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Frankly Plank Football Forecast, NFC Version

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Frankly Plank Football Forecast, NFC Version Page 6 September 10, 2009 MANHATTAN BEACH SUN Frankly Plank Football Forecast, NFC By Duane Plank Dude shoulda just stayed in West Virginia, Hey, folks. Thanks to a column supporter, honored his contract, stayed honest with the Version folks are reading this wonderful stuff in kids he recruited, and lived happily ever By Duane Plank Green Bay Packers, NFC North, (11-5): Chicago. So do you have any friends/rela- after. You know, big fish, small pond. But The NFL’s regular season kicks off Thurs- The Pack are the kid’s favorite team, and tives out there? Send ‘em the paper. We can noooooooooooo! Guy had to outthink him- day night with an AFC tussle between the now that they are presumably over the Brett always use some more friends of the column. self, wreck the mighty program of the Maize defending Super Bowl champion Pittsburgh Favre hangover, could be poised to win the ESPN has been touting their 30-year and Blue. What’cha think about your coach, Steelers and the visiting Tennessee Titans. division when the waffler Favre implodes up anniversary recently. Remember when the Michigan alumni and MB girl, April B? Should be a nice night out for the fans, in Minnehaha. Coach Mike McCarthy blew all-encompassing sports network debuted? Tough week on the unemployment line who are usually looking for any excuse to up last season’s pathetic defense, jettisoning Think the first time I viewed ESPN, I had for many Americans, including three NFL mingle with their compatriots and catch a most of the coaches, and has implemented a to travel to the beautiful Hermosa Beach and offensive coordinators who were canned little football on the big screen plasmas. 3-4 scheme. Which would seem to leave the hang out in what passed for the basement of before the regular season started. Kansas Hope to start out the prognostication side Packers about four guys short on defense, a friend’s place. Course we were all about City Chief coach Chan Gailey, Tampa Bay of the column with a victory. Picking the but what the heck do I know? 20-years-old then, so we were living with Buc coach Jeff Jagodzinski, and Buffalo Bill Steelers to win, 24-16. Minnesota Vikings (9-7): Did you notice our folks, minding all of the rules that the coach Turk Schonert were all “relieved of So there are 32 teams in the big boy that last week I picked the Vikes to win the folks had put down. You know, “If you live their duties.” Used to be that teams would league that is the NFL, and all 32 probably division, and now I waffled, just like the under my roof...” blah, blah blah. wait until they had lost a few games before harbor Super Bowl dreams. Even the league old-geezer playing QB? Who looks great Didn’t have cable yet at the folks’ mansion, throwing coaches under the bus... laughingstock team up in Oakland. And why when he is throwing three-yard dump-off so I trekked to HB to my friend’s house. Okay, I know that you can’t wait to hear not? Any of you geniuses out there think passes to the magnificent Adrian Petersen, Remember sitting in the basement, which about my selections in the family fantasy that the Arizona Cardinals were on their or to Chester Taylor, who then run 30 yards also seemed to serve as the potty room for football league. Well, got my man-crush guy, way to the Super Bowl last season? Or how down the field with the flutter-ball. my friend’s dogs. Seemed like doggie poop QB Kurt Warner. And running backs Matt bout you Ram fans, myself included, who Chicago Bears (9-7): New QB in crybaby everywhere. Forte, Steven Jackson, and, inexplicably, were completely caught off guard years ago Jake Cutler, new offensive tackle in Ram But we had cable TV, which was a miracle Raider Darren McFadden. Selected wide when the Rams rebounded from a pathetic parolee, Orlando Pace. Coached by the at that time. It was 1979, remember. Prob- receivers Steve Smith, Marques Colston 1998 season and not only captured the NFC debonair Lovie Smith, who guided da Bears ably watched some tractor race or something and T.J. Houshmandzadeh. Riveting stuff, championship the next year, but continued to a Super Bowl appearance a few years like that, but man, what a revelation. A eh? I’ll keep you informed on the travails the dream ride with a victory over the Titans back. Running back Matt Forte kicked butt 24-hour sports network. Speaking of dog of my team, especially if I happen to win in the Super Bowl? last year, accounting for 35 percent of the poop, will someone, anyone, please pay a few games. Point is, while there are at least 10 or so team’s offense. They have a somewhat easy off the clown Chris Berman and relieve us Speaking of winning games, congrats to the serious contenders to advance to the SB as schedule, although they don’t play the Raiders. of his sophomoric stupidity? Think he was Trojans and Bruins for boat-racing obviously the season starts, the rest of the fellas in the Detroit Lions (0-16): Okay, realistically, with the network back in the day, probably inferior opponents last weekend. The Matt league have playoff aspirations, too. the Lions can’t go winless again, right? Do was a credible reporter, but he has become Barkley era started a tad bit slowly for the Which can’t be said of most of the teams they play the Raiders? Nope. But they do such an unbearable buffoon that I mute the fellas from Figueroa Street, and a discerning in the MLB, the NBA or the NHL. Think host my Rams. tube whenever his fat face shows up. He is listener may have even heard a few boos at the Washington Nationals were fathoming Carolina Panthers, NFC South, (10-6): a caricature of a caricature. the Coliseum as the men of Troy fell behind World Series when they threw out the first Disappointed their home fans by flaming Kinda reminds me of the launch of MTV. San Jose State 3-zip. But, shockingly, the pitch in April? Or that the bumbling Clip- out in their first playoff game, losing to the Remember when the phenomenally successful pros at USC regrouped, tallying the next pers are contemplating still playing hoops Cardinals 33-13. Jettisoned their D-coordinator network used to actually play music videos? 56 points to escape with the win. The Ohio next May? Or how about my L.A. Kings’ and most of their defensive assistants after First time I remember seeing MTV was on State, which barely beat the kids from Navy hockey team, which hasn’t made the playoffs allowing 30-plus points in five of their last a bootleg satellite dish, back in 1981 or 31-27, is next on the docket, Saturday at 5 since April of 2002? Think they realistically seven games. Stud running back DeAngelo so. We used to watch the early stages of p.m. I will make a bold prediction that the entertain hopes of hoisting the Stanley Cup Williams returns, but so does down-sliding the fledgling network from a certain tennis Trojans won’t beat the Buckeyes by 53... early next summer? QB Jake Delhomme. club in Torrance, where we would enter Maybe 10. USC 28, The Ohio State, 17. Back to the guys with the football helmets Atlanta Falcons (10-6): The Falcons won’t the club somewhat afterhours and hold an Which is actually 11, but the math thing and pads. Thirty-two teams, 32 possibilities. be able to sneak up on anyone this year. Had MTV party. Yes, ladies, I could dance then, passed me by a long, long time ago. Here is a Nostradamus-type rundown, start- a very good offensive showing last season, and I can dance now. Just haven’t found The Bruins, playing at the Rose Bowl, also ing this week with the NFC, with the exact led by Rookie of the Year QB Matt Ryan the appropriate local venue to unleash my started slowly, maybe feeling the heat from number of games that each team will win in and running back Michael Turner. Will need talents. Unless you count the end-of-season the devastating fires that ravaged the area. the regular season. According to me. Can’t to improve on the defensive side of the ball volunteer party after the local Little League They fell behind San Diego State 7-0, before get better than that, can you? if they hope to make a playoff run. season wrapped up in June. Ask Mrs...That’s waking up to rout the little guys from the New York Giants, NFC East (11-5): Tough, New Orleans Saints (9-7): Prolific QB Drew right, I always protect the innocent in my South, 33-14. But Bruin fan, don’t expect a contentious divisional battles loom. QB Brees returns to lead the Saints’ high-powered columns. Oh, the memories. repeat Saturday when the Bruins travel to Eli Manning will have to start connecting offense. Time for Reggie Bush to produce in Nice to see University of Michigan football Tennessee to tangle with coach Lane Kiffin with his new wideouts, now that Plaxico a big-time way, or be labeled a big-time bust. coach Rich Rodriguez is still trying to rational- and the Volunteers. Burress will be wearing a pinstriped uni on The Saints reshuffled the deck defensively, ize his stupid behavior.
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