us had just downed a six-pack while perusing an online inter- Gus and I were both at a loss. active global atlas. He panned across satellite pictures of the I’ve never pondered why I do this work for a fanzine. It doesn’t pay Amazon and zoomed into the small side streets of his home- a cent and it can be as intensely time-consuming and retardedly stressful G town, Titusville, Pennsylvania. The enormity of Earth flashed as any other deadline-driven job. with each pixel across the screen and everything in our lives just seemed But it still isn’t a ‘job.’ Regardless of the tireless hours, it is work so tiny. that I take great pride in—my heart glows like a thousand-watt bulb “We’re just a small cancer in this,” he concluded. from a swell of joyous satisfaction every time I crack open another issue Sometimes Gus becomes an existentialist asshole when he’s been to see my imprint inked permanently across the pages. Regardless of the drinking. As soon as he became bored with virtually flying across the lack of cash compensation, it is work that I do with friends—passionate globe, he turned his attention to me. I was hunched over a glowing mon- people for whom I care about deeply rather than folks that I’m forced to itor, going blind as I grappled with another technological obstacle. tolerate for 40-hours a week. “Why do you do this?” He demanded. His breath was heavy with the Gus was condescending when he asked if this was important work. sour smell of cheap beer. “What do you get outta this?” Razorcake isn’t going to prevent wars, save endangered species or solve It was a week before deadline and I had two layout assignments due. world hunger—but we’re an independently published fanzine who gives I was struggling in front of someone else’s computer and their unfamil- voice to a small counterculture and the people who struggle as artists, iar set-up. This was one of three computers that I had been scrambling musicians, and writers. We do our part as a gasp of fresh air in a culture around Portland to use after my own machine’s motherboard imploded. suffocating from the massive chokehold of advertising disguised as cor- I was perched on the plank of wit’s end, the splintery board bent poratized media watered down to keep the majority of us ignorant ominously low as I was weighed down with a truckload of stress. Gus’s enough to consume mindlessly. Of course our work is important—what questions jabbed at my back like a rusty pirate dagger. else are people going to read when they’re on the toilet? “Do you think you’re doing important work for Razorcake? What? I was wrong when I told Gus that “I just like doing it.” It’s more than that. Are they the latest cutting edge underground punk rock publication?” He I am grateful for this work. I am excited about this work. I love this work. was mocking me. All I could muster was, “I dunno. I just like doing it.” –Amy Adoyzie

AD DEADLINES AD SIZES • Full page, 7.5” wide, 10” tall. ISSUE #33 • 1/2 pg: 7.5” wide, 5” tall. June1st, 2006 • 1/4 pg:, 3.75” wide, 5” tall. ISSUE #34 • 1/6 page, 2.5” wide, 5” tall. August 1st, 2006 • Please make all checks out to Razorcake. Email [email protected] • We only accept electronic ads. for rates and full details. • All ads are black and white. Our ad rates are super. • We don’t reserve ad space.

Cover designed by Amy Adoyzie Cover photograph by Megan Pants “Death takes away vanity.” –Graham Green, The Quiet American

This issue is dedicated to: The marriage of Dave Guthrie and Angelina Reyes; Andy Taylor, Todd’s brother, who’s going to Iraq by the time this is printed. Come home in one piece, please. Contact Razorcake via our fancy new website: www.razorcake.org Thank you list: Nautical rock’n’roll and fish sticks thanks to Amy Adoyzie for designing the cover, and whiz-banging the Bananas and Pine Hill Haints layouts; beershirt highschool drugs and pregnancy thanks to Rafael Avila for his illustration in Dale’s column; so you finally burst Poland’s ruckus hymen thanks to Wojtek Stasiak for his pictures in the Rhythm Chicken’s column; Juliette Lewis is already sort of a cartoon character thanks to Mitch Clem for his illustration in Nardwuar’s column, the secret of male/female relation- ships in two easy steps thanks to Brad Beshaw for his illustration in Sean’s column (RIP Confounded Books. Long live Brad!); that one dude is totally getting his rock on thanks Sean Koepenick for his Porch Mob interview, Julia Smut for the layout, Kris Tripplaar for his photos; you busy, me busy, let’s get shit done thanks to Keith Rosson for his George Hurchalla layout and reviews; thanks to George Hurchalla for sending photos along with his interview (If you took one of those photos, let me know, I’ll say thanks to you, too); fuckin’-a, pre London Calling Clash thanks to Ryan Leach for the Dawn Wirth interview and Jesse Vidarre for the digitizing help with Dawn’s pictures; fish eye pictures usually look goofy, but you’ve got a great eye thanks to David Allen Jones for his Pine Hill Haints pho- tos; “Dude, that’s just, like, your opinion” thanks to the following folks who’ve done record, book, zine, and DVD reviews (in order of when they turned them in): Comrade Bree, Lord Kveldulfr, Kurt Morris, Jenny Moncayo, Joe Evans III, Mr. Z, Speedway Randy, Mahtab Zargari, wonderkid. Anthony Bartkewicz, Ty Stranglehold, Donofthedead, Jennifer Whiteford, Ayn Imperato, (It’s rumored that instead of a belly button, KO!, Mike Frame, Greg Barbera, Josh Benke, Newtim, Keith Rosson, Jessica T., and Russ she had a USB port.) Lichter; words and stuff thanks for additional proofing of this issue: Lord Kveldulfr, Joe Evans III, Jenny Moncayo, and Ryan Leach. Issue #32 June / July 2006 PO Box 42129 Los Angeles, CA 90042 www.razorcake.com WE DO OUR PART COLUMNS 4 Liz O. Guerrilla My Dreams 7 Art Fuentes Shizzville 8 Jim Ruland Lazy Mick 36 40 10 Designated Dale I’m Against It 12 Amy Adoyzie Monster of Fun 15 Ben Snakepit Snakepit 44 56 16 Rev. Nørb Love, Nørb 20 The Rhythm Chicken The Dinghole Reports 22 Kiyoshi Nakazawa Won Ton Not Now 24 Nardwuar The Human Serviette Who Are You? 29 Chrystaei Branchaw’s Photo Page 30 Sean Carswell A Monkey to Ride the Dog 33 Dan Monick’s Photo Page 35 Miss Jenny Angelillo’s Photo Page

INTERVIEWSANDFEATURES 36 The Dents by Brian Mosher 64 68 40 Porch Mob by Sean Koepenick 44 George Hurchalla by Jimmy Alvarado 56 Bananas by Megan Pants 64 Dawn Wirth by Ryan Leach 68 Pine Hill Haints by BD Williams

FAVORITESANDREVIEWS 76 Top 5s P.S. sorry about the sheets... 78 Record Fuck the past, kids, 'cause it's deader than Rosie O'Donnell's career. 104 Zine The so-called “reviewers” who will inevitably purposely project their paranoid self-hatred onto them, and then flat-out lie to their readers… 108 Book A unique and powerful view of an odd man at the end of the world... 111 DVD Shot, stabbed, or hit in the face with a gardening claw...

Individual opinions expressed within are not necessarily those of Razorcake/Gorsky Press, Inc. Razorcake/ Gorsky, Inc. Board of Directors are: Todd Taylor, Sean Carswell, Dan Clarke, Katy Spining, Leo Emil Tober III This issue of Razorcake and www.razorcake.com were put together by: Todd Taylor, Megan Pants, Sean Carswell, Skinny Dan, Amy Adoyzie, Keith Rosson, Juila Smut, BD Williams, Jenny Moncayo, Chris Devlin, Lord Kveldulfr, Joe Evans III, and Ryan Leach.

Razorcake is bi-monthly. Issues are $3.00 ppd. in the U.S. Yearly subscriptions (six issues) are $15.00 bulk rate or $21.00 first class mail. Plus you get some free shit. These prices are only valid for people who live in the U.S. and are not in prison. Issues and subs are more for everyone else (because we have to pay more in postage). Write us and we’ll give you a price. Prisoners may receive free single issues of Razorcake solely via Books to Prisoners, 92 Pike St., Box A, Seattle, WA 98101. Want to distribute Razorcake in the United States? The minimum order is five issues. You have to prepay. For $10.00, you’ll receive five copies of the same issue, sent to you when we do our mailout to all of our distros, big and small. Email [email protected] for all the details. George Hurchalla wrote a really phenomenal book. If you like punk, it’s worth the dough to read about your roots. “You think about art GUUEERRRRIILLLLAA MMYY DDRREEAAMMSS and commerce, press G and hype... In the LIZ O end, it really is just about the music.” nly Tongue Can Tell

You first heard the song in the middle of only line of the song that you can recall with are your favorite band, but it’s still in the past the night because you never reach over to some sense of certainty. You want to call the for you as you didn’t hear them until after flick off the switch before you fall asleep. You radio station, but you have done that so many they disbanded. Trashcan Sinatras are now, Odo this because, even though you are still hor- times at this point in your young life that you part of a wave of bands that will bridge ribly unsophisticated in matters of music busi- know better than to demand a title from an together this new decade with the one that ness, you have come to an understanding that intern on the basis of a single lyric. So, when only recently passed. You will consider it your radio stations play the new songs and the old you get back to your bedroom later on that mission to tell every one of your friends about Yones that never really caught on sometime afternoon, you turn on the radio and you wait this band. You will remain faithful to this mis- during the graveyard shift and you are in the for that song with a fresh tape in the deck and sion for years to come, handing out copies of midst of an active pursuit for another sound your hand reaching distance from the record- various albums as birthday presents and care- that will change the way your ears function. ing button. After a few hours of lying in wait, fully placing songs onto mixed tapes. This song does it. you hear the song and promptly copy it. The Sometimes you will encounter people who There’s a hint of Johnny Marr in the lead copy lacks the first half-bar on account of the were converted at the same time as you and guitar and that is what makes you perk up way your tape recorder delays and the last two one of these people will become one of your from your position flat-on-the-stomach in a bars are obscured by the station ID, but this closest friends. You will leave each other state of half-sleep with your nose stuck in the will do for the few days that it takes to find Trashcan lyrics as comments on your middle-bend of a Steinbeck book that you out that this songs is called “Only Tongue Can Myspace pages and, when you finally find a have to read for class. This song is vastly Tell” and this band is named Trashcan way to not only get into the show, but to inter- more interesting than some poetic rendering Sinatras and the debut album is entitled Cake. view the band, you will call this person and he of the Central Valley, which you know for a After your next payment for spending a will drive for what seems like an eternity so fact is cow-spotted wasteland since you have Saturday night chasing around seven-year-old that the two of you can cruise into Hollywood to travel there with your family no fewer redheaded monsters, you head to the record on a Friday night, singing “Only Tongue Can than two times a year. You knock the book store, buy the first of two copies of the cas- Tell” at the top of your lungs before going to off the bed and try to wake yourself up fully sette, which will last you until get around to see this band that has seemingly consumed so that you can wait around for the DJ to buying a CD player, and whatever British both of you for over a decade. announce the song, but after its conclusion, magazine you can afford that has Trashcan you’re asleep. Sinatras inside. The British music journalists * * * When you wake up, all you can think heard the Smiths connection, but you think about is that song and the fullness of the voice that there might be something else, that it’s Trashcan Sinatras started out in Irvine, that sings, “And the itch to get rich quick/ Has not just about five Scots playing like four Scotland, situated on a harbor south of never been so hard to reach,” which is the Mancunians did a few years ago. The Smiths Glasgow near the tail end of the 1980s. They illustrations of Sinatras byTrashcan The Art Fuentes were young, with the older members still in I raced to the record store the day that I’ve a studio and started writing with the same sort their early-20s and played around pubs, even- Seen Everything, the band’s sophomore of essence. The passion hadn’t stopped. We tually writing their own songs. album, was released. After listening to it for were back to ourselves.” John Douglas, rhythm guitarist and vocal- the first time, I thought it was perfect. It is, Eight years after what could have been the ist for the group, tells me the story backstage overall, a more developed album, the sort that beginning of the end, Trashcan Sinatras at the El Rey. He answers all of my questions can only be listened to from start to finish. The released Weightlifting, with more of a soul with great detail and insight. Neither of us are songwriting is stronger and the production is influence but still not a far stretch from prior aware that the sound check on the adjacent so intricate that I still notice something new albums. I asked him if the album’s title track stage will leave a grinding hiss on the tape that every time I listen to it. The harmonies are was intended to make a statement about the will obscure most of our conversation. Still, he more pronounced, the bass lines thicker, the band’s return. tells me about “Drunken Chorus,” the first guitars denser. It is something that goes far “There wasn’t any particular reason, but it song the band wrote, which was eventually beyond the “jingle-jangle” U.K. pop image of worked pretty well because that is what we released as a b-side, and “Funny,” from the the debut and remains my favorite album from felt after we went through the bankruptcy and album Cake. I have to fight myself from hum- the band. However, it was released in 1993, lost everything and realized that we’re still ming the melody when he mentions this. just long enough after the Seattle invasion to friends. We didn’t try to write the song around “We started sending them off to record get lost in the slew of heavy metal bands mar- our feelings, we wrote the song just to try and companies,” he says of the songs. “Just keted under a different name. capture the feeling of what it is like to go through sheer brassneck.” “We suffered a bit,” Douglas says of the through a bad patch and survive.” I stare at him blankly, the sort of stare that album’s timing. “Who knows, maybe if it I ask him if it’s strange that, after the hard- plagued my face when I first heard a person came out a year beforehand… It’s the nature ship, the band retains the same lineup as it did refer to a cigarette as a “fag.” of the record industry. You get trends and on I’ve Seen Everything (David Hughes “That means balls,” he laughs. “You scenes and everyone seems to go with it and replaced George McDaid on bass between the know, just to see what would happen. Then we then bands get a bit of a hard time.” first two albums). got some calls saying that this stuff is actually He sighs. “It’s a shame. I’m really proud “I suppose it’s because we were friends pretty good.” of our second record. I think it’s probably our before we had a record deal,” he says. “We The band’s earliest material received most cohesive.” were just a bunch of guys who were devoted some airplay on its local radio station. Nearly four years later, Trashcan Sinatras to trying to write something.” “Then we went down to a few record released A Happy Pocket. I tell Douglas that, companies and some of them were enthusias- by the time I found out the record existed, I * * * tic,” he says. “Then we wrote a few more couldn’t find a store that carried it. To this day, songs. The next one was ‘Only Tongue Can I have not been able to secure a copy. He tells On the night of the show, you and your Tell.’ That was the one that everyone fell in me that he doesn’t have one either. friend squeeze through bodies towards the love with.” “The record company wouldn’t support it,” front of the stage. You can only get so close Trashcan Sinatras earned a deal with Go! he says. “It didn’t come out in the United States. It and, still, you can feel the summer sweat of Discs, a now-defunct sector of London came out in Europe. The songs on there are actu- others pressing up against you. You think Records, which, at that point was a division ally pretty good, but again, it’s a difficult period.” about the band’s tour last fall and how the tick- of PolyGram. Cake was released in the Go! Discs was bought by Sony after the ets sold out before you could get a pair and United States in 1990 as part of a convolut- release and the band lost its deal. you look around and notice that this show is ed major label chain with the resources to “Because we lost our deal, we didn’t have most likely sold out as well. You realize that help secure airplay on the college and com- much money,” Douglas explains. “We ended you are surrounded by roughly 749 other mercial alternative stations and press in up losing our studio, Shabby Road. We had to Trashcan Sinatras fans and you smile. widely read magazines. deal with the loss of that. We had to deal with You watch as John Douglas walks out to “Everyone’s debut record is probably some bad tax advice. So, we went into debt the stage with his bandmates: Frank Reader on their most publicized,” he says. “When you and eventually had to go bankrupt completely. vocals; Paul Livingston on guitar; David are on a major label, you only get one or So, we just stopped and went home.” Hughes on bass and Steven Douglas on drums. two albums. That was kind of the case with A few years passed and the Trashcans They start to play and you and your friend sing us. The record company was enthusiastic learned that some things just don’t go away. along with virtually every number. You giggle up until the second record, which didn’t “We started getting out of the depression during the breaks at the girl behind you who sell as well.” and writing songs again,” he says. “We got to keeps screaming for “I’m Immortal,” because you’re pretty sure that the band is deaf to requests from the stage. Then they play a song that you know for sure isn’t theirs, yet you know all the words. You look at your friend and ask, “Why do I know this?” He responds, “Because it’s ‘MacArthur Park.’” You’re in shock that a gui- tar-pop band can take a disco ballad about a neighborhood in your hometown and turn it into something completely different, yet equally breathtaking. After the show, you meet a fan that trav- eled from Colorado and you realize that you and your friend aren’t alone, that there are thousands of others who feel as deeply about this band as you do. On the way home, you think about art and commerce, press and hype. You think about how these things that are sup- posed to matter, really don’t. In the end, it really is just about the music.

–Liz Ohanesian

5

“I never knew an Irish bartender who K didn’t like a story LLAAZZYY MMIICCK about an Englishman JIM RULAND stricken with a sore head, and this one was no exception.” BARE KNUCKLES I blew into New York for a reading last Washington Street, wasn’t it John L. who set instructor at the New York Athletic Club and winter and wandered into an Irish bar near it right with nothing but his own two hands? Teddy Roosevelt’s sparring partner. Even my hotel on the Lower East Side. The bar, “Don’t you be talking!” said the barman. though it was only an exhibition, the profes- whose name has been deviling me for days, “John L. was a plumber and a tinsmith sorial pugilist limped home with a broken had a two-for-one special on draft beer. and was even offered a contract to play wrist, a dislocated thumb, and a sore head. Prudent fellow that I am, I took a seat at the baseball for a club in Cincinnati, but his des- Despite John L.’s natural prowess, fights bar, made myself comfortable, and had a tiny lay elsewhere. He broke onto the fistic were hard to come by. Then, as now, there look at the local lagers and ales on offer. A scene with a boxing exhibition when he was weren’t a multitude of great heavyweight product called Bare Knuckle Stout immedi- still a teenager. It seems his challenger, a fighters. So he issued a challenge to the ately jumped out at me. The tap handle fea- cowardly tough by the name of Scannell, lit reigning heavyweight, Paddy Ryan, but tured a bare-chested man striking a pugilis- out as soon as John L. peeled off his shirt. Paddy wasn’t having any of it. ‘Go get your- tic pose. It reminded me, of course, of John The Boston youth turned to the audience and self a reputation,’ he is said to have snarled, L. Sullivan, and I asked the bartender if it issued his famous challenge: ‘I can lick any and that’s exactly what our hero did.” was his likeness on the tap handle. sonofabitch in the house!’ Someone was “You don’t say?” the barman asked. “John L. who?” he asked. foolhardy enough to take him up on it and “Indeed, I do. In the last days of 1880, “The Boston Strong Boy? The last of the was promptly sent ass over teakettle into the John L. went to Cincinnati and fought John great heavyweight bare-knuckle boxers?” footlights.” Donaldson in an honest-to-God prizefight “Never heard of him.” “In 1888 he signed on with William for the first time in his career. John L. “My good man, in his day, which was Muldoon’s Variety Show, a famous wrestler mopped the floor with him. Afterwards, both the 1880s and ‘90s, John L. was so famous of his day, and fought Joe Goss, the great men were arrested.” he didn’t need a surname, didn’t need a English fighter, now well past his prime. “Why was that?” nickname either, but a boxer without a han- Though long in the tooth, he ‘had science’ as “Because boxing was illegal. It was dle is like a knife without a fork. Every they said in the day, but John L. dispatched looked upon as a species of vice, practiced sporting fellow in the country followed John him easily. When Goss was sufficiently by thugs and cheered on by every low class L.’s exploits in the National Police Gazette, recovered, he couldn’t remember the fight, of scoundrel in the country.” and sang his praises in barrooms and barber- and was under the impression that he’d been “That’s America for ye.” shops across America. After a prizefight, the kicked by a mule.” “Boxing was a different sport then,” I masses flocked at the train stations and The barman chuckled. I never knew an argued. “All manner of things we associate wouldn’t leave until their champion gave Irish bartender who didn’t like a story about with dirty fighting today were legal back them a wave. John L. was such a good sport, an Englishman stricken with a sore head, then: eye gouging, leg kicks, and wrestling he’d often let himself be carried away from and this one was no exception. maneuvers were permitted under the the platform to the closest hotel or saloon “Later that year,” I continued, “John L. London Prize Rules. There was no limit on and celebrate with the sports, be he the traveled to Harry Hill’s, a notorious drinking rounds and they lasted until someone went mayor or a poor hodcarrier, like his father. establishment and dance hall on Houston down. The rules were simple. At the begin- John L. was that rare class of athlete who Street—not far from where I’m sitting ning of the match, a scratch line was drawn captures the public’s attention and keeps it. now—and the preeminent place to place a in the turf. At the beginning of each round, Indeed, he was the first bona fide American bet or watch a fight. John McMahan, who the fight could not commence until each sports celebrity.” boxed under the name Steve Taylor, accept- man came up to scratch. This is where we “Are you going to have a pint or aren’t ye?” ed John L.’s offer to pay fifty dollars to any get the expressions ‘not up to scratch’ and I asked the barman, a thick-necked man who could go four rounds with him. ‘toe the line.’ If a fighter was unable to make hurler from Derry, to pull me one. As the The challenger was no ordinary thug: it to the line in the allotted time he was stout settled in the glass, I told the bartender McMahan/Taylor had sparred with the best declared ‘knocked out of time’ and this is that John L. was born on October 15, 1858, fighters of his day and had helped train the where the term ‘knock-out’ comes from, not in Boston, Massachusetts, not far from current champion, the great Paddy Ryan, the from being knocked unconscious.” Boston College. He inherited his temper Trojan Terror. The two men climbed into the “That is quite remarkable,” the barman from his father, a workingman who stood ring and John L. made him quit before the said, and went back to picking his teeth. five foot two and weighed one hundred and second round was over. In a gesture of good- “In May of 1881, John L. went back to thirty pounds; but John L. got his extraordi- will John L. was to repeat all his life, he paid Harry Hill’s to arrange another fight, this nary physical gifts from his mother, who the man twenty five dollars for his troubles.” time with John Flood, the ‘Bull’s Head was half a foot taller than her husband and “Good man he was,” the bartender grunted. Terror.’ Flood was as untested as John L., fifty pounds heavier. John L. was born with “So they say. The following year, he but he had a fearsome reputation as a mauler unusually large hands and before he reached fought Cockey Woods, sparred with Dan in one of the Five Points gangs so colorfully the age of one he delivered his aunt a fierce Dwyer, the so-called ‘Champ of featured in the film Gangs of New York. wallop that blackened the poor woman’s Massachusetts’ and appeared in a benefit Because the police had learned of the eye. When a horse cart jumped its track in with Professor Mike Donovan, the boxing impending fight, the bout took place on a

8 barge. The fighters and sporting crowd “Isn’t it always the way?” “How’s yer stout?” boarded the barge at West 43rd, went up the “It is, but here’s the rub: Fox was so I sampled the beverage. It was thick Hudson River, and moored somewhere off anxious to see John L. defeated he relent- without being sludgy, creamy without being Yonkers. Flood spent most of the match on lessly promoted the contests in his newspa- sweet, and smooth as custard. It did not his back and was knocked senseless in the per; but as John L. felled the contenders like invite comparisons to the effervescence out eighth round. Among those in attendance a lumberjack clearing a forest, his fame and of St. James Gate, which is good, because was Paddy Ryan, who declared that John L. popularity soared to incredible heights. those that do tend to have the consistency of was ‘a clever young fellow.’” Ironically, without Fox, the Boston Strong porridge and leave one as bloated as a sack “Clever as an ox.” Boy never would have become John L. The of oats. In short, I found Bare Knuckle Stout “And as strong as one, but he would more famous he became, the more newspa- to be very drinkable stout, sweet to me is need more than cleverness against his next pers Fox sold. In his ardor to humiliate the that. “Is it a local product?” I asked. opponent: a three hundred pound black- man, Fox made John L. a legend. To put it “No, Anheiser Fuck-all Busch.” smith who stood seven feet tall. John L. another way, the feud between John L. “I’ll have another.” delivered him to the land o’ dreams in no Sullivan and Richard Kyle Fox is the story time at all. John L. traveled around the of the first American sports celebrity and the Next month: The story of Richard Kyle Fox and the country, taking all comers. He destroyed a invention of the modern day sports page.” National Police Gazette. tugman in Chicago and in Michigan he –Jim Ruland drubbed the Michigan Giant in a benefit. Finally, February 7, 1882, John L. got his wish: a tilt with Paddy Ryan with a $5,000 purse. This was the chance he’d been wait- ing for and our man was so determined that nothing would come between him and his destiny that he cooked his own food to avoid the possibility of contamination by one of his opponent’s disreputable associates. The bout was supposed to be held in New Orleans but was moved to Mississippi City the morning of the prizefight when the gov- ernor got wind of the affair. Twelve coaches conveyed 1,000 men to the match. John L. climbed into the ring with the Giant of Troy and more than held his own. He took Paddy’s punches well and he gave as good as he good. In the ninth round, he delivered a wisty brain-stunner right below Ryan’s ear that put the champion to sleep. When he was revived, he complained that his head felt like it had been hit by a telegraph pole.” “Felt the same meself this morning,” the barman winked. “And not for the last time, I’d wager.” “The country was in an uproar. It took John L. a month to get home. Every city that he passed through demanded that the new champion de-train, give them an exhibition, and enjoy the hospitality of the town. John L. had the title, I continued, but now he had enemies as well. During his visit to Harry Hill’s in 1881, John L. had a run-in with Richard Kyle Fox, the editor, publisher and proprietor of the National Police Gazette, the most widely circulated weekly newspaper in the country. Fox shrewdly noted the increase in the paper’s sales after a big fight and was determined to make the National Police Gazette ‘the leading prize ring authority in America.’ The story of the meeting between John L. and Richard Fox, which may or may not be true, goes like this: The two men were in the drinking establish- ment at the same time. John L., a coarse Catholic workingman, is said to have had no use for Fox, the son of a Protestant clergy- man from Belfast. Legend has it that Fox invited John L. to his table for a drink. John Illustration by Jim Ruland L.’s reply was, ‘If he wants to shake my Boxing was looked upon as a hand, his feet can do the walking,’ or some- thing to that effect. Fox was furious and species of vice, practiced by from that moment forward, he was deter- thugs and cheered on by mined to find a champion who could topple the arrogant son of a bogtrotter, but the task every low class of scoundrel proved easier in the telling than the doing.” in the country. “Remember those AGAAIINNSSTT IITT macramé hats II’’MM AG made out of beer DESIGNATED DALE cans? That shit was tight.” COME ON NOW While mulling over a few health-related Hey, hey all you senator’s wives better take Dartmouth Medical School in Lebanon, news sites recently, I looked across a sub- a good look at your own lives. New Hampshire. “Besides possibly swaying headline that made me cringe: “Kids Who Before you go preaching to me your a child’s own attitude toward drinking, alco- Wear Alcohol Logos Start Drinking definitions of obscenity. hol-branded gear turns kids into ‘walking Sooner.” I could already smell what was advertisements’ aimed at their peers,” going on with this news item before I even The irony it seems it seems to me it’s McClure noted in an interview. “The study clicked the link to read the actual story. un-American policy. has its limits, and it cannot establish beer- wWhat did I smell, you ask? A familiar horse- Yeah, we’ve come so far but still only to find bearing T-shirts as the cause of some kids’ shit scent, reminiscent to that of Tipper Gore are people like you with ignorant minds. drinking, but the findings are strong enough and her do-right PMRC crusade that were that we’re saying let’s be cautious.” McClure trying to spearhead an attack on the music Here, here, Joey. And long story short and her colleagues add, “For parents, that artists and industry for “indecent” material about ol’ Tipper—count your lucky stars that means keeping alcohol-branded gear out of back in the ‘80s. her husband, Al Gore, only succeeded in the home, while schools can do their part by A handful of our readers might be a tad being a vice president. Who knows how far restricting students from wearing or carrying young to remember Ms. Gore: she co-found- her ridiculousness could’ve stretched had such items.” Adding to these findings is Dr. ed the Parents Music Resource Center after she a husband sitting front and center in the James Sargent, professor of pediatrics at hearing her twelve-year-old daughter play- White House? But rest assured that Tipper Dartmouth: “We worry about early onset ing “Darling Nikki” by Prince. Yes, go ahead never even thought of spinning anything off- drinking because these kids are more likely and track down the lyrics. I’ll wait. Ready beat or colorful on a turntable back in 1968 to go on to misuse alcohol when they reach for this? Following the next few years, artists when she was but a twenty-year-old hot- high school.” like Frank Zappa and Ozzy Osbourne were shot…give me a fucking break. Okay, let’s back it up a bit, there, under heavy scrutiny by the PMRC and Getting back to my online news find, McClure and Sargent. For starters, I’d need a “warning labels” were affixed to releases once reading it over, I soon saw the familiar- calculator to add up how many kids I grew with “inappropriate” or “mature” content, ities with it and Tipper’s past motives. What up with who experimented with booze (not which more times than none lead to greater I read was research that found middle school to mention other extracurricular chemical record sales due to that warning. Here’s a kids drinking sooner than their peers were. activities) during our junior high years. I good analogy: tell a toddler not to touch the The reason? These “earlier than most” remember a lot of kids my age growing up in television. What’s the first thing they try and drinkers were discovered to have worn alco- the late ‘70s/early ‘80s that sported the a- touch? The stickers were and still are a fuck- hol-branded T-shirts and hats, or owned typical Budweiser, Miller, or Heineken shirt ing joke. This led artists to include songs of some other kind of booze-emblazoned swag. and/or baseball cap. (Remember those protest in their recordings against Tipper and The study followed 2,400 middle school stu- macramé hats made out of beer cans? That her band of religious right gypsies. One such dents, ages ten to fourteen, who said during shit was tight.) For most of my friends (note, song was a doozy, and it put things in per- an initial survey that they had never used I use the word most) I remember wearing spective about the whole over-reactive mess: alcohol. The same students were surveyed any of these things, I can personally vouch a song called “Censorshit” from the again one to two years later, at which time that they didn’t become a raging band of Ramones’ 1992 Mondo Bizzaro LP. Some they were asked if they owned any alcohol- Tipsy McStaggers by the time they got hand- excerpts include: branded merchandise and if they had ever ed their high school diploma. Sure, there tried drinking. Overall, 14% said they had were a few who boozed it harder than others, Tipper, what’s that sticker sticking on my CD? some alcohol-related item, usually T-shirts, from junior high all the way through high Is that some kind of warning to protect me? caps, or jackets. These children were 50% school *cough*(I’m looking in your direc- Freedom of choice needs a stronger, more likely than their peers to have started tion, Cota)*cough, but that’s just the point— stronger voice. drinking, even with factors such as school those who decided to did it themselves. You can stamp out the source, but you can’t performance and friends’ drinking habits It wasn’t because of some Captain stop creative thoughts. taken into account. Researchers pointed out Morgan’s duffel bag that a kid used in phys. that these findings are similar to those of ed. class that turned them into Surly Duff. It Ah, Tipper come on, studies from the ‘90s that linked cigarette- wasn’t the kid who had the all-over Bud® ain’t you been getting it on? branded merchandise to a greater risk of print button-up shirt that turned into a pilfer- Ask Ozzy, Zappa, or me. adolescent smoking. er of their parent’s liquor cabinet. It was sim- We’ll show you what it’s like to be free. “It’s uncertain whether clothes or bags ply because he or she decided to get their sip with beer logos encourage some kids to start on, to one degree or another. And guess Ah, Tipper come on, it’s just a smokescreen drinking. But the study results are concern- what? Those who didn’t wear or own any for the real problems. ing enough that parents and schools should booze-embroidered swag, beer bonged or S&L deficit, the homeless, the environment. consider keeping the merchandise out of slugged it just as much as the next sloth at kids’ hands,” said Dr. Auden McClure of any given parents-are-gone-it’s-fucking- like an unwanted, dried-up stick of cat shit? How’s about shirts or numbered jerseys that depict celebrity sport figures that have received nothing more than a slap on the wrist for repeated drug offenses or even rape? Oh, right, these individuals are heroes to many people (includ- ing children) in our country. Nothing to raise an eyebrow over, huh? How about shirts that depict douchebags like R. Kelly? I mean, all he really did was use an underage girl as a human drip tray to catch his bodily excre- tions, right? Seems he made a teeny, tiny mistake with that chapter of his life, so we should just let that slide, too. And don’t even get me started with shirts bearing images of the Pope on ‘em. Two words: altar boys. I’m gonna take a wild guess and say that these above exam- ples will never be taken into seri- ous consideration with the research committee that did the alcohol survey. They’re way too fucking easy to realize, right? Too easy too make sense of. But if McClure ever possibly sees things her way, silk-screened shirts with band names like The Riverboat Gamblers on the front of ‘em will be finding their way to the incinerator for instigating dice games in junior high schools. Yeah, that’d make a whole lot more sense. Go figure. Yes, I feel strongly opposed to a group of people trying to draw a line of morality for others to live by, especially when it’s a conclu- sion they’ve come to by simply examining a case study, or even more scarier, what they feel “is best.” Police your own lives and children, people. Keep your “best interests” and “cautious” attitudes within the confines of your own home. Some people may even won- Illustration by Rafael Avila • www.graythumbstudios.com der why I raised any attention to this, due to the fact that I don’t even drink. You’re right, I may not drink, but I sure as hell party-time-this-weekend gatherings, as well. (No, Nørb, I don’t have any for you). As far respect the rights of others to do so, espe- Anyone that was sober enough to pay atten- as McClure’s recommendation for keeping cially the right of some kid wanting to wear tion to these times during his or her younger these alcohol-related items out of the home, his old man’s stretched-out Pabst Blue years knows I’m right when I say this. that needs to be left up to the parents or who- Ribbon shirt. I’d rather see that kid sporting Do the clothes or other paraphernalia ever’s raising these kids, period. She comes a raggedy PBR tee than some lame, over- with alcohol logos slapped on ‘em really off with the “Let’s be cautious” attitude priced Good Charlotte concert shirt. Think influence young’uns that much to get a head because of the case study results, yet empha- about that, McClure. If he chooses to wear start on their pals when it comes to pimping sizes that none of the booze merch should be that god awful concert tee, it means that in beer in front of liquor stores? I honestly allowed in homes or at school. Well, where one to two years later you’re going to find doubt it, and I can safely guess that more should it be allowed? Nowhere, obviously. that he’s been influenced to completely foul than 50% of kids in this age group (across That same concern of “exercising caution” is up good music wherever he goes. Like Good the board, not just the 14% of the surveyed what Tipper tried forcing upon the music Charlotte, he’ll be the uninvited turd in the kids) have dabbled with ye ole booze, if they industry, and man o’ Manischewitz, look musical punchbowl, if you will. were really telling the truth, anyway. Some what that did—not a damn thing. high school kids are gonna experiment with You want to throw a ban on influential –I’m Against It, drinking, no matter if you dress them up in apparel and/or accessories that would make a Designated Dale Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull pajamas with feet real difference, McClure? Something that ‘n assflaps, or Captain America Underoos can be buried under the living room carpet [email protected]

11 “Who needs to OF FFUUNN believe in a fat man MMOONNSSTTEERR OF in a red suit when I AMY ADOYZIE already believed so much in my folks?” My Double Happiness I never believed in Santa Claus and I’m a Douglas fir tucked into the corner. I don’t no less—a job at a factory with benefits and better person for it. remember exactly how they reacted but I do security was all he felt he could aspire to. Our family didn’t start celebrating recall being stoked that our neighbors thought While dad was there for us during our Christmas until I was about twelve-years-old. enough of us to include us in their honky cel- childhood, he had a short fuse and a volatile A year before we began doing X-mas, we ebration. The day after, we went to K-Mart’s temper. He has since mellowed out with age, broke the hearts of our sweet white neighbors. post-X-mas sale and bought a life-sized metal but there were times where mom sacrificed It was Christmas morning. I imagined that and plastic version of our midget tree. so much to keep our family together. Mom all across the country little storybook children Thus began our gradual assimilation into lives for us. Iwith curly blonde hair and bright blue eyes American culture, one calendar holiday at a My folks borrowed against their home were manically tearing off wrapping paper and time. Mom cooked turkey for Thanksgiving with a loan to become 10% owners of a spark- getting totally cracked-out on all the new toys and basted the bird in soy sauce. Dad helped ly new Chinese take-out place, Zen Chinese that Santa had snuck into their homes. us light fireworks on July Fourth and invented Kitchen. Mom is more than a part-owner, she Meanwhile, my parents were still asleep and a contraption to launch firecrackers, which also works twelve-hour days as the general my younger brothers and I lounged around our were illegally purchased in Chinatown. My manager. When I saw her standing amongst living room with our slanted eyes glued to the parents didn’t know the history behind those the gleaming freshness of a newly constructed television set per usual. We watched The specific dates and their importance, but they business, I was overwhelmed with pride. Christmas Story play back-to-back during a tried because they understood that it was a big Everything shone and I was never more marathon showing, waiting for the scene deal to us. enthused about being in a Chinese fast food where Ralphie and his folks are forced to eat Who needs to believe in a fat man in a joint. The sneeze-guard was spotless, there Peking roasted duck instead of turkey at the red suit when I already believed so much in wasn’t a layer of grease on the counter top, Chinese restaurant. We always got giddy when my folks? and the heater lamps actually made the food the wait staff sings “Fah-rah-rah-rah-rah Rah- look savory and delicious in their metal trays. rah-rah” a la “Deck the Halls.” * * * She’s still scooping heaping piles of chow The only holiday décor in our house was mein into to-go boxes, clearing off tables, and the plastic foot-tall Christmas tree in the cor- The Chinese Lunar calendar rang in the serving others as she has been her entire life. ner of our living room. We bought the “tree” New Year on January 29th, kicking off 2006 as But now it’s different, because as she is from the only other Asian family in our neigh- the year of the dog. I boarded the bus-dog, the approaching fifty years of age, she just started borhood. They owned a swap meet stall and Greyhound, and headed to southern California her career as a business owner. In addition to were selling them for fifteen dollars each. But to visit family and friends for this occasion. her regular pay, every dime from a dollar prof- in non-white-Christian solidarity, they gave us During my stay, I inhaled glasses of San Pedro it is going to her. It doesn’t seem like much, a discount and we got it for ten bucks. The iced tea as I thrashed around and watched Thee but that’s plenty for a woman who has no real miniature replica came fully stocked with a set Makeout Party play a bar, I stole hummus and education and can’t read or comprehend of a dozen hot-glue-gunned wooden orna- avocadoes from a cheesy Hollywood loft party, English well enough to even understand the ments, complimenting the cheap Made-in- and we threw Pop-Pops at each other’s asses silly stories that I write. China holiday aesthetics. Since we didn’t have staggering around Chinatown. But all the seasonal wrapping paper, I tore glossy pages drunkenness and debauchery was second to * * * from a Target catalogue and sloppily taped seeing my mom. Mom in her new restaurant. them over toy blocks. I placed the faux pre- More than a decade ago Mom began work As a kid, I wanted so badly to have a fam- sents beneath the green plastic needles, com- as a Chinese fast food server. She earned min- ily like those who flashed across our television pleting a scene that resembled a diorama of imum wage shoveling fried rice and sesame in half-hour intervals. Those parents spoke what happens to your Christmas when you’re chicken into styrofoam combo boxes at Happy perfect English, had white collar jobs, and on Santa’s naughty list. Wok. She worked hard, constantly wiping seemed so Americanly normal. Our family, I realize what a terribly sad and pathetic down counters and tables, making sure every- and community of immigrants just like us, felt scene that was, but at the time it felt more like thing was stocked, and putting up with rude like such an anomaly. We weren’t the right I was playing Christmas. It was just pretend. customers. Then she would come home after a color, didn’t speak the correct language, and Pretend like I believe in Santa, another white ten-hour day for her second shift as our mom, we shopped at a different grocery store. dude with infinite power. Pretend like I’m a constantly cleaning up after us, making sure My parents worked tirelessly to ensure that regular American kid, like the ones I saw on we were fed and putting up with our ungrate- we got everything we needed and more. For a TV. But our neighbors didn’t know that. The ful yellow asses. couple of refugee immigrants and their first- old Gramma-Grampa couple who lived next Dad still gets up before dawn for his forty- generation kids, some of the most mundane door visited us that morning with a special plus hours a week. He’s been a machine oper- outings meant so much to us. Since mom only guest—Fake Santa. Imagine their surprise ator at the same box factory for more than cooked Chinese, it was an event every when they stepped into our home with nary a twenty years. Dad is a brilliant man, but with Saturday when we made our weekly trip to gift in sight and a poor excuse for a fake just an eighth-grade education—from Vietnam McDonald’s for dinner, where my brothers and

12 I would get the Happy Meal boxes and cherish the cheap toy that was thrown in. I was eleven-years-old when we made our first trip to a movie theatre, to watch Robin Williams frolic as the grown-up Peter Pan in Steven Spielberg’s Hook. People shot dirty looks at mom and dad as they talked through the entire film trying to figure out the storyline amongst a man-child and pirates. I will never know the full extent to which my parents struggled, from something as trivial as watching an American film to trying to under- stand the baffling legalese of impor- tant documents. They struggled with raising obedient Chinese children in a strange culture with foreign beliefs. We clashed over their tradi- tional values, because while my folks wanted me to have an educa- tion and I was being told at school that little girls can grow up to be any- thing their little pink hearts desired, mom and dad still expected me to be a good homemaker and someone’s future doting wife. My childhood was typical of those who are first-generation kids. I had to feign ignorance when people made racist remarks at our family, because how does a kid translate a slur to her folks? I’m still heartbro- ken over the fact that we can’t clear- ly communicate because I can’t ade- quately explain myself in Cantonese and they can’t understand my English. My folks fought me when I began to grow into my own skin as a loud, independent, monster of fun because I was everything they didn’t want in an ideal Chinese daughter. But so much of who I am, in my strength and character, comes from mom and dad. They have given up on trying to change me because they are slowly relenting to the fact that they created this monster. A lot of kids hurl “I wish I’d never been born” at their folks like it’s a magical remedy to their prob- lems. I’ve only ever had the balls to say it once, and I meant it. I was an angry teenager and couldn’t imagine how hurt my parents would be at such a remark. They were upset that one of their children, for whom they have sacrificed so much, would even think of uttering such disrespectful bullshit. I meant it, but regretted it the second the words escaped my Proud is an understatement. I am more than mouth. In spite of how frustrating and lonesome it felt at times, I proud to have come from them. wouldn’t trade those years for all the Christmas gifts in the world. Proud is an understatement. I am more than proud to have come from I am honored. them. I am honored.

–Amy Adoyzie [email protected]

“Don’t even get me started on the LLOOVVEE,, NNOIORRBB testicle bear traps or the REV. NORBI dangling scrotum meathooks”

THE MYTH OF THE VIDEOGAME- flirting with children and molestin’ firing going the children’s librarian route—per- øINSTIGATED FEMALE ORGASM squads? Well, i guess as long as there’s haps i’ll hip him to a course catalog if he’s or some kinda molestin’ goin’ on, my thesis is not busy being executed by firing squad IF I EVER LOSE MY MIND AND supported). I mean, i realize that child today), but i always thought it would be a START BABBLING ABOUT PANSY molestation is an inarguably heinous lot cooler to have a B.S. than the B.A. i DIVISION’S OVERLOOKED WORTH offense, one that no one, in good con- already have, so i am currently in the thick AGAIN, FUCKING SHOOT ME science, should be making light of—yet, of pursuing a Bachelor of Science degree in somehow, once pudgy-ass Gary Glitter is the newly minted field of Digital TAs of 4:03 PM CDT 04.08.06, i, Rev. Nørb, involved, it introduces an undeniably comic Entertainment and Game Design. In short, i have reached a new low, newer than even element to the proceedings that i can’t help am going to, as my friends and family say, the last new low i claim to have reached. but make darkly merry with. Y’know, can’t “video game college.” This is an excellent The newest of new lows! I got a new lows, i you see this old perv, seducing Vietnamese field of study for me in many regards: The got it good! Yes i knew that i always would! children with Opal Fruits and Jelly Dudes creative and art-based parts of the curricu- Or new high, i suppose, depending on (even i won’t go the “stick of rock” route lum are right up my alley, and keep my whether or not you view my writing as pri- here!) and singing his own frickin’ songs ever-throbbing right hemisphere placated. marily buffoon value in the first place: I got while doing it? I mean, i realize it’s still The logical and code-based parts of the so wrapped up babbling about the Crusher Lent and all, but i can’t stop envisioning equation stimulate my long-dormant left and Pansy Division’s innovative use of Gary Glitter, in some sort of silver lamé hemisphere. Together, the coursework pro- stuffed animals (hey, as long as the animals Hawaiian shirt, sitting with his pants around vides me with ample stimulation of both aren’t duct taped first, it’s innovation) last his ankles as he swills beer with his next hemispheres of my brain, and allows me to issue that, by the time i had finished the col- victim on some bamboo couch in a harness my own natural wackiness in a umn, i had, no shit, COMPLETELY FOR- Gilligan’s Island style hut, merrily croaking forum other than writing columns about GOTTEN WHAT I HAD ORIGINALLY “Do you wanna touch (UH!), do you wanna platform-boot-wearing child molesters INTENDED TO WRITE THE COL- touch (UH!), do you wanna touch me (note to self: Go back into column and add UMN ABOUT IN THE FIRST PLACE! I THERE? YEAH?”, can you? Or is this just silver platform boots to G. Glitter in mean, fuckin-a, sometimes i start babbling me? And, if so, do i need to see someone Gilligan’s Island hut scenario) or jumping and i don’t get to what it was i wanted to about this? Anyway, okay, i’m not here to around stage in antlers and a tutu or what- write about, but this is the first time i flat- talk about Gary Glitter, although i guess i ever. In point of fact, game design would out spaced it. I mean, how in the fucking just did. I’m here to talk about something almost be the perfect school/career choice fuck do you sit down and write a column, serious—something sensible. I’m here to for me, except for one salient detail: I don’t finish it, and later realize that, somewhere talk about masturbation with video game play video games. I don’t even like video in mid-stream, you completely forgot what controllers. NOW, WAIT! HEAR ME OUT! I games. I think they’re fucking stupid you had intended to write about??? In any KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING! (notable exceptions being Psychonauts, event, last issue’s whole bit about jumping You’re thinking “hmmm, damn, Rev. Nørb, Katamari Damacy, and probably everything the shark was intended to set the table for that seems like kind of a dry, academic sub- Tim Schafer has done, although you can me writing about the one true rock‘n’roller ject—how the hell are you gonna wring never find a copy of Grim Fandango around who never jumped shark—and i speak, of enough yuks from a musty ol’ topic like that anywhere so who’s to say?). I’m also course, of the one… the only… GARY to avenge the inarguably shit columns incredibly bad at them. Take Half-Life, for GLITTER!!! I mean, think about it: Here’s you’ve been subjecting us to recently?” And instance. You play this dude named Gordon some tubby doofus who was the silver latex- indeed, citizen, your concern is warranted! Freeman, who sort of looks like a bad-ass clad Limey glam rock equivalent of Chubby But fear not! I’m going somewhere with Elvis Costello. There’s a dimensional Checker. The dude is able to retire on the this! (actually, i have no idea where i’m flipout at the research facility in which he residuals afforded him by a song whose going with this. It just sorta seemed like a works, causing the area to become infested lyrics consist, in their entirety, of “HEY!”, good idea at the time, because i looked at all with vile extradimensional creatures. I own he gets thrown out of England for being a the other Gary Glitter song titles on the back the game. I’ve played it on multiple occa- child pornography enthusiast, so he moves of the CD and i couldn’t think of any more sions. I have NO FUCKING IDEA what to to Cambodia, then Viet Nam, gets busted jokes) Allow me to elucidate: As you may do after i get the crowbar in the first level. again, and starts lookin’ at the very real neither know nor care, i had a midlife crisis First, i break all the glass in the door. Next, (well, reasonably real) possibility of any a few years ago, and decided to go back to i go back and bash the fuck out of the Gary Glitter 2068 Comeback Special being school. Most underachieving college edu- extradimensional frog-creature, because i put to pasture once and for all via the firing cated jerk-holes like myself who go back to know from experience that he will come get squad. THE FUCKING FIRING SQUAD!!! school tend to go for their master’s degree; me if i don’t go back and beat his brains in The Subhumans sang about it; Gary Glitter i could never muster up any real enthusiasm with the crowbar. Then i go back to the lived it! I mean, think about it: In 1977, Joe in that regard (possibly because my Mom’s door, and push every button on the con- Strummer snottily sang “when I am got a master’s degree. She used it to become troller a hundred million times, in every fitter/say the bells of Gary Glitter”—twen- a children’s librarian. That’s right. You need possible combination, in the hopes that, one ty-something years later, Strummer is six a master’s degree to read books to children. day, i will blunder across the combination of feet under via the heart attack route, and OOOOooo-kay, sure. Sign me right the fuck keypresses that will cause the door to open. Gary Glitter’s still out molestin’ children on up) (actually, i have this friend, Mr. I basically sit there for a few minutes, trying and flirting with firing squads (or was he Glitter, who just might be interested in this and that and the other thing, then i wail

16 Basically, i would be inventing a whole new genre of game- X-rrated games that aren't traditionally sexual in nature

photo by Megan Pants fruitlessly on the door with the crowbar for such, this forces me to think, as the kids say, ly curtails my ability to wallow neck-deep in a few more minutes. Then i give up and go “outside the box”—merely as a matter of punkness as i, lo these many years, have listen to records or something. I go online enlightened self-interest. I have to think of been accustomed to (WHEN WILL THIS and find cheat/walkthrough guides for new and innovative forms of gameplay, MARVELOUS MARRIAGE OF PRO- games when i get stuck, and they almost because, let’s face it—i’m never gonna GRAMMING, ART, AND GAME DESIGN invariably will say something like “Pick up invent the next great door opening and/or BE DONE, you ask? Current estimate: crowbar and break glass in door. Go back frog-creature-brain-bashing-in game. For Never), therefore, sad to say, unless there is and bash frog-creature’s brains in. Return to example, the project my class is going to be a quick and decisive influx of further glam- door and open it.” Yeah, i KNOW “OPEN spending our final six quarters at ITT-Green rock child molestations in the next few min- IT!” OPEN IT HOW??? OPEN IT Bay working on is a little ditty i whipped up utes, i’m going to be reduced to writing HOW??? I can and have literally sat up ‘til called “The Highly Unlikely Adventures of columns about video game design for the 5 AM some nights, trying to do things like a Common Swiss Army Olive vs. The foreseeable future (which, as far as my cyn- opening doors, or floating to towers— Rogues of Turpentine Street,” about an olive ical and buggy eyes can see, has about as actions so apparently mundane that walk- that comes to life just in time to avoid being much to do with punk rock these days as through guides don’t even bother to describe speared for a martini, and spends the rest of punk rock has to do with punk rock these them in any greater detail than “open door’ the game running around a crazy bachelor days) (case in point: By kind permission of or “float to tower.” I FREELY ADMIT I pad (the olive also picks up attachments like Goner Records and one Rich Crook, esq., i SUCK AT VIDEO GAMES—and this, of knives, corkscrews, etc.—hence the Swiss was able to secure permission to use the course, is an offshoot of the fact that i have Army aspect of things). Anyway, i pretty Knaughty Knights “The Wenches of little interest in opening doors and bashing much spend morning, noon, and night work- Turpentine Street” as a theme song for our frog-creatures’ brains in to begin with. As ing on crap for this goofy game, which real- game. I told them i would try to flash the 45 cover on the screen before the game, just as i would be inventing a whole new genre of at all possible to masturbate to orgasm using various software companies/design studios game—X-rated games that aren’t traditional- the vibrations from a videogame controller? get their logos flashed on the screen prior to ly sexual in nature (i.e. strip poker games or I mean, i don’t expect anyone has actually the start of the game. I mean, that’s kinda any other lame crap like that). Guys would used a controller as a masturbation aid off- punk. Sorta. But, I mean, putting a play it in order to fuck stuff. Girls would hand—like, what, you just spent $99.99 on Knaughty Knights song in your video game play it in order to see the look on guys’ faces an iVibe Rabbit, i can’t imagine you’re is CERTAINLY at least maybe as punk as when they rolled their penisphere into a scro- champing at the bit to get off by grinding a going to the sold-out Chicago Blackout or tumhook. No one would want to put it on the frickin’ XBox controller into your crotch— Whiteout or Brownout or whatever the heck rental shelves with the other games, so peo- but can someone out there try it? And see if they’re calling it this year and seeing the ple would hafta buy it if they wanted to play it works? Because, i mean, i need to know. Oblivians—not that i have anything against it (designers don’t get residuals on rentals, For science. FOR PROGRESS! And for the the Black or White or Brownout nor the we found out). Next thing ya know, i’m peni- future of the gaming industry! Because if it Oblivians—when you take into account that sphering all the way to the bank, and sitting works, then every game i ever design, in my my friend Time Bomb Tom booked the on some bamboo Gilligan’s Island couch life, is gonna have at least one sequence Oblivians at the legendary Concert Café somewhere, singing “I Wanna Get to Third where the haptic feedback can be situated as back when they were a REAL band and Base with You” to some sloe-eyed vixen in a such that girls can get off on it, were they so there were exactly TWENTY paid admis- training bra. Hey, it could happen! Anyway, inclined. My pact to you, the new breed of sions. TWENTY. TWO-OH. Furthermore, owing to the fact that i, Rev. Nørb, game gamer! And, while, no, i’m not expecting a significant component of the people who, designer for the 22nd Century, am plowing anyone to dash right out there and gunk up today, would crawl thru ten kilometers such a heretofore unfurrowed trench here, i their new PlayStation2 controller with lust [hectares?] of broken glass and thumbtacks don’t have access to much market research. I oil, surely some of you out there are still just to eat the semen-infused corn out of the mean, were i of a mind to, i’m sure i could young enough to be living at home. And, turd of the Wench of Turpentine Street any find out exactly what percentage of the again, surely some of you ladies living at random Oblivian last sodomized were gamer community enjoys games with crow- home have brothers who own videogame indeed “on the scene,” so to speak, back bars, doors, and frog-like creatures; attempt- consoles—brothers that have surely and then, and, when they had the chance to see ing to pin down the target audience for clearly wronged you in some manner that the band FOR REAL, they blew it off. Go games involving a penisphere is a little more cries out for VENGEANCE MOST EXQUIS- see the Oblivians? Five bucks? Can’t be ITE!!! Well, dammit, ladies, Science won’t VENGEANCE MOST EXQUISITE!!!

bothered, old bean! Now they sell tickets to tricky. As such, i am depending on the read- wait forever!!! Wait ‘til they’re gone to the see the posthumous Oblivians on eBay. ers of this column, should any remain, to monster truck rally, sneak into their room in Fuckin’A. Tom’s take on the matter: “I wish provide me with a de facto consumer base your PJs, find some appropriately buzzy part I could run a venue on bitterness”). So, yes, sample—assuming, of course, that you are of some video game or another, and give it a moving right along—video games and all secretly latent gamers, who merely (and shot! Report back to me with your findings! thinking outside the box and all like that. understandably) have lacked exposure to a The future of gaming is in your pants! Er, Well, anyway, Turpentine Street (such as it sufficiently groovy enough stimulus to hands. Actually, maybe both. ANYWAY! Do is known in the hallowed halls of ITT Tech- prompt you to spend your free time sitting on it tonight! And, if you’re a willing test sub- Green Bay) was not my first game idea that the sofa pushing buttons, in lieu of sitting in ject, but are at a loss in determining what i cooked up during the pitching of ideas— the back hall of the local Eagles Club, push- game might invoke a buzzy enough con- that singular honor is reserved for ing each other. Cutting to the chase, the topic troller to slake your wild animal thirst, i sug- “Welcome to the Penisphere,” a game that i i crave knowledge of most acutely, at this gest Majesco’s Psychonauts. You’ll need to think is such a fuckin’ potential SELL-A- point in time, is the realm of haptic feedback. play long enough to collect enough MILLION-COPIES-AND-LIVE-OFF- “Haptic Feedback,” for the uninitiated, is the Psitanium arrowheads to purchase the dows- THE-RESIDUALS-IN-A-GILLIGAN’S- physical feedback one might receive from ing rod, then just run around with the rod ISLAND-HUT-SMASH-HIT that i am their video game controller as they play— until you find a deep vein of Psitanium and loathe to discuss it in a public forum, lest my generally a buzz or vibration intended to the tip starts glowing purple and the con- claim be jumped, and somebody else wind simulate impact of some sort (there are troller starts vibrating uncontrollably. That up facing the underage-Asian-girl-instigat- rumors that some German designers have should provide a steady and uninterrupted ed-firing squad that i so richly deserve. invented a controller that gives the player an enough flow of haptic feedback to test my Basically, Welcome to the Penisphere is a electric shock when they fuck up. You can theory fully. Of course, one of the problems rolling game, not unlike Katamari Damacy, probably think of your own smart-ass inherent in using Psychonauts as the test except instead of being a sticky ball that remark to insert here, so i’m not even gonna game is that the character who will be on- rolls stuff up, you would be, essentially, a bother). At one point in the pitching-of-ideas screen as you dutifully attempt masturbating rolling ball of penises (Google “penis bou- phase, i had this elaborately nuts haptic feed- with the controller is Rasputin, a ten-year- quet” for an idea of what this might look back idea for a game, and my instructor, who old boy. Then again, just sing him some like—if you’ve got the, er, balls to do so). worked on a bunch of games, told me that Gary Glitter songs and you oughtta make out You would roll thru a Dali-esque, orifice- they always had really severe restrictions on OK. infested landscape, achieving various objec- what they could do with the haptic feedback, tives, spreading your seed throughout the for fear that any overly zany buzzing might Løve, land, and, of course, avoiding the various send epileptic kids directly into Mr.-Sparkle- Nørb amazingly painful booby traps (some of Land. I, of course, do not intend to be vend- which, one assumes, would really be boo- ing my multiphallic brainchild to epileptic P.S. Test subjects and/or anyone who knows bies). I can assure you, Sir: “Cocknoose” minors; therefore, as far as i’m concerned, i 3ds max and would like to contribute some ain’t just a band name any more! (don’t even can make the haptic feedback as intense as i models to our game, get in touch with me at get me started on the testicle bear traps or durn well please. Which, finally, brings me [email protected]. Thanks! the dangling scrotum meathooks) Basically, to the point of today’s column: Ladies, is it

19 “The vodka tub TTHHEE DDIINNGGHHOOLLEE RREEPPOORRTTSS snorkeling kept RHYTHM CHICKEN me sterile in numerous ways.”

LIKE A MONSTROUS KIELBASA STEAMROLLER...

Dinghole Reports found myself in the town of Sighisoara, Wojtek, Agata, Kasia, Agatka, Szkielo, and By the Rhythm Chicken Romania, where they have the home of Bedi all fell into rank as we marched for- (Commentary by Francis Funyuns) Dracula. Seriously, deep in the Transylvania ward to meet the enemy. H5N1 was in the [Edited by Dr. Sicnarf] region of north central Romania is where the air and only one force could combat its real Vlad Tepes Dracula lived. I saw his deadly influence… RUCKUS! BUCK, BUCK,….BUCKAW! Thou house, and in a pagan ritualistic manner, I The first confrontation took place on Chicken returneth! I have conquered and I kissed his house. I KISSED DRACULA’S Tumska Street, a busy pedestrian shopping have returned! The battle is over! That which HOUSE! I needed all the help I could get in area. I chose a stage between some courtyard Ddid not kill me has made me stronger! I stood battling this foe to all poultry! I felt that hon- entrance and some passed-out drunk on a facing my own mortality and scratched my oring the great impaler couldn’t hurt. park bench. The sign on my bass drum read way to survival! I even had to abandon my After gaining copious amounts of data in Rytm Kurcze “Ptasia Grypa” Tour (Rhythm literary duties in this here punk zine last the flu’s first battle ground, along with an Chicken Bird Flu Tour). I pulled on my cere- issue, leaving those 2,000 words to my two interesting plate of deep-fried calf brains, I monial headdress and paused to contemplate stateside comrades. Seeing as how they were felt learned enough to return to my own bat- the importance of this Chicken gig. Not only responsible for the first ever installment of tlefield. Soon after returning to Krakow, I was it my first ruckus on Polish soil, but the the Dinghole Reports which contained NO armed myself with my greatest weapon, first in a series of audio attacks against a Dinghole Report WHATSOEVER, I’m keep- RUCKUS! Poland had somehow escaped the threat to mankind! The opening drum roll ing Funyuns and Sicnarf out of the loop this wrath of my ruckus for almost two years, but rumbled down Tumska Street. The pigeons time around. My recent battle has given me now my superhero services were needed scattered in excitement. Poland finally felt the strength and courage to take on this col- more than ever! Two thirds of the world’s the tremors of my American ruckus. In actu- umn single-winged-ly! stork population lives in rural Poland (as I’ve ality, the first battle was not very spectacular. All you folks back stateside have an read). Imagine the inevitable impact on your I was not even able to wake the passed-out entire planet between you and the next killer mankind were these great baby-deliverers to drunk on the nearby bench. I deduced that he disease, bird flu. Scientists have been main- fall prey to H5N1. There was no time to was Poland’s first human victim to ptasia taining how this bird flu is practically harm- waste. I had to act. grypa! This first Polish ruckus was notewor- less to you humans, but to us BIRDS, well, A short distance up the River Vistula thy, however, for it let the enemy know of my let’s just say it’s a concern. I’ve been watch- from Torun lies the mild Polish city of Plock presence. H5N1 could not ignore me now. ing reported cases popping up in Romania, (pronounced like “pwoat-sk”). Plock is the The next battle site was at the base of Ukraine, Belarus, Slovakia, Czech Republic, home of Wojtek, my fine host and supplier Pomnik Broniewskiego (the Broniewski Russia, and even Germany. I found myself on for this great battle. I first spent a few days Monument). A handful of Plock skaters were this flu-free island of Poland, surrounded, studying the battlefield and local climate. I tearing it up around the tribute to Plock’s threatened at every border! It was only a mat- fueled up with flaki (a Polish soup made with famous poet. They parted and made way for ter of time. cow’s stomach) and a fine selection of local the forthcoming battle. My ruckus erupted Then a few months back, the headline of brewskis: Kujawiek, Kasztelan, and Tyskie. from this small neighborhood square and the Krakow’s local gazette made it quite clear. This time, Wojtek was able to supply me with neighborhood kids began to gather. Whilst Ptasia Grypa w Polce! (Bird Flu in Poland!). a ruckus arsenal of one rather weathered pounding out victorious chicken rhythms, They had found some dead swans on the drumset, a Polish-made relic from “former skaters were zoomin’ and tricksterin’ around River Vistula up in the northern city of Torun. times.” In mental preparation, I listened to me. It looked more like one of those old This is when I went into hiding and took plenty of old Polish punk rock: Brygada “skate rock” videos than a fight to save experimental measures to protect myself. The Kryzys, Dezerter, TZN Xenna, and Armia. mankind, but the powers of ruckus were gain- vodka tub snorkeling kept me sterile in On the evening of March 31st I had my final ing ground! While my militia and I were numerous ways, but fear finally got the better preparatory feast: knedle and szarlotka. Feast walking off with my weapons, one little of me. I fled to Italy in search of their local now, for we battle in the morn. awestruck Pole was overheard saying “Co wine vaccines. Then bird flu hit Italy and I gosc!” (What a guy!) knew it was time to face my fears. Dinghole Report #71: My Polish Ruckus Militia regrouped in I returned to Krakow and started to draw Ptasia Grypa Tour! the Stary Rynek (Old Square), directly in up my battle plans. First, there was the (Rytm Kurcze sightings #369 to #373) front of the Plock City Hall. What better research stage. I had to learn more about my Was it a comical omen that the great place to continue the fight, my struggle for enemy. Bird flu first hit Eastern Europe in battle should occur on Prima Aprilis (April existence! After scanning the square for a Romania. It was a twenty-hour train ride, but 1st)? I precisely calculated that this would most advantageous stage to launch my attack had to be done. While there I learned of their be the least suspected day for such an from, I decided on the area next to the sundi- local fluid defense against this evasive flu attack. Strategical ruckus is no accident! al. Time was on my side, along with the likes strain. It’s called palinca, and resembles a After inhaling an extra portion of szarlotka, of Mikolaj Kopernik (Nicholas Copernicus, sort of homemade plum moonshine. Then I I met up with my Polish Ruckus Militia. Poland’s famous mathematician/astrologer, Photos byPhotos Stasiak Wojtek

They doubted my ability to cram a chickenkit into their ill-sized girlie shitroom. who was actually from Torun, where Poland’s Then my violent battle rhythms roared onward. throughout the pub and the crowd reached the bird flu first struck!). My ruckus exploded The chicken ears flew about valiantly. I halted level I now refer to as MAXIMUM HURRAY! and echoed all around the square. Saturday and raised my wings to survey the progress of In a storm of airborne beer and riotous applause, afternoon pedestrians gathered around. Soon the my campaign. Pub Grodzki erupted in approv- H5N1 was defeated, beaten down, hurrayed into balconies around the square filled with confused ing applause! I began to stoke the crowd, entic- obscurity, gone the way of the swine flu. yet cheering Poles. A large, menacing dog ing one side of the crowd into competitive bel- One of Poland’s proud mottos from World began to snarl and roar at my tactical struggle, lowing against the other. War II is “First to Fight!” since they were the surely an agent of the evil H5N1! It was time for H5N1 was on the ropes, but I knew I could first to offer military resistance against Hitler’s the propaganda phase of my campaign. I held not deliver the KO without a proper crippling aggression. Though that first fight didn’t quite up a sign which read Uwaga! Kurczakowa blow. Just then I called upon my Polish Ruckus end in a victory parade, it showed the Pole’s Grypa! (Warning! Chicken Flu!) The Poles Militia to assist in shifting the battleground to a unwillingness to being beaten down. Once snickered and I began to dispense my final location where victory would surely be mine: the again, they were “first to fight” against this bac- round of audio blows. Were my attacks having ladies bathroom! The bacterial foe was backed terial nazi. We did not have a victory parade, any effect? Would H5N1 be halted, or even into its own little corner for the decisive battle. however, the victory celebration continued. slowed down? What was to become of chick- Pub Grodzki has a most interesting ladies bath- Numerous polski brews were inhaled and fol- enkind and mankind alike? room. It is behind a door in the pub’s narrow lowed by the national victory drink, vodka. I Wojtek, Agata, and I retreated back to entrance. The bathroom itself is shaped like a cannot overemphasize how supreme Polish headquarters. We had to refuel with more szar- small triangle. From both sides of the doorframe, vodka is. I’m not talking about that over-priced lotka, wine, and beer. We listened to more punk two walls slant back to a point behind the toilet. Belvedere or Chopin crap you can get in rock and drew up new battle plans. The war My militia was unbelieving and hesitant. They America. The Poles don’t export their good room was littered with empty Krolewskie cans doubted my ability to cram a chickenkit into stuff; they keep it here for themselves. Let it be when we finally marched back to war. I knew I their ill-sized girlie shitroom. After barely fitting known, the H5N1 strain of bird flu was soundly had to pull the enemy into battle on my own the hi-hat, snare, and kick drum within the limit- beaten into oblivion on April Fool’s Day in turf. In the far corner of Plock’s Old Square is ing confines (and myself on the toilet throne, of Plock, Poland. the most Wisconsinized tavern I’ve ever seen in course) I called for the floor tom and then After finally delivering my worldly ruckus Poland, Pub Grodzki. I was in a familiar envi- wedged it ON TOP OF the kick drum! If the to the Republic of Poland (and, you know, sav- ronment and now had the home-field advan- Rhythm Chicken can fit into a phone booth in ing mankind and all that), I feel once again that tage! Numerous cheap Polish beers were dis- Gills Rock, Wisconsin, he can surely fit into a my work here is done. Three weeks from now I pensed to my militia and we toasted to the ladies privy in Plock, Poland! will be back in my true nest, Wisconsin. I will imminent victory. The pub continued to fill with The narrow entranceway filled with unbe- recuperate and recharge my powers in the land an interesting cross-section of Polish society. lieving (and mildly drunken) Poles. Once again, of supreme beer and cheese curds. A little R&R The Poles looked on with intrigue while I my opening drumroll was like a cadence march- (be it rest and relaxation OR rock and roll) is set up my makeshift chickenkit in front of the ing forward into battle, only this time towards always welcome after a chicken’s foreign tour foosball table. I pulled on my ever-filthier victory! I lifted my wings to the crowd’s crazed of duty. After that, who knows what strange land chicken head to more snickers from those battle cry, and the ruckus did follow. Like a will require my liberating chaos? around me. One mantra repeated endlessly in monstrous kielbasa steamroller, my internation- Do widzenia, Polska. Dziekuje za wszystko my head. FUCK N5H1! FUCK H5N1! FUCK al assistance against this world killer turned the piwo I szczesliwego razy! H5N1! FUCK H5N1! Fuck H5N1, indeed! tables. The enemy was in retreat, back to Torun, Fuck H5N1 up the ass with a barbed-wire bat! back to Slovakia, back to Romania, back to –Rytm Kucrze (Rhythm Chicken) My opening drum roll was like a cleansing China, back to some dirty rural farm in God thunder, putting smiles on every face in the pub. knows where! The joyous thunder spread [email protected]

21

“You have a memory like a hard drive. I don’t know where WWHHOOAARREEYYOOUU?? you’re getting this stuff. It’s amazing.” Todd Morse (ex-H20, now a Lick)

Todd: Oh man, that is not even the weirdest thing we played. But yes, we did play a goth costume ball in Portland, Maine. Yes. Nardwua Juliette: Oh my god, that’s where this little r scuffle fight broke out in the front row and our entire band wanted to beat up these three kids. is Todd: That’s not true! Vs. iette Lew Juliette: We’re not a violent act. Jul Todd: Not like Turbonegro. Nardwuar: Who are you? Todd: Uh, I can’t really remember past a cou- Juliette: Yes, but this little scuffling, rambunc- Juliette Lewis: You know, I’ve been asking ple of years ago. But no, I was actually in tious… they were wicked and they were antag- myself that question for a long time. But I think another band for a little while. onizing the audience. What am I saying? I feel technically my name is Juliette Lewis, and I’m Nardwuar: You were in the H2O. like a school teacher. Anyway, I jumped on one in a band that I titled Juliette And The Licks. Todd: You did your homework, didn’t ya? Yes, of ‘em like a little banshee and it was very fun. And he’s one of the Licks. I was in a band called H2O. I think they liked that. Nardwuar: And who are you? Juliette: Yeah, he was in an awesome punk Nardwuar: What did they look like? What was Todd Morse: My name is Todd Morse, and band called H2O and you gotta do this [does it like at this goth costume ball? technically I’m in the Licks. NY “gangsta pose” with hands] when you say it. Juliette: You know what, I was thinking the NNardwuar: Juliette Lewis, have you been cor- Nardwuar: Has Todd told you about the great- whole time like, “Goth: what does this mean? rupted by rock’n’roll? est moment ever in H2O’s history? Who are we? Why are we here?” Juliette: You know, I don’t think so. I may cor- Juliette: [laughs a lot] What’s it gonna be Nardwuar: I think it’s cool! I like that. rupt rock’n’roll, but it does not corrupt me, if Todd? No? Juliette: Yeah, it was more like Halloween you know what I’m saying. Todd: When I played a show without screwing up? party costumes. So what did we see? Nardwuar: But years ago, wasn’t Juliette Nardwuar: No, it was a show you did in Japan, Todd: They looked a lot like our former singing PJ Harvey covers? which is amazing. It even tops Turbo… bass player. Todd: Ah, I can’t vouch for that. I was just born Juliette: Stop it! Nardwuar: Ba-boom! about three years ago. Nardwuar: It even tops Turbonegro. What it [everyone laughs] Nardwuar: You were singing PJ Harvey cov- was is, H2O, your band, played with MC Nardwuar: Get ‘em while he’s down! ers a few years ago. Hammer and the Bad Brains! Isn’t that true? You Juliette: He’s so way up, he’s awesome. Juliette: Yes, I did sing in, ah, this movie played with MC Hammer and the Bad Brains? Nardwuar: Todd of Juliette And The Licks, Strange Days which I’m so glad you saw Juliette: Isn’t he genius? how hardcore is Juliette? ‘cause not many people saw it. And I sang two Todd: How do you know all this stuff? [laughs] Todd: Ah man, you know, I thought being in a PJ Harvey covers, yes. I actually have a picture on my refrigerator of hardcore band I’d seen all the hardcore, but Nardwuar: I think you’ve been corrupted me and MC Hammer having a beer together. she’s pretty friggin’ hardcore. though, because you’ve gone from PJ Harvey, It’s pretty weird. Nardwuar: Because I think you’re pretty to Turbo... Juliette: That’s awesome. hardcore, Juliette. I mean you do the stage div- Todd: ...Negro. Nardwuar: And the Bad Brains in Japan, I mean, ing, the crowd surfing, but a lot of people do Nardwuar: You went from PJ Harvey to what the hell was going on there? That’s amazing! that don’t they? Turbonegro. You’ve been corrupted! Todd: I don’t know what was going on. I just Juliette: Sure they do. Juliette: Well, okay. Technically, we never had remember some really weird, uncomfortable Nardwuar: A lot of people do that. However, the thrill to open for PJ Harvey but we did get to moments with HR of the Bad Brains in the how many people crowd surf in a [yells] bikini?! open for Tur-Turbonegro. We’ve been corrected. hotel lobby where he was really scaring people. Juliette: Da da da! [laughs] I love it. I couldn’t—I didn’t want to say. They said it’s a Juliette: Who was? Hammer was? Nardwuar: You crowd surf in a bikini! color of paint, out in, uh, Finland. Where are they Todd: No. HR from Bad Brains. Juliette: Yes, and you know what’s magical from? Norway, we’ve been corrected off-camera. Juliette: Oh, okay. about the whole thing? It never came off. No Anyway, they are a wild bunch. I opened for Nardwuar: How did Hammer and HR get on? one touched me inappropriately. them. They have a very territorial audience, much Todd: I never saw them talking actually. I just Todd: [coughs] Sorry. like little lions, and I think we slayed them. know that we were all in the lobby after the Juliette: There was nothing but love and joy Nardwuar: I think it’s great though from PJ show and HR turned to his band and said, and, you know, my favorite moment was in Harvey to Turbo... “That’s it, I’m leaving,” and just started walk- Budapest. I love this like, “We were in [Both laughing] ing down the street with no idea about where he Budapest,” playing this festival for 20,000 peo- Juliette: What is your problem? First of all, I was going and everyone had to chase after him ple. I hurled myself in the audience, while the love you and I love your name. and let him know that he was in Japan and band was just rockin’ out, and there was a lot of Todd: They’re gonna edit it and we’re just couldn’t just walk back to DC. love and magic and I like it. gonna be saying “Negro” every five seconds. Nardwuar: Juliette Lewis from Juliette Lewis Todd: Yeah, absolutely no one accosted her. Juliette: Yeah, yeah exactly. He’s just gonna And The... Juliette: I did lose a boot, but I didn’t lose any- go what’s the Licks’ problem? They’re stuck Juliette: Well, it’s Juliette And The Licks and I thing else. I just lost my shoe. in the ‘40s. love this... yes, hello. Nardwuar: But is it selfish to crowd surf when Nardwuar: Todd of the Licks though, you Nardwuar: Licks, please tell me, did you guys you have no shirt on, just a bikini, ‘cause that haven’t always been in the Licks have you? actually play a goth costume ball? means you’re sweating a lot, right?

24 Illustration by Mitch Clem, mitchclem.com Todd: [laughing a lot] Juliette: I love that it’s Finland because that you good friends with Hank? Could Hank be Juliette: Yes. was our first European show. We were playing dropping by after? Nardwuar: So does the audience like Finland and half the audience is singing our Juliette: Oh my god, is his nickname Hank? I Juliette’s sweat? songs and that was the first time that happened bet he doesn’t like that and he might beat you up. Todd: I don’t know. That’s pretty hurtful to on our European tour, so there’s something Nardwuar: No, he calls himself Hank. the people, I think. brewing over there in Finland with the Licks. Juliette: He does? I wanna call him Hank. You Juliette: I hope they do because they get Nardwuar: Number two on Amazon.com! know who else is Hank, the singer of Turbo… showered up front and, I mean like, pshhhh Todd: We’re super, super hot in Finland. It’s Juliette and Todd: Negro! [makes exploding noise and flails her hair just off the chain. Nardwuar: A running theme in this inter- around] slow mo. I wish we could just do that. Nardwuar: Todd, what sort of gifts get view! Now Juliette Lewis, I interviewed a few That would’ve been funny. thrown on stage or given to Juliette or given to years ago a man named Elijah… Nardwuar: But how about Juliette, when you the band? What sort of gifts have you guys Juliette: Wood? jump in the audience and people catch you? accumulated in your van on this tour, or your Todd: Woody? Juliette: Yes. bus? Sorry, I mean van… Nardwuar: Elijah Wood. And I asked him Nardwuar: You slide off of them? Todd: I believe Juliette got a bullet once, about the punkers in Hollywood. Who are Juliette: No, I don’t. didn’t you? the punkest people in Hollywood and he Nardwuar: Because you’re wet? I guess what Juliette: Yeah, that sounds really sinister. said David… I was wondering is, wouldn’t it be politically Todd: Not in the skull or the abdomen. Todd: Lee Roth? [laughs] correct before you jump in the audience to Juliette: Yeah, yeah, yeah. A girl gave me a Nardwuar: David Cross. David Cross was crowd surf to put on a t-shirt? Do you think very pointy bullet [sirens heard outside] and one of the punkiest in Hollywood. Who are about the crowd? cue the sirens... the other punks in Hollywood? I mean, Elijah Juliette: Let me tell you, I’m not reptilian. Todd: Yeah, perfect. Wood is a punk. He’s going to be playing Iggy I’m not slithery. I don’t slide. I do acrobatics. Juliette: And then I put it in my luggage and Pop, apparently. It’s a pure, joyful thing. I don’t know what got stopped at customs in Switzerland, Korea! Juliette: Right. will go on tonight in this room. It all depends Todd: Korea! Sounds good. Switzerland, Nardwuar: Is David Cross a punk? He’s a on the crowd and how I’m feeling and the Korea, you know. punk isn’t he? magic of the moment and all that stuff. Juliette: Okay, whatever. Juliette: I think what we more need to say is Nardwuar: I guess I was mentioning it Todd: One of those Scandinavian places. “non-conformist.” That’s the proper term. But because I play in a rock‘n’roll band and when Juliette: And you’re asking yourself, they do you need to ask who’s a punk in I’m on stage I take my shirt off. But anytime I went to Korea? Yes we did... [laughs] I’m bor- Hollywood? crowd surf, I always put a shirt on. Because ing myself! Nardwuar: Uh, ah... Juliette! when I jump in the audience people catch me. Nardwuar: No, you’re not boring me though. Todd: Lewis. And at the end of the gig they’re just covered I think it’s great you keep fans’ gifts, because Juliette: [laughs] Yeah. in sweat and pubic hair. one time again, when I was in a rock‘n’roll Nardwuar: Juliette Lewis is a punk in Juliette: Well, hold on a second! There’s no band, and I still am, we were given a quiche Hollywood. But I mean just to add to my list. pubes being revealed here. and we kept it and we eventually ate it. Have Because David Cross said, and I asked him Nardwuar: No, from my chest hair, my you been given any food? about it. I said, “Hey, David Cross, I talked to chest hair. Juliette: Oh my god! Sorry, remember that cake Elijah Wood...” David Cross said there’s a Juliette: Oh, you’re talking about me? we got in the shape of a penis? Can I say penis? secret tree house where the punks in Nardwuar: Yes, I didn’t mean yours, but I Todd: Or cock? Hollywood all meet. David Cross, Elijah just meant that maybe, you know, your audi- Juliette: It was amazing and it was a doughnut; Wood, and I was wondering, can we add ence would get angry if you crowd surfed cream-filled, naturally. Uh, where was that? Juliette Lewis, or is there anybody else we can without a shirt. Todd: Uh, that was… add to the tree house? Juliette: Well, let me explain something to Juliette: That was in our dressing room. Juliette: Oh yeah, okay. you. Most of the time I’m clothed. The time Todd: We got the cake penis, the penis cake, Todd: Ryan Seacrest. you’re talking about, was 110 degrees on the at... at... Portland. Nardwuar: Uh… Warped Tour. That’s the bikini incident. Juliette: Portland, Oregon, everybody! Juliette: You stumped him. Look, he’s hurt. Nardwuar: But there’s some other places [clapping] There was a tear. where you crowd surf as well, where there’s Nardwuar: Did you eat it? Nardwuar: I don’t know what to do? still some skin exposed. Juliette: You know what? It got stolen and American Top 40? Todd: I’m starting to go with you here. That’s defaced and we all wanted to eat it. Juliette: We don’t know what to do. really selfish how you sweat all over the people. Todd: Don’t lie. We found our guitar player Nardwuar: I was thinking perhaps Justin Nardwuar: Thank you. with it in his bunk. Timberlake, because it is rumored he’s going Todd: I’m getting a little angry actually. Nardwuar: Juliette And The Licks, and Todd to be playing Johnny Rotten in the Johnny Juliette: I love it. of the Licks, tonight you guys have some Rotten story. Nardwuar: Has Juliette or has the band ever heavy competition. Do you know who you’re Juliette: Shut up! I’m leaving. considered doing a nude show? up against? Who’s playing in Vancouver, Nardwuar: Johnny Rotten wants him to Todd: [laughs] British Columbia? play him! Juliette: Um, you know what? I know where Juliette: We heard. Juliette: Stop it. you’re going with this and I want it stopped Todd: Henry Rollins. We heard Henry Nardwuar: Johnny Rotten wants him to right now. [laughs] Rollins, right? play him. Todd: Listen, the nude show is on the bus any Nardwuar: How are you going to do against Todd: We’ll have to have a talk to Steve Jones given night, let me tell ya. Henry Rollins? Is he going to take any of about this, see what he thinks about it. Nardwuar: Juliette Lewis from the Licks and your fans? Juliette: I know, I’m sure he’ll have some- Todd from the Licks, do you know what your Todd: I’ll take this one. We have guitars, he thing to say. record is doing right now in Finland? doesn’t. That’s all I got to say. Nardwuar: Are you going to be doing a movie Juliette: What do you mean? What it’s doing? Nardwuar: Ba-boom! with Dave Cross’ good friend Bob Oden… Nardwuar: You are #2 on Amazon.com Todd: And drums! Ba-boom! Juliette: Odenkirk! I so wish this movie Finland! Juliette: And you know what? I might have would get made. It’s called The Fuck Up. Can Juliette and Todd: Nooooooo! bigger muscles. Not sure, but I would want to I say The Fuck Up? Juliette: I love this guy. High five! do a muscle off. I just invented what that is, Todd: Fuck Up. Todd: That’s amazing! with Henry Rollins. Juliette: Anyway, it’s from a brilliant book Nardwuar: How the hell did that happen? Nardwuar: Have you done any gigs with him and they don’t have their financing and this is How did you get big in Finland? or have you done any movies with him or are the frustrating thing about the movie business. 26 It’s a brilliant story, blah, blah, blah. I would be Nardwuar: So you’ve maybe heard some- Juliette: Licks come in here! [clapping] We’re in it. It’s not made yet, maybe later. thing about this? Like, what basically I’m #2 in Finland on Amazon! Nardwuar: Did you follow Mr. Show at all? coming to is he was so intent on his work, he Todd: That means some sucker’s #3 in Finland! Juliette: I love Mr. Show. would not leave the set. They had to bring a Nardwuar: You guys are #2 on Amazon.com. Nardwuar: Did you see the skit that involved cup to him and he pissed in a cup and then I wish we had a little plaque for you guys or you, IDS, Imminent Death Syndrome. the cup was poured in a toilet. Have you met something like that. Juliette: No! What does that mean? That people like that, that are so intense, aside Juliette: A little sign. See, we really deviated sounds awful? from yourself? with this interview. Maybe people changed the Nardwuar: I’m not exactly sure, but Bob and Juliette: I hate to tell you this, but I’ve never channel and came back, so now we’re back. David came up with that and now you’re doing heard this story and they had porta-potties on Nardwuar: Hey, maybe they were never a movie with Bob. That’s so great. the set. [laughs] watching! Ba-boom! Juliette: But why did it involve me? Nardwuar: No, this is good. Juliette: Oh! Turbonegro. Nardwuar: I think you were one of the celebri- Juliette: I’m sorry! Nardwuar: I was wondering, Juliette, you did ties mentioned in it or something like that. Nardwuar: No, it’s good because people were the movie Hysterical Blindness and didn’t the Juliette: Oh, great. angry at me, “You didn’t ask him! You didn’t director make everybody do yoga? Nardwuar: You can go check that out if ask him about pissing in a cup!” Juliette: Oh my god! Look at that! He’s you want. Todd: He has been known to crap in his direc- genius! Who would know this? You must Juliette: Great. tor chair, though. have secret spies planted across the Todd: You’ve got a little David Cross thing Nardwuar: Todd, what can you tell me nation. Yes she did. People did yoga early

You know what's magical about the whole thing? No one touched me inappropriately. -Juliette going on yourself here and you seem a little about Juliette Lewis’ family, namely father in the morning. Isn’t that great? obsessed as well. Is there something we don’t and brother? Nardwuar: So is there a bit of Hysterical-isms know about? Todd: [laughs] Well, they accepted me as one on stage every night? A bit of movie influence Nardwuar: Well, David Cross is a great fan of their own and I’ve been sworn to secrecy. in the Licks? of Vancouver, British Columbia and he Nardwuar: Because your dad [directed to Juliette: I don’t know. For us, it’s about the recently appeared in a video by a local band Juliette] was in one of my favorite movies of rock band, the guitar riff, the rhythm and just called The New Pornographers and every- all time! cuttin’ loose, cutting loose. Why do I turn into body loves the Crosser. Juliette: What was it? the ‘50s? Juliette: The New Pornographers, they’re a Nardwuar: Guess. Nardwuar: I like the word “cuttin’ loose.” local band? That’s so exciting. I want to check Juliette: Bronco Billy? Todd: Isn’t that a wine cooler? them out as well. Nardwuar: No, Tango & Cash. Nardwuar: Cuttin’ loose reminds me of Nardwuar: Juliette Lewis and Todd from the Juliette: Was he in that? that tune “Bustin’ Loose.” Do you guys Licks, you guys have a song called American… Todd: [laughs] remember that? Todd: Boy! Nardwuar: He was in that. Juliette: Hey, c’mon down, we’re cuttin’ loose Nardwuar: “American Boy.” Now speaking Juliette: I didn’t even know that. here with the Licks! of all-American boys. Oliver Stone. A few Nardwuar: Sylvester Stallone and Kurt Russell. Nardwuar: Well, thank you very much years ago, I did an interview with him, and Juliette: Yes, I know this. Juliette And The Licks. Anything else you afterwards my friends got mad at me because I Nardwuar: And your brother is going to be in wanna say to the people out there? didn’t ask him about pissing in a cup. a movie with, believe it or not, Kato Kaelin Juliette: I do. [sings] You know the Licks are Juliette: He pissed in a cup? and Seymour Butts! alive. They’ll come to rule your heart so open Nardwuar: What do you know about Oliver Juliette: No, no. His friend does this weird up your damn mind! [Juliette walks way] Stone pissing in a cup, Juliette Lewis? You comedy cable access show. They’ve know Todd: Yeah, you heard her! worked with him. I heard he’s so intense he each other since he was thirteen. Nardwuar: All right, well thanks very much won’t leave the set and he will only piss in a cup. Nardwuar: But I think that’s great. Like, I Juliette Lewis from Juliette Lewis and the... Juliette: Oh no, that sounds like a great little mean, those are just amazing things—Kato Juliette: Oh my god, you stole my exit! It was story, but I believe he just uses a bathroom like Kaelin, Sylvester Stallone. I just love it, the supposed to be so theatrical. everyone else. things involved with the Lewis family. Nardwuar: We just have to finish off. And Todd: I do that! Juliette: Oh, please. thank you Juliette Lewis from Juliette Lewis Juliette: Todd, however… Todd: You have a memory like a hard drive. And The Licks and doot doola doot doo… Todd: I do that. I don’t know where you’re getting this stuff. Juliette: Doo doot. Juliette: Not to mention some other things. It’s amazing. Todd: My biggest pet peeve is when there Juliette: Can I celebrate our Amazon #2 victo- To hear this interview log onto www.nardwuar.com isn’t a bathroom in the dressing room, so I’ve ry in Finland? been known to pee in a bottle or two. Yeah, Nardwuar: Sure, why don’t you welcome me and Ollie. them over? Chrystaei Branchaw’s Photo Page

E s the vaporator “I guarantee her THE DDOOGG AA MMOONNKKEEYY TO RRIIDDEE self-esteem’s too SEAN CARSWELL low to say no to a guy like you.”

and Schweller the Dipshit Brothers Boon has me framing interior walls, I’m a little surprised at what Boon’s gonna rag on me for the rest of the summer which, as far as duties on the carpentry crew saying. I never really thought about the over this transvestite thing, which is so stu- go, is fucking awesome. My feet are on the boss getting fired, but I guess everyone pid that I don’t even want to go into it. I say ground. The roof is already built and I’m works for someone. Also, I heard the last to Schweller, “Dale has a thing for crack under it. There’s no heavy lifting. The dipshit thing he said wrong and so I say, whores.” Which is true. And I add to Dale, brothers—Dale and Dave—are on the other “Worthless as tits on a whore?” “And maybe we all don’t have to chase side of the house, so I don’t even have to deal “Tits on a bull,” Mr. Schweller says, ever down whores. Maybe some of us can date with them. It’s just me and my hammer and the teacher. “Tits on a bull are worthless. Tits regular girls.” two-by-fours. I’m feeling lucky. on a whore are a good thing.” “They’re all whores,” Dale says. And then BBoon calls out to me, “Hey, Chris.” Boon hires him on the spot. They’re two he’s off again, giving me instructions on the “Yeah?” I call back. peas in a fucking pod. right way to pick up a whore, the best places to “Get out here,” Boon says. This surprises go to find them, the best places to take them me. Usually, he just calls out my name and, At first, it’s a little weird working with my once you’ve found them, all that shit. Dale when I answer, he says, “Just checking ass- teacher. I’m half expecting him to give me a loves hookers. He loves to spread his hooker holes.” Which shouldn’t be funny to me but detention when I cuss. Plus, he’s cutting in on wisdom. I just eat my sandwich and try to tune since he says it five or ten times a day, it is. I’m my sweet job. He makes it easy for me, him out. Lunchtime is back to normal, with or actually a little disappointed that he’s calling though. First, he tells me to call him by his without the new guy. my name because he actually wants some- first name, Dave, which I can’t do because 1.) thing. I slide my hammer into my tool belt and he was my study hall teacher and 2.) there’s After lunch, Schweller and I get to work walk out front. already a Dave on the crew. So he says, building pony walls. Pony walls are the little Boon’s standing there with Mr. Schweller. “Schweller, then. No Mr.” I agree. walls that connect the regular eight foot walls Mr. Schweller is the shop teacher at my high Schweller also shows me a quicker way to to the vaulted ceilings. Usually, Dale and Dave school. I’m not sure what he’s doing on the job go about framing these walls. He shows me do this, but they’re busy taking their post- site. I walk over to those guys. how much more efficient it all is if you just lunch nap and Boon wants to see how well Boon says to me, “You know this guy?” think a little before getting started. His system Schweller can work, anyway. “Yeah,” I say. works well. We get right to it, and by Schweller’s a good worker. His first thing “Was he your teacher?” Boon asks. lunchtime, the interior walls are banged out, is safety. We build a scaffold. We set up “Kinda,” I say. Because I never took a standing, level, secure. I’m impressed, and I sawhorses and get lumber. Schweller shows shop class with Mr. Schweller, but he was in was there doing it. me how to make angled cuts with my skill charge of the study hall I took last year. He We take a lunch break. It’s immediately saw, and I do the cutting. He stands on the was great. On most days, he’d let some of the clear that the dipshit brothers aren’t exactly scaffold, takes the measurements and builds guys in the class gather around his desk and happy about the new hire. Dave says to the actual walls. It’s the most intricate work he’d tell us drinking stories. He was a hero to Schweller, “Be careful. You let the boss know I’ve ever done on a construction site. I know us all. But I don’t know if that counts as being how fast you can work and you’ll have to this makes me sound like a dork, but I’m a teacher. Still, I say, “Yeah, I guess.” work that fast every day.” stoked about this job. I get to use my brain a “Good guy?” Boon asks. Schweller nods. “That’s why I took my little bit. I get to work a little harder, and time Mr. Schweller looks at me. I gather that time with those walls,” he says. starts to fly by. he’s here about the job. Boon’s hiring a new Boon laughs at this. “Everyone ain’t like Schweller wants to chat in between the carpenter, and I guess Mr. Schweller’s looking you,” Boon says. “We can’t all work like we buzz of the saw and the shouting of measure- for summer work. I look back at Mr. got a piano on our back.” ments. He says, “I don’t think Dale and Dave Schweller. “He’s probably too good for this Dave shuts up. like me.” crew,” I tell Boon. “He can build furniture and I know these guys, though. If they can’t “Fuck ‘em,” I say. shit. He should be working trim.” rag on Schweller, they’ll just turn to me. And, “Come on, Dunbar,” he says to me. “That true?” Boon asks. sure enough, Dale steps up to the plate. “Hey, “Are you supposed to talk like that around “I like framing,” Mr. Schweller says. “The Chris,” he says, “I hear you don’t like tits on your teacher?” sun. The fresh air.” your whores.” I get bold. “Fuck you, Schweller,” I say. Boon nods his head. He says, “Well, we “Fuck you, Dale,” I say. Schweller smiles. “So it’s like that, huh?” need a good carpenter or we’re all gonna get Dale smiles. “So it’s true, then. You don’t “Don’t worry about the dipshit brothers,” fired. We’ve been on this little house three like tits on your whores. Is it all part of your I say. “They know their dad ain’t gonna fire weeks already. We need to bang it out in a sick transvestite thing?” Dale turns to them. They’ll just be happy that you’re work- couple of days or the bossman’s gonna give Schweller and says, “Chris has a thing for ing hard so they don’t have to.” the next house to someone else. And all I got transvestites.” “You’re probably right.” Schweller lines his working with me right now is the kid…” “I don’t have a thing for transvestites,” I level up for the next stud, makes a mark in the Boon points at me. “…and my two sons. And say, even though I know it’s the worst thing for top plate, takes a measurement, and calls it down those two guys, they’re about as worthless as me to say because once you deny something to to me. I cut the stud and hand it to him. He says, tits on a bull.” the dipshit brothers, you’re convicted. They’re “Thanks.” With four shots of the nail gun, the

30 “Really?” I say. “Cut,” Schweller says. I make the cut and hand it to him. I say, “I don’t think so. That chick is way out of my league.” Schweller nails the top of the stud in. “Don’t sell yourself short,” he says. “Her dad’s a drunk and she failed typing last year. I guarantee her self-esteem’s too low to say no to a guy like you.” He shoots the bottom of the stud in, sets down the gun, and picks up his level. “I don’t know, man,” I say. “I can’t even drive yet. I’d have to ask her out and ask her to pick me up. It’s not cool.” “You’re not sixteen yet?” Schweller asks. “Not until next month,” I say. Schweller calls down the measurement and says, “It don’t matter. She’ll drive. Chicks don’t really care that much about the car you drive and that stuff. It’s all a myth.” I kinda think that Schweller’s lying to me and I kinda want to believe him regardless. Heather DeKalb is a good looking girl. I had the worst crush on her the whole time I was tutoring her in math. And now that Schweller brings it up, I realize that he’s right. She’s not that bad at math. I’m not that good at it. There was even one time when I was trying to walk Heather through the quadratic equation and I fucked it up and she corrected me. Maybe Schweller is right about that girl. I cut the stud and hand it to him. He looks at me and says, “You’re thinking about it, now, aren’t you?” “Nah,” I say. “I can’t ask her out. A chick like that. She’d eat me alive.” “Hell, that’s what you want.” I’m starting to be convinced, but still I shake my head. Illustration by Brad Besahw Schweller nails in the stud and says, “Look, Dunbar, I’m gonna tell you something that I wish someone told me when I was fif- stud is in. Schweller sets the nail gun down on girls. He’s been talking about his girlfriend for teen. Are you listening?” the scaffold and says, “And, fuck you, Dunbar.” an hour now, telling me things that I probably I nod. I’m all ears. Boon walks by right at that time. shouldn’t know. Some of it goes over my head, “Women aren’t a mystery. I’m gonna tell “That’s what I like to hear,” he says. He too, because I’m just not that experienced. you everything you need to know about lingers for a minute and checks our work. Anyway, after an hour of this, Schweller women.” He points down to a scrap two-by- He watches me make the next cut. After I decides to ask me about my love life, which four on the slab. “Pick that up,” he says, “and hand the stud to Schweller, Boon says, “Let isn’t really happening right now. He says, “Are write this down.” me show you something.” you still dating that Bracco chick?” I pick up the scrap and take my pencil out He has me stand over at my saw station “No,” I say. of my tool belt. and take a measurement. “Now when you lean “She dump you?” he asks. “Here’s everything you need to know over to make your cut… Here, I’ll just show I don’t want to say what really happened, about women: compliment their shoes and act you. Lean over to make your cut.” I do what he so I just say, “Yeah.” like you’re too good for them.” says. He licks his finger and sticks it in my ear. “Too bad,” he says. He takes another mea- I jot down “nice shoes” and “act too good “Goddamn it,” I say, trying to wipe away surement and calls it down to me. I make the for them.” I look up to Schweller, but appar- the wet willie. cut and hand it to him. He nails it and says, ently, he’s done. I say, “Is that it?” Boon laughs and walks away. “What about Heather DeKalb?” “Well, that and do the opposite of every- Schweller’s laughing, too. It’s easy for “What about her?” I say. thing the dipshit brothers tell you to do.” him. He’s up on a scaffold. You’d have to “You should ask her out,” he says. I don’t need to write that down. I’ve fig- climb a ladder to give him a wet willie. He “Twenty-three and five-eighths.” ured that part out on my own. I just take the says, “It’s non-stop with these guys.” I grab a two-by-four and lay it out on the next measurement and start cutting. saw horses. “How do you figure?” I ask. I take Schweller keeps an eye on me. Ever the Twenty minutes before quitting time, all my tape measure out of my tool belt and make teacher, that guy. I’m still not sure what to but one of the pony walls are built. We have the a mark twenty-three and five-eighths inches make of his advice, but it’ll be easy enough scaffold built for that last one and we’ll have it down the two-by-four. to test when I get home. All I have to do is done by the end of the day. Boon is happy. “She was waiting for you to ask her out all call Heather and see what happens. Happy as a tick on a hound’s ear, as he’d say. last semester,” he says. Now that Schweller’s here, none of us are I hold off making the cut. “How do –Sean Carswell gonna get fired. Dave and Dale could give a you figure?” shit. They’re sludging along like normal. “Every day she asked you to help her with Schweller’s feeling good. He’s talking about her math homework. She’s not that bad in math.” Dan Monick’s Photo Page Jenny Angellilo’s Photo Page Fresh off a mini-tour of the west coast, from Billy Zoom to Steve Jones. Round One of the first including a stop in Las Vegas for the it all out with the rock solid drumming annual BYO Punk Rock Bowling of Kevin Pickering and the result is a reviews for the Tournament, The Dents found time to band that plays punk rock with pop sit down with me for a cup of liquid melodies, but is much more than a pop CD said some- refreshment before they played a typi- punk band. thing about the cally tight and energetic set at The Middle East club in The People’s Brian: You guys are just back from the west reviewer being Republic of Cambridge, Massachusetts. coast. What was the highlight of that? Sitting around a table in the Middle Michelle: The bowling tournament in Vegas was kind of intimi- East restaurant, the members of The great. There are all these punk rock kids from all Dents don’t look like your typical punk over the country drinking and bowling and hear- dated by the rockers. They look like regular people ing live music. And then, all of a sudden, they all with jobs, bills, and responsibilities. No rush out to the lobby and start chanting, “Lasers, “homo cobra” glitz or glamour, no mohawks or water.” It was really weird. Then the laser and leather jackets with hand-painted por- water show starts, and it’s amazing. on the cover traits of Sid Vicious on the back—just Craig: There are these life-sized animatronic jeans, T-shirts and down jackets (hey, animals, and lasers, and water. ‘cause of the it’s cold in Boston in February). And on Michelle: And then they play this song, “Proud stage it’s not a lot different. Sure, Jen to Be an American,” and all the punk rock kids rainbow colors D’Angora and Michelle Paulhus—the know all the words and they’re all singing along. co-front-women—add a bit of makeup Crazy. Craig, do you have any pictures of that? in it. and hairspray, and they might find a Craig: [reaching into his coat pocket to retrieve short dress or a studded belt, but when his digital camera] Funny you should ask. I just you’re the best live band in Boston you happen to have some here. [He passes the cam- don’t need all the gimmicks and flash. era to me and I check out the surreal scene, com- What is it about The Dents that makes plete with a giant bald eagle and grizzly bears. them so great? First of all, the songs. And, of course, lasers and water.] That’s where it always begins, no mat- Brian: That looks wild. They were all singing ter what type of music you’re talking that terrible Lee Greenwood song, though? about. Next, you’ve got two dynamic Craig: It was pretty surreal. vocalists, who not only look spectacu- Jen: I’d say the other highlight of the tour was lar, they are both strong enough playing the Anarchy Library. Johnny Angel, singers to carry a band on their own, who’s been a huge help to us, hooked us up with but neither have such a big ego they that show. can’t make room for the other. In fact, Brian: I read that article he wrote about you in it’s exactly the give and take and the the L.A. Alternative. He said, “The Dents fix sharing of the spotlight between these punk.” That’s gotta be nice to hear that from two that lifts The Dents above the rest someone like him, who’s been around. Back to of the crowd. Of course, it doesn’t hurt the bowling thing for a minute though: did you to have a guitarist the caliber of Craig guys bowl? By Brian Mosher Adams, who can play anything from Michelle: No, we performed that weekend at Photos by Miss Jenny Angelillo Angus Young to Johnny Thunders and The Double Down, but we didn’t bowl.

36

Brian: And I heard you tried the bacon mar- Craig: Well, when we were thinking about when we started playing in the Other Girls. tini at The Double Down? the cover art and the title of the CD, I said At least that’s what I remember. Jen might Michelle: No way. Some things should not something about how when you’re backed remember it differently. go together. I mean bacon and gin...it’s not into a corner, it’s time for biting, like a cobra. Brian: Tell me about The Decals. exactly chocolate and peanut butter. We all kind of liked the idea and we were Michelle: The Decals were my first serious Craig: Hey, you got bacon in my gin! You really happy with the artwork that Ian came band. It was me and Nicole Johnson (now got gin in my bacon! up with for us. Then, one of the first reviews Nicole Anguish). We started around 1999 or Brian: Did you hear any bands while you for the CD said something about the review- so. Like The Dents, the band was fronted by were out west that impressed you? er being kind of intimidated by the “homo two females, although I don’t think our Craig: The Briefs were really impressive. cobra” on the cover. sound was exactly the same. Eventually, They play Boston quite often. Michelle: ‘Cause of the rainbow colors in it. Craig (Adams) and Gino Zanetti (original Michelle: The best was Dynamite 8. They Craig: Right. Since then it’s just become Dents drummer) joined the band. played that weekend. Their singer is this sort of an inside joke. Brian: And Gino was still drumming for mid-forties housewife, just as nice and sweet Brian: Got it. Tell me about the writing The Dents when you recorded the CD? as you can imagine, and then she gets on process. Do you two—Jen and Michelle— Michelle: Right…. stage and she’s dynamite. Plus, after her own write together, or do you each write separately? Kevin: Yeah. I have a habit of joining bands set, she sat in on drums for Kitty And The Jen: Michelle and I each bring songs in to right after they record. I joined The Coffin Kowalskis. She calls herself Rawk Mom, the band, so, for the most part, we write sep- Lids right after they got out of the studio for that’s R-A-W-K. arately. We wrote “Here He Comes” togeth- their Rock and Roll CD that Bomp put out. Brian: That is the best way to spell it. er, and I wrote parts of a new song of Brian: You’re always just a bit late, huh? Craig: We were sitting at a table with her, Michelle’s called “Crawling.” So we’re open You’ve been in The Dents for quite a while just talking, and I thought she was just this to each other’s ideas. She’s an awesome per- now, though? son to toss ideas around with. Kevin: I joined The Dents in October of Michelle: Right. For the most part, Jen and I 2004. I knew Michelle from working at the write stuff on our own but always work par- Abbey Lounge (in Somerville, MA). Some things ticular song stuff out together before bring- Brian: You do sound there? Did you go to ing it to the whole band. Stuff like harmonies school for that? should not go and some song arranging. I love working Kevin: I did go to school for audio. At the with Jen and I think our songwriting styles time it was called Massachusetts together. I mean really work well together. Communications College, or Mass Comm. Brian: When you were putting The Dents It’s now called Art Institute of New England, bacon and gin... together, did you say, “Let’s make a band or AI. I did an internship at Q Division stu- that sounds like this,” and then look for other dio, then worked there as an assistant for a it's not exactly musicians to fit that or did you say, “Here are couple of years before I started at the Abbey. some people I want to play with,” and then I’ve been working at the Abbey for seven chocolate and let the sound come organically from that? years now. Michelle: Definitely the latter. I had played Brian: You mentioned Johnny Angel before peanut butter. with both Gino and Craig in The Decals and I as someone who’s helped you out. The first knew Jen from The Other Girls, this cover time I saw The Dents was the night of The band we played in together. I love Craig’s Blackjacks reunion at The Abbey Lounge. nice lady. When she left they told me she was playing and I really wanted to get another band Jen: Right, and he has been on a completely the singer for Dynamite 8 and I thought, together with him, and Jen and I really wanted selfless mission of trying to help get The Dents “Hmm, that’s interesting.” Then I saw her on to work together, so it just came together. “noticed” ever since. He really is an angel. stage and it was amazing. Brian: I know Jen is also in The Downbeat Brian: In one of the articles he wrote recent- Brian: Tell me about recording the CD, Time 5. Do the rest of you have any other bands ly about you he said, “Droning and located for Biting, with Dave Minehan (of The going on currently? somewhere between Arabic wail and Neighborhoods). Kevin: I’m currently in Golden West Motor Appalachian twang, this is a duo that is Michelle: He is so patient and so knowl- Lodge. I’ve been playing with them for unmatched anywhere at the front of a mod- edgeable. He knows how to get the best out about three years. ern band.” That’s big stuff from a guy who’s of you. Craig: Bipolarcoaster is an ongoing music been in some pretty significant bands of his Brian: The guitarist for The Country project that I do with some of my closest own (besides The Blackjacks, Johnny was Doctors told me that he learned more about friends just for the hell of it. It’s more influ- also in The Thrills and The Swinging playing guitar in a few hours with Minehan enced by hardcore and underground metal. It Erudites). How do you guys describe The than he had in twenty years of taking lessons is hard to focus on Bipolarcoaster for me. Dents to people who haven’t heard you? and practicing. I’m not the promotional machine that Jen Jen: Well, we are quite obviously pop punk, Jen: I’d agree with that. He helped me a lot, and Michelle are. but not in the crappy emo or Avril Lavigne just with things like what strings to use and Michelle: The Dents are my main, full time sense. We’ve got the pop melodies and har- amplifier settings and things like that. band. I also still play in The Other Girls. monies heard in girl groups, but we’ve also Brian: I keep seeing all these jokes about Brian: Is that where you and Jen met, in The got a punk, rock’n’roll sound influenced by The Homo Cobra, in reference to the cover Other Girls? Boston punk rock bands before us. We’ve of the CD. What’s that about? Michelle: We met originally when The been compared to other bands, but I don’t Michelle: [looking at Craig] You want to tell Decals and Downbeat 5 played a few shows think anyone can say we sound like one band that one? together. But we really connected musically in particular.

38 Michelle: Yeah, I’d say, “Fast paced and Michelle: It’s got two new songs from do this. [She stands up, places her hand aggressive rock’n’roll, wailing guitar each band, plus we each cover two songs flat on the seat of the chair, and rotates solos and driving drumbeats.” We’re not by the other band. it 360 degrees.] afraid to have big, hooky choruses and Craig: So Drag The River did a couple Brian: That is weird. Are any of your lots of harmonies. of Dents songs in their country-ish style, other joints double jointed? Craig: The Dents music is influenced by and vice versa. Michelle: The other elbow, but not as very obvious influences that we all share. Brian: That’s a great idea. I can’t wait to much. Nothing else, though. In terms of me personally, I try to graft hear that. Before I let you go do your Personally, I can’t wait to find out what East Bay Ray, Billy Zoom, Ross the sound check, I heard Craig do a spot-on The Dents are going to achieve in 2006 Boss, Steve Jones, and Captain Sensible Christopher Walken imitation, talking and beyond. This is a band that is all into The Dents sound. about cow bells… already among the elite groups in the Brian: Okay, so what’s upcoming for Michelle: Craig is a very talented mimic. world, and filled with the potential to The Dents? I’ve been told that he does a good imita- actually get better. To quote the great Michelle: Well, we’re heading out west tion of me also, but I haven’t heard it. Johnny Angel again: “Enter The Dents, again soon to play in the Stockage festi- Craig: No, that’s not true. [Winks and a four-piece group from New England val that the Descendents put together. We whispers that he’ll do it for me later.] that are not unlike a cryogenically frozen got hooked up with that through our But Michelle has that double jointed artifact from 1978. Not because they’re friends Drag The River. One of them is in elbow thing. deliberately playing the retro card, but the band All with one of the Michelle: Oh yeah, I can do this. [She because they’re guileless lovers of the Descendents. proceeds to do something indescribable form, and masters themselves. They got Jen: And we just finished recording with her elbow, basically turning it it deep in their souls, as Mingus might some songs for a split single with Drag inside out, with her arm extended over have said.” There’s no way I could say it The River. her head and slightly behind.] And I can better than that. INTERVIEW BY SEAN KOEPENICK PHOTOS BY KRIS TRIPPLAAR

RISING FROM THE SEEDY UNDERBELLY OF DC UNDERGROUND MUSIC, HERE IS A TRIO THAT MAKES ONE PROMISE. Live, they always deliver a COD package of fierce, ear-bleeding, so-loud-it-hurts punk music: tough music that takes no prisoners. Porch Mob has been tearing up the local scene for a few years now. After rising to head- liner status at some local venues, they have now also begun to play out of town shows. With song titles like “Nothin’ to Prove” and “Square Peg,” you know you’ll get a greasy portion of good old hardcore with a fresh side of melody. Bad Brains and RKL may be at the starting line, but at the finish it’s Porch Mob who snags the beer-soaked crown for originality and sheer determination. The current line-up has solidified into a jack- hammer precision unit with Dave Stone on guitar and vocals, Jon Shaffer on bass and backing vocals, and Dan Tate on drums and backing vocals. Each member brings chops supreme to their sound which should throw Porch Mob to the top of the punk world. Their debut CD, Can of Worms, is out now and available off their site right this very moment. Steal money from mom’s purse and get it today.

Sean: Tell me how each of you got involved in music. Issue, Scream, and Marginal Man. A lot of old DC stuff. Some New Dave: I was always a big fan of the more intense rock when I was a York shit like Agnostic Front. The Cro-Mags and Dead Kennedys. little kid. My idea of that was like The Knack and AC/DC. Then I got Suicidal Tendencies. The usual suspects for punk rockers our age. introduced to some underground music—The Clash and the Sex Except I don’t like The Misfits! I actually don’t hate them, but back Pistols. This was when I was in intermediate school. Then I moved on in the day I only wanted fast stuff. to hardcore and deeper underground music. That was pretty much it. Jon: I think Dave named most of them. Bad Brains. He and I are also Then I got grounded. My brother had a bass lying around. I was not huge RKL fans. going to be doing my homework. I used to get grounded all the time Sean: How did Porch Mob come together? so I ended up learning a few things on the bass. Dave: I was in and out of music for a few years. I got this cubicle job Dan: I grew up listening to rock‘n’roll and stuff like Led Zeppelin and I was finished with school. I said, “Hey I’m gonna try this nor- through my parents. My father played the drums too, so I was bang- mal professional thing.” There was no creative outlet for me. I figured ing on shit with drum sticks when I was a kid. From skateboarding I would buy a guitar and start playing but that wasn’t and playing music, I got into punk rock, like The Misfits and Bad

Brains. I’ve been playing punk rock ever since. Jon: I grew up playing drums. I played drums when I was real little. When I was around eleven or twelve we moved into a townhouse, and I couldn’t really play the drums any- more. So I went out and bought a bass; started fucking around with that. I was playing around to old school Black Market Baby and other DC stuff. I went back and forth but ended up sticking with bass. Sean: What music did you listen to growing up? Dave: Minor Threat, a lot of Bad Brains, Rich Kids on LSD, Government enough. I asked a friend of mine, Matt Glick, if he wanted to play bass Battling the challenges that life brings, Stone rolled with the along to some riffs. He said yeah. Then we found Mike Palmredo punches and managed to keep the band going, even though, at times, from The Goons to play drums for us. We were called Damage Done it looked pretty bleak. One of the more humorous blows being when for awhile, and did a track on the RKL tribute album that Malt Soda he left his freshly bought Gibson les Paul on the side of the curb while Records released. We found out there was a straight edge band from loading equipment into his car, then drove off! Some neighborhood the West Coast called Damage Done, and emailed back and forth a lit- girls found it, saw the Goons sticker on it, and brought it over to the tle bit. We were both cool with bands sharing the same names, but Goon house. Luckily, Dave got it back! Porch Mob has always been we’re about completely different things. It’s not like we were about Stone’s brainchild and has survived as many bumps in the road as a shooting up or anything, but we’re kind of anti-straight edge. We’re motorcross track. not avidly anti-straight edge, but more against the macho, meathead Being the only member that’s been there from day one, he even- attitude that sometimes goes along with it. We’re almost straight edge tually took over vocal duties after a search for a frontman that was in our own personal habits. We’re pretty close these days, but defi- unsuccessful. The worst was when a dude from Green Jello (yes that nitely not straight edge. We changed our name to Porch Mob; a friend Green Jello) tried out and was pulling some kind of rap rock shit. I of mine came up with that name. We’ve had a few line-up changes was even asked to join during a drunken binge in Philly one weekend. and then Jon came into the band and then Dan came into the band. Stone’s been working full time, going to school full-time with as The current line-up is the best line-up so far! many different majors as I can remember, and has changed residences Sean: Hey Ryan, tell us a bit about Porch Mob. (Ryan’s a close friend more than anyone I’ve known. He’s a professional student of bio- of the group. He writes at www.deepfrybonanza.com/squirrelheart) chemistry and waits tables at a DC restaurant at the moment. Ryan: I used to sit on my couch and try to drown out this band blaring Current bassist Jon Shaffer was picked up after Mike Goon (orig- hyper, guitar-driven punk mixed with jammed-out reggae tunes coming inal drummer) and Stone went knocking on doors to get him to try out outta my basement. They alternated practice days with my roommate’s for The Goons on drums. When they finally found him, he was too band the Goons, so chill time was hard to come by, to say the least. I’m drunk to walk, let alone pound on the skins. Needless to say, it was- convinced anyone else would have moved out. I enjoyed hearing them put n’t a very good audition, even though he’s a great drummer when the songs together, though, and listening to the development and direction sober. Meanwhile, Porch Mob members came and went and eventu- of where they were headed. Their catchy brand of hardcore-inspired rock ally Jon fit in playing bass. You can find him serving coffee or riding became imbedded in my brain to the point that I probably knew their bikes in downtown Arlington, VA, rocking out with his ‘70s style songs as well as they did. It didn’t hurt that Dave Stone had as much love rock/punk side project, The Electricutions, or even eating at the for the Bad Brains and RKL as I did. For years my roommates and I joked MacKaye house for Thanksgiving dinner. that Porch Mob was our house band because that was the only place they After going through a few drummers, Porch Mob picked up the played. Those house parties weren’t too shabby though, considering they powerhouse Dan Tate, who used to be in “DC’s now-defunct” got to open up for bands like Municipal Waste, Two Man Advantage, Affront. He’s obsessed with left wing politics, and working-class Super Chinchilla Rescue Mission, and the Goons, amongst many others. consciousness and issues. He’s also been known to sport a cashmere 41 scarf to punk shows so he’s not too hard to pick out of the crowd. As Dave: Mike from The Goons played on the studio tracks and these with all of the P Mob members, Dan has broad taste in music and it guys played on the live tracks. It’s 50% studio, 50% live. shows with the end result. Playing music and having fun is their goal Jon: We had John Stabb from Government Issue in to do a and it’s pretty obvious that they don’t care about trends. They’re a voiceover. I love Government Issue. Hanging out with him was fun. great band, and will continue to be because—one great thing about He’s a pretty interesting dude. He did some pretty wacky stuff on his Porch Mob is that you never know what the next song is gonna little voice over track. That was cool. sound like. I’m sure they’ll never do the same thing twice. Sean: For the uninitiated, how would you describe the sound of Sean: Dave, can you describe some of the best gigs and some of the Porch Mob? first gigs you’ve had in this present incarnation? Dan: Brutal, intricate punk hardcore. These guys really like RKL Dave: I think we had a gig at The Goons’ house where Dan quit. It but I’m not too crazy about them. was not a very good show. That was the only show where we had a Jon: We’re all guys in our early thirties who never got sick of hard- video camera trained on us, too. core. We still dig the speed but want to do something different with Jon: FDR Skatepark in Philly was a good time, under 1-95 on it. That’s the biggest compliment we get after shows: “You guys 4th of July. sound different—it’s cool.” It’s not the same chord progressions; Dave: We played one gig at the U-Turn in DC where everything just there are slow songs and fast songs. You can see we all like to put kind of came together. Every note was perfect and it was awesome. our own thing in to it. I think that was our best gig. We had a pretty good one last week too. Dan: We’re all unique musicians. We all do our own thing our own We were at some arcade in Cumberland, MD. Next to Hancock, MD. way. When we collaborate to write songs it really shows. I mean, Sean: How did Porch Mob’s inclusion on the RKL compilation Jon writes all the bass lines, and Dave rips on the guitar. We all come about? come together and we have our own style. Everyone’s really doing Dave: We didn’t have a singer. We knew that the band was going to something really cool in a short period of time since the songs die soon if we didn’t do something quick. Mikey was about to rejoin aren’t that long. The Goons. We auditioned a bunch of singers and we just decided, Jon: You are a monster on drums as well, Dan. “Let’s just get our asses in gear here.” It was posted on the Malt Dave: Definitely—without a doubt Dan kills it. As a group we try to Soda website that they were looking for bands for the RKL tribute make it as immediate as possible. We’re trying to take away the abil- album. Matt (Glick, old bassist) and I were big RKL fans. So we ity for people to ignore our music. That’s what punk’s all about— were like, “Hey, let’s do that.” We tried ourselves out on vocals. All just getting really in your face. If you keep doing the same old thing, of us gave it a shot. Everyone thought that we had a singer at that no matter how brutal it is—everyone will eventually get numb to it. point. They decided it was me. We recorded it at NCR studios in Baltimore and there you go. Sean: What current active bands or artists would you like to share a double bill with? Dave: We keep trying to get Supreme Commander to play a show with us but they’re never available. They’re a new DC band that is pretty bad ass. Former members of Latchkey, Wake Up Cold, and Daycare Swindlers. Dan: Boston! Dave: Aerosmith. I also sent an email to Bad Brains to get on their shit with Joe from The Cro-Mags on vocals. Jon: That would be a dream for all of us. Dave: I don’t think it’s gonna happen but it doesn’t hurt to send an email. Sean: Who would you like to write a song with? Dave: I would like to try and work something out with East Bay Ray of The Dead Kennedys. That motherfucker’s super talented: a very interesting form of surfy, punk-core mixture. He has a really interesting style that I’ve never really dabbled in. Also Ian MacKaye would be cool. He’s a little bit more local so it might be more probable. Jon: A lot of our stuff is kind of different. I think writing something with RKL would be cool. Bommer, who died recently—I guess he wrote a lot of the songs. Interesting dude. Very talented. I’d like to take old RKL and maybe make it a little more brutal. They weren’t a very brutal band. They weren’t all that heavy. They write really riffy songs with cool arrangements. But he is no longer with us. Dave: Aston Barrett from The Wailers. Jon: Why Aston Barrett from The Wailers? Dave: Because he is a kickass bass player. Sean: What part of your recent studio sessions has been the most rewarding for you? Dave: Finishing it, finally! Mastering it. That basically closed it up. Jon: Dan and I are only on the live tracks. The studio tracks are from a previous version of the band. I did a little bit of back-up vocals shortly after I joined. 42 Jon: We don’t write catchy songs with “whoa, whoa, whoa” cho- ruses. We always talk about that at shows. That’s so done. There are hundreds of bands like that. Dave: We keep trying to have every new song be different than the previous one—not completely different because that would take up too much time. We can’t spend all our time in the band. We’re all students and work, too. We’ve got other lives. Sean: Do you have plans to do long term touring? Dave: We’re supposed to go out for five days with McRad. Richmond through Atlanta, I think, in under six days. That’s not a huge tour but if you combine that with a day we’re doing at CBGB’s. We hit western Maryland yesterday. We’ve been down to Richmond already. We’re just trying to keep a local radius and get out every once and awhile without fail- ing out of school. Or not being able to pay the rent. Because, once again, we’re in our thirties, not in our twenties. Dan: Speak for yourself! Sean: What do the members of Porch Mob do for kicks outside of music? Dave: I like to go to movies. I’d like to do more Dave: I don’t know what fun is anymore. I’m impossibly leisurely activities but I pretty much have to bury myself in text- fucking busy. books all the time. If I jumped on a skateboard I’d kill myself. Jon: Too old to have fun anymore. I like bicycles. I like to read a lot. What’s fun? Board games? I don’t think we have fun. Jon: I have fun. Dan: It shows Jon, it shows. Sean: What’s next for Porch Mob? Dave: I think we’ve got nine songs written. We write pretty quickly. We’re thinking about getting back into the studio and dropping a new record. We’ve also talked to some bands about doing splits. We don’t really know what is going to happen with any of that stuff. But something is going to happen. We got a lot of songs so we’re going to get them down on tape. We’ll be out there. Dan: That’s what I was going to say: a new record. The new stuff we’re writing sounds pretty good. It will be great when we record it. Dave: We’ve got a brand new one that we’re playing tonight. Jon: You can tell the difference with this line-up. They’re not all super fast. They’re just different than before. Sean: Final thoughts, gentlemen? Dave: We’d like to give props to the DC music scene: the Goons for being around for more than ten years and the Screws for keeping it real. Dan: And wearing no shirts! Dave: And Jon’s other band, The Electricutions. Old school ‘70s punk vibe. Good stuff, check it out. And V.P.R. Bleeder Resistor!

www.porchmob.com www.myspace.com/porchmob of author with the An Interviewby Jimmy Alvarado Going Underground First things first, lemme say that I think Steven Blush’s American Hardcore is an affront to the history of the scene it purports to recount—a sloppy mess of slanted perspectives, embarrassing inaccuracies, character assassination, pointless sexism, misattributions, mean-spirited gossip, suspect quotes, and wholly made-up lyrics wrapped up in writing that succeeds only in being a piss- poor, pathetic attempt at being controversial. Worst of all, precious little of it has anything to do with the music from which it derives its title. Since the num- ber of books written on the subject can be counted on one hand (and you could probably lop off a few fingers and still have too many to count the number of good books on the subject), the fact that Blush’s deeply flawed book is being touted as “the definitive statement on the American punk/hardcore scene” is of considerable concern, especially since some of the younger generations are tak- ing it as gospel fact. Enter George Hurchalla, whose self-published Going Underground succeeds where Blush fails so miserably: he focuses less on “chicken hawk” stories and settling old scores and more on telling a history of a much-maligned, often ignored scene. Most importantly, he writes about the music, easily one of rock’n’roll’s most important and influen- tial progeny. Although it doesn’t shy from dis- cussing many of the scene’s more sordid aspects, Going Underground opts for a more “big picture” approach and offers a clearer explanation for why so many of us vehemently embraced this punk rock thing back then (sometimes at great physical risk) and why, contrary to Blush’s pos- tulation that it “died” in 1985, American punk/hardcore remains very much alive some two decades later. Best of all, Going Underground is simply a good read, and everyone knows noth- ing is more punk rock than reading a good book.

Layout byand Keith Todd Rosson Taylor Jimmy: Where were you born/raised? Jimmy: What was it about punk that you that was about it. There were no all-age shows Family background? found so attractive? in south Florida back then, so I had to use a George: I was born in West Palm Beach, George: I think on a primal level, I found the fake ID to get in anywhere. I was young, too. Florida and raised in Stuart, a small town attitude and aggression of the music exciting. I graduated high school when I was sixteen. about forty miles north. My maternal grand- It had an aggression and attitude that was com- Jimmy: Did you get involved gradually, or mother moved to Miami from Georgia as a pletely different to the dinosaur rock and clas- kind of jump in with both feet? child in 1925, and married a Danish immi- sic rock I had been listening to. I found it one George: It was real gradual until I went to grant, Henry Reno, who worked for forty of the first outlets to express my individual- college, at which point I pretty much years as the crime reporter at the Miami ism, because up to that point I just tried to jumped in with both feet, anxious to make Herald and was a Pulitzer Prize winner. My coast through high school as an invisible per- up for lost time. grandmother, Jane Wood Reno, was a hell- son. I had reacted against fashion by being the Jimmy: Was it the isolation, distance, and raising adventurer and journalist who was one drabbest individual you could imagine, dress- maybe an accompanying level of detachment of the pioneers of women doing serious jour- ing in dull, solid browns and greens and being of where you lived that kept you from making nalism in Florida, and she won two major totally anti-fashion. Punk gave me a chance to a full commitment, or more a sense of wanting national awards for her journalism. My grand- rebel in a more colorful way—causing com- to make sure punk was where you truly fit in? mother was always a champion of the under- motion by wearing Sex Pistols shirts to school George: It was partly isolation, partly that I dog, and an outrageous and colorful character, and wearing bright orange Chuck Taylors. I could fit into a normal world. I was pretty so she had the most profound influence on the admired my parents so much I couldn’t rebel much a model student in high school who had person I became. My paternal grandparents against them, but there was a lot about main- figured out the system—how to get good were immigrants from Slovakia and stream society I hated. To this day, I still have grades while doing minimum work. I was a English/Scottish/Irish. the exact same feeling going out in public and surfer and skater. I had great parents and a per- Jimmy: What was the social/ political climate seeing the same sort of people embodying fectly happy life in the immediate world in which you were raised? mainstream America. I keep wondering, “Who around me. So punk didn’t grab me because of

George: I was raised in an extremely liberal are these people, and how is it I live in the alienation or anger or anything like that. I had household and encouraged to think for myself. same country as them?” Seeing an exciting beliefs that happened to mesh with punk rock, My mother was an ardent environmentalist movement that was scaring those sorts of peo- a lot of disgust building over Reagan World, and spent years as a county commissioner on ple and pissing them off, I was all for that. but I just didn’t see any reason to call myself a the wrong end of 4-1 votes about county Jimmy: What band made you say, “That’s it. punk at that time. I’ve always believed in what development, but eventually won people over This is where I belong. I wanna be a part of this”? Kezdy of the Effigies said about inadvertently to her way of thinking and had the most pro- George: The Sex Pistols. I don’t even recall belonging to a group through being an indi- found effect on the development of our home- how it was my older brother and I heard vidual. I didn’t care at all about whether I town. Again, it was reinforcement that it was about them. He may have been in college could fit in to punk. There was nothing to jump okay to go against the grain and commit to already and gotten exposed to them there. It into when I was in high school, nothing to your beliefs. I didn’t give national politics a still took awhile in a small town to track commit to. All I could do was buy records and whole lot of thought until I was fourteen and down their album, even though it was a major listen to them. A lot of people in my situation Reagan came into power, at which point I cer- label release. But it was like discovering a did the pen pal thing, but at that time I was tainly knew what I hated. new life form. It was unbelievable. We just content enough with my immediate life. I did- Jimmy: Do you think these factors predis- loved their snottiness. n’t have the urge to do that. When I got to posed you towards punk or was it something Jimmy: Was there a “scene” where you lived Philly, there was a world I could jump into. more intrinsic in your makeup that resulted in that you could gravitate towards? Jimmy: When you moved to Philadelphia, did your involvement? George: I was sort of a punk in isolation until you experience any sort of cultural shock George: I’d say these factors had a huge amount I went to college. There was no scene in my going from one scene to the other? to do with my gravitation to punk. Individualism, hometown, no fellow punks at school, aside George: I moved to Philadelphia to go to col- outrageous behavior, and fighting for the under- from one fashionista punk who tried way too lege where there was a thriving scene, so it dog were characteristics of generations of my hard, and thus I steered clear of her. I got to see was a little bit of a culture shock just to go family, so punk fit perfectly with that. the Gun Club while I was in high school, but somewhere that there were real, live punks and

45 punk bands. Miami already had a scene, but as Jimmy: How’d you end up playing in a band? Jimmy: It’s interesting that your natural incli- I said, I’d been too young and it was too far George: It just seemed a given to me that if nation as a punk was to start a band rather away for me to have discovered it yet. As soon you were a punk you started a punk band. At than, say, start a fanzine or promote or do as I went back to Florida for Christmas break that point, I’d never even heard of the Big something less directly related to the creation after my first semester at college, I started Boys and their legendary refrain to “go start of music. Do you think of punk essentially as going to see shows in Miami and going to your own band.” It just seemed that part of a music form, or is it something more? record stores down there more. being a punk was you had something to George: Like I say in the new edition, a Jimmy: Were there any significant differences express, at the very least some rage to vent, thought borrowed from Geoff Cordner, I think between the two? and I wanted to get it out. Plus my exhibition- punk is an ethos and attitude that forms an aes- George: They were very different scenes. ism had bloomed full force after repressing it thetic. It’s about having total control of your Philadelphia felt integrated into the punk largely in high school, so I wanted to perform life and giving societal expectations the mid- world, with other cities close by and a constant and shock people. I advertised for a band and dle finger and that leads to various forms of flux of people and bands coming and going, a motley group responded. I sang. I’d already expression like fucked-up clothing and mak- whereas Miami was a distant, isolated outpost decided on the name the Gutless Meanies. I’m ing yourself ugly and making ugly music. at the bottom of the U.S. As soon as I became still not even sure who our theme song, Punk rock is only an expression of being a a DJ at my college station in the fall of ‘83, “Political Song,” was directed at. “We’re a punk. Because punks come from so many dif- bang, I was having dinner with and interview- bunch of gutless meanies, there’s no escaping ferent backgrounds that expression should be ing Sonic Youth and Alien Sex Fiend and other it/We’re a bunch of gutless meanies, we don’t wildly diverse. There should be no defined indie bands. But there were cool aspects to the want your politics.” I guess even already with punk look or punk sound like there came to be distant outpost kind of scene, a greater appre- our name I was trying to make fun of overly with hardcore. I was real cynical about gutter ciation for the bands that did come down serious and stereotypical punk band names, punks most of my life. I thought that since a there, and a little more intimacy to it. maybe follow in the Minor Threat sort of vein. lot of them didn’t care about the music that much or see shows, they weren’t really punks. office politics, scene politics. You can’t get Jimmy: Given the current President, in many Cordner, who documents them and has lived away from politics. Ian MacKaye and the DC ways, surpasses Reagan’s level of power mon- the life himself, opened my eyes about that. scene tried to avoid it but then Ian wrote gering and corruption, why hasn’t he engen- You can be a punk and never go see a punk “Guilty of Being White,” which he acknowl- dered a much greater backlash? rock show. They’re abused and rejected kids edged was a political song, even though it was George: Dubya is maybe seen as too much of who found a supportive community to help just another song from his immediate personal a buffoon for people to hate him that passion- them get by while living on the street, and experience. Problem was he stepped right into ately, though I don’t get that because I despise that’s as great a purpose to punk as the music. the contentious world of race politics by taking him with every ounce of the passion I hated It really changed my view because I had been an incredibly narrow view based solely on the Reagan with. I saw Reagan as a buffoon too, from a relatively privileged background in personal. You can’t separate politics out. You and that didn’t stop me from hating him. comparison and had been in it largely for the can agree to disagree over things that seem dis- Reagan was so good at hoodwinking the coun- music and I’d never seen it that way. For me, tant to your immediate life, but you can’t make try with all his noble talk of rugged individu- starting a band was a natural because I loved politics go away. This whole conservative punk alism that I think he was hated for how suc- the music and I had the newfound desire to be thing is inane. It’s an oxymoron, same as Green cessful he was at it. Dubya has been so bla- an exhibitionist. Day acknowledges that they can’t possibly be tantly crude and obvious about his intent, and Jimmy: How would you define “punk” to called punk because hockey arenas and punk he’s such a moron that maybe he’s not as hated someone with only a rudimentary grasp of the are an oxymoron. You can be a conservative because of it. Or it might be because he’s so concept? What does the term mean to you? and love punk rock. That’s fine, I’ve known obviously a puppet, whereas Reagan was a George: It took me six years and a three hundred page book to wrap my head around that ques- tion. There’s a pretty big overlap between basic anarchist theo- ry and what punk means to me. It means thinking for yourself, question- ing authority relent- lessly, questioning non-authority as well, being an individual and lots of them, but you can’t really be a conser- much more charismatic leader that sold the being passionate about your beliefs, commit- vative punk. Punk is not conservative. nation on the idea that all these visions were ting random small acts of sabotage against the Jimmy: You mentioned earlier a disdain for his, so it was easier to focus hate on him. machinery of everyday life, and, above all, Reagan, and it touches upon something that’s Jimmy: What led to your initial disillusion- being honest with people you respect. So always kinda puzzled me. This country has seen ment and disassociation with punk, or have much of what I like about the punk world is some Presidents that were equally, if not more, you remained involved on some level? the honesty of interaction with each other, inti- despicable, including Nixon, the first Bush— George: I remained a fan of it musically after mate, one-to-one, no layers of bullshit separat- whose past affiliations alone made him down- the book ends in 1992, but I became geo- ing you, the audience and the band on the right scary—and even Clinton, yet none of graphically isolated, living up in the moun- same level, being able to talk to the people them enjoyed nearly the same number of songs tains of Tahoe, and I wasn’t as passionate who run record labels, etcetera. In the rest of calling for their heads on sticks as Reagan. about keeping up with new bands. I think society you’re confronted with such monu- What do you think it was about Reagan that regardless of what I did from then on out, punk mental layers of deceit, it’s nice to have a place made him a lightning rod for such hatred? would inform it in a large way and I would to get away from that. As I talk about in the George: I think it had a lot to do with Reagan always consider myself a punk, but I didn’t new edition, these days you often have to sep- being an actor. People hated him for being so have the freshness of youth anymore to keep arate “punk”—the lifestyle—from “punk good at selling an agenda that he didn’t nec- me involved on as intense a level as I’d been rock”—the musical form—because there are essarily have deep convictions about. All he involved before. I’ve kept going to see shows hordes of people playing a form that is called really cared about was anti-communism. here and there throughout the whole time, but punk rock that are not punks. In the under- When Nixon bombed Hanoi, we were so far I often wanted an increased sophistication of ground though, there are still tons of bands into Vietnam that any way of getting North lyrics to match my growing up. Bands I did who actually are punks playing punk rock. Vietnam to back down seemed acceptable. become a passionate fan of in the past decade, Jimmy: One of the arguments I hear batted And when he got into Watergate, he scarcely like Leatherface, had everything I loved about around in punk circles is that politics should be had time to be hated before he was gone. A lot punk—thunderous music, seething passion to kept out of punk. Do you think it’s possible to of people had no idea how privately odious the vocal delivery, and really thoughtful lyrics. extricate politics from punk and maintain its Nixon was until years later. Bush Sr. was seen Sometimes, though, it came down to a simple core identity? as ineffectual, though it worked to his advan- gut passion that I related to—when Frankie George: As much as I mock the line “the per- tage, because he was so evil behind the roars, “I have many things, I have dreams” in sonal is the political,” the idea you can sepa- scenes. Clinton came after such a far right “Scheme of Things,” it’s delivered with that rate them is kind of ridiculous. Politics are all swing that he was enough of a relief that he kind of absolute passion that Bob Mould once around you, every day, and politics operate on was only hated by the right and the most vig- had in Hüsker Dü and many other hardcore so many levels: national politics, local politics, ilant of the left. singers had, and many still have, so that even 47 with a relatively simple thought it connects so the book. It should have been just interviews. doing so made it impossible to even present an strongly inside just because the person sounds Even then, Tim Kerr has some doubts about accurate picture of the history of those bands. so much like they mean it. Too much of the what’s attributed to him in the book, so I don’t You simply can’t claim the Butthole Surfers punk I was hearing, overground or under- know how accurate they are. Blush didn’t were this revolutionary bit of freakishness out ground, didn’t sound like they really meant it, want me to put out my book as competition to of Texas out of nowhere when you had the so I didn’t scratch deeper to find that there his and he challenged me years ago on how Dicks and the Big Boys and Stickmen With were still a lot of bands who did mean it and many interviews I’d done compared to him, Rayguns playing a huge role in influencing were great. suggesting that because he had done more their development. I hear Fucked Up and Jimmy: What inspired you to write Going interviews I had nothing to add to what he’d Photocopied is a great book but I haven’t had Underground? done. That just goes to show that you can do a chance to check it out yet, and it’s something George: The underdog factor was a large part. all the oral history in the world and it doesn’t different than what I was doing. My one major Here was an era of music that played a huge make for a good book. I ended up doing a lot failure in the first edition of my book, since part in my life and many others, got all kinds of interviews myself but I thought it was far corrected, was a somewhat ignorant over- of people through abuse, rejection, and alien- more important to capture the spirit and ground view I had on the future of punk after ation in their youth, and in the end proved to thoughts of it as it happened, which is why I so 1992 that I never edited out once I learned bet- be the music that changed the face of com- exhaustively researched zines from the era and ter. But even that paled compared to Blush’s mercial rock’n’roll despite the best efforts of used material from them. People forget too assertion that hardcore ended in 1985. I think the corporate powers-that-be to not let it hap- much over time, change their views, and don’t what people welcomed the most was that I pen. Yet when those powers co-opted part of it want to own up to their old views. There’s so actually told an entertaining story, put togeth- for their own ends, they rigorously ignored much you miss out on just doing oral histories. er a comprehensive look at the era in a story- where this whole new edge to commercial You’ve got to go back to the source. Would Ian telling form, rather than just another oral his- music came from. They acted like it came out MacKaye ever admit to his views on violence tory. We each play to our strengths, and I’m a of thin air, or attributed it all inanely to bands and race he had in 1983? Forget it! You’ve got better writer than I am an interviewer. Oral like Jane’s Addiction. They were caught with to capture what people thought at the time, for histories can be great but don’t destroy a good their pants down, yet they could never admit it. better or worse. Then you have guys who one by injecting it with something you suck at, Jimmy: How do you think Going won’t talk about their past, like Bob Mould, which, in Blush’s case, is writing. Underground differs from the handful of other who had a lot of incredibly insightful things to Jimmy: It seems that many older punks con- books covering the same time period and sub- say about punk rock at the time and whose sider 1985 a turning point in the scene. Seeing ject matter? Where do you think you may have thoughts were widely recorded in zines. Plus as many of the external factors that initially succeeded and they didn’t? it’s another acknowledgement of the impor- fueled American punk/hardcore scene, specif- George: You want me to talk about American tance of DIY efforts. We wouldn’t have this ically Reagan and his policies, were very Hardcore, don’t you? Train my howitzers on true, accurate history if people hadn’t bothered much still in evidence, what was it about that that offense to punk sensibilities and rain to do zines and record it as it was happening. year that you think caused a marked shift in shells down on it! I’m stuck with endless com- Our Band Could Be Your Life was a reason- what was going on in the underground? Why parisons to that book—since it was the first ably good bit of journalism and it was able to did so many once-great bands suddenly strive underground book to cover the period nation- focus on a lot of detail since it was only about to suck so badly? ally like mine—and that’s fine, because every twelve bands, but was a disservice to the George: I think the average optimum life span review to date has lauded my book in compar- underground in that it was so much of an over- of a band was three to five years. Those from ison. I thank Steve Blush from the bottom of ground viewpoint—a Spin writer’s perspec- 1980 and 1981, when most of hardcore started my heart for setting the bar so low. The tive. It yanked the most famous bands out of that were still around in 1985, felt the tragedy is that the bulk of his book was fine, the context of their scenes and peers, which by inevitable desire to progress in some way. Like and a solid oral history that could have been Rob Lucjak of Toxic Reasons said, he didn’t like Please Kill Me, but he destroyed so much want to go on playing “Riot Squad” forever. of his credibility by mixing all his own inane, You have to evolve and let new hardcore off base, and often flat-out wrong writing into bands take your place. Or evolve laterally like Government Issue did. A lot of the bands who could play punk rock great just didn’t have any idea how to evolve. It’s an incredible chal- lenge. Too many thought they could have some kind of commercial success if they emu- lated U2 or fell back on rock clichés. Others were usually real enthusiastic about participat- Cordner, but I realized he was coming at thought they had to have the post-punk indie ing. I rarely sought out people I thought might punk from such a different perspective. His sound. Basically, a lot of bands stopped doing be a pain in the ass. experiences and reasons for being a part of it what they did best. Musicians never want to Jimmy: Why did you decide to publish it yourself? were so different that only so much of it quit, so way more bands fell apart through George: I wanted initially to write a book that related to the story I was trying to tell. But sucking than just admitting they had no future gave the punk underground its rightful place in by and large, it doesn’t matter how much and quit. The cool thing was a lot of bands musical history, and I was approaching it from opinions differ on bands, viewpoints, what were just in their first or second year then and an overground perspective. As time went on, I have you, the corrections I’m looking for are coming on strong. reconnected to the underground and realized it on things that are relatively concrete facts Jimmy: Did you find most people you con- was much more important to put my money that I might have gotten wrong—such as Ed tacted for interviews receptive to talking where my mouth was and prove what the Pittman of Toxic Reasons never played high with you? underground always held dear, that the power school football in Texas, counter to what George: Dischord wasn’t real helpful when I of DIY was still as valid as ever. Validation by Joey Keithley wrote in I, Shithead and I par- tried to get ahold of Jeff Nelson through them. the overground was irrelevant; they had roted. And new material is always welcome That was kinda comical because I was staying always been clueless and would always from other perspectives. I figure anyone that with my aunt at the time in DC and they were remain clueless. In dealing with major pub- likes my book and takes the time to get in being elusive about him not working out of lishers before I went the DIY route, I had touch with me will quite likely have some their office anymore and saying “leave a num- Viking Penguin sold on the book, though they material that embellishes what I already

ber and he’ll call you.” And so I’m leaving didn’t understand or didn’t care about the con- wrote and do the book good. I’m getting a them the private number of one of the most tent. I realized you could feed these people stream of unbelievably cool material from Bill powerful people in the U.S. government with- anything, marketed correctly. The marketing Cuevas, who played in the Arizona band out them knowing it, but they’re keeping department vetoed the project because they Conflict: great stories I never heard about Jeff’s whereabouts secret. Falling James from didn’t know how to market a nobody who did- Arizona that totally play into my theme of the Leaving Trains said he’d rather not be in it n’t write for Spin or whoever. In the under- punk often being at its best in smaller cities if I didn’t tell the whole story as he saw fit, ground, that’s actually a great thing and what and out of the way places. which he never allotted the time for, so I just punk is all about; that it doesn’t matter who Jimmy: What was the most difficult thing used the little I had. Keith Morris was very you are. Quality matters. about writing the book? suspicious at first, but that was because I cold Jimmy: I find it interesting that you encour- George: The most difficult thing about the called him while he was giving himself his age people to drop you a line and offer their book was deciding when it was done. I was insulin shots, and he warmed up once I passed input with regards to stories, corrections, and always able to find more material I wanted to the street cred test. The older well-known the like. Given the plethora of divergent opin- put in it. I could have kept writing it for anoth- guys, who had this “icon” status bestowed on ions available, why willingly subject yourself er ten years. In a sense, I’m still doing that by them over the years, were always the most to that? reworking each edition and adding more mate- wary about trusting me since I wasn’t part of George: Because either a) I’m a glutton for rial, but I had to find a point for the first edi- their crowd. Most major guys, like Henry punishment, b) I’ll meet the punk gal of my tion where I could say, “Okay, put a fork in it.” Rollins, Ian MacKaye, and Steve Albini I did- dreams that way, or c) I really care about get- Jimmy: What was most rewarding? n’t even bother with because almost every ting the book as diverse and as accurate as George: The most rewarding thing was recon- thought they’d ever uttered had already been possible. Take your pick, I’m not really sure necting to punk rock in a deep and satisfying recorded somewhere else. Almost everyone myself. I ran up against the diversity of opin- way, making all kinds of fantastic new friend- else though was tremendously cool, especially ions problem in trying to get the second edi- ships with people from the era who I had never folks from post-‘85 who no one had ever paid tion as close to perfect as I could. I got some known back then, and being turned on to all attention to. Because I was seeking out voices great input from an old Austin photographer the great bands happening in punk rock in who hadn’t been heard too much before, they and “street punk” documentarian Geoff more recent years. 51 Jimmy: In hindsight, are there any aspects of most amazing drummers I could ever want. He the punk/hardcore scene you wished you’d was a high school kid who ended up studying addressed more in-depth, or you wished you’d tablas at Cal Arts, but could play full tilt thrash devoted less time to? to jazz, reggae, or anything. I’d like to record George: I made most of the changes I wanted with some folks one of these days, maybe even in the new edition, so there aren’t too many by 4-track long distance collaboration. And I’d regrets at the moment. I still feel the book is like to have a band in Wilmington that had too heavily weighted to ‘79 to ‘85, but that’s a utterly no ambition but to play live locally and little inevitable because there were such an put on bizarre shows. I’ve got at least one incredible number of great bands then and album of pretty decent material written from everything was so new and exciting. The vast the last fifteen years. majority of bands from that era went to hell Jimmy: The most recurring criticism of the after 1985, and while ‘85 to ‘88 were the book, I’ve seen so far, is that the ending has a glory years for me—as far as the number of sense of finality to it, in that you supposedly great shows I saw in that time—I feel like I imply that punk/hardcore essentially ceased to don’t do a good enough job with the ‘87 to ‘92 be circa 1992. Is this an accurate assessment of era. I wasn’t into the second wave of straight your position? edge, I wasn’t much into the young George: I never meant to imply that even in Revolution Summer bands of Dischord, so the the first edition and I think people were a little more obvious bands to write about I couldn’t too quick to see that as my view just because really sink my teeth into. I didn’t know where too many people had already promoted that to start or write about that with the same pas- view before me. So when I leaned at all in that sion I brought to the rest of the book. What I direction, people jumped down my throat for it, tried to focus on when I wasn’t a great fan of especially because they thought the rest of the the bands was the DIY efforts still going on as book was so good they saw it as tremendously far as all-ages venues and cool scenes that disappointing that I’d follow that same, old, those bands played in, that were still really tired line. When I first started the book, and in reflecting the spirit of punk rock. But I really my first few years of writing it, I held that want to write more about the bands that belief to some degree, mostly because of out- developed ‘87 to ‘92, and focus even less on of-touch ignorance. I make it clear in the new the overground effect on the underground that edition that I simply dropped out due to my corrupted and destroyed a certain old-guard new mountain life and that punk chugged on segment of the underground. without me. Where I still may have failed to Jimmy: What are the similarities and differ- make my position clear in the new edition is ences between writing and being in a band? that what happened was the environment George: Writing is a world apart. It’s so much around punk rock changed the mainstream atti- more sedate. I loved the feel of music, putting tude toward it. That’s something that can’t real- on a show, disturbing people, and dressing up ly be argued. It was no longer a hated and as oddly as possible. There was always a lot of feared underground. Where I previously failed satisfaction in that—a lot of catharsis. was in suggesting that this meant punk rock Completing a book on my own press has a had changed. The punk rock underground huge amount of satisfaction. Just to be able to remained largely the same as ever, and flour- stare at the finished product and say, “Wow, I ished and grew, going through cycles of decay did all that.” And it’s even more rewarding and rebirth. There were still punk rock bands when I touch people’s lives with the book by that were passionate, exciting, wildly over-the- reassuring them that there were and still are a top entertaining, and there are more than ever bunch of other misfit freaks like them out there today. Take the Epoxies, Soviettes, and Hollow and that there is a different way of living and Points, to name just a few. The main difference doing things. It’s such a different feeling from is that, by and large, you don’t get jumped and being in a band, though. I don’t know how to beaten for being a punk anymore, which is a compare the two. Being in a band was so much good thing. People shouldn’t be wistful for an more emotional, with human relationships era where that happened on a daily basis. involved. I put so much more of my emotions Jimmy: You raise an interesting point—punks into being in a band than I usually do with any- in so many places are about as threatening as thing else. the old lady on the corner that feeds her fifty- Jimmy: That said, are there any plans for a two cats dressed in a Viking helmet and edible Gutless Meanies reunion? Are you planning to chaps: eccentric, but hardly a threat. This is a unleash another band on the underground? significant shift in attitude in a culture that George: No, the GMs had too many different once considered wearing black drainpipes as incarnations and we’ve all gone our separate heinous a crime as nun kicking. Punks are pret- ways for that to happen. The Stomping Yobbos ty much left alone now in most big places, were never coherent enough for there to be a although one need look no further than the reason to reunite, though we had one of the killing of Brian Deneke in Texas to see that in

53 some places having a mohawk is still pretty ical new ideas that scared them. Those ideas boarding cartoon superhero by entering my dangerous. Has mainstream acceptance aren’t new anymore. Society has changed so film Grip in some mountain film festivals this zapped punk of some of its power? Is it still a it’s virtually unshockable. When you can year. If all of my efforts fail financially, I will viable threat to the status quo? watch a guy getting decapitated on the at least have the satisfaction of knowing I George: I’ve discussed this at length with Internet, what’s punk going to do to top that? made a difference. It’s wonderful to have the some of my generation. It really has drained Plus the mainstream has morphed punk into two books you’ve released on your own press its power to make an impact outside of the something they feel safe with, a musical form being regarded by many as the finest works on punk world. Its power before was to scare they can label. That doesn’t mean punk is dead their subject. You can’t ask for much more people. Look what the rock stars were saying or not valid, that’s just how the greater world than that. about it in the ‘70s in my first chapter. They sees it. It means that the revolution already Jimmy: What is “Spot X”? were terrified by it. Look at how society react- happened, so the greatest impact punk can George: Originally, Spot X was the name of a ed to punks. They were terrified, so they have is as a supportive community for misfits surf break in Australia I encountered while attacked them, abused them, what have you. who use it as a way of sustaining and encour- traveling. I thought it would be a good name Its power was in confronting people with rad- aging their artistic visions. Or just surviving. for my photography business and guidebook People are still alienated and still need some- efforts. It represents all the mystery I like where to go with their alienation. The punk about adventure—always some unknown underground is a good place for that. And as place on the map that you want to travel to or long as these people keep thriving, they’ll learn more about. It doesn’t even have to be a eventually make impacts in different ways. place, it can be figurative, just that unknown Even if they don’t, I think it just makes them quantity that you always have intellectual better people. The power of DIY and fighting curiosity to learn about. complete corporate control will always be Jimmy: What do you think are the most valid. important things you have managed to take Jimmy: What is the most significant thing from your involvement with punk? How do you’ve learned from writing this book, punk- you think your life would’ve been different related or otherwise? At any point did you find had you not found it? yourself thinking, “Huh, never thought of it George: Another insanely difficult question, that way before”? but I think, most importantly, it kept me away George: Mmmm, more significant than the from living a mainstream life and reinforced Government Issue album You being entirely my values. When I first went to college, I about a twisted relationship with a fifteen- was completely torn between two worlds, of year-old? What I learned writing the book was going against the grain or doing what was more of a thorough education in punk rock easy and becoming an engineer, and punk than I probably ever had living it. Every other helped reinforce the side that wanted to go day I had some pre-existing notion or bias against the grain. I’ve had people who didn’t turned on its head. I was always re-evaluating have the opportunities I did be disgusted with my perspective. It was a constant evolution in me for what they saw as throwing away an my thinking. The more I researched and opportunity they never had—one for a good learned, the more I was able to build a broad- career—but they were just as brainwashed as er picture of punk rock as a whole and appre- people who had the opportunity and took it. ciate how valuable aspects were that I’d never They didn’t realize that pursuing your pas- really appreciated before. Zines, for example, sions is the most important thing about living I never took them that seriously back then, nor life. Otherwise you might as well just put a did most of the people who made them, but bullet in your head as soon as your parents they were so unbelievably important. So much turn you out of their house, instead of spend- of it for me at the time was the bands and the ing the next forty years being degraded into music, and the book helped me realize how an automaton. My grandmother got a degree much more it was, how many amazing DIY in physics, became a journalist, and lived her efforts of all sorts went into creating the life by her own rules, so I may have done the national punk underground. same anyway, regardless of punk. The song Jimmy: Outside of writing Going that has always spoken to me the most about Underground, what’s your “day” job? this sort of thing is Stiff Little Finger’s “Safe George: My day job for now is running Zuo As Houses,” that says “If you feel and have a Press, which sells Going Underground and a dream, you must go for it.” So there was a guide book on my Spot X Guides imprint, punk band saying one of the best pieces of Backcountry Snowboarding and Skiing in the advice I’ve ever heard. The other important Northern Sierra. I made a lucky investment a thing was that doing things on a small level couple of years ago and turned a small amount was fine. So many people’s lives are ruined of money into a big amount of money, and by the American Dream way of thinking, this that’s kind of a safety net I have while I get win-the-lottery mentality, that unless some- Zuo Press up and running to full speed. I’m thing is done in a big way, on a major press, also working on some new books, historical on a major record label, whatever, it’s not novels, and seeing if I can attract some atten- valid. It keeps so many people from pur- tion for my alternate life as a downhill skate- suing their dreams. 55 Megan Pants Interview and photos by Art junk by Amy Adoyzie

I agree with Steven King and it’s all The Bananas’ fault. He says that, in all of us, there exists an ugliness that is trying to get out, which is why we watch horror movies. That, by “keeping the alligators fed,” we can function somewhat normally and not actually kill anyone. I suck at love. I either obsess or ignore. I shoot myself in the foot or a potential interest through the heart. Sometimes, like in “Sugar Bear,” I want to hug someone so tightly because they can’t leave if they can’t breathe. But, luckily, I’ve got The Bananas to cover that for me. Through nasally, screamed vocals and music barely reigned in under control of the spastic force of itself, The Bananas speak to something that subconsciously needs venting, as spiritually craptastic as that makes them sound. They’ve tapped into my misery and failure and turned it into something I can dance to. And if misery is something they play sloppily and I can yell at the top of my lungs with drunken arms draped around drunken friends, then so be it. If misery is canceling more shows than they play, and getting caught listening to their own CDs on the way to the show because they weren’t sure they remembered them, even better. I don’t know about you, but screw the alligators; I’m keeping my banana fed. The Bananas are: Mike—guitar and vocals, Scott—drums, Marie—bass Megan: And what is Smashing Times? Megan: Scott, how many pairs of shoes did you buy in Portugal? Scott: It’s a magazine that I do. I pick a random band or, not just a band, Scott: Eight. Seven? but a theme. It sort of originated from a dream that I had that I was mak- Megan:. Why did you buy so many shoes? ing a television personality for a show called The Smashing Times. Scott: They were cheap. Megan: And Marie did an issue on Paul Simon? Megan: Why were you in Portugal in the first place? Marie: Yes. Scott: Just vacation. Megan: Why Paul Simon? Megan: So to go with the Portuguese thread, you did an issue of Marie: Why not? Smashing Times on the Brazilian band Os Novos Baianos. Where did Scott: Because she’s in love with Paul Simon. you find out about them? Marie: He has some really good songs. He gets a bad rep and he actu- Scott: I just love Brazilian music. I just recently got into it, heard them ally had some really good songs. at some point. I just liked them a lot. They sound a little bit different Scott: That’s sort of the aim of Smashing Times: to pull things togeth- than more traditional Brazilian stuff, so I kind of picked up on them. er that may be underrated or… More songwriting. Marie: Or underrated by the wrong audience. 57 Scott: You know how there’s bands that are like, “Oh you’ve gotta hear are reflected in the songs. With CDs, it makes it even worse because my record,” or “Listen to this song or that song.” Sometimes, a comp there’s not even the concept of a side. People just start cramming songs is better than an album. That’s the underlying theme behind it. together with all the good ones at the beginning. Megan: With NRBQ, you guys went all the way to Boston to see them, Mike: I still think of it in terms of an LP. I still think of it in terms of didn’t you? two sides. Scott: I’d go see them anywhere within 5,000 miles of California. Megan: Well, that works out since they’re supposed to be coming out Megan: I hear that on your next 7” there might be a concept, and it on vinyl. Isn’t Todd (Recess Records) going to put them out? might be about Brasilia. Marie: Yeah, Todd’s going to do it, also… Marie: You might be correct. Megan: A girl in Italy? Megan: I’ve heard that Mike might be a little obsessed with the city. Marie: Yeah Nautical (Rock’n’ roll) is going to come out, but probably Mike: I wouldn’t say I was obsessed. I don’t know if we’re actually not here too much, but in Europe. going to do that. Megan: How did she come across it? Scott: What are you talking about? Marie: She found out about The Bananas years ago and she ended up Mike: I like to change my mind about things. getting our friend Alesandro, who lived in San Francisco for about four Megan: Well, why are you so interested in Brasilia? Give a little back- years but just moved back, into it. She knew about it forever, and when ground on the city. he came out here, he came to a couple of our shows. He’s a hilarious Mike: I don’t know that much about it. person; I don’t know how to explain Alesandro. Marie: We’re about as much about edu-tainment as we are Mike: I think the word “jerk” works. about entertainment. Marie: He would like that. Mike: Yes, very much in the vein of… Scott: “Hilarious jerk.” Marie: KRS-One. Mike: Do you think kids really want to know how we pick the order of Mike: I just like the idea of a struggling third world nation pouring all the songs? this money into cutting a big hole out of the jungle and building this Megan: I want to. ultra-modern city. Mike: I’m always afraid… Scott: Which was a complete failure. Scott: That’s why you don’t ever answer your questions. Megan: Because they did things like not put in traffic lights. Mike: I know. I think I’m boring. Mike: That’s about the extent of what I know about it. Mario (from Scott: You’re never going to read it anyway. Plastic Idol Records) said he’d do a 7” for us and…who had the idea Mike: What? I keep my finger on the pulse of American music. that it should be a concept? Marie: He just gets shy. Scott: I did. Megan: Marie, you write your bass parts, but Lisa (original bass play- Mike: Scott did. er) didn’t. How does that change how you write songs now? Marie: No, it was me. Mike: I think Marie writes better bass lines than I do because she is an Mike: Or was it Marie? I don’t know. We were sitting around thinking, actual musician. “Okay, what’s the concept?” and I threw out Brasilia. Scott: When you write a song on guitar, and then on bass, the same per- Marie: And, like all of his ideas, me and Scott were like, “That is such son writes it, it’ll be good and it’ll fit and it’ll be interesting, but when a great idea. Mike, you’re brilliant. Mike, you’re a genius.” someone else writes a bass line, I think that’s going to be better unless Mike: I think we got lazy and we never debated it any further than that. it’s an exceptionally horrible idea, then it’s going to just make it sound Marie: It worked out really well. It’s a really good song. more like a band. Mike: We only have one song. What if the next song turns out to be Marie: I think it helps us figure out songs together. Mike always thinks about something else, though? of these melodies that he doesn’t play for the initial songs. So, if I come Marie: All the other songs were going to be on our album, so we had up with something, it changes the way that he thinks about the other to do something different for the 7”. melodies. We’re able to work together more as a band. Scott: We don’t have extra songs lying around for singles. I think The Scott: I think a quarter or a third of the songs from each album he has Bananas sound better on a full-length than a single. If you don’t have a stronger idea of the drums and the bass, and he’ll put those out, like, songs, you can just come up with a concept and you’ll start writing shit “I think there should be a backbeat here.” But then, for the other songs, that you normally wouldn’t write. he was, maybe by habit, coming up with the parts. I think some of the Megan: And that’s how you write your albums: all at once? songs, you have a stronger, full idea benefit from that and the rest ben- Marie: It’s all in his (Mike’s) brain. efit from you not just coming up with something. It makes sense to me. Scott: A brain that he’ll deny to the grave. In the autopsy, they’ll find it. Mike: I don’t have to write the bass lines in, bottom line. Marie: They’ll find all the lost Bananas albums. Scott: The drum ideas that you have, I like. Megan: Why does it work like that? Marie: I think we share really similar ideas. I think we know when Mike: Well… I write a couple of songs and I start getting in mind a certain parts should sound a certain way. There’s not a lot of conflict. kind of flow. Oh god. There’s no clash of ideas. If somebody suggests a better idea, we all Marie: That’s like asking Houdini how he does his tricks. recognize it. Megan: Do you write them in the order that they appear? Mike: I write pretty generic bass lines. If I end up writing a bass line to Mike: No, well yeah. Once I’m writing them, I know which one comes my own song, it’ll usually end up being pretty generic. Marie actually after which other one. I don’t necessarily write the first one on the comes up with good ideas. album first, and the last one last, but pretty early on in the process, I get Megan: Did you play a show where you played all three albums in the an idea of… it’s like little groups of songs go together. order they appear on the albums? Scott: I don’t think enough bands write albums that are meant to be lis- Mike: Yes. tened to as albums. Megan: How far did you get before they cut you off? Megan: I agree. Marie: Halfway through the third album. It was awesome, and then we Scott: I feel like we picked up on a lot of stuff that we listen to that’s played “Nautical.” Actually, I guess it was just (Chris) Woodhouse (FM older. I can’t even give a specific example. I just think a lot of things Knives) on drums and me on bass, but everybody was singing along. 58 They were about to kick us out, but we got really far. Scott actually Marie: Mike was in that band. brought the CDs in case there was a song we couldn’t play, just to play Mike: I was in the Halloween version of that band. the song, but we made it. Megan: And that was The Undertones? Mike: That’s only interesting to people who see us regularly because… Mike: We do a show in Sacramento every year, a Halloween show Megan: Does anybody ever see you regularly? where we pick a theme and people try to get together bands to fit the Mike: No. But, in the last year, we really haven’t all been in town at theme. One year… what was the theme that year? the same time. We haven’t practiced much, so we’re usually pretty lim- Scott: I don’t even remember. I’d assume it was no U.S., no U. K. ited to a certain amount of standards. Mike: So, people did The Undertones and a band sprung out Scott: Probably about a fifth of the songs we never play. of that as the FM Knives. Mike: So for that one night, we sat down and tried to learn all three albums. Megan: Did they kick you out? Scott: Relearn. It was more fun after the show when we forgot all of them. Mike: No, they just got somebody who knew how to Megan: Was there any song that was the hardest to relearn? play guitar. Scott: “Heartbreaker”‘s really the only one that was hard for me. Scott: The best thing about the Halloween show, Mike: Yeah, that one’s hard for me too. “Heart, Liver, Lungs” is hard in my opinion, even though people talk endless for me. shit on little Scott Soriano. He’s the one who Scott: “Forbidden Fruit” I think is hard, but then, when I play it, it’s started it. He put, not a lot, but a few not. specific rules on it. One of Mike: I like to write songs that I can barely play. Come see us. I can the rules was that barely play my own songs. The bass playing’s superb. Megan: Is there something in Sacramento that lends to a “wouldn’t it be cool…” kind of projects? Because you were only supposed to play one show originally and the FM Knives formed just for a Halloween show. more than two people in a Halloween band could be in a pre-existing band. It forced people to play together who hadn’t played together because I think you’d just get a lot of bands who just did an alter-ego band of the same members. About every year there’s a band that forms out of that. Mike: I was the Red Shirt Guy. I was always the guy without a costume Megan: Do they still do that? and then someone would loan me a red shirt and I’d stick a Star Trek Scott: Yeah. It’s not at The Loft anymore. There’s been maybe two pin on the side and be the Red Shirt Guy. Then I switched my costume years that they haven’t done it. They’re always really fun. They’re to the Abe Lincoln. always one of the best shows of the year. Megan: I saw you once and you were… it looked like just White Shirt Guy? Megan: Can anybody do it? Marie: Was it a hairy white shirt? Marie: Yeah. The problem is that most people just don’t know about it. Mike: Yeah, it was at The Loft. I just saw a picture of that show the Scott: It kind of got out of hand one year when a lot of bands from other day. Portland came down. There was this northwest Portland/Sacramento Megan: You were on the ground a lot. connection for a while. Mike: Somebody slipped me a mickey that night. Mike: I thought that was the funnest year though. Megan: Me too. I woke up wearing overalls made from Teenage Scott: I do agree that there are a lot of people who listen to good music Mutant Ninja Turtle sheets. in Sacramento. Mike: But haven’t we all sometime? Marie: And there’s a lot of time in Sacramento, which is good. There’s not Marie: Do you still have them? a whole lot going on, so you have to make your own stuff. The best people Megan: No. I also had a black eye. in the world are from Sac, and I’m not from Sac, so I’m allowed to say it. Mike: How did that band start? Scott: I think you have to make your own fun there. Marie: I don’t know—how did it start? Megan: Along the lines of making your own fun, Mike, how did you Mike: The origins of No Kill I are lost in the mist of time, but they’re end up in Trekkies 2 (a documentary about Star Trek fans)? glorious, I know that much. Marie: Hard Drinkin’ Abe Lincoln. Megan: Are you a big Star Trek fan? Mike: I was in a band called No Kill I. Mike: Me? Yeah. Megan: Was? No more? Megan: Mike, you said, “Every kind of music is good, but only like the Marie: You are. top five percent of it. Any form of music you can usually find some- Scott: You’re not allowed to break up. thing good in it, but ninety percent of everything is kind of sucky.” Mike: We haven’t played a show in a long time. Then again, we only Mike: Kind of sucky… ever played like once a year. Megan: So where do you see The Bananas in that equation? Marie: That doesn’t matter. Bands never break up in Sacramento. Mike: Do you have to ask? Mike: I don’t even know how that band formed. Marie: You go to other shows, right? You see other bands. You must Megan: You didn’t start as the Hard Drinkin’Abe Lincoln; you started listen to stuff. My goodness. as the Red Shirt Guy. Mike: What kind of music are we? 60 Marie: It doesn’t matter. We’re in the top fucking five percent. When I first started there, they were like, “This is our vacation policy. Megan: What is Banana Style? You get two weeks a year.” I went into his office and said I can’t only Mike: You’re about to witness it. take two weeks a year because I’m in this band that wants to tour maybe Scott: You’re lookin’ at it. once a year for a month…well not once a year, but those were the grand Mike: Have you ever seen a band that hasn’t practiced in five months schemes of my youth…He thought that since it was for music, that it and is probably too drunk to play even if they had practiced? was cool. That’s how it stood, so I just stuck around there because they Megan: Yeah, I saw you guys like four years ago. would’ve worked it out. They do let me take a lot of time off, but the Mike: Oh yeah? Four years? Dedicated fan here. job itself is of no particular interest to me other than that. Scott: Banana Style’s kind of a myth. Mike: I work in a warehouse. It’s like any other job. Mike: Yeah. No. It’s real. Scott: “I just like to work around punk, but not to actually tour.” Scott: I wrote “Banana Style.” Megan: Did you really get married next to a pool of beer? Mike: Oh yeah, that’s the song that Scott wrote. We put it on that Mike: Yeah, a kiddie pool full of beer. album to humor him. Marie: Scott and I both dove in. Scott: Notice it’s last. “I wrote an album in order and tacked your song on.” Megan: Was it cans or filled with beer? Marie: He didn’t think anyone would get past “Midnight at the Mike: It was full of ice and cans. Rendering Plant.” Marie: C’mon we’re not barbarians. Mike: We thought people would turn it off by the second song. Megan: But diving into cans… Scott: “What’s this slow bullshit?” Mike: What is this, Portugal? Mike: Can we do this over again? Marie: Jesus, we’re not in the fucking Azores. Marie: For the first time. Megan: There’s a strong theme of love gone wrong in any number of Mike: “The Bananas: See them again for the first time!” ways in your songs. Do you think that’s going to change now that Megan: How do you play a one-string guitar? you’re happily married? Marie: It’s easier than a six-string guitar. It takes about a sixth of the Marie: Mike only writes political songs now. coordination, right? Mike: We actually contracted our lyrics out to a temp agency. Scott: Yeah, you don’t even need a pick. Marie: Full of people who’ve recently been dumped. Megan: What band was that for? Scott: They’re doing pretty good so far. Scott: That must be RMAB (Rigor Mortis Acid Bath) that that’s for. We Marie: It’s a really great temp agency. I don’t know if you’ve ever had a band that was just based on broken instruments that we had lying checked it out. around. That was before I’d ever even been in a band. There was just a Mike: I don’t know where this band’s headed with all the angst. desire to be in a band. We had a one-string guitar, so we played it. Marie: You’re still full of angst, just not about love. You should’ve seen Marie: That’s dedication. That’s how fucking punk Scott is. him on the way here. He thought all these bugs were attacking him. Megan: And you were in a band with three drums and vocals? Mike: There were bugs. Marie: Mmhm. Yes. My answer is yes. Marie: There were no bugs. Megan: How did that start? Mike: There were bugs. I smashed them on my forehead. The things Marie: I had a roommate at the time, who’s actually my current room- going on now… the reason I hate these mother fuckers in the White mate again, for the first time. He didn’t know how to play guitar. He House now is that I feel compelled to write political songs and I hate plays for another band now. He’s in Gift Of Goats now. writing political songs. I’m really bad at it. Scott: Who are rad. Marie: I was just kidding about your political songs. Marie: And that was his first band. He always wrote these… he was Mike: Well, I hate you guys too. Maybe the next album will be about really into the Wipers and Sicko. that: all about how much I hate Scott and Marie. Mike: That’s quite the combination. [The tape needs to be flipped over at this point, and when it is turned Marie: So, we started a band, The Wernicke’s. I played three drums and back on, Marie starts joking that we had talked in-depth while the he played a three-string guitar. I’m sure there’s something really cosmic recorder was off.] about that because of the threes, but I don’t want to divulge too much. Marie: …and those are the many reasons why we’re a very legitimate, Scott: A.k.a. make up. political punk band. Megan: Chris Kohler (from Sexy and also Special Ed, with Marie) Scott: Tenth, and finally… wanted me to ask when you’re going to quit school because it’s drag- Mike: The real reason you should slap eighteen dollars for a CD is… ging down the band. Scott: The reason why we believe downloading is wrong… Marie: I have two questions: one, what band and how? Ask him why Megan: Piracy…it hurts everyone. he plays so many video games. Mike: Is that a fishing term? Megan: What are you going to school for? Marie: Feed a starving artist, feed a starving record executive. Mike: To make the rest of us feel stupid. Megan: Scott, have you ever thought of re-releasing the Secret Marie: I can take more time off of school than if I was working full-time. Center stuff? Scott: Marie’s a master budgeter-of-time anyway. Scott: Yeah, the problem is that all the masters I’d need… a lot of it’s Marie: It’s easier to balance my time with school than it would be to on four-tracks. Organizing it is the only thing that stops me. I would work because with work, you have to haggle too much. actually just like to have it for myself. I’d rather release a best-of Secret Scott: She never takes Saturday night classes. Center thing because there was an idea that I had for that label, and I Marie: Or Friday classes. I go to school Monday through Thursday. feel that about half of it succeeded and the other half didn’t. I think my Megan: And Scott, you do something with escrow services? favorite thing I put out was the Peel Sessions by the Bananas. That Marie: Off the record, no one cares. He does drum sessions. sounded the most like what I wanted it to sound like, but then there Megan: No, I wanted to tie it in: how what you do actually enables or were other bands that weren’t on Secret Center, but were just on comps affects your music. You get to take a lot of time off at your job… I put out that I felt sounded more like… I wanted it to sound fun and Scott: I just stumbled on this fairly random office job years and years kind of punk. I like when a band gets a perfectly crappy recording ago. The guy that owns it was pretty into music when he was younger. where it sounds really clear, but kind of not. I would really like to put that stuff out again, but I just don’t have the energy to figure out… Marie: Yeah. Like handles. there’s people I don’t even know where they are who recorded that Marie: How many more questions do you have? stuff. It would mean a lot of it would have to get mastered off of 45s Mike: Have you ever seen Razorcake? It’s like the fucking yellow pages. and tapes. That label was really fun to do. Scott: You are from Razorcake, aren’t you? Wait, she’s from Lasercake! Megan: What was Cassingle? Megan: I’m from Lazycake. Scott: That was the most quintessentially Sacramento thing I’ve ever Megan: Is “Blood on my Bananas” based on the banana strike in Ecuador? done. That label I actually liked better than Secret Center. I just started Mike: I saw it in a movie. It’s based on a movie I can’t remember the thinking about how, when bands start, they don’t have a sound yet name of, but part of it… because they’re just writing their first song, and then their second song Marie: It was called “Blood on my… some fruit or other.” is already trying to fit into how the first song sounded, and then that’s Mike: Here’s the problem. Here’s why I don’t write about political their sound. I thought it would be fun to see, since there were so many songs: I don’t remember things. I saw something. I was thinking about people with good ideas in Sac and there was a house that usually had it for a day or two. musical equipment set up and four-tracks, that it would be fun to make Scott: Answer the fucking question. a label. I look at it at as on any given day, a band could start in Marie: Was it or wasn’t it based on the banana struggle? Sacramento. The Bananas and Nar both started as a total accident. If the Mike: Not Ecuador, El Salvador, I think. weather had been different, or if one thing had happened differently Marie: Hmmm… somebody didn’t do her research. that day, we never would’ve started. It was never that we were talking Megan: I was just making a guess. about starting a band for a long time. To me, the Cassingle label was Marie: You seemed so well-informed before. just a glimpse into all these configurations of people that could’ve hap- Mike: Listen, I was informed about three years ago. I might not really pened or could’ve made bands that could’ve started writing songs. remember it. Fortunately, there was a brief period of time where everyone was real- Mike: Whatever I was against back then, I’m totally for it now. ly psyched on that idea. There were a lot of people who were like, Scott: There’s the new political album. “Hey, here’s a cassingle.” It wasn’t just me. A lot of it’s me, I’m on Megan: Why do you have so many nicknames? most of them, but there’s a good amount of people would send stuff, for Mike: Me? about a year, I thought that it was a really inspiring gimmick, and then Marie: He’s indecisive. it just stopped. There’s ones that never came out. That’s a comp that’d Mike: I don’t have that many nicknames. How many nicknames do I have? probably be more enjoyable to me than a Secret Center comp because Scott: On the records you do. a lot of them were really hilarious. Mike: Oh, I just make up fake names for that because I don’t want to Megan: Did any of them play shows? use my real name. Scott: Ice Bucket Heads played once. The rule was that there could be Marie: He doesn’t want to embarrass… no real bands. There were a couple that snuck in, but it was mainly just Megan: But you’ll use it on other bands? made-up stuff. Also, I just feel that when I listen back to lyrics, I like Mike: No. them better than I thought I did at the time. They’re always about stuff Megan: You use it in Knock, Knock, don’t you? that’s going on, but with the Cassingles, it freed me up to write dumb Scott: Yeah…what’s up with that? Oh, it’s a “serious” band. or funny lyrics, and I could do it all day long. That was more fun to me, Mike: I can’t say that other people don’t know it. to make up these bands and these songs. I felt like the songs were more Marie: Well Michael Cinciripino, what is up with that? like anthems and hits than what I write. Megan: Is that because you were popular to knock Jonathan Richmond Megan: Marie, how did you end up joining? off in that band? Marie: How did that happen, Scott? I was already friends with you Mike: Oh! I don’t understand that, but I’m still going to say, guys. It was sort of natural. I think when Lisa decided she didn’t want “Ohhhhhh! No way! Oh no, she didn’t.” to tour anymore, but she was still in the band, I would tour with them Megan: It was on some radio chart and Knock, Knock overtook and be their touring bassist. Jonathan Richmond in their charts. Scott: If she didn’t want to go, Marie would come in, but she never Marie: This Knock, Knock? His band? ended up doing that. Mike and I were like, “Well, if Lisa doesn’t want Mike: That guy’s day in the sun is over. to go, Marie could do it.” When Lisa finally did stop playing with us, Megan: Why are you so flaky? there were people in Sacramento who were, “Oh, The Bananas need a Marie: Because people expect too much. And period. bass player…” but we never thought of trying out a bass player. Mike: Give me an example of my flakiness. Marie: It just made sense. I’d played music with Mike before and I’d Megan: The last time I saw you was four years ago. played music with Scott, but the three of us were never in the same Marie: Maybe you’re flaky. We’ve played since then, lady. band until The Bananas. Megan: We set this interview up a year ago. Megan: What does “both handles are locked” mean? Scott: I got sick. Marie: That’ a really dumb story. It was from The Loft. Remember Marie: Why didn’t you come up to Sacramento? I would’ve been there. whenever I’d borrow the keys to use the bathroom, Mike would always Mike: We’re busy people. We all do important work, mostly for ask me, “Did you lock both handles?” I’m not afraid to say it: I pee a lot. the government. Scott: And sometimes both handles aren’t locked. Scott: Once we decided that people liked us because we were flaky, we Marie: Sometimes people only lock one handle because it’s easier that just stayed flaky. way. My mom asked me about that. My mom was really concerned Megan: Do you think there is some appeal to that? about that. Marie: No. Megan: She was concerned? Scott: I think there is an appeal to it, but we don’t do it on purpose. I Marie: She was more confused. I think people assumed the worst. mean, playing L.A. tonight, there’s probably more than one person who Mike: What would the worst be? thought we weren’t going to be here. Marie: I don’t know what people could think except that something real- Marie: Including you. ly stupid, but people never cease to amaze me. Imaginations run wild. Megan: Including me. Mike: You see magic in everyday things. Scott: Including Mike… maybe we should go. 63 DAWN WIRTH

I

Ryan: When did you first start getting into photography, Dawn? Dawn: 1976. It was a class that I could take in high school. Ryan: So you got into photography because you had to take it? Dawn: Well, when I would go to the shows, you’d see the photographers there taking pictures and it just seemed like a lot of fun. And so when I was able to take the class in school, that’s when I started taking pho- tos. I have photos back to ‘76. Ryan: So that was your motivation for taking the class—being able to contribute to the scene? Dawn: See, at the time, I wasn’t thinking I was docu- menting. I was contributing. At the time I wasn’t think- ing I was documenting, like it is now. I have a friend that was impressed that I had all this stuff from back in ‘76 and he said, “Well, you knew you were docu- menting this stuff, right?” and I said, “No.” Ryan: So who were you taking photos of back then? Dawn: The Weirdos, the Screamers, the Zeros, the Mumps, the Talking Heads when they first came to L.A.—I have pictures of that at the Whisky. Ryan: Yeah, something really striking are those KK (Barrett, drummer of the Screamers) photos. He was so young. He doesn’t look cool. No one has photos of KK not looking cool except you. Dawn: [laughter] Okay! We won’t get these scanned so no one can see them! Ryan: So tell me, what were your favorite zines back then and which ones were you contributing to? Dawn: White Stuff in the U.K. I had maybe one or two things in Flipside. I contributed to the Weirdos’fan club magazine; the Mumps’ fan club magazine. I never got into Slash. That was Jenny (Lens) domain. And Gen X—that was a fanzine in the U.K. Ryan: Of all the early L.A. bands, which one or ones were your favorites? Dawn: I want to say the Weirdos and the Screamers. Ryan: I imagine the Screamers’ live show, with the band’s imagery and stage perform- ance, had to be great to photograph. Dawn: They were always fun to watch. Same thing with the Weirdos. You didn’t know what John Denney was going to do when he comes out. It was this anticipation of a good show and you were never let down. It was- n’t like when the Ramones came to L.A. 64 and played their three-second Dawn: Yes. That’s where a lot of Ryan: And that’s the truth! KK, epitomized style and cool) songs—sorry Ramones—but these punk bands went to go Dawn: Out of the U.K. bands, I even had a pompadour. You these guys put on a performance. have record signings because was partial to the Clash. The were probably the first Angelino It was theatre. that was pretty much the only Clash never let me down. to take photos of The Clash. Ryan: How was Darby? place that they could go to have Ryan: Good answer! So tell me, Dawn: Probably. Dawn: When I met him, he was a record signing. Because these when did you go to the U.K.? Ryan: Where would you see Bobby Pyn; that’s what he was were bands—the Talking Heads, Dawn: I went there the day The Clash besides the Music going by. We would always meet the Dead Boys, I’m missing a lot after I graduated from high Machine? each other at the Capital Records of names—but they would be school in June of ‘78. And I saw Dawn: The Music Machine was swap meet and we would go able to go there and do a signing the Clash that following week. similar to a Whisky out here. looking for David Bowie stuff. and they were welcomed, as We saw three nights at the Other than that, you’d go see So if he got there before me, he opposed to if they’d gone to a Music Machine. bands at a pub. Also, when I first would tell me where all the Music Plus or… Ryan: And you took some got there, that weekend, the Bowie stuff was. And if I got Ryan: Tower Records. shots—some really great Dickies had come over to the there before him, vice versa. Dawn: Yeah, that was there on shots—before Paul (Simonon, U.K., so I got to see the Dickies And then he became Darby. I Sunset. But they didn’t really do bassist of the Clash who, like play. And Hellin Killer (L.A. loved that guy. He always signings there. Certainly not seemed real. The stuff that I’ve bands like the Damned or the read in Lexicon Devil, it’s inter- Screamers or the Weirdos. esting, but I don’t remember Ryan: Some things you Darby being like that. showed me of particular inter- Ryan: Did you go to the est were those Winterland Masque a lot? Show photographs you took Dawn: Yes. (Sex Pistols’ last show, which Ryan: And who would you took place January 14, 1978, in shoot there? San Francisco). You said that Dawn: Whoever was playing. I was kind of like being in prison. have stuff from Spazz Attack. Dawn: You felt like you had just Spazz Attack wanted some pic- gotten out of fighting, because tures of himself taken, so we you’re standing up there all day did those outside the Masque in long—I was up against the the alley. stage—people are just shoving Ryan: What were your favorite you up against the stage and you venues? couldn’t do anything. And when Dawn: The Masque, the it was over with, it was such a Starwood, and the Whisky. But relief because you could sit with the Masque, the stage was down! But I wouldn’t trade it for only like five inches high, so it anything, though. That was a wasn’t like you were dealing great show. I was underneath Sid. with the same kind of stage as at I like Sid. He was a good guy. the Starwood or the Whisky. You Ryan: Did you get to talk to him? had to really kind of stake out Dawn: No, but there was this your place and stay there guy who kept bothering me because the stage was so small. while I was there. He was being Ryan: It certainly wasn’t as a jerk. And I guess Sid had seen “legit” as the Whisky or the that I had bit the guy to try to Starwood! get him to get his elbows down, Dawn: No, not at all. Had there and Sid spit in his face and the been a fire there, everyone guy disappeared. So I was able would have died. But that was to still shoot the show and it the danger of going to that wasn’t that bad. I wasn’t that place. That was what was so claustrophobic. fun about it. That and the Ryan: Do you remember hear- Hillside Strangler. He was out ing in the news that that was and about killing people. It was their last show? kind of weird. Dawn: I think when we came back Ryan: And you also worked at it was probably something that Bomp! Did you work there Rodney Bingenheimer mentioned before you went to the U.K.? on the radio, but it was kind of dis- Dawn: Yes. appointing that that was the only Ryan: And Bomp! was really tour they did. But I was always par- the hub of activity, huh? tial to The Clash myself. Ryan: What were you taking photographs of when you went on hiatus with band photos? Dawn: Still lifes. This sounds lame, but Griffith Park Observatory. When I had my daughter Sara in ‘88, I took a lot of pictures of her. Ryan: And I know you’ve stuck by the same camera. punk regular; later married to was about to move on to the Dawn: It wasn’t the scene that Dawn: Yes, I have the same Paul Roessler of the Screamers) next step. was back in ‘76, ‘77 and ‘78. camera I’ve had since ‘76; a was there, too. So seeing her Ryan: To post-punk. It wasn’t the same. You had a Cannon FTb with a 1.4 lens. was like, “Okay, I’m not that Dawn: Yeah. lot of posers coming in. They Ryan: All those photographs far from home!” It was cool. Ryan: Coming back to Los just didn’t understand it. They were taken by the same camera. Ryan: So going over there, which Angeles, how did the scene just thought, “Oh, okay, I’ll go Dawn: Yes. I love my camera. I bands did you shoot besides The change during that time period dress up like a punk and hang won’t let my daughter use it Clash and the Dickies? where you were away? out.” They didn’t understand and you can understand why. Dawn: Those were the only Dawn: Oh, there was way more what it meant. Maybe she will now. two bands I shot. people at shows. It was like you Ryan: I know you are still Ryan: You had your first show Ryan: What were the differ- had to fight for space. involved in photography to this last year and you’re going to ences between the two scenes? Ryan: Talking about the day. Were you taking photos have your next one really soon. Dawn: The differences—when Decline (of Western during the late ‘80s as well? Dawn: I’m going to do some I saw The Clash show, the peo- Civilization—Penelope Dawn: I was, but not of any of the L.A. punk stuff people ple all dressed normal, as Spheeris’ seminal 1981 docu- groups. haven’t seen—the Weirdos opposed to how the kids mentary of the L.A. punk Ryan: When did you stop tak- and the Screamers and big pic- dressed here. The kids here scene) time… a lot of people ing photos of groups? tures of The Clash and just see would dress up and stuff and have recognized—especially Dawn: I shot a group last year. what happens. the kids in the U.K. didn’t look with Darby’s passing—that the I think in October or like punks to me. But the punk scene was kind of over for them November. For a while there I A website is in the works, so for now, era in the U.K. could have (circa late ‘80) at that time. Did took a pause, but now I’m check up with her myspace page: moved on to the next step or you feel that? back to shooting groups.

http://www.myspace.com/bigmouthbakery

You may have heard something like the Pine Hill Haints on a cold night in November as the train rolled by and the night sky spilled its tale out and into your dreams. The Haints’ sound is something jangly, scratchy, and pumping: a sort of droning rattletrap mechanism built in the barn, powered by wood and mud and set to motion at one till midnight. They are the beauty, horror, decadence, rain, and spirit of the world they live in and create. The Pine Hill Haints embody the idea of not doing things the way others may think is right, but of doing what they feel to be right, never afraid to be “not with it,” not trying to grow up and get a subscription to that sad old tale of life and the pursuit of others’ dreams. Just keep going. Get in the van. Get out on the road. Create what it is you’re after. If it’s not there waiting for you, then build the thing. It’s all in your hands. Pick up the body and claim its cold, bloody mess as gold. Many people have played in the Pine Hill Haints and contributed to keeping it going over the years—so many that there’s a sort of community built through the band. However, throughout the whole time Jamie Barrier has been with it. He’s ridden the horse’s bones from before the dawn and on past the night. But still the question remains…

Current line up: Jamie Barrier—guitar, vocals, tenor banjo, fiddle, BD: What about that story you told me Halloween when we were and harmonica. around the fire in the backyard? Katie Barrier—washboard, mandolin, and vocals Jamie: It’s about a man who lived with his mother up there in the plus tons of artwork, signs and cutouts. high hill country. And she told him to never shoot an owl when the Ben and Tonic—snare drum. moon’s full. But he went out anyway on a full moon, ‘cause he could Matt Bakula—washtub bass, banjo, and vocals. see all through the limbs, and there were shadows, ‘cause the moon was bright in the woods, and he came back to the house—way back Pictured: up in the woods where his grandmother lived—he comes back, hold- Jeremy Dale Henderson—snare drum and War Eagle ing his gun and sees an owl sitting in a tree and he shoots the owl. Brian Conner—washtub bass But when he does, the owl screams out in this painful human voice Mike Posey—accordian and flies off. So he gets all freaked out and goes back inside the house and his old grandmother is sitting there, bleeding, and she looks up BD: What is a Haint, Mr. Barrier? and says, “I told you to never shoot an owl, boy.” Jamie: Well, a haint is a ghost. BD: What’s the history behind the Haints? BD: Tell me about ghost stories and the Haints. Give me some Jamie: Okay, you’re homeless, slinging drugs, trying to figure out how unearthly lore. to skate. And some weird kid, who I’ve never met, but that one time in Jamie: When we got chased riding skateboards, we’d all meet my life, he was from New Orleans… He might have been a haint. at the Pine Hill Cemetery. There’s this crazy supernatural BD: I have a version of how it started, but I can’t remember exactly… something to that, ‘cause the cemetery for hundreds of years Jamie: Well, you had a bunch of dusty LPs and I would sit and lis- down there in—and before there was ever Lee County—the ten to them, and I tried to figure out how to play them. And one night, Creeks who lived there would not live on that land. They Libby Lynn asked if I wanted to open for Janissary Core playing wouldn’t build on it. It was this crazy, voodoo-ed out sacred acoustic, and Adam—Sad Eye (original Haints harmonica player)— ground, and when the settlers came in the 1830s and pushed was just chilling in the house with his harmonica, and so we went the Creeks out, they pleaded with the settlers not to build on down there, but he left on his skateboard, and I thought, “Shoot, I that ground. That’s true history, and those guys, of course, did guess I’ll play by myself.” And I was in there playing, and it was real build on it and crazy things have happened; people would loud, so Libby and a few people in Janissary Core—who were fixin’ break their neck or eat some crazy poison and swell up. So, no to play—were clapping, but as far as you could tell, the house music one wanted to live on it anymore. The city donated it for use was drowning me out, and then Adam walked in with his harmonica as a cemetery. And then there were mass graves of and played. I’ve always thought of that. That’s the first time I played Confederate soldiers that they just dumped in there. That’s “What Is a Haint?”. First time I ever played “Alabama’s Midnight where the Haints were born. That’s were we had out first Skies,” and we played “Opelika Train” that night. I think we did four Haints practice as a band. On that cemetery ground. We’re or five songs. After that—you know—we porched it up all the time, playing these songs and we’re like, “We’re not playing techno or go down to the Malformity House. or new wave or techno or hip hop. We’re just playing old dead BD: I remember meeting a guy on the street playing the bucket in music,” so we’re Haints. We’re necromancers. We’re like, “If Auburn. His name was Stick. He showed me how to build one and so that’s dead, then we’re haints.” And we just played old songs. I did. The first time I remember playing it with you was sitting in the We didn’t care if it was on the cutting edge. Like Bakula house. I think it was above the heater, one night with a mic hanging (washtub), he’s got the Counter Clock Wise, and they’re a fan- from the ceiling and a reverb on it, and we played reggae songs. tastic band, but before that he was in the Crypt Kickers and Jamie: Yes. Man, if you want to get to the core of the Haints it’s all they’re dead, and so in the Haints he’s playing a Crypt Kickers dub reggae. The whole reverb pedal has nothing to do with rockabil- song. We’re just keeping dead stuff alive. We’ve played ly. It has to do with dub reggae. But that is what we did, man. Yes, Grumpies songs. You name it. yes, yes. 69 BD: From there it was you, me, Sad Eye, Matt Comer, and then mean five or six different things. It’s got to be tougher, have more of Katie joined. Then after I moved away, it took off and it seems like a callous on it. But we still have that Auburn spirit where we still play everyone’s been in the Haints. Travis Hightower, Matt Bakula, a lot around town and we still play a lot of shows. It’s all tribed-off Jeremy Dale Henderson, Hot-Rog, and Ben ‘n Tonic, Posey, up here, but in Auburn everyone was one big tribe. In Auburn, every- Rymodee, your brothers, the Red Dagger, Brain Conner…I suppose one embraced their culture, and as far as punk rock up here, it’s the I could keep going. opposite where you want to clash with that culture. Those two stones Jamie: Yeah, pretty much anybody who has been a friend and does- that bang on the sword keep us sharp. It’s like I want to embrace my n’t want to cave into the nine to five job, and whose life isn’t in too culture, but at the same time, there’s so much garbage that goes along bad of shape—you know they got enough to get in the van—then with where we’re from that I don’t want to have anything to do with. we’ll make some music. We’ve almost always got something So it’s got to be done right, it increases that urgency. But beautiful booked, you know, coming up next week or whatever. Auburn, I love it. BD: I remember the first time we played out of state, we went BD: How is it received playing music in the south, which some peo- to Starkville. ple consider country, but a lot of “country” people don’t? Jamie: Suddenly Subhan played that night, the Grumpies, and Pez. Jamie: To me now, this present week I’m living in now, I want to That was either ‘97 or ‘98 and that was billed as a Wednesdays show, play country music. Sometimes, I want to play a slow song. I have but we just couldn’t make it. Technically, the first tour the Haints more friends now with grey hair, older people, than I do young peo- ever did was after you had left and Travis joined. We toured with ple, for the first time in my life. I have more relationships with older This Bike Is a Pipebomb. Well, when you were still here, we did a people. I love to play for older people, but when I go out to play house five day thing with the Shack Shakers. The first proper tour we did, shows, people want seven fast ones in a row and so you play those it really wasn’t the Haints. I just didn’t want to stop…I didn’t know seven fast ones so you can sweeten it up with that eighth slow one that what to do. So we got in the van with Pipebomb, and Kevin played the old people like. There’s so many people who say, “Oh, I love drums, Rymodee played saw, and Travis played bucket. I just went country music” but it has nothing to do with dirt and soul. It might around with them for a couple of weeks. have to do with wearing a cowboy hat and a western shirt, but it has BD: How much do your surroundings like Florence, Alabama, and nothing to do with hardwoods, pines, hills, and streams. It’s more now living in Savannah, Tennessee influence your song writing? mall-terrain than all-terrain. Jamie: My goal is to try never to force the influence, you know? You BD: It seems like rural America has been giving away its heart and just go with your heart and, over time, it happens that way. And that’s soul to places like Wal-Mart to a soundtrack by Tobi Keith. Do the way Savannah, North Alabama, and Tennessee crept back into you think country and music and culture are used as a shield for the band. Like, in the early days I sang about trains, ‘cause about two other agendas? or three times an hour our whole house would shake from trains. Our Jamie: Even more so than that. I don’t see that as much, so I don’t good friend Radek got hit in the face on the tracks. Or so and so have as much venom to spit at that, but meeting some “country” band would smash a bunch of crap or there’d be some dead dog with a and they’re like, “We’re the Whiskey-Soaked Hillbillies” or some- bunch of maggots all over it on the tracks. But as far as the influence thing like that. You know stuff like the “Hillbilly Pissers,” like some of the Haints goes, that early stuff we did…well, you always learn guy with overalls and a pitchfork and they’ll be like “Yeh haw!” That stuff over time, and back then I didn’t know, so we were kind of writ- can get kind of old. ing the book on how we thought it would be done. Because, as far as BD: It’s hokey. we knew, we sounded just like…you know, you always sound like Jamie: I remember when I was a kid and playing with my uncle you want to sound in your mind, but stepping back it doesn’t sound Sammy. Sammy knows some weird country songs. But one of the anything at all like Hank Williams. Back then, I thought we had some songs we’d always play would be “The Beverly Hillbillies,” ‘cause really cool stuff that reflected the way everything was down there. he loved the way my brother Joey would stop in the middle of the We had a lot of fast songs, and a lot of local lore. Same way now; a song and go “the Beverly Hillibillies!” One of the guys in the lot of the lore is back—the North Alabama base—church singing Overnight Lows, the drummer, I think, his cousin is Jeff Foxworthy. style where it’s got a little bit more of that Celtic touch to it, a little I remember seeing them play a show one time in Florida—which a lot more Pentecostal. Or maybe, if you close your eyes, it sounds like of times can be more like the north than the south in some regards— it’s a little more hill-based, rather than rolled-out flats. and some guy in the crowd was heckling them ‘cause he knew they BD: Well, now there’s a lot more variety of sound—fiddles, ban- were from Mississippi, kind of like “play the Beverly Hillbillies” jos—as opposed to that first LP where it’s just the four of us: guitar, yelling at them. And the guy in the crowd was like, “Hey, do ya’ll bucket, harp, and snare. know Jeff Foxworthy?” and that guy had no idea that the drummer Jamie: We’re doing a lot of crap now that you tried to get us to do knew Jeff Foxworthy or was even his cousin. He was just heckling back then. them. So the drummer stuck a middle finger in the guy’s face and BD: Well, it sounds good, so I’m glad you’re doing it. cussed him or something. You know, the drummer could probably Jamie: Basically, I wish to god we’d have used that trombone. have been like, “Yeah, I know Jeff, and yeah I’ve been playing ‘The BD: Well, the reason for that was that Matt could play the thing Beverly Hillbillies’ my entire life,” but instead he’s just like, “Leave pretty well. us alone.” Overnight Lows. Man, what a band! Jamie: I’ll tell you a good answer to that question about styles; the BD: What do you think about the idea that someone has to be from Auburn influence on the Haints would be: book your own show at the south or is more “country” if they’re from the south? someone’s house and go play, just shut up and play, and have a good Jamie: I know what you’re saying. Yeah, I don’t know how to answer time. The Florence influence would be real competitive and secre- that crap. I love it when you talk about the Dischord style and you’ve tive. It’s like you don’t want to play your home town. People want to got that weird angular non-pop DC sound, then you got the Florida talk about how they never play at home. style…it’s like they’re playing chords but they’ll slide around on it, BD: Why? like Hot Water Music or This Bike Is a Pipebomb. But as far as coun- Jamie: The Auburn Haints were a lot more romantic and passionate, try music and all that goes, I’m not against rules, but the Haints don’t and crazy and fast. And the Florence Haints, the songs I write now abide by them. If you have some old fiddle player who plays a fine are more riddled and have a little more double meaning, or it could version of “Leather Britches,” I have so much respect for that, and 70 what they’re doing is keeping that style that way. It’s like some Irish time, but these days I don’t even bring the Haints. I bring the fiddle player who may play some ancient, super fast Celtic West Irish Headless Catfish. I still play the fish fries. sound like Cork fiddle music. I can totally respect trying to keep tra- BD: What’s up with the fish fries? Is there a circuit to play? ditional music alive. Jamie: Speaking of circuits: the Chitlin’ Circuit! That’s one thing that But it’s beautiful to see the rules broken, too, but it’s just got to be Florence has that Auburn didn’t have—well they did have some—but from the heart. I love music that comes out of Mexico. Honestly, Florence had it huge. Muscle Shoals, Sheffield, Florence, and every- when I want to hear good fiddle music where I am now, I go down body knows Poonanny. Everybody knows all those Chitlin’ guys. to the Mexican restaurant on Tuesday nights. There’s some grey- Those guys are still legends. They all still make records that have hits. haired Mexican men there who play beautiful, man. There’s still a good Chitlin’ Circuit scene here. In a weird way, it’s a BD: What about Cajun-style fiddle? bunch of everyday go-to-work-then-come-home black folk going out Jamie: Bradley, don’t get me started! I love it! I guess the way Cajun to hear music they like. And a lot of the performers—your best ones music, and the way it has to do with the Haints the strongest, is the are great comedians. They’re funny. They can play with their teeth, way that there’s nothing fake about what they’re saying. And ninety play guitar between their legs, and talk dirty all night long. They can percent of Cajun singers, some people say, cannot sing, but it don’t matter ‘cause they’re singing from the heart. You may not be able to understand what they are saying, but it’ll make you want to cry. Like when they finish lines, they’ll push it real hard where their throat starts to scratch up, like “I want to see you, but your grandmother won’t let me stand on your porch,” and you know the way they sing, that is the saddest, saddest thing you’ve ever heard in your life. I try to be as real as I can. I sing about girls or I’ll sing about ghosts, but it’s all real, and I don’t care what anybody says to me. It’s real. BD: I remember one night after a Shoot ‘Em Down show in Tuscaloosa, some dude came up to me and said that the Haints were a joke band. I don’t know what that really meant, but it pissed me off at the time. Jamie: Shoot ‘Em Down was the Haints evil doppelganger, man. It was. That was our Jekyll and Hyde. BD: Well, what about with the Wednesdays? Jamie: The Wednesdays used to get asked to play all these fish fries, and we’d do it. So, in a way, I was playing that Haints style for a long make their guitar swear and they can dance. You got to be able to all across America and we’ll have a great time doing it every night. dance if you’re gonna’ shine on that. That’s something that’s defi- And it’s pure homemade, ‘cause those kids are making their own nitely around up here. fliers and we’re putting out our own records and we’re all getting BD: But what about those shows that you play? I have a feelin’ you along. I’ve noticed the further and deeper we get into it, in a lot of play them to get free fried catfish? ways, we’re probably a lone wolf in the scenes ‘cause I’ve done mis- Jamie: [laughing] If you want to see it get rowdy, you can go to the sion work. And because I believe in a supreme god, I believe in a Chitlin’ Circuit, but the coolest thing about playing fish fries is higher power. And there’s been a lot of lines drawn, but man, between that’s where the preacher meets the sinner. That’s the only place me and whoever may read this out there, there should be lines drawn. besides high school were you’ll see that clash of the titans. Half the There should be people attacking Christianity, because there’s so room is chain-smoking and got alcohol on their breath and the other many bible-toting, missile-firing churches out there, and church half of the room has got their top button buttoned and their shirts groups taking advantage of the government to hide billions of dollars tucked in, but they’re all in there to hear some country music and eat from getting taxed, and then building tennis courts and parking lots some fried catfish. And you know they won’t clap if they don’t like and raping the land they are on, and electing other people to fight you. They’re ruthless. wars, and to buy bigger cars…there needs to be a backlash. But, at the BD: How important is writing about your surroundings versus hav- same time, man, I’ve slept on every dirty floor that the next person ing a style predicate how you sing and play? has, you know? I’ve been running this game. I’ve been booking my Jamie: We’ll, it’s like certain people will write songs…see, the band own bands. I’ve booked other people’s shows, and most all of their may be a political punk band, but they’re a fairy tale band. friends have booked shows for me. I know exactly where everybody BD: What do you mean? is coming from. But if somebody is going to be so narrow-minded Jamie: They may have their political songs, but the unions of Woody and closed-minded to shut me off just because I believe in a higher Guthrie’s day and age and today are two different things. Politics power then that’s their loss. It’s one of those things where I can’t fire today and politics then are two different things. There’s so many back at it. I feel really strongly about it. I just don’t see how you can quote un-quote “bands of the people” who’re more bands of rich, take thousands of years of culture and civilization, like Native middle class white people who get money from their parents every Americans and indigenous people, and just write off the ideas of the month and they want a little anarchy in their everyday diet. You take mystery of life after death because of some punk band. them down to talk to John Q. Public at any parking lot or parking BD: You’re equating Christianity on the same level as other reli- deck, or take them down to the west side, and there’s nothing they gions? What I mean is that some people will think higher of other reli- can say, and that’s the people. gions and lower of Christianity, and, at the same time, most Christians BD: How do the Haints or yourself fit into a homemade ethic? think higher of themselves than they do of other religions. Jamie: Anybody from small town Alabama, who’s still making Jamie: Yeah, I understand it to an extent because we live in America music, I love meeting them because you’ll see so much eye to eye, where Christianity is the big religion. I always go for the underdog. but meeting somebody from some big city or somewhere joined by a It’s like everything beautiful is tainted. That’s the vicious circle of the thousand interstates, they can be harder to judge you. All that thrown world. That’s the way everything turns. Everything has this taint. Any in the garbage, we’ll Robin Hood it through a hundred small towns church group, any punk scene, all of it has its ups and its dark sides.

73 I think there are so many people in the scene who beat up each other BD: What’s up with Arkam Records and the Black Owl Print Shop? and condemn each other: “this guy’s right,” and, “this guy’s wrong,” Jamie: I started Arkam Records just to document the music we were you know? You get kicked in the teeth every day around here. making. I try to make it as local as I can, but it’s hard to do. I mean BD: Yeah. I got a knife pulled on me. I was threatened to get there are a lot of bands, but, at the same time, there’s not a lot of shot. I got bitten on the chest and head butted in the mouth, all in bands. It’s hard to raise the money to do it. It’s not something I do to three months. pay the bills; it’s purely for fun. I want to sit and listen to this stuff at Jamie: Yeah, you got bit! It’s hard to live here. It’s like old person night with a cup of coffee. I don’t care anything at all about being pressure when you’re too young. Or people you went to school with innovative or setting a trend, or being cutting edge, or doing it first. I you get kicked on and beat on everyday, man. People need to be don’t care anything at all about the internet, although it’s a beautiful together on this. And you have to understand that nobody in this tool, but I just don’t care. I love to see people play and I love to make world is the same, and two people can hear the same thing com- music. I love the live show. My granddad was paralyzed. For fifty pletely different in a Bob Marley song. And people can get some- years he was in a wheelchair. I always think about that, making the thing completely different out of going to church or not going to best of what you can do physically. There are so many people who church. But it doesn’t have anything to do with church. It has to do would rather start some cool Sex Pistols-style manifesto over the with community. Some people get off on being friends with their internet, and that’s fine, but they can have it. I don’t want it. And family and parents, and others parents are seen as evil or are bad par- Arkam is something to keep the beans on the table and the fuel in the ents and people cut them off, but you can’t pick on each other. tank while you’re on tour. Black Owl, in another way, is the same. Everybody’s got to be understanding on it. We’ve screened so many shirts for bands, and posters and 7” covers. BD: I’ve seen both sides of that. Like with vinyl… I think we reached our pinnacle with recording Jamie: Exactly. It’s rough. And rather than come down on some- with vinyl and now we’re on the downward curve. That was the best body just because of a style of music they play or something they we’ve ever done in recording technology was with vinyl. And with believe, sometimes it seems like it doesn’t matter if you’ve sold Black Owl we print our own covers ‘cause that cuts the cost down your soul to George Bush or sold you soul to the devil, if you’re fifty percent on putting out a vinyl record. Plus Black Owl makes it cool then your cool. so we don’t have to put up with a boss. Nothing sucks worse than BD: Well, some might say that selling your soul to the devil might having to get along with some boss. I go to Black Owl and I hope I be better than to G. Bush. can do that as long as I can. I figure how many hours I put in work- Jamie: Sometimes, it seems like “punk” kids around here will attack ing at jobs. If I put in one tenth of those hours for myself, I can sur- things, like say “Screwdriver. These guys are racists,” or they’ll vive. I may not be high rolling, but I can at least survive and that’s the namedrop, followed by “these guys are racists” or this or that. But thing with Black Owl. We’ll have bands play there. So many people every one of them will have some black metal patch on their jacket, have hooked me up on tour and I try to return the favor and we play and a lot of those bands were neo-Nazi. A lot of those guys from the in the shop. That’s how it is, hoss. first, classic, Swedish metal bands were into white supremacist BD: Do you ever feel like you’re part of something larger? groups. And it doesn’t matter a hill of beans—you can tell somebody Jamie: Whenever it’s happening I don’t, but when I look back over that all day long—but they’ll go off on some local band in your town the course of time I do. Like with styles of music, back in Auburn we that made $400 playing a show. They’ll go off on those guys for not were riding skateboards, and then going home and having band prac- being true, but then they’ll go buy a Slayer album. And Slayer, those tice and playing records and then going across the street to see a guys are loaded, and been on major labels their whole career. That’s friend’s band play, and that’s what we did. But now, looking back, we what I mean when I say you can be with Bush, the devil, or be polit- all had this sound. And that’s the same for what the kids are doing in ically subversive, but all that matters—it seems like sometimes—is Pedro and wherever they are: Minneapolis or Bellingham. I feel like if you’re cool or not. If it’s cool to wear this, then people will do it. I’m a part of something whenever I leave Florence. That’s one of those things that bum me out. In Alabama and the BD: I’ve had people tell me that the Haints have inspired them and south, because it’s so rough to be involved in anything independent, other bands. What do you think about that? most people around here are really cool and nice about being there Jamie: Oh man. It’s a sick world out there. for each other. We’re too small to destroy ourselves. BD: Man, I’ve got to ask you: do you want me to print that religion stuff? Jamie: It don’t matter, man. If you do, just make sure I don’t get cru- cified with it. BD: Well, one of the things I tell people when I hear them say this or that about Jamie from the Haints and his religion is that if they could look on your bookshelf they’d see all sorts of books from Anton LaVey (founder of the Church of Satan), to some crazy-assed devil stories from the wilds of western Russia. Jamie: In a nutshell, there’s good and bad with all of them. But you shouldn’t ever shoot it in the head. Anton LaVey was a great piano player, by the way. I used to have a number of his albums. BD: Really? Jamie: When Anton LaVey started his church, he would play at the bar on Saturday night and then play the church organ on Sunday. He said he would see the same people on Saturday night that he saw on Sunday morning, and “seething hypocrisy” struck a chord with him. And that was kind of how he got his start, so to speak. That’s one of the fires that started it for him. That says a lot right there, you know? BD: I think it might. 75 Top fives RAZORCAKE STAFF Jennifer Whiteford 1. Paint It Black and Career Suicide at Cafe Dekcuf in Ottawa • Discovering $0.85 Mystery Beer on March 25th at the Arrow Bar 2. Alright, This Time Just the Girls • Learning that the difference compilation album from Sympathy between making a flaming drink for the Record Industry Chris Devlin and being a pyromaniac is whether 3. River City Tanlines, All 7 Inches Top 5 Way Overdue Thank-Yous you’re on the clock Plus Two More album 1. Thanks to Replay Dave for put- • Finding tape of Jesse LP by 4. Muffler Crunch debut full length Amy Adoyzie ting us up in his beautiful home Leatherface under car seat on Last Drag Records Top 5 Records from Greg during the Fest, and thanks to • Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti 5. And I hear there’s an awesome new Cartwright’s Discography Echoing Laura for the use of the bed (p.s. Monster by Bobby Henderson novel available from Gorsky Press... in My Heart at the Moment sorry about the sheets). 2. Thanks to Vanessa at Fat Wreck 1. Oblivians, Rock N Roll Holiday Designated Dale Jenny Moncayo Chords for the tickets and drinks 2. Compulsive Gamblers, 1. The Gears at Mr. T’s Bowl in Top 5 Songs I Can’t Get Off Repeat (many times over). Live and Deadly Highland Park 1. Clorox Girls “Don’t Take Your Life” 3. Thanks to whomever (possibly 3. Reigning Sound, 2. The Rock and Roll B-Movie 2. Culture Shock Gabe Rock) left the Spiderman shirt Too Much Guitar Monsters DVD “Forever and Ever” on the floor of the bowling alley. 4. Oblivians, Soul Food 3. The Shemps at some Jewish 3. The Briefs “Jet Boy, Jet Girl” 4. Thanks to Toby for reminding us 5. Reigning Sound, Live at Goner community center in Culver City 4. Marked Men that the sound of laughter, when fol- 4. Bill Florio of the above-men- “Not Just Another Girl” lowing the question “Are you okay Aphid Peewit tioned Shemps for his Greedy 5. Lost Sounds “Destructo Comet” to drive?”, is never a good sign. 1. Out With A Bang, I’m Against It EP Bastard Vol. 1 5. Thanks to Todd and Sean for contin- 2. Mentors, Over the Top 5. People who recognize common uing to let me be on the team in spite Jessica T 3. Reatards/Tokyo Electron/Angry courtesy (No, I ain’t being sarcastic). of my mild to moderate retardation. My Top 5 Mp3’s, In Order Angles, Totally Shattered Euro 1. Hank III, “Pills I Took” Tour 7” Donofthedead 2. Bloody Hollies, “Swing” Chris Peigler 4. Dead Stop, Live for Nothing • Dan, Thology 2xCD 3. Black Rodeo, “The Need” 1. Signal Lost, Live in Asheville, 5. Bukowski: Born In to This (DVD) • Balzac, Deep Blue CD 4. Love Story In Blood Red, “Perfect” NC 4/15/06 • Madonna, True Blue LP 5. Some Action, “Gotta Know” 2. Direct Control, BD Williams • Tragedy, live You’re Controlled LP Top 5 Things I Like • Jewdriver, live 3. The Two Funerals, Jimmy Alvarado • Amy Adoyzie Live on WUVT CD-R • Tsotsi (movie) • Craig Ibarra, The Rise and Fall guy Dr. Lord Kveldulfr 4. Black Market Baby, • The Three Burials of Melquiades • Mars 1. Brett Favre still not retiring. Coulda...Shoulda...Woulda CD Estrada (movie) • Dead Boy and the Elephant Men 2. The Milwaukee Brewers doing 5. I Live With Zombies, Self-titled CD • Black Market Baby, • The Brothers of the Echo Park their usual April ass-kicking (the Coulda...Shoulda...Woulda Pine Thickets Union bottom drops out around mid-May). • 500,000 immigrants flooding the Comrade Bree 3. The word “hogan.” streets of Downtown L.A., fol- Top 5 Psionic Attacks Used at Ben Snakepit 4. I’m a newly minted doctor! (Still lowed by tens of thousands of kids Recent Shows 1. Brutal Knights LP got that new doctor smell!) walking outta school to protest 1. Hypnotic firing of mind bullets: 2. Sainte Catherines, Dancing for 5. My (future) wife deciding that H.R. 4437. Let’s hope the May 1st Bent Outta Shape at some base- Decadence LP she really doesn’t want to grow a general strike put the final nail in ment show 3. Drinkers Purgatory CD cock to show all those fuckers a the coffin. 2. Telekinetic levy break: Knife Skills/ 4. Avail, Dixie reissue CD thing or two and instead grabbing a • Despite their spin doctors’ best No Things at S.S. Marie Antionette 5. Gorilla Angreb, live glass of wine and being the won- efforts, the Bush administration 3. Discombobulating pulse cannon derfully charming and beautiful continues to lose its fictional assault: Manplus at Chop Suey woman that she is. “political capital” in a hailstorm of Buttertooth 4. Telemechanic attack: Tracy+ the scandals, corrupt practices, and 1. Dope, Guns, and Fucking in the Plastics at the Frye Art Museum Streets Vol. 1-3, compilation 12” Greg Barbera exposed lies. 5. False memory implant and/or 1. Chaz’s Bull City Records in 2. Tortoise, TNT 12” probability confounder: Drug- and 3. Tupamaros, Beyond the Bias 10” Durham, NC Joe Evans alcohol-induced blackout provoked 2. Double Negative 4. Nation of Ulysses, 13 Point during a Trashies basement show. • Modern Machines, “Unequipped” Program to Destroy America 12” 3. Jim Harrison’s novel, True North • The Minutemen, “Shit from an 5. Hostile Combover, Storklord CD 4. Portable record players Old Notebook” Denise 5. Rediscovering the joys of Void • Dillinger Four, Random Highlights of March and for the umpteenth time “Farts Are Jazz to Assholes” April in Random Order • New Mexican Disaster Squad, • Lawrence Arms live at The “Wasting Matches” Washington Pavilion on March 16 • Sick Sick Birds, “Little Champ” Megan Pants Mr. Z Sean Carswell • Measure (SA), Historical Fiction Favorite Contributors Top Five Records to Spin on My • Mind Control, Self-titled of Last Issue New Portable Record Player • Kidnappers, Neon Signs 1. Kiyoshi Nakazawa 1. Marked Men, Nothing’s • Sneaky Pinks, I Can’t Wait b/w (cute comic) Changed b/w She Won’t Know 7” Kill Kill Kill, Life Stoopid, I 2. Sean Carswell 2. Dan Padilla/Chinese Stoopid: 7” (fucking up column) Telephones, Split 7” Josh Rigmas • Django Reinhardt, 3. Amy Adoyzie 3. Toys That Kill, Don’t Take My 1. Busy Signals, Can’t Feel a Thing 7” some best of collection (Crack dealer column) Clone b/w Breaking Out 7” 2. Cococomas, All I Give 7” 4. Designated Dale 4. Marked Men/Sultans/ 3. Black Lips, Let It Bloom Mike Frame (Chapelle column) Heartaches, Tour 7” 4. Frederick Exley, • Live Fast Die, 5. Keith Rosson 5. Wendy Kroys, Songs about A Fan’s Notes (book) Bandana Thrash Record (so many zine reviews) Lust, Revenge, & UFOs LP 5. Susan Forward, • Suspicions, Self-titled Toxic Parents (book) • The Coup, Steal This Album Nardwuar the Human Sean Koepenick • Direct Control, You’re Controlled Serviette Top 5 Reissues I Am Digging Julia Smut • Tegan and Sara, So Jealous 1. Leather Uppers, • Generation X, Live 1. The Flesh Eaters live in 2006 Bright Lights LP • The Who, 2. Tex and the Horseheads live in 2006 Mike Plante 2. Various Artists, My Generation Deluxe Edition. 3. The Sonics Top 5 DVDs on Repeat Winnipeg Riot CD • TSOL, Who’s Screwin’ Who. 4. Longer and warmer days! 1. Deadwood 3. Knights of the New Crusade, • The Slickee Boys, 5. 1966 Triumph T-100 building 2. Milking & Scratching A Challenge to the Cowards of Fashionably Late/Live at Last 3. Afro Promo Christendom CD • Revolting Cocks, Kat Jetson 4. Wonder Showzen 4. Venom, Metal Black CD Beers, Steers and Queers. 1. Arctic Monkeys, Whatever 5. Keane 5. The Spinoffs, People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Street Rock Stars CD Stevo Not CD Miss Namella J. Kim 1. Waylon Jennings, Greatest 2. Matt Jones from Pirates Press. Top Five Life Disaster Newtim Hits/Live/Phase One He’s my vinyl pressing hero. Remedies/Recommendations Recent Finds on Myspace… 2. Hank III, Straight to Hell 3. V for Vendetta (movie) 5. Joan Jett’s Greatest Hits on full • Horror Vakuum, 3. Robot Chicken Season 1 DVD 4. April 3—baseball’s opening day blast out of the Hello Kitty boombox! “Storyteller” (Sweden) 4. Lost. So many new episodes! 5. Satan’s Pilgrims, Plymouth 4. Bauhaus opening for Nine • Shorty Cat, 5. Tiltwheel covering “Skyway” Rock: The Best of Satan’s Pilgrims Inch Nails: I plan on staging a “Riot Girl” (Korea) 2xCD mass walk out right before Trent • Beyond Pink, “Walking Tim Jamison and Co. storm the stage. Bajamaja” (Sweden) Top Five: Beasts of Bourbon Kiyoshi Everyone, wear a sandwich board • BB Bomb, • “Love and Death” Top 5 Pick Up Lines at Alternative that says, “NIN is GAY.” “Memories” (Taiwan) • “Hard for You” Press Expo April 8-9, San 3. Headline Records on Melrose • Besta-Fera, • “The Hate Inside” Francisco Concourse Avenue and Jean Luc’s insights “AquelesOut” (Brazil) • “Hope You Find Your Way Exhibition Center into the current economy and shar- to Heaven” 1. “My zine is gay but I am ing some Japanese milk candy Norb • Seeing the mighty Beasts of totally hetero.” while buying punker dude bumper 1. Returnables, Self-titled CD Bourbon in Koln, DE 2. “Come over to my work and I’ll stickers for my new hoopty. 2. Mind Controls, Self-titled CD get you free xeroxes.” 2. The Flesheaters/Geisha Girls at 3. La Peste, Todd Taylor 3. “Your zine reminds me of a The Echo Better Off La Peste CD • Grabass Charlestons, When the young Cometbus.” 1. Studs Terkel’s, 4. Wau y Los Arrrghs!!!, Funk Hits the Fan 7” 4. “Saddle stitch me, fold me, and The Good War (book) Canton en Espanol CD • Gorilla Angreb, trade me.” 5. Dawning of a New Era: The Beder Tider, 12” EP 5. “You look just like the way you Mor Fleisher Roots of Skinhead Reggae 2xLP • Tranzmitors, draw yourself in your comics.” Top 5 Songs About Girls Bigger Houses, Broken Homes b/w 1. The Screamers, “The Girl in the Rhythm Chicken Glamour Girls, 7” Kurt Morris Car with the Glasses and the Gun” • Klaus Mitffoch, Self-titled • Bent Outta Shape/Snuggle, 1. Getting ready to quit my job. 2. The Alarm Clocks, “Yeah” • Republika, Best of... Split 7” 2. Howard Zinn’s Declarations of 3. Bo Diddley, “Dearest Darling” • Cool Kids of Death, • Fifth Hour Hero, Independence (book) 4. Billy Childish and The entire discography Not Revenge… Just a Vicious 3. Kurt Vonnegut’s Breakfast of Blackhands, “I Love My Woman” • What Is to Be Done? by Crush LP Champions (book) 5. Larry Williams, Nikolai G. Chernyshevsky (book) 4. Jawbox, Self-titled “Short Fat Fannie” • Palinca (Romanian homemade Ty Stranglehold 5. Enjoying the onslaught of beau- plum moonshine!) 1. Riverboat Gamblers, To the tiful Spring weather. MP Johnson Confusion of Our Enemies • Meat Weasels: The bizarre Ryan Leach 2. The Shivs, They’re Here Maddy Tight Pants worm/leech things that live at the • Gene Clark, Gene Clark with 3. The Hanson Brothers/Married 1. The Carrie Nations, Be Still CD bottom of the chasm in Peter the Gosdin Brothers To Music, live 2. Arise Bookstore in Minneapolis Jackson’s King Kong. • The Byrds, Turn! Turn! Turn! 4. L.I.D., Hasn’t Gotten Weird 3. The Icarus Project • Plaga Zombie: • Thomas Pynchon, V. (book) Enough for Me 4. Hanging out on the swings at 3 AM. Mutant Zone (movie) • The upcoming debut of 5. Smogtown (anything and 5. Summer! • Billy Joe Shaver Fortune’s Flesh everything about them) • Zeke, Super Sound Racing • The Velvet Underground, • Ultraviolet, Does this movie Live in 1969 make any sense to anyone?

77 punk’s equivalent of the Republican Party (safe, longing Hey! Person putting for the “good ol’ days,” unwill- ing to accept change, and whol- your reviewable in the ly obsolete) is more of a regres- mail: full album art is sion. Fuck the past, kids, ‘cause it’s deader than Rosie required for review. O’Donnell’s career. Instead of Pre releases go into being the “new generation of 77,” you should be more con- the trash. cerned with being the new gen- eration of 2007. Go out and find your own “punk” noise instead 26: The Messiah: CD of trying to emulate long-dead Wow. What a terrible record. media stereotypes. While you’re Kind of like the Grateful Dead at it, please pick out specific tar- gone a bit metal with really gets for your ire. Even some- awful, whiny-droning-nasal thing as lame as a simplistic two-part vocal harmonies. “Bush sucks” or “the Democrats Drove me batty. The music itself are pansies” is a damn sight is okay at times, but it is too more “punk” than hollow faux- repetitive, and those vocals, militancy that doesn’t take a THOSE VOCALS!!! ARRRGH! stand on anything. –Jimmy Oh, and regarding 26’s seeming Alvarado (Charged) hippy-dippy mentality, the “Like if emo came in record is replete with lyrics ACTS OF SEDITION/ about our animal friends and Budweiser cans. BAFABEGIYA: Split: 12” worn-out clichéd tunes about the When you get this 12”, be social injustice of the massacre warned: due to an error at the at Wounded Knee. Don’t buy Guys, what happened?” pressing plant, the record labels this record unless you’re into –– were placed on the wrong sides sado-masochism with hemp Keith Rosson of the record. So take note of instead of leather. –The Lord whether you’re listening to Kveldulfr (Crustacean) Oakland-based Acts Of Sedition BLAST FROM THE PAST: easily classifiable as “punk” in the strictest or Reno-based Bafabegiya. Acts A GLOBAL THREAT: A New Review of an sense—I mean how the hell can a band use Of Sedition sounds like ware- Where the Sun Never Sets: CD Old Favorite a French horn in that way and still be house DIY, dark and heavy punk I’ve listened to this several called “punk”?—and any attempts to in the vein of Logical Nonesense, times and keep coming up with pigeonhole it in any of punk’s multiple with the rockin’ guitars and occa- conflicting results. On the one SPONTANEOUS DISGUST: sional crazy speed of Zeke. hand, it put a smile on my face C4 Suppository— sub-genres proved even more difficult. No, Bafabegiya reminds me of hard- because it reminds me of all the A Love Sonnet in Plastique: Cassette these guys were dealing in a whole new core punk from Belgium or great hardcore bands over the To be honest, I have no recollection of categorization and they were doing their Holland, where they infuse polit- years and does an excellent job where I first heard of Spontaneous Disgust. damnedest to ensure they remained the ical sing-along punk with growl- of taking the listener from say My guess would be in some dingy down- ONLY residing in that neighborhood. The ing vocals atop metal guitars and Point A (Cro Mags) to Point B town bar, knee deep in spent Sierra Nevada songs—“When I Think of You, I Know song structures. Pretty solid (Avail). So it’s obvious that the and Newcastle bottles and arguing the via- Why Mantises Kill Their Mates,” “Praise release. –Mr. Z (Spacement) band’s inspiration is coming bility of punk rock as a direct challenge to the Lord and Pass the Amniocentesis,” from all the right places for me the status quo with Yogi, Mike Guerrero, “Donner Dinner Party” and “The Mustard ALCOHOLIC WHITE TRASH: to enjoy it. On the other hand, Punk Rock Jihad: CD no matter how many times I’ve and some punter who thought the newest Gas Shuffle,” respectively—worked on a They might not all be white or listened to it, it always comes incarnation of the Misfits was relevant. level I’d never heard a band, punk or oth- trash, but they sure have the across stale and soul-less. Ultimately, I guess the particulars don’t erwise, work on before, freely profaning alcoholic thing down pat. This Something is missing and I’m really matter and are probably wholly fab- every sense of decency imaginable without is AWT’s second full length CD, not quite sure I can pinpoint it. ricated by my somewhat addled mind. resorting to cheap chock tactics, all in the and it was well worth the wait. –Greg Barbera (BYO) What is relevant is that one morning I name of making a pointed statement about Searing hardcore punk, with a woke up nursing a hangover and in dire the hypocrisy of American culture and its hint of metal overtones and ABUSE, THE: need of a bowl of menudo to kill said hang- glorification of violence as art. Needless to heavy on the scum humor, these Digging Your Own Grave: CD over in its tracks and found this battered say, I was hooked. The tape lasted a grand boys fit right in with their Okay, I’ll try to refrain from Victoria luminaries Dayglo commenting on the Colorforms, cassette with “Spontaneous Discgust” (sic) total of seven listens before it inexplicably Abortions and Lummox. stereotypical punk/skin fashion written on one side, wrapped in a strip of disintegrated, depositing a fine brown Musically, this is the best sense evident here in order to heavy sandpaper adorned with markered powder in my car stereo that I’m still they’ve ever sounded. Period. address something I think is of happy faces and mutilated stick figures and scraping out these many years later. Years The thing that really stood out more import: Why would a held together by a frayed blue rubber band. afterward, I learned that the tape’s short to me was the vocals. Ratboy bunch of kids who look like they Although I had no recollection whatsoever lifespan was intentional—part of the Roy has got a voice apart from were born nowhere near 1977 as to where the tape came from, I assumed band’s desire to make their fans really drunken rambling! Who knew? wanna be the “next generation it probably came from a friend, as I found WORK to hear them—and that it was only In the end, I can do without the (of 77)”? My understanding of it stuffed unceremoniously into the inside one of twenty-four that ever actually exist- really over-the-top lyrics (is “I “punk” has always been to be Shit My Cunt” really neces- yourself, to challenge the status pocket of my flight jacket. I plunked it into ed, but those seven listens were enough to sary?), but other than that it quo and what has come before, my tape player, pressed play, and sat for hook me but good and ensure that I would truly is a great record. –Ty so it seems to me that looking my first helping of the world’s only known remain a lifelong fan. Some thirty-eight Stranglehold (Crusty) like punk stereotypes and sound- crudo cure-all, and nearly had my head releases later (eleven of which I’ve actual- ing like so many other bands and blown off of my shoulders when the music ly heard), they remain one of my favorite ALICIA SMITH: For Lovers, singing about the same old tired, started. What was coming out of my stereo bands and C4 Suppository—A Love Sonnet Dreamers and Me: CD vague shit (“Lawless Streets,” was not so much “music” as a complete in Plastique remains one of the greatest Although the press material “Violent Youth,” getting drunk, assault on everything humankind holds punk-oriented releases I’ve ever heard. says Smith “evokes influences” blah blah blah) that was pretty sacred—a mélange of misery, frustration, Wanna copy? Good fucking luck finding including Patti Labelle, Barbara much run into the ground two Streisand, and Billie Holiday, decades ago is a far cry from a and righteous anger wrapped around mon- one that works, kid. –Jimmy Alvarado she sounds nothing like these “punk and skin evolution.” ster hooks and BIG beats. While it certain- (address lost in the mists of time) singing legends. What she does Seems to me that acting like ly contained all the requisites, it wasn’t share with them, however, is an 78 ability to transcend (or in her case ANNA OXYGEN: works! It almost seems like they want anything lyrically or musically ever wholly bypass) current popular This Is an Exercise: CD to do some serious songs with titles put out by vague alternative rockers trends in music and stake out a little I’ve seen Anna Oxygen play live. And like “Bring Back the Youth” and Rage Against The Machine. So rasp- place all her own. Marrying strong I liked her. Even though I usually “Social Disease” but just couldn’t help berry from me to you! And if you’re vocals to a concoction of jazz, psych- actively dislike music that uses com- but go with “Handjob Horrors” and really that much of an anti-capitalist, tinged pop and nouveau soul, Smith puters instead of instruments. The “Blister-Bater.” Well played, catchy, whiny punk you should refrain from demonstrates some range and a desire thing about Anna Oxygen is that she and brought a smile to my face. –Ty buying the CD (because you were to experiment outside the box. She has an incredible singing voice. It Stranglehold (Wounded Paw) going to take the CD and upload the eschews the heavy reliance on scales, supercedes the electronic music that album to your ipod) and be a real punk 808-beats and self-demeaning lyrics she surrounds it with. That said, I find ANTI-FLAG: For Blood and Empire: rocker and buy it from a truly inde- so frequently found in modern this album very hard to get into. The picture disc LP pendent label on fine picture disc soul/hip hop in favor of a more title track is fairly catchy and aptly I know: major label sell-outs, boo hoo, vinyl for your record player—hell the organic approach with what sounds named since it makes me feel like I and all that jazz. But based on their twelve inch even has one extra song like real, honest-to-goodness instru- should be in an aerobics class, but the track record and the fact that the LP than the CD. That said, this album has ments. Dunno if it’ll garner massive hooks and melodies of most of the came out on their own label, I’m me wanting three things from the radio airplay, but it should, and when songs are obscured by all the elec- gonna review it anyway. First of all, future. A) Anti-Flag to continue to do it works, like on “Love Endeavor,” tronic affects that Ms. Oxygen has this twelve inch rules big time. Their what they do best: whatever the hell and the velvety “Secrets,” some decided to play with. And holy crap, sound and politics have not been com- they want. B) A-F to get tons of mighty good listening is afoot. My there is one track called “Mechanical promised or diluted. Even the late money for their non-profit goals as requisite gripe? Where’s the cover of Fish” which scares the shit out of me great John Candy’s son shows up to well as to grace the public with what the Muppets’ “Rainbow every time it comes on. An unexpect- add some horns to the mix, and it we’ve been patiently waiting for: A Connection,” which features this ed man-voice pouring out of my works out beautifully. I hope this band NEW INTRO5PECT CD! and C) I album’s title in its lyrics? –Jimmy speakers? Yikes. I think I will take can keep a firm grip on their ideals as hope and pray Against Me!’s major Alvarado (Heroes) this album down the street and give it well as continue to grow and mature label debut next year will be a pleasant to my neighbor, Jessica, who likes to from this point on. That would be a surprise by impressing me the same ALLIACEOUS: Self-titled: 12” jog and work out and dance in bars great thing to see. The songs “One way this release has. –Mr. Z (A-F) This is the first time I’m hearing of this full of cute girls. If you like to do Trillion Dollars”—that sounds like it band, but what I’m hearing I like and those things too, then perhaps this is could have started out as a Justin Sane ANTSY PANTS: Self-titled: CD like a lot. The energy and rough edges the perfect album for you. –Jennifer acoustic solo song—”Hymn for the I don’t really know the story here. It of the Crime as Forgiven By... Against Whiteford (Kill Rock Stars) Dead,” and “Cities Burn” are the high- seems like there’s an adult and a Me! EP with lyric writing quality and lights with the best set of lyrics being: bunch of French kids playing songs successful country twang flavors of ANTICS, THE: “One trillion dollars could buy a lot of on guitar and ukulele. I’m not the The Tim Version. The emotions I feel Here We Go Again…: CD bling... One trillion dollars buying all biggest fan of kids—they can’t when I listen to this album are what I Allow me, if you will, to call this by the nations of the world, one trillion reach high things, they’re hardly feel when I listen to anything put out by the cover. Three tattooed guys drinking dollars could make the fat lady sing, ever interested in records, they want Bent Outta Shape. In fact, a house party lots of beer with porno mags and a one trillion dollars what a bullshit use- to eat my candy and not share with Alliaceous, Bent Outta Shape, and blow-up doll. I’m thinking Nobodys. less thing!” Now, do I agree with their theirs—but, still there’s something The Tim Version would be a dream Well, I was close. Plenty of childish move to RCA? Does my opinion or endearing here. It kind of makes me come true now that I think about it. yet funny lyrics here, but I wasn’t your opinion even matter? No, not feel like somehow I got to sit on This LP is highly recommended for expecting the oi Slant. Seriously, it really. But one thing is for sure: in that one special class where the kids times of non-stop thinking and/or sounds like a bunch of Nobodys’ songs terms of mainstream get-you-to-think are smart, well-behaved, and inter- drinking. –Mr. Z (Bitter Like the Bean) covered by The Templars… And it music, this LP beats the shit out of ested in learning. Very far from what I’d usually go for, but it’s Sparks held high, morals to the ground. Welcome to Venice comp that was put bands was Black Market Baby, who found a way into the rotation. I’ve said it many times: Bent Outta out by Suicidal Records. Soon after, musically stood at another end of the –Megan (Plan-it-x) Shape take the best of the they released their self-titled LP. I punk rock spectrum from their younger Replacements and make new, great believe it was around ‘85-’86. I contemporaries, opting to crank out ARRIGT ANTRAEK: Self-titled: 7” songs twenty years later. Righteous remember my brother giving that LP a solid, hook-filled stompers instead of By looking at the pictures, they’re a three songs. Snuggle: It’s fun to blame favorable review in Flipside magazine thrashing in atonal abandon, and they young punk band out of Denmark that Lookout! because they didn’t pay roy- and getting a ton of hate mail for it. I continued pretty much along the same sounds like they came from the same alties to their golden calves and now personally didn’t think much of it at the path for the bulk of their existence. school of punk that Amdi Petersens they’re bankrupt (at least artistically, if time when I first heard it. I do remem- Collected on this CD are twenty-six Arme and No Hope For The Kids came not financially). Lookout! personified, ber that it sounded like Motörhead to career-spanning examples of some of from. Not as fast as the latter bands, but deified, and fostered the East Bay pop me. They released their second LP, the finest punk rock you’re ever gonna they have a definite snotty attitude that punk scene, then wiped their hands Lost My Head... in ‘88 on Caroline. hear, from the rockin’ “Back Seat kind of sets this band apart. But they clean of the whole affair for ironic hip- Maybe listened to the whole album a Sally” to the jaw-dropping-good also have an early Swedish sound that ster shitpop. Here’s the second coming. couple of times, but my favorite was “Potential Suicide,” with not a crappy reminded me a little of Asta Kask. I like Snuggle: what nostalgia feels like the Smokey Robinson cover of tune in sight. If the extent of your D.C. the fact that they sing in their native when you don’t have any happy mem- “Cruisin’.” I loved that it was metal punk experience is limited to Minor language. What they are singing about, ories, but lots of hard lessons learned. I and it kind of got thrashy at the end. Threat, Bad Brains, and Fugazi, then I don’t know. I liked the rawness of the say this with admiration. They’d fit The first two LPs are compiled here. I pick this up and consider yourself that songs and the simplicity. If they can right on the bill between Op Ivy and believe this is a legit reissue. But I much cooler. –Jimmy Alvarado keep it together, they will be a band we Green Day when they were both awk- swear that I heard some record pops (www.drstrange.com) will be hearing about more on these ward, gawky, and wondering where here and there on the tracks from the shores. –Donofthedead (Hjernespind) their next meal was coming from. Fun- first LP. I guess the masters are gone. BLANK ITS: Happy Accidents: CD sounding, yearning-yet-critical, unguli- The music is what I remember, very Vocals-in-a-can and heavy on the BENLAVIN: Come on People: CD ty pop punk. –Todd (1234 Go!) Motörhead-ish. But what I might have guitar. Nothing bad, but I kept forget- There’s a chance that, had this come out been bugged by back then does not bug ting I was listening to anything. in the ‘80s, they would’ve had a hit. Not BEOWULF: The Re-Releases: CD me now. The lyrics are very macho and –Megan (Empty) that it’s that good, just that people’s This is what I know. The Venice, CA misogynist in nature. That kind of stuff tastes sucked back then. –Megan (no based band was part of the Suicidal is what I was trying to get away from BLIGHT: Detroit: The Dream Is Dead: CD label, no address) Tendencies circle which included the when I got into punk. So the lyrics, lis- A reissue by this Tesco Vee-led, post- Neighborhood Watch, No Mercy, Rim tening to them now, just rub me the Fix band’s sole 7” EP (plus outtakes, a BENT OUTTA SHAPE / Pests, Excel, and others. They even had wrong way. That’s a shame because the four-track demo, and a live set), short SNUGGLE: Split: 7” a sub-gang of friends under that circle. music they created was pretty kick-ass. on the hardcore thrashin’ that made all Bent Outta Shape have figured out that Growing up in the area and into punk, I –Donofthedead (I Scream) involved (in)famous and long on arty elusive lost gear that most bands don’t knew many who were affiliated with dirge-core. While I’ve always had a soft know exists. It’s pacing and it works ST guys and even went to school with BLACK MARKET BABY: spot for Blight’s skronk (hell, I’m a for fucking, square dancing, skeet some of them. At one point, I was Coulda…Shoulda…Woulda: CD sucker for almost any of Tesco’s pro- shooting, and punk rock (among other asked to play in one of the brother Though it may seem to the contrary, jects that don’t involve piss poor heavy things). They know how to stagger, bands. I turned them down when the Washington D.C. had many bands that metal noodling), I’m completely at a swagger, and rock while not neutering, person I was supposed to replace got weren’t part of the whole loss as to why Touch and Go thought to compromising, or scrunching. A stabbed for claiming the band name. hardcore/Revolution Summer thang, release this and not a proper collection song’ll be all atmospheric, hangover- That was a little too much for me. The which enjoys the lion’s share of popu- of the Fix’s recorded output. That city, then, whap, duct tape celebration, band first released two tracks on the larity. One of the best non-Dischord band’s status and influence on Midwestern hardcore would lead one to and trying to hock up that elusive loo- normal record with songs individually THAT one was better than previously believe they’d be first in line for a ret- gie that has been irritating your throat titled, each tune maintains a level of assessed. But, BUT I’m no dummy, rospective like those T&G have done for the last half an hour. Granted, I musical autonomy within the overall Kringle. I’ve sussed your little maneu- for Die Kreuzen, Negative Approach, might not be the right person to review package, like a short story as part of an ver—you think by giving me my most the Meatmen and now Blight, espe- this, but I am the right one to point out anthology. By giving every song the cherished Christmas present nine cially considering the fact that their that if these guys had put as much same title, just variations in numbering, months early, I’m gonna straighten up output hasn’t been in print for many a effort into the English on the disc as the I was forced to listen to this as a whole and fly right now and this Christmas I moon. Go figure. –Jimmy Alvarado Latin, the spine might not have read rather than individual tunes specifically won’t dress up your reindeer like mari- (Touch and Go) “Bodies Lay Borken.” Painful. –Ty ordered on a record. And it worked. achis again. You are a wicked bird, Stranglehold (One Percent) What we have here is a seventeen- Santa Claus. Pull this stunt again and I BLITZ: Hits: CD movement rock’n’roll symphony. just might hafta admit the error of my Dunno if most of what’s on here could BODIES LAY BROKEN: Eximenious Musically, this is some pretty rockin’ ways, and lord knows we can’t have be considered “hits” in the “units shift- Execration of Exiguous Exequies: CD pop punk along the lines of bands that that. –Jimmy Alvarado (Cooking Vinyl) ed” sense of the term, especially when Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I love show up on Honest Don’s; poppy and we’re talking about embarrassing cov- this: twenty-seven short blasts of inventive, this opus never got dull. CAPTAIN CHAOS: Self-titled: CD ers of “Suffragette City,” but any Carcass-worshipping goregrind. With –The Lord Kveldulfr (Takeover) All the songs on this CD are true sto- excuse to blast some crucial tunes from song titles like “Embrocate ries and the liner notes tell us: “none of one of England’s greatest punk bands is Indiscutient Hirudinea Poultice” and BUZZCOCKS: Flat-Pack Philosophy: CD them are about God.” All right! I’m all a welcome one, and crucial tunes are in “Acedic Intransigent Bougienale Dear Santa Claus: Look here, you for the secular folk-punk. The greatest abundance here. The bulk of the tracks Hordeolum,” I’m sure you can imagine sneaky old man, I dunno what you’re thing about this CD, which is the solo come from their first few singles and what this sounds like. I wonder, when trying to pull here. We both know that project of a nice young man named the Voice of a Generation album, so this this band plays live, how do they write whole naughty/nice list thing hasn’t Chris who usually plays in Operation is a great starting point if you’re unfa- their set lists? It obviously takes longer worked since I was, what, four? I’ve Cliff Clavin, is that it is not meant to be miliar with ‘em. Now excuse me while to write out and correctly spell the been tilting toward “naughty” for far taken seriously. And that makes it I go back to singing along to “4Q.” song titles than it does to play (and too long to be easily swayed by most almost lethally charming. This guy –Jimmy Alvarado (SOS) probably even write) the songs, but it’s any tactic, but blindsiding me IN wrote a whole bunch of super sweet, all a part of the charm of this. Not MARCH with a record by one of my catchy, funny songs for a girl he likes BODIES LAY BROKEN: Discursive something I’d actually ever listen to, favorite bands of all time that can be and then got his friend, also named Decomposing Disquisitions of but it’s great to pull out one night while remotely considered “good” is low, Chris, to put them out on a record label Moldered Malapropisms and Sedulous drinking with friends to play for a few even for you, round-boy. I’d all but where one hundred percent of the prof- Solecisms 2000-2002: CD minutes and laugh at the song titles. given up hope for mankind when I put its go to a cause of the band’s choice I was shocked into silence by this. I –Ben Snakepit (Deathvomit) this on and WHAM, “Wish I Never (in this case Midwest Pages to mean, I knew full well that I was going Loved You” gave me a giddy, inspired Prisoners). Oh yeah, and the record to hate it, but DAMN! Seriously guys, BRACKET: Requiem: CD feeling I haven’t felt in ages from a label is in existence because Chris’s twenty-three of twenty-seven songs are I have to confess that this record is one Buzzcocks record. Thirteen more songs dad died and left him money and he Latin names for diseases of one sort or of the most novel concepts that I’ve and eighty-seven repeated listens in a wanted to do something to make his another (but I’m glad you threw seen in a while. No real titles to the two-day period later, I’m singing along dad proud. So, basically, if you don’t “Chudbot” in there for good measure!). songs here; instead we have “Warren’s again with Pete and Steve like in days like this album, you must be pure evil The music? Well let’s just say that it’s Song Pt. 16, Pt. 19, 14, 24, 11, 23, 17, of yore, happy as a clam and feeling and probably eat tiny puppies on toast grindcore of the most nonsensical 26, 18, 12, 21, 20, 10, 25, 15, 22, and like the universe has once again righted for breakfast. –Jennifer Whiteford degree. The vocals sound like a combi- 13.” As a result, there is a distinct lack itself. Worse, I went back and listened (The Scientist and the Duke) nation of the spit suction at the dentist of independence to these songs; on a to the previous release and decided CHAMBERMAIDS, THE: Self-titled: CD CHURCH OF THE SATURDAY SAINTS: there’s precious little here to differenti- long trip, your standards will lower I think they just invented a new Longboarder: 7” ate them from thousands of other par- because you’re so bored, and you’ll crossover genre: alternative adult con- This shit sounds like Gainesville by rot punk bands screaming about not talk to pretty much anyone who looks temporary. Hoo-fucking-ray. –Megan way of California. It’s wonderful, grit- surrendering, fighting back and getting even slightly punk? Like, some dude (Modern Radio) ty, and down to earth punk rock. I loved drunk, safe as any heavy metal band with a brohawk and a pudding ring gets this EP from start to finish and appar- and about as original and creative. on the bus, and maybe he has a crimson CHAOTIC ALLIANCE: ently it was all recorded in one take. Considering the label, I was kinda hop- ghost patch on his jacket or something, A New Breed of Terror: CD Bravo. One thing though: I really don’t ing for something as inspiring, or at the so you let him sit next to you in hopes When they get all their ducks in a get the name of the EP and I really very least as literate, as a Youth that maybe he’ll offer some interesting row, these guys sometimes sound like think they deserve a much better band Brigade album. Sad to say that isn’t the conversation, but he actually just talks old L.A. anarcho-punks Iconoclast name. If I would have seen this in the case. –Jimmy Alvarado (BYO) your ear off about his job as a cable without the nuclear war fixation, but record store, I would not have bought installer, and how if he can just come most times they sound like a nonde- it, passed it up, in fact, because of a CLOCKCLEANER: Nevermind: CD up with a down payment he can get his script backyard hardcore band. A lit- name like that. Sounds like the name of Noise rock in the fine tradition of own bucket truck and start getting hired tle more creativity in trying to differ- a horrible copycat Swedish death metal bands like Jesus Lizard and the Cows, on as an independent contractor and not entiate themselves from the rest of or super annoying Screeching Weasel with a moment or two of straight- have to deal with his dickhead regional the pack and a little less reliance on rip-off band. –Mr. Z (Vinehell) ahead punk rockin’, such as on “NSA.” manger anymore; and on every other metal trappings and they might be a Not bad. –Jimmy Alvarado (Reptilian) weekend when his kid doesn’t come to band to reckon with. –Jimmy CHURCH, THE: visit, he and his two cousins have a Alvarado (Charged) Uninvited, Like the Clouds: CD COMPULSIONS: punk rock band, they do a few covers There’s a pretty standard plot that Laughter from Below: CD like “Ace of Spades” and a couple CHRONIC SEIZURE: Brainsick: 7” some TV drama series follow. And one Unsigned, the Compulsions put out Misfits tunes and a Discharge song, but Are they copping outtakes from Marked storyline where the female lead, con- like Mick Jagger on this sincere they write their own songs too, they for Life-era Cut The Shit? Did they cull fused and scared (usually following a Stones-inspired six-song EP of road- write about how the government’s their chops from the same school as breakup) finds herself alone, wet from house style rock. A rotating line up of fucked up and how working sucks and Blood Spit Nights or Dog Soldier? Do the rain, and finds solace in a coffee musicians from the Patti Smith how relationships suck, but they got a they ever listen to DRI’s Violent shop or bar. On the stage, a dimly lit Group, Howlin’ Wolf Band, the couple fun songs too, like—get this— Pacification 7”? I don’t know. It sounds band plays melancholy music and she Pissers, and more, belt out honest they have a song about Waffle House! like they’ve tried to harness little bits connects with the dark, but sensitive rock’n’roots, southern rock and Man, that’s crazy, who writes a song and pieces from all those bands (or pos- singer (who she’ll usually leave to go down-home blues on both the up about Waffle House? Dude, those guys sibly from other second-tier bands who back to the dude she was with before). tempo and the melancholy tunes. Toss are nuts. Well anyway, this CD sounds are trying to sound like those bands) and This would be the band on stage. in a little New York Dolls, Joan Jett, like that guy’s band. –Ben Snakepit didn’t quite pull it off. With a craaaazy –Megan (www.thechurchband.com) and even some ‘70s-style reggae for (Profane Existence) drawing of a skull on the cover and titles good measure. The dearth of available like “No Escape” and “Violent CLIT 45: 2, 4, 6, 8… We’re the Kids You information leads me to believe that I COP ON FIRE/ Opposition,” you know what bed you’re Love to Hate: CD may eat my words later, but for now, VISION OF WAR: Split: LP gonna be sleeping in here: fast and fran- Musically this ain’t so bad—kinda this is very comfortable and homey. I love gatefold covers. They make a tic thrashola to be sure, appropriately derivative but well executed post-U.K. –Jessica T (thecompulsionsnyc.com) record feel more important in your pissed. But it’s somehow missing that hardcore fodder —but lyrically there’s hand. Like it was made that way to bet- little bit of juice that would’ve guaran- zippo to write home about, with hollow COOTERS, THE: Chaos or Bust: CD ter protect what is inside. Also, there is teed my attention or repeated listens. rebellion against an undefined enemy You know how when you’re riding a more area for artwork and such: more –Keith Rosson (Fashionable Idiots) being the order of the day. Ultimately, Greyhound, especially if it’s a really to look at while you are taking a listen. This one is no exception. The artwork sings, “you might be tough, but you’ll something that was already parodied 1983–1988 in the U.K. I was around is intricate but simple by being only never be free” or they hit such melan- within the last ten years (exact data then. Maybe I was too drunk to notice, black and white. The inside artwork on cholic harmonies. Keep an eye on ‘em. escapes me at the moment), and was and I was listening to a lot of thrash, this release would have been a rad –Todd (Self-released) “Buick Mackane” the T. Rex song crossover, and speed metal at the time. poster to put up on the wall. The artist, Guns-N-Roses saw fit to desecrate on But I know if I had heard it, I would be who I can’t find a name of on this CRYSTAL SKULLS: their The Spaghetti Incident album? I all over this band. From the liner notes, release, has created an artwork that can Outgoing Behavior: CD never liked that song much to begin the band had gigged around with anar- be described as Pushead-like. Cop On You know, when you hear the band with; i like it even less now that i real- cho bands at the time like Conflict, Fire hail from Spain and shows that name Crystal Skulls, the thought ize it’s Kind Of Metal. The b-side is a Anti Sect, and Amebix but really was punk has been established and cross process goes something like this: totally rippin’ Heartbreakers cover; more melodic than their contempo- infected the entire world. They play a Crystal Skulls = Mexican artifact = ordinarily i’d bitch about the lack of raries. They sound to me a heavier brand of modern day d-beat mixed Aztecs = some seriously cool drum- imagination evinced by yet another Rezillos meets a more melodic and with some crust influences. Visions Of ming, and maybe even a conch solo Heartbreakers cover (as if i’m one to musically more interesting Vice War hail from Belgium and blast out if yer lucky. At no point does “simpy, talk), but it nicely cleans up the mess Squad. There are hints of sounding like five tracks of punishing crust. More wimpy alt-pop” enter into the left by the a-side, so i guess it’s fifty- Crass too, but with more fun. The metallic on their tracks and they fea- thought process. –Jimmy Alvarado fifty all around. BEST SONG: female vocals are the ringer here for ture dual male vocals. A great offering (Suicide Squeeze) …where i come from, it’s “Born to me. With the constant cycle of mem- from two bands from separate coun- Lose” BEST SONG TITLE: …where bers entering and leaving, they have a tries. This is co-released with five dif- CUDDLE MACHINES: Self-titled CD you come from it’s “Born…gay!” huge list of people who were in the ferent labels out of Europe. So if there This reminds me of Nation Of Ulysses FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA band. I almost put this back so some- is an interest, I can’t see this release without all the bullshit pseudo speak FACT: Record comes with a sheet of one else could have reviewed it. That disappearing anytime soon. back story. It’s bass driven, angular ten pre-printed jukebox tabs, with would have been a big mistake. –Donofthedead (Profane Existence) guitar, herky jerky punk rock. Not bad “Buick Mackane” misspelled ten dif- –Donofthedead (Boss Tuneage) at all. Hope to hear more from these ferent times. –Rev. Nørb (Get Hip) CRYBABY MACARTHUR: guys in the future. –Greg Barbera DARK SKIES: Self-titled: CD Self-titled: 7”EP (Cuddle Machines) DACTYL: Self-titled: CDEP Post-MC5 rock/punk that sounds Brooklyn DIY punk in the vein of Some nice enough noise rock here— like the BellRays with Kerry from Allergic To Bullshit and Crimpshrine. CYNICS, THE: “Buick Mackane” good n’ atonal with enough structure to Love Canal on vocals. –Jimmy Sometimes—like this one—it’s simply b/w “Born to Lose”: 7” keep it from turning into a noisy, point- Alvarado (Empty) fun to hear an earnest, yet rough, band I swear to God, The Slider is the most less mess. –Jimmy Alvarado finding their musical legs and peeling overrated T. Rex album ever (actually, (www.dactyldactyl.com) DARLINGTON: Sex: CD into the core of their artistic voices. every T. Rex album is pretty much the Amiable pop punk in all its non-threat- No, it’s not the best thing I’ve heard most overrated T. Rex album ever, DAN: Dan-Thology: 2 x CD ening, post-Queers glory. I’m starting this month, and they’re a little deriva- except for the ones that are collections Here I am thinking, “What horrible to think these guys were only good for tive, but they’re dripping with the juice of like singles or whatever—i’ve pop punk band could this be?” Also, one inspired album, and this ain’t it. of possibility. Heart goes a long way probably got something like fifteen T. “How could they have sixty-four songs –Jimmy Alvarado (Fastmusic) with me, and you can do much worse Rex albums and i can’t think of one on a double CD and justify a discogra- than somewhat disjointed songs about that i ever get a solid hankerin’ to sit phy?” The name of the band does not DEAD BROTHERS, THE: drinking, love gone bad, making bad down and listen to all the way thru, imply what is in store. With dread, I Wunderkammer: CD decisions, bicycle rides, and coffee, other than Bolan Boogie or similar put disc one in the player and start Killer, atmospheric, mutant, NOLA jazz sprinkled in with flashes of something anthology [Electric Warrior includ- reading the CD booklet. Strange. I that would have served perfectly as the greater, like when someone in the band ed]). The Slider sleeve strikes me as learn this band was around from backwoods soundtrack to one of Jim Jarmusch’s old movies. There’s also a DESTROYED, THE: of the songs are actually pretty good. DIGITAL LEATHER: Simulator: 7” nod to the feel of the Paris neighborhood, Russian Roulette: CDEP I’m still pretty torn on a final opinion. I’d like to think Tomata Du Plenty and Montmartre, in the music. You can almost I’m not from the East Coast, so it took Is the world ready for such a crossover? Gary Numan are nodding their heads hear the romantic sounds of glasses clink- me a while to figure out what was real- –Newtim (www.thedestroyed.com) “yes” and passing a flag down to ing absinthe in the background. The Dead ly going on here. It also took a few lis- Digital Leather. DL captures the ‘80s Brothers have hillbilly hearts, ringmas- tens to get it. Bostonians may remem- DESTRUCTORS: captivation of the synthesizer and ters’ senses of circus spectacle, foreign ber. ‘77 to ‘79, there was a band called Exercise the Demons of Youth: CD punk ethics, cool electric sounds, and language skills, and an unusual array of The Destroyed. They played with The DESTRUCTORS: some rocking although not as aggro as instruments (trombone, tuba, accordion, Dead Boys and The Ramones, among Punk Singles Collection: CD The Screamers or as hit and miss pop lap steel, kalimba, tabla…huh?) that elic- others. The drummer (Bert Switzer) and The Destructors dealt in rudimentary, as Numan. Stuff like this was one of a it the urge to drink in a seedy French dive guitar/vocalist (J.D. Jackson) reformed quick-paced 1-2-1-2 punk, not unlike so few crossover items I would use in bar bathed in red light and prostitutes. and recorded this EP last year, after many other bands coming from the U.K. seventh grade to get Tiffany DuCray –Josh Benke (Voodoo Rhythm) almost thirty years. My first reaction during the late ‘70s/early ‘80s. This is to think I’m cool. She was so pretty after listening was to laugh. I feel a lit- not necessarily a bad thing, and as evi- and dressed nice in plaid. Her dad was DEEMED USELESS: Self-titled: CD-R tle bad about it though, because when I denced by Exercise the Demons of the high school gym teacher and she What are the odds of all of the songs on get older, I only hope I am as cool as Youth, their debut, they were quite pro- always wanted to run away, but essen- a pop punk demo breaking the three- these guys. The drums and guitars are ficient at knocking out a solid eighteen tially being a rich girl kept her at minute mark? Seriously, one is a mind- so out of sync at times it makes me tunes of the stuff (some of which, home. I think she only dated jocks like crushing 4:49. That would be wonder if they were listening to each including “Northern Ripper” and Tad Dominick, and, although I got “Sweetheart,” which spends a full thir- other when they recorded it. After a few “Breakdown,” were previously record- along with both of them, I could never ty-five seconds showing off Deemed listens, the style sank in a little bit. ed and released under the name The really date a girl like that. But I would Useless’ harmonizing skills acapella. Switzer mostly plays a series of drum Blanks back in 1978 or so), delivering play this music loud around them and No surprise then that the “punk” part of rolls, and sloppily accents different some solid tracks rife with social com- I swore they thought I was cool. Years the equation goes in quotation marks, changes in songs. Rarely will he play a mentary and serial killer stories. It later, she saw me with a cute girlfriend because this is total pop, and not the steady beat. I say this not in suggesting serves as a nice time capsule of that and literally said, “Wow. I always good kind. The singer sounds a lot like he isn’t proficient at his instrument, but period in U.K. punk when things were thought you were square.” Now I’m Milo Aukerman on “Donkey Show,” because he is not a typical “punk” still quite simple, passionate, and open an adult and over being liked. The but after that it’s all harmonies and drummer. There is a two minute, fifty- to anyone with enough conviction and music is still rad. –Speedway Randy emotional choruses and a friggin’ second drum solo at the end of the CD balls to get up on a stage and rant a bit (Plastic Idol) POWER BALLAD. Also, the lead gui- that Max Weinberg couldn’t touch on while a tight band thrashed away behind tarist is clearly a frustrated metal shred- his best night. It’s that his style is more ‘em. The singles collection starts off in DRINKER’S PURGATORY: der stuck in an emo-pop gig. –Anthony like a constant drum solo with an the same vein, with their early singles Self-titled: CD Bartkewicz (www.myspace.com/ attempt to sync some guitar and vocals charting similar territory as Exercise, This record is a perfect example of why deemeduseless.inc) over the top. Jackson plays simple but somewhere around the middle of the punk rock is better now, in 2006, than it melodies that remind me a lot of the late disc things start to change—more inter- ever has been. People who whine that DESOLATE VOID: ‘70s Cleveland scene (Rocket From esting drumming patterns emerge here, punk reached its peak in 1977 or 1985 Self-Medicated Psychotherapy: CD The Tombs or Pagans). The combo, as a little more guitar experimentation or 1992 or whatever bullshit year they Essentially stoner metal with growly strange as it seems, somehow reminds there, maybe a few more slower tempos stopped paying attention need to shut vocals. This is pretty good for what it is, me of The Urinals with a jazz drummer. and just when you think they might have the fuck up, because Drinker’s but that’s about as far as I’m willing to At other times, it’s just super sloppy ‘77 “matured” in sound, WHACK, another Purgatory are the personification of commit. –Jimmy Alvarado (Crimes punk. If you can get over their inability thrasher. Gotta love that. –Jimmy punk rock. Have you ever had one of Against Humanity) to play in tempo with each other, some Alvarado (Captain Oi) those nights when you can’t decide if you wanna drink a 40 with your friends Annette. The Hedgecreep side was so plementing Exene’s signature vocal FELLOW PROJECT: under a bridge or hold your girlfriend’s boring my record player shut itself off. eccentricities. New lineup includes Where’s the Wire: 10” hair outta the toilet while she’s puking –Josh Benke (Wrecked ‘Em) Sinners’ Jason Edge (guitar) and St. Folk punk with a political bent. Fans of but you can’t make up your mind so Louis’ 7 Shot Screamers’ Chris Powers This Bike Is A Pipe Bomb and the you just huff spray paint and go swim- EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM: (bass), Dan Sabella (guitar) and Kevin Plan-It-X crowd will wanna be all over ming instead? This record is the sound- Self-titled: CDEP O’Conner (drums). Toe tapping, heart this. Earnest lyrics, solid playing, and track to nights like that. It’s an awe- This is quite a nice little package, but warming, and highly enjoyable. heartfelt spirit here, but the tunes don’t some album and I give it the highest it’s one of those records that really –Jessica T (Nitro) really grab me. All you bike punks are recommendation possible! –Ben kind of defy accurate classification. I gonna love it though. –Mike Frame Snakepit (Small Pool) guess I would say that it sounds like FASCIST FASCIST: Self-titled: CDEP (Make Or Break) modern radio mixed with post-punk Assembled as a supergroup of sorts, DRINKERS PURGATORY: sensibility like Joy Division. And it from bands I’ve never heard before. FEVERS, THE: “Don’t Tell Me It’s Self-titled: CD also kinda reminds me of bands that If it helps: The Homosexuals, Attica Wrong” b/w “He’s in Town”: 7” The music, kinda post-Leatherface I’ve been hearing out of Kansas City 9, Universal Order Of Armageddon, Rockin’ poppy rock/punk fusion. Side punk, is pretty strong, but that singer is over the last ten years or so—melodic The Uniform, Double Dagger. All I A rocks the way a Phil Spector song in danger of crossing the threshold into and powerful, but defying the possi- can say is that this EP is great! might, and side B is a slower song of Doc Dart annoying vocal-land. bility of being pigeon-holed due to Eight hardcore songs sending me the same. The cool little insert is a –Jimmy Alvarado (Small Pool) inventive composition that borders on back to when I first heard Dag sheet of perforated labels made espe- the experimental at times. Sorry if this Nasty and Born Against! The music cially for juke box selection menus. DRINKERS PURGATORY: one escapes my verbal skills. I like it, is mostly straight forward hardcore Gotta admit... even though I don’t Self-Titled: CD anyway. –The Lord Kveldulfr with some cool break downs. The own a juke box, that’s a pretty clever These Anaheim natives would be a (Coastal Ghost) best part is the vocals. The only and unique insert all the same! –Mr. Z real nice addition to Recess, Plan- way to explain would be to have (Get Hip) it-X, or No Idea for sure. And ERIC BLOWTORCH AND THE you picture (or hear) Dave Smalley look, the liner notes say “Produced INFLAMMABLES/ DAN FLYNN AND as a girl, minus the melodies he FREE DIAMONDS: and stuff by Davey Tilt.” Very THE INFLAMMABLES: sometimes busted into. It’s a There Should Be More Dancing: CD nice! And I have to say, this full Joyful Noise b/w White Hen Pantry: 7” refreshing change to the trend of This sounds like the singers for the length is much better than the 7” The A-side claims the “dirtiest, nastiest girl singers in hardcore bands who Residents hired Gang Of Four as a released a year or two ago, which drum sound you’ve ever heard.” Don’t need to scream and sound tough, or back-up band. It’s dance-y, it’s post- is good. Let’s hope their record- worry, it ain’t. Reggae funk backed try and sound like Allison Wolfe punky and the vocals are just a tad ings keep up this trend and just with a jazzy instrumental. I think (Bratmobile). There’s nothing annoying. –Mr. Z (Deep Elm) keep getting better and better. they’re called The Inflammables inherently wrong with any of that, Rumor has it Rawl from Killer because they never catch fire. –Josh but when every other band I hear FREEZE, THE: I Hate Tourists: 7” Dreamer has now started playing Benke (Bopaganda!) tries to have a certain sound, it’s so I have never seen the actual 7” before. drums with these kids live. I have great to hear something as cool as But here is an official repress right in yet to see that, but I bet it’s a wild EXENE CERVENKA AND THE ORIGINAL this. And the lyrics friggin’ rule! my hands. I had to take a look at the ride. –Mr. Z (Small Pool) SINNERS: Sev7en: CD Songs about self hatred and hating Flex book for a little information; the Everything we love about Exene— parties. Not taking themselves too cover is a correct reproduction. Inside DRIP, THE /HEDGECREEP: Split: 7” strong, clear, and all over the map. The serious, preachy or pretentious, but is a new, updated cover for this press- The Drip plays standard, generic incredibly flexible band skillfully through sarcasm and humor, throw- ing. It was originally released in 1980 sounding punk—one song about pills, mixes up rockabilly, glam, blues, surf, ing out their message. This is a and was before they became the pow- one about wanting to fuck a girl named twang, and more, supporting and com- great EP. –Newtim (Reptilian) erhouse of a hardcore band out of the Boston scene. Start with the This Is son to purchase it over others of its ilk i can probably guess, I’m a bit of a suck- the journey. Ragin’ full-on punk, this Boston, Not LA comp if you are looking remain unaware of it. BEST SONG: er for this album. –Megan (Plan-it-x) isn’t, but how can one discount heart- for something heavier. The first track, “Minibar” BEST OR AT LEAST felt, original music made by solid gold “Don’t Forget Me Tommy,” is a new MOST INTERESTING SONG TITLE: GORILLA ANGREB: Beder Tider: 12” EP dudes? Grabass fights and fights; they wave track that is pretty good with its “A Blind’s Nun Thoughts” FANTAS- I know I’m repeating a little, but here know the score often before lacing up, almost cheap Casio keyboard sound. “I TIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: One goes. Imagine that X, instead of playing gets their asses handed to them on occa- Hate Tourists” is garagey, three-chord photo of the dude on the back clearly the punk rock retirement plan via the sion, and they dust off, and come back punk with barely any distortion that shows a New York Yankees logo House of Blues circuit, actually stuck with secret hooks and crooked smiles. defined the early sound of punk. I halfway Photoshopped out. Dudes, this their neck out to write some new songs It’s this scrappy, for-the-music quality believe this is a one-time pressing. So is no time for half-measures! –Rev. (what has it been? Twenty years?). that makes me, less and less, able to cri- go out and hear some history without Nørb (Kuriosa) Instead of laurels to be rested upon, a tique their songs and just let them soak paying collector nerd prices. Danish punk band, chock full of ex- in, note by note—like every other song –Donofthedead (Schizophrenic) FUNERAL DRESS: Come on Follow: CD hardcore players (from Amdi Petersens they’ve ever written, it seems—and let I thoroughly enjoyed this CD. The Armé and No Hope For The Kids), has them reveal themselves on their own FT (THE SHADOW GOVERNMENT): songs are good—they have good relit the torch that X now holds above time, play by play. It’s been several Guns of August: CD rhythms, good riffs, and catchy chorus- their heads like a soft, low-watt light years since I was first exposed to them Electronic skronk with an interest in es you can sing along to. The vocals go bulb halo. Gorilla Angreb is using that on their split LP with Billy Reese politics, it appears. –Jimmy Alvarado from the raw and gritty, deep, oi growl initial flame—the one set by “We’re Peters, and since I haven’t tired of lis- (Address completely illegible, which to a higher-pitched, accented, weasel- Desperate” and “Electrify Me” (The tening to them yet, I doubt I ever will, is what happens when you use avoca- like sound similar to Stiff Little Fingers Plugz, who you should really check out and that’s a monolith of a recommenda- do green text on a split pea soup and Cock Sparrer. It kind of makes me if you haven’t already). Instead of light- tion. This batch of four (one’s a Guided green background) think of a lot of testosterone, perhaps an ing votive candles respectfully memori- By Voices cover) is full of destructive overload of testosterone, but hey, I still alizing the past, Gorilla Angreb has lit a feelings—somehow making suicide not FUMESTONES: like it despite my female make-up. I funeral pyre. It’s this crackling, aching, seem so bad and dark—brightly played. Now at the…Minibar!!: 7” EP imagine lots of drunken dudes singing dancing flame in the new century, this –Todd (Barracuda Sound) …copyright lawyers are apparently not arm and arm with drinks in hand and a kick in the snacks that makes Gorilla working much overtime in Espana, as tinge of homoeroticism. This Belgian Angreb exciting. If you’re a fan of GRAVES AT SEA/ASUNDER: Split: CD the title track’s melody swipes heavily band put out a fun record. I dig it. catchy, whip-cracking punk rock, If you have any depressive mood or from Elvis’ “Burning Love,” whilst –Jenny Moncayo (Step 1 Music) stripped down to dueling male and suicidal feelings on the horizon, and “Pamplona” borrows brazenly from female voices and hit-hard instruments, this should be passed. Graves At Sea some semi-famous ‘60s punk nugget GHOST MICE: Europe: CD this is the way to go. And it’s on my take a super bongload and recreate the which i can hum but not readily identi- I’m a sucker for concept albums (here favorite format: wide-grooved 45 rpm Sabbath lick with sheer despair. Heavy fy. Nice ‘60s garage with plenty of the concept is their trip to Europe— 12” EP. Find. –Todd (Kick’n’Punch) riffs that sludge along but bite hard Farfisa; the best song (“Minibar”) is hence the album title—and is divided attack your aural senses, like smoking also the most Smugglers-ish, so per- geographically). I’m also a sucker for GRABASS CHARLESTONS: too much pot and over-focusing on haps that might be written down some- extras (and when I switched this from When the Funk Hits the Fan: 7”EP every aspect of a song. If I was stoned, where if the band is taking notes right my headphones to my laptop, I found In my mind, the Grabass Charelstons this would creep me out with the witch- now. If this band was playing at the out just how many extras there were. have reached the level of Rocket From craft screeching vocals mixed with the local swillery, i’d almost certainly stay It’s a lot). And, I’m also a sucker for The Crypt, Tiltwheel, or Fugazi. I’m growl of doom. They unleash two ‘til the end; this record seems okay in Ghost Mice who give me the impres- willing to follow ‘em to places I proba- songs that clock over twenty minutes. the context of a souvenir from the live sion of a bunch of honest, not-so-young bly wouldn’t go by myself and I find Asunder is another story. I saw them show, but if there is a compelling rea- kids who like to play folk. So, as you myself being constantly rewarded by last summer, and that was an out of body experience. They played in the HATEFUL: Diamond Among the Coal: CD time drum parts with feral wolverine number. Oh yeah, no obi. There are dark by candlelight and played barely The opening chords sound exactly like screeching over the top is replaced with supposed to be three volumes and this four songs in less than an hour. The the main riff of Hanoi Rocks’s something off of a long-forgotten is the first. This release includes the room was maybe 20’x20’ and, due to “Boulevard of Broken Dreams,” but streetpunk record. And even the jarring, first demo, Never Healed flexi, two the season and no air conditioning, it that’s where the similarities end. In all, discordant, manic parts started to gel live tracks, and the Thanks! 7”. was blistering hot and humid. Their this is an entertaining volume of some- into something whole. The CD comes During the time of crossover, in the brand of super slow, sludgecore, or times anthemic punk rock in the vein of packaged in a gorgeous book full of U.K. there was a growing faction of whatever you call this type of music, the lesser-talented bands of the ‘77 liner notes, comics, lyrics and writ- bands that were playing faster than was a strange episode. With the envi- British invasion. That’s not to say that ings—some of them seemingly nonsen- what was considered fast at the time. ronment and their music, they made me this sucks musically, though; all that sical and some of them more coherent This band and, say, Napalm Death feel like I was hallucinating and expe- means is that this is more in line with and focused. All in all, Headache’s a were trying to break speed records. riencing something unique that I have bands like Angelic Upstarts or Cockney band that would probably floor a shit- They heavily influenced the power not felt before. I was exhausted and Rejects than the Clash or Generation X load of people live and are well-suited violence genre of the ‘90s. Good to dehydrated after their set and I was (though there are similarities there, for folks who think bands like Ruins see that this release is still above completely sober and drinking water too). At first this seemed a bit cheesy and Deerhoof are just the shit. water and available so people can dis- the whole time. Strange. Here, they and rehashed, but I caught myself –Keith Rosson (Life Is Abuse) cover this seminal band. expose to the world an eighteen- singing the tunes when walking down –Donofthedead (Boss Tuneage) minute-plus montage of pure, thick the street—they’re catchy songs that, HEAVY BLINKERS: molasses. The sounds that come out of while not necessarily of mind-blowing The Night and I are Still So Young: CD HEROINE SHEIKS: Out of Aferica: CD the speakers coat the room with inventiveness, were certainly worth my Reminds me of the Carpenters and The A bit of a shock for me ‘cause there’s charred smoke and make it almost while. –The Lord Kveldulfr (Rebellion) Association in all the wrong ways. a touch more “rock” in their sound inhabitable. If this sounds appealing, –Jimmy Alvarado (Cooking Vinyl) here than there was on their debut, these are two bands that can take the HEADACHE: Discography: CD and Book Rape on the Installment Plan, which happiness out of any room. At first listen, I fucking hated this. HERESY: 1985-’87: CD was the last o’ their releases I heard. I –Donofthedead (Life Is Abuse) Initially, the song structures had all the This was originally released by gotta say, though, that they are very cohesion of a shattered windshield and Speedstate Records out of Japan in careful in their usage of said “rock” to GUMBABIES, THE: I could feel my stress level rising with- 2004. I thought it was still in print, but compliment a sound that remains as Another Ragged Army: CDEP in the first thirty seconds of this disc I could be wrong since Boss Tuneage addled and deranged as they, or Have I ever mentioned that I have a being played. The term jarring is apt. licensed it. Since I’m a nerd, I thought Shannon’s earlier band The Cows, thing for German bands? I’m not sure Stuff like this, recorded, has never I would describe some of the differ- have ever produced. The song dynam- what it is, but chances are that if it’s translated well for me. Live, I’m sure ences of each release. The cover art- ics are a lot more across the map, from Deutschland I’m gonna like it. I’d be wiggling one leg like crazy and work on the current release has been meaning things are considerably more Spermbirds, Wizo, But Alive… Love trying to figure out how the hell they’re reduced a bit and the photos are a hair varied than a constant pummeling, ‘em all. Well, it looks like I’m adding jumping from one fucked-up time sig- darker, but the song titles are larger. although one listen to “Cock Asia” another one to my list. The Gumbabies nature to another, but when I was sitting There is no Japanese title on the title will demonstrate they can still whoop are not only German (but sing in here trying to write record reviews, it edge of the digipack. The photos in ass with ease. Good, good stuff. Oh, English), but the singer sounds like just made me want to pull my own god- the booklet seem to be darker too. The and yeah, there’s some buglin’ on Duane Peters! Wooooo, as if there damn fingernails out. Then I put it on current release has extra photos not here. –Jimmy Alvarado (Reptilian) could be anything better than a German again, and started to notice odd little included in the Japanese pressing US Bombs (DE Bombs?). sections (or even the occasionally com- because they took out the Japanese HINDI GUNS, THE: Patriot Act: CDEP –Ty Stranglehold (Caustic Rock) plete song) where they just go flat-out translations of the lyrics. From there This was kind of weird and experimen- and work the pedal down—wacky off- on, it’s all the same except the matrix tal, but nothing super crazy. It starts out somewhat pseudo jazzy, with the vocals either the high pitched metal whine, or doesn’t fall over and puke. This has the wait to see them when they tour the consisting entirely of samples of Henry the guttural cookie monster growl. The potential to be a good drinking album, west coast this summer. Rollins and Lemmy, talking about the singer for Hope You Choke chose nei- but even more potential to be an album –Donofthedead (Profane Existence) state of society and modern music. The ther, opting for the angry yet clear you listen to after drinking way too rest is similar, but with female vocals. hardcore voice with plenty of gang much and sobbing about your sorrows. INCONTROLLADOS: There’s a lot of writing on the back of vocals. Agnostic Front comes to mind. –Jenny Moncayo (Street Anthem) Hvem Vil Det Gavne?: 7” this, like “promotional fan club” this, This is a must for fans of early-mid era I’m wondering if this is a repress. and “found lyrics/recorded live” that, so Suicidal Tendencies and DRI. –Ty HYDEOUTS, THE: Self-titled: 7” Originally, it came out in 2002 (when I I was a little confused as to just what Stranglehold (One Percent) There’s a definite Buzzcocks influence was trying to do a little research). This this record is or what it’s for, but I still here. It’s not subtle, either. Whether band sounds like they could have easi- liked it. Overall, this is the kind of HORROR, THE: that would be a turn on for you or not, ly been on one of the early Mystic strange but interesting stuff that I’d The Fear, the Terror, the Horror: CD these songs are really rockin’. Straight- Records comps. They are low-fi in the expect Hunchback to cover. –Joe Evans This post-Voorhees thrash monster forward, lo-fi garage punk reminiscent sense that they play really early ‘80s III (French Fan Club) again delivers the goods, with eigh- of The Reds and the FM Knives. These punk with a recording that sounds like teen tracks racing by in just under songs are catchy and filled with hooks it was recorded at the most on a four HOLY MOUNTAIN: Enemies: CDEP twenty-two minutes like the Energizer that got my head bobbing all over the track. The guitar sound has no distor- I hear Kylesa, His Hero Is Gone, Bunny hyped up on cocaine and meth. place. The 7” was way too short for my tion and is real bright like a lot of Severed Head Of State, Damad, Although the hyperspeed stuff inflicts liking though. I must have already got- recordings from that time period. Basic Artimus Pyle, and others. An attack to some serious damage, the full-on ten up twenty times already to flip the three chord, 4/4 punk rock that is real- the aural senses. The band unleashes a piledriver knockout moves come record. This is a very strong release, ly enjoyable because of its simplicity disturbing mass of aggressive power. I when they ease up on the velocity a definitely worth checking out. and low production. There is one song would be hard struck to see if anyone bit, move into slow burn, and just –Newtim (Black Lung) that supposedly has one member’s who enjoys any type of heavy music pummel the senses, like on “Coal Not mother singing on it. That is pretty not be moved by this band. They are Dole.” The Thatcher and Reagan ref- IMPERIAL LEATHER: fucking cool and one of my favorite owners of their craft and perform it erences are a bit dated, especially see- Something Out of Nothing: CD tracks. –Donofthedead (Kick n’ Punch) with expertise. The vocals are guttural, ing this stuff is brand spankin’ new, A bunch of Swedes and a Brooklyn but phonetic enough that actual words but on the whole they got it goin’ on, transplant compromise the nucleus of INSTANT ASSHOLE: can be heard. They are executed with baby doll. –Jimmy Alvarado this band with dual male/female vocals Straight Edge Failure: CD an emotion of pure anger. The lyrics (www.chainsawsafetyrecords.com) on top of a U.K. ‘82 vibe via the Punk Bay area band that features John the are intelligent and very thought pro- & Disorderly comp series. Something Baker, the proprietor of Burnt Ramen, voking. –Donofthedead (No Idea) HUDSON FALCONS: La Familglia: CD about Sweden really produces tight and Bill Asshole, who also drums for The theme of this album is family, as bands. This is no exception. The songs Strung Up. Straight-forward punk that HOPE YOU CHOKE: Self-titled: CD the inside liner notes talk about the are tight and rocking—songs that you gives me the same feeling of listening No surprises here. Straight-up love the guys have for their blood and would expect from bands that have to the Dead Kennedys but more hard- crossover hardcore that tends to lean a extended family. The lyrics seem to been around a long time—but the core. The songs are raw and could have little on to the metal side of things, but chronicle a life’s journey and a life’s experience comes from playing in so easily been on the Not So Quiet on the not in a wanky kind of way. I guess the troubles. The vocals sound like they many other bands in the past. Their Western Front comp. The songs sound killer cover art depicting maggot-rid- were recorded with friends in a base- songs are melodic yet raw, giving them like they were plucked right out of the den zombie soldiers on the march ment with the singer wasted—the a live feel. The guitar sound is crunchy ‘83-’84 Bay Area scene. The songs are could have given it away. I am most vocals sound strained and sort of wob- and bright, giving the songs a punch. short and to the point and they don’t impressed with the vocals. This type of bly, like the guy is trying to sing and The drum sound is very big and loud, even touch the two-minute mark. The music can lead a singer to go with simultaneously keep his balance so he giving the songs a bold attack. Can’t seventeen tracks on this disc flew by so fast, I barely noticed what happened. one from start to finish and have lis- tions. I find it absolutely fascinating read- KRUM BUMS: The Sound: CD This is no fastcore, thrash-a-thon. In tened to it more than a few times. ing which bands gets shitcanned or ripped Solid, energetic punk/hardcore, with a this day and age, this would be consid- –Donofthedead (Profane Existence) on over their demos, but manage to stick slight melodic undercurrent. No highs, ered mid-tempo to fast. Straight music with it and eventually put out actual but definitely no lows either. Vocals with no filler. Fun stuff. KID ON ESCALATOR: Everything records that a lot of people wind up lis- sound very similar to Articles Of Faith –Donofthedead (Tankcrimes) I’ve Got That They’ve Put Out: CD-R tening to. I’ve read enough back issues of era Vic Bondi. I’m hearing some I like it when, after a night of partying, said zines to know that just because you melodic Avail-influenced guitar and KABUKI THUNDER: Go to Hell: 7” my friends and I go back to someone’s get tapped in a demo review, it doesn’t backing vocals in there as well. In a club that still allows smoking, saw- house and a guitar gets pulled out. First, really mean shit—at least a third of Overall, it’s good as it stands. In time, dust on the floor, and down in a base- they start playing songs we all know. demo-smashed bands, seems like, wind I think this band has potential to ment in some metropolitan city, you But as the night (or more likely, morn- up putting out a “legitimate” release that’s progress to something great. –Ayn walk in to a smell of stale beer and ing) goes on, it starts to go into songs generally a lot better. That said, Kids Of Imperato (TSOR) dried vomit. This band will come on about what just happened five minutes Carnage, take whatever I have to say with and play MC5-meets-the-Stooges style ago, songs about what’s happening at a grain of salt: don’t let it dash out your LA PESTE: Better Off La Peste: CD Detroit rock that can also be described that moment, or songs about stories hopes on the water-worn cliffs of futility …i actually never really thought as sounding a little like the Antiseen. made up of a bunch of in jokes tied or whatever. It’s called a demo, and that’s “Better Off Dead” was all that hot shit; –Donofthedead (Kabuki Thunder) together. This is probably one of my exactly what it is. So. The front and back the lyrics are flat out stupid (“that girl’s favorite things in the world, but I have covers are pieces of paper glued over only thirteen, she ain’t never KAKISTOCRACY: Self-titled: LP no desire to hear anything recorded of a some cardstock cover of some other CD given/givin’ head!”), and they’re sung It has been a while since I heard some- night like that, especially when I don’t promo single. The CD-R face has Sharpie in this sort of affected, pretentious, thing from this band. The last thing was know the people involved. And, I really written on it. Six songs—they manage to echoey art-poet tone—it just didn’t the And So You Spill Your Children’s wanted to like it as it came in a sten- mix up the tempos a bit here and there, MOVE me. A couple songs into this Blood... 7” that was released on Ponk ciled cardboard cut-out sleeve. –Megan but it’s still something that I swear I’ve primarily loft-tape retrospective, and i 111 and a couple of other labels. I (This Could Work) heard before. Many times. Sometimes it’s realized i was Wrong As Heck about believe it was released late 2000 or plodding, sometimes it’s fast, sometimes this band—a good chunk of this ‘70s 2001. The band seems to have grown KIDNAPPERS: Neon Signs: CD there’s a little metal in the frying pan, expose IS all that hot shit, and engag- greatly. The musicianship and writing Imagine that Henry Fiat’s Open Sore sometimes there’s a chugga chugga part ing as all get-out (i may have that back- are much more complicated and they went on tour with Randy. One night, or a pick scream. Can’t say I’ll be playing wards, but you’ve got the general tone have gained a conscious control of they decide to switch up members. It’s this thing very often once this review is of my vector). You can tell that this their aggression. With the integration been a long tour, and they’re not really done, but they might wind up surprising stuff directly precursed (if that’s even a of more guitar harmonies, they have used to playing together, so it’s not as me and coming out with something word) bands like Mission Of Burma, added texture and layers to their music. fast, not as crazy, but still really, really decent in the future. –Keith Rosson (Kids but it’s also apparent that this stuff is The songs are intricate enough to keep fucking good. I’ll be surprised if this Of Carnage) punk with a capital UNK. If you, like this listener attentive and not in a state doesn’t make my top ten for 2006. me, have grown steadily less interested of monotony. They continue on with –Megan (Rip Off) KILLING MOON, THE: in obtaining posthumous retrospectives their brand of anarcho/crust that is A Message Through Your Teeth: CD of “great, lost” punk bands with mini- fierce and dark. The metallic riffing is KIDS OF CARNAGE: ‘05 Demo: CD-R Oh, for SHAME! How dare you pro- mal studio recordings to their credit, i what makes the music come out Let it be documented: I’m a fucking nerd. fane the name of a perfectly good Echo suggest for your own personal safety screaming. Loud guitars and precise Here’s how much of a nerd I’m capable And The Bunnymen song with such you rethink your life utterly and clasp drumming makes this all come togeth- of being: every great once in a while, I’ll paltry emo piffle! A pox—nay, a plague this disc to your heaving bosom. er with lyrics that are intelligent, yet pull out an old back issue of MRR or on all your houses! Fuckin’ heathens. CLASP IT I SAY!!! BEST SONG: poetic in their delivery. I enjoyed this Heartattack and check out the demo sec- –Jimmy Alvarado (Fearless) “Kindness Invites Abuse” BEST SONG TITLE: “Kindness Invites hardcore screaming to singing and the computer with ProTools. The bass LEFT FOR DEAD: Live: LP Abuse” MOST VIVID TRUISM metal growling to spoken word. Of tones are warmer and the highs are less I’m not a real big fan of live records, GLEANED FROM LYRICS OR course, to add to its immensity, Sham harsh. Also, if you have recorded in but this one sounds real good. The SONG TITLE: “Kindness Invites Duvet is a concept album and the lyrics analog, you know you have to be dead- band was originally around in the ‘90s, Abuse” FANTASTIC AMAZING read just like the chapters to a book, on when recording. There is less room based out of the Toronto area. The TRIVIA FACT: “Kindness Invites laying out the tale of the protagonist, for error. So these guys were well group disbanded and went on to other Abuse” Also, did Gang Green ever the aptly named Sham Duvet. As their rehearsed when they went in to record. bands like Ruination, Haymaker, cover “Spymaster?” I think they did it website says, he “is a neurotic/prophet- It shows. They may not be one of the Cursed, and Chokehold. They got back on that live 10”, but i can’t remember ic figure with a messiah complex.” larger bands of the genre, but they are together in 2004 to do a benefit. Seeing now. –Rev. Nørb (Dionysus) This whole thing wasn’t entirely up my definitely one of the better ones. the opportunity, the event was record- alley but it’s got great production and –Donofthedead (Fat) ed. Since I have no history of ever LADIES, THE: They Mean Us: CD is pulled off well and has a lot of inten- hearing this band before, this was a Sorry, Ladies. One of my most gigan- sity and quality musicianship. Fans of LAWRENCE ARMS, THE: good introduction. Guessing from the tic pet peeves is bands whose names the genre would do well to check this Oh! Calcutta!: CD time period, this type of hardcore punk make it sound like they are girls but— out. –Kurt Morris (Joyful Noise) Somehow, this is my first time hearing was not prevalent around the world. surprise—they’re dudes. So you can the Lawrence Arms. Their name was There was a big ska, pop punk, and blame this crap review on that if you LAWRENCE ARMS, THE: always bundled with Jawbreaker (as in emo boom going on at the time. So a like, but honestly, your album just Oh! Calcutta!: CD “they sound like…”), and none of those band like this would most likely be isn’t very good. All those weird, all- It’s been a good four years since I real- bands that were supposed to sound like short lived due to the small support over-the-place tracks with seizure- ly listened to any output from this Jawbreaker ever really delivered. (You group at the time. But I don’t know the inducing drums and whiny vocals just band. It was the Apathy & Exhaustion heard me.) So the Arms stayed under reason on their breakup. I do know that end up being really boring. Is your LP and I remember liking it enough to my radar and I can’t put Oh! Calcutta! this record shows that I really missed name supposed to be a joke? I get the keep it. Doing a little research, since it in context with however many previous something. The band was one mean feeling that it is. Maybe you think you seemed odd that I haven’t heard any- records they have. [Dramatic pause.] mother to reckon with. The songs are seem kind of sensitive and wimpy and thing in four years, they did release But this one is good! While fast and heavy, with vocals screamed therefore you are lady-like. Really, something a couple of years ago. This Jawbreaker’s songs belied its mem- at damaging levels. If you have heard most of the lady bands I listen to are band seems to have matured greatly. bers’ youth, the Arms still have a dis- the output of the bands they went on way tougher than this. You guys? The songs and the tones coming from tinct feeling of “excited kids.” Even to, you can hear what they carried with Ladies? You should be so lucky. their instruments have a deeper emo- with most of the lyrics sticking to bum- them. –Donofthedead (Deranged) –Jennifer Whiteford (Temporary tion to them. The time that they have mer territory, there’s an audible joy to Residence Limited) now been together has really made be playing fast and yelling. WARN- LEMURIA/FRAME: Split: 7” them into one cohesive unit. I’m not an ING: This next part of the review con- Lemuria sounds eerily like Half LAFCADIO: Sham Duvet: CD Against Me! fan, but that is what it tains a SPOILER regarding the album’s Fiction-era Discount—the woman’s This Indianapolis-based noise metal sounds like to me but mixed with a lit- SECRET TRACK. The Arms do coun- voice is dead-on. I have no idea if band delivers their nine-song debut tle Hot Water Music and adding a more try-rock, a catchy disillusionment/oh- that’s what they were shooting for, but with a schizophrenic energy reminis- melodic touch to the songs. The deliv- yeah-that’s-why punk anthem that that’s what I’m hearing, right down to cent of Mr. Bungle mixed with ery is strong, and I can feel the convic- sounds as genuine as any other decent the slightly off pop structures and lilt- Deftones, Faith No More (or anything tion of the band. Looking at the liner alt-country act. But those bands proba- ing vocal rhythms. It’s good stuff for Mike Patton’s had his hands in), Don notes, they recorded the songs on ana- bly don’t write songs about punk rock sure. But then I flip the record and I’m Caballero, and your average noise log. I thought that the songs had or reference His Hero Is Gone in their totally confused. What the hell hap- band. There’s a definite prog edge to stronger tone than what usually comes lyrics. I’m seriously impressed. pened to Frame? I really thought they the music with vocals that range from out of the studios that are recorded on –Anthony Bartkewicz (Fat) were onto something on their recent split 7” with Karate For Kids. On that need another AFI? How about another This could be on a major label. The MAD SIN: Dead Moon’s Calling: CD record, they seemed poised right on ye Fallout Boy? Well, if those two bands production is that good. I would prob- I’m EXTREMELY picky about the olde precipice between “good pop punk” are on a list of your favorites, should ably have a different opinion if I had psychobilly stuff I listen to and, and “really good pop punk,” but their you be allowed to play music? Your seen the band live first. frankly, this ain’t something I’d listen two songs on this record sound like a intentions couldn’t be any more obvi- –Donofthedead (Fat) to ever again. What’s on here sounds godawful mix of Amber Inn and, ugh, ous. Hurry up and get on to MTV and like your average modern day corpo- Promise Ring or something. It makes my stop trying to push this shit sound to LUXURY PUSHERS: rate punk band with a stand-up bass skin crawl and sounds like a watered- the underground. –Newtim (Fat) Quitter’s Holiday: CD and lyrics trying desperately to be edgy down soundtrack for an art film, like if This is coming from a few weird but only end up sounding lame. emo came in Budweiser cans. Guys, LOVED ONES, THE: directions at once: ‘90s grunge pop, –Jimmy Alvarado (Sailor’s Grave) what happened? –Keith Rosson (Salinas/ Keep Your Heart: CD Boston-y sing-along street punk, and a Art Of The Underground) Made up of former members of Kid little bit of Turbonegro’s purposely MAGGOTS, THE: “Nobody Loves the Dynamite, Paint It Black, and The obvious hard rock like on their last Hulk” b/w “Take it Off”: 7” (LONE) WOLF & CUB: Curse, this is fairly different from the record. Oh yeah, and Mike Ness’ scab- The a-side is a lost ‘60s nugget that May You Only See Sky: CDEP members’ former acts and instead is pickin’ lyrics about “[having] nothin’” i’ve never actually heard, but have Metal can get too serious at times: either typical Fat Wreck Chords fare: well- and “Bruises to Prove It” and shit like been aware of for quite some time with the costumes some bands wear or produced, clean, poppy, catchy and that. Points added for titling a song because i’d seen the little text ads the just the content of the lyrics. Here is a for outsiders like me it’s reminiscent and penning a chorus based on a line band took out pimping the record in band that the music sounds serious and of other material on the label from Ned Flanders’ dad: “We’ve tried the Marvel Comics of the day. For is tough as nails, but they have a sense of (Lawrence Arms) although huge fans nothin’…and we’re all out of ideas!” whatever reason, i always assumed humor. Titles like “I Swear I’ve Been to of the genre will most likely disagree and then immediately deducted for the song would be more of a novelty This AutoZone Before” and “If I Were a (hey, if you can find discrepancies making it not funny. –Anthony thing (a la the Merry Marvel Snake I’d Be a Belt Now.” That is funny between most pop punk acts, more Bartkewicz (Ready-Wear Ltd., Marching Society theme song) (face to me. By looking at the titles alone, I power to you). This is the kind of www.luxurypushers.com) front!); it’s actually a lot more psyche- thought this band was going to be pop stuff my neighbors in grad school lis- delic/ Electric Prunes-y than i imag- punk or something else that would be tened to and thought they were all M.O.T.O.: ined—lotsa minor chords and organ. silly. But what came through the speak- “punk” and “different” not realizing El Stop b/w She’s Gone Nuts: 7” The b-side is a Peter Gunn-styled frat- ers was some heavy shit: heavy Black that this is really tame. But if you’re What do the Seeds, Dr. Demento, Roky rocker, with “Take It Off” the sole Sabbath riffage mixed together with looking for a guilty pop punk indul- Erickson, hoboes, and the Beach Boys concession to verbiage. I think the some up-tempo poundage. There are gence with an East Coast flavor, The have in common? How the fuck should only abiding reason for you to get this also points that remind me of Iron Loved Ones aren’t too bad. –Kurt I know, but I bet Paul Caporino does. record is if you’re a big comic book Maiden with the dual guitar attack. Add Morris (Fat) How can songs be so instantly catchy, nerd and don’t (or, come to think of it, those ingredients with some black metal crackle-poppy, infinitely weird, yet do) own the original, as the sleeve and the description might be close. Now LOVED ONES, THE: singable and raw; like if the Beatles seems to faithfully emulate the Real bang thy head. –Donofthedead Keep Your Heart: CD never made enough money to pay their Deal. Sheesh! BEST SONG: “Take It (HeWhoCorrupts) Part of the new breed on Fat, this mortgages, but just kept plugging away Off” BEST SONG TITLE: “Nobody band is no newcomer. Featuring for- in near-obscurity and sung about their Loves the Hulk!” FANTASTIC LOVE EQUALS DEATH: mer members of Kid Dynamite and sex drives blatantly? How the fuck AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: On Night Merica: CD the Curse, this is no high school should I know, but Paul Caporino, the gamma-ray green vinyl, so you gotta I think anyone starting a band like this garage band. At the moment, this is a mastermind of this twenty plus year- wonder if the first one was one grey. needs to start asking themselves some little too slick for me. The songs are long outfit, does. Almost too good. Well –Rev. Nørb (Bootleg Booze) real serious questions. Does the world catchy, well recorded, and have drive. worth picking up. –Todd (Baby Killer) MANGINA: 7” I get would say about it. Or perhaps the erupted a few years ago. Never heard MEMBERS: Hilarious packaging: they’ve reprinted editors just send me this stuff because them, didn’t care to hear them, and At the Chelsea Nightclub: CD entries of a ton of shows they played; they know it’s more up my alley than didn’t think they were capable of any- MEMBERS: the majority of ‘em seem to end with say, something from some crust or ‘77 thing worth listening to. I still haven’t 1980-The Choice Is Yours: CD someone getting pieces of glass in their punk band. Looking at the type of bands listened to their earlier works and still The Members were one of those groups back, someone getting attacked by a we interview here (most of whom are probably won’t, but Voices, their latest that kinda fell into the gray area pit bull, or someone getting threatened very cool, by the way), I just wonder album on Epitaph, is without a doubt a between punk and what was called new with a gun. Grow ‘em wild in what some of these record labels are really stunning piece of work. The wave, being a tad too gruff and “street” Alabama, they do. Also comes with a thinking sending their CDs to us. Maybe eleven tracks are altogether as moody for the skinny tie crowd and too musi- two-track CD-R that’s spray painted they’re hoping it gets to me since I’m as a year in the Midwest, with dark cally sophisticated to be easily lumped orange. I hate that I’ve reviewed some- probably the only person here who overtones flushing out every negative in with the great mohawked unwashed. thing in the past two issues where I might cut it some slack. Maybe not. I image that might be tied into ones’ Nonetheless, they managed some popu- compare the vocalist to the dude from don’t know. What I do know is that environment. The artwork really sets larity, due in no small part to the fact Contra, even though each band has Maritime is the project of one half of the tone, with an abundance of the that that had some really good tunes musically and aesthetically sounded Promise Ring and one member from The color black and nefarious claymation that drew from the same influences and nothing like them, and here I am doing Dismemberment Plan. Based on that, imagery. The addition of strings, were as diverse in sound as anything it again: this guy sounds a lot like the one might expect sissy music. And one piano, and organ efficiently placed The Clash ever did—and yet sound dude from Contra. Or maybe a slight- would be right. This is a light-hearted throughout the album—as well as only remotely like them. These reissues ly-less crazed Combat Wounded affair with soft, lisped vocals courtesy of incredibly strong vocals—show this to of their first two albums feature some Veteran. The music follows suit: Davey von Bohlen and gentle pop music definitely be a maturing effort for the of the group’s best work, from punk Combat Wounded Veteran simplified usually accompanied by soothing guitars band. The strings, for example, anthems like “Solitary Confinement,” and slowed down just a tad. The and the occasional keys. The drumming could’ve just been thrown in as an “Sound of the Suburbs,” and “Muzak vinyl’s white and someone wrote is consistently steady and the bass is attempt by the band to try and appear Machine” to reggae-spiked ditties like “Mangina” in brown marker over one almost non-existent, but in the end the to be deep or creative, but instead, as “Offshore Banking Business” (which side. I have no idea what they’re songs are what they are: incredibly on songs such as “Goody, Like Two the band played live in the movie Urgh, singing about, since they included catchy and delightful to listen to. You Shoes” they delicately work their way A Music War) and “Clean Men.” Of three inserts and no lyrics, but one can may want to make fun of them at first, into the root of the song. While cater- course, Captain Oi has added assorted only assume a song called “Rob but after a few listens they actualize ing to those fans of Alkaline Trio and singles tracks and alternate versions to Halford May Be Gay (But You’re a themselves as pleasant, honest works My Chemical Romance, Matchbook each reissue, including a personal Fucking Faggot)” is either a spirited that are soothing and generous in their Romance shows a progression favorite, “GLC,” a punk raver that anthem regarding homosexuality, or delivery. –Kurt Morris (Flameshovel) towards its rock roots which helps rivals your average oi tune and was fea- it’s meant to piss people off. Either supplant themselves into being a legit- tured on the Rock Against Racism comp way, I was down with the DIY packag- MARVEL: Unleashed: CDEP imate band and not just a flash in the many moons ago, and the simply marvy ing but the actual music struck me as a Bar rock doing what bar rock does best: pan. This may not be up the alley of “Disco Oui Oui,” which is exactly what bit dull. If their show excerpts are any shitty covers that I wouldn’t want to the typical punk rock fan, but consid- its title implies. –Jimmy Alvarado indication, the live show’s where it’s at hear wasted, let alone sober. –Megan ering how much of the garbage came (Captain Oi) for this band anyway. –Keith Rosson (Black Juju, no address) out of the emo scene a few years ago, (Jeth-Row) this seems really promising, and espe- MIGHTY GO GO PLAYERS: 10” MATCHBOOK ROMANCE: Voices: CD cially for those of us who appreciate a Noisy, arty garage punk with key- MARITIME: We, the Vehicles: CD Matchbook Romance has always been little variety in our music. –Kurt boards. This band is from France and Sometimes I can’t help but wonder what one of those bands that I’ve always Morris (Epitaph) features members of the Fatals. All you anyone else reviewing some of the stuff lumped into the emo-pop malaise that fans of garage gone art punk of the last five years: lunch is served. Funny how MUGSHOTS: House of the Weirdos: CD not the cliché “unity crew” or “my NEW THRILL PARADE: Self-titled: LP almost everyone I knew followed the Don’t believe the “horrorpunk” genre friend stabbed me in the back” sort of This record has been getting a lot of Jay Reatard arc of how to go from label, but do believe the inferences to thing, which makes this extra special. poor (or at least confused) reviews rockin’ and snotty to dark and mopey in the Damned and Eddie Murphy film Pretty damn good, powerful. lately and I really can’t understand less than five moves. This band is as soundtracks. Heavily Euro, synth-goth, Prohibitionist hardcore at its finest. why. Well, that’s a lie. I do understand good as anyone else playing this stuff prog rock and dark wave, I can’t take –Ayn Imperato (Refuse) how someone wouldn’t quite under- but I will happily keep playing my Ape another minute. Okay, I cave—I’ll stand its genius after hearing it for the City R & B, Lids, and Earaches records. believe the horror bit. I just got the NEW FANGS: Bayonets: CD first time. It happened to me. It is like Garage Punk - Art = Cool. –Mike creeps. And a wave of nausea. –Jessica This album had me on the fence the first nothing I have ever heard before, but Frame (Alien Snatch) T (Lombroso, mugshots.it) time through. The singer’s voice is non- something I have always subcon- descript; I couldn’t place where I sciously yearned to hear. Like Nick MILKY WIMPSHAKE: Heartshaped: LP MURDERS, THE: thought I’d heard the sound before. I Cave’s Birthday Party on crack. Slow Beautifully packaged LP from this Gone and Forgotten: CD was confused. My confusion became and hypnotizing, dark and droning great indie/twee band. Silk-screened, Male and female gutter punk vocals, a clarity upon further listens. Prickly gui- bass-heavy melodies accented by jar- three-color cover with rad, pink polka la Cause. Poppy, sloppy adolescent tars, staccato minor chord picking, and a ring crash symbols soon lead into a dots. Sixteen-page booklet with lyrics punk about smoking, drinking, girls bomb ass rhythm section that bolts chaotic mess of screeching saxophone for 50/50 previously released and new and… that’s about it, sung with a raw everything into place. “We Are the and guitar. Demanding gloomy deep tunes. I remember hearing and liking scream and dreamy off-tune tones. Collapse” has a keyboard part that kicks vocals quickly turn shrieking and this band in the ‘90s, but I don’t Catchy and fun like a summer day, but you in the back of the head when you urgent. It’s like being able to witness remember them being this good. just as forgettable. “Gloria” and least expect it. Dischord could have eas- the musical equivalent of a depressed Amazingly strong twee pop for the “Perfect Drinking Problem” are the best ily put this out in the early ‘90s. There’s clown’s journey drifting into the frosty K/Slampt crowd, reminiscent of the and most relatable tunes with fairly a whole lot to like about this release, but arms of insanity and through the dark, best of the Crabs, Tullycraft, and Go clever lyrics. Reminds me of Sweet the tension between the rhythm section creepy melodies and unpredictable Sailor with a British feel. This is an Baby James (the band, not the song). I and the guitars lifts Bayonets from the breakdowns. You not only begin to extremely difficult style to play well, gave up looking for them online after “above average” category to “highly lis- understand why, but it begins to drag and there are tons of really bad bands my search kept turning up a new wave tenable.” –Josh Benke (Chain Letter) you down as well. This is original, and who try. But when it is done right, it is duo from Idaho. The label site was use- truly nothing short of amazing. Highly killer and Milky Wimpshake nails it on less as well. –Jessica T (Eugene) NEW MEXICAN DISASTER SQUAD: recommended. –Newtim (17 every count. That is coming from Don’t Believe: CD Television / Mountain Landis) someone who has loathed ninety plus MURDER DISCO X: These guys have been around for a percent of all indie rock I have ever Ground Zero Stuttgart: CD while but I haven’t actually heard them NOFX: Never Trust a Hippy: CDEP heard. This fucker pops! –Mike Frame Loud, angry and political hardcore until this. Luckily, this is just what I’m No matter how much shit people talk (Bitter Like The Bean) courtesy of this German band. Nice looking for right now: modern about NOFX, they are still here. From Terveet Kadet cover, too. –Jimmy punk/hardcore that’s fast, angry, with a their early beginnings on rip-off label MONROES, THE: 7” Alvarado (Profane Existence) touch of melody, and everything so Mystic, to being an integral part of Pretty cool garage punk single. Reminds loud that even the vocals are distorted. making Epitaph what it is today, and to me a bit of the Prissteens, which is a very NAMES FOR GRAVES: Version 2.1: 7” If you’re a fan of bands like Strike creating a label that is run with preci- good thing. Fans of the Downbeat 5 and Above average SXE Hardcore from Anywhere and Paint It Black, you’re sion and takes care of its bands from top Thee Minks would dig this a whole lot. Cleveland, in the vein of Champion, going to like this too. It’s the same to bottom. I read somewhere one of Straight forward and rockin’; a no frills Carry On, Mouthpiece, and Chain Of sound, and this band’s on the same level their records that was released on single. Cool band from the Netherlands. Strength. Would be right at home in too. This isn’t anything new, but is still Epitaph went platinum. If you don’t –Mike Frame (High Maintenance) the Bridge Nine catalog. Lyrics are really good. –Joe Evans III (Jade Tree) know what that means, that is one mil- lion copies. The band gets to do some- song, “You’re Wrong,” is a political O PIONEERS!!! / SAW WHEEL: Split: CD OKAY PADDY: thing they love and not have to get a song used as Fat Mike’s soap box O Pioneers!!! sound a lot like Against The Cactus Has a Point: CD REAL job. I’m envious of that. I’m not minute, and it’s pretty horrible as it’s Me! and it doesn’t bug me because it Reaction to opening notes: what the the biggest fan, but I do like some of just Fat Mike strumming his guitar and seems to be coming from an honest hell is this smarmy mess? Reaction to their stuff. In fact, the current stuff is trying to sing in tune. Great choice in place. Seriously, it’s not a passing entire record: surprisingly good/much the stuff I like. I thought The Decline signing Against Me! to Fat Wreck, but blush; from the shouted/sung vocals, to better than expected/you dumbass, stop was brilliant. The War on Errorism had don’t try and record an Against Me! the disco/drill sergeant drumming, to with the instant judgments. This really some great songs on there too. So this style song just because you like how the shimmering guitar. They could did surprise me because it’s not often release continues on their progression. they sound. I’m sorry but it just doesn’t almost be unused demo tracks, pre Axl that I come across a relatively mellow The band has a signature sound that is work—especially when the song is two Rose and that instant familiarity gives (THE word that springs to mind with undeniable. But with careful listening, I minutes long and spouts even more the band a nice—albeit odd—comfort. every song) rock’n’roll record that I can always hear some things that sound one-sided rhetoric than a Propaghandi Saw Wheel plot nicely in the can’t get enough of. In a lot of ways this new to their approach. Take for album. The next two songs are more of Rumbleseat, This Bike Is A Pipebomb, sounds to me, at least, like a subdued instance, “Seeing Double at the Triple what you come to expect from NOFX, Plan-It-X universe: down-home, sub- version of The Figgs, as if they were to Rock.” It sounds like Motörhead’s but nothing special. Not sure how I dued, but fiery-eyed, calloused-hand, make a record baked on a whole load of interpretation of a NOFX Song. All the liked this CD as I’d much rather be lis- and real easy to listen to while you tap weed. It’s so easy to get bored with fast- other songs on this EP are consistent tening to The Decline or So Long and your toes along to the beat. –Todd paced fury at times, and this was a wel- and easily listenable. Hats off to these Thanks For All The Shoes. There’s (Team Science) come change of pace for me. –The Lord guys for pushing forward all these something to be said when the new, Kveldulfr (Prison Jazz) years. –Donofthedead (Fat) unreleased Randy (the band) song OFF WITH THEIR HEADS: Hospitals: LP “Beware,” available online right now This is reeaal close to being full-on ONE DEAD THREE WOUNDED: NOFX: Never Trust a Hippy: CDEP for free which features Fat Mike (taking awesome. It’s got that zippy, whirlwind, Paint the Town: CD Here it is, the new EP from Fat Mike up half the lead and backing vocal circular speed of Horrible Odds, that Screamo. There is a lot of yelling goin’ and the gang featuring two songs off duties), is better than all of the songs on “I’ve got a mental owie, slide down on. –Donofthedead (1x1) their forth coming full length, Wolves in this EP. –Mr. Z (Fat Wreck) your panties” feel—but recorded so Wolves Clothing, and four unreleased much better—than the best four songs ONE REASON: Mountains: 7” tunes. The first song is about drinking NUMBSKULLS, THE: on Jawbreaker’s Dear You, and that rust Three catchy poppy, kinda emoish and partying with Paddy and the rest of The Last… Vol. 1 of 3: CD shined into a luster pop punk of songs from a place called Cleveland, Dillinger Four at the Triple Rock in Aptly named band as the disc sent to me Rivethead (who Zack came from). But Mississippi. When I wrote “emoish,” I Minnesota. I’ve never had the pleasure doesn’t play in my CD player. But there’s something in the creases that didn’t mean it in a Mineral or Christie of drinking with these fine folks, but being the curious lad that I am, I found doesn’t quite do it for me. The rock’s Front Drive kinda way. More of a later from what I’ve heard already, the lyrics them on the internet and bounce from slabbed on there, but the joining mater- Discount mixed with Broadways kinda to this song seem to fit the bill perfect- their band web site to the group’s ial feels a little clumpy, bloated, and poppy emotional punk. Great, well- ly. The next song, “The Marxist MySpace page where I got a peek at a strained, like someone using a caulk written songs. The first, “The End Brothers,” is a sarcastic poke at few of their songs. So what did they gun for the first time sealing in a bath- Never Mattered” is my favorite, and the Marxists of the new millennium with sound like? Um, primitive four chord tub. Off With Their Heads’ musical most catchy of the three, but after a few their hybrid cars, ebay shopping and pub rock with some street punk lean- bathtub doesn’t leak, it just ain’t as tight listens, I ended up liking the entire 7” podcasts... pretty funny, but I would ings to it. Not great or original, but as it could be. That said, I find myself quite a bit. It has a Plan-It-X feel to it, have enjoyed it more if it was a new capable and probably enjoyable live listening to this quite a bit, so it just and after further reading, I found they version of their classic Moron Brothers when your liver is oozing Pabst Blue may take some adjustment time. I heard have a release on Plan-It-X South. tune with new lyrics. The third song is Ribbon. –Greg Barbera they slay live, so I’ll patiently wait for –Newtim (Salinas) a well done Germs cover. The next (www.thenumbskulls.com) round two. –Todd (Rock Bottom) PENETRATION: Moving Targets: CD PHARMACY, THE: So, at this point, I’m gonna say pass, from the West whatsoever. Shit, the Having previously only heard their Two Small Armies: 7” but it could easily turn into a thumbs up Maoist Khmer Rouge alone had a punk anthem “Don’t Dictate,” this The kids in the pop punk outfit The if that one thing clicks into place. Huh. ball in them killing fields in his native album was a bit of a shock. Although Pharmacy kind of come off as sweet, Weird. –Todd (Robotic Empire) Cambodia. How many bodies lie contemporaries of the Sex Pistols, The like unicorns with sparkly manes under Choeung Ek and elsewhere Clash, and all the other heroes of the and tails. What’s closer to the truth is POPULATION REDUCTION: again? Nearly two million? How first wave of U.K. punk, most of the more like undead unicorns with At the Throats of Man Forever: CD many ethnic Vietnamese died by songs here are markedly mature and razor sharp teeth feeding on the flesh I am guilty of buying stuff for my per- Cambodian hands during that period? sophisticated in comparison to many of the living, spewing out Devo-ish sonal collection and not making an How many Cambodians died by of their peers, with interesting and Starvations-inspired pop noise effort to review it in this here mag. I Vietnamese hands when the rhythms and arrangements married to like showers of blood. Fans of their saw PR back in early December of last Vietnamese overthrew the Khmer in well-written lyrics. While it shouldn’t epic live shows can now feed off of year. They’re a two man grind, death, ‘78-79? Weren’t those governments scare off those who like their punk a three killer new songs and an metal, punk margarita blender that Chinese- and Soviet-backed, respec- little smarter than THUD-THUD- impressive new version of “Two truly impressed me. Straight-up guitar tively? I’m not getting all patriotic or THUD-THUD (and yes, I have more Small Armies.” Recommended for and drums with dueling vocals was a anything, ‘cause I’m the last person than a passing affinity for that brand fans of good, catchy punk and shot- hoot. Also included in the mix was who would do that, but it seems to me of punk as well, so stuff your whining gunning beers with your friends in their great sense of humor. I was sold. there’s enough blame to go around missives excoriating my supposed the back of parking lots. –Comrade I bought the tour 7” and the CD and for and that any group with a supposed dismissal of punk’s more primitive Bree (Don’t Stop Believin’) some reason (I think I ran out of anarchist background wouldn’t hesi- purveyors a second ago and direct money) I didn’t buy a shirt. Got to try tate to point fingers in all the appro- your ire instead at our dickheaded PINK RAZORS: and support the touring bands! Well, priate directions, and that doesn’t President and criminal cohorts, you Waiting to Wash Up: CD anyway. This is some damn good stuff seem to be the case here. Seems a lit- gobbing monkeys), those who need I want to like this record more than I do, if you like your cookie monster and tle hypocritical to be singing about their noise to fit snugly into the and I can’t put my finger on it. It’s got rectum ripped screaming vocals. My Lai and not utter a peep about accepted punk pigeonhole will be that fuzzy sweater on fire charm of Drums that blast away with double Tuol Sleng, bro. Speaking of pleased as punch by the inclusion of Dead Things, the raygun happy zap- bass drums with cymbals and drum hypocrisy, how does a former anar- the aforementioned “Don’t Dictate” ping (but they’re really sad) of heads pounded with power and preci- cho-posterboy turned stockbroker jus- and “Firing Squad” singles, both of Screeching Weasel, the watertight, sion. I witnessed it first hand and he tify singing antiwar tunes? That’s like which make a nice soundtrack to mad, seamless quality of Funeral Oration— was barefoot too. The guitars have the a politician singing songs against his mindless pogoin’. –Jimmy Alvarado pop punk’s the score and they’re navi- requisite chunk and heavy riffage. corporate overseer, ain’t it? Seeing as (Captain Oi) gating adeptly through a maze on Nothing soft here. This is coming from the market thrives on war, it would wheels of prior invention—but there’s two guys who were super nice and follow that anyone who works in the PHANTOM LIMBS: something… something not there for friendly when I met them and they market profits, no matter how indi- Random Hymns: 12”EP me. And it’s not a, “Oh, the production morphed into this madness once on rectly, from the misery and death of Noisy white vinyl 12” five-song 45 blows,” or “That dude’s voice sound stage. –Donofthedead (Tankcrimes) others, right? There’s a reason why here. It sounds like industrial music to like a twelve-year-old girl’s,” or suckin’ them towers were singled out and it me, but I know this band is beloved in “high school sweetheart left me, PROUDFLESH: Self-titled: CD wasn’t just ‘cause they were tall. the garage gone art world. Fans of Lost whoah, whoah” lyrics. Maybe it’s just I find it interesting that Sothira con- Singing songs decrying your chosen Sounds, Butthole Surfers, and noisy that it’s fifteen songs that could easily tinues to lay the mess that is revenue source is kinda like biting the grindcore will find a lot to like here. be just one with fourteen short beaks, Indochina solely at the feet of the hand that pays for them bitchin’ –Mike Frame (Hungry Eye) but that’d mean I’d have to rule out the West, and says nothing about all the motorcycles and posh living quarters. Ramones, and I’m not about to do that. fun that was had there with no help As for the music itself, imagine Crucifix reimagined as a Sunset Strip RADIO BEATS: Ready to Shake: CD RED ALERT: clear understanding of what to expect rock band, singing love songs to “My Hot fucking dawg!!! This is the kind of Blazin’ Through the Years: CD from this. I have no doubt this disc of Lai My Love.” While I imagine their blown out, scumbag rock’n’roll that A collection from a band smart enough big band covers of Slipknot, Van reliance on their old band’s name (and makes me want to do back flips. So lo- to realize that their previous compila- Halen, Limp Bizkit, and Snoop Dogg frankly, the Jimmy Crucifix lineup fi I’d bet a grand it was recorded under tion on Captain Oi is still in print and tunes will grow old pretty damned was easily the worst) will no doubt water with caveman clubs for drum most likely readily available most any- quick, but right now it’s the funniest bring in the dough from non-discern- sticks and dinosaur teeth for guitar where, and so have culled this “best thing I’ve heard all week. –Jimmy ing punter/punkers with Hot Topic- picks. Songs about takin’ chicks home, of” from rarities and alternate sessions. Alvarado (Surfdog) bought “Dehumanization” t-shirts, I takin’ chicks to the backseat of your Although “new” versions (more recent think it’s safe to say that some musi- car, and chicks givin’ it up, all played than the originals, but they’re still thir- RIVERBOAT GAMBLERS, THE: cians and their contributions are best fast and dirty. Includes an Angry teen years old) of popular tunes like To the Confusion of Our Enemies: CD left behind in the mists of the past. Samoans cover. Fuck yes. –Josh Benke “In Britain” and “SPG” can be found I’m not gonna sit here on my ass and –Jimmy Alvarado (Wired Gnome) (Big Neck) here, the bulk of the songs, twenty in gush like Niagara Falls about how great all, come from more recent fare, pro- it is having a band like The Riverboat PROZACS, THE: Live at CBGB: CD RAT BYTE/CONCRETE FACELIFT: viding a nice bookend to the Captain Gamblers alive and kicking the last Like the title suggests, it is a live Split: 7” Oi collection rather than just a rehash nine years. Anyone who’s heard them recording of The Prozacs from Concrete Facelift. Rat Byte. What a of the same old shit. If you’re a fan of already knows that, right? Right. But I Massachusetts at CBGB’s. The first cool couple names for bands. Just hear- their older stuff, pick this up and see do wanna reiterate the two golden rules song, “Penguin Rock,” sounds like a ing their names makes me want to drink what you’ve been missing. –Jimmy that matter when it comes to being in a carbon copy of Blink 182 and a tinge of a Pepsi and go skate. C.F. actually sur- Alvarado (SOS) band: 1) what your band does in the annoying Avril Lavigne. They cover prised me with the lyrical coolness. I recording studio, and 2) what your band Screeching Weasel songs and they have feel the exact same way! With every REVEREND BEAT MAN & THE CHURCH does live on a stage. That’s it. songs about high school escapades such one of their songs! If there was some OF HERPES: Your Favourite Position Is Everything else is just hot fucking air, as prom, cleverly titled “Prom Night.” sort of soundtrack to my life, I would on Your Knees: CD and there’s quite a bit of shit bands out (Quick comment: from the CD photos want to have the song “It” play every There’s a haunted cathedral somewhere there to prove this point. It can restore they look a little too old to STILL be morning as I wake up. They have a way that needs to have this music playing as faith to see a band that takes these two singing about prom and high school. of describing exactly how I feel about parishioners make their way down the golden rules to heart and consistently Just a thought.) The Prozacs would fit caffeine in a minute of skate thrashy aisle to take unholy communion. delivers the goods. And with this nicely on the tiny side stage at Warped hardcore. Don’t get me wrong, there’s Reverend Beat Man speaks his lyrics record, the Gamblers are delivering it Tour or next to a suburban kid’s Blink nothing new here. You’ve heard this like Froggy from the Our Gang televi- yet again, in fucking spades. There’s 182 collection, because they sound stuff before. Both bands play similar sion series. The music consists of some heavier production this time exactly the same. Too bad. I liked their simple, fast, early ‘80s skate punk: JFA, creaky organs and creepy industrial around with Confusion, but don’t let band name. I’ll just give the CD to my early Suicidal Tendencies, and so on. I electro rhythms. “Home” is a fucking that scare you—you’ll be nodding younger cousin who is still in that really like this split though. It’s good to masterpiece. I’m renouncing my your head and muttering “Holy shit!” phase. –Jenny Moncayo (Cheapskate) see kids are still skating to good music. involvement with the Congregational under your breath by the time you’re Or making good music to skate to, House of Genital Warts and taking the halfway done listening to the opening PUSH TO TALK: Self-titled: CD which is much more important. Oh membership class at the Church of ass-stomper, “True Crime.” Other I’m guessing these guys spend a lot of yeah, I almost forgot. Rat Byte has a Herpes. –Josh Benke (Voodoo Rhythm) pummels to the kidneys in the same time at ‘80s dance clubs, but only actu- song called Raditude. It is impossible to vein are “The Song We Used to Call ally dance when The Cure comes on in be any cooler in my book. –Newtim RICHARD CHEESE: Best of: CD ‘Wasting Time,’” “The Gamblers Try that so-sad-I-have-to-dance way. (FNS / Party Time) Imagine Tony Bennett singing “Baby’s Their Hand at International –Megan (Doghouse) Got Back” and you’ll have a pretty Diplomacy,” “The Art of Getting Fucked,” and one of my faves, “Rent TITLE: “Life Amazes Us Despite Our The Professionals which was one of anything you’ve ever found at the Is Due.” The rock’n’roll songwriting Miserable Future” FANTASTIC Steve Jones’ bands after the Sex Pistols. Salvation Army and you kind of cry a is shining brilliantly here, especially AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: Actually, I vaguely remember the song, but I was bit when she gets up on stage at the with the tracks “Biz Loves Sluts,” this record is often interesting in an never really into them. But this band school’s talent night and plays her “Don’t Bury Me... I’m Still Not I.R.S. Records circa 1980 way, but, i turns it into a new song. Never heard the green acoustic guitar and sings a song Dead,” “On Again off Again,” “Year mean, if you name your band some- Nick Gilder song “Backstreet Noise” about Glenn and how much she loved of the Rooster,” and the would-make- thing like The Robocop Kraus and you before. All I ever heard was “Hot Child him. I love Rose Melberg for the same Angus-Young-proud riffed gem, “Uh put out an album on friggin’ Epitaph in the City.” I would have never known reasons I loved girls like Alice in high Oh!” I even hear glimmers of D- that sounds like the singer of Gang Of it was a cover if I didn’t look at the liner school. Because she is talented, and Generation on the cuts “The Curse of Four emoting over some kind of rinky- notes. Their rendition of the Ramones’ gorgeous, and oh so sad. And since I’ll the Ivory Coast” and “Black Nothing dink Stereo Total background music, “I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend” becoming hopefully never be sad enough myself of a Cat” (and for those of you groan- you kinda set yourself up for whatever “I Wanna Be Your Girlfriend” was an to write songs this great, I’ll listen to ing, fuck you—that’s a good thing). wise-ass crap the reviewer deigns to easy lyric change and enjoyable too. It this album whenever I feel like hurting There’s even some brief acappella fling your way. –Rev. Nørb (Epitaph) didn’t feel sacrilegious. Their Iggy Pop vicariously. –Jennifer Whiteford happening here about unicorns, cour- cover of “Funtime” has the elements of (Double Agent) tesy of Throw Rag’s Capt. Sean Doe. ROCK N’ ROLL STORMTROOPERS: quirkiness that a band like Fuzzbox in Ex-Catheters (now Tall Birds) drum- On Fire: CD the ‘80s or Elastica in the ‘90s would ROY: Killed John Train: CD mer Davey Brozowski must be given This silly band from Germany wears have done. Their originals are great too. Mr. Todd Taylor is a clever one. I pop credit where credit’s due—he did a their influences on their sleeves: Cock This one’s a keeper! Now if a copy of this CD in the player and right there on real fine job filling in on the drum Sparrer, Slade, AC/DC, Ramones, their previous release that I read about the first song, the guy starts singing stool for the recording of this record. Rose Tattoo. It’s an upbeat, fun record with the Redd Kross and Bay City about Reno. That’s where I live! Simply put, the RBG are as fantastic a with catchy riffs and ridiculous lyrics. Rollers covers comes my way, I will be Unfortunately, “Reno, I’m Coming band as they are good people, so it’s a Sample line: “We are bulldozers on one happy music junkie. –Donofthedead Home” contains a line within that states, no-brainer that you want this new the loose / Roaring, steaming, pound- (Teenacide) “Empty halls with sparse applause yields record for your audio pleasure, Corky ing!” Despite the fact that the music another bad review.” Err… this does not (yes genius, that’s right—Corky. As in utilizes every street punk guitar riff ROSE MELBERG: bode well for Roy. There’s a great, phony TV’s Life Goes on). I hear the RBG cliché in the book, the music frankly Cast Away the Clouds: CD album teaser at the end of Built To Spill’s are gonna be part of this summer’s kicks serious ass. Plus all four guys I loved this album, but then in high CD, There’s Nothing Wrong with Love, Warped Tour again. Christ, I’d really are wearing Turbonegro-esque, Daisy school, I always had a strong fascina- where producer Phil Eck introduces hate to be in any of the bands having Duke type shorts on the insert photo, tion with the melancholy girls. You songs that will appear on the next LP. to follow their set. That shit could get in a background of pink lighning know the girls. Like Alice in your math The songs are miles apart from each really embarrassing. –Designated bolts. What could be better then a lit- class with the dark brown hair and red other stylistically, much like the material Dale (Volcom) tle furry man-leg action? –Ayn cheeks who you saw crying in the hall- on Killed John Train. Country-tinged Imperato (Full Breach) way last week after she broke up with indie-pop in the vein of Wilco and ROBOCOP KRAUS, THE: Glenn. And it was, like, sad, you know? Neutral Milk Hotel followed by slow They Think They Are: CD ROCKET: Girls with Candy Hearts: CDEP Because they weren’t just a high school alterna-moodiness the recalls Idlewild I wish they would have called them- No matter how much thrash, grindcore, couple. They seemed like, desperately and Guided By Voices with some early selves “The Robocop Klaus Nomi,” hardcore, and crust I listen to and go see, in love. And so you sit there when Silver Jews thrown in to allow things to then they’d all be dead of AIDS right I am a sucker for all-girl bands. Now add you’re supposed to be doing that sheet get really quiet. As none of these descrip- now and i wouldn’t have to listen to this a few covers with a blast of bubblegum, of word problems and stare at Alice tive terms contain the words “rock” or CD any more. BEST SONG: “You and I’m like a catfish hooked with a because she’s so pretty and her second- “roll” or the letter “n,” I didn’t care much Don’t Need a Doctor” BEST SONG designer lure. Starting off is a cover of hand clothes are so much nicer than for this. –Josh Benke (Lujo) RUM RUNNER: Dead Men Are Heavier with their intertwining harmonies and and means of how they go about not singing mostly in Japanese and broken Than Broken Hearts: 7” layers. There is no doubt these guys can enervating me. BEST SONG: “It’s Not English, the music was great. I read that Sounds like Swingin’ Utters / Filthy play and show some anger in the True” BEST SONG TITLE: “Your for this U.S. release, they re-recorded Thieving Bastards channeled via The process. A great introduction to another Stuff” FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIV- the songs in English. I much would Pogues. Though a bit unimaginative, it is band I have never heard of before. IA FACT: Band uses a Vox amp. have preferred the Japanese vocals. done very well, utilizing banjo, accor- –Donofthedead (Fat) Goodness. –Rev. Nørb (Dionysus) –Donofthedead (Glue Factory) dion, drums, and undistorted guitar in that wild chaotic way that characterizes SAM LOMBARDI: Take Your Pic: CD SCARRED, THE: No Solution: CD SHOP FRONTS: “So Sick” b/w “Shop Irish folk punk. I personally like the Picture if you will, Kelly Clarkson Young mohawky goodness, pure and Fronts” & “Polish Hammer”: 7” more punked-out songs I’ve heard this weaned on Johnny Thunders. Well, simple. The Scarred somehow look and …i thought their first 45 pretty much band do a bit better, however. The B- maybe not weaned, but told by some sound the part of punk from days gone bit, to tell you the truth, but, although i Side is a slightly more punk version of… A&R weasel to dress that way because by without going down the rehash road. am still gonna hold off on anointing hmm, a Pogues cover. –KO! (Longshot) it’ll sell. Yep, this is pure teen pop crap. It’s refreshing. The songs have an these guys (and girl) the sorely needed There’s quite the team of writers here. urgency and lack of hope that has me saviors of punk rock, i have no prob- RUTS: Punk Singles Collection: CD Some songs have up to five or six writ- on the edge of my seat. I guess they lem in admitting this is a three-song As the name implies, this is a collec- ers. Too bad Sam herself is only credit- kind of remind me of Broken Bottles sampling of highly increased keen- tion of singles tracks courtesy of that ed on four of them. The first song was (but not quite as good). ness. The a-side sounds like a stripped- other most excellent Limey band that kind of catchy (in an embarrassing, –Ty Stranglehold (Punkcore) down, female-vocalized version of the sprinkled liberal doses of reggae into shameful kind of way), but I was Spaceshits “More Abuse,” but with their punk rock. Virtually every classic redeemed when I couldn’t stand the SCARS OF TOMORROW: more of a Red (not “Redd”) Cross (not tune imaginable this band recorded rest of it. This should be standard mall The Beginning of: CD “Kross”) style Robo-beat; the b-side can be found here, from “In a Rut” to fare in no time. –Ty Stranglehold Two early lineups of a band I’ve never causes my reptilian brain-stem to want “Jah War” to the first Ruts DC single, (Black Sea) heard of playing burp-metal with occa- to excavate the Manic Depressives’ “Different View/Formula Eyes.” Of sional flashes of melody. The results “Out With The In Crowd” three-song particular note is that the versions of SASS DRAGONS: ManCandy: CD are—you guessed it—about as exciting 7” for a quick compare/contrast ses- “Babylon’s Burning,” “Society,” and Illinois is one lucky state. It houses the as a fistful of downs with an Everclear sion. Catchy, crunchy, under-produced the aforementioned “Jah War” are all Lincoln Home National Historic Site, it chaser. –Jimmy Alvarado (Thorp) and primitive, i now officially “see the singles versions making their CD lovingly claims the wonderful city of great promise” in this band. Huz the debut here. –Jimmy Alvarado East St. Louis, and they happen to also SCOTCH GREENS: Professional: CD fuck Zah. BEST SONG: “So Sick” (Captain Oi) be home to one of my new favorite On the case is a sticker, which says, BEST SONG TITLE: “Polish bands, the Sass Dragons. I can’t even “punk rock and American roots. When Hammer?” FANTASTIC AMAZING SAINTE CATHERINES, THE: begin to tell you how happy I am to was the last time you heard originali- TRIVIA FACT: If “Polish Hammer” is Dancing for Decadence: CD have received this from Razorcake HQ. ty?” With regards to the first part, when in reference to Ivan Putski, another I remember in the summer of 1993, the Now that Hickey has been gone for a I think “punk rock and American childhood wrestling hero of mine, big talk of the U.S. punk scene was few years, The Bananas don’t seem to roots,” I think of the Gun Club, The Wikipedia says that he’s now a securi- Avail. They were awesome live, but all ever want to record a new album, and Blasters, Los Lobos and maybe The ty guard in a high school in a suburb of their records up until that point were The Minds have disappeared off the Knitters. As for the second part, outside Austin, Texas. Huh. –Rev. Nørb pretty weak. Nothing they’d released map, I am reassured that fun, sloppy, of the occasional inclusion of a banjo, (Noma Beach) had done a really good job of capturing inventive pop punk isn’t going to die what I’m hearing, while not terrible by their live energy. Then Dixie came out along with some of my favorite bands. any stretch, ain’t exactly teeming with SINALOA: Life at These Speeds: 7” and Avail became the big shit of the I actually was surprised that these guys originality. –Jimmy Alvarado They spell their name with a “5” ‘90’s. Dancing for Decadence is The weren’t from the Bay area. There is a (www.scotchgreens.com) instead of an “S” on the cover. This Sainte Catherines’ Dixie. Finally, an distinct feeling I get from their music 7” sounded more pretentious each album that is as dynamic and powerful that I automatically associate with SHIVS, THE: They’re Here: CD time I listened to it. Pee-yew! –Josh as seeing them live. Imagine Tragedy northern California, which I should I love it when a local band does good. Benke (Waking) playing Leatherface songs with catchy, probably stop doing now. I am finding The Shivs are pretty much the top of anthemic choruses a la Strike it really hard not to jump and flail the heap as far as hardcore bands go in SINKIN’ SHIPS: Anywhere, and you’ve got a pretty around the living room right now with Victoria, and this record is a good rep- All Signs Are Wrong: CD good idea of where these six French- a huge smile on my face. Now to clari- resentation of them. Fast and heavy is The first thing that hit me on this one Canadians are coming from. Hugo’s fy, the band comparisons above are not the order of the day. A couple of Blind was the voice. Damn, that is one hell of lyrics straddle the line between person- entirely accurate, because there will Marc’s favorite bands are FUs and the a set o’ pipes. Right off the bat I’m al emo-ish stuff and social statements never be a replacement for any of them. Stretch Marks, and you can tell. They thinking Cinder Block or Theo from calling the scene out on its shit, but The Sass Dragons seem to borrow from tend to creep over to the metal side of Lunachicks, not because of the gender always with enough intelligence to not the best aspects of each of them, creat- things here and there, but for the most similarities, but the sheer power. Love sound cheesy. The three guitars are just ing a sound original to them. Well, it’s part, it’s stripped down early ‘80s hard- it! Musically, it’s also very Lunachicks- different enough from one another to official. My pick for best album of core thrash. Add the musings of a drunk like and that’s never a bad thing in my create a warm, dark melodic texture, 2006 thus far. PLEASE COME TO blind guy who is obsessed with aliens, book. In fact, this thing played in my but without losing their bite. I’m so PORTLAND, DEAREST SASS and you’ve got a fine batch of songs. car for quite awhile, which is always a glad The Sainte Catherines finally have DRAGONS! –Newtim (Lets Pretend) Throw in a couple of my favorite older good testament to a disc’s longevity. I a good recorded representation of how tunes “15 Pack” and “86’ed” and some also think that “Tits on Toast” is a damn awesome they can sound. This band is SATELLITERS: 6-song CDEP cover art featuring some Jaks Team fine song title. Search this one out. –Ty gonna get fucking huge, so you might This long-standing beat/garage/psych aliens and call this a full blown winner. Stranglehold (Wounded Paw) wanna get in on the ground floor and unit from some country where they – Ty Stranglehold (No Front Teeth) get this now. –Ben Snakepit (Fat) issue funny website addresses never SIX STRING JETS, THE: Self-titled: 7” truly connected with me; much like SHONEN KNIFE: Genki Shock!: CD Chock full of the most ancient rock- SAINTE CATHERINES, THE: pretty much everything else on the I was a huge Shonen Knife fan back in ’n’roll clichés, these young morons Dancing for Decadence: CD Dionysus label, they always seemed the early ‘80s. I have a decent collec- almost pull these songs off. “Savage Hey! Another band that flew under my like a slightly sterilized version of tion of their releases that I have Beat” has the line “King of the jungle radar and pops up out of nowhere! I see something that was supposed to be amassed through the years. Like having I’m a wild eyed savage beast/I’m a this band has already put out a couple intrinsically rawer and cooler. Be that your favorite pair of underwear or hungry for love and baby you’re the of LPs, an EP and two splits. Where as it may, the band seems to have “pro- brand of beer, that tends to change over feast.” So dumb it’s almost retarded. have I been? Clueless, as usual. A posse gressed”—arguably for the better time. I kind of fell off their map when The lyrics are sung in exaggerated Alex of six from Montreal, Canada is the cul- (gasp!)—mutating/evolving into some- they went on a U.S. major label. Chilton fashion. I applaud their spirit, prit of creating this wall of noise. A thing more akin to some of the less-hor- Nothing of their later material has the but I’m lukewarm to their execution. mixture of small hints of Strike rible quote-college-rock-unquote units magic of the early material to my ears. –Josh Benke (Wrecked ‘Em) Anywhere, Hot Water Music, and from the Southern Hemisphere ca. The magic in their earlier music was maybe a double pinch of Strung Out. 1985 (Hoodoo Gurus… uh… shit, they could barely play and recorded in SLIDESHAKER: In the Raw: CD Melodic, but still hard driving. The pro- that’s all i can think of right now), and cheap studios and the songs were bub- Good ‘60s mid-to-down tempo garage duction is top-notch in Fat fashion not at all un-Bigtime Records-ish, if blegum cute. The new material is not blues with a slight hint of psychedelia where every instrument is separate and you follow (and even if you don’t). the same for me. It sounds like they are played by what appear to be Finns identifiable, but melds as one. The What this means to the layman is that, trying too hard to sound garage. They (Arttu Keski-Orvola, Jani Korhonen, vocal delivery is slightly gruff, but is in although i still am not enervated in any play the same formula as their later and Heikki Savolainen). The unassail- key and sung with conviction. The meaningful way by this band, i am now material and worse, they continue to ably rad vocals sound like they’re sung three guitars play a game of Twister somewhat more interested in the ways sing in English. When they were through a kazoo hooked up to a fuzz box. The guitar player understands that selected song variety. Alas, live record- and some bonus rarities from one of even Rancid. I mean, my secret’s out: well placed, uncomplicated solos can ings have opposite the intended effect the best bands to come outta I actually like Rancid quite a bit, in be more satisfying than some hot dog on me—I feel left out instead of Germany’s mid-late ‘80s punk/hard- spite of their genre-hopping, their axe man trying to achieve full blown included. Nothing against this album, core scene. If the occasional misogy- posturing, their blossoming thug/gang Clapton-esque wankery. Only two of it’s very well considered, just not my nistic lyric (someone in the band mentality. It’s embarrassing, but it’s the three band members are credited preference. However, they’re still apparently had a few issues with there, you know? I was thinking, with providing handclaps. If anyone making a lot of people gleeful, includ- women and, unfortunately access to a “Yeah, SS Kaliert—the thinking has this on vinyl, send it my way. ing me. –Jessica T (Yep Roc) pencil and pad) doesn’t get your undies man’s Rancid! I can get behind this –Josh Benke (Bad Afro) in a bunch, you might just find your- shit!” Then I actually put the record SPACE CRETINS: Rocket Roll: CD self thrashing in wild abandon to some on and instead of the anthemic gravel- SODA POP KIDS, THE: Write Home: CD Here’s another case of a band pulling a choice noise that sounds more like it buried-in-the-melody stuff I was hop- The first song, “Put on Your Tight fast one on me. If I were to look at the originated in central California’s skate ing for, these guys kick out four sur- Pants,” is so catchy and perfect that the disc, I would be willing to bet that this punk scene than the land of lederho- prisingly dense, tough songs with first time through the CD, I experienced was going to be a straight up “dragstrip sen—melodic (but not in the current hardly a hint of melody or “singa- a let down with each subsequent song. It rock” record. It’s got the crazy drawing pop punk sense), obnoxious and fast. longness” to be found. I mean, the took a few listens, but the rest of the of a hot girl and an alien riding a rock- Good stuff it remains. –Jimmy lyrics are all super-positive and tunes grew on me, too, and now I can’t et, it’s got a dude in the band photo that Alvarado (Boss Tuneage) they’re obviously totally fired up on get this gooey glob of glam punk outta looks a lot like Billy Hopeless of the punk, but that undercurrent of jump- my CD player. “Chained with Your Black Halos and it’s called Rocket Roll. SPIDER FRIENDS: Self-titled: CD in-the-air pogo that I was looking for Love” and “Memory Lane” have those I don’t have to explain my shock and So this dinky and repetitive drum was lacking, and was replaced with ‘50s “ooo-wah-ooo” backing vocals that excitement when I popped the disc in machine and synth beat is playing, and something a lot more simple and, like I’m an absolute sucker for. Listening to and it sounded like The Crowd. What? a dude’s whining over it, and you think I said, tough. So if you want some this CD is like shooting cotton candy That can’t be Decker… I’m telling you that more drums or a guitar or a sharp-as-nails street stuff that you’ll intravenously, chugging Swizzle Stix, “Hong Kong Blow” has to be one of melody or something are going to kick be hard pressed to sing along with, and chasing it down with root beer the best songs The Crowd never wrote. in soon so the song can start. Joke’s on grab it up. It’s not bad, and it’s defi- spiked with cocaine. Cheers to the sugar It starts to lean more towards the rock you! Track 2: steady drum machine nitely heartfelt. Just a little too rough high. –Josh Benke (Full Breach Kicks) vibe as the disc progresses, but it still and synth, dude whining, end of song. around the edges for me. –Keith manages to sound somewhat fresh. A This formula gets a workout over eight Rosson (FNS) SOFAKINGDOM: nice little surprise. –Ty Stranglehold tracks with a couple of deviations Corporation America: CD (www.spacecretins.com) (once, an actual riff!) and some catchy STEEL TOE SOLUTION: Pretty formulaic hardcore that’s like Kraftwerk melodies, but it’s mostly Eight Year War: CD salad at a big holiday meal. It doesn’t SPAIN COLORED ORANGE: Hopelessly like the disc has been shot up with Well lookie here. A baldie in tattered bother you that it’s there, but you Incapable of Standing in the Way: CD Novocain. –Anthony Bartkewicz bell-bottoms and tennis shoes. wouldn’t miss it if it was never put in I’m sure that this would have some (www.myspace.com/spiderfriends) Don’t that just beat all? –Jimmy front of you. –Megan long, hyphenated description, like Alvarado (Headache) (sofakingdommusic.com) electro-retro-lounge-camp or some- SS KALIERT : 7” thing, but I’ll just file it under “no From the promo sheet touting these STOKOE: The Experiment Has Been a SOUTHERN CULTURE ON THE SKIDS: thanks.” –Megan (Lucid) dudes as “streetrock” and the nice Complete and Utter Failure: CD Doublewide and Live: CD silk-screened cover showcasing a Thanks for summing up my entire If you dig live recordings and SCOTS, SPERMBIRDS: Something to Prove: CD bunch of dudes with mohawks, I was review in the album title. –Jimmy this one’s for you; it’s high energy and A reissue of what appears to be the really rooting for something that Alvarado (Rookie, no address) excellently produced, with an expertly lion’s share of the first couple of LPs sounded like Bombshell Rocks or STRONGARM AND THE BULLIES: Spy split 10” from a decade ago. Ten The Original Three or The River TRANZMITORS: Bigger Houses, You Had It Coming: CD songs, political and personal lyrics. City Tanlines. –Todd (Boom Chick) Broken Homes b/w Glamour Girls: 7” Not sure about this. It is dripping with Cool stuff. –Josh Benke Jesus fucking Christ, how does Gord man anger and rage but not in an (Thrashbastard /Refuse) THOUGHT CRIME: of Deranged do it? I’m not blowing accessible way for me. This album has It’s All in Your Head: LP him here, but, crap, man, he can find a very metal influence with the skin- TEEN CRUD COMBO: Originally released on CD by Tribal and release the top ten percent of head vibe thing. The vocals are Judgment Night Soundtrack Part 2: LP War Records, PE gives this a proper punk rock in its fullest spectrum, extremely deep—can’t imagine what it Motörhead, but a wee bit retarded (in a vinyl release. Former members of the from full-on hardcore to power pop. was like for this guy to go through good, punk way). Everything’s in the U.K.’s Suicidal Supermarket Trolleys The Tranzmitors remind me of the puberty—similar to Danzig meets an pocket. Riff-locked, blast-forward and NY’s Distraught play a brand of missile-top of the heap: Buzzcocks, angry drill sergeant. Along with the rock with plenty of swagger, switch- mid-to late-’80s anarcho punk that is Jam, Stiff Little Fingers, Exploding metal vibe, the album has moments of blades in their pupils, and zero fat. equal parts Discharge, Conflict, and Hearts. Crystalline, yet raw-edged, bass-infused blues-like-rock outs, with Great rock is such an easy thing to Icons Of Filth. Hearing the English explosive pop that stomps its boots screeching guitar rock star solos over almost instantly recognize; such a hard accent makes the songs more period while sweating uncontrollably. I it, like in “That Kind of Courage” and thing to play without being a parody, and authentic and not some copycat haven’t been this moved by a band “Gone.” The production of the album being tedious, or outright laughable; sideshow that has appeared through like this since The Gain or is good and the tempo is sped up and and for a Toronto band that ended the years when certain bands try to Smalltown, and that’s just from two always going, but something about it about six years ago, its epitaph is this recreate the sound. To add even more, songs. Excellent. –Todd (Deranged) just isn’t gelling with me. –Jenny torch of an LP, keeping the rock’n’roll Steve Ignorant, formerly of Crass, Moncayo (Rebellion) flame alive. Lemmy’d be proud that appears on a few tracks. The songs TRAPDOOR FUCKING EXIT: the Combo took care of business. charge ahead with fierceness and bile. Crooked Life/Straight World: CD SUSPICIONS: Self-titled: LP Members went on to Ruination and The lyrics are statements of what Imagine a Slip It In-era Henry Rollins Seattle power pop roolz! The full Brutal Nights, which makes perfect angers them: gentrification, war, reli- conducting the Drive Like Jehu bullet length from the Suspicions is finally sense. –Todd (Deranged) gion and other usual suspects, all train all the way from 1988 Chicago to here and it is even better than the sin- delivered in rapid fashion. I saw the 2006 Norway. That’s kinda what this gle. Great power pop/bubblegum that TERMINALS: reformed Conflict a few years ago and sounds like. I especially like the is the best thing Rip Off has released Takin’ Care of Brooks: 7”EP they were a former shell of themselves. “empty, but not thin” production. It’s a since that first Kill A Watts LP. Fans Reminds me of Supercharger, barely This band carries the flame that used to definite departure from the typical No of Bobbyteens, early Joe Jackson, more hi-fi, meaning it doesn’t quite burn brightly for bands of the original Idea sound, and I mean that in a good Lipstick Records, or anything involv- sound like a boombox recording in a movement. They are exciting and rele- way. The guitars are driving, relentless ing Travis Ramin (Total Babes, kitchen: fuzzy, muffy, sweaty, dirty vant to the current generation of punks even, with just a tinge of natural dis- Fevers, Nikki Corvette, etc.): here is white folks with soul blues. Before I who question. –Donofthedead tortion, while the drums keep it smooth your new favorite band! –Mike actually heard the Jon Spencer Blues (Profane Existence) and solid, evoking Hose Got Cable. Frame (Rip Off) Explosion, this is what I was hoping My only complaint is that they put the for: gristle bass, cigarette burns on TIME AGAIN: The Stories Are True: CD strongest songs at the beginning and TANGLED LINES, THE / the linoleum, grease splattering This is the best Rancid record since end, so it drags a bit in the middle. DICK CHENEY: Split: 7” through the vocals, sizzle on the gui- Let’s Go. I’m still trying to figure out Other than that, these dudes from I listen to hardcore so rarely that I’m tars, dirt in the drums. So immediate, why they changed their name. It must Norway have delivered an excellent often surprised how enjoyable it is in I feel like I’m choking on the explain it somewhere on the actual album that deserves your attention. small doses. Both of these bands are exhaust of their tour van with a bad liner notes, but all Hellcat sends out –Ben Snakepit (No Idea) excellent at ripping shit up, and both catalytic converter as it idles outside. are these shitty cardboard sleeves with sides remind me of the Propaghandi/I They’d fit in perfectly on a bill with no info. I’m also not too sure why they TRASHIES, THE: Life Sucks: CD-R point out that track four features Tim Lo-fi pop of the Spits meets the Armstrong. I mean, they all do right? unbeatable dirty charm of Four Seriously, you could butt this record up Deadly Questions brand of punk rock right in between Let’s Go and the with a bit of the U.K. accents of The Wolves one, and it would be seamless I Briefs. You’ll have fun chanting tell you. Seamless! I, for one, am real- along, for sure. “I hate you mother ly happy that they decided to get back fuckers! I hate you mother fuckers!” to what they do best. Forget all that –Mr. Z (Party’s Over) reggae stuff or the wannabe Discharge stuff. This is how I like my TRASHIES, THE: Self-titled: 7” Rancid…What?… It’s really not Once and a while, a band comes along Rancid? Okay, well I guess I like Time that blows your mind with its depth and Again better than Rancid. –Ty overwhelming creativity. And other Stranglehold (Hellcat) times, some jerks like The Trashies put out some stupid songs about chicken TRACTOR SEX FATALITY: sandwiches and the Northwest trash- Black Magic, White Pussy: CD core existence, and that’s okay too. What a fantastic, inspired title for a Sometimes accused of being a dumber CD. The satisfied pleasure I experi- version of The Spits (true) and their enced when my mother-in-law, a songs sounding all the same (also very women’s studies professor, disparaged true), their first vinyl release spits out and scoffed at the name of this CD was two Trashies classics, “Bring Daddy a a moment of pure, distilled joy. How Chicken Sandwich” and “Taz Tattoo,” uptight she must be to have a sincerely featuring Peggy Pinkeye. The 7” also disdainful reaction to the word boasts of packaging bonuses, such as a “pussy.” I guess it’s what you’d expect picture of a real Tasmanian Devil tattoo from a cunt! Now then, the music. and individually spray painted and Heavy, frightening, fucked up noise handwritten cardboard cover art created that powers over the underlying tunes in the infamously filthy 24/7 house without diminishing their resonance. venue where they record. The Trashies Tennessee thunderstorm double bass may be stupid, but at least they’re still and screeching, wild guitars make this a pretty fucking fun guilty pleasure, sound like the soundtrack playing like spending all your money on drugs inside the head of your town’s resi- and partying the night before rent is dent, whacked-out, sleeps-in-the- due. Get Trashies’ music before one of park, crazy dude. I wasn’t prepared them knocks up their cousin or dies of for, nor have I yet recovered from, the alcohol poisoning. –Comrade Bree onsault (onslaught and assault com- (Party’s Over) bined!) of this ferocious CD. –Josh Benke (Big Neck) TRIAC: Dead House Dreaming: CD A furious assault of grind metal, I like this. It’s a little deeper than most CONTACT ADDRESSES to bands and labels that were reviewed either in this issue or posted on www.razorcake.com recently.

• 1234 Go!, 2928 Telegraph Ave. #3, • Don’t Stop Believin’, 8927 Ravenna • LaLaLa, PO Box 76, • Schizophrenic, 17 West 4th St., Oakland, CA 94609 Ave., NE, Seattle, WA 98115 New Albany, IN 47151 Hamilton, Ontario, L9C 3M2 Canada • 1x1, 1960 Old Cuthbert Rd. Ste. 100, • Double Agent, • Let’s Pretend, PO Box 2993, • Shoot First, 5160 Rice Rd. #151, Cherry Hill, NJ 08034 www.doubleagentrecords.com Carbondale, IL 62902 Antioch, TN 37013 • A-F, PO Box 71266, Pittsburgh, PA 15213 • Doubleplusgood, • Life Is Abuse, PO Box 20524, • Sickroom, PO Box 47830, • Alien Snatch, Morikeweg PO Box 3690, MPLS, MN 55403 Oakland, CA 94620 Chicago, IL 60647 1, 74 199 U-Bach, Germany • Eleven Thirty, 449-A Trollingwood • Longshot, PMB#72, 302 Beford Ave., • Small Pool, PO Box 173, • Alternative Tentacles, Rd., Haw River, NC 27258 Brooklyn, NY 11211 Whittier, CA 90608 PO Box 49092, SF, CA 94141 • Empty, PO Box 12301, • Lujo, 3209 Jennie Dr., • SOS, PO Box 3017, Corona, CA 92878 • Antidote, 9830 W. 53rd Pl., Portland, OR 97212 Morgan City, LA 0380 • Spacement, 269 Wonder St., Arvada, CO 80002 • Epitaph, 2798 Sunset Blvd., LA, CA 90026 • Luther, PO Box 685138, Reno, NV 89502 • Art Of The Underground, 225 Main • Eugene, PO Box 1002, Austin, TX 78768 • Spiderland, 2920 13th Ave. S, St., Upper Front Buffalo, NY 14214 Lexington, KY 40508 • Mad Butcher, Kurze Geismarstr. 6, D- MPLS, MN 55407 • Baby Killer, 595 Main St. #1201, • Fashionable Idiots, PO Box 580131, 37073 Gottingen, Germany • Spook City, PO Box 34891, NY, NY 10044 MPLS, MN 55458 • Make Or Break, 1430 N. 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Milwaukee Ave., Oakland, CA 94609 • Surfdog, 1126 South Coast Highway PO Box 34675, Philadelphia, PA 19101 #276, Chicago, IL 60647 • New Art School, 12864 Biscayne Blvd. 101, Encinitas, CA 92024 • Black Sea, PO Box 548, DeFuniak • Flotation, PO Box 13282, #201, North Miami, FL 33181 • Takeover, 1810 14th St. Ste. 210, Springs, FL 32435 Everett, WA 98206 • New Regard Media, Santa Monica, CA 90404 • Bodies of Water Arts and Crafts, 1056 • FNS, PO Box 1299, Boston, MA 02130 PO Box 5706 Bellingham, WA 98227 • Tankcrimes, PO Box 3495, Commercial St., Weymouth, MA 02189 • For Documentation Only, PMB 38, • No Front Teeth, PO Box 27070, Oakland, CA 94609 • Boom Chick, 6405 Morrill Ave., PO Box 413005, Naples, FL 94101 London, England N2 9ZP • Team Science, 11 Birchwood Park Pl., Lincoln, NE 68507 • Full Breach Kicks, 2826 W. Armitage • No Idea, PO Box 1436, The Woodlands, TX 77382 • Bootleg Booze, PO Box 89, 671.22 Ave., 2nd Fl., Chicago, IL 60647 Gainesville, FL 32604 • Tee Pee, 356 Bowery 2nd Fl., Arvika, Sweden • Get Hip, Columbus & Preble Aves., • Noma Beach, PO Box 735, NY, NY 10012 • Bopaganda!, 1809 N Cambridge Ave. Pittsburgh, PA 15233 Sonoma, CA 95476 • Teenacide, PO Box 291121, LA, CA 90029 #5, Milwaukee, WI 53202 • Get Nice, www.getnicerecords.com • One Percent, PO Box 141048, • Temporary Residence Limited, PO • Boss Tuneage, PO Box 74, Sandy, • Gigantic, 59 Franklin St., NY, NY 10013 MPLS, MN 55414 Box 60097, Brooklyn, NY 11206 Bedfordshire, SG19 2WB, UK • Glue Factory, PO Box 404, • Ox, PO Box 10 22 25, • The Death Scene, 8642 Bay Parkway, • Bracket, PO Box 305, Redondo Beach, CA 90277 42766 Haan, Germany Brooklyn, NY 11214 Forrestville, CA 95436 • Goodbye Boozy, Via Villa Pompetti 147, • Party’s Over, 2417 E. Union St., • The Scientist and the Duke, PO Box • BYO, PO Box 67609, LA, CA 90067 64020 S Nicolo a Tordino, Teramo, Italy Seattle, WA 98122 305, La Canada, CA 91012 • Captain Oi, PO Box 501 High • GSL, PO Box 65091, LA, CA 90065 • Plan-It-X, PO Box 3521, • Third Party, 21 Nancy Ln., Wycombe, Bucks, HP10 8QA, England • Headache, PO Box 204, Bloomington, IN 47402 Amherst, NY 14228 • Chain Letter, www.newfangs.com Midland Park, NJ 07432 • Plastic Idol, 410 Bell Ave. Apt. 25, • Thorp, PO Box 6786, Toledo, OH 43612 • Charged, PO Box 3118, • Hellcat, 2798 Sunset Blvd., LA, CA 90025 Sacramento, CA 95838 • Thrashbastard, Jersey City, NJ 07303 • Heroes, 29 John St. #170, NY, NY 10038 • Prison Jazz, 431 Birch St., www.myspace.com/thrashbastard • Cheapskate, 297 Stoodley Pl., • HeWhoCorrupts, PO Box 4450, Scranton, PA 18505 • Touch and Go, PO Box 25520, Schenectady, NY 12303 Chicago, IL 60680 • Profane Existence, PO Box 8722, Chicago, IL 60625 • Cooking Vinyl, PO Box 246, • High Maintenance, PO Box 6058, MPLS, MN 55408 • Transdreamer, PO Box 1955, Huntington, NY 11743 9702 HB Groningen, Netherlands • Punkcore, PO Box 916, NY, NY 10113 • Crimes Against Humanity, PO Box • Hindi Guns, www.thehindiguns.com Middle Island, NY 11953 • TSOR, Badenerstr. 731, 1421, Eau Claire, WI 54702 • Hjernespind, PO Box 604, • Reality Clash, PO Box 491, 8048 Zürich, Switzerland • Crustacean, PO Box 370156, 2200 Copenhagen N, Denmark Dana Point, CA 92629 • Underground Communique, 1220 Milwaukee, WI 53237 • Hungry Eye, PO Box 20403, Tompkins • Reason Y, 2871 Royal Bluff, West Hood Ave. #1, Chicago, IL 60660 • Crusty, PO Box 59, 1895 Commercial Square Station, NY, NY 10009 Decatur, GA 30030 • Upskirts, Kvitsysgt. 89, 4014 Dr., Vancouver, BC, V5N 4A6, Canada • I Scream, PO Box 46608, LA, CA 90046 • Rebellion, 5213 GD Den Bosch, Holland Stavanger, Norway • Crybaby MacCarthur, • Jade Tree, 2310 Kennwynn Rd., • Refuse, PO Box 7, 02-792, • Vinehell, PO Box 36131, 344 W 72nd #8A, NY, NY 10023 Wilmington, DE 19810 Warszawa 78, Poland San Jose, CA 95158 • Cuddle Machines, 801 Meeker Ave. • Jeth-Row, 510 Company St., • Reptilian, 403 S. Broadway, • Volcom, 1740 Monrovia Ave., #1, Brooklyn, NY 11222 Wetumpka, AL 36092 Baltimore, MD 21231 Costa Mesa, CA 92627 • Deathvomit, PO Box 14815, • Joyful Noise, PO Box 20109, • Rip Off, 581 Maple Ave., • Voodoo Rhythm, Jurastrasse 15, 3013 Fremont, CA 94539 Indianapolis, IN 46220 San Bruno, CA 94066 Bern, Switzerland • Deep Elm, PO Box 5260, • Kabuki Thunder, 10 Victory Ln., • Robotic Empire, PO Box 4211, • Waking, 541 Clinton St. #2F, Clover, SC 29710 Leetsdale, PA 15056 Richmond, VA 23220 Brooklyn, NY 11231 • Wantage USA, PO Box 8681, • Double Plus Good, PO Box 3690, • Kick n’ Punch, PO Box 578, 2200 • Rock Bottom Wreckids, 248 Missoula, MT 59807 MPLS, MN 55403 Copenhagen N, Denmark McKibbin St., Brooklyn, NY 11206 • Wired Gnome, PO Box 572, • Deranged, 1166 Chaster Rd., • Kids Of Carnage, PO Box 37, • Sailor’s Grave, PO Box 6786, Concord, CA 94522 Gibsons, BC, V0N 1V4, Canada Centerville, MA 02632 Toledo, OH 43612 • Wounded Paw, 26C Brookfield St., • Destroyed, 12 Summer St., • Kill Rock Stars, PMB 418/120 NE • Salinas, PO Box 20446, Toronto, ON M6J 3A9, Canada Somerville, MA 02143 State Ave., Olympia, WA 98501 Ferndale, MI 48220 • Wrecked ‘Em, PO Box 240701, • Dionysus, PO Box 1975, • Kuriosa, Biezenveld 48, 7943 MC • Saw Wheel, 213 Patterson St., Memphis, TN 38124 Burbank, CA 91507 Meppel, Netherlands Copperas Cove, TX 76522 • Yep Roc, PO Box 4821, Chapel Hill, NC 27515 “Most of this was Send all zines for pretty funny or at review to Razorcake, PO Box 42129, LA, CA least entertaining- 90042. Please much like watching my include a contact address, the number cats fight one of pages, the price, another-so and whether or not no harm here.” you accept trades. -GO metric #20

A. CRIMES POSTCARD theme of either doing something returns. What the fuck?” “The lit- does not a good record review sec- ZINE #2, #3 and #4, Free creative as a career or balancing a tle white girl had a crush on me, tion make. I think their intentions Newest issues of this radical post- day job with one’s creative like most girls that age do. She are sincere, and they’ve probably card zine! Each one has a new endeavors. There are also plenty kept showing me her pussy…” put a lot of work into this one, but image and a new and totally unex- of reviews (zines, books, film, “The little zebra girl became a nig- there are entire interviews in here pected entry on the reverse side! etc.), zine/book excerpts and short ger and pounced on the little white that are rendered nearly illegible GREAT GREAT GREAT! The fiction. –Keith Rosson (Broken girl.” “Anyone stupid enough to due to the colors used. Decent if best layout and print job so far has Pencil, PO Box 203, Stn. P, take any of this obvious catharsis you’re into streetcore or metal got to be #2. Email them today and Toronto, ON, M5S 2S7, Canada) of mine literally deserves to be stuff, but they’re gonna have to get in on this amazing mailing list intimidated by it.” Thank you, work on tightening up the layout before you’ve missed too many DEVIL ON 45, THE Shannon. Thank you. –Gus and doing some more in-depth more issues! –Mr. Z #1, $5.50, 8½” x 11”, 36 pgs. (Shannon Colebank, Whizzbanger features and interviews to turn this ([email protected]) This is an ambitious first issue. Productions, PO Box 5591 guy into a subscriber. –Keith There are really only four articles Portland, OR 97228) Rosson (Kicking And Screaming, AT BOTH ENDS #7, and one interview (with Cynthia PO Box 1299, Boston, MA 02130) $2 plus shipping, 8 ½” x 11”, Plaster Caster!), but they’re all GO METRIC #20, cold web press, 88 pgs. pretty lengthy in addition to being $2, 8½” x 11”, copied, 80 pgs. LADYSCIENTIST #1, Canadians sure are great folks. I very well written and researched. This is a newsprint zine filled with $2, 8½” x 11”, Xeroxed, 34 pgs. don’t think I’ve ever met a Especially interesting was the random columns and pseudo- As the title suggests, this is a zine Canadian I didn’t like. The folks investigation of the intersecting interviews. Column topics include about women in science. It’s made behind At Both Ends continue the worlds of punk and porn, which is the disgrace of the movie Grease, by a biochemistry graduate stu- trend. This zine isn’t just geared labeled part one. I hope I can read Van Halen’s impact, SCTV, and dent from Canada named Susan P. towards the Canadian punk/hard- part two sometime. –Gus (Ed one writer’s bands of the decade, Bustos. It reads like a travel zine at core scene, it covers all sorts of Hannon, Downings Cross, pseudo-interviews with Paul times (her European postdoc stuff. There’s a great interview Prosperous, Nass, Co. Kildare, Wolfowitz as part of the NYC entries on countries like England, with Shellac (with whom I hardly Ireland, [email protected]) punk scene (you really had me Spain, Germany, and Scotland). ever see interviewed and whose going guys!), Knights of the New There’s also a nice piece about her interview is interspersed with all GETTING TO THE Crusade (a Christian metal band), scientist heroines (like Barbara kinds of ridiculous facts on BOTTOM OF THIS #2, and 8-Track Gorilla. There are McClintock, Rachel Carson, Canada), a nice photo diary of $3ppd., 8½” x 11”, 35 pgs. also many an album review. Most Hildegard of Bingen, and Nancy Bane’s Canadian tour, reviews in The guy who wrote this, one of this was pretty funny or at least Wexler, to name a few). There’s the middle of the zine (a novel Shannon Colebank, says it best: entertaining—much like watching also a funny piece about impostor idea), columns, interviews with “The so-called ‘reviewers’ who my cats fight one another—so no Ph.D. students and how she is one bands I’d never heard of, lots of will inevitably purposely take a harm here. –Kurt Morris (Go who just slipped through the ads, an interview with Paint It few lines out of context, project Metric, 801 Eagles Ridge Rd., cracks herself and another called Black, recipes, and a run down their paranoid self-hatred onto Brewster, NY 10509) “My Life as a Ribosome,” (note: a memory lane about some punk them, and then flat-out lie to their ribosome is a minute round parti- rock house in Bellingham, readers…never ceases [sic] to KICKING AND SCREAMING cle composed of RNA and protein Washington. I feel kind of on the astonish and appall me.” Well, far #12, $3.95, 8½” x 11”, glossy, 64 pgs. that is found in the cytoplasm of fence with this zine since I thought be it from me to let the guy down. First look, the cover lineup reads living cells and serves as the site there was a lot of filler, but at the Take it away, Shannon! “The 3 pretty well: interviews with every- of assembly for polypeptides same time, the interviews I did things I hate the most are: one from John Holstrom (the encoded by messenger RNA). read were pretty interesting. Weaklings (Liars and Arguers). founder of Punk magazine) to Interesting, even for a chemistry- Nonetheless, I think I’d be open to The Stupid (those who refuse to Broken Bones, Four Letter Word, deficient dude like myself. –Greg reading another issue if it came learn). The Mentally Ill (weak- Curtis of Taang Records and tons Barbera (Ladyscientist, 398 Bloor my way. –Kurt Morris (At Both lings who cannot handle the horror more. Unfortunately, all the inter- St. W., Toronto, ON M5S 1X4, Ends, #207-555 E. 6th Ave., of it all.)” “Black people talking views are really short and ulti- [email protected]) Vancouver, BC Canada, V5T 1K9) that nigger-jive shit…knowing mately pretty dull, and they’ve full well they are utterly insignifi- apparently decided that since the MAXIMUM ROCK AND BROKEN PENCIL #30, gant.” “It is so easy to develop a mag’s full color, they should use ROLL #273, $4, 8½” x 11”, $5.95, 8½” x 11”, offset, 68 pgs. God Complex when everyone every godawful color combination many, many pgs. Heavy focus on the DIY/indie around me is so totally non-exis- imaginable in regards to text vs. It would appear as though you’re writing/creative scene in Canada. tant as an ego.” “In California they photo placement. Guys, orange, reading Razorcake. That leads me Decent range of topics, with all of sell hard liquor in grocery stores pink, and green text on a black to believe you’ve probably read them holding onto the rough but will not take your bottle background (in Chalkboard font) MRR at least once in your life. So I imagine you know the drill by NOSE KNOWS!, THE Vol. 2, Records to a bunch of bands reality none of it is horrible, but, now. One might argue they are the #’s 3-6, $?, 8½” x 11”, I’ve never even heard of. It also combined, it just seemed to add up exemplar punk ultra-zine. They folded a few times features about five trillion to something intolerable. The lay- got the interviews, like the one I got sent four of these to review. reviews, covering releases in out was really poorly done with with Jesus Fucking Christ, who Okay. Topics covered by TNK!: just about every sonic and visu- Pagemaker in multiple fonts, the are evidently some pretty funny death, cereal, cars hitting bikes, al format available, it comes reviews weren’t in alphabetical guys. Punk! They got the scene post car/bike hitting trauma, with a full-length compilation order, the interviews were with reports. St. Louis punk rock? You Valentine’s Day, the art and sci- CD and, shit, even the ads look bands and people I’d never heard bet! Rock! They got the reviews ence of kidnapping roadies, long awesome. But it’s also entirely of, and the columns were boring of records and zines and such. drives, cell phones in the toilet, in German and I can’t read a and uninteresting. The zine itself Yeah! They got the news of inter- parodying Ben Snakepit (Cakepit! word of it. –Keith Rosson (Ox was released a year ago and thus est to the discerning punk. Did Get it?), Jesus gets pregnant, c/o Joachim Hiller, PO Box 10 had material in it even older than you know that twenty or so Brazil rules, America not so much, 22 25, 42766 Haan, Germany) that. There’s too many fish in the “youths” recently mobbed a pair grammar, touring, talking zine sea to want to spend any of policemen in Greece and left snakes…no wait, that’s a talking PUBLICK OCCURANCES #5, amount of time reading most one in the hospital while making plant, um…yeah that’s pretty $1 or stamps, 4” x 5”, 24 pgs. zines, especially this one. Next! off with the other’s gun a few much all of it. Kind of all over the So Danny goes to thrift stores –Kurt Morris months back? Awesome! They got place, but interesting, and not too looking for old yearbooks. When ([email protected]) the columns. Like this one, where incoherent. –Gus (Nose, 1810 he finds one, he sketches twenty- Mykel Board describes his experi- Riback Rd. Columbia, MO 65201) four pages worth of the people in SLUG & LETTUCE #85, Free in ence touring to promote his new them. He claims to do a different person or for postage through mail, book: “‘Solly, Mr Board,’ says the OBLIVIOUS NATION year every month. The one I’m 15” x 11”, 20 pgs. clerk. She’s a short Oriental with a Winter 2005, $?, 8½” x 5½”, looking at is from 1956. This is in Another solid issue of Slug & severe Chinese accent. ‘Yaw tick- copied, 48 pgs. fact quite awesome. I might have Lettuce. Contains the typical ets dis morning. You cannot use While there’s no numerical desig- to send for some more of these. columns, zine reviews, and music aftah.’” Ha ha ha! So anyway, nation on this zine, it would seem Oh, and he sends you some stick- reviews. Even with such a large Guys, orange, pink, and green text on a black background (in Chalkboard font) does not a Good record review section make.” KICKING AND SCREAMING #12 they got the…wait, what? Why that Miss Oblivious, (the propri- ers, too. Really cool stickers! layout, before you know it, it’s does Mykel Board, author of etress of this zine) has been doing –Gus (Danny Martin, 3407 E over. Christine is always on top of You’re Wrong! feel it’s necessary it for a little bit. Based out of the Camden #1, Tucson, AZ 85171) her game, the zines and music to phonetically write out his East Bay area, the zine covers reviews are well-written, and the encounter with an Asian American Miss Oblivious’s life and times, PUNK PAGAN #4, breadth of the columns is good, Greyhound ticket clerk, especially including her punk rock wedding Free, 5½” x 8½”, 43 pgs. including Mike Straight’s about as this scenario was described just ceremony, some record reviews, So, yeah, this dude loves the punk how he cons the two marketing paragraphs after he described his lots of pictures of friends and her and he loves the paganism, among agencies in Philly, which was pret- exchange with an “Alabama- family, and so on. The layout’s all other things. In fact, he compiled a ty funny. I like how the ads are at twanged” “Southern Belle”? Why cut and paste with a lot of what list of 100 things he loves. Some the bottom of each page, so didn’t he feel the need to fuh-neti- just seems like garbage and pic- excerpts: Mountain Dew (#7), they’re not really distracting. cally renduh his encoun-tuh with tures of people I didn’t know. being naked outside (#15), vam- There’s a good array of live shots this paragon of Suthun’ sen-sabi- Even though the zine isn’t small, it pire books (#19), Xanex and of all kinds of bands, too. And lahtee? Not punk rock enough? still didn’t seem like there was Valium (#25), taking nice, healthy with it being free in person or just –Gus (Maximumrocknroll, PO much content here. It’s almost as shits (#29), bar food (#43), the cost of postage via mail, it’s Box 460760, SF, CA 94146) though this zine was made for “Cincinnati chili” (#72), switch- worth picking up. –Kurt Morris Miss Oblivioius’s friends and peo- blades (#90), and getting out of (Slug & Lettuce, c/o Christine, PO NEGATIVE REACTION ple who are familiar with her life. jail (#100). If you need to know Box 26632, Richmond, VA $5, 7½” x 10½”, 35 pgs. I thought the story of her wedding some good methods and times by 23361-6632) I sometimes wish I’d been raised was kind of cool, but other than which to worship the goddess in the U.K., because then I could that, I didn’t get a lot out of it. Brigit, to say nothing of who TONES & NOTES, #4, use awesome U.K. slang without –Kurt Morris Brigit is and what significance she $1, 8½” x 11”, Xeroxed, 14 pgs. sounding like a wee blimey cunt. ([email protected]) might have in your life, check this I’ve been sent one of these before Everything just sounds better and out. He also reviews some stuff and, by god, if I can figure out just more hilarious if you say it OX FANZINE #64, $4.50, and goes on an extended (though what exactly is going on with it. Cockney-like. You read the GBH glossy/perfect-bound, 140 pgs. not untrue) rant about Fuck the This much I can tell you: it is interview in this issue, or better What can I say about this one? It’s War! Screw the Troops! Condi about music, but a side of music yet, the one guy’s account of his massive, impeccably laid out, in Rice is Evil! –Gus (Punk Pagan I’m not that all familiar with, the having accidentally attended a full-color—but is restrained and Publications, PO Box 282, side that deals with composition, Slipknot concert, and you tell me tasteful in its use of said color— Manville, RI 02838) notation, and arrangement. The I’m wrong, ya wee bloody tosser. features about a trillion interviews pages are dense with information –Gus (Trev Howarth, 20 New with everyone from Penny SLTM #22, $?, 8½” x 11”, ? pgs. and, while I’ve tried over and Front St. T/Lea, Stanley, Co. Rimbaud of Crass to Boy Sets Fire This might very well be one of the over, comprehension escapes me. Durham, DH9 9LY, England) to Mike Park of Asian Man worst zines I’ve ever read. And in The last two pages include brief 105 zine reviews. This is the sec- UGLY PLANET #3, Drooker that included some of be sure, but it’s one that is ond zine I’ve reviewed this Free, 7” x 9”, 64 pgs. his artwork, but on the whole, almost scientific in its self- issue that is making me feel Man, these guys are only on nothing much really struck me as examination. Kurt goes to great completely stupid. And for that issue #3? Wow. This thing is too interesting. With so many lengths to say why he doesn’t I give Tones & Notes high some pretty slick shit. I like the magazines out there that are want children. Step by step— marks! Or was it the four crisp big pictures they have of their seemingly covering the same from the perpetuation of bad one dollar bills that came with interviewees, who are a pretty general fare, I can’t see why any- genes, to finances, to the this issue?... –Greg Barbera diverse group. In this issue alone one would want to drop four responsibilities of raising a (Tones & Notes, PO Box 190- you got Le Tigre, Jarboe, Jello bucks on it, but oh well, go child—he not only asserts his tn, Philomath, OR 97370) Biafra, Naomi Klein, Ramsey ahead, be my guest. –Kurt belief of remaining childless but Kanaan, and Ice-T (discussing Morris (Ugly Planet, PO Box makes sure the reader, in no TRYING #3, the different degrees of pimpin’). 205, NY, NY 10012) way, shape, or form, feels talked $1, 5½” x 8½”, 66 pgs. And those are just the people I’d down to. Another section of the A five-part journal in which heard of. Thanks to this maga- VERBAL ABUSE #1, $1.99, zine examines—with the same Dominic helps his mom move, zine, I finally found out who it is 8½” x 11”, Xeroxed, 12 pgs. type of self-scrutiny—the tall leaves his hometown and all that’s been drawing all those pic- A stellar comic zine featuring wall he has to scale to find a his friends in NY to move to tures you see all over the damn Popeye Vs. The Republican lady friend: a woman with Portland, hangs out with little place. His name is Eric Drooker. Party (hint: Popeye wins!), Christian faith, a love of DIY kids and wacky middle-aged Go to drooker.com and you’ll Gooftard the Retarded Guinea (or at least a compassionate for men on the train, wears the know who I’m talking about. Pig, Farty the Crippled Robot, it), who doesn’t want a child, same underwear for a few This magazine is free, so I can’t and more. The mind behind the while living in Indiana. Honesty days, works some weird part- say I’d buy it again, but I’d defi- madness here is Andrew in writing goes a long way with time jobs, breaks up with his nitely pick it up the next time I Brown, and he does a good job me and WtFC fits that bill. long distance girlfriend, and saw it. –Gus (Ugly Planet, PO aping that which came before –Todd (Morris, 835 Ashland agonizes endlessly about the Box 205 New York, NY 10012) while creating his own twisted Ave. #4, SB, IN 46616) choices he’s made. It’s mostly vision (think Turbonegro here). handwritten, although there is a UGLY PLANET #3, The only complaint I can find sort of op-ed on gender $3.95, 7½” x 10”, 66 pgs. with this zine is that it’s too inequality that’s typed and Glossy cover, snazzy layout, lots fucking short! –Greg Barbera some stream-of-consciousness of ads, and good interviews with (Verbal Abuse, 3210 W. Wells poetry stuff in cursive. A little a range of characters from Le St., #11, Milwaukee, WI 53208) uneven overall, but as far as the Tigre and Jarboe to Jello Biafra Hundreds more zine reviews, ruminations on hope and loss, and Ice-T. Of course, there were WELCOME TO FLAVOR old and new, are being posted well, fuck, we’ve all been the required CD/book/DVD COUNTRY #5, $1 (?), on www.razorcake.org there. –Gus reviews, and interviews with 5½” x 8½”, 18 pgs. ([email protected]) bands I’d never heard of. There Raw and highly self-question- was an interview with artist Eric ing, WtFC is a personal zine, to him. He’s snotty and the Utopia I have created in my own mind (when spends a lot of time I was 10!), and ask them if they are worthy of it. trying to figure out So, essentially, this is the sort of vocal which buttons to exchange Shannon would be looking at should push to really set he ever find himself waiting for a bus in Iceland you off, then pushes or something: those buttons. At the Random Icelandic dude: Hey, man, how’s same time, he has a it going? Where are you from? lucid eye for under- Shannon Colebank: I am from the Utopia I currents just below have created in my own mind when I was ten. the surface. He has a Are you worthy of it? tenderness, too, that That shit’ll fly like a jet, I’m sure. seems to belie his Like I said, his writings come across as bit- role as a contrarian. ter, hateful, paranoid and random. There’s no Deep down, you get real cohesion. He repeats himself over and over the sense that he again. The themes (Shannon versus the world) cares, that he just get tiring. They’re also just not very well written. wants to do right by I mean, yeah, I get it, Shannon; you’re frustrated the people around because no one accepts you as a God except you. him. It’s this And we’re all sheep, and Asians are all political- dichotomy, along ly correct idiots, and “antagonistic flaming fag- with the remote set- gots” dress in drag for the sole purpose of being ting and people, that “discriminated against” and blah blah blah. On makes Even a and on. I get your shtick, trust me. Daughter Is Better Another excerpt: I pity the average person Even a Daughter Is Better Than Nothing Than Nothing more (though I feel no sympathy) for their inability to By Mykel Board, 347 pgs. than just a collection of columns or just a travel grasp what I am talking about. It is pointless for I remember when Mykel Board first started book. It’s a unique and powerful view of an odd me to explain it here, since I have already beat- writing about Mongolia in Maximum Rocknroll. man at the end of the world. –Sean Carswell en it into the ground in a dozen other zines you I thought it was a joke. He’s notorious for (Garrett County Press, 614 South 8th Street are too stupid to read. This is the difference pulling readers’ legs in his MRR column. He’s #373, Philadelphia, PA 19147) between a shitty but emotionally balanced really a great liar, which is what you want out of writer, and one who is not so balanced: the guy a writer. I didn’t believe that he really had gone Getting to the Bottom of This #1 who’s got some degree of solidity in his life to Mongolia until his fourth or fifth column from By Shannon Colebank, 32 pgs. takes rejection in stride and works on perfecting there. Even now, after reading the columns and Shannon hates America. his craft. The guy who considers himself a God the book, a little part of me wouldn’t be sur- Shannon is a genius and you are all sheep. blames his crappy writing and lack of readership prised to find that he made it all up. It doesn’t Shannon thinks niggers should either speak on eeeeveryone but himself. –Keith Rosson ($3 matter. Regardless, the book is believable proper English or shut the fuck up. ppd. to Shannon Colebank, PO Box 5591, enough and interesting enough that the facts Shannon is a genius. And he hates capital- Portland, OR 97228) don’t matter. You’ll find some truth either way. ism. Even a Daughter Is Better Than Nothing is a He knows for a fact that Freemasons rule the King Dork memoir of Board’s year of teaching English at planet. By Frank Portman, 341 pgs. the National University in Ulaanbaatar. The He knows that Communism and witchcraft So this is the first novel by Frank Portman, chapters are arranged more or less chronologi- are the only ways to true freedom. (better known to the pop punk world as Dr. cally, but they read like individual essays. Some And you’re all maggots. Imbeciles. And Frank, of The Mr. T Experience), a coming of of them, or at least parts of them, probably Shannon, of course, is a God. age novel for teens, which I suppose isn’t that appeared in MRR (at least, when I read a few of Shannon hates America, did I mention that? much of a surprise coming from the man who the chapters, I did have a vague sense that I’d And all of you blathering, bleating sheep that are wrote songs such as “Are You There God? It’s heard the story before). When taken as a whole, obviously too stupid to understand him. Me, Margaret” and “Bridge to Teribithia.” But though, this book takes you on a yearlong trek in Did I also mention that he’s a genius and no, this isn’t just “a book about a girl.” It’s fair- Mongolia. You get a taste of the local flavors. you’re an idiot? ly safe to assume Portman didn’t want this to You get to learn some of the customs, taste some This is essentially what you’re going to get, come off as another “I was miserable as a kid of the food (nothing like lamb brains), and get a repeatedly, over and over again, in Colebank’s until I got into punk” story, but it’s hard not to sense of what life is like at the end of the world. recent spiral-bound little gem: page after page see the similarities. The country really does come across as a bizarre of vitriolic, delusional, hateful writing. The story follows Tom Henderson, who land. It seems like one of the last places left in Essentially, what it comes down to is that lives in a world filled with the same weird stuff the world that’s unsullied by globalization, that’s Shannon writes repeatedly how he “gets” it and you’d expect to hear about from the MTX’s con- ignored by McDonald’s and Wal-Mart, sure, but you, the reader, don’t and won’t. But he just temporaries (or for that matter, would expect to also ignored by Time Warner and Universal keeps crankin’ ‘em out, doesn’t he? Topics of deal with living in the suburbs that everyone Music, which is probably even more significant, Shannon’s attacks here include but are not lim- tries to keep secret, as I can vouch). He deals culturally speaking. Mongolians make their own ited to: America, Asians, queers, blacks, with excessive bullying, trying to attract girls, as music, they create their own culture, they build America, punks, the American Medical well as finally trying to start his own rock band their cities and towns on their own time schedule Association, the California Department of Parks (and, by all means, Tom’s constant name-chang- and under their own terms. In this way, even and Recreation, meter readers, America, ing band still did more than my own in high though there’s not punk rock there, Mongolia Shannon’s ex-roommate Kathleen, America, school). To make things interesting, Tom has comes across as an ideological punk rock heav- drug addicts, and America. You get the point: also taken it upon himself to try to solve some of en. Certainly part of this image of Mongolia is pretty much anyone but Shannon is repeatedly the mystery surrounding his father’s death, colored by the storyteller. Board does see the labeled as a “blithering imbecile.” At times it’s which revolves around The Catcher in the Rye world through his punk rock eyes. He celebrates hilarious, at times really frightening; the depths and the notes left within his father’s copy. All of things that a typical travel writer would con- of this dude’s delusions run pretty deep. the parts eventually tie in together somehow— demn, and he condemns what a typical travel An excerpt, as Shannon yet again reminds us much like how life has a funny way of doing that writer would celebrate. And, at his very core, how much he hates America—and all the people sometimes. he’s the Mykel Board who you’ve come to love who inhabit it—and that he will eventually move I may not have been a teenager for a few and hate through his MRR columns. He’s kinda to a more acceptable Socialist country (such as, years now, but I still found this to be an enjoy- like that guy you go on the road with because he he says, Iceland): When I get to the Socialist able story overall. My only real complaint is seems cool at first. Pretty quickly into the trip, country, and they ask me where I am from, I will with, at times, the first person narration. There’s you want to strangle him, and after the trip is not defile myself with the humiliating label of no way to nicely put it, but even the smartest, over, you look back fondly on time spent with “American.” I will instead tell them I am from nicest teenagers can be pretty dumb most of the

108 time (at least, speaking from personal experi- appointed. Five-time Hugo award winner Tim ence), so calling everything gay and retarded Kirk provides the illustrations. The book’s hard- starts to get a little irksome after a while, but it bound and numbered and signed by all those seems to stop after a while. The same goes for involved (including the publisher, who has won- the constant abbreviations for everything (again, derful penmanship). It makes me happy that I’m guilty of this NOW, let alone when I was what could be merely a kitschy gesture—“Dude, that age). Overall, this is a pretty good read it’s a lit-grindcore band! Bro, Phillip K. Dick whether you can relate to it now, or for nostalgic and Anal Cunt, but with real words!” followed reasons. –Joe Evans III (Delacorte Press, 1745 by headbutting—is such plowable creative Broadway, New York, NY 10019) ground with more than eight years of fertile top- soil. Blöödhag, bless ‘em. They play actual Mecca Mettle libraries. They put out a real book. They record By Tomas M. Disch, Blöödhag, and Tim Kirk, actual albums. They’re not just a figment of my 102 pgs., hardbound, with CD imagination. And it’s all in the name of good I’m a big fan of hard work and extremely fun, literacy, and the grand gesture that nothing dumb shit (And I say that as high praise). It’s a but nothing is more punk rock than learning, try- rare case when “wouldn’t it be funny if…” and a ing to be smarter than those who control us, and full-scale project actually come to fruition. Case pushing every little boundary, page by page. in point: all four members of Blöödhag, progen- –Todd (Payseur & Schmidt, c/o Alice Schmidt, itors of NorthWest EduCore, not only have the PO Box 61249, Seattle, WA 98141) gravitas to put pen to paper and provide excel- lent excerpts from their extended bibliogra- phies—stories ranging from drug-induced hallu- cinations to The Chronicles of Mighty Payloader—the book itself is exquisitely

legendary, sorely missed New Wave Theatre, footage (it’s a goddamned shame that, in an era where entire seasons of crap television shows are released on DVD, a show as cre- ative, visionary and downright essential as New Wave Theatre continues to gather dust on a shelf and wallow in obscurity) that, while is sloppy, out of tune, and poorly mixed, con- veys more spirit and sincerity in less than ten minutes than the Palladium footage manages to convey in more than an hour. –Jimmy Alvarado (Epitaph, 2798 Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90026

Bad Religion: Live at the Palladium: DVD Lollipop Is Burning Festival: DVD I’ve long had a love/hate relationship with A document of a set of Paris gigs, featuring Bad Religion—I pretty much adore their early five tunes each from The Hatepinks, Jerry work and pretty much loathe their later work. It Spider Group, Neurotic Swingers, Petit Vodo, isn’t so much about the whole “sellout” thing and The Briefs. Although most of the bands as it is about slick production and the profes- here are kinda strip-mining the same little punk sionalism that crept into their work, which, to pigeonhole, they do it well and the sound qual- me, sapped the energy and immediacy out of ity and presentation are good enough that the anything they did. Not that I hated everything proceedings are a hoot to watch. The Briefs, of they did later on—I’ll admit a fondness for course, continue to amaze. The extras, which “Los Angeles Is Burning” off the last album, include footage of the final Gasolheads show, and I appreciate the topicality of their lyrics— assorted videos, and Kevin K performing on but on the whole it moves me about as much as Croatian TV, is of varying quality. –Jimmy your average Def Leppard album, which to me Alvarado (Lollipop, 7 Impasse Monsegur, runs completely contrary to what punk was/is 13016 Marseille, France) supposed to be about. Ultimately boils down to personal preference, I guess. If that three guitar Nardwuar the Human Serviette: Doot attack played through state of the art equipment DooLa Doot Doo…Doot Doo!: DVD and that big rock sound float your boat, I tip my Seeing as how you’re reading this review hat to ye. I crank up “Voice of God Is in this particular rag, you’re already well aware Government” and revel in Brett’s slightly off- of Nardwuar the Human Serviette. The crazy kilter guitar and all that agro that’s missing Canadian has been interviewing celebrities and from their current output. I feel the same about politicians and other random freaks for many what’s presented on the disc in question. The years now. In the ‘90s, Much Music (aka: the bulk, a live set recorded at the Hollywood Canadian MTV) hired Nardwuar to… well, Palladium, is all gloss and slickness, with continue being Nardwuar. He continued to eleven cameras capturing every movement interrogate rock stars and actors, videotaping onstage and the band running through a “best every second. And now, thanks to Much Music, of” selection from nearly their entire catalogue. Alternative Tentacles, and the man himself, The band seems amiable, their performance is you can watch these interviews, spread out pitch-perfect and the kids in the audience seem over two DVDs, equaling over five hours of to be eating the proceedings up, yet the whole footage! What a deal! spectacle feels about as edgy and spontaneous The thing that becomes most apparent as a Britney Spears video. Frankly, I’ll leave when watching these interviews is just how that part of this DVD for the punters to fawn brilliant of a journalist Nardwuar is. He’s over. What really got my blood going was the always incredibly well-prepared, with lots of “bonus” footage of the band performing on the questions that most interviewers wouldn’t ask. His demeanor is infectious, making his as they hit all the right marks for fun. And subjects open up in a way most people if you like games and hockey fights, you never see (for better or worse). Above all, will love this disc. “Yoga Deathmatch” is the man is fearless, going to great lengths reason enough to get it. The extra games to ask the most incredible questions. Even included for your computer will keep you when celebrities hate him, they respect his in a loop for a week. –Speedway Randy in-depth research, and so will you! (Novel Amusements, 10 Trellanock Ave, Disc One features the first two Toronto, ON, M1C 5B5, Canada, Nard Wars specials commissioned by www.novelamusements.org,) Much Music. Nard Wars I is basically a compilation of snippets from a number of Rock and Roll B-movie Monsters: his interviews, hosted by Chris Murphy of Zombie Bot from Death Planet 6: DVD Sloan. The interviews run the gamut, fea- Cartoon creator Gene Romero is back turing Kelly Osbourne, Gene Simmons, with the second installment of the RNR B- Marilyn Manson, Peaches, Ian Mackaye, Movie Monsters, and this shit’s funnier Vanilla Ice, Busta Rhymes, Timothy Leary, than his first one, Go Go Johnny Kill! Josh Homme, Rob Halford, and a bazillion (Which can be watched on http://officialra- others. These little snips are rounded out mones.com/site/nav.html). Without ruining by Nardwuar’s top five favorite interviews, the plot, our B-Movie Monsters fight fire which get a bit more screen time. It’s all with fire against Clint Howard’s evil robot fast paced and hilarious as you watch some with a robot of their own—the Lembot people “get” Nardwuar, and some people Kilmaster 3000, and yes, it’s that same who just want to beat the shit out of him. Lemmy you’re thinking of. There’s also the Nard Wars II is less exciting. It’s basi- ripping on Robo Cop and a very “colorful” cally a half hour of Nardwuar preparing Johnny 5 from that movie, Short Circuit. for his third interview with Snoop Dogg… Okay, that’s all your getting—like I said, I collecting info, calling his manager, wait- ain’t ruining it for anyone. Gene’s cre- ing in the hotel for Snoop to show up. It’s ations in his animations are funny as they kinda interesting to see how these things are entertaining, and I’m really looking unfold, but it’s a little boring. Luckily, the forward to his next series, Super Vato. His last twenty minutes with Mr. Dogg is pure official animation website should be going Nard magic. up around the same time this goes to print. The first disc is rounded out with If you wanna get a hold of Gene, you’re performances from Nardwuar’s bands, encouraged to drop ‘em an email and check Thee Goblins and The Evaporators, out his MySpace page to get a glimpse at including live performances and music what he and his lil’ monsters have been up videos! The quality varies, but it’s all a to: [email protected] or lot of fun to watch. http://www.myspace.com/rockandrollb- Disc Two is basically just unedited moviemonsters. –Designated Dale versions of the bits shown on disc one. They’re even funnier this way, as you Threat: DVD can watch the reactions of the intervie- The plot of this film is simple wees get more and more annoyed, dis- enough—two friends, one a hip hop dude turbed, and ultimately confused by and the other a homeless straight edge kid, Nardwuar’s consistent prodding. His bring their two tribes together and murder interview with Wesley Willis is bizarre, and mayhem ensue as the two groups clash. yet touching. His numerous Jello Biafra In theory, it should make for interesting encounters are edited down to a thirteen- viewing, if not successfully conveying its minute compilation, highlighting some message—which appears to be that under- pretty hilarious moments. The full length dog factions should focus on fighting the Henry Rollins, Gwar, and Michael Moore greater society than each other. The prob- interviews are priceless. The second disc lem, however, lies in the execution of the also has a few extra tidbits, and both film. After a nicely done intro, the bulk of discs feature bonus Easter eggs hidden the movie consists of disjointed scenes about (I found at least five). featuring various members of each group As Michael Moore once said, separately prosaically waxing philosophi- Nardwuar is “a national treasure.” If you cal about assorted subjects and doing little like reading his interviews, you’ll love else. While this may have worked to some watching him in action. My only complaint degree in movies like Clerks, the script is that I wish there were more interviews! here is sorely lacking anything close to Maybe there will be a second volume down Kevin Smith’s wit, and the actors make the road (hopefully with the infamous the View Askew stable of thespians look Sonic Youth and Lydia Lunch interviews). like a seasoned Shakespearean company. Until then, this one is highly recommend- The remainder of the film, a tit-for-tat ed. –Russell Lichter (www.nardwuar.com) murder spree, the result of the meeting of the two groups at a straight edge gig, is Novel Amusements #5: DVD and zine essentially pointless, as very little sympa- A DVD of homemade short films and thy for the dead characters has been videos, with this issue all pertaining to developed over the preceding hour for the games of some sort—athletics, Nintendo, audience to really care that they’ve been headgames, etc. I like the way the shorts shot, stabbed, or hit in the face with a gar- are related to games in totally different dening claw. –Jimmy Alvarado (Halo 8 ways. Some are real fun, a few are remi- Destructions, 7336 Santa Monica Blvd niscent of every short film collection .#10, LA CA 90046) (office work stuff, writers block, dicking around on a bedroom floor) but if you haven’t seen 20,000 shorts in the last five years then you will be just fine with these,