us had just downed a six-pack while perusing an online inter- Gus and I were both at a loss. active global atlas. He panned across satellite pictures of the I’ve never pondered why I do this work for a fanzine. It doesn’t pay Amazon and zoomed into the small side streets of his home- a cent and it can be as intensely time-consuming and retardedly stressful G town, Titusville, Pennsylvania. The enormity of Earth flashed as any other deadline-driven job. with each pixel across the screen and everything in our lives just seemed But it still isn’t a ‘job.’ Regardless of the tireless hours, it is work so tiny. that I take great pride in—my heart glows like a thousand-watt bulb “We’re just a small cancer in this,” he concluded. from a swell of joyous satisfaction every time I crack open another issue Sometimes Gus becomes an existentialist asshole when he’s been to see my imprint inked permanently across the pages. Regardless of the drinking. As soon as he became bored with virtually flying across the lack of cash compensation, it is work that I do with friends—passionate globe, he turned his attention to me. I was hunched over a glowing mon- people for whom I care about deeply rather than folks that I’m forced to itor, going blind as I grappled with another technological obstacle. tolerate for 40-hours a week. “Why do you do this?” He demanded. His breath was heavy with the Gus was condescending when he asked if this was important work. sour smell of cheap beer. “What do you get outta this?” Razorcake isn’t going to prevent wars, save endangered species or solve It was a week before deadline and I had two layout assignments due. world hunger—but we’re an independently published fanzine who gives I was struggling in front of someone else’s computer and their unfamil- voice to a small counterculture and the people who struggle as artists, iar set-up. This was one of three computers that I had been scrambling musicians, and writers. We do our part as a gasp of fresh air in a culture around Portland to use after my own machine’s motherboard imploded. suffocating from the massive chokehold of advertising disguised as cor- I was perched on the plank of wit’s end, the splintery board bent poratized media watered down to keep the majority of us ignorant ominously low as I was weighed down with a truckload of stress. Gus’s enough to consume mindlessly. Of course our work is important—what questions jabbed at my back like a rusty pirate dagger. else are people going to read when they’re on the toilet? “Do you think you’re doing important work for Razorcake? What? I was wrong when I told Gus that “I just like doing it.” It’s more than that. Are they the latest cutting edge underground punk rock publication?” He I am grateful for this work. I am excited about this work. I love this work. was mocking me. All I could muster was, “I dunno. I just like doing it.” –Amy Adoyzie AD DEADLINES AD SIZES • Full page, 7.5” wide, 10” tall. ISSUE #33 • 1/2 pg: 7.5” wide, 5” tall. June1st, 2006 • 1/4 pg:, 3.75” wide, 5” tall. ISSUE #34 • 1/6 page, 2.5” wide, 5” tall. August 1st, 2006 • Please make all checks out to Razorcake. Email [email protected] • We only accept electronic ads. for rates and full details. • All ads are black and white. Our ad rates are super. • We don’t reserve ad space. Cover designed by Amy Adoyzie Cover photograph by Megan Pants “Death takes away vanity.” –Graham Green, The Quiet American This issue is dedicated to: The marriage of Dave Guthrie and Angelina Reyes; Andy Taylor, Todd’s brother, who’s going to Iraq by the time this is printed. Come home in one piece, please. Contact Razorcake via our fancy new website: www.razorcake.org Thank you list: Nautical rock’n’roll and fish sticks thanks to Amy Adoyzie for designing the cover, and whiz-banging the Bananas and Pine Hill Haints layouts; beershirt highschool drugs and pregnancy thanks to Rafael Avila for his illustration in Dale’s column; so you finally burst Poland’s ruckus hymen thanks to Wojtek Stasiak for his pictures in the Rhythm Chicken’s column; Juliette Lewis is already sort of a cartoon character thanks to Mitch Clem for his illustration in Nardwuar’s column, the secret of male/female relation- ships in two easy steps thanks to Brad Beshaw for his illustration in Sean’s column (RIP Confounded Books. Long live Brad!); that one dude is totally getting his rock on thanks Sean Koepenick for his Porch Mob interview, Julia Smut for the layout, Kris Tripplaar for his photos; you busy, me busy, let’s get shit done thanks to Keith Rosson for his George Hurchalla layout and reviews; thanks to George Hurchalla for sending photos along with his interview (If you took one of those photos, let me know, I’ll say thanks to you, too); fuckin’-a, pre London Calling Clash thanks to Ryan Leach for the Dawn Wirth interview and Jesse Vidarre for the digitizing help with Dawn’s pictures; fish eye pictures usually look goofy, but you’ve got a great eye thanks to David Allen Jones for his Pine Hill Haints pho- tos; “Dude, that’s just, like, your opinion” thanks to the following folks who’ve done record, book, zine, and DVD reviews (in order of when they turned them in): Comrade Bree, Lord Kveldulfr, Kurt Morris, Jenny Moncayo, Joe Evans III, Mr. Z, Speedway Randy, Mahtab Zargari, wonderkid. Anthony Bartkewicz, Ty Stranglehold, Donofthedead, Jennifer Whiteford, Ayn Imperato, (It’s rumored that instead of a belly button, KO!, Mike Frame, Greg Barbera, Josh Benke, Newtim, Keith Rosson, Jessica T., and Russ she had a USB port.) Lichter; words and stuff thanks for additional proofing of this issue: Lord Kveldulfr, Joe Evans III, Jenny Moncayo, and Ryan Leach. Issue #32 June / July 2006 PO Box 42129 Los Angeles, CA 90042 www.razorcake.com WE DO OUR PART COLUMNS 4 Liz O. Guerrilla My Dreams 7 Art Fuentes Shizzville 8 Jim Ruland Lazy Mick 36 40 10 Designated Dale I’m Against It 12 Amy Adoyzie Monster of Fun 15 Ben Snakepit Snakepit 44 56 16 Rev. Nørb Love, Nørb 20 The Rhythm Chicken The Dinghole Reports 22 Kiyoshi Nakazawa Won Ton Not Now 24 Nardwuar The Human Serviette Who Are You? 29 Chrystaei Branchaw’s Photo Page 30 Sean Carswell A Monkey to Ride the Dog 33 Dan Monick’s Photo Page 35 Miss Jenny Angelillo’s Photo Page INTERVIEWSANDFEATURES 36 The Dents by Brian Mosher 64 68 40 Porch Mob by Sean Koepenick 44 George Hurchalla by Jimmy Alvarado 56 Bananas by Megan Pants 64 Dawn Wirth by Ryan Leach 68 Pine Hill Haints by BD Williams FAVORITESANDREVIEWS 76 Top 5s P.S. sorry about the sheets... 78 Record Fuck the past, kids, 'cause it's deader than Rosie O'Donnell's career. 104 Zine The so-called “reviewers” who will inevitably purposely project their paranoid self-hatred onto them, and then flat-out lie to their readers… 108 Book A unique and powerful view of an odd man at the end of the world... 111 DVD Shot, stabbed, or hit in the face with a gardening claw... Individual opinions expressed within are not necessarily those of Razorcake/Gorsky Press, Inc. Razorcake/ Gorsky, Inc. Board of Directors are: Todd Taylor, Sean Carswell, Dan Clarke, Katy Spining, Leo Emil Tober III This issue of Razorcake and www.razorcake.com were put together by: Todd Taylor, Megan Pants, Sean Carswell, Skinny Dan, Amy Adoyzie, Keith Rosson, Juila Smut, BD Williams, Jenny Moncayo, Chris Devlin, Lord Kveldulfr, Joe Evans III, and Ryan Leach. Razorcake is bi-monthly. Issues are $3.00 ppd. in the U.S. Yearly subscriptions (six issues) are $15.00 bulk rate or $21.00 first class mail. Plus you get some free shit. These prices are only valid for people who live in the U.S. and are not in prison. Issues and subs are more for everyone else (because we have to pay more in postage). Write us and we’ll give you a price. Prisoners may receive free single issues of Razorcake solely via Books to Prisoners, 92 Pike St., Box A, Seattle, WA 98101. Want to distribute Razorcake in the United States? The minimum order is five issues. You have to prepay. For $10.00, you’ll receive five copies of the same issue, sent to you when we do our mailout to all of our distros, big and small. Email [email protected] for all the details. George Hurchalla wrote a really phenomenal book. If you like punk, it’s worth the dough to read about your roots. “You think about art GUUEERRRRIILLLLAA MMYY DDRREEAAMMSS and commerce, press G and hype... In the LIZ O end, it really is just about the music.” nly Tongue Can Tell You first heard the song in the middle of only line of the song that you can recall with are your favorite band, but it’s still in the past the night because you never reach over to some sense of certainty. You want to call the for you as you didn’t hear them until after flick off the switch before you fall asleep. You radio station, but you have done that so many they disbanded.