate Class/ Easiest GFR Requirement: Most Regretted Pub Cuisine: Clubs or Spades? Most Visible Campus Organization Most Contentious Discussion Best Nightclub: Seminar: Best Campus Publication: Swankiest Pool Hall: Best 3-Credit Snooze : Most Interesting Club Banner: Best Place to Chill with Friends: Most Attentive Administrative Best Sports Club: Office: Living it Up Best Apartment Community: Reasons Why U Might Be Campus Personalities Crazy To Go Here Best Student Web Page: Most Infested Apartment Complex: Most Atrocious Campus Scandal:

Most Recognized Student: Cheesiest Motel: Most "Decorated with Red Tape" Office: Most Engaging Professor: Best On Campus Residence: Best Department that Lacks Funds: Most Oddball Professor: Secluded Study Spot: Most Irritating Construction Site: Best Dressed Staff Member: Best Crash Couch: Highest Comparable Yum Shop Friendliest Administrator: Den of Iniquity Award: Price:

Worst/ Most Inaccessible Parking Food and Drink and More You'd Better Shop Around Lot: Drink Best Thrift Store: Best 24 Hour Joint: Most Puzzling Landscaping Most Purchased Item at Walmart/ Achievement (like the purple Best Local Pizza Delivery: Target (In French, Tar-zhay): cabbages):

Worst Local Grub Delivery: Best Music Store: Most Heavily Enforced Stop Sign:

Best Chinese Food Restaurant: Cheapest Liquor Store: Most Ambiguous Administration Figure: Best Sushi Site: Most Eclectic Video Store: Longest running Lavatory Graffiti Best Place to Buy Groceries: Best Place to Buy " Stuff': Debate:

Best Local Bar: Best Porn Store: Least Personable On-Campus Animal: Best Place to Take and Impress a Cheapest Place to Buy Cigarettes: Date: Best Sniper Roost: Bank With the Longest Line (and/or Best Place to Take and Frighten a most surcharges, monthly fees and Ugliest Building/ Dehumanizing Date: far-flung ATM's): Architecture Award:

Best Place for a Cup of Joe: Best Military Surplus Store: Most Tasteful Prank:

Best Electronics Store: Best Substitute-Acronym for UMBC: •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• • • Best ofthe Best and Worst ofthe • Name: • Worst : Phone Number: : Best of the Best at UMBC: • E-mail Address: • • Major and Class Standing: • Worst of the Worst at UMBC: • ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• PAGE16 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES December 1, 1998 Sweat and Burn WITH MARTIN SHusTER

Greetings. Sweat and Burnees. I ""ater. muscle. and fat weight. This is essen­ you cat. you will lose some fat. and vice change {sleep/rest). thought. in honor of Thanksgiving, I'd tjaJiy unhealthy. \crsa. Muscle bums calolies. Therefore, the These three things must be combined fon1s n little on ilict in this week's col­ CardiO\ ascular exercise also helps. It tem­ more muscle you have. the more calories you in a smart. etfcctive manner to have any umn. Most likely. all of us completely. poraril> kkk-starts your metabolism into bum just sitting around doing nothing l~md results. You might be busting your ass in absolutely pigged out on the big day. overdrive. However. the catch with cardio is also the more food you require to maintain the gym. but if you are 110t eating well Should we worry'! Not at all; your hody that people do not do it often enough. For that muscle mass). and you're partying all the time, you will has a thing culled a setpoint. The setpoint approximately the first 12 minutes of cardio­ So to decrease your setpoint., you need to not see good results. All three things must is your body's internal reference for/of vascular excrcil'c, you arc burning glucose add a little muscle and p~rfonn cardiovascu­ be done in order to see result~. What d()CS your weight. It is perfectly nonnal and (sugars) as energy - not fat, but sugars. It is lar exercise Ulltil your body learns that you this mean? Your exerdse must be effec­ OK to pig out once in awhile. Just don't only after litis time that you begin to bum want to stay at Ws new weight. Now. to in· tive: workouts shouldn't take longer than make a habit of it, and your body will fat. Therefore. if you an: aiming ll!r that how much v.eight you lose hard. First of all. there are three things re~ rest: Sleep at least seven to lO hours per fat. Notice that I :;aid to keep muscle. and or store each day i~ dependent on math. It i~ quircd to gain muscle: enough stress to in· day and take naps when possible. Use this i~ true. Many of the quick dicto; that a VCI)" simple fornmla: calorks stored as fat duce change within the bod> (exercise), these tips and you will be well on your people try to sell y. ill get you to drop = caloric« consumed calories expended. enough calories/minemb to promote change \\ay to adding mass. Arnold once lmd a weight. but the weight you drop'U be This mean<> if you expend more energy than (diet), and enough rest/time to produce sctpoint of 160 pounds.

r------~ Travels With Anna ... Urn ... Why Are the Thrkish THE SURVIVAL SKILLET Giving Me Funny Looks? BY ADAM CRAIGMILES hanksgiving has come and Now, to eat this dish. you must lirst ANNA KAPLAN the morning, do not start protesting that gone. and 1or most v<:geta r come to tcrn1s with the idea of eating n /(etrit·ver Week/1• Stl!f!Writer you hardly know the person. don't find ians, it was prohably not large fungus. The Ponabclla mushroom him/her in the least attractive. or aren't such a pleasant holiday. 1s a funky looking thing - something While traveling. one inevitably runs ready for the responsibilities of parent­ Man) fellow \'Cgeta rian-; straight out of Alice m \t(mderltmd. But into cultu ral and linguistic differences hood. "'Knocking someone up" refers to Tprobably sat around \\ atching 1clati\ c~ it you J,ttJonalizc, you' ll doJUstli ne. Just that. although minor. can seem stagger­ waking them up. a significantly more dehating 'Whether the) prefer wh1tc meat thmk: Would you rather eat a healthy. ing. This week. we'll discuss the verbal innocent process. or dark meat and lid,,ng gr.t\") from thc1r har. c .. tcd mu~hroom. or a dead htrd With differences that occur even between These vernal dilferem:cs can also ap­ fingers. At the same time. )ou're ~trl\ mg ih mnard" wtappcd m plasti.;.? countries that speak the same language. ply to travel within the United States. For to make a heany me.tl from dl) mashed Bcgm this recipe b) •naking the stuff The Unit~.:d States and Britain. for ex­ example. we arc all U\\ arc of the South­ potatoes and cranberry sauce shaped ltke mg uccordm to th' bo" d1rcctio ~ \\ luk ample. have subtle differences of pronun­ em dra\\ I. Central to this discussion is a can. But the truth s \cget.man-. don't th" stuffing I" bcmg prepared. \\ash tbe ciation and idiom that can raise an the ongoing country\\ ide debutc about neccssanty need to <>ul cr ~early hrm h mushroom , nd rotn<..l\ e its stem. PI act: thl' American's eyebrows when abroad. First '' bether it's ·•soda" or "pop." If you arc b) thi::; caml\orous holld.ty fherc mushroom Ill a hm\ I and add v.-me. gar of all. there arc the famous differences. a Marylander. you say "soda" and get other opuon'>. lie and "PICes. Cmcr and let sll tor )0 such as "llat" rather than "apartment." defensive when someon~.: ask~ if you The solution to the vegetan.m\; p10h rmnut.,;s. \h~1 mushroom 1~ done man "lift" rather than "elevator" and the pro­ want a "pop." These types of problems. lent is simp!) cooking for yoursdf ShO\\ n:lllng, pl.u.:c m a -;mall lWCn-~ak pan .tnd nunciation of the last letter of the English of course. intensify when you an: in a up to dinner an hour earlv with n Cllllplc t'(Hlk in a 350-degrec uven for 15 mm alphabet as "zed" rather than "zee." country that spcaks a languag~.: you do •ingredients, and whip up a turkey supple- uh:s. Remove from oven. and place a haU Others include "petrol" rather than 1101 know. me Ill. Even bt.!ttcr, mah• somethlllg that 10 a\\ hole cup of stuffing into the center ·•gasoline" and ··nusher'' rather than "toi­ In Thrkey. for example. it is very rude is slightly fcqivc anJ tastl's somev. hat of the mushroom (the side where the stem lct.''The British "dribble" means "mind­ to utter the popular American stammer. like meat. My sugge<;tion 1s th~: Portabella was) and return to oven for another I 5 to less chatter:· "Jimcy" is Brit slang for an "um." Let's just say that a respectable mushroom. When prcp;u·cd just right, thi~ "20 mlllutcs. English person and "get a wiggle on'' Turkish woman will not talk about her fungus actually t as te~ like chicke n. Don't To make Vl..'gctarian-fricndly grnvy. add means "hurry up." You do not want to "urn" in public. much like a respectable laugh: it"s true. If the Portabclla mush- one c.m of mushnlom soup to a sauce­ be called a "wanker" or a "giL." and you British male will not talk about h1s room sounds exotic and hard to lind, don't pan and simmer. Add a half a can of wa­ should never use the words ''smeg" or "tadger." If in Spain you arc trying to \\ orry. These mu:-.hrooms are bl'cmmng tcr and stir. Simmer until it reaches a de­ "bloody." explain that you only speak English. quite common. You can find thes~· giant "ired. gra' y- likc consistency. To make Then. there arc the possible sexual in­ make sure to usc the word "inglcs." with mushrooms in nearly e\'~.:ry large grocery your mll';hroom gra\ y look more hkc tra­ nuendoes. For example. if a Londoner the accent on the last syllable. rather than store. They tivc occasion. cssary topper for the stuffed mushroom, to one of your fri ends, and don't take not stammering in Turkey. In short, make Here· s what you ·n need to make although it's a good 1dca. It can also ~ offense and exert violence upon the in­ it your goal to lind an American-speak­ Stuffed Portabella Mushro~)ms: used atop your other fcsti\al dio;hcs. nocent Brit for being so politically in­ ing person as fast as you can in order to :J box of stuffing Addendum: In the last installment of correct. "Fag" in England means "ciga­ save face. 0 J large Portabella mushmom the Surv1val. Skillet. I neglected to include rette," contrary to the extremely rude Please e-mail travel stories, comments, n I cup red cooking wine one ingredient. Add a third of a cup of American use of the word. Similarly, if questions and protests to akapla I@ gl. 0 1 clove of garlic, minced salsa to y~lurtortilla soup with tom;ttoes you are asked to "knock someone up" in umbc.edu. 0 1 teaspoon rosc.:mary nnd cumin. To all those readers who ate 0 l teaspoon thyme bland soup last week, I apologi1.c. t l 0 few dashes of pepper l•o1 nex1 week: avoiding SC\•rvy I l1 I can Campbell 's .:ream of mush All turkey sympathizers c

THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES December 1, 1998 PAGE 17 Movies Have the Elizabeth: A Royal Treat Pietasters VICTORY MARASIGAN cadre of subjects and advisers. Her closest Retrie1'er Weekly Staff Writer ally is the mysterious Sir Francis Walsingham (Geoffrey Rush, in a perfectly subtle perfor­ Lost Their Elizabeth (***'h out of four) is a potent mance). Also on her side is Sir William Cecil historical drama set in England in the mid- (Sir Richard Attenborough). her well-mean­ 1500s, a time when stately royal ceremonies ing but misguided chief adviser. With few Flavor? are as commonplace as public burnings. In­ people she can trust, Elizabeth must prove from PJEFASTERS. page 13 ternally. the Catholics wage war against the her self-worth any way she can, even if it Protestants: meanwhile. Spain. Scotland and means being the iron-fisted ruler she secretly these rude boys are now stuck-up musicians. France strategize their next moves in the despises. Once upon a time. Steve Jackson gave me a struggle for power. Little does England know Blanchett deserves an Oscar for her per­ serious interview: now. he seems more en­ that a young woman named Elizabeth (Cate forJTiance as Elizabeth. She portrays the grossed in drinking beer. smoking weed and Blanchett) will be their greatest hope for sur­ young Queen with just the right balance of gelling uppity with reporters before perform­ vival. gawky self-consciousness and shrewd cha­ ing. Maybe it's all the alcohol that went to The film charts Elizabeth's tumultuous risma. Though not a classical beauty, their heads. They haven't the brain cells left struggle to gain true po.wer over her king­ Blanchett is able to entrance U1e viewer with to realize they sold out U1eir roots for a little just a coy smile or an impish smirk. She is at money and fame. dom. As a Protestant, she is the last person Gramercy Pictures any of the Catholic royalty would want to be home with her character's playful tendencies, Hail to the Queen: Cate Blanchett makes The comment that put the nail in the coffin Queen. but her half-sister Queen Mary (Kathy particularly in one scene where Elizabeth came from Todd Eckhardt. He said. "You an imposing impression in th~ title role 9ances unabashedly with childhood friend know, rock n' roll is about worshipping the Burke). deathly ill and unable to conceive a of Elizabeth. child. pleas with her to take over the throne. and lover Lord Robert Dudley (Joseph devil; if you can't be down with the devil, Mary gives her her blessing on only one con­ Fiennes). WI! ether fending off unctuous suit­ have rarely been doted on so lovingly as they you should get out of the business. I hate dition: that Elizabeth renounce her faith and ors or "playing" the Houses in court, are here. when bands get religious or political." Well. uphold the teachings of Catholicism across Blanchett's Elizabeth (adiates a .confidence Though Michael Hirst's script gets a little sing me yet another song about beer and girls. the land. which impossible to dislike. murky at times, and his injections of humor The only boundaries The Pietasters push are Once declared Queen, Elizabeth immedi­ Almost as interesting as the character of end up verging a bit on the overplayed side, those of tastelessness. ately finds herself under assault. both by her Elizabeth are Shekhar Kapur's visual de­ Elizabeth pulses with the right amount of November's show wasn't totally bad. The own subjects - including the Duke of Nor­ lights. He and cinematographer Remi dramatic and cinematic verve to make it just Pietasters did a somewhat spirited cover of folk, played with steely-eyed grace by Chris­ Adefarasin have crafted a film with a rich deserving of a theatrical viewing. As a whole, "Driokin' and Drivin' "which is a song ex­ topher Eccleston-- and forces abroad. Slowly color palette that is a feast for the eyes. Roll­ the story survives because Elizabeth's tremely popular among the D.C. skinheads. but surely, the neophyte ruler takes England ing green hills, extravagant ceremonial ga­ struggle is one which warrants attention. By The fact that no skins showed up (another by its reins and forges a new path for her king­ las, dark and foreboding corridors-all are the time she makes her shocking (but very disadvantage ofplaying for so much money) dom. depicted with a real sense of artistic appre­ sensible) final declaration, w~'re ready to seemed to give The Pietasters more of a rea­ Elizabeth is surrounded by a keenly-drawn ciation. The castles and cathedrals of Europe bow to Elizabeth as our own Queen. son to be trite throughout the performance. The Pietasters claim their bus is a vehicle for a serial killer travel agency they want to Disney, Thomas Score a Merry Christmas start. The idea is to pick up serial killers and ship them off to foreign countries, namely JAMIE PECK France and anywhere in Southeast Asia, to Retriever Weekly Staff Writer go on murder sprees. I guess its just more of their tasteless humor. There's a yule log in every fire, a turkey on every table and a live-action, family-ori­ GOOD ented flick from Disney in every multiplex. so it must be the holidays. Examples of that WEEKLY Iauer seasonal standby include such deadly INCOME fare as The Santa Clause and Flubber, but I'll Be Home for Christmas (**112), this processing mail for year's ornamental offering from the House national company! Free of the Mouse. appears to be a step in the right supplies, postage! No direction. While no It's a Wondeiful Life, this selling! Bonuses! Start jolly little slice of fruitcake plays like a sur­ immediately! Genuine prise gift from the folks that you don't nec­ opportunity! essarily want to return on December 26th. Please rush Long Self­ Bemoaning I'll Be Home for Christmas' Addressed Stamped lack of originality is pretty much a waste of Envelope to time and effo1t, since you're aware going in MPC, SUITE 391 that this isn't the type of film to break new 2045 Mt. Zion Rd ground as far as narrative or characters are MORROW, GA 30260 Walt Disney Pictures concerned. And though things here have Reindeer Games: Jonathan Taylor Thomas tries to make it Home for Christmas higher sugar content than a sleigh full of with the help of a festive friend. candy canes, this tinsel-laden tale's simple­ minded pleasantness and sporadically clever tory test. is left for dead in the desert clad in As cliche, cloying and laden with plot co­ writing make it awfully bard to dismiss in only a glued-on Santa costume. incidence as it can be, I'll Be Home for Scrooge-like fashion. That's a bummer, mostly because Jake was Christmas musters up more than a handful At least il's a given that young female fans promised a '57 Porsche by dad (Gary Cole) of good scenes and decent laughs. Worth the of Christmas star Jonathan Taylor Thomas if and only if he'd make it to his family's New price of admissjon alone is a sizeable story will refrain from bah-humbugging on the way York home in time for Christmas Eve din­ thread that finds JIT helping a cop (Sean out of the theatre: they'll presumably get their ner. What's worse, h.is girlfriend (pretty Jes­ O'Bryan) rekindle a dampened romance with allowance money's worth of the photogenic sica Biel) is traveling with the studly master­ his waitress wife; the payoff borders on Teen Beat coverboy and erstwhile Home Im­ mind (Adam LaVorgna) of the plan to deter imaginative. A brief bathroom interlude as provement star due to the fact that he's in just Jake from vintage automobile paradise. Typi­ Thomas tries ou~ his Santa voice on an ex­ about every scene. JTI comfortably plays a cal road movie situations arc given a festive tremely honest little boy is a rib-tickler. For suave California college student named Jake, spin as our hero trails his gal pal and anempts once, a non-animated Disney release is more who. after crossing some campus bullies in a to get from one side of the country to the bo-ho-ho than ho-hum. And for that, we can botched attempt to help them cheat on a his- other. be thankful. Writers Wanted . call (41 OJ . 45 -1260 PAGE 18 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES December 1, 1998

• • • • • • now in theatres ...

Cap.mle reviews of current movies by Victory Mara.sigan and Jamie Peck. Antz (***'h out of four) Who knew that the be~t Woody Allen comedy in years would be one where he plays a neurotic, worrisome in­ sect? Allen·!> ant Z-4195 rages against his colony's rigid caste system in this computer-ani­ mated. pint-sited gem. The story may be anten­ nae-thin. but Ant;: is so loaded with winy imagi­ nation. lavish spectacle and a stellar sense of humor that any na1Tativc flimsiness is beside the point. There arc extra liUrpriscs for those who know a thing or two about bugs and bug anatomy. (Sec the 11/10/98 issue of The Re­ triel'er Wet>kly for a full review.) -JP I Still Know What Yo u Did Las t Summer (*'h) The nonsensical title should serve as a bla­ tant warning to anyone who expects this quickie sequel to carry over the original's genuine scares and nifty level of paranoid tension. Let's just Polygram Films say that a more appropriate moniker would be Cellular Criminal: Christian Slater calls Swpid People Gelling Hacked to Bits. Jennifer up murder and mayhem in Peter Berg's Love Hewitt is back. this time being chased Very Bad Things. through a Bahaman reson by that p~umably unkillable hook-handed Gorton's Fisherman. one of them accidentally kills the prostitute they Fake fright~ and red herrings abound; this is one hired for entenainment purposes. This leads to tired slasher rehash. ( 11/17/98) .Jp the first of many impulsive, panic-induced bad Practical Magic (* *) The pleasant perfor­ decisions. Altematingly hilarious and repulsive. mances of Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman. Very Bad Things grabs a hold of you and as witch sisters plagued by a centuries-old curse, squeezes until you literally can't take it any caM a lovely spell that the rest of this dark com­ more. (11/17/98) - VM edy-drama unfortunately lacks. The first half of The Waterboy (**'h) The focus of this dumb Practical Magic holds promise. but the movie but somewhat delightful football comedy is a ultimately vexes more than it hexes. The tone not-too-bright waterboy (Adam Sandler) who grows inconsistent. much of the supernatural reveals a bang-up talent for tackling after being goings-on lack a decent explanation and the fool­ recruited by a losing college team. Sandler irri­ ish climax. involving the PTA and an exorcism. tates with his idiot savant character's man-child takes itself a bit too seriously. ( 11/03/98) -JP mannerisms and ~hrill Louisiana accent. but he ·s The Siege<***) &!ward Zwick's much-bally­ surrounded by sight gag~ that seem to grov. more hooed '111e Siegt• is not the flag-waving. for­ clever b> the minute and some stellar ~uppon­ eigner-bashing bullet fest 11 appears to be. Denzel ing turns. Hilanous Kathy Bates. as Sandler's Washington is Anthony Hubbard. a Jack Ryan­ way overprotective mama, wms th1s mo~1e's esque FBI agent ''hoI!> charged \\ith finding MVP award. (11/17/98) JP out who is behind a serie~ of horrifying New Wh at Dreams May Come (*) You can slap a York City bombings. Though blatantly preach) pretty liule bonnet and parasol on a pile of dog at times. the film smanl) pushes beyond the su­ feces. but it\ still just a pile of dog feces. A fit­ perficial constramt~ of it' main plot to delve ung analogy for the tonurous mess that is What deeper into the 1ssues of prejudice than most Dreams .Hay Come. a dull. messy fantasy-drama mainstream "thrillers" have before it. ( 11110/98) that finds deceased doc Robm Williams (in full­ VM blown serious mode) traveling from heaven to Very Bad Things<***) Five yuppie 30-some­ hell to ensure he has a wonderlul afterlife. The thmgs (Jeremy Ph·en. Daniel Stem, Christian narrauve cer1ainly holds promise. but the mov1c Slater. Leland Or~er and John Favreau) head off quickly tum~ into a jumbled mess of silly twistl> to Vega~ to celebrate a bachelor party. where and half-baked philosophies. (I 1/10/98) -JP Music Bouncing Souls Release Live EP This month. the NeY. Jen;ey-based punk enjoy the album. It's among a spec1al breed band the Bouncing Souls release its first live of albums released in the past fe\\ months. It CDEP. Y.hich comes a fev.. months before makes me think that a Bouncmg Sou h. show the)' record and prepare to release their fol­ is worth whatever amount of monc) it costs. lO\\-Up to 1997's self-titled Epitaph release. The ninth and fmal track of the album is a studio track that will appear on next year's release. The album begins with the most popular song from the 1997 release. "Sa) Anything:· The sound quality on the live album natu­ rally docs not match that of a studio record­ ing. However. the mv. sound is more "punk rock." The second track. "Lamar Vannoy." is dedicated to thctr annoying friend Lamar. It's an interesting song that almost reminds me of "The Ballau of Johnny X." The third song is my favorite from the 1997 release. "Kate is Gn..-at.'' wh1ch I also think was the best of any song olthc live relcru;e. Later in the shoY.. the Bouncing Souls played old favorites like "Here We Go" and "Argyle." Any fan of the Bouncing Souls would cher­ ish thi~ CD. Even some street punks would THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES December 1, 1998 PAGE19

Wednesday the 18th Prime Candidate for the Bass-0-Matic 3000 that. you ask? Don't know; didn't ask 'em. You Monday the 7th Prepare Your Big Hair Check out Fishbone at the 9:30 Club tonight, at can. though. if you call41Q-88Q-8124. Aetcher's Nothing Happens On Mondays Daytona's in Pasadena welcomes- for 815 V Street, NW D.C. $15 will get you all the is located at 701 Bond St. in Fells Point. Aim for Go to the movies to see one of the holiday the second time in recent history - skanks your little heart desires. For more info - the smell of bread. You'll know what I mean. nightmares before Christmas. Jonathan Loverboy. Because apparently everyone is and you will need directions. or you will get lost Taylor Thomas stars in I' II Be Home for still working for the weekend. Tickets are -call the club at 202-3-93Q-930. Saturday the 5th Christmas, there are still Arm; and A Bug's $12 in advance and $15 at the door. Call Strap on Those Butt Pads; It's a Long Way to Life running rampant, that little porker Ticket master at 4 I 0-481-SEAT. and for Thursday the 3rd the Ground from Babe: Pig in the City will either bring more info on the show, call Daytona's at Fulfilling all of Your Witch-bunt Needs The Baltimore Office of Promotion is pleased as home the bacon or cry wee-wee-wee all 410-255-5533. And say hello to the Beer Gross Indecency: The Three Trials ofOscar Wilde punch to open the Inner Harbor Ice Rink. located the way home and Tire Rugrats Movie is Mavens for us. is ruon.ing through December 20 in the Milton at next to the Maryland Science Center on RASH sure to please anyone still m diapers. For the Studio Theater. This documentary-play out­ FIELD (unfortunate name, but just a name. I as­ grow' d-ups who can't fathom shelling out Attention, All Hobo-Humpin' Slobo lines the author's arrest, trial and imprisonment sure you). The professional-size, open-air rink has $7 per ticket. hit Blockbuster for all of Babes for his crime- "gross indecency with male per­ a concessions stand (moun ... bot cocoa) and a your borne viewing entertainment needs. Tricky and Whale (with DJ Lovegrove) hit sons:· The show starts at 8 p.m. Tuesday through warming tent in case your nose and toes get - er. Rent The Christmas Story (to shoot your the stage at Bohager's. Bohager's is located Saturday. with 2 p.m. shows Saturday and Sun­ my apologies - froze. For more information on eye out). It's a Wonderful Life (affirma­ at 515 Eden Street in Fells Point, and you day and a 7 p.m. on Sunday. Got all that? Good.I times and admission prices, call the Baltimore tion?), Miracle on 34th Street (for proof should really call them if you have ques­ won't even go into ticket prices here, except to Office of Promotion at410-752-8632. that Santa exists), Frosty the Snowman tions pertaining to this show. Or other say that tonight, tix are $19.50 and $26.50, but if (for entertaining fluff), Tire Snowman (for shows. Or your history class, although you're a student (that's you) you get $5 off either Sunday the 6th educational enlightenment), A Christmas Bohager's help is not guaranteed in that price. Full-time students can attempt half-price Santa, Please Pass the Frootie-O's Carol (for George C. Scott), Scrooge (if instance. Anyway. call them at 410-563- student rush tickets, one half-hour before curtain, Enjoy breakfast with the big guy-Santa- on the you like musicals}, Scrooged (if you 7220. or call Ticketmaster for the actual pending seating availability. For more informa­ Bay Lady or the Lady Baltimore(boats). From JO don't), A Muppel Christmas Carol and­ tickets. at 410-481-SEAT. Tuesday the 1st tion, call202-332-3300. The Studio Theater is at a.m. to noon, enjoy a breakfast buffet with Santa, ob, heck, pick your own movie. But make Second Star to the Right 1333 P St. in NW D.C. sing with Santa. visit with Santa, and find out once a night of it. String some popcorn, make December 1 is Mary Martin's birthday. and for all bow be makes the rounds all in one some cocoa with marshmallows, look Celebrate by eating Peter Pan Peanut But­ Friday the 4th night on one tank of gas (he must have a Toyota). through some holiday catalogs (my favor­ ter, having a sword fight with some nasty AU This for Just $6 Admission is $13.50 for adults and $1 J .50 for kids ites are the Neiman Marcus Holiday Cata­ Pirates and remembering your mother Catch The Circle Six, Sampson, Crooked Streetz (that's right: Bringing a child will make you less log and Sharper Image. I want to know fondly. Martin, who portrayed Peter Pan on and Georgie Jessup at Fletcher's in Fells. You get conspicuous). This will happen every Saturday and who can afford his-and-hers diamond­ Broadway. died in 1990 at the age of 76. four bands, the ambiance of Fletcher's, the thrill Sunday in December, or until Santa gets sick of studded Lear Jets). And don't Jet your cat of cramped quarters and the joy of the downstairs those little boxes of cereal. For more information, get near the tinsel. He'll eat it, and that's pool tables - all for only $6. How can they do call410-247-3113 or 1-800-695-2628. bad.

Also, come check out the Gameroom's THE DOCTOR newest video brawler, Vi rtua Fighter 2! Hours of Operation

Mon - Fri: 9:00am - 11:00pm IS IN THE Sat: 10:00am - 9:00pm Sun: 12:00pm - 7:00pm HOUSE

World Open Masters Champion Tom "Dr. Cue" Rossman Will Be Holding A Pocket Billiard Exhibition On Thursday, December 3rd From 1Oam To 5pm In The Gameroom PAGE20 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES December 1, 1998

2 e9-tP Guaranteed Credit Cards with Credit Limits ~~ Up To $10,000 Within Days! S No CREDIT, No JoB, No PA.IiENT SIGNER, No SECURITY DEPOSIT! no credit. • ba·d credit • no ··incom ? If You 11ink You . · Can1 Get A Creclt Card, nRc Again.

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I want Credit Cards immediately. · · 1 : YES '• 11 CRA, PO Box 16662, ATLANTA, GA 30321 I . I I ::::_ ~.·~~~~ ·;~:~~~ ~ ~ ~~.·~;~~~~~ ~ ~~~~.·~ ~ ~ ~~~~~. :~ ~ ~ ~ ~~~:~~:~:::: ~:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::~::·:: :::::::::: :::~: :::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::~::::::::::: :::::.:::::::: ! ~~;~~::: ::: :::::::::: ::::: :::· ::::::·~.:: ~~~~~~ .· ·~~:::::: ::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::: ::::::::·~.::· ·::.:. ~:: ::::::::::::·. ~.:·:::::~ ~~~~~:::::::::::::::::: ..~;~: ::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::·. :::::::·~~.:::·. :~~~.:;:::..... ! Tired .of Be in Turned Down? ·I J I I ------~------~---~ UMBC Spirit Day Thursday December 3, 1998 Show your pride in UMBC - Wear Black & Gold! Activities all over campus - Celebrate our success! UMBC Spirit Day Activities 8:00 am Spirit Day Welcome - SAAC/Athletics Handouts - Decals (Retrievers/Dog Paw/ Black & Gold) 8:30am Coffee/Muffins- Fieldhouse- Athletics 7:00pm Men's Basketball Game vs. Mount St. Mary's Fieldhouse/Athletics HALFTIME! !! - Special Presentation Dance Team SAAC Program I O:OOpm After Game Party@ Fieldhouse- SEB After Game Party @ Rat Sigma's 11 :OOpm Sigma Party @ The Rat THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES December 1, 1998 PAGE21

Student Government Association

events SGA Senate Meeting Lecture Hall 3 7pm

SEB Movie Night Lecture Hall 2 7pm & 10pm

Campus Closes Happy Thanksgiving

SGA posittons Director of State and National Affairs still available Director of Commuter Affairs Director of Residential Affairs If intrested please bring letter of intent an resume care of SGA President, to the Stu­ dent Government Office located in UC 205

Also, any persons interested in Community Service Oriented projects, please contact SGA President William Barnes at 410.455.2220. PAGE 22 Dec.l, 1998 SPORTS UMBC Invitational Unkind to Lady Retrievers Once Again Team Finishes Third out of Four in Annual Tournament

CHRIS KERNER Retrie~·er Weekly Editorial Staff

The UMBC women's basket­ ball team failed to qualify to play in the championship game of the UMBC Invitational for the third straight year on Nov. 21. but man­ aged to salvage third place with a win over Morgan State the fol­ lowing day at the Fieldhouse. The win was the fust ever in the short head coaching career of Jennifer Bednarek. That Saturday, the Retrievers faced the Bucknell Bison. whom UMBC had defeated handily last season, 52-35. Their semi-final game appeared to be heading in that direction at the start as the Dave Chen I Retriever Weekly Staff Retrievers jumped out to an 18- Let the race begin!: Sophomore Terence Ward heads up court 12 lead on the strength of three with the ball against the fifth-ranked Terps. baskets by junior guard Kim Brown. Following a Bucknell Dave Chen I Retriever Weekly Staff timeout. things began to change From Young to Old: Freshman sensation Jami Lange will be for UMBC as the Bison's Jenni­ UMBC Turnovers counted on to mesh well with senior standout Monica Logan. fer Winhofer scored two consecu­ tive jumpers, closing the gap to trievers had no problem scoring, but "We play well in spurtS, but we Costly in the First two. The rest of the half also went they just could not stop Bucknell's need to play consistently. I Bucknell's way as they finished offense. UMBC would get to within thought we played well early in on a 19-9 run, included in which six on two separate occasions, but the first half, but we went through Battle of Baltimore was a 6:30 scoreless stretch for they could get no closer and would a lull and we didn't come out of UMBC. At halftime, the Bison led eventually lose, 76-67. Following it until late in the second half 35-27. the game Coach Bednarek com­ 0-4 Dogs Open NEC Schedule at Home See WOMEN'S, page 23 In the second half, the Lady Re- mented on her team's performance, Against Mount St. Mary's on Thursday

JOHN MISCHKE triever miscues to dominate the Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff game early, building a 22-8 lead in Rowe Leads Loyola to Victory in 'Battle' the first 10 minutes. UMBC would Tumovers cost UMBC dearly in the come back to cut the deficit to seven 5'10" Dunk Artist Named MVP, 'Hounds Dog Towson first annual Battle of Baltimore with 3:33 remaining before half­ Basketball Classic. Playing at the time, but the Greyhounds benefited JOHN MISCHKE Towson Center, the Retrievers gave from two three-pointers to finish the Retrie~·er Editorial Staff the ball away 20 times in a 73-61 half with an 11-3 semifinal loss to Loyola. and com­ run that gave them their biggest lead Loyola rode the shoulders of its little-big man, mitted another 27 turnovers in a at 41-26. point guard Jason Rowe. to claim Charm City­ heart-breaking 57-56 loss to Mor­ However. the Retrievers made a supremacy and win the first Battle of Baltimore gan State in the consolation game. game of it in the second half, start Classic. two weeks ago at the Towson Center. The losses dropped the Retrievers ing the half with a 9-0 spurt in the Rowe, a 5' I0" junior from Buffalo, ~Y. had 38 - \.\ho won't play again until Thurs­ first five minutes. getting five points and eight assists. and was 15-15 from the day night \ .. hen they open thetr points from sophomore forward free throw line in wins over UMBC and Towson. home schedule against \lortheast Kennedy Okafor to cut the Loyola He \.\3S named the tournament's Most Valuable Conference and in-state rival lead to 41-35 with 15 minutes re­ Player. Mount St. Mary'!> to a record of maining. The Retrievers' dectsion In a back-and-forth championship game agamst 0-4. following season-opening in going to a zone defense to open the Tigers of Towson. Rowe had 21 points, in­ losses to Pittsburgh and Maryland­ the half helped shutdO\.\n the Grey cluding I 0 in the game's final eight minutes to College Park. hounds. "I had no choice but to go help the Greyhounds go on a 21-7 run and claim a That has given them plenty or prac­ to 7.one." said Sullivan after the 76· 67 victory. tice time to try to fix the problems game. "The zone really solved our "Our luds really played unselfishly." said Loyola that caused all the mistakes. ''Prac­ defensive problems." coach Dino Gaudio, whose squad is off to a 3-0 tice will be similar to what It has Sullivan claimed that Loyola was start and looks like a strong contender for the been," said UMBC Head Coach not using prepared plays to break Metro Atlantic Athletic Conference title. ''It's go Tom Sullivan after the loss to Mor­ down the LOne later, but some tre­ ing to be interesting to see hOI.\ they handle suc­ gan. "We have to work on our poise mendous creating by Greyhound cess." and our concentration." point guard Jason Rowe. The host Tigers held a 60-55 lead "'ith 6:58 to In the first round of the Battle of After the IS-minute mark, Loyola play. following a dunk b) Brian Barber. but the Baltimore. the Greyhounds of forward Blanchard Hurd scored six. Greyhounds scored I 0 straight in just under three Loyola opened the game\\ ith an 8- of his 15 points in three minute:. and Da"e Chen I Retne\er \\eek.} Stafl minutes punctuated by a monster dunk b) se­ 0 run as UMBC failed to score in stellar point guard Jason Rowe Dunk You Very Much!: Loyola's Jason Rowe slams niorccmer Roderick Plan and four free throws by the first five minutes. Loyola took home two of his 21 points in championship game against full advantage of numerous Re- See BATTLE, page 25 Towson. Rowe was named MVP of the tournament. See LOYOLA. page 25 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY SPORTS December 1, 1998 PAGE23 Retrievers Knock off the Morgan State Bears, 62-58 Logan scores 16 and pulls down 13 rebounds, Lange contributes 14 points in season's first win conference games against Loyola and from WOMEN'S, page 22 help of Lange's seven points. The second half was owned by UMBC Towson. Lange was named to the all-tour­ nament team and UMBC finished third when it was already too late." and its star center Logan, who had scored overall at the Invitational. For the game, freshman a combined five points in her two previ­ Earlier in the week against American point guard Jami Lange ous contests of the season. This game University in Washington, D.C., the Re­ scored 14 points and dished would be much different. however, as she trievers played with the Eagles for most out three assists while se­ raised her offensive game to a new level, of the game, but could not keep up the nior center Monica Logan scoring 12 points in the second half and energy for all40 minutes and lost, 70-57. added 12 rebounds and two g rabbi ng three offensive rebounds. Freshman sensation Lange, however, steals. Bucknell sophomore Logan's dominating presence inside led stood out for UMBC as she scored 15 forward Kimberly Delfs to a 48-34 lead for UMBC. Although the points in the first half alone (the team led all scorers with 16. Bears were obviously overmatched they scored 26) en route to 19 for the game as "Defensively we need to would not give up as they responded to American clamped down on her in the improve. I did see some Logan with a 16-5 run, pulling to within second half. Logan contributed 16 re­ positive things today and I 53-50. Junior forward Serena Hampton bounds, but could only manage three think as soon as we work and Logan would not let their team lose points. American was 23-7 last season and out these kinks we will get though as Hampton netted two short received an invitation to the NIT tourna­ to where we want to be. I jumpers and Logan added two free throws ment. hate to lose, but with such to move the lead back to 59-52. That Things will continue to get better for a young team it will take turned out to be enough, as Morgan State the Retrievers and Bednarek as four re­ time," added Bednarek. made another late charge, but the Retriev­ cruits have already agreed to scholarships Losing this semi-final ers held on to win, 62-58. in the early signing period for next year. contest ensured a matchup Logan led UMBC with 16 points and Young players will continue to get the against the winless Morgan 13 rebounds as well as two monstrous bulk of the playing time this season to State Bears o n Sunday, blocks. Lange added 14 and freshman for­ build for the future, but Logan is not set­ who had lost to Duquesne ward Arnie Laasen played her second tling for later. "We arc all trying to figure 69-47 in the other semi-fi­ strong game in a row as she notched 10 out our rolls on this team," she said, " But nal match. UMBC would points on five-for-five shooting. After the I know that every game I am trying to get ~~- take the lead, 9-7, on a game Logan commented on her raised a double-double. I am sick of the losing three-pointer by freshman level of intensity on the offensive end, "I tradition that we have had here." guard Danielle Shelton just decided that I was going to take it at With Logan's continued assertion on the early in the first half, and 'em. I wasn't going to settle for just be­ offensive end and the emergence of some never relinquish it. By the ing a good defensive player. I reatize that of the freshmen, Bednarek may not have end of the half the Retriev- I have to look to score more aggressively Davc Chen I Retriever Weekly Staff h d . d th . I d for this team to win." to wait very long for the team's improve­ ' M · L . ers a 1ncrease e1 r ea Jump A roun d.: s en·1o r omca ogan scored 16 pomts f' 'th h The win moved the team's record on the ment. . . tO IVe at 24- 19 WI t e and crabbed 13 rebounds 1n wm over Moraan State. season to 1-2, heading into tough out-of-

Baltimore Blast vs. Cleveland Crunch 12/4 /98 at the Baltimore Arena

Friday, December 4th is student ID night at the Baltimore Blast! Students get $2 off any ticket.

For Ticket Information call: or, Call Ticket Master at: Exciting Indoor Soccer 410-73BLAST 410-481-SEAT is Baclc in 8alti111oref PAGE24 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY SPORTS December 1, 1998

TAKE nOR LEAVE n -CHRIS KERNER •rs IN ANAME? ALOT Spurs versus Knicks. Astros vs. Padres. Heat vs. Let's be honest, professional sports these days ace Lesson 4: If you arc going to go through all of the Jazz. We see th~ mascots on a daily basis and never basically about money. Logos are a big part ofa team's trouble to rename a team or even name a new team, stop to wonder: What the hell are we actually rooting revenue. in tenns of apparel sales. When Abe Pollin please make sure to have an artist do the design. I don't for? changed the name of the BulleL-; to the Wtzards a think a big ''C' on a helmet is very creative or intimi­ Franchises th~ days are creating logos for teams couple ofyears ago it was all for the money. Sure, he dating. Side note: When designingjerseys. always make that cater to political correctness and marketability. claimed it was about the bad image that the logo "But sure to include player.-; nicknames on the backs ofthem, Back in the day, owners didn't care about that srulf, leLc;" portmyed, but the fact of the matter was he as opposed to their actual last names. For example, if they just wanted to intimidate and regulate. Nick­ couldn't lind a suitable design for a bullet logo. Who your last name is Butkus, pronounced like Butt-Kiss. it names like the Bears or the Lions or the Raiders evoke wants to buy a shirt\\-ith the word "Bullets" on it with may not send your opponent running in the other di­ a certain aura of danger and fear among opponents. both lettcr'Ts'' appearing 10 be hand-; grabbing a ball'? rection (unless. of course, you like that sort of thing). Who's afraid of the Magic? Oooohh. that wand has Of coun;c that decision was about the political cor Lesson 5: Some overused names to st.ay away from: me shivering. rectncss of the name; ""hatcvcr you say. Abe. Kmghts. Devils, Braves, Bears, Tigers, Cardinals, Gi­ Some of the tcan1s nan1ed above provide perfect It's tinle for teams to really make a concerted effort ants, and anything having to do with Magic. examples of this problem. Take, for instance, the Utah in coming up with these logos. There are easy ways Lesson 6: Please do not ever name your team after a Jazz. Over 20 years ago the Ja7..z moved from New to make your team intimidating. adjusted to its sur­ tree or a type of chewing gum!! (Stanford Cardinal. Orleans, the birthplace ofjazz, to its current horne in roundings as well as marketable. All you have to do Cornell Big Red) Salt Lake City. the birthplace ofMormoru.. Since then is follow the Chris Kerner Chocklisl For Naming a The moral of this story is that mascots should be fun the team has kept their name. There arc two major Sports Team. for the fans as well as mean something to the team. problems with this. First, Jazz is not something that Lesson I: Never base your team mascot on the They are there to have something for both players and will intimidate many opponents. Second, Utah knows popularity of a recent movie, i.e. the Toronto Raptors fans to identity with. Some logos are old and tradi­ as much about jazz as OJ does about restraining or­ (Tttan Lc; very close to Titanic, by the way). Terrible. tional, but there is a significance to them that is thrown ders. This logo just does not fit the team or the city Lesson 2: Always base the team's nickname on away when changed. Who does Earl Campbell say that and there are many more out there with the same goings-on in the local area For example. instead of he played for? Now he says the Houston Oilers, but 20 problem. Until recently, the Tennessee Oilers had nOl the Washington Mystics, the team could be named years from now people will identify them by their cur­ changed their name even though they had been in the Washington Crack Whores for their proximity to rent name, Tennessee Titans. It loses something in the Nashville for over two years. The name they finally the city's drug and prostitution problems. translation. Do you think our forefathers voted on settled on was the Titans, which is actually not a bad Lesson 3: Another cardinal rule is that you always whether to use the American Eagle or the United States mascoL It's just that it has absolutely nothing to do stay away from anything having to do with supreme Sea Dogs as our national mascot? I think noL The in1- with Tennessee. How about the Tennessee Elvises? beings. It has always been my belief that teams that portanl thing is that we don't diininish these sports with C.l*ltt&Mrtcaoa•mawua..,.,,...... ,_, ·~-­ It definitely fits the location and it can be intimidat­ call themselves the "Devils" are really taking a risk. pansy, good-for-money-only logos that are drawn by ..... -.~~-a ing ifwe are talking about Elvis in his later days when Even if you don't believe in God. the slightest chance Disney artists. Pride is pride, whether it's in a 1ree or a .,.,...,.,.,_llnwiCf.lrt he was on drugs and weighing in at about250. would make it wise not to piss him off. bullet

In the beginning there was HEBR 101 ...

And there was registration and there were grades so we begat HEBR 102 ...

And to fulfill GFRs HEBR 201 ...

And now, just in time for Spring, 1999! HEBR 202

Intermediate Modern Hebrew IT (HEBR 202) schedule number 7536 will meet on Thesdays and Thursdays from 10:00 -11:15 am inACIV 010. The instructor is Dr. Samuel Litov who is happy to speak (X2312) with any students who wish to check the appropriateness of their back­ ground for this course.

Hebrew language courses are offered under the auspices of the Depart­ ment of Modem Languages and Linguistics and the Judaic Studies Pro­ gram. For Further information about the Judaic Studies Program con­ tact Jonathan Finkelstein, Director, X2427 or [email protected]. Please visit the Judaic Studies Program web site at http://hel pdesk. umbc.edu/jdst/ THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY SPORTS December 1, 1998 PAGE25 Morgan St. Rallies With 10-0 Run in Final Minutes for 57-56 Victory Over Dogs attempts from the field before Curtis King his collegiate career. "I finally hit one with 12:38 remaining before decided to take a from Battle, page 22 halftime. dribble and walked -I Morgan State did rally to take a brief lead, didn't think I felt my­ nailed a three-pointer to help the Greyhounds but by then the UMBC offense had switched self walking." maintain the lead. UMBC would cut the lead from inside put-backs and shon jumpers by The turnover set up to four, at 50-46 with 8:52 to play, before Grella to three-point bombs by Ward. In fact, Sparks' drive to the Loyola returned the gap to 10. when Ward hit his fourth three of the game baseline on the right The Retrievers' best chance then came just with 4:02 remaining before the half to retake side and drawing a foul inside of ftve minutes remaining. after sopho­ the lead for UMBC at 24-23, Ward and Grella on Okafor. "I just took more guards Tim Hyland and Terence Ward had 12 points each and were the only players the ball to the hole," made three-pointers to make the score 60- who had scored for the Retrievers. But the said Sparks after the 54. Okafor stole the ball on defense, but team did get a free throw from junior for­ game. "Jeric Lewis set UMBC couldn't connect on a drive at the ward Isaac Green and a trey from sophomore a good screen for me other end. Okafor then rebounded after a guard Rich Giddens during a 12-3 run be­ and I took advantage." Loyola miss. but Hyland missed a driving fore halftime that gave them a 33-26 advan­ The 6'3" senior went lay-up. Okafor and sophomore center Nick tage at the half. to the line and buried Grella would both miss chances to score af­ The Bears began the second half with a three­ both free throws with ter offensive rebounds. "That was a key play," pointer and a driving lay-up by Rasheed 13.5 seconds remain­ said Hyland. "But there were several other Sparks to cut the lead to two, but the Retriev­ ing, completing a 10- key plays we should have had the basket on." ers settled things down with a 7-0 run, which 0 run and taking the fust lead of the second Loyola ended up with the ball and Hyland included a three-pointer by Hyland, to in­ Dave Chen I Retriever Weekly Staff fouled Rowe, who hit two free throws that crease the lead to nine. UMBC controlled half for Morgan State Get Off Me!: Junior Isaac Green displays his dribbling skills. were part of a Greyhound parade to the line; most of the half until Morgan cut the lead to at 57-56. wasn't much of a game. The host Terrapins as a team Loyola was 16-18 from the line in two again on an alley-oop dunk by Sparks The Retrievers had one last chance, but Ward the second half, including 6-6 from Rowe. with 8:18 remaining. was caught holding the ball too long out be­ roared to a 10-2 lead early, and then, after Another missed opportunity occurred for the The Retrievers then responded with perhaps yond the three-point line, and eventually UMBC had cut a 14-point lead ro nine with six minutes before halftime, used a 19-5 run Retrievers on Loyola's next possession when their most resolute effort of the game, a 7-0 threw the ball away, desperately trying to get to take a 48-25 lead at the break. Ward stole the ball, lost it and stole it back run over the next four minutes that concluded it to a teammate for an open shot. "We were The second half was mostly a parade of slam before Hyland missed a long jumper. with back-to-back inside baskets by Grella, ru-nning a play for Terence and they jumped If that sequence wasn't the killer, then it defi­ giving UMBC a 56-47lead with 4:23 remain­ him a bit/' said Sullivan. dunks and steals by the home team, who ran nitely occurred on Loyola's next trip down ing. It would be the last time UMBC would Ward had 17 points, but all in the first half, away with a 90-62 victory. Four UMBC start­ the floor when Rowe nailed another three­ score. while Hyland scored all of his 10 points in ers, plus reserve Kerry Martin, fouled out and pointer for a 65-54 lead with 2:32 remain­ Sparks nailed a three, guard Jason Demory the second. Okafor was held to just five points the fifth starter, Grella, ended the game with ing. The Greyhounds cruised from there for drained another three and forward Jeric Lewis and four rebounds. Sparks led the Bears with four personals. Okafor led the Retrievers with 14 points and the 73-61 victory. had an inside lay-up to make it 56-55 with 15 points, as Morgan State committed just 11 rebounds and Giddens had 10 points. Okafor led the Retrievers with 14 points and 1:15 to play. UMBC called time-out with just 13 turnovers to the 27 miscues for UMBC. 12 rebounds and Hyland added 13 and five over a minute left, and had trouble moving "It's hard for anybody to lose a game like Terence Morris led Maryland-College Park assists. Ward and Grella had 10 points apiece, the ball in their halfcourt set, against the this," said Morgan coach Chris Fuller. "But with 19 points and newcomer Steve Francis had 17. while Rowe led Loyola with 17 points and swarming, pressing Morgan State defense. So we needed a win big-time." senior center Roderick Platt had 11 points and much trouble that Grella was called for a walk Fuller also fondly remembered that three However, the Retrievers did hold up well 11 rebounds. near rnidcourt and the Bears regained pos­ years ago, his Bears beat UMBC by the same against the Terrapins in a physical sense and were able to run some plays at times against In the consolation game on Saturday, Grella session. score, 57-56, in what was his flfSt victory as led an early Retriever charge, scoring the fust "I had the ball on the wing and tried to get it head coach. the fifth-ranked team in the nation. ''Three eight points of the game against the Bears of back to Terence," said Grella, who had 20 Two days before the Battle of Baltimore, the years ago, we looked like we were on roller­ skates," reminded Sullivan. Morgan State, who missed their fust 15 shot points and 12 rebounds in the best game of Retrievers took their annual trip down I-95 to meet Maryland-College Park, in what KosHER Foon ON CAMPUS Greyhounds Victorious from Loyola, page 22 The Greyhounds then added four free throws Kosher deli sandwiches are now and what was nearly a reverse dunk by Rowe Rowe. Towson would fight back and cut the at the buzzer, who instead could only lay the on sale at The Pub in the UC deficit to just two, at 67-65 with 2:51 to play ball into the hoop {the diminutive Rowe did - after a jumper by the Tigers' Pete Mauro. But have a two-handed jam on a fast break during 30 seconds later, after Loyola's Jamal Hunter the first half). $3.75 EACH had given the Tigers a gift by attempting a wild Platt bad 17 points and 10 rebounds, reserve three-point shot, Towson's Josh Davalli gave Ryan Blosser scored 11, and Hurd and Jenifer the gift right back by missing the front end of a had 10 each to join Rowe as the five Grey­ one-and-one. Loyola's Damien Jenifer made hounds in double figures. Mauro led Towson Free movie tickets the Tigers pay with a three-pointer to make it with 22 points and Davalli had 14. "We got for Sony Theater 70-67. beat by a pretty good team today," said Towson After two free throws by Mauro to make it 70- coach Mike Jaskulski. "I think they're going in every 15 67, Towson had two more chances. The flfSt to be awfully good in the MAAC this year." came after Loyola's Blanchard Hurd was called Free throws were a key for the Greyhounds, sandwiches! for a double dribble with 1:13 to play. But the who were 16-19 from the line against Towson Tigers couldn't conven and Platt rebounded in the second half after going 16-18 in the sec­ (Limited Offer) for Loyola. Mauro then stole the ball in the ond half against UMBC. Rowe said that be­ backcourt and attempted a quick three-pointer fore the game Gaudio bad brought the team that was just off the mark with Jess than 30 back after study hall to work on free throw - c seconds remaining. shooting. "We knew free throws were going to win this game for us," said Rowe. PAGE26 THE RETIUEVER WEEKLY SPORTS December 1, 1998

First Annual Battle of Baltimore Classic

A Photo Essay - By Dave Chen Dec.l, 1998 PAGE27 CLASSIFIEDS

Classified Advertising · 1· II I ' Club Notices Lost&Found Office Hours ETI~IEVEI~ is a section for UMBC is a free community service Rates per 30 WORDS Monday through Friday R \X' E E K L Y student clubs to make offered to UMBC students, $6.00 9:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m. announcements only. faculty, and staff. (Limit 5 lines) 50~ EACH BOLDED WORD University Center 214 Student clubs may have Does not include PERSONALS, I 000 Hilltop Circle five lines free. LOST & FOUND, Classified Display Baltimore. MD 21250 Each additional line costs $1.50 Personals CLUB NOTICES, Ads may be placed in may be placed at our offices OR THRIFT SHOP sections. Advertising during regular hours. The cost is person at the above See separate rate schedules Rates Per Column Inch: Thrift Shop $1.00 for a four-line ad; for more information. address. mailed in. or additional lines are 25¢ each. is a Retrie ~·er Weekly student Under 10 Column Inches There is a 50¢ charge faxed in. community service which provides $10.30 for personals which are in all Deadline UMBC students 3 free lines ( 4 I 0) 4 55- I 2 60 capitals or include bolded lines. All advertisments under of advertising for any textbook or Each personal must be pre-paid Classified ads are due 5:00p.m. $30 must be prepaid Fax: (41 0) 455-1265 item FOR SALE under $50. and filled out AvaJI•blc 10 "udtniS cu~otly on the Friday preceding the issue. before insertion. Ctlrollcd 11 UMBC ooly. on a separate form.

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Classes every Wednesday night at group organizers. Lowest rates to Wanted. Call Inter-Campus Pro­ All medical and legal expenses paid Retriever Grill. $4 per class. Beg )08 OPPORTUNITIES Jamaica, Mexico & Florida. Call grams 1-800-327-6013 plus $2,300 compensation for a 2- 1: 7-8:30pm, Beg 2: 8:30- 1-800-648-4849 www.icpt.com 3 week, part-time, commitment. 10:00pm. For more information, Earn up to $1500 Confidentiality at all times. Call contact Ballroom Dance Club at Pharmak.inetics wants to pay you Earn $$ over the break! # l SPRINGBREAK operator! Family Building Center, Inc., (410) [email protected] or http:// to become a volunteer in the re­ Fun & Friendly Workplace needs Check or website for the best deals! 494-8113, Towson, Maryland. sta.umbc.edu/-ballroom. search of new and previously mar­ outgoing person to set up appts. www. vagabondtours.com Cancun, keted medications. Healthy men Flexible hours between 9-5 M-F. Bahamas, Jamaica & Florida. TRAVEL and women 18-70, smokers and No Weekends! Call Creative Im­ Group Organizers EARN FREE non-smokers are needed for medi­ ages- (410) 841-6143 TRIPS & CASH?CalJ today 1-800- #1 Spring Break Specials! cally supervised research. Play MAKE EASY MONEY! GO ON 700-0790 Book Early & Receive a Free Meal

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Commuter Student···················• You Got Questions???? ... We Got Answers!!!! Stop by the Commuter Student Services ASK ME ABOUT. .. SPRING REGISTRATION Information and Referral Table When: December 1 - 9 MWF, 1:00- 3:00pm TuTh, 11:30- 2:30pm Where: UC - First Floor Lobby Peer Advisors: Commuter Student Mentors/CSS Team Leaders A UC Commuter Student Services Academic Support Partnership •••••••••••••••••••••• Are you a new commuter student? Looking for an academic connection? COMING SOON! The Commuter Students Consortium Learning Community STUDY HALL December 1 - 16 University Center FEATURING Learning Communities & Study Groups: Engineering & Technology Bio/Chem & Pre-Med Humanities & Sociology Test Bank Copy Services and other Finals Week Academic Survival kits!

All Commuter Students Welcon1e

For Commuter Student Learning Communities Information and Schedules Stop by or call CSS ...