Check out Weekend for a review of the Inside in NewS...WARC's back This week's Perspectives... naughty animated film "El Dorado," Gail on the air; plus, further information Jason Cashing, a senior and an EMT, Giewont's triumphant return and the story on on the debate about the first-year on why those sirens on North Main Livingston Taylor's visit to campus. seminars and advising. and Park never stop.
since 1876 "Liberty not Vol. 123, No. 20 exercised is Thursday liberty lost." April 13, 2000 —Gene Policinski IBatter Up FS Program Debated
By KARA HARCHUCK all the faculty are trained to teach completed prior to a student's News Editor writing and speaking, in particular, formal declaration of major. so we have to go to workshops to This component of the First As the first full year of the new learn to do it." Seddig said that and Second Seminar requirement First and Second Seminar program this lack of training would not is in addition to three others—FS comes to a close, students, faculty apply to all faculty, but it would to 101, FS 102 and FS 201. The pur- and administrators are sharply some. pose of these three classes is to divided on whether or not the pro- Most faculty that responded to enhance analytical and critical gram is either credible or an im- questioning regarding these meet- skills, along with written and oral provement on previous programs. ings and workshops found them to communication skills. According to Professor of Re- be useful and of some assistance; The topics vary from year to ligious Studies Carl Olson, "When however, one faculty member, year as well as the instructors. one is forced to teach what one is who wished to remain anonymous, However, the instructor of the 101 not trained to do everyone suffers, used the phrase, "huge waste of course becomes the student's advi- including departmental offerings. time," in reference to them. sor for the remainder of the year. As for the advising part of the pro- Students are then automatically gram, I am embarrassed to be as- " I am embarrassed to be required to register for the Aca- sociated with a college that offers associated with a college demic Planning Requirement (APL) under this advisor. They [academic] credit for advising." that offers [academic] credit Olson touched on the two main are then to meet With the advisor concerns of some students and for advising." several times during the semester faculty regarding the pro- to discuss future plans in terms of gram—the resulting commitment Credit for Advising classes and majors. The student required from the faculty, and the A second item of concern for writes a final short paper regarding implementation of extending three many is the issue of the segment of plans for their academic future. separate credits for the advising the program known as the "Aca- For these meetings and papers, section of the new program. demic Planning Requirements," they receive an academic credit on Faculty Training where students are required to take their grade reports. Professor Robert Seddig, Po- a sequence of three one credit ad- "Doing advising well, both as litical Science Department Chair, vising units—Academic Planning an advisor and an advisee, is work, explained that a main component 101, 201 and 202. These classes so we're recognizing that work of the First Year Seminars is the are on the student's schedule of [with credit]," said Rick Holm- increased speaking and writing courses, and begin in the second gren, Associate Dean of the Col- component. "We feel students semester of the first year, extend- lege. don't get enough public speaking ing through each semester of the "These are three credits in ad- dition to the 128 needed to gradu- /awar, experience." The seminars are sophomore year. They receive a ways to give students an early start credit/no credit mark for the com- ate," Holmgren continued, "so In a home game earlier thhis season sophomore Jessica Young to oral communication and pres- pletion of each. The culmination of they are on top of what we were shows her skills in the batters' box. This weekend, the Allegheny entation. the three creates an Academic —see FS, page 4— Women's Softball will host the Allegheny Invitational at Robertson However, Seddig added, "Not Planning Portfolio, which must be field. —photo by Many Hrach Campus Moving Toward Energy Efficieny dent of the College Richard Cook The company, which has yet to be lion in needed work to make the By ERICA ERWIN recently signed a letter of intent in determined, would examine eve- college more energy efficient. News Editor partnership with Meadville Medi- rything from light bulbs and boil- The college plans to select a firm cal Center (MMC) to negotiate an ers to water controls on faucets and in the upcoming weeks. The cho- "Greening." It's a catchphrase energy performance contract. air handling units. sen firm will then perform a full Please Note... used in today's environmentally This contract would allow for an At present, three energy man- energy audit on every building on This week's issue is eight conscious society referring to the energy management firm to come agement firms have been inter- campus. After the inspection is pages in length so that we process of implementing environ- to the campus and evaluate all as- viewed. Representatives from each completed, the firm will submit can continue bringing you mentally responsible designs in pects of Allegheny's energy use. firm were given a tour of the cam- recommendations identifying areas buildings. Soon, the campus may According to Vice President of pus in February in which each did in which energy savings could be news next week. Next join corporations and action groups Finance and Administration Joseph a preliminary walk-through of the found and the measures needed to week's issue will be the nationwide in the effort to become Grasso, the chosen company campus to assess energy usage. achieve those savings, including last of this academic year. more environmentally accountable. would determine whether energy is The preliminary walk-through in —see ENERGY, page 4— —The Campus staff On behalf of Allegheny, Presi- being used efficiently on campus. February revealed up to $1.5 mil- Page 2 News April 13, 2110 The Campus Asks CRIME BLOTTER compiled by Indigo Weber, Staff Photographer ■ Criminal mischief was re- ■ There was a theft reported at ■ One college employee and one ported at Caflisch Hall on the admissions office on Apr. housekeeper fell on ice on What are your plans for the rest Apr. 6 at 1 a.m. Security sus- 8. Money and a CD disk were Apr. 10. Both were taken to pects that a pickle jar went taken. Security found no signs the hospital and were released. of the academic year? through a window, which will of forced entry. cost $130 to replace. There are no suspects. CAMPUS BRIEFS "There's still class? No, really, I MIGHT work on my ■ Allegheny Repertory Dance ■ The Allegheny College foot- 2755 o r e-mail will present its 16th annual ball team will hold its annual [email protected] to reserve two 15-pagers...or go to the spring concerts on Thursday, bars." —Jessica Acevedo '00 instructional youth football your seat today. April 13, Friday, April 14 and camp on Saturday, April 15 Saturday, April 15 at 8 p.m. in from 9 a.m. to noon in the ■ The women's studies program the Montgomery Performance David V. Wise Center. This will present "Ladies of the Space. Allegheny Repertory camp is free of charge and is Lake: A Matriarchal Society" Dance is a company of student open to all children in grades on Wednesday, April 19 at dancers who maintain in rep- two through six. Each child 12:30 p.m. in the Grounds for ertory and perform in concert will receive lunch and a camp Change coffeehouse (3rd floor the work of professional cho- t-shirt. For more information, of the Campus Center). This reographers. For more infor- contact Joyce Gionti at 333- film will examine the Mosuo mation on this performance, 3350. culture of rural China and is "Job hunting for after finals please contact the Dance Pro- and working my ass off. After part of the Women's Studies gram at 332-2813. • Celebrate Asia! will present a Third Wednesday Film Series. Springfest, of course." Luau Festival on Saturday, —Cliff Francis '01 For more information, contact ■ Kim Phan, Allegheny alumna April 15 at 9 p.m. in Brooks the women's studies program and publication editor for the Dining Hall. For more infor- at 332-3378. U.S. AEP, will give a lunch- mation, contact the Office of time lecture on Thursday, Diversity Affairs at 332-3332. ■ Several summer employment April 13 at noon in the Cul- positions are available for stu- tural Center (3rd floor of the ■ Allegheny will present a dents. Housing is also avail- Campus Center). AEP is an Holocaust Survivors' Panel on able for all students who work American environmental or- Monday, April 17 at 7 p.m. in on campus during the summer. "I am resisting the urge to ganization dedicated to help- Ford Chapel. The panel will For more information, contact fling my comp out the ing developing countries feature one Holocaust survi- Sherry Proper at 332-2701. A window and follow it...o achieve the "Clean Revolu- vor, one German-born U.S. complete list of the positions f tion." This is a Celebrate Asia! course I live on the first floor, soldier and a current German available is posted in the Fi- event. For more information, student to share their experi- nancial Aid office and on the so it doesn't really matter." contact the Office of Diversity —Mark Manafo '00 ences before, during and after inside College website. Affairs at 332-3332. World War II. For more in- formation, contact the Office ■ There are work-study posi- ■ The Allegheny College chap- of Events at 332-3101. tions available in the Athletic ter of Habitat for Humanity is department for the Fall 2000 planning "The Home Run," a ■ Want to learn new ways to semester. Varsity Football 5K run/walk fundraising advertise your organization? Team Managers are needed event, on Saturday, April 15. How about learning to make for the 2000 football season. This event is intended to raise pamphlets and flyers? The Please contact Coach Jim funds and awareness for Alle- Microsoft Publisher workshop Glogowski at 332-2803 or gheny's "Neighbor to Neigh- on Tuesday, April 18 from 6 visit him in the Wise Center "Study my ass off and hope bor" project, in which the first to 7 p.m. in Murray Hall will for further information. for the best." Allegheny-sponsored Habitat teach you how to do all of —Jonathan McLean '02 house will be built. Registra- these things, plus much more, tion is $10 and starts at 8 a.m., using the countless features of and the race will begin at 9 Publisher. Space is limited, so a.m. call the Help Desk at 332-
The Campus Staff C, Contact Information Editorial Board: Hey you... Bob Britten, Erica Erwin, Dane Foster, Shannon Editor-in-Chief: Jennifer Midgley Newsroom: (814)-332-5386 Harbaugh, Kara Harchuck, Jennifer Midgley, Andrew The Campus staff Managing Editor: Bob Britten Fax: (814)-724-6834 Mihailoff, Kimberly Rehak, Chuck Steinfurth meets in the news- Online Managing Editor: Andrew Mihailoff E-mail: [email protected] room, room U-202 The editor-in-chief and managing editor hold Advisory Forum: on the second floor Advertising Manager: Sagrario Gil office hours Mon. and Thurs. 3-5. Dean Dave Mclnally, Mary Norton, Dr. Barry Shapiro, Dr. Courtenay Dodge, Jessica Frieder, Kevin Wright of the Campus News Editors: Erica Erwin, Assistant News Editors: Shannon Harbaugh, John Paul Marcantonio Center, every Tues- Kara Harchuck Assistant Perspectives Editors: Heather Chapman, Kendra Stanton To place an advertisement or classified ad, call 332- day at 7:30. Every- Perspectives Editor: Dane Foster Assistant Weekend Editors: Abby Milligan, Brianna Pike, Amy Zader 5386. one is welcome. Weekend Editor: Kimberly Rehak Assistant Sports Editor: Rebecca Rittenhouse Stop by with article Sports Editor: Chuck Steinfurth Assistant Photography Editor: position available Reader Advocate Sandy Simon is available for consulta- ideas, photo ops, > with subject line "attn Photography Editor: Tiffany Hrach Business Manager: Heidi Walsh tion at Perspectives Letters, Editorial, Opinion EDITORIAL Advising Credit Gives Little Credit First-year students need a method of acclimating themselves to the college environment. They need an advisor to help them decide among classes and professors, and to aid them in plan- Letters to the Editor ning their academic futures. Seminars such as those offered in the First and Second Seminar program benefit students in these ways, along with Panhellenic--Upholding a Reputation providing them opportunities to expand their analytical and As a response to the recent hold a higher GPA than women commending them for the safety critical thinking skills, as well as their oral and written com- edition of The Compost, we, the who are unaffiliated with a and security they provide their munication skills. Panhellenic Council feel it sorority. As of the Spring 1999 members. In fact, we are bringing a self-defense speaker to campus The new program extends additional credit for academic ad- appropriate and necessary to semester, the average GPA for address some of the issues directed Greek women was 3.12 where as for the second year in a row, just a vising. Although some type of seminar is necessary and bene- toward Greek life. We understand the average GPA for unaffiliated single example of our concern for ficial, the new program may create more problems than bene- that the articles in The Compost women was 3 . 0 8 . women's issues. fits. were written for entertainment The Greek women on this In closing, we respect The Offering credit as an incentive for students to plan their aca- purposes, but we feel that some of campus are also highly involved in Campus' decision to publish an issue of satire, however, we felt it demic careers presumes that the students are not capable cf these "jokes" were done in poor other activities outside of sorority taste. life. Some of these involvements 'inappropriate to direct so much thinking or acting for themselves. While guidance is neces- We are proud of our many include ASG, GAP, Lambda attention and criticism to Greek sary, part of the college experience is learning to manage your accomplishments and involvement Sigma, Orchesis, and departmental life. We can all take a joke, but own affairs. on campus, and feel they were honor societies. A number of feel the articles written slighted the Students who make the decision to come to college should slighted by the comments made Greek women are also Alden actions we have taken to improve campus life here at Allegheny. have the responsibility and self-motivation to take care of their about our Greek system. We feel Scholars, FSAs, and on the Dean's these articles diminishing our List. Greek women are not only campus scheduling and seek guidance from their advisors on their own reputation in the eyes of not only Another aspect of our Greek leaders, but great assets to the accord. Those who do not follow through with this have only the College community, but system that needs to be highlighted community at large. themselves to blame. prospective students and parents is our outstanding Risk LEANNE BLOOR Faculty passed the program in its current form by only two alike. Management program. Several of Panhellenic VP of Public Relations votes. (See story, page 1.) This shows a lack of support Academically, Greek women the chapters here received awards among the faculty for the program, and by passing it, they have succeeded in giving themselves more work without more pay. Be Thankful; May the Sirens be Steadfast It also seems that the idea of using this program to improve re- While some sleep and others study there are people tention puts undue pressure on the faculty to solve the retention I out there who make themselves available all night and all day to help others. While we sit in the safety and problem through constant attention to advisees. This hurts oth- Jason Cashing comfort of our rooms, lounges and labs, there are ers by taking more time away from students, such as comping people who sacrifice sleep and comfort to work in seniors, and by possibly cutting back on course offerings. unfavorable conditions and under great deals of stress The First and Second Seminar classes provide ample op- to help others. Certainly we do not do this for the pay, portunity for students to meet with professors and plan their which is not much, and neither do we do it for the It's late. For many students it is the time of work, to glory. Many times we are not even acknowledged. academic futures. There seems no need to require additional finish that paper before the morning, or to study for an Yet we do it anyway. We go through long hours of credit and outside class time to tasks that ought to be exercises exam that's still weeks away. For others who are more intense training and testing. We endure long, sleepless in self-discipline and responsibility. fortunate, it is a chance to sleep and get the rest we nights and stress filled days. All this led me to a new desire. We are either concentrating on the books, or perspective on the situation of the ever-present sirens. drifting into peaceful bliss. But then it starts. We hear So while students and faculty alike may curse and it softly in the distance, but we know it will get closer. shake their fists as an ambulance yet again races up All editorials represent the majority opinion of the And closer it comes, graduating from a soft whine to a Main Street, I give thanks. Every time we hear a siren, shrill annoyance. The sirens are coming yet again. Editorial Board. it means there is someone out there that is in pain or For four years now I've listened day in and day out danger. And in every instance, there are several people as ambulances and fire trucks fly by at all hours of the who are going as fast as they can to help and comfort day, sirens at full wail and ear-piercing pitch. And that person. almost invariably come with those sirens the annoyed They are people who have dedicated their lives to looks and muffled curses of students, tired of the daily thankless work because they care enough to do so. irritations. We roll our eyes. We look away in disgust. When I hear sirens in the distance, I give thanks that We wish that the person who invented the siren would these people exist, and that I am one of them. I pray for have gone off into the wilderness to enjoy the peace and The Campus welcomes all reader response. We reserve the right to reject their safety and the safety of all around them, and I ask all letters of a purely promotional nature, as well as letters which do not quiet instead of being so creative. But either way, we God's guidance in their work. can't get around it; the sirens are here to stay. meet our standards of integrity, accuracy and decency. Opinions expressed . Instead of cursing them for disrupting our lives, we As I listen to the complaints and voiced irritations, in Letters to the Editor, editorial columns and editorial cartoons do not should be grateful that they are there to do so. Because and watch as people roll their eyes, I have to wonder The Campus. The deadline for submission if any of us is ever in danger or in pain, these people necessarily reflect the views of what we've come to. Since the end of my freshman of letters is 5 p.m. the Monday before publication. Letters must be typed will be there to help us out, and such a sure and year, I've worked with an ambulance company in constant blessing does not come to everyone in this and signed, with a phone number included for verification. Any letter that Conneaut Lake, and am now an EMT. True, we are cannot be verified will not be printed. world. I hope the sirens never end. I shudder to think somewhat isolated here on campus, and we don't of what may happen if they do. always appreciate the intrusions of lord nose-makers, All questions concerning the above policy should be directed to the but there is another side to the story, one that I've Reader Advocate. experienced first hand. Jason Cashing is a member of the class of '00. Page 4 News April 13, 2008 FS from page 1 in providing a good compromise doing. It's not in replacement of component, is to solidify relation- Another potential problem of too early to tell if the new program between guiding students in mak- former requirements." ships between faculty and students the program is that with all the will significantly alter departmen- ing life decisions and allowing According to Holmgren, "If in an effort to improve retention time and faculty being used to tal offerings, but most said they independent personal growth you really want to study abroad or rates. "Our hope is that it will teach the FS and APL courses, less had not experienced students with within the context of a true liberal double major,. you should think have a positive effect on reten- upper level courses are available. major problems thus far. arts education." about that now. The Academic tion," Holmgren said. "But it's too Junior Adam Wiles declared Professors' Opinions Most professors interviewed Planning process should help stu- soon to tell if it will succeed. It himself a Managerial Economics When the faculty voted for this seemed to think there are advan- dents." will be about three years before we major last fall. "I planned my program at the last faculty meeting tages and disadvantages to this, Most faculty interviewed de- know." schedule with my advisor a long of 1998, the program only passed along with any, first seminar pro- clined to comment on the issue of According to Seddig, "I think time ago," Wiles said. "But when by two votes, 32-30. This.is not gram. "What I like about the new credit for the APL courses. there's a very rewarding feeling it came time to schedule this se- nearly half of the over 100 faculty program is that it sets some clearer Olson, however, reinforced his about working with junior and mester, I could only take two of members employed by the Col- expectations for what is expected opinion of the advising compo- senior majors and minors, par. the offered Comm. Arts classes lege. The vote was taken later in of advisors and advisees," said nent, saying that, "Instead of ticularly through the comp and (my minor), and the two I tool. the evening, after many faculty Terrence Bensel, Assistant Profes- moving towards excellence, we're other projects. But for years, I conflicted with Economics classes members had already left. Despite the close vote, many sor of Environmental Science. "In moving towards mediocrity." think the feeling here has been I needed.. There were no other the end, I think it is an imperfect Although some professors there's not enough personal, sup- options, so I ended up having to professors said that they had little to no problems with the new pro- model but that it is replacing a far questioned whether other "quality" porting contact with first and sec- alter my major to just Economics." gram. Assistant Professor of more imperfect model." liberal arts colleges offer such ond year students. Most juniors interviewed had "I'm not claiming it's the best credit on advising, according to "The theory is the more distant little to no problem scheduling or Chemistry Shaun Murphree said, solution," Holmgren said, "but it's Holmgren, "We're not the only they feel from the academic pro- completing their requirements. "1 believe the Allegheny admini- the best we came up with." institution doing this, there are gram and the faculty," Seddig Professors interviewed said it is stration is showing due diligence others of equal academic standing continued, "the more likely they doing it. I would not be surprised are to transfer. Retention is an to discover others with academic issue here." ENERGY from page 1 components." The idea that students who Defense of APL Requirement don't feel connected here tend to renovations and energy-saving is better than undertaking this college and MMC must still make Holmgren said he felt the extra go has led to reinventing the first equipment. alone," said Kathy Greely, co- the initial investment. credits were necessary for several seminar programs continuously, According 'to a briefing on the director of Meadville Community "The final hurdle to overcome is reasons. First, he said that if the according to Seddig. subject, the benefits to Allegheny Energy Project and member of the selecting a way to finance," said advising portion were included in "I think the idea of a first semi- and MMC are expected to be college committee. Grasso. The college is considering the First Seminar classes, students nar is a good one, and this new one threefold: savings in operational Although all buildings on cam- outside funding as well as the pos- would have different advisors is more elaborate, involving the cost due to reduced energy usage; pus will be evaluated, not all will sibility of state and federal aid in when the class changed over se- more structured academic compo- environmental benefits due to re- benefit from new energy-caviner the form of grants. " I think the mesters. "We think it's important nent with credit. We'll have to duced energy consumption and measures, said Grasso. "The new hospital would be receptive [in to keep advisors the same," he wait to see how that works." Sed- increased awareness; and a demon- buildings will benefit less, but all helping the college finance]," said. dig said. stration the positive effects of two will be evaluated," he said. Grasso said. "However, they're This leads to a second reason Student Reaction institutions working together. Grasso also added that the col- more conservative on their finance for supplying credit. "Suppose Students taking the class have Along with a college committee, ege might decide not to act on the options than we are." students are not with their advisors had varied experiences and opin- MMC employees and the Depart- . ecommendations of the energy "By working together we save for class. How do you get them to ions on its merit. ment of Environmental Protection irm. "We're only going to act on money. We hope through joint take course selection and working First-year student Sarah Kost are involved in the venture. hings that pay back our invest- venture we can get a better price," with advisors seriously?" Holni- said she had a positive experience "This will launch Allegheny into ment quickly," he said. said Ken Hanna, director of the gren questioned. with the program. "I think they a new phase of greening the cam- Although the energy savings will Maintenance Building. He added that in the past, many are pretty decent—you get to pus," said Grasso. "We're becom- pay for the employment of the Pending the approval of financ- students were only going to their know your advisor better," she ing more environmentally con- energy service company and the ing, the energy audit could be un- advisors several minutes before the said. scious and responsible." Associate implementation of their recom- derway as early as August or Sep- registration deadline to acquire Josh VerHague, another first- Professor of Environmental Sci- mendations in the long run, the tember. necessary signatures. This locked year, said the seminars are "a good ence Eric Pallant agreed. "This is professors into either not signing adjustment to the school." great economic news and also ex- the cards and creating problems However, other students said cellent news for the environment," they were less supportive of the he said. WARC Problems for students, or signing the cards without having a chance to sit program. First-year Lindsay Pallant also noted the impor- By KARA HARCHUCK Smith said, "I haven't talked to :1) tance of the relationship between ASG (Allegheny Student Govern- down and discuss classes and op- News Editor tions with the student. advisor once this semester." the college and MMC. "I believe ment), we can afford to replace it, According to Holmgren, the First-year Jenna Zonneveld the collaboration between the col- For students who set tLeir and the parts are ordered, but we're APL requirement was imple- said of the class, "My advisor is so lege and the hospital, two of the morning alarms to FM 90.3, recent waiting for them to come in," Ku- mented to take care of such prob- far out of my field of interest that most prominent employers in troubles may have made them late kic said. lems. it's not beneficial." Meadville, will provide leadership to class. WARC, the College's Ian Baum, senior Rotations Per Retention First-year students are not the for other large institutions in and own radio station, went off the air Minute (RPM) Director, explained A final reason for the new pro- only students who have been af- around the city interested in im- last Thursday due to technical dif- why the station would be in and gram, particularly for the APL fected by the program. proving the environment and their ficulties. out for the next week. "The bottom line." The station managed to come transmitter is very old, and it's According to Grasso the new back on Tuesday morning, but then falling apart," Baum said. "We energy-saving measures are ex- went back off that same afternoon. just don't want to put a lot of time, effort and money into fixing it and Meet and Greet Alums, work hard and have fun! pected to save the college 15 to 20 As of yesterday, they were back percent of its energy costs, up, however, they expect to be off getting it up and running, because amounting to $200,000 a year. and on sporadically for at least the new one is coming next week. Students Wanted! Grasso said the cost of any energy- another week. The old one will then just be recy- To Work Reunion Week savings recommendations would "Our transmitter (the device cled." According to Baum, "Right May 30 through June 4, 2000 eventually pay for themsel•. es that sends out the radio signal) is in through the money the college really bad shape and in need of now it's back on, and people are saves in reduced energy costs. replacement," said senior Adam doing their shows." Just be pre- Call Alumni Office (x5384) to schedule an interview "The companies guarantee a Kukic, the station's Triple A pared for it to be off and on with certain level of savings. That's (Adult Alternative Acoustic) Mu- the transmitter for the next week. why [the cooperation with MMC] sic Director. Set your alarms to the buzzer "With the funds we have from until further notice. The Campus — • • • • • • • • • IN • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ I Humor, Interviews, Music, Movies Weekend• • • • • • • • ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Seniors Sing at Recital By ABBY MILLIGAN year student. Assistant Weekend Editor Wozniak is completing a music minor. Besides studying with Vicki Allegheny College was alive Jamison throughout his four years with the sound of Jackie Skroupa here, Wozniak has also participated and Jeffrey Wozniak's music last in Chamber Choir, College Choir, Saturday. On April 8, Skroupa's and Men's Ensemble. and Wozniak performed a senior As voice students, Skroupa and voice recital at Ford Chapel. Wozniak have prepared for the With the help of vocal coach recital all semester. When choosing and Allegheny music instructor music pieces they wanted to incor- Vicki Jamison, Skroupa and Woz- porate into the show, Skroupa and niak combined their talents per- Wozniak choose pieces that they fected over the last four years to put have learned throughout four years together a senior recital. of vocal classes. "The idea to have recital started Traditionally, music selections out as a joke between Jackie and I," for voice recitals are chosen from an said Wozniak. "And then we just songs, operas, sacred pieces, and thought, why not?" Wozniak con- folk song arrangements, and at least tinued. three different languages should be Skroupa and Wozniak then ap- represented. Skroupa's and Wozni- proached Jamison with their idea. ak's recital reflected this format. "Vicki thought it was a good idea Other forms of voice recitals solely and we went with it," said Wozniak. feature songs from one larger work. Singing is something that Either of these repertoire should be Skroupa has always wanted to do. chosen for all formal vocal recitals. A voice student since she was 13, Skroupa and Wozniak arranged their program with sacred songs Skroupa knew that she wanted to FLO-BOT—Our dedicated humor columnist, Gail Giewont, tries to klepto her favorite robot, Flo, first, followed by operatic songs, continue improving her vocal skills who has an extra special "connection" with Keanu Reeves. Flip to The Last Page to read about at Allegheny. Although not a music and ending with art and folk songs. Gail's excursion to Flo and CMU. -photo by Tiffany Hrach major or minor, Skroupa has taken Dr. Ward Jamison, Allegheny pro- voice classes since she was a first- -see VOICE on The Last Page— ARD Performs This Weekend Liv Gets Jiggy By JACKIE EIDAM ern Dance 1 classes, and is choreo- Crooks, "Looking For a Soft Place Weekend Reporter to Land" is danced by 7 men and By AMY ZADER graphed and danced by 16 mem- Loewe, and Rodgers and and KIMBERLY REHAK women, and is performed to origi- Hammerstein. bers of the Allegheny community. Assistant Weekend Editor Weekend Editor nal music by Aaron Copland. Taylor is also a professor at the The piece is based on nursery "Almost There" is choreo- The 1999-2000 Centerstage Berklee College of Music in Boston rhymes and features both singing graphed by junior Sarah Salvaterra Season ended Saturday night, April where he teaches a course on stage "Allegheny Repertory Dance and dancing. Vocal coaching has and will be danced by four Alle- 8, with a musical performance by performance and technique. He has (ARD) is the performance group been offered by Viek Jamison. Livingston Taylor in Shafer written several textbooks and that presents the work of profes- "The piece has been a collabo- gheny women. They will perform Auditorium. Taylor, the younger children's books, including Can I Be sional choreographers," said Jan rative enterprise," said Hyatt, "so to a version of Tracy Chapman's brother of singer James Taylor, Good?, a children's book inspired Hyatt, head of the dance depart- the process of creating has been "The Promise," which will be per- captured the crowd with his soft by his golden retriever. Taylor also ment. "The function of such a challenging for us all. In perform- formed by John Hyatt and Jeffrey singing voice, acoustic guitar, and enjoys piloting his six-seater 1964 group is to broaden the technical ance the dancers are challenged by Walters. vivid sense of humor. Cessna plane. and artistic perspectives of both the creating the vocal score while Salvaterra explains that the Taylor kept the audience During his performance, Taylor dancers and the audience." dancing, by listening to one an- purpose of her piece is to "create a laughing throughout the 2-hour also displayed his talent on the Since the 16th Annual ARD other movement by movement and work that was expressive of art, performance. He came out on stage piano and banjo. Interacting with concert is being performed on by staying in the dance." not just entertainment." and welcomed the crowd to this the audience, he brought a woman April 13, 14, and 15 at 8 p.m. in Betsy Sumerfiled's re-staging "I think the piece conveys a "mid-winter night," referring to the on stage to sing the duet "City the Montgomery Performance of "Tribute" is performed to an type of longing to be with someone unseasonable snow outside. He Lights" with him that he usually Space, it is now quite easy for array of Beatles songs. It takes one or to reach some type of goal that drew a playful mixed reaction from sings with his brother James. anyone to become a part of that on a journey through the 60's, has been long desired," she added. the audience saying he just came Taylor's sense of humor was also audience. touching on the eras of the twist, "A Matter of Heart" is a piece from Ohio, and claiming that while apparent in his songs. He told the The concert, which is free of drugs, the Kent State shootings, choreographed by James Reedy he likes Ohio, "it's no audience about the three days he and danced by Jenny Crooks. Pennsylvania." cost and open to the public, will and more. The piece is performed spent in Nashville that inspired the "This is an entirely different Born in Boston and raised in feature six dance pieces created by to the music of a live band and song "I Hate Country Music." He venue from Orchesis, which is the Chapel Hill, NC, Taylor left home at also sang about his dream of guitar- one student and five professional ends with the song "Imagine." concert most students are accus- age 16 to move back to Boston playing becoming an Olympic choreographers. These works will "'Tribute' was the first piece of where he struggled to get noticed event. He then took on the role of be performed by students and other professional work to be purchased tomed to seeing," said sophomore singing in coffee shops around the commentator in the event as he members of the Allegheny com- for Allegheny Dancers," said dancer Leah Konopka about ARD. city. At the age of 20, Taylor was played his guitar. munity. Hyatt. "It was shown at the first "This concert features the choreog- discovered by producer Jon Landau, Before and after Saturday's For the interest of time, each ARD performance in fall of 1984." raphy of professionals, plus most who went on to manage well-known performance, Taylor greeted his piece will be performed two of the Joan Meggit's piece, "Looking pieces use live music, which adds a artists like Bruce Springsteen. audience in the lobby of the campus three nights. "Only a Mo- For a Soft Place to Land" was in- fun element to each dance." While Taylor considers himself a center. He believes "the audience is ment," choreographed by Abby spired by a soft painting entitled pop singer, his music is often your only reason for being on Alter, is a geometric, movement- Ruth 's Dream, which depicts a Inside Weekend: categorized as folk because of his stage...your music means nothing, based piece which features twelve woman who appears to be blending acoustic guitar. Over the years, he except as it reaches an audience." Allegheny men and women and into the night. The piece translates - Robots has produced 11 albums, sung in This was not Taylor's first original music from James Willa- the painting as the dancers are numerous commercials, and written performance at Allegheny. He told - Ween man. helping one another look for rest music for radio and television. His the audience he had been at - SCRB Conceived and directed by Jan and, therefore, involves lifting and performances consist of his own Allegheny in 1978, and commented -Cartoon porn...almost Hyatt, "Rhymes" evolved from the partnering techniques. Under the songs about life and love as well as that Shafer "is a nice place to play Principles of Movement and Mod- rehearsal direction. of Jenny songs by Gershwin, Lerner and in." Page 6 Weekend The Campus What's the dilly-o? Ween Produces a Doped By BRIANNA PIKE members of SCRB found that due to light of the wheel chair bound stu- Up White Pepper Assistant Weekend Editor cuts, a full time employee of the dent who has been admitted to next Health Center had been let go. This year's freshman class. By KEITH BRYNER material to date, are also terribly terribly catchy. Gone are the inac- If you are interested in making a in turn affected when the Health SCRB usually meets every two Weekend Rvorter Center could be open, because there cessible guitar opuses that used to difference on campus, then the Stu- to three weeks to discuss how ev- populate Ween's releases; in their were not enough people to work eryone is coming on their projects, dent College Review Board (SCRB) After a hiatus of a little under stead are four minute microcosms there during the weekend. The em- any concerns that members may wants you. SCRB deals with prob- two years, the ever-evolving entity which capture the musical virtuos- lems that affect Allegheny students. ployees that were left were part time have, or discussing new projects to and could only work so many hours' that is New Hope, Pennsylvania's ity of the group in a much shorter SCRB is currently comprised of tackle. Ween release their newest full about six active members, and since a week. "SCRB is nice, because it's not span of time. The opening track length record, entitled White Pep- some will be graduating they are "We cannot always solve the very formal. We meet for dinner, "Exactly Where I'm At" immedi- per, looking for interested individuals to problem, but we can at least explain and we can plan our meetings on their longtime home ately swirls the listener up into an step up. to students why things are the way around our schedules," said Elektra Records. Spacey, dreamy, eddy of psychedelic guitar effects, SCRB handles projects on a they are," said DeMarco. Krazmien. and normally coked out of their all the while hooking you on smaller scale that affect Allegheny "We worked a lot on RA evalua "It's nice working with a small brains, the Ween brothers, Dean Gene's unique, enunciated tenor. students. tions last semester, and I think that's group, because we get to know each and Gene, create some of the most "Flutes of Chi" incorporates sam- "We listen around for complaints the best thing we have done since I other, and then we work better to- interesting and infectious pop mu- ples of traditional Indian music in or comments, and we take them on have been involved. We are also gether," added DeMarco. sic this side of the 2l g century creating a very smarmy, trance if we have the ability," said senior working on TA evaluations," said SCRB describes itself in its ap- thanks to their innovative use of inducing pop gem. member Chrystie DeMarco. sophomore member Brenda Smith. plication as an organization "that the traditional guitar and drum Other standouts include the pi- An example of this is a project SCRB members worked on re- tackles manageable problems in all formula. ano laced Beatles-homage "Even If wording some of the questions on that SCRB handled concerning the aspects of Allegheny Life." You Don't," while "Stroker Ace" Health Center. the Resident Advisor (RA) evalua- "We are looking for students tions, and made the turning in of the music Review grabs you like a Jon Spencer Blues "Students were unhappy that the who want to make the school a bet- Explosion track crossed with Iggy evaluation more confidential. ter place," said DeMarco. Health Center was not open on Pop. The Pink Floyd-esque track weekends," said sophomore member SCRB is also possibly looking If you are interested in SCRB After having released records "Back to Basom" pulls you in with Katie Krazmien. into a project concerning wheel contact any of the members men- spanning from traditional country ( soaring guitar notes and thick am- After looking into the matter, chair accessibility on campus, in. tioned or Laura Wies. 12 Golden Country Greats ) to plifier fuzz; "Stay Forever" in- experimental lo-fi four track re- vokes the specter of America's cordings ( The Pod ), Ween seem great pop practitioner Matthew "El Dorado" No Grea I Wonder finally to have found some sort of By BOB BRRTEN When the duo reaches El could mislead parents who rely on Sweet in its stripped down melo- Managing Editor Dorado, via an Elton John- ratings in choosing a family film. happy medium in White Pepper. dies and instantly recognizable accompanied travel montage, they The heroes of "El Dorado" Taking a cue from their last full chorus. However, no Ween release Three years ago, Twentieth and their trusty horse are inevitably end up confronting length, 1998s The Mollusk, the would be complete without some Century Fox did the impossible, immediately received as gods, Tzekel-Kan, supporting the duo, often backed by guitar- sort of anomaly, and White Pepper hammering a hole in the Disney thanks to a helpful run-in with a storytelling industry's apparent ist/bassist Andrew Weiss ( "Mean is no exception (the track "Bananas barrier with the help of a little slave girl , Chel (Rosie Perez). The prejudice against conniving Grand Ween" ) and drummer Claude and Blow" sings the virtues of Russian girl named Anastasia. After chief of the Aztec-ish locals Vizier-types. It is not giving Coleman, alternate on their latest living a life in the tropics con- the first hole in the dam, other (Edward James Olmos) and the high anything away to say that Good from British pop melodies to acid- suming copious amounts of ba companies took their shots at the priest Tzekel-Kan (Armand endures, and that Evil once again drenched psychedelia guitar riffs. nanas and illegal drugs). animated, with promising results Assante) vie for the gods' attention, falls from a very high cliff (the only Gone are the days of Ween's trib- And if it wasn't mentioned ear- like last year's "Prince of Egypt" and it's apparent there's been some acceptable means of Good carrying utes to pork roll, egg, and cheese lier, Ween tend to espouse a drug dispute about who wears the paints (released by Dreamworks). out terminal justice in an animated sandwiches and their invites to not culture. In fact, it's a testament to in this tribe. film, which still seems odd next to "get too close to their fantasy." both Dean and Gene's intestinal Now, these themes are hardly Evil's privilege to kill with White Pepper finds the duo fully fortitude that neither has yet died Film Review new ones, but in an animated impunity). But once we think the confident in their musical struc- from drug overdoses. The duo action is over, Cortez shows up to children's movie, is this really a tures and not a tad worse off for it. proudly recorded the number of raid the city, and our heroes must This year, Dreamworks offers up problem? You expect a series of Although the impetuous nature cans of Scotch-Guard they huffed finally choose between money and "The Road to El Dorado", and like stupefyingly forunate coincidences of releases like Chocolate and while recording The Pod ( if "Prince of Egypt," it takes a non- that guide the hero(s) to an morality. Cheese and God Ween Satan is lost you're interested, it was seven ). Disney-fied approach to the task. ultimately ending, usually to the "El Dorado" boasts five star with the fluidity of White. Pepper, Divorcing drugs and Ween is like But rather than an impressive and tune of a well-known fairy tale of vocal talents, and it gets its money's the tongue in cheek guitar solos competitive feature, this may be the some sort. This is a recipe for worth. Kevin Kline's textured voice. divorcing Mary and Joseph. is animated in any movie, and he and breathy falsettos of the Ween first sign that the sharp edge of those success, and is not going to be That said, Ween still continue to "other" companies is starting to dull. changed anytime soon. Fortunately gives life to the pragmatic Tulio. boys keep them somewhat rooted in their traditional wryness. It is be one of the most underrated and for adults, the 1990s have given us This is well-balanced by the : Tulio (voiced by Kevin Kline) irreplaceable pop rock acts of the and Miguel (Kenneth Branagh) are kids' movies that adults don't have practiced wonder that Branagh only a consequence of nature, past ten years. Their wit, wisdom, two "men of opportunity" in Spain to be dragged to. Thanks to movies imbues Miguel with. They interact however, when a group like Ween circa 1520s. The pair is swindling a like "Aladdin" and "Hercules," the fluidly and are a very funny pair — has been running the gamut of mu- and all around songwriting ability crowd of sailors and other adults sometimes wind up laughing when confronted with the truth, sical sounds since their conception, keep them firmly entrenched in the . unsavories with a pair of loaded harder than the kids. Tulio turns to Miguel and screams that they were bound to find a style heart of every listener. Ween per- dice, until the idealistic Miguel "El Dorado" tries to appeal to "You're not a god?!?" Assante's that they felt more comfortable in sistently prove that pop rock does wagers the pile for a map to the those same adults, but the result is voice is slimy and appropriately vile and stick with it. not have to be stagnant and that legendary El Dorado. more lowbrow than is healthy. for a high priest, and Rosie Perez Not that that's even a bad thing. two dopey guys from a suburb of Of course, the plan backfires, but Whereas "Prince of Egypt" lured us gives us the first ever dialect with In fact, the songs on White Pepper, Philadelphia can indeed continue in fleeing the newly enraged mob, in with gorgeous landscapes and 36" hips and stiletto heels. some of Ween's most accessible. to rock out. All hail the boognish. Tulio and Miguel wind up stowing high-concept themes, "El Dorado" The strength of this film most away on Hernando Cortez' relies more on sexual innuendo and definitely lies in dialogue — the expedition to the New World. And profanity. Maybe the most notable intention seems to be to wow us unbeknownst to Tulio, Miguel has example is Tulio and Chel's with nonstop repartee, and it "El Dorado" is fun, and will keep their own against kick-butt visuals. managed to hang on to the map. burgeoning love life — some of certainly keeps things breathless. both adults and kids quiet for. But there's something odd about an They manage to get thrown into the their scenes are the closest thing to As for visuals, though, while they're Comparing the movie to its animated flick that's heavier on the brig and lose a horse overboard cartoon porn since the villain's' definitely flashy, "Aladdin" it's not. predecessors may not be entirely dialogue than on any animation of before escaping on a rowboat, which erotic fantasies in "The Hunchback' "El Dorado" lacks those panoramic fair, but the fact remains that its note. The South American jungles very realistically winds up on a of Notre Dame." vistas and dizzying city shots you nothing groundbreaking. It's and the city of gold itself offer beach only a few feet away from the Likewise, the profanity is not by might anticipate, and while the possible that the film is simply an abundant opportunities for cool first marker on the treasure map.' any means rampant, but it is vocals are smart and funny, couldn't example of different choices, visuals, but "El Dorado" may The quest begins. noticeable. This is just sloppy and we get that much on Must See TV? displaying the idea that snappy ultimately be closer on the map to irresponsible — the film's PG rating Impress us, already. patter and risque content can hold . South Park. ------Slicort Scores, Schedules, Columns, Features Baseball Continues Winning Streak By LOU KLEIN For the day, Hensler was 3-for- Allegheny next scored two runs Dominican tied up the game in tne Sports Reporter 4 with an amazing seven runs in the top of the seventh, courtesy bottom of the first on a two-run batted in. The winning pitcher for of a two-run double from Zorman, double, the Gators scored a run in the Gators was freshman Adam to widen the lead to 10-3. the second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth innings to build a 7-3 lead. Allegheny baseball continued Oshnock, putting his record for Sophomore shortstop Cliff Hein Senior pitcher Jeff Mountain their outstanding season with three 2000 at 3-0. started the next onslaught with an dominated Ohio Dominican after more wins to their record, putting After being rained out on RBI single to score Couch. the two-run first, only allowing one them at 15-1 for the season, and 3-0 Saturday, the Gators geared up for Minadeo scored on a wild pitch, more run in his next seven innings in the NCAC. The Gators won last a huge early season match-up and then 011ock doubled down the of work. The final Gator runs of the Thursday with a 11-3 victory at Sunday morning with Ohio left field line to score Essey and day were put on the board in the Hiram. Wesleyan, ranked fourth in the Hein to make it 14-4. Zorman then top of the ninth on sophomore first Senior shortstop Brad Hensler nation. The Gators pounded the picked up another RBI on a baseman/ pitcher Bob Spithaler's gave Allegheny their first lead of Bishops 22-4. groundout to first to score two-run homer to increase the lead the day with a three-rim homer in The Gators opened up their Kacsanek. Junior center fielder to 9-3. Mountain was the winning the top of the third to make the scoring rampage in the top of the Alan Clouse then doubled into the pitcher, going to 4-0 for the year, as score 3-1. Hiram rallied with solo fourth. RBI's from sophomore gap to score 011ock and end the the Gators racked up their eighth homers to tie the game 3-3 heading designated hitter Jarrod Essey, six-run outburst to increase win in a row. to the top of the eighth. With a junior third baseman Joe Kacsanek, Allegheny's lead to 16-4. The Gators finished off the The Gators, ranked 22nd in the man on base, Hensler drilled his junior left-fielder Ben Couch, # nation as of April 3, will be back in 44, scoring in the top of the ninth with - second homer of the game to put sophomore Mark Minadeo, and an •,* 7` action this afternoon at 3 p.m. Allegheny up 5-3. unearned run propelled the five-run six more runs. The winning pitcher E THE BALL—First-year Chris for the Gators was Swinchock, who They will play at Point Park. The Junior catcher Tug 011ock later inning to give Allegheny a 6-2 owell takes a rest from playing. pitched eight strong innings to Gators will then host Oberlin for a added three insurance runs on his lead. In the fifth, an RBI single by The men's team is now 14-4, 1- improve his record to 3-0. three-game NCAC series at second home run of the season to 011ock and a double by sophomore NCAC. They lost 4-3 on Sat- Later in the day, the Gators Robertson Field this weekend. stretch the Gator lead to 8-3. In the left fielder Brian Zorman added rday at Wittenberg, but won T- two more runs to the Gator lead, faced Ohio Dominican in an There will be a doubleheader top of the ninth, the Gators added Saturday afternoon at 1:p.m., and on Monday at home against three more runs. making the score 8-2. exhibition contest. Allegheny came away with a 9-4 win. then the series finale Sunday at 1 rove City. They play next at The Gators continued their hot p.m. The Gators will close out the home this Saturday versus streak in the top of the first, as week on Tuesday with a Wooster. The women start at Softball Wins Two Essey hit a two-run double to put doubleheader at Mount Union. The noon, and the men follow at 1 the Gators on top early. After Ohio games start at 2 p.m. p.m. —photo by Tiffany Hrach The Gator softball team two homeruns in the win. Junior improved their record to 11-7 (4-0 outfielder Lauren Hornish went 2-3 NCAC) last Thursday with two with three RBI's. First-year Mandi With homeruns being hit at an alarming rate in Morgan-Milligan pitched her first • wins over conference rival Hiram. baseball's opening week, it might be a good idea to win, and Bissell came in for the They won the first game with a discontinue expansion teams. Pitching is certainly at close score of 5-3. Junior first- save. its all-time worst in baseball right now. Adding more Both their game on Friday and baseman Jennifer Rowe went 2-3 teams only means the addition of more non-caliber with a homerun and two RBI's. Saturday were canceled due to major league pitchers. Sophomore pitcher Janelle Bissell weather. They play again today in By ARTHUR PITT a rescheduled game versus Oberlin Sports Reporter threw seven innnings with three Michigan State's Mateen Cleaves is a super-impact at 3 p.m. Then they compete in the • strikeouts to win the game and player on the college level. However, he is a step or Allegheny Invitaional this weekend better her record to 6-4. two too slow for the NBA and will never be more than against California (Pa.), Case The women finished the second • As I predicted before the season, the Gator Western, and Baldwin-Wallace. a backup point guard. game with a 9-3 victory. Senior Baseball team is excellent. Hampered by injuries last third-baseman Jen Lorenzen hit -Chuck Steinfurth season, Brad Hensler has come back on fire. Also • With the NFL draft coming up this weekend, a big leading the way are pitchers Jeff Mountain and Scott question mark continues to surround the top ten picks Swinchock. The Gators are currently nationally and who will go where and when. If LaVar Arrington ranked and they seem to control their own destiny for is not the Cleveland Browns choice of the first pick of this season. the draft I will be shocked. After that, who knows what will happen. • The Steelers methods are unbelievable. Rumors You Heard It Here have them drafting former Marshall quarterback Chad Pennington with the eighth pick of the draft. If that becomes true, why on earth did they sign Kent Graham? • How come our school did not schedule a home baseball game for the upcoming weekend's • A fellow Allegheny student asked me why I do not Springfest? Absolutely absurd. write about the Detroit Lions. Because they stink, ok? • Michigan State versus a Kenyon Martin led Cincinnati team would have been a much more • The St. Louis Cardinals appear to be a very solid exciting final than the horrible game we had to watch. team, offensively, defensively, and pitching wise. They are my front runners for winning the best • Since I have not written in almost a month, I will division in baseball, the National League Central. reiterate my stance on the New York Knicks. They will win the NBA title this year over Shag and the • Jalen Rose is the most improved player in the NBA Lakers in seven. this year. The talent was always there, he just needed to improve mentally and be given a better chance to • I do not understand how anyone can say that the star on his team. Reggie Miller is no longer the Pacers SKY HIGH—Senior Pat Madigan practices his javelin throw in prepa- NBA is going downhill. The players now are faster, go-to guy, it's Jalen. ration for the upcoming meet. Allegheny track and field will be com- stronger, and more exciting that ever. Vince Carter, peting at Grove City, the closest event to home all season. The Kobe Bryant, and Steve Francis are highlights waiting • The Pittsburgh Penguins have an excellent chance to happen and their potential is unprecedented. of making a run in the playoffs. Why? Number 68. meet starts at 2:30 on Friday aftern000n. —photo by TIffany Hrach The Last Page I Was ,dust Thinking... Classifieds Personals A column bu Gail Giewont Two rooms still available for next term. Large house with separate this is my life we're talking about I would like to apologize for the lack of my column CMU without my evil plot of robot theft being bedrooms. Prefer girls. Call 336- here. we're not just talking about, last week. Although I am aware of only one fellow revealed. Upon learning that my dream of stealing a 3930 you know, something else... student who noticed this distinct and truly saddening robot could actually achieve fruition, I did what any absence, I feel confident that there might have been robot kleptomaniac would do. I began immediately to Girls should really appreciate it someone else who also noticed. Unfortunately, that concoct a diabolical plan. This mostly involved putting For rent: furnished student apart- when boys give them flowers, even person was my mother. Regardless, I provided the gas in my car and driving to Pittsburgh, but then again, ment, close to campus, utilities if she does get them every other student who asked about the whereabouts of my last most diabolical plans involve Pittsburgh and gasoline. included. Must see! Call 337-2220 week. column with the proverbial senior excuse that "my When I arrived at CMU, I encountered a variety of comp was due." While this was true, it was not the people who, perhaps having learning about my plot, whole truth. attempted to frighten me from my task by discussing 1 bedroom apartments for the next It is time to come clean. The reason my column was • VOICE such things as "arbitrary numbers" in what I construed school year. Call John 336-2132 from page 5 not completed last week was the secret mission that as a direct attempt to keep me away from my destiny. undertook. The preparations were of such vital fessor of music, accompanied Unperturbed, I continued. Skroupa and Wozniak for the importance that I would undoubtedly have risked the Finally, I arrived at the robot room. In order to gain 676 N. Main nice semi-furnished 4 recital. success of the mission had I swerved even briefly from admission to the room, I used the special password. bedrooms, 2 baths, 2 kitchen home Vicki Jamison commented that complete devotion to the task at hand. That password was, "Hey! Can I see Flo now?" The with off street parking. 4, 5, or 6 recitals motivate vocal students to people. Lease 6/1/00 through 5/7/01. The mission involved taking an excursion to door was opened for me and there, in all their robotic learn more about repertoire and to Kress Realty 333-1141 Pittsburgh this weekend. While some people may glory, were three robots. I noticed Flo right away from work out vocal technical problems. associate Pittsburgh with such outdated ideas as steel the Flo pin-up currently displayed in my room, and was Recognizing that they must pace and piracy, more knowledgeable readers will be able to filled with an immense desire to steal her. themselves is imperative to a vocal APARTMENT FOR RENT determine just from my mention of this city's name the Flo then performed a variety of important tasks, student's recital so that the last song actual purpose of my mission. When I hear the name 3 bedrooms, 2 blocks from campus. performed is as strong as the first. such as moving around, smiling, frowning, looking S350/month+utlities. Call 337-0349 "Pittsburgh," I associate it immediately with that most from side to side, and channeling Keanu Reeves. I Students must learn about their own wondrous of inventions – robots. know that this last item of Flo's abilities is a little techniques and the individuality of their own voice. Last semester, I made my own unabashed love of difficult to believe, but I saw it with my own eyes. Nice three bedroom apartments 606 Vicki Jamison hopes that the robots known in The Campus. In that column, I Granted, she was only capable of channeling the same confessed my desire to acquire a robot my very own, N. Main St. Convenient to campus. lessons the students learn while line from The Matrix over and over again, but I'm sure 336-3217 preparing for a recital will be carried which I would name Aloysius and equip with a beanie that it was an authentic ability. Believe me, I know as a token of my love. My interest in obtaining robots throughout their future singing. She genuine telepathic channeling robots when I see them, feels that both Skroupa and Woz- was increased as a result of receiving a small robot for and this robot was definitely in communication with Christmas. This robot looks kind of like a hamburger niak understand their vocal instru- Keanu's superior intellect. ment far more than they did before in that it is round and has two bun-like halves. My Keanu's voice intoned, "Do you ever have that preparing for the recital this robot is named Spike. I named the robot Spike because feeling where you aren't sure if you are awake or Hey Maria! Do you have to go semester. if I named it "Aloysius" as I had wanted to, I would dreaming?" This probably happened twenty times in a FIESTA? Skroupa is grateful for all the have been deemed "unworthy" of being a robot row, which I took as a sign from Flo that she wanted Love, your DIDN'T DIE AT guidance and advice given by her NIAGRA mucker mommy by the Robot Distribution Center. Spike's only me to steal her, since I was obviously living my robot vocal teachers. "I've learned so genuine drawback is that he doesn't actually work. His dream. Normally this repetition would make me much from Ward and Vicki Jami- batteries need to be replaced, but I don't have the kind suspicious that perhaps it was only a recording of son," said Skroupa. "I'm really of high-tech screwdrivers needed to break him in half to not ratt the band, you know, rat the proud of the way the recital turned Keanu's voice that was being looped over and over. animal. reach the battery. Still, it's nice to have a robot. But it seemed to me that this is probably the sort of out," she continued. My interest in Spike and his well-being led me to thought pattern that Keanu actually experiences from "It was really nice to put four want to learn more about robots. I performed a good day to day. years of learning with the Jamisons Remember the time we threw together in a performance setting," deal of research in order to determine the locations of I fell in love with Flo right there. Any robot that can lemons in your roommates garbage said Wozniak. "What meant the other robots. In the course of this research, I found the contact the stellar mind of Keanu Reeves is definitely true object of my desire—the most famous robot in can? most to me was having my friends worth stealing. That was bitchin'. Pittsburgh. He: name is Florence, and she is and family there to see what I've Since Flo is a highly intelligent robot, I had to think done," he continued. "I'm really affectionately known as "Flo the Nurse Bot." She was of some way to convince her to trust me, to not suspect featured on the Today show, which everyone knows is glad I took the time to do it." for an instant that I desired to robot-nap her. You may Hey Lemon Girl, where did they basically the pinnacle of robotic fame. It should come think it sounds like an easy task to earn the trust of a find you? On Saturday, April 29, Nico- as no surprise to anyone that I would settle for anything robot, but it's really not. Fortunately, my robot The Hutchback of Notre Dame less than a famous robot. lette Corey will present a junior research instructed me to carry a pair of purple School for Twits recital of repertoire in French, Ital- Flo lives at Carnegie Mellon University. I recently suspenders with me. disCovered a way to gain access to the robots housed at ian, German, and English:- -- LITERARY LADIES Everyone knows that robots cannot resist suspenders. HEW SCHMENDRICK: INTERGALACTIC NEON PIG EXTRAORDINAIRE By Jon Honor BA L E H ARE B R OW All robots, that is, except for ALOT BANTU AU Flo, who is apparently filled with K A T H E R I N E P O R T E R fear at the sight of suspenders. Well, 4;1 ?Wk. U ihun sewn we.a.gs , f-AJ 1 Her head began spinning in E S T N I L E HIGHLY cluAod circles immediately, beeping 4‘,A ... TABS SOLE frantically. I thought this might MAL I C E SPRY SK I attract some attention, so I left ADAP T A L A I S TAN the premises as quickly as CO- 0 OU I SAMAYALCOTT possible. But I remain • t: undeterred. E R R S BITS E E R I E I ck I will have Flo for my very C dick SE A CASS BANKER own. I vow it. Next time I'll cr.cK • HUNS DANE tempt her with rubber bands. 14K-i? Wt, wet egc61;n1 cl:c4 Robots love them, too. 14,43 Evcr,on, CI; ck ■ (pa clack T 0 r'514 +. Hokpati+, Cktk c lick Clack Send Gail a robot at http:/lsharpectripod.com