It took letting go— and a lot of gnarly tumbles— for one man to learn to ride the waves of life and love. BY PETER HELLER PipelineILLUSTRATION BY YUTA ONODA WAS THIS FUN? The 2-foot waves at Bolsa the other surfers was safe to sit, and I must DreamsChica State Beach were turning me into Play- have gotten it wrong because a dude col- Doh. On the fifth wave, I managed to crawl lided with me and asked me if I was born on up and stand and just as fast flew through Planet Kook. Kook means “beginner surfer,” the air like a catapulted cow. We didn’t stand but it is not a neutral term: It carries a slug of a chance. I didn’t know how far away from derision, a brand for the clueless, for those 98 | Spirit Spirit | 99 without hope, without grace. That really hurt Andy sipped his and studied me over his my feelings. cup, through round, gold-wire rims. “How do Once, in sheer frustration, I rode the you know?” he said, smiling. “Maybe tomor- board in on my belly, just to feel some speed. row we should try Seal Beach. It’ll probably I got off it in ankle-deep water, and turned be an easier wave.” and lifted the heavy longboard. I carried it That night, covered with bruises, aching back into the white foam in front of me and everywhere, I lay on Andy’s fold-out couch across my body and got slammed by the in the library. I revisited the last two days and next sweep of whitewater and the board lev- winced. I was such a kook. In surf slang kook eled me like a snowplow. I unpeeled myself doesn’t just mean beginner; it means outra- geous, awkward, clueless novice who cuts I was such a kook. In surf slang kook people off on waves, thrashes around speak- ing to other surfers like it’s a cocktail party, doesn’t just mean beginner; it means hollers rebel yells when he does manage to stand up for a split second, has no tact, no outrageous, awkward, clueless novice. respect for the finely tuned protocol of surf, and is dangerous to boot, because when he from the sand inch by inch the way Wile E. drops in on a wave without looking, boards Coyote detaches himself from the pavement and bodies collide. That was me. I had called after Road Runner drives over him with a my girlfriend Kim and she was sympathetic cement mixer. to a point. She was getting sick of me being At breakfast, at a surfer café called the away all the time. She did not demand that I Sugar Shack, Andy burst the yolk of his egg change, but she pointed out that it was hard over his single piece of butterless bread. to stay close. Ouch. It dawned on me that He’d always been afraid of dying of a heart kook also perfectly described my aptitude attack. We were both in our mid-40s, and with women. he’d been one of my best friends since col- I was unwilling to turn out the light and lege. Recently transferred here to Hunting- let sleep claim me before I had salvaged ton Beach with his family, Andy had asked if something of the day. Andy’s old shepherd I wanted to come out from Denver and learn Cody lay on my legs and watched me with to surf. Perfect timing. I’d just finished my a concerned expression. I had known him third book, about an extreme expedition; I for years. Now he seemed to sense that I was was dating a wonderful woman named Kim, wrestling with powerful forces: vanity, pride, but, ultimately, was single and free because surf. of a congenital inability to commit; and I I rubbed his forehead with my fist and had no idea what to do with the rest of my slid a notebook off the side table. I glanced life. Maybe getting schooled by the sea was up at the bookcase that occupied the entire the ticket. wall opposite. A thousand spines, a thou- I drained my coffee. “I love surfing,” I con- sand reverberating names, the best efforts fided. of the truest minds. I scanned across the 100 | Spirit ner and family man for many years and he was almost bald, so naturally I thought of him as a big brother. Also he had those wire- rimmed glasses, which made him seem at least twice as smart. “Are we having a mid-life crisis?” I said. “Definitely.” “Is this what we are supposed to do?” “That’s not clear to me.” “It’s cheaper than a Ferrari or a divorce, My charm and wit would slowly right?” “You’re not married.” become evident, sort of surprising, like “I’m just saying.” “Well, a lot of guys just build a shack in the a sprouting potato in the fridge. backyard and then write a book about it. It’s a genre of its own. I don’t know exactly how modern cannon and their antecedents. Eliot, much that would cost.” Coleridge, Proust, Stein, Dickinson, Brecht, “Hmm.” W C Williams, Plato, Faulkner, Homer, Rilke, We watched a pair of lanky teen boys Cervantes. Waves of their own, waves that head for the water with shortboards tucked broke over reefs of readers and worked their under their arms. Heading for a before- own geologic power. I felt small. What the school session. They were loose-jointed and hell was I doing here? I should be writing a carried the boards with the ease of Masai book of my own. with their spears. I felt a twinge of envy. What The last title that popped out made me if I had begun surfing when I was just a boy? laugh. When I did, Cody lifted and cocked Instead of the poker games and stoopball his head. of my childhood in Brooklyn. I certainly “It’s nothing,” I said. “Don Quixote. I’d read wouldn’t have had to wait until my 17th birth- it to you, but it would drive a dog like you day to get laid. nuts.” Never too late, right? Wrong. You can’t I opened the notebook and wrote at the redo your first anything. Was this surfing top of a page: SURFING, then What I Learned thing about going backward or forward? Today. Forward=brave, backward=pathetic. Do not get the surfboard between you and No, this surfing project would need to be the wave. Keep it beside or down-wave from about growth, about connecting with the you. earth and growing older with grace. I was Set waves are not alone. They come in… thinking all this as I was trying to get my foot sets. Doh! through the leg of the wetsuit and hopping Now we were getting somewhere. I folded along the side of the car and feeling every the journal and went to sleep. sore muscle. QUAINT LITTLE SEAL BEACH. Palm trees What We Think About When and bungalows. A tall pier, a curve of white We Think About Surf beach. Away off to the northwest was the Did you see Beach Blanket Bingo? port of Long Beach, derricks and buildings. The Endless Summer? Step into Liquid? Rid- We pulled into the parking lot with a shirr ing Giants? Point Break? Baywatch? of tires over sand, cut the engine, and while When we imagine surfing we probably it ticked and the offshore breeze rattled see images from these classics. Maybe in the palms behind us, we drank our coffee, another dream there are old Woodie sta- looked through the windshield at the beach, tion wagons pulled up to the beach and and tried to get stoked. some guys playing ukuleles. Maybe there’s I was 45. Andy was a year younger, but he a leaned-over surf shack covered in bou- had been a responsible corporate breadwin- gainvillea and an empty curve of Mexican 102 | Spirit beach with perfect combers break- all together on one wave. Or maybe by the wild nature of the sea. of neophytes join the ranks of poetic as you wax, as thick as you hooked. When I got back to Denver, ing white along the bay. A bucket we are the rare dreamer and we see 2. Beautiful chicks, bikinis, the new American surfers every year. lay it on, as much as you magnify, I found myself thinking about the of sweating Corona. Maybe there one giant mountain of water, some promise of sex in the air like the Worldwide, including surfwear and you can never, ever encompass or sea all the time. Not just the waves are three happy-go-lucky Endless Jaws rogue wave, and there’s a lone smell of hibiscus—hibiscuses— fashion, surfing is a billion-dollar describe the greatness of the wave. or the whales or the fish, but the Summer kids trading waves and figure, small as a swallow, arcing hibisci– industry. The cachet, the attrac- The wave that can be named is not whole heaving expanse. As if she you can hear their whoops on the down its face. 3. Aloha spirit—a generous, tion, seems to be all about youth, the real Wave. were a being, alive and entire. I wind. Maybe there are lifeguard tow- Either way, scientists and anthro- blessed-out bonhomie, on the strength, and that generous aloha longed to be rocked by the swell. To ers every quarter mile and Pamela pologists agree that for 95 percent waves and off.