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ANo I AlWAys it-louoEtr ALL 1lUs FUSS ABOUT SllJOENI '!ere It ts! At long last, we've solved the mystery of the Douglas College pond! (Of Lt TERAc'{ uAs .rus; A BuNctt · c•>ilrse. to avoid being sued, and just because we like to be as nebulous as possible at ,:; times, we"ve encrypted it within the following article.) Of REACTIONARY oARMGE Por centuries, man has quested to explain the emgmatic forces that must have coagulated to form the body of water adjacent to the Ubrary. The only thing standing I between the human race and the truth was the fact that this mystery was way too complex for the pathetic recesses of the human brain to comprehend. Thanks to cybernetic surgery, recently performed on Tim Crumley and Jason Kurylo by a very drunk Daniel James Hutzler, using a rusty set of steak knives, The Other Press can courageously and confidently postulate on this incredible enigma. Now, for the first time, here they are: the Top Ten Myths About the Douglas College Pond! 1 0) Eight drunken Douglas College Administrators decided to cross streams in the parking lot, and got WAY out of control. 9) The words- "Douglas College" mean 'uncontrollable condensation rates' in Sioux. 8) Bill Day has long had a bladder infection, and he hates to use Depends. 7) It's a communal sweat deposit for students writing finals. 6) The Douglas College Theatre Department was going to remount 'Moby Dick,' but found out that Gregory Peck had already long since graduated. 5) The original mascot of the college was a beaver, and it built the damned thing, and won't leave. Not even for cash. 4} It's a huge ant hydro-power project. 3) Physics Department eternally working on cold fusion experiment. 2) Where else are the labs supposed to dump their chemicals? and the # 1 Myth About the Douglas College Pond is: 1) Three words: Spitoon, spitoon, spitoon. your chance to get back at all us l1ppy, smart-mouthed L"stards Wnte Letters us at box 2503. new westmmster, be v31 5b2 or fa x us at 527-5095 We spel reel gud celebrities, I personally enjoyed the one • pencil cases he did on Jack Nicholson. Mr. Kurylo • books should foment his 'god damn' abilities Dear Other Press, • coats as stand-up comedian, way to go Jason! Where is your editor? I decided to • sweaters Going back to the main subject, I read the May 12th edition of the Other • umbrellas Press and was shocked to see the number hope Mr. Cotter returns to Douglas, I • watches of typos - so I circled them all. Have you think students lead a highly stressful life JuneS, 1994 not heard of spell check? Don't you and a comedy break with down earth • scarves proofread? I have absolutely no humour is always welcomed. Sail Ram experience editing but, if you take a P.S. Even though a bit late, thanks to The The Other Press is Douglas College's autonomous student newspaper. We've Security Supervisor moment to peruse the enclosed copy of Other Press for printing my letter in the been here since 1976. We aim to serve the students, staff, and faculty of Douglas the Other Press, it will become apparent last issue. College with a newspaper that informs them of things happening at the college, that some serious work needs to be done. across Canada, and around the world that affect them. We aim to give the college Oscar Lardizabal N. This "newspaper" is supposed to lfs not my fault, and community a chance to write and express themselves. We also aim to be an represent the students of Douglas interesting read. If we're not doing any or all of these things to your liking, please College. All I see is that the students of Children are okay? lfs yours let us know. You can mail a letter to us at Box 2503, New Westminster, B.C., V3L the College haven't grasped the concepts 5B2, or drop it off at the mailroom which is right beside our office, or you can fax starving in Africa, of the English language (either that or Dear Other Press, us at 527-5095, or you can call us at 525-3542, or you can come see us at Room someone needs a typing lesson) . The The fact that people are reading the I 020 in Douglas College's New West campus. We like you .... come visit. you know typographical mistakes are forgivable, Other Press closely enough to notice my but the American spelling on page 3 Dear Other Press: spelling mistakes make me beam with makes me wonder where Dug Hebert It's rumored that leftover food at the joy. Unfortunately republishing the last STAFF THIS ISSUE grew up. Please take more care in the cafeteria gets thrown out at the end of issue with the corrections that have been As the thtrd period came to an end, we rose from our seats to leave. Charlotte future; it would make your articles and the day. Why is this food wasted when suggested way out of the cost vs. Holst led the way out of the isle followed by Dug Hebert who bumped into a paper that much more reputable instead it should be given to the less fortunate ie. usefulness equation that currently Rangers fan. "#@$%you" said the fan, Juon Kurylo said "Hey, none of that of drawing so much attention away from food bank. This is totally ridiculous and governs our printing. There honestly is a in here you big fecal matter wannabe, why don't you just go back to New Yuck, them. selfish, such a waste in these economic shortage of people willing to proofread before I ptck my nose and rub It on your shirt!" The man looked astonished, Laura C. McDonald times. Something must be done. here at the Other Press. I am personally concerned with my spelling of the word expressionless, and stared back at Jason with a dumbfounded glare. Mike Dutton D.C. Employee . Starving student quickly snapped a photo for the paper. Candice Lee meanwhile was trying to get "neighbor" on page 3 of the last issue. I (CP & Sand Systems & Computing) autographs from Canucks before they left the coliseum. Trevor Linden agreed to immediately rushed to the spelling sign but Pavel Bure was nowhere to be seen. Jyoti Kapdee noticed that Ronnie Support reference book of the Other Press, The &ins had disappeared. Tim Crumley organized a memorial party (complete Comedy show's Merriam-Webster Thesaurus, copyright with hot tub and free bean dip). You may think that a party wouldn't be too helpful your loeal gallery 1989. I was wracked with dismay to in finding someone who's lost, but if you know Ronnie, you'll know ... organize a promotion a joke discover that the word "neighbor" was party, and she'll just... show up. Daniela Zana.tta and Holly Keyes wanted to Dear Other Press, not in it. (Porridge stirring American buy Canucks shirts but didn't have any money. Tony So\IQ, being such a nice Dear Other Press, I really found this year's art gallery Thesauruses ... {grumble}). Actually, that extra "u" thing is something that I was guy, lent them $50 and asked them not to take too long since the search was still Whoever organized the comedy an improve::1ent from last year. That always taught was a matter of personal going on. Later, after searching, the gang dedded to leave, but Bert C. Ennah presentation at Douglas College on this metal 'thing' in the concourse is quite a choice. I'm essentially an effident (spelt suggested taking his beat up Chevy to search the grounds. Just as they neared the last month of April did not thirtk clearly spectacle. The brain pills on the 4th floor L-A-Z-Y). and don't believe that extra back of the coliseum, Pavel Bure sped by in his bright red Dodge Stealth. Trent enough about the poor advertising done are unique in that they are totally huge. "u's" are worth the hand exerdse. I do, Ernst exclaimed "Hey, wasn't that Ronnie sitting beside him. Bert tried to follow on this particular event, which yielded a Psycho Mickey on a T-shirt also has to however hold my non-American identity the Stealth but couldn't keep up. Halfway into White Rock, Tim called off the meagre audience. At least a third of the be seen to be believed. Exhibit opens up high when it comes to the "s/z" option search and agreed Ronnie was probably ok, and maybe even more than ok. Jim audience did not know about this show June 3. that the English language permits in Irving, Scott Simmer and Daniel James Hutzler didn't give a shit, 'cause they until minutes before taking place. The N. Brown were drinking scotch in the closet. Denise Walker and David O'Harkin were words like "philosophise", "realise", organizers did not realize that a good "liberalise" or "ostracise". I am not all even more upset, 'cause we insinuated they were drinking in the closet. comedian should have a decent number Help me - I'm lost that sure that the Canadian Press oflisteners in the audience. I personally Styleguide allows for personal choice, but thought that Mr. Cotter was a fine Dear Other Press, according to hearsay, the spelling of color Coordinating Staff comedian and deserved a larger audience It would be much appreciated if you has recently been changed.