Parenting Tips Media

Media and Today’s Dangers http://www.hightechdad.com/2014/09/27/parents-guide-to-social-media-apps-used-by-kids/

Facebook Everyone knows what is, right? Here’s what they say about themselves: “The Facebook Page celebrates how our friends inspire us, support us, and help us discover the world when we connect.” It’s huge and the “whole world” is on it. There are many ways to share content as text, links, photos and videos. With Facebook, privacy has always been and will continue to be an issue. It’s incredibly complicated to figure out what your friends, your kids’ friends, or what strangers can or cannot see and what their friends can see. Facebook has tried to make this better, but it is still complicated. Instagram This service allows you to share, comment on and like photos and short videos. The mobile apps include filters to add a creative lens to the images or videos. Media can also be shared privately. Instagram is relatively harmless but some care should be taken when using the service. Frequently, kids link to their Kik or Ask.fm accounts. Also, graphic and inappropriate photos can be easily found on the service with just a quick search. Parents should talk to their kids about the types of photos (and videos) they post as they could be used for bullying or could provide details about where they live or go to school. Also, for younger kids, I recommend having accounts be private and only allow known connections to view these private accounts. Snapchat Using the mobile app, you can send and receive photos/videos (“moments”) with contacts. As they say “a new way to share moments with friends on iPhone and Android”. Snaps “disappear” after 10 seconds. While texting pictures is easy enough, the allure of SnapChat is that the pictures or videos disappear (and supposedly can’t be copied or saved). The warning here is, however, they CAN be copied or saved. Take a look at my article on SnapHack which allows for saving of photos/videos. Parents should be careful and explain to their kids that the stuff they share on SnapChat is NOT temporary so don’t send anything that they wouldn’t want to pop up somewhere else later. Fun, addictive but potentially quite dangerous, especially for bullying or sharing of inappropriate content. According to their site: “Twitter helps you create and share ideas and information instantly, without barriers.” You can send short, 140 character messages publicly or privately, follow people, create lists, share media and links and engage in written conversations in real-time. Twitter seems to be pretty tame when it comes to kids and social media, and that is probably why they aren’t as active on it compared to some of the others on the list. Many kids just follow celebrities or brands that they like or even participate in giveaways. Twitter is raw though, there aren’t any real filters or controls. You can make your profile private which means that only those people who you have allowed to follow you can see your updates. Vine “Explore the world of beautiful, looping videos” – sounds great, but you do a lot more. You can create and share 6 second videos as well as browse through the 100’s of thousands of Vines out there. This service is owned by Twitter. Vine is relatively harmless but does have graphic language and profanities. It probably shouldn’t be used by kids younger than 13 (which aren’t supposed to use it anyway). A lot of the popular content can also be accessed on YouTube or Instagram as well. Vine can be come a bit of a time suck (writing from personal experience) and there is some quite well done videos there. Ask.fm “Ask and Answer” is what is written on the home page. It is essentially this. You create a profile and people can ask you questions, either anonymously or with a named account. Honestly, I believe this to be a pretty scary site and social service compared to others on this list. It is full of blatant bullying, mean conversations, sexual innuendoes and lots of other things that I wouldn’t want my children to participate in. The problem is, it is quite popular with teens and tweens. Also, the company is based in Latvia (in the European Union) and follows Latvian Law. It’s unclear what cyberbullying policies and policing that law supports. If you want to pick a battle, try to control your kid’s usage & involvement on Ask.fm.

Kik According to Kik’s website: “Kik is the first smartphone messenger with a built-in browser. You can talk, browse and share with your friends.” It’s essentially a messenger like many others out there, however, it has a huge user base. Frequently, kids will write “Kik me at xxxx” on their other social profiles which essentially opens an un-filtered, private conversation channel WhatsApp WhatsApp is a messaging service that lets users exchange unlimited text, audio, photo and video messages over the Internet. Users like it because it doesn’t have ads, it costs nothing to use and it works on the same data plan used for email and web browsing. As of 2015, 50 percent more messages are sent using WhatsApp than SMS. Tumblr Users can post on their boards, follow other bloggers, or search posts by keywords. Tumblr lets bloggers post various content, such as text, photos, pictures, music, videos, links and more. Posted content can be original or re-posted from others’ boards. is a dating app for smartphones. Released in 2012, it’s a mashup of traditional online dating, GPS targeting, and instant messaging. Tinder Tinder is a dating app for smartphones. Released in 2012, it’s a mashup of traditional online dating, GPS targeting, and instant messaging. Users are shown with a photo of potential matches in their area, and then can anonymously rate that person by “swiping” their picture off the screen in a different direction. Interested? Swipe right. Not interested? Swipe left. If two users both “swipe right” to indicate they are interested, Tinder makes an “introduction” and reveals each user’s identity. The couple can then message each other and arrange to meet. Blendr: A flirting app used to meet new people through GPS location services. You can send messages, photos, videos, rate the hotness of other users, etc. There are no authentication requirements, so sexual predators can contact minors, minors can meet up with adults. And again, the sexting. Whisper: Whisper is an anonymous confession app. It allows users to superimpose text over a picture in order to share their thoughts and feelings anonymously. However, you post anonymously, but it displays the area you are posting from. You can also search for users posting within a mile from you. Due to the anonymity, kids are posting pics of other kids with derogatory text superimposed on the image. Also, users do not have to register to use Whisper and can use the app to communicate with other users nearby through GPS. Yik Yak: An app that allows users to post text-only “Yaks” of up to 200 characters. The messages can be viewed by the 500 Yakkers who are closest to the person who wrote the Yak, as determined by GPS tracking. Users are exposed to and are contributing sexually explicit content, derogatory language and personal attacks. Although the posts are anonymous, kids start revealing personal information as they get more comfortable with other users. Poof: This app allows users to make other apps “disappear” on their phone. Kids can hide any app they don’t want you to see by opening the app and selecting other apps.It’s obvious, right? Luckily, you can no longer purchase this app. But, if it was downloaded before it became unavailable, your child may still have it. Keep in mind that these types of apps are created and then terminated quickly, but similar ones are continuously being created. Others to look for: Hidden Apps, App Lock and Hide It Pro. Down: This app, which used to be called Bang With Friends, is connected to Facebook. Users can categorize their Facebook friends in one of two ways: They can indicate whether or not a friend is someone they’d like to hang with or someone they are “down” to hook-up with.

Pew Research Center 2015 http://www.pewinternet.org/2015/04/09/teens-social-media-technology-2015/

Facebook is the most popular and frequently used social media platform among teens; half of teens use Instagram, and nearly as many use Snapchat

Facebook remains the most used social media site among American teens ages 13 to 17 with 71% of all teens using the site, even as half of teens use Instagram and four-in-ten use Snapchat.

71% of teens use more than one social network site Teens are diversifying their social network site use. A majority of teens — 71% — report using more than one social network site out of the seven platform options they were asked about. Among the 22% of teens who only use one site, 66% use Facebook, 13% use Google+, 13% use Instagram and 3% use Snapchat.

Teens receive an average of 30 texts yet Snap Chat and IM are beginning to dominate those numbers. Many teens use snap chat as their form of texting.

Nearly three-quarters (72%) of teens play video games online or on their phone — 84% of boys and 59% of girls — play such games.

Ask Dad by Gillette… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmWRODY0ing

Internet Terms to Know: Trolling – looking or stalking someone’s page for information. Binge – watching hours and hours of a new show, finishing a complete show all 8 seasons in 2 days. Grooming – technique where stalkers identify and target teens to make a connection. They establish a rapport with their new friend and then move the conversation from a more public forum to a private forum like WhatsApp or Snapchat. Netflix and Chill – slang for lets go watch a movie and then have sex

1. IWSN - I want sex now 15. SUGARPIC - Suggestive or erotic photo 2. GNOC - Get naked on camera 16. KOTL - Kiss on the lips 3. PIR - Parent in room 17. (L)MIRL - Let's meet in real life 5 CU46 - See you for sex 18. TDTM - Talk dirty to me 6. 53X - Sex 20. 8 - Oral sex 7. 9 - Parent watching 21. CD9 - Parents around/Code 9 8. 99 - Parent gone 22. IPN - I'm posting naked 9. 1174' - Party meeting place 23. LH6 - Let's have sex 10. THOT - That hoe over there 24. WTTP - Want to trade pictures? 11. Broken - Hungover from alcohol 25. DOC - Drug of choice 13. 420 - Marijuana 26. TWD - Texting while driving 14. POS - Parent over shoulder 27. KPC- Keeping parents clueless

3 Effects of Media on Teens Today #1 False Sense of Identity – many teens today confuse their online persona with their identity in Christ. It is so difficult to separate.

Facebook Depression “Facebook depression,” defined as emotional disturbance that develops when preteens and teens spend a great deal of time on social media sites, is now a very real malady. Recent studies have shown that comparisons are the main cause of Facebook depression; the study showed that down-comparison (comparing with inferiors) was just as likely to cause depression as up-comparison (comparing with people better than oneself). However, there are contradictory reports as well. Another study showed that Facebook makes us happier and increased social trust and engagement among users. Given that our brains are wired to connect, it seems logical to expect that social networks, by enabling sharing, could cause a self-reinforcing sense of psychological satisfaction. These studies show that the effect of social network on well-being hinges on how social networks are used — whether to connect or to compare.

Cyberbullying, The American Psychological Association defines bullying as aggressive behavior by an individual that causes discomfort to another. Cyberbullying ranges from direct threatening and unpleasant emails to anonymous activities such as trolling. 32 percent of online teens admit to having experienced a range of menacing online advances from others. While direct unpleasant emails or messages are the most straightforward form of cyberbullying, they are probably the least prevalent in that only 13 percent of surveyed youngsters admitted to receiving threatening or aggressive messages. Even forwarding a private note to a group without permission from the sender is often perceived as cyberbullying; Pew research found that 15 percent of teens were disturbed and uncomfortable about having had their private message forwarded or posted in a public forum. Pew also found that nearly 39 percent of teens on social network have been cyberbullied in some way, compared with 22 percent of online teens who do not use social networks. Trolling, the act of deliberately inflicting hatred, bigotry, racism, misogyny, or just simple bickering between people, often anonymously, is also pervasive in social network. If you thought Trolls lived under bridge, 28 percent of America lives there, it seems.

Sexting Sexting, the action of sending sexually revealing pictures of themselves or sexually explicit messages to another individual or group, is another common activity among the teen community in social media. A nationwide survey by the National Campaign to Support Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy found a shocking 20 percent of teens participating in sexting. While teenage boys resort to sending sexually explicit or suggestive messages, teenage girls are more likely to send inappropriate photos of themselves, mostly to their boyfriends. However, the permanence and pervasiveness of the internet makes it a fertile ground for spreading such information to the extent of getting viral — 17 percent of sexters admittedly share the messages they receive with others, and 55 percent of those share them with more than one person. Beyond the personal trauma and humiliation sexting may cause, there are judicial ramifications as well; some states consider such activities as misdemeanors while many group sexting under felony. #2 They lose a sense of the gospel

1. The Gospel – The starting and finishing point a. Gospel according to Propaganda https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyYFxp7apl4 b. 1 Corinthians 15:1-5 [1] Now I would remind you, brothers, of the gospel I preached to you, which you received, in which you stand, [2] and by which you are being saved, if you hold fast to the word I preached to you—unless you believed in vain. [3] For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, [4] that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures, [5] and that he appeared to Cephas, then to the twelve. c. Romans 1:16-17 [16] For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. [17] For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, “The righteous shall live by faith.”

#3 Life becomes about the highlight not the journey.

Overcome the Shock and Awe and Dig beneath the Surface –

d. Peace i. Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ii. 2 Thessalonians 3:16 Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all. iii. John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” iv. Isaiah 26:3 You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. v. 1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. vi. 1 Peter 3:11 Let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. e. Music i. Tell the World by Lecrae https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yc8x33lAnAk ii. Last Friday Night Kate Perry https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlyXNRrsk4A

The Numbers from Barna Research Group … from the book You Lost Me

Reason #1 – Churches seem overprotective.

A few of the defining characteristics of today's teens and young adults are their unprecedented access to ideas and worldviews through popular culture. As Christians, they express the desire for their faith in Christ to connect to the world they live in. However, much of their experience of Christianity feels stifling, fear-based and risk-averse. One- quarter of 18- to 29-year-olds said “Christians demonize everything outside of the church” (23% indicated this “completely” or “mostly” describes their experience). Other perceptions in this category include “church ignoring the problems of the real world” (22%) and “my church is too concerned that movies, music, and video games are harmful” (18%).

Reason #2 – Teens’ and twentysomethings’ experience of Christianity is shallow.

A second reason that young people depart church as young adults is that something is lacking in their experience of church. One-third said “church is boring” (31%). One-quarter of these young adults said that “faith is not relevant to my career or interests” (24%) or that “the Bible is not taught clearly or often enough” (23%). Sadly, one-fifth of these young adults who attended a church as a teenager said that “God seems missing from my experience of church” (20%).

Reason #3 – Churches come across as antagonistic to science.

One of the reasons young adults feel disconnected from church or from faith is the tension they feel between Christianity and science. The most common of the perceptions in this arena is “Christians are too confident they know all the answers” (35%). Three out of ten young adults with a Christian background feel that “churches are out of step with the scientific world we live in” (29%). Another one-quarter embrace the perception that “Christianity is anti- science” (25%). And nearly the same proportion (23%) said they have “been turned off by the creation-versus- evolution debate.” Furthermore, the research shows that many science-minded young Christians are struggling to find ways of staying faithful to their beliefs and to their professional calling in science-related industries.

Reason #4 – Young Christians’ church experiences related to sexuality are often simplistic, judgmental.

With unfettered access to digital pornography and immersed in a culture that values hyper-sexuality over wholeness, teen and twentysometing Christians are struggling with how to live meaningful lives in terms of sex and sexuality. One of the significant tensions for many young believers is how to live up to the church's expectations of chastity and sexual purity in this culture, especially as the age of first marriage is now commonly delayed to the late twenties. Research indicates that most young Christians are as sexually active as their non-Christian peers, even though they are more conservative in their attitudes about sexuality. One-sixth of young Christians (17%) said they “have made mistakes and feel judged in church because of them.” The issue of sexuality is particularly salient among 18- to 29-year-old Catholics, among whom two out of five (40%) said the church’s “teachings on sexuality and birth control are out of date.”

Reason #5 – They wrestle with the exclusive nature of Christianity.

Younger Americans have been shaped by a culture that esteems open-mindedness, tolerance and acceptance. Today’s youth and young adults also are the most eclectic generation in American history in terms of race, ethnicity, sexuality, religion, technological tools and sources of authority. Most young adults want to find areas of common ground with each other, sometimes even if that means glossing over real differences. Three out of ten young Christians (29%) said “churches are afraid of the beliefs of other faiths” and an identical proportion felt they are “forced to choose between my faith and my friends.” One-fifth of young adults with a Christian background said “church is like a country club, only for insiders” (22%).

Reason #6 – The church feels unfriendly to those who doubt.

Young adults with Christian experience say the church is not a place that allows them to express doubts. They do not feel safe admitting that sometimes Christianity does not make sense. In addition, many feel that the church’s response to doubt is trivial. Some of the perceptions in this regard include not being able “to ask my most pressing life questions in church” (36%) and having “significant intellectual doubts about my faith” (23%). In a related theme of how churches struggle to help young adults who feel marginalized, about one out of every six young adults with a Christian background said their faith “does not help with depression or other emotional problems” they experience (18%).

Embrace Deep Relationships and reject Surface Level Attachment

Embrace Jesus not his Stuff

Beware of Moral Therapeutic Deism - According to sociologists Christian Smith and Melinda Lundquist Denton, most American teenagers believe in something dubbed "Moralistic Therapeutic Deism" (MTD). Within this MTD "religion," God is a cosmic therapist and divine butler, ready to help out when needed. He exists but really isn't a part of our lives. We are supposed to be "good people," but each person must find what's right for him or her. Good people will go to heaven, and we shouldn't be stifled by organized religion where somebody tells us what we should do or what we should believe.

Seek Accountability and Opportunities to Bond together

Parents - When high school teens were asked about their wishes for a better life: 27% wanted more money to buy items such as televisions and cars. 14% wished for a bigger house. 46% wished for more time spent together with family.

 Life out a strong faith before your kids/peers – one of the key statistically reasons that youth did not fall away was seeing their parents step out in acts of great faith and trust in the Lord.  Create Bonding opportunities – Passport to Purity, Modern Day Princess, Modern Day Knight, Family camping, Road trips etc…  Do not let worldly opportunities rob you of family time

Other Significant Mature in Christ Adults - 3 to 1 Concept of Ministry

Develop close friendships and family ties with other strong believers to surround your family.

Peers – The biggest influences on a teenagers life according to studies is #1 media, #2 Peers, #3 Parents, and #4 School. Resources: The Bible – Rediscover the gospel message Boundaries for Teens – John Townsend gives parenting advice specific to teens and teen issues The Purity Principle – Randy Alcorn discusses sexual purity I Kissed Dating Goodbye – Joshua Harris gives specific advice on dating Do Hard Things – Alex and Brett Harris gives advice on expectations and teens Websites and Articles: The Source for Youth Ministry http://www.thesource4ym.com/ Center for Parent/Youth Understanding http://www.cpyu.org/default.aspx Great Article about parenting teens http://meredisciple.com/blog/2010/06/top-ten-mistakes-christian- parents-of-teens-make/